


There are Still Much Worse Games to Play: Part II of our Journey!

by panskiss123



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2018-04-17 06:52:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 93
Words: 588,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4656858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panskiss123/pseuds/panskiss123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life continues for our war-torn star-crossed Lovers. This is the sequel to "Much Worse Games to Play" so if you haven't already, please head over there and read it first! :) Rated M for language/smut/ mentions of torture. Read at your own risk!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I drive us home, my knuckles white on the steering wheel. We haven’t said a word since we left the doctor’s office. Katniss clutches a bag filled with pamphlets and books and a file to put in our Holo. The file is apparently live images of our baby, moving and breathing. Doctor Mersa assured us our baby is perfectly healthy and we made an appointment to come back in a few months to find out the sex. I could care less to be honest. I can hardly believe this is real. After the fourth time Katniss catches me pinching myself, she takes my hand and kisses my knuckles.

“Real, Peeta,” she breathes and I suck in a breath. 

I hurry around to the other side of the car and wrap my arm around her waist. She looks up at me and I recognize her early signs of irritation.

“Peeta, let’s get one thing straight. You will not treat me as if I’m made of glass. I’m not going to be one of those pregnant woman who just sits around and gets fat on chocolates all day. Johanna didn’t stop working and neither will I, ok?”

“Let’s get a couple of things straight Katniss. You’re my wife and I worship the ground you walk on so I will always treat you like a queen. As if you aren’t precious enough, you now have my baby growing inside you. And I have always known what a hard-headed stubborn woman you are and that’s one of the things I love about you. I didn’t think for a minute that you would be sitting around eating chocolates…well, cheesebuns, knowing you. Give your husband a little credit, won’t you?” I grin down at her and her grey eyes soften.

“I never seem to give you enough credit, do I?”

“You have a bad habit of underestimating me,” I say with a shrug. “But I know you’re cautious and you never wanted to fall in love. You can’t imagine how it makes me feel that I was the one who convinced you to let your walls down. You let people in, Katniss. You let me in.”

“You snuck up on me,” she whispers as she stands up to kiss me. I unlock the door and hold it open for her, before following her inside. We shiver, as the temperature has dropped dramatically since this morning. I imagine 12 will get an early winter this year. That means more days wrapped in blankets with Katniss and cups of hot chocolate so I am more than fine with it. 

She sets the bag down and kisses me again before disappearing from the room. I hurry around the kitchen making tea, remembering what Doctor Mersa told me about how herbal teas are packed with antioxidants and nutrients for Katniss and the baby. As I’m pouring the tea, Katniss returns dressed in a pair of loose pajama pants and one of my sweatshirts. She’s holding something in her hand and her face is turned toward the floor. 

“What is that?” She holds it out and I see her hand is shaking. She’s holding a small stick in her palm. As I move closer, I can see that the stick has a flashing screen and I suck in a breath. 

Pregnant 2+

I look up at her with wide eyes.

“How long have you known?” She bites her lip and I have to fight my exasperation.

“You didn’t learn from Johanna and George? How upset he got when she finally told him?”

“I wasn’t thinking of that,” she argues. “I was trying to think of the best way to tell you.” I shake my head. Best way? Honestly? This is all I have wanted ever since I met the girl. I used to cradle a loaf of bread in my arms and pretend it was my baby. Falling in love with Katniss spurred the desire for a family with her. Even when I was too young to understand how that happened. Fifteen years of marriage and it has been a constant subject of debate and tears. All the fights, all the hours of holding her in my arms and promising her she is all I have ever wanted, all I could ever want, mean virtually nothing now. I reach out a shaking hand and rest it on her belly. She inhales sharply but doesn’t move. I inch closer, kneeling in front of her and resting my ear near my hand. I feel her hand on my head, her fingers gently stroking my curls. I wrap my arms around her waist and place the gentlest of kisses on her belly. I glance up at her and see her watching me with soft eyes. The love that blazes there is enough to knock me over. Her hand comes up and trails a finger over my brow.

If I’m being honest with myself, I think at least a part of me knew. Or at least, suspected. Her belly has grown, which I told myself was just my baking, and she’s glowing every time I see her. So much so that she brings the rays of sunshine into our living room with just her smile. And the sex. Dear god, I don’t think I have ever been so tired. Not that I’m complaining in the slightest but I was a teenager when we first started sleeping together and over fifteen years later, I’m not such a teenager anymore. She has been wanting to go for hours, sometimes all night so it’s not uncommon for me to go down on her several times in a night before I’m even inside her, and even afterwards, she crawls right back on top of me and takes me into her mouth to get me going again. I love my wife and no one else could turn me on like she does but she has flat out worn me out lately. 

So I try not to kick myself for not seeing this. That doesn’t change the excitement or anxiety that I’m feeling right now, but I’ve always been so perceptive, especially when it comes to Katniss. Where the hell has my intuition gone?

“Should we call and tell people,” I say softly into her stomach. “Or does everyone already know?” I wince, sensing my own cold tone and I look up into her eyes. They’re soft and apologetic.

“The girls are the only ones who know.” I try not to be visibly upset at this. At least she has friends she can trust and turn to. Though I wish she had just come to me. But Katniss is still a private person. If she’s not ready to reveal something, I’d never push her for it. There are things I know about her life that she would hate for me to know. If she doesn’t want to tell me, then I won’t bring them up. The baby is different. I don’t know if anyone actually ever thought Katniss would be ok with the idea of children, she’s been against it for so long. Certainly those closest to her would have never imagined it. I feel like we should tell Haymitch first. He has been more than our friend and mentor over the years, he’s been like a father to both of us. 

“Let’s go see if Haymitch is home,” she says, clearly reading my mind. She holds out her hand and I pull myself to my feet, keeping my palm over her stomach. 

“Drink your tea first, while it’s warm,” I say as I hand her the mug. She takes a sip and closes her eyes.

“This is good.”

“Good. You need to start drinking it more. Remember what Dr. Mersa said about the extra nutrients. I’ll find more tea recipes that you can enjoy.” I watch her sip her tea and I study her over the rim of my mug.

“Can April hurry and be here already?” She raises her brow and smiles.

“Yes please. That means I can skip this whole pregnancy.”

“No, nevermind, we can’t have that,” I correct myself as I set my mug down and my hands rest on her hips. She huffs.

“Tell you what. I’ll carry the kid half the time, you carry it the rest, deal?” I chuckle as I pull her toward me, kissing her forehead.

“Believe me, I would if I could Katniss. But there’s no one better than you. You’ll keep her safe.” 

“Her? Not a son?”

“I could care less if it’s a boy or girl, I just love it so much already.” She smiles up at me and strokes my cheek with her finger. 

Once we finish with our tea, I grab our coats and she slides her arm under mine as we cross the yard to Haymitch’s house. Effie appears at the door clad in an apron and a red rag tied over her hair. 

“Come in my dears,” she says excitedly as she pushes the door open. “Haymitch is painting the bathroom. Have a seat and I’ll let him know you’re here.” Katniss gives me a surprised look as we sit down in the living room. Over the years it’s been harder and harder to recognize Haymitch as the surly Victor we met on the train so many years ago. He’s so full of life, he laughs a lot, and I haven’t seen him with a drink in his hand in over five years. I’m thankful he allowed Effie into his heart. Much like Katniss let me into hers. 

Haymitch comes into the room, wiping his hands on his pants, which earns him a light slap from his wife. I chuckle as I stand up to shake his hand and he leans down to kiss Katniss on the top of her head.

“How you kids doing? Want something to drink?”

“Just water would be fine,” Katniss says and Effie hurries off to fill some glasses for us. Haymitch sits in his chair and stares at us with narrowed eyes.

“What’s going on?”

“Why would you think something’s going on?”

“Come on sweetheart. I know you two better than you think. Something’s up. Spill.”

“Well we wanted to come straight over here and tell you…” she glances at me and reaches forward as I extend my hand to wrap around hers. Haymitch’s eyes flick downwards then back up at us.

“Haymitch, you know you’ve always been like…like a father to us.” He frowns but nods. 

“And I can’t even tell you how many times you have saved us…you’ve been there for us through everything--“

“For gods sakes sweetheart, stop scaring me and spit it out!”

“Haymitch,” Effie scolds as she comes back into the room with our water. “Honestly. Don’t be so rude.” 

“Sorry,” he says gruffly. “Just…don’t tell me one of you is dyin’. Or that you’re breaking up.”

“Really Haymitch? That’s what you would think?” Katniss says coldly. 

“Oh Katniss pay no attention to him. He’s tired and grumpy. Please, continue with your news.”

“You’ve both been like parents to us,” I break in and feel her squeeze my hand. “And we know we would be lost without you. So we wanted you to be the first to know…you’re going to be grandparents.” It’s weird to say it to our former escort and mentor but the fact that they have been there for us so long kind of does make it true. And we both know that they will be babysitting all the time.  
Haymitch sits there stunned while Effie’s hands fly to her mouth.

“You mean-?” she lets out a loud squeal that makes Haymitch wince. She jumps up from her chair and pulls Katniss into a tight hug. Katniss lets out a muffled protest but Effie ignores her, sobbing into my wife’s hair. Haymitch leans over and claps my knee.

“I told you it would happen one day, kid,” he says quietly. I can only nod. I glance at the women and bite my lip to hold in my laughter. Effie is rubbing her hand over Katniss’s belly and Katniss looks ready to slap her.

“Better get your wife off my wife before mine kills yours.” Haymitch jumps to his feet and drapes his arm around Effie’s shoulders.

“Here Effie, come sit down and let the girl breathe.”

“Oh I’m sorry Katniss I just…I’m so happy for you! For both of you! Peeta, you are going to be such a wonderful father! I’m just so excited for you both!” 

‘Thank you, Effie,” I say genuinely. 

“Oh look at me, my make up is running. I’m such a mess, I’ll be right back.” She clumsily pats my cheek before she scurries out of the room. Haymitch rolls his eyes.

“That woman…I swear. Good thing I love her.” Katniss glares down at her belly.

“Does this mean everyone will start touching me? If that’s the case, I’ll need to carry my bow with me everywhere.” I bite my lip to keep from laughing. While Johanna was pregnant with Aran, she kept her knife strapped to her hip. Not that she ever took it out but it made people rethink approaching her and touching her stomach. I have a feeling Katniss will be the same way. They’re similar in a lot of ways. But I’m grateful that both girls cracked their icy shields around their hearts and allowed love to transform them. They’ve both changed so much, many people would say they are unrecognizable. But I know better. Johanna is one of my best friends and Katniss is the love of my life. I can still see those strong, hard women inside them. Haymitch gets up and hugs Katniss very tightly. 

“Sweetheart I’ve never been prouder of you,” he says quietly but still loud enough for me to hear. Katniss looks tense in his embrace but then relaxes into it.

“I have to do things in my own time, Haymitch. You know that.” He nods.

“I do. But I’m happy that you’ve decided to do this together. You’re both going to be terrific parents.” 

“Thanks Grandpa Haymitch.” He wrinkles his nose and I have to laugh.

“How about Uncle? Uncle Haymitch sounds much better. And not as old.” 

“Aw, you don’t think Effie would like to be Grandma? Or Meemaw Effie?” Haymitch raises a brow.

“I think she’ll thrust one of her five-inch heels into your neck.” Katniss and I burst out laughing as Effie returns, dabbing her damp cheeks.

“So sorry, children. Now what’s so funny in here?”

“Nothing my princess. The kids were just telling me what a great aunt and uncle we are going to be.” Effie smiles and strokes his cheek and Katniss looks like she is about to be sick. I chuckle to myself as I wrap my arm around her waist.

“We should probably get going. We’ll see you two soon.”

“Katniss, dear, please let me know if there is anything you need! I know some wonderful baby stores very close to the Academy and I know that Johanna and Annie already have children and they could probably help you so much more, but…oh please let me help if you ever need it. I’m so happy for you my darling!” She throws her arms around Katniss again and my wife shoots me an unhappy look. She has never been good with affection and lots of attention. In fact the only time I have ever seen her ok with it is when I kiss her in front of the Merchant girls lining up around the Bakery. No matter how many times I have told Katniss there is nothing to be jealous of, that she is the ONLY one I have ever thought about, I can still see she still lets it get to her and I’m only too happy to show her she has nothing to worry about.

“Of course Effie,” she mutters. Effie kisses us both on the cheek and I hurry her out of the house before she can hug Katniss one more time. 

We head over to Annie’s next and I’m surprised when I see Finn sitting on the front porch.

“Finn, it’s freezing out here,” Katniss says softly. “What are you doing?”

“Mom is driving me nuts,” he mumbles. “Had to get out of the house.” Katniss purses her lips and sits next to him.

“What’s going on?”

“I dunno, she just wants me to her baby boy all the time and I keep trying to tell her, I’m not a baby anymore!”

“You’re still her baby,” she says gently. “You always will be. You can’t blame her for that.”

“I don’t. But she is so damn overprotective. She keeps treating me like I’m going off to the Hunger Games next week or something.” Katniss sucks in a breath and I bite my lip.

“Finn, your mother loves you and just wants to protect you. She’s been through a lot.”

“I know that, Aunt Katniss. I know what she and you and Uncle Peeta and Aunt Jo and everyone has been through! It’s been hammered in my head since I was a baby! It’s just…she keeps acting like the Games are coming back. And I know they’re not. You guys are all in our books at school, and I’m either treated like a celebrity or a leper. I’m tired of it. Then I come home and Mom isn’t much better.” He grips his curls and lowers his head. Katniss looks up at me, and sighing, I sit on his other side.

“Hey bud, I know how rough it is. You don’t think your aunt and I got sick of all the star-crossed lovers stuff? But we’ve learned to accept who we are and we just have to make the best of it. You’re the son of two famous Victors, one of whom gave his life protecting your future. I know the other kids can’t really understand what that’s like but you have to remember how loved you are and how great your life is. You’re right, Finn. The Reaping isn’t coming back. The Arenas have all been demolished and Panem is better than I have ever seen it. But that doesn’t mean we forget history and how we came to be here. Instead of resenting it, embrace who you are. Embrace your past and your family. What we did, what we fought for, so that you don’t have to face the fear of a Reaping. I remember when I was your age…god, the terror I felt. Every year, I watched two of my neighbors die horrible deaths, all for the amusement of the Capitol. When I was fifteen, the first girl I kissed, Alodia Erwin was Reaped and she was one of the first ones killed in the bloodbath. I hid behind the slag heap and cried so the guys wouldn’t see me.” Finn and Katniss are both staring at me with wide eyes.

“Aunt Katniss wasn’t the first girl you kissed?” He sounds horror-struck. I shift uncomfortably.

“Aunt Katniss and I didn’t even really speak to each other until we were Reaped together.”

“But…you fell in love with her when you were five! That’s what the books say!” Well damn. Looks like I need to take a look at these books, since they are just full of my personal life.

“That’s true,” I admit. “But, um…she didn’t really notice me as much as I noticed her.” I chance a wary glance up at my wife and see her brow furrowed. Finn turns to his aunt and cocks his head.

“When did you start noticing Uncle Peeta then?”

“I noticed him more than he thinks,” she says quietly. “But I was sort of a loner and wasn’t too great at making friends. Your uncle was very popular and I preferred to be on my own.”

“With Gale Hawthorne,” Finn says and Katniss’s eyes widen. “I mean, that’s right isn’t it?”

“Y-yes. He was my…hunting partner. And my only friend.” He turns back to me, his brow raised. I can’t shake how much he looks like Finnick right now.

“Didn’t you want to beat the guy up?”

“It’s a lot more complicated than that, Finn. Honestly, I don’t think the books could have gotten it right because there’s so much to our story that people don’t realize. I was jealous of Gale, yes, but didn’t think I would ever get up the courage to talk to Katniss.” 

“You threw her burned bread though. You saved her life.” I swallow and my eyes meet Katniss’s. We definitely need to check out one of these books. Her eyes are full of tears as she nods her head.

“That’s very true. He did save my life. And that’s why I was terrified to go into the Arena with him. Because I needed to repay him and I knew I’d never be able to kill him.” Finn sighs and stretches his legs out. 

“I wish you guys had told me your stories from the Games. I don’t like reading about my family in some history book.”

“It’s still hard to talk about, Finn,” I say gently. “It’s why your mom doesn’t talk about her Games, or why Haymitch doesn’t talk about his. The past still haunts us. But you know if you have questions, you can ask us.” 

“I have lots of questions. But I don’t think you’d want to answer them.” Katniss pushes a curl out of his eyes and smiles.

“No harm in asking.” He glances up at her then at me.

“Ok. I was reading this chapter about how you lost your leg. And it said Aunt Katniss risked her life to get some medicine for you but that you lost it anyway.”

“When your aunt found me, I was pretty close to death. I’d turned on the Careers, and I fought with them to give her time to get away. I got stabbed in the leg in the process and they left me to die.”

“You teamed up with the Careers right? To protect her?” I nod as I look over his shoulder at her. My throat tightens as I imagine us having this conversation again in twelve or thirteen years. When our own child asks about what he or she is reading. Katniss pulls her knees to her chest.

“I had no idea what he was doing and thought he was actually on their side.”

“As if I could ever entertain the possibility of harming her,” I mutter and Finn smiles at me. 

“So you tried to kill him, Aunt Katniss.” She looks anxious and shakes her head.

“I don’t…I…I really hate these books, you know.” Finn and I chuckle and I shake my head.

“She thought I’d betrayed her. So naturally, she grouped me with her enemies. And she was trying to get rid of her enemies. I managed to escape the tracker-jacker nest that was meant to kill us and we got away. But I came back to find Katniss could barely move. So I lead the Careers away from her and fought them. Their leader, Cato, stabbed me in the thigh and left me to die. Katniss found me hidden among the rocks. She dragged me to a cave nearby and nursed me back to health.”

“I wouldn’t say nursed back to health,” she says quietly. “I knew without medicine, I would lose him. When they announced there would be a feast with things that we needed, he forbade me from going--“

“Which she ignored,” I cut her off, shooting her an irritated look. “She never listens to me.”

“Saved your life, didn’t it,” she says with a shrug. I start to say something sharp but I hold my tongue. This was so many years ago, what’s the point in arguing it now? 

“So she knocked me out with sleep syrup and went to the feast. When I woke up, I was better and she…” I trail off, remembering the amount of blood that had seeped from her head wound. I feel her small hand in mine and I squeeze.

“We got better with the medicine,” she continues. “And we helped each other survive.” I nod.

“Toward the end of the Games, the Gamemakers sent these terrible wolf-like mutts after us. We made it to the Cornucopia, and we had to fight with the mutts and with Cato. One of the mutts got my leg and I almost bled to death. Katniss managed to make a tourniquet out of her arrow and saved my life. When it came down to the two of us, after Cato was dead, I yanked the tourniquet off and pleaded for her to just kill me.” 

“The berries,” he says quietly. I nod again.

“She brought the nightlock out of her pocket and handed some to me. We were about to swallow them when they announced us both the winners. When we were taken aboard the hovercraft, I was taken away for surgery. When I woke up, my leg was gone. I guess the Capitol’s medicine wasn’t even powerful enough.” I lift my pants leg a little and show off my prosthesis. He follows suit and lifts his as well, grinning down at the bit of metal and plastic that is showing.

“My story’s a lot lamer than yours,” he huffs.

“You battled a vicious sea monster,” I say with a wink and he chuckles, shaking his head.

“So is that all your questions,” Katniss says, nudging him in the side.

“I guess. I may have more after I finish my reading.”

“You know where we live and you are always welcome.” Finn stands and brushes his hands on his pants.

“Thanks Uncle Peeta. I’m glad you and Aunt Niss have each other.” 

“Aunt Niss,” Katniss says as she rises to her feet. “Haven’t heard that one in awhile.” Finn shrugs and grins.

“I’m sorry if I was being an ass. I guess it just gets to me…all of the stuff about my family, the crap I get about my leg, and it all just…makes me into something I’m really not.” 

“Hey, why don’t you and I go to the Bakery and get something to eat while your mom and aunt talk? You can ask me any questions you may have.”

“That sounds great, Uncle Peeta.” I clap him on the shoulder as I lead him inside to where Annie is sitting at the table, her face in her shaking hands.


	2. Chapter 2

“Mom?” Finn’s tentative voice breaks the silence of the room but Annie doesn’t respond. He looks up at us anxiously and moves closer to the table.

“Mom? Are you alright?” 

“Finnck,” she sobs. “Finnick!” Peeta moves swiftly, draping his arm around our godson’s shoulder.

“Come on Finn, let’s get going.”

“But…I can’t leave her like this!”

“Your aunt will take care of her.”

“Mom! Snap out of it! Mom!” 

“Finn,” I say gently. “Go with your uncle. I’ll take care of her, I promise.” Finn looks miserable as he turns away and Peeta gives me a sad look before he leads the boy out of the house. I hesitantly approach Annie and my hand hovers over her shoulder.

“Annie?”

“Finnick,” she gasps out. “He’s dead! They’re all going to die in the Capitol! Finnick is dead!” I bite my lip, panic-stricken. Peeta should have stayed. I don’t know how to handle this. I only know how to handle his flashbacks. I had no idea my friends have them too. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, with how much they went through.

“Annie, listen to me. You’re safe. You’re in District 12, with your son.”

“I’m pregnant,” she gasps out. “I’m pregnant and I’m going to raise my child on my own! He’ll never know how wonderful his father was!”

“Annie,” I say softly. “Come on, you need to wake up. You’re not in the Capitol anymore. You’re not in 13 anymore. You’re home, in 12.” Annie looks up at me and blinks her large green eyes. Confusion swirls around those sea-green depths and I swallow heavily.

“No one is safe,” she says firmly. “Not here. Not in the Capitol. Nowhere is safe as long as Snow controls Panem.”

“Snow is dead,” I say quietly. “He’s dead and everything’s alright. You had a beautiful son and you live here in 12 beside your best friends. Don’t you remember?” 

“Finnick!” She cries out again and I wince. I can’t take this anymore. I run to the phone beside us and quickly dial the number.  
When Johanna answers, she immediately knows something is wrong.

“Johanna, I need your help! It’s Annie…she’s having a flashback!”

“Where is Finn?”

“Peeta took him to the Bakery. But I’m alone with her and I…I don’t know what to do, Jo!”

“Hold her like you would with Peeta. You need to calm her down. What is she saying?” 

“Finnick! I hear his screams! And hers! And his. Everyone’s screams. They’re terrible,” Annie is rocking back and forth, hiding her face in her hands. I bite my lip and grip the phone.

“She’s talking about hearing screaming.”

“I hear Johanna’s cries. And Peeta’s! That sweet boy is innocent, he doesn’t know anything. They’re keeping him to get to Katniss, like they are keeping me to get to Finnick. He doesn’t know anything! He doesn’t deserve this!” 

“Johanna, you have to help me,” I plead. 

“Can you put me on speaker?” With some failed attempts, I finally manage to do as she asks and Johanna’s voice is soft and soothing.

“Annie? Honey, it’s Johanna.”

“Johanna?” Annie looks up, tears streaming down her fair cheeks.

“Yes, it’s me. I’m safe at home in District 8, with my husband and my son. Katniss is there with you. You remember Katniss, don’t you?” 

“Katniss,” Annie says slowly, as if tasting my name. “Katniss Everdeen. The Mockingjay. Peeta keeps screaming for her.” I gasp and grip the table.

“No Annie, Peeta is safe. He’s safe and happy, he’s married to Katniss! We’re all ok, honey, you’re ok.”

“I hear him screaming, Johanna. He keeps pleading for her, crying for her to save him. I think they’re beating him with those long whips they had. How will he survive that, Johanna? After the pipes and knives and everything? He won’t survive it!” I blink back tears as I listen to the women talk about my husband’s torture. Even years after his captivity, I can still see the evidence of the Capitol’s torment on my husband’s flesh. His scars are more than the pink and white crisscrossed lines that match mine. 

“Annie, you have to listen to me. Peeta is safe. I’m safe. We’re all ok, honey. We survived.”

“Finnick,” she gasps again. “He’s…he’s…”

“Annie, Finnick died a hero, preserving a future for your son. He died protecting us all. You need to wake up and see what is around you. What all you have there at home. You’re so loved, Annie. Katniss, she’s your best friend. Married to your other best friend. They’re so happy, Annie. We’re all very happy!” I watch her and she continues to rock back and forth.

“It’s not working, Jo,” I sob. “She’s still…she’s getting worse!”

“Hey,” I hear a soft voice behind me and I whirl around, my eyes wide. Peeta kneels beside Annie and takes her hands.

“Annie, look at me. It’s Peeta. I’m right here.” 

“Peeta?” She looks up, her eyes wide with disbelief. Peeta smiles up at her and strokes her hair.

“Yes it’s me. I’m alive and safe. We’re ok, Annie, we made it out of the Capitol. You remember your son? Finn? He’s so perfect, Annie. He looks so much like Finnick and he has your eyes. Try to remember him.”

“Peeta, where is he,” Johanna asks quietly.

“He’s fine,” is all Peeta says as he refuses to take his eyes off Annie. He leans up and takes her face in his hands and pulls her to his chest. She sobs into his shirt and he holds her close.

“Shh, you’re ok. Annie, you’re ok. You’re not in that dark place anymore. You’re here, with your family. Your family who loves you.”

“Peeta,” she whimpers. “You don’t deserve what they’re doing to you! None of us do. Why won’t they come for us, Peeta? Why don’t Finnick and Katniss come?”

“They will, Annie. They’re coming for us, I know it. You’ll be in Finnick’s arms again soon.”

“Katniss loves you, you know,” she says faintly. “She may not know it yet but she does.” Peeta’s eyes meet mine and he gives me a sad smile.

“I know she does. Here, get some rest Annie. I’ll watch over you. I’ll make sure nothing harms you.” 

“If Finnick comes while I’m asleep…”

“I’ll wake you,” he says soothingly. “I promise, I’ll wake you if anything happens.”

“Good.” And her head falls against his chest, her eyes closed. Peeta breathes softly and stands up, easily lifting Annie from the chair.

“I’m going to put her to bed.” I nod and watch him carry Annie out of the room. I fall to the table and hide my face in my hands.

“You ok, Katniss?” I can only grunt.

“Hey, you did a great job. Peeta just…he’s used to it, that’s all. He used to comfort her when they shared a cell. It’s like she would just lose her mind for awhile and he had to fight to keep her calm and sane.” 

“She’s ok,” Peeta announces as he reenters the room. “She’s resting.” I notice he is shaking and is very pale. Please don’t let this send him into a flashback. I try to stand but can only reach out toward him. He takes my hand and kisses my palm. I relax a little. He’ll be ok. He manages to keep the flashbacks at bay now and it’s been awhile since he has succumbed to the darkness. 

“Peeta? You alright,” Johanna asks after a moment.

“I’m ok. I have no idea what made her have that flashback but I’m glad Finn didn’t see it.”

“Where is he?” He glances at me and sighs.

“I left him at the Bakery with Rory and Gisele. They asked for him to help with the cupcakes. I think he knows it’s a distraction but he seems to understand that we could help her better than he can.”

“Maybe she needed her son,” I say softly. “He might have gotten through to her.”

“I wouldn’t want Aran to ever see me like that,” Johanna says anxiously. “And I’m sure Annie doesn’t want Finn to see it. He already questions her enough about the war and about Finnick. It would only be harder for them both.” Peeta nods.

“I agree. I’ll go back to the Bakery and stay with him. Katniss, are you sure you’re alright?” I feel his hand stroke my cheek and I nod, as I blink back tears. His face is full of concern and he pulls me to my feet and into his arms. 

“Call me if you need me to come to 12,” Johanna speaks up. “I’ll be on the first train.”

“I think we’ll be ok, Jo. But you should plan a visit anyway for a baby shower in the future.” There’s about a second of silence before she squeals loudly and Peeta and I shush her.

“Sorry. Oh, brainless, you finally told him? What did he say? How did he react? How did you tell him?”

“Just for the record, I hold you partly responsible for my wife withholding this rather important piece of information from me,” Peeta says irritably.

“Hey, I didn’t tell her not to tell you! I just understood why she didn’t tell you immediately. When did you find out?”

“This morning. When I saw our baby on the ultrasound.” I lean back to look up at him and see he has tears in his eyes again. He smiles and traces my lip with his fingertip.

“What an anniversary surprise, huh bread boy?” 

“The best I could ever get,” he says softly, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Alright, you two go enjoy your anniversary! I’ll see you both very soon.”

“Take care, Jo. We love you.”

“And we love you guys. Bye-bye, Mellarks!” I hang up the phone and wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek against his chest. His heart is still racing.

“Thank you for coming back. I was…I wasn’t doing a great job with calming her down.”

“I sort of sensed that she would need someone who…well, was there with her during that time.” I nod and sigh deeply. He cups my chin and leans down to kiss me.

“I love you so much, Katniss.”

“I love you too, Peeta. And I’m so sorry.” His smile fades slightly.

“For what?”

“Everything. Letting you think I abandoned you, that I didn’t love you. For--“

“Stop it, Katniss.” His finger rests on my lips and I huff. 

“It’s over. Almost…sixteen years later, I am happier than I ever thought I could be. And it’s all because of you, do you know that? You give me life, you are the reason I wake up in the morning. You are my reason for breathing.”

“Oh Peeta,” I blame the baby for these damn hormones but I throw myself into his arms and sob into his chest. His arms wrap around me protectively and he lays his head on top of mine. 

“Why don’t you go on home and rest? I’ll be back in a little while.”

“No, I’m not tired. I can come to the bakery with you.”

“Katniss, you’re exhausted. I can see how drained you are. Please sweetheart, go home and rest. Take care of our baby and I’ll take care of our godson.” I sigh and nod and he kisses me softly before dragging me from the house and watching me until I walk into our own home. He blows me a kiss before he turns to head back out of Victor’s Village. I wish he would take the car. It’s too cold for him to be walking everywhere.   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I didn’t mean to fall asleep but I jerk awake when I hear the door open and lean up from the couch. I look up to see him in the doorway, holding two large bags in his hands.

“Thought you weren’t tired?” I scowl which makes him laugh.

“Is Finn ok?”

“I don’t know if Annie was awake when I dropped him off at home but he said he would call if there are any problems. I wanted to stay over there but he told me to get my ass back home to my beautiful wife.”

“He better not have used those words!”

“He did. He’s getting a mouth on him, but can you blame him with Haymitch and all those kids he hangs with?” I shake my head and stretch. My stomach growls and my hands go to my belly. His eyes fly downward and a look of concern passes over his face.

“I’m ok,” I say quickly. “Just hungry I think.”

“I’m going to change for dinner. You might want to do the same.” He disappears for a moment and when he returns, his hands are empty. He smiles down at me and extends his hand. I follow him upstairs and he walks into our closet. He comes out with a pretty green dress draped over his arm.

“Wear this one, please.” 

“Are we going out?”

“Do we have to go out if we are dressed up?” I’m confused.

“No but that’s usually how it goes.” He just smiles and holds the dress out.

“Here. I love this one on you. The color with your skin tone is just a work of art in itself.” I roll my eyes at his cheesy compliments and I turn away and to pull off my shirt. He disappears in the closet and I dress quickly. I do love this dress. The feel of the soft fabric on my scarred skin makes me shiver. I look down and see the plunging neckline is a bit more noticeable as my breasts have gotten larger. I guess I hadn’t really noticed it before. I bite my lip as I turn from side to side. The dress is slightly tighter around my middle. But Peeta is right. I do love this color against my skin. He appears in the mirror behind me and I suck in a breath at how handsome he looks.   
He’s wearing one of the suits I bought him for our trip around the districts. Or at least, part of the suit. It’s a dark blue jacket with a white shirt and a dark blue tie. He wears a nice pair of jeans and I laugh when I see his feet are bare. His blonde curls are slicked back but a few of them are being unruly and hang in his crystal blue eyes. My eyes move up his body to his face, only to find his eyes resting on my stomach. His breath hitches as he reaches out and touches my hip.

“Katniss you are the most beautiful creature ever created.” 

“I…the dress doesn’t fit so great anymore,” I mumble as I rub my belly self-consciously. His hand covers mine and he moves closer, his lips going to my neck.

“It’s perfect. You’re perfect. God, Katniss, I want you so bad right now, just from one look at you in that dress. How am I going to make it through dinner without completely ravaging you?” I push back against his growing arousal, grinning at his hitched breath and little moan.

“You’ll have to manage. I’m starving.” He grins as he pulls back and kisses my hand.

“Come on then.” 

When we get downstairs, I see the table has been set with my favorite foods and candles are lit in the middle of it all. I glance at him with wide eyes and an open mouth and he just smiles. He pulls a chair out for me and leans down to kiss me before he sits across from me. I quickly decide the distance is too much and I drag the chair to his side, closer to him. He grins and shakes his head.

“You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”

“Whatever do you mean,” I feign innocence as I lean forward, deliberately pushing my cleavage together and out for him to ogle. And ogle he does. His eyes rake down my body and he wets his lips hungrily as his hands grip his own knees.

“Here, I’ll try distracting you with food,” he says with a smile as he pulls a platter toward him. I inhale the aroma of the lamb stew and eagerly ladle some onto my plate. He pushes the platter of cheesebuns toward me and I grab two and set them on my plate. There’s also a plate of fried rice with some kind of doughy meat pie that Peeta seems to love. I see plate of wild turkey with greens, a bowl of salad with slices of red meat, and a bowl of strawberry soup that we are both partial to.

“Peeta, did you put Finn and all your employees to work?”

“You think I’m such a heartless boss?” I raise my brow and he grins sheepishly.

“Fine, Finn did help with the cheesebuns. Rory and Cora insisted on helping too but a lot of the food came from Sae’s restaurant and I just cooked the rest while I was at the bakery. I just wanted to surprise you with a nice meal, without having to leave our home.” I lean forward and kiss him and his hands come up to grip my face. I tug at his bottom lip just slightly, making it apparent to both of us that we are in for a long, exhausting night.

After dinner, Peeta reveals a platter of cupcakes, all different flavors, and a cake that he has apparently been working on for several days.

“It’s three different flavors, see, and if you cut it like this, you can get all the flavors in once slice,” he tells me as he picks up a knife. I stop him, wanting to admire the perfect detail on the cake. He says the whole team helped but I know the elegant silver swirls and the tiny frosted flowers, primroses and dandelions and even katniss flowers, were sculpted by his patient hands. He starts to lift a piece to my lips but I move out of my chair and straddle his lap, pulling him by the tie for a kiss. He drops the cake on the plate and winds his hands in my hair, which I left loose around my shoulders. His lips travel across my neck and follow the plunging neckline of my dress.   
His hands come up and palm my chest, slowly dragging the dress down even lower and revealing my hardened nipple. He licks his lips as he lowers his head.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed how these have grown,” he whispers huskily. I close my eyes as his lips enclose around my flesh and my hands grip his curls tightly. He hums against my chest and his tongue flicks across my nipple until I cry out.

“Peeta!” He looks back up at me, his eyes glazed over and darkened, and he sets me up on the table. We scoot the desserts to the end of the table and he lays me on my back and climbs up my body to meet my mouth again. His hand pushes up underneath my dress and trails along my inner thighs, stopping to graze his fingers over my dripping center. He hisses when he feels how wet I am and his fingers push past my underwear to circle across my clit. I buck my hips upwards and he sucks at my throat as he increases his circles. He pulls away and I sit up, confused. But he only smirks and roughly turns me around so that I am leaning over the table. He pushes my dress up and I feel him kneel behind me. He pulls my panties to the side and spreads my legs wide. I can only spread them so much with my underwear constricting me but Peeta works around it. His tongue slides up and down my center, almost teasingly and I whimper his name. He smirks against my skin and thrusts his tongue inside me, pulling away when I press back against him.

“Peeta,” I whine. He reaches around and his fingers trail my lips. I open my mouth to suck his fingers and my tongue wraps around his digits. He groans as he pulls his hand from my mouth and I feel his wet fingers push inside me. He crooks two, then three fingers, and I feel his tongue tease my entrance. I’m incoherent with desire and I grind my hips against the table. 

“Mmmm, Katniss,” I hear him moan behind me and I toss my head back, my eyes squeezed shut in delicious agony. He plants kisses all over my cheeks as his hand continues to move in and out of me. His longer fingers stroke me inside and out and I claw at the table. 

“Peeta…fuck, Peeta!” 

“That’s it baby,” he whispers against my skin. “Come for me, Katniss. You want my fucking cock, don’t you? Don’t you baby?” I can only whimper a weak yes.

“Then come for me. You don’t get my dick inside you until you fucking come all over the place.” God I never thought I would be one for dirty talk but Peeta Mellark, the perfect golden boy, quickly discovered the secret to making me wet in seconds and it was with that talented tongue of his (in more ways than one) that he could turn me into a quivering mess. I feel myself rising higher and higher and his hand pushes deeper inside me. His pinky finger prods my other hole and pushes into me and I jerk forward, feeling myself fall. I know I’ve made a mess by the satisfied groan that he releases behind me. 

“Fuck,” he whispers as he pulls on my hair, turning my head so he can kiss me. “God you’re perfect.” 

“Fuck me Peeta,” I whine. “I need you inside me.”

“You want my cock inside that drenched pussy of yours, don’t you,” he growls as he reaches into his jeans and pulls his hardness out. I grow wetter just at the sight of it. 

“Mmm, not yet baby. You want this, you’ll have to earn it. Come over here and earn it, Katniss.” I shiver at his tone. Peeta has a domineering side in the bedroom and I find it sexy as hell. He takes control and sometimes loses himself in the moment before he can catch himself. I absolutely love when he gets like this. He’s wild and uninhibited and so commanding. I lower to my knees and watch him stroke himself for a moment.

“Take your dress off, Katniss.” I obey and slide it over my head and his eyes lock on my bouncing breasts. For good measure, I bring my hands up to grope them and my thumbs linger over my nipples. He shoves his pants down around his ankles and steps out of them and continues to stroke himself. My eyes locked on his, I crawl on my hands and knees and lean up in front of him. My hands cover his and he watches me with hooded eyes. I open my mouth as wide as it can go and take as much of him as I can. His hands drop to his sides and he throws his head back and moans.

“Katniss…fucking hell, your mouth feels so good.” I lick and suck and pump him with my hand, coating him completely in my saliva. His grunts and groans spur me on and I take him all the way in, my mouth completely covering him and he gasps as his hands press against my head, holding me down until I can’t breathe. When I start to gag, he releases me and I gasp for breath as I continue my strokes. 

“Oh my god, Katniss, holy shit baby!” I grip his thighs, digging my nails into his skin, and allow him to thrust against my throat. He cries out a warning and I feel his hot seed all over my tongue. I swallow as much as I can but I wipe my mouth on the back of my hand and he pulls me to my feet and pushes me against the table. I don’t have time to utter a word before he thrusts into me and I stand up on my tiptoes as the sensations quickly become too much. He leans into me, pushing his full weight against me, and pins my wrists to the table. I already feel close to another climax and I moan against the table.

“Yes baby, you going to come again?”

“God Peeta, yes. Please…I need more.” He then does the opposite. He pulls out and slaps my center with his head. I jerk forward and gasp as I feel him press against my other entrance. He spreads my ass wide with his hands and I feel complete resistance there.

“Peeta, don’t--“

“Relax baby, just relax.” But he continues to push forward and I try to sit up.

“No Peeta, please!”

“Katniss, honey, just relax. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” I only relax at the sound of his gentle voice, letting me know he is in complete control of his own emotions. So I do my best to relax and true to his word, he doesn’t try to enter me but instead, teases me with his cock. He pushes his finger into my hole and lines his cock up with my center, sliding into me with ease. I’m so full of him and I still can’t get enough. His groans increase and I know he is close. 

“Where do you want me to finish, Katniss?”  
“Inside me, Peeta. Come inside me.” With a deep moan, I feel his warmth dripping down my legs and I collapse forward onto the table. I feel his lips on my cheek and he picks me up and carries me to our room.

I’m not sure how but we go on for hours. I allow him to tie me to the bed and he even covers my eyes with his tie and his dominant side once again comes out to play. But when we are finished, he gathers me to his chest and kisses me gently, stroking my hair back and whispering how much he loves me. It’s like two completely different sides of Peeta and I find myself wondering if this side was always there or is it just because of the hijacking. Who knew that the gentle baker’s son could have such a mouth on him? As we cuddle on top of the sheets, still trying to catch our breath, Peeta’s lips warm my neck.

“Do you think that was alright? With the baby, I mean?”

“Kind of late to be asking that, don’t you think,” I tease. His hand freezes on my arm and he leans up.

“Katniss, why didn’t you tell me to stop? Did we hurt--“

“Peeta, no it’s ok. You didn’t hurt me or the baby. We’re both fine. We can still have sex without harming the baby.”

“Maybe we should stick to…you know, regular vanilla sex until the baby comes. I’m just afraid…when I get too rough…”

“I like it,” I tell him firmly. “I like when you get so domineering. You’re sexy as hell.” He grins but then it fades.

“Katniss I just don’t want to do anything to risk--“

“You won’t. I told you, it’s perfectly safe. Stop worrying so much. That’s my job.”

“You’re being the most perfect vessel for the most perfect gift in the world. Leave the worrying to me.” He kisses my forehead and pulls me down to the pillow next to him. His arms wrap around me but I notice his hand edging lower so it is barely resting on my stomach. Smiling, I turn over so my back is pressed against his chest and I wrap his arms around me. His hands rest on my belly and mine rest on top of his. He breathes against my neck and lets out a little sigh.

“Katniss, sometimes I wake up and think that I am back in the Capitol again.” I freeze and try to turn over to look at him but he holds me tight and leans up to kiss my   
cheek.  
“No, I didn’t mean to startle you. It’s just…sometimes I don’t want to allow myself to be so happy because…I’m sure it’s all a dream. A fantastic dream and when I wake up, I’ll be back in the Capitol. Or in my bed in Victor’s Village, pining for the girl next door. I sometimes can’t believe that everything has happened and how much has changed. You have to know, though, I don’t regret a single thing.” Well, I certainly do. I regret a lot of things but I don’t tell him that. Instead, I press his hands against my belly and push back against him, getting comfortable in the feel of the warm blankets and his warm body. 

“Katniss,” he whispers. “I love you so much. I will never stop loving you.” 

“I love you too, Peeta,” I respond tiredly. He kisses my cheek and rests behind me, his fingers making gentle patterns over my stomach.


	3. Chapter 3

It takes a few weeks but I finally convince Katniss to call her mother and tell her our wonderful news. Since Gale revealed that he was a father, and my mother in law revealed that she already knew, Katniss has not spoken to either of them. I try to defend them best I can. Not because I am overly fond of them or because I think they are wonderful additions to Katniss’s life, but because I know she will regret it if she severs all ties with these people she once loved so fiercely. I have little to no family left, or at least, anyone related by blood. Katniss is my family, along with Haymitch, Effie, Johanna and Aran, Annie and Finn…but all of my ‘blood family’ are gone. I don’t want her to ever forget who she went to war for. Her love is a delicate thing and no one knows that more than me. When Katniss loves someone, she loves fiercely and with a burning passion. She doesn’t love a whole lot of people. I’m lucky that I can count myself among those few. She once confessed to me that she didn’t think she could ever love again, after losing her sister. But I was able to prove her wrong and now there will be one more person for her to love and protect. I made myself a promise the moment I found out Katniss was pregnant. My child will never want for anything. We have saved him or her from the Reaping, it’s true, but I didn’t exactly have a happy childhood and neither did my wife. I am determined to show Katniss and our baby only love and protection and give them plenty of affection. I won’t be like my father, who was kind but cowardly when it came to standing up to my mother. And I will never be like my mother, for what parent could actually beat their children? Well, mine could with no problem. She told me she loved me one time in my life. One time. Maybe more, when I was too young to remember it. I intend to tell my child I love them with all my heart and soul, every chance I get. 

Katniss asks that I be present when she calls her mother and I stand by her side, holding her hand as she holds the phone with the other. 

“Hi Mom,” she says nervously, glancing at me. I nod and she takes a deep breath.

“Mom before you say anything, I just need to tell you something. Peeta and I…we’re having a baby.” Silence. I don’t hear anything on the other line and Katniss shifts from side to side.

“Mom?” She must say something because Katniss’s face breaks out into relief. 

“Yeah, thank you, we’re really excited too. Yes, Peeta is thrilled. What?! No he didn’t force…MOM!” I freeze as Katniss drops my hand and she turns away, her face turning red.

“How dare you,” she hisses into the phone. “Peeta was the one who convinced me to call you and tell you that you’re going to be a grandma. But I’m not sure I want my child around a woman who abandons her daughter and mistrusts her son-in-law!” I watch her warily as she twists the phone cord around her finger.

“Calm down? Me? You’re the one who gets me so riled up! I don’t know why I even called. No that won’t be necessary. Peeta takes wonderful care of me. He’s been more attentive to me than you ever were!” I gasp as she throws the phone down and stomps out of the room. I call her back but hear the door open and slam downstairs. I know she’s gone to the woods. I try not to let my fear overtake me as I walk into our room and hurriedly dress for work. If I can’t be useful to Katniss here at home, I might as well go into work and be useful there. I leave a note to let her know where I will be and jump into the car and drive to the bakery. 

I sort of wish I had stayed home today. The bakery is extremely busy and all I can think of is Katniss alone in the woods. 

“Peeta?” I blink and shake my head.

“Sorry Cora! What’s wrong?”

“I’m really sorry to ask Peeta but Dane just called and Nathan is still very sick. I’d really like to go be with him.”

“Of course you do. Go ahead, we’ve got this covered.” Her face breaks into a relieved smile as she hugs me.

“You’re the best, Peeta. Thank you.” Rory bites his lip as he slams down two empty trays.

“She was supposed to be making more of the chocolate crème pie cupcakes--“

“I’ll take care of it,” I say quickly as I pick up the trays and hurry to the kitchen. I manage to whip up a batch of cupcakes in an impressive amount of time, and hand them to Rory to put out on the shelves. I stay in the kitchen for most of the day, working on our never-ending orders for more cupcakes and muffins. By 6, Rory and Gisele come to me and ask me if we are extending hours. We still have a long line and I groan.

“Let’s try to get to all the customers as quick as we can. Gisele, you can start going down the line and asking for orders so we can get them done faster. I don’t want you all to stay past closing.” Riley closes the register and winces.

“Can someone else stay at the register? I’d probably be more useful in the kitchens.” Gisele is making her way toward the door, asking people in line what they would like and Rory is already back in the kitchens. I shake my head.

“We need someone to stay up here in the front.” The door opens again and I inwardly groan. I make a note to ask Gisele to lock the door so we won’t get any more customers but when I turn, the barrier is raised and someone has stepped behind the counter. I look around, puzzled, when I see Katniss behind the register. I shake my head and stand behind her.

“How did you know?”

“Know what,” she says as she counts out change for a customer.

“How much I needed you.”

“I thought you said you always need me,” she mutters as she hands the customer his change and the bag of cookies. I grin.

“I do. Always. But how did you know we really needed your help?”

“I was craving one of those mint brownies and decided to stop in on my way home. I saw the line out the door and knew you must have let some of your employees go home. Thought I could help out. Hi, can I help you,” she says sweetly to the next customer and I watch her lovingly until Rory hisses at me to get in there and help him. I jump and hurry into the kitchen where Rory teases me mercilessly about being so in love that I can’t keep my mind off her for one second. I have to agree with him though. 

We manage to get through the line quickly and Gisele wipes down the counters while Katniss counts the money. Delly used to do my books when the bakery first opened but Katniss has taken over since Delly is so busy with her son. She’s actually very good at business too. It’s strange because my mother was the one who did the books and she refused to let my father near them. Dad kept Bialy up front with the customers, and wanted Ryean and me in the kitchen with him. He said I was good with the customers but I was better with a frosting bag in my hands. Rory and Riley and I quickly clean the kitchen and all the pots and pans lie out to dry. I shake hands with the boys and wrap my arm around Katniss’s waist.

“Thanks for your help everyone, you’re all wonderful. Have a great night!”

“Katniss, you should be careful,” Gisele says quietly. “Pregnant women need lots of rest.” I can see that this irks Katniss and I open my mouth to stop her spewing angry words.

“Katniss is a regular ball of energy, Gisele. You’d be surprised how incredible she is.” Gisele’s lips tighten but I think she can tell I have saved her from one of Katniss’s fits. She nods and smiles.

“Well have a good night you three,” she smiles at Katniss’s belly (she was one of the first of my employees to learn really quickly not to touch Katniss’s baby belly) and exits the shop.

The boys say goodbye to Katniss and me as they exit the shop, leaving me alone with my wife. 

“Thank you for your help,” I tell her again. “We would have been lost without you.”

“Mmhm. I’m exhausted and my feet are killing me. You owe me big time.” I grin down at her as my hands rest on her hips.

“Oh yeah? And how would you like to be repaid, Mrs. Mellark?”

“Surprise me,” she whispers, her eyes soft and filled with desire. I grin and walk into the fridge, swiping two plates of the mint brownies. She smiles as she holds the plates in her hands.

“One for baby and one for mommy,” I say softly. 

I sweep her into my arms and she squeals as shakes her head.

“Peeta put me down. I’m too heavy for this now!”  
“You still weigh nothing,” I tell her. I can’t really tell a difference, to be honest. I have always loved to hold her and I am sure I will be holding her up until our baby is born. She continues to protest and I silence her with a kiss.

“Haven’t you learned by now not to argue with your husband?”  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I drive us back home and tell her I can get dinner started while she takes a bath. Her fingers trail along my arm as she disappears from the room and I check the refrigerator for something to eat. Unfortunately the baby news combined with busy days at the bakery and Katniss’s holiday plans for the orphanage mean we haven’t had a lot of time to grocery shop. I quickly fix some sandwiches and slice an apple to go along with it. I bite my lip, thinking I should feed my pregnant wife better than this, as I balance a tray with our plates a mug of tea. The bathroom door is wide open and I can hear water splashing and low moans echoing off the walls. I’d know those moans anywhere. I know I should return downstairs and eat dinner to give her a few moments of privacy but my desire for her wins out. I round the corner and lean against the doorway, lost in the sight before me. Katniss is leaning against the wall, her legs bent and spread wide. Her hand is submerged but her eyes are squeezed shut, a look of delicious agony on her flushed face. As if she knows someone is watching her, her eyes snap open and she closes her legs immediately.

“Peeta!” 

“Oh don’t mind me.”

“You’re an asshole,” she scolds, grabbing a washcloth from the side of the tub. I smirk.

“It’s not the first time I have seen you do that, Katniss. What’s the problem with watching my gorgeous wife fuck herself in the bath?” Her breath hitches and I struggle to maintain control, especially as I feel my jeans growing a little too tight for my liking. If someone had told me Katniss Everdeen likes dirty talk in the bedroom, I’d have laughed in their face. (Actually I probably would have punched them in the face for even thinking that about her, but you get the idea) Yet over the years I have found such delicious ways in tormenting her that don’t even involve me touching her. She grips the tub and looks up at me.

“Are you just going to tease me all night? Or are you joining me?” 

“You seemed to be doing just fine on your own,” I continue my teasing tone.

“Peeta.”

“Alright, alright,” I quickly strip down to my boxers and walk over to the tub. She stands up and I bite my lip to hold in my moan at the sight of the water pouring off her naked body. Her fingers are frantic as they shove my underwear down my legs and she pulls me into the tub with her. I situate myself behind her and grip her hips as I pull her closer to me. Her hand finds me under the water and I groan.

“Katniss, this isn’t…shit, this isn’t what I had in mind when I found you with your fingers knuckle deep--“

“Who says you can’t get a little pleasure out of it,” she croons, her hand squeezing me under the water. 

“I get plenty of pleasure from your…ah! From your p-pleasure.” Shit, I can’t even take control of my own urges. Everything about her is magic and I quickly fall under her spell. She turns a little so she isn’t bending her arm so awkwardly and I reach under her leg and push a finger inside her. She closes her eyes and leans her head against the wall.

“More Peeta, please!” I consider teasing her at first but her pleas win me over. I push my fingers as far as they can go and crook them inside her. Her hand moves faster and I let out a strangled cry as I release in the bath. She pulls away to give me a moment but I pull her to her feet and drape her leg over my shoulder. I look up at her with a smirk and her hands stroke my hair as she watches me. I touch my tongue to her folds and hear her let out a pleasured “OH!” I move to sit up on the edge of the tub and pull her down on top of me, her hands flying behind her to scratch at the wall. 

“Oh Peeta,” she moans and it is music to my ears. 

“What do you want, Katniss, my love? Tell me.”

“Finish me off with your cock. I need you inside me.” I love how open she has become about saying what she wants. I pull her down to straddle me and I reach between us to guide myself inside her. She wraps her legs around my back and my hands hold her up as I help her move up and down. 

“Peeta, I’m close! F-finish me.” 

“You want me to make you come, Katniss?” I say in a low voice before I nip at her throat.

“Yes!”

“Say it. Tell me exactly what you want.”

“Make me come, Peeta! Please…make me come!”

“How? Tell me exactly how Katniss. EXACTLY how.” I love this game we play. She likes to hear me talk dirty and I love to hear her beg. Especially since she swore to me years ago that she would never beg for anything. Looks like I proved her wrong yet again! I know the dirty talk gets her off. I just need to finish what I started.

“Fuck me, Peeta. Your…your dick inside me…all that I need!” 

“You sure about that? You want my fingers and my dick inside you at the same time?” I reach between us again and push two of my fingers inside her. Damn she’s so much tighter and she screams as she bounces up and down. 

“Oh god Katniss,” I pant heavily. “You feel incredible. Fuck baby you are everything I could ever want and more!” 

“Peeta…I’m coming!” I feel her shatter around me and my eyes fly open as I release inside her. Panting, we both slide back into the water, which has gotten quite cold.

“Here, let’s turn on the shower so I can rinse you off.” I grab the showerhead and adjust the temperature so the water is warm again. She leans against the wall as I rinse the soapy water from her skin and after I have both of us washed off, I turn off the water and grab a towel. I quickly dry myself off, then pick her up and carry her into the bedroom. 

“You’re sleeping like that tonight.” 

“You know we will have some real problems in the morning if I do,” she says slyly. I shrug.

“I can deal with those problems easily. It’d be worth it.” She shivers and throws her arms around herself. I kick myself as I realize I left the window open and I hurry over to shut it. Shaking my head, I grab a pair of her panties and a nightshirt out of the drawer.

“Ok, forget the sleeping naked thing. It’s too cold for that.”

“I’ll compromise,” she whispers as she stands up and pulls the shirt on. It stops at the tops of her thighs and she tosses the panties to the side. She grins at my shocked expression and climbs into bed. I shake my head and bring the tray over to the bed.

“The tea is probably cold by now but the sandwiches and the apples should still be good. I should probably go shopping tomorrow.”

“Peeta, I really don’t want sandwiches right now,” she says in a low voice that makes my brow raise.

“Ok, what do you want?” She climbs on top of me and my hands fly into the air.

“Katniss!”

“I’m hungry for something else right now,” she purrs, lowering her lips to my neck. My head falls back onto the pillow.

This woman IS going to kill me one day. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For Christmas this year all I want is to see my baby healthy and growing on the screen. So Katniss made her next appointment a few days before Christmas and made sure I can take off work to be there with her. 

On the morning of our appointment, I’m giddy with excitement at the prospect of seeing what we are having. Katniss says she doesn’t care what it is and I have said the same but I’ll admit that I dream of a little girl who looks just like my beautiful wife. If I can just stare into two pairs of stormy grey eyes for the rest of my life, I will be the happiest man on earth. Well, I think I am already. How could I not be? I sleep beside the woman of my dreams and get to share this life, this unbelievable life with her, which I never thought would be possible. 

I hurry around, making a pot of herbal tea when Katniss stomps flatfooted down the stairs. She rubs her stomach and looks miserable and I bite my lip.

“I’m making you some tea right now.”

“I am so damn sick of tea,” she snaps. 

“Ok, then tell me what you would like,” I tell her. She crosses her arms and glares at me.

“Something that will make me stop throwing up!”

“Katniss, we are going to your doctor this afternoon. Let’s ask her--“ but I don’t get to finish my sentence because she throws her hand over her mouth and runs to the downstairs bathroom, barricading herself in. At first she let me come in and hold her hair back but I guess after the fifteenth time in a day, she got embarrassed and locked the door. Still, I lean against the door with my forehead pressed to the wood, trying to listen to see if she needs anything. I hate that she’s so miserable. I talked to Annie and Johanna last week and they both said every woman’s sickness is different. Annie was barely sick with Finn, while Johanna was throwing up almost every day. I hope to God that Katniss’s pregnancy will be easier than Johanna’s and she won’t be so sick. When she finally comes out of the bathroom, she gives me a tired look and wipes her face.

“Would you like something to eat,” I say tentatively, gesturing toward the plate of fresh cheesebuns.

“Sure Peeta, because I need something else to puke up!” I fall silent and watch her stomp across the room to the sink. She drains her glass of water and slams it on the counter. 

“I, umm…I’ll just put my shoes on and then we can go,” I say quietly. She crosses her arms and continues to fume. I’m a patient man and I have put up with my wife’s terrible moodswings for years. God help me, but I know I can deal with this pregnancy. I just hope I can show her that I am still here for her whenever she needs me. And whenever she thinks she doesn’t. 

Katniss has a tempter tantrum with the seatbelt and then with me when I try to help her. We are silent as I drive to the doctor’s office in Merchant Circle. 

Doctor Mersa smiles when she enters the room and her brow raises when she sees how sullen Katniss looks.

“Alright Katniss, talk to me. How are you feeling?”

“Horrible. I want this thing out of me right now.” I flinch at her words. The doctor shoots me a patient look and shakes her head.

“Alright tell me specifics. Are you feeling sick?”

“Every damn minute of every day! I have to pee every 30 seconds and I cannot keep a single thing down. I’m starving, Doctor, and I just want to eat everything in sight but the moment I smell it, I’m back in the bathroom! Why would women get pregnant if this is going to happen?”

“Because new life is a gift and a joy,” she says patiently. “And the entire pregnancy will not be this bad. Now then, I can prescribe a medication to help with your morning sickness and nausea. Are you still drinking your herbal tea?”

“Peeta makes me drink it,” she mumbles and I swallow anxiously.

“Good. I’m glad to see he is taking care of you. Why don’t we take a look and see how the baby is growing?” She motions for Katniss to lean back and she spreads the thick gel on her growing belly. I get giddy every time I see her baby bump but if she notices, she glares at me and my hands fall to my side, unable to reach out and touch her. 

“Peeta, would you like to come closer?” I nod and edge closer to Katniss’s head. She glances up at me and sighs, and I bring her hand to my lips.

“Alright so there is the little one,” Doctor Mersa says to herself. I watch the screen with wide eyes as she moves the wand around. I grip Katniss’s hand tightly as we wait to find out if our baby is a boy or girl. Katniss leans up a little and I wrap an arm around her to support her. 

“Well, looks perfectly healthy,” the doctor announces. “A little shy though.”

“What does that mean,” Katniss asks uneasily.

“It means its legs are crossed and its hands are covering its face. I can’t really tell what the gender is.” 

“You can’t, you know, move it or something?” 

“Babies are highly sensitive to what the mother is feeling. It might feel your distress. Perhaps we should reschedule this appointment.” I can’t help but feel disappointed as she turns the machine off and wheels it away. When she leaves, Katniss buries her face in her hands and turns away.

“I’m sorry Peeta.” Baffled, I tear her hands away from her face and tilt her chin upwards.

“What are you sorry for?”

“You were so excited to find out what we were having. And I had to go and ruin it.”

“Katniss that’s crazy! You didn’t ruin anything. Our little guy or girl is just shy, like Doctor Mersa said. We can always come back! Let’s get you to feeling better first.” 

“You’re too good, Peeta. You’re too wonderful for this world.” I’ve heard her say this before and it still makes me uneasy. I help her change back into her clothes and Doctor Mersa comes back with Katniss’s medicine. She gives us a few more books and pamphlets and sends us on our way.  
That night as we are lying in bed, my hand stroking her belly, her breath hitches and she glances up at me.

“Peeta, do you think it heard me?”

“Hmm?” I snap awake at the sound of her worried voice.

“When I said I just wanted it out. I didn’t mean that. And I’m afraid he or she heard me. What if he or she thinks I don’t love it?”

“Katniss, she knows that you love her already.”

“Her?”

“Yeah, call it daddy’s intuition. I think she’s a perfect little princess.” 

“I swear if you try to name her Sparkle or Glimmer or Diamond…” I let out a loud chuckle and stroke her hair.

“No. None of those. Though we should start to talk about some names, don’t you think? We can come up with a few for a girl and a few for a boy. Do you have any in mind?”

“Not really. I’ve been too miserable to think about it.” 

“How are you feeling now?”

“Much better. Those pills really do work. I kept dinner down and it seems like she is calm this evening.”

“See? I think Doctor Mersa is right. She can sense when her mommy doesn’t feel well. If you’re happy, she is peaceful and happy.” 

“Let’s hope she stays this way. I’m sure you have already thought of names, haven’t you?” I grin sheepishly.

“Maybe.”

“What are they?” 

“I really like the name Joy,” I say as I sit up straighter. 

“Alright.”

“Ginger. You know. My little Ginger-cakes.” 

“Oh god, Peeta, really?”

“It’s pretty,” I argue.

“Ok, what else?”

“Iris. Daisy. Petunia--“

“Those are all flower names,” she cuts me off. 

“You’re a flower, Katniss.”

“Well…not really. I’m…Katniss is a plant.”

“I think katniss is a pretty little flower. And I think it would be lovely for my flower to have a little flower of her own.” She starts to giggle and I raise a brow in bemusement.

“What’s so funny?”

“You. I just imagine you as a little baker, dreaming about me and our little baby named Petunia.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I wasn’t dreaming about you, I was dreaming about Alodia who lived down the street.” She sits up, her jaw wide open and her eyes flashing.

“Kidding! I’m kidding, Katniss, it was a joke!”

“Do not joke like that,” she says through gritted teeth.

“I’m sorry,” I say quickly, pulling her into my arms. She resists a bit at first but finally allows me to hold her against my chest. She calms down and I rest my chin on her head. 

Really though, how can she be upset with me? Not that I’m going to mention this but she never gave me the time of day when we were kids. I’ve already admitted that I have loved her since I was 5 but god does that make me sound pathetic when I say I was always dreaming of her and only her. She may have been the only girl on my mind but she wasn’t the only one I saw. I tried to drown my sorrows in meaningless kisses and random girls from my class. As I have told Katniss countless times, she is my first and my only. I never got far at the slag heap, simply because the girls I took there were not her. I could very well hold Gale against her, but only if I wanted an arrow in my eye. I decide to let it go and bury my nose in her hair. She lets out a little ‘hmm’ at the back of her throat and leans her head back onto my chest. As she is falling asleep, I pull the covers back and creep down to the end of the bed. My hands rest on her stomach and I gently raise her shirt so not to disturb her. I place soft kisses all over her skin, imagining it as my child’s face.

“Daddy loves you,” I whisper to her stomach before I give it one final kiss and slip back up to the pillow, where Katniss turns into my arms and snores softly into my chest.


	4. Chapter 4

We are six months into the pregnancy and we still do not know what we are having. I can tell Peeta is getting frustrated. I know he wants to work on the nursery but doesn’t know what colors to paint. 

“Peeta just do neutral colors. You know, yellows and oranges. So that it won’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“But I want to paint lots of flowers if it’s a girl,” he protests. “He will hate me if I paint flowers all over his room.” I snort and shake my head. As terrified as I still am about having this baby, Peeta has the most interesting fears about when it gets older.   
Annie and Johanna want to throw me a baby shower but are hesitant since we still don’t know the gender. I decide on neutral colors for anything baby related and Peeta has a whole list of things he wants to bring home. I remember a long time ago when we walked into the store, shopping for things for Cora’s and Dane’s baby. Now we are walking around, hand in hand, shopping for our baby. And I have to say the glow on Peeta’s face right now is unsurpassed. He catches me staring as he picks out a few bibs.

“What?”

“Nothing,” I say quickly. He quirks a brow and drops the bibs into the basket. He comes around to me and takes my face in his hands.

“What,” he says again.

“I just…love seeing you so happy,” I tell him the truth. His eyes shine and he smiles before he gives me a quick kiss.

“And I love you,” he whispers in my ear. I bite my lip, feeling a pool of desire forming. I haven’t been able to keep my hands off him lately and I know the poor man is tired but I am insatiable. I blame the hormones, as usual. He spots something over my shoulder and lets out a cry of excitement. I roll my eyes.

“Peeta, for the last time, we do not need baby-shaped cookie cutters!”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

After we finish our shopping, Peeta helps me take everything inside and we pile it outside the nursery. He has started decorating it but doesn’t want me to see it just yet. I’m curious as to what he is doing in there but I honor his wishes and stay away from it. Peeta gives me a quick kiss and tells me he has to go to work. I pout and he laughs as he kisses me again.

“There’s a tall order for a wedding cake for District 6. I don’t know why they didn’t go to my location in 5, but I said I would do it and everyone is on vacation. I’ll be there for awhile.”

“No one else is helping you?”

“They have been working on it for 2 days and there’s just the decorating for me to do. While it cools, I will give the bakery a good cleaning. I’ll bring something home for dinner if you like?” I shake my head and ignore my growing desire for my husband as his hands are on my hips and his fingers are making gentle patterns just below my shirt.

“It’s ok. I can find something to cook.” He nods and kisses my nose.

“I’ll see you later then.” I huff as the door closes and cross my arms. I feel the baby kick and I glare down at my belly.

“Don’t you start that again. Daddy will be home soon.” 

The first time this happened I nearly had a panic attack. Peeta had just left for work and I felt a swift kick to my bladder. I gasped, my hands flew to my stomach, and I remember trying to claw at my belly to see what was wrong with the baby. Peeta had forgotten his apron and when he came back inside the house, he found me curled up on the floor, crying. He sank to his knees and pulled me into his chest, frantically asking what was wrong. I told him the baby was attacking me and he looked completely baffled. I put his hand on my stomach and he waited until he felt the kick. His eyes widened and filled with tears.

“Katniss,” he said with reverence. “She’s kicking.”

“I know! Make her stop.”

“She’s not attacking you, love. She’s…trying to get your attention.”

“She doesn’t like it when you leave. Please stay with me. Please.” Even to this day, Peeta can deny me nothing. He called into work and we went back to bed. The next time it happened I wasn’t so scared and his hand pressed against my belly so he could feel it. Sometimes it’s more prominent than other times but she occasionally likes to kick me to remind us of her presence. 

I head upstairs to our bedroom and change out of my jeans. At six months pregnant, I have ballooned and I hate it but Peeta nearly cries every time he sees me, saying I am so beautiful. I don’t feel beautiful but if Peeta thinks so I guess that’s all I really care about. I turn to the side, examining my belly. I swear I am bigger than I was this morning! Annie says I am carrying the baby low so she thinks it is a boy. Johanna and Haymitch both agree with Peeta and think it is a girl. Finn says he doesn’t care what it is, he can’t wait to meet his little ‘cousin’. I grab a nightgown and pull it on but I can’t seem to banish the throbbing between my legs. I clench my thighs together and will it to go away but thoughts of Peeta’s strong arms holding him up while he thrusts into me keep playing in my mind. My eyes go to the extra apron Peeta keeps around the house and I smirk as an idea starts to enter my mind. I grab the apron, scoop up the spare keys, and practically run to the bakery. 

I let myself into the bakery with the spare key and glance around. Peeta must be out front working on the cake. I slip into his office and shed my clothes. I carefully tie the apron in the back and make sure the front covers me. My belly is hard to hide but I pull the apron over me as much as I can. I slip out of the office and peek around the corner. Peeta is still nowhere to be found. I tiptoe over the doors and peer out. The cake is magnificent, sitting on the counter while Peeta sits on the opposite counter reading an awful book called “What to Expect When you’re Expecting”. Effie brought it to us from some very old archives and I closed it pretty soon after I opened it. I study him for a moment, noting the way his curls fall into his bright eyes, the quirked brow as whatever he is reading surprises or interests him. His teeth chew on his bottom lip and my tongue wets my own lips. I can’t wait anymore; I push the door open and he nearly drops the book in surprise.

“Kat-Katniss!” He jumps off the counter and his wide eyes take me in. I stand in front of him in nothing but his old apron and I notice his tongue darting out to wet his lips. 

“What-umm…you’re here,” he finishes somewhat lamely and I stifle my laughter.  
I walk up to him and my hands slide under his shirt to feel his solid flesh. His eyes flutter closed and I grind up against him, relishing the hiss he releases. 

“Katniss,” he whines, his hands going to my hips and I jump at the contact. I feel something sticky and I lift his hand from my hip and raise my brow. He shrugs.

“Sorry. Frosting and-oh!” I take his fingers into my mouth and suck. I want him as aroused as I am. His eyes darken to that deep shade of blue that I love to see. His fingers grip my hips as he thrusts against me and I feel how much he wants me. I need his hands on me. I pull his hand down and slide it under the apron. His eyes widen as his fingers find me, find how wet I am. 

“I think I’ve ruined your apron,” I tell him quietly as I work the buttons of his jeans. He smirks as he pushes a finger inside me.

“You have no idea what seeing you in that apron is doing to me. That apron that I wore every time you came into the bakery to trade. That apron that I wore as I would long to talk to you, to hear you say my name.” He leans close, his lips finding my ear as a second finger joins his first. I gasp and stand up on my toes as he curls his fingers inside of me.

“That apron that I wore the day you came into the bakery and you said hi to me. I couldn’t get you out of my thoughts and I was sooooo hard, I had to hide in the closet and take care of myself.”

“You, ah! You got hard thinking of me saying hi to you?” He smirks again.

“Well in my mind you were doing a lot more than saying hi.” I reach into his jeans and run my palm over his growing bulge. He lets out a low moan and hides his face in my neck as his fingers curl even more. I am seeing stars and I grip his hair tightly. I clench around his fingers and he roughly turns me around. I hear him let out a long groan as his hands palm my cheeks. He kneels behind me and his fingers squeeze at my flesh so tightly I know there will be marks. 

“Ah! Peeta!” 

“Mmm,” is all he can say as his tongue is buried inside me. I am stretched out over the counter and out of the corner of my eye, I can see someone approaching the bakery.

“Shit Peeta, tell me you locked the door!”

“What?” he shoots up next to me, gasps, and pushes me down under the counter.

“Stay down,” he hisses as he adjusts his clothes and runs a finger through his hair. He goes to open the door and I grit my teeth as I hear a girlish giggle.

“Daniela, hey.”

“Hi Peeta. I was hoping you were still open.”

“Um, I’m actually not, I had to close early to work on a cake. Is there something you needed?”

“Oh my new boyfriend is making us dinner and asked me to pick up a loaf of honey wheat bread to go with it. I know you have the best bread in the district.”

“Well thanks for that. I think I have a loaf from today’s batch. It’s not fresh out of the oven but--“

“Oh I’m sure it’s heavenly,” she gushes. He laughs along with her and I roll my eyes. 

“Come on in.” My jaw drops as he walks behind the counter and picks out a loaf of bread from the shelf. I want to reach out and kick him, he is making me so angry. He leans against the counter and writes something down.

“Inventory, you know,” he explains before he gives her the price. He moves over to the cash register and is standing right in front of me. I notice his buttons are still undone and his bulge is still rather prominent. I smirk as I move up to my knees and grasp him through his jeans. His kneels buckle but he recovers and continues to open the cash register. I pull his cock out of his underwear and take him into my mouth and I swear I hear him moan before he turns it into a cough.

“He-here’s your change,” he stammers. The bimbo is so busy flirting with him, she doesn’t even notice his strange behavior. 

“Thanks so much Peeta, I really appreciate it.”

“No problem,” he says hurriedly. I take him deeper and he grips the counter tightly.

“Well, have a good evening Daniela!”

“Thanks again, Peeta. If you ever need anything…anything at all--“ he cries out as my teeth scrape against him and he fights to find his words.

“Th-thanks. I’ll…I’ll see you later.”

“OK,” she sounds disappointed and Peeta taps the underside of the counter until she leaves. When I hear the door close, he collapses forward onto the counter.

“Fucking hell, Katniss! You can’t…that was a customer!”

“A customer who openly flirts with my husband,” I snap as I glare up at him. “Even if I couldn’t show her what we were doing, I thought I would remind you who you belong to.” I grip him tightly and he bites his lip hard.

“Shit,” he groans. “Katniss, I already kno-oh god!” His fingers wind around my hair as he bucks his hips wildly. 

“Say it, Peeta,” I say as I stroke him hard and fast. “Whom do you belong to?”

“You Katniss,” he gasps. “Always, you!” 

“Who is the one who makes you feel this way?”

“God! You, Katniss! It’s always been you! It will always be you! Fuck!” He jerks forward and I feel wet on my face and neck. He pants heavily, still gripping the counter and he looks down at me. He pulls me to my feet and uses the apron to wipe off my face before he kisses me. It’s not hurried but sweet and loving.

“You are the only one who will ever hold my heart,” he says softly. “You can remind me who owns me any time you want but I will always know you’re my one and only. Ok?” I nod and feel a little foolish for my inappropriate behavior. I stare at the floor and he tilts my chin upwards, his hand moving to caress my face.

“I guess this wasn’t such a great idea after all,” I murmur, feeling my face heat up.

“Katniss. Any chance to see you wearing as little clothing as possible is a great idea,” he says firmly. I look up into his eyes and he smiles.

“Let’s go somewhere a little more private.” He hurries to lock the door and make sure the sign is turned before he pulls me towards his office and sits in his chair, pulling me on top of him. It’s not rushed or possessive and I feel every ounce of love he has for me, pouring into me as he finds his release. He holds me in his arms for a few moments and we refuse to move. When I rise to my feet, I start to pick up my clothes and but he shakes his head. I glance up at him in question and a smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

“You should stay here and be my entertainment while I finish this cake.”

“Isn’t a distraction a bad thing right now?”

“You’re a distraction no matter what you’re wearing. So you might as well be wearing nothing.” I shake my head and allow him to re-tie the apron in the back. I shiver as his hands trail across my ass and he turns me back to him, pulling me in for a kiss.

“I’m never washing this thing again.”

“That’s not sanitary,” I tease and he gently bites my lower lip.

“You never told me why you came here. Besides the obvious of course.” I find his hand and place it on my belly. As if she knows who is near, and I’m sure she does, the baby flutters against his hand. A wide smile crosses his face.

“We missed you,” I say softly. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We get home just as the rain hits and Haymitch waves to us from his porch.

“Going to be a big one,” he calls to us and we wave as we disappear into the house. Turns out he is right. Claps of thunder make us jump and the lightning lights up all of Victor’s Village. I don’t think the baby likes the storm because she’s practically got her foot shoved into my kidney. Of course it could just be my unease she senses. Peeta’s knuckles are white and he flinches every time the thunder cracks. 

Halfway through dinner, the power goes out and I hear Peeta gasp. I try to find his hand in the darkness and realize he is sweating.

“Shh shh, Peeta, it’s ok. I’m right here. The power’s just out, let’s light some candles and finish dinner.”

“Katniss,” he moans beside me and I feel him gripping the table. I jump up and find my way in the darkness. We have a couple of candles in the drawer next to the matches and a few more in the living room. I light as many as I can and set them around us. Peeta is rocking in his chair, his eyes squeezed shut and I kneel in front of him.

“Hey, look at me,” I say softly, my hands gripping his face. “We’re ok. We’re here together. It’s just a storm and you’re safe with me at home. Ok?” He nods but doesn’t let go of my hand. Every time the thunder booms, he gasps and starts muttering “midnight” to himself. We finish dinner and I grab a candle to help us find our way to the bedroom. He takes two in his hands and follows me and I feel my way up the stairs. 

“Katniss please be careful,” he breathes behind me as we climb up to our bedroom. He sets the candles down on the table beside the bed and goes to close the curtains.   
The lightning illuminates the room and reveals how pale and sickly he looks. He gasps and his eyes fly to the clock beside the bed.

“Midnight,” he says in a strained voice. “Katniss, it’s midnight!” I glance at the clock with a frown, then back at Peeta. His eyes widen and he starts shaking and I rush over and take him in my arms.

“It’s ok. We’re safe, we’re home.”

“No…no…the arena. The lightning tree--“

“Peeta we’re not in the arena anymore. We’re in our home in District 12. Remember?” 

It’s been so long since he has had a flashback and quite honestly, I’m not prepared for it. I hold his arms down but get hit in the process and have to move away. I want to put his hands on my stomach to reassure him, to remind him of all that has happened but I don’t want to risk any harm coming to our baby. Several hours later, he slips out of bed and grabs a candle and I hear him closing the door to his studio. I just have to let him work through this on his own. I trust him to come back to me. After all, he always does. His love for me keeps him coming back.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey baker boy!” I look up and grin as my friends file into the house. Johanna swoops down and kisses my cheek and George shuffles Aran in his arm so he can shake my hand. Haymitch and Effie come in behind them, Annie, Finn and Thom are next, and Delly, Brent, and Dex are right behind them. I hug each of my friends and Delly pats my cheek.

“How’s the proud papa doing?”

“Terrified,” I answer truthfully. “But excited beyond all belief.”

“And how’s mama,” Johanna asks as she helps herself to one of my cookies.

“She’s good. As terrified as I am but…she’s doing incredibly well.” 

“Talking about me?” I look up and my breath leaves me when my wife walks in. She’s wearing a flowy dress in my favorite shade of orange that stops right above her knees. One of her hands rests on her enormous belly and the other supports her back. The dress hugs her curves perfectly and my mouth waters as I notice how big her breasts have gotten. All of this perfection in front of me and I haven’t touched her in weeks. She had a crazy shift and went from not being able to keep her hands off me, to refusing to let me even touch her. I respect her wishes and keep my hands to myself but I admit, I miss all of her. She hasn’t complained of sickness lately but she seems to be sore and irritated that she’s so large. She tried to pick up a bow the other day and couldn’t even hold it because her fingers have swollen up. She threw her wedding ring at me a couple of weeks back because it wouldn’t fit. I try to help her through the day as best as I can but I have learned sometimes the best thing I can do is just leave her alone and give her some space. She seems to appreciate it more and we haven’t gotten into any huge fights. The dress was a gift from Johanna and George, designed by both of them and it looks perfect on her. Her long dark hair is braided down her back and she even allowed Posy and Lara to put a little make up on her. She’s wearing the locket from the Quell and the bracelet that I gave her for our anniversary and it warms my heart to see her wearing both pieces of jewelry. Annie and Johanna both hug her tightly and tell her she looks beautiful. I couldn’t agree more. She makes her way around the room, hugging and kissing everyone, and she stops in front of me. I’ve found it difficult to breathe let alone speak. She seems to understand and she stands on her tiptoes to give me a gentle kiss. 

“You are so breathtakingly beautiful,” I whisper as I touch her cheek. She kisses my palm and turns back to our friends.

“Thank you everyone for coming! Why don’t we all go sit in the dining room and have some cake?” Everyone agrees and George helps me carry the cake in. Since we still don’t know the gender, I had to make it as neutral as possible. I’m still proud of it and I love how Katniss’s eyes light up. Rory winks at me from across the room and I shoot him a grateful look. The team did an amazing job on this and all of them tackled a different part. The sheet cake has a baby bottle, building blocks, and two little green shoes made out of fondant. In swirly green letters it reads “Baby Mellark”. I’ll admit, I started to tear up when I saw it for the first time. We may not know if we are having a boy or a girl yet but one thing is certain; it will have my last name. My baby, mine and Katniss’s. Sometimes I still can’t believe it. We take some pictures of the cake before George slices into it and starts handing out pieces to everyone. Haymitch lifts his fork to me before he digs in. I sit on the arm of Katniss’s chair and drape my arm around her. She leans her head on my chest and for a moment, I just forget the world. She rubs her belly and I cover her hand with mine. I hear the snap of a camera and blink up at Johanna.

“It was too perfect not to,” she says with a smirk. I smile and kiss Katniss’s forehead before I jump up and start bringing presents into the dining room. 

The shower is an enormous success and we repeatedly thank Johanna and Annie for all they have done. I take some adorable pictures of Katniss with Posy, Lara, Logan, Aran, Dex, Nathan, and Finn all standing around her or draped across the chair. Lara kisses my wife’s belly and smiles.

“You will be such a wonderful mother, Kitty-Kat,” I hear her whisper.

“Do you know that for sure, Lara?” 

“Of course I do. Because you were such a wonderful mother to me when I had no one.” Katniss looks up at me and her eyes are glistening. 

It’s getting dark by the time our friends start to leave. Effie kisses us both on both cheeks and erupts into more tears (she seems to be doing this a lot lately) Haymitch just sighs and pats my shoulder as he shuffles his wife home. Katniss gives all the kids extra hugs and kisses as they all head out. Logan has already taken Lara to the train station but he promised to bring her back to see the baby. Johanna, Aran, and George are staying with Annie and Johanna squeezes my hand as she waits for her husband.

“Peeta, I can’t tell you how happy I am for you and brainless.”

“Thanks Jo,” I tell her with a smile. She pulls me in for a hug and I raise my brow.

“Johanna Mason showing affection? I’d never have believed it.”

“No more Johanna Mason,” she nudges me. “I think I like this new Johanna better than the old one. She knows what love is and knows how to love after all.” I drape my arm around her and we turn to see Katniss throwing Aran into the air and kissing his cheeks. 

“Sort of like Katniss Mellark,” she whispers and I glance down at her. “Katniss Everdeen lost a lot and it might have destroyed her but Katniss Mellark was born from those ashes.” She leans up and kisses my cheek before I can respond. She takes her son from Katniss and gives her a one-armed hug.

“Look I have something to confess,” she says seriously. “I…might have done something when I was sending out invitations to your shower.” Katniss and I both frown.

“Johanna, what did you do?” Jo’s eyes flit across the lawn and she tenses up.

“I think life is too short to hold grudges. Just remember that, Katniss. Remember who the real enemy is.” And she and George walk toward Annie’s house. My eyes follow them and make out dark shapes approaching Victor’s Village. Katniss frowns in the darkness.

“Peeta?” I say nothing as I watch the two figures approach. Katniss sucks in a breath when they get closer and her hand finds mine. Gale and Mrs. Everdeen slowly make their way up the stairs and stand in front of us. Gale’s holding a dark-haired toddler in his arms and Mrs. Everdeen holds a thin package. No one says a word. 

“Hello Katniss,” my mother-in-law breaks the silence.

“Hi Mom. Gale.”

“Katniss,” Gale says, nodding his head. 

“I hope you don’t mind...but when we received Johanna’s invitation…well, we really wanted to see you.” I glance at Katniss and see that her jaw is tight. Her mother looks her up and down and shakes her head.

“You are more beautiful than I remember.” 

“Thank you,” she says rather stiffly. “Do you want to come inside?” I lead them in and gesture for them to have a seat in the dining room. I still haven’t cleaned up the mess and there is paper and ribbon everywhere. Presents for the baby crowd the entire space so Katniss suggests we head into the living room.

“Would anyone like some cake? We have more than enough left over.” 

“I’d love a piece, thank you Peeta,” Gale says, nodding.

“How about the little guy? Would he like a slice too?”

“Cake!” The little boy cries, his grey eyes widening. Gale grins.

“Just a small piece. Thank you.” Mrs. Everdeen shakes her head and I hand Gale the two plates. 

“Say thank you to Mr. Peeta,” he tells his son.

“Thank you,” the boy says, his mouth stuffed with frosting. Katniss grins. 

“He looks just like you, Gale.” 

“That’s what everyone says,” Gale says, tousling his son’s hair. “Leo, slow down. Small bites.” Leo obeys his father and takes a minuscule bite. I can’t help but laugh.

“I guess I should have made introductions before he started on the cake. Leo, this is Mrs. Katniss and Mr. Peeta. Can you say hi?”

“Hi,” he says quickly before he shoves more cake in. Katniss laughs.

“Yeah, he’s exactly like you.” Gale shoots her a grin and takes a bite himself. Mrs. Everdeen sits nervously and fingers the package in her hands. 

“Um…this is for you, Katniss. Something I have been…something I have been saving for you.” She takes the package and opens the box, her eyes widening. 

“Mom, I…”

“Your father,” her voice breaks and she clears her throat. “Your father hunted for weeks to trade for that. When he brought it home, I added your name to it. We just knew…what you would be. I wanted to name you Rose but he…well, he said you were more wild than a flower. More resilient. He was crying when you were born, he asked if he could hold you before you were even cleaned up.” I sit beside her and look down at the blanket that is draped across her lap. It’s home-made, most likely from the Hob, and Katniss’s name is stitched in light green letters. Tiny pink footprints line the bottom of the blanket. It’s beautiful and I know our little one will love it. Katniss sniffles and quickly wipes at her face.

“Thank you, Mom.” Her mother smiles and reaches across to wipe at Katniss’s tears. Gale smiles from across the room.

“Katniss, pregnancy suits you. You look beautiful.” He grins at me and I nod in agreement. “So how are you feeling? You both all ready?”

“I wouldn’t say all ready,” she says, wiping away the rest of her tears and handing me the blanket so I can put it with the other gifts. “But we are ready to meet our child.” 

“Still don’t know what it’s going to be?”

“We have a shy little one. Every time we go to the doctor’s office, she turns away and hides. But Peeta is sure it is a girl.” Gale raises his brow at me and I shrug.

“I just have a hunch.”

“I said the same thing about Leo and some of my men were taking bets on what he was going to be. Imagine my surprise when I get to the hospital and find out it’s not a girl. He surprised us all,” he grins at his son, who yawns tiredly. 

“You weren’t at the hospital with her when she had him,” Katniss asks cautiously. 

“I was out on assignment when I got the call. I hurried as fast as I could but it figures that I would miss the birth of my first child. Next time, I swear to be there though.” Katniss squeezes my hand and I squeeze back, reassuring her that there is no way I could possibly miss the birth. I’ll be there with her every step of the way, even when she is crushing the bones in my hand. I kiss her hair and she leans against me. 

The evening may have started out awkward but is pleasant in the end. I leave Gale and Katniss and her mother to catch up while I clean up the mess from the shower. Leo comes to help me and we end up making a fort out of the boxes. When Gale comes in to get his son, he and Katniss both burst out laughing at the sight of Leo and I half hidden in the debris. 

“You have a good one there,” I hear Gale tell Katniss as they prepare to leave. “You both will make great parents.”

“Thanks, Gale. It was good to see you.”

“You too, Catnip. Happy looks good on you.” They hug very briefly and Katniss pulls away first. Her mother’s hug doesn’t last much longer but as we wave them off, she turns and dives into my arms.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes. Just…hold me.” I close my arms around her and rest my head on the top of hers. I have no intention whatsoever of ever letting go. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When we finally head inside after a cup of tea on the front porch, we stand in front of all of the presents and she yawns loudly.

“Maybe we should wait until tomorrow to figure out where all of this will go. I’m exhausted.”

“Can you stay awake long enough for me to show you something?” she nods and accepts my hand, following me up the stairs and down the hall. We decided on the room right across from our bedroom for the nursery and I have been working on it for a month. I know she’s been curious but as far as I can tell she hasn’t broken her promise and has stayed out of the room. I wanted to have it finished in time for the shower but I want her to be the first one to see it. Grasping her hand in mine, I push the door open and flick on the light. I hear her sharp intake of breath and watch her take a tentative step forward.

The walls are a sort of beige color with a green accent wall. I’ve painted a gigantic willow tree on one side and a brilliant sunset on the other. The furniture is all a rich wooden color, to reflect her woods. The oranges and yellows we have collected make the room feel like fall. Around the edges near the ceiling are vines of primroses. Above the crib, I’ve hung a painting I did based on a photo we took not long after we found out we were pregnant. We were sitting in bed with her back to my chest and her hands splayed on her stomach. I covered her hand with one of mine, and reached for the camera. Her face is turned downwards and her smile is serene. I loved that picture and had to recreate it on a canvas not long after.

Her hands are covering her mouth and I see tears welling up in her eyes. 

“I want to add his or her name later on,” I say quietly. “Do you like it?” She doesn’t say anything but tears stream down her cheeks. I take a step forward, reaching out for her.

“Katniss?” 

“It’s perfect, Peeta. It’s so…it’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” She inhales sharply and hugs herself.

“I wish she were here to see all of this. She would be so excited.”

“She’s here, love,” I whisper into her hair. “She’s been with you the whole time.” She turns into me and cries into my shirt. I hold her close and stroke her hair, allowing her to just cry it out. She whimpers muffled apologizes into my chest but then continues to cry and I assure her I’m not going anywhere. I reach out to turn the light off but her hand darts out and closes around my wrist.

“No! Can we…can we stay in here for a few more minutes?” My hand drops to my side and I pull her over to the big wooden rocking chair that Effie and Haymitch presented us with several months ago. I lean back against the chair and pull her into my chest, rocking both of us slowly. When I notice she has started to drift off to sleep, I lift her into my arms (wincing only slightly. She’s a lot heavier than she used to be but I still carry her around as much as I can) and carry her to bed. I tuck her under the covers and kiss her forehead before I turn off the light and head downstairs. 

I slowly bring up all the presents and situate them around the nursery. Some things are easy, like the diapers and the thousands of tiny outfits we received, but others, like the enormous black dog plush we received from Caesar Flickerman proves to be a challenge. After several hours of arranging and rearranging, I am exhausted and I stumble into the bedroom. I strip off my shirt and my jeans and fall into bed next to Katniss. She moans and turns toward me, but the baby keeps us from being too close. I grin and gently turn her over so her back is pressed to my bare chest and I can barely wrap my arms around her but still able to press my palm to her stomach. I feel a flutter against my hand and my heart leaps as it usually does.

“I love you too, baby,” I whisper to my child. I kiss Katniss’s cheek and settle in behind her.

“I love you both so much.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Honey?” I close the door behind me and hang up my apron by the door. The house is dark and I frown as I search the rooms for Katniss.

“Katniss?” I head upstairs and enter our bedroom. 

“Katniss, are you here?”

“Bathroom,” I hear her call back. I sigh with relief and push the door open a little. She’s sitting in the bathtub and looks vastly uncomfortable.

“Thank god you’re home! I almost fell getting out of here and I have been sitting here for hours!” I quickly kneel on the floor and hold my arms out to help her. It takes some maneuvering but we manage to get her to her feet and I hand her a towel. She has gotten so big and I really wanted to expand the tub for her but she insists it would be a waste of time. Guess it would have come in handy today though.

“I’m sorry you had to wait on me. Four orders for wedding cakes this week and Cora and Gisele are both out on maternity leave!”

“It’s alright Peeta, I’m just…frustrated. I can’t even take a bath by myself anymore.” She shakes her head and I take her face in my hands.

“Katniss, what have I been telling you through this entire pregnancy? We are a team. We’re doing this together. You know you don’t have to feel bad for depending on someone else.” 

“I’m just ready for her to come out already,” she sighs as she kisses my hand.

“Me too,” I agree. “One more month. One more month until we can meet our little blessing. Until then, keep her safe for us.” My hand drifts down to her stomach and she smiles up at me. This is the most contact I have had with my wife in nearly a month. I know she is uncomfortable and sex is the last thing on her mind. I respect that completely and though it’s not ideal, my hand has worked just fine for me when letting out my pent up sexual frustrations. 

“Doctor Mersa asked if we would like to try again,” her voice breaks me from my thoughts and I blink down at her.

“Another ultrasound?”

“Yes. To see the gender.” At this point I’m not sure it matters. We are so close to the big day and I’m still convinced it is a girl. But if it turns out to be a boy, I will love him just as much. I shrug.

“If you want to. It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Then let’s wait until the birth. And see if you’re right.”

“Well I usually am,” I tease. She grins and strokes my cheek. I shiver at her touch and chide myself for getting aroused at a simple caress from her. I take a step back and her hands drop to her side.

“Have you eaten dinner?”

“Not yet.”

“Good. I’ll make us something. You go ahead and get dressed and meet me downstairs.” As I make to leave, she grabs my face and kisses me hard. I gasp at the sudden passion in her actions and I force myself to pull away before I sweep her into my arms and carry her to bed. 

“Cheesebuns please,” she says sweetly and I shake my head and laugh.

“I should have known. You don’t kiss me like that unless you want something.”

“That’s not true,” her jaw drops. “I kiss you like that all the time.”

“Not lately you haven’t.” I immediately regret my words. She’s biting her lip and looks uncertain, anxious even. I make my way over to her and hold her face in my hands.

“Katniss, I didn’t mean that. I was just teasing you. Really.” 

“After dinner…are you going to work some more on your painting?” I have been working on a birthday present for Haymitch. A painting of him and Effie on their front porch and it’s been a work in progress for several weeks. My brow furrows at her question.

“Probably. Why?”

“Because I think you should come straight to bed.”

It’s amazing how fast I harden at those words. I wince as I shift uncomfortably, trying to straighten out my jeans without her noticing anything. The sly look she is giving me tells me she already knows. She grins and slinks out of the bathroom, her towel dropping around her hips so I can have a perfect eyeful of her bare back as she walks away.   
I walk right past her as she digs through the drawer for something to wear and I head to the kitchen to get dinner started. But I cannot keep my mind on the food. And when Katniss joins me, her hands wrap around my waist and press against my chest. Her belly nudges my back and I have to fight with everything I have not to bend her over the kitchen table. 

“Hey, you better go sit down if you want to eat tonight. You’re distracting me.” She smiles as she seats herself at the table and I bring the food over soon after. 

After dinner, she leans in and kisses my ear.

“Give me just a couple of minutes?”

“I’ll clean up down here. Did you want any dessert?”

“Oh yes. I definitely want dessert.” A shiver goes straight to my spine. My once-pure Katniss knows exactly how to seduce with her words and actions, and when she lets her inhibitions go, she’s downright impish. Her hips sway as she leaves the room but that could just be her waddling (she gets furious when I mention that she waddles and even more furious when I comment on how adorable I think it is) and I hurriedly clean the dishes and put the extra food away. I head upstairs, uncertain as to what I will find.

I freeze in the doorway, noticing that several candles are lit and the lights are off. But my wife is nowhere to be seen.

“Katniss?” I feel her small hands slide underneath my shirt and I suck in a breath. She quickly pushes it over my head and I turn to face her, my eyes nearly falling out of my head.

She’s wearing a blue babydoll that covers her breasts but is gaping open over her belly. The matching underwear is just a little string with bows. Her long hair is loose around her shoulders and the way the candlelight dances on her skin makes it nearly impossible to resist grabbing her and ravishing her with my mouth. My throat has gone dry and I realize my jaw is gaping open.

“You look…” I can’t even put it into words. “Wow.” Smooth, Mellark. Real passionate.   
Her eyes soften as she reaches out to touch my chest. I close my eyes at the feel of her fingers and I am lost in her caresses. It’s been too damn long. I gasp as I feel her lips on my chest and she trails along the path of my scars.

“I’m sorry, Peeta,” she whispers as her lips close around my nipple. 

“Huh? For what,” I manage to mumble out.  
“You have been so wonderful and patient. Never pushing me or pressuring me for anything. I know I haven’t been the best wife lately.” Oh god. Her lips are sending a fire straight down to my groin.

“K-Katniss that’s insane. You don’t have--“

“But tonight I want to make it up to you,” she continues as she kneels in front of me. “Tonight I want to be a good wife.” 

My head drops back as her fingers work at the button of my jeans and she kisses me right above the waistband of my underwear. I know she can feel me straining against the fabric and my breath hitches when she pulls at the waistband. The air is cold but her warm mouth envelops me immediately. I’m lost but not so lost that I can forget my wife’s discomfort. I put a gentle hand on her arm and she looks up at me, confused and a little hurt. I smile and pull her to her feet, kiss her once before I pull her toward the bed. We fall back onto the sheets and I move against the headboard. The soft blankets will be easier on her knees than this hard floor. Her soft eyes find mine and she gives me a little smile before her mouth is on me again.

I’m slightly ashamed to say I can’t hold out for long. I feel like a teenager all over again the moment she touches me. All these years together and she still manages to completely unman me. I lay her back on the pillows and kiss my way down her body. She squirms and whispers my name in breathy pants as I kiss her along the waistline of her panties. I pull them back slowly and slide my hand in. I’m startled when I feel a softness against my fingers. A tiny patch of downy curls right above her center. I pull her panties down her legs and look at her with wide-eyes. God she’s glorious. She looks up at me over her stomach and seems nervous.

“Katniss…you have…I mean, when…”

“I…I noticed…it growing, I mean, I wanted to…you know, be groomed but I…didn’t know how you would react…” My hands run over her curls and I lean down to kiss her. I’m not sure how I can convey how much I love this. Not that I have ever disliked anything about Katniss’s body but what the prep teams did to us, well, it’s been a lasting effect. And it hasn’t bothered me but Katniss has always been completely bare, just as I have never grown any facial hair. Now, she looks more like a woman. A beautifully perfect woman who I can call mine. To show her how much I adore her and how much I do NOT mind this change, I bury my face between her legs. Her breathing is heavy, her moans spur me on. Her hairs tickle my nose as I plunge my tongue deep inside her. I absolutely love it. She comes and I clean her up before I move back up her body and kiss her tenderly. She quickly moves to her hands and knees and lowers her face into the pillow, elevating her hips. I bite my lip at the sight of her bare ass in the air and I kiss both cheeks before I slide into her. Despite her urges for me to go faster, I keep us at a steady pace as I grip her hips with both hands. After a while of this, I lean down and kiss her shoulder.

“I want you to ride me, Katniss.”

“Peeta,” she glances at me over her shoulder and I see her biting her lip. “I’m…I’m much too big--“

“Katniss, I’m not made of glass. You’re not going to hurt me.” She nods and I help her climb over me. When she’s sitting on my stomach, I lean up to look at her and my mouth falls open in awe. She reaches behind her to guide me inside and she starts to move slowly. Just the sight of her like this, pregnant, glowing, womanly, so damn beautiful it takes my breath away…just the sight of her alone is enough to make me come. We fall to the pillows, gasping for breath and one of my hands finds hers on her stomach.

“My god I love you,” I whisper in her ear.

“Mm. I love you too,” she replies as she turns her head to kiss me. I nuzzle in closer, my other hand closing around her lingerie-clad breast.

“So, gift from Johanna?”

“How’d you guess,” she says tiredly. “She gave me a box of presents at the shower. Some things to use during the pregnancy and others to use after.”

“Oh? What else was in the box?” Her soft snores tell me she has fallen asleep. I smile and kiss her cheek before I join her in her dreams.


	7. Chapter 7

Maybe it’s because I have missed being with my husband, or maybe because I finally threw away my discomforts last night and had an incredible night with him. Whatever the reason, but I wake up happy, refreshed, and so damn horny. I glance down at Peeta, sleeping naked on top of the sheets, and I let out a little moan of desire. I lean down close and kiss his ear. My kisses become nibbles and nibbles become bites. I know he’s waking up from the groans he’s releasing. His eyes flutter open, hazy and slightly confused. I smile and rub my nose against his.

“Good morning.”

“It definitely is,” he says in that deep voice still laced with sleep. “How are you feeling?”

“Really wonderful.” He flips onto his back and strokes my shoulder.

“I’m glad.” I reach under the sheets and find him already hard. His eyes fly open and he looks surprised. I throw the sheets aside and lean down and take him into my mouth, and hear his head fall back onto the pillow. I love nothing more than making him come with my mouth but I need him inside me right now. I stroke him a few times before I fling my legs over his side, and climb on top of him. He leans up and I feel his chest against my back, his lips at my ear, and his hands reach around and squeeze my breasts. We switch positions a few times, figuring out what feels incredible and what doesn’t work so much anymore. After he comes, he slinks down the bed and makes me come with his mouth, then thrusts into me again and makes me come again. The sex is always incredible but I have to say my favorite part of this is always cuddling next to him afterwards. He flips my hair off my shoulder and his lips paint my naked back. In the haste of our actions, he had pulled off my babydoll and flung it across the room.

“Good morning,” he murmurs. I smile into the pillow.

“We said that already.” 

“I was just establishing how wonderful of a morning this is.” I tilt my head and he leans up to kiss me.

“It is. Do you know what would make it even more wonderful?”

“Cheesebuns?”

“Close. Pancakes would be great.” He grins and rubs noses with me.

“Ok, pancakes for mommy and baby.” He fishes around for his underwear and kisses me hard on the mouth before he disappears. I collapse back on the bed for a moment, trying to catch my breath. Even years later, I still have to take a moment to wrap my head around this life I am living. A life with Peeta Mellark, as his wife and the mother of his child. Sometimes, I don’t even believe it. Smiling, I grab a robe and tie it around my waist before heading downstairs to help him make breakfast. 

I’m not much help in the kitchen so I am content in sitting at the table and staring at my half-naked baker whip up the best damn pancakes in Panem. I watch hungrily as he pours berries and syrup over my plate and sets it down in front of me. He kisses the top of my head and hands me a fork.

“Eat up. I need to get a shower and get to the bakery. Want me to call Annie to keep you company?”

“Annie and Cora are coming over later for our lamaze lesson.” 

“I wish I could do more of those with you,” he says sadly. 

“Peeta, it’s ok. I understand things are busy at the bakery and I think it’s great. I’ll be giving birth in a hospital anyway so there’s no need to worry.” He sighs but kisses my cheek and forces a smile.

“Ok. Enjoy breakfast. I’ll see you in a few minutes.” I’m too busy stuffing my face and he chuckles as he disappears up the stairs. I’m still devouring the berries when he reappears, dressed in a clean khaki pants and a white fitted tee shirt. My eyes rake over his built form as he digs around in the fridge for some lunch. He comes back to the table and cups my chin for a quick kiss. 

“Mmm. Katniss and berries,” he whispers against my lips before his tongue travels across my lips completely and slipping between them into my mouth. I drop the fork to the table and grip his shirt as I pull him closer. He tears away and pants against my neck.

“I really have to go to work,” he groans. 

“I’ll be waiting for you,” I whisper in his ear. His eyes light up and he kisses me again before he grabs his keys and closes the door behind him. Sighing, I finish my breakfast, wash the dishes, and head upstairs to change.   
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An hour later, Annie and Cora are knocking on my door and I quickly gesture them inside. Haymitch waves from his porch and I wave back before I close the door. Cora isn’t as huge as me but then again, she’s done this before. When she suggested she and Annie help me with some breathing exercises, I decided I liked the idea, hoping it would make the birth easier. But I’m impatient and get fed up easily. Breathing like this makes me lightheaded and sometimes I get so irritated that I can’t see my feet, that I give up and collapse on the couch. Annie stands over me, her hands on her hips.

“Katniss,” she says patiently. “Come on, get up. This is to help you and the baby. You need to stop beating yourself up about everything.” 

“Maybe you should ask Peeta to do one of these classes with you,” Cora suggests. I shake my head.

“He’s so busy with the bakery, and he just opened a new location in District 1. He’s just got no time.”

“Honey you know he will make time for you,” Annie says gently. “You and the baby are the most important things in the world to him.”

“I know that. But he’s happy when he’s working. And the bakery is doing so well. I don’t want to bother him.” Both of them look unconvinced but they decide to drop it. Peeta is just as wonderful and attentive as ever but I know it’s taking a toll on him. I don’t want to think about how it will be when the baby comes. Besides, I can do these classes by myself. Annie has offered to be my midwife but I politely refused, telling her I will give birth in a hospital. 

 

We make it through the month with one major scare. I was having really bad pains and Peeta drove me to the hospital, only for Doctor Mersa to tell us I was having Braxton-Hicks contractions, which is basically a fancy way of saying it was fake labor. 

As April ends and May begins, we are several days past my due date with no sign of labor, and I am getting really scared. Peeta tries to calm me, saying she is like me and will do things in her own time but I can’t shake the uneasy feeling that something will go wrong. Doctor Mersa tells us there are several ways for us to induce labor. Exercise, some kinds of foods, and even sex. Neither Peeta or I have much energy for sex and I feel so big and gross that I don’t even want him to touch me. We walk around the district together, hand in hand, but I am tired of hearing neighbors say how big I am, or asking when I’m due, and I return to the house shortly after. Effie comes over and tries to cheer me up but Haymitch says I have a permanent scowl etched into my face now.   
Johanna is staying with Annie while George and Aran are having a father-son weekend. Johanna’s eyes widen when she enters the house.

“Good lord, brainless, are you carrying triplets in there?”

“Good to see you too, Jo,” I mumble in irritation as she sits across from me. Peeta hands her a cup of tea and shakes his head.

“Don’t bait her, Jo. She already feels terrible enough.”

“Don’t speak for me, Peeta, I can express my feelings on my own,” I snap. Peeta’s jaw tightens but he falls silent. 

“What’s with the sour faces, kids? Aren’t you both supposed to be happy about impending parenthood?”

“It’s been a rough week,” Peeta says through gritted teeth.

“So rough for him,” I can’t help but fire back. “He’s not even carrying this thing and he doesn’t have to be the one to push it out in the end!” 

“Well I am the one you yell and hit and scream at when you get fed up with it all,” he shouts back, his face going red. 

“Ooooooook kids,” Johanna jumps to her feet. “Katniss, you’re coming with me.”

“I don’t want to go anywhere.”

“Tough. You, me, and Annie are having a girls night. Peeta, Finn wants to spend the evening with you.”

“Now’s not really a great time, Johanna,” he says as he shakes his head. 

“And you think when the baby comes will be a great time? News flash, kids, parenting is hard. Marriage is hard. You still have to make time for each other. Right now, you’re not acting like a team. You need a little break and you need it before you both crack. Come on Katniss, I’ll help you pack an overnight bag for Annie’s house.” I grumble and protest as Johanna throws some things into a bag for me then practically drags me out of the house. Peeta doesn’t say anything as I pass by him but when I look over my shoulder, I can see guilt, regret, and fear in his eyes. Maybe Johanna is right. Maybe we need this tiny break. 

 

Even in my foul mood, Johanna and Annie manage to make me smile. Johanna makes us watch this really awful Capitol drama with terrible acting that just makes us giggle, and Annie whips up the most delicious chocolate delight dessert that could even rival one of Peeta’s. I feel a pang of guilt as my thoughts drift to him and I regret how I have been treating him lately. Johanna eyes me and shakes her head.

“Stop thinking, brainless! This is not the night to think! It’s a night to enjoy yourself!”

“I am, I just…keep thinking about how terrible I’ve been to Peeta. Why am I so terrible to him?”

“Please,” she scoffs. “I almost threw a kitchen knife at George in my last trimester. He kept asking me what I wanted for dinner and I finally said I didn’t care so he threw up his hands and said he wasn’t making anything and I got so mad. I barely missed him. Least you haven’t managed to kill him yet!”

“He locked up my bow and arrows in his studio. Probably for his safety more than mine.” Annie giggles.

“Peeta has always put your safety before his own, sweetie.” She’s right, he has. Even when we were thrown into the Hunger Games together, all he was thinking of was how to get me home alive.

The thought makes me feel worse than I already did.

After the second terrible Capitol drama of the evening, we hear the door open and Finn walks in holding a covered plate.

“Sorry to interrupt but Uncle Peeta sent me over with these. He says he hopes everyone is having fun.”

“Cheesebuns,” Johanna cries, grabbing the plate. She glances over at me and grins. “These are probably meant for you but your baker makes the best cheesebuns I’ve ever had.”

“He really does,” I agree as I take one. Annie smiles up at her son.

“Are you boys having fun?”

“Yeah, we went horseback riding and now he’s cooking us dinner. I’d better get back, he just asked me to bring these over. And Aunt Katniss…he says to tell you he loves you.” For some reason, I just want to cry.

“Tell him I love him too. And that I’m sorry.” He nods and kisses his mother’s cheek.

“See you guys later.” After he’s gone, I sigh and grab a pillow, clutching it to my chest. 

“Come on Katniss, he knows how much you love him. So you’ve gotten into a few spats. All married couples do. It might seem bad now but just wait until you’ve got that little bundle of joy in your arms and you see the look on his face and the tears in his eyes. You’re giving Peeta what he has always wanted.”

“A baby? Anyone could have given him a baby--“

“Not just a baby. A baby with you,” she says firmly. I fall silent and Johanna swipes another cheesebun. 

I start to get tired during our game of “Truth”. Johanna’s questions are becoming more and more personal and I yawn loudly.

“I should really get some sleep.” 

“The guest room is all ready for you,” Annie says with a smile.

“Thanks girls. For everything.” They both smile as I make my way to the bedroom. After changing and brushing my teeth, I climb into the bed and immediately feel the emptiness settle in. I haven’t been able to sleep without Peeta in months. If he has to go away, we make sure to talk on the phone before we go to sleep. I wonder if he will think I’m silly as I pull the phone toward me.

“Hello?” He sounds sleepy and I wonder if I’ve woken him. Damn it, I should just hang up before--

“Katniss?”

“How did you know it was me?” 

“I guess I was sort of hoping it was you.” I can’t help but smile. “You can’t sleep?”

“I’m just now going to bed, actually. Did you and Finn have a good time together?”

“We did. Haymitch even joined us on a walk around Victor’s Village. Did you have a good time with the girls?”

“Yes. Thank you for the cheesebuns.”

“I was thinking of you and how much you love them when you’re watching TV.”

“Well Johanna ate most of them but thank you for thinking of me.” There’s silence and I think he’s fallen asleep.

“I’m sorry, Katniss.”

 

“What are you apologizing for?”

“I know how hard this pregnancy has been on you…I try to be as patient as possible but sometimes I forget and then I make it even harder for you.”

“Peeta, no. I forget how wonderful and caring you are and that I’m not alone in this. I am so excited about this…but I am still so terrified.”

“I know,” he says quietly. “But I just want you to know…I can’t believe how happy you have made me. Every day I get to be with you, to live this incredible life with you. I   
hope you know how much I love you.”

“I do,” I tell him earnestly. “And I love you too. So much. More than I ever wanted to.” 

“I miss you,” I hear him rustling around in the sheets and I smile as I settle deeper into the blankets. “It’s strange not having you in my arms.”

“I’m only across the way.”

“I know. But it feels like you’re a district away.” 

“Well then maybe you should…” I gasp and sit straight up. 

“Katniss?” I don’t answer but I blindly feel around for the lamp in the dark and switch it on. I look down to see the sheets underneath me are completely soaked.

“Katniss, are you alright?” I try to stand but a sharp pain hits me out of nowhere and I double up. 

“Katniss, talk to me! Katniss!” I try to tell him I’m alright, but only a shaky breath comes out. He gasps just as I drop the phone. I crash to my knees and clutch my abdomen.   
The pain is worse than when I was having the Braxton-Hicks contractions! I cry out and squeeze back tears. The door bursts open and Johanna and Annie are hovering over me.

“Let’s get her back on the bed.”

“Let me change the sheets first.”

“Do you think that matters? They’ll be ruined soon anyway. And she shouldn’t be in the floor like this.” Loud footsteps on the stairs startle me.

“What’s the matter? Is she ok?” 

“Can you get her up onto the bed for us?” I feel warm hands close around my arm, then something lifting me up onto the wet sheets. 

“Let me put something warmer down for her,” I hear Annie say.

“What happened to her?” His voice shakes with fear.

“Her water just broke, Peeta.”

“Does that mean-?”

“It will be soon. Very soon. Katniss? Can you hear us?” I try to nod as a hand pushes my hair out of my face. Three faces hover over me, blurred and fuzzy. I can make out Peeta’s terrified eyes, Johanna anxiously biting on her lip, and Annie looking calm and caring.

“Katniss, we are going to undress you now. Alright?” I nod again and they strip away my wet clothing. I shiver as the night air hits my naked body but someone pulls a shirt over me again and leans me back against the pillows. I vaguely register someone pulling my legs apart and hear Annie gasp.

“Johanna….she’s almost fully dilated.”

“What does that mean,” Peeta says frantically.

“It means we don’t have time to get her to the hospital. We will have to deliver this baby.”


	8. Chapter 8

As my thoughts drift to Katniss and how much I miss her, the phone beside our bed rings. I grab it and blink. “Hello? Katniss?”

“How did you know it was me?” 

“I guess I was sort of hoping it was you,” I smile, imagining her surprised look. “You can’t sleep?” 

“I’m just now going to bed, actually. Did you and Finn have a good time together?”

“We did. Haymitch even joined us on a walk around Victor’s Village. Did you have a good time with the girls?”

“Yes. Thank you for the cheesebuns.” My grin widens.

“I was thinking of you and how much you love them when you’re watching TV.”

“Well Johanna ate most of them but thank you for thinking of me.” The line is silent and I open and close my mouth several times, searching for the words. I don’t know why I have been so touchy lately. I know that she’s miserable and I still have to try to make her feel bad.

“I’m sorry, Katniss,” I finally say.

“What are you apologizing for?”

“I know how hard this pregnancy has been on you…I try to be as patient as possible but sometimes I forget and then I make it even harder for you.”

“Peeta, no. I forget how wonderful and caring you are and that I’m not alone in this. I am so excited about this…but I am still so terrified.” I push the phone to my ear and close my eyes. I know. I know how scared she is.

“I know,” I reply quietly. “But I just want you to know…I can’t believe how happy you have made me. Every day I get to be with you, to live this incredible life with you. I hope you know how much I love you.”

“I do,” she responds and I smile again. “And I love you too. So much. More than I ever wanted to.” She never wanted to fall in love. She never thought she would have this life. But thank God she’s happy about it. 

“I miss you,” I tell her honestly, while I try to get comfortable. It’s difficult without her here. Which is strange, seeing how she takes up most of the bed now. “It’s strange not having you in my arms.”

“I’m only across the way.”

“I know. But it feels like you’re a district away.” 

“Well then maybe you should…” she stops and I hear a small gasp. My heart thuds painfully.

“Katniss?” All I hear is heavy breathing and I sit straight up.

“Katniss, are you alright?” She still doesn’t answer me and I am flat out panicking now. 

“Katniss, talk to me! Katniss!” I cry into the phone as I blink back tears. Please don’t let anything happen to her. Or to our baby. I KNEW I shouldn’t have let Johanna take her away tonight. We may have needed some time apart but now I need her here, in my arms. I hear her gasp again and then a heavy thud. 

I throw the phone aside and am out the door before I can even finish dressing. I’m pulling on my shirt as I fly down the stairs and across the lawn. Annie’s house is unlocked and my heart pounds as I run through the empty rooms. Katniss’s cries from upstairs alert me and I am thundering up the stairs.

“She shouldn’t be in the floor like this.” I burst in to see Annie and Johanna hovering over Katniss, who is kneeling in the floor and clutching her stomach. Her face is screwed up in pain and she keeps crying out. My hands fly to the doorway.

“What’s the matter? Is she ok?” Annie turns to me calmly.

“Can you get her onto the bed for us?” I scoop her into my arms and hold her close. I don’t think she even realizes that I am holding her. Her hands press against her belly and she whimpers.

“Let me put something warmer down for her.” Annie spreads out a thick blanket and gestures for me to set her down. I gently lie her on the bed and turn to the girls.

“What happened to her?” I hate how my voice quivers and Johanna shakes her head.

“Her water just broke, Peeta.” My eyes widen even more. Does this mean what I think it means? 

“Does that mean-?”

“It will be soon. Very soon. Katniss? Can you hear us?” I gently push back a strand of her hair as it sticks to her forehead. 

“Katniss we are going to undress you now. Alright?” Johanna leans her up while Annie strips her naked. She then hands me a long shirt and I hastily pull it over her and help her lean back again. Annie moves down between Katniss’s legs and she gasps.

“Johanna, she’s almost full dilated.” Johanna’s eyes widen and I look from one friend to the other.

“What does that mean,” I say pleadingly.

“It means we don’t have time to get her to the hospital. We will have to deliver this baby.”

I swear my heart falls out of my chest. I must have fainted because I feel Johanna slapping my face and I sit up, shaking my head.

“Pull yourself together, Peeta, your wife and baby need you!”

“Right,” I say hurriedly. “What do I--“

“Peeta!” My head jerks around as Katniss cries out for me, her hands flying in the air. “Peeta!”

“He’s right here, Katniss. He’s right beside you,” Annie croons while she wipes Katniss’s forehead with a cool rag. 

“He’ll miss it,” she sobs and I struggle to my feet. Annie moves to the side to allow me to lean over my wife.

“I’m right here, honey,” I whisper, smoothing back her hair. “I’ll always be right here.” 

“Where are we? Are we at the hospital?” I look at Johanna and Annie and swallow.

Annie is opening a black bag and she nods to me. 

“The baby’s coming, Katniss. Jo and Annie are going to take care of you.”

“You’ll stay with me?” I kiss her sweaty cheek and try to smile.

“Always, my love.” 

“Peeta, why don’t you move behind her so you can support her when it comes time to push?” I nod and climb onto the bed, leaning her up so I can slide in behind her. The headboard of the bed pokes my back as I pull Katniss against my chest. Annie hands me the wet cloth so I can continue to dab her forehead with it. She lets out a pained scream and I freeze, my eyes flying to the girls. 

“She’ll be ok, Peeta. Your girl is a survivor, remember? Johanna, hurry to the bathroom and get me some more towels.” I want to ask how they know how to do everything but I wonder if that is stupid, asking that from two women who have already given birth. Still, I’m terrified. Katniss wanted to give birth in the hospital where our doctors could help her. I hope and pray that Annie will hold it together during this whole ordeal. I won’t lie; the thought of the blood and screams has made me anticipate a flashback and I fight to keep myself together. Katniss reaches for my hands and I grasp them both tightly. As an afterthought, I go ahead and remove all of our rings and set them on the nightstand by the bed. Johanna returns with an armful of towels and a bowl of water. Annie moves to the edge of the bed and spreads Katniss’s legs wide.

“Alright Katniss, you have to trust me alright? Johanna and Peeta and I are all here for you. We love you, and we won’t let anything happen to you, ok?” Katniss nods and I dab her forehead with the cloth. I can practically feel her contractions, as her grip on my hand gets more vice-like. 

“Closer together,” Annie mutters to herself. “It’s about that time. Katniss, are you ready to push?”

“I’m so tired,” she moans, leaning her head back onto my chest. I bend down and kiss her forehead.

“You can do this, Katniss. You are the most incredible person on this earth, do you know that? We’re all here to help you.” Annie looks up at us from between her legs.

“It’s time, Katniss. You need to push, sweetie.” Katniss’s face is red and twisted in pain. I hardly even feel her breaking the bones in my hand. All I care about is her. I watch helplessly as I hold her, whispering how much I love her, how perfect she is. 

It’s a long night for everyone. Annie and Johanna never once complain and Katniss…god she’s amazing, despite the fact that she calls me every name she can think of and her language would make a Capitol citizen blush scarlet.

At 3:28 in the morning, she gives an almighty cry and I hear another cry echo around the room. Katniss collapses back against my chest, panting heavily and I can’t see anything through the tears streaming down my cheeks. Annie and Johanna work quickly and then Annie disappears. Johanna presses on Katniss’s stomach and starts to clean her up with the towels when Annie reappears with an armful of blankets. I suck in a breath as she stands near the bed, and I hear tiny cries and faint whispers. She smiles down at me and looks down at the bundle of blankets.

“Would you like to meet your daughter, Peeta?”

Dear god, those words. I don’t know how you can love someone so much without ever having set your eyes on them but I know it’s possible. My heart pounds in my chest as   
Annie lowers the bundle, and my jaw falls open when I see the tiny face amidst the blankets. Her eyes are closed but her little mouth keeps moving as she cries. Katniss stirs and I wrap my arms around her.

“Katniss. Open your eyes and see our baby girl.” She lifts her head and Annie slides the baby- OUR baby- into my wife’s arms. I help her sit up more and my arm slides under hers, cradling our daughter. 

“Peeta…she’s-“

“Perfect,” I finish, still blinking back tears. She turns her head and looks up at me, her grey eyes damp.

“Real or not real?” 

“Real, Katniss. She’s here and she’s beautiful and she’s real.”   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unsurprisingly, Katniss falls asleep almost immediately and I don’t ever want to let my daughter out of my sight. Johanna finishes cleaning her and hands her back to me, and she falls asleep in my arms. I’m not sure how but Katniss’s blanket that her mother gave her is what is wrapped around our daughter but I don’t question it. Both girls look exhausted as they clean themselves up and replace the sheets on the bed around Katniss. 

“Thank you both,” I say quietly as I hold my baby’s head. “I can’t…I don’t know how to thank you enough--“

“She’s like our sister, Peeta,” Johanna says with a tired smile. “You’re our family. And you, little one…welcome to the family,” she says as she plants the gentlest of kisses on my daughter’s head. 

“Let’s let Katniss rest,” Annie whispers as she gestures for us to follow her. We head downstairs where Finn, Haymitch, and Effie are waiting for us. Suddenly I realize who brought over the blanket. Finn approaches me and grins down at the sleeping baby.

 

“Congratulations.”  
“She needed her special baby blanket. Glad she has such a caring cousin.” He shoots me a grin and shoves his hands in his pockets. I walk over to Haymitch and Effie, who are both looking anxious. 

“Hey Grandpa Haymitch. Want to meet Little Miss Mellark?” He glares at me but his smile is evident over his scruff. 

“Give her here.” I gently deposit her into his arms and Effie peers over his arm. She gasps loudly and Haymitch looks up at me, his grey Seam eyes filled with tears.

“She’s perfect, kid. So perfect.” I nod my agreement and hold out my arms as he gives her back to me. Her little mouth remains open in an O, her tiny hands are curled right under her chin, and I gently stroke the tuft of dark hair with my fingertip. 

“How is Katniss,” Effie asks quietly.

“She’s perfect. Sleeping, finally. She was amazing though.”

“We will let you get some rest. Let us know if you need anything.” I nod and give them a one-armed hug as they file out. Annie and Johanna are nowhere to be seen so I head back upstairs to where Katniss is sleeping. Not wanting to disturb her, I pull over a chair and prop my feet up on the bed. I nuzzle my daughter’s chubby cheeks and give her soft kisses. I am already so in love with this tiny being…hell, I already loved her before she even arrived. When she was just an egg in her mother’s womb, she had my love and my loyalty. I glance at my sleeping wife and down at my sleeping baby.

“My perfect girls,” I whisper. “I love you both with all my heart.” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up and immediately realize my daughter is missing from my arms. Panicked, I sit straight up until my eyes rest on my wife, who has our baby nestled in her arms. I breathe a sigh of relief and lean back in the chair, a wide grin crossing over my face. Katniss is gazing down at our little girl with a look of utmost love and fierce dedication as she strokes the little tuft of hair. She glances up and smiles when she sees I am awake.

“Sorry if we scared you,” she whispers. “I think she’s hungry so I was just about to feed her.”

“Do you mind…can I watch?” She looks surprised but shrugs and I move onto the bed behind her, spreading my legs around her so she can lean against my chest. Katniss pulls down the gown she’s wearing, revealing her swollen breast. I must release a little groan because she looks up at me with a smirk.

“Not for you.” I snort and shake my head as I wrap my arms around her waist. She brings our baby up to her breast and I see the babe’s tiny hand kneading her mother’s flesh before her mouth latches on. Katniss gasps for a moment, then relaxes against me.

“I have to admit, I’m sort of jealous of her right now,” I whisper in her ear. Her shoulders shake with laughter.

“You’re impossible. Let your daughter eat in peace.” I feel another rush of emotions at her words.

“Our daughter,” I say quietly and she glances up at me with a smile. “Say it, Katniss.”

“Our daughter,” she repeats and my breath hitches. She reaches up and strokes my cheek before her hands go back under our baby. 

“She needs a name,” I say as I rest my chin on her shoulder. “Baby Mellark isn’t going to cut it for very long.”

“I know…I guess I just never really liked anything we came up with.”

“Well, we could call her Prim if you--“

“No,” she cuts me off. She closes her eyes and shakes her head. “There’s only one Primrose. And this little girl needs a new name…not one from our past. We’ll think of something.” I nod and kiss her head while we watch our daughter suckle her breast. Katniss tires easily and when our baby is finished eating, I gently take her in my arms and rock her back to sleep while Katniss settles back into the pillows and closes her eyes.   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annie and Johanna help me get Katniss home and I am grateful. I feel like I can properly care for my girls once I am in my own home, with everything I need. Annie holds the baby while I carry Katniss into our house and I settle her in our bed. She continues to sleep so I return downstairs where Annie and Johanna are waiting with our bags and my daughter.

“Thank you again for everything,” I tell them as I scoop her up. 

“Anytime Peeta. Let us know if we can do anything else.”

“How were you so prepared, Ann? I mean, you knew what to do and…you had everything…”

“I asked Katniss months ago if she wanted me to be her midwife but she said she would rather be in a hospital. When her mother was caring for me, she taught me a few things and after Finn was born, she continued to help me. I purchased a kit and wanted to be prepared, just in case.” Thank God for this woman. For all of these women, really. I kiss them both on the cheek and Johanna pats my shoulder.

“Give us a call when she wakes up. I’ll stay in the district for a few more days in case you guys need anything.”

“The birth was really easy, Peeta, but if she experiences any pain or discomfort, tell her to call me.” 

“Thanks girls.” With a smile, they exit the house and the baby starts to cry.

“Hey hey, you’re ok. Daddy’s here, Daddy’s got you,” I try soothing her and cradling her to my chest to try to calm her. She’s got some lungs on her, I’ll admit. I wince as her cries get louder and I know she is going to wake up her mommy. 

“Baby girl, what do you need? You hungry? You need some food? You want to go to sleep? No, that’s stupid, you just woke up. Oh tell me what to do sweet girl.” Of course she doesn’t answer and I hang my head, defeated. I’ll have to wake Katniss to feed her. Something I wish I could do but obviously have no way of helping in that department. I climb the stairs while I pat her back and see that Katniss is already sitting up in bed. She reaches for the baby and I slide her into her arms. 

“Are you hungry, little one,” she coos as she opens up her gown and helps our daughter find her nipple. Her cries fade as she eats and I sigh as I sink down onto the bed.

“She hates me.”

“She does not hate you,” Katniss says firmly. “She’s just hungry. Has she opened her eyes yet?” I shake my head.

“Not that I’ve seen. I’m dying to know what color they are. I hope they’re like yours.”

“Oh no, I really want her to have your eyes. I have always loved your eyes, Peeta. They’re the bluest I have ever seen. Bluer than my sister’s even.” I smile and kiss her forehead, still secretly hoping that the baby’s eyes will match my wife’s.   
When she’s finished eating, she goes right back to crying and Katniss and I both grimace. Katniss jiggles her in her arms and squeezes her eyes shut.

“Baby, what can we do for you?”

“Sing to her, Katniss.” She looks up at me with a furrowed brow.

“What?”

“It’s helped me. It brings me out of my flashbacks. It brings me home to you. Sing to her.” She bites her lip and glances back at our screaming child.  
\------------------------------------  
Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
 Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
 And when again they open, the sun will rise.    
Here it's safe, here it's warm   
Here the daisies guard you from every harm   
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
 Here is the place where I love you.   
\-------------------------------------------------- 

“It’s working,” I whisper as I watch in amazement. The baby has stopped crying and sniffles slightly, turning her head toward the sound of Katniss’s voice. Katniss continues to sing and I close my eyes, losing myself in the soft timbre of her voice. Her song flows through the room and relaxes me completely. I wrap my arms around her tighter and rest my head on her shoulder. 

“Peeta,” she whispers excitedly and my eyes shoot open. Bright blue eyes gaze up at us with long dark lashes like her mother’s, and a soft inquisitive look like she is trying to figure us out. Her eyes close and open again and I suck in a breath. It’s unreal. It’s like looking into a mirror. I have never seen eyes that match mine. Not even my brothers had such a shade. My father used to talk about my eyes all the time. How they were clearer than the oceans, and brighter than diamonds. 

“A look of kindness in those gentle eyes, my boy,” he had told me once. Mine fill with tears now. 

“My beautiful little Willow,” she says in a low voice. My head snaps up and I watch her with wide eyes. Mother and baby continue to gaze at each other and Katniss nods.

“A willow tree thrives in even the most difficult conditions. It’s strong and sturdy and considered the most graceful of trees. It grows near water, like the katniss plant. I’ll never leave your side, my little Willow. I’ll never be far.” I blink back tears as she leans down and kisses Willow’s tiny head. She looks up at me and bites her lip.

“Is it ok?”

“It’s perfect,” I tell her before I cup her chin and kiss her lips. She holds Willow close as my arms envelop them both.

“Willow Rose Mellark.”


	9. Chapter 9

Nothing in the world could prepare me for this. No amount of reading or talks with my doctor, nor the long talks with Peeta as his hands stroked my belly. I thought when Prim died that I would never be able to love again. Peeta re-opened my heart and I learned to love others. Now I don’t think I can love anyone so much as I do this little being in my arms.

She is perfect. Seven pounds, six ounces with blue eyes that match her daddy’s perfectly. After she opened her eyes two nights ago, Peeta sat across from me, staring and I looked from one pair of blue eyes to the other, falling more and more in love with both of them. 

I don’t know where the name came from but as I was holding her in my arms, singing Prim’s favorite song, I thought about the willow tree Peeta painted on the wall of the nursery. Supple and strong, it’s a long-surviving tree. My little Willow has the most loving father in the world, who will do anything for her. I would give my life to protect her. Her aunts are Victors, her “grandfather” is one as well, and everyone around her has vowed to keep her safe. I don’t know what the future holds but for the first time in my life, I’m not afraid of it. With Peeta by my side, I know I can handle anything. With Willow in our arms, I know life can’t get much more perfect for us. At first I saw the alarm in Peeta’s eyes at the middle name I chose. But my sister’s presence will outweigh Snow’s. She will watch over us and keep us safe. She will be the only Primrose in my life, but I can still honor her by giving my daughter at least part of her name. 

I watch Willow sleep in my arms, and Peeta’s head rests in my lap. Asleep, I count the similarities. Her eyelashes are dark but long like his. The tuft of hair on her head is dark as mine, so I imagine Peeta will get his wish with that one. Her skin is pale with a light sprinkle of freckles across her tiny nose. Her lips are upturned in the slightest of smiles, as Peeta’s is. She will have his face and I will be overjoyed each time I look at her. Her nose looks more like mine, more pointed and slender. I shift her in my arms and feel my stomach rumble. Peeta must hear it, because he starts in my lap and blinks up at me.

“Good lord, was that your stomach?”

“I haven’t really eaten anything substantial since I had a baby,” I remind him and he sits up, rubbing his face.

“I’m the most terrible husband in the world. What would you like?”

“You’re not, and I’ll take anything at this point. If you want to take her, I can go make myself something.”

“Katniss, you just had a baby. You need to rest. Stay with her, I’ll be right back.” He kisses my head and disappears before I can protest.

Willow wakes up not long after and is screaming for food. I move aside my gown and wince as I feel her suck at my nipple. It’s a strange sensation and not altogether pleasant like when Peeta does it. But I’ve already decided no one will feed her but me, so I just shrug off the discomfort and watch her eat. Peeta comes back up with a tray of sandwiches and a bowl of soup. A cookies rests near my glass of water and I grab that first. He grins as he sets the tray across his lap.

“Dessert first?”

“Always,” I say through a mouthful of cookie. He kisses my cheek and watches Willow eat. I wince as she tugs at my nipple. He notices and he bites his lip.

“Does it hurt?”

“More uncomfortable than painful,” I shrug. “She’s a greedy little thing, like her daddy.” He cups my chin and presses his lips to mine.

“When it comes to you, there’s no such thing as too much.” I smile and stroke his cheek as we watch our daughter eat. When she’s finished, she yawns and goes right back to sleep. Peeta brings her bassinet into our room so we can free our hands but my arms feel empty without her, and I quickly pick her up again, resting her against my arm while I eat. Peeta chuckles and shakes his head.

“Already an expert mommy.”

“Hardly,” I say glancing at him. “But I can’t seem to let go of her for very long.”

“I know what you mean. When you’re finished, I’ll take her. I haven’t held her in a whole four hours.” I laugh as I hand her to him and watch the way his face lights up as he gazes down at her. I didn’t think I could possibly love Peeta even more but seeing him in his incredible new light makes my heart race. 

“Can you hand me the phone? I really should call Mom.” He nods and reaches across for the phone we had brought into our room. I quickly dial the number and nervously wait. When she answers, my eyes rest on Willow and Peeta.

“Mom, you have a granddaughter.” I hear her crying through the phone and she’s unable to say anything. I wait patiently until she can speak again.

“Can I visit soon?”

“We would like that. I still haven’t left the bed yet and we aren’t taking her out of the house right now.”

“No, you shouldn’t take her anywhere for at least six weeks. Babies can catch things too easily. And how was the birth? Are you feeling alright?”

“Annie and Johanna were wonderful. I feel fine, just a little tired and sore. I talked to Annie yesterday and she said there was no tearing or complications so I suppose that means I’m ok.”

“You had a very easy time. I’m glad of that,” she replies. “Still, you shouldn’t be on your feet for a few days. Is Peeta taking care of you?”

“Of course he is. He’s Peeta after all.” He looks up at the sound of his name, his brow raising. I smile and shake my head.

“I shouldn’t have even asked. I’m so happy for you, dear. For all of you.”

“Thanks Mom. Come see us soon, ok?”

“I will. I’ll arrange a ticket this week. Take care, Katniss. Call me if you have any questions.”

“Bye Mom.” Peeta holds his arms out and I crawl right back into them. We have been resting this way since he brought me home. With him behind me, he can hold both of us in his protective embrace. I absolutely love it and have never felt safer. 

“I’m surprised she is sleeping so much,” he says quietly. “Aren’t babies supposed to be up at all times of the day?”

“Shh, don’t jinx us. I’m fine if she wants to sleep a lot. It means we will have lots of easy nights. Johanna says Aran cried all night long his first three months.” Peeta gives her a gentle kiss on the head and leans back against the headboard.

“What did your mother say?”

“We aren’t supposed to take her out of the house for at least six weeks, and she wants me to stay in bed for several more days. She is coming to visit sometime next week, I think.”

“That’s good. She can give you lots of great advice.” I nod and lean my head against his shoulder. We watch our daughter sleep in peace and I feel Peeta’s steady heart beat under me. 

“Don’t you need to go to the bakery,” I say suddenly. 

“You really think I’d leave you two right now? I told Rory to tell everyone I was taking a week or two off. Paternity leave, I think it’s called.”

“Can you do that?” He gives me a little smirk.

“Since I own the place, I think I’ll be ok.” I settle back against his chest and shift Willow in my arms. Peeta wraps his own around us and I stroke her tiny face with my fingertip. 

“I can’t get over how beautiful she is,” he murmurs in my ear. I turn to look at him and smile down at our daughter.

“She has a lot of your features.”

“No, I can see a lot of you in her,” he says, his large hand resting on her head. “I guess that’s what is most amazing. That we can see both of us in her.” 

“We did make her together,” I remind him and he laughs.

“That’s not what I mean. She’s a combination of Merchant and Seam. Think about it. Before the War, did you really ever see anyone like Willow? Prim and your mother looked like they were Merchant but did you ever see someone with distinguishing features like dark hair and blue eyes?” I think to myself and admit he is right. I have never seen anyone like her before and it scares me slightly. I don’t want her to be different. I don’t want her life to be any more difficult than it’s going to be, being the child of the star-crossed lovers of District 12. Peeta strokes her head and bends down to give her a kiss.

“She’s absolutely perfect. She’s visible proof that Panem has changed for the better. That District 12 has gotten better.” 

“You think she’ll be ok? When she gets older, I mean?”

“Katniss have you not seen the district lately? It’s not segregated anymore. Seam and Merchant work together, are even marrying each other. Look at Delly and Brent! We set a trend, my beautiful girl.” I grin and he kisses my nose. I reach down and grasp his hand, entwining our fingers together. My olive skin against his fair hand looks like a beautiful painting. A masterpiece. I kiss his knuckles and lean my head against his chest.

“I love you, Peeta,” I sigh as I close my eyes. He lowers his head and softly kisses my hair.

“I am so in love with you that sometimes I’m scared my heart will burst from happiness and love.” Count on him to one-up on me with words. But I don’t care anymore. I can finally express how much I love him and I know he understands. He leans back against the headboard, pulling me along with him. I hold onto Willow and his arm slides underneath her protectively. We fall asleep as a family, our hearts beating in unison.   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I haven’t really left the bedroom except to shower and even then, I rushed back to scoop Willow into my arms again. I know Peeta is having the same problem; he never wants to let her go, and I’m afraid we will fight about it in the future because we both just want to hold her. I know I’m being silly but I have never felt this connected to someone before. Prim was my whole world and I felt like her mother for the longest time. But she grew up without me realizing it, and I am determined to keep my baby young and innocent for as long as I can. 

The first two weeks of Willow’s life we have lots of visitors. Annie and Finn, Johanna, Aran and George, Effie and Haymitch, Brent, Delly, and Dex, Cora and Dane and Nathan, Rory and Posy, Lara and Logan, Gisele, Riley, Helga from the orphanage, Colton, and so on. Peeta entertains them downstairs and sometimes brings Willow down to see them but mostly she stays upstairs with me. I didn’t even know it was my birthday until Peeta presented me with a little cake and surprised me with a painting he had done of me when I was pregnant. I’ve been so focused on caring for Willow, I don’t even know what day it is.  
I hear the heavy footsteps on the stairs and I look up to see Peeta entering our bedroom, a tray balanced on his arm.

“Dinner’s ready. Although I think you should try to come downstairs and eat it. You need to leave this room soon.”

“Tomorrow,” I tell him as I accept the glass he hands me. He positions the tray across his lap and leans down to give our sleeping daughter a kiss.

“I made sandwiches on rye bread and brought you fresh strawberries.”

“Thank you, Peeta, it looks wonderful.” He gives me a little smile and kisses my forehead. I notice him studying me as I eat and I sigh. I know he’s worried about me. I know he wants me to get up and leave the bedroom. But I can’t. Each time I try to leave the bed, I feel this heaviness weighing down on me and I just sink back into the blankets and clutch my baby to my breast. 

“Johanna wants to throw you a belated birthday party before she leaves the district,” he says as he picks up a strawberry. “I think it’d be nice to have it here so Willow can attend.”

“I don’t really need a party,” I say with a shrug. “She can come over here for dinner before she leaves though.”

“Honey, people want to see you. They miss you.”

“I just had a baby, Peeta. I’m tired and I don’t really feel like myself.” He raises his brow and nods.

“Ok. I’m sorry I pushed. I’m just….I’m just worried about you.”

“I know. You don’t need to be. I’m fine.” It comes out sharper than I intended and I can see how it bothers him, but he doesn’t say anything else. I change the subject and ask how everyone is. But I’m interrupted by my hungry daughter and I quickly put my own dinner aside. After she finishes eating, Peeta takes her to rock her back to sleep, giving me time to finish my sandwich. He gently sets her in her bassinet and sits behind me on the bed, his hands going to my shoulders.

“You should try to sleep,” he whispers. “You look exhausted.”

“I’m fine,” I say again, shrugging him off. He sighs and collects our dishes to take them back downstairs.

“Peeta,” he stops in the doorway and raises a brow. “Thank you for dinner.” He nods and disappears and I move down the bed to look into Willow’s bassinet. I feel sleep pull at me and wonder if I can get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, Rory calls Peeta from the bakery with some kind of oven emergency and Peeta rushes into our room, looking frazzled. 

“I’m really sorry Katniss. I won’t be long, I promise.”

“Peeta, we’re fine. Really. Go to the bakery.” He quickly kisses me on the head and rushes out. Sighing, I pick up Willow and bounce her in my arms.

“It’s just you and me, little girl. Want to take a trip downstairs?” She lifts a hand toward my face and I kiss it as I place my feet on the floor.  
I carry her downstairs and walk around the living room before I tire quickly and head back up to the bedroom. I don’t know how long I stare down at her. I feel like it could be weeks. I just can’t take my eyes off of her. Her bright eyes find mine and hold my gaze. I see that bright-eyed Merchant boy with bouncy blonde curls sitting across from me in school. His eyes find mine for a moment then flit away. My daughter continues to stare up at me, her hand reaching out to touch my chin.

\------------------------------------------------  
There's a moment you've been waiting all your life for  
When you find the very reason you're alive for  
And it happens when you seem to least expect it  
All at once you come alive and feel connected

I ignored the beat inside my heart for too long  
Had accepted what was right  
But always felt wrong  
Its the second hand of time  
I'd been a slave to  
But inside there was a feeling  
Something I always knew

When the world turned upside down  
And the earth and sky changed around  
All the whispers of the possible became clear and loud  
When the world turned upside down  
When my world turned upside down  
\-------------------------------------------------

I remember my father singing these very words to me. He told me I had turned his whole world upside down, then said the same thing again when Prim was born. I guess it’s true. Peeta and Willow have both turned my world upside down.

I hear a sound in the doorway and my head jerks up. Peeta is leaning against the door, his arms crossed over his chest, a broad smile on his handsome face.

“Hey,” I breathe. “Look who’s being quiet and sneaky.”

“I didn’t mean to be,” he breathes as he approaches us. “I just…I’m under some kind of spell whenever you sing. And you singing to her…I just…it just made me want to cry.”

“What,” I say, alarmed. “Why?”

“Not a bad thing,” he says quickly. “It was so beautiful. The way you were looking at her, how she was looking up at you. Those words that came out of your mouth. I just want to commit it all to memory and paint it all.”

“I have no doubts that you will,” I say quietly as I smile up at him. His thumb rakes over my lips then he bends down to kiss me. 

“You’ve turned my world upside down, Katniss,” he whispers. “I never thought this life was possible and here you are, holding our daughter in your arms.” 

“I’d have never thought we would ever get here,” I say honestly as he sits beside me. “When you came back from the Capitol and I was still learning how to live again…it seems so long ago but I can still remember wondering how I would go on. How everything would be alright.” His hand strokes my face and I close my eyes.

“Me too,” he whispers. “All those nights I struggled with the venom and the hallucinations, I wondered if we could ever live a normal life. Or if I would ever have anything with you. You were the reason I came back to 12 but I didn’t know if it was even possible to have any sort of relationship with you, after everything.” I shift Willow and his arm slides under mine, so that we are both holding her. 

“I guess the odds have been in our favor for some time now.” 

“Finally,” he says with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song Katniss sings is called "When the World Turns Upside Down" from Finding Neverland the musical-- it's so beautiful and I was listening to it and thinking the lyrics were perfect for Katniss's thoughts!


	10. Chapter 10

That night, as I’m preparing dinner at the stove, I hear a sound on the stairs and I whirl around to find Katniss entering the kitchen with Willow in her arms. My face breaks into a smile as I move toward her and she accepts my kiss. I let out a huge sigh of relief to see her out of bed. I was so afraid that she would slip into her old ways and stay under the blankets for days at a time. I kiss Willow on the head and stroke Katniss’s cheek.

“Hello my perfect girls. You hungry?”

“Starving,” she answers with a smile.

“Dinner’s almost ready. Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll bring down her bassinet so you can eat dinner with both hands?” She sits and I run upstairs to our bedroom. It takes some coaxing but she finally sets Willow into her bassinet and we pull it over by the table. I kiss Katniss’s hair before I return to the stove and finish cooking the pasta and vegetables. She digs in hungrily and reaches for the fresh bread I just baked. The phone rings and I hurry to answer it before she can get up.

“Hey Peeta, are you and Katniss doing anything for dinner,” Johanna asks.

“We just sat down to dinner actually. Why, did you have something in mind?”

“No, it’s just George needs to get back home and we’re leaving early tomorrow. I thought we could all have dinner before we leave. I was hoping to see Katniss….” She trails off and I bite my lip.

“I made a huge cobbler for dessert. Why don’t you all come over and enjoy some?” She agrees and I return to Katniss, who has finished eating and is cradling our daughter in her arms again.

“Johanna and the gang are on their way over for dessert,” I tell her as I clean up the dishes.

“Oh? OK, I was going to go up and have a bath.”

“She says they are going back home tomorrow and she really wants to see you before they leave.” She nods and looks back down at Willow. Katniss hasn’t really seen anyone since I brought her and Willow home, and she refuses to come downstairs when we have visitors. Lara was quite upset that she didn’t get to see her Kitty-Kat when she was in town but holding Willow sort of made up for it. I understand that Katniss isn’t feeling her normal self yet but I wish she would stop avoiding our friends. Her mother even came to see Willow and Katniss didn’t come downstairs. Mrs. Everdeen went to our bedroom and talked to her for a little bit but she didn’t stay very long. She told me she would be back in a month or so. I guess I’m just worried that Katniss will offend someone. Annie and Johanna and Effie and Haymitch and Delly have all been so wonderful and helpful, and I don’t want them to think we aren’t grateful. Haymitch brushes it aside though.

“We all know your girl’s not the best with people,” he told me one night. “And she just had a baby, Peeta. That will change a woman. Just give her some time.”   
I’ll give her all the time she needs but I do hope she doesn’t intend to lock herself up in our room with our baby for the rest of her days. 

There’s a knock at the door as I am slicing and plating the cobbler. 

“I’ll let them in,” she says quietly and she disappears from the room. I hear excited voices in the hall, and Annie and Finn walk in behind Katniss, followed by Johanna and George, who has Aran on his shoulders. 

“Katniss, it’s wonderful to see you up and about,” Annie says with a kind smile. Katniss returns the smile as she hugs them. Finn grins down at Willow and gently tickles her chin.

“How’s my pretty little cousin doing, hm?” Annie and I exchange a look and a smile and I turn back to the dessert.

“Everyone have a seat. Here, Finn, can you take these plates to the table?” 

The evening is pleasant and filled with laughter. Katniss allows me to hold Willow and everyone remarks on how happy we look. Katniss smiles at me and I see how tired she is. She’s been having a hard time letting me help her care for Willow. She stay up all hours of the night, even though she knows I’d get up and calm the baby when I need to. I suppose it’s just Katniss’s nature, to be the independent girl she always was, but I had hoped the pregnancy would help her realize she doesn’t have to do it all alone. Johanna, Annie, and Finn all take their turns holding Willow, until Katniss takes her back and says she needs to feed her before we put her down. She disappears upstairs to the nursery and doesn’t come back down. When everyone is ready to leave, Johanna casts an anxious glance toward the stairs.

“Is, um, everything alright up there?”

“Let me get her back down here,” I say hurriedly. I rush upstairs, calling her name.

“Katniss-?” I freeze in the doorway of the nursery, seeing her draped over the rocking chair, fast asleep. Willow is sleeping in the crib nearby and I lean against the door, watching my girls. I suck in a breath and slip back downstairs to tell everyone she has fallen asleep. Johanna looks sad for a moment but hugs me and kisses my cheek.

“Give her my love for me.”

“I will. Have a safe trip home.” I kiss Aran’s cheek, shake hands with George, and close the door behind everyone. I stand in the doorway of the nursery, contemplating just leaving her here but I don’t want her to wake up sore so I lift her in my arms and carry her back to our room. As gently and quietly as I can, I undress her and pull one of my shirts over her head. Her hair fans out around her on the pillow as she settles into the blankets and I watch her for a moment, before I slip out of bed and disappear into my studio.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
It’s maybe an hour later that I hear it. A scream pierces the silence of the house and I am up in half a second. But then I hear the shrill cry of my baby in the next room and I freeze. Who do I go to first? Katniss is trapped in a nightmare, battling her old fears and she is all alone. But my little girl is helpless and terrified. My own fears come hurtling toward me and my fingers grip my hair. Katniss’s screams bring me back to the Quarter Quell, when she was trapped in the wedge with the jabberjays and was forced to hear her loved ones’ tortured cries. My baby continues to cry and I am paralyzed by it all. I fall to the floor, burying my head between my knees. Some husband and father I am. 

Useless, I hear my mother’s voice echo inside my head. 

Completely worthless, comes Katniss’s snappish tone. Gale would have made a better husband and father than you!

Oh no. Oh no, please not now. I squeeze my eyes shut and dig my nails into my palms, fighting with everything I have to keep the flashback at bay. Don’t succumb to the poison, Mellark. You have to fight it! Keep fighting it!

Peeta. I gasp as I hear another voice inside my head, much gentler than the others. 

“Dad?”

Peeta, you must stay strong. You have a wife and a daughter who love you. Let that love surround you and keep you sane. Protect them with your entire being and that in itself will save you.

“Dad,” I choke out as tears stream down my cheeks. “Don’t leave me.”

I never have, Peeta.

My eyes shoot open and I clamber to my feet. I rush to the bedroom, where Katniss has tossed the blankets into the floor and she is clutching the pillow with a death grip. Tears pour down her face as she calls my name. I gather her in my arms and hold her to my chest, willing her to feel my heart beat under her. My lips decorate her face and I call her back to me. Her eyes flutter open and she gasps.

“You’re ok,” I say quickly. “You’re safe in my arms. I’ve got you and I won’t let anything happen to you.” We hear Willow’s cries and her eyes widen.

“Willow,” she lets out a pained moan.

“Let’s go calm her together.” She nods and I help her out of bed. We rush to our daughter’s side and Katniss cradles her against her chest. I hold them both, feeling their cries go right through me. 

“I am so messed up, Peeta,” she whimpers as Willow begins to calm down. “Why did we ever think we could do this?”

“Hush Katniss. You are doing a wonderful job. We are doing this together.” She shakes her head and I close my arms around my girls. Willow calms down and goes right back to sleep. Katniss doesn’t want to leave her so we stand and watch her sleep until I pull her back into the bedroom and down into the bed.   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, my worst fears are confirmed. Katniss barely stirs and her eyes are wide and blank. No matter how many times I call her name, she doesn’t seem to see me. I gently shake her, even slap her face, trying desperately to snap her out of it but still, she lies still, only staring. 

I’m a mess. I leave Katniss only for a moment so I can get Willow from her crib, then I come back to the bed and sit beside Katniss. She seems to be sleeping but she keeps jerking in her sleep. I reach down and squeeze her hand, hoping she will feel my presence and that it will calm her. Willow starts to cry so I get up and walk around the room with her, gently bobbing her up and down to calm her. 

It’s a long miserable day for all of us and by dinnertime, I am at my wit’s end. I call Annie and plead for her to come over. She agrees and when I hear her calling my name downstairs, I tell her to come up.  
I look up as she rounds the corner and she looks bemused.

“What’s wrong? You sounded so--“

“She won’t wake up, Ann,” I gasp out. Her frown deepens and her eyes go to Katniss, who hasn’t moved.

“What do you mean?”

“When she wakes up, her eyes are wide and blank. She won’t move, she won’t speak, she won’t look at me. I haven’t been able to get her to sit up or eat or anything. And Willow won’t stop crying! Annie, please help me!” 

“Willow is probably just hungry,” she tries to soothe me. But this in no way calms me. Katniss is the only one who can feed her. We had discussed that a few months before she was born. We read that breast milk was the most healthy and Katniss agreed that she wanted to breast feed for as long as possible. At this point, I am terrified. My daughter is hungry and I have no way of feeding her. I can go to the store to get some formula but I wouldn’t have a clue what to get.

“You have to help me,” I say as I run my fingers through my messy curls. “I’m…I can’t lose them!”

“You won’t lose them, Peeta. We just need to find some formula for Willow and then we can try to wake up Katniss. How about we ask Haymitch to watch over her while I take you to the store?” I don’t like the idea of leaving my wife in this state but I have to think of my daughter too. I nod and she goes to call him. I cling to my baby girl while we wait for him.  
Haymitch and Effie both come up the stairs and I call for them to come into the bedroom. Haymitch’s brow raises when he sees me sitting on the edge of the bed, beside Katniss.

“Thanks for coming,” I tell them with a nod.

“We won’t be long,” Annie says. “Just keep an eye on her and calm her if needed.”

“Of course,” Haymitch says gruffly, settling himself in a chair across from the bed. Effie sits on the bed and pats Katniss’s hand. She gasps in her sleep but doesn’t open her eyes.

“Has she opened her eyes today?” My eyes go to her and I nod.

“Yes but she was…she just didn’t speak or move. It’s like right after Prim died. She’s…slipping away again.”

“We won’t let her, Peeta,” Effies tells me gently. “We will take care of her. Go with Annie.” I nod and she holds out her arms for me to put Willow into. Effie coos and I hold my breath, praying Willow doesn’t start crying again. When I see that she’s fine, I bend down and kiss Katniss’s forehead before I follow Annie downstairs.  
\---------------------------------

As we are making our way into the store, I hear my name and I whirl around to see Cora and Dane waving at us. Their little boy, Nathan, clings to his father’s neck and Cora’s hand rests on her very pregnant belly. They make their way toward us and Cora gives me a concerned look.

“Are you alright, Peeta?” Guess I don’t look so good. I haven’t looked in a mirror in ages.

“Fine,” I answer curtly. Dane gives me a warm smile.

“You have the look of fatherhood about you, boss.” 

“Dane,” Cora says sharply and she shakes her head. “How is everything, Peeta? How’s Katniss and the baby?”

“They’re…they’re ok.” Cora raises her brow and I know she senses something is wrong. Annie mutters that we should step aside so we are not standing in the entrance of the store, and I quietly explain in very brief detail that Katniss is not feeling well at all and is unable to feed Willow. Cora shakes her head.

“That poor thing. I’ve been pumping for several weeks, I would be glad to give you some of my milk for Willow.” My eyes widen in shock.

“You’d…you’d do that?”

“Of course. Breast milk is better than formula and I learned with Nathan that I needed to start pumping early. We still have some time before this little one arrives but I like to be prepared. I have more than enough.” Annie glances at me with a smile.

“You see, Peeta? Everything will be alright.” I’m not convinced though I am enormously grateful to Cora right now.

“Cora, thank you. You have no idea how appreciative I am.”

“Not at all. We are just leaving, if you would like to follow us home?” I nod and Annie follows me back to the car.   
Cora gives me several large bottles of her milk and I thank her over and over again. She waves it off and Nathan gives me a little hug as I start to cry in thanks. 

“I hope Katniss feels better soon,” Cora calls to me as we make our way out. I squeeze back tears. So do I.

 

Annie helps me prepare a bottle in the kitchen and I rush upstairs to bring Willow down. Haymitch is sitting in the nursery, rocking Willow and I stop in the doorway.

“We got some milk for her if you want to bring her downstairs.” He nods and looks down at the baby.

“Good thing too, her little tummy keeps growling.” I raise my brow at his tone. It’s strange to see the normally gruff mentor be so tender with my daughter. 

“Is Effie with Katniss?” He nods and his face looks strained.

“Katniss was screaming her head off for a minute earlier and Effie couldn’t take it. I, uh, I had to hold her down and tried to calm her but we just had to let her tire herself out. I’m sorry,” he adds. I can only shake my head. I can’t expect anyone else to be able to calm her like I can. And even I haven’t been successful today. Effie joins us and tells us that Katniss is resting peacefully. I check on her quickly before I lead Haymitch and Effie downstairs to where Annie is waiting with the bottle. I hold Willow in my arms as I bring the bottle to her mouth and she sucks hungrily. I can finally understand Katniss’s wide-eyed look of wonder whenever our baby eats. It’s incredible and I am momentarily thankful for this rare moment. We all watch her eat in silence and her wide eyes remain locked on mine. When the bottle is empty, she yawns and reaches her tiny hand up toward my face. I kiss her little fingers and she grasps my finger tightly. I glance up at my friends and sigh.

“Thank you for your help today.”

“You know you can always call us, Peeta,” Haymitch says firmly. I nod and look back at my daughter.

“I know. I’m hoping tomorrow I can get Katniss to wake up. Willow and I are going to keep an eye on her. Thank you again.”   
I watch them leave and I take Willow back upstairs and sit on the bed. She falls asleep in my arms and I lean back, cradling her while my other arm slips underneath Katniss. I hold my girls tightly, feeling wide awake and anxious. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s not. In fact, things get worse. By day 3, I am terrified that I will lose my wife. The only woman I have ever loved is slipping away from me. And I have no idea how to bring her back. Her screams shake the house and I can’t seem to calm her anymore. She writhes on the bed like she is being tortured, and names slip from her lips in pained gasps. Prim’s, Finnick’s, Rue’s, Cinna’s, her father’s, mine. Willow starts crying when she hears her mother cry, so I keep her in the nursery and rock her in the chair. Then I go back to Katniss and plead for her to return to me. I make some soup and try to coax it down her throat but I fail with that as well. 

Effie, Haymitch, Annie, Delly, and Finn all come by to help. We keep Willow downstairs and she doesn’t seem to cry as much. She even makes cooing noises when Finn holds her and presses his lips to her forehead. I return upstairs and try to hold Katniss down so she doesn’t hurt herself. 

On her sixth day in bed, I call her mother who immediately asks if Willow is alright. She asks if I want her to come here and I tell her she doesn’t have to, that everyone is being extremely helpful.

“Perhaps you should call that therapist who helped you both,” she tells me. “Maybe he can help again.”  
I haven’t spoken to Dr. Aurelius in quite some time. Probably over a year. My flashbacks are so few these days that I didn’t think it necessary to continue my sessions with him. 

I try calling him but the phone just keeps ringing. Frustrated, I try his home number and am startled when a young woman answers.

“Um, hello, this is Peeta Mellark. May I speak to Dr. Aurelius?”

“I am very sorry Mr. Mellark but my father died three months ago.” I freeze, feeling my breath leave me.

“I’m…I’m so sorry,” I manage to get out.

“Thank you. I’m sorry too. My mother and I were wondering if we should call you…you were his favorite patient. He talked about you often. Not about your sessions, of course! Just how lovely of a person you were.” 

Oh god. I feel myself slipping into a flashback even as we speak. How will I do this? How will I be a good father without his advice? It strikes me just how much Dr. Aurelius has helped me over the years. What he had done for both Katniss and me. I quickly stammer a goodbye and hang up the phone. I head back downstairs and collapse in a chair, hiding my face in my shaking hands.

“Aurelius is dead.” 

“Damn,” I hear Haymitch swear across from me. “When?”

“Three months ago, his daughter said. He was the one who brought her back last time. He sent medicines. He told me what to do. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Peeta, you can help your wife yourself. You don’t need medicines or doctors. You just need to show her how much you love her.”

“She’s not waking up, Haymitch,” I say heatedly. “My love isn’t doing a lot for her right now!” I wince as I hear her screaming again and I lower my face to my hands.

“I can’t do this,” I moan into the table. 

“Be a man and get up there to your wife!” I glare at Haymitch and he pushes me from the room. I stumble up the stairs and into the bedroom, where Katniss is writhing on the bed again.

“Katniss,” I moan as I fall into the bed. “Katniss, please. Please hear me.” 

“Peeta,” she whispers as she tosses her head. “Peeta.”

“I’m here,” I lean down and kiss her softly. “I’m right here. I’ve never left. You’re not alone, baby, and I need you. We need you. Your daughter and I. Please sweetheart. Come back to me.” I lift her hand and kiss her wrist, right over her scar. My lips find each and every scar she has and I whisper I love you against each one. She’s scarred but not broken. We helped fix each other. It’s time to remind her of that. 

I bring her into my lap and I quietly retell her of the first time I knew I loved her. I tell her all the times I thought of her, how I watched her at school, how I kept my eye on her after her father died. How I sometimes snuck a cookie into her locker and knew she gave it to Prim, how I loved her more every day, how she had changed my world and made me a better person, just by loving me. I talk late into the night. I don’t hear Willow cry so I just hope that someone is still with her downstairs. 

I talk until my throat is sore. I tell her the story of us, how we have overcome so much and yet here we are, still not broken. Still not destroyed. Her love mended my heart and soul, and we put each other back together after we were left in pieces by the war and the Games.   
I tell her about our wedding and recount every glorious detail. About the first night she asked me to make love to her. Our honeymoon, how we watched the sun set on the beach and I still could not look away from her. How I felt everything shift the moment I saw her holding my daughter in her arms. How gorgeous she looked right after she gave birth.

The sun is coming up and I still hold her and whisper softly, though my voice is cracked from my parched throat. I feel her shift underneath me and her eyes open slightly. I am too tired and too saddened to really notice at first but then my eyes widen.

“Katniss?” 

“Peeta,” she whispers and her eyes close for a moment before they reopen. She tries to clear her throat and I reach over and grab the glass of water sitting beside our bed. I bring the glass to her lips and lean her up so she can take a drink. After she does, I do the same and set it back down. She rests her head against my chest and I smooth back her hair. 

“Peeta. I dreamed that I died and I was watching you weep over my body. You were saying the most beautiful things. And then you started to glow brightly and my soul was just drawn to your light. And I came back to you.” I blink back tears as I bring my lips to her forehead. 

“You came back to me, Katniss. You came back.”


	11. Chapter 11

I’m still very weak and unable to feed Willow but Peeta explained to me that Cora gave us some of her milk and we still have a good bit remaining. I feel like the most terrible, selfish wife and mother in the world. How could I succumb to my depression like that when I had someone so helpless depending on me? It’s been two days since I woke up and Peeta hasn’t left my side, except to cook for me. He brings Willow into our bedroom and I watch as he feeds her with a bottle. My mother calls and he talks to her in a low voice, telling her I am awake and doing better. He has brought me endless treats from the kitchen, from cheesebuns to my favorite lamb stew for dinner. 

What in the world did I do to deserve this perfect man?

The next morning, I feel even better and let Peeta sleep while I go to take a shower. The hot water lifts my spirits and after I am dried off and dressed, I walk to Willow’s nursery and see that she is awake too. I lean over her crib and rub her tummy, her hands reaching up to me. I’m not positive if I am strong enough to feed her again but since I feel much better, I decide to take the chance. Besides, I can definitely feel the toll of not feeding for so long. My breasts are heavy and aching. I lower my shirt and sit in the rocking chair while she suckles at my breast. She doesn’t eat a lot and I feel fine afterwards so I kiss her head and walk downstairs with her. 

“Should we make breakfast for Daddy,” I whisper as I dig through the cabinets. I’m terrible at pancakes and most other breakfast foods, but for some reason he really likes my cinnamon French toast. It’s a challenge to prepare a meal with a baby in your arms but I am as quiet as I can be while I pour everything into a bowl and start mixing. I have to say he has become much quieter because I feel my hair being moved off my neck and lips press against my skin. I smile and glance over my shoulder, seeing his surprised look just inches from my face.

“This is a nice surprise,” he mutters as he wraps his arms around my waist. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. I’ve already fed Willow, now I’m feeding her daddy.” 

“You’re making me breakfast?”

“Trying to. Here, take her so I can finish this.” He scoops her up and jiggles her in his arm. I feel his lips against my cheek before he moves to sit at the table. I watch him hold her for a moment before I smile and go back to cooking. The breakfast is done in no time and I turn to see him watching me. He gives me a little smile as I carry the plates to the table.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just…really happy.” I lean down to kiss him and hand him a fork. He takes a bite and lets out a little moan.

“God I love your French toast.”

“Willow did most of it.” 

“Well thank you baby girl. You’re already on your way to being a better baker than your daddy.” He nuzzles our daughter and covers her pudgy cheeks in wet kisses. A broad smile crosses her face and she reaches up toward him. I gasp, realizing I am looking at Peeta’s smile. He glances sideways at me, biting his lip and looking so happy.

“Would you look at that smile?”

“I am. She is definitely your daughter. I’ve never seen a bigger smile on a baby before.” 

“Dex smiled a lot in his first month but she isn’t even six weeks old yet!” His finger strokes her cheeks, playing with her dimples and my smile gets even bigger. I pop another bite of toast into my mouth and lean my cheek on my hand, watching my family. We eat in silence, though his eyes only leave mine a few times and they pop down to our daughter before they are right back on mine again. When we are finished eating, I set the dishes in the sink and pull him into the living room. He sits on the couch and holds his arm out for me to lean against him. I’m closing my eyes when we hear a knock at the door.

“Here, stay with her,” he slides her into my arms, kisses my forehead, and runs to answer the door. I hear Haymitch’s and Effie’s voices and then Peeta leads them into the living room. I smile up from the couch and Haymitch shakes his head.

“Girl you really did scare us there.”

“I know. I’m sorry. But thank you for all your help. Peeta said Grandpa Haymitch was wonderful.” Peeta smiles as he sits back down beside me. Haymitch grunts.

“Why am I Grandpa? I’m not that old! Seriously, can’t we tell the kid I’m her uncle?” Effie approaches us and holds her arms out.

“Can Mimi Effie hold her?” My brow shoots up and I turn to Peeta, who merely smiles. I stand and slip Willow into Effie’s arms, who looks at her with the utmost adoration. Haymitch moves behind her and slides his arm around her waist, grinning down at my daughter. It’s beyond strange to see my former mentor and escort in this new light. I’d been happy to see them finally confess their love and get married but taking on the role as grandparents is almost too much. I briefly wonder if they have ever talked about having children of their own. I don’t know how old they are, exactly, but surely Effie isn’t too old to have one? Would Haymitch agree though? He’s so much like me and I’m sure he has the same fears I did, about our nightmares and such. Peeta’s arm drapes around my shoulder and I lean back against him, closing my eyes.

“Have you called everyone and let them know she is alright?”

“A few,” he answers as he rests his chin on my head. “I let Jo, Annie, and her mother know. I was going to call everyone else today. But we just woke up not long ago.”

“Well, Cressida has been calling me and asking how you all are doing. I told her you would be in touch soon.” I imagine she wants to know about the baby. We invited her to the baby shower but she was actually in the Capitol, getting married. I would have loved to see her again but Peeta said after the shower that we would invite her and her new husband to 12 sometime soon. 

“I’ll let everyone know Haymitch,” Peeta says tiredly. Haymitch goes back to making faces at our daughter and I stifle a giggle. Willow coos and smiles so wide, it makes my cheeks hurt. Effie squeals and shakes her head.

“Look at that smile! Oh my goodness you are without a doubt the cutest little baby I have ever seen!” 

“That’s because you thought Peeta was the cutest boy you had ever seen,” Haymitch mutters. Effie’s head jerks up and her cheeks are flaming red.

“Haymitch! Really!” She glances at me and looks apologetic as she shakes her head. Peeta chuckles lightly and I choose not to respond. I won’t disagree. Peeta was pretty damn cute as a little boy. And he got more and more handsome as he grew up. I had hoped for awhile that Willow would be a boy with bouncy blonde curls and bright blue eyes. But I love my daughter fiercely and am even more excited that she has my dark hair; Peeta is right, she looks like both of us. 

“Well, we will leave the little family in peace,” Haymitch says as he puts a hand on Effie’s back. Effie hands Willow back to Peeta and she bends down to hug us both. 

“Do let us know if you dears need anything,” she says with a teary smile. Peeta lifts Willow’s little hand in a wave and Effie sniffles. Haymitch rolls his eyes and leads her from the living room.

“Take care, sweetheart,” he calls over his shoulder. We hear the door close and I lean back in Peeta’s arms again. 

“You’re really changing people, my sweet baby girl,” he coos to our daughter. I turn to look at him and he quirks a brow.

“What? She is. Have you ever seen Haymitch smile like that? Or ever thought that Effie would want to be a Mimi? And let’s not forget, my beautiful wife, how you didn’t want children at all. Now look at you. You are the perfect mother.” As if to demonstrate this, he slides her back into my arms and pulls us against his chest. He rests his chin on my shoulder so we can both watch her as she looks up at us. The old Katniss would have gotten restless and bored at just sitting here but right now, this is all I want to do, sit here with my little family.   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Willow is six weeks old today and I just can’t get Peeta out of the house.

“Peeta, you need to go to work,” I tell him patiently as I gently push him out of the room.

“I hired extra people before she was born so that I could take some time off,” he protests.

“You took three weeks off already. You’re the boss, you can’t keep calling in.”

“One more day,” he pleads. “She’s just being so good, I don’t want to leave her.” I shake my head and hide my smile. I can’t deny him anything. And truthfully, I want him here with us. I put on a show of huffing and rolling my eyes.

“Fine, if you get fired, don’t blame me.” His brow quirks and he studies me as if he is trying to figure out if I am joking or not. 

“I’ll take my chances,” he whispers as he leans in to kiss me. It’s sweet but brief and I turn away, heading toward the nursery when I feel his arms wrap around my waist.

“Besides, I remember many times you wanted me to miss work…as I recall, you demanded I stay in bed and tend to your every desire.”

“I made no such demands,” I say over my shoulder but his lips press against my neck and I close my eyes.

“Really? I can just remember you telling me firmly not to stop…never stop…you even wrapped your fingers in my hair to keep me from moving.” I shiver as his tongue rakes across my ear and he chuckles softly. He’s teasing me, reminding me of just how he can make me feel, how he often makes me feel. Sex has been far from my mind since Willow was born but at this moment, I really miss being with my husband. 

There is a sharp knock at the door and I jump in Peeta’s arms.

“You go get Willow. I’ll get the door.” He kisses my cheek before he heads downstairs. I continue to the nursery, shaking myself. 

“Good morning, baby,” I coo as I bend down to pick her up. Her hands touch my cheeks and I smile.  
I carry her downstairs and stop on the bottom step when I see Annie and my mother talking to Peeta. Mom stops talking and smiles at me.

“Mom what are you doing here?”  
“I got a few days off from the hospital and wanted to come see how you were. I hope you don’t mind,” she says quickly.

“No not at all,” Peeta says warmly. “Please, make yourselves at home. I’ll put on some tea.” 

“Oh, don’t go through the trouble.”

“No trouble at all,” he says over his shoulder as he is already entering the kitchen. I sit in the chair across from Mom and Annie, and Mom’s eyes go to Willow.

“How is everything, Katniss? Are you feeling better? Is she eating alright?”

“Everything is good. She’s eating a little less but she’s definitely growing. Peeta says we will be sending her off to work in the bakery very soon.” Annie giggles.

“I said the same thing about Finn. They grow up so fast don’t they?”

“Yes, they do,” Mom replies, her eyes growing sad. I clear my throat, eager to change the subject. Ever since my depression struck me, I have been doing everything I can to stay positive and remind myself how blessed I am. I can’t let my sad thoughts strike me down again. I can’t abandon Willow or Peeta like that. Peeta confessed that he thought he was going to lose me. I can’t…I won’t allow myself to get like that again.   
Peeta comes back with a tray of tea and cookies, which he offers to everyone. I grab a cookie and munch on it quietly. 

“Katniss, I was just on my way over to see if you had made an appointment for your postnatal check up yet?”

“My…um, no. I mean, I spoke to Doctor Mersa a few days ago but we didn’t make any appointments.”

“Well six weeks after the birth is usually when you go in for it. Just to check and see how everything has healed.” I glance at Peeta and see him sipping on his tea, his face slightly red. 

“I haven’t made an appointment,” I mutter.

“Annie and I can just go ahead and check you over,” Mom says quietly. “I mean, if you would rather do it at home. I know how you dislike hospitals.” She’s right, I do. That’s why I found it strange that I was so adamant about giving birth in a hospital. If I was thinking clearly I would have agreed to Annie being my midwife and not have been so panicked about it. Thank goodness it all worked out.

“Ok,” I agree. “Peeta, will you stay with her?”

“You sure you don’t want me there with you,” he asks as he takes her from my arms.

“It’s ok. You stay down here and I’ll tell you if there’s any problems.” He nods and looks a little anxious.

“You haven’t been engaging in intercourse, have you,” Mom says sharply. Peeta’s eyes widen and my jaw drops.

“Mom!” I look sideways at Peeta and see his eyes are fixed on our daughter.

“Well I am just asking,” she says with a shrug. “You need time to heal and you are supposed to abstain from intercourse--“

“Please stop saying intercourse,” I stop her. “And no, we haven’t…we’re not…I’ve been healing, ok?” 

“Alright. I just wanted to make sure.” Peeta clears his throat loudly and jumps to his feet.

“I’ll, uh, be in the nursery.” The back of his neck is as red as his face. I turn to Mom and glare at her.

“Really? You made him so uncomfortable.”

“I’m sorry, Katniss, but I want to make sure you are both being careful. And remember, you will need to use protection when you do start having…when you start again.”

“And we are changing this subject,” I say quickly as I grab the tray of dishes. “If you want to go wash your hands in the bathroom, I’ll be upstairs in a moment.” Annie seems to be holding in her laughter as I rush past her into the kitchen. I can’t help but slam the dishes down, irritated. Can my mother BE any more horrible to Peeta? I set the dishes in the sink and head upstairs. As I round the corner, I see Peeta sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery, bouncing Willow on his lap. I smile as I lean against the doorway. His eyes widen comically and he makes faces before he attacks her with kisses. My heart aches at the sight. I can’t believe I waited so long to give him this. Or that I never thought I could do this. Peeta Mellark was born to be a father. He sees me watching and he lowers Willow to the crook of his arm.

“Hey,” he says softly.

“Hi. I’m really sorry about my mom.” He shakes his head as I approach them.

“Forget it, Katniss. I know she’s just worried about you.”

“Well she shouldn’t be. You’ve always taken better care of me than she ever could.” He smiles up at me and pulls me down to sit on his lap. He holds Willow in his other arm and leans his head against my chest. 

“I don’t know how long your mom plans on staying or what her plans are with you but I sort of wanted to take you and Willow out tonight...or soon anyway.”

“Out?”

“Well, she can finally leave the house. And they built this nice new restaurant next to the Bakery. I thought we could go out as a family.” I’m not sure about taking a baby into a public place like that but the fact that Peeta has thought about this, about taking his girls out, makes me smile.

“I’d love that.” I kiss him softly and stroke Willow’s head before I get up to leave.   
Annie and Mom are waiting in the bedroom and Annie gives me a warm smile.

“This won’t take long at all, Katniss. Just go ahead and get undressed and lie down.” Mom closes the door behind us and I quickly slip out of my clothes. 

“Tell me if you feel any pain or pressure,” Mom says softly as her hands rest on my knees. I close my eyes and breathe through the discomfort of it all. 

“Alright Katniss, you can get dressed. Everything looks good. No tearing or bleeding and you seem to be healing nicely.”

“When can I start my birth control again?” I haven’t talked to Peeta about it yet but I know he won’t mind. We’re not having any more children and we hate using condoms so I’d like to have my birth control shot again.

“I’d say give it another week, just to be safe. And just be careful until then.” I roll my eyes at her subtlety and Annie opens the door again. Mom turns to me and looks uncomfortable.

“I’m, um…I’m staying in the hotel in Merchant Circle. I understand I sort of showed up unannounced but I would like to see you, if you have any free time.”

“Peeta is taking Willow and me out to dinner tonight. So maybe we can meet for breakfast? You haven’t really seen the bakery yet.”

“That sounds lovely. I’d like that.” I nod and follow them downstairs. Peeta is cleaning up the living room, Willow’s bassinet at the edge of the couch. He looks surprised.

“Everyone leaving already?” Annie nods.

“Finn wants to go horseback riding and I know Iris is tired after the train ride here. We will see you all soon.” Annie kisses his cheek and Peeta nods to my mother. He turns to me after the door is closed and quirks his brow.

“Everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine. I’m meeting Mom for breakfast tomorrow at the bakery. What time did you want to go out to dinner?” Peeta’s face breaks into a wide smile and he picks me up and whirls me around.

“Peeta,” I laugh. “Put me down. I’m still really heavy.”

“You’re much lighter than a sack of flour,” he chuckles. “And I enjoy lifting you a lot more.” I roll my eyes at his cheesiness and head upstairs to shower. 

I hear the bathroom door open and peek out to see Peeta brushing his teeth. I bite my lip, wondering if he will join me in here. He has been wonderfully patient, just as he was during my pregnancy. Never pushing me or asking for anything. I’ve felt extremely self-conscious the last few weeks and couldn’t think about any kind of intimacy with my husband but now I have an overwhelming urge to see him and touch him. I smirk as I watch the muscles in his back ripple as he runs his fingers through his messy curls. Yep. I want him, no I need him right now.

“Do you want to join me,” I call over the water and he jumps, his wide eyes finding mine.

“I can wait until you’re finished.” My face falls as my usual insecurities flare up and threaten to consume me. I close the curtain again and blink back tears. Oh stop it, Katniss, he’s just being respectful! I shake my head as I pour the shampoo in my hands and lather it into my hair. I hear the shower curtain being pulled aside and I whirl around. He smirks as his hands grip my face.

“Changed my mind. I couldn’t think of a good reason to refuse myself a few minutes of seeing you naked and wet.” I grin as I wind my arms around his neck and lean up to kiss him.

“Is Willow asleep?”

“She’s in the nursery. She was falling asleep when I put her down.” Good. We have a few minutes then. His arousal throbs against my belly and he groans as I rub against him. I suck at his throat and move down, tugging his nipple between my teeth. My hands find him slick and hard and he buries his face in my neck as I tug upwards. My hands are slippery as they travel the extent of his length and he pants against my neck.

“Katniss,” he groans and I capture his lips with mine. He spins me around so that my back is pressed against his chest and his large hands splay across my breasts. He’s careful to avoid my nipples, knowing I am tender from feeding Willow and my eyes fill with tears at his gentle love. He slides a hand down between my legs and I gasp as he cups my center. His fingertips circle my clit for a moment before he slides one long finger inside. I gasp and cry out and he pulls away immediately.

“Are you ok?”

“Fine. Just…I guess I’m more sore than I thought.” He bites his lip and looks troubled.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t--“

“It’s fine, Peeta,” I breathe against his cheek as my hands continue their exploration of his flesh. He groans and presses his forehead against mine as I bring him to completion. His seed washes down the drain and he grips my cheeks tightly as his tongue explores my mouth. He drops to his knees and his tongue swirls around my bellybutton, his lips traveling further down. He lifts one of my legs and drapes it over his shoulder as his fingers spread me wide. I press my cheek against the wall as his tongue flicks across my clit. He’s careful not to go to deep and he avoids using his fingers on me but oh god the teasing will drive me mad. It takes longer to get me off but Peeta doesn’t seem to mind. He moans against me as he continues to lap me up and I jerk my hips as I feel my walls flutter. He looks up at me and I pull at his sodden curls. We quickly wash each other and he turns the water off, grabbing our towels. He hurries to get dressed so he can check on Willow while I brush my hair and teeth. He grins at me in the mirror as his eyes travel over me.

“She’s still sleeping.”

“Good. I’ll start getting ready.” I slide past him into our room and head toward the closet. I have to avoid looking at him, or I’ll just drag him down to the bed and have my way with him. He’s dressed in grey slacks and a blue button up shirt that makes his eyes positively sparkle. He sits on the edge of the bed as he pulls on his socks, and I can feel his eyes boring a hole into my back.


	12. Chapter 12

God she’s so beautiful. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. I am pathetic in the way I love this woman. I watch her get dressed and my eyes travel over her whole frame. She’s been really self-conscious lately and won’t give me a lot of time to look at her and even in the shower, I barely got to see her. I drink in my fill while I have this chance. She’s upset with herself because she hasn’t lost the baby weight. As for me, I love to see her with some meat on her body. After too many years of seeing her ribs poke out, it’s nice to see her with curves. Her breasts are larger, too, and her dusty nipples are dark and peaked. The only time she lets me see them is when our daughter’s mouth is latched on. Her skin pink from the hot water and her recent orgasm. Her face is flushed in the way I love to see. In truth, I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable and decided to forgo joining her in the shower. But something in her voice when she asked me if I would join her made me desire for her grow tenfold and I just wanted to see her, I didn’t care if we did anything. It was unexpected but fantastic nonetheless and I cherish it because, well, I’m not sure when it will happen again. Johanna told me in detail (despite my protests) how she went months without letting George touch her. I’d been scared because Katniss has always been a very private person and it still shocks me at how open she has become over the years. But it didn’t happen overnight. She’s finally gotten to a place where she feels comfortable with me and feels comfortable telling me what she needs. I don’t want that to change because we have a child. Though she has become more vocal about her desires, especially the last year or so, I still have that fear that she will withdraw into herself. Call me paranoid but I don’t think it’s the hijacking that bases these fears. Or rather, it’s not just the hijacking. It could be years of pining for her, or my mother’s abuse, or the months after the Games that she ignored me. It could be all of those things. But I have to do my best to show her everyday how much I need and love her. I can’t let her draw away this time. 

My head snaps up as she comes out of the closet with a couple of dresses draped over her arm and she sighs.

“Which do you think is better?” She holds them up in front of her and I rise and go to her. I cup her chin and kiss her nose.

“You look perfect in anything.”

“Come on, Peeta. You know I don’t feel very pretty. Help me out here.”

“Ok then do what you’ve always done. Wear what makes you comfortable.” She huffs and examines the dresses. One’s a wine color, that stops at her knees, another is a green dress she wore when she first got pregnant, and the other is a bright yellow that is floor length and has a halter neckline. She bites her lip and I take the yellow one out of her hands.

“Your dandelion chooses this one.” She quirks a brow but then she smiles.

“OK. This one it is.” She goes back into the closet to hang up the others, then comes back and takes the dress from me. I hold it tightly and she tugs until I pull her closer and my hand goes to her cheek as I kiss her gently. It turns into something much more as I tug her bottom lip between my teeth and she whimpers softly. Since she is only wearing a pair of thin cotton panties, I can feel how wet she is getting and I bend my knees slightly so I can grind my growing erection against her. She throws her arms around my neck and I pull her down to the bed, my hands running all over her luscious ass. Her bare breasts press against my chest and I groan into her mouth. Her hands grip my hair as her kisses grow more urgent. I’m on the verge of slipping my hand into her panties when we hear a shrill cry and she sits straight up.

“I’ll go check on her. You should get dressed.” She sighs but nods as she turns and scoops the dress of the floor. I take a moment to straighten my jeans out as I hurry to my daughter. Well, we got more time than I expected with a newborn. She’s only six weeks old and I am already thinking of asking Annie or Haymitch to babysit in a few months so I can take Katniss out and actually have time to make love to her.  
What kind of father am I? I sigh as I approach the crib and I peer in and smile at my daughter. She stops crying when she sees me, and her hands reach up, as if begging me to hold her. I oblige and cradle her against my chest as she sniffles softly. 

“You want to go out with mommy and me tonight, baby girl? Hm?” She responds by more sniffling and I smile as I kiss her cheeks. Katniss appears right behind me, having never lost that soft tread of hers. I turn and gape as I take her all in. She looks stunning.

“Hi sweet girl,” she says softly as she kisses Willow’s head. “It’s your first date night. Don’t worry, Daddy will make sure all the boys stay away.” I chuckle softly as I watch Katniss pick out an outfit for Willow.

“You’re already sending her out on dates? Our daughter won’t have any arranged marriages, Katniss.”

“I would never force her to marry someone she doesn’t want to,” she says quietly and I freeze. Her eyes meet mine and we seem to be thinking the same thing. Sensing my growing apprehension, she moves closer and leans into me as she tickles Willow’s tummy.

“Ok Daddy, let’s choose a dress for our girl’s first night out. Which one will it be?”

“Why ask me?” It comes out colder than I meant and I immediately bite my lip, hoping to refrain from future hurtful words.

“Because you were great at choosing for mommy, now you get to dress our beautiful baby.” I sigh at Katniss’s attempt to cheer me up. I shake myself, determined to shake those thoughts away. It’s in the past. Focus on the here and now. With her. With my family. 

“OK, let’s see the choices.”  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Katniss holds Willow as I carry the baby carrier up the walkway. I love the look and feel of this place already. Lanterns are strung over the outside tables and the inside is warm and cozy. The woman smiles at me as we approach.

“Welcome to La Reve. How many are dining with us tonight?”

“Three. Well, two and a baby,” I smile over at my daughter who is cradled against my wife’s chest. The woman’s eyes flick over Katniss and me and widen. I hold my breath as I prepare for whatever is coming.

“Mr. and Mrs. Mellark,” she stammers. “It is…a tremendous honor, sir. Please, right this way.” I see a line of people waiting against the wall and I feel somewhat put off by the fact that Katniss and I are still so recognizable. I feel Katniss slip her arm into mine and I turn to smile at her. We follow the hostess to our table, which is thankfully quite isolated and in the back, away from the larger tables. I smile at her gratefully and she nods, giving me a knowing smile.

“Your server will be right with you. Enjoy.”

“Thank you.” Katniss holds Willow in her lap while she peruses the menu. It’s fancy food, that’s for sure, and I’m not entirely sure what Katniss will think. The server comes to take our order and I order us an appetizer to share.   
We also decide to share an entrée and we are both pleased with our choice. It’s a huge portion but it’s delicious. The server smiles as she whisks the plates away.

“Can I interest you in any of our desserts tonight? We have the most delicious dobos torte.”

“I don’t know what that is but it sounds wonderful,” I say as I smile over at Katniss. She picks Willow up from her carrier and pats her back as our daughter starts crying softly.

“I think someone is hungry,” she whispers. “I’m going to go feed her in the bathroom really quickly. I’ll be right back.” I nod as I watch her hurry from the table and I play with the napkin in my lap as I wait for her to come back.   
The server returns and she blinks over at Katniss’s empty seat.

“She just went to feed our daughter. She’ll be right back.” 

“Well here is your torte. I’m eager to hear what you think.” She waits while I pick up a fork and take a bite. I close my eyes, savoring the explosion of sugar and spongecake in my mouth.

“That is heaven,” I moan. “I should really look up a recipe for the bakery.”

“It is you,” she says softly. I quirk my brow and she shakes her head. “I mean, I thought…I felt like I recognized you both but I wasn’t positive…and they said your bakery is right next door…I’m, uh, such a huge fan…” she trails off as Katniss slides back in her seat. She glances between the server and me and raises her brow.

“Um…please enjoy the torte.” The woman hurries away, her face quite red. I cut off a piece of the torte and hold it up in front of Katniss. She jerks back with a frown.

“I can feed myself.”

“Katniss, please,” I sigh as I set the fork down. “Don’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“That jealous pout you get whenever a woman looks at me. How many times do I have to tell you, I will only ever have eyes for one woman as long as I live?” Her face softens as she leans back in her chair.

“You still look like the same boy who won the Games. Well, no, I take that back, you are far more handsome and grown up. You are the man that every woman wants to bring home with her. And some of the women who look at you…I don’t know how I can compare to them, Peeta.” 

“Yeah, well, only one woman gets to take me home with her and she will just have to accept the fact that there has only ever been one woman for me. It took her long enough to realize that we were meant to be together but now that we are together, I don’t intend to waste any more time arguing about it. So, here. Try the dessert.” She blinks at me several times as I hold the torte up to her lips. Finally, she leans forward and accepts the bite and her tongue rakes over her lips, cleaning up the excess sugar. 

“You’re making this for me sometime soon,” she says as she reaches over for another fork and I have to smile.

“I might have to put this on the menu. It’s delicious isn’t it?” She nods as she holds the cake up to her lips and I watch her pink tongue dart out to taste the layer of frosting and sugar. She lets out a little moan as she devours the dessert and I shift uncomfortably in my chair. She catches my eye and raises her brow, as she brings her finger to her lips. She holds my gaze as she sucks on her fingertip, her tongue completely raking over her skin. 

“Dammit woman,” I mutter under my breath. “There is nothing on your finger.” She smirks and picks up my hand, holding my fingers that just held a piece of cake. I let out a strangled gasp as she sucks on my two fingers, before she pulls my hand out of her mouth and I watch her slide her tongue slowly and sensually up my finger.

“Fuck,” I whisper but I know she’s heard it by the way her eyes light up. She scoots her chair closer to mine, in the pretense of feeding me cake but as she picks up a piece and holds it to my mouth, her other hand moves between my legs, her palm raking over my arousal. I let out a hiss between my teeth as I lick the sugar from her fingers, and my eyes widen in terror as I hear my zipper being lowered. I swear that the entire restaurant can hear it too and I look around frantically. 

“Relax Peeta. No one is watching.” I swallow audibly as she reaches into my slacks and traces her thumb over my weeping head. 

“Oh my god.” What in the hell happened to my prudish, reserved Katniss? The Katniss I used to know would NEVER in a million years initiate sex in a public place. This is something I would think about doing…I probably wouldn’t do it but I’d definitely think about it. Well…I start to remember that day in the bakery, when Daniela came in to buy bread and Katniss sucked me off right underneath the counter. She had been pissed off at Daniela and wanted to remind me who owned my heart…among other parts of me that I won’t mention. As if I need any reminding. Still, it’s kind of fun to see that possessive side of her. If she wants to claim me as hers, I definitely won’t stop her. And I’ll even let her do it in public if that’s what she wants. 

I squeeze my eyes shut as she works me under the table, pushing my legs further apart. Oh fuck her hands feel incredible on me. 

“Can I get you anything else tonight?” We both freeze and my eyes might pop out of my head. I glance up at the server, who is watching us with a calm smile. She can’t see under the tablecloth and Katniss’s hand slides up and down my cock slowly. 

“Just the check, thank you,” Katniss answers coolly. The server nods and is gone again. I visibly deflate in my seat.

“Holy shit Katniss, that was close.”

“I know. Kind of exciting, isn’t it?” I didn’t think my eyes could get any wider but I gape at her, my jaw wide open. She grins as she continues to work at me and I grip my chair with white knuckles. My napkin and fork fall to the floor and my hands cover hers, stopping her. When she tears her hands away, I hurriedly stuff myself back into my slacks and zip them back up. I wince as the constraining material suffocates my erection.

“Let me grab those really quickly,” I murmur as I slide into the floor. I kneel in front of her and grab the fork and napkin, a smirk forming on my face. Ok Katniss. Two can play this game. 

I feel her jump as I slowly push her dress up to her knees. I lean forward so my face is buried in her crotch and I hear her gasp as I rake my tongue across her panties. I spread her legs and work my forefinger over her, grinning when I see a wet spot form on the material. My tongue works over that wet spot for a moment before I slide the material to the side and take a long lick. I hear her moan overhead and I grin as I work her clit with the tip of my tongue. I bring her hands down under the table and make her hold her underwear out of my way. Her other hand I position her fingers so that she is spreading herself open. I moan a little as I study her, so pink and perfectly spread open for me. Shit! I dive back in and she sinks further in her chair so I can spread her legs wider. I’m pleased to see she hasn’t shaved the little triangular patch of curls. I’m careful not to push my fingers too deep inside her, knowing she is still sore and sensitive. But I rub my fingers over her clit as I lick her up and down.

“Here you are, Mrs. Mellark.” She sits straight up but I don’t let up. Paying her back for that day in the bakery, I work her with my tongue and feel her legs shake.

“Th-thank you,” she stammers. She clears her throat and I listen to see if the server has left yet.

“Did Mr. Mellark need anything else-?”

“No no, he just…went to use the restroom. Here, keep the change.”

“Thank you, ma’am. You and your husband come back to see us, alright?”

“Mmhm.” I smirk as I push her dress up higher and grip her panties on both sides, pulling them down. She gasps but lifts her hips so I can slide them down her legs and I pull her dress back down. I peek out and see if anyone is around before I slide out from under the tablecloth and back into my seat. She gapes at me as I slip her panties into my back pocket, then I pick up my glass to have a drink. I struggle not to laugh at the death glare she is giving me right now.

“Peeta fucking Mellark, you can’t just--“

“Am I right in thinking that we should go home now?” She jumps up from her seat and picks up Willow’s carrier from the floor. Our baby girl is fast asleep and she glances over at me.

“Fingers crossed that she will sleep through the night.” I grin and push in our chairs, following her to the front of the restaurant. 

“Thank you so much, have a wonderful evening,” the staff calls to us as we walk by. The manager smiles and nods to us as he holds the door open.

“Did everything taste alright tonight?” I glance at Katniss as I suck on my finger.

“Absolutely delicious.”   
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Peeta! OH GOD, yes! YES!” Her hands are buried in my hair as she holds me down, my face buried in her pussy. She grinds her hips upwards, greedy for more. I grin at the sound of her screams, knowing that I forgot to close the windows tonight. I can just imagine Haymitch yelling at us tomorrow and how Effie won’t be able to look us in the face. I don’t bother telling her to keep it down in case we wake Willow. When I get her like this, there’s no stopping her wails. And I have to admit I like how uninhibited she gets. Makes me feel powerful and pretty damn confident in my abilities. I glance up at her as I slowly slide a finger inside. I feel her clench around me and I curve upwards, increasing in pace. I can feel how close she is, and I absolutely love that I can usually tell that she is about to orgasm before she can. 

“FUCK!” Her dirty mouth lets me know this was a huge one. She collapses on the bed, heaving for breath and I slide back up her body, sucking on her bottom lip until she lets me in. 

“I told you. Waiting for it can sometimes make it even more enjoyable.”

“Mm,” she replies, her eyes still closed. They flutter open and narrow. “You weren’t trying to make it more enjoyable, you were trying to get me back for that day in the bakery.” I laugh at how well she knows me. 

“Well I still made it enjoyable for you, didn’t I?” 

“Hmm,” is all she says as she leans back on the pillows. I’m hard again, even after the incredible blowjob she gave me against the door after we put Willow down. But I know she’s not ready to go any further yet and I ignore my erection as I settle into bed next to her. Her hand reaches down and lazily strokes me and I gasp. I curl up next to her, burying my face in her neck as she leans up and grips me harder.

“God Katniss, I want you so much right now,” I moan into the pillow. I sit up, my eyes wide. I didn’t mean for that to come out. I don’t want her to feel like I am pushing her for sex, and after how we have been going tonight, that’s probably what she will think. She nervously glances down and bites her lip. I take her face in my hands and kiss her softly.

“Honey we don’t have to. I mean, I want to, God knows I want to, but I also want you to be comfortable and I can--“

“Peeta. What have I told you about being so perfect all the time,” she mutters as she straddles my waist. She pushes me back onto the pillow and sits on my waist, her fingernails raking across my chest. I pull her toward me so she can sit on my face and she screams as my tongue slides up and down her slit. She is still wet and aroused from earlier so I slide her back down my body and sit up so I can wrap my arms around her. I feel her fumbling behind her for my cock and she brings me to her folds. I watch her face as she slides down over me and my eyes widen at her look of pain. She squeezes her eyes shut and I see a tear linger on her lashes. She slides down slowly, releasing a small whimper and I shake my head and gently pull her off me. 

“No. We’re not doing this if it hurts you.”

“I can get used to--“

“No,” I cut her off. “We can wait. It’s only been six weeks. We will wait until you are ready.” She looks miserable as she moves to the side of the bed and I reach out for her. But before I can say anything, she has moved to the end of the bed and kneels over me, taking me deep into her throat. I cry out and throw my head back as she takes me hard and fast. I cry out my warning soon after and pull her back to me so I can plant kisses all over her mouth and face.

“Thank you,” I murmur into her hair.

“I’m sorry, Peeta,” she whispers, her voice muffled by my chest. I look down at her with a frown.

“What are you sorry for? Katniss, you just had a baby! You need time to heal.”

“I feel like a virgin all over again,” she says grumpily. “Not only am I fat and scarred, but I can’t even handle your fingers anymore!” 

“Katniss, honey, it’s not going to last forever. We just need to take it easy and give you some time. We will build you up to it again, I promise. And don’t say those things about yourself. You’ve never been more beautiful than you are now.”

“You like fat and ugly women?” My eyes narrow and I take her face into my hands so she can’t look away.

“I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that again. You are the most perfect being on this earth. And you’re more beautiful than what people see on the outside. I know the woman inside and she is beyond gorgeous. There’s a side to you that only I get to see, Katniss. I already loved you before I knew you, but I fall in love with you a little more everyday with each new thing I learn about you.”

“I’m far from perfect,” she grumbles and I have to smile.

“No one is perfect.”

“You are,” she says in an accusing tone. I lean down to kiss her and gently tug on her lip.

“Hardly. But I’m glad you think so. We’ve seen each other at our very worst, you know, and yet we still hold onto our love as strongly as we always have.” She nods and rests her head against my shoulder.

“We should get some rest. You want to meet your mother in the morning and I should really go to work.”

“You probably should,” she yawns as she drapes her leg over mine. “I love you, Peeta.” I close my eyes, as I always do when she says those words. Something about hearing them whispered softly while we are cuddled together like this, in our dark bedroom, with our daughter just down the hall, makes me believe that life really does get better.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up before Katniss and hurry to check on Willow. To my surprise, she is still asleep so I kiss both my girls before I jump into the shower. Katniss joins me a few moments later and I hold her against the wall while I make her scream with my mouth. I hold her under the water while she shudders through her orgasm, and I hurriedly turn off the water so we can get dressed and get out of the house. 

Big mistake. I should have accepted her offer to return the favor in the shower. Now I’m trying to hide the biggest hard-on at work and I keep adjusting my apron over my jeans. The memory of her screaming my name this morning, her back pressed against the shower wall while her leg draped over my shoulder, my hands digging into her hips as she thrust against me. Shit. I reach down to adjust my jeans and Rory shoots me a look from across the room. Ah damn it, I hurriedly turn away and try to concentrate on piping this cake. I wonder if I will ever get her out of my system? Not that I really had any normal teenage years but I feel like a teenager all over again. Only making it to…how did my brothers explain it? Third base but never going home? I wasn’t really into baseball so I’m not certain I understand that analogy but I understand being extremely sexually frustrated and I have a feeling it won’t go away until I am inside my wife again. But as I told her last night, I will wait for as long as needed. The pregnancy was a test for the both of us, so I have no problem with putting her comfort before my own. 

“Hey Peeta, your mother-in-law is here,” Gisele breaks my thoughts as she peers through the kitchen door. I wipe my hands on my towel and hurry out front to greet Iris. I’m surprised that Katniss is nowhere in sight. 

“Peeta, this place…it’s so wonderful,” she says as she looks around. 

“Thank you,” I say warmly. “Can I get you anything while you wait for Katniss?”

“Oh I’ll wait until she gets here. Everything around here is so fancy.” I glance over at her as she examines the display cases and the cappuccino machine. She straightens up and her blue eyes bore into mine.

“Your father would be so proud.” I swallow and nod but find that my throat sticks. She smiles softly, knowingly before she nods and turns away. Not for the first time, I find myself wondering what would have happened if she had chosen my father rather than Mr. Everdeen? She’d still be Merchant class, that’s for certain. If she had daughters…well, they would have lived better than they did in the Seam. And what about me? Would I have come along? Would Katniss and I be brother and sister? 

Yeah, this is too strange to think about it. I hurriedly make the drinks that my customers are waiting for and out of the corner of my eye, I see the door open. Katniss hurries through it, gripping the baby carrier in both hands.

“Sorry Mom,” she pants. “I had trouble feeding Willow this morning and then she got fussy and didn’t want to go into her seat and then Finn came over and asked for a favor…”

“It’s alright, dear,” I hear her mother reply. Katniss looks over and our eyes meet. She smiles and gives me a little wave as she sits down with her mother. I hand the customers their drinks before I lift the barrier of the counter and rush over to my family. I lean down and give Katniss a quick kiss before I grab my notepad from my apron.

“What are you having, honey?”

“Oh my GOSH! The star-crossed lovers are soooooooo cute!” I grimace as two girls gush at a table nearby. Katniss rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“I think I’ll have the breakfast Panini and a cup of fruit. Mom?”

“That sounds delicious, actually. I’ll have the same.” I nod as I tuck the notepad back in my pocket.

“Anything to drink?”

“Just a coffee for me, please,” Iris replies. 

“Surprise me,” Katniss says with a smile. I hurry back behind the counter and make the drinks. Katniss has been favoring sweeter espresso drinks lately and she always tells me to surprise her. She usually likes what I make for her, so I ask Gisele to make a caramel macchiato while I run to the back to help with the orders.


	13. Chapter 13

I carry the tray out to the table and hear the girls nearby giggling.

“Gosh he is soooooo hot!”

“Right?! Like, look at those biceps!” I struggle not to roll my eyes. I’ll never be used to Capitol girls. Never. I can see that Katniss has heard them by the scowl on her face, and I lean down to kiss her while I place her plate in front of her.

“Breakfast Panini with fruit for the most beautiful woman in here (“awwwwww!”- the girls continue to giggle) and another for her beautiful mother,” I push the other plate toward Iris, who blushes. 

“Can I get you anything else?”

“Yes,” Katniss mutters. I lean closer so I can take her order and she surprises me by grabbing my cheeks and kissing me hard on the mouth. I’m dizzy as I pull back and I see her smirking up at me. Her mother is chewing her sandwich, determinedly staring at the table. 

“Ummm….enjoy your breakfast,” I say quickly as I hurry back to the kitchen again. I head into my office to give myself a moment. Damn it, Katniss knows how to take my breath away completely. I was already hot and bothered before I came into work, and with how she just kissed me, my jeans are feeling so uncomfortably tight. WHY am I behaving like a hormonal teenager lately? I am a grown man, and a father at that! I shut the door behind me and lean against it, breathing heavily. I can’t stop my hand from sliding into the front of my jeans and I bite my lip as my fingers trace my boxer briefs. My eyes snap open and I growl as I yank my apron straight. Ugh, damn it. I yank the door open and head back into the kitchen. 

“How are we doing on the cupcakes,” I ask Dane across the room.

“We have two more batches made so we should be good for the day.” I nod as I walk around, checking on things. The kitchen door opens and I don’t pay any attention, until I hear that voice.

“I’m just going to run the bathroom real quick,” I hear Katniss telling her mother. My brow quirks as she walks toward me.

“Something wrong with the front bathrooms?”

“I just wanted to use yours back here. Those Capitol girls are squealing in the ladies bathroom and I might shoot one or both of them.” I grin as I watch her disappear into my office and I lean down to check on the corn muffins in the oven. I glance out the window and see that Iris is bouncing Willow in her lap, the two Capitol girls standing over them and I imagine, squealing their heads off. I head toward my office to get some work done but as soon as the door is closed, I am thrown back against the wall.

“What-“ Katniss’s lips crash onto mine and I groan as my hands grip her shoulders. Her fingers work the buttons of my jeans and then she pulls my cock out and drops to her knees.

“Oh shit.” My chin rests on my chest as I watch her hollow out her cheeks and take me deeper. Her eyes bore into mine and I let out a strangled gasp as she grips my hips and encourages me to thrust.

“Fuck,” I groan, remembering I have to keep my voice down. These walls are not the most soundproof, a hard lesson we learned a few months into Katniss’s pregnancy, when I brought her back here and took her hard and fast on the desk. When we walked out, all the men in the kitchen clapped and catcalled, making Katniss blush ten shades of red.   
My hands reach down to grip her hair as her head bobs up and down.

“Fuck, Katniss, I’m gonna…oh shiiiiit!” I bang my head against the wall as I come against her throat, feeling thoroughly exhausted, like I just ran across the arena. I pant and sink down into the floor, heaving for breath. She grins as she tucks me back into my jeans and climbs into my lap. My arms automatically wrap around her and her tongue probes at my lips.

“God Katniss,” I gasp. She smiles as her tongue licks the droplets of sweat from my jawline.

“I sensed you were having some…problems this morning.” I raise my brow.

“You sensed?” 

“OK, I felt your erection when you took my order. That better?” 

“Oh god, no. You think anyone else noticed?” 

“Peeta,” she laughs. “I’m your wife. I’m supposed to notice these things.” I chuckle as I kiss her again.

“I can’t go back out there like this. People will know exactly what we have been doing back here. And those girls…we might give them a heart attack.”

“Which wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing,” she mutters. I smile as I pull us to our feet and I adjust my clothes. I glance into the mirror and shake my head.

“Damn it.” I hurry into the bathroom and splash some water on my face, while Katniss runs her fingers through my messed up curls. I grab some cologne from my drawer and spray a little over my clothes. I turn and notice she is smirking at me.

“What?”

“You just look so thoroughly fucked,” she says without batting a lash. I blanch at her words and she crosses her arms. “I rather like it.”

“I like it too, just not at work. So you should get out of here before I get all hot and bothered again.” She laughs as she opens the door and leaves the kitchen. I cast my reflection one last hopeless glance before I open the door and rejoin my employees. I know from the smirk Rory is giving me that he knows but we are silent as I go back to work.

 

When I feel like I have calmed down enough, I head back out and check on my customers who are sitting at the tables. When I reach Katniss and her mother, Katniss avoids my eyes.

“Can I get you ladies anything else?”

“No thank you, it was delicious Peeta.” 

“Could I please get a slice of the turtle cheesecake,” Katniss asks, still not looking at me.

“Of course. Mrs. Everdeen, any dessert for you?” 

“I’m more than full. Thank you, Peeta.” I collect the dishes and plate a piece of cheesecake for Katniss. I pull out the chocolate syrup for the decoration on the plate and can’t help but draw a little heart on the side. I’m cheesy, I admit. Shrugging, I carry the plate to Katniss’s table and she smiles when I set it in front of her. She looks up at me and I can’t help but lean forward to give her a gentle kiss. Willow is cooing in her grandmother’s arms and she reaches out for me. Iris hands her to me and I grin as I bounce her in my arms.

“How’s Daddy’s girl, hm?”

“OOOOOOOmygod,” I hear a shrill voice. Katniss grinds her jaw in effort not to say anything. I have to stifle my laughter as I hand my daughter back to her grandmother and kiss Katniss’s head before I hurry back to work.   
I keep an eye on Katniss and her mother while they sit and talk, watching for any signs of an argument. I’m pleased to see there aren’t any. Katniss’s face is calm and Iris’s expressions are somewhat sad. They’ve been through a lot, these women. 

“Hey Peeta, you have a call.” I nod and walk back to my office to take the call.

“This is Peeta Mellark.”

“Well hello Mr. Big-Time-Baker,” comes a cheerful voice. 

“Cressida,” I reply with a smile. “It’s wonderful to hear your voice. How have you been?”

“So good, Peeta. Niles is so good to me, and my TV program is taking off quickly. How are you and your little family?”

“Katniss is doing great and Willow just turned six weeks old. When are you coming to see us?”

“Well that’s why I wanted to call. Niles is doing an assignment in District 3 in a week and since we will be so close, I wanted to see if it would be alright if we stopped in for a quick visit.”

“Cressida that sounds great! Katniss would love that.”

“Oh great, I’m so excited Peeta! I’ll call you later in the week to finalize details! Sorry that I had to call you at work but--“

“No, it’s ok,” I say quickly. “It’s kind of busy at home.”

“I’m sure! How are you liking fatherhood?” I smile. Cressida was at our wedding reception and she’s one of the ones who knows what all Katniss and I went through. She knew Katniss better than I did, since they met in 13, but she did come to the Capitol while I was in recovery and visited with me a lot. She spoke of continuing Prim’s idea of reverse hijacking and she had so many videos and articles of Katniss and me together, things that had been wiped from my memory. She proved to me that so many of my memories were lies and she played the Real Not Real game with me, especially when we reached the topic of the fake baby announcement. I remember falling apart that night, about how I wanted it to be real, how I wanted a family with Katniss. I swear, the knowing smile she gave me at our reception was so sickeningly smug that I wanted to smack it off. It’s like she was saying “I told you so” all night.

“It’s unbelievable, Cress. Willow is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and seeing Katniss with her…god, I didn’t think it was possible to love that woman any more but she proved me wrong.”

“Boy have you got it bad,” she laughs. “I can’t wait to meet her! I’ll let you get back to work but I’ll talk to you soon!”

“Count on it. Bye Cressida.” I hang up and hurry back out front to tell Katniss the good news but stop when I see the table is empty. 

“Your daughter started crying and Katniss said to tell you she would see you at home,” Riley says as he wipes the table down. 

"Thanks.” I glance out the window to see if I can still see them but they are long gone. I already miss my wife and daughter. Cressida is right. I DO have it bad. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I manage to sneak away on my lunch break. By all rights I am the boss and should be able to leave whenever I want to but I don’t look at my bakery like that. When my brothers and I worked, it was more than a job to us, it was our lifestyle. My time to talk to my father and tell him about my day. My time to hear my brothers talk about their assignments in class or which girl they had their eyes on. It was time for Mom to rant and rave at us for being disappointments. It was family time. And it still feels like that when I am in the kitchens with my employees…my friends. Rory and Riley and Dane and Cora and the rest of the team that helped me make my dream a reality.   
But I miss my baby girl and her mama too, so I announce I will be back soon and I hurriedly start home for Victor’s Village.

I can hear voices as I approach the house and assume her mother came home with her. I don’t want to eavesdrop or interrupt their conversation but hearing my name makes me stop for a moment. The windows are open and the womens’ voices carry on the breeze. 

“--Peeta wanted her so bad, and seeing how badly he wanted a family made me want one too.”

“I always knew you would be a wonderful mother, Katniss,” comes Iris’s soft voice. “You were always so great with…” she trails off and I hear sniffles. 

“I was such a failure to you, Katniss. I failed you both and you were the one who saved our family.”

“Mom…please don’t do this,” Katniss pleads.

“I’ve made so many mistakes, Katniss. I live with guilt everyday. But I’m so happy to see you so happy with Peeta. And with Willow. She’s your miracle.”

“More than you know. Mom, I…I have to tell you something.” I recognize that tone, that tone that says she is about to say something that has been weighing her down. I bite my lip as I am torn between wanting to go inside and stop eavesdropping, and hear what has been bothering her. 

“I lost my first one.” There is silence and I can feel my heart racing in my chest.

“You never said--“

“I know. I never told anyone. Well, the girls knew. But I never told Peeta. It would have killed him and at that time, I didn’t think it was possible for me to have children. He woke up to see me bleeding but I convinced him I was fine, that it was just my cycle. I hated lying to him but I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to give him what he wanted.” I feel like I’m going to be sick. I remember that morning. And I knew. But I didn’t want to push her, and waited for her to tell me the truth.  
She never did. So I dropped it. But apparently, she never did. I’d been waiting and waiting for her to tell me she was pregnant. I was going to ask her about it one day, but then that morning I found her covered in blood and she was crying and looked so lost and I just couldn’t. I’ll admit, the sight nearly sent me into a flashback but the need to comfort my wife was greater than any Capitol poison. 

Still, I wish she had told me. I know it’s in the past and all that, but why would she confess it to her mother and not to me? 

“Does he know?” I scoff. Of course not. Why would she tell me anything?

“No and I don’t want him to. It’s in the past and we have Willow and she’s perfect. I wish I would have told him but I didn’t and it’s too late now.”

“It’s never too late to tell the truth.” There’s something to my mother-in-law’s voice that makes me pause. She’s keeping a secret too. I can tell.

“Katniss. I have been meaning to tell you something…for a long time now,” she says, confirming my suspicions. “I swear I wrote you a thousand letters, and picked up the phone even more than that but I could never figure out how to tell you. I wanted to tell you girls...together…when you got older. But Peeta came into your life and changed things.”

“What does Peeta have to do with anything?”

“Everything. I should have seen how he watched you so closely. I should have recognized the looks he gave you. They were so familiar, after all.” 

“Mom…what are you-?”

“I know Peeta told you that his father and I were…together. They played that conversation between you both in the Cave and Pr…she questioned me for hours.” Iris’s voice is full of tears and I am holding my breath for her next sentence. 

“I loved your father, Katniss. Don’t think I didn’t. But I had loved another before him.”

“Mr. Mellark?”

“Bran was my first love and I was ready to marry him when I met your father. I heard him singing while he was walking through town one day and I was…transfixed. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to hurt Bran but when your father and I locked eyes…Bran knew he didn’t stand a chance.” I’m gripping the bricks with white knuckles. I should go in right now. I need to stop listening. I need to--

“When I called off the wedding, Bran was heartbroken. My parents were furious and they disowned me. I was virtually banished from the Merchant part of town. Not unlike Peeta would have been had he pursued you. Bran’s parents were furious and urged him to marry quickly to avoid scandal. They arranged a marriage with the milliners’ daughter and the wedding was quick. I had hoped Bran and his new wife would be happy and I stayed away from the bakery. Whenever I saw him, though, I saw sadness in his eyes. It as the same sadness that I saw in Peeta’s eyes when you returned from your Games.”

“Mom stop bringing him into this. Get to the point.” I agree with Katniss’s impatience, though I would never voice it. Where is she going with this story? 

“We were happy, your father and I. When we found out we were pregnant…your father always wanted children. I, on the other hand, didn’t want to bring a child into this world. I was more scared of sending a child off to the Reaping, or losing them in any way. Both of my greatest fears came true.” I can hear the deep sorrow in this woman’s voice and I know she has suffered greatly. But I still find it hard to be sympathetic when my wife has endured so much because of her neglect. Then again, my own mother beat me and reminded me how much of a disappointment I was. I suppose it’s another reason Katniss and I are so strongly connected. Both of our mothers deserted us, and we have come to rely on each other for comfort and contact. I mentally hit myself as I realize I almost miss the next part of Iris’s story. 

“When you were born…you were definitely Daddy’s girl. You never left his side, growing up. You didn’t want me to hold you, it was always your father. Your first word was ‘dada’. Well, you’re too young to remember this but your father became very sick with miner’s cough. I ran to my parents at the apothecary and pleaded for them to save him. They called him Seam trash and sent me on my way. I did everything I could but I was convinced I was losing him. I tried to keep you away but I was so scared you would get sick too. You screamed and cried when I tried to hold you, you just wanted your daddy. One night, I couldn’t take it anymore. I snuck out while you were both asleep and I went to the meadow. I don’t remember what was going through my head…if I was running away, or wanted to end my life, or just get out of the house, but I collapsed there in the meadow and someone came out to comfort me.” 

As she says it, I can picture my father finding a young Iris Everdeen crying in the meadow and bringing her into his arms, allowing her to cry into his shoulder. His rough baker hands wiping away her tears, and his kind eyes gazing into the eyes of the woman he had always loved. 

“Mom…” I hear Katnis’s trembling voice. 

“I loved your father, Katniss,” Iris sobs. “I thought…I thought I’d lost him. Bran was…he was so kind to me. He comforted me and I just…I just needed to be comforted and loved.” Now I REALLY feel like I’m going to be sick. My hand slips across the brick as I stumble on the step. Do I even want to hear the rest of this? Yes, my mind tells me. Because you’re curious. You’re more curious than worried as to how this will affect Katniss. 

“Your father recovered and I was elated. He still suffered from the cough but he got better. When I discovered I was pregnant again, we were so happy and then…we saw her. We saw her and I knew immediately. I don’t know if he knew. He probably did. He could probably guess. I never told him, though I wish every day I had. But he didn’t love her any less. When I took her into town and Bran saw her blonde hair and blue eyes, I knew he knew too. He was carrying a little boy with blonde curls and bright blue eyes, bluer even than mine, and I just threw up when I saw the resemblance. I stayed away from town because I couldn’t bear to see him again. I couldn’t bear to see his children, who looked too much like my own child. When you were Reaped, I wanted to tell you everything but I was too much of a coward.” 

My head is spinning, my hand is bleeding from the brick, and my stomach is churning unpleasantly. I can’t imagine how Katniss is feeling right now and all I really want to do is go to her. But if I do that, I’ll reveal that I’ve heard everything and I can’t do that. 

Prim. That sweet little girl was my sister. My half-sister. During those terrible weeks in 13, we had gotten close. She was the only one I trusted other than Delly, and both girls managed to help break the Capitol’s hold on me. 

My father had an affair. With Mrs. Everdeen. My mother-in-law. My wife’s sister is also my sister.

I put a hand to my head and close my eyes. I’ve got to get out of here. I need a drink. My eyes fall on Haymitch’s house across the way and I stumble off the porch and run toward his house. Thankfully Effie isn’t home. Haymitch looks surprised when I plop myself into his chair and slam my palms on the table.

“What have you got to drink?”

“Kid, what’s happened to you?”

“Aside from learning that Katniss had a miscarriage and kept it from me, and that my father had an affair with her mother and they had a baby together, and that baby is my half-sister…was my half-sister, she’s dead now. All my family is dead. Shouldn’t surprise me.” 

“Slow down, Peeta. What in the hell are you on about?” I glance at him and see a bottle over his shoulder. I’m out of my chair in seconds and bring the bottle to my lips. It burns my throat but at least it’s making me feel something. Which is good because at the moment, all I feel is numb. Numb and broken. I’m not sure what I’m more upset about. Katniss hiding her miscarriage or Mrs. Everdeen hiding the truth from us. 

“Peeta,” I hear him say warningly.

“Oh please, like you and Katniss haven’t drunk enough in your lifetimes?” 

“You’re better than us. And I haven’t touched the stuff in a long time. So put down the bottle and tell me what’s going on.” I don’t put down the bottle but I do spill the story of how I just eavesdropped on my wife and my mother-in-law and when I finish, his eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen.

“Shit,” he mutters quietly. I nod and lift the bottle again.

“Cheers, Haymitch.”


	14. Chapter 14

I’m glad I’m holding onto my baby because it gives me something to do with my hands. Otherwise, I might wrap them around my mother’s throat. How dare she. How DARE she?! 

“Get out.” I barely move my lips but I know she has heard me. She doesn’t say anything. She purses her lips, sighs heavily, and walks calmly to the door. When she’s gone, I stand there, shaking. Willow has fallen asleep and I try not to jostle her as I run to the phone. I need Peeta. I need to see him, talk to him, cry in his arms. We share a sister. Perhaps that’s why they got along so well. Merchant genes and all that.

Rory answers and tells me that Peeta left on his lunch break over forty-five minutes ago. I hang up without another word and stand there as a million emotions rush through me.

Peeta is Merchant. And shares my sister. My mother had an affair with Peeta’s father. My mother cheated on my father! When he was sick and dying, she left to go fuck someone else! 

Did Peeta know? No. Would he have kept this from me? If he knew, I swear I will kill him.  
It’s your mother you are mad at. Not your husband.

But they’re all Merchant. And here I am, the black sheep of the family. With my olive skin and my grey eyes, it’s evident where I come from.

Did everyone else know? Were people pointing and laughing when they saw Prim and I together?  
Even my daughter has pale Merchant skin. She’ll be pointed at and laughed at too.   
Her cries alert me and I see that she has woken and is probably sensing my distress. I try to calm her but I’m not calm myself, why would I expect my daughter to be? Her cries get louder and I wince. Where is Peeta?!   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By dinnertime, I’ve gotten worried. Peeta is still not home from the bakery, Willow won’t stop crying, and my stomach is growling. I have a splitting headache and all I want to do is bury myself under the cover for days. 

“Willow, sweetie, shh, Daddy will be home soon.” I pat her back and get up and move around and it still doesn’t help. I decide to ask Haymitch or Annie to watch her so I can go look for Peeta. 

I hurry down the steps and stop at the sound of crashing glass coming from Haymitch’s house. Surprised, I hurry forward and see Haymitch stumble out of his door and shake his head.

“Haymitch!” He whirls around and his face goes pale.

“Katniss. What are you doing here?”

“What’s happening in there? Who is in there?”

“Your husband is losing it.”

“What?! He’s been here this whole time?” I want to scream at him but I shove my daughter into his arms and yank the door open. 

Peeta looks passed out on the table, his arms stretched out in front of him, his curls standing on end from being yanked and pulled. I approach him cautiously and he shoots straight up, his blue eyes hazy. At least they are not black. I see several empty bottles around the table and I start to put two and two together.

“Peeta?”

“Well, looky here,” he says with a smirk that matches the coldness in his eyes. “Watcha doing here, Katniss? Come to drink away your troubles?”

“Seems to be what you’re doing,” I nod to the bottles and he wipes his hand on the back of his mouth.

“How did you find me?”

“Wasn’t hard. And Haymitch told me. You going to tell me why you are over here drunk off your ass?”

“No. You seem to like secrets. I think I’ll keep some of my own.” I frown at my drunk husband. He fumbles around for another bottle and I lean down and trap his hands on the table. He looks up at me, slightly stunned.

“What is going through your head, Peeta,” I hiss in a low voice. “Your daughter has been crying all afternoon and I have been going out of my mind with worry. Why didn’t you come home?”

“I did. And I heard a thing or two that made me…think.” Oh no. Did Peeta hear my conversation with my mother? And if so, which part? His hands twitch under mine but I don’t let go.

“So talk to me about it.”

“No. You don’t want to tell me things. What makes you think I want to talk to you?”

“Peeta, stop this, you’re acting like a--“

“A what, Katniss? A CHILD?! Like the one you lost and you never told me?” I freeze and his eyes narrow.

“Yeah, your silence is so comforting. I should be used to it by now.” His words sting and I visibly flinch. 

“You think I was too stupid that I wouldn’t figure it out? Or that I was just too pathetic to handle the truth?”

“Peeta, no! I was just--“

“Just thinking of yourself, which is what you always do, Katniss! You only think of yourself.” I know he is drunk but his words are striking me in the heart and I don’t know if I’m more angry or saddened. 

“I knew, Katniss,” he goes on as he stands and walks around the table. “I knew and I waited for you to tell me but you never did. You never came to me with the truth. You didn’t think I deserved to know? You just preferred to carry that burden by yourself, like you always do. Like you have always done. God you’re so infuriating.” 

“Maybe I didn’t want to hurt you!”

“As if you’re concerned about that,” he scoffs and my eyes widen. He pulls his hands out from under mine and I stumble back. “You weren’t even going to tell me you were pregnant with Willow, were you? You’d have just waited until she was born because I’m too stupid to figure it out!” 

“Peeta--“

“No, Katniss, I’m sick of secrets! I’m sick of it!” I gasp and step back, checking to see if his eyes have darkened. They haven’t. They’re just sad, confused, and hurt.

But then the rage from earlier comes back and I take an angry step forward.

“And what about you? Keeping secrets! You knew about Prim, didn’t you?” 

“Why the hell would I know about that? You kept to yourself and you kept your sister close by your side. You were such a bitch to everybody, no one could ever become friends with either of you! I guess it shouldn’t surprise me. Your sister was so sweet, so much sweeter than you, she was more like my dad than--“ my hand moves so fast that neither of us see it coming. He blinks as he massages his jaw and my hand falls to my side. 

“You were the one who fell in love with me,” I say quietly.

“Yeah, I did Katniss and I thought you fell in love with me. But people who love each other don’t keep secrets from each other. But poor pathetic Peeta is too delicate to handle the truth, he always is, so go ahead, keep hiding things from me!” I turn on my heel angrily and I hear him scoff.

“There you go again, running away when things get too hard. You’ve always done it and I guess you always will. Least some things never change.” I whirl around and glare at him, trying to burn a hole through his chest with my heated glare. I calmly walk over to him and shove him backwards. He flies into a table with a glass ornament and it crashes to the floor. He winces as he sits up and inspects his hand, which I see is bleeding. He glares up at me and spits, “well you’re a piece of work, aren’t you?” 

That does it for me. I turn and run out of the house, brushing past Haymitch on my way out.

“Katniss!” He calls after me, holding Willow in his arms. Oh god I can’t take her right now. I can’t. I look at him and I know he can see the misery in my eyes. He holds my daughter out and my hands remain limp by my sides.

“Katniss, take your daughter now. I’ll tend to your husband and send him home to you soon. Go on.” 

“He doesn’t want to come home to us,” I say as I scoop her into my arms. “He just…everything he’s been wanting to say just came out, Haymitch. He’s going to leave me.”

“That’s bullshit, Katniss and you know it. That boy loves you in a way that no one else will understand. Literally no one, Katniss, not even you. The Capitol tried to destroy his love for you and even that didn’t work. You have to stop keeping secrets from each other, though. We did it too much back in the Games and we hurt him. You have to be honest with him, about anything and everything. You’re a team, girl. You always have been. Since that day he tossed you the bread, he’s been saving your life. And your loved saved his.” I walk away, with my daughter cradled to my chest. I hear him release a heavy sigh before he returns to his house. 

I feed Willow once more before I put her down in her cradle. She falls straight to sleep and I climb into bed, pulling the covers over my head and attempting to shut out the world.

I’m plagued by nightmares that night and I notice Peeta has not returned to me. My tears soak my pillow as I try to stay awake, to stay away from the terrors.   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When morning comes, I feel terrible. I’m aching and my headache is worse than ever. When I glance in the mirror, I realize I look as bad as I feel. Thinking I should just go back to bed, I start to pull the covers back when I hear my daughter cry. Sighing, I rub my face and hurry to her nursery. I won’t abandon her. There may be one less person who needs or wants me, but one person DOES and I won’t abandon her.

I bring her into the bedroom and after I finish feeding her, I hold her close as I lean against the headboard. How did yesterday spiral out of control so badly? Willow cries softly so I sing to get her to calm down. It works and she falls asleep as I’m jiggling her against my breast. 

“Will your daddy ever forgive me,” I ask her softly. She merely snuffles and curls a fist by her face. 

I hear a noise and my head jerks up, my eyes meeting sad blue ones in the doorway. He looks terrible and I suppose we’re equal in this sense. He sighs and runs his fingers through his messy curls. 

“Katniss,” he starts and his voice cracks. He clears his throat and shakes his head. “I can’t apologize enough. I remember…the things I said to you and I am…I’m so sorry.” I’m too wary to move. As much as I want to run into his arms, the reality of yesterday keeps me frozen. 

“Your words had truth to them, Peeta. Otherwise you wouldn’t have said them.” I look up into his face and his eyes widen, his mouth opening and closing uncertainly. 

“You weren’t in a flashback. You were just angry. Rightfully so. I should have told you I was pregnant…before.” He nods and leans against the doorway, seemingly hesitant to come near me. 

“Yeah, I wish you had. But Katniss--” 

“I didn’t want you to find out like that. Honestly I didn’t want you to find out at all, but I should have told you. I just…I was so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to have children at all. I didn’t want to tell you that I may not be able to give you what you wanted most in this world. I was sure you would leave me, for someone whole who could--” 

“Katniss,” he says sharply, finally moving and kneeling beside the bed, taking my hands in his. “You are what I have wanted most in this world. Only you. I told you time and time again, I would have been fine without children. Now don’t get me wrong. Willow is everything I could want and more, but if you really didn’t want a family, or we just couldn’t, you would have been enough for me. I just don’t think I’ll ever make you see that. I don’t know how to make you believe that you are IT for me. How many times did you try to leave because you thought I deserved someone “whole”, as you put it? How many fights and tears were there, because you thought you were letting me down? All I have ever needed is you, Katniss Mellark. Can’t you understand that?” 

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I lean my head on his shoulder. He moves up onto the bed and pulls me into his arms, his arm moving under mine that holds our daughter. 

“I’m sorry too. Um…are you two…ok?” I can only assume he means mom and I scoff and shake my head.

“Not really but then…have we ever really been ok? I mean, sure things were getting better after…after we lost her…but I mean, I feel like it’s one more thing she just added to my long list of things I have to be mad at her for.” 

“She sounded like she wanted to tell you, Katniss. She tried to write--“

“How long were you out there listening anyway?” He winces and wraps his fingers around mine so I can’t get away.

“I came home on lunch break and heard you two talking. I didn’t want to interrupt and I certainly wasn’t meaning to eavesdrop but then I heard my name and…I’m sorry, Katniss. I’m an idiot.”

“You’re human,” I tell him, reaching up to run my fingers through his hair in a vain attempt to tame it. 

“So, what, you heard everything and went to get drunk?”

“Basically. I was upset when I heard you talking about the miscarriage and then when your mom started talking about my dad…Haymitch tried to stop me but after I started   
to throw things at him, he left me alone. Said I just needed to let it all out and learn. I’m learning alright. I feel like my head is going to split open.” I lay Willow in his arms and hurry to the bathroom so I can find the medicines. I bring him two pills and a glass of water, which he swallows down immediately. 

“Thank you,” he says as he kisses my forehead lightly. 

“You’ll feel like shit for awhile. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that drunk before.”

“Don’t know if I have ever been that drunk before,” he mutters. “But funny thing is, I can still remember every word we said, and I really wish I couldn’t.” 

“We both said some hurtful things. It’s in the--“

“Katniss, stop. Don’t make excuses. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I tell him as I lift his arm and drape it over my shoulder. I lean in to watch Willow sleeping and I rest my ear against his heart. 

“What did you say to your mom afterwards?”

“I told her to get out. I didn’t know what else to say! I still don’t. That’s a pretty big secret to reveal twenty-something years later!” 

“That’s how secrets work. They gnaw at you with guilt until you come clean. And the pain is terrible, for you and for those around you.” 

“Ok Peeta, I get it,” I huff. “No more secrets.”

“I didn’t mean…Katniss, I’m just saying that we have been married over fifteen years now. You can talk to me about anything. We don’t keep secrets from each other. And I   
hate that you went through that alone. I was so lost because I wanted to help and tell you I knew about the baby but a part of me wanted to respect your privacy and you just never came to me so I just…left it alone. Please, honey, know that you can come to me about anything and everything.” I kiss his nose and smile.

“I know.” He grimaces and rests his head on top of mine.

“The world can stop spinning any time now.” I chuckle and reach up to stroke his cheek.

“Why don’t you get some rest and I’ll make you some food?”

“Or better yet, why don’t we both get some rest? I know you didn’t sleep last night.” 

“And how would you know that?”

“Haymitch had to hold me back when I heard your screams.” I bite my lip and he pushes my hair away from my forehead before I feel his cool lips again. 

“He thought I might go into a flashback last night, so he insisted I stay there. So let’s try to get some sleep now that we’re together again.” 

“Set Willow in her bassinet. I don’t want her getting hurt.” He bends down and sets our daughter in her bassinet and he gently kisses her head. He then pulls his shirt over his head and pulls back the covers, waiting for me to settle in beside him. I wince when I notice the bandages around his hand and the scratches on his arm. I hurry into the bathroom and collect bandages and the healing salve, and come back to the bed. His bright blue eyes watch me as I unwind the bandage from his hand, and spread the salve across his injuries. It reminds me too much of our first Games, right after he announced to the world that he loved me. I shoved him into a vase and cut up his hands. I felt terrible afterwards, thinking it would be a serious disadvantage in the games. Always in tune with my thoughts, he smiles and leans in closer.

“This seems to be a recurring thing, you shoving me into things.” 

“I’m sorry. For both times,” I say quietly and he kisses my palm, before his brings my hand to rest on his cheek, his eyes boring into mine. He presses his forehead to mine, nuzzling my nose, and I close my eyes for a moment, reveling in the peace of it all.

I finish tending to his injuries and return everything to the medicine cabinet. When I come back, I see him underneath the covers, holding up a blanket and waiting for me to join him. I curl up to his chest and sigh at the warmth that radiates from his skin. 

“I love you,” his warm breath fans across my face. He still smells like liquor but I push past it to kiss him again.

“And I love you. Now go to sleep, drunky.” I feel him smile against my head as he settles down and shuts his eyes.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I wake up, Peeta is still asleep and Willow is starting to wake. I hurriedly pull a robe on and carry her into the nursery to feed her so she won’t wake her daddy. She gurgles up at me when she finishes eating and I smile as I lay her down in her cradle. My own stomach growls and I check on Peeta one more time before I head down to fix us some lunch. 

I’m sliding the sandwiches onto the plate when I hear my name being cried out in panic. I run back upstairs to find Peeta sitting straight up, his curls standing on end, and his eyes wide.

“Katniss!”

“Peeta I’m right here,” I coo as I rush to his side. He shakes his head vigorously, blinking his eyes as if trying to ward off some unseen presence. I know he is fighting the venom and I take his face in my hands.

“Peeta, you’re ok. I’m right here and I love you so much.” I kiss his eyelids, his nose, his cheeks, and his lips. He relaxes under my touch, releasing a heavy sigh. 

“You’re ok,” I whisper against his lips and I feel his arms wrap around me. When he opens his eyes again, they are full of tears.

“I woke up and you weren’t here.”

“I was making you something to eat.”

“I…I was sure I was back in the Capitol. I had dreamed it all. That we were married, that we have a child--“

“No Peeta. It’s no dream. It’s real. It’s very real.” He squeezes his eyes shut, blinking back tears, and nods.

“I know. I was confused when I saw my wedding ring and then I read the word. I know it’s real.” My hands go to the curls at the nape of his neck as I kiss him slowly. His hands creep down to my waist, then lower and then I’m somehow in his lap, my legs wrapped around his waist. I could go on kissing this man for the rest of my life. How strange, to think that I once had to kiss him for the cameras, to keep us alive, to keep our families alive. How much has changed, how quickly life changes. He notices my thoughts have drifted and he pulls away, his brow quirked.

“Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere, I’m fine. You stay here and I’ll bring lunch up.”

“Let me brush my teeth and I’ll come down with you. I need to try to walk around and get some feeling back into my legs,” he bursts out laughing and shakes his head.   
“Well, leg.” I roll my eyes and go check on Willow while he slips into the bathroom. She’s still sleeping soundly, her tiny fist curled up under her chin. I feel arms wrap around my waist and he rests his chin on my shoulder.

“She reminds me of you when you sleep.”

“What? I don’t--“

“You do. Or used to, before we started sleeping in the same bed. Remember that day you fell and hurt your ankle? When you asked me to stay with you, I watched you sleep in case you woke up and needed anything. You curled your fist right under your chin and you looked so cute.” I scoff and shake my head.

“You’re crazy.”

“Crazy about you,” he whispers in my ear before he kisses my cheek, grabs the baby monitor that Effie gave us, and tugs me downstairs to the kitchen. 

 

Halfway through lunch, the phone rings and I jump up to answer it while Peeta chews his food quietly. He still winces at the loud noises.

“Hello?”

“Katniss, it’s Annie. Why is Iris asking me to take her to the train station already?” I swallow and tense up. Peeta’s eyes lock on my still form and he quirks his brow.

“Um…it’s a long story, Ann.”

“Give me the short version then. She sounded very upset and said she needed to get back to work. But I know she took off several days to come see you. Did something happen?” 

“Yes something happened. But I don’t want to go into it.”

“You don’t have to tell me what goes on between you two but she’s hurting, Katniss. She misses her daughters. She was so excited about coming to see you.”

“Annie, no offense but you know almost nothing about my relationship with my mother. And this time what she’s done…it’s unforgivable. I’m sorry. I don’t really want to talk about this and Peeta is sick so I need to go take care of him.” I know she tries to say more but I quickly hang up the phone and squeeze my eyes shut. Peeta comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around me and I lean back into his chest. 

“I must be the most horrible daughter in the world,” I say quietly.

“You’re hurt, Katniss. She’s hurt you time and time again…but she’s still your mother. I don’t know if my father would ever have told me the truth. I’ll never get that chance to ask. But you, you have a chance to talk this over with your mom and fix it. Yes she made a mistake. We all make mistakes, sweetheart.”

“She’s made some pretty big mistakes. And this one…it’s not just hiding the truth from me. She hid it from you too. It concerns you too.”

“Yes it would have been nice to know but does it really change things? I always looked at Prim like the sister I never had anyway. When we got engaged, it was easy to think of your family as my family. I mean, wait, that didn’t come out right,” he starts stuttering, sounding panicked and I reach up to stroke his face.

“It’s ok. I know what you meant.” He relaxes and buries his face in my hair.

“My point is, it’s in the past. It’s like everything we have been through and everything we tell each other to forget about. She wanted to tell you, but she didn’t and it doesn’t change anything. Secrets hurt but does it change your life, really? You wouldn’t love Prim any less to know she came from a different father. You wouldn’t have treated her any differently. Things might have been different for us, I guess, you probably would have hated me even more--“

“Now who’s worrying about the past,” I turn in his arms and wrap mine around his neck. His hands come to rest on my waist and he presses his forehead to mine.

“I couldn’t have hated you,” I say quietly. He inhales sharply and shakes his head.

“I dunno, if you had found out before we went into the arena it might have made you want to kill me even more.”

“Peeta, it was your father who…well, I won’t say made a mistake because without that mistake, my sister wouldn’t have come to be. But it wasn’t you. And you’re right. There’s no point in worrying about the past. And maybe I shouldn’t have kicked her out but I don’t know if I am ready to see her again. I need some time.”

“That’s understandable. But at least call her. You don’t want her going home thinking that she will never see you again.” I heave a sigh and turn back to the telephone. Peeta’s arms wrap around me and he rests his chin on my shoulder while I dial Annie’s number, praying that they have not left yet. When Annie answers, I quietly ask to speak to my mother. I hear the surprise in her voice when she comes to the phone.

“Mom don’t talk, just listen. I’m still angry with you…but Peeta reminded me that there’s no point in dwelling on the past. It’s done and there’s nothing we can do about it. I wish you had told me but I understand why you didn’t. I don’t want you to think that I hate you, because I don’t, but I need some time…before I see you again. I’m sorry this visit was so short. And maybe…well, I hope you can find some comfort from this burden being lifted off your shoulders.”

“Thank you, Katniss,” she finally replies after a few moments of silence. “I love you.”

“Love you, Mom,” I mumble before I hang up. There really isn’t much more to say and I don’t want to start crying, which I seem to do at the drop of a hat these days. Peeta squeezes me tighter and my hands cover his. 

“I’m sort of glad she never got the chance to tell Prim. I don’t know how she would have reacted.”

“That girl was so much smarter than any of us gave her credit for. But I’m sure she would have been just as angry as you are.”

“I remember…Prim was almost 5, and she and I were playing around in our bedroom when she asked me why she looked so different than I did. She asked if I came from a different mommy because I had dark skin and dark hair, and she and mom both had blonde hair and blue eyes. I went to my father, crying, asking him the same thing and he scooped me up and held us in front of the mirror and he said…I can’t remember his exact words but something about both of his girls being the most beautiful girls in Panem and it didn’t matter if we looked alike.” Peeta kisses my cheek and his lips move up to my ear.

“I wish I had a chance to know your dad. I think I would have liked him.”

“He would have liked you too.”

“You think so?”

“He always liked your dad. Took me to trade with him all the time, and he always pointed you out when we went into the bakery, if your mom wasn’t around of course.” He turns me around and brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes. His brows are furrowed and confusion covers his face.

“He pointed me out?”

“I don’t remember exactly…what was said, or when, but I didn’t make friends easily, as you know. I kept to myself and it was just Prim and me. He tried to get me to talk to kids my own age. I think he was saying that you and I were the same age and that you looked like a kind little boy who would probably give me a cookie if I asked.” He chuckles and nods.

“Well he was right, I would have. If you had asked.”

“I think he was joking. Or maybe he wasn’t, and he knew that you could take care of me. I’m a little surprised that he still came to the bakery to trade…you know, since he probably knew about your dad and my mom.”

“He probably figured it was in the past and that it was good business. I think your dad was a good businessman.”

“He had to be, to keep us fed. He taught me well, and I’m grateful that your dad continued to trade with me after mine passed.” Peeta pulls me close and rests his chin on my head.

“I wish things had been different, Katniss. I wish I had actually spoken to you. Offered you a cookie. Made you smile. Instead, I had to be a complete coward and hide whenever you came into the bakery. My heart skipped on the few times I heard you laugh.” He leans back and cups my chin.

“Most of all I wish I had gone out into the rain and given you that bread instead of just throwing it at you. I should have done everything I could to keep you alive.”

“You kept me alive, Peeta. You would have gotten into so much more trouble with your mom…I’m glad you didn’t talk to me. The bruises that day were bad enough…I can only imagine what she would have done if she had known you were speaking to Seam trash.” His lips tighten and he shakes his head.

“Your mom was disowned and banished and she did it all for love. I could have easily done that too. I wouldn’t give a damn who talks to me and where I live, as long as I have my love by my side.”

“It’s different and you know it. Everything worked out for the best but it wasn’t that simple when we were growing up. You know how I felt about dating and socialization in general. I just didn’t have time for it.” He opens his mouth to speak but we hear a crackling from the baby monitor followed by a shrill cry. His face breaks into a smile and he shakes his head.

“Saved by the baby. I’ll go get her.” He jogs upstairs and I hear him crooning to our crying daughter. He brings her back downstairs and jiggles her in his arms.

“You want to go see Mommy? Hm?” I reach out for her and hold her close to my chest, while she snuffles into my shirt. He rubs her head lovingly, keeping his eyes focused on us. I lean up to kiss his cheek but he turns his head and my lips meet his. His eyes sparkle as I lean back and shift Willow. 

“She’s the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen. Aside from her mama of course.” 

“She reminds me of you and Prim, with those eyes and that smile.” I feel a tug at my heart and remind myself WHY they look so much alike. Peeta’s fingers smooth out the crease between my eyes and his lips follow.

“She’s both Seam and Merchant and to me, that is what is most beautiful of all. That she was created out of love, between two people who weren’t really ever supposed to be together. Your mom defied her family and society and fell in love with a man from the Seam. The outcome is standing in front of me and I have never seen such perfection. Now you take us, a huntress from the Seam and a baker from the Merchant class and see what we have created. Again, it’s perfection.”

“I’m sensing a theme with you,” I tease and he smiles as he kisses my nose. 

“Thinking both of my girls are perfect? I guess you’re right. Don’t judge me for it.”

“Never.” His hand rests on my cheek as he kisses me sweetly and Willow lets out something between a snuffle and a giggle. He breaks away and kisses her chubby cheeks.

“You should finish your lunch. Are you feeling any better?”

“A little. At least the room has stopped spinning. I think I’ll go up and shower and get the smell of alcohol off me. It’s making me sick.” He grins as he stuffs the rest of his sandwich in his mouth and deposits the plate in the sink. 

“We should call Cressida. She is coming for a visit next week and we need to make plans.”

“I’ll call her while you’re in the shower.”

“I should call the bakery and apologize to Rory. I sort of left him in charge and never did call him to check on things.”

“I’m sure he understands, Peeta. I’ll call him too, if you like.” He kisses me softly before he jogs upstairs and soon after, I hear the water turning on. I hum softly to Willow as   
I put the dishes away and head to the phone.

Rory is more than understanding as I tell him that Peeta wasn’t feeling good today and he wanted to call to apologize but I won’t let him out of bed. I hear his laughter on the other line.

“That man is too whipped for his own good. It’s clear who wears the pants in the relationship.”

“We both wear pants, Rory,” I say, vastly confused. He continues to laugh which just annoys me.

“Oh Katniss, if you weren’t so good with a bow and arrow, I’d dare to call you slow.”

“And I’d hunt you down and shoot you through the neck.”

“I know. Which is why I won’t say it. Tell Peeta to feel better and that his bakery is in good hands.” 

“Thanks Rory. For everything.” 

I try to call Cressida next but there is no answer. Shrugging, I decide we can try her again later. I quickly clean up the kitchen before I walk back upstairs and hold Willow on my chest as I lean back against the headboard. I hear Peeta shuffling around in the bathroom and I look up to see him opening the door, wearing nothing but his ratty old flannel PJ bottoms. I really need to buy him some new ones soon. I smirk as he towels his hair dry.

“Doesn’t look like you plan to leave the house anytime soon.”

“You’d be correct,” he says as he tosses the towel into the clothes hamper. “I’m still feeling a little queasy and besides, I think spending the day with you sounds too good to pass up.” He climbs onto the bed beside me and leans against the wall.

“Can I hold her?” I smile as I hand Willow to him and he lifts her into the air, kissing her cheeks and making her smile. He brings her down on his bare chest and she curls up under his chin. Seeing him with her just makes me weak. He turns to look at me and smiles sleepily.

“What?”

“I’m sorry, Peeta,” I say quietly and his eyes open a little wider, so I know he is fully awake. “I’m so sorry I lied to you. I wanted to tell you I was pregnant. I was even going to, the morning I lost it. But I felt so defeated and just thought it would be impossible for me to have children.”

“Katniss-“ he reaches for me but I sit up and shake my head.

“I need to…I need to say this.” He doesn’t move but nods and blinks up at me.

“You know how scared I was. And then after we got married, I was worried that too much had happened and it wouldn’t be possible for me. Dr. Mersa said I was healthy and it wouldn’t be a problem but after I lost the baby, I went to her and asked for more tests. She said I had a little scarring that might make it harder to conceive but she said she didn’t think it would be that much of a problem. We were young and relatively healthy. But I kept thinking about what all we went through, in the Games, during the War and I thought, HOW could I carry a baby after all that? When I had a miscarriage, it was just a confirmation of my thoughts. I wanted to tell you and every day I told myself I would, and I just kept waiting. And then after…I was so glad I hadn’t told you because seeing the pain on your face would have killed me!”

“Katniss, I don’t want you to feel worse than you already did but I did know…and the pain on my face…I just hid it well. And it was worse because I knew what you were going through and I just couldn’t help. I thought you would be angry that I knew and I wanted to give you your space but then afterwards, you stayed in bed and wouldn’t move…and it killed me, Katniss. It killed me not being able to help you.” He looks down at Willow and we see that she has fallen asleep. 

“That pregnancy was an accident, wasn’t it?”

“Yes but it didn’t mean I wasn’t happy about it. I was just getting used to the idea of having a baby. After that, it took me several years before I was comfortable with the thought again. When I found out about your appointment, it was like a jolt and I was so afraid for what we could have missed out on. Willow wasn’t an accident. I was ready and we were trying to have a baby. Maybe that’s why she’s so perfect and why I lost our first one. Because maybe I wasn’t really ready and that was the universe’s way of saying it wasn’t quite time.” He nods and reaches out to caress my cheek. I close my eyes and nuzzle against his palm.

“I’m sorry I’ve made you relive all that pain. You’re right, it’s in the past and this right here,” he kisses Willow’s head, “is our present and future. Just know, in the future, I want you to come to me about anything, ok?” I nod and he tugs me forward so I can lay my head against his arm. I softly stroke Willow’s back while she sleeps and Peeta kisses my forehead. 

“I love you girls so much.”

“We love you too,” I respond through a yawn.


	15. Chapter 15

Peeta goes back to work the next day and we fall back into somewhat of a routine. The next time I see Annie, she doesn’t mention what happened between mom and me. I’d been afraid that she would be cold but Annie doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. Finn loves to come over and dote on Willow. Peeta teases that he’s already beginning to court her and reminds me of how Finnick flirted with me when I had first met him.   
Cressida’s visit is pleasant but short. Her new husband is a lot like her, and Peeta and I both like him immediately. He doesn’t greet us with shock or adoration, like a lot of people, and for that we’re grateful. Before they left, he shook our hands and quietly thanked us for all we had done. Cressida hugged us tightly and asked to hold Willow one more time.   
\-------------------------------------------------  
Having a baby is hard but it’s even harder when mommy and daddy are trying to find some time to be together. We haven’t been intimate save for a few heated kisses in bed, but for the most part, we are too tired for anything else. I was worried it would put a strain on our relationship but Peeta seems to be too happy about being a father to let it bother him. Of course I am still feeling self-conscious and unattractive but I find little to no point in mentioning this to him because he will just try to assure me that he still thinks I’m beautiful. We haven’t yet reached that time where we ask for someone else to watch Willow while we have a night to ourselves, either. Neither of us seem to want to leave her for very long. 

I woke up this morning before the summer heat got too unbearable and kissed Peeta goodbye as he left for the bakery. I wrap Willow in our special chest wrap that Peeta bought for me, and I grab a little hat for her that Effie had sent.   
I take a moment to appreciate the perfect weather before I start down the path, toward the meadow. I hold Willow close while I pass through what used to be the fence and head into my woods. 

There is something surreal and beautiful about holding my daughter to my chest in the middle of my sacred place. I breathe in the earthy scent, and feel the dirt shift underneath my feet. I take her to the lake and sigh as I lean against a rock. Willow stares up at me with wide eyes.

“This is your mama’s favorite place in the world,” I tell her. “It’s where your grandfather brought me when I was a little girl. It’s also where your daddy asked me to marry   
him. It’s a very special place, Willow. And you see that? The willow tree in the distance? Isn’t it beautiful?” She coos and I slowly spin her around so she can see everything. I’m not sure how Peeta would feel about me bringing her out here but this moment is the most serene I have had in a long time.

As I walk back to Victor’s Village, I hear my stomach growl and wish I had brought some lunch with me. Carrying Willow like this is making my back ache and I bite my lip.

“How about we go surprise Daddy? Does that sound good?” She giggles and coos and I take that as a yes. I turn down the path toward Merchant Circle and head toward the bakery.   
Rory turns from cleaning the case to greet me and he breaks out into a smile.

“You brought my favorite girl!” 

“I’m telling Posy you said that,” I say with a smile as I pat Willow’s back. Rory hugs me and rubs Willow’s head.

“Fine, you brought my favorite baby girl. Wow, she’s getting so big, Katniss! What are you guys feeding her?”

“Same thing since the day she was born. Is Peeta in the back?”

“He’s in his office dealing with some things in his District 2 store. I’ll get him for you. Can I get you anything while you wait?” I order a sandwich and a cup of fruit and sit at one of the bistro tables. A few customers shoot curious glances my way but I ignore them while I play with Willow’s cheeks. 

Peeta comes out of the kitchen and looks surprised as he lifts the barrier and walks toward me.

“I thought you would be in the woods all day.”

“You knew I was taking her into the woods?” He smiles as he sits across from me.

“You were singing and whistling when you were getting her ready, I knew you were taking her somewhere special. How did she like it?”

“It was so peaceful, Peeta. I showed her the lake and the cabin and the meadow. She loved it.” 

“Hey Rory, I’m going to take my lunch break,” he calls and Rory nods as he sets my tray down in front of me. Peeta helps me un-strap Willow from my chest and holds her while I eat my lunch. Willow continues to coo and reaches up toward his face while he kisses her tiny fingers.

“I want to come with you two next time.”

“I’d like that. We’d like that.” I chew quietly for a moment while he shifts Willow in his arms. 

“Is everything ok with your store in 2?” 

“Oh yeah. They’re working on summer menu items and I just want to make sure we are all selling the same things. Makes it easier for shipping and that sort of thing. I don’t think Dad could have ever imagined that we would be a chain.” 

“I’m so proud of you, Peeta. And I know he is too.” He takes my hand and kisses my palm before he goes back to kissing and nibbling Willow’s hands, which makes her shriek with laughter. I notice a few younger girls checking him out and I glare at them before I turn back to him.

“Can you stop being so great with her? You’re making every customer in here fall in love with you.”

“Sure Katniss, I’ll just stop being myself,” he says not even bothering to look at me. I huff and stab my melon with my fork and lean on my hand. Peeta plants sloppy kisses all over Willow’s face and head and he chuckles softly.

“Your mommy is ridiculous, you know that? As if I’m paying any attention to anyone other than you and her. What do you think, Willow, you think I should whisk Mommy away and show her how much I adore her?” He looks up at me with a smile.

“She says yes, yes I should.”

“Funny I didn’t hear her say anything of the sort,” I can’t help but smile back.

“Her first word was acquiesce.” I shake my head.

“I don’t think it was. It will probably be daddy.” I can’t ignore the way his eyes light up and his smile broadens even more. 

“Well, regardless if she agrees with me or not, I’ve asked Annie and Finn to babysit tonight so we can have a night to ourselves.”

“Peeta. I’m not sure I’m ready for that…”

“Katniss, she’s old enough that she doesn’t need to be in our arms every second. I adore my daughter but I miss my wife. And it doesn’t have to be all night. Just a few hours.” 

“I don’t really have anything nice to wear to go out--“

“We don’t have to go out,” he says firmly. “I can cook a nice dinner and we’ll just have a night in. Please?” I sigh and look up into his eyes. It doesn’t help that my husband and my daughter have the exact same eyes and they can both make me come undone in half a second.

“Ok,” I finally agree. He leans forward to kiss me and holds Willow up.

“Mommy and Daddy need some alone time, and don’t worry about me Mommy, Cousin Finny will take good care of me,” he says in a ridiculous high-pitched voice that makes me wince.

“I hope she doesn’t ever sound like that.” He laughs and kisses me again.

“I need to get back to work. I’ll be home by 4 to start on dinner.” He hands Willow back to me, kisses my cheek, and takes my tray back to the kitchen. I strap Willow back to my chest and leave some money on the table for Rory’s tip. 

When I get home, I put Willow down for a nap and jump into the shower. Deciding I should attempt to look presentable, I shave my legs and brush out the tangles in my hair. Being a new mom has meant I don’t care what I look like but it’s Peeta’s and my first date night in awhile and I find myself wondering how intimate we will be tonight. We haven’t tried to have sex since that night he took us out to dinner but I remember how wonderful he was, how he stopped because he didn’t want to hurt me. I don’t know if my body is ready for him again yet but I know I have missed him and being with him. I rifle through my drawers until I find the matching lingerie set Peeta bought for me on our anniversary. It’s his favorite orange color and the bra is practically see through.   
I dab some perfume on and pull on a nice shirt with my tight jeans I haven’t worn since I had Willow. I hear someone moving around downstairs and assume Peeta is starting on dinner. I spin around and can see that my bra strap is showing. Good. Let him see it. I leave my hair down and cast my reflection one final glance before I go down to meet him. He’s still wearing his faded jeans and fitted white T-shirt while he works at the counter. He turns and catches sight of me, stopping in his tracks.

“Whoa.” My eyes go to his tongue as it darts out to wet his lips and I lean against the counter, doing my best to look sexy. I see his eyes dart to my exposed bra strap and his eyes narrow. He crooks a finger at me and motions for me to come to him, his arms wrapping around my waist as he pulls me into his arms. He takes my breath away with the kiss and I REALLY hope it is a prelude to what occur tonight. 

“The meat is cooking and I just put the bread in to bake. I need to shower and change, so can you take Willow over to Annie’s?”

“Yeah of course.” He cups my chin and kisses me before he heads upstairs to shower. 

After I’ve dropped Willow off with Annie (and made her swear to call us if there are any problems), I head back inside to find Peeta bustling around the kitchen.

“Hey there beautiful, dinner will be ready soon, so why don’t you go relax in the living room while you’re waiting?” I can’t resist stealing another kiss from him before I do as he says and I drape myself over the couch, grabbing one of Peeta’s books to read. I get restless quickly and go back into the kitchen to see if he needs any help. He makes me sit at the counter while he cooks and my eyes linger on his delicious backside; the jeans he selected are tight and hug his ass perfectly. His shirt lifts up slightly when he raises his arms so I catch a glimpse of his pale skin and I rub my thighs together, hoping he won’t notice. 

Dinner is delicious and I release a moan as I finish all the duck on my plate. The crisp potatoes and vegetables compliment the meat perfectly and for dessert, he’s made a delectable berry cobbler. By the end of our meal, I want him so badly that I am doing everything I can to flirt with him. I notice him watching me as I suck on my spoon but he doesn’t react or say anything. He takes our dishes to the sink and I sit there at the table, staring at my hands and wondering if he even wants me anymore. I’m definitely not as young as I was when we started sleeping together, nor am I as skinny or toned. I have more scars, including awful stretch marks from carrying Willow. The more I think about it, the more I am sure my husband does not want to be intimate with me anymore. I don’t realize the tears streaming down my face until I feel his thumb wiping underneath my eye. I look up to see a face of concern and bemusement.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me, Katniss. You’re crying. Why?”

“Peeta…can I ask you a question without you getting upset?” He raises a brow but he nods.

“You can ask me anything, you know that.”

“Do you…still want me?” 

“What?” I wince at his sharp tone and bite my lip.

“Never mind. Forget I said--“

“Katniss, why would you even ask that?” I shrug but he shakes his head and grips my shoulders.

“Talk to me. Why would you think I don’t want you?”

“Why would you? I’m not…the same girl I was sixteeen years ago.” 

“No you’re not. You’re a gorgeous woman, a wife and a mother, who will do anything for her family. But aside from that, you have curves, your scars mean something, and you are still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. So I ask again, why the hell would you think I don’t want you?” 

“I don’t know,” I mumble, feeling immensely foolish. He grabs my hand and yanks me to my feet, bringing his lips to my ear.

“I could fuck you right here on this table and make you scream all night long, if that would convince you. I doubt it would though. So tell me what I need to do to make you understand how much I want you. How much I need you.” He pulls me closer and grinds against me, making sure I can feel his arousal. I reach down and run my palm over his jeans, hearing him hiss in my ear. 

“Let me please you,” I whisper before I drop to my knees and quickly unbutton and unzip his jeans, allowing him to spring free. His head drops back as I wrap my lips around him, teasing him for a moment before I take him completely into my mouth. His hands shoot backwards and grip the counter tightly. I reach up under his shirt and rake my fingernails down his firm stomach. The way he bucks his hips and his stomach quiver make me feel powerful and worthy.

His hands wrap in my long hair, his nails scratching my scalp. I hum against his flesh and he bucks his hips, hitting the back of my throat. 

“Fuck, Katniss,” he hisses and I look up at him, our eyes meeting and I see his smoldering with love and desire. I grip his hips and pull him into me, my nose hitting his belly as I take him even deeper. He releases a strangled cry and his knees buckle. I can feel him getting close so it surprises me when he tugs on my arm and pulls me to my feet. Looking a little hurt, I stare up at him and he grips my face with both hands.

“I thought I was the one needing to do everything I can to convince you.”

“Well it makes me feel pretty damn worthy when I make you writhe like that.” He chuckles but that sexy smirk comes over his face and he lifts me in his arms. He takes a few steps and nearly kills us both because of the pants around his ankles. He impatiently kicks them off and jogs up the stairs, his hardened length slapping against his stomach as he holds me to his chest. 

When we get up to our bedroom, he flings me onto the covers and yanks his shirt over his head. He falls to his knees, climbing over to me like a predator stalking its prey. His hands roughly tug my shirt over my head before they move down to the buttons on my jeans. I reach down and assist him in pulling them off and he leans back to stare at me for a moment. I unconsciously start to cover up but he leans over me, trapping my wrists above my head and presses me none too gently into the covers. He leans down and sucks at my throat, moving down to nip at my bra.

“God Katniss,” he mutters against my skin, already making me writhe. “You are the most perfect thing put on this Earth. And you are all mine.” 

“P-Peeta.” With one hand holding my wrists down, his other yanks the cup of my bra down and his tongue flicks across my nipple. My breasts are extra sensitive since feeding Willow but there is no discomfort this time, just pleasure shooting through me. He reaches under me and unclasps my bra. I suppose fifteen plus years of doing it has made him a master but I’m still impressed at how quickly he can get it off me. His tongue swirls around my enlargened areolas and I cry out when I feel his teeth rake against my skin. He tugs my nipple between his teeth and the pain mixed with the pleasure makes me buck my hips impatiently. He chuckles softly, his face buried in my chest. His fingers on my wrists are leaving bruises but I could care less. I squirm underneath him and he knees my legs apart so he can lean further into me. After he is done thoroughly lavishing both of my breasts, he licks a path down to my bellybutton, then lower as he tugs at my underwear with his teeth. I’m writhing uncontrollably now, my breathing heavier and tears of frustration in my eyes. He moves away from me and I cry out in protest. He opens the drawer of the bedside table and pulls out a thin scarf. He straddles me so his cock is inches from my mouth as he pulls my wrists up and ties me to the bed. I lean my head up so I can tease him with my mouth but he grips my cheeks and leans in close.

“Oh no you don’t,” he says playfully but I see the seriousness in his eyes. He moves back down my body and spreads my legs wide. He kisses my bellybutton while he inches my panties down my legs, then literally rolls me back so that my knees are in danger of hitting my face. His tongue thoroughly explores me, thrusting inside me, driving me insane. I whimper as I tug at my bindings, wanting to wrap my fingers in his golden curls and never let go. He hums against my center as he tentatively pushes his finger in. I moan at the intrusion and he quickly checks me over to see if I am ok. The concern in his eyes isn’t abated by his lust. His eyes lock on mine as he adds a finger and slowly thrusts in and out. Seeing that I am ok, he leans down to flick his tongue across my clit. I toss my head back and forth, arching off the bed in an effort to get more from him. When he sucks hard on my clit, I come screaming his name. His tongue slows and makes gentle patterns all around my clit, and I cry out when I feel him place a kiss there. He continues as if he hadn’t just destroyed me. 

“Oh god, Peeta,” I stammer, already feeling completely weakened. 

“I know you’ve got more for me, Katniss,” he says in a low voice, placing kisses on my inner thighs before he goes right back to his ultimate goal. It barely takes a minute before the sheets underneath me are drenched and he finally allows my legs to fall to the bed as I struggle for breath. He reaches up and unties me and my hands fall to the pillow. He moves up to lie across me, his hand cupping my cheek as his kisses are soft and gentle. It’s the complete opposite of how he was only minutes ago. His touches are tender, his eyes are soft and loving, his lips barely graze mine. 

“Peeta, please,” I whine as I reach up to grip his hair. He trails a finger down my face and I suck on his fingertip.

“What do you want, Katniss?”

“You.” He rises up onto his knees and straddles me.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Please.” I can barely say more than two words but my breathy sighs are enough for him. He leans over and opens the drawer again, pulling out a bottle of lube that we have never even used. He pours some in his hand and pumps himself and I sit up and move his hands aside. He moans when I stroke him with both hands and his hand soon covers mine.

“You’ll have to stop that. It’s been so long that I’ve been inside you, I don’t know how I’m gonna last.” 

“I don’t care,” I breathe as I lean back. He climbs over me, his strong arms holding him up.

“Do you want to be on top?”

“No. I trust you.” He caresses my cheek for a moment before he slides two fingers inside me, testing me, then guides his tip to my folds. He teases for a moment, sliding through my folds and tapping against my clit until I reach down and grasp him firmly. He gasps as I guide him inside me and I see him struggling to keep his eyes open.

“Oh, my god Katniss!” I try not to wince as I feel a sharp pinch and I determinedly breathe through the discomfort. He keeps his eyes on me, making sure I am ok. More than once he tries to pull out but I lock my legs around his waist, making sure he can’t move. He’s slow and careful, barely moving , and when he leans down to kiss me, I hold his hair so he can’t move. We kiss until we are out of breath and he glances down anxiously.

“Are you ok? Because if I don’t move soon…” 

“You can move,” I tell him and I watch him as he slides in and out of me. It’s like our first time all over again, everything from the pain to the shock and awe on his face. 

“Katniss…god I love you so much!”

“I love you, Peeta.” 

Our first time ends way too fast and he feels terrible. But then he makes it up to me with a second and even a third round, we quickly rediscover our rhythm. I rediscover every glorious inch of my husband and as the night goes on, I chastise myself for denying us this for so long.   
Afterwards, I’m lying in his arms and he kisses my sweaty forehead. 

“God I missed this.”

“Me too. I’m sorry I kept us waiting for so long.”

“Katniss, you had a baby. I completely understand that you weren’t physically ready. But I can’t for the life of me fathom how you could ever think I don’t want you.” 

“You know I’ve never been good with words. And I’m even more self-conscious than I was back then. Not a good mix.”

“If I need to take you against the wall every time I come home from work to remind you, tell me now. I’ll only be too happy to do that.” I laugh and hide my face in his neck.

“No, that wouldn’t be too practical while raising Willow. But I’m grateful for the reminder.” He cups my chin and raises my face so he can kiss me.

“I’ll remind you as often as I can. You can’t ever forget how much I yearned for you when we were young. How many times I thought I would never ever be with you in that way, in any way really.”

“I know,” I lay my head on his chest and listen to his racing heart. 

“Do you, Katniss,” he whispers as he strokes my damp hair. “Do you really understand how much I just wanted to talk to you? The first thing that went through my mind on the train after we were Reaped was “I finally get to talk to Katniss Everdeen.”

“Why didn’t you just talk to me in school?” He snorts.

“And say what? Hi, my Dad pointed you out to me and I fell in love with you the first time I saw you and oh yeah, how’s that other boy you hang out with all the time? You know, the one who looks like he could punch my face in.” 

“Don’t tell me you were afraid to talk to me because of Gale,” I say skeptically.

“No I was afraid to talk to you because of you. You didn’t think too highly of Merchants and I didn’t want you to be mad at me for something I couldn’t even control. I heard you and Gale talking about the Merchant class one day when you came by the bakery to trade. If my mom had heard any of that…well, let’s just be glad she was out shopping that day.”

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “We didn’t really know you and we shouldn’t have judged you. But most of the Merchants treated us really terribly, and acted just like your mom. I figured…well, that you were all the same.”

“I know,” he says softly. “Gale told me all of that when he came to the house to talk to me that night. And I’ll be the first to admit my mom was a bitch to anyone from the Seam. I’m sorry you were treated so terribly in your own district.” I shrug and lean up to kiss him.

“It’s over. District 12 is barely recognizable now. Can you believe we are an actual travel destination?”

“I know. Another hotel and a bed and breakfast are going up around the corner from the bakery. I hope that means lots of new customers.” 

“It will. People come from thousands of miles to eat at Peeta Mellark’s bakery,” I say smugly. He grins as he cups my chin.

“Life isn’t what we expected at all but.. I can’t believe how blessed I am.”

“Speaking of our blessings, it’s getting late so we should probably bring Willow back home soon.” He nods and starts to sit up, looking around for his underwear.

“You left them in the kitchen,” I say with a giggle. 

“Oh yeah. Why don’t we shower and we can go get Willow after?” I nod and he tugs me into the bathroom. The hot stream of water feels wonderful and Peeta pushes me against the wall, his chest flush with my back, and his arousal insistently pressing against me. I turn and glance at him over my shoulder and he gives me a sly smile as he slides into me with ease. I am beyond exhausted but god have I missed him and we go until we literally collapse in each others’ arms from fatigue.


	16. Chapter 16

It’s a peaceful night in the Mellark household. That very sentence makes me pause and think for a moment. Katniss Mellark--formerly Katniss Everdeen--my god, I will NEVER get used to that-- is out visiting the Hawthornes at the moment. Vick caught some kind of bug around Halloween and it still hasn’t gone away. Katniss has finally gotten the healing recipe from her mother, or rather, Hazelle got it but Katniss went to help. I watch my daughter flop around on her stomach, her bright blue eyes boring into mine. She’s been trying to sit up and look around but lately, she rests her chin on the floor and moves her arms and legs as if she is in water. I think it’s adorable but all of our books say she needs to start sitting up and lifting her head, to prepare her for crawling and walking. I drop to my stomach in front of her and rest my chin on my hands.

“What are you doing, baby girl, hm? You trying to swim? Has Cousin Finny taught you to swim already?” She giggles and gurgles and I smile broadly. When she isn’t smiling, she looks identical to my wife. She’s perfected Katniss’s scowl and has her expressive eyebrows. When she smiles, it becomes my face. With my eyes sparkling and her lips turned upwards, Katniss says we have the exact same smile. She’s a smiley baby, for sure, but she seems to have a mischievous side to her as well. I make funny faces at her and she shrieks with giggles. I grin and attack her with kisses, enjoying this rare moment where I am alone with her. Katniss finds it difficult to leave her side. As terrified as she was of getting pregnant, the two of them are inseparable. She loves to take Willow into the woods and I’m sort of jealous of the time they get to spend together. With four Mellark Family Bakeries open in Panem, and two more opening soon, I’m kept busy and am usually at the bakery all day while Katniss stays home with our daughter. I did join them on their last little venture in there, and we took Willow to the lake and the cabin until it got cold and we had to return home.

I hear the phone ring and sigh as I blow a raspberry on my daughter’s cheek.

“Daddy will be right back,” I mutter before I jump to my feet and run to the phone.

“Hey, it’s me,” my wife’s voice comes from the other line.

“Hey, how’s Vick?”

“He’s ok but he’s still coughing a little. We’re making him eat some soup but I’m not getting too close, because I don’t want to catch anything and give it to Willow.”

“Good idea. I’m about to start on dinner. When are you coming home?”

“The next half hour,” she tells me and I nod.

“OK see you soon. I love you.”

“Love you too.” I hang up and return to the living room, stopping dead in my tracks. The blanket my daughter was just lying on is empty. My heart feels like it is about to fall out of my chest.

“Willow!” Oh my god, where could she be?! 

“Willow! Wi--“ I freeze, my eyes widening. My little girl is crawling across the floor, moving rather quickly for someone so small.

“Oh my god!” I run to her and drop to my knees beside her. She turns and smiles at me, before she continues on her way. I can’t believe it! My baby girl has started to crawl! I laugh out loud, tears of relief streaming down my face as I crawl to keep up with her, which she seems to find very humorous and releases a stream of adorable giggles. I laugh in response and fall to my stomach, my wide eyes locked on her little form. 

“Mommy’s going to be so upset she’s missed this,” I mutter. “But I’m so happy I’m here to see this!” Willow crawls to the edge of the room, nearly hitting her head on the wall and I run to scoop her up before she can get too close. She shrieks when I pick her up and I shake my head.

“Like your mama. So stubborn.” I take her hands and kiss her tiny fingers, bouncing her in her arms, which seems to make her happy again. 

“Ok little trouble maker. Let’s go start on dinner.” 

I put her in her playpen while I tend to dinner and try to ignore her shrill cries. When I hear the door open, I turn to greet my wife with a kiss. 

“My goodness,” Katniss croons as she bends down to pick Willow up. “What’s all the fuss about?”

“Our little girl is mad that I am holding her back from her adventures.” Katniss casts me a bemused frown.

“She’s crawling, Katniss.” My wife’s eyes widen and she stares down at our daughter.

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. She crawled across the room a few minutes ago.” I leave out the part about her scaring the hell out of me. I guess I won’t ever leave the room if she is out of the playpen now.

“Guess it is time to get some gates to set up around the rooms,” I say as I turn back to the stove. “So we can let her roam around a little.” 

“Little girl doesn’t want to be cooped up anymore,” Katniss says in a funny voice. 

“Uh huh, she’s like her mama. Needs to be wild and free.” Katniss’s eyes sparkle as she casts me a smile, which I return. 

“Is that so, my little Willow Rose? Are you a wild one?” 

“How can she not be,” I say as I set the spoon down and come up behind her, moving my arm under hers so I can hold them both. “Her mother is as wild as they come.”

“Yes but I think her father tamed me a little,” she says, glancing over her shoulder. I smile and my hand moves down to her stomach, pulling her closer as I lean in to kiss her. Willow cries to remind us of her presence and I lean down to kiss her head. 

“I haven’t forgotten about you, my little princess.” 

“Little troublemaker is more like it,” Katniss says bitterly. “She kept Mama up all night last night.” 

“Poor thing’s in so much pain,” I pout, rubbing Willow’s head. She’s been teething and poor Katniss flipped out when Willow first started to scream in pain, calling Annie and Johanna and pleading for their help. We’re lucky that our two best friends have been through all of this, and they are more than willing to offer any advice they can. Both girls told us of different ways to help ease Willow’s discomfort and Katniss and I have both been staying up with her to rub her sore gums with a cool cloth. I brought home several teething rings the other day and she seems to really like them. But her cries of pain are something Katniss and I can’t get used to. I wince every time I hear my daughter scream, and we trip over each other in effort to make it to her side. 

“Johanna says to try to give her some kind of harder food, it’s supposed to help with the pain.”

“Wait. We’re introducing her to solid foods now?” This is news to me. Katniss bounces Willow in her arms and for the moment, she’s appeased.

“Well I spoke to the doctor as well as the girls and wanted to know when to stop nursing. They all said typically solid foods are introduced within 6 to 8 months, with breastmilk still their main nutrient. But Jo talked about how Aran was teething and he learned to bite and she said she did not make it a whole year.” I stifle my laughter. 

“Ok don’t go biting your mommy now,” I coo to my daughter, who just giggles in response. Katniss rolls her eyes.

“I just want to start introducing her to solid foods, so we can wean her off breastmilk. I want us to go shopping tomorrow, if you can get away from work.”

“We have a massive wedding cake order,” I say doubtfully. “I’m not sure if I’ll get away.”

“Alright. I’ll go shopping for your daughter by myself.” I don’t miss her tone and I sigh.

“I’ll make it work.” She nods and opens her blouse, revealing her lacy blue bra. I’m distracted as I always am when she pulls the cup of her bra down and allows Willow to latch onto her breast. I see her wince and I wrap my arms around her again.

“I can definitely feel the teeth,” she says through a grimace. 

“Well honey if I could feed her, you know I would,” I tell her honestly. She sighs.

“I know you would. If she just--ouch! Willow!” Our daughter seems to be greedier than usual and Katniss bites her lip in pain as she tries to detach our daughter from her skin.

“Shit, Peeta, help me!” 

“Ummm, what do you want me to do,” I say, completely lost. 

“I don’t know but she’s hurting me!” I secretly ask myself how much strength a 6 month old baby can have but I don’t voice it aloud. She tries to pull her away and cries out in pain. I tickle Willow under her chin and she turns her head, making Katniss cry out even more but eventually, Willow releases Katniss’s nipple and starts to giggle. I pull her away and cradle her in my arms while Katniss rubs her breast with a frown. I can see that she has broken the skin and a tiny droplet of blood. I bite my lip and glance down at my daughter.

“You really hurt your mommy.” She starts to giggle, which irritates Katniss even more.

“Oh really hilarious,” she snaps before she stalks upstairs. I hesitate in following her, feeling torn between my wife and my daughter. Damn is this how it is going to be, raising her? When Willow does something bad and Katniss will expect me to punish her? I will never become my mother, I vowed that a long time ago, but as wonderful as my father was, I don’t want to become him either. He did nothing while Mom abused us. He knew what was happening and he never did a thing about it. Not that I think Katniss would ever do anything like that but I hope we can do things as a team and not play the ‘good cop bad cop’ George has told me a lot about. Johanna seems to dote on her son while George is firm when he’s done something wrong. I guess as parents we have to learn that balance. I hope I learn it quickly. 

I set Willow in her playpen and go upstairs to check on Katniss. She’s in the bathroom, spreading ointment over her breast. It’s still red and looks tender and she looks up into the mirror as I walk in behind her.

“You know she didn’t mean it,” I say quietly as I wrap her in my arms.

“I know,” she sighs. “I just…I still feel lost at all of this.”

“All of what?”

“Everything. How to be a parent. I feel like a failure.” I cup her chin and turn her head so she is facing me.

“Katniss that’s insane. All parents are bound to feel lost. I know I do.”

“You do?” I raise my brow at the surprise in her voice.

“Of course I do. You think I actually know what I’m doing?”

“You always seem to,” she says in a defeated tone. “You’re always so great with her. It’s like you were born to do this. Me…not so much.”

“Sweetheart, you are doing just fine. I’m as clueless as you are. But we do this together, like everything else. You were born to do this too, Katniss. You were born to be Willow’s mother.” She nuzzles under my chin and closes her eyes and my hands move from her waist, to her stomach, up to her uninjured breast. I weigh the heavy mound in my hand and she moans a little at my touch. I lean down to kiss her neck, then move to that spot underneath her ear that makes her fall apart. She gasps at the feel of my tongue as I trail down her throat and kiss above her breastbone. We’re distracted by the loud growl of her stomach and I chuckle softly.

“Come on. Dinner should be ready.”   
\----------------------------------

By some miracle, Willow sleeps through the night and Katniss and I get a little time to ourselves to indulge before we fall, exhausted, to the sheets. The next morning is rough, though, as Willow’s little gums are so sore and she doesn’t want to do anything but cry. I decide to stay home from work to help my wife with our fussy daughter, so Mommy and Daddy lounge on the couch while we keep an eye on Willow, who crawls around the room. Any time she gets close to leaving the room, I leap up and bring her back to the carpet. She scowls at me every time I do this and I burst out laughing, telling Katniss she has her scowl. Katniss scowls back at me in return.   
Katniss mentions that we should go to the store so I help her and Willow into the back seat of our car and, and I drive us toward town.

I can’t tell you how giddy I get when I can carry Willow places with me. We have taken walks as a family before but every time I take her into the store, or we all go out to eat, I have to hide my goofy smile. Our fame will never fully fade, as we’re still in the books and the lesson plans at school, but people stopping to watch my family pass by them and not get dirty looks or whispers behind their hands, is incredible. I know some people will always remember us as the ones who ended Snow’s tyranny. Others, mostly older Capitolites, will know us as the kids who screwed everything up. Many people thought Katniss and I should be locked up til the end of time, and even more people had opinions about whether I should even be allowed near her. But even with the hijacking never completely healed, and Katniss’s nightmares still present, life is pretty damn wonderful for us right now. The bundle of joy in my arms is just one of the reasons but all I have to do is look at my wife and my daughter and think of how far we have come. 

Kimber, the cashier at the baby store, looks up and smiles when we enter.

“Hello Katniss! Hi Peeta! And hello little Willow! What can we do for you today?” The fact that the cashier knows us by name tells me we may come in here a little too often. 

“We want to start Willow on some solid foods,” Katniss explains. “And I think we need some more teething toys. She had a terrible morning.”  
Kimber escorts us to the proper aisles and hands us some baby medicine too, to help with the pain. We thank her and she leaves and Katniss peruses the food. 

“Honey, what if we just bottle feed her your milk and that way, you won’t have to breastfeed? She seemed fine with it…that one time,” I trail off quietly and she shoots me a look but says nothing. I know she doesn’t like to be reminded of that week shortly after Willow was born, when she completely shut out the world and refused to get out of bed. I was terrified, and am still afraid she could relapse any time.  
I pick up a teething ring and wave it at Willow and she reaches out for it, chomping down on the package.

“Ah Willow, no! We don’t know where that’s been.” I grimace as Katniss glares at me, before she snatches it away and throws it aside. 

“I think we can probably do that. If I pump enough that is. But we still need to introduce her to solid foods. She can’t have milk forever.”

“No but she’s got some time before we really need to worry about it, right?” I tend to pore over the baby books more than Katniss does and it’s obvious I worry and fret more than I should. As Katniss mentioned last night, I feel lost a lot of the time and wonder if I am doing ok as a parent. I knew Katniss was having a lot of the same fears and it’s silly, we make a wonderful team and Willow is obviously a happy and healthy baby. 

“Let me go look at breast pumps,” she says, turning slightly red. I start to follow her but out of the corner of my eye, I see a familiar face. My eyes widen as I watch him dart across the aisle, as if he doesn’t want anyone to see him. 

“Finn?” My godson stops in his tracks and slowly turns to face me. His face is white as a sheet and his eyes are wide.

“Uncle Peeta,” he stammers. “What…what are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” I say as I switch Willow to my other shoulder. 

“Oh, um…I told…a friend…I would stop and get something for them.”

“I see. A friend,” I say slowly. Finn nods and I raise a brow. The kid is insane if he thinks I’m buying any of this. I see it in his face and his shoulders slump in defeat.

“Is Aunt Katniss here?”

“She is but she’s busy at the moment. Should we take a walk?” He looks around and sighs.

“Sure.” We head off toward the back of the store, where the aisles are quite isolated.

“Alright Finn. Spill.”

“You can’t tell Aunt Katniss, ok? Or my mom.”

“Finn you know I can’t promise that. Your mom is one of my best friends. And I don’t keep secrets from your aunt.”

“Uncle Peeta, please. I…I need your help. I thought I could do this but I can’t. I need a pregnancy test.” 

“Wait…what?” Whatever I expected him to say, this was NOT it. The boy isn’t even 18! Dear lord, what will Annie say?! 

“Finn,” I drop my voice. “You think Analise is pregnant?” Their relationship has been so on again, off again and I had no idea if they were on again this week. I guess so. He covers his face with his hands and shakes his head.

“We’re not sure. She’s scared but if her parents find out, we are dead! I told her I could get a test easier than she could, her dad is so overbearing!” With good reason, I think to myself.

“But Kimber has been following me around and I think she knows what I’m looking for and I just can’t go buy one! Will you buy it for me? Please?”

“You know your aunt will see it if I do.”

“Uncle Peeta! For once in your life, keep this one secret from Aunt Katniss!” This is going to bite me in the ass. I just know it.

“Fine,” I sigh. “I’ll buy it. But if it’s positive, you are telling your mother immediately. And you’re going to be a man about this and tell Analise’s parents, alright?” He nods miserably. I hope the poor girl isn’t pregnant but it’s not so far-fetched I suppose. If the rebellion hadn’t happened, Katniss and I would have been married at seventeen and I’m sure Snow would have forced us to have children soon after. I shiver a little and shake myself. Now’s not the time to be having these thoughts. I focus on my godson, who right now just looks like a scared little boy. 

“It’ll be ok, Finn. Go back home and I’ll come around later.”

“Thanks Uncle Peeta.” He hugs me around the middle before he runs off. I shake my head and wonder if I’d be able to find the pregnancy tests before Katniss finds me. 

I’m in luck because I’m able to grab one and hide it between my chest and Willow. There’s still no sign of Katniss so I wander off to find her.  
She’s checking out when I round the corner. Damn. She’s going to ask me what I’m buying. I hate lying to her but I promised Finn I wouldn’t tell anyone. I can tell he is torn up enough about it, and women have a bad habit of pounding one’s mistakes into your head. I speak from personal experience, of course.  
I hide behind the box of diapers and watch as she looks around, presumably looking for me, until she gives up and goes to wait outside. I sigh in relief as I hurry to any cashier but Kimber, and hide my bag in my coat pocket as I stroll out of the store. 

“Hey, where did you go,” Katniss asks as she gets into the car.

“I was just looking around. Did you get Willow some more teething rings?”

“Yes as well as some more bottles. I need to get home and pump, I’m really sore right now.” I nod and start the car, falling into silence as we drive home.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I put Willow down for a nap while Katniss brings her package upstairs. When I walk into the bedroom, I see her facing the wall, her bare back facing me. She starts the machine and I sit behind her on the bed. She startles as I touch her shoulder and for some reason, her arms fly up to cover her chest. She lowers her head, and her cheeks are flushed pink.

“Katniss, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, um…could you…do you mind leaving?” I stare at her shoulders in shock. She glances over her shoulder and bites her lip.

“Please Peeta.” Her voice is soft and almost desperate. Why is she acting like this? Is she actually embarrassed? I have seen her naked countless times, I saw her deliver my child for crying out loud, I watch her feed Willow, we’ve been together over sixteen years and none of those times was she embarrassed of me seeing her. What has changed?

“Katniss, why…I mean, are you sure you’re ok?”

“I’m fine,” she says in a clipped voice. I shut up and climb off the bed. I hear her sigh and I glance back at her. 

“I’m going to run to Annie’s while you pump. I’ll be back soon to start on dinner.” I see her nod and I fling on my coat as I open the door to the cold wind.   
I knock on the door, praying that Finn answers and to my relief, he does. He calls to his mother that he is taking a walk with me, and shuts the door behind him. 

“Did you get it?”

“Yes. So where’s Analise?”

“Come with me.” I follow him out of the Village and frown when I see him leading me away from Merchant Circle, where Analise lives, and toward the meadow. 

“Finn?”

“Told her to meet us out here. Look there she is.” He waves to a figure in the distance and I sigh as the girl comes bounding toward us, running into Finn’s arms. 

“Finn…you didn’t say…” she casts me a terrified glance and Finn shakes his head.

“Uncle Peeta is really cool. He bought us the test.”

“But if it’s positive, you are telling both your parents immediately,” I say in a stern fatherly voice. Both kids nod and I hand Analise the package. 

“I’ll be right back,” she mutters as she tucks the bag under her arm and hurries off across the meadow. Finn looks at me, bewildered.

“Is she going to pee in the woods?” I shrug, honestly baffled. I guess it’s safer than doing it at either of their houses though. We wait, though it’s the longest damn three minutes of my life, and I can tell Finn feels the same. I suddenly start thinking about when Katniss took her test. I wasn’t home, of course, so she actually did this waiting by herself? In a way I’m glad I didn’t have to endure this excruciating wait but at the same time, I hate that she went through it alone. Well, next time I will be there by her side, waiting with her. 

Wait. Next time?! My eyes widen as I realize what I’ve just thought of. Next time? It took long enough for Katniss to come around to have one. And I don’t think we have ever discussed how big a family we would like, just because she was so shut off from the idea. Coming from a big family, I would love to have one or two more! Would she go for that, though? I don’t know. And honestly, I think I’ll wait awhile before I bring it up.   
Finn is chewing on his nails and pacing, which makes me even more anxious.

“Finn,” I say through gritted teeth. “Just sit down and try to relax.”

“I can’t relax! What am I gonna do, Uncle Peeta? What will Mom say? She thinks I’m a big enough disappointment as it is! This will kill her!”

“Finn, your mom loves you,” I say softly, reaching out for his arm but he continues to pace. “Why would you think you are a disappointment to her?” 

“All I hear is how she wishes I could be more like Dad. I see the disappointment in her eyes whenever she looks at me. I’m not what she wants anymore.”

“That’s not true,” I say firmly. “Your mother adores you and you are everything she could want! And for your information, I’ve always thought you and your father are so   
much alike it’s scary.” He finally pauses, his brow raised.

“Really?”

“You don’t just take after him in appearance, Finn, you act just like him. Granted I didn’t know him as well or as long as I would have liked but he really was something else.” 

“Mom says that to me all the time,” he chuckles. I smile and nod.

“See? You are your father’s son, Finn. Be proud of that.” And it’s the truth. I wish I had known him longer but I hadn’t met him until the Quarter Quell. And during my captivity, Finnick and Katniss were able to comfort each other in 13. Finnick helped me when I joined the Star Squad, and he saved our lives in the Capitol. Aside from the brash cocky attitude his father sported often, Finn’s very mannerisms reminded me of Finnick. 

Finn opens his mouth to speak but stops when we see Analise coming out of the woods. Her head is lowered so we can’t tell. But when she approaches us, she smiles and rushes into Finn’s arms. He casts me a terrified and confused look over her shoulder but embraces her.

“So?” Analise pulls away and pushes her hair behind her ear.

“It’s negative,” she says quietly. Ok, I’ve never seen someone that happy over a negative pregnancy test but then again, they’re kids. Hopefully this will scare them into being more careful.

“I hope you kids learned a lesson today,” I say sternly. Analise flushes pink but Finn nods.

“We have. Don’t worry. It won’t happen again.”

“If it does, you’ll be the ones to buy the test, understand?” They both nod, looking uncomfortable. I pat Finn’s back and tell them we should escort Analise home. We stop in front of her house and I wait while they say goodbye. I turn away as soon as she launches herself into his arms and attacks his lips. Honestly, she looks like she is trying to suck his face off! I roll my eyes and shake my head, reminding myself that I was once their age and I would have given anything for Katniss to be that enthusiastic when she kissed me. I wince as I hear their kisses getting sloppier and it sounds like suction cups being attached and reattached. I clear my throat loudly and the suction sounds stop. 

“Night baby,” Finn says in a low voice. 

“I love you, Finny,” she says like a simpering Capitolite. I huff in impatience and start off toward Victor’s Village, hoping Finn will get the hint. He does and he catches up to me in seconds.

“Thanks Uncle Peeta,” he says quietly. I can only nod stiffly. I still feel terrible about lying to the women in my life. I’m going to have to tell Katniss. I can’t not tell her. The test was negative anyway so it shouldn’t be that big a deal.   
I watch Finn walk up to his door, before I head back home. The house smells like roasting meat and I toss my coat and gloves aside.

“Katniss?” I enter the kitchen to see her flipping bacon on the stove. 

“Hey, I got hungry and wasn’t sure when you would be back. Breakfast for dinner tonight!”

“Smells great,” I say as I wrap my arms around her from behind. I move her braid off her neck so I can rest my lips there but she spins out of my arms and shakes her head.

“This grease is hot and I’ve already burned myself once. So none of that til I’m finished.” I pout, which she ignores as she goes back to cooking the bacon.

“What can I do to help?”

“Still need some bread for the eggs. Otherwise I was going to use that loaf you brought home two days ago.” I guess the thing about growing up on stale bread is that I   
won’t eat it if it’s even a day old. I suppose that’s silly but now I can afford fresh food, and I can afford to keep my family fed. It’s not a luxury I had growing up and Mom never let us have anything fresh from the oven. I remember one day, I was still really young and I was crying because I was so hungry. So Ryean stole a fresh loaf from the shelf and tore off a huge chunk for me. Mom caught him and he couldn’t sit down for a week. 

I push my mother out of my thoughts as I hurry to make cheesebuns. We just got a shipment of cheese in from the Capitol and it’s rich and delicious. I grate a little extra for our eggs, and push the cheesbuns into the oven before turning back to Katniss.

“What else did you want with this?”

“Do you mind dicing those potatoes? I started but got distracted with the bacon and the sausage,” she says without turning from the stove. I pick up the knife and pour the potatoes into the bowl. 

“DAMN IT!” I jump and whirl around to find Katniss holding her hand to her lips and tears of pain pouring down her face. I immediately go to her and take her hand. The grease is bubbling and I reach over to turn down the heat before I drag her over to the sink and pull her hand under the cold water. She flinches but I hold it there, my eyes on her face. There’s a shiny red burn covering her finger and she whimpers as the cold water hits her skin. 

“Breathe through the pain,” I say softly. “Just close your eyes and breathe through it.” She closes her eyes and I see her inhale deeply.

“Talk to me,” she says quietly. “I bet you got lots of burns, growing up in a bakery.”

“I did. They still hurt but my hands toughened out. When I was about four, I was trying to help my eldest brother take a cake out of one of the big bake ovens. Needless to say, I got a bad burn on my hand and I was screaming and crying all over the place. I ran to Mom, who shooed me away and told me to run it under cold water. So I ran to Dad, who scooped me up and carried me to the sink. He put my hands under cold water and then kissed my fingers. He told me, ‘fire is beautiful but deadly, Peeta. The heat may attract us but we need to keep our distance because a burn hurts worse than anything else.’”

“Sounds like he was warning you against more than baking bread,” she says with a small smile. Her eyes open and meet mine and I return the smile. 

“Well I don’t know if I agree with him. The Girl on Fire is both beautiful and deadly but I couldn’t keep my distance from her if I tried.” 

“I won’t burn you,” she says quietly as she leans in close. I pull her hand from the sink and examine the burn. It still looks red but the water seemed to help. I bring her finger to my lips and barely graze her skin. She sucks in a breath but I don’t think it’s a gasp of pain. She reaches up and wraps her other hand in my hair, and my hands rest on her waist. She leans in and nuzzles under my chin, closing her eyes. I tilt her chin upwards and her eyes meet mine.

“Kiss me,” I demand quietly. Ever since I dropped Finn off, I’ve thought about Katniss’s and mine fake kisses when we were young. True she’s more than made up for it with her enthusiasm and love as we’ve gotten older, but I still need a reminder from time to time. I blame my hijacked brain for not being able to trust in anything. But she obliges and presses her lips to mine, unhurried and sweet. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer and she brings her injured hand back to my mouth, probing at the corner of my lips with her finger. I wrap my tongue around her fingers, my eyes boring into hers as I take her face in my hands and pull her back to my mouth. She whimpers into my mouth as my hands move down her back and grip her luscious ass in my palms. 

“Peeta,” she moans my name as I tear my lips from hers, to move them to her neck and throat. I’m about to rip the buttons of her shirt (my shirt, I realize suddenly) and push her back onto the table when we hear a shrill cry from upstairs. Katniss regretfully pulls away and runs a hand through her hair.

“I’ll go get her.”

“Put some ointment and a bandage on that finger. I’ll finish dinner.” She nods and gives me a soft kiss before she heads upstairs to soothe our daughter. I have to take a moment to adjust my jeans and I wince as the material of my boxer briefs rubs against my throbbing erection. I glance up at the ceiling and shake my head.

“Get it together, Mellark.” I force myself to think of other things, until I seem ok to move. I hurriedly finish cooking the bacon and sausage and start to plate the food. Thankfully the cheesebuns didn’t burn, else Katniss wouldn’t speak to me for the rest of the night. 

I’m setting the table when Katniss comes into the kitchen with our daughter in her arms. Her little face is red and tear-streaked and her lip trembles as she continues to cry. 

“My poor little girl,” I say as I take her into my arms, holding her up and nuzzling her nose with mine. Her pouting disappears immediately and is replaced by a broad smile. I laugh in delight and thrust her up into the air, making a whooshing sound that she seems to love. 

“I can’t even be disgusted by how adorable that is,” Katniss says as she grabs a slice of bacon. 

“You hear that, Willow? Mommy thinks we are adorable.”

“I was referring to her,” she says with a smirk.

“Ouch. Right in the heart. Fine, you can go back to your mean mama.” Katniss takes her as I hurry to pour us some water and I pull the playpen close to the table so we can put Willow down while we eat. 

“Did you already feed her?”

“Earlier but I was going to offer her some apples when we finish eating.” I nod. Good idea, let’s eat first and then get baby food all over the kitchen. I watch her eat for a moment and when she gives me a questioning look, I shake my head and quickly stuff a piece of bread into my mouth. 

“What’s wrong, Peeta?” I shake my head, my mouth still full. She sets her fork down and gives me an impatient glare. Sighing to myself, I swallow my food and take a drink of water before I face her.

“I want to ask you something and I don’t want you to get upset,” she nods and waits for me to continue. “What happened earlier? In our bedroom, I mean?”

“What are you-?”

“Please Katniss. Please tell me you’re not still…embarrassed to let me see you.” She bites her lip and turns her head.

“Are you kidding me? After all this time? After all we have been through together? Katniss, you know how much I love you. How much I want you! How much you turn me on. WHY are you feeling this way?”

“I don’t know, Peeta,” she says, her eyes filled with tears. “I do know how much you love and want me. I even love it when you show me how much. But it was just…awkward.   
I feel awkward, pumping my own milk and you might be the one to feed her! Not me!” I gape at her, my mouth moving wordlessly.

“Don’t give me that look. I don’t mean that I’m mad at you for helping out, I’m just feeling extremely unattractive and maybe a little useless and it has nothing to do with you.”

“Katniss, don’t you see,” I reach forward to cover her hand with mine. “When you feel unattractive or useless, I am obviously doing something wrong as a husband to make you feel that way.”

“No! I said it has nothing to do with you--“

“And yet, I can’t seem to make you feel beautiful or loved? Doesn’t speak much for me.”

“Peeta, for gods sakes, stop making it all about you!” I rear back as if she slapped me. She essentially did with her angry words.

“Excuse me?”

“I had a baby. It changed my body, my already scarred, messed up body, and I don’t feel pretty right now. Just let me feel bad and stop trying to fix everything all the time!” She jumps out of her seat and runs upstairs. I don’t try to stop her. I won’t try to fix it this time. If she doesn’t want to listen to me tell her how beautiful I think she is, how I have always thought of her as perfect, then I won’t waste my breath. I push my plate aside and pick up my daughter, bouncing her in my arms. 

“Come on, little girl. You want to help Daddy paint a little?” She coos and grips my finger as I carry her up to my studio. 

I hold Willow in the crook of my arm as I spread red and yellow and oranges on the canvas in front of me. She reaches out for the paintbrush and I can’t help but laugh. I’m relieved that I have something to distract me, to keep my mind off the argument I had with my wife. Before my daughter was born, I was forced to sit up here alone and grumble as my thoughts would turn darker and darker. But Willow is like my own little ray of sunshine that casts the rainclouds away. I can’t help but laugh and smile when I’m around her, and my thoughts focus on her and her mommy and how lucky I am. I set my paintbrush down and cock my head. My red and orange splatters have somehow become Katniss’s dress from the first Hunger Games interview we ever did. I study the paint strokes and the flames that surround her feet. 

“Isn’t your mama equisite, Willow?” I hold her up and she reaches out to touch the wet canvas. I yank her back, checking her hands to make sure she didn’t get paint on her. 

“Why won’t she believe me when I tell her that,” I wonder aloud. I glance at Willow and see her gazing up at me. I sigh and shake my head.

“I love your mama more than anything in the world, little girl. I could never love another like I love her. But she drives me crazy when she gets so down on herself and won’t let me help her. What can I do to convince her she’s still beautiful? And why does she even care? She knows I love her, no matter how she looks. Isn’t that enough?” Willow’s smile fades and a scowl covers her face. The scowl is all too familiar and I bite my lip to keep from laughing.

“Ok, scowl at me all you want. You and mama both. I guess I just have to stop trying to fix everything and just…let her feel sad once in awhile.” I sigh and wash the paintbrush off before returning it to its velvet-lined case, a gift from Katniss for my birthday several years ago. 

“Ok, I’ve taught you how to paint. Want to help me bake?” I hold her in the air and wait for her scowl to disappear. Luckily it fades more quickly than her mother’s does and I kiss her cheeks.

“Let’s go make something sweet for your mommy.”


	17. Chapter 17

After a long bath with the bath salts that my mother sent, I am feeling much better and less cranky. I should apologize to Peeta for going off on him like that but he is too damn perfect most of the time. I feel so imperfect next to him and it makes me feel unworthy of his love. I know that’s not how he means it, and he’s only being himself, the sweet, caring, sunshine of a man that I fell in love with. Sighing, I tie my robe around my waist and make my way downstairs.

I hear him talking to himself in the kitchen and I pause in the hallway, peering around the door to make sure he is not in any kind of flashback. 

I want to kick myself for even thinking it. He’s not in a flashback, he looks happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. He has Willow sitting on the counter, one arm around her to keep her from falling as she plays with dough. He leans in close and I can see he is decorating a small cake with a piping bag. He’s gotten really good at doing everything one-handed.

“Ok, what color do you think? Green or orange?” I don’t see what Willow does to respond but he laughs and picks something up.

“You know your mommy well. Green it is. It’s her favorite color. Mine’s orange, like the suns-- Sweetheart, you’re supposed to knead the dough, not wear it!” I release a little giggle, making his head shoot up and his wide eyes land on me. Seeing that I’m caught, I come out from my hiding spot and stand a little ways from the counter. 

“Hi.”

“Hi,” he says slowly, setting down the piping bag. Willow continues to spread the dough over her outfit and I have to smile.

“Teaching our daughter how to bake already?”

“Never too young to learn,” he says with a smile, though his eyes are wary. He’s worried I’ll yell at him again. 

“Peeta,” I move around the counter to his side and I stop when I see the cake. It’s a little bigger than a cupcake, with white frosting and scalloped edges. A large yellow dandelion sits in the middle and in green icing, he has written “we love you Katniss.” Next to it is a tiny handprint.   
My eyes fill with tears. At the mere sight of a cake! I am pathetic.

He watches me worriedly, and I turn away. This man is too perfect. Time and time again, he proves that I could never deserve him.

“Hey,” he says softly, coming up behind me with our little girl nestled in the crook of his arm. “Don’t do that. Don’t turn away from me when you’re upset. I may not be able to fix it, but I still want you tell me what’s wrong, even if I’m the problem. You can talk to me about anything Katniss, you know that. And I just want to know what’s going on with you, how you’re feeling, what you’re worrying about. Those kinds of things. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. It’s just how I am.”

“I know, Peeta,” I say softly, resting my hand on the back of his neck and playing with the tiny curls that grow there.” You are so wonderful, almost perfect, and that’s what scares me the most. I feel imperfect next to you, and feel like one day you will just get frustrated with me and--“

“Don’t you dare say it,” he growls, reaching back to remove my hand from his neck. “Almost sixteen years of marriage…and nearly twenty-eight years of loving you from afar…you HONESTLY think I would EVER just up and leave you?” I take a step back, seeing how red his face is getting. I want to take our daughter upstairs where she can’t see all of this. Not that she understands it yet but she is a smart baby and very in tune with our emotions.

“Peeta please, not with our daughter in your arms,” I whisper and he checks himself, quickly glancing at Willow, who seems to be falling asleep.

“I’ll put her to bed,” he says curly before he turns and heads up the stairs. I stand there, staring at the cake, wondering how I can make such a mess of things. Here he is, being sweet and trying to make me feel better and all I can do is anger and confuse him. No wonder the Capitol was able to hijack his memories. I made it oh so easy for them. 

I put out a shaky hand to grip the edge of the counter. I wait to see if he is coming back and when I do not hear his heavy footsteps, I pick up the beautiful cake and place it in the fridge. Heaving a great sigh, I trudge upstairs and nearly run into him as he is exiting the nursery. He puts a finger to his lips and pulls the door mostly closed. The baby monitor in his hand, he gestures for me to follow him and he closes our bedroom door behind him.   
He sets the monitor on the table and turns back to me. 

“Robe off,” he says in a dangerous growl. I stare at him, confused. He crosses his arms and his eyes narrow.

“Don’t make me say it again.” My hands fumble as I reach for the sash on my robe. I’m only wearing a pair of basic cotton panties underneath and I shiver as I pull the robe open. I see something in his eyes as he takes me in but he hides it well as he crosses his arms.

“Sit on the bed.” I obey and cross my legs, glancing up at him and see him chewing on his tongue as if holding back his next orders. 

“Lie back and spread your legs.” This is too much. To be so open and so vulnerable, even if it is only Peeta…

“No thanks,” I reply and I see his eyes flash. He leans down and pushes me down into the blankets, pinning my wrists with his hands. With his knee, he spreads my legs and he leans back a little to survey me.

“Now I want you to touch yourself,” he whispers in my ear before he bites down on my lobe, hard. I gasp, though I don’t know if it’s from the words or the action. Both maybe.

“Peeta--“

“I won’t repeat myself, Katniss.” He grabs one of my hands and brings it down to my center. As angry as I am with him for ordering me about, I can’t help the sudden pool of wetness between my legs. I know he knows it too, when his knuckles graze my underwear and his eyes widen.

“Rub in circles, over your panties.” He positions my fingers and I do as he says. I try to find a rhythm but the way he is hovering over me makes it impossible to actually enjoy this. He removes his hands from my wrists and I lean up and make to leave. His hands shoot out and pin me again and I huff underneath him. He glares down at me, his eyes a deep shade of blue filled with lust and anger. 

“You’re pissing me off, Katniss,” he spats and I roll my eyes. I feel his fingers tighten around my wrists.

“Good. Makes us even.” He brings my hands over my head and holds my wrists together in one of his hands while he leans over and yanks the drawer open. I hear a clinking sound and don’t connect the dots until I feel the cold metal around my wrist. He’s handcuffed my hand to the bed.

“You forgot the other one,” it slips out and I don’t regret it.

“No I didn’t. Now touch yourself again.” He pulls my hand down between my legs and slides it underneath my panties. I jerk when my own fingers graze my center and he presses down even more. 

“Spread them wider,” he pulls my legs apart, keeping his hands on my ankles. His fingers hook underneath the band of my panties and he yanks them down none too gently. He lets out a low hiss as he spreads me wider, his hands massaging my thighs. 

“Fuck Katniss. I wish you could see how hot you are right now. So wet and open and ready for me. You want me to fuck you, Katniss? Do you want me inside you?” 

“Yes,” I say softly, instantly regetting it. I am NOT this girl. The girl who will submit to my husband’s anger. I can fight back. Why am I not fighting back?   
He pushes my hand aside and thrusts a finger inside me, quickly adding another, and then another. I am so filled and jerk my hips upwards in an effort to get more. But this is not what I had in mind when he asked me if I wanted him inside me. I want more. I need more. 

I need him.

He starts to finger me roughly and I can feel myself approaching my climax already. My hips undulate uncontrollably and I turn to hide my face in the pillow. 

“No,” he says, grabbing my chin. “If I wanted you to muffle your screams I would have gagged you. Scream my name when you come.” I feel myself clench around his fingers and wail his name to the still house. He withdraws his fingers and pops them into his mouth. I love watching him suck me off of him, and he closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again, they are a shade darker. 

“Bend your knees.” Since I am unable to move from my orgasm, he positions my legs where he wants them and I feel his pinkie finger prodding my other hole. I gasp and lift my hips off the bed as he slides his finger inside me. It’s awkward at first but feels incredible, as he uses his thumb to find my clit. He bends down and takes my nipple between his teeth and I cry out, far too sensitive for teeth. I reach down and grip his hair but he rears back and looks angry.

“Don’t fucking touch me, Katniss!” He slams my hand down and produces a scarf from I don’t know where. He quickly binds my other hand to the bed so that I am helpless. 

“Peeta, you can stop this now. I don’t--“

“You need to shut the hell up and do exactly as I say,” he says in a low voice, his face inches from mine. “I’m tired of the backtalking and the bullshit coming from your mouth. If you continue to displease me, I’ll be forced to gag you.”   
He’s never gagged me before. We’ve always agreed, in the few times we have been this rough, that I would be able to talk and say if something is too uncomfortable for me. It’s that fear that makes me fall silent.  
He looks satisfied and sits beside me. His hand rests above my breast and slowly makes its way down my body.

“I want to taste every inch of you tonight, Katniss. Every inch of this scarred, messed-up skin,” he throws my own words back in my face and I gasp. He finds the jagged scar near my collar bone and traces his tongue over it. 

“This body is so perfect,” he mutters as he licks around my nipples and then down to my bellybutton. “This beautiful, masterpiece of a body. A mosaic of scars and memories, to remind me everyday how lucky we are, how lucky I am to be the man you love.” His lips stop right above my pelvis and he starts kissing at my stretch marks.

“This body that has been through the worst, and still managed to beat the odds. This body that delivered the most precious gift ever created,” his voice softens considerably, “that carried and protected my perfect daughter.” His tongue on my skin is making my toes curl and I toss my head back and moan. I feel his fingers separating my folds and he blows softly on my sensitive clit. I release a cry and jerk upwards. 

“This body that brings me so much pleasure and that can come undone with my touch. This body that cries out for mine, longing for us to be connected.” He holds my folds apart while he devours me, his tongue relentless until I am screaming his name again. I come and whimper at the feel of his tongue. I try to squirm away but as I am bound to the bed, I can do nothing until he pulls away. But he is determined to make me come a third time. I arch my back and squeeze my eyes shut as I feel my orgasm wash over me. He places a final kiss to my clit and leans back, his hand gently massaging my inner thigh.

“And I love watching you come. It’s the most beautiful sight in the world.” 

“Peeta,” is all I can say as I lean against the wall, so close to collapsing from exhaustion. 

“Katniss, your body is a work of art to me. I can never get enough of it. We were both so broken and yet we were able to mend each other. So when I hear that bullshit of you feeling imperfect next to me, I get angry because I wish you could see how close to perfection you are to me. There has never been anyone else and there will never be anyone else and yours is the only body I want to look at until my dying days. I wish I could paint you like this, bound and flushed from your orgasms and…fuck, you look so damn irresistible right now.” He pulls my hand free from the bed and goes to work on the handcuff. When he has me freed, he pulls me up and turns me around, reattaching my hands to the headboard. He knees my legs apart and sinks into me, slowly letting me feel every inch of his cock. His pace is torturous and I toss my head back and groan in frustration. He wraps my hair around his hand and pulls back, making me arch my back. His hand covers my ass cheeks, and I feel a sharp sting when his palm makes contact with my skin. He does it again and again until I can feel my flaming skin is sensitive to the touch. I fall to the bed, my elbows the only thing holding me up right now. He pulls out of me and I feel his tongue on my folds again. Then he travels up and his tongue dives into my other hole. I arch my back at the sensation. It’s fucking amazing but I don’t want to admit I am enjoying this. We have never talked about this, even though he has experimented with his pinkie finger a few times. But now his hands are spreading me wide and his tongue is replaced by his finger. He slowly pushes in and I gasp into the sheets.

“How does this feel, Katniss? Talk to me.”

“It feels…strange. But good. Really good.” 

“Fuck,” he swears behind me. “I’m not sure which of us likes my finger up your ass more.”   
Holy shit, his dirty mouth is just spurring me on. He starts to add a second finger and I try not to resist it. He goes very slowly, testing me and he hisses at how tight I am. He slides his cock inside me again and keeps his finger in my back hole. 

“Holy shit, Peeta! Oh…fuck!” 

“Mmm, Katniss. Look at you, so completely full of me. I love you so fucking much, you know that? You are…ah, shit! You are everything to me! Shit I’m gonna come!” I’m not there yet, I suppose the sensation is still too strange but that’s ok, what I really want is him to finish inside me. He pulls his fingers out and starts to rub my clit with his thumb, pressing down and making me wail. He holds off until I come, screaming his name and then he is right behind me. He collapses on my back and I hide my face in the pillows. I glance over my shoulder and see him panting against my skin.

“Peeta? Think you could release me now?” His eyes snap open and he lifts his head. His eyes go to my binds but he doesn’t move to remove them.

“That depends. Are you going to keep arguing with me, or are you going to accept that you are in fact beautiful and VERY worthy of my affection? Cause I wouldn’t mind keeping you chained here and having my wicked way with you until you believe and accept it.” 

“I believe you,” I say softly and then I feel his hands, very tenderly, pulling me loose. As soon as my hands are free, he pulls me into his side and he kisses my forehead, his fingers pushing back my sweaty hair. 

“I love you,” he tells me. “Can you believe and accept that?”

“Definitely,” I tell him. “And I love you too. I’m sorry I’m so hard-headed and stubborn but that’s the girl you fell in love with. You knew who I was when you married me.”

“I did,” he says, nodding. “And I wouldn’t change you. But I just want you to see how far we have come, with each other’s help. We need each other, Katniss. And if you shut me out, I won’t feel needed and won’t know how to help. So please just let me in and accept that I just want to help you…it’s who I am.” 

“It’s one of the things I love about you,” I tell him and he kisses my nose. “And I wouldn’t change you either. No matter what I say, please never leave me alone.”

“You know I never could. I wasn’t ever able to stay away, despite my head screaming at me to get over you.” 

“Well I’m glad you decided to listen to your heart and not your head.” He nods as his hand starts to make soothing patterns on my shoulder that will likely put me to sleep any minute.

“My heart told me someday, somehow, we would be together. I just had to wait for someone else’s heart to be heard.” 

“Good thing we both listened to our hearts then,” I say through a yawn. 

“You’re my world, Katniss Mellark.”

“And you’re mine, Peeta Mellark.” 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I cannot believe how quickly the time flies. Today is Willow’s first birthday and it seems like the entire district is in an uproar, for different reasons.  
Peeta is selling birthday cookies and cupcakes for discounted prices, in honor of his “princess’s birthday”.   
Delly is pregnant again and keeps Brent running to and from the bakery, while he carries little Dex on his shoulders, who tells everyone he meets he is going to be a big brother.

Effie has opened her own academy here in 12, and has enlisted George to help run it. Which means Johanna and Aran spend lots of time with Peeta, Annie, Finn, Willow, and me. They’ve only been in the district a few days and I wish we could relax and enjoy ourselves. Of course the damn Capitol once again stands in the way of our happiness. 

You would think after nearly seventeen years since the end of the Hunger Games, the people of Panem would just put history behind them but unfortunately that’s not the case. I’d already known that the Victors were written into history books; I remember several years ago when Finn came to us to ask our help with one of his projects and Peeta went into a flashback from reading what they had written about us. I can only hope we are considered old news by the time Willow is old enough for school.  
Last month on what used to be known as Reaping Day, District 12 received several visitors from the Capitol. The men came straight to Victor’s Village and requested an audience with Haymitch, Annie, Peeta and myself. I disliked them immediately. All of them refused to call me by my married name and insisted on calling me the Mockingjay. They informed us that several museums were going to be built, including several of the arenas from the Games.   
I’d excused myself to go throw up in the bathroom. Peeta came to find me and pulled me into his chest.

“How can Paylor allow this,” I sob into his shirt.

“Maybe she’s looking at it like remembering and honoring those who died in the Games.”

“It’s mocking their memories! A museum about the Hunger Games? Why can’t we just forget about it?”

“Because it’s history, Katniss. It’s our history. We don’t want people to forget because then it’s possible for people to destroy themselves again, like last time. We need   
everyone to remember the atrocities that were committed and if this is the only way, I’ll do what I can to help.”

“But Peeta! Your flashbacks…I mean…”

“I haven’t had a flashback in years. Not a serious one anyway. Look I’m not saying it will be easy but I want to do this.” 

“Well, I can’t,” I say as I push away from him. “I don’t need to be reminded. My nightmares remind me pretty often.” He sighed and gave me a sad look before he left me alone in the bathroom.

When I returned to the kitchen, Haymitch was excusing himself as well. He saw me in the hall and raised his brow.

“Whatever she decides. I’m with the Mockingjay.” And he left. I saw how angry this made Peeta. No doubt he was remembering the last time Haymitch had said that. The Capitol men clapped their hands excitedly and turned to me.

“Ms Everdeen, we would absolutely love it if the Star Crossed Lovers agreed to an interview. It would be a reenactment of your first interviews with Caesar Flickerman! He’s even said he would come out of retirement to interview you both again.” Of course he did. Caesar always did like the theatrics.

“No interviews from me,” I said firmly and they stared at me, looking confused.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand? I said no interviews from me. I won’t speak for anyone else here,” I waved to Annie and Peeta. “But I have had quite enough of the Hunger Games to last me a lifetime. I don’t need to think about them anymore. And if you’ll excuse me, I hear my daughter crying.” I left before I could hear their protests. I don’t know what Peeta and Annie said but I know they left not long after.   
Johanna, George, and Aran arrived a few days ago and Brent offered them one of the empty houses along Victor’s Row, not far from us. As soon as Johanna was settled in, Annie invited her over to talk to her about the museum and arena ideas.

As I expected, she reacted like I did. With much more colorful language.

“Why the fuck are they stirring the pot with ancient history?”

“It’s not so ancient, Jo, it’s our lifetime,” Peeta pointed out. 

“Can it, Mellark! Are you really ok with this? All of you? I would have thought we could finally get some peace and quiet and have people leave us the fuck alone!”

“Jo, language,” George said quietly, clapping his hand over Aran’s ears. 

“I said I wouldn’t have anything to do with it,” I said with a shrug. Johanna raised a brow.

“And you two? What did you say?”

“I said I would help. The world needs to remember what was done, so we won’t ever go back to that,” Peeta said softly. 

“I said I would help but that I won’t visit any of those places and if they need to ask me anything, they can ask me in the comfort of my own home,” Annie replied.

“Fuck, you two! After being prisoners in the Capitol I would have thought you of all people would want to forget everything!”

“We’re not saying we will tell them every detail, Johanna,” Peeta said through gritted teeth. “But we have a duty to help future generations understand. Our children get to grow up in a world that is free of oppression and slavery and the Reapings. I for one am proud of what we did. And when my daughter asks me about it one day, I’ll be able to tell her that her daddy helped end the Hunger Games.” Johanna shot me a scandalized look. 

“I can’t believe you’re alright with this.”

“I’m not but I don’t control my husband. Peeta can make his own decisions.” I felt Peeta, Annie, and Johanna staring at me and I excused myself to feed Willow. 

I can still feel the tension in the air, as George tried to convince Johanna to help the Capitol and he received an earful of more cursing from his wife.   
It’s been tense around here too. Peeta is obviously still upset with me about my decision but he doesn’t push it. He’s been pretty distant though, spending more time with Willow and less around me. I don’t want this to come between us. We’ve always been a team and this shouldn’t change that fact. 

 

I’m laying out several of Willow’s dresses, trying to decide what to dress her in for her birthday party, when I hear a noise behind me. He freezes in the doorway, seeing that Willow is asleep and he shrugs apologetically at me. I shake my head and gather the outfits in my arms, motioning for him to follow me.  
When we are in our bedroom, I set the dresses on the bed and give him a shy smile.

“I didn’t think you would be home from the bakery so soon.”

“All I can think about is my little princess turning one today and I wanted to come home and see her.” My smile gets bigger when I hear Peeta talk like this. He has severe separation issues when he has to leave his daughter’s side. He is the most devoted father I have ever seen and he is always kissing her cheeks or doting on her. I’m grateful that he was home when she took her first steps. He would have been crushed if he had missed them. He started to cry when she walked right into his arms. He still thanks me for giving him this. The chance at a family and the chance to be such a wonderful father.

“Well she will be up from her nap really soon. You want to help me pick out what she’s going to wear for the party?” 

“You can choose. I should go help George set up the table.” I bite my lip as I watch him hurry out of the room, as if he is afraid to be in here with me for very long. Sighing, I sink onto the bed and arrange the little dresses just to give my hands something to do. I hate this wall that’s between us. Why is the Capitol always doing something to come between us?   
I don’t have long to get lost in my thoughts, as I hear Willow waking up and starting to cry. I move the dresses to the side and quickly walk down the hall to the nursery, only to find that Peeta has beat me here. He’s attacking her with kisses and her giggles bounce of the walls. He turns and notices me standing near the crib and his smile fades slightly.

“Sorry. I just wanted to hold her.”

“Don’t apologize. She’s your daughter too. Come on, let’s go pick her outfit. Together.” He’s about to protest but I grab his arm and drag him back to the bedroom. 

“Ok little girl,” I say as I blow a raspberry against her cheek. She shrieks with laughter and Peeta’s broad smile returns. “Let’s get you dressed. What do we think, Daddy?” 

“I’m partial to the one with all the suns on it,” he says with a grin. 

“Of course you are. This one will really bring out those pretty blue eyes,” I hold up a cute little sailor outfit that Effie made herself. 

“That yellow one would offset that dark head of hair,” he says, gesturing toward the bright yellow sunflower dress. 

“Oh but there’s this one Delly bought! It’s got little hearts on it.” Peeta chuckles and lifts her up a little, nuzzling her nose.

“What do you think, my little princess? What do you want to wear to your big party?” 

“If she answers you, I think I might cry. She’s getting so big already.” He nods and holds her cheek pressed to his. 

“What about that frilly cream one? With the bow in front? It would offset her eyes.” I lift the dress he is talking about and hold it up to our daughter.

“Perfect.” He smiles as he lays her down and unbuttons her onesie. Her little feet hover in the air as he leans down and kisses her tummy. We work quickly and in no time at all, we have her dressed. 

“We still make a great team,” I say with a laugh as I lift her up. 

“I thought you’d forgotten that,” he says so softly that I don’t know if he expected me to hear him. But I did and I frown.

“What’s that--“ but we are interrupted by Johanna, Annie, and Finn as they barge into the bedroom.

“Katniss, that is the cutest little dress I have ever seen!”

“Peeta picked it out,” I say, glancing at him. He grins and hands Willow to Finn, who is already reaching out for her.

“My little Will,” he coos as he straightens out her dress. “You ready for your first birthday party, hm? Your daddy is crazy with the food and the decorations, so don’t be surprised if he goes overboard.”

“Hey,” Peeta protests. “I didn’t go overboard and I resent that statement!”

“Come on, let’s show her what we brought her from District 2.” Finn carries Willow out, followed by Johanna and Annie and Peeta is about to follow, when my hand shoots out and grabs his wrist. His eyes widen in surprise.

“Peeta, what did you mean by that? What you said before they came in?”

“Forget it, Katniss. It was nothing.”

“It’s NOT nothing. You’ve been avoiding me for days and you’re so cool towards me. You’re still mad at me? For not wanting to help those Capitol men?” He jerks his hand out of my grasp and shakes his head.

“No Katniss. That’s not what I’m upset about.”

“Then what is it?” He sighs and runs his hand through his neat curls. 

“We’ve always been a team. The Games threw us together and we learned to protect each other. Every day since then, we have been working together and protecting each other. But you said no so quickly, without even talking to me…you just went off on your own. Making your own decisions. We don’t do that, Katniss. I mean…we don’t usually. And the way you flinched when the man referred to us as the star-crossed lovers. It’s like you went back to that first interview, when you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“Is it? Then why can’t we make this decision together? Why couldn’t we talk about it and decide, together, we didn’t want to participate? After all this time, Katniss, I just thought this was something we could face together. Instead, you and Haymitch leave me alone to deal with it, just like before. And maybe I’m dumb for wanting to help them out, but I can’t help but feel abandoned. Again.”

“Why didn’t you say something,” I ask, a little irritated. “Why haven’t you said something rather than just avoid me and give me the cold shoulder?”

“Because I knew what you would say. You’ll assure me that we’re still a team, that we’ll face whatever we face, together, and then when it comes time for the museums to be built, you’ll hide under the blankets and refuse to come downstairs. It’s what you did with the memorial, it’s what you did after Willow was born. You hide, Katniss. You hide from me and you hide from the world. And I flashback to those days in the Capitol, when the peacekeepers beat me and told me you had forgotten about me. That you just left me there to die and I started to believe them and I HATE feeling that with you, Katniss! Because you weren’t there for me, in the beginning! You weren’t there for me until much later. I was so devoted to you, I was fine with the tiniest shred of friendship that you were prepared to offer. I watched you with Gale, I comforted you when you had nightmares, I offered my life for yours countless times, and you never seemed to understand what I was giving to you. I gave you my trust, Katniss. My whole heart. And you have treated it pretty damn well over the years but I can still remember when you didn’t. When you abandoned me, time and time again, and when you insist on making decisions by yourself, decisions that ultimately affect both of us, it makes the poison resurface and I don’t know how to stop it!” He finishes with a shaky breath and I see the tears welling up in his eyes. I can only mouth wordlessly, completely at loss of what to say. He shakes his head and moves to exit the room but I pounce on him before he can leave. I leap in front of him, blocking his path, and shove him backwards onto the bed. Caught off guard, he falls backwards and looks up at me in shock. I kneel in front of him and take his face in my hands. My lips crash down onto his and my arms wrap around his neck, twisting up into his hair. I can’t breathe and I know he can’t either but I don’t want to break this spell. He starts to push against me and I finally have to release him, but I reach down and grip his shirt tightly.

“We ARE a team, Peeta,” I say quietly. He blinks and swallows and I cup his chin so he will look at me. I’m met with glassy blue eyes and I pull him even closer. “You’re right. I’m sorry I don’t talk to about things especially when I know it involves both of us. I know we both lost so much and my depression is no excuse but I just don’t want anything to do with those Games anymore. But I should have talked to you about it first. Even after so many years of marriage, I still don’t really know how to be a wife. I don’t know how to depend on someone else and I don’t know how to share my problems. Prim was too young for me to spill all my troubles on her and Gale just ranted and raved about the Capitol so I kept everything inside. It’s a bad habit that I try not to do with you. And I’m so sorry you feel so abandoned. I vowed to not only be your wife but your friend as well. And right now I’m doing a lousy job at both. I’m so sorry, Peeta. ” I hang my head and he presses his forehead to mine.

“Just don’t forget to talk to me,” he says softly. “And I really think we should talk about this museum thing. Later, of course. Our little girl is probably waiting for us.” I nod and jump to my feet. He offers a hand and I glance up at him as I take it. He lifts my hand to his mouth and his lips graze my knuckles. I smile as he pulls me from the bedroom and down the stairs. He takes Willow from Effie and we hold her together, allowing ourselves to become lost in the love we have for our daughter and for each other. 

Johanna and George show us the beautifully carved highchair they brought from District 2. Since Willow is sitting up on her own, we bought a makeshift chair to put her into when we eat, or when we are trying to feed her. The chair is sturdy and polished and Peeta kisses Johanna’s cheek in thanks. Willow likes it too, as she sits and bangs on the little tray that is attached to it. Peeta presents a cake he made for his daughter, and even puts a tiny slice in front of her. She dives into it, literally, and I give him an exasperated look but he merely shrugs and smiles. Well she will definitely need a bath later on. She sucks on her blue fingers and smiles over at me. I shake my head and kiss her head, and can’t even find it in me to scold Peeta anymore. 

As more and more guests enter our home to wish our daughter a happy birthday, there are four who take me by surprise. I had sent invitations but didn’t expect them to respond. But sure enough, my mother walks up the stairs to our house, followed by Gale, his young son on his shoulders, with a snooty-looking woman by his side, holding a baby in her arms. 

“Peeta,” I say softly and he joins me, Willow’s arms wrapped around his neck.

“Oh,” I hear him say quietly as we watch the newcomers enter the house. Mom stops in front of us and gives us a teary smile. 

“I hope you don’t mind…I brought her a gift.”

“That was so thoughtful of you,” Peeta says, always better with words than me. “Look Willow, look at what your grandma brought you.” He accepts the package and goes to put it with the rest of the gifts, leaving me alone with Mom, Gale and his family. 

“We, uh, brought something too,” Gale says, handing me a small box. “It’s not much but Leo helped pick it out.” Leo looks smug on his father’s shoulders and I smile.

“Well I’m sure Willow will love it. Thank you Gale. And Leo,” I add. His wife’s sneer gets even worse. Gale clears his throat and drapes his arm around her.

“Katniss, this is Ghilda. Ghilda, Katniss Everdeen…sorry, Mellark,” adds quickly, looking anxiously at me. Ghilda raises a brow.

“Wow. To be in the home of the Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12. It’s an honor.” I can’t decide if she’s being sarcastic or not but I smile and incline my head.

“We’re happy you were able to join us. Please make yourselves at home and help yourself to the cake in the kitchen. Peeta made it, of course.” Gale gently leads Ghilda toward the kitchen and Mom looks nervous in front of me.

“How have you been, Katniss? How are Peeta and Willow?”

“We’re all doing great. We still can’t believe she’s a year old already.”

“That’s what happens. They grow so quickly and before you know it, they’re having families of their own.” I swallow and bite my lip as I search for something to say. Peeta, however, saves me (as usual) and wraps his arm around my waist.

“Have you had a slice of cake yet, honey?”

“Not yet. Mom, would you care for a slice?”

“Alright, thank you.”

“Would you like to hold her,” Peeta asks, glancing at Willow who is watching her grandmother curiously. Mom looks nervous but her smile grows when she holds Willow. Peeta quickly goes to the kitchen and comes back with two slices of cake for us. He takes Willow back so Mom can eat and Willow’s hands move up to play with his hair. Mom laughs softly.

“She seems like such a daddy’s girl.”

“She really is,” I nod. 

“Don’t let her lie to you. Willow is a mama’s girl through and through. She loves when Katniss holds her.” 

“Do you sing to her? Your father used to sing to you all the time when you were crying.” I nod, feeling my throat stick uncomfortably.

“Sometimes. Peeta likes it when I do.” He kisses my cheek and holds Willow up near his shoulder.

“We both do,” he says quietly. 

The party is a success and Peeta and I are quite exhausted by the end of it. As Peeta is cleaning up, I hold Willow as we say goodnight to everyone. Gale came to say goodbye a little while ago, saying Ghilda wanted to get Dahlia home to feed her. He gave me a rather stiff hug and said he would see me soon. Doubtful.   
Johanna approaches me with a small box and a mischievous grin.

“Do I even want to ask what you got for my baby?”

“It’s not for her, it’s for you. I know you’ll probably be too busy to remember your own birthday this year so it’s an early present, from me. It’s for you and Peeta.” I’m almost too afraid to open it. She grins and taps her foot, telling me she’s waiting for her me to open it. Sighing, I reposition Willow in my arms and open the box enough so I can peer in.   
I’m baffled. I slam it shut and look up at her, my brows raised.

“Mind telling me what I’m looking at?”

“Oh Brainless, you are so naïve. I imagine Baker Boy has visited your back door before, this is so you can have some more fun with it!” I continue to stare at her, not having a clue what she is talking about. She freezes and her eyes widen.

“You’re kidding me. You and Peeta haven’t…”

“We haven’t what, Jo?”

“Hey Peeta,” she calls into the house. When he appears, she motions toward my daughter. “Will you hold Willow for a minute? Me and Mommy need to have some girl talk.” He quirks a brow but drapes the dish towel over his shoulder and takes her from me. 

“Don’t ask me, she’s your mommy,” I hear him muttering to her as they go back into the house. 

“Little ears and all,” Johanna says with a shrug and a grin. 

“I’m not even sure I want to hear this,” I tell her.

“Ok I know you are not the innocent little virgin I once knew so I’ll be straight with you. Have you and Peeta tried anal sex?” 

“Oh my god, Johanna!” I stare at her in shock. Of course we have experimented with it a little, just his fingers, nothing more. It came up a long time ago, during one of our more intimate conversations about our sex life and when he admitted he wouldn’t mind trying it one day, I had to ask him what he was talking about. He was flushing red the whole time. I was too for that matter. I had no idea people actually did that and the fact that he was bringing it up in our conversation floored me. Now Johanna was talking about it too. 

“Well I’ll take that as a no. You have to try it, Katniss, it’s fucking amazing!” 

“Ok, it’s time for you to leave.”

“What?! Why?”

“I’ve told you over and over, I won’t discuss my sex life with you.”

“Ok Ok, I hear you loud and clear. Just know that your present…works for both of you. You can both wear it, and you don’t necessarily have to put it…there, when he wears it. Just imagine though, being fucked by Peeta AND--“

“Goodnight Johanna!” I start pushing her off the porch and she cackles as she starts toward the house, where George has already taken Aran. 

“Johanna!” She turns back, smirking.

“Do you mean…you and George…you guys do that?” She throws her head back and laughs before continuing on her way.


	18. Chapter 18

You guys, I am SO SO sorry about my absence- my computer completely died right before my trip to LA, and I just got back from LA and got my computer back, literally 10 minutes ago! The premiere was AMAZING! I was front row of the red carpet, and met Josh, Liam, Jen, Francis, Jena, Sam, Willow, Natalie, Wes, Donald, Patina, Eguenie (who plays Tigris) and my god the movie is amazing! What did you all think?!

Without further adieu, here is the next chapter and it's a nice long one!

XOXOXOXO

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“Sweet dreams, my little princess,” I whisper as I shut off the light and pull the door halfway closed. My little one year old fell asleep in my arms a few moments ago and I decided to go ahead and put her to bed while Katniss and Johanna have their girl talk. I shudder to think about what that means. But I imagine Katniss will return to me, all red and flushed from whatever Johanna tells her. My Katniss is still so naïve when it comes to many things and I can only imagine what Johanna is saying to her. 

I hear the door close downstairs and I meet her on the stairs. 

“Hey.” I lean in to kiss her, my hand moving up to caress her cheek. Since our talk earlier this evening, I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I hate fighting with my wife and more than that, I hate feeling this coldness between us. But I wanted her to know how much she had hurt me and I’m actually glad and a little surprised that she apologized. She deepens the kiss and pushes me against the wall. My hands move down to her waist, and I inch her shirt up a little so I can feel her skin with my fingertips. She pulls back, allowing us to breathe and I notice the box in her hands.

“Another present for Willow?”

“This is an early birthday present for me, actually. Well, for both of us.”

“Oh yeah?” She nods and opens the box to show me. 

Well damn Johanna. Not that I have a lot of experience with these kinds of things but Katniss and I have experimented with toys before and this one is definitely a surprise. Does she have any idea what Johanna has given her though?

“Do…do you know what it is?”

“Johanna said…we could both use it…wear it…and you would…use it on me…back there…” she is blushing like mad and she slams the lid over the box as if it’s burned her. I tug on her hand and lead her back to our bedroom. She throws the box aside on the bed and I take her face in my hands so I can kiss her fully. 

“Let’s get ready for bed,” I whisper. She nods and suddenly gasps.

“We were going to give Willow a bath. Is she-“

“I cleaned her up. She’s not blue anymore.” She smiles and nods as she moves to the drawer to get ready for bed. I watch her closely, sucking in a breath when I see that she chooses just a thin camisole that barely comes down past her belly button. She was so worried, after giving birth, that she wouldn’t lose the baby weight but she has gotten back to her pre-baby weight and I can’t help but moan a little when I see her exposed torso. She turns away, her long dark hair cascading all the way down her back. I decide to ready myself for bed as well and pull my shirt over my head. It’s getting hot in the district and I decide my underwear is enough to sleep in. I head to the bathroom to finish getting ready and she slides in beside me as I am exiting.   
She climbs under the blanket, knocking her gift onto the floor. 

“I’ll get it in the morning,” she yawns as she drapes her body over mine. My cock twitches uncomfortably and I bite my lip, hoping she won’t notice. Even after being married for so long, I still feel like that little boy on the train waking up next to her and trying to conceal my want for her. 

“So are you going to explain the present to me?” I tense up underneath her and she notices, lifting her head from my chest so she can look me in the eye.

“It’s called a strap on,” I explain quietly, feeling my cheeks heat up. “When people engage in intercourse, the man can wear it for double penetration and it can act as a stimulant for his partner.” Damn, I sound like I’m reciting a textbook. She bites her lip and rakes her fingernail over my nipple, which makes me shiver and inhale deeply. 

“Johanna says…she said it’s also used for anal sex.” I nod carefully, seeing how nervous she is.

“It can be. The phallic part can go…wherever you want it to go.”

“We haven’t…I mean, we haven’t tried anal sex…well, haven’t tried…with your, um…”

“No, and we won’t unless you are absolutely 100% comfortable with the thought,” I cut off her stammering. I can feel the heat coming off her face.

“But…do you want to try it?” Shit. I think my cock has already sprung to attention at the mention of it. She shifts against me, her knee nudging my arousal and I release a   
hiss. She glances down and raises a brow.

“Well clearly you do.”

“Katniss, I would love to try everything with you. But only if you want to as well. If you don’t want to, I’m perfectly fine with that.”

“But you want to try it,” she persists.

“Let me be clear. If you decide you want to try this, I’ll be happy. And if you don’t want to, I’ll be just as happy. I love you and love everything that we do.”

“You would like it…I mean, you seem to like it when…it’s your finger…I mean…” I lean up and kiss her forehead, hoping to kiss away her nervousness. She still has trouble talking about anything sexual and it stuns me when she can take control in the bedroom and be seductive with her words. And I’m not the only one who enjoys the new sensations. She’s had some really intense orgasms the last few times I have slid my finger back there while I’m thrusting up into her. I squeeze my eyes shut as I feel myself harden even more, almost to the point of pain.

“So I don’t understand…Johanna said I could wear it too. Does that mean…I’d do the same thing…to you?”   
I’ll admit, I’m taken aback for a moment and not sure how to answer. I’ve heard of it before but it was never something I thought about. I certainly heard a lot about it in the Capitol, many years ago.

How do I feel with the thought of Katniss fucking me? I can’t really summon the image. I lean up to kiss her shoulder and play with her hair.

“Yes, I guess it would be the same. I’d never really thought about it before. But again, it’s something we both need to be comfortable with.” She nods and rests her head on my chest again. 

“Speaking of comfortable, I don’t imagine you’ll get to sleep with that,” she moves off my chest and I lean up to look at her. She leans down and kisses over my underwear and I squirm a little underneath her. She reaches into the slit and pulls my cock out, rock hard from her touch. Her lips graze my tip and I squeeze my eyes shut in ecstasy.

“Katniss,” I moan as her mouth opens up and envelops me. “Ah! Shit.” She grips me in her hand and moves her mouth over me, making my head fall back onto the pillow. But why should I be the only one enjoying this? I reach around and rub her ass, sliding my finger up and down over her panties. My mouth always waters for her, and I pull her toward me so she can sit over me. She spreads her legs so she can lean over me and take me deeper, and I move the panties aside so I can taste her. 

We both fall to the bed, still quivering from our releases and the sheets are wet and sticky. Both of us are too tired to do anything, though, and I pull her on top of me and   
stroke her damp hair. 

“I love you and everything that we do too,” she whispers sleepily. I smile as we drift off to sleep together.

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“Take him!” I’m yanked to my feet and feel a sharp tug at my curls. A glittering knife is held to my throat and I can hear Johanna yelling for them to leave me alone. I want to tell her to shut up, that she’ll only make it worse for herself and for all of us, but I can’t speak. The last round of torture made my screams echo off the walls and my throat is sore and dry. They’ve discovered that while they have to leave my face alone, they can mark me up in other places. Knives are their favorite, though a few of the peacekeepers favor the fringed whips. I’ve passed out from the pain twice, only to be revived with freezing cold water and the torture starts all over again.

They haven’t given us any food or water today and I feel like we are back in the arena. 

I’m suddenly yanked forward and pushed into another empty cell. We’re a good ways away from mine and Annie’s cell, and I remain face down on the ground, holding my breath in wait. 

One of the peacekeeper’s boots finds home in my ribs and I curl up in pain. My hands are yanked in front of me and thick ropes are wrapped tightly around my wrists, and attached to the metal bars. Another rope is looped around my neck and I gasp for breath as it slowly tightens. This is it. This is why I’ve been brought into an empty cell.   
They’re finally going to kill me. I summon up the image that has kept me going, the one that has made all of this bearable.

Katniss. God I would give anything to see her one more time. Is she safe? Is she thinking of me? 

The rope around my neck pulls upward and I have to lift my head or be strangled. The peacekeeper inside the cell with me hits me with a whip, then yanks my jumpsuit down around my ankles. The sting of the whip makes me blink back tears and I toss my head back, feeling my throat constrict again. The whip meets my wounded flesh again and again and I am sure I will pass out from the pain again. Suddenly he stops. I can’t see where he has gone but I pray he will leave me alone.

I feel beefy hands at the waistband of my boxers and he yanks them down to my feet. My breath catches in my throat as I lie naked on the hard floor. Something cold is shoved between my legs, spreading them wide. I whimper as whatever it is rubs against my manhood and I hear a cruel chuckle in my ear. The object is removed and I am granted a small reprieve before it comes cracking down on my shoulder. Shit! A baton. It’s cold and heavy and I feel like my shoulder blade could have just cracked. I slump forward, making it even more difficult to breathe. His hand buries itself in my hair and he yanks back, making my eyes water. I feel the baton between my legs again, as he slowly runs it up and down between my cheeks. He presses it down on my sac and I try not to scream. 

“Tell me boy. Have you fucked your Seam slut yet?” That’s really none of your damn business, I want to snap but my mouth isn’t working properly and really, what’s the point? I merely give a quick shake of the head and hear him chuckle again. 

“On your knees,” he snarls into my ear. I struggle to my knees, positively shaking with fear for whatever is about to happen. My hands are stretched out in front of me and my ass is elevated in the air. My cheeks flush with heat as I feel his palm meet my skin. It’s not the same as the whip. His bare hand repeatedly slaps my cheeks and tears stream down my cheeks. I feel the baton again, tapping against the backs of my knees so I will spread my legs more. I then feel it elsewhere, sliding across my ass and then sliding between the cleft.

“Please,” I whimper softly. I don’t know what I’m begging for. For him to stop or for him to just end it all. 

“Should I cut out your tongue like your filthy Avox friends? No one would hear your screams. Not that it matters here either. Scream all you want. No one is coming to rescue you.”

Katniss. I love you. I think to myself before I succumb to the darkness.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“KATNISS!” I fight with whatever is holding me down, making it difficult to breathe. The peacekeeper! He’s here, restraining me! My hands are flying everywhere, I’m writhing on the floor until I feel soft hands touching my face.

“Peeta, shh, it’s ok love, you’re safe,” I hear her crooning near my ear. My eyes snap open and I see glassy grey eyes staring back at me. She moves off my lap but I grab her and yank her forward, my arms wrapping tightly around her. She tenderly strokes my curls and kisses my cheek and ear.

“You’re ok,” she continues to whisper. “You’re safe in my arms. I’ll never let anything happen to you again. Shhhh. I love you, Peeta. You’re safe.” I can feel myself begin to relax, the tension washing off with every one of Katniss’s caresses. After awhile of her holding me, I pull us back down onto the pillow and she curls up on my chest, her fingers making patterns over my bicep.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” I mutter, ashamed. It’s been awhile since I had one of those nightmares. But that was a bad one. I’m grateful I didn’t go into a flashback when I woke up.   
It’s because of her. Because of my beloved wife, who holds me and reassures me of her love. Who whispers in my ear that everything will be alright and I believe her. She keeps me here with her and won’t let me succumb to a flashback. 

“Don’t be. Do you want to talk about it?”

Normally I will talk about my nightmares. Dr. Aurelius taught us both that we should talk about our fears because it would make them easier to face. But this one I’m too ashamed to admit. I don’t remember every detail of my torture and I’m actually fine with that. But I can remember that day. It was before the hijacking started, and Annie and I were sharing a cell. They were taking it out on Johanna and me the worst and Annie and I were forced to watch while a peacekeeper violated Johanna in the cell next to us. I prayed nothing like that would happen to Annie.

I never imagined it would happen to me.

I remember I blacked out from the pain. I have no idea what the man did to me, or if he just left me alone. When I awoke again, I was back in my cell and Annie was cowering in the corner, though when she saw I was awake, she moved toward me and stroked my brow. I didn’t feel any different, so that means nothing happened…right?  
I think the next day they started to show me videos of Katniss and I was so confused. Until the confusion turned to anger and anger turned to hatred. 

I shake my head and run my fingers through my hair. Katniss’s fingertip strokes my brow and I grab her hand to kiss her palm.

“Not tonight,” I tell her. “Maybe someday but not tonight.” She nods, not pressing me for more, and leans in to kiss me, and it’s soft and sweet. She lays her head below my chin and I pull her even closer, reveling in her warmth and love. 

I hear Willow crying and I gently disentangle myself from Katniss’s arms before she can wake up. I started sleeping with my prosthetic on right after Willow was born and I’m glad I did; it makes it so much easier to quickly make it to my daughter to soothe her cries. 

“Hey, hey,” I say softly as I enter the nursery. Willow is standing in her crib, clutching the bars and wailing at the top of her lungs. “Shh, Daddy’s here. What’s wrong, my princess, why aren’t you sleeping?” I pick her up and cradle her against my chest. Her cries subside as I hold her close, humming in her ear.

“Sorry, I only stick with humming. Your mama’s the singer in the family. I hope you have her lovely voice, though it will mean I’ll be chasing boys off the porch all the time.” 

She sniffles and I continue to hum a little lullaby I’ve heard Katniss sing to her.   
It’s that damn hunter’s tread that enables Katniss to sneak up on me and I jump when I feel her arms wrap around my waist. We slowly turn, and Katniss smiles at Willow before she kisses her. 

Do not fear the sound of a breeze  
Brushing leaves against the door.  
Do not dread the murmuring seas,  
Lonely waves washing the shore.

Sleep child mine, there's nothing here,  
While in slumber at my breast,  
Angels smiling, have no fear,  
Holy angels guard your rest.

Katniss’s voice washes over both daddy and daughter. I glance down and see that she has fallen asleep again and we very carefully lay her back in her crib. I wrap my arm around her waist and we watch our baby sleep for a moment before she pulls me back to the bedroom. 

She’s changed the sheets and set the box on the bedside table. The lid is off and I can see several other gifts, including a very realistic-looking phallic shape and a few brightly colored devices that I’m not too sure about. 

She pulls me down to the bed with her and I curl up in her arms, already feeling sleep tug me back to the dream world.   
Luckily, there are some good dreams and no nightmares. Katniss’s arms banish any dark dreams that might have come after me.

The next morning, I wake to an empty bed and the box has been removed from the bedside table. I head into the bathroom before I walk down the hall, toward the nursery. I’ve learned that if my wife isn’t in bed with me, she’s probably in the nursery with Willow.

Sure enough, I find them in the rocking chair, Katniss reading in a soft voice. She looks up and smiles, setting the book aside and tugging me forward. We switch places so she can sit on my lap and I can hold both my wife and my daughter. She has said before she is too heavy for this but I absolutely love this position, holding both my girls close. I wrap my arms around her waist and rest my chin on her arm as she opens the book again and reads to both of us. We’re interrupted by Katniss’s stomach so I quickly move her to the side so I can go to the kitchen and make her some breakfast. 

I’m mixing up a berry compote for the waffles when Katniss comes downstairs. I see her sniffing the air and I smile as I turn back toward the oven. 

“Let’s get Willow fed first,” she says as she sets our daughter in her new highchair. “Peeta, could you hand me one of the baby spoons?”

“What’s for breakfast? Oh yummy berry yogurt.” Katniss gasps as a blob of yogurt hits her in the eye, and Willow lets out an amused giggle. I hand her the dish towel and she scowls.

“Willow that’s not funny. You eat your food. You don’t throw it.” My daughter only giggles in response.

“How many mornings have gone this way? She doesn’t like the yogurt, honey.”

“Dr. Mersa says it is really good calcium and nutrients for her. She needs to try to like it.”

“But we’ve tried lots of different flavors. She just doesn’t like yogurt. How about we give her some apples instead? She always likes those.” Katniss sighs while I run to the cabinet where we keep the baby food. She unscrews the jar and dips the spoon into the apples.

“Alright Willow, what about this? Yummy apples?” She takes to the apples a bit more, but there are still blobs of them on the chair and Katniss’s shirt. There is a knock at the door and Katniss huffs as she drops the spoon.

“You take over. I’ll get the door.” I chuckle as I drop to my knees and pick up the spoon.

“Here comes the horsey,” I say, complete with galloping and whinnying noises. She giggles and claps her hands together as she accepts the food. 

“No one ever told you not to play with your food?” I whirl around and smile as Haymitch enters the kitchen, followed by Katniss, Annie, and Johanna.

“Nah, I’m a baker. I kneaded and played with my food all the time.” Haymitch snorts and Johanna tickles Willow under her chin.

“What’s going on?”

“Well after you finish feeding little squirt here, we need to talk.” I don’t like the sound of that and neither does Katniss, judging by the worried look she shoots me. 

“I’ll go make myself comfortable in the sitting room.” Johanna and Annie follow him out and Katniss leans in toward me.

“What do you think could be wrong now?”

“I don’t imagine anything’s wrong,” I quickly try to reassure her. “He probably just some new request from Paylor or something. Here, take these waffles and pass them out. I’ll finish feeding Willow and be there in a moment.” She takes the tray of plated waffles and the berry compote, and joins our friends in the sitting room. Willow finishes eating, I wipe her clean, and I carry her into the living room. Haymitch is leaning against the fireplace while Annie and Johanna look nervous in their chairs. 

“Ok, I hate suspense. What’s going on,” I ask as I shift Willow onto my shoulder and sit next to Katniss on the couch. 

“Enobaria is dead,” Haymitch announces. 

“About damn time,” Johanna says coolly.

“Johanna,” Annie says softly, shaking her head.

“It’s not a secret that I hate the woman! So why do we care, Haymitch?”

“We care because she was a fellow Victor. And Victors have always supported each other. District 2 is giving her a lavish funeral and we’re expected to attend.”

“Come again,” Johanna says, blinking. “I just said I hate the woman. Why would I go?”

“Because Paylor expects the Victors to continue to support one another. Especially since this whole museum thing has come about, people are going to be asking about you all. Letting yourselves be seen at the funeral, showing respect to a former Career Victor would a good idea because it might make the papers leave us alone.”

“Might,” Katniss repeats, looking pale. “You mean they’ll start hounding us with cameras and interviews again?”

“President Paylor has done a damn good job making sure our privacy is protected. She asked this as a favor and she has been pretty good to us over the years. I’ve made arrangements for all of us to stay at the same hotel, and we can come home right after the funeral. But we need to go. We need to show Panem we are still united.” I glance at my wife, whose eyes are wide with fear. I reach for her hand and she squeezes. 

“Who’s going to babysit for all of us? Surely you don’t want us to take our kids to a funeral,” Johanna glowers.

“Finn is old enough to be on his own,” he glances at Annie as he says this, “and Effie has already agreed to check up on him. Delly and Brent said they would be happy to watch Aran and Willow, although I think Effie was planning to do it herself.”

“By herself?” I ask skeptically. The look I get in response actually makes me recoil.

“You underestimate my wife, boy.” My eyes narrow.

“I’m not a boy anymore, Haymitch, I’m a father who hasn’t really left his daughter’s side. And I’m not saying anything against Effie. It’s just a lot of pressure, handling two kids.”

“Finn will be around to help out as well. If you’re done with excuses, I need to go book a compartment on the train.” All four of us are glaring at Haymitch as he crosses the room and stomps out of the house. 

“Is Paylor really forcing us to go,” Annie asks quietly.

“I don’t think we’re being forced but she did ask as a favor. Haymitch is right, she has been pretty good to us since the Rebellion. And she’s a damn good president, or else she would have been voted out of office years ago.” 

“As much as I like the woman, I don’t appreciate this,” Johanna huffs. “Who cares if a bunch of Victors get together to celebrate…I mean, mourn for another Victor? We paid   
our dues, we’re done being Panem’s playthings. I want to stay out of the news for once, damn it.”

“Johanna, I think that’s Haymitch’s point,” I say calmly. “He wants us all to stay out of the news and if we are in hiding, people will come to find us and who knows what they will make up? If we agree to a public outing, so people can see we are alive and happily moving on with our lives…well, that’s not interesting. They will see us and move on. If we try to hide, they will be determined to hunt us down. We’re basically preserving our rights to normal lives.” I can see although they are irritated, the women seem to understand what I am saying.

“Whatever. I still don’t like it. And if George doesn’t want me to, I won’t go,” Johanna says as she throws herself out of the chair and slams the door behind her. Annie winces and rises calmly.

“I’ll see you two later.” 

“George has never tried to control her, he’ll tell her to do what she wants,” Katniss says, her eyes on the door. I nod.

“That’s true. Are you ok?” She shrugs.

“I don’t want to go either, Peeta.”

“Neither do I. But you understand why we have to, don’t you?” She looks over at me and her eyes move down to Willow, who is chewing on the cushion.

“Yes. I do.” I nod and pull her to her feet. 

“Let’s finish breakfast and then maybe we’ll take a walk.”   
\------------------------------------------------------

Our walk around the Village is calm and peaceful, until we return to find Haymitch waiting on our porch, to tell us we will be leaving in the morning. I guess it makes sense, since the Enobaria just passed but we still didn’t think it would be so soon. He gives us both sympathetic looks.

“We don’t have to stay in 2 for very long. We’ll go to the funeral, do a couple of interviews, and come home tomorrow night. Everything will be fine. I promise.” I try not to scowl at his words. His promises don’t mean much to me anymore. I still look up to him, still think of him as my family, but I’ll probably never fully forgive him for lying to Katniss and me about everything. For abandoning me to the Capitol.   
He can probably read my thoughts and with a huff, he returns to his house and slams the door loudly. I can hear Effie shrieking at him through the screen door. I wrap my arm around Katniss and lead her back inside our house. 

After we feed Willow some dinner, which mostly lands on the both of us and the walls, she suggests we all take a bath. My eyes light up as I finish cleaning the kitchen and I lead the way upstairs. 

Katniss has taken a few baths with our daughter but I’ve never joined them. Always been too busy. She keeps a little floor seat here in the bathroom near the tub and she hands Willow to me while she fills the tub. Katniss has always been in charge of bath time, and I watch her carefully as she tests the water with her elbow. She then stands and pulls her shirt over her head. My throat goes dry as I watch her reach back and unclasp her bra, then push her pants and panties down around her ankles. She turns back to me, stark naked, and raises a brow at my open jaw. 

“You act like you’ve never seen me before.”

“I…it doesn’t matter how many times I see it, your beauty takes my breath away every time.” I see her roll her eyes at me and I know she won’t believe me but it’s true. She takes Willow in her arms, pulling her little outfit off, and gestures at me.

“Your turn.” I quickly shed my clothes, wincing at how hard I am, and she tells me to go ahead and get in. Good thing this tub is so large. I look up at her and she holds Willow out to me. My baby girl shrieks and giggles as soon as she touches the water. I smile and nuzzle her cheeks as Katniss sits down across from me. I want nothing more than her pulled to my chest but we keep Willow in the middle as we face each other, gently bathing our daughter’s silky soft skin.

“This has to be one of my new favorite things in the world,” I whisper as we are washing her dark hair. Katniss glances up at me over her lashes and smiles.

“Yeah?” I nod and go back to wiping at her hair. It’s surprised us both how fast her hair has grown. While Katniss says that Prim didn’t have much hair when she was born, Willow has a thick tuft of hair as dark as her mother’s. Since I only grew up with boys, and was the youngest at that, I don’t know a whole lot about little girls but we’re both learning together. Each discovery makes me fall in love a little bit more. 

“Well, I guess we will have to make family bath time a regular thing then,” she says with a grin. “Here, why don’t you finish washing her?” She hands me the baby wash and a washcloth and she holds Willow steady on my knee. Willow positively coos as the washcloth touches her skin and Katniss picks up one of the toy boats out of the basket, and splashes it around Willow. I smile as I watch them play, Willow splashing her mama and I swoop down and blow loud rasberries on her chubby cheeks. We stay in the tub, splashing and laughing until the water starts to get a little cold and Katniss moves to the side of the tub, drying Willow off and setting her in her seat on the floor. Willow grabs two toys out of the basket and start crashing them together. I grin as I settle back against the wall.

“Least she’s easily occupied.” 

“Mmmhm. And now we have a few minutes to enjoy our bath, just Mommy and Daddy.” The cold water and the time passing had made my erection disappear but as she leans back against my chest, her hand closes around my length and I gasp as I harden at her touch. I’m a little embarrassed, actually, at how easy it is for her to arouse me. I always feel like a teenager around her. Her hand moves up and down under the water and I bury my face in her neck.

“Katniss, our daughter is sitting right there.”

“She has no idea what is happening,” she whispers back, leaning her head back so I can kiss her. I want to argue further but her hand moves faster and faster and my eyes roll to the back of my head as I am seized by pleasure. She pushes me back even further so I am more submerged, her hand squeezing me under the water. I struggle to control my heavy pants, still feeling like Willow is staring right at us (which is insane because she is quite preoccupied with her toys at the moment) I start to cry out and instead, bite down on Katniss’s shoulder, hard, as I come. She strokes me a few more times until I gently have to push her away. She lets the water out of the tub and stands up to grab a towel. After we are dried off, she wraps a towel around her and carries Willow to the nursery. I shiver as the cool air hits my wet skin and I wrap the towel around my waist. We both kiss Willow good night before we head back to the bedroom.  
Katniss is opening the drawer for a fresh pair of panties when I pick her up and throw her onto the bed. Her towel comes off and she looks up at me, surprised.

“I’m not quite finished with you yet,” I say with a smirk as I spread her legs wide.   
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Katniss and I are both pretty subdued. Effie comes over early and Willow hasn’t even woken up yet. Katniss and I leave gentle kisses on our girl’s cheeks but I still feel like I’m abandoning her. Effie pats my cheek.

“She’ll be just fine, you two. I promise. And you are coming right home after the funeral. We will see you both late tonight.”

“Effie, please, Haymitch has a communicator, if anything happens--“

“I’ll let you know immediately. But she’s safe with me. And you’re both safe with Haymitch. So go on, my dears.” Sighing heavily, I carry our traveling bag that contains our change of clothes. 

We are a silent train of solemn as we make our way to the train station. George and Finn have both come with us, and Annie clings to her son as she sniffles softly.

“Mom,” Finn says in a muffled voice. “Mom, I’ll be fine. Please stop crying.” Johanna finally pries her away and Annie wipes at her face.

“I don’t like goodbyes,” she says softly and we all know exactly what she is talking about.

“This isn’t goodbye though, Mom,” Finn says earnestly. I have a feeling he understands just as well as we do. “I’ll still see you tonight. You’re just taking a long trip into town, that’s all.” She tries to nod and I drape my arm around her shoulder.

“Come on Annie, let’s find our seats.” Johanna and Katniss follows us, while Haymitch stays behind to speak to George and Finn. He joins us a few minutes later and settles himself in a comfortable looking chair. We all remain silent and still.

This train is too much like the one we rode during the Games. I can tell we all feel it. Even Haymitch looks a little queasy. Apparently Effie forbade him from having a drink today. Johanna plays with the small dagger that she keeps on her person. Annie keeps sniffling in the corner. And Katniss is pale, her eyes wide. I reach over and squeeze her hand and she barely seems to notice.   
As the train zooms along, I pray for someone to speak. It’s too quiet for my liking. 

“I’ve made arrangements for us to have lunch at my new bakery,” I speak up. My voice echoes off the walls and no one, it seems, has heard me. Haymitch looks over at me and nods.

“That’d be great kid.” And then it’s right back to silence. I sigh and settle back against the chair. 

“I think I’m going to lie down,” Annie says as she rises to her feet, stumbling slightly. Haymitch has booked us an entire compartment, complete with beds even if it is a quick trip. We watch Annie retreat, and Johanna huffs as she chews at her nails. 

It’s maybe an hour later when we hear it. A piercing scream that makes our blood run cold. It’s far too familiar and Johanna’s eyes meet mine. We are out of our chairs and running toward the sleeping compartment, where we find Annie tossing and turning on her bed. Johanna leans down and attempts to calm her but Annie’s screams make us shiver. 

“Johanna! Peeta! Please stop hurting them!” Johanna shoots me a panicked look and tries to pin her wrists to the bed.

“Annie, wake up! Wake up, please! It’s Johanna, and Peeta is right next to me!”

“Johanna…just tell them! Tell them what they want to know about the rebellion. They’re killing Peeta! They’re going to murder him if you don’t tell them!” I back up into the wall, my wide eyes fixed on her writhing form. I feel a hand fumbling for mine but I shake it away. 

“Annie snap out of it,” Johanna shakes her. “You’re having a bad dream.”

“This whole place is a bad dream,” Annie sobs. “I hear yours and Peeta’s screams in my head. Except they’re not in my head. They took Peeta away today, Johanna. Don’t you hear him in the cell nearby? His screams and pleas for them to stop? You know what they’re doing to him, don’t you?” 

“Annie--“

“His blood is all over the cell! We are all going to die, Johanna. Finnick won’t come in time. I just know he won’t.”

“Peeta, help me,” Johanna snaps but I’m frozen and can’t move. Annie’s screams bring back the pristine white rooms, the filthy cells, the sounds of rats scurrying, the anguished cries from Johanna’s cells, the whips flying through the air, the sound of our flesh being torn from our bodies, the smell of death and decay. My eyes water and I feel myself start shaking uncontrollably. 

“Peeta, Peeta,” someone keeps chanting my name and I know it’s Katniss but I can’t focus on anything right now, least of all her. I crash to my knees and I feel her hands on my face. 

“They’re coming to kill us, Johanna. Tonight. They’re going to finish us off.” I can’t see how Johanna reacts but I hear Katniss calling out to me. Annie screaming my name. Darius and Lavinia’s tortured cries. The peacekeepers’ cruel laughter. 

“Leave us alone!” 

“Stop it!”

“Let us go!” 

“You can kill me,” I growl. “But you’ll never touch Katniss Everdeen!”


	19. Chapter 19

The scene before me is utter chaos and all I want to do is curl into a ball and cry. Haymitch won’t let me though. He tugs me further into the compartment and motions toward Peeta.

“I’ve got the girls. You take care of your husband.”

“Peeta,” I say softly as I take his face in my hands. “Peeta, it’s me. It’s Katniss. You’re not in the Capitol, you’re safe with me.”

“No,” he says through gritted teeth. His lip is bleeding from where he bit through it. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Haymitch trying to calm Johanna. She’s become a woman possessed though.  
They all have. Their nightmares and trauma have taken them away from us. All three of them are connected by their time and torture in the Capitol and Haymitch and I have no idea of how to bring them back.

“I told you this was a stupid idea,” I spit at him, through my tears.

“Just shut up and get him back!” 

“I don’t know how, you asshole! I haven’t lost him to a flashback in years! He was doing so well! They all were!” I hear him whispering to Annie in a tender voice, more tender than I imagined Haymitch would have. 

“Peeta, I love you,” I say through a choked sob. “You aren’t in the Capitol. You’re here, in my arms. You’re my husband…you married me and I gave you a daughter. You’re my family.” 

“Family,” he spits. “Family abandoned me. No one loves me. Nobody cares what happens to me.”

“That’s not true! Peeta, please wake up!” 

“Shit!” I jump at Haymitch’s curse and look up just in time to see Johanna clawing the air with her knife. She catches Haymitch’s cheek and I hurry forward to defend him. It’s a mistake, as she catches my arm and slices across my wrist. I grab my injured arm and cry out as blood drips onto the floor. 

“We gotta separate them,” Haymitch says as he presses his palm to his cheek.

“Are you crazy? You think they’ll let us separate them?”

“Take Peeta to your private compartment! If we can get through to anyone, it’ll be him.” I don’t want to underestimate my husband but I think Haymitch is crazy. I think all three of them are beyond our help at this moment. But I do as he says and wrap my arms around Peeta, gently pulling him back out of the compartment. He struggles and his fists fly out but I manage to dodge his punches and hits. I sing softly in his ear as I pull him away from the girls, who are both screaming for someone to leave them alone. I manage to get him near the couch but his hand flies up and grabs my hair. I gasp in pain as his fingernails scrape against my scalp. 

“You’re here to kill me,” he says in a low growl. “You’ve come to finish me off.”

“No,” I whimper, as I try and fail to squeeze back tears.

“Liar,” he snarls. “What’s wrong, Everdeen? Is 13 too cold and scary for you to handle without me around to keep away the nightmares?” 

He’s flashed back to our time in 13. After he was rescued, I would wander the halls and hide wherever I could. I would cry until I had no more tears, longing for those strong, sturdy arms that could protect me. He flips me over, so he is straddling my back and I am pressed against the floor, my wrists pinned under his hand. He pushes my face into the floor and I can feel his hot breath on my ear.

“What do you dream about at night, Everdeen? What are your nightmares about?”

“Losing you,” I choke out. “The things you went through in the Capitol--“

“You have no idea what I’ve been through,” he snarls in my ear. “You can’t possibly imagine all the sick, fucked up things the Capitol did to us!” 

“Peeta,” I whimper and he leans over me, his full weight on my back.

“Quit saying my name like that.”

“Like…like what?”

“Like you actually care about me and what happens to me.”

“Peeta, I do care about you,” I plead with him as I try to lean up but he pushes me back down.

“No you don’t. You never did. I was just a thing to you, wasn’t I?”

“Peeta, no! I--“

“Shut UP! If I could gag you right now, I would. Make you feel every bit of pain they inflicted on us! I’d make you go through the same shit as I did!”   
My tears soak the carpet underneath me. I’d forgotten about mutt Peeta. It’s been so long since he has reared his ugly head and I thought, just maybe, he was gone for good.

“But maybe you can make me feel better,” he breathes before he bites down on my earlobe. I gasp and try to shake him off. 

“Maybe,” he continues as he reaches underneath me and roughly grabs my breast. “You can make yourself useful and make me feel good. I wonder if you’ve given Gale your virginity while I was gone.” 

Oh god this is too much. I writhe underneath him and feel him slap my cheek.

“Quit wiggling your ass so much. Unless you want me to fuck that first.” 

“Peeta, please.”

“Oh now you’re begging? Hawthorne hasn’t been tending to your every need? I bet you were lying to me before. I bet you aren’t even a virgin. You probably let him fuck you in the woods.” 

“Peeta! You are not in District 13! You are with me, in 12. We’re married and we have a--“

“You’re just full of bullshit,” he slaps my ass and tears continue to stream down my cheeks. “And I swear to god, one more lie out of you and I will find something to gag you with to muffle your screams.” 

“Peeta, please, I love yo--“ I choke as something cuts off my words. He didn’t have any extra clothes with him or anything so I have no idea what he’s shoved into my mouth but I nearly choke on it and my gag is soaked as I struggle for breath.

“That’s better. Though I’d prefer it my cock that you’re choking on. That can be later though. Bet you would love that, wouldn’t you? Down on your knees in front of poor pathetic Peeta?” I feel his hand skim across my pants and clutch at my waistband. I whimper into my gag trying desperate to shake him off. But Peeta has always been stronger than me. His hand dives into my pants and moves around to my center. I try to squeeze my legs together as I feel his finger probing my folds. Damn me for always being wet and ready for him. Even if he is in this state, I always want my husband.

“I fucking knew it,” he hisses. “Katniss Everdeen is nothing but a common whore!” He yanks my pants and underwear down and slaps my cheek hard. His fingers then travel up and down the cleft of my ass and his finger slides into my back hole. I’m tense and terrified, so it’s painful and humiliating. 

“What about here, whore,” he taunts me. “Has someone claimed this yet? Because I can make you mine. And you’ll fucking love it.” He grabs my arms and yanks them behind my back, as he uses his knee to spread my legs wider. I whine his name through the gag but I doubt he can hear. I doubt he cares anyway. I hear a zipper and when he leans back over me, I can feel him hard against my ass. Oh Peeta, please don’t do this…  
I squeeze my eyes shut and lower my head, just before I hear a grunt of pain and Peeta’s weight lifts off me. I turn and see Haymitch holding something and Peeta lying on the floor, unconscious. Yanking out my gag (which I now see was a rolled up sock), I scream and crawl over to him but Haymitch shakes his head.

“He’s fine. I had to get him off you though.” Boggs said those exact words to me the very first time Peeta attacked me. Haymitch gives me a sad look before he turns away and I take a moment to pull my clothing straight and wipe away my tears. Haymitch returns and hands me a pair of handcuffs. I don’t even want to ask where he got them from.

“I chained up the girls too. We just need to keep them secured until they wake up and are alright again.”

“Did you knock them out too?”

“Johanna, yes because she was waving that damn knife everywhere. Annie is too much of a crying mess to do any harm. Here, chain Peeta to this table and I’ll help you get him onto the couch so he can be comfortable.” Reluctantly I obey Haymitch and push Peeta’s hair out of his eyes. Haymitch clears his throat and hands me a bandage.

“What’s this for?”

“Your wrist is still bleeding.” I glance down to see the long wound Johanna gave me and I wince as I bind it tightly. Haymitch mutters that he desperately needs a drink and disappears. I hope he has not given in; he’s done so well and Effie would be furious if she knew he had had a drink. 

Annie is the first to return to us and she cries for both of us with pitiful moans. Haymitch goes in to unbind her and explain what happened. I hear Johanna’s colorful language only moments later and I enter the compartment. She looks up at me with wide eyes.

“What the fuck happened to us?”

“All three of you lost it big time,” I say as I hold up my injured wrist. “You’re not allowed to carry that knife on you anymore.”

“I…I did that to you?” I lower my hand and attempt to shrug.

“I’ve had worse. Here, let me get the key.” I quickly have her unchained and she shakes her head.

“Katniss--“

“Forget it, Jo. I understand what happened.” 

“Where’s Peeta?”

“He’s still out cold. Haymitch had to knock him out too.” 

“Katniss!” I wince when I hear his panicked cry and I run into the sitting alcove. He is struggling with his cuffs and his horrified gaze falls upon me.

“Katniss…what did I do?”

“What do you remember, Peeta,” I ask as I kneel next to him to unchain him. The cuffs fall off and he rubs his wrists as he sits up.

“I, uh…I’m not sure. We heard Annie having a nightmare. And then…I think I started to remember things from the Capitol that made me have a flashback.” He looks up at me in question and I nod. His eyes fall on my bandaged wrist and he gasps.

“Did I-?”

“It wasn’t you,” I say quickly. “Johanna cut Haymitch and I when she thought we were hurting her.” I sit beside him and inspect his wrists. His shining eyes linger on me. As much as I wanted to get away from him only moments ago, I only want to curl up on his chest and listen to his heart beat. 

“Katniss,” I look up into his eyes and he looks anxious. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For caring about me. And what happens to me. To all of us.” I shudder, his words from earlier haunting me. He notices and frowns but I shake my head.

“I love you, Peeta. You are all my family but I would die without you. I hope you know that.” He nods and squeezes my hand. 

“I’m going to check on Annie and Jo.”

“But Kat-“ I hand him a glass of water because he still looks rather pale, and I leave to check on the girls before he can say anything else. 

Both of them apologize profusely but I wave off their apologies. It’s my fault they were tortured in the first place. They suffer these horrifying visions because of me. Haymitch is nowhere to be found and I suspect he is somewhere on the train, drinking his fears and troubles away. I wish I could join him. Forget everything that just happened. 

When I return to Peeta, his face is buried in his hands. I sink onto the couch beside him, inspecting him for injury.

“Peeta, what’s wrong?”  
He looks up at me, his eyes wide and filled with tears, his face paler than before, and he keeps looking down at his hands in horror. 

“I…I just…what I did…a few minutes ago…I remember…”

“You didn’t hurt me, Peeta,” I say quickly. 

“I could have. I wanted to…I almost…oh my god, the things I said to you!” Why does he have to remember everything? Isn’t it enough that the mutt inside him takes over for a moment and Peeta has no control, but he also has to remember everything that the mutt said and did? It would be so much simpler if he just couldn’t remember. But he would be furious if I didn’t tell him. How could I though? The look on his face is one of heartbreak. He hides his face in his hands again and turns away from me. 

“Haymitch stopped me, didn’t he?” It must make him feel worse, knowing that someone else saw it all and had to stop it. I reach out and take his face in my hands. He tries to jerk away from my grasp but I hold tightly.

“You listen to me. You didn’t hurt me. You scared me, but you came back to me. Everything’s alright now.” 

“HOW is it alright,” he says, jumping to his feet and shaking his head. “I can’t…Katniss, what happens if I attack our daughter someday?” My eyes widen.

“You could never!” 

“And I thought I could never hurt you and look what I’ve done. What I’ve done on multiple occasions. What if I hurt her, Katniss? What if I hurt both of you?”

“You won’t. And I just wasn’t prepared for it this time, that’s all. We’re usually better prepared. You can’t be ashamed of your flashbacks, Peeta, they’re as much a part of you as our nightmares and scars are. You’ve done so well keeping them at bay. And you still found your way back to me.” He stumbles around the compartment, looking miserable.

“I…I need some air…”

“Peeta, the train isn’t going to stop for a passenger. We will be in 2 soon. Just…maybe you should have something to eat. We can order some lunch?”

“I’d…I’d really like to be alone, Katniss…if that’s alright.” I freeze and nod stiffly and slam the compartment door behind me. The last thing I see is his pained face getting ready to cry out to stop me. 

I wander the train aimlessly until I see Haymitch standing outside against the rail. Carefully, I slide the door open and join him. 

“How’s the boy,” he says sideways to me.

“They’re all doing better.” Haymitch sighs and sinks into the rail.

“It’s not your fault you know,” he says gruffly and I shook him an incredulous look. “I know you feel guilty but it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I agreed with the plan, knowing that we might have to leave Peeta behind. And I shouldn’t have. I should have argued that we rescue him too. But they were so adamant that you be the one we got out of the arena, and when we wanted to go back for Peeta and Johanna, Plutarch’s pilot said a Capitol hovercraft was already approaching. Finnick and I both put up a fight but they refused. And that whole time I saw you falling apart in 13…after we rescued them and I saw how Peeta was…I wanted to kill myself, Katniss. Cause I was responsible for all that. You have no idea…no idea at all how happy it makes me when I see you and Peeta and Willow walking around, like a normal family, cause we never thought Peeta would ever have any kind of normal life.”

“He’s a fighter, my Peeta,” I mutter. He nods.

“You all are. You and the boy and Johanna and Annie…you’re all fighters and you’ve survived insurmountable odds. And I know life is different now but when we have moments like this, I’m taken right back to District 13 seeing Peeta for the first time after we rescued him. I think that image’ll haunt me to my deathbed.”

“Well, what’s done is done and we can’t keep dwelling on what happened then. We all want to feel guilty but who is that helping? The best we can do is help them through it   
and show them we love them. Show them the Capitol was wrong when they said we didn’t care about them.” Haymitch nods and turns to me.

“You’re not the girl I first met on the train, you know.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“No sometimes I don’t think you do. I know you sometimes go back to being that scared little girl who volunteered for her sister and you forget how much has changed. How much you have changed. You’re different sweetheart and it’s a good thing. You let love into your life, you let the boy into your heart, and you stopped letting vengeance control you.” He sighs and props his elbows on the rail. I’m glad I put my hair in a braid before I came out here because the wind is really blowing hard.

“Even when I first brought you home to 12, you weren’t living. You thought life was over and I wasn’t really sure if I was going to be able to save you. And I didn’t. It was him. I saw you when he came back, how you seemed to breathe again. No matter how bad things get, you two always have to remember how much you need each other.”

“I know. Thanks Haymitch.” He nods and I turn away. “Are we almost to 2?”

“About an hour and twenty minutes,” he mumbles, his eyes on the trees flying past. I head back to our compartment and hear voices on the other side of the door. I slide it open a tiny ways and see Peeta, Johanna, and Annie all sitting around the table together. 

“--better off without me,” I catch Peeta mumbling through his hands.

“You shut the hell up, bread boy,” Johanna snaps. Peeta’s head snaps up and Annie frowns.

“Johanna,” she says reproachfully.

“No. Do you remember the last time you were feeling like this Peeta? When you decided she was better off without you and you deserted her? Do you remember what happened?”

“Johanna,” I hear Peeta say in a pained voice.

“Your girl was almost murdered in front of your eyes, that’s what happened! So quit your whining and accept the fact that she’s here to stay. She knows how fucked up you are. You think George doesn’t get scared when I wake up screaming at the top of my lungs? Or when I start crying in the shower because I think I’m being drowned? He’s terrified but he stays with me. Cause he loves me, like Katniss loves you. You always try to be perfect husband and get offended and heartbroken when she feels anything other than perfect, or when she’s self conscious of her scars or her nightmares or any number of things that bother her! And you think it’s always about you but it’s not! We are ALL messed up, Peeta. The Games fucks you up! It kills you either way, so when you are crowned Victor, you are left wondering how the hell you are supposed to survive all this shit now.” 

“What if I hurt her? What if I hurt my daughter?”

“You love those girls too much to let yourself harm them. You always say it’s the feel of Katniss in your arms that pulls you out of it. I’m sure it’s the same thing with Willow. You just have to vow not to hurt them.” 

“I could never forgive myself, Johanna. If something happens to them--“

“Peeta, I watched your first Games. How you fought with Cato so Katniss could escape and how you told him he would have to kill you to get to her. I heard the deals Snow offered you in the Capitol. Her life for yours. You basically spit in his face and you got punished for it. You think we couldn’t hear the things the peacekeepers were saying to you? You were doing it all for her!” 

I squeeze back tears. I then hear Annie’s quiet voice join in.

“Don’t forget where it all started. The bread.” Johanna nods earnestly.

“Yes, I almost forgot that. You took a beating to keep her alive. Everyone knows how deep your love for her goes. How protective you are and how you would never let anything happen to her. So quit beating yourself up! After all these years together, you really think she doesn’t understand these flashbacks?” Johanna sighs and picks up her fork. She seems to be the only one eating, while Annie and Peeta just push their forks around their plates. All three of them look tense and melancholy. 

I close the door and sigh heavily. Peeta just won’t let me in when something like this happens. And I have to face the fact that Johanna and Annie were the ones he endured everything with, so they will be the ones he lets near them for awhile. Though I am grateful to Johanna for her words. I should have known Peeta would be feeling guilty. But Jo is right; I know it’s not his fault and I would never leave him, whatever he does to me.  
I try not to cry as I head back down the train to a separate dining cart. I order a bowl of soup and some bread and eat by myself, already counting the minutes until we all can leave 2 and get back home to our children.   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t return to the compartment until I hear the announcement that we are pulling into 2. I slide back inside and Peeta’s wide eyes fall on me. He jumps to his feet and pulls me into his arms.

“Where were you?”

“You said you wanted to be alone,” I say a little defensively. Pain flashes in his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I just…”

“I know, Peeta,” I say, my voice softening. “I was eating lunch.”

“Alone? You should have joined us.”

“Again, you said you wanted to be alone. So I was giving you all some space. It’s fine, let’s just get off this train.” Peeta clamps his mouth shut and follows me out of the compartment. We meet with Haymitch on the platform and our bags are pushed toward us on a cart.

“Mr. Abernathy, I’ve been assigned to escort you all to your rooms so you may freshen up.”

“Wonderful, thanks kid,” he says to the boy as we follow him to a car. I briefly wonder how all of us are going to fit but one glance at the car and I see it is more than big enough for all of us. 

We ride in silence and we are at Victor’s Village in no time. I remember seeing it on our Victory Tour, though we didn’t explore it much. Annie’s eyes are squeezed shut and Peeta leans against the window, not really looking out. When the car stops and the door opens, Johanna shoots Haymitch a questioning look.

“We’re staying in Lyme’s old place. Paylor wanted to give us some privacy where we could freshen up before the funeral. We still have a few hours, though.”

“My new bakery is right around the corner,” Peeta mumbles. “I’d like to stop in and check on things, if you’d all like to accompany me?” 

We all agree and after we drop off our bags in the room, we follow him down the street. It’s a nice day, though not as cool as back in 12. My shirt is sticking to my skin as we walk. Peeta’s and my hands keep grazing each other, though neither of us make a move to join them. When we reach his bakery, I smile to see that the sign and logo are the same as the one back home. He glances sideways at me as he pushes the door open and holds it for us to enter. 

There are a few customers and three people behind the counter. One of them, a blonde girl maybe half my age, gasps and lifts the barrier.

“Ohmygosh! Peeta Mellark as I live and breathe! You’re even more handsome in person! Your photos don’t do you justice.” I scowl at the simpering girl as she fawns over my husband. I choose this moment to grab his hand and hold on tightly. I hear a snort from behind me, either from Haymitch or Johanna, I can’t tell. Peeta only smiles.

“It’s wonderful to meet you…Devan?”

“Devawn, actually,” she says as she tosses her hair and puffs out her chest (I roll my eyes in disgust) “Carlissa said you might stop by but I didn’t know you’d be bringing all the Victors with you.” 

“Surprise cupcake,” Johanna breaks in. “Now can you point us to a seat? I’m starving.”

“Excuse my friend, please,” Peeta mumbles as he shakes his head.

“Oh that’s alright. I know all about Johanna Mason. How she’s so rough around the edges. Are all District 7 people like that? You know, because they work with lumber?” Since Johanna is behind me, I can’t see her reaction but I can practically feel the heat coming off her face. 

“And Annie Cresta…sorry, Odair! Your husband was SO gorgeous! And Katniss Everdeen! So pleased to meet you all. We’ve all been wondering, did you people in District 12 rebuild the Seam? I’d heard because it was your home for so long that you wanted it rebuilt…can’t imagine WHY you would--“

“Devawn, if you’d be so kind as to show us a table? We’ve been traveling all day and are pretty hungry,” Peeta says quickly, shooting me a cautious look.

“Oh of course! Right this way!” 

There are more tables than back home and this one seems to be more of a restaurant than a bakery. The idiot girl seats us, hands us our menus, and then strokes Peeta’s hand as she reassures him she will be right back to take our orders. Peeta sets down the menu and reaches under the table for my hand. I try to fling it away but he brings them onto the tabletop and wraps his fingers around mine. Johanna shoots our joined hands a look, smirks, and goes back to reading the menu. 

“Kid there’s way too many items on this menu. I’m overwhelmed by choices.”

“It was one of the things my investors said needed to be different. I think because less people in 2 actually cook, they wanted to offer lots of options.”

“Investors? Rich boy like you needs investors?” Peeta frowns at Johanna.

“Surprising as it is, I don’t have a whole lot of my own money put into my bakeries. I had a bunch of interested investors approach me and all of them were pretty eager to back me on the business.”

“Well no shit,” Johanna rolls her eyes. “You’re a desirable Victor. You always have been! The sweet-faced, golden-tongued Peeta Mellark.” Peeta scowls while I secretly agree. But Peeta is very proud of his business and I know he would have put all of his money into it if he had to. The fact that he had so many people interested in investing their time and money in his business worried me at first but he convinced me it would be good, so he could save his money for his future. At that time I never entertained the thought of having a child, but now I’m grateful that we can save that money for Willow and her future. 

“This lemon torte sounds amazing,” Annie says softly. 

“Oh it is,” I lean over and nod. “It’s four layers and very rich but it’s wonderful.” Peeta grins over at me.

“Katniss was my taste tester for all my desserts and most of the appetizers. I’ve stuffed her with sweets for years.”

“So was it the sweets or something else you stuffed her with that made a baby?” Peeta nearly spits out his water and Annie gives Johanna a scandalized look. Haymitch and I are both hiding our faces in our hands and shaking our heads. Devawn chooses that moment to return.

“Is everyone ready?” she says in a sickly sweet voice. 

“I’ll have the lemon torte please,” Annie says in her usual pleasant tone. 

“I’ll just share with her,” Johanna sets her menu aside. “And a coffee.”

“I think I’ll have this egg and spinach Panini, with these…what the hell are pommes frites?”

“French fries, Haymitch.”

“Oh. Right. Ok, I’ll take the fruit on the side and a double chocolate muffin. With a lemonade, please.”

“Yes sir, Mr. Abernathy. Ms. Everdeen?”

“It’s Mellark actually. And I’ll have an éclair please.” 

“Nothing for me, thank you,” Peeta sets his menu aside as well.

“Oh but Mr. Mellark. It’s your establishment! You must try something.”

“I’m pretty well versed in my own food,” Peeta says with a wink. “But I’d love a tea.” Devawn nods, scoops up the menus, and hurries off. Johanna rolls her eyes.

“That girl is going to make me gag.”

“She’s young, Jo,” Peeta says softly.

“Yeah and she has a huge crush on the boss!” Peeta blushes while I continue to scowl. Haymitch guffaws with laughter and Annie quietly sips on her water. Devawn returns with Peeta’s tea (she’s completely forgotten everyone else’s drinks) and smiles across at Peeta.

“Sugar, Mr. Mellark?”

“No,” we both answer together, and Peeta shoots me a grin as he squeezes my hand.

“He doesn’t take sugar in his tea,” I say quickly.

“So sweet of you to let her answer for you. You’d think you were married or something.” I open my mouth to let out an angry retort but she hurries away before I can blow up. Johanna snorts and shakes her head.

“Little girl must live under a rock.”

“She KNOWS good and well that I am married,” Peeta says through gritted teeth. “She’s just trying to get under your skin, Katniss. Don’t let her.”   
A little girl is going after my husband and is trying to drive me crazy in the process. I grind my teeth so I won’t say anything. After all, it’s not his fault. He nudges me and pokes at the corners of my mouth. I swat him away but he swoops down for a kiss and grins when he pulls away. I have to admit his success. A smile crosses over my face and I hastily try to wipe it away.

“Damn you,” I growl to him and he laughs as he sips at his tea.

 

The rest of our lunch is uneventful (save for Devawn asking, rather loudly, what happened to Haymitch’s cheek and Peeta sternly telling her they don’t treat the customers   
that way) and Haymitch leads the way out. 

“I really am sorry, Haymitch,” Johanna mumbles as we make our way outside.

“Forget it, Johanna. I already told you I’ve had worse. Don’t worry about it.” On the walk home, Peeta reaches for my hand and kisses my knuckles. I glance up at him and see him watching me. He pulls me into his side and I wrap my arms around him. We walk back to Victor’s Village just like that.  
I’m a bit surprised that the government has allowed so many Victors to be in public without protection. I’m not the only one who thinks about it, as Johanna brings it up as we enter the Village.

“Just because we don’t see security doesn’t mean we don’t have people watching after us,” Haymitch says dismissively. Johanna scowls and Peeta wraps his arm around me protectively.

“We should get ready. Peeta and Katniss, your room is on the left. Jo and Annie, yours is right across. I’m down the hall, and I’ll meet you all in the lobby in thirty minutes.” We nod and make our way to our rooms. Peeta shuts the door behind us and pulls me into his arms.

“Hey,” he says as he notices I’m rather stiff. “Come on, relax. You know I didn’t look at that girl twice.”

“What makes you think that’s what’s bothering me?” He raises a brow.

“Come on Katniss. I know you. For some stupid reason, you still get jealous when a girl flirts with me. And you get sullen and you shut down. Either that or you get majorly possessive and jump my bones as soon as we’re alone. I never know which to expect.” I glare at him and he shrugs.

“Fine. I’ll choose the ‘shut down’ phase this time. Go get dressed.” I push past him but his fingers close on my arm and he spins me around, pressing me into the wall. His   
knee moves between my legs and he has me pinned with both hands.

“I much prefer the latter, you know.” 

“Well that’s too bad because you just pissed me off.”

“And I love how fiery and riled up you can get,” he says in a low voice, leaning in to nip at my ear. I gasp when he tugs at my earlobe with his teeth and his tongue rakes along the edge. His lips moves from my ear, to my jawline, down to my neck, making my eyes flutter shut. He pulls away and they snap open again.

“How long do you need to get dressed?”

“Not long. Maybe ten minutes.” 

“Good.” He picks me up and throws me onto the bed, his hands moving to the waistband of my pants. He gives me a sly smirk before he thrusts against me, so I can feel his arousal.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m doing my best to flatten my hair and make myself look presentable as I follow Peeta down to the lobby. Johanna just rolls her eyes when she sees us so I know she knows what we were doing. I don’t really care though. We’re married and we don’t have to apologize to anyone. Haymitch sighs as he stands.

“Let’s get this over with.”

The car takes us through town and I see enormous posters and billboards with Enobaria’s face on it. I shudder a little and think how glad I am that 12 would never have the kind of money to do a lavish ceremony like this. I don’t want anyone making sport of our deaths…we’ve dealt with that for too many years.   
When the car stops, Peeta’s hand grasps mine and squeezes. I squeeze back, letting him know that we are in this together, and the door is yanked open. Haymitch climbs out first and I immediately see cameras clicking and lights going off. Annie and I both shrink against the seat but Johanna boldly climbs out without smiling. Peeta is next and he tugs on my hand. We lower our heads and hurry away from the cameras. Haymitch makes an attempt to smile and wave but he gets tired of it quickly too. 

 

The funeral is more of a party than anything else. I spot Paylor up on the stage and her mouth is a thin line, leaving me to wonder how much of this she was involved in. She doesn’t seem to be the party type so I’m pretty sure that the district is the one who turned this into a full blown festival. Pictures of Enobaria are spread around the stage and her coffin sits at the end of the gravel path, wide open. Peeta mutters we should go pay our respects and I cling to him the entire time. I barely hear Paylor’s speech, or the mayor’s, thanking Enobaria’s fellow Victors for coming out to celebrate with the district. I feel sick and just want to get away from the crowds. Peeta finds me later at the punch bowl and he shakes his head.

“When I die, just bury me under a tree somewhere. I don’t want all this nonsense and lots of people I didn’t know. Put me in the backyard where I can always be close to you.” I look at him, shocked.

“What makes you think I won’t die before you do?” He sips at his punch calmly.

“Cause you’re a survivor, Katniss.”

“And you’re not? You’ve been through a hell of a lot more than I have!” He finally turns to face me and he quirks his brow.

“OK, I didn’t mean to upset you Katniss. I didn’t know it would make you so angry.”

“You’ve never talked about this before. Why are you saying these things now?” My voice is panicky and I hate how pathetic I must seem. He frowns.

“We’re at a funeral. People usually think about death at a funeral. We’ve never really discussed what we want when we die, you know, our final rites.”

“I don’t want to think about death! I’ve thought about death all my life,” I yell, “Why are you bringing this up? Why are you even thinking about this?” Concern flashes across his face and he quickly sets his punch on the table so he can pull me into his arms. He holds my shaking form against his chest and strokes my hair.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry I upset you. I didn’t mean to. I just blurt things out sometimes…everything’s fine and you’re right, you’re so right, we have thought about it too much. Shh, it’s ok. We’re both ok.” I allow him to hold me and I sigh heavily into his shoulder. We hear someone clear their throat and we break apart. Haymitch stands with a man we have never seen before but I could swear that he is somehow related to Caesar Flickerman. Not that he has the outrageous hair but he has the same cheeky smile I have seen on the emcee far too many times. 

“Katniss, Peeta, this is Donaldo Flickerman. Caesar’s son.” 

“It is such an honor to meet you both,” Donaldo rushes forward to take our hands. “My father has told me so much about you and quite honestly, my heart is pounding like a sledgehammer right now. Really, I’m in shock. I’ve always been such a fan!” Peeta and I glance at each other. The kid looks young so I wonder how old he was when his father started to interview us for the Games. Haymitch seems like his is trying not to laugh.

“Don here is the one who is interviewing the Victors. He’s requested to meet with you two separately before we start the panel with the girls. So I’ll leave you guys alone for a moment.” He grabs a cup of punch, holds it up to us, and disappears rather quickly. 

“So first off, I want to say congratulations. I mean on everything, winning the rebellion, getting married, having a baby…everything! You are both such inspirations to   
Panem.”

“Well thank you,” Peeta says pleasantly, slipping back into his calm demeanor he has perfected for any kind of interaction. Donaldo pulls out a little notepad and smiles at both of us.

“Now I’m going to ask this again when I get all you Victors together but humor me. How is life in Panem now, after everything has happened?” 

“I won’t say everything is perfect but things are better than they ever have been. We don’t have many records on what it was like before the Dark Days and so we don’t really know how our ancestors lived before the creation of the Hunger Games or the first war. But the Panem I see now is different and it is better. We help each other rather than kill each other. We’ve created a world I am proud to bring my daughter up in.” 

“Yes, your daughter! Katniss Everdeen-Mellark, you and Peeta have truly been the star-crossed lovers, have you not? How do you feel now that you are married with another addition to your family?” I bite my lip. Speaking eloquently is Peeta’s forte, not mine, and I don’t know how to talk in an interview anymore. I never really did.

“I’m happy,” I say simply. “There are people we miss and the nightmares never go away but we have each other and that’s all that matters. A love that might have started out as awkward and unrealistic, that might have turned into something even worse, has grown into something wonderful and life-changing. My sixteen year old self said I would never get married, and I would certainly never have children. Look at how wrong she was,” I finish with a weak shrug. I can feel Peeta smiling at me and Donaldo actually wipes away a tear.

“Gosh I wish I could just talk to you two all day. I need to go ask the mayor some questions but I will be back to talk to you again!” He bounds off in the opposite direction and I slump against Peeta. He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on my head.

“You were great.”

“That wasn’t even the official interview.”

“Yes but you spoke from your heart. Just do that the whole time and you won’t have any trouble.” 

“Is that how you do it so perfectly?” I look up at him and he smiles.

“Mostly. I mean, during the Games all I wanted to do was keep you alive. I said anything to keep you in a good light. Even though a lot of it WAS from my heart, the words didn’t sound corny and dumb because I made light of whatever situation it was, as well as I could. You keep people smiling and you keep people intrigued and you have them hooked. You can’t tell me you never did that though.”

“What are you talking about? Haymitch told me I had as much charm as a dead slug. I couldn’t interview worth anything. I still can’t.”

“Well I know of one interview that you captured your audience.” My brow furrows as I wait for him to continue.

“The one you did with Finnick before I was rescued.”  
My eyes widen and I mouth wordlessly.

“You saw-?”

“Not in the Capitol, no. But do you remember that day I asked you about everything that happened? Before our honeymoon? Well, I called Effie and asked her if she had any access to your interview and she still had it with her holo. I saw the pain in your face and the way your voice shook, I could tell you were passionate about the subject matter.”

“The subject matter was you!”

“Yes,” he says delicately. “And it warmed my heart, even years later, to know how much you cared for me back then.” I stand up on tiptoe so I can kiss him and his hand rest on my waist.

“I loved you even before I realized I did. I guess that was the first time people really saw me. A completely broken girl who just wanted to save her sister and the love of her life.” He kisses my cheek and strokes my face with his knuckles.

“If I had gotten a chance to see that interview in the Capitol…I know the hijacking would have failed.” Before I can say anything to that, he bends down and kisses me. 

“Come on. I think I see Johanna over there.” He tugs my hand and we make our way over to Johanna and Annie. Both of them seem impatient to get out of here too. The Capitol lifestyle is still evident in District 2, and Peeta and I, being from 12, and Annie who has made 12 her home and Johanna whose heart is still in 7, don’t take to the fancy lifestyle. We never did. It makes me that much happier that we did take part in the rebellion. If we hadn’t, Snow would have turned us into Capitolites or worse. Forced to marry, forced into prostitution like Finnick, forced to become a mouthpiece for Snow’s regime.   
Peeta squeezes my hand and my head jerks up. 

“You alright?”

“Yeah.” We meet Haymitch and Donaldo outside and Donaldo once again wrings our hands. 

“I can’t tell you how excited and honored I am to meet all of you,” he says in one breath.

“Let’s sit over here so you can ask your questions,” Haymitch gestures away from the tables and crowds.

“Good idea! My production team should be here any minute.” My heart sinks.

“Production team?”

“Oh yes, Mrs. Mellark! Panem hasn’t seen you on camera in years. Everyone will be so excited to see how all the Victors look nowadays!” I’m about to speak when Peeta catches sight of something over my shoulder and waves. I turn to see Cressida walking toward us, with Pollux and another man I don’t know behind her. 

“Cressida! Pollux!” I jump out of my seat and embrace them both, and turn to the other man, a little embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, I’m--“

“I know who you are,” he says as he reaches out his hand to shake mine. “Who doesn’t? It’s an honor to meet you, Katniss Mellark.” I smile and shake his hand warmly. He moves on to Peeta and the others. 

“This is Jinx, he has been working with Pollux and me for several months now. He’s new but pretty great.”

“It’s a surprise to see you here,” Peeta says with a smile. “I thought you’d be enjoying the company of your husband.”

“He has his job and I have mine. I didn’t want to leave production, even though I’m a wife. It’s good to see you all too. Pollux, let’s set up the camera right here so we can get the light right. Jinx, you stand over here. Good. Alright Don, you tell us when you’re ready.” Donaldo is shaking in his seat from excitement. The lights flash on and Donaldo turns to the camera.

“Good evening Panem and thanks for tuning in! I certainly have a wonderful surprise for all of you watching. For the first time in many, many years, we have several Hunger Games Victors joining us including the famed Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12! Tonight, we are going to hear from Haymitch Abernathy, Johanna Mason-Renaux, Annie Cresta-Odair, Peeta Mellark, and Katniss Everdeen-Mellark! The odds are certainly in MY favor tonight!” 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s late when we make it back to 12. We find Effie asleep in the nursery and Willow sleeping soundly in her cradle. Haymitch carries Effie back to their house and whispers goodnight to us as he heads out. Johanna and Annie have already snuck off to their houses and Peeta and I hold each other and gaze down at our daughter. As if she knows we are watching, Willow’s eyes open and she smiles up at us through a yawn. Peeta immediately swoops down on her and picks her up, leading me over to the chair where he can hold us both. The interview wasn’t terrible but neither of us like the spotlight anymore. Well, I never did but at least he was good with it when he was younger. He still spoke the most movingly out of all of us and after awhile, Don just directed his questions to Peeta. He left Johanna and Annie alone for the most part, asking them a few questions but not really delving into personal matters except for their children. He did, however, press me for details on Willow and Prim and I had to fight off the natural instinct to shut down. Having Peeta next to me helped but I hope this interview means we won’t have do any again for awhile.   
Peeta kisses Willow’s head as she falls back to sleep and he starts to put her back but she wakes up immediately and cries. Peeta bites his lip and glances at me.

“I don’t think she liked us leaving her.”

“She’s not the only one. Here, I’ll take her.” I hold her against my chest, jiggling her a little, and wait for her to close her eyes. But she fixes them on me as if she is daring me to leave her again.

“I’m not leaving you, my sweet girl,” I assure her with a kiss to her forehead. “I’m not leaving your side.” I stand and pace the room but she doesn’t close her eyes again. Sighing, I glance at the clock.

“Why don’t you sleep with Mommy and Daddy tonight?”

“Katniss is that a good idea? I mean, the risk of rolling over on top of her--“

“She’ll be fine,” I say as I shake my head. Truth be told, I don’t want to let her out of my arms either. Her fear is my fear and I can’t leave her alone again. His arm drapes around my shoulder and he leads me back to our bedroom. He strips off his shirt and pants and then takes her so I can get ready for bed. We lay in bed, keeping Willow between us. Peeta reaches over her so he can stroke my cheek.

“I’m not sure how I will sleep without you in my arms.”

“You can do it. Let’s just try this tonight. I don’t want to leave her alone.”

“I know. Neither do I.” He rakes his fingertip along her cheek and she sighs contentedly. Her eyes start to close and I smile at Peeta. See? I mouth. He smiles and gives her head a gentle kiss. I lean up so he can reach me over our daughter and we share a soft kiss before we settle back onto the pillows and our hands find the other’s on top of the blanket. Willow sleeps peacefully between us and Peeta and I stare at each other over her tiny frame. Every once in awhile his eyes flick downwards to our sleeping baby, before coming back to rest on mine. We fall asleep with smiles on our faces and not a trace of nightmares.


	20. Chapter 20

My eyes open and I have to fight to keep from jerking back. Willow has somehow wound up on my pillow, her nose touching mine. Her eyes are closed and she is still sleeping but I put my hand to my chest to slow my heart. Katniss is still sleeping too, and I lean up on my elbow to study them both. They look so much alike while they sleep and my heart starts to race from all the love I am feeling right now. My wife shifts and she turns on her side, her arm closing around Willow and pulling her close. Willow sleeps on, making tiny noises in her dreams. A glance at the clock tells me it is much too early to get up, since we didn’t return to the district until past 2 in the morning. I lay back on my pillow and stroke Willow’s back, watching her move her mouth several times, then her brows furrow and she looks to be in pain. I’m hit by a terrible smell and I cough, trying not to gag. I don’t want to wake my daughter but I definitely need to change her diaper right now. Careful not to jostle Katniss, I pick Willow up and carry her to the nursery. 

The girl sleeps hard like her mother! She doesn’t even notice as I change her diaper and spread baby powder over her little cheeks. I chuckle softly as I pick her back up and carry her back to our room. Katniss has turned over and I gently set Willow in front of her, Katniss’s arms instinctively drawing her in. I settle behind Katniss, my arm draped over her waist as I bury my face in her hair. 

I guess I fall back to sleep because when I wake up, I am clutching a pillow rather than my wife. I sit straight up and look around in panic. Too many dreams started and ended like this when I was young. Too many nights I would fall asleep, dreaming that the pillow beside me was a warm body with locks of raven hair and silver eyes that sparkled in the moonlight. And in the morning, it would be my pillow in my arms and there would be a hole in my heart.

My eyes fall on the several pictures we have set up beside our bed. One of us in front of the bakery when it first opened, another of our first dance at our wedding reception, and one I took of the three of us when Willow was born. I can feel myself relaxing into the sheets and I throw the covers aside and yank on a pair of jeans.   
I check the nursery but am surprised that they’re not there. When I see that the kitchen and the sitting room are empty as well, I start to worry. When it becomes evident that I am alone in the house, I panic. 

“Ok, calm down Peeta. She probably just took Willow for a walk.” Sure enough, once I calm down enough to use my eyes, I find a plate of muffins on the counter with a note next to it.

\-----------------------------------------------------------  
Your girls are in the woods today. Join us if you like! Will be back soon.   
Love, Katniss and Willow   
\-----------------------------------------------------------

As I chew on a muffin (not bad, considering Katniss doesn’t bake), my eyes widen and I start to choke. I pound on my own chest and shake my head.

“Shit,” I say aloud to the empty kitchen. “It’s May 8th!” 

Katniss’s birthday. HOW could I have forgotten? I look up at the clock and decide I have some time before Katniss and Willow return. I gather all the ingredients on the counter and go to work on her birthday cake.  
I feel like the most terrible husband, as I worked long and hard on my daughter’s first birthday and have done nothing for my wife’s! But Katniss has always brushed her birthdays aside and the past several years have been private affairs, with a small cake and a special present or two. I know she doesn’t expect much but I still give her the world, whenever I can. 

While the cake is cooling, (I make sure to hide in a special place so she won’t see it) I hurry into town to find a nice present for her. 

The trouble with being married for so long is that we have practically everything we could want. I’ve painted countless paintings for her, she gets new weapons often, she’s not into clothes or jewelry or accessories like Effie is. Katniss is actually a very hard person to shop for!   
After a few hours perusing the stores, I return home with a nice shirt in her favorite hunter green that she can wear once it starts to cool off again. I also found a pearl barrette I couldn’t resist buying, that I imagine will look lovely in her dark hair. My final gift is a basket full of bath salts and soaps. I can take Willow out one day and let her enjoy a day of pampering. Something she hasn’t had since Willow was born. I make one more stop by the butcher before I hurry home.

I return home and am relieved when I see they still aren’t back yet. I finish the cake, set it into the fridge, and hastily wrap her gifts while dinner is cooking. Just as the sun starts to set, I hear the door open and Katniss talking quietly to Willow. I go to greet them both with a kiss and Katniss hands Willow to me.

“I am so sweaty right now and I know I smell and all I want is a shower. It was so hot today.”

“Then why did you stay in the woods all day?”

“Willow and I went swimming,” she says as she nuzzles our daughter’s nose.

“Swimming? You’re teaching Willow to swim?”

“She’s a natural. Of course I didn’t take her into the deep part but she loves the water. You should have come out to join us.”

“I was busy getting things ready for someone’s birthday.” She furrows her brow in confusion then her eyes widen in comprehension and I stifle my laughter.

“Oh my gosh, I had completely forgotten!”

“I know. Now go freshen up while I finish dinner.” She lifts her face and sniffs the air.

“Lamb stew?” I smile at her hopeful expression and kiss her nose.

“Of course. Nothing but the best for my birthday girl.”

“I love you,” she says as she wraps her arms around my neck.

“I love you too. And you do smell. So go on.” She looks scandalized as I laughingly push her up the stairs and turn back to dinner. 

“Here, I’m going to put you in your chair so Daddy can finish dinner.” Willow giggles as I put her in her high chair and I hum quietly as I check on the dried plums. As I hear the water turning off, the oven dings and I hastily pull out the cheesebuns. They look perfect. I grin as I set the table and I push Willow’s chair a little closer. While I wait for Katniss to come back down, I go ahead and feed Willow some greens and apples. Though I’ll never say it aloud, she takes to solid food a lot better with me than she does with Katniss. I know my wife is frustrated with trying to feed her but she just seems to eat better when I feed her. 

As I’m wiping Willow’s cheeks, Katniss comes into the kitchen, wearing one of her sundresses that leaves her arms and legs exposed. I stand and spin her around, capturing her against my chest.

“Have I told you today how beautiful you are?”

“Nope,” she says as she turns her head for a kiss. I oblige, my tongue sweeping across her lips and into her mouth. She tastes like mint toothpaste and sunshine and her own unique sweetness. I sound like an emotional sap right now but really, what do I care? She’s been with me for over sixteen years. She must be ok with the sappiness.  
I pull her to the table and set the food in front of her. I can practically hear her stomach growling. Her eyes go to Willow and I shake my head.

“I’ve already fed her. Eat up, Mama.” 

“You’re my hero, Daddy,” she purrs and I’m ashamed to admit that the combination of her tone of voice and the words make me harden immediately. I adjust myself under the table, hoping she won’t notice, as she puts her fork to her lips. 

“Oh god Peeta, this is just wonderful,” she says as she closes her eyes. I ignore how my heart starts to race, how tight my jeans have become. She makes little moaning sounds while she eats, that are uncomfortably close to the sounds she makes when she has her lips wrapped around my cock. I grip my fork and shake myself. Get IT together! Willow sits beside me, playing with her little figurines that Finn bought for her. I glance up to see Katniss biting into a cheesebun and she giggles as cheese oozes all over her chin. I reach over and wipe it away with my thumb, and she catches my hand before I can pull away. She pulls my fingers into her mouth and keeps her eyes on mine as her tongue swirls around my skin. I bite my lip and I can hear how heavy my breathing has become. 

“This was how it first started,” I say softly. She releases my fingers and cocks her head.

“What do you mean?”

“That first day…we made love for the very first time. I had baked you cheesebuns, and you started sucking on my fingers. You pushed me back and started kissing my dick and I was so floored that you were actually doing that…that was our first blowjob. And then I went down on you for the first time, you screamed my name so loudly I was afraid Haymitch would be hammering on our door,” I grin, fondly remembering every blessed detail of that day. We were crazy 17 year olds, setting out to explore each other and our new intimacy. God I loved her. God I still love her. I jump as I feel her hand rubbing me through my jeans and I let out a low moan. 

“You remember all that?” Her voice is low and seductive and she scoots her chair closer so she can have better access. She unzips my jeans and pulls my cock out, her fingers grasping my head. 

“Katniss I remember everything about you. And that was one of the best nights of my life. I could never forget that.”

“I wish my memory could be as good as yours is,” she leans in closer as she grips me tighter. I sit up quickly to shove my pants further down and she moves her other hand to my balls. My eyes roll to the back of my head and I try to sit up straight. “I remember feelings and emotions. You remember the words.”

She moves her hand up to my face and runs her finger over my chin. I’m taken aback for a moment, briefly lamenting that her hand isn’t elsewhere but I look into her eyes and see her surprise.

For some strange reason, I’ve finally started to grow facial hair. Maybe whatever the prep teams did to us finally wore off, maybe it was just time but I haven’t shaved and I rather like the blonde fuzz that grows around my lip and chin. True there’s barely anything there but I don’t look so much like a little boy anymore. Her fingers cup my chin and she stares at me in wonder.

“You look so manly.” I chuckle and kiss her fingers. 

“It’s like it grew overnight. I didn’t want to shave immediately.” 

“No, don’t. I wonder how that prickle would feel against my thighs,” she says as she leans in to capture my lips. I gasp against her mouth, understanding her meaning, and my mouth immediately waters for her.

“Tell me more about that night,” she whispers as her hands return to teasing me. 

“Um…you…you said that you needed me,” I stammer as she starts to go faster. 

“Mmmhm. I always need you. What else?” 

“You…you were nervous, I could tell, but then again so I was. And then we had this crazy conversation because you actually thought I had done it with someone before you. As if I could have given myself to someone else like that.”

“I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had…but I’m still glad I was your first.”

“My first and only,” I repeat my words from that day. My eyes closed, I tilt my head back and grip the edge of the chair. I hear the chair scoot back but I don’t register it until I feel Katniss’s wet tongue on my skin. I nearly jump out of my seat and my eyes fly open. She’s under the table, kneeling between my legs and I glance over at Willow, who is completely preoccupied with her toys. 

“Oh my god, Katniss.” 

“Keep talking, Peeta. Tell me what you remember. Tell me what it felt like.”

“Oh fuck…it was incredible. You felt amazing, like you always do. I could just live inside you and be the happiest man in the world. Fuck Katniss! Shit, I’m gonna-!” I barely have time to warn her before my hips jerk off the seat and my cock hits the back of her throat. She swallows as her lips are still around me and I’m overcome by shudders. She crawls out from under the table, leaving my jeans and boxers around my knees, and she sits on the edge of the table so she can kiss me. 

“Wait a minute. It’s your birthday, not mine.”

“What better present is there than to see my husband come undone at my touch,” she leans in to kiss me and her hands wrap in my curls as she deepens our kiss, “and hear you crying out my name?” 

“I can think of several presents that would be better,” I reply with a smirk. She quirks a brow and looks over at our daughter, who is currently chewing on her toy dog. 

“Think we can put her down a little early tonight?” I’m up so fast that I forget my jeans are around my ankles, and I stumble forward. Katniss catches me before I can face plant on the table and she grins.

“Steady there, tiger. We haven’t even had cake yet.” She knows I always bake her a cake for her birthday so I tuck myself back in my jeans and we wash our hands before I fetch the cake from the refrigerator. It’s nothing elaborate or fancy but her smile gets wider as I set it on the table. She picks off a frosted katniss flower and pops it in her mouth, then hands me the knife.

“You can cut.” I slice some off for both of us, then place a tiny piece in front of Willow. Luckily she doesn’t cover her face with it this time, and proceeds to gnaw on it. Katniss finishes her cake before me and she pulls a present toward her.

“Can I open them now?”

“It’s your birthday,” I shrug. “They’re all yours. This one is from Willow.” I push the box with the shirt inside toward her and she smiles.

“How thoughtful of Willow, although I’m a bit surprised she was able to drive into town.”

“She walked.” She opens the box and pulls it out, gasping.

“It’s beautiful, Peeta. And Willow.” She rewards us both with kisses, and goes about opening the rest of her gifts. She sniffs at the fragrant basket and sighs.

“Lavender and jasmine. This will be so nice after a long day in the woods. Thank you, Peeta.”

“Happy birthday sweetheart,” I lean forward to kiss her again and Willow bangs on her chair, making gurgling noises as if to remind us of her presence.

“Yes and thank you to you too my sweet girl,” Katniss coos as she squeezes Willow’s cheeks and kisses her head. I smile at the sight. 

“I’ll try to put Willow down for bed, if you want to clean up and meet me upstairs?” I nod and start clearing the table as she picks Willow up and cradles her to her chest. 

“Was it a good birthday, Mommy,” I ask as I follow her to the stairs. She shoots me a look over her shoulder, her brow raised.

“It’s not over yet.” I bite down on my lip and hastily clean up the kitchen.   
I head upstairs and hear Katniss’s soft singing. I peer into the nursery and see her rubbing Willow’s belly as our little girl drifts off to sleep. Katniss looks at me and puts her finger to her lips as she pushes me out the door. I grab the baby monitor and lead the way back to our bedroom. 

“Why don’t you make yourself comfortable and just give me a few minutes,” she says in a low voice. I swallow audibly and sink down onto the bed while she slips into the bathroom. I hurriedly throw my clothes to the side, keeping my boxer briefs on. I really want to enjoy a long evening with my wife and if I play my cards right, I can make her scream several times before I’m actually inside her. But I can’t allow myself to get too far ahead. Thus why I’m leaving my underwear on and I won’t let Katniss remove them until it’s the right time. I reach past my waistband and grip my cock, stroking lazily while I wait. 

The door opens and I have to blink several times to make sure my eyesight is ok. Seventeen years of marriage and the woman still manages to surprise me. HOW did she keep this hidden from me for so long?! Did Cinna actually make this?! I flush, wondering if he designed this for the blushing 16 year olds that we once were. She approaches the bed and stands in front of me, wearing a blue bustier that completely pushes her breasts up and out. She’s lost the baby weight but to my surprise and delight, her breasts are larger than they were before the birth, and I find myself wanting to bury my face in her chest. The bustier stops just round her midsection and she’s wearing a pair of black lace panties with a gaping hole in the center. She slowly turns on the spot and my jaw drops; the panties almost completely cover her ass except for a long slit along her cleft. I lean up and yank her hips toward me so I can bury my face between her cheeks. She reaches back and grips my hair as I attack her with my tongue. I tug on her hips so she is on all fours on the bed, her legs spread wide around mine, and my hands entwine on her hips and press, making her arch her back even more. My tongue is free to explore every bit of her, and she gasps when I push two fingers inside her, still focusing on that kernel of pleasure. She grips the comforter with white knuckles and I move my hand up a little, so I am able to push my pinkie finger into her back hole. 

“Ffffffffffffuck Peeta,” she moans into the sheets. Katniss’s curses are few and selective, even though she loves it when I curse like a sailor, so when she lets out those words I know I’m doing something she loves. I slowly push in and out, and there is only one thing that can make this better. Struck by an idea, I withdraw my hand and gently push her to the side.

“Lay on your side for me.” She does as I ask, her head between my knees and I lift her leg high in the air so I can reach her center. My fingers return to where they just were and I feel her hands scrabble at my waistband. She knows what I want before I even ask; she pulls my boxers down a ways and her warm mouth envelops me completely. Well, there goes my original plan, out the window. I let out a hiss as her teeth scrape against me and I push my fingers deeper inside her. 

“Fuck Katniss,” I moan, my other hand holding her hair out of her face. “I can’t describe how fucking sexy you look. My fingers and my dick inside you, you’re so filled with me and I absolutely love it.” She releases a little moan of agreement as her head bobs up and down. Her nose brushes against my belly and my hips involuntarily jerk forward. I adjust my fingers and push my pointer finger against her back hole. There’s a little resistance and she bucks her hips but I slide my finger inside her and groan at how tight she is. I feel her swallow against me and I am temporarily distracted from my ministrations.

“God yes Katniss, take me. Take all of me. Fuck you are so perfect.” Shit I didn’t want to come right away but she has made sure I will. Her hands move down to grasp me and I explode in her throat. She pulls away, licking and sucking and I am surprised that I am still hard. She gazes up at me over her lashes and I groan as I gently push her away and tuck myself back in my boxers. She’s seen to my pleasure without a care of her own and I’m determined to remedy that. I push her down on her stomach and reach my hands underneath her hips, raising her ass towards me. I had her on the brink and now she is moaning and whimpering my name. I settle on my back and pull her on top of me.

“Ride me, Katniss.” Her hands fly out and press against the wall as she rides my tongue. Soon, my name is echoing off the walls and I pray that Willow remains asleep.  
I gently lift her up and work at the clasps of her bustier.

“Let’s get this off of you.” I toss it to the side and take a moment to admire my wife’s gorgeous body. She straddles my lap, wrapping her legs around my waist and my cock presses insistently against my underwear. 

 

I don’t know how long we’ve been going or where we’ve found the strength but after Katniss’s fourth orgasm (and I’m only one behind her) she collapses to her stomach, panting into the pillow. I lean down and kiss her shoulder before I climb off of her and head into the bathroom. Coming back with a wet rag, I spot something poking out from under the bed. I bend down and see that it is the box Johanna gave her the other night. Katniss is still trying to catch her breath, so I quietly place the box on the bed beside me and lean down to clean my seed from her back. My lips travel over her back and between her shoulder blades. She still hasn’t said anything and I stroke her hair.

“Babe, you alright?”

“I think you’ve killed me,” she says into the pillow. I chuckle and try to lift her up. She’s still floppy from her last orgasm.

“You didn’t seem to complain much.”

“Why would I? That’s the best sex we have had in years. Maybe even better than when Willow was conceived.”

“Can you pinpoint exactly when she was conceived,” I laugh. “You think it was the night you found out about my appointment? When you told me you were finally ready to try for a baby?”

“No, it was before that. Maybe it was your birthday, when I surprised you with a weekend getaway to District 4.” That had been a wild weekend and what a birthday it was! I kiss her neck and smile against her skin.

“Any time with you is incredible.” She lets out a ‘mm’ of agreement and I continue to kiss down her back and down to her cheeks. I hear her gasp and I pull her legs straight out so I can kneel between her thighs. I use my fingers on her, rubbing her folds before I push my fingers inside her again. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this,” I say as I give her cheek another kiss. “The sight of your pussy so freshly fucked by me and you’re still so damn wet.” She whimpers against the bed and I stand up on my knees, reaching into the drawer and grabbing the bottle of lubricant. She glances over her shoulder and her brow furrows. I swoop down and kiss her, cupping her chin.

“Do you trust me, Katniss?”

“With everything I have, Peeta,” she answers, which makes my heart swell. I nudge the box and raise my brow.

“If anything is uncomfortable to you, you tell me and I will stop. Ok?” She nods and I reach into the box. I wish I’d some research on this whole thing but I’ll go to my grave before I ask Johanna for advice. I’m a smart guy, I can figure it out on my own. Inside the box there are several brightly colored devices, a dildo not quite as big as me, a strap-on harness, and several strands of beads of different sizes. Reaching for the smallest object possible, I pour the lubricant over it and hold it over Katniss’s ass. I lean in and use my tongue to make sure she’s well lubricated before I ease it inside her . She flinches, probably because she knows it’s not me but I put a hand on her back to calm her and she relaxes. This one is only slightly bigger than my finger, and I watch her for a reaction while I push it in. She tenses up and I withdraw immediately. I’m patient and keep my eyes on her the entire time. I pull her to her knees and spread her legs wider.   
She takes to the smallest object easily and I can’t help but thrust my cock inside her while it fills her other hole. She is trying to hold in her screams and I see her biting her lip so hard I fear she will draw blood. I pull and push the object out to mimic my cock. I feel her clenching around me and I withdraw immediately.

“Peeta!”

“Just trust me.” I leave the device there and reach for the next thing. The dildo is rubbery and cold so I stroke it and pour a little of the lubricant over it. When I bring it to her center, she jumps and gasps as I push it inside her. My cock is positively aching at this point but I have a feeling the outcome will be more than enough reward. She’s reached under her legs and rubbing her pussy and I’m tempted to just watch her finish herself off. I shake my head and move her hands aside, replacing her fingers with my tongue. She screams and starts to shake and I know she’s close. But I want to be inside her when she comes, and I want us to come together. I pull the dildo out and slam inside her, causing her to jerk forward on the bed. My thumb finds her nub and rubs slowly. 

“Fucking hell, Peeta!” I grin as I lean over her and kiss her shoulder. I slow down and she pushes back against me but I hold her hips still and reach for the dildo again. I slowly push it inside her and she falls forward to the bed. 

“Katniss? How do you feel?”

“So full,” she says in a muffled voice. “And I fucking love it.” I grin. That’s my girl. With one hand on her hip, and one thrusting the dildo to my rhythm, I gain speed and see her knees shaking.

“Stay with me, Katniss. I want you to come with me. Wait for me baby.”

“God Peeta! Oh…oh god!” I feel her clench around me, and a wetness explodes on my cock. I pull out and she continues to squirt all over the place. I thrust back in and slam my hips against her. She comes again and I explode deep inside her. I collapse forward and rest my cheek on her back. 

“Holy shit,” I say weakly, not having much else to say but this seems to sum up the evening fairly well. I move off of her and because I know she’s so sensitive, very slowly pull out the device and the dildo. I wipe her off with the rag, then clean myself up. 

“Here, we should change the sheets before we fall asleep.” Katniss already seems to be asleep. I shake my head and move her aside so I can at least strip the bed and put another blanket underneath us. It’ll have to do until morning. I pull her into my arms and kiss her temple as I rest my head on the pillow.

“Happy birthday my beautiful wife.”   
\--------------------------------------------------------

I’m surprised that I am the first one to wake up the next morning and I give Katniss’s forehead a gentle kiss before I jump into the shower and pull on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. After checking on Willow and seeing that she is awake, I take her down to the kitchen to feed her before I start on breakfast for Katniss and me.   
Katniss comes down as I am flipping the bacon and she yawns as she leans against the wall.

“Morning sleeping beauty.”

“You are far too chipper this early,” she says grumpily. I have to chuckle.

“Sweetheart it’s almost noon.” She gasps and her eyes fly to the clock overhead.

“How did we sleep so late?”

“Well we didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night,” I say with a grin and she shakes her head.

“Peeta I’m getting to be an old lady. You can’t keep me up all night like that,” she tries to suppress a yawn and I set down the spatula and pull her into my arms.

“Oh really? Well, you’ll have to remind me of that next time I am fucking you senseless, alright? I wouldn’t want to throw off your sleep pattern.” She scowls which makes me laugh even harder.

“You’re an ass.”

“Speaking of which, how do you feel?” She flushes red, as I expected her to, and she bites her lip.

“I feel fine.”

“Not…sore or anything?”

“No. It was nice. I…I enjoyed it.” I quirk my brow.

“Is it something you would like to try again sometime?” She nods eagerly and I swear I feel my cock rising to attention. I scowl internally and turn back to the stove. 

“I already fed Willow, if you don’t mind getting the muffins out of the oven for me?” 

We carry Willow into the living room and turn on the TV to see if there is anything good on. Willow plays on a blanket and once I finish my breakfast, I crawl into the floor with her and lay on my stomach while she plays with her musical mat that lights up and makes all kinds of noise. I grin as I press down on the notes and she follows my lead, whatever I do. She shrieks with laughter as I make music and I look up to see Katniss watching us with a broad smile on her face.

“Come on, Mama, help us make music,” I hold my hand out toward her and she grins as she slips into the floor between us and Willow turns and lets out a stream of babbling. I burst out laughing at Katniss’s surprised expression.

“She’s happy to see her mama!” Katniss scoots closer, grinning, and attacks our daughter with kisses. 

“Are you helping Daddy with music? Hm?” 

“She’ll have your singing voice for sure.” Katniss opens her mouth, most likely to protest but something makes her eyes widen and her jaw clamp shut. We stare at each other in shock, trying to figure out if we are going crazy or if we actually heard what we think we heard.

“Ma,” it comes again. Katniss gasps and I clap my hand over my mouth.

“Willow…did you just speak?” She responds with another stream of gurgling but another “ma” distinctly comes out. 

“Oh my goodness,” Katniss says, her eyes welling with tears.

“Her first word,” I say in awe. “Our baby girl is talking!” She turns to me and claps her hands as she presses on a note. When I press on it after her, she giggles.

“Dada.” My heart stops. Katniss looks up at me and I can barely see her through my blurry eyes. 

“Did she just-?”

“She did. She called you Dada.” Together, we sweep our daughter into our arms and cuddle her close, sitting close together on the floor and not caring about anything but the precious being against our chests. 

\--

To say Katniss and I are encouraged by Willow’s first two words is an understatement. We are now trying to get her to say other things and she merely giggles and gurgles at us. But when she says “ma” or “dada” we both just erupt into tears again. We haven’t moved from this spot on the floor in hours, and we’re surprised when we hear a knock at the door. Neither of us wants to get up though and we decide whoever it is will either come inside or go away.   
Haymitch enters our living room and he raises a brow.

“I see I’m interrupting family time.”

“She said her first words,” Katniss says joyfully. Haymitch’s eyes widen.

“What’d she say?”

“She said ‘ma’ and then she said ‘dada’,” I say proudly. 

“That’s a smart little cookie you have there. Kids aint really supposed to start their talking until past a year.”

“She’s clever, like her daddy,” Katniss says as she rests her head on my shoulder. I grin up at Haymitch and he rolls his eyes.

“You kids have the TV turned on, right?” I glance up at the black screen and shrug.

“We turned it off when Willow spoke. What’s going on?”

“Don’s interview is in a few minutes. Effie is in town so I thought I’d come watch it with you kids.”

“Why? You were with us when he interviewed us.”

“I know that sweetheart,” he scowls. “But I’m intrigued to see how Cressida put it all together. Just hand me the remote.” I pass it to him and he sinks down on the couch behind us. Katniss and I are too focused on our little girl to pay any attention. I glance up when we hear our names being introduced.

“The odds are certainly in my favor tonight!” Don grins and turns to all of us. I can see how nervous Katniss and Annie look, but Johanna and Haymitch look bored and I am the only one who looks like I’m paying attention. Behind me, Haymitch chuckles.

“It is such a pleasure and an honor to meet all of you. Panem hasn’t seen much of you lately. Why is that?”

“We’re trying to move on with our lives, Donaldo,” I answer in a clear voice. “Panem has flourished under a new rule and we have flourished with it. We don’t necessarily want to think about the Hunger Games or the Rebellion anymore because of all the sacrifices and the pain that were involved. We are happy with our lives and we just appreciate the privacy that Panem has given us over the years.”

“Well said, Peeta Mellark! Well said. Now then, do you mind if I get into the personal questions?”

“As Ceasar’s son, I don’t doubt you will,” Katniss says and there is the sound of audience laughter. Donaldo throws his head back and laughs.

“So cheeky, Katniss, I love it! The Mockingjay herself…Katniss Everdeen-Mellark!” Loud applause echoes on the screen and Katniss smiles and nods, still looking slightly pale.

“Now Katniss,” Donaldo’s tone becomes more serious. “You have lost so much and yet gained a lot. Tell us. Was it worth it?” 

“I…” I watch her fumble for words on the screen and I reach down and squeeze her hand. She squeezes back. 

“I am extremely happy with the life I live now. Being married to Peeta has been unlike anything I could have imagined, and being a mother is the most incredible thing in the world. But I wish my sister were still alive to see it all. To experience it with me. We lost so many people and we wish they were still here with us. But we didn’t let them die in vain. Panem is a better place and we have many heroes to look up to, to thank for that freedom.”

“So sad. So sad, all those tragic losses,” Donaldo says as he shakes his head. “And your sister. So young and heartbreaking to hear of her fate. We are all truly sorry for your loss, Katniss. For all of your losses,” he gestures to all of us and only Annie and I nod in reply. 

“But happier times are upon you! You spoke of motherhood! It’s true you and Peeta have a beautiful baby girl?”

“She is the most beautiful thing ever created,” I say, nodding. Donaldo claps loudly and a recent picture of Willow pops up on the screen. Beside me, Katniss gasps.

“How did they get a picture of her?”

“Honey we don’t keep her locked up inside. People know what she looks like.”

“People in 12 know what she looks like! Not the whole damn country!”

“Katniss,” I try to pacify her. I’m also concerned about us cursing around her, now that she is starting to talk. We’re going to have to be more careful. Haymitch, especially.

“Sweetheart calm down. Look at that adorable face,” Haymitch gestures to the screen and he bends down to tickle Willow under her chin. “You are adorable, you know that?”   
Katniss, however, refuses to let this go.

“You think Cressida gave them a picture?”

“No,” I say immediately. “She’s our friend and she wouldn’t exploit Willow like that.”

“You just said it wasn’t a big deal!”

“It’s not. I just…never mind.” I sigh and shake my head. Honestly, I don’t mind it all that much. I wish they had asked us but as Haymitch says, she’s adorable and I don’t mind showing her off to the world. 

“She’s got her father’s eyes, that’s for sure,” Donaldo goes on to say. “Peeta. In your very first interview, my father asked you about being a ladies’ man. You said there was only one girl you had a crush on for forever, and we all know how that turned out. Has that remained true over the years?”

“Absolutely,” I answer immediately. “I can’t imagine my life without her and we’ve been happily married for seventeen years now.” There is more clapping and audience making “awww” noises. I wonder how much of this is from real audiences and how much is just Capitol-generated. 

“It seems all our lovely lady Victors are enjoying motherhood. Johanna Mason-Reneaux and Annie Cresta-Odair, how are you both enjoying life after the rebellion?”

“So long as I don’t have to go back into an arena, life is pretty damn perfect, Donaldo,” Johanna responds immediately. Annie looks more subdued.

“Things are still hard. There are nightmares, the constant worry that I’ll do something wrong as a mother, and the sadness that never goes away. But life is much better than it was. I’m proud that I was able to bring my son into a world free of that unending fear. I know my husband is watching proudly too.”

“Another tragic, heartbreaking story. Finnick did not know you were pregnant, did he?” 

“He didn’t. I didn’t find out until much later. But I wasn’t going to stop Finnick from taking on the Capitol. He was fighting for our future.” 

“I know Panem joins me in saying how very sorry we are, Mrs. Odair. I think the entire country loved Finnick.” I clench my jaw and think about how Snow forced Finnick into prostitution in the Capitol and wonder how much of Panem really knew him. 

“And Haymitch! Even you have found a happy ending!”

“What’s that supposed to mean, even you,” Haymitch says gruffly. 

“Oh we all remember the Haymitch Abernathy who mentored these two! My father even showed me a clip of you drunk at their Reaping and falling off the stage, am I right?”   
There’s laughter but not as much as before. Haymitch’s jaw tightens.

“Anyway,” Donaldo says with a nervous chuckle. “You are looking quite excellent! Time and love agree with you, don’t they?”

“They do. I married Effie Trinkett and couldn’t be happier.” 

“THE Effie Trinkett? The Star-Crossed Lovers’ escort and the Capitol’s leading fashionista?” 

“The very same,” Haymitch answers with a nod. Behind me, he chuckles.

“She’ll be happy to hear that when this thing replays.” 

“I had no idea,” Donaldo goes on to say. “And to find love so late in life…that is, we are all very happy for you both!”

“Old Victors deserve love as much as young ones do,” Haymitch says as he crosses his arms. Donaldo chuckles nervously.

“Right you are, Haymitch! Absolutely right! Although you aren’t THAT old…seems like only yesterday that Panem was watching you in the Quarter Quell--“

“Which you are way too young to remember,” Haymitch interrupts him and Donaldo bites his lip.

“Alas, you are correct but enough about me! So, Peeta, you say that life is good and you are all doing well. However, over the years you have fallen victim to several incriminating news reports that dealt with your torture in the Capitol. Your hijacking, in particular, was a huge source of debate for a long time. I even remember after your wife was kidnapped by the Red Revolutionaries, it was televised that the late President Coin of District 13 was responsible for halting your progress. And of course your wife was very nearly executed for assassinating the late President. Would you care to comment on any of this?”  
I watch myself turn pale and even though I probably wouldn’t slip into a full-fledged flashback, my mind was still weakened and confused from my flashback earlier that day. I remember on the train, how I attacked Katniss, what I had said to her, and how I treated her. Now I can see myself growing more nervous and Katniss moves closer to me, both on screen and in real life. 

“We don’t like to talk about anything related to that time,” Katniss says quietly and Donaldo looks both disappointed and ashamed. 

“Of course…so sorry--“

“No, it’s ok,” I say firmly. “I want to clear this up. I want Panem to hear me say this, because we haven’t spoken out about my torture during Snow’s reign.” I take a deep breath and see Katniss tense up beside me.

“Snow liked to manipulate people and he liked to use others to destroy his enemies. He thought he could use me, then he tried to break me, but instead, he discovered a way to break Katniss. He programmed me to hate her, to try to kill her. Imagine the thing you love most in this world, twisted to become something so terrifying that you have to kill it or be killed. That’s how my mind worked. When I first returned to her, I did try to kill her. I…I almost did. That’s something that will haunt me for the rest of my life, a memory I will never be able to be rid of. At random times of the day, I am struck by the realization that I could have murdered the most important person in my life, and the thought cripples me for a moment. But Katniss has always been there, by my side, reassuring me of what is real and what is not real. She helped me find myself again, and it’s her love and faith and her fierce strength that have kept me going. Some days are harder than others. Some days I am hit by flashbacks and have to ask if this life I am living is real. No one can possibly imagine how that must feel. I can’t imagine how she feels, when her own husband can’t believe that she really does love him, or that the life he is living with her is real. But she continues to show patience and strength and I could never thank her enough for what she endures. So no, Donaldo, I am not completely cured and I probably never will be. But Katniss has saved me, time and time again, and she continues to save me.”

“We save each other,” she corrects me as she grasps my hand on the screen. 

“Déjà vu,” she mutters in my ear as she snuggles up to me. I give her a sad smile, remembering our first interview after we won the Games, before I knew it had all been an act. 

“As for what people have said about the hijacking…well, no one really expected me to recover. Hijacking victims have rarely come back to themselves…I mean, as far as I know, I am the only victim to make a full recovery. Snow kept this particular form of torture very secret and I am relieved that the use of tracker-jacker venom has been forbidden now. I don’t know about the other victims and I don’t know where all the records about my torture have gone, but they expected me to kill Katniss and they essentially let me go. When I returned to her, I was completely messed up. I hated her and I barely trusted anyone. You can’t possibly imagine how that feels, or how she must have felt when she realized I was trying to kill her,” I shoot her an apologetic look and Donaldo actually sniffles. “But somehow I overcame it. I don’t know how and I wish it hadn’t taken me so long, because Katniss was back in 12, slowly dying. I had to keep telling myself over and over to get better for her. That I needed to get back to 12 to see her, to fix everything I had done to her in the past.”

“Katniss, how did you fare without your husband?” 

“Not well,” she says slowly and quietly. “I’d just lost my sister, and then I lost Peeta. I had no idea if he was returning to the district and I’d been given exile for life. I didn’t have much to live for…until he returned.” I shift awkwardly, remembering the scar across her wrist that had very nearly taken her away from me. 

“Yes, your exile,” Donaldo says with a nod. “Which has been lifted, thanks to President Paylor! And really, you were innocent in the whole thing anyway, weren’t you?” I watch myself lean forward and I brace myself for what I said next. 

“I was outraged when I found out that Katniss might have been executed, even when I was fighting the hijacking. It was unjust. I will be completely honest with you, Donaldo. I am proud of Katniss for assassinating President Coin. If she hadn’t, we might still be in a worse situation that we were with Snow. Did you know that Coin wanted to hold a final Hunger Games on the day of Snow’s execution?”

“N-no,” Donaldo stammers. 

“She did. She called for us to vote,” I gesture around to the others and they all stare at the ground. “And decided a final Hunger Games using Capitol children would satisfy bloodlust around Panem. She was just as bad as Snow, if not worse. And I do believe the rumors about her ordering the doctors to slow my progress. When I was transferred to the Capitol, joining Katniss’s squad, I felt like I was stepping out of the darkness for the very first time. I was still having a hard time distinguishing what was real and not, but without the poison in my veins, I was able to break away from the hold the hijacking had on me. I don’t doubt that had Coin taken office, I would still be locked up in a padded room, strapped down to a bed and wondering if I loved or hated Katniss.” There is silence after my speech and Haymitch crosses and uncrosses his legs behind me. Willow reaches up toward him and with a chuckle, he swoops down and pulls her up onto his lap. I turn to glance behind me and see her trying to stand up to reach for his face. His eyes are soft and he looks much older than he is. He looks right up at me and sighs.

“You wouldn’t still be locked up, kid. I’d have broken you out by now.” 

“Me too,” Katniss says as she rests her head on my shoulder. If you were still alive, I want to say. I keep it to myself. I don’t doubt Coin would have had Katniss killed too. Maybe she would have even made sure I was the one to do it. So I’d be locked up forever. What a way to get rid of the Star-Crossed Lovers! Was that Snow’s plan too?

“Bastards,” I mutter to myself. Katniss pulls away and frowns.

“What?”

“Um…nothing.” She cups my chin and turns my head so I am looking right at her.

“What are you thinking about?” I sigh and lean forward so my forehead is resting against hers.

“I think it just occurred to me…what Snow was trying to do. Besides breaking us, that is. I would have been locked up for your murder…you’d be gone and I would have absolutely no way of coming back to myself. Even if I had, for a moment, I’d realize that you were gone and that I was the one to blame and then I would have disappeared completely. I’d be a monster for the rest of my life, shut behind bars for my crimes. Coin would have done that too, I think. It’s why she sent me to the Star Squad. She wanted me to kill you and they would have thrown me into a cell and the rebels would be calling for my death. If I didn’t try to kill myself first.” How would I have reacted, all those years ago, once I woke up from the poison to realize that my own hands had ended her life? What would I have done? I can still remember the sight of the bruises on her neck. Bruises from my fingerprints. The fear and shock in her eyes as I choked the life out of her. My name on her trembling lips. 

I don’t realize how badly I am shaking until I notice Katniss is straddling my lap, my face in her hands and her lips just inches from mine.

“Shhhh,” she calms me. “Just breathe, Peeta. Nice and slow breaths. Your heart is racing, honey, just think calming thoughts and focus on my arms around you.” I sigh and bury my face in her chest, blinking back tears. She holds me close, her hands stroking my hair as she whispers calming words in my ear.   
When I’ve finally calmed down to sit up and wipe my face, the interview is over. I remember saying more about my hijacking and Donaldo asking Johanna and Annie to talk about their time in the Capitol, which they both refused to do. I glance at Haymitch apologetically but he only shakes his head and holds Willow out.

“Here baby, go see your daddy. I need to get going so I can start on dinner. Effie should be back soon. You two call me if you need anything, alright?” Katniss nods and Haymitch sees himself out. Willow reaches up and touches my face and I kiss her tiny fingers. 

“We’re ok, aren’t we?”

“We’re more than ok, Peeta. We’re living again. Because of you, I have something to live for. Two something’s actually. And as much as my old self never wanted any of this, I can’t imagine my life any other way.” She leans into me, stroking our daughter’s back, and we sit like that for awhile in silence. I’m terrified of the day when Willow is old enough to ask about my flashbacks and Katniss’s nightmares. I hope we can hide them from her, so she will never have to see what has happened to us. It was hard enough for Finn to learn everything and he isn’t even my son. Being Finnick’s son, though, and having to hear all about his parents’ reputations in the Capitol was a tough thing for a little boy to swallow. I don’t expect it to be any better for Willow. Her parents are the Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12. Her mother is the Mockingjay, or the Girl on Fire, as many still know her. I fear for her privacy and for her future. I’ll do whatever I can to protect her for however long I can. I know Katniss will too. 

\--

That night as we are lying in bed, Katniss’s fingers tickle my side before they move to clench at the waistband of my pants.

“Peeta, do you really want to find the records pertaining to your torture?” Surprised I glance down at her with a raised brow.

“Why are you asking this?”

“No reason. You just said in the interview that you don’t know what happened to your records and it sounded like you wished you did.”

“I don’t need to know about everything that was done to me, Katniss. I’m fine with them staying lost.” She raises off of me and cocks her head.

“What do you mean? You don’t know what all they did to you?” I close my eyes and turn my head. I have still not revealed every detail of my torture and I never wanted to. I’d prefer to forget about it but more than that, I’m ashamed to tell Katniss what might have happened to me. In the end, though, we don’t keep secrets from each other. So with a deep sigh, I lean up and against the headboard, clutching her hands life my lifeline.

“There were times when I…blacked out. And I couldn’t remember how I got back to my cell. Or what had happened before. Before the hijacking, they stuck to…beatings and shocks. Knives and other sharp objects they would twist in my flesh. They didn’t start the tracker-jacker venom and the videos until sometime after my first interview. I think after you were declared as the Mockingjay. And you remember when I told you about them bringing in that girl who looked like you,” she nods stiffly, biting her lip. I reach out and soothe that spot with my fingertip. Tears well up in my eyes and I don’t bother to wipe them away.

“There’s a chance…I may have been raped, Katniss. I don’t remember it happening but that doesn’t mean it didn’t. I’d prefer to think it didn’t of course but there’s no way to be sure. Not without proper records, so I’d like for those to stay lost.” She’s silent and I bite my lip in trepidation. I’m so used to her running away, but this is one time I hope against hope that she won’t flee. She leans in close and strokes my cheek.

“You weren’t. I was your first, as it was meant to be.” I nod and press my forehead against hers.

“You’re right. Anything else is unthinkable.” Her lips meld to mine and she strokes my tongue with hers. I groan as I tug her closer and she throws her leg over me. She moves up and down my body, grinding against me until I am completely hard. She sits up, her palms pressing on my chest, and puffs her chest out so I can see her hardened nipples through her shirt. The friction from our clothes is driving me mad and I reach under her shirt and tweak her nipples with my fingers. 

“Love me, Peeta,” she gasps as I rip her shirt over her head.

“Always Katniss,” is the only answer I have before I tug our pants away and bury myself in paradise. 

\-----------------------------------------------

The year goes by with only minor scares but a lot of laughs. Johanna threw George a huge birthday party last month and surprised him (along with the rest of us) with news of another baby! As we go into the holidays, her ultrasound has revealed that it is twins. Johanna hasn’t talked about her family much but I know she had a brother, and that she likes the idea of a big family. 

Delly had an adorable little girl only a few weeks ago and still hasn’t left the house. I drive Katniss and Willow over to see the family and Dex proudly calls himself the big brother. Their daughter has blonde hair like her mother, and grey eyes like her father. I can really see Delly in the little girl’s chubby cheeks. I congratulate my friend and kiss her cheek and she looks up with tear-filled eyes.

“Did you ever imagine it, Peeta? When we were children, playing with those dough animals, did you ever imagine that we would end up here?” 

“I can honestly say I didn’t, Dels.” I glance over at Katniss, who is kneeling next to Willow while she takes careful steps toward Dex. 

“We all knew you would wind up together, of course.” I raise my brow and shake my head. 

“How did you all know that? I never had the courage to even talk to her, Delly.”

“Oh but Peeta, I have never seen someone with so much love all over their face. Your brothers teased you something awful, don’t you remember?”

“Course I do,” I mumble. “Whenever she came to trade with Dad, I hid behind the glass case and they would taunt me mercilessly for hours after she left. Said I needed to hurry up and make my claim before Gale did.” 

“Well, you really should have talked to her,” she says logically. “You could have started all of this much earlier.” I look over at Katniss again and smile. I’ve often thought the same thing but then, can’t help but wonder if it really would have worked out. Katniss spent her life trying to save her family. She had no time for friendships or relationships and I doubt she would have taken to a Merchant boy trying to court her.

“Everything worked out the way it was supposed to,” I say quietly. Delly settles back against the bed as Brent brings her a cup of tea. Their little girl is asleep in his arms. 

“We’d better get going,” Katniss says softly as she appears at my side. I nod and Delly yawns.

“Oh you don’t have to be going so…so soon,” she fails to stifle a yawn and I smile.

“We’ll be back soon, Dels. You rest up and we will see you all soon. Dex, you take care of your sister alright?” Dex nods solemnly

“I will Uncle Peeta!” I tousle the boy’s hair and Brent walks us to the door. 

“Did she tell you the name,” Katniss asks as we walk back to the car, huddled against the cold.

“I forgot to ask,” I admit sheepishly and she rolls her eyes. 

“Come on, let’s get out of this cold. Christmas is probably going to be a snowy one again this year.” 

“I have no problem with that,” I say as I help her buckle Willow into her seat. “That means hot chocolate and stories by the fire and baking cookies…”

“Cookie,” Willow exclaims as she claps her little hands. I grin broadly at Katniss.

“See? She likes winter too.”

“As long as you keep her away from the oven until she’s at least three.” I attack my daughter with kisses, which makes her giggle and swat at me. Katniss smiles as she   
opens the car door and belts herself in. When we get out of the car, Katniss picks up Willow and bounces her in her arms.

“You ready to help Daddy bake?”

“Cookie,” she says again and I pretend to wipe away a tear.

“My little baker baby,” I say as I wrap my arm around them and lead them into the house. “I don’t think I could be prouder.”


	21. Chapter 21

“Peeta!” I sit straight up, crying out for my husband and look around frantically. The bed beside me is empty and I can hear Willow crying from her room. I throw the covers back and run down the hall. 

“Mommy,” I hear my daughter cry as I run to her. Oh god this separation is going to kill us both, I think. Johanna and Annie insisted we needed to move her to her own room, after spending several months sleeping in our room. Johanna rolled her eyes and told me we would never get any privacy with a baby in the room with us. Peeta seemed to agree.   
I reach my daughter and hold her close.

“It’s ok, baby, Mommy’s here. Mommy’s got you.”

“Daddy,” she continues to cry.

“Daddy isn’t here right now but he will be back tomorrow, ok? Shh, shh, you just had a bad dream.” What could babies possibly dream about anyway? Still, every time I have a nightmare, she seems to have one too. I rock her back and forth for a few minutes until she goes back to sleep. How much I want to bring her into bed with me but we are trying to have her sleeping in her own bed and as much as I don’t like it, I can’t argue with my little girl growing up.   
I head back to the bedroom and curl up on Peeta’s side of the bed. He’s been in District 3 for nearly four days now. How many days does a funeral take?! 

That’s insensitive of me but I’m tired and cranky and I just want my husband. When we got the news of Beetee’s death, we discussed both of us going. However, Willow has reached a point where she won’t let us out of her sight. If both of us try to leave, she pitches an almighty fit and screams until we return. I stay with her if Peeta has to go to the bakery, and he stays home when I need to go hunting for the orphanage. It’s difficult but no one ever said having a child was easy.   
Peeta and I told Paylor that only one of us could go, and it was decided it would be him. Of course right when he arrived in 3, a snowstorm hit the district and blocked all the roads out of the city. He called me the other night, sounding so apologetic that he wouldn’t be able to make it home right after the funeral. And with Beetee being a Victor, District 3 threw him a lavish ceremony, much like Enobaria’s. Haymitch wanted to go too but he got really sick last month and Effie made him stay in bed.

So now here I am, clutching Peeta’s pillow and inhaling his scent. I glance at the clock and wonder if I can go back to sleep.  
After two more nightmares of Peeta being tortured and Prim’s cries for me to save her, I bolt out of bed and grab the phone. He’s probably up anyway, I try to reason with myself. I chew on my nails as I listen to the phone ring. 

“Katniss?” He sounds half asleep and I bite my lip.

“How did you know it was me?”

“Who else would be calling me here, honey? Are you alright? Is Willow alright?”

“We’re fine. We just…we both just had nightmares. She went back to sleep but…”

“But you can’t go back to sleep. More nightmares?” He knows me too well.

“I’m ok, sweetheart,” he says softly and I close my eyes. WAY too well. 

“I know.”

“I’m safe in my hotel. And I’m coming home to you girls tomorrow.” 

“That’s not soon enough.” He chuckles softly.

“OK. Close your eyes.”

“They’re closed.”

“Take a deep breath.” I shake my head but do as he says.

“Don’t shake your head at me. Take another breath.” I inhale and exhale audibly so he can hear. 

“Good. Now. You feel that?” And for a moment, I do feel something. A warm presence right beside me, embracing me. 

“I’m holding you in my arms. Feel my love wrapped around you. Comforting you, shielding you from anything that wishes you harm. You feel me, Katniss?”

“Yes,” I breathe, squeezing my eyes shut.

“Lay down with me.” I lay my head on his pillow and feel his presence warming me up. 

“No more bad dreams, my beautiful girl. Just thoughts of me. Of us together. I’m holding you until we’re together again.”

“Peeta,” I whisper as I drift off to sleep. 

“I love you, Katniss,” I hear him whisper and I think he’s drifted off too.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I wake up again, the phone is down by my side. I grab it and press it to my ear.

“Peeta, are you there?”

“Oh, hold on,” I hear him call and I hear his heavy breaths.

“Sorry, I was making sure I’m all packed. I need to go if I’m going to get back to you tonight.”

“OK, be safe. I love you.”

“Give Willow lots of kisses for me. I can’t wait to see you two!” He makes a kissing noise into the phone and I have to roll my eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” he says sternly and my jaw drops. HOW does he keep doing that?

“You forget how well I know you, Katniss,” he says with a laugh.

“Alright trouble, go catch your train. I’ll see you soon.”   
I hurry to the closet to get dressed and rush down to Willow’s room, right as I see a streak of dark hair running out the door.

“Willow!” She takes off with a laugh, running down the hall toward Peeta’s study.

“Come back here you little monster!” My daughter has become somewhat of a nudist lately. She refuses to wear clothes around the house and has taken to streaking through the halls in nothing but her diaper. She looks back at me and giggles.

“Alright you little trouble maker, I’m going to get you!” I scoop her up and attack her with kisses. 

“Mommy, mommy, stop,” she continues to giggle and I shake my head.

“Where are your clothes, Willow? It’s too cold to run around without your jammies. Come on, let’s get you back into--“

“Daddy?” 

“Not yet, he’ll be home tonight. Come on.” I carry her back to her room and force her into her fuzzy yellow pajamas. It’s too cold to leave the house lately, and winter has still not left the district even though it’s nearly March. I turn to straighten her drawer of socks and panties, and when I turn back around, she’s managed to unzip her pajamas and has them around her feet.

“Willow,” I scold. “Stop that! I told you it’s too cold for that.” Where did she pick this up? Neither Peeta nor I run around naked. 

“Has Auntie Jo been teaching you things,” I say with a scowl as I force her into a nightgown, one made of lighter fabric so I hope she will keep it on. She twirls around and grins. 

“Figures you would like that one.” Peeta bought it for her because it has princesses on it. It’s too much pink for my taste but he loves to treat Willow like a princess. Even when they are playing together, he refers to her as Princess Willow.   
I guess that makes me the Evil Queen then. 

“Ok, come on. Let’s go make some breakfast.” 

Delly was supposed to bring Dex and Lila over today but one look outside and I see the snow is thick on the ground.

“It’s nearly March, why is there still snow,” I growl in frustration. I sit on the couch while Willow colors, until she begs for me to join her.  
\--------------------------------------------------

We both bolt up when we hear the door open and Willow is first to reach him.

“Daddy!” 

“There’s my little princess,” he says as he scoops her up in his arms. “Oh Daddy missed you. Can I have a kiss?” Willow leans in and gives him a quick kiss before she throws her arms around his neck. He glances over her shoulder and gives me a smile.

“I want one too,” I say quietly.

“Of course I have one for Mommy too.” He shifts Willow to the side so he can kiss me and I reach up and brush the snow out of his hair.

“Is it coming down out there?”

“Not too bad but they’re saying we’re in for another week of this. I’ve already called everyone and closed the bakery for tomorrow.” He sets Willow down and she runs back to her coloring books. He shivers and his brow furrows.

“Katniss it’s freezing in here.”

“It’s fine. Although if you can get your daughter to stop running around naked, that would be great.” He shrugs off his coat and scarf and raises his brow.

“Come again? Our child is a nudist?”

“Johanna would be proud. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Willow was her child.” Peeta splutters indignantly and gives me a scandalized glare. 

“She seems fine though, she’s wearing her…” we walk into the room and I groan when we see our daughter’s bare ass up in the air.

“Night gown,” he finishes weakly. 

“Willow!” She jumps to her feet and folds her hands behind her back. She has the grace to look embarrassed and for a moment, I can see Peeta’s pink cheeks in her.

“What did I tell you about wearing your clothes? You really want Daddy and me to yell at you, right when he gets home? Hm?”

“No,” she says, blinking back tears. Peeta glances sideways at me but I stand my ground. He can’t stand punishing her. He always feels guilty afterwards but I can’t let her walk all over us. Johanna and Annie have already given me this speech. Especially since she is approaching the terrible twos, as they both call it. Annie says to be glad that Willow is a girl. But Cora says that girls are worse. 

“Put your nightgown back on right now. And what did you do with your diaper?” 

“Actually, I was thinking that we could all take a warm bath,” Peeta breaks in. I glare at him but he shrugs.

“It’s really cold outside and I think it would make us all feel better. How about it, princess?”

“Yeah!” Willow starts to run toward the stairs and I cross my arms over my chest.

“Peeta, you’re undermining my authority.”

“I’m not, Katniss, we will make sure she is dressed after our bath, ok? Aren’t you going to join us,” he adds as he sees I am not following them.

“I need to clean up down here,” I gesture at the mess that Willow has made of the living room. Peeta frowns and reaches out toward me. 

“I can help you later, just please…take a bath with me?”

“You go ahead,” I say as I turn away. I feel him watching me for a moment but when I hear his footsteps on the stairs and hear him talking to Willow, I move around the room, cleaning up. 

When I finish tossing Willow’s toys in the box and put away the dishes, I head back upstairs. I hear Willow and Peeta laughing and I glance into the bathroom. Willow is blowing bubbles all over the place and Peeta is trying to wash her hair. I lean against the wall for a moment, captivated by the sight. Not for the first time I find it hard to believe I waited so long to give this to Peeta. He’s perfect in this role. When Willow lowers her arms, Peeta pounces and soaps her up with bubbles.

“Daddy,” she shrieks. 

“The bubble monster is coming for you,” he says in a deep voice and I stifle my laughter as he lifts his soapy hand out of the water, very slowly, like it is about to eat her.

“Daddy!” 

“I’m here, princess! I’ll stop you, bubble monster!” I watch Peeta fight himself and I burst into laughter. Peeta drops his hands and his eyes widen as they fix on me.

“Mommy doesn’t think the bubble monster is real,” he whispers to Willow.

“Real, Mommy! Real!” My smile fades and Peeta’s eyes widen. I sense something in the room has shifted, and I know he feels it too. I have to do something to fix the mood. I   
drop to my knees beside the tub and grab Peeta’s hand.

“You leave my daughter alone, bubble monster!” 

“Yayy, Mommy!”

“Daddy was supposed to save the day,” Peeta says with a pout. I roll my eyes but lift his hand again. It darts out toward me, clamping open and closed like some sort of   
misshapen claw. 

“Daddy, save us,” I cry in a dramatic voice. Peeta grins but grabs his other hand and wrestles with himself under the water.

“The bubble monster has gone to sleep,” Peeta says quietly. “Little girls should go to sleep too.” 

“Nooooo,” our daughter protests even as she yawns. I grin over her head at Peeta. He knows how to tire her out, I’ll give him that. We quickly wash her off and I towel her dry.

“I still need to wash my hair,” he says with a grin. “The bubble monster kept me from doing anything productive.” 

“Well, good thing you made that bubble monster go to sleep. I’ll put her in her bed. Give Daddy a kiss goodnight.” Willow sleepily leans over and kisses Peeta before I lift her up and carry her into her bedroom. She doesn’t protest as I dress her and lay her in her bed. 

“Sweet dreams, my little Willow,” I whisper as I turn off the light.   
I glance down and notice my shirt is soaked through from carrying my damp daughter. I return to the bathroom and see Peeta running his fingers over his scalp.

“Hey, is she asleep?”

“She fell asleep on the way to the bed. Good job, Daddy.” He grins and shakes his head. 

“I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with her on your own this week. If I’d known that I’d be stuck--“

“Peeta stop. Things happen, and it wasn’t like we were all alone. Haymitch and Effie are right across the street of anything happens. We’re ok.” He closes his eyes and tilts his head back.

“I know. I just worry. You know that.” I stroke his shoulder, and he jumps.

“I do,” I say in his ear. He moves around in the tub and reaches up for the showerhead. He’s taken off his prosthetic to bathe so he has some trouble moving around and I lean over to help him. I don’t really notice that my chest is right in his face…or that his round eyes are locked on my see-through shirt. He reaches up and massages my breast through the wet material and I gasp, nearly dropping the showerhead. His eyes locked on mine, he leans forward and tugs at my nipple with his teeth. He can tell very clearly that I’m not wearing a bra and the shirt is hiding nothing. His wet fingers work the buttons and he slides the shirt down my arms, before his lips latch round my breast again. My fingers slide through his hair and my nails rake against his scalp.   
It’s been a long time since we have done anything like this. Between caring for Willow and babysitting for Delly, we haven’t had any time to ourselves. Johanna tried to make us go out and have a night alone but Willow screamed and cried until we came home from our date. We steal kisses and soft caresses under the blankets when we can, but we hardly get anywhere before Willow is crying for one of us. I think the terrible twos started early!   
I kneel on the floor and let my hand wander down his chest, which is contracting rather quickly with his labored breaths, and my fingertips circle his hipbone. He releases a little moan as his head drops back against the wall. My hand is covered with soapy bubbles as I stroke him, my thumb rubbing over his head a few times before I grip him fully. 

“Mmm, Katniss,” he whimpers as he bucks his hips upwards and I reach my other hand in and scratch across his nipple with my nails. He gasps and nearly falls back into the water, his hand shooting out to claw at the tile wall. He leans up to kiss me as my strokes get faster and faster. His tongue plunges into my mouth and he grips my face with his wet hand. He breaks away from my lips with a gasp.

“I’m gonna…Katniss!-“ I stroke him through his orgasm and flick his head with my fingertip. He gasps and jerks his hips before he sinks back into the water. I lean down and kiss him and feel his arm wrap around me, gripping my ass. He opens his eyes and looks up at me.

“That was nice. We haven’t done that in awhile.”

“I know. I was just trying to remember the last time we did anything like that.” 

“Halloween, wasn’t it?” Johanna took Willow and Aran and Dex trick-or-treating, allowing Peeta and I to enjoy the evening together. I have to admit, he’s right. If we are able to steal a moment, Peeta makes me come with his fingers or even uses our toys. I’ve made him come, maybe twice with my hands and once with my mouth, in the past 4 months. Damn. When did we become that married couple, who has to schedule intimacy? 

“Price of having a kid, I guess,” Peeta says with a shrug. I know he loves Willow with all his heart and if he had to choose between intimacy and her, he’d choose our little girl. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But I do miss being with him and I confess, I’ve gotten off to a fake cock more than my husband’s lately. He leans up and tugs me upwards. My back is aching from being in this position.

“Let me return the favor,” he says in a husky voice that makes me bite my lip in desire. He reaches for my pants and I stand up so he can pull them down my legs. He looks up at me and kisses my thighs. 

“It’s been so damn long since I’ve had my tongue in your pussy.” I couldn’t agree more. I spread my legs a little as he reaches up and massages me through my underwear. I was wet enough without the water from his fingers. He pulls the material aside and tugs me forward so I am essentially straddling his mouth. I feel his tongue slide up and down and I throw my head back with a moan. Peeta freezes when we hear a small voice.

“Mommy! Daddy!” 

“Shit!” I hurriedly yank my jeans back on and Peeta reaches for his prosthetic. I help him out of the tub and he wraps a towel around his waist while I button my shirt. We hurry to our daughter’s bedroom, where she is tangled in the blankets.

“Hey, what’s the matter princess?” Peeta sinks onto her bed and pulls her into his arms.

“Monsters,” she sobs.

“Monsters? I thought I made all the monsters go to sleep.” She shakes her head.

“Mean monsters hurt Mommy.” Peeta shoots me a baffled glance.

“No monster will ever hurt Mommy. I will protect you both, alright? Look. Mommy’s right here, safe and sound.” He tugs on my hand and I sit on Willow’s other side.

“Daddy’s right here. He’s our hero, Willow, and he keeps us safe. We’re both right here. Ok?” She nods and wipes at her face. Peeta lifts the corner of the blanket and wipes at her tears.

“No more tears, my sweet girl. I’ll make sure all the monsters stay away for good. Ok? Go back to sleep?” She nods and we pull the blankets up to her chin. Her eyes are closed and she snores softly before we even leave the room.   
We both lean against the hall and sigh. He moves first, tugging me into his arms and kisses my temple.

“I meant what I said,” he whispers. “No monster will ever hurt you. Nothing will, as long as I am here.” I bury my face in his shoulder and his arms tighten around me.

“I pray that Willow never know what a monster her daddy is.”

“Peeta, stop that,” I tear away from him at once. “You are no monster and Willow loves you as much as I do. I meant what I said too. You’re our hero, and you keep us safe. So push those thoughts out of your mind.” His pained expression doesn’t leave as I tug him toward our room. He pulls the towel from around his waist and dries his hair. The sight of his sculpted ass in front of me makes me clench my legs together but he doesn’t notice as he pulls on underwear and a pair of flannel pants. I rummage through the drawers as I pull out clean clothes as well, and we fall into bed. I curl up into his chest and he stares up at the ceiling. 

“Peeta.” He turns to look at me and his eyes soften.

“Oh I’m sorry, love. Do you want me to…?” He reaches in our drawer and I stop him before he can pull out any of our toys. I don’t want that. I want him.

“No.” 

“But--“

“Let’s just get some sleep, Peeta.” I lay back on the pillow and his arm drapes over my waist. 

As I expected, I find it impossible to sleep. I push the covers back, careful not to wake him, and trod into the bathroom. On second thought…I run back to the bedside table and pull out the massager. I close the door tightly and let the water get steaming hot before I climb in. I spread my lower lips apart and bring the massager to my clit. I’m so pent up, it only takes a minute until I am clutching at the wall and holding in my cries. I turn the massager off, wash my hair, and wrap a towel around myself before reentering the dark bedroom.  
Peeta’s usual soft snores are missing but I don’t notice until my back is pressed to his chest and his arm wraps around my stomach, his hand resting on my breast. 

When I wake up, the most incredible sensations are pouring through me. I reach down to grip the sheets underneath me, and something soft rubs against my inner thigh. Something soft and warm slides through my folds and I let out a loud gasp.

“Please don’t let me wake up from this,” I say aloud. This is one of the best dreams I have had in a long time.   
I can see the sun is barely starting to come up and our room is still fairly dark. My legs are spread even wider and he pulls me down to the edge of the bed, where he can kneel between my thighs and he finds my hands in the sheets. I lazily lift my head to glance down and see him watching me with twinkling eyes. He moves my legs to his shoulders and brings my hand to his hair. I reach down and clutch his blonde locks in both my hands as he attacks my clit with his tongue. I see him reach into his boxers and start to stroke himself. The sight alone is enough to make me come.

Alternating between fast vibrations and long, slow licks, Peeta has perfected this over the years. Not that I have anything else to compare it to but I also don’t want that. All I want is him. And I love that he still wants to pleasure me in this way. I love that dream Peeta is the same as the real Peeta- kind, giving, and loving.   
He slides a finger inside me and moves it around, making me even wetter. He adds another as he focuses on my clit. He removes his fingers and starts to fuck me with his tongue. He can’t go as deep as his fingers can but holy shit does it feel amazing. 

“Peeta,” I whimper and he releases a low groan in response. I can feel myself getting close and fortunately, my dream husband knows exactly how to get me there. He starts thrusting his fingers in and out, while his tongue returns to its frantic ministrations on my nub. I clench at his hair and jerk my hips upwards as I come, screaming his name to the room. My legs fall to the bed, limp and useless, and he gives me a few more licks before climbing up the bed. I open my eyes to see him hovering over me, that damn smirk locked in place. 

“This is a really nice dream,” I say softly. He chuckles before he bends down to kiss me and his tongue draws mine into his mouth. His hands at my hips, he roughly turns me over onto my stomach and holds my wrists down into the pillow. I feel him climb off me for a moment and when he straddles me again, I can feel his hardened length on my ass. He bends down and takes my earlobe between his teeth while he rests his weight on his elbows.

“This is no dream, sweetheart,” he says huskily in my ear. I lift my head a little and glance over my shoulder.

“It’s not?”

“This doesn’t feel real enough to you,” he asks as he slides his cock between my folds, finally sliding inside me. 

“Ah! It feels so real. So amazing.”

“You’re amazing, Katniss! Ah, shit, I’ve missed this! God.” His hands rest on either side of me as he increases his thrusts and I lift my hips a little to push against him. He pulls out, tugs me to my hands and knees, and slams back into me. I reach out to grip the headboard as his fingertips dig into my hips. I feel so close to coming again but I hold out for him. 

“Let go, Katniss,” he says as he kisses my back. “I’ll be here to catch you.” 

“Peeta!” 

“That’s it baby. Come for me. Come all over my cock. Fuck, you’re perfect!” At his words, I clench around him and he bites down on my shoulder to hold in his own cries. We fall to the bed, panting, and he leaves soft kisses all over my shoulders and back. He starts to move but I wiggle my hips and he groans.

“Shit Katniss, you’re going to get me going again.”

“And this is a bad thing?” I say with a smirk as I look over my shoulder at him. His eyes narrow.

“You’re nothing but trouble, you know that?”

“Says the man who is buried deep inside me right now.” He snaps his hips and I am shocked at how hard he still is.

“Oh god,” I moan as I press my forehead into the pillow. 

“I think my girl is just begging for another.” My head snaps up and I frown.

“I don’t beg.” He roughly grabs my hair and I gasp as he brings my head up so he can kiss me.

“Is that so? Well, let’s see if I can change that.” He slides out of me, pulls my ass up into the air, and buries his tongue inside me. I bite on the pillow as I reach behind me to grip his hair. 

\--

“Peeta! Peeta, please!”

“Please what? What do you want, Katniss?”

“God, for you to stop the fucking teasing!” I can feel him smiling against my back as he slaps his cock right against my clit, making me jerk. He’s been going at this for nearly an hour, keeping me right on the edge but never giving me relief. Whether it’s his tongue or his cock or his fingers, I don’t care, but I’m about to finish myself off! Every time I reach between my legs to rub myself, though, he captures my hands and holds me still. 

“Just say it, Katniss. Say it and I’ll give you what you want.” I’m positively shaking from frustration.

“I mean, it’s getting kind of late. I’m sure Willow will be up soon and then I won’t have any time to help you with your little problem,” he taunts me. “I could just leave you   
like this and start on breakfast--“

“No! Peeta, I need you to fuck me. Please! Make me come.” 

“That’s my girl,” he says as he gives me a gentle kiss that is completely opposite of what he is doing to me right now. With just a few thrusts he has me screaming into the sheets and I collapse in a puddle of wet. I feel him stroke back my damp hair as he gives my cheek a gentle kiss.

“Come on, let’s jump in the shower before Willow wakes up.” I can’t even move so he picks me up and carries me into the bathroom. He literally has to hold me up while he washes my hair and I still feel like my limbs are jelly when we turn off the water. He wraps me in a fluffy towel and kisses my nose.

“I guess I should be glad that you dream of me in that way but did you really think it was all a dream?” I can only shrug.

“It’s been months and I know it’s no one’s fault, it’s just because we have been busy. It felt…too good to be true for a moment. I’m glad it wasn’t though. You’re better than any dream I could have.” He smiles, his eyes sparkling as he strokes my cheek and kisses me. 

“Well since I only ever dreamed of you, you’re pretty perfect in dreams and in real life. I have to say the real thing is so much better though. And I’m sorry it’s been so long. Last night I could hear you and I felt terrible…” I flush and glance at the floor. He cups my chin and makes me look up at him.

“Hey, it’s ok. I just meant that you tended to me in the bath and then I didn’t...I wanted to get up and go to you but you came back to bed and I didn’t want to keep you awake…this morning I checked on Willow and she was sleeping hard, so I wanted to go ahead and give you a couple of orgasms.” I giggle.

“A couple? Think you surpassed that.”

“Yeah well, I was just making up for lost time.” He smiles as he leans in for a kiss, then tugs my hand toward the closet so we can get dressed. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s just after Willow’s third birthday that our world is turned upside down.  
Peeta has gone into the bakery and I’ve just finished bathing Willow when I hear a scream come from outside. I grab up my daughter and run outside, where I see Effie frantically waving her arms. She’s standing on their porch and I can see the door standing wide open. As I come closer, I see Haymitch lying on the porch facedown. 

“Effie, what’s happened?”

“I don’t know,” she sobs. “We just came home from the store, I was talking to him and when I turned around, he was on the ground. He won’t wake, Katniss! He won’t wake!”

“Alright, let’s try to calm down and call for help.” I can’t leave Effie in this state and it’s a miracle that Finn and Analise come trotting up the path.

“Hey Aunt Katniss!”

“Finn! Go call the hospital and tell them we need emergency transport from Victor’s Village!” Finn’s face goes pale but he runs into his home while Analise waits on the porch, shifting from side to side. I turn to Effie, who is wringing her hands. Her make up is running terribly.

“Effie, you need to calm down. He’ll be alright. Here, why don’t you take Willow inside?” 

“Katniss,” she says uncertainly as I hold Willow out.

“Go with Mimi for a few minutes, alright sweetheart? You can take her back to our house and show her your drawings.”

“Come on Mimi,” Willow says cheerfully and shooting me a last anxious look, Effie carries her back to our house. I kneel next to Haymitch and feel his pulse. It’s alarmingly faint but I can’t see what is wrong. Finn and Annie come running up to the porch and Annie drops to her knees.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. Effie said he just…collapsed. And he won’t wake up. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

“The doctors are on their way. I hate to move him but I also don’t want him to be uncomfortable like this. Finn, help me flip him over.” Finn does as his mother asks and I cradle Haymitch’s head in my lap. He looks so pale and still, it’s terrifying.

“Finn, could you use Haymitch’s phone and call Peeta at the bakery? He will want to know what is happening.”

“Of course.” He runs inside and I hear him speaking to someone at the bakery. I’m still clinging to Haymitch’s hand when the doctors arrive.

“Mrs. Mellark, would you like to accompany him?”

“I think his wife should be the one to ride with him but I will follow you to the hospital.”

“There’s more than enough room for the Mockingjay,” the man says. I resist rolling my eyes and I nod, hurrying over to my house where Willow is proudly displaying her drawings for Effie.

“Effie, the doctors are taking Haymitch to the hospital.” She lets out a cry and runs outside, with Willow and I right behind her. Annie reaches for Willow’s hand and smiles.

“Willow, you want to show me some of your drawings? Your mama has been saying how wonderful they are.” 

“Yeah!” Willow drags Annie back inside and I shoot her a grateful look. 

“We will watch over Willow,” Finn says as he helps me up into the truck. “Uncle Peeta said he would meet you at the hospital.” I nod as the doctors close the door and I look over to see Effie whispering in Haymitch’s ear.

“Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me,” I can hear her whispered sobs. 

When we arrive at the hospital, neither of us is allowed to accompany him any further. Effie wrings her hands and paces the room, the click-click of her heels driving me crazy. The doors burst open and Peeta rushes in, pale as anything.

“Is there any news?”

“None,” I say as I dive into his arms. He holds me close and kisses my forehead. Haymitch has been there for us since we were kids. It’s always been a rocky relationship but in this newfound peace and happiness, he has been our family and I don’t know what I’ll do if we lose him. And poor Effie’s eye make up is running down her cheeks. Peeta turns to her and reaches in his pocket for a handkerchief. He gently wipes her face and gives her a weak smile.

“He’s a fighter, Effie. It’ll be alright.” She pats his cheek clumsily and sniffles.

“You are such a sweet boy, Peeta.” I don’t know how much he likes still being called a boy, but he never says anything when Haymitch or Effie say it. He smiles and we all jump when a door opens. A younger man walks toward us as he pulls down a face mask. He nods to each of us, and has a kind smile.

“Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, I presume? And Mrs. Abernathy? Pleasure to meet you all. I’m Doctor Crawley, from District 6.”

“Nice to meet you,” Peeta says, ever the nice one out of all of us. Effie can only nod.

“Well, I know you’re all anxious to hear about Mr. Abernathy. He’s resting right now but you can go in and see him if you like.”

“What’s wrong with him,” I ask him softly. His eyes flick over to Effie for a moment, before he sighs and straightens up.

“We have discovered a tumor in Mr. Abernathy’s liver.”

“Malignant,” Peeta asks and I frown in confusion. The doctor nods.

“Yes. It is cancerous.” Peeta sucks in a breath and Effie’s lip trembles.

“So what does that mean?”

“Well, it means that we are going to do all we can to remove the tumor. Now I know of Mr. Abernathy’s drinking habits from years ago but I also understand that his habits have changed significantly over the years. So let us hope that his liver is healthy enough so that the operation may be quick and successful. I’m quite optimistic.” He checks   
a device in his pocket and looks up.

“We are running some more tests. I promise to keep you all updated. Excuse me.” Effie nearly falls to her knees and Peeta is quick to catch her. He pulls her over to a chair and strokes her hand.

“He’ll be ok, Effie. He’s done so well for so many years.”

“What if it’s too late,” she sobs. “What if he destroyed his liver when he was younger? That foolish foolish man!” 

“We have to remain optimistic,” he says earnestly. “The doctor sounds hopeful. We need to be, too. Let’s go see him.” He drapes an arm around her shoulder and leads her through the door that the doctor just left out of.   
Haymitch’s room is right next to the door and Effie perches on the edge of his bed, clinging to his hand. I reach for Peeta’s hand and wrap his arm around my shoulders. 

The sight of Haymitch so still, so pale, and hooked up to so many wires is making my body shake with shivers. Peeta seems to understand and he holds me close, kissing my cheek softly. 

“Would you like for us to stay with you, Effie,” he says quietly. Effie does not take her eyes off her husband.

“No my dears, you go on home. I will call you if anything changes or if the doctors tell me anything else.” Peeta gives her a soft kiss on the cheek and glances down at Haymitch.

“Call us if you need anything. We’ll be right over.”

“Thank you,” she says, moving closer to Haymitch. Peeta wraps his arm around me and leads me out of the room and out the doors of the hospital. I’m silent as he opens the car door and gently pushes me in. Neither of us say a word as he drives us home.


	22. Merry Christmas everyone! ;) <3

Haymitch’s illness is hitting Katniss pretty hard. When we got home yesterday, she barely said two words and I told her to go to bed early while Willow and I stayed downstairs and ate dinner. This morning she wants to go and see how he is, and we drop Willow off at Annie’s house again before we rush to the hospital. 

Effie looks terrible and I don’t think I have ever seen her wear the same outfit for so long. She sits up in the chair when we enter and sighs deeply.

“He’s still sleeping, but the doctor did say they are going to prep him for surgery. I was going to call you both when he came back with a time. He said it will be about 4 to 8 weeks for recovery.”

“We’ll help you, Effie,” I say immediately. She smiles and strokes my cheek.

“I am so lucky to have you sweet ones in my life.” Katniss tries to smile but she glances at Haymitch and her lips thin. The doctor comes in, and it is the same doctor we met yesterday, Dr. Crawley.

“Well good morning everyone,” he says cheerily. Katniss frowns. 

“We heard he is being prepped for surgery,” I say carefully.

“Yes, we are ready to take him back in fact. Mrs. Abernathy, I’m afraid we can’t have you in the operating room but you are free to wait in the waiting area and we will come get you the moment he is out of surgery. He will be under anesthesia so he won’t wake for some time. The recovery process can be done at home, though, so that’s a positive. He can return home and needs to take it easy. Rest and relaxation, very mild walking and absolutely no lifting or carrying anything.” I nod, knowing that I am the only one really listening to him. Katniss and Effie are too focused on Haymitch right now. 

“Alright, if you three will just step this way, we are going to wheel him upstairs.” I move aside as two nurses come bustling in and Effie is practically pushed into my arms. 

“You’ll inform me the moment the surgery is finished?”

“Of course,” Doctor Crawley says with a smile. Effie nods, unsmiling, as she watches them wheel her husband away. 

 

We decide to stay with Effie until Haymitch wakes up, and we are all restless as we sit and wait. The surgery takes several hours and Katniss falls asleep with her head on my shoulder; Effie stares straight ahead with wide eyes as she absentmindedly picks at her long nails. The door opens and the doctor walks out, his front covered with blood. Effie lets out a little scream and I immediately have to tuck my head between my knees. Katniss starts rubbing my back frantically, whispering calming words in my ear.

“Oh heavens, I am so sorry Mr. Mellark, I wasn’t even thinking…everything is fine, please don’t worry. Why do doctors come into the waiting area without changing first? Forgive me, Mrs. Abernathy, I didn’t mean to upset you. Any of you--“

“Is he ok,” Katniss cuts him off, sounding angry.

“Yes, he’s just fine. Everything went well, and we didn’t even have to take a large portion of his liver. Only a piece, and the tumor was removed. He will be waking up within an hour or so, if you would like to join him.” I vaguely register Effie rushing off but I am rocking in my chair, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to banish the images of Darius’s mangled body in my cell. The peacekeepers put him in my cell during his final hours, so I could watch him die. His dying screams, or rather gargled grunts of agony, are echoing in my head and I squeeze my temples, trying to get rid of it all. 

“Peeta,” I hear her say softly. “It’s not real. We are safe and at home in District 12. You’re safe with me.” 

Blood. So much blood. Now I’m seeing Katniss bleeding to death in the cave. When she returned from the feast, and I’d woken up to see her in a pool of her own blood. How I cried out for her to return to me, that I needed her, couldn’t live without her. How I held her in my arms and tried to staunch the bleeding. Real or not real? That was real…I think.  
And all of a sudden, it’s her again, in our bed. God, I don’t remember this much blood but she’s sitting here in a pool of it, crying into her hands. When I try to get her to tell me what’s wrong, she looks up at me with streaming eyes and says it’s her time of the month and she’s cramping terribly.

I know she’s lying. Why is she lying?

That blood was my baby. An actual child. 

“Peeta. Wake up, love, it’s not real.”

“Not real,” I repeat.

“You’re safe, with me. Safe in my arms.”

“Your arms will keep me safe.” I feel her nuzzle against my hair and she pulls me up and into her arms. My heart is starting to slow down to a normal rate and I open my eyes to see her watching me closely.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” she says firmly. 

“Did Effie go back?”

“Yes, she says she will call us when they release him. Come on, let’s get you home.” I want to object, we need to be here when he wakes up but I feel so weak, so I hide my face in her shoulder as she leads me to the elevator.

She helps me to the car and drives us home. I sink down onto the couch and hide my face in my hands. At times like these I feel so pathetic and inadequate. How could Katniss love me like this?

“Daddy!” I lower my hands and smile as my daughter comes running toward me. I let out a little grunt as she jumps into my lap and throws her arms around my neck. 

“Daddy, I drew you a picture.” 

“Oh yeah? Let me see.” She pulls out a rolled up paper and I carefully unfold it. My eyes widen. My daughter definitely got my art talents. 

“That’s beautiful, Willow. Is that Mommy there in that big dress?” She nods, blinking up at me with those huge blue eyes.

“Because she’s queen,” she says proudly. I smile.

“I see. So that makes that one Princess Willow, right?” My daughter nods eagerly and I see Katniss watching us from the doorway.

“Yours and Mommy’s dresses are really pretty. But I like this outfit you have given me. You even made my pants orange, didn’t you?”

“Finny said it’s your favorite.”

“He’s right, it is. I like that you put Mommy in pink,” I glance up at her and stifle my laughter. Katniss glares at me and sits on the couch beside us.

“Are we playing in the meadow,” she asks as she pushes our daughter’s hair to the side.

“Yep! You and me and Daddy!” 

“That’s a beautiful drawing, Willow. Why don’t we hang it up next to Daddy’s painting?” She shoots off the couch excitedly, holding her drawing up high over her head. 

“Hey Willow,” I kneel in front of her and take the drawing. “Grandpa is feeling a little icky right now. I know it would cheer him up if you drew him something too.”

“Ok!” She runs off to get her art supplies and I turn to Katniss, grinning.

“Seems we have another artist in the family.” I nod.

“I want to frame this one and put it up in here. Queen Katniss is a vision in pink.” She rolls her eyes and I laugh as I steal a kiss from her before she can duck away. Willow sprawls out on the floor, coloring furiously and Katniss mutters that she is going to start on dinner. She kisses me warmly on the forehead before she leaves the room and I lean back against the couch, watching my daughter. I pick up my book from the table and flip it open, propping my feet up on the edge of the couch. It’ll be a relaxing evening until Effie calls us, but until then I will try to keep myself relaxed and flashback-free.

“Daddy?”

“Mmhm?” 

“Can I ask Santa for a shister for Christmas?” I nearly drop my book and I gape at my daughter.

“What was that?”

“Will Santa bring me a little shister, d’ya think?” My eyes are probably popping out of my head as I scramble for words.

“Um…I don’t think…I mean…Santa can’t…um…” WHERE did my words go?! I’m usually the one who can say anything to get myself or others out of trouble. Willow stares up   
at me, blinking innocently. Shit. I can’t deny her anything, and especially with how her head is cocked to the side, biting her lip, the way her mother always does. She is a mini-version of Katniss right now.

“Hey honey,” I call toward the kitchen. “Can you come here for a second?” She reappears with a towel in her hands and raises her brow. I glance at her quickly and sit straight up.

“Willow has, um, told me what she wants to ask Santa for Christmas this year.”

“Already? Your birthday was only a month ago,” my wife says as she lovingly cups Willow’s chin.

“I know. I started my list.”

“Oh I see,” Katniss says with a chuckle. I watch her anxiously, having no idea how she will take this. 

“Alright then, what are you going to ask for?” 

“A baby shister,” she says with a broad grin. Katniss’s jaw drops and her eyes shoot to me. Call me crazy but I didn’t want to handle this conversation by myself. 

I haven’t once asked Katniss for another child, as much as I would love another. Willow is so perfect that I would be alright if we didn’t have more. But it would be a lie to say I don’t want a big family. Being the youngest of three boys, I know how great it is to have siblings. And Katniss and her sister were closer than anyone I’ve ever known. Katniss gathers Willow in her lap and pushes back her hair.

“You don’t like it when it’s just you and daddy and me?”

“Yeah but I want someone to play with. I want to be a big shister,” I love how she says the word ‘sister’ with a tiny little lisp. “Dex is a big brother and likes it.” 

“Well, I just don’t know if Santa will be able to bring you a sister, Willow.”

“Why,” her big blue eyes fill with tears and I stroke her cheek.

“Maybe it needs to be Mommy, Daddy, and Princess Willow for a little while longer. Maybe you could ask Santa for a sister in a couple of years, when you’re a little bit older?” Katniss raises her brow at me and I shrug. It’s the best I can do! 

“But if I’m really, REALLY good, maybe Santa will bring her this year?” I glance over her shoulder, at my wife. Katniss bites her lip and I nudge Willow gently.

“If you promise to be a really good girl, I’ll talk to Santa and see what I can do. I can’t make any promises but I’ll try.” 

“I love you Daddy,” she throws her arms around me and it melts my heart. I know I will pay dearly for this with Katniss but I can’t deny this little angel anything. 

“Ok go on and finish your picture for Grandpa,” Katniss gently shoos her away and Willow resumes her coloring on the floor. Katniss gives me a discerning look as she marches into the kitchen.

“What was I supposed to say,” I say desperately as I follow her.

“I don’t know but NOT that! She wants a baby sister, Peeta!”

“Yeah Katniss, I heard her.”

“For Christmas. Do you realize…you basically promised your daughter we would have another child. By Christmas!”

“Well, obviously that’s not going to happen,” I say, doing the math in my head. “And I didn’t promise anything. I specifically said I can’t make any promises. And you know how she is. She will probably forget by the time December rolls around.” 

“You really think so?”  
No. I don’t think so. Our daughter is smart as a whip, maybe too smart for her own good. At 3 years old, she’s sassy and clever and has her mother’s sharp wit as well as my   
talent for talking her way out of things. I have a feeling this is only the beginning of her request. 

“Yeah. Don’t worry so much,” I say as I wrap my arms around her waist and press my cheek against her back. She goes back to cooking over the stove and I stand there holding her for a moment.

“We’ve never really talked about it, you know.”

“Peeta.”

“What? We both had siblings. I had a bigger family and I always wanted a big family of my own.”

“I didn’t even want children,” she reminds me. As if she needs to remind me.

“I know that. But obviously things changed.” She sighs and shakes her head.

“Things are great the way they are. Just the three of us. I like the way things are.” 

“I do too. I’m just saying, you know, maybe we should talk about it soon. I know you’re on birth control but I would love to have another little girl, with your eyes this time,”   
I lean in and kiss her ear and smile when she shivers. “And you know how much fun we had the last time we were trying to get pregnant.” She doesn’t say anything and I   
move along her jaw line, my tongue darting out to taste her. 

“We could ask Annie and Finn to watch Willow while we go away,” I continue. “Maybe to District 4. We could swim all day and make love all night and--“

“We promised to help Effie with Haymitch,” she interrupts my daydreaming. I’m brought back to the present with a heavy thud. She steps out of my grasp and flips the meat in the pan.

“We’ll talk about this another time. Can you make sure Willow washes up for dinner?” I nod and watch her for a moment. She’s silent as she cooks, her teeth digging into her lip. I reach out and cup her chin, turning her head so I can kiss her. I lean back and trail my thumb over her lip.

“I love you, you know.”

“I know,” she says softly, then she smiles. “I love you too.” Feeling more relieved, I head into the living room and lead Willow to the bathroom so we can wash our hands for dinner. 

\----------

We’re about halfway through dinner when the phone rings. I’m trying to get Willow to eat her broccoli so Katniss goes to answer the phone.

“Yes, we will be right there Effie. No it’s no trouble. Ok. Bye.” She comes back to the table and starts cleaning up the dishes.

“Haymitch is being released?”

“They need a ride from the hospital. I’ll go get them.”

“I can go. You give Willow her bath and I’ll be back in time to help tuck her in.”

“Daddy take a bath with me,” she says, reaching out to grab my hand. I glance at Katniss with a raised brow. She looks calm but I don’t buy it. Lately Willow has been wanting to stay with me and I don’t know how Katniss feels about that. But she nods and takes the keys from the hook by the door.

“I’ll be back soon.” 

“Go give Mommy a kiss,” I whisper to our daughter and she catches up with Katniss at the door. 

“Love you Mommy.” 

“I love you too baby. I’ll be back soon. Have fun with Daddy.” I wave to her as she closes the door and Willow grabs my hand.

“C’mon Daddy!”

“Willow you didn’t finish your dinner.”

“Can I has a cookie now?”

“Absolutely not. You have to finish all your dinner before you can get any dessert. Now, are you going to eat your broccoli like a good girl?” 

“You’ll tell Santa I ate it?” My heart stutters in my chest as I lift my fork to my mouth.

“Of…of course.” She smiles and shovels the vegetables in her mouth. My sweet girl must really want a little sister because she hates broccoli.   
-

After dinner I let her have one frosted cookie before bath time, and secretly I hope I can stall until Katniss gets home so we can all take a bath together. But as soon as she chews her cookie, she drags me upstairs and into the bathroom and insists I add bubbles. Finn must have tired her out because she slumps against the wall and closes her eyes before I have a chance to wash her hair. I hear Katniss moving around in our bedroom and I wonder why she hasn’t come in here with us. 

“Katniss,” I whisper loudly and see her poke her head in.

“What did you do to the child?”

“Blame Finn. He must have tired her out while we were at the hospital. Can you dry her off while I wash my hair?”

“Sure. I need a shower myself when you get out.” I pause in reaching for the shampoo and watch her pat Willow gently with a towel. 

“Well then hurry up and tuck her in, and come take a shower with me.” She glances at me, looking like she wants to object and I stick out my lower lip, pleading with her. I’ve seen Willow do this to her on multiple occasions and it makes me to laugh when I see my daughter using my tactics. 

“Alright fine. Let me put her in her bed.” I struggle to my feet and drain the water and bubbles, and get the shower nice and hot. I pull the curtain and hear Katniss come in and close the door behind her. She climbs into the shower with me and I instantly wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her flush against my chest. My lips find the sensitive skin of her neck and her hands cover mine over her stomach. I bend my knees slightly so I can angle my erection right against her center and I hear her gasp when I’ve succeeded. 

“Peeta…she’s going to wake up…”

“She’s been sleeping through the night since her birthday,” I say as I gently tug her ear with my teeth. “As long as we stay quiet, we should be fine.” She tilts her head in response so I can suck at her throat and my hands move up to cover her breasts. She moves her hand between us and I hiss when I feel her palm sliding up and down my length. 

“Nuh uh, you first,” I whisper in her ear as I bend down behind her. She bends slightly at the waist, her palms flat against the wall while I spread her legs apart. I look up and a devious smile crosses my face as I lean up to grab the showerhead. She tries to turn to look at me over her shoulder but I plunge two fingers inside her and she lets out a loud whimper that seems to echo off the walls. Damn the bathroom for these acoustics.   
I curve my fingers inside her and then angle the stream of hot water perfectly; I’m rewarded with a cry of my name and her knees buckle slightly. As much as I want to take my time with her and actually have her come against my tongue, I want her to come hard and fast tonight. I move the showerhead over her and she screams against her arm that is pressing against the wall. Her hips jerk forward and I lower the showerhead so she can turn around. She’s panting and her cheeks are flushed; I always love seeing her in this state. She moves to kiss me but as I am leaning in, she drops to her knees and takes me into her mouth. I prop my elbow against the wall and hide my face in my arm. She seems to be doing the same thing; none of her teasing but taking me as fast as she can. I barely have time to wrap my hands in her hair before I’m incoherent. She moves up and finishes me off with her breasts, watching as my fluids coat her nipples. She lets out a little moan and rubs her globes together, her hands spreading my cum across her skin.

“Shit Katniss.” She grins, her eyes dark, and I help her to her feet so we can finish showering. 

As we’re getting ready for bed, I notice her standing in front of the mirror and studying her reflection. I often catch her doing this, examining her scars and giving her reflection a hard glare. I come up behind her and wrap her in my arms, my hands covering hers below her belly. Her birth scars, for some reason, really bother her. Her stretch marks are more beautiful, in my opinion, and I know how she hates them. Her eyes meet mine in the mirror and she sighs.

“I was finally able to get rid of those horrible marks and now you want me to have them again?” I don’t say anything though I know what she’s thinking; instead, I tug her down into the bed and toss the covers aside. It’s getting too hot for blankets and clothes so we’re both sleeping in our underwear tonight. She curls up on my chest and my fingers make patterns on her arm.

“I’m not trying to push you, Katniss,” I finally break the silence. “It’s just that we never talked about…you know, having children so we never really talked about how many we wanted. I come from a big family so I would love to have a big family. Don’t you want Willow have a sister, like you did?”

“She’d make a great big sister,” she says, almost wistfully. I lean up and prop myself on my elbow.

“So what’s wrong with having more kids?” She’s silently biting her lip and I wish I could see her eyes.

“I was so terrified when I was carrying Willow,” her words are so quiet, I have to lean in. “You remember what it was like. I was probably really terrible to you.”

“You were not,” I immediately protest though I probably would have said differently during her pregnancy. 

“You were wonderfully patient and understanding. And I never thanked you for that. But you remember after she was born, when I…got sick.” I swallow thickly. Too well do I remember those days when she just lay in bed and stared blankly while Willow screamed and cried. Thank God for our friends because I probably would have collapsed myself, and then where would our daughter be? But Katniss has not had any kind of episode like that since then and even my flashbacks are few and mild. We’re doing so much better. And we’re not getting any younger.

I don’t say any of this to Katniss, of course. I kiss her forehead and pull her closer to my chest.

“You’re just the most amazing mother, Katniss. And you glow with ethereal beauty when you’re pregnant. Can you blame me for wanting to see that again?” Even in the dark, I can tell she is smiling.

“I suppose not. But I just don’t know about it right now. Maybe in a few years. We can talk about it later, right?”

“Of course. There’s no rush. As you said, it’s perfect with the three of us.” I kiss her softly as she goes straight to sleep. That night, I dream of the three of us playing in the meadow. Except another little one follows Willow around. The picture is blurry but I can just make out my blonde curls on the babe as it totters around on chubby legs. In the distance, I can see my family- my mother, my father, and my brothers, watching us. As I approach them, they disappear quickly. Disappointed, I fall back into the dandelions and feel her lips on my forehead.

“They are always with us,” she says in my ear.

I wake up with a warm feeling in my chest and I awake Katniss with soft kisses. Glancing at the clock, I see that it’s still early and Willow should be asleep for a little while longer. Katniss already knows what I am thinking as she pushes me to my back so she can straddle me.   
It’s hurried and we finish quickly, with her crying out right after me. We hurriedly shower and dress and she goes to wake Willow while I cook breakfast for the three of us.

I decide to call Rory and let him know I won’t be coming in this week. I want us to be able to help Effie care for Haymitch and I don’t want to leave it all to Katniss. Rory understands and says everything will be fine. I made him a manager of the Bakery two years ago and I have never once regretted leaving my bakery in his hands. I’m grateful that I still have most of my original team, and can still remember opening day when everyone pitched in to help carry on my father’s legacy.

When Willow is dressed, Katniss and I take her hands and walk across the green to Haymitch’s and Effie’s house. Effie opens the door and puts her finger to her lips.

“He’s resting,” she says softly.

“Woman stop lying. I’m only laying on this couch cause you won’t let me get up!” Effie rolls her eyes as she beckons us in. Haymitch is sprawled out on the couch with his feet up. A huge grin crosses his face when Willow enters the room.

“Hey there’s my girl!” Willow starts to run to him but Effie gasps and Katniss calls her name sharply. She stops short, bowing her head.

“Ah, stop being such worryworts. Come here and give me a kiss, sweetheart.” Willow kisses his cheek and holds out her drawing.

“I made this for you, Grandpa!” Haymitch unrolls the parchment and guffaws.

“You got your daddy’s talent for art, you did! Willow this is great! Here Effs. Look what the little girl did for us.” He hands Effie the drawing and she smiles as she lovingly strokes my daughter’s dark curls.

“This is lovely, my darling.” She holds out her arms and Willow gives her Mimi a big hug. Katniss sits in the chair across from Haymitch and sighs.

“You really scared us old man.”

“What’s this old man stuff? You’re not a spring chicken yourself, sweetheart.” I roll my eyes at their taunts. 

“How are you feeling, Haymitch?”

“Docs sliced off a piece of my liver. How would you feel?”

“Haymitch,” Effie says sharply. 

“Sorry. I’m in a little pain but not too bad. I’ve had worse. Got cabin fever more than anything else.”

“But he’s doing exactly what the doctors told him to do and taking it easy,” Effie says, her eyes flashing dangerously. 

“Don’t ever get married, kid,” Haymitch tells Willow. “Everyone else will control your life.” 

“Haymitch!” My jaw drops in anger. “Don’t tell my daughter that!” Willow looks up at my outburst and I bite my lip. Katniss and Effie are watching me carefully and I sigh, my shoulders slumping.

“I just mean…never mind. He’s just kidding with you, Willow.”

“Course, kid,” Haymitch mutters and he forces a smile for my daughter.

I don’t know why his comment affected me so much. Perhaps it’s bringing back memories of when Katniss did not want to get married. Yet she was the one who suggested we do it to appease Snow. Haymitch knew how much it bothered me; I’m not sure if Katniss did. She rarely paid attention to me before I was captured and tortured. 

I feel a flash of anger and I dig my nails in my palms. Stay focused. Don’t get angry. It’s all over. She’s with you, she loves you. Don’t think about the past.  
Katniss senses something is wrong and she wraps her hand around my wrist.

“Peeta, help me bring some water for everyone from the kitchen.” I follow her out of the room and lean against the sink. Her hands go to my shoulders as she steadies me.

“Breathe,” she says softly, her lips inches away from mine. “Slow breaths, Peeta. Steady your breathing and focus on my voice. That’s it.” I sigh as I relax under her touch. She moves around me and massages my shoulders and I feel myself relax even more. She stands up on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around my chest, her cheek pressing against my back.

“Say my name,” she whispers in my ear. I frown as I glance over my shoulder.

“Katniss?”

“My whole name.” 

“Katniss… Mellark.” She nods and her hold on me gets tighter.

“I’m your wife, Peeta. I wanted to marry you, to spend the rest of my life with you. And I have no regrets. Or if I do, it’s that I didn’t tell you how much you meant to me early on. That’s my biggest regret, I think.” I break away from her embrace and catch the hurt look on her face before I take her in my arms and hold her close to my chest. 

“I love you,” I breathe into her hair.

“I love you too.” She squeezes my hand and turns to get glasses from the cabinet. We fill them with water and carry them back to the sitting room, where Willow is telling Haymitch a story about a four-eyed deer she apparently saw in the forest when she went walking with Mommy. He claps my shoulder as I hand him his water and I know it’s not just a thanks for the drink. I sit in the chair across from him and pull Katniss to sit in my lap. 

“Grandpa, guess what I ask for for Christmas!” I feel Katniss tense up and I rub her back to soothe her.

“You’re already writing to Santa? Shoot girl you’re on top of it. OK tell me what you’re asking for.”

“A baby shister” Haymitch gapes at Katniss and me, and even Effie squirms uncomfortably. 

“Well…that would be something, wouldn’t it Willow,” he says softly, his eyes still locked on us. Willow goes on and on about what she would do with her sister, how she’d give her all the good crayons and make sure her toast isn’t burned. I can see Haymitch trying not to smile too broadly. Katniss is in flight mode and I wrap my arms around her to keep her seated in my lap. 

Effie makes Haymitch take his medicine, which makes him sleepy, so we tell them goodnight and head back home. After dinner and a bath, we tuck Willow in together and head to our bedroom. I read in silence while Katniss chews on her nails anxiously.

“She’ll forget, won’t she? By December? She’ll forget what she’s asking for.” I set my book aside and pull her down beside me.

“Honey, don’t torture yourself like this. If you don’t want another one, we won’t have another one.”

“I don’t want to disappoint Willow. Or you,” she adds. My brow shoots up into my hair.

“You could never disappoint me. As for Willow, she’ll be ok. Lots of kids are only children. We can explain it to her when she’s older.” 

“But what about you, Peeta?”

“What about me?”

“You want more kids.” 

“Katniss I won’t lie to you and say I haven’t thought of having a big family. But I won’t push you. You’ve already given me a perfect daughter. It’ll be hard to top that.” 

“If we don’t have any more…will you be truly happy?”

“I am already the happiest man in the world,” I say firmly. “You made me so when you agreed to be mine forever. And then the day you told me I was going to be a father was the most exhilaratingly amazing day of my life. Each day I get to spend with you and Willow is equally amazing. I’m already truly happy, Katniss. I already have everything I could ever want.” She sighs and curls up at my side, her fingers sliding up and down my chest. She doesn’t say anything else and neither do I, thinking she’s gone to sleep. 

It’s interesting how different Katniss Mellark is from the Katniss I once knew. The Katniss I went into the arena with had sworn off love and children, and could be called cold and calculated though I never saw her as such. I saw her as an incredibly brave girl who was forced to grow up much too fast. At Beetee’s funeral, I ran into Gale, who had asked me how things were going between us.

“I still can’t believe she actually married and had children,” he had said. “The Katniss I knew would have never…” he looked up at me and cleared his throat.

“Then again, the Katniss I knew never came back from the arena. She had changed before she had even gotten home. I guess it just took me awhile to really see that.” I didn’t really have anything to say to that. The Games changes you, that much is certain. Did I actually destroy the Katniss Everdeen I had fallen in love with?   
No. It was the Capitol who destroyed us. Or tried to. We’re both fighters. We left that arena and changed the world.   
\-----

To my surprise, Katniss wakes me up several times that night with breathless screams. Her third time doing it, I hear my daughter crying out for us and I wipe Katniss’s tears away and tell her I’ll be right back. When I enter Willow’s room, her face is red and tear-streaked.

“What’s wrong my little princess?”

“Daddy, why is Mommy crying?” I suck in a breath.

“She just had a scary dream, that’s all. I’m taking care of her.”

“Ok,” she says before she settles back down and goes straight back to sleep. I sigh. That was a lot easier than I thought it would be.

When I come back to the bedroom, Katniss is clutching the blankets and looking pale. I slowly massage feeling back in her hands and pull her into my arms. She doesn’t tell me what she dreams about but I can guess. When morning comes, she acts like nothing out of the ordinary happened as she dresses, then goes to get our daughter ready for their mother-daughter day in the woods. 

\--

I wish I could say Katniss’s fears were unfounded and that Willow forgets about her Christmas wish; but she doesn’t. As the summer months leave and the district starts to cool down, she starts to ask about it more and more. She’s written a dozen letters to Santa already and she’s careful not to argue or she makes sure to finish all of her dinner without putting up a fight.  
Katniss has noticed it and I hope she isn’t feeling guilty about it. Willow is still really young, and we can have that conversation with her in a few years. I know neither of us are looking forward to the day where we have to tell her everything- the Hunger Games, the rebellion, the nightmares and the flashbacks, and so on. But we won’t be able to hide her from it and I for one want her to hear it all from us before she hears about it in school.   
We still have a long way to go, though. For my birthday, she presents me with a drawing of us plus one: a blonde-haired baby girl in Willow’s arms. I hide it from Katniss though I will treasure it always. A family portrait of what may never be. 

Thanksgiving is a huge affair and it shocks me how much our family has grown. Aran and Willow play and color, while Johanna and Katniss both hold the twins, Anna and Brody. It warms my heart to see how Johanna gazes down at her new daughter, and I catch Katniss looking lovingly at Brody. I admit the sight of Katniss holding a baby again tugs at my heart a little. Effie and Haymitch sit hand in hand, while Finn and Analise cuddle in the corner and Annie chats animatedly with Delly, who cradles her new daughter as well. Rory and Posy are on the floor, playing with Willow and Aran, and Iris is talking quietly to a smiling Hazelle. My eyes travel around the room and I smile.   
My family.

The first day of December brings us a snowstorm and we are essentially snowed in Victor’s Village. Willow whines that she can’t go outside but I sit on the floor and color with her while Katniss makes us all hot chocolate. 

After we have tucked Willow in, Katniss climbs into my lap while I am reading, knocking my glasses askew (I hate how they look on me but Katniss says she thinks they are sexy and has asked me to wear them during sex on more than one occasion) I raise my brow as she winds her arms around my neck and her lips claim mine. I can feel myself come alive under her and I groan into her mouth as she grinds down. When she breaks the kiss, she leans back to study me and I frown in puzzlement.

“Katniss?” 

“Let’s have another baby, Peeta.” My jaw drops and I gape at her in shock.

“What did you just say?”

“You heard me. I want to have another baby with you. I was supposed to renew my birth control last week. But I didn’t.” My palms are starting to sweat and I am very aware of how spread open she is while she straddles me.

“Katniss…don’t…don’t do this just because Willow and I want it…I want you to want it too--“

“I do, Peeta. I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking. And I think I’m ready. To try again, I mean.” I still gape at her, my hands frozen on her hips. She brings her hands down in her lap and looks uncertain.

“I thought…you don’t want this anymore-?” I immediately grab her and push her onto her back, so I can lean down between her legs. I tug at her lower lip with my teeth and lean down to lick the shell of her ear.

“I love you more than life itself, Katniss Mellark.” She smiles up at me as her fingers grip my hair and she brings me back down to her for a kiss.  
\--

The sex that night is mind-blowing and intense and I am determined to make her come multiple times. Likewise, she makes me come more times than I can count, always taking me into her mouth and sucking me to near-completion, when she climbs on top of me and rides me until I am crying her name. We collapse against the blankets, our bodies glistening and our hair soaked.

“Damn that was great,” she pants into my shoulder. I grin and my hand trails down her stomach.

“You think…maybe-?”

“I’m sure one of your little guys had to have made it,” she says, chuckling.   
For good measure, we go twice more before we literally fall asleep in the floor.   
When we wake up, she climbs on top of me and rides me again. Since we are still snowed in, we don’t intend to leave the house and we still have some time before Willow will wake up. We fully intend to take advantage of the quiet ‘mommy and daddy’ time we have been gifted with.

Two weeks later, Katniss wakes up feeling nauseated and spends the entire day in the bathroom. I try to coax her into having some soup but she yells at me and bursts into tears.   
I think I know before she does.  
When she emerges from the bathroom the next day, I suggest we go to the store for some groceries. We ask Annie to watch Willow.  
At the store, I hand her a pregnancy test and she takes it with wide eyes.

“You think-?”

“I think we should make sure. If you’re not pregnant, I’m taking you to the doctor because you’re definitely sick.” She bites her lip and throws the test into the basket.

When we had Willow, Katniss kept it from me for over a month. She’d taken the test by herself and had kept it secret and I have no idea how she did it. But I’m glad it’s not like that this time. This time, I am holding her in my arms as we wait those excruciating few minutes, both of us holding our breath. Neither of us speaks and her eyes are wide as she stares at the ticking clock. 

“What if I’m not?”

“Then we can keep trying.”

“What if I am?” I cup her chin and kiss her nose.

“Then we are going to have another baby.”   
She swallows and gasps when our timer goes off. I grasp her hand and glance sideways at her.

“Together?”

“Together,” she breathes as she reaches out for the bowl that covers the little stick. 

“Ok. One-“

“Two,” she says in a trembling voice.

“Three,” we say together as we lift the bowl. We stare down at the stick with wide eyes. Tears start to fill mine and I can barely see.

“I guess we can tell Willow that she got her Christmas wish.”


	23. Chapter 23

Peeta and I keep our news to ourselves for a few days, though I have no idea how Peeta does it; he is positively bouncing on the balls of his feet and he has a giddy grin permanently etched onto his face. He is once again an eager little boy with twinkling eyes.   
God do I love him.  
I’m still terrified but surprisingly not as much as I was when I was carrying Willow. Johanna said her second pregnancy was so much easier than her first. She was more prepared and knew what to expect. 

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a bitch to carry twins, but having Aran prepared me for another one. Or another two,” she had said on Thanksgiving. 

I went to the doctor today while Peeta was at work, just to check on everything. Doctor Mersa says the baby and I are perfectly healthy.   
Now Peeta and I are wondering how to tell our daughter that she is going to be a big sister. Christmas is less than a week away and I start getting ready for our annual Christmas gathering in Merchant Circle. I know Peeta won’t be out of the bakery until later, so I hurriedly dress and go to help Willow get ready. She picks out the pretty red dress her Mimi Effie made for her and she flips her hair like Prim always did.

“Want me to braid your hair for you,” I ask, having asked that question over a thousand times in another lifetime. My daughter nods eagerly and sits still long enough for me to braid her hair in two braids and she turns around and throws her arms around me. I try to keep the tears at bay; with her bright blue eyes, she looks so much like my little sister, save for the dark hair. I wipe my face before she can see and I lean back.

“You look beautiful, my little flower. Are you ready to go see Santa?” 

“YAYYYYY,” she exclaims as she takes off out of the room. OK I’ll take that as a yes.  
Effie and Haymitch are coming into the house when I head downstairs and Willow is already clinging to their legs.

“Let’s go see Santa, let’s go see Santa!”

“Hold your horses, kid, Santa probably hasn’t even left the North Pole yet,” Haymitch says, though his eyes are sparkling.

“You know we’ll see him a little later,” Effie says gently. Willow pouts but only for a moment. Annie, Finn, and Analise all enter the house and Finn drops to his knees to pick up Willow. 

“Good grief, Willow, you’re getting so big!”

“Am not!” 

“OK,” Finn says, chuckling. “Whatever you say, princess.” Willow tilts her chin haughtily and I laugh.

“Everyone ready?”

“Wait. Daddy isn’t here!”

“Daddy is working late at the bakery and said he would meet us there.” Willow runs out to the car and we follow. It’s a good thing our car is so huge, because we are all riding together. Finn straps Willow in and sits in between her and Analise. 

“Anaslise are your parents going to be at the gathering,” I ask as we back out of Victor’s Village.

“Yes ma’am. They said they would meet us there.” 

“Hey guys, we sort of have an announcement to make. I wanted Uncle Peeta and Aunt Jo to be here but since Analise’s parents already know…” I hold my breath, my knuckles white on the steering wheel.

“I asked Analise to marry me.” Annie squeals loudly, making Haymitch and I wince. 

“Oh congratulations dears,” Effie gushes and I see her throw her arms around Analise in the back seat. She looks vaguely uncomfortable and I have to smile.

“Congratulations you two,” I say as I glance at Finn in the mirror. “I’m really happy for you. Your uncle is going to be so upset you didn’t tell him first though.” 

“I know but I wanted to ask Analise’s dad for permission.” 

“I raised my boy right,” Annie says as she ruffles his bronze curls. 

 

We arrive at the town center and Effie is still chattering away about wedding details to the poor bride-to-be. I take Willow’s hand and lead her inside, waving to people as they call out to us. Peeta is standing near the dessert table and Willow runs straight into his arms. He leans down to give me a kiss and my eyes go behind him.

“Peeta, did you make all of this?”

“Not all of it but most of it. A few people brought some things. Mellark Family Bakery provided most of the cakes and pies though,” he kisses Willow’s cheek and smiles. 

“Hey princess, did you eat all your dinner tonight?”

“Yes,” she says with a toothy grin. 

“Good, then you can have dessert from Daddy’s bakery.”

“Yayyyy!” He chuckles and sets her down, holding onto her hand.

“You look gorgeous tonight,” he whispers to me as he leans in for another kiss. I wave aside his compliment but accept his kiss.

“You’re glowing,” he continues, that giddy smile returning. Perhaps it never left. 

“Hey, would you two get a room,” says a voice from behind us. 

“Aunty Jo!” Johanna shifts Anna in her arm to give Willow a hug. George stands right behind her holding Brody.

“Hey Brainless, looking good! That dress looks vaguely familiar.”

“Mmhm, thanks Jo,” I say as I give her a one-armed hug. She grins and her eyes flick downwards.

“Seriously, it looks really good on you.”

“Thank you. You knew it was my favorite color, so thank you.” It was an early Christmas present from Johanna and George and fits me quite well. It’s long sleeved but they drape off the shoulders a bit, leaving my shoulders and a bit of my chest exposed. Peeta wraps his arm around my waist, his fingers brushing my ass. I jump and quickly hit him but he betrays nothing with his usual goofy smile.

“Hey, you two stay together for a minute,” Finn calls over to Peeta and Johanna and Peeta turns to me.

“Something going on?”

“I’ll let Finn tell you,” I say as I take Willow to the dessert table. 

“Ok sweetheart, what do you want?”

“Cake!” There are probably fifteen different kinds of cake on this table. I slice the one closest to me and hand her a plate.

“Go sit down while you eat it.” She takes the fork I hand her and runs over to the table. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Peeta embracing Finn and Johanna handing George her daughter so she can give him a hug. Finn looks genuinely happy. I glance across the room where Analise is standing with Annie and her family. They’re still young but I guess I have no room to talk since I married Peeta when I was 18. 

I join my daughter and we eat our cake while we people-watch. Finn comes over and asks Willow for a dance and she excitedly throws her arms around his neck as he scoops her up. Peeta approaches the table and holds out his hand. I take it and he whirls me around, pulling me closer to his chest.

“So our godson is getting married.”

“Crazy, isn’t it? How time flies.” 

“Mmm,” he nods. “It’s both wonderful and hard to believe, you know? After everything, how we have moved on. How we’ve stayed strong through it all.” I drape my arms   
around his neck, my hand playing with the tiny hairs that start to curl close to his ear.  
“I’m happy for them. Analise seems like a good girl.” Peeta nods as we slowly spin around.

“I should probably get going,” he mutters, glancing up at the clock. My eyes follow his and I nod.

“Probably a good idea.”

“I’ll see you in a little while.” He kisses my hand and then my lips before he backs out of the room. Willow hasn’t noticed him leaving as Finn is spinning her round and round, and she is giggling loudly. I help myself to another slice of cake and join Johanna and Annie at their table. 

 

An announcement is made for all the children to line up, that a sleigh with jingle bells has been sighted in District 12. I smile as the kids shuffle around excitedly, eager to see Santa Clause. There are so many children from the orphanage and they seem to smile the most. 

Heavy footsteps echo through the room as he enters. A great big bag is slung over his shoulder, his eyes twinkle merrily beneath his glasses, his cheeks are flushed pink, and his mouth is turned up into a kind smile. He greets the entire room, then makes his way around, waving to the kids and stopping to pat the heads of the little ones. His eyes search the room, looking for that child who will receive the first gift of the season. We started this tradition several years ago, before Willow was born, and the kids all watch eagerly as he walks between them.

When he reaches our table, Willow gasps and looks up at him. 

“Well hello there, Willow. I have heard that you have been a very good girl this year.”

“Yes sir,” she says, suddenly shy. I don’t ever know my daughter to be shy, except when she is talking to Santa. Which is completely ironic.   
He sits down in an empty chair and pats his lap. I help Willow climb onto his good leg and he wraps his arm around her.

“Tell me, little one. What do you want for Christmas this year?”

“One thing is all.” She leans in to whisper in his ear and his eyes meet mine. 

“I see,” he says, looking considering. “That’s quite a wish. You think you are ready for that kind of responsibility?” 

“Yes sir,” she nods eagerly. 

“Well I know you have been very good all year long. Your father told me that you have eaten all your vegetables, you go to bed when your mother tells you to, you even help your Grandpa Haymitch with his geese, don’t you?” 

“Yes sir,” she says again. 

“Mmhm.” His smile broadens under his beard and he glances up at me. I suddenly know what he is going to do and I smile in return. He nods and nudges Willow gently.

“Well my sweet Willow. I think you’ll have your wish. But it won’t be this Christmas. Do you think you can wait a little while longer, and help your mommy out when she needs you?” She looks up at me and nods.

“I can do that.”

“I know you can,” he says with a deep chuckle. “Katniss?” I kneel in front of Willow and Santa and pull my daughter’s hands forward, to rest on my belly.

“You’re going to be a big sister, Willow. We just have to wait awhile for the baby to grow. Can you help me out until she gets here?” Willow looks at Santa, then back at me. She throws her arms around my neck and I laugh as I pick her up.

“I love you Mommy!” 

“I love you too baby.” Santa stands and picks up his bag.

“Merry Christmas, Willow. Now, let’s form a line so I can see all these kiddos before I fly back to the North Pole!” 

Willow sits on my lap while we watch Santa talk to the rest of the children. After Santa’s little surprise, Johanna, Annie, Haymitch, Effie, Delly, Rory, Hazelle, Posy, Cora, and Finn all come up to me to hug and congratulate me. Effie places her hand on my stomach and I fight not to jerk away.

“Katniss I just can’t believe it! Another precious baby! You and Peeta are so lucky.”

“Thank you, Effie,” I say warmly.

“You excited to be a big sister,” Haymitch asks Willow as he bounces her on his knee.

“Yes! Mommy I need to go thank Santa!”

“We can go talk to him when he’s done with the rest of the kids, ok? Let’s give everyone else a chance.” She nods and Haymitch playfully tugs on her braid. I go to help Santa hand out the rest of the presents he brought with him; when we’re finished handing out gifts, he stands up and dusts his suit off.

“I should get back to the North Pole. Lots to do before Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone!”

“Merry Christmas, Santa,” the room echoes. I smile as I hand him his bag.

“Willow wants to say thank you,” I mutter. 

“Come see me to my sleigh.” While everyone goes back to eating and dancing, I call for Willow and take her hand. She curiously follows me outside and gasps when she sees Santa standing in front of a horse-drawn sleigh.

“My reindeer are resting before the big night,” he explains as her bright eyes travel over the beautiful horses. “Come here and give me a hug goodbye.” She jumps into his arms and hugs him tightly.

“Fank you, Santa,” she says softly and he strokes her cheek.

“Be a good girl for Mommy and Daddy, ok? And have a merry Christmas, Willow.” He sets her back on the ground and she shyly waves to him as he clicks the reigns. We watch as Santa disappears around the corner and I lead Willow back inside. 

“Daddy missed it,” she says sadly, just noticing her father’s absence. 

“You can tell him all about it when he gets back,” I say as I tug on her braid. We sit down with Johanna, Annie, and the kids and my daughter starts to yawn a lot.

“We should probably get going,” I say as I pick her up. “Do you want me to find you all another ride?”

“That’s ok, I’m getting tired too,” Annie says as she stifles a yawn. Johanna is careful not to jostle her sleeping baby as she stands to give us an awkward hug.

“When are you heading back, Jo?”

“George and I thought we would stay through Christmas before we go back to the Capitol.” 

“Good. We will see you tomorrow for lunch then.” Annie goes to tell Finn we are leaving while Haymitch leads a sleepy Effie outside. 

“Hey Colton, if you see Peeta, tell him we are heading back home,” I call to the boy, who waves back and nods. 

 

When we get home, I carry my sleeping daughter up to her bed and Peeta joins me upstairs. We pull her blankets over her and he kisses her forehead very softly. 

We go back downstairs, where he has made us hot chocolate and a roaring fire. We cuddle under the blanket on the couch as I lean back against his chest.

“Did you have a good time tonight,” he whispers against my hair.

“I always have a good time watching Santa make people smile.” He tilts my head back so I am looking up at him and kisses me softly, before his hands trail down to my stomach.

“I’m sorry if that wasn’t the best way to tell people. I was only thinking--“

“Thinking of Willow,” I finish for him. “And it’s ok. She was so excited.” 

“I’m probably more excited than she is. I can’t believe we are having another baby.” 

“Believe it. Because he or she will be here next September. I went in for a check-up today.” 

“September? What an amazing birthday present that would be,” he says with a smile. His hand strokes my belly and his smile grows more serious. “And everything is ok? With both of you?”

“We’re both perfectly healthy. We should find out the sex in a couple of months.”

“Unless they play hide and seek as well as Willow did. Remember how she covered up during every ultrasound we went to?”

“Let’s hope this one isn’t as shy,” I say as I cover his hand with mine. He leans up and wraps his arms around me, his cheek resting against my back.

“God I love you, Katniss. I don’t think I can possibly say that enough or express to you how much you mean to me but…I just love you.”

“I just love you too,” I giggle as I lean back into his lap and smile up at him. He grins down at me, his hands playing with my hair. I’m taken back to another time we did this, as I lay with my head in his lap and his fingers braiding a flower crown into my hair, we tried not to focus on the fact that our deaths were pretty imminent. He knows exactly what I am thinking because he leans down and kisses me, whispering softly “there are just too many moments I want to freeze now. Every moment with you is perfection.” He’s too cheesy for his own good but I don’t say anything; instead, I accept his kisses and wrap my arms around his neck when he picks me up and carries me to our bedroom.   
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, I wake up before Peeta and check on my daughter, who is surprisingly already awake. 

“Daddy!” I put my finger to my lips.

“Daddy’s still asleep. Come on, let’s go make some breakfast.”   
She’s as loud as Peeta is on the stairs and I have to shush her twice more when we sit down to eat. Peeta comes in, bleary-eyed and his hair all over the place but he kisses Willow on the cheek, and leans in to kiss me as well.

“What’s for breakfast?”

“Muffins!”

“Muffins? Get Daddy a muffin, won’t you?” Willow runs to the counter and brings her father a muffin while I pour him some tea.

“So did you have a good time at the Christmas gathering last night, Willow?” 

“Yeah! Daddy! You missed Santa!”

“I did, didn’t I,” he says, glancing sideways at me. “But Mommy says you got quite the Christmas present.”

“Mommy ate a baby!” He nearly chokes on his tea.

“Mommy did what?”

“I get a shister! She ate a baby!” He bites his lip and looks to me. Oh this is going to be a fun conversation.

“Willow, sweetheart, Mommy didn’t eat a baby.”

“But it’s in here,” she says, placing her hand on my stomach. Peeta clears his throat.

“Well…yes. It is. But she didn’t eat it. It, um…grew there. Like a flower.” 

“Like Mommy’s primroses?” He looks sharply at me again, then nods.

“Yes…just like Mommy’s primroses.” 

“Are we gonna call her Primrose?” I suck in a sharp breath and Peeta watches me anxiously over the edge of his cup.

“I don’t think so. How about you run to your coloring book and think of some names for your baby sister?” She squeals while she runs into the living room and Peeta reaches over and rubs my hand.

“You ok?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I chew on my lip for a moment, still feeling his gaze on me.

“I wish Prim could be here to meet her niece. She and Willow would love each other.” 

“I wish Ryean and Bialy were here,” he says wistfully. “Ryean would spoil her rotten.”

“Oh you mean like you’ve been doing? You’re just channeling your brother?” He chuckles and kisses my hand.

“Basically. Except he’d be worse. But Dad would be the worst out of all of us. I can just imagine how he would treat her. He always wanted a daughter, you know. He told me one day, after we got back from the Games, that if he couldn’t have a daughter, having you as his daughter-in-law would be the very next best thing.”

“You’re making that up.”

“I swear it’s the truth,” he laughs. “He was trying to get me to propose to you right after we got off the train. ‘Don’t let that one go, Peeta, you’ve been in love with her for years and now you finally have a chance at love’. Dad didn’t know it was a fake romance, of course, and I didn’t want to tell him.” I turn my hand over as his fingers trace over my hand, and grasp them in my palm.

“I know he’s so proud of you.”

“I just wish they could all see us, right now. How happy we are. I wish they could hold Willow and my mom could see how happy you make me. Mom might even like to hold Willow. I think she was so bitter because we were all boys and she really wanted a girl. She might have done better with a girl.” 

“That’s no excuse, Peeta,” I say sharply. “It shouldn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl. Parents should love you no matter what. Grandparents too. Though I do wish Willow had been able to meet her grandparents, too. Her aunt. Her “Uncle” Finnick. There’s just too many people who are missing from our happy ending.” 

“Oh Katniss, don’t call it that. It’s not an ending. We’re barely in the middle of our story. We just keep living and live our lives the way they would want us to.” He pushes his   
chair back and gathers me in his arms. I rest my head in the crook of his shoulder and sigh deeply. 

“I should call Mom. Everyone else knows and I don’t want it to get back to her.” He nods and releases me and I grab the phone, dialing Mom’s number.   
When she doesn’t answer, I assume she’s at the hospital. I sit back down and eat the rest of my muffin, while Peeta stops chewing.

“What’s wrong?”

“What if it’s a brother,” he says almost to himself. 

“What?”

“What if Willow gets a brother and not a sister? Is she going to be upset?”

“I don’t think so. I think she’ll love being a big sister no matter what.” Peeta leans back in his chair and fixes his wide eyes on me.

“A boy. We might have a boy.” 

“That never occurred to you,” I can’t help but laugh as I lean in to kiss his cheek. He looks dazed.

“It did but…I mean, I so badly wanted a little girl who looked like you…I never thought about a little boy looking like both of us.”

“He’ll have your hair and your eyes and your smile,” I say as I reach up to tousle his curls. 

“I’d really like for him to have your eyes. I wanted Willow’s blue ones to fade to grey.”

“I’m glad they didn’t. Yours are the bluest eyes I have ever seen. They captivated me the moment I saw you.” He smiles and kisses my palm before he carries our dishes to the sink. 

“Are you going into the bakery today?”

“Just for a little while. And Haymitch asked me to bring a loaf of bread to him and Effie for their dinner tonight. Do you want anything?”

“Cheesebuns and a cupcake.” 

“Very balanced meal there, honey,” he chuckles. I stand to kiss him and his hand trails down to my stomach. He kisses me deeply, then kneels to kiss my stomach. I grin as I rest my hand on his head and smile down at him.

“Be good for Mommy,” he talks to my tummy. “Daddy loves you so much.” 

“Why don’t you take Willow with you?” He stands back up and his brow furrows.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. She can help you in the kitchen.” Willow has preferred to spend more time with Daddy than me lately but I am surprisingly ok with that. We will go into the woods, just the two of us, and come back to Peeta making dinner. She’s a daddy’s girl but Peeta still tries to get the three of us to do things together, so no one is excluded. He often plans picnics in the meadow, bath time for all of us, and weekends dates when we all help out in the bakery. 

“I may go hunt.” It’s later than I usually hunt but it’s been a long time since I have been in the woods with my bow. Taking my family to my precious spots is wonderful but I sometimes miss the feel of the weapon in my hands. His hands rest on my hips and he presses his forehead to mine.

“Please be careful.”

“I will. You can’t even tell that I am pregnant.”

“That doesn’t mean you aren’t. I know you know how to handle yourself out there, sweetheart, just…stay safe.” I kiss his nose and flounce away.

“Willow, you want to come help me in the bakery this afternoon?”

“YAYYYYY,” I hear my daughter exclaim excitedly. Smiling, I climb the stairs to our bedroom and dress warmly for my hunt.   
Peeta and Willow kiss me goodbye and hand me my gloves; I grip my bow as I head out of Victor’s Village. Finn waves to me as he is entering the Village, and I see he has as basketful of flowers and sweets.

“It’s Mom’s birthday,” he explains. Damn it, I had completely forgotten!

“Are you doing anything special?”

“She asked me not to, thinking my mind is only on the wedding, but I definitely have some time to plan my mother’s birthday dinner. I asked Uncle Peeta to make her a cake, and we are just going to have dinner at the house. 7:00 tonight. See you there?”

“Of course. I’ll see if I can get a duck for dinner, since it’s her favorite.”

“That’d be great, thanks Aunt Niss. I’ll see you later.” Slinging my bow over my shoulder, I stride through the meadow and into the woods.  
I burrow my hands into my pockets and shiver. It feels like the temperature dropped since I left the house. But close to my lake, I find a group of waterfowl and not far off, their nest. Stupid birds. Don’t you know you need to fly south for the winter?

 

I head back home, intending to pluck the bird before I take it over to Finn when a roaring truck stops right beside the Village. A burly figure gets out and helps a slender woman down. They walk toward me and I gasp.

“Well fancy seeing you both here.”

“I wanted to come see Mom before Christmas since that’s a busy time for us in 2, but your mom wanted to come visit so I offered to pick her up and bring her with me,” Gale says with a nod. I step back and study him. Fatherhood is treating him well. Or perhaps love in general is. 

“You look good, Gale.

“So do you,” he says, taking a tentative step toward me. I wrap my arms around him and he claps my back before releasing me.

“It’s good to see you, Mom,” I turn to her and give her a hug as well.

“And you. You look wonderful. Your cheeks have a healthy flush to them. Is there something I should know?”

“See that’s not fair because you’re a healer and I can never surprise you.” She claps her hands over her mouth and giggles.

“Peeta and I are going to have another baby,” I say as my hands rest on my stomach. Gale’s brows shoot up.

“Wow, congratulations!”

“That’s wonderful news,” Mom says and I swear I see tears welling up in her eyes.

“Thank you, we’re really excited about it. Willow has been asking Santa for a little sister all year long.” 

“Leo would tell you he would give you Dahlia,” Gale says with a chuckle. “He was so jealous that his sister was getting all the attention.”

“It’s not always that way, though,” Mom says, shaking her head. “Katniss was a wonderful big sister…from the first moment she held her sister in her arms, she vowed to protect her from anything and everything.” We fall silent and I feel the ground shift underneath my feet. Mom bites her lip, Gale’s brow is furrowed and his arms are crossed over his chest. I honestly have no idea what to say to help the situation. Peeta is usually the one to save us with a witty or polite line. But Gale is looking vastly uncomfortable as he shifts from side to side. 

I couldn’t. I couldn’t protect her from you.   
Finally, he clears his throat and holds up his hands.

“Well I’d better be off. Iris, I can pick you up around noon tomorrow, if that works?”

“Yes, that sounds good. Thank you Gale.”

“See you, Katniss.” He rushes off and jumps back into his truck. 

“That’s a quick visit,” I say, finding my voice again. 

“Ghilda doesn’t want him away from the kids for too long and I didn’t even know if I’d get to come, I’m getting too old to travel.”

“You’re not getting too old,” I protest. But as my eyes scan her, I see she indeed has more wrinkles than I remember, more white hairs, and her hands sort of tremble. Where is time going? She laughs and pats my cheek.

“Well you’re sweet to say so. I’m sorry I just surprised you again. Gale didn’t give me much time--“

“It’s ok, Mom. Here, let’s get you inside and warmed up.”   
I carry her bag and lead her inside the house. Peeta and Willow have made it really cozy and bright in here, and I have her sit on the couch while I rush off to make tea.   
She smiles as she sips at it, and looks around the room.

“Peeta did a really good job with everything this year.”

“He has the best little helper. Willow loves to decorate. And Posy still comes over to help too.”

“Are you excited about another little one?” I unconsciously rub my belly.

“I really am. I didn’t think I would be, but seeing how great he is with Willow, I really want to give him another one. Did you hear that Finn is getting married?”

“What? No! When?”

“They haven’t set a date yet but he just proposed to her the other night.”

“Analise?”

“Course. They’ve been together for years.” 

“Oh I’m sure Annie is over the moon about that. Seeing her little boy getting married!”

“Speaking of, it’s her birthday party tonight but if you would rather stay at home--“

“No, no I would love to celebrate sweet Annie. So where’s my granddaughter?”

“At the bakery with Peeta. They should be home soon.” Right on cue, I hear the door open and Willow runs into the living room and jumps into my lap.

“Mommy look what I made for you!” She holds out a lumpy cookie with frosting splashed all over it. I honestly have no clue what it is. 

‘It’s a Christmas tree,” Peeta says with a smile as he leans against the doorframe.

“Oh! Well thank you, Willow, I’ll save it for after dinner. Did you have a good time with Daddy?”

“Yeah! We made cookies! And he let me frost a cake!” Peeta gestures with his hands, a very small cake, and I laugh. Willow notices Mom for the first time and jumps out of my lap.

“Grammy!” 

“Iris! I didn’t even see you, when did you get here?”

“Only an hour ago. My goodness Willow, look at you! You are sprouting up like a weed, young lady.” Willow giggles and jumps up onto the couch to sit next to her grandmother. I am relieved that my mom’s absence hasn’t left any negative effect on Willow. I was afraid that she wouldn’t really know who she is and that she would be wary, but Mom comes to visit a lot more often than she used to. She tries to come for the holidays and Willow’s birthday. 

“Guess what I’m getting for Christmas!” Without waiting for Mom to respond, she replies, “A shister!” 

“Yes your mother told me. That’s so wonderful, are you excited about being a big sister?” Willow nods eagerly and Peeta crosses over to me, his eyes on his daughter. 

“We need to start getting ready for Annie’s birthday dinner,” I say, glancing up at the clock.

“Then I’ll need a shower. Willow thought she could paint me with the frosting.” He holds out his hands and I see various colors all down his arms and on his neck. I giggle as I lean in close.

“I bet you taste delicious,” I whisper in his ear and feel him shudder. He looks at me, then darts his eyes above, silently asking me to join him. I’m not sure if I can do this with my mother in the house but he tugs on my hands insistently.

“Mom would you watch Willow for a moment while Peeta and I get ready?”

“Of course, dear,” she says without looking up from Willow. We jog up the stairs and lock the bathroom door tight. His hands slide under my shirt but I lean in and lick a trail from his neck to his jaw line and relish the moan he releases. 

“We have to be quick,” I whisper and feel him nod. His hands push my shirt over my head and he leans in to kiss me as his hands move down to the buttons of my pants. We hurriedly strip out of our clothes and climb into the shower, melded at the lips. The frosting starts to wash off and I gasp.

“Hold on, don’t wash it all off yet. I want a taste.”

“You had a taste,” he growls against my shoulder.

“But I wonder…if I do this…” I swipe at the frosting and see that it is still in fact wet. I gather it up on my fingers, then move my hand down and spread the sugar over his arousal. He stands up on his tiptoes as he hisses, his eyes shooting down. I waste no time in kneeling in front of him and holding his cock flat against his stomach so I can lick straight up. 

“Mmm, tasty,” I say with a sly grin. 

“Shit,” I see him mouth and I wrap my hand around him, taking him deep against my throat.   
\------------------

We hurriedly turn the water off and rush to the closet to get dressed before Mom can get suspicious. When Peeta pulls on a shirt, he takes a moment to run his fingers through his hair and looks incredibly handsome. I glare at him as I lift my sodden locks between two fingers. He laughs and quickly braids it on one side, giving me a quick kiss.

“I’ll go get Willow changed. We should leave in ten minutes.” I nod and gasp, slamming my hand against my forehead. He watches me with concern.

“I haven’t plucked the duck I shot for dinner! Damn, now what are we going to do about feeding everyone?”

“Finn called me and asked me to pick up some side dishes and I went ahead and bought a huge turkey for us. We can just use that.” Ugh, he thinks of everything. 

“Why are you so perfect,” I grumble as I latch my bra.

“It’s a gift,” he says with a cocky smile before he heads downstairs, laughing quietly.   
\-------------------------------

Annie seems to glow during dinner, while her son and her future daughter-in-law dote on her and my mom even comments on how wonderful she looks. Finn has invited a lot of the district, including several of Peeta’s employees. Riley blushes when he hands Annie a bouquet of lilies and Finn raises a brow. He also keeps an eye on the two when Riley asks Annie to step out onto the porch with him. I rest a hand on his shoulder and chuckle.

“She’s a big girl, Finn, she can take care of herself.”

“I just don’t want her to get hurt,” he says softly. “She’s been through so much.”

“Riley has had his eye on your mom since you were little,” Peeta says as he comes up behind us. “He’s a good guy, Finn.”

“I don’t doubt that. I just…Dad,” he finishes with a shrug. Peeta claps his shoulder.

“Finn no one will ever replace your dad. In her heart or in yours. But if your mom has an opportunity to find love again, you’d want that for her wouldn’t you?”

“Would you want Aunt Katniss to marry again, if you died?” I glance sharply at Finn and see Peeta’s eyes soften.

“Yes I would. Because her happiness means everything to me. I’m sure Finnick feels the same way.” Finn huffs and his shoulders fall.

“I want her to be happy. I do, but it’s just been the two of us for a really long time.”

“You’re getting married,” I say delicately. “You’re moving on with your life. And so is she.”

“They’re not getting married, Finn, they’re just talking,” Peeta says, nudging our godson. Finn nods. Analise comes up and wraps her arms around him.

“Hey,” she whispers. “Come dance with me.”

“With what music,” Finn laughs.

“Oh District 12 people always know how to make music,” I say with a smile. Sure enough, Thom picks up his banjo and starts to play a tune. Others join in and Analise pulls Finn to the middle of the room. Peeta wraps an arm around me and I twirl in his arms. He nudges me and gestures across the room. I turn and see Aran and Willow clinging to one another, sidestepping clumsily. 

“Uh oh.”

“I think it’s cute,” he says with a grin. 

“I don’t know if I can handle having Johanna as in-law.” Peeta throws his head back and laughs.

“She’s already like my annoying big sister. Don’t think much would change.” Mom and Effie hold Brody and Anna while George drags Johanna to the middle of the room for a dance. For a moment, we’re all caught up in the music and celebration and we just live.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gale comes to our door after Peeta has left for the bakery and I invite him in. I see his eyes travel around the room, taking in Peeta’s paintings, Willow’s toys strewn all over the floor, and portraits of our family hanging on the walls. I offer him tea and his eyes soften.

“Did you ever think our lives would end up this way, Katniss?”

“End? Our lives aren’t even close to being over with, Gale, so why should we talk about how things ends up?”

“So literal, as always.”

“Well it’s true. But no. I never thought my life could be like this. You know I pictured myself living with Mom and Prim, still determined to keep them fed. I never pictured the country thriving like it is. No more Reapings, there’s not as much hunger and disease…life isn’t what I imagined it would be.” He sips his tea thoughtfully and nods.

“It’s not what I imagined it would be either…and even though I miss…certain aspects of my old life, I wouldn’t change it.” I shake my head.

“Neither would I.”

“Do you miss…anything? Other than you sister, of course.” I sense what he’s trying to ask and I’m not sure how to respond.

“Yes,” I say slowly. “I miss how we used to be.” Relief floods his face.

“Me too.” 

“But a family in 2 for you and a family in 12 for me doesn’t allow much time to catch up, does it,” I force a smile. He returns it, though it’s still sad.

“No, I guess not.” Mom comes down with Willow a few moments later and she freezes, wondering if she’s interrupted something. Willow hides behind her grandma, her wary eyes on Gale. 

“Willow, come meet an old friend of Mommy’s. This is Gale. He and I go way back.” Gale glances at me then bends down and waves to Willow.

“Hi Willow. I met you a few times when you were a baby. You’re getting so big and beautiful.” Compliments win my daughter over and she comes out from behind Mom’s legs. She shakes Gale’s hand and smiles.

“Nice to meet you,” she mutters shyly.

“Very nice to meet you too. I’m an old friend of your daddy’s as well. You look a lot like him, you know.” I raise my brow; I wonder if Peeta would refer to Gale as a ‘friend’.   
Then again, we have been through hell together. It may not be as friends that you come out of it as, but it’s something closer than acquaintances. Gale straightens up and turns to Mom.

“Are you all ready, Iris? Can I get your bag for you?”

“I’ve got it, thank you. It was good to see you, Katniss.” She gives me a hug then kneels to hug Willow again. 

“You’ll have to come back for the baby shower,” I say softly. Her eyes light up.

“I would love that.” 

Gale and I hug and Willow and I stand on the porch to watch them drive away. When they’ve rounded the corner, I scoop up my daughter and kiss her cheek.

“Want to work on Daddy’s present some more?” She cheers excitedly and tugs me back into the house, chattering away happily.


	24. Chapter 24

I’m awoken by little hands insistently tugging our covers down. I’m suddenly very glad both of us are actually wearing clothes this morning! I sit up and rub my eyes. 

“Santa came, Santa came,” my daughter exclaims excitedly. I grin at her enthusiasm, her tousled curls and her bright eyes sparkling in the morning sunlight. Beside me, my wife moans.

“Tell her it’s too early.”

“Don’t think that will work,” I say with a grin. “She’s wide awake.”

“Mommy! Come ONNNN!” Willow climbs up onto the bed and shakes Katniss. I smile and scoop her up, attacking her with kisses; she shrieks and tries to bat me away.

“Daddy, breakfast!”

“Alright,” I laugh. “Come on, let’s go make breakfast and leave Mommy to sleep some more.” She was up later than I was, wrapping the last of the presents I had ordered for Willow. After I nearly collapsed at the table, she told me to go to bed and that she would finish. The least I can do is let her sleep a little longer. The moment my bare foot touches the cold floor, I shiver and I pause to pull on some socks. Willow watches me, cocking her head the way Katniss does when she is trying to figure something out. I pick her up and place her on my shoulders as we head down to the kitchen.   
Soon the smell of bacon and cinnamon buns fills the house and I listen to see if Katniss has stirred yet. 

“Willow, you better not be opening presents yet,” I call to the other room.

“I’m not,” I hear her innocent voice followed by ripping paper. I roll my eyes and plate the cinnamon buns. She has her mother’s amount of patience, which is none. 

“Willow, why don’t you go tell Mommy that breakfast is ready?” 

“OK!” I hear her run up the stairs while I set the table. A few moments later, Willow is tugging on the hand of my bleary-eyed wife. She yawns and sinks into her chair. 

“Merry Christmas Mommy,” Willow jumps up and kisses Katniss’s cheek.

“Merry Christmas baby. Get Mama a glass of water, will you?” I hand the water to Willow, who carries it carefully back to the table. I set a plate in front of Katniss and she looks up at me, leaning her head back to accept my good morning kisses. 

“Smells wonderful.”

“Hope it tastes even better. Here sweetie, here’s your plate.”   
We all sit down to eat breakfast and Katniss wipes at Willow’s sticky chin. Halfway through, though, Katniss looks a little green and she pushes her plate to the side.

“Oh dear,” she says softly, her hands on her stomach. I watch her warily, ready to help her to the bathroom should she need it. She doesn’t run out of the room though. I jump up and grab a box of crackers out of the cabinet.

“Here, have some of these.” She munches on one gratefully and squeezes my hand. 

“How about we open some presents,” I say loudly and Willow is out of her chair in a flash. I grin at Katniss before I offer her my hand. When she was pregnant with Willow, she absolutely hated when I treated her any differently, so I have to tread carefully this time. She stands and accepts my hand, smiling as I tug her into the living room. Willow is sitting under the tree, sorting through the presents. Katniss leans against the couch while I sit on the floor with Willow. 

“For Mommy,” she yells as she pushes a big package toward the couch. I hand it to Katniss and turn back to Willow to see her pushing a huge box toward me.

“What in the world?” 

“For Daddy!” 

“And where is Princess Willow’s present?”

“Right here,” she grins, holding one in her lap. She looks up, her smile even broader.

“Together?”

“Together,” I say as I glance sideways at Katniss. She smiles as her hand hovers over her present. But my daughter doesn’t really know what the word means and she tears into the package before Katniss or I can lift a finger. We smile at our daughter’s excited squeal. 

During my trip to District 3, I was able to order an entire case of paints and markers that wouldn’t color on anything but the paper that was provided. Some kind of magic art but since she loves to color so much, I thought it would be perfect and clearly, I was right. She starts to open the markers immediately but my laughing wife stops her.

“Don’t you want to open the rest of your presents first, honey?”

“You open next,” she points at both of us. I set mine down and watch Katniss and she examines her gift; it’s an awkward size and was sort of difficult to wrap.

“Ok, who’s this one from?”

“That one is from both of us,” I say, nodding toward Willow. Katniss tears off the paper and I hear her gasp. I’ve done a large painting of Willow sitting under a tree in the woods. I’ve had to take her out there several times to pose her without Katniss finding out and I’m still surprised she was able to keep the secret. The painting came out beautifully though and I think I was able to capture my daughter’s angelic face quite well. Katniss looks like she wants to cry.

“I thought we could hang it up in our room,” I say softly. “Or in here. Wherever you-“ I’m cut off by her yanking me forward and her lips crashing down on mine. Willow claps loudly behind us and I break away, my cheeks burning. The fact that our daughter is cheering on our intimacy (and was begging for a sister) is somewhat disturbing to me. 

“Ok, open yours now, Daddy,” Katniss purrs. I straighten my sleep shirt and rip the paper off the box. My first thought is a sandbox, one that Ryean and I used to play in when we were really little. Bialy never wanted to play, he said sand would stick in his toes. I pull the rest of the paper off and study it.

“It’s a sand box,” Willow screams. I glance up at Katniss and she smiles.

“It’s for you to put in your studio. While you’re painting, you can relax your feet in the sand. It’s supposed to be very therapeutic and will remind you of the ocean.” I actually can’t wait to dig my feet…foot, in the sand and I pull my daughter in for a kiss before I tug my wife down to me so I can kiss her as well. 

“Thank you both, I can’t wait to try it out!” 

“Ok Willow, you next,” Katniss says as she settles on the floor next to me, my arm draped around her shoulder. “Open another one.”  
Another ‘one’ means another four. She gets a pretty new doll from Annie and Finn, a new dress from her Mimi Effie, a pair of diamond earrings from Grandpa Haymitch, and her mother has carved her her own little bow. 

“You’ll wait a few years to use it of course,” Katniss says laughing. 

“Just like yours,” Willow squeals, planting excited kisses all over her mama’s cheeks. I grin and examine the carvings. I’m awe-struck by Katniss’s talent. 

‘This is amazing, honey,” I whisper to her. 

“Glad you think so. Open yours now,” she pushes a little box into my hands. I tear off the paper and Willow crawls between us as I pull out a piece of wood carved from a willow tree. The letters K and P are surrounded by flames, and underneath is a small loaf of bread being pierced by an arrow. I run my fingers over the wood and turn to my wife, my jaw wide open.

“This is so beautiful…I can’t believe you had the time to do this.”

“I’ve been working on refining my woodcarving and wanted to try this for you. It was a challenge but I’m happy with how it came out.” 

“I love it. Thank you.” I already know the perfect spot for it on my desk.

“Open mine, Daddy,” Willow says, practically throwing a heavy package on my lap. I wince slightly and lift it up to unwrap it.   
It’s a heavy stone with three handprints…mine is the largest, obviously, while Katniss’s is next to mine and Willow’s tiny hand is under ours. I turn to them both, taken aback.

“When did my hand pose for this?”

“When you were sleeping,” Katniss says with a sly grin. 

“Very sneaky. This is beautiful, Willow, thank you,” I give her a kiss and she wraps her arms around my neck until I can do nothing but pick her up and situate her on my lap. 

“How about Mommy open some more?”

“Wait, I didn’t wrap one,” Willow says as she leaps off my lap and runs up to her room. Katniss raises her brow and I just shrug. When our daughter comes back down, she’s gripping a handful of wilted dandelions. 

“For you Mommy!”

“Oh they’re lovely, Willow, thank you.” I stifle my laughter as she holds the dead weeds in her palms and Willow beams proudly. 

“Sorry, she wanted to hide them under her bed,” I mutter in her ear. Katniss just smiles. 

We open the rest of our presents which includes a range of sexy lingerie from Johanna, which we promptly hide from Willow, as well as jewelry and cologne from Haymitch and Effie, a bottle of nice wine from my employees, and a beautiful crocheted blanket from Annie. Willow gets impatient and breaks into her new art supplies while Katniss reaches under the tree and withdraws a smaller package.

“One last one for you, Daddy.” I open the box and pull out a grainy-looking picture. Over the top is written ‘Baby Mellark’. I run a finger over the picture and hold it in my shaking hands.

“Oh Katniss.” 

“I thought you’d like to see him or her. Even though technically there isn’t much to see but as I said, we’re both fine and healthy. And they gave me this picture to bring home to you.” 

“This is probably the best Christmas present I could get,” I tell her, fighting to keep the tears out of my eyes. “Thank you.” She leans in close and I kiss her deeply. I briefly forget that our daughter is barely a few inches away from us and I am lost in our kiss. 

“Mommy, Daddy look what I drawed for you!” We break away, both of our cheeks rather red. I guess she temporarily forgot too. Willow climbs into my lap and holds out a picture of our family; Willow is standing between Katniss and me, holding our hands, and Katniss’s belly seems to be bigger than the rest of us. She’s drawn a really terrifying-looking…baby, I guess it is? inside her belly. Katniss chokes back a laugh while I stare at it with wide eyes.

“That’s really pretty, honey. How about you make something nice for Grandpa and Mimi now?” She tears the paper out of my hands and runs back to her spot on the floor where her art supplies are strewn all over. I pick up the picture of our baby and gaze down at it. She drapes her arm over my waist and sighs against my shoulder.

“What are you hoping it will be?” I glance sideways at her.

“I really don’t care. As long as you are both healthy, that’s all I care about.”

“I think I’d like a son this time,” she says softly. My brow arches high in my hairline.

“I know Willow wants a little sister but I can imagine a little boy who looks just like you. All blue eyes and blonde curls and sweet grin.” I can’t help but smile at her wistful   
tone. My hands automatically go to her belly and I lean down and give it a gentle kiss.

“Daddy loves you, little baby. Merry Christmas.” I cup Katniss’s chin and kiss her next.

“Merry Christmas, Mrs. Mellark.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Willow remembers her promise to Santa and is actually very helpful around the house in the following months. As Katniss gets bigger, Willow and I get more excited.

Our first ultrasound is somewhat of a disappointment. Not really because I get to see my baby breathing and moving but once again, my shy genes come to play in my offspring and Dr. Mersa informs us she can’t tell the sex and we will try again in a few weeks.   
Katniss’s second pregnancy seems vastly easier than her first; she isn’t as sick as much and she is less emotional and she even moves around more. 

Johanna shocks us when she asks when we are enrolling Willow in pre-school. I know I didn’t think about my baby girl growing up so fast and I can tell Katniss is the same. Still, we make an appointment to check out the school, where Katniss’s old friend Helga is teaching. We decide together that this will be a good thing for our daughter. Though maybe not so good for us.

After we drop Willow off for the first time, Katniss clings to me, crying. I’m usually the more emotional one so I’m rather glad to see her getting emotional about this. And I force myself to hold myself together for the both of us.

“She’s growing up, Peeta.”

“She’s still our baby girl, Katniss. We still have so much time.”   
When we pick Willow up from her first day, she chatters away happily about everything she did and how she made friends and how she can’t wait to go back tomorrow. I think Katniss’s heart sinks when she hears how much Willow loves it. I drive us back home, trying to catch Katniss’s eye in the mirror. 

“And we sang!”

“You sang? What did you sing?”

“Miss Helga asked who knows the Valley Song, and I was the only one who knew it!” At this, I catch Katniss’s eye and she gives me a sad smile. 

“I bet you’re the best singer in the class,” I tell her. “Your mama was the best one in ours.” 

“Did you actually hear anyone else sing,” my wife asks in a patronizing voice.

“No because we all just wanted to listen to you.” She rolls her eyes and I grin. 

“Daddy says that’s how he knew he loved you,” I hear my daughter say proudly. I grin into the mirror.

“You’re absolutely right, Willow. When your mama sings, even the birds stop to listen. I was a goner right away.”   
\-------------------------------------------

On the night before Willow’s fourth birthday, I glance at Katniss while we are lying in bed.

“I think it’s time to move Willow to her own bedroom so I can design a new nursery for our new little one.” 

“I think that’s a good idea. Let’s go ask her what she wants in her new bedroom.” 

As much of a tomboy as Katniss has always been, our daughter is not much like her in that sense; quite the opposite, actually. She squeals when we tell her she is getting a new room and she requests pink and purple walls with pink sheets and rainbow unicorns on her walls and lots of other very girly things. So while my girls are sleeping, I retreat to my study and draw out some plans. In the morning, I quietly slip out of the house and drive to the store to buy paints and supplies. I stop by the bakery to put the finishing touches on the birthday cake I have been working on for several days, and finally, I head home to my family.   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Katniss is in the kitchen cooking breakfast and I dump everything onto the table. She raises a brow.

“Did you buy the whole art store?”

“Hardly. Just a few cans of paint and I picked out some pink curtains. I thought later we could take her to pick out new sheets and blankets.”

“Here, try this and tell me what you think,” she holds out the fork and I bite down on the fluffy piece that is speared at the end. My eyes close at the delicious flavors that are attacking my tongue.

“God, what is that?”

“Honey nut sticky bread. It’s good?”

“It might be the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. And I’m a baker!” She grins as she turns back to the oven.

“Ok good. I was a little worried about this recipe.”

“Why? Where is it from?” She glances over her shoulder and bites her lip.

“You’ve never had this before?”

“No. I would have remembered if I had. Where did you get the recipe?” She turns to me, her face softer as she holds out a faded index card. I know the handwriting but it takes me a minute. At the bottom are the initials “I. M.” 

“I. M,” I mutter, staring at the slanted writing. 

“Maybe this will help you remember,” she says softly, turning it over. In the same slanted writing is Peeta’s birthday? 

“Wait…I.M…Ingrid?! Ingrid Mellark?! My mother?!” 

“She has a few in here…they were hidden in the back--“ I yank the book off the table and flip to the back. Katniss wasn’t lying; several index cards have my mom’s writing on them. I look up at Katniss with wide eyes.

“My mom had her own recipes?”

“It seems so.” I stare at the card that says Peeta’s birthday. My mom never bothered to celebrate my birthday. Said it was just another day and she made me work in the bakery every year. My dad would often present me with a little cake but it wouldn’t be much of a celebration. As I got older, I was allowed to have a friend or two over…the year before I was Reaped, a bunch of guys and me stayed at school for a wrestling match and a few of the Merchant girls brought me cookies for my birthday. I don’t think I’ll mention that to Katniss. 

“Willow was asking me about her other grandparents,” she says quietly. I feel my throat starting to stick. “I, um…I showed her your father’s recipe book. She found these with your mother’s initials. I didn’t want her to say anything to you until I…well, until I showed you first.” 

“We should show her the meadow,” I say in a croaky voice. “Where her grandparents and uncles are buried.” She nods in agreement.

“We should.” She turns back to the breakfast and I continue to flip through Dad’s book. But seeing his handwriting, his messy scrawl about something he was so passionate about, makes me heartsick and I close it quickly and put it back on the shelf. 

“Willow is painting in the living room. Want to go get her and tell her breakfast is ready?” 

“Sure.” I swiftly kiss her cheek before I head into the living room to find Willow, not painting but flipping through a large book. Her eyes grow wide and somewhat fearful when she sees me. 

“Happy birthday my princ--“ I freeze when I finally notice what book she is flipping through and her reaction makes perfect sense. 

“Willow,” I say slowly.

“Daddy I’m sorry. I was just…” She puts both hands on the pages, as if to cover the images she was looking at it. A blonde braid informs me immediately of what page she was reading…and who she was reading about. 

“Let’s put away the book,” I whisper as I kneel next to her. “Mama’s got your birthday breakfast ready. We can talk about this later, ok?” She nods and her lip trembles as I put the book back on the shelf. I stroke her cheek and give her a warm smile.

“It’s ok, princess, I’m not mad. Mama and I need to talk to you about that book anyway. Let’s get you to your birthday party first, alright?” She nods and wipes at her face as I hold out my hands and pull her to her feet. When I scoop her up in my arms, her smile grows and she throws her arms around my neck. 

There’s no mention of the memory book during breakfast. 

While I clean up the kitchen, Katniss takes Willow upstairs to get her dressed for her party. We told her she could invite a few of the girls from her class and I can tell Katniss is quite anxious to meet other parents. I am too, for that matter. We don’t socialize a whole lot, unless we are with our fellow Victor friends. Can we even socialize with normal people? Well, I guess we have done it plenty of times before. Any time someone comes into the bakery or when we throw a party in Merchant Circle or when we decide to do something grand in Victor’s Village and invite the district. We can do this.   
Willow reenters the room, looking beautiful in a frilly purple dress and her dark hair curled around her shoulders. She has a matching purple bow clipped in her curls and she runs straight into my arms.

“My goodness Princess Willow, you are a vision!” She giggles as I kiss her cheek.

“Ok Princess, here is your final touch.” Katniss places a makeshift tiara on our daughter’s head and Willow gasps.

“I’ve made enough for your friends too. Come on, let’s finish setting up for your party.” I set her down and she runs into the living room. I grip Katniss’s waist and pull her closer so I can kiss her.

“And where is your gown, Queen Katniss?”

“This Queen wears more sensible clothes when she’s trying to keep up with a spritely little princess.”

“Don’t overdo it today, Katniss. Whatever you need, I’m here to help. I don’t want you to exhaust yourself. We’re still a team, ok?”

“I’ll be fine, Peeta,” she says dismissively but then she stands on her tiptoes and kisses me. “Thank you,” she whispers before she kisses my nose and backs away. I hear a knock at the door and I know Willow will beat us. Sure enough, she throws the door open and Finn drops to his knees to embrace her. 

“Princess Willow, you look beautiful!” 

“Finny, stop,” Willow says, giggling and swatting at him. Lord, when did my daughter become such a flirt? Annie and Katniss embrace and Annie hands her a large box.

“Where do gifts go?”

“Peeta will go ahead and set up the gift table,” she says with a nod and I quickly head down to the basement to bring up the tables we haven’t used since Christmas. Finn follows me and helps me bring up two, which we set up just outside the sitting room. Katniss and Annie lay down a pink tablecloth and Katniss starts to set out little jeweled decorations all over the table. 

“Peeta, can you take these craft supplies to the kitchen table for me? I figured that’s where we could decorate our crowns.” My wife is a genius! I take the supplies into the kitchen and set out a crown for each little girl. They’re plain gold tiaras but she’s bought lots of jewels and beads and markers to decorate them. I make sure we have a tablecloth set up under the crowns before I head back into the living room to help. 

The party is a success but I’ll admit, I spend most of my time watching Katniss with Willow. She’s such a natural in this role and so perfect at it too. A few of the other mothers were a little shy about meeting us at first, you know because of the whole ‘star-crossed lovers’ thing but Katniss and I were warm and inviting and we’ve convinced them we’re just normal people. Everyone is laughing and having a good time watching the children decorate their tiaras. Dex is making a crown too, although I helped make a few bigger crowns for Aran and Dex and Nathan. Finn is even wearing one and I see Analise beaming at him from across the room.   
I notice Delly off in the corner, holding a sleeping Lila in her lap. I head over and sit across from her. 

“Why aren’t you joining the party, Dels?”

“I’m fine over here,” she says rather stiffly. I’m taken aback. I’ve never seen Delly without a smile and here she is, surly and cold. 

“Delly are you alright?”

“Do I not look alright?”

“Honestly? You look miserable, Delly. What’s going on?” She takes a deep breath and bites her lip.

“I’m pregnant again.”

“Congratulations! That’s--“

“I think Brent is having an affair.” I stop cold, my jaw dropping. 

“What? Why would you think that?”

“He’s been so distant lately. He’s always working late, he barely touches me or kisses me anymore. When I told him about the baby, he seemed…I don’t know, disappointed maybe. I think he’s going to leave me, Peeta.”

“Delly that’s crazy. I’m sure you’re just imagining things. Have you tried talking to him?”

“Of course I have!”

“And?”

“And he just ignores it! Says he has to go and we will talk about it later!” I’ll admit, that doesn’t sound good but Brent seems like a good guy and they’re so great together. 

“Try talking to him again. Be more forceful about it. I know if Katniss has a problem, she can always--“

“We can’t all have the perfect relationship you have, Peeta,” she snaps. “Not all men are flawless like you.” I gape at her.

“Delly I’m far from perfect. And I’m sorry, that was insensitive to bring up my marriage to you. I just…I don’t think Brent could be cheating on you. You should confront him about it. Maybe we can take the kids one night so you two can have a night alone.” She nods miserably.

“That would be nice, thank you Peeta.”

“Anytime,” I reach over and squeeze her hand. She gives me a sad smile and shifts Lila in her lap.

“I think your perfect wife is looking for you,” she mumbles. I’m about to reply with something sharp but think better of it and turn to see Katniss waving me over. I glance back at Delly and see her staring down at her daughter, so without another word, I move over to my wife.

“Willow wants you to cut the cake.” 

“Cake, Daddy, cake, cake, cut the cake!” Willow is bouncing in her seat and the other girls start chiming in. Katniss grimaces and I shake my head.

“Not until everyone settles down and is quiet for Mrs. Katniss. I’ll bring the cake in here.” They all fall silent and I carry the cake to the table. Willow claps her hands excitedly at the sight of it; it’s nothing huge and fancy, at least to me but I do hear a few of the mothers muttering enviously. I’ve made a doll’s dress, purple like Willow’s, and the dress is covered in tiny beads. Katniss hands me a pack of candles and I quickly strike a match and kneel beside my daughter. Katniss kneels on her other side and we all sing ‘happy birthday’ to her. She makes a wish and blows out her candles, hugging us both with a huge grin on her face. I see the flash of a camera and grin up at Annie, grateful that she is capturing these memories for us. 

I’m exhausted by the time we say goodbye to everyone and I know Katniss is ready to collapse. Haymitch pats her shoulder as he passes her.

“Get some rest, sweetheart, you look terrible.”

“Thanks Haymitch,” she snaps and he chuckles as he crosses the lawn. 

“Don’t listen to him, you are glowing,” Effie croons as she hugs Katniss goodbye. Everyone else has already left, save for Effie and Annie. 

“That was such a lovely party,” Annie says as she hugs Katniss. “I know Willow enjoyed herself. I overheard a few mothers saying this was the best birthday party they’d ever been to.”

“Great. They’ll be expecting even bigger for her 5th birthday,” Katniss mutters. Annie smiles and squeezes my hand.

“You both did a lovely job. Tell Willow happy birthday from us.”

“Thanks for all your help, Annie. And tell Finn thanks too.”

“Good night you two.” The sun is barely starting to set but I think we could go to bed right now and not wake up until morning. When everyone is gone, Katniss leans against the door and sighs.

“Mommy of the Year Award, for sure,” I mutter as I pull her into my arms.

“Well I had to catch up with you, you have been winning Daddy of the Year every year since she was born.”

“Oh stop that. At least we know she had a great time.” She nods and I follow her into the living room to clean up. Our daughter is sprawled out on the couch, her dress hiked up past her knees, her curls messy with frosting and jewels, a peaceful smile around her lips. 

“I’ll put her in her bed,” Katniss whispers. “Don’t forget that our ultrasound is tomorrow.”

“I have to go into the bakery because Rory is sick but I’ll get someone to cover for a few hours.” She nods and grunts a little as she bends down to pick up Willow.

“I’ve got her, honey. You go on to bed.” 

“And leave you with all the clean-up? That’s not fair.”

“It’s the price I’ll pay for the safety of my little one in there.” She sighs but I can see she admits defeat and she trudges up the stairs, nearly tripping over the last one. I turn into Willow’s room and gently unzip her dress, slipping her into a nightgown without her even knowing. I tuck her in and kiss her forehead before I head to my bedroom to change clothes.

My wife is already fast asleep, still in her messy maternity dress from today. I chuckle softly and raise her up so I can lift it over her head. I wrestle an old T-shirt of mine over her hair then pull the covers over her sleeping form. I then strip away my own shirt and pants and move toward the drawer for something to sleep in. Sleep forcefully tugs at me and I lay next to Katniss, deciding that clean-up can wait until tomorrow. She turns and nuzzles into my chest and my arms automatically wrap around her as I fall asleep as quickly as she did. 

The next morning I wake up before either of my girls and I quietly clean up the downstairs areas. When it’s time to get Willow to school and Katniss still hasn’t woken up, I scribble a quick note on the counter and help my sleepy-eyed little girl to the car.

“Love you Daddy,” she says as she hugs me goodbye and I wave to Helga as I drive away. 

When I arrive to open the bakery, I’m met with disaster after disaster! The ovens won’t turn on, so I can’t get the bread started. I’m on hold for twenty minutes for the repairman before I angrily slam the phone down.  
Some kind of little creature got into the bags of flour and it looks like the North Pole in my storage cabinet. I groan loudly as I reach for the broom and start to clean up the mess as quickly as I can.

“Hey boss,” I hear Dane call.

“Dane, we need a repairman out here fast! The ovens won’t turn on!”

“None of them?!”

“None of them,” I sigh. “I was on hold with the repairman. Do me a favor and finish cleaning this mess while I call them again.”

“Course Peeta.” He takes the broom from me and I hurry to my office, where upon entering, I realize my lights are out. 

“Sabotage,” I growl and shake my head. I hurriedly call the repairman and am still on hold when the rest of my employees come in.   
\---------------

The day only gets worse. My office phone keeps ringing but the repairman keeps talking to me and I can’t get away. Riley drops a tray of fresh muffins and they go scattering on the floor. One of my regulars complains that her bread is stale.   
By lunchtime, I am in a pretty foul mood. I have to retreat to my office to calm down and I squeeze my eyes shut, taking deep breaths. There is a knock at the door and I slam my hands down.

“What?”

“Sorry Peeta,” Cora says as she pops her head in. “But weren’t you planning to leave early?” With a gasp, my eyes fly to the clock and I let out a loud groan.

“Katniss’s ultrasound! Oh my god, I’ve missed it!” 

“Drive fast,” Cora says as she tosses me my keys. I trip over my shoelaces as I run out the door and angrily kneel down and double knot them.   
I’m speeding all the way to Victor’s Village and I see Haymitch sitting on his porch when I pull up.

“You in a hurry kid?”

“I am in so much trouble,” I say as I slam the door shut. “I forgot about our appointment.”

“Yeah I know. Finn and Effie took her.” I freeze on my porch and groan.

“She’s there now?”

“Should be. They left about thirty minutes ago.” I glance at my watch and jump back into the car without saying goodbye to Haymitch.   
\---------------

The receptionist smiles sweetly when I run into the building.

“Katniss Mellark,” I gasp out. “Is she here?”

“She just left not ten minutes ago.” I groan and rest my forehead against the wall. 

“Damn it. Ok thank you.” 

I brace myself for a storm when I pull back up in front of the house. Effie gives me a disapproving glare as she crosses the green and I hang my head as I open the front door. 

“Katniss?” Silence. Swallowing, I make my way to the kitchen and see her sitting with her back to me.

“Katniss I’m so sorry,” I immediately start. I touch her shoulder and she jerks away. Damn it. 

“Katniss, please. Today was a day of hell at the bakery. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong, and I didn’t even have a chance to call you and tell you I would be late.” 

“I tried calling you,” she hisses. “Twenty times, Peeta! I just sat at the doctor’s office waiting for you. Finn kept saying you would be there. I can’t believe you weren’t there!”

“I know and I’m sorry! Like I said, we just kept facing disasters at the bakery.”

“Fine. Glad to know work comes before your family.”

“NOTHING comes before my family,” I say heatedly. “It’s not like you were giving birth! It was just another ultrasound.”  
Ok wrong thing to say. Her eyes flash as she jumps to her feet. 

“Oh I’m sorry to inconvenience you when you have to work! Tell your son that he needs to flip around the right way or you may have some more inconveniences with us at the hospital!” 

“Wait. What?” Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. Son. She said son. 

Oh my god. I’m having a son.   
Then her next words hit me. He needs to flip around? What does that mean?   
I open my mouth uncertainly and she swiftly moves around me.

“I’m going to pick up Willow from school.”

“But wait…” we always pick her up together. At this moment, however, Katniss ignores this as she yanks the keys off the table and storms out of the house. I wince at the sound of the slamming door and sink into the chair. On the table is another grainy photo, with Baby Mellark written at the top. I run my fingers over my son’s face. Some would call Katniss unreasonable but I know how much attention she needs at this point. Even though she has already been through one pregnancy, she’s still terrified that she will do something wrong or that something will happen. I sigh heavily as I stare down at the picture. I need to make sure she knows how much I love and appreciate her. I had planned to start on Willow’s room tonight but now I have other plans. I quickly grab the phone and punch in the numbers. 

\--

“You’re sure you don’t mind, Finn?”

“Happy to do it, Uncle Peeta. Analise and I can take her horseback riding. We’ll have a good time.”

“Thank you so much. I’ll bring her over in a little while.” I jump up and hurry around the kitchen, cleaning it and getting dinner and dessert started. 

I hear the door open just as I am checking on the lamb and I turn to see my daughter running toward me. 

“Hey princess, how was school?” 

“Great! I made an mmjay!” 

“A what?”

“She made a mockingjay,” Katniss says from the doorway, holding out a crude-looking bird made from construction paper and popsicle sticks. 

“Wow that looks great, honey. Why did you pick that to make?”

“Miss Helga picked it out for me.” I glance at Katniss and see she looks a little irritated. I am too. A mockingjay? Really? 

“Hey sweetheart, you are going to Aunt Annie’s and Finn’s tonight, ok? Finn and Analise are taking you horseback riding!” 

“Yayyyyy!” Katniss’s brow furrows as Willow runs out of the kitchen and up to her bedroom. I bite my lip.

“Please don’t be mad. I thought we could talk and spend the evening together.”

“What if I don’t want to spend the evening with you?” I shrug hopefully.

“I’m making lamb stew and cheesebuns. If anything you can just enjoy a nice meal.” She purses her lips but crosses over to me. 

“You are a jackass,” she whispers and I open my mouth to speak but her finger lands on my lips. “But you’re also a wonderful husband and father and I love you.”

“I love you too,” I say as I wind my arms around her waist, pressing my forehead to hers. “I’m so sorry about today. I want to make it up to you, if I can. You know how much I wanted to be there.”

“I know. I’m sorry I wasn’t more understanding. The bakery is still a part of your family too. I should know that.” I steal a kiss before she can stop me and I’m pleased when she doesn’t pull away. The old Katniss would have raged with me for days, maybe even weeks. It’s just a sign of how much has changed, how much she has grown. How much we’ve both grown. 

“Dinner should be ready soon if you want to go change. I’ll take Willow over to Annie’s.”

“I can do it and then I’ll jump into the shower.” She kisses me softly and I hear her calling to our daughter. 

“Go tell Daddy bye.” I kiss the top of her head and smile as she stomps around the kitchen in her new riding boots that Katniss and I bought her for her birthday. 

“Be back soon,” Katniss calls to me before the front door closes. I smile to myself as I check on dinner, and I head upstairs to change into something nicer.   
\-----------------------------------

Katniss makes it through dinner without any kind of sickness and I watch her closely.

“You’re not as sick as you were with Willow, I’ve noticed.”

“Yeah, I’ve told Dr. Mersa that and she said the first baby is sometimes more difficult. Let’s go sit on the couch.” Our fingers entwine and I leave the dishes in the sink as I follow her into the sitting room. 

I lean against the cushions and pull her against my chest so her feet are propped up on the couch. 

“Will you hand me the remote?” I do as she asks and she clicks the TV on. I gasp as I see the same grainy picture I’ve been staring at all afternoon. Except it’s actually moving. My eyes fill with tears as I watch my son living and breathing. Katniss turns her head so she can look up at me and she smiles.

“I thought you would want to see him.” 

“He’s so perfect,” I whisper. “Katniss, this is incredible. A boy. Really?”

“Really. You’re having a son, Peeta.” My hands move down to her belly and I try to feel him. Her hands cover mine and I lean down so I can kiss her deeply.

“Thank you, Katniss.” I look back at the image and notice something is amiss. Her words from earlier come back to me and I frown.

“Is everything alright with him?”

“He’s a breech baby,” she says softly. She sits up and crosses her legs and I watch her anxiously. 

“It means he is flipped around so that he would come out feet first instead of his head. It’s dangerous to give birth vaginally if he is still breech.”

“So what does that mean,” I ask in a low voice, fear starting to set in and offset the excitement.

“Dr Mersa explained that we would do a caesarean section, where they would cut an incision across my stomach and remove the baby that way.” My eyes widen in horror; it sounds like someone is going to cut my wife open and yank my baby out.

“But she’s hopeful that we can get him to turn around before the birth,” she goes on to explain. “She gave me some exercises to try and I have an appointment in a month to come back and see if he is still breech.” Now I know why she was so upset that I missed it today. She must have been terrified and just wanted me there. I squeeze my eyes shut and rest my head against her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Katniss. I would have…I can’t believe I wasn’t there…god, I’m so sorry.”

“Peeta, it’s alright. I understand. Yes I’m scared but I trust Dr. Mersa to take care of us.” 

“You know I’ll be there every step of the way,” I say as I push her hair back and kiss her forehead.

“I know. Is Willow staying over at Annie’s tonight?” I nod as I pull her to my chest again.

“Then do you want to go upstairs?” I immediately recognize her tone and I jump to my feet and pick her up, ignoring her protests. Almost six months pregnant and she still hardly weighs a thing. I carry her up to the bedroom and capture her against the door, her wrists pinned over her head.

“You want to celebrate your birthday early,” I growl in her ear before I bite down on her lobe and hear her shudder. She squirms against me and I move my knee between her legs, leaning down to suck at her throat. 

“Mmm Peeta,” she moans and I hold both wrists with one hand while my other is busy with her clothes.   
Katniss hardly dresses up anymore and that includes lingerie. But tonight I notice she is wearing one of the sets that Johanna gave her for Christmas and I let out a little moan at the sight of the black lace that waits for me when I tug her shirt off. 

Dear god, I will never get enough of this gorgeous, sexy, amazing woman. And she is all mine.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this, please note this chapter contains EXPLICIT sexual activity and some activities that not everyone agrees with. Please read at your own risk! If you do not like the type of sex that Everlark has been experimenting with, please skip this chapter! 
> 
> That being said, this chapter is straight up smut so again, read at your own risk!

I’m panting against the doorway when Peeta rises to his feet and he wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, giving me a smug smile. I glare at him and grip his curls tightly, smirking when I hear him gasp and groan. I pull him over to the bed and sit on the edge while my fingers work at his zipper. His hands travel over my shoulders and arms as I yank his jeans down and grip his thighs. 

“Katniss,” my name is a breathless sigh on his lips. 

“Watch me, Peeta.” His sapphire eyes find mine and soften immediately. They’re hazy with love and desire and I hold his gaze as my tongue darts out to taste him. He bites his lip and releases a whimper as I lick him again, applying only light pressure. I keep up my teasing until he is shaking, then I take him into my mouth. His hands grip my wrists as he bucks his hips and I let him set the pace he wants. 

“Oh god baby, I just want to be inside you,” he moans.

“Not yet,” I breathe against his heated skin.   
I release him with a pop and gaze up at him. His chest is heaving, his teeth are buried in his lip, and his eyes are squeezed shut. I love seeing my husband in this state.

“Peeta? Can I…try something?” His eyes dart open and he looks down at me. He nods and I gently turn him around, so that he is facing the wall.

“Get on your hands and knees,” I whisper in his ear, trailing my tongue along his earlobe and down his neck. He shivers as he obeys and I lean back to study him. He glances back at me over his shoulder, still biting his lip. 

“Katniss?” I can hear the trepidation in his voice, and he trembles beneath my hands. I know the horrifying details of his captivity, what they did to him and what they could have done to him. I lean in and soothe him with my hands or lips on his skin, whispering sweet loving words in his ear and every time I kiss him, I accompany it with an ‘I love you’. I feel him shudder and he reaches out to grip the sheets with white knuckles.

“Let me take care of you, Peeta,” I croon. “Let me take care of my incredibly sexy man.” I rake my nails down his spine and hear him release a low hiss. I move down a little lower so I can reach between his legs and grip him; he yelps when I touch him and I immediately close my mouth over him again. I lick all around his balls and then travel up to the cleft of his ass. I check to make sure he’s ok before I follow the cleft with my tongue, and push my tongue inside him.

“Sweet mother fucking…Katniss!” I lean back and grin, knowing that I’ve done something right. I repeat my actions, reaching down to stroke him as I do so. I can now see why Peeta loves to fuck me with his tongue; the sounds he is making are unlike anything I have ever heard him make before. 

“Katniss, shit, I’m going to come!”

“Not yet, Peeta,” I mutter against his skin. “Just hold on.”

“Katniss!” He’s breathless and moaning, his head buried in the pillow so his ass is even more elevated. One hand on his cock, slowly stroking, I trace the cleft of his ass with my fingertip. I’d trimmed my nails down earlier today, and I am cautious as I probe his entrance and he jerks forward. Reaching down between my own legs, I sink my fingers into my own wetness and let out a little moan. He tries to look at me over his shoulder again and I reach forward, allowing him to suck on my fingers. He does so with elation, his eyes closing as he devours my fingers the same way he loves to devour me. I pull my hand from his mouth and rest it on his ass, rubbing in soothing circles. I trail my finger down his cleft again, very gently pushing my finger inside. I take care to make sure he is wet enough, just as he takes care of me every time.   
There’s resistance and I am gentle and patient and I wait while he relaxes.

“Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod,” he whines into the pillow. 

“Peeta? Are you alright?”

“Fuck yes!” I edge my finger in a little more and slowly withdraw in a motion I know I love. This is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Actually being the one to do this to Peeta is, well, exhilarating. I increase the pace of my strokes, as I continue to push my finger inside him.

“Holy sweet fucking hell, I’m coming Katniss! Fffffffffffffuck!” His hips jerk forward and I reach around to stroke him, completely milking him of his orgasm. He collapses on his stomach, his body trembling in the afterglow of his orgasm and I slowly climb over his back, my pregnant belly brushing against his shoulder. I kiss his ear and his cheek and push back his sodden hair.

“You are my world, Peeta Mellark. Don’t you ever forget that.” I know it takes a great effort to move right now but he turns on his back and pulls me down into his arms. 

“Tell me how did I get so lucky, to wind up being the man you crave?”

“Crave, love, desire, desperately need, can’t live without…I’m the lucky one, Peeta.” He kisses me sweetly, caressing my face as he does so. 

“Are you ok?”

“Besides the fact that you’ve immobilized me for at least a day,” he chuckles softly. “I’m perfect.”

“No…soreness or…bad feelings or anything?”

“No Katniss, you were wonderful. You are so patient and gentle, I can’t even describe how loved I feel right now.” I reach up and stroke his brow and he takes my hand and kisses my palm.

“So you would want do that again?” His brow shoots up.

“Absolutely.”

“Good. Because I think I enjoyed it just as much as you did.” He laughs and tightens his arms around me. 

“I don’t know whether to thank you or be cross with you.”

“Why would you be cross?”

“Because it’s the first night we can actually have sex and I’m not sure I can even move, let alone make love to you.” I smile and kiss his sweaty forehead.

“It’s ok. Maybe later. You can’t be cross with me when I gave you that good of an orgasm.” 

“God I think you’re right,” he breathes. “This means I owe you though.”

“Let’s call it even. I’m going to get something to drink, do you want anything?”

“I made a pie for dessert. Let’s go get some and make some tea.” He’s still shaky when he gets to his feet and we lean on each other as we make our way downstairs. After living in a house with a child, it feels naughty and exciting to walk around naked together. 

He pulls the pie out of the fridge and I set the water to boil. While we wait, I lean against him and our fingers wrap around each other. He pulls me flush against his chest and kisses my neck, his hands moving down to cover my belly. I love how protective he is of his baby but right now I want his hands elsewhere. To demonstrate this, I move them up to my breasts and he understands immediately; he pinches my nipples between his fingers and I arch against him. We hear the kettle go off and he hastily moves it off the stove. I stare at his shapely ass as he moves around the kitchen, preparing the tea. When he turns back to me, I leap forward and grab his hair with both my hands. He sets the mug on the counter before his arms are wrapping around me and picking me up. 

The tea and pie are forgotten.   
\---------------------------

Peeta takes me again and again, on nearly every surface in the house. We will seriously have to scrub and sanitize this place in the morning. As I am sprawled out over the back of the couch, my legs spread wide, he fingers my ass while he slams into me. My throat is sore from screaming his name. 

When we have both exhausted ourselves, we stumble upstairs to take a bath. He adds lavender bath salts and I am completely and utterly relaxed. He leans up and turns my head so he can kiss me.

“I love you, Katniss.” 

“I love you too, Peeta.” 

“You are my world,” he continues. “You and Willow and our little boy…I seriously never thought life could be this incredible. And now I can’t imagine a life without any of you.” 

“I never thought I could be this happy,” I answer sleepily. “If you had told me, twenty years ago, that I would be this happy with a Merchant boy, I’d probably have shot you with one of my arrows.”

“Then it’s a good thing I never approached you and said I was the man of your dreams,” he chuckles softly. 

“Haymitch once told me that I could do much worse than you,” I whisper as I turn into his cheek. “But he was wrong. I didn’t know it then but I wouldn’t have been with…well, anyone other than you. It was never a choice. Not Gale, not anyone. If we hadn’t been Reaped together, well, you’d still be the Boy with the Bread to me. The boy who saved my life, and my sister’s. And I would never forget that.” He kisses my hair and his lips are cool against my skin.

“I used to lie awake in my bed, watching your window whenever the light would come on. Wishing I could just go to you, to just hold you in my arms and feel your heart beat against mine. Sometimes I snap awake and have to stare at you for a long time to remind myself that you are real and our life together is real.” He rests his chin on my shoulder and sighs. 

“In the Capitol, they would put a girl who looked like you in my bed…just sleeping beside me. When I’d wake up, they’d either kill her right in front of me or they would have her scream terrible things at me. It was before the hijacking. When they thought it would be easy to make me hate you. They didn’t realize how deep my love for you went. It’s why they had to take such extreme measures. I don’t think Snow really wanted to destroy my mind but I refused to believe anything they told me, about you. I defended you and continued to proclaim my love for you. I guess that’s when they decided they had to do something else.” 

I listen with my eyes squeezed shut, blinking back tears. Even so many years later, it’s still so hard to hear him talk about his torture in the Capitol. We have gone years without a flashback and even my nightmares are fewer these days. 

I turn in his arms and move to straddle him; he stretches his legs out in front of him and I wrap my arms around his neck, his hands on my hips to steady me. It isn’t the most comfortable position in the world, with my belly between us and my legs bent under me. He moves forward so I can wrap my legs around his waist and I lean in to kiss him. He moves his hand down between us and I feel his hardened length right at my entrance. All I need to do is rise up a little and…there. I sink down on top of him   
and he groans into my mouth. It’s slow and unhurried and we start to chase our releases together. 

“Katniss. God I love you, Katniss.” I used to be uncomfortable at his declarations of love during sex. Before that I was uncomfortable in any declarations of love. But I think losing his love for a time made me realize how extremely precious it was- is- to me. How I’d always taken advantage of my sweet boy with the bread and never once thanked him for saving my life, more times than I could count. We release together and he rests his forehead against my shoulder, panting heavily.

“Peeta.” 

“Mmmhm?” 

“Thank you for the bread.” He looks up at me, confusion etched between his brow. 

“I don’t think I ever said thank you for saving my life, for saving Prim’s life. The bread. You fighting the Careers for me. Keeping me sane on the Victory Tour. Defending me in the Capitol. Stopping me from--“

“Katniss,” he stops me, his hands on my face. “Where is this coming from?”

“I just don’t think I have ever thanked you.”

“Oh Katniss. You thanked me when we were each other’s firsts. When you first told me you loved me. When you agreed to be my wife. When you told me I was going to be a father. Both times. Don’t you see, honey? Every day with you is a reward and a blessing and I couldn’t ask for more.” Of course his silver tongue mixed with my pregnancy hormones makes me more than emotional and I rest my head on his shoulder, tears streaming down my face. He lifts my chin and wipes at my face with his   
thumb. He leans forward and kisses my tears away.

“I’ve loved you all my life, Katniss. You can’t imagine how it feels, how incredible it is, to know I have your love too.”

“Always Peeta.” He wraps his arms around me and holds me close, until the water has turned cold.   
We make love twice more before we fall asleep and it’s soft and gentle. Though I do like the hard and passionate fucking we did in the kitchen earlier, I love it when he hovers over me, his strong arms caging me in and supporting himself as he thrusts slowly, his bright eyes boring into mine. It’s more than intimate; we are truly connected and I cannot imagine ever sharing this with anyone else.   
He falls asleep quickly and I stroke his hair while he sleeps with a peaceful smile on his face. We really needed tonight. Not just so we could talk about the baby but because we needed to reconnect. Thank God Peeta knows what we need; it’s one thing I can always count on him for. Knowing what I need.   
\------------------------------------------------------------

“No. No! Katniss! Leave her alone! Noooooooooo!” My eyes shoot open and I feel a kick to my shin. Wincing, I throw the blanket aside and reach for my panic-stricken husband. He is thrashing around, the blankets tangled around his bare waist. His prosthetic catches me in the shin again and I move up so I can touch him.

“Peeta, shhh, it’s alright, you’re just dreaming.” His hand shoots out and covers my stomach and I am afraid that he is still stuck in his nightmare until I see his glassy eyes staring at me.

“Katniss,” he gasps and he lowers his head to my stomach. 

“It’s ok. We’re safe. We’re alright,” I stroke his hair while he catches his breath, his forehead resting on my hip bone. 

“Hey, look at me,” I gently cup his chin and force him to look up at me. “What’s my name?”

“Katniss.”

“My full name.”

“Katniss…Mellark,” he says as he blinks back tears. I reach down to wipe them away and I nod.

“Real. It was only a dream. You’re safe.”

“You were sleeping beside me and…they woke me up and tied me to the bed. Then they grabbed you and sliced your throat…and cut you open. They yanked a baby out and threw it at me and all I could do was watch and scream and plead for them to stop. And they didn’t. They laughed at me while they continued to cut you up,” he lets out a pained moan and pulls me into his arms. I stroke his back and kiss his chest.

“It was just a dream. I’m fine, the baby is safe too. We’re ok, Peeta.” His hand moves down, his large palm covering my belly. I feel a sharp kick and Peeta gasps as he sits straight up.

“Did he-“ in answer to his question, the baby kicks again. I bring Peeta’s hand to my stomach and press harder so he can feel the fluttering under his palm. He gasps again. 

“He sure is moving around in there.”

“And I wish he would stop. His feet aren’t in the right place and it’s actually kind of painful.” He leans down and kisses my stomach and rests his head there. I hear him whispering to our baby, though I can’t hear what is heard. But I’m sure our son can hear him. After a few minutes, the baby calms down and the kicking stops. Peeta gives my belly one last kiss before he comes back up to me, kissing me softly. 

“Father-son talks?” I ask as I lean back against the pillow. He smiles.

“I told him his mother is the most amazing woman in the world and he will be so lucky when he gets out of there so he can meet her.” We settle back into bed and I rest my cheek against his chest, his hand running through my hair and making it easy to find sleep again.   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Willow has been on summer break for two weeks now and it’s kind of strange having her around all the time again. Those mommy-daddy moments are pretty much gone and these pregnancy hormones are turning me into a monster. A lot of days, Peeta takes Willow to the bakery and they stay there until the sun sets. I’m even more irritable when they come home because I’m bored and lonely. Annie is busy planning Finn’s wedding and Haymitch and Effie keep to themselves mostly. 

Our first night of intimacy after almost four weeks of nothing, when Finn and Analise invite Willow over for games, I succumb to my intense urges for my husband and I give him no mercy. Poor Peeta can barely utter a word as I rip his jeans away and take him deep against my throat. When he stammers out later than he really needs to work on the nursery, I drag him up to the bedroom and ride him fiercely. I also experiment with some of the toys Johanna bought for us when she presented us with the strap-on; it’s the first time I use anything besides my finger on Peeta and I have to check myself and make sure we don’t get out of control. I don’t want to hurt him and I certainly don’t want to send him into a flashback.

When I see that he is fine and actually enjoys it, I make an effort to try more whenever we get a spare moment. I form a plan in my head but I have to make sure he is completely on board before I go any further with my idea.   
\--------------------------------------------------

The perfect time comes when Johanna calls to invite us to Aran’s birthday party this weekend. It won’t be a quick trip; they are staying in District 8 and it would be a pricey trip if all 3 of us went. I call Johanna and ask her if she minds keeping Willow for the weekend.

 

“Got something big planned for you and baker boy,” she cackles on the other line.

“Maybe. I’ve been…thinking about your present to me…last year.” I wince at Johanna’s loud laughter.

“Get it, girl on fire! I’m surprised it took you this long!”

“I’ve been hesitant…and very careful. I don’t want to bring back any bad memories for him.”

“Just be gentle and make sure he knows it’s you the entire time. Make sure he is comfortable. George and I are kinky so his hands were tied to the bed while he was on all   
fours but I wouldn’t recommend that for yours and Peeta’s first time.” I grimace. I did not need details about my friends’ sex life. 

“That’s enough details, Jo. So…it’s alright for Willow to stay with you?”

“Sure! She loves to play with Anna and Brody so it’ll be perfect! A weekend with Auntie Jo!”

“Hey Auntie Jo, don’t corrupt my daughter.” She cackles again.

“George is actually going to 11, why don’t I just have him swing by and pick Willow up? She’s had sleepovers before, right? Like with Annie and Finn?”

“She has but not full weekends. I’m not sure how she will do but if there are any problems, Peeta or I will come get her immediately.”

“Stop fussing Kat, she’ll be fine. We’ll have a great time together. And you two will have an even better time. Just be careful. None of it is for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Anal isn’t a good idea when you’re pregnant. Meaning it needs to be all about Peeta. I mean, if you want to talk to your doctor about it--” 

“That’s what I was wanting anyway,” I cut her off. No WAY I am talking to Dr. Mersa about this! “I want it to be all about him.”

“Well then I’m sure you’ll both have a great weekend.” 

“Thanks Jo, I appreciate it. I’ll let you know when I’ve talked to Peeta.”

“Talked to me about what,” I jump as I didn’t hear him come in. He is covered with paint, his apron completely ruined and he’s holding a large paintbrush in his hand   
while another smaller paintbrush is tucked behind his ear. I chuckle as I hang up the phone.

“Did any of that color make it onto the walls?”

“A lot actually. I just need some water, I’m parched.”

“Let me get it so you don’t decorate all the dishes in the house.” He grins when I hand him a glass. 

“So who was on the phone?”

“Johanna. She invited Willow to stay the weekend with her for Aran’s birthday.” He bites his lip.

“A whole weekend? She’s never been away from home for that long before.”

“I know but she’ll be five next year. I think she’s big enough to spend a weekend with her Aunt Jo.”

“If you’re ok with it, then I am too. I can get a lot of painting done without a four year old running around.”

“Peeta…I, um…I had other plans for the weekend. That don’t involve paint.” His brow shoots up into his hair.

“What did you have in mind?” The tone of his voice lets me know he knows what I’m thinking. Though I know he doesn’t imagine the details and probably wouldn’t imagine it unless I brought it up.

Which I now plan to.

I take a deep breath and move closer. He grips the glass tightly and I take his other hand and kiss his knuckles.

“I’m thinking a weekend alone might be nice before the baby comes,” I say in my most seductive voice. It must work because his eyes light up. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his neck. My tongue runs along the edge of his ear.

“And I’m also thinking…I might like to try out Johanna’s present from last year…if you are interested.” 

“I’m…I’m definitely interested,” his voice quivers a little. “But haven’t we already tried it out…”

“Not on you we haven’t,” I purr in his ear. He gasps and jerks back. His eyes search mine, I guess because he doesn’t believe what he is hearing. Did I just make a huge   
mistake? I step back and stare at the floor.

“I just thought…we usually have fun when we…but it’s fine if y-you don’t want to…it was just an idea…”

“Katniss,” he whispers as his hands go to my face. “I think I’d like for that to happen…and I trust you, but I have to admit, I’m nervous…”

“So am I. But we can take it slow. I won’t do anything you are uncomfortable with. And if we decide it’s too much, we can stop right away and just enjoy each other the way   
we normally do.” He nods and cups my chin.

“How long has this been on your mind?”

“Since the first night we used the toys.” His cheeks flush red.

“You like the idea of…doing that to me?”

“I like the idea of giving you pleasure,” I shrug. “And I like the idea of trying new things with you. I have to admit I probably never would have thought about it if Johanna hadn’t given us that gift but since we have tried so many different things, it’s just another thing I’d like to try with you.” His lips crash against mine and his hands grip my hips.

“Ok. Let’s try it.” 

“You can change your mind. Really, I won’t be offended or anything--“

“We’ll just see how it goes. Do I need to take Willow to 8 then?”

“George has a stop in 11, so he said he would pick her up. I need to call Jo for the details.” He nods and gulps down the rest of his water before he heads back upstairs to work on the nursery some more.   
\-----------------------------

Willow seems excited to be going away and Peeta and I are both relieved. We were afraid she would react differently, perhaps wonder why we were sending her away. George smiles at us when he enters the house and he scoops up Willow in a big hug.

“Alright kiddo, go get your stuff!” Willow runs back up to her room to grab her bags and I give him a grateful smile.

“We can’t thank you and Jo enough for this.”

“Don’t even worry about it, Kat. With the baby so close, you two deserve some time to yourself.” Peeta kneels and hugs Willow tightly.

“Be a good girl for your aunt and uncle. Have a good time and remember, if any time you want to come home, you can call us and we will come pick you up, ok?”

“I’ll be ok, Daddy,” she says as she hugs him back. He smiles and stands back up. I give her a hug and rub the back of her head.

“Have lots of fun, ok?” She nods and takes George’s outstretched hand. We watch them head out of Victor’s Village and I sigh as I close the door.

“Kat? What is that about? Both Johanna and George have been using it lately.”

“It’s just to shorten my name,” I shrug. 

“Your name is too beautiful to shorten,” he argues. 

“I think only you feel that way. It’s ok, I’ll answer to a nickname. Just don’t want it to be a regular thing all the time.” 

“So I could use my little pussy cat,” he positively purrs as he approaches me. I suck in a breath at his tone.

“No, I don’t think so.” 

“Aw why not,” he whispers as he tugs at my earlobe with his teeth. “You’re such a pretty little pussy cat. I just want to pet you all day long.” 

“Peeta,” I say through clenched teeth and I hear a soft chuckle against my throat, while his hand moves down my front and cups my center.

“Mmm, seems like you would like that too.” Before I can say anything else, he lifts me up and my legs wrap around his waist while he carries me to the living room. He sets me on the couch and kneels in front of me. He gives me a wicked smile as his hands slide up and down my body, stopping to caress my covered sex. He can feel how wet I am getting, judging by the cocky grin on his face. He bends down and unbuttons my pants with his teeth, his teeth gripping the zipper. 

“Impressive,” I mutter. He leans back and pulls my pants down my legs.

“I’m a man of many talents.” I gulp at his words. He spreads my legs wide and kisses me right over my underwear. I feel his tongue on the material and it’s soaked in seconds from more than one thing. He tugs at my underwear, and nudges my clit with his nose.

“Such a pretty pussy,” he says in a low voice that makes me shudder. At the first touch of his tongue, I toss my head back and moan. 

“Mmm, Katniss. I fucking love the way you taste.” I cry out as his tongue pushes into me and I reach down to grip his hair. I start to buck my hips and he allows me to grind against his tongue. As he continues, I become a writhing mess. 

“Peeta! Oh my god!” I push his head down and I am sure I am suffocating him but I could care less at this moment, all I care about is that he does not stop what he is doing! He groans against my clit and the vibrations course through my body as my toes curl and I come hard against his tongue. My hands fall to my sides and I hear his heavy breathing as he laps at my inner thighs and below my belly button. He moves up so he can kiss me and I stroke his cheek.

“Sorry, I think I may have almost killed you there.”

“What a sweet way to go, then,” he says, his eyes sparkling. I laugh and quickly pull him onto the couch so I can kneel between his legs. I try to undo his jeans with my teeth as he did but I fail miserably and wind up yanking his jeans and underwear off, making him hiss through his teeth. I am on the verge of taking his weeping head into my mouth when we hear a sharp knock at the door. He sits straight up and frowns.

“Shit! It’s probably Haymitch!”

“So? He can go away.”

“Get dressed Katniss,” he laughs as he pulls on his jeans again.

“But…you didn’t…”

“We can come back to this later,” he says with a wink. He buttons his jeans, wincing slightly, and makes sure I am dressed before he opens the door.   
Sure enough, it’s Haymitch tapping his foot impatiently on the other side.

“Hey kid, I thought I was helping you move the nursery furniture today.”

“You could have come hours ago,” I say with a scowl. Peeta chuckles while Haymitch smirks at me.

“I like to see you squirm, sweetheart.” I flush red while Peeta leads Haymitch up to the nursery. 

To my irritation, Peeta invites Effie and Haymitch to dinner and then he disappears into the nursery to paint some more. I don’t think I was this aroused when I was pregnant with Willow but my hormones are all over the place and I actually feel a little bad for Peeta. But not too bad. 

When he finally comes to bed, I huff and roll over and shrug off his questions. He sighs and reaches over to turn out the light and I blink as the room is plunged into darkness. 

“Katniss, I’m not a mind reader,” he says quietly. “I know you pretty well but I don’t always know what you’re thinking. You have to talk to me.” I merely grunt and he sighs again. 

“That’s not helping. I don’t want to go to bed while you’re upset. Talk to me.”

“What do you want me to say,” I sit up suddenly and he starts, taken aback. “You want me to tell you my hormones are driving me insane and I can’t even think straight   
because I just want you to fuck me ALL the time now?!” In the dark I can see his eyes widen.

“Well if that’s not every teenage boy’s dream…” I scowl and lay back down.

“Forget it, Peeta. Just go to sleep.”

“I can’t. For one, you just gave me the most massive hard-on from your words alone and two, I can’t rest knowing you’re not fully satisfied.” I try to ignore him but when he crawls under the covers and spreads my legs apart, I’m done for. I’m sure he is exhausted but he manages to give me three orgasms; he falls to the bed, completely spent and I stroke his cock to completely milk him of his orgasm. He pants into my neck and chuckles lightly.

“You are a monster when you are horny, you know that?”

“I’m sorry,” I say in a small voice. He gives me a peck on the lips and shakes his head.

“Don’t be. I sometimes forget how hormonal you can get when you are pregnant. And I should be more sensitive to your feelings and desires.”

“You’re plenty sensitive,” I protest. “I’m just not very logical when my desires are clouding my better judgment.” 

“For the record, I ALWAYS want you, Katniss. I will never not want you. I’m just not as young as I used to be. You’re a lot to keep up with,” he says the last part with a wink but I still feel guilty; my cheeks burn and I bite my lip as I try to turn on my side. He holds me still and hovers over me, his hands holding my wrists down.

“Don’t you do that. You know how I have always felt about you, how my dreams come true every time you say you want me. Nothing makes me happier than seeing your smile. Just tell me when something is bothering you, or when you need something. I’ll be happy to tend to your every need but I have to know what they are. Ok?” I nod and he kisses my nose, my cheeks, and then my lips.

“I’m scared, Peeta,” I say softly.

“Why?”

“Because I’m afraid this baby is turning me into something I’m not. I thought this pregnancy would be easier and I guess it is in some ways, but my hormones are so out of control, I don’t know what to do.” 

“Let’s see if Dr. Mersa has any advice. In the mean time, I’ll continue to be the doting husband and let you claim what’s yours whenever you want.” He smiles and runs his finger over my lips before he kisses me again.

“I love you, Katniss.”

“I love you too.” He settles beside me and pulls me against his chest. 

“Tomorrow night,” I say softly. “Don’t make any plans.” He doesn’t speak but his hand moves up to rest over my breast and he kisses my neck. 

“I’m all yours.” 

 

\-----------------------------------

The next day Peeta goes into the bakery for a few hours in the morning and is home in time for lunch. We’re just like newlyweds again, the way he chases me through the house and captures me against the wall so he can plunge his tongue inside me. I’m a bit nervous that we won’t have any strength left for tonight but Peeta’s stamina impresses me. 

After several bouts of lovemaking, we take a nap and wake up in time for dinner. We cook a simple meal together and just enjoy being together. He talks about his plans for the nursery and we discuss a few names for our son, but we still don’t settle on one we really like. 

“How about Meadow?”

“For a boy? I don’t think so, Peeta. And what happened to the baker names? Don’t we need to carry on that tradition?” He winces. 

“I’m the youngest and my brothers are dead. The tradition basically died with them.”

“That’s not true,” I say gently. “You’re still here. You can still carry on the tradition with your son.” But he doesn’t seem to want to talk about it anymore and I don’t push it. I’ve thought of a name, I think he will like, but I will wait before I mention it.

When we finish dinner, we head back upstairs and he pulls me into his lap, kissing me softly until it grows more heated. I get up and set out the box that Johanna sent, as well as a bottle of lubricant. Peeta watches me with wide eyes. 

He’s nervous, I can tell. Hell, I’m nervous. At almost eight months pregnant, I always want my husband but this is something else altogether. But I’m also excited. Maybe it’s about control or perhaps that he is completely vulnerable or maybe it’s about trying something new with my husband, something we’ve never really given a lot of thought to. Whatever it is, I’m anxious to begin. 

After he takes me from behind, I break away from him before he can finish. I see that his cock is still swollen and throbbing and he bites his lip as he lays on his side and looks up at me.

“How…um…how do you want to do this?”

“Johanna said…their first time, he was…um…she was behind him…and he was on all fours.” I wince; I still can’t BELIEVE I asked Johanna for details but she was only too happy to give them, with a smirk on her face the entire time, I’m sure. He only nods and turns around. I start out the way I usually do, pushing my tongue inside him and testing him out with the small objects. My hand rests on his back, allowing him to sink into the pillows even more. After a few minutes of trying different objects, I lift the harness from the box. He glances over his shoulder and I see his eyes darken.

“Want to help me?” He nods and climbs off the bed, helping me to position the harness and the dildo where they should go. I pour the lubricant in my hand and stroke the dildo as I would him. I have to admit, it’s a strange sensation and I don’t know how I feel about it yet. To make us both more comfortable, I reach for his cock and stroke him against the dildo. We gaze into each other’s eyes and he gulps audibly. I wait for him to turn around again and he once again bites down on his lip.

“Do you mind…I mean…can we do it…with you facing me? Just so I…so I know it’s you.” He doesn’t have to explain; I can already tell what is going through his mind. I trail my fingertip down his cheek and he captures my hand and kisses my palm. 

“If anything is uncomfortable, you tell me and we will stop. Alright,” I repeat the words he has said to me so many times and keep my eyes focused on his. He nods, and I kiss his knuckles.

“Lie down then. Make yourself comfortable, and spread your legs for me.” He rests his head on the pillows and lies on his back, spreading his legs wide. He’s softened a little from his nervousness; I take him in my hands and stroke a few times, my other hand pouring a little lubricant over him. It drips down his arousal and into the cleft of his cheeks. My hand moves down a little ways and I sink my finger between his cheeks and he gasps. 

“Oh,” he lets out a faint whimper, his cheeks flushing red. I spread a little more lubricant over his cheeks, pushing two of my fingers inside him, testing him. He spreads his legs even wider and grips his ankles. I lean between his legs, the dildo rubbing up against him and his eyes dart downwards, wide with panic.  
“Look at me, Peeta,” I say soothingly. His eyes fly back to mine and soften.   
Very slowly, I push inside him and wait for him to get used to the feel of it. He relaxes and I continue to push, then withdraw slowly. 

“Oh…ohmygod,” he whines, tossing his head back on the pillow. 

“How are you feeling, Peeta?” I want to make absolutely sure he’s 100% ok with this before I continue. I will not give him any reason to go into a flashback.

“So good,” he says, his eyes squeezed shut. I push in a little harder and grip his ankle. Once I have a steady rhythm, I start to stroke his cock again. The dildo is not in too deep and I keep my motions quick. He twists the sheets in his fingers, his head tossing back and forth. 

“Katniss! Katniss, more, please!” I push in deeper and he lets out a deep groan from the back of his throat. 

I decide I like it. I love seeing him in this state, writhing in delicious agony. The only time I see him like this is when I am sucking his cock. This way, I feel like I hold the ultimate power and can bend him to my will. More than that, though, I can provide him the ultimate pleasure, treat him like he is the most precious thing in the world, which in my eyes, he is. The dildo keeps rubbing against my clit and both of our moans echo off the walls. I am so grateful to Johanna for taking Willow this weekend. Peeta’s eyes open and he tries to lean up to grasp my breast but I will have none of it. I capture his wrists and hold them down, and he stares up at me with wide eyes.

“Nuh uh, no touching,” I whisper as I lean in to kiss his chest. My tongue swirls around his nipple and his eyes flutter shut again. I push into him again and hold his legs straight up in the air.

“Oh fuck!” The change of position makes him whine and he squeezes my hands where they dig into his thighs. I collect a little more lube on my hand and stroke the dildo, taking care that he is still well lubricated. His legs fall open again and I grip his cock, reaching down to squeeze his balls the way I know he likes.

“Oh my fuck Katniss,” he says through gritted teeth. 

“You like this, Peeta? You like me fucking you? Making you completely mine?” He can only nod. My strokes get faster and faster and he is jerking his hips all over the place.   
I know he’s close; I know when my husband is on the verge of breaking down, it’s words that get him there.

“You know what is so hot about this, Peeta,” I say, leaning down and kissing his tip. His only reply is a whimper.

“I can just imagine you doing this to me,” I say softly. His eyes shoot open and find mine and I nod.

“You fucking me in the ass with your perfect cock. I can’t wait to feel what you’re feeling now. After we have this baby, I want you to fuck my ass, just like I am fucking yours!” 

“Oh my god, Katniss! Sweet fucking…Shit! Katniss!” He lets out a whole stream of curse words mixed with my name, his hips jerk upwards, his chest is covered in his pearly white fluids, and his arm falls limply over his eyes. I stroke his heaving chest and he flinches, while I am still fully seated within him. I grip the dildo and slide out of him and he moans as I back away. He struggles to catch his breath but after a moment, he lowers his arm and looks up at me.

“That was…holy shit, I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard.” 

“You’re ok, then? Nothing bad that I should know of?”

“No,” he gasps. “You were amazing. You took such great care of me, I didn’t once think…you know, I was anywhere else or with anyone else. All I saw was you. Next time I think I can be facing away from you.”

“Next time?” He raises his brow and flushes.

“I mean…if you want to do it again, I have no objections--“

“Mmhm, I’m sure,” I smirk. I lean in and tug at his bottom lip with my teeth. “I can’t wait to do it again.” 

“Oh but that last part is what did me in.” He falls back to the bed, still gasping for breath.

“Which part,” I ask as I lay on his bicep. 

“The part where you said you wanted me to do this to you. Was that real?”

“It’s real. We just have to wait awhile. But yes, I’d like to try it.” He cups my chin and kisses me.

“I love you, Katniss.” 

“I love you too, Peeta. Thank you for trusting me.”

“I trust you with everything I have and all that I am,” he says as he nuzzles my nose. We get up to clean up but he is pretty shaky and I have to lean him against the wall while we shower. I spray him with the warm stream of water and he closes his eyes. I barely get him to bed before he passes out completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have to admit, I was a bit nervous at posting this chapter. I've said before, I won't apologize for what I write--it's my interpretation after all, that's what fanfiction is! but I myself was kinda freaked out when I read my first "Katniss pegging Peeta" fic and didn't know how to respond. But this isn't about the sexual act itself, it's about Peeta relinquishing control and his complete vulnerability and trust in Katniss. And it's about Katniss moving way out of her comfort zone, just to give her husband pleasure. I tried my best to convey that in her thoughts the whole time. 
> 
> Bottom line, it's not 'homosexual'. It's about the trust and intimacy between two people. You can imagine Peeta giving himself over, completely and utterly, to Katniss and her doing the same for him. 
> 
> Anyways, I felt like I needed to explain a little bit but as I have already posted this chapter on FF.Net and received outstandingly supportive reviews, I'm not extremely worried. Hope you enjoyed and get ready for some intense drama coming up!


	26. Chapter 26

When Willow goes back to school, Katniss’s urges seem to get even worse. Dear god, I can barely keep up with her anymore. I don’t remember her being this horny when she got pregnant the first time but as I am not exactly a young man anymore, I try to satisfy her best I can before I even slide into her. I suppose I shouldn’t complain; I’m basically making up for those years I yearned for her and never thought I would have her. And besides, once the baby comes, we are looking at 6 weeks to a month before we can do this again. Who knows, she may even want to wait longer. 

A tiny reprieve comes when Katniss has her appointment with Dr. Mersa. Flushing red, Katniss asks the doctor if there is something she can do about her sexual appetite.   
The doctor glances at me before she nods.

“There are certain supplements we can give you to steady your hormones, that are safe for the baby.” After that appointment, Katniss’s hormones are regulated and she keeps her hands to herself. I try not to be too disappointed by this but she seems less irritated and has a pleasant demeanor for most of the day. 

As we get closer and closer to the big day, I’m spending more time in the bakery so that when our son comes, I will be able to stay at home to take care of them. Delly came by several weeks ago asking if she can have her job as my bookkeeper back. I sense she is trying to stay away from home but I haven’t asked her any more about how her marriage is. She gets flirty when we are working together; an occasional brush of the hand or her hand on my chest when she laughs. I brush it off, saying she is still married and she wouldn’t do anything to hurt Brent. It’s just how Delly is, and how she’s always been. As hours at the bakery get longer, she stays until it’s just the two of us and she’s been really helpful. After a week or so of closing late, Katniss asks about it and I admit that Delly has been helping out. She doesn’t seem to mind so I don’t let it bother me either. 

I’d forgotten how beautiful a pregnant Katniss is but she reminds me of it everyday. I wake up and gaze down at her until she wakes and I lean down to kiss her, moaning my ‘I love you’s’ as I kiss down her body. But as with her first pregnancy, she’s self-conscious and doesn’t want to be touched. It’s incredible and annoying, how fast we went from too much sex to nothing at all. I hate that once again, medicines are controlling her. Still, I touch and kiss her baby belly as often as she will let me. 

Finn insisted they wait until the baby is born for them to get married but Katniss and I protested and told them to go ahead. So on the day of my godson’s wedding, I feel like a father saying goodbye to his children. Annie won’t stop weeping and even Johanna dabs at her eyes a few times. Analise makes a beautiful bride and Katniss rests her head on my shoulder.

“Can you imagine that one day, we will be watching this happen for our own children?” My hand rests on her protruding belly and I smile as I kiss her cheek.

“We still have lots of time, Katniss. Don’t even think about that yet.” 

The baby shower is right after the wedding and the amount of gifts, I think, even surpasses what we got for Willow. She frowns and asks where’s her present and Katniss calmly explains that this is for her brother. She’s still not too thrilled that she is getting a brother and not a sister. I remember the look of betrayal on her face when we told her the news. Still, she’s seemed to warm up to the idea a little more every day. After the shower is over, I’m reading in bed when Katniss leans over and kisses my cheek. Surprised, I pull her in for a kiss and I deepen it quickly. She breaks it but smiles up at me.

“I’ve thought of a name.”

“Oh yeah?” She nods as her finger makes patterns over my shirt.

“Ok, what is it?”

“Rye.” I inhale sharply and she sits up. I follow her and hold her gaze.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes. I’ve been sure for some time now. I just wanted to hear what you thought about it first.” 

“It’s perfect,” I nod. I doubt she really remembers seeing me with my brothers but she knows Ryean and I were close and I talk about both of them often. 

“The tradition didn’t die with them after all,” she says softly as she rests her head on my chest. I stroke her hair and close my eyes.

“God I love you.”   
\-----------------------  
When we are barely a month away, Katniss trudges into the kitchen while I am fixing breakfast for Willow before school. Willow reaches over and places her hands on Katniss’s stomach and both of us watch, transfixed.

“I can feel him, Mommy.” Katniss smiles and strokes our daughter’s hair. 

“You can talk to him, if you want.”

“He can hear me?” 

“Mmhm. Daddy talks to him all the time.” Willow looks to me for confirmation and I smile and nod. She crouches in front of Katniss’s chair and presses her palms against her stomach.

“Hi baby,” she whispers loudly. “I’m your sister, Willow. You’ll like Mommy and Daddy, they’re really nice. And I’ll always take care of you.” I scoop her up and plant a kiss on her cheek.

“We need to get you to school. Say bye-bye to Mama and your brother.” She kisses her mother’s cheek, then her stomach. I follow suit and Katniss struggles to her feet.

“Stay seated. I’ll be back soon, I just need to check on the wedding cake order and then I will be home.” 

“Have a good day, you two,” she says as she adds sugar to her tea. I kiss the top of her head and hurry Willow out the door.   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Of course my one order for a wedding cake turned into five different requests and now the bride is calling us, asking for something completely different, with the wedding being three days away. I roll my eyes as I hang up the phone. 

“Ridiculous,” I mutter to myself. 

“Hey Peeta, Delly is here and wants to speak with you.” 

“Ok.” I hurry to the front, where Delly is leaning against the glass case. I stop in my tracks; her hair is all over the place, her eyes are glazed over, and she smells like Haymitch’s house used to.

“Delly, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she giggles as she teeters on one foot. 

“Come here,” I pull her behind the counter and drag her through the kitchen, to my office. She stops and grabs my wrist, surprising me. She slams me against my office door and tugs at the apron around my waist. My hands fly to her wrists and my eyes widen.

“Delly, what are you doing?”

“What’s it look like I’m doing,” she slurs. 

“You are so drunk, Dels. Come on, let’s go call your husband to pick you up.”

“No!” She follows me into the office and I shake her off and make her sit in the chair. I hurriedly pick up the phone and dial their number but Delly knocks the phone out of my hand.

“Damn it, Delly,” I growl as I slam it on the receiver. “What has gotten into you?”

“I’m sick of watching you get mistreated, Peeta,” she says as she rips at the buttons on my shirt. I gasp as several pop off and I grab at her hands again.

“Delly, I’m serious, stop this--“ 

“You stop! Stop being so perfect all the time! She doesn’t deserve you, Peeta! I’m the one you should be with! Not her!” I stare at my friend, flabbergasted. She starts crying and I wince; I hate when women cry.

“Delly, come on now, you’ve always been my best friend. You know I’ve loved Katniss since I was a kid.”

“Why,” she hiccups. “Why her, Peeta? Why not me?”

“We’re just…I love you like my sister, Delly. I always have.” She sobs into her hands and I move a little closer. But then she shocks me and climbs into my lap, pressing me against the chair. Her hand rubs against my pants and I start to protest when her mouth covers mine. I shake my head and push her back roughly.

“Delly! What the hell are you…” I trail off, glancing up and seeing two wide grey eyes at my door. 

“Katniss!” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I push Delly to the floor in my haste to jump to my feet; I hear a little cry of surprise but I could care less. I yank the door open and see her braid disappear through the kitchen.

“Katniss, wait!” I dodge Rory and Cora and manage to catch up with her as she is storming off the porch. I grab her hand and she flings it away.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Listen to me!” I grab her and whirl her around. Angry tears stream down her cheeks and she looks ready to kill. But as she turns, I can see the intense pain in her eyes.

“Katniss, please! You know I’d never…I wasn’t…Delly was drunk!”

“And that gives you a reason to kiss her?!” 

“No! She climbed into my lap…I mean, she was the one who came on to me! I pushed her away--“

“Didn’t look like you put up much of a fight,” her eyes narrow at my torn shirt and crooked apron and I gulp. “She had her hands all over you, Peeta!” She glares at me with glassy eyes and she turns to run again.

“No, stop, just listen to me,” I grab at her hand again and don’t even see when she swings around and brings her hand up across my face. I stagger backwards, clutching my cheek in shock. 

“Katniss!” But she’s long gone, her braid whipping in the wind. For a pregnant woman, she can move fast. With an angry huff, I turn on my heel and storm back into the bakery.

Thank god we don’t have any customers but Cora and Rory watch me anxiously.

“I’ve got to go home. Lock up for me? Rory, take care of this wedding cake business.”

“You got it, Peeta.”

“Delly is drunk in my office. Please call her husband and tell him to come get her.” He nods and I stomp to the back to find my keys.

Delly looks up at me as I enter the office, her lip trembling.

“Peeta--“

“Don’t Delly. You can be damn sure we’re going to talk about this later but right now I have to fix everything with my wife. You’d just better pray I can!” I grab my keys and slam the door behind me. 

I drive back to Victor’s Village and run into the house. It’s almost time to pick up Willow. I bite my lip, staring at the clock. Did Katniss run to the woods? Would she forget about picking up our daughter? What the hell am I going to do? She can’t possibly think I was actually kissing Delly! Everyone in the world knows how obsessed I have been with Katniss since I was a little boy! I professed it to the damn country when I thought I was going to die! How could she actually believe I would ever cheat on her? 

I hear the door open and I start; I run to the door and my face falls when I see Effie leading Willow inside.

“Effie, where’s Katniss?”

“Go on inside and color, sweetie,” she says to Willow, completely ignoring me. When my daughter is gone, Effie turns to me.

“She stopped by and asked for us to pick Willow up and bring her home. I thought she would be home by now. What happened, Peeta?”

“A misunderstanding at the bakery. I’m trying to find her, to explain--“

“I just saw sweetheart stomping back into Victor’s Village,” Haymitch comes up behind Effie. He sees me and raises his brow.

“What have you gone and done now, kid?” 

“Quit talking to me like I am a fucking five year old! Katniss saw something and she took off without even letting me explain.” I hear heavy footsteps on the porch and Haymitch clears his throat, his arm going around Effie.

“We’ll leave you two alone then.” Effie gives me a disapproving look before she scurries out with Haymitch. Katniss comes in behind them and gives me a cold look. She chooses to ignore me, and shrugs off her jacket.

“Willow? Where are you sweetheart?”

“Katniss.” 

“Willow?” I clench my fists in anger.

“Damn it, Katniss! Look at me!” 

“No. I don’t have anything to say to you,” she hisses in a low voice. 

“The hell you don’t! You haven’t even let me try to explain!” She whirls around, her eyes narrowed and filled with anger and hurt. 

“Fine. Explain why I saw her in your lap, kissing you and grinding against you and touching you--“

“Katniss, I swear to you, it’s not what it looks like! She was drunk, I was calling Brent to come get her and she just…literally threw herself at me. I pushed her off and as far as I know, she’s still there waiting for him to come get her.”

“How nice,” she says coldly. “She gets to have two men. Her husband and mine.”

“What?! No! No she doesn’t, I’m telling you, there is NOTHING going on--“

“Is that why you have been spending every evening with her then,” she asks and I feel as if someone has dumped cold water over my head. She nods at my silence. “Late nights at the bakery. Extended hours. ‘Delly has been helping me work late, she’s been so helpful’, yeah, I’m sure she has--“

“Katniss, please! This is crazy! I don’t look at Delly that way! I never have. I’ve never looked at another woman the way I look at you. I love you, you know that!” 

“If you had been looking at her, you would have seen the way she looks at you,” she cries out, tears streaming down her face again. I take a step forward but she shakes her head. 

“She loves you, Peeta.”

“Maybe but I don’t love her,” I insist. “It’s always been you.” 

“You haven’t touched me in weeks. You…you barely even kiss me. You’ve spent every evening for weeks now at the bakery with HER!” 

“You haven’t wanted me to touch you,” I yell back. “Ever since you started those damn hormone supplements, you’ve just become self-conscious and for some reason, seem to think I don’t want you! For fucks sake, Katniss, you KNOW how I feel about you! How could you even think, for a minute, that I would ever cheat on you? Or do you think at all? No! Because you’re so goddamned stubborn and too busy running away from everything to even consider the depth of my love for you. You don’t want to ever let anyone love you, because you’re so used to playing the victim and crying that you lose everybody and you’re just waiting for me to leave you. You’re TRYING to push me away!” We stare at each other in silence for the longest time, my awful words echoing around the kitchen. I already wish I could take them back. I close my eyes and focus on steadying my breathing. I feel the room spinning, the floor underneath me slipping. 

“Why Peeta,” her voice is soft and full of tears, and my heart pounds in my chest. “Why would you do this to us…now?” Her hands rest on her belly and I shake my head.

“I haven’t done anything to us. If you can’t believe that I love you and that I would never ever do that to you, there’s nothing else I can do.” I’m the first one to back away and I turn from the room only to find my daughter standing in the doorway with a huge drawing book in her hands. She’s crying and I suck in a breath.

“Willow, sweetheart, Mommy and Daddy were just--“

“These are awful, Daddy,” she cries. I frown and try to see what she is holding. 

“Is that Mommy…dead?” She turns the book around and I feel like I’ve been knocked over; she’s holding the sketchbook I kept during my therapy in the Capitol. Aurelius told me to draw anything and everything and I often sketched my nightmares. So many of Katniss’s death, whether by my hand or someone else’s. Many of the drawings feature her, and most of them are bad. The one my daughter is staring at is one of Katniss in the cave, lying in a pool of blood. I tug the book out of her hands and throw it aside.

“Willow, why did you go into my studio? You know you’re not supposed to be in there without me.” 

“I just...”

“Willow, LOOK at me!” She jumps at my sharp tone and starts to cry harder.

“Willow stop crying. Look at me. STOP crying!” 

“Stop yelling at her,” Katniss yells from behind me.

“Damn it Katniss, stay out of this!”

“Stop it, Peeta! You need to go somewhere and get it together!” I turn away and grip my hair. Mutt. Mutt. Capitol mutts. Liar. Whore. Murderer. She wants you dead. She’s killed your whole family.

“Stop it,” I groan through clenched teeth, my hands coming up and hitting the side of my face. 

“Mommy, was that you?” 

“No baby. It’s…it’s just a drawing,” I hear her trying to keep Willow calm. I fall to my knees right beside the book. I open my eyes and glance down. 

A nightmarish version of Katniss growls up at me with long talons and fangs that drip blood. Her grey eyes swirl with red hatred and she seems to mock my fear. I gasp and struggle to slam the book shut. Images and screams fill my mind and I can’t shake them away. Katniss usually has to hold me and chase these horrors away but at this moment, I don’t know where she is. 

“Katniss,” I moan, tears staining my cheeks. And then the hijacked images emerge, pictures of Katniss ordering the bombings, laughing at me while I’m strapped to a table; it’s her hands that plunge the needle into my thigh and she throws her head back and laughs while the poison makes me writhe and scream. 

“Mutt! You fucking mutt!”


	27. Chapter 27

When I wake up, my cheek is pressed to the cold floor. I have a splitting headache and I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. I struggle to sit up and feel like I am going to be sick.

“Easy, easy,” a soft voice beside me says. My eyes shoot open and I see Haymitch leaning against the wall.

“Haymitch? What the hell…what happened?”

“Flashback,” he mutters. “Bad one too. You were hitting yourself and pounding your head against the floor, screaming things. Katniss came and got me.”

“Wait…where is she?” I look around and see that neither Katniss nor Willow is here. I hope they stayed at Haymitch’s house so they wouldn’t see me like this. Haymitch bites his lip and I tense at his silence. 

“Haymitch?” He sighs deeply and stares at his hands. 

“Haymitch, where is she?” 

“She told me to tell you…she needs some time to think. She asks that you please don’t come after her. I think she wanted to write everything but she wanted to get Willow away.” I squeeze my eyes shut, blinking back tears. Gone. My wife and my daughter are gone. She ran away.

Away from me. 

“She just took my daughter away from me?”

“Willow was pretty torn up too, Peeta. I mean, she’s never seen one of your episodes. Katniss tried to calm her down as best she could but…Katniss just wanted to get her away for awhile. So you can both have some time to cool down.”

“I don’t need time to cool down! I need my family back!” As much as it hurts, I struggle to my feet and limp to the sink. I catch sight of my reflection in the pots and pans that hang over the cabinets and I gasp.   
Blood trails down my face. My cheek is bruised. And my eyes are wide with fear and confusion.   
Haymitch comes up behind me and pats my shoulder.

“I brought over the medical kit. Why don’t you clean yourself up and then we can talk?” 

“I don’t have time, Haymitch. I’m going after Katniss.”

“Peeta,” his voice is gentle. “Make some time. Katniss isn’t going to come back so easily. Just give her some time to think.”

“But my daughter, Haymitch,” I gasp as more tears come. “My son! My son will be born soon. Is she really not going to let me see them?” 

“I don’t know, kid. I honestly don’t know what’s going through her head. But you need to respect her wishes and just give her a few days.”

“Did she tell you? About Delly?” He sighs and nods.

“And she still believes I cheated on her?”

“I don’t think she thinks that, kid. She’s just hurt and, well, you know Katniss. She’s irrational most of the time. Add that to the baby… she still loves you and I’m sure she’ll come back. She’s staying with Jo in 8. Call her in a few days.” 

After he leaves, I clean myself up and spread some ointment over my injuries. I call Johanna but there’s no answer. Frustrated, I slam the phone down and collapse at the table, sobbing into my hands. 

I try to call Johanna three more times before I go to bed but there is still no answer. I try to sleep in our bed but she’s everywhere. Finally I can’t stand it any longer and I grab my pillow and blanket from the bed and march down to the couch. It takes awhile to find a comfortable position but at least here she doesn’t invade my senses. 

I try to call again in the morning and am starting to think they are ignoring me. I’m a little hurt that Johanna would take Katniss’s side without even hearing my explanation. What did Katniss tell everyone? That I cheated on her? That I attacked my daughter?   
I sob into my cereal like the pathetic coward that I am. 

Annie and Finn come to see me in the afternoon. Annie purses her lips while she makes me some tea and Finn sits across from me.

“It’ll work out, Uncle Peeta.”

“Oh you think so? You know your aunt, Finn. She’s stubborn and she can hold a grudge.”

“She’s not mad at you,” Annie says gently. “Not really. She’s just hurt. She was just worried about Willow, about how she was reacting to your flashback. Katniss said that you were screaming that you would kill the mutt while you beat your head against the floor.” 

“Did she tell everyone how much of a fuck-up I am,” I grumble as I grip my teacup.

“Stop it, Uncle Peeta. You know Aunt Katniss is just thinking of Willow. She’s never seen her dad like that or heard him yell at her and she’s only four.” I glance up at Annie, who is now cooking lunch.

“So Johanna is screening my calls?”

“Jo called me this morning. Katniss has asked that they don’t make her talk to you until she’s ready. Jo is just respecting her wishes.”

“Jo was supposed to be my friend,” I mumble childlishly.

“She IS your friend, Peeta. Which is why she called me and told me to come check on you. She knew you probably weren’t doing well. Katniss was asking how you were doing after your episode.” I snort.

“Like she cares.” Finn jumps up from the table and scoots his chair back.

“I’m sick of this,” he says in disgust. “I’ll see you both later.”

“Finn-“ Annie starts but Finn shakes his head.

“No, Mom! I’m sorry but he’s being a complete dumbass right now. Get over yourself, Uncle Peeta. So you had a fight and you lost your temper. Big deal. Be a man and get your family back!” 

“She doesn’t WANT me back, Finn! She told me not to come after her. She wants time to think. If she’s telling Johanna not to make her talk to me, you really think she’ll be ok with me just strolling into 8 and knocking on their door?”

“And Willow? Are you really prepared to let her go?” I stare up at my godson and he glowers down at me.

“Of course not--“

“Then you had better think of a way to get her back because Aunt Katniss has no right to keep her from you.”

“Finn, that’s enough,” Annie says sharply. “Son, don’t talk about things you don’t understand. Katniss and Peeta will be fine. She’s not taking his daughter away from him.”

“She already has,” Finn spats. 

“Because I was still dangerous,” I say as I shake my head. “I could have hurt them both. Katniss was just being a good mother.” 

“Exactly.” I stare up at Finn in shock. The little shit has totally turned it around on me. He smirks and crosses his arms.

“Aunt Katniss was being a good mom and she just needed to get Willow away for awhile. You can’t blame her for that and I know you don’t. If anything, you support her decision even though it’s hard to swallow. Like Mom said, take some time to cool off and then try to go to her. You two are too strong for something like this to come between you.”   
Something like this? I love the kid but I’m not exactly comforted right now. Katniss has never run away from me before. I’ve run away from her several times and the last time, I nearly lost her. I swallow and my hands start to shake. I jump up and run to the phone. No surprise, there is no answer.   
Annie sets a plate in front of me and kisses my head.

“Take care of yourself and think about what we’ve said. We’ll see you later.” I don’t speak as both of them see themselves out. 

To my dismay, Katniss needs more than just a little time to cool off. For four days I try calling Johanna’s house, until she finally answers and whispers that I need to stop calling. 

I don’t know what to do without my family. I try to return to the bakery but my mind is always somewhere else and I can’t concentrate on anything. After I burn a cake, Rory sends me home.

Haymitch and Effie invite me over for dinner but I sit and stare blankly. They both stare at me with those pity-filled looks and I can’t stand it a moment longer. I thank them for dinner and run back to my house.

Delly has tried calling me about a thousand times but I refuse to talk to her right now. If I find a way to put everything right with Katniss, maybe I’ll call her again but right now, I can only blame Delly for all of this. I know I should be the good friend and accept her calls, especially since I am concerned about her mental state with the baby (and hope that her excessive drinking hasn’t caused any harm to the baby) but I can’t bring myself to think of her right now. All I can think of is my wife.

The nights are the worst. I toss and turn and wake up screaming from my nightmares. The sketchbook comes to life in my mind as I’m torn apart by mutts with a braid, or I find her lying on the ground with her throat slit open. 

I wake up to the phone ringing and I’m thankful because it pulled me from the mutts’ claws. I reach for the phone and a weak, ‘hello’ comes out.

“You sound terrible.” 

“Jo?”

“I’m sorry I haven’t called but Annie has been letting us know how you are.” This angers me and I grip the phone.

“I guess I should be relieved that she still cares.”

“Peeta, of course she cares. And I don’t think she believes you cheated on her, not really. Although you have to admit, it looks bad when the girl stays at work with you every night, and then your wife sees her in your lap with your shirt ripped off--“

“She’s fucking exaggerating,” I growl into the phone. “NOTHING happened with Delly! Nothing!”

“I believe you. And she wants to. She’s just hurting and she’s very hormonal. She’s not thinking straight. She regrets running away from you but she was terrified that you   
would do something to hurt Willow.” This hurts worst of all.

“She thinks I’d do something-?”

“Peeta you’re not in your right mind when you’re in an episode. Yes you could have hurt her.” I contemplate slamming the phone down.

“For what it’s worth, Willow misses you.” I start.

“Really?”

“Yeah. She keeps asking Katniss when they can go home to Daddy. She says she misses you.”

“What does Katniss say?”

“She tells her soon.” 

“Not soon enough. It’s been almost two weeks, Johanna! What the hell else can I do to make her come home?” 

“George and I are trying to convince her to go back, we really are. She’s just scared.”

“Great. If someone has to convince my own wife to come back home--“

“No Peeta, I didn’t mean it like that. She regrets running and she’s scared you will hold it against her.”

“Why am I hearing this from you and not her?”

“She’s still asleep. She stays awake most nights.” Of course she does. Just like I do. She’s having as hard of a time sleeping without me as I am without her. 

“For what it’s worth, Peeta, I know she still loves you and she wants to come home. She just doesn’t know how to face you.” 

“Please tell her to come home, Jo. I want her, no I need her here with me. I need them both with me. I love them so much and--please, just tell her?” 

“I will. Take care, Peeta.” I sigh as I hang up and I stare at the phone. Deciding that I’m not going to sleep anymore, I throw the blanket aside and limp to the kitchen to make some tea. Sleeping on the couch has not been kind to my prosthetic leg. I pop my neck and wince as I ache all over.   
\------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day I am getting out of the shower when I hear the phone ring. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I hurry to the phone and barely have it to my ear when I hear Johanna’s panicked voice.

“Peeta, you need to hop a train to 8!”

“What? Why?!”

“Katniss has gone into labor!” 

“But Jo, there’s not enough time--“

“Just get here as fast as you can,” she hisses. I punch the hang up button and then a few more buttons. 

“Come on, come ON,” I mutter as I hear the phone rings. 

“President Paylor from Peeta Mellark, please!” 

“Peeta?”

“Madame President, I need a huge favor!”   
\----------------------------------------

The hovercraft lands on the roof of the hospital in District 8. I nod to the pilot and shake the co-pilot’s hand.

“My thanks to both of you,” I say as I jump down and run inside. “Tell President Paylor I will be in touch!”   
This hospital is twice as big as ours in 12 and I spin around in confusion. Spotting a desk, I hurry over and nearly collapse over it.

“The maternity ward, please!”

“On the 4th floor,” she says cheerfully. I punch the elevator button and wait impatiently.   
Johanna is sitting in a large chair, idly flipping through a magazine.

“Johanna!”

“Peeta!” She jumps to her feet and embraces me. I lean back and look around.

“Where is she? I’m not too late, am I?”

“No, they haven’t come and said anything else but…” I notice how pale she is and I frown.

“Is everything alright? With the baby I mean?”

“They want to do an emergency c-section. The baby is still breech.” I swallow and feel very dizzy. She helps me sit in a chair and rubs my back.

“I should be there with her.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea--“

“I don’t care, Johanna! I’m still her husband and she’s having my baby! I should be by her side!” She nods, biting her lip. 

“That’s Katniss’s doctor!” We both jump up as the doctor approaches us and he smiles at me.

“I take it you’re the father? Good, I’m glad you made it here in time.”

“Is she ok?”

“Well, there’s been some complications.” All the blood drains from my face.

“Complications? What the hell do you mean complications,” Johanna snaps.

“There’s no time to perform the surgery. The baby is coming now.” He nods at our shocked faces.

“I was coming to ask if you wanted to be with her but as the father--“

“Yeah, take him back to her now!” I follow him through the green doors and am handed a scrub to wear.   
Katniss’s screams make my heart pound and I rush to her side, ignoring the glares from the nurse.

“Peeta,” she pants when I lean in next to her. Our stupid fight is forgotten as I push her hair back out of her face.

“I’m here, honey. We’ll do this together.” I reach for her hand and sigh with relief when I still see her wedding ring on. I go ahead and remove all our rings and place them in my pocket, before I rub the back of her hand and her knuckles. 

“Ok, no surgery,” the doctor says from behind me. “Epidural been administered?” 

“Not yet, sir,” the nurse says, holding up a gigantic needle. My eyes widen in terror and I squeeze Katniss’s hand. The doctor takes his place between Katniss’s legs and peers under the towel (I have to admit I’m rather uncomfortable that it is a male doctor but I force those feelings away)   
The doctor shakes his head and he looks worried.

“No epidural,” he says quickly, reaching for a tray.

“Sir?”

“No time! The baby is coming now! It’s a footling breech and we have to get him out immediately.”

“Wait- what’s wrong,” Katniss gasps as she tries to lean up. “Is something wrong with my baby?”

“Ten centimeters!”

“Would someone answer me,” Katniss screams, tossing her head.

“Katniss, it’ll be ok,” I try to soothe her, pushing her damp hair back. “He’ll be ok.”

“Take care of him, Peeta,” her wide eyes find mine. “If anything happens…”

“Stop it, Katniss. You’re both going to be fine.” I kiss her white knuckles and wince as she squeezes my hand even more.

“Completely dilated. Katniss, it’s time to push. He’s coming out feet first so you have to push even harder, do you understand?” Katniss nods and I help her lean up a little so she can push. Her face is red and tears appear at the corners of her eyes. 

“Push, Katniss!” One of the nurses hands me a wet towel and I dab at her forehead and neck, kissing her cheek.

“Come on Katniss,” I whisper. “You can do this.”  
She’s clearly exhausted and in pain. I try not to panic at the amount of blood between her legs. The nurses run around in a frenzy and the doctor continues to shout orders at her. If Katniss weren’t trying so hard, she’d probably kick him in the face. 

“Another big one, Katniss! Keep pushing!” 

“I can’t,” she sobs against my cheek. “Peeta, I can’t do it.”

“Yes you can, Katniss, you can! You are the most incredible person on this earth and you can do anything!” 

“Almost! Katniss, he’s almost here! Another big push!” I push her hair back and keep whispering in her ear. She’s sobbing hard, her shoulders shaking as she grips the   
edge of the bed. 

“Cord prolapse,” the doctor yells and the nurse’s head whirls around to look at a machine by Katniss’s head. The beeping is becoming faint and I look, panic-stricken, to the nurse.

“What is that?”

“The baby’s heartbeat,” she says softly.

“Why…why is it slowing down?”

“Katniss, the umbilical cord is being squeezed too tightly, meaning there is no oxygen for your baby! We have to get him out right now. One more big push, ok? You can do it. A really big one!” Katniss’s tears wet my cheek.

“Peeta, I’m sorry-“

“Katniss-“

“I can’t--“

“You CAN!”

“Push Katniss! Push now!” My eyes remain locked on the machine and the faint beeping. Katniss squeezes her eyes shut and pushes with all her might. 

“Mr. Mellark, come down here.” I move on shaky legs but Katniss still has a tight grip on my hand. I massage her hand and kiss her knuckles until she lets go. The doctor is holding what looks like a slimy pile of goo but nothing could be more beautiful to me right now. He looks up at me and the nurse hands me a pair of scissors.

“Traditionally the father cuts the umbilical cord. Do you want to do the honors?” Dear god, can I steady my hands enough? Somehow, I snip the cord and the doctor hands my son to the nurse to clean. 

“Doctor!” He turns around with a frown.

“She’s hemorrhaging!” Katniss is still and pale and I run back to her side.

“Katniss? Katniss!” The amount of blood almost makes me retch. I reach for her hand but it’s limp in mine.

“No. No, no please, no!” I bring her hand to my cheek and sob. I can literally feel my heart crumbling.

“Mr. Mellark, I must ask you to step outside.”

“No! I’m not leaving her!”

“Mr. Mellark, please. We will do everything we can to save your wife.” The nurse gently steers me out of the room and the last thing I see is the doctor pushing on Katniss’s abdomen. 

I’m pushed into another room, much quieter than the delivery room. Another nurse approaches me, her arms full of blankets. 

“Your son, Mr. Mellark.” I suck in a breath as the baby is laid in my arms and I gaze down at his tiny face. He isn’t crying, but his mouth keeps opening and closing, like he wants to know where his cozy bed went and who are all these strange people.

“Hi baby boy,” I whisper, leaning forward to nuzzle his cheek. “I know you must be confused right now, but I’m your Daddy. My name is Peeta. I’m the one who has been talking to you while you’re in Mommy’s belly.” The thought of Katniss seizes my heart again and I blink back tears.

“You’ll meet Mommy later. She’s the most amazing person on this earth and she will love and protect you quite fiercely. It’s what she does. You have a big sister too. Her name is Willow and she is so excited to meet you. She’s promised to protect you too. You have lots of people who will love and protect you. Your aunts are very loyal, your cousin is a stubborn pain in the ass, like his father was, but he will fight for you. So many people who love you and haven’t even met you yet.” My son smacks his lips and I wait to see if he will open his eyes. I hope very much that he has Katniss’s eyes. My own eyes study him, noting certain traits. He has only a small patch of hair, dark like my girls’ locks are. He has my nose though, and looks like he will have my jaw. His skin is darker than mine and Willow’s, so I have a feeling Katniss’s Seam genes run strong in him. Selfishly, I hope my Merchant traits come into play somewhere; I don’t really want my son looking like Gale Hawthorne.   
He makes a noise and his eyes flutter open; I’m completely floored by the intense grey that gaze up at me. They are Katniss’s for sure. Those eyes that I fell so in love with, that can always make me weak in the knees with a single glance. I stroke his cheek and smile.   
I look up when the nurse comes back in and wait for news of my wife. Instead, she holds out a paper and a pen.

“I need you to fill out the birth certificate.” My heart sinks. Does that mean…?

“Your wife is going to be fine,” she assures me. “They stopped the bleeding and she is resting now.”

“I can’t…I can’t fill it out without her. I don’t know what we are calling him.” We had decided on a name but maybe she has changed her mind with everything that has happened. I have no idea what is going to happen when she leaves this hospital. Is she staying in 8? Is she coming home with me? Am I going to lose my family? She wanted to honor my brother but I’m sure she has changed her mind. 

“She already filled out the name portion before she went into labor. I just need your information and signature right here.” She smiles as she hands me the paper and pen and she leaves again. I gasp when I see the name written in Katniss’s handwriting.

Rye Archer Mellark.


	28. Chapter 28

I hear soft crying off to my left, followed by a hushed voice.

“Shh, quiet now. Let your brave mama rest a little. Bringing you into this world was no easy feat, little one.” 

“It definitely wasn’t,” I say in a shaky voice and Peeta is up out of his chair in an instant.

“How are you feeling?”

“Ok. A little sore.” He nods and looks hesitant; I shift over to the side, giving him room to sit on the edge of the bed. I can still see wariness in his eyes but he gives me a warm smile and holds out the bundle of blankets.

“Want to meet our son?”

“It’s about time I did.” I hold out my arms and he gently places our baby in my hold. He stares right up at me and I gasp when I see my eyes on this little being. Now I know how Peeta must feel when he looks at Willow. It’s quite surreal.

“Beautiful eyes like his mama,” Peeta whispers. I gently rub our baby’s hand and he reaches up for my finger; my eyes fill with tears as his tiny fingers are wrapped around my larger one.

“Hello my little Rye. I’m your mama.” He gurgles in response and I smile. I look up to see Peeta staring at me. 

“What? Is there a problem with the name? I can--“

“No Katniss. No, the name is perfect. I wasn’t sure…I mean, I didn’t know…if you’d still…I just wasn’t certain…” He bites his lip and trails off, watching me anxiously. I sigh and bring my son to my chest. I know we need to talk about everything but right now all I want to do is sleep. I feel myself drifting off when Peeta lifts Rye from my arms.

“I’ll keep him safe while you rest.” I nod in thanks, unable to say anything else before I’m pulled under.   
\----------------------------------------------------

When I wake up again, I feel my stomach growling with hunger. Peeta is asleep in the chair next to my bed, his chin resting on his chest. I sit up a little, wincing at the pain down below. At my pained moan, Peeta’s eyes fly open. 

“Katniss? You ok?” His voice is soft and hesitant.

“It hurts a little,” I say softly. “And I’m really hungry. Wait. Where is Rye?”

“The nurse took him back to feed him since you slept so long. Let me get someone to get you some food.”

“It’s ok-“ but he’s already running into the hallway and calling for someone. He returns with a smiling nurse behind him.

“Well hello Mrs. Mellark, good to see you awake,” she says in a sickeningly cheerful voice. 

“Can I have something to eat, please?”

“Of course, I’ll send for the kitchens. And how about you, Mr. Mellark? Can I get you anything?”

“I’ll have whatever she’s having.” The nurse nods and leaves quickly, leaving Peeta still leaning against the door. 

“Ugh I hate hospital food,” I mutter as I try to fluff my pillows. “When we get home, I want a pound of cheesebuns!” He moves closer and fluffs the pillow behind me, his eyes soft and sad. 

“I’ll make you whatever you want…only if you are coming home with me.” I bite my lip and glance up at him. He moves away and sits back in the chair. It’s not until we are hungrily digging into our meals (I suspect the hospital made special arrangements for food, because it doesn’t taste like the usual tasteless hospital stuff) that I clear my throat and look over at him.

“Willow really misses you.” He stops chewing and his eyes focus on his lap.

“I miss her too.” I swallow thickly, searching for the right words. I regretted walking out immediately but Willow was hysterical and Johanna told me to take a day or two to calm down and think about things. I blame the pregnancy hormones for making me so insane. I’d never believe Peeta would cheat on me, with Delly of all people, but I was too blinded by rage at seeing her touch him to even listen to his words. I know I’ve hurt him. Johanna and Annie have both told me how miserable he is and I can’t believe I took his daughter from him. But how are we supposed to get past this? It’s always one thing or another. 

“Then um…could you take us home when we get out of this hospital?” He closes his eyes for a moment, then looks at me.

“Of course.” He doesn’t smile and his eyes are still sad. 

“Peeta--“ I start but the nurse enters the room and I fall silent. 

“Here you go, mommy. All fed and happy. He only ate a little so he will probably want to feed again very soon.”

“I can take him while she eats,” Peeta says but I shake my head and push my tray away.

“I’m finished. Give him here.” I hold him against my chest and he grasps my finger again. He sniffles softly and his eyes are locked on me the whole time. I can sense Peeta staring at us intently. After a few minutes, I look over at him and smile. Wordlessly, I hold out my arms and he moves to my side immediately, scooping our baby up and holding him against his chest. He stands and gently rocks him, his lips turning up into a smile as he looks down at him. I can see the love and pride shining in his eyes when he gazes at his son. It’s then that I remember what today is.

“Happy birthday, Peeta,” I say quietly. His eyes snap to mine and he freezes for a moment, his eyes wide. 

“Whoa. You’re right. I’d completely forgotten.” He continues to rock Rye and he glances over at me, finally giving me a smile.

“This has to be the best birthday present I have ever gotten.” 

“Can I give the birthday boy a kiss?” My voice is soft and hesitant but his smile widens as he sits on my bed and drapes his arm around me; I lean up, my hand resting on his cheek while his lips gently touch mine. Our son sniffles in his arms and he breaks the kiss, pressing his forehead to mine. 

“I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you so much, Peeta. I hope this is a birthday you will never forget.”

“Don’t think you have anything to worry about there,” he says, his eyes going back to our baby. Rye’s eyes start to close and his little fist rests near his mouth. 

“Where is Willow?”

“George is watching her. We should ask Jo to bring her here so she can meet her little brother.” He nods and leans back further so I can lean against his chest.

“I should let her know everything is ok anyway. Here,” he shifts our sleeping son to my arms, kisses my forehead, and hurries out of the room. I stroke Rye’s head while he sleeps, his eyes half open, half closed, like Peeta sleeps a lot of the time. 

“I hope you look just like your daddy,” I say as I gently nudge him.

“But then you will have girls simpering on your porch all the time,” a voice says from the doorway. Peeta comes up behind Johanna, grinning broadly. I assume he’s heard me too and he and Johanna enter the room. 

“How are you feeling,” she asks as she stands by my bed. 

“Really sore. But I’m alive.” Peeta stands next to her, smiling at us.

“Can I hold mini-Peeta?” Peeta snorts and I laugh as I hand him over to her. Johanna cradles him as he continues to sleep.

“He really is beautiful,” she whispers. I nod and my eyes meet Peeta’s. He moves closer, and I shift to the side so he can sit next to me. Johanna’s eyes travel between the two of us.

“Does this mean I can finally get you out of my spare bedroom?” Peeta stiffens but I squeeze his hand and nod.

“Yes. Think I’ve tormented you and George long enough.” 

“I was getting ready to officiate the ceremony between Willow and Aran. Those two are inseparable.” 

“You’ll just have to come back to 12 really soon,” Peeta says quietly. Johanna smiles as she places Rye back into my arms.

“Sounds like a plan. What’s baker baby’s name?”

“Rye Archer Mellark,” I reply immediately. Peeta’s hand tightens around mine.

“He looks like a Rye,” Johanna says with a nod. “I bet he’ll have bouncy blonde curls when he’s older.”

“I hope so,” I say with a smile, reaching back to stroke my husband’s wavy locks.

“Jo, would you mind bringing Willow here? We’re not sure how long they are going to keep Katniss.” 

“Sure, I can do that. I’ll bring her by this afternoon.” We smile at her gratefully and after she leaves, we continue to watch Rye sleep. 

“I love his middle name,” he says as he wraps his arms around me. I’d chosen it to honor my father as well as his brother, but I hadn’t realized it’s sort of a tribute to the very thing that kept me alive. 

“The katniss plant is also known as arrowhead. It’s just perfect, I think,” he explains. 

“Bread and plants. We’re a weird pair,” I say softly. He chuckles as he pushes my hair off my forehead and kisses me there. 

“Maybe but we’re right for each other.” I nod and lean against him, closing my eyes at the sound of his steady heartbeat.

“Katniss?”

“Mmmhm?” 

“I swear to you nothing happened with Delly. I could never even think--“

“Peeta,” I cut him off and he looks scared. “It’s ok. I know. I know you would never do that to me. I’m sorry I was so hormonal and crazed. You didn’t deserve any of that but…can we try to move past it? I know neither of us will forget any of it but right now…”

“Yes,” he says firmly. “Let’s just focus on the here and now, and forget the last two weeks. We both made mistakes, let’s just agree that we love each other and move past it.” This is one of the reasons I fell in love with Peeta; he can make anyone feel better with just a few words, and he is uncommonly kind. He really is too good for this wretched world. He reaches out and strokes Rye’s head. 

“Agreed,” I say quietly. His eyes meet mine as he strokes my cheek.

“You are my whole world, Katniss.” 

“Your world just grew a little,” I grin. He smiles and kisses Rye’s head.

“You’re right. You and Willow and Rye are my miracles. I can’t fathom a life without you.”

“You don’t have to.” He kisses my cheek and I rest my head against his shoulder.   
\-----------------

Rye wakes up nearly an hour later, crying loudly. My eyes snap open and I feel Peeta shift underneath me.

“Is he ok?”

“I think he might be hungry,” I say as I fumble for my shirt. Peeta releases a tiny groan when my breast is exposed and I sharply hit his arm.

“Hey, it’s been awhile, alright,” he says indignantly. I snort as I bring Rye to my breast and bring his little hand up to my flesh. He’s having trouble latching onto my nipple and I huff in frustration.

“Here,” Peeta says softly and he very gently holds my nipple to my son’s mouth and I gasp when I feel him latch on. Peeta strokes his head while he eats and he presses his forehead to mine. 

“Well he’s a greedy little thing, like his father.” His brow shoots up.

“Who just demanded a pound of cheesebuns?” I grin and shrug. He shakes his head at me and I lean into him while we watch Rye eat. When he’s finished eating, I button   
my shirt back up and he falls fast asleep. Peeta and I are content to hold him while we lean against each other.   
\-----------------------------------

There is a knock at the door and Peeta untangles himself from my arms to go answer it.

“Daddy!” There is a flash of dark hair as Willow throws herself into Peeta’s open arms. He lifts her off the floor, hugging her tightly and I feel my heart sink with guilt and regret. How could I ever believe he would hurt his daughter? 

“I missed you,” she says in a voice muffled by his shoulder.

“I missed you too, my princess. But Mommy and I want you to meet someone.” He sets her down and tugs her over to our bed. Willow’s wide eyes lock on her brother and she hesitantly reaches out to touch him.

“It’s so little.”

“That’s your baby brother, Willow,” Peeta says in her ear. “His name is Rye and I’ve already told him you are going to take very good care of him. Isn’t that right?” She nods and gently rubs her index finger over his head with the lightest of touches. Johanna sits in a chair next to the door and smiles over at us. Willow continues to look amazed.

“He’s squishy.” Both Peeta and I laugh and Peeta nods.

“I guess you could say that. Babies are very soft and pudgy. You were the same way when you were born.”

“I was?” 

“Ask Aunty Jo. She was there too.” Willow turns to Johanna and she nods.

“You had the cutest chubby cheeks,” Johanna confirms and Willow’s hands move up to her own cheeks, rubbing them with a frown. Peeta chuckles and pulls her hands away, kissing them.

“We thought you were perfect. And you’ve grown into a beautiful princess. Now your baby brother is finally here and Mama and I will need your help with him. Ok?”

“Yes Daddy.” Peeta squeezes her hand and she looks up at me.

“Are we still living at Aunty Jo’s house?” I capture Peeta’s gaze over Willow’s head and I smile before I look back at her and shake my head. 

“No sweetheart. We’re going home with Daddy.” Willow turns and throws her arms around her father’s legs. Peeta picks her up and kisses her cheek. He brings her over to the bed and we all sit together in silence. Johanna has slipped out of the room to give us some privacy and we all stare at the newest addition to the Mellark family until the nurse comes in and gently says that visiting hours are almost over. Johanna comes back in and takes Willow’s hand. 

“Oh, and happy birthday bread boy,” she says softly.

“Thanks Jo. I’ll see you soon, Willow.” She hugs Peeta again, then hugs me carefully. She bends down and kisses Rye’s head and the sight tugs at my heart. 

“Bye Mommy. Bye baby brother,” she whispers very softly. Johanna smiles and leads her out of the room. Peeta yawns and I shift under the blankets.

“I’m sure she would let you stay in the spare bedroom if you want to go get some rest.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m leaving you two right now. Besides, I have been resting. And I’m not the one who really needs it.” 

“The dark circles under your eyes say otherwise.” He stiffens and sighs. 

“I still can’t sleep without you.” 

“I know,” I say softly. “Me too.” He rushes forward and climbs into bed with me, moving the pillow aside so he can sit behind me and pull me against his chest. His arms wrap around us, sliding under mine to hold Rye. He pulls the blanket up to make sure I am warm enough and he kisses my hair. Surrounded by his love, I quickly drift off to sleep.   
\------------------

The doctors feel that I am developing some kind of infection so they insist on keeping me in the hospital for a whole week. I’m sure I drive Peeta crazy but he never complains; he’s always holding Rye and has even taken him out of the room a few times to walk around with him. I love to watch them together. My boys.   
Willow keeps asking us when we are going home and I am frustrated every time I answer with “I don’t know”. Peeta steers her out of the room and walks around with our children; I’m slightly jealous. I am dying to get out of this bed but the doctors tell me to rest as much as possible.

If I rest any more, I think I’ll go out of my mind. 

I’m both relieved and surprised that Willow has not brought up ‘the incident’ with her father. She asked me for days if Daddy was alright and she kept apologizing for going into his studio without his permission. Though she is correct in feeling guilty about that, she can’t be guilty about his flashback and I tell her it is not her fault. One day we will have to sit her down and talk to her about it. I’m not looking forward to that day.   
Finally, I am cleared to go home and Johanna brings a squealing Willow to the hospital, along with our bags. Peeta sees to our train tickets back to 12 and we leave the hospital, laden down with gifts and balloons and flowers from well-wishers. 

Our welcome home party is very private; Annie, Finn, Analise, Haymitch, and Effie. I notice Delly is absent but I don’t bring it up; I have no idea what happened with them after I left the district. I’d hate to think Peeta and Delly’s friendship is over because she is his oldest friend; but another part of me is afraid that she will try to seduce him again. She’s getting ready to have another baby and from what Peeta has told me in the past, her marriage is rocky at best. So what, she thinks since her marriage is falling apart she can take mine with hers? The more I think about it, the angrier I get and only when Peeta squeezes my hand do I notice that I am scowling. He leans in to kiss my cheek.

“If looks could kill, Katniss. What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” I say quickly, determined to push Delly out of my head.   
Finn presents Peeta with a small birthday cake and Peeta grins as he blows out the candles. He leans in to kiss me and cups my chin.

“I already have everything I could ever want and more,” he whispers before giving me a soft kiss.   
Haymitch holds baby Rye while Effie gazes at him adoringly. I never asked why they didn’t have children. I’d say Effie wants them but maybe Haymitch was against it, after everything he has seen and been through. In any case, I feel like it is too private to ask my former mentor and escort.   
Everyone congratulates us and says that Rye looks so much like Peeta; personally I agree, despite his olive skin and his grey eyes. His face is Peeta’s. Annie says when Finn was born, he had a head full of dark hair that fell out when he was 6 months old and became bronze curls that rivaled his father’s, so I really hope that happens with Rye too. Willow climbs into Haymitch’s lap and falls asleep with her head on his chest. He grins over at us and I don’t even recognize that surly old drunk I met on the train all those years ago. 

Annie pats my hand before they leave and kisses Peeta’s cheek.

“You let me know if you need anything, ok? And Katniss, get plenty of rest. I’m sure your mother will be calling to check up on you very soon.”

“Thanks for the dinner, Annie, you didn’t have to go through that trouble.”

“It was no trouble at all. I’m glad to see everyone so happy again. Happy belated birthday, Peeta.” She gives him a warm smile and follows her son out. Peeta closes the door and picks up our sleeping daughter off the couch.

“I’m going to put her to bed,” he whispers. “You want to put Rye in the nursery and I’ll be in there in a minute?”

It’s just occurred to me that I have not seen the new nursery. As before, Peeta asked that I stay out until it was done and I don’t know if it was completed before I ran away. I follow him up the stairs and watch him lay Willow in her bed, before I continue on down the hall to the nursery.

I can’t help but releasing a sharp gasp when I enter the room. 

When Peeta created Willow’s nursery, we weren’t sure of the sex so we stuck with neutral colors. This room has a masculine feel to it but he’s kept a few of his original ideas from Willow’s nursery.

The walls are a deep green with a gorgeous sunset painted near the top. A huge tree is on the opposite wall and sitting on the branches are delicate little mockingjays that look real enough to touch. On another wall is a beautiful meadow filled with dandelions and if I close my eyes, I can feel the breeze blowing through my hair. We kept Willow’s furniture and the rich mahogany fits perfectly with the woodsy feel of the room. Above the crib is a sunshine mobile.   
I feel rather than hear him come up behind me and I turn my head a little.

“Peeta this is incredible.” 

“You really like it?”

“It’s perfect. He’s going to love it too.” I lay Rye in his crib and we watch him shift around to get comfortable while Peeta wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. When Rye stops wriggling around, Peeta starts to tug me out of the room but I want to stay in here awhile longer. It’s like being in the middle of my woods. 

“Let’s go to bed, honey,” he whispers and I nod, finally turning to follow him. 

I use the restroom and find him in bed wearing only a pair of his flannel pajama pants. His glasses slide down his nose as he reads and I sigh heavily, remembering that I didn’t get him anything for his birthday. I glance down at my body and bite my lip, my fists clenching and unclenching by my sides. I wish I looked a little more attractive for him right now. I head back into the bathroom and strip out of my clothes and pull on a robe over my naked body. I run my hand through my hair, making it look a little mussed and I give my reflection a quick survey. UGH is all I can think. But I know Peeta and I know how much he loves me. He won’t be bothered by the extra weight; feeling extremely self-conscious, I head back out and over to the bed. He doesn’t look up while I climb into bed and I chew on my lip, deciding my next actions. I tug the book out of his hand and he finally looks up at me, his brow raised. I throw my leg over him and sit on his chest and his hands fly into the air. 

“Katniss, what-?” I cut him off as I thrust my tongue into his mouth and he moans as his hands tangle in my hair. I feel his erection rising against my core; good. I’d hoped to get him nice and hard before I even touch him. I can’t give him sex but I can give him a birthday blowjob. It’s about all I have the energy for. Maybe not even that but I can muster up the strength for him. I grind against him and hide my pained wince. Rye’s birth was hard on me and I had to be stitched up and observed. I climb off of him and move down between his legs. He leans up on his elbows and watches me with his mouth wide open.

“Katniss,” he whispers. “You don’t have to--“

“Yes I do, Peeta. We didn’t celebrate your birthday.” I’m pulling at the waistband of his pants when he leans down and takes my face in his hands.

“No, you don’t,” he says gently. “Please don’t feel like you have to do anything for me right now. I’m completely happy with my other birthday present. I don’t need anything else.”

“Are you talking about Rye?”

“Of course. Rye, and the fact that you are healthy and alive. Really, Katniss, that’s all I need. I know you’re not feeling well and I would never ask you for anything you’re not ready for.” My eyes swim at his goodness. I move up to kiss him and it’s less forceful this time; I take my time savoring his taste, moving my tongue against his and biting his lip as I move away. His eyes darken as they move over my face and I smile before I lean down to suck at his throat. My tongue runs along his strong jaw line and he tilts his head back into the pillows. I kiss down his body and when I reach his cock I see that he is completely erect. I no longer feel that I have to do this; I want it. I want it as much as he does, maybe even more. I hold his erection between my fingers and place a light kiss against his tip. He hisses and moans my name. My tongue teases him until his hips launch off the bed, his cock positively screaming for my lips to wrap around him. He moans deeply when I pull away but his eyes widen when he sees my hands go to the ties of my robe; he sits straight up when he sees I am wearing nothing underneath. He tugs the robe down my arms and throws it aside, his hands resting on my full breasts. I lean back down and take him back into my mouth; I know he loves to watch me and he loves it even more when I am naked. He mutters my name over and over, accompanied by “more” and “please” and a few “oh fucks”. I oblige and hear him gasp as I take him deeper and deeper. 

“Oh…my god,” he stammers as he hastily holds my hair out of my face. I place my palm on his thigh and use my other hand to play with his balls, squeezing and palming them and driving him crazy. He tosses his head and writhes on the bed. 

“Katniss,” he moans. “I’m gonna…I can’t…”

“You can let go, Peeta,” I say against his skin before giving him a kiss. I can tell he is trying to hold on for as long as possible. Possibly because it’s been awhile since we’ve done this or possibly because he knows it might be awhile before we do it again. Either way, his stomach clenches and I rub my palm over his chest. 

“Katniss! Ah! Shit!” I feel him shoot against my throat and I struggle to swallow everything he offers before I pull away with a sucking motion that makes him gasp and jerk upwards. He gasps for breath as I kiss my way back up to his lips and he holds my face in his hands while his tongue dances against mine. His glasses are askew and I pull them off and set them on the table by the bed.

“Thank you,” he gasps. “You know you didn’t have to do that.”

“I know. But I wanted to. I like seeing you that way. I like hearing you breathless and moaning my name. It’s a rush.” He chuckles as he kisses my forehead and pulls me down next to him. His fingers are gently as they travel up my stomach and over my breasts. His heart is racing and I snuggle deeper into his embrace.

“Happy birthday, Peeta.” 

“Thank you, Mrs. Mellark. It was an amazing one. Maybe one of my best ever.” 

“I’m glad,” I say sleepily. I feel him kiss my forehead as sleep pulls at me.


	29. Chapter 29

I’m extremely grateful that Katniss’s depression hasn’t set in since Rye was born. When Willow was born, she didn’t move from her bed and I had no idea how to help her. But now, she seems determined to take care of herself so she can take care of her family.  
I love her even more for that. 

When I told her in the hospital that we will try to move past the Delly incident, I meant it. I know most people would call us crazy for burying a problem like that, but I know Katniss’s hormonal rages make her irrational at times. And I have Finn to thank for reminding me it wasn’t completely irrational. All in all, though, we’ve chosen not to talk about it and though I still don’t take Delly’s calls, Katniss and I are doing just fine. I know eventually we will have to talk to our friend, though. There’s no way around it. And we are Dex’s and Lila’s godparents. I have no idea what I will say to her but this silence can’t continue. I think Katniss has gotten used to our little bubble of safety while I’ve been home but that bubble will pop before we know it. 

As with Willow, I’ve taken time off from the bakery. Rye is 6 weeks old today and Katniss is insisting I go back to work. 

I can’t seem to leave his side. 

Willow slept through the night, for the most part but Rye refuses to sleep. Katniss and I both have deep circles under our eyes. Our little bundle of joy is a handful. 

Willow grumbles about it at breakfast. Her excitement at having a little brother has dimmed dramatically and I hear her asking Katniss one day if we can return him to wherever he came from. Katniss gave her a shocked look but I couldn’t help but laugh at my daughter. 

In addition to crying through the night, Rye is apparently a very greedy eater. Katniss’s breasts are sore and very red from his constant feeding. And he is not as gentle with her nipples as Willow was; I’ve heard her cry out on more than one occasion and I make a mental note to ask our doctor about it at our check up next week. I haven’t touched my wife since the day we brought Rye home. Not that I thought she would be ready for intimacy this soon; I learned with Willow that she needs time and I’ll give her that. But any time my hands start to wander, she cries out and swats at me and my hands return to my lap. She’s sore all over and very grumpy that she hasn’t lost any of the baby weight. Personally I still find her more than beautiful. As with her first pregnancy, she gets self-conscious and I am just happy to see a little meat on her bones. I love a curvy Katniss, though, almost as much as I love a pregnant Katniss. I have to stop myself from picturing her riding me fiercely with her bouncy breasts jiggling from side to side or my fingers digging into her thick thighs as I slam into her over and over. 

Ah damn it, I’ve been awake with morning wood for a few minutes and now it’s getting even worse. Katniss still sleeps beside me; Rye was awake all night last night and Katniss just fed him at 5 this morning. Unfortunately for me, the baker hours will never leave my system. I sigh and throw the covers aside. I take a quick shower where I hastily jerk off to those same indecent thoughts about my wife and I lean against the wall, my forehead pressed to my arm. When I’ve gotten myself together, I hurry out of the room and find Willow tiptoeing down the hall.

“Hey sweetheart, what are you doing?” She presses a finger to her lips and rolls at her eyes at the nursery. I grin and tug her downstairs so I can make some breakfast for the two of us. 

“Why does he ALWAYS cry,” she asks as I set a plate of cinnamon rolls in front of her. 

“Because he’s a baby, Willow. Babies cry.”

“Did I?” I smile at my exasperated daughter.

“Yes, you did. Babies just can’t tell us what they need so they cry to get our attention.”

“Does he want a cinnamon roll?” I chuckle and cup her chin.

“No I don’t think that’s what he wants. Although he will probably be hungry when he wakes up again. Let’s let your mama sleep as much as she can though, alright? She was up--“ I freeze at the sound of a shrill crying. Willow rolls her eyes and huffs and I hastily kiss her head.

“Stay here.” I run upstairs to the nursery, hoping to soothe him before he wakes Katniss. 

“Hey, hey, you’re ok,” I say softly as I pick up my son and rock him against my chest. His cries don’t abate so I carry him downstairs, hoping to quiet him in the kitchen. I wish I had a bottle to give him but Katniss hasn’t pumped yet; I make another mental note to ask her if she will pump enough for a few bottles. It might be better for her too, since she is so sore. I stroke his head as he continues to scream. I wince as his cries seem to be getting louder.

“Rye, come on now, you just ate like 2 hours ago!” 

“Make it stop, Daddy,” Willow screams, her hands over her ears.

“Willow, sh! No screaming--“

“I can’t hear anything with him screaming,” she continues to shriek. “Stop crying!” 

“Willow, that’s enough,” I say sharply, trying to put my finger to my lips. Rye’s cries are just getting louder and I throw my head back in frustration. Willow shoves her plate back and hops down from her chair, giving her brother a disgusted look before she runs out of the room. I sigh and walk back and forth, attempting to calm him.   
Nothing is working. I hate it when I can’t calm my child; I feel inadequate and useless. 

“Please don’t wake your mommy,” I say desperately. “C’mon buddy, just tell me what’s wrong so I can help you!” I feel his diaper and shake my head. I rub my eyes and groan. 

“Dear god, just make it stop,” I mutter as I pace the room. 

“He’s probably hungry again,” I can barely hear her soft voice across the room. I glance up and my face falls. 

“I’m sorry. I really tried to stop him before he woke you.”

“He’s a baby, Peeta. Babies cry.”

“Willow didn’t cry this much.”

“All babies are different. Isn’t that what all your books say?” Sighing, I nod and I pass him to my bleary-eyed wife. She hasn’t even bothered to put on a shirt, despite how cold it’s gotten; she’s still wearing the robe she grabbed as she ran to him this morning. She lifts her breast to my son’s mouth and I can see how chapped her nipples are.

“Don’t look,” she mutters, glancing up at me.

“Katniss, you know I don’t…” I trail off with a sigh. No use in stirring up an argument right now when we are both so exhausted. I turn away and pour her a glass of water.

“Have you thought about using your breast pump? I could feed him and you wouldn’t have to get up so many times during the night.” She takes the glass from me and drains it. 

“I’ve been thinking about it but I want to discuss it with Dr. Mersa before we make that decision. I enjoyed breastfeeding Willow because it was something of a bonding between us. Rye is wearing me out though.” She winces as he continues to suck. Her wince becomes a pained moan.

“Ok baby, slow down,” she tries to pull her breast from his mouth but my son holds on and she bites her lip in pain.

“Ouch! Rye, can you…damn it, just slow down will you?” She huffs and shakes her head and I shrug apologetically; unfortunately I’m quite useless in this department. 

“What was Willow screaming about?”

“I don’t think she’s too fond of being woken up by her baby brother,” I say tiredly. “It’ll be good when she goes back to school.”

“This is the strangest school schedule I have ever seen. Why are they starting back so late? And then she will be out again for the holidays!” I can only shrug. Since 12 was rebuilt, a lot has changed since we were kids. The schools especially. 

“Maybe you should take her somewhere fun today. Just the two of you.” I admit I love the idea but I don’t like the idea of leaving Katniss alone with a screaming baby.

“Why don’t I take care of Rye and you take Willow out?”

“Because you don’t have a breast,” she says pointedly. Oh. Fair point. 

“You could pump…” I suggest half-heartedly and she rolls her eyes.

“Peeta, I’ll be fine. Willow needs to know we are still paying attention to her needs. We don’t want her to resent her brother. Please. Go have some fun for me.” I chuckle and kiss her forehead.

“If you insist. Can I bring you anything?” She shrugs and glances back down at our son. 

“Something to knock this kid out for a few hours.” 

“Don’t think that would get you parent of the year award.”

“It would get me sleep.” She yawns and I pull her close, careful not to squash our son between us. 

“Ok, I’ll go tell Willow. You call Annie or Haymitch if you need anything.” She nods and I kiss her hair before I head upstairs to find my daughter sulking on her bed.

“Hey princess, get dressed. We’re going out.” Her demeanor changes immediately and she jumps to her feet.

“Where?” 

“How about I take you riding?” 

“Yeaaaaaaaaaah!” She runs around her room, grabbing her riding gear and boots and I grin as I back out of the room.   
\---------------------------------------------------------

Despite the fact that neither Katniss nor I have ever been on a horse (save for the chariots in the Tribute Parades but we don’t count that) our daughter has taken to horseback riding extremely well. Finn took her when she was a lot younger and I positively freaked out when I found out; he assured me she did great and he rode with her the whole time. Colton is patient and kind with Willow and I watch from the fence as he helps her up onto the horse. It looks much too big for her but Colton keeps a firm hand on the horse’s reigns so I feel a bit better.

“Daddy, come ride with me!”

“Daddy doesn’t do so well on horses,” I chuckle. “But you look so great, honey! We will have to come back with Mommy so she can see you too.”

“Don’t bring that noisy thing,” she says with a perfect Katniss scowl. I frown.

“Willow, that’s your brother not a thing. And that’s not a very nice thing to say about him.” Her scowl deepens and Colton looks vastly uncomfortable with our argument. I shrug it off, focusing on keeping my daughter happy. She goes back to school next week so I think she’ll be happier then. As Katniss said, we just need to make sure Willow doesn’t feel abandoned. Bialy once told me, when I was born, Ryean tried to drop me down the stairs. I didn’t believe him and thought he was only being cruel. Years later, I asked Ryean about it and laughing, he admitted it was true. I was shocked and a little hurt. 

“Why would you do that? It would have…killed me,” I’d said in a quiet voice.

“I didn’t think of it like that, Peet. You know you’re my favorite brother now…but I was so jealous of all the attention you were getting, Dad just completely forgot about me and doted on you all the time. I was so mad at you for so long. Luckily Mom saw me holding you above the stairs and she gave me a good whooping that day, but I was just a little kid. Don’t take it too personal.” 

It’s hard not to take that too personal but I swear on my brother’s grave that I won’t be like Dad; I’ll pay attention to both of my children and be there whenever one of them needs me. 

Colton leads Willow’s horse around the corral and even starts her up in a trot. I applaud loudly and she gives me a broad grin. 

After she helps Colton brush down the horse and we thank him, I suggest some lunch and she eagerly agrees. I take her to one of my favorite places near the bakery and tell her to order whatever she wants. I smile at her goofy grin as she digs into her chocolate cake. I smile even wider when she says the cake isn’t as good as mine. 

I check my watch as the waitress brings us our check.

“We should probably head back home soon. Mama will be worried about us if we stay out much longer.” Her shoulders slump and she nods, looking miserable.

“OK.”

“Hey,” I cup her chin and gaze into her eyes…my eyes. “You’re doing a good job of helping us out. You just need to remember your promise to look after your brother and keep in mind it won’t be like this forever. You’re not waking us up screaming at the top of your lungs anymore,” she giggles as I kiss her nose. “Mama and Daddy love you. We will always love you. You’ll always be our little princess.” She nods and leans in to wrap her arms around me. I kiss her hair and tug on her hand so I can drive us home.   
\-----------------------

I should have known something would swoop in and crush this great feeling in my heart. I’d had a troubled feeling the moment we had left the house this morning; I’ve said time and time again I don’t want to leave Katniss at home alone with the baby. I need to trust my instincts more.

As we drive up into Victor’s Village, our lawn is bustling with people. I see Haymitch talking to a doctor while Annie and Finn kneel next to another doctor and a still figure on the grass. My eyes widen in horror as I get out of the car.

“Willow, stay in the car.” As I get closer, I see that the still figure is my wife and the grass underneath her is red with blood. 

“Katniss!” Haymitch’s head whips around and he hurries forward to grab me before I can fling myself on top of her.

“Let go of me! Katniss! Katniss!” 

“Peeta, calm down,” he says in my ear. “Just calm down, please.”

“What happened…what…is she…” tears are streaming down my face as I stare at her pale face. 

“Finn,” he barks. “Take Willow over to my house.” Finn nods and hurries over to the car. I can vaguely register him carrying Willow away from this scene of horror and I hope very much she can’t see anything. I’d imagine she would be screaming for her mother, as I am. Haymitch drags me away and I bend over, my head between my knees.

“Deep breaths,” I hear him say. “Just take it easy. Breathe in, breathe out. Steady your feet on the earth underneath you. That’s it.” I focus on my breathing but find it incredibly difficult to calm down when I still have no idea what is going on. 

“Haymitch,” I gasp out. “What happened?”

“She tripped on the stairs, kid. Doc says she has a minor concussion and she might have broken her leg. They’re taking her to the hospital.” A terrible thought pops into   
my mind and I blanch.

“Rye? Was he-?”

“She had just put him down for a nap,” he explains softly. “Effie has him at our place.” I nod gratefully and close my eyes and exhale. Haymitch claps me on the back and I walk back over to where Katniss is, much calmer than I was a second ago. 

“We are taking her to the hospital, Mr. Mellark. Would you like to ride along?” What a stupid question! I only nod and the doctors lift Katniss and set her into the truck. I turn back to Haymitch and bite my lip.

“Just go, kid. We’ll watch the little ones.” Again, I can only nod and I climb into the truck with Katniss, quickly finding her hand and squeezing it. I blink back tears at how still and pale she is but I can’t look away. 

 

When we arrive at the hospital, the doctor barks out to other doctors that the bleeding isn’t stopping and they need to get her into surgery. I feel like I am going to pass out. 

“Mr. Mellark, I know this is difficult but I need you to wait in the waiting area. We will keep you informed.” Numbly, I walk over to a chair and sink down into it. I hide my face in my hands and just let the tears and grief consume me.   
\-----------------------------------------------------

I have no idea how long it’s been; I’ve lost all concept of time. People keep scurrying past me, muttering under their breath so I imagine I look like a frightful mess. And yet all I can keep saying to myself is “why did I leave her alone?” 

I register someone standing in front of me and I look up. The man gives me a sad smile and he holds out his hand for me to shake. As if I have the strength to even move right now.

“Mr. Mellark, I’m Giles Brandon. Call me Giles.”

“Peeta,” I say in a cracked voice.

“Peeta, I’m going to be honest with you. We weren’t completely sure if your wife would make it. It was more than a little concussion; her skull was fractured in two places and the bleeding wouldn’t stop. But your Girl on Fire is a survivor and she’s going to pull through. She’s also broken two bones in her leg so we’re looking at a pretty long recovery process. She won’t have to spend it all here though.”

“Good because no offense but Katniss hates hospitals.” He chuckles lightly.

“I can imagine. She should be waking up soon from the anesthesia, I thought you would like to be there when she wakes up.” I nod and follow him through the doors and down the long hallways.   
I wince when I see Katniss lying in the hospital bed with tubes coming out of her arms and nose, and her hair matted with blood. I pull a chair over and take her hand in mine.

“I’ll be back when she wakes up,” Giles tells me. I nod without looking away from Katniss. I lean forward to rest my chin on her bed and I fall asleep just like that.  
\----------------------------------------

I feel her shift and my eyes pop open. 

“Ouch,” I mutter as there is a painful crick in my neck from my sleeping position. Katniss jerks her hand from mine and clutches her blankets. She’s tossing and writhing all over the place, like she does when she is having a nightmare.

“Shhh Katniss, you’re ok honey. Open your eyes. I’m right here.” Her eyes open slowly but instead of relief, they are filled with confusion and terror. She leans back further into the pillow and grips the sheets tightly. Noticing her tubes, she picks one up and tries to pull at it. My hands dart out.

“Katniss, don’t--“ 

“Oh good, I was hoping you would be up,” her nurse comes in and notices Katniss is awake. “I have some lunch for you both, if you’d like.” Katniss’s brow furrows and she looks even more confused, looking between the nurse and me. I watch her as the panic grows even more on her face. She looks up at me and her eyes meet mine.

“Peeta… Mellark? What, um…what are you doing here?” I frown and open my mouth uncertainly. She sits up and looks around.

“Where am I? Where’s my mom? And Prim?” My eyes widen in horror. The nurse glances at me, looking uncertain. 

“Katniss,” I say slowly. “You know who I am, right?”

“I just said your name didn’t I,” she scowls. “The question is, why are you here? Is Gale here? Am I in a hospital?” My heart twists painfully. 

“Fetch Doctor Brandon! Now,” I hear the nurse behind me yell into the hallway. 

“Is someone going to tell me what’s going on? Did I fall or something?”

“Yes,” I say softly. “You fell out of a tree.” She snorts.

“You obviously don’t know me at all, Peeta Mellark. I don’t fall out of trees.” The way she keeps saying my name, like I am a stranger, twists my insides completely. 

“What’s wrong here,” I hear the doctor enter the room. Katniss crosses her arms.

“I want Prim. And my mom. And I want him to leave,” she points at me and Giles stares at me. Comprehension dawns on his face and he clears his throat.

“Miss…Everdeen, Mr. Mellark just found you unconscious and brought you into the hospital. Your mother has been notified and she says she is on her way. Mr. Mellark just wanted to stay with you until she gets here.”

“Oh,” Katniss chews on her lip, looking up at me. “Well…thank you, Peeta.” I swallow thickly and nod. 

“Excuse us for a moment,” Giles puts his hand on my back and steers me out of the room. Out in the hall, he runs a hand through his hair.

“I was afraid something like this would happen.” 

“Something like this?”

“Long term memory loss…it’s common for head trauma but it’s temporary, more often than not. She’s just forgotten some things.”

“Some things…she doesn’t know who the fuck I am!” Giles winces at my tone. 

“I’m aware of that, Peeta, but--“

“She thinks Prim is still alive! She doesn’t remember that we are married and we have children! What the fuck am I supposed to do?!”

“OK calm down, Peeta. I don’t want you to…just calm down and take a deep breath.” Apparently my episodes are common knowledge all around Panem. He doesn’t want me to go into a flashback and I inhale and exhale. 

“What are we going to do,” I ask quietly.

“There’s not a lot we can do except wait for her memory to come back.”

“And what if it doesn’t? Am I supposed to go home to my daughter and tell her that her mother doesn’t remember us?” He shifts uncomfortably and shakes his head.

“Perhaps you should go home while we…try to figure this out.” The last thing I want to do is leave her alone but I can’t comfort her right now. Staying with her would   
probably alarm her even more. 

“You told her that her mother is on her way. You had better call her and get her here.”

“I thought she lives in 4 now?”

“She does but Katniss doesn’t know that. And she needs someone close to her. Prim and Gale are both out of the question, obviously, so her mother is the only other person.”

“She didn’t know you when you were younger?” I shake my head.

“She only knew me in passing. I didn’t confess I loved her until we were Reaped. To her, I’m only the Baker’s son.” He sighs.

“This complicates things a bit.” 

“I’d say that’s an understatement,” I say coldly before I turn to go back into Katniss’s room. She looks up from her lunch and cocks her head.

“These aren’t as good as your dad’s,” she holds up a roll and I gulp audibly. 

“Listen Katniss, your mother is tending to a sick patient on the outskirts of town right now. Prim is with her. She says she can’t get away yet. Can I bring you anything while you wait?” 

“No that’s ok,” she says, hanging her head.

“Are you sure?”

“Well…you could ask Gale to bring me some things, if you wouldn’t mind?” My jaw clenches but I nod.

“I don’t mind going to your house to get them.”

“You know where I live?” She sounds surprised.

“I mean, yeah, I’ve been to the Seam before.” 

“Oh. I thought the witch-- I mean, your mother, would never let you step foot into the Seam,” she shoots me an apologetic look and plays with the sheets in her lap.

“I’ve been there plenty of times. And Prim has even invited me in for tea when you were in the woods,” it’s not exactly a lie. Prim did invite me in when we all moved to Victor’s Village, whenever Katniss wasn’t around. Her brow shoots up in surprise. “So what can I bring you from your house?”

“There’s an old book in the kitchen, it has a flower on the front of it--“

“Your dad’s plant book?” Her eyes widen.

“How do you know about that?” I rub my face with my hands.

“I’ve just seen it around. I’ll bring you the book, and anything else?” 

“Some clothes would be nice. And my dad’s brown leather jacket, if you could.”

“Of course. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” 

“Thanks Peeta. I mean…I guess it shouldn’t surprise me,” she mutters the last part and hangs her head again. I stop and frown.

“What do you mean?” She shrugs and I move closer.

“Katniss, what are you talking about?”

“It doesn’t surprise me that no one would make time for me,” she finally says in a defeated voice. “She’ll take care of sick strangers but god forbid she react when her daughter is in trouble.” She sighs heavily and I feel a strong anger toward my mother-in-law. Katniss shakes her head. “I guess no one really needs me.” 

“I do,” I say firmly without thinking. “I need you.” She looks up with wide eyes and I feel my throat has gone dry. I open and close my mouth several times, searching for words. When I find none, I spin on my heel and open the door. 

How I want to kiss her goodbye but I force myself to leave before I start to cry again.   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Effie opens the door with a somber look on her face. Haymitch is sprawled on the couch, holding my sleeping son against his chest. I must look as terrible as I feel because Effie’s shaking hands rub circles on my back as she encourages me to sit down.

“Is she alright?” Define alright. She’s alive, if that’s what you mean. But she cracked her skull, broke her leg, and oh yeah, can’t remember anything about her life right now.

“She’s alive,” is all I say. 

“Peeta?” I hear the question in Haymitch’s voice but I don’t answer. I can’t. 

“The doctor said that she just must have been so tired, the poor dear just missed the step,” Effie says quietly. 

“It’s that stupid baby’s fault,” I suddenly hear a voice ring out. I look up and see Willow leaning over the stairwell, her face red with anger.

“His fault! His fault Mommy is hurt!” 

“Willow--“ but she disappears and I hear her crying loudly as she runs up the stairs and slams the door shut. I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.

“She’ll be ok,” Haymitch says. “She’s too young to really understand.” Oh but my daughter is a lot smarter than we give her credit for. 

“I need to go talk to her,” but I don’t move, only sinking further down into the chair. 

“Well if Katniss is awake, maybe you would like to take Willow to see her,” Effie suggests gently. 

“Katniss won’t know who she is.” Haymitch and Effie stare at me, stunned.

“Come again?” 

“You heard me,” I nod, looking straight into his eyes. “Her injury caused her to have some memory loss. Meaning she has no idea that I’m her husband, she thinks Prim is still alive, and she wants to know why Gale isn’t there too.” Haymitch’s eyes look like they are about to pop out of his head.

“Oh dear,” Effie sniffles. I bend over and put my head between my knees.

“I really can’t do this,” I say in a muffled voice. 

“What does the doctor say about her memory?”

“He says it’s probably only temporary but come on, Effie, how am I supposed to last a night without her, raising these two?” 

“You have us,” she says firmly. “We will help you with whatever you need. You’re not alone in this.”

“Effie’s right. And we just have to hope that the doc is right and that it’s temporary. You should go talk to Willow and then go get some sleep. You won’t do anyone any good if you are dead on your feet.”

“I told Katniss I would bring her some things from her house. Granted she meant her house in the Seam but I don’t want her to be all alone at the hospital. I don’t know how long it will take Iris to come here or if she will even come.”

“They called her?”

“I told them to. She’s the only other person Katniss would want to see right now. We can’t exactly call Prim and seeing Gale all grown up might alarm her even more.”

“And it didn’t alarm her with you? You’re not the same little boy she knew.” 

“Well, no, but I don’t look as grown as Gale.” I don’t mean that in a bad way; it’s just the last time I saw Gale, he had a full beard and long hair. He was always muscular but his new position in 2 made him even more built. My hair is still the same wavy locks that cover my forehead and I have the faintest trace of blonde facial hair. I guess in a way I still look like I did when I was Reaped. I stand and catch sight of myself in the mirror hanging over the couch.

OK, maybe not. 

Looking at myself, I don’t really know how Katniss recognized me. I’m definitely not the same and neither is she.

Oh god. What happens if she studies her body and starts asking questions about her scars?  
What if she notices her birth scars? The slice on her wrist from when she tried to take her own life?   
Her wedding ring?

I clutch my head with both hands and groan.

“I have to get back to the hospital. I don’t know what I’m going to say but…I can’t just leave her like that.”

“Be careful, kid,” Haymitch warns me. I glance up at the closed door that my daughter is sobbing behind but I shake my head. As much as I want to comfort my daughter, I need to get back to my wife.

I stop by my house and grab Katniss’s hunting jacket that once belonged to her father. I shove the plant book under my arm but then think better of it. Katniss and I have added so much to the book and it would confuse her to see my drawings. I grab a few books from her shelf so she will have something to read, and stuff some clothes into a bag. Glancing around, I try to think of anything else I can bring her. But our life together is scattered all around the house. There isn’t a whole lot that belongs to only one of us; the few relics she salvaged after 12 was bombed are on the table beside the bed, along with some of her other possessions and even some of those somehow involve me. The locket I gave her in the Quell, the glass flower I bought her before we were married, framed pictures of both ultrasound pictures, a painting I did of Katniss and I holding Willow, and a blue ribbon that belonged to Prim. 

 

When I get to the hospital, I rush up to Katniss’s room and see Giles getting ready to go in too. 

“Oh, Peeta,” he looks surprised to see me. 

“I couldn’t just stay away. I just kept thinking of what she will say when she sees her wedding ring and her scars and…I just can’t let her be that confused.”

“She’s going to be confused, no matter what. And her mother isn’t answering so we can’t get her here. You’ll have to try to calm her down.” Fantastic. Easier said than done. I follow him into the room and Katniss huffs impatiently.

“Doctor, I’m feeling fine now. When can I go home?”

“I’m sorry Miss Everdeen. We’re still running some tests. You hit your head pretty hard and we want to make sure you are alright before we send you home.” She throws herself back against the pillow and crosses her arms. I have a glimpse of what a younger Katniss looks like and I can’t help but grin. I notice her wedding ring has been removed and set on her table. I clear my throat and hand her the bag of clothes.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t find the plant book but I grabbed a couple of books for you to read.” She pulls it out and gives it a distasteful look.

“This must belong to Prim. I don’t own any of these sappy romance books.” It’s actually her favorite one but I don’t tell her that. She pulls another one out, a terrible Capitol romance that Effie had given her with an illustration of a shirtless man and a nearly naked woman on the front; she flushes red, lets out a little squeak, and drops it on the floor as if it’s bitten her. It’s endearing, really, to see how innocent she once was. She digs out the jacket and spreads it over her lap, sighing with relief. 

“Is it ok if I put on some clothes,” she asks Giles and he nods.

“Of course. I’ll give you some privacy and will be back in a moment.” The door closes behind me and Katniss looks up with a raised brow.

“Um…Peeta?”

“Oh! Sorry! I’ll just be outside.” Closing my eyes, I lean against the wall and sigh. 

“I know it’s hard, Peeta,” Giles says off to my left. “But you’re doing great.” I wait a few moments before I knock and reenter.   
Katniss doesn’t say anything but she is staring down at the shirt I bought her and I mentally kick myself for not looking for something older. It looks too new, and the material…oh damn it.

“Where did this come from,” she says with a frown.

“Um…your closet?” 

“I could never own something this nice,” her head snaps up and her eyes narrow. “What game are you playing here, Mellark?”

“I’m not playing any kind of game, Katniss. I didn’t buy it and sneak it here for you if that’s what you’re implying.”

“That’s exactly what I’m implying! I don’t need your charity!” I’m shocked when she rips the shirt over her head and flings it at me; I guess her pride overrides her discomfort with nudity because she definitely isn’t wearing a bra. She glares up at me and crosses her arms over her chest. But her brow raises and she looks surprised, lowering her arms a little and looking down at herself. I can see the wheels turning in her head; she’s studying her own chest and looks shocked. I can’t blame her but I don’t know what to say. Wait…

“So Katniss, I just had my birthday and I got to thinking, I should make you a birthday cake this year. How old are you now?” I’m rambling but I need to know how old she thinks she is. Her dad died when she was 11. She was Reaped when she was 16. It’s got to be somewhere between there. Dear god, I hope she doesn’t come to and notice I am standing here staring at her while she is completely topless.

“What,” she says distractedly, still staring at her chest. 

“How old are you, Katniss,” I repeat, a little louder.

“Um…I’m fourteen,” she stammers and my eyes widen. No wonder she is looking so terrified right now. From what I remember (and I’m ashamed to admit that I do remember looking) her chest didn’t really develop until she was about sixteen. She’s always been a bit small but two pregnancies have made her breasts somewhat large and I forget that breast feeding has made her extremely sore. She looks terrified out of her wits right now and she even reaches down to cup her breasts, completely forgetting that I am in the room.

“Where is my mom,” she asks suddenly, her head jerking up and her arms flying over her chest again. “I want my mom. Or Prim. Or even Gale. I want to go home.” 

“You heard your doctor, Katniss--“

“I don’t understand what’s going on here,” she says, her eyes welling with tears. I take a step back; I never saw Katniss cry when we were young. I always thought she was too tough to cry. 

“Please, just leave me alone. I just want to go home!” 

“I’ll get your doctor--“

“I don’t want a doctor! I want to go home! I want my sister! I want you to leave! I want Prim!” I bite my lip as I take another step back.

“I’ll…I’ll go get her for you.” She buries her face in her knees and I take the chance to run out of the room. I don’t stop until I reach the end of the hallway and I brace myself with a shaking hand on the wall. 

“Please let her memory return soon,” I say to no one in particular. 

I’d always thought I wanted to get a chance to know Katniss Everdeen when we were little. But she was so shattered, so vulnerable, that I don’t know how I would have ever stood by her and not broken into tears for her. Her father died, her mother essentially did too for a period of time and she was forced to care for herself and her little sister with only the help of a boy who was trying to save his family too. 

I remember several times I saw her standing in front of old Cray’s house and my blood ran cold; too many young girls would disappear into that house and come out with tears streaming down their cheeks and a small bag of money clutched in their hands. I prayed and prayed Katniss would never enter that house.  
Since she was untouched when we first got together, I know it never happened but she must have been considering it because she went over to his house several times but never knocked on the door. 

I wonder, if I had spoken up, could I have saved her earlier? People married young in District 12. If I had asked my father to help me, could I have asked her to marry me so I could care for her and her sister? I could have at least kept her fed, bringing her fresh bread every day. She would have resented me but maybe she would have grown to love me?

I shake my head and try to banish the thoughts. We’ve often scolded each other for playing this ‘what if’ game and there’s no sense in doing it now. I wipe my damp palms on my pants and head back out to my car. I drive back to Victor’s Village but don’t return to Haymitch’s house. Instead, I go inside my house, fall on the bed, and cry into Katniss’s pillow that still smells like her. Katniss has almost left me far too many times; but this has to be the absolute worst. Her look of suspicion when she looked at me was enough to shatter my heart. I bury my face in the pillow and secretly hope I will be smothered by it in my sleep.


	30. Chapter 30

I wake up with intense pain in my head and my leg. My breasts are heavy and aching and I wince as I shift under the blankets. I’m wearing pants but a hospital gown over them.   
And I’m alone.   
What has happened and more importantly, where is Peeta? He would never leave my side unless…

“Nurse! Doctor! SOMEONE!” A nurse pushes the door open and runs into the room.

“Miss Everdeen! Are you alright?” Everdeen?! What the hell is going on? What kind of nightmare am I stuck in?

“Where is my husband? Where is Peeta?” 

“Oh,” her face falls into a look of relief. “Thank goodness you’re back.” Back?! I’m getting more confused by the minute.

“Your husband went home to rest. I’ll call him immediately.” That’s not like Peeta at all. He sleeps in my hospital room and refuses to leave my side. 

She comes back to tell me that Peeta is on his way and asks if she can get me anything to eat. I shake my head, feeling a bit numb. I fidget with the blankets until I hear a knock and see him poke his head in.

He looks anxious, wary even, as he pushes the door open. 

“Good morning, Katniss. How are you feeling?” 

“In pain. And confused.” He nods but doesn’t come any closer.

“I know. I’m sorry. I, um…I think your mom is coming. She should be here soon.” I frown. He’s acting so…cool towards me.

“Peeta, I don’t want my mom to come here.” His brow furrows. 

“I can see if Gale will come by if you like.” I jerk backwards against the pillow.

“Gale?! Peeta, what are you talking about? What’s going on?” His eyes narrow, like he is trying to figure something out. 

“How old are you, Katniss?” I frown at the odd question. 

“I’ll be 37 in May.” 

“What’s your full name?”

“Katniss Mellark.”

“And who am I?” 

“You’re going to be my EX-husband if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on,” I say rather heatedly. He doesn’t say anything but he crosses the room in two steps, takes my face in his hands, and kisses me hard on the mouth. 

“Miss Everdeen,” another nurse says from the doorway. Before I can respond, Peeta breaks our kiss and rests his chin on my hair.

“It’s Mellark again,” he says in a breathless sigh. I lean backwards and stare up at him.

“Peeta, what-?”

“I know you’re confused, Katniss. Bear with me for two minutes while I talk to your doctor and then I’ll explain everything,” He hurries out of the room and I wait impatiently. When he comes back, the doctor is with him. 

“Hi Katniss. I’m Dr. Brandon, or Giles if you like. I’ve been overseeing your recovery and I understand you’re pretty confused.” I just stare at him with my brow raised.

“That’s ok,” he continues hastily. “You had a nasty fall on the stairs and hit your head hard. Broke your leg as well. We had to perform minor surgery on you and you suffered a little memory loss.” Peeta snorts and Giles shoots him a look. “Ok, a lot of memory loss. But it seems that you’re back with us. How is your head feeling?”

“It hurts,” I mumble. “So does my leg.”

“We weren’t sure how much pain medication we could give you. Let me give you a higher dosage and take a look at your vitals.” Peeta waits patiently by the door while Giles examines me, then he announces he is going to check on some things and he will be back soon. Peeta’s eyes meet mine and they soften as he crosses the room and sits in the chair by my bed, taking my hands in his. He rests his forehead on our joined hands and I watch him. 

“How long was I out for?” 

“Giles says you were hysterical and they had to sedate you. You’ve been in and out of it for about four days now.” 

“Four days? I haven’t fed Rye in four days?!”

“Rye is fine. Annie bought him some formula from the store until you are better. Haymitch and Effie have been helping me with both of them.”

“I was…confused. When I woke up and saw that you weren’t here, I was so afraid…I thought something must have happened to you…” he winces and kisses my knuckles.

“I’m sorry, honey, I should have been here but…you were so panicky and I didn’t want to upset you even more and it killed me that I was, that I had no way of helping you.” 

“They called me Miss Everdeen when I woke up.” He nods and bites his lip.

“You told us you were 14 years old,” he says slowly. I gasp and he nods again.

“You kept asking for your mom and Prim and Gale. When you first woke up, you wanted to know why I was here and you just got more and more confused. I came back to check on you and you were…um, you were staring at your chest and…I guess you have more than you did when you were 14.”

“That couldn’t be more true,” I say as I glance down at my tender breasts. 

“You just got hysterical so I went home, I didn’t want to upset you any more. I’ve been taking care of Rye while Finn is watching Willow.” 

“I’m sorry Peeta,” I sigh. “I keep leaving you to care of a baby by yourself.” I’m referring to the time after Willow was born when I slipped into depression. He frowns.

“Katniss stop. It’s not your fault. Any of it. And we’ve been fine. Worried sick about you, of course but thank God you’re back with us.” He kisses my forehead and I look   
down at my hand and gasp.

“My ring! Where’s-?”

“Shh, I have it,” he pulls it out of his pocket and slips it onto my finger where it belongs. I stare at the pearl and move over so I can lean against him. He rises to his feet and I panic for a moment until he gently scoots me over, and wraps his arms around me. I bury my face in his chest, inhaling the scent of cinnamon and spices. 

“When can I go home? I hate hospitals.” His chuckle shakes the both of us.

“That’s what I told them too. But they are going to want to keep an eye on you, make sure there is no lasting damage from your head wound. Your leg is broken in two places so you know you are going to have to stay in bed when we get home.” I huff. I have never been a great patient when I am sick or injured. He leans back and smiles.

“Remember when you hurt your ankle and I carried you up and down the stairs? We stayed in your room and worked on your plant book.” 

“Oh that was when they turned the fence back on and peacekeepers were waiting for me at the house.” He nods, his smile fading.

“I was so scared that night. They kept asking us where you were and I didn’t even know. I thought you had run off, leaving me behind.”

“I couldn’t have, Peeta. Even when I was confused…I’d never have left you behind.” He kisses my forehead and rests his cheek against my hair. 

“It’s funny. I hated to see you in pain but I was so happy those few weeks you were stuck in the house. We got closer and it made me happy that you couldn’t go to the woods with Gale.” He looks guilty and shrugs apologetically. “I mean, I felt like I was getting to know you and I remember telling you things about my life. It was the closest thing to normal we ever had.” I have to agree with this; it was a confusing time for me because I was trying to figure out my feelings for both boys. Those hours spent with Peeta did not give me any clarity; or maybe they did and I was so blind so I couldn’t see what I had in front of me. Well, I already know I couldn’t but I remember feeling closer to Peeta even back then and thought, what if I did marry this boy?

Well, my 36 year old self can laugh at my foolish 17 year old self. What an idiot you were Katniss Everdeen.   
A pink flush comes to his cheeks.

“I could have sworn…I mean…when I was drawing…I swore you were checking me out. Every time I would look up, your eyes would fly elsewhere and I got this giddy feeling in my stomach…” he trails off and shakes his head.

“I was such a lovesick fool.”

“You were,” I tease. “But you weren’t wrong. I was watching you. It’s the first time I really took a moment to appreciate your beauty,” his pink cheeks get pinker and I find it endearing. “I mean, I always thought you were attractive, don’t get me wrong. But I was so fascinated by your eyelashes.” 

“My eyelashes,” he repeats, looking dumbfounded. 

“They’re so long and look like they’re spun from gold. They just rested on your cheeks and the way you would look up and your eyes would hold mine…” I trail off, for his eyes are doing exactly that. They’re soft and loving and full of warmth and kindness. I could never forget those eyes. I lean forward and his eyes close slowly as my lips find his. I startle when I feel his lashes brush against my face and they are wet with tears. I jerk back and he hastily rubs his face.

“What is it,” I say softly. 

“It’s been a really emotional few days. Hell, a really emotional year,” he mumbles. 

“Why don’t you go all the way and say it’s been an emotional 36 years?” He smiles sadly. 

“That’s true but I learned at an early age to accept life for what it was. We answered to the Capitol, we watched our friends and family get Reaped, and starve to death, and die. I was an optimistic kid but even I couldn’t envision a future where there were no more Reapings, or where I was married to Katniss Everdeen.” I smile and kiss his cheek, using my thumb to wipe at his tear-stained face. 

“And if you could tell your 17 year old self something right now…what would it be?” He sucks in a breath and closes his eyes. When they open again, I can see he is far away.

“To never give up hope. No matter what it takes. No matter what they do to you. Don’t ever give up on Katniss.” Tears fill my eyes, not just at his words but because I realize that I am the main reason it was so easy to hijack his mind... or was it easy? I have no idea how long they were doing it to him, how long he fought it. If I hadn’t spent so many months stringing him along, breaking his heart again and again, he might have been able to fight off the poison longer. As they tortured him, they convinced him what he had only thought to be true; that I’d never love him in that way. If I had just told him in the Quell, that day on the beach…would it have mattered? Would he have known it wasn’t an act, or would he have thought I was just saying it for the cameras? I don’t know and it shatters my heart to think about it.   
He’s caressing my face, his thumbs wiping under my eyes and I realize I am crying too. 

“We can’t keep going back to that dark past, Katniss,” he whispers as he kisses my cheek. “We can’t keep wondering what if. We have done that too many times and can’t afford to waste any more time thinking about what we would have done. We’re both guilty of it but we have to try to focus on what is in front of us right at this moment. It’s the only way we won’t go completely insane.” I nod and he wraps his arms round me, bringing me into his chest. We stay like that until Giles comes back in to reveal nothing looks out of the ordinary on my test results and if I am feeling strong enough, I can go home tomorrow.  
Peeta spends the night in my room despite the doctors asking him to leave. He pretends like he doesn’t hear them and they give up and slump out of the room. I guess our reputations precede us because they don’t try again after that.  
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The next day, Peeta is quiet while they finish up blood work and check me for more injuries. They give me some crutches but tell me I am on bed rest for at least a week. I remember when my mom would treat someone in the Seam who had injured their leg-- Thom or Gale would fashion crutches out of sticks they found and Mom would teach them how to use them. These are much nicer than mere sticks. 

My head is aching and Giles warns us (mostly Peeta) that if anything happens, to call him immediately. Peeta glances at me worriedly, clearly afraid that I will forget him again. I honestly don’t know how he keeps it together so well. If our situations had been reversed, I don’t know how well I’d be handling it.  
I wince as I remember Haymitch’s words during the war to me. 

“ I think it's time you flipped this little scenario around in your head. If you'd been taken by the Capitol, and hijacked, and then tried to kill Peeta, is this the way he would be treating you?”

I wince and blink back tears. Not for the first time, I wish I had been the one taken and hijacked. They tried to destroy the one good person left on this earth. Snow knew that he couldn’t get to Prim, so he chose Peeta. The only two people who could have completely broken me.  
I feel him nudge my arm and I blink up at him. He looks down in concern.

“You ok?” 

“Yeah. Just take me home.” He picks me up with little to no effort and carries me to the car. Giles follows us and hands me a bottle of pills.

“For when the pain gets really bad. Call us if you need anything at all, Katniss.” I nod and thank him. Peeta, ever the nicer one of the two of us, shakes hands with the doctor and thanks him again. 

It’s dark when we get home, and Haymitch’s door opens as I see my little girl run across the lawn. Peeta jumps out of the car and runs around to my side so he can open the door. He sets a hand on Willow’s shoulder and whispers her name and she stops. I smile as I put my feet on the ground and remain seated, but hold my arms out for my daughter to jump into. Willow casts her father an anxious glance before she leaps into my lap and I hold her close. 

“I missed you Mommy!”

“I missed you too, baby,” I mutter into her hair. 

“Ok Willow, Daddy needs to help Mommy into the house. Can you wait on the porch?” Willow nods and Peeta helps her down, then wraps his arms around me and lifts me from the seat. Willow holds the door open while he carries me into the house and sets me on the couch. He bustles around the room, propping me with pillows and making sure I am comfortable. He kneels in front of me and glances up at me.

“Need anything else?” I reach out and stroke his cheek.

“You are wonderful, do you know that?” He smiles and takes my hand and kisses it, before he rises to his feet and scoops up Willow in his arms.

“Can you stay with Mama while I run to Grandpa Haymitch’s to get Rye?” I see my daughter huff and nod her head. Peeta gives her a stern look and her shoulders slump. I have no idea what is going on so I reach out for Willow’s hand and pull her onto the couch with me.

“Keep Mama company while Daddy is gone. Did you have fun at Mimi’s and Grandpa’s house?” I see Peeta smile and back out of the room while Willow launches into a conversation about how Haymitch took my daughter into the basement to help him clean and they found lots of dead mice, which he let Willow throw away. I make a mental note to strangle him later. 

I hear the door open again and Peeta reenters the room, making quiet shushing noises. Rye is trembling in his arms, his face red from crying. I reach up for him; I can’t believe how much I have missed holding him. Willow makes a face and I bring her closer.

“Hey,” I say softly. “Why are you making faces at your brother?”

“It was his fault,” she says quietly. “His fault that you fell.” My eyes widen and fly to Peeta’s and he sighs heavily, shaking his head. I wrap my arm around my daughter and run my fingers through her hair.

“Willow, that’s not true sweetheart. You can’t blame your brother for that. It was an accident, we all have accidents.”

“He kept you up all night,” she says, tears welling in her big blue eyes. “With his crying! Always crying! You were tired and you fell.” I stroke her cheek, my thumb wiping at her tears just as they did with Peeta’s tears earlier. 

“Sweetie, he’s just a baby. He’s going to cry a lot. We just have to deal with it. Mama’s fine, I just had a little accident but I’m fine now, ok? You promised Santa you would help us take care of the baby, remember? And you promised Daddy and me that you would help. Now we really need your help. Mama can’t walk right now and I’m going to need my big helper around here a lot in the next few weeks. You think you can do that for me?” She nods and leans against my shoulder.

“I’ll try, Mama.” I kiss her forehead and bring Rye lower so she can see him.

“See? He isn’t crying now. Why don’t you hold him?” Willow opens her arms and I place mine under hers so I can show her how to hold him. A wide smile crosses her face as she holds her baby brother.

“See? I knew you were a terrific big sister.” She looks up and grins at us before she looks back down at Rye. He turns his head, his eyes squeezed shut, and lifts his hand next to his chin. 

“Hey Willow, you want to help me put him down for his nap,” Peeta whispers. She nods and he takes him from my arms so Willow can climb out of my lap. He kisses my hair before he takes Willow’s hand and leads her upstairs to the nursery. I lean back against the cushions and close my eyes. I hear his uneven tread a few moments later and Willow climbs back onto the couch with me. Minutes later, she’s fast asleep in my lap. Peeta drapes himself on the arm of the couch and grins down at us.

“That’s going to be my next painting.” I glance down at our sleeping daughter and raise my brow in question. He shakes his head.

“You showing her how to hold Rye. It was so adorable and wished I had my paintbrush in hand.” I shake my head and lift my face so he can lean down and kiss me. His fingers brush my cheek and I kiss his knuckles. 

“Can you put Willow in her bed, and I will try to get upstairs?”

“No. I’ll put both my girls in bed,” he says in a firm whisper.

“Peeta--“

“Katniss for once in your life can you not be so stubborn? You have to stay off your feet. I’ll be right back.” He scoops up our sleeping daughter and her head lolls backwards as he shifts her in his arms. I watch him carefully climb the stairs and I yawn, so ready for bed. Peeta returns a few minutes later and bends over to wrap his arms around me. I hate feeling so helpless but I think he secretly loves to have me in his arms so I don’t say anything.   
He sets me in our bed and I lean against the headboard while he props my foot up on several pillows. 

“Let’s get you changed for bed.” He picks out a sleeping gown from my drawer and helps me sit up so he can pull my pants down my legs without bothering the cast. I pull my shirt and bra off and pull the gown over my bed. Peeta goes back to the drawer and pulls out some clean boxers.

“I’m going to jump in the shower really quickly, ok?” I nod and watch him strip off his shirt and pants and fling them into the corner. He doesn’t close the bathroom door so I stare, unabashed, as he pushes his boxers down his legs and climbs into the shower. Sighing, I reach for a book to try to distract myself. The nurses helped me shower before I left but I would much rather be in the bathtub with my husband right now. 

I hear the water turn off and he walks out with a towel around his waist, water dripping from his hair and chest. I turn over so I can’t see him, can’t watch the droplets of water drip toward the towel and what it hides, and I hear the towel hit the floor. I chew on my lip as I stare at the wall and then he comes back into view. Dressed in only his boxers, he climbs into bed and leans down to kiss me. I shriek when the cold water from his curls hits my skin. He chuckles and shakes his hair all over me.

“Peeta!” I swat at him and he laughs, and kisses me before pulling away. 

“We completely forgot about dinner. Are you sure you’re not hungry?”

“I’m fine. I think sleep is more pressing right now.” I yawn again and that just proves my point. 

“Alright. Wake me if you get hungry in the middle of the night.”

“I thought those moments were only allowed when I am pregnant,” I say with a grin as he leans over me to turn off the light.

“Well, since you’re broken all over, I’ll make an exception.”

“I’m not broken all over! It’s just my leg. Only two bones.” 

“Uh huh. We’re lucky it wasn’t more. And if you were still pregnant…” he trails off and looks somber. I don’t have to speak; we both know what could have happened. We really are extremely lucky. I’m so grateful that I had put Rye down for his nap. I blink back tears at the thought of what could have happened had I been holding him.

“Well, while you were signing discharge papers, Dr. Mersa came to my room for my check up,” I say softly, eager to change the subject.

“Oh that’s really good. How did it go?”

“Good. Everything is normal and healed, she’s cleared me for everything and all the stitches are completely gone.” He leans over me and kisses me deeply. When he breaks the kiss, he has a sly grin.

“Cleared for everything?” I shiver at how deep and husky his voice has gotten in half a second.

“All cleared.” He smirks and leans down to suck at my throat, his hands moving under my gown and up to my chest. He’s gentle and very careful as his thumbs lightly touch my nipples, never putting pressure on my sore breasts. His soft caresses are maddeningly teasing; when his head disappears under my gown and I feel his tongue flick across my nipple, I let out a loud gasp. While his tongue tends to both breasts, his hand slides down my stomach and into my panties. 

“God you’re already so wet,” he moans into my skin. He’s not wrong. It’s been over 4 weeks since we brought Rye home and I helped Peeta celebrate his birthday late. We haven’t done anything like this since then. Oh how I have missed his hands.

“We have to be careful,” he whispers. 

His fingertip slides over my nub and I cry out when one of his fingers sinks into me. His eyes lock on my face, no doubt watching for my reaction but my eyes flutter shut and I toss my head back. He moves further down the bed and pulls me down so my head is on the pillow and my legs are spread wide. He’s careful not to jostle my bad leg as he wraps my other around his head.

“Try not to move around much.” I grab a pillow and hold it over my face as his tongue works furiously at me. He keeps one finger inside me, thrusting to the time of his tongue’s motions.   
I reach down and grip his hair tightly, grinding against his mouth. 

“Peeta,” I fight to keep my moans quiet. “I want your dick in my mouth!” He groans between my legs, making me jerk from the vibrations and he gives me one last lick before he pulls away and pushes his boxers down his legs. 

“Come up here.” He looks hesitant, but I wriggle around so he can straddle me without putting that much weight on me and he complies, his legs on either side of my head. His lips immediately latches onto my center again and I lean up so I can take him into my mouth. He groans loudly and I do the same, giving him the same reaction from the vibrations. It’s awkward at first and I almost choke twice but I develop a rhythm and his moans get louder and louder. He doubles his effort, determined to make me come first. It becomes a competition and we drive each other crazy, his tongue diving deep inside me with his finger and my hands squeezing his balls while I suck him. I feel myself getting close and I suck harder, hearing him gasp and then chuckle.

“Come on, Katniss,” he says as he kisses my thigh before he goes back to his task. My hips jerk and my toes curl but I hold off for as long as I can. Peeta is bucking his hips, thrusting into my mouth; I spread his cheeks and lean up so my tongue dives between the cleft of his ass. He gasps and throws his head back, momentarily caught off guard. I suck on my finger and probe his entrance, his grunts and groans driving me crazy. 

“Oh fuck,” he gasps as I feel him release all over my face and chest. I smirk at my victory but my smirk turns into whimpers and moans as he fingers me roughly, his lips wrapping around my clit and sucking until I jerk against his mouth and fall to the bed, panting. He climbs off me and turns, his face flushing red.

“Shit I’m sorry, Katniss!” He doesn’t give me a chance to respond before he runs to the bathroom and comes back with a wet towel, which he immediately uses to wipe his cum from my skin. 

“It’s ok, Peeta.” He quickly wipes between my legs, and cleans himself up as well before tossing the towel aside and pulling the covers up over us. His nose nuzzles my hair and he sighs contentedly.

“You cheated,” he finally says. 

“It worked, didn’t it?” He chuckles and kisses my sweaty forehead.

“I love you.” 

\---------------------------------------------------

“OK everyone, smile and say cheese!” The flash of the camera is blinding and I blink several times, shaking my head. 

“Hey, Princess Willow needs her pumpkin,” Finn says with a grin as he hands her the plastic pumpkin she is supposed to collect candy in. There is a knock at the door and Haymitch and Effie enter the room, grinning broadly at all of us. As usual, Haymitch has refused to dress up but Effie looks beautiful as some sort of genie. 

“Well Princess, you look stunning tonight,” Haymitch says as he gives my daughter a bow. Willow giggles and shrieks when Finn takes her hand and twirls her around the room. I feel my wheelchair being pushed forward and I look up, smiling when I see how handsome my prince looks tonight.   
It was Willow’s idea, of course. She wanted to go to the Halloween Ball and insisted we all dress up. And because we can deny our daughter nothing, we agreed.

Peeta and Annie worked together to finish the costumes in time, and Willow picked one of her favorite stories from before the Dark Days, about a princess who wore glass slippers to the ball and met her prince. It’s not my favorite story but I like that she defied her stepmother and went to the ball anyway, determined to take her fate into her own hands for at least one night. I guess it helps when you have a magical fairy godmother helping you out too. 

Peeta holds a small pillow with a glass slipper and in his other arm, our son is dressed as an adorable little mouse with a red jacket. Willow continues to twirl in her little blue dress and Annie made me a long blue cloak and hood to wear as Willow’s fairy godmother. Peeta completely transformed my wheel chair into a pumpkin carriage, and Willow and I both squealed when we saw it. 

“Alright baby girl, remember, just be careful of Mommy’s leg tonight, ok,” Peeta whispers to our daughter.

“Leave her alone, Peeta, I’ll be fine.” He lifts her onto my lap and I stroke her hair, straightening her tiara.

“You ready, Princess?” 

“Let’s go, Daddy!” 

“How you gonna carry a mouse and a slipper and push a pumpkin carriage at the same time,” Haymitch scoffs. 

“Well since I am short of white horses, I asked Finn to carry my little mouse while I push my Queen and princess around.”

“Fairy godmother,” I correct him with a smile. Finn takes Rye from Peeta’s arms and starts to jiggle him a little when he starts to sniffle and whine. 

“We’re not going to be able to stay long,” I warn. “He’s going to be fussy if he doesn’t eat later.” 

“I can bring you home, Aunt Katniss. Analise doesn’t want to stay long either. She hasn’t been feeling too well the past few days.” Peeta raises his brow and we exchange looks but we don’t say anything. 

“Alright everyone, we should get going,” Annie leads the way out of the house, clutching the camera in her hand. 

 

When we arrive, Haymitch helps Peeta take out the wheelchair and Peeta moves me from the car to the chair. 

“Ok, watch this,” he says with a broad grin as he pushes a button and I see bright orange lights coming from my chair. Everyone gasps.

“That is amazing, Peeta,” Annie gushes. 

“Really dear, you could give those District 3 tech boys a run for their money,” Effie nods. Peeta blushes but smiles. I tug him down to me, and grip his collar. He looks surprised for a moment, his brow shooting up into his hair. 

“Baker. Painter. Husband. Father. Engineer. Is there anything you aren’t great at?” He starts to speak when I yank him forward to kiss him. I think I hear Haymitch mutter something crude but I ignore him. Peeta’s cheeks are pink when I pull away. “God Katniss,” he whispers, closing his eyes. He straightens up and I fight to keep from smirking; I know he is going to have some problems throughout the night. A surefire way to turn him on is being aggressive with my kisses. He loves to be in control but he also loves when I take over every once in awhile and become possessive. I think it still reassures him that it’s all real. He clears his throat and I notice his hands on my wheelchair handles are shaking.   
\----------------------------

Willow insists on walking so Peeta clutches her hand while he pushes me with one hand. I hold the velvet pillow in my lap.   
It’s really a fun evening and I am glad to see Willow enjoying herself. Some of the adults help the kids with bobbing for apples and pumpkin decorating. Peeta, of course, sits with her to help her paint her pumpkin. Finn and Analise dance in the corner while Haymitch and Effie assist the children with their ghost crafts. I look around the room and see my friends and neighbors enjoying themselves. I sigh contentedly and lean back into my chair. 

“Katniss?” I inhale sharply when I see her standing beside my chair, her hands folded in front of her and her face lowered to the ground, shame coloring her pale face. 

“What do you want?” She winces and clutches her dress. She’s dressed as an angel, the white dress hugging her pregnant belly. Her blonde curls are bouncy and perfect, her face with that pregnant glow. I can’t look at her or I will just get angry again. 

“Delly, what are you doing here,” I hear Peeta say with surprise. He clutches the handles of my chair with white knuckles and Delly glances up, tears in her eyes.

“I wanted to speak to you…together. I’m…I am so sorry. To you both. Truly, I am. I understand if you hate me…but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am.” Neither Peeta nor I can speak. What can we say? We agreed to try to forget about what happened. 

Now here she is, bringing it up again. 

“You and Brent look…happy,” Peeta finally says. Delly nods, and her eyes flick across the room to where Brent is helping Dex decorate a pumpkin, Lila asleep in his arms. 

“We’re getting better. We are seeing a therapist and he’s really helping us. The hormones from the baby aren’t helping much but I’m working on stabilizing my mood.” Good for you. Now leave us alone. 

“Delly,” Peeta says in a strained voice. “I know you’re sorry…but what you did…it’s-“

“Unforgivable,” I finish coldly. Delly hangs her head.

“I understand. But I feel so terrible, Katniss. And I just want you to know, Peeta loves you so much, he would never look at another girl let alone touch her. It was all me. I hope you know that.” I reach up and grip his hand.

“I do know that.” She nods, looking miserable. 

“Well...bye.” She shuffles off toward her family and I hear Peeta exhale deeply. I glance up at him, my face softening. She was his best friend. How this must be killing him.

“Are you ok?” 

“Yeah. I won’t deny that what she did was horrible, Katniss. And during those weeks you were away, I couldn’t even think about reconciling with her. Just seeing her again…it’s just weird. I’m glad she and Brent are getting help. I want them to be happy but I also want it for the children. I know firsthand having a mother and father who don’t really love each other is a pretty terrible way to grow up.” I chew on my lip. Of course he would be thinking of everyone involved, not just Delly. I guess it makes me a really terrible person that I just don’t think I can ever look at her again. 

“She’s pregnant too, Katniss.”

“So now you’re making excuses for her,” I retort angrily. He sighs heavily and kneels next to my chair, lifting my hand and bringing it to his lips.

“No of course not. I’m just saying…look, in the hospital, you told me you were hormonal and irrational. It’s a side effect of your pregnancy. I know it, you know it, I think the whole district knows it. And I’m not blaming you in the slightest but Delly wasn’t doing well before she found out she was pregnant. Add her depression or anxiety or whatever to the pregnancy, and she can act pretty irrationally too.” 

“You’re defending her!”

“I’m not--“

“You are! God Peeta, I feel so terrible about walking out on you that day. Really, if I could go back, I would have taken Willow to Haymitch’s for a little while and come back to check on you. But what got me on that train was the image of her grinding in your lap, touching you…her lips on yours! I see that in my mind over and over. And it’s like your hijacking, Peeta, it doesn’t go away! I know we said we would try to forget about it and move on. When I see her, though, all I see is her kissing you. So excuse me if I can’t forgive her for that!” I back my chair up as quickly as I can and he nearly falls forward. 

“Katniss, damn it, stop running away from me,” he hisses as quietly as he can. He jumps to his feet and grabs my chair, leaning in close, his face just inches from mine.

“What happened to ‘always’, Katniss? What happened to you staying with me for the rest of our lives? What happened to always believing I would love you and protect you until my dying day? Huh? Don’t tell me that one person…a person I have never ever had eyes for, can change all that.” I close my eyes and play with my cloak but he snatches it out of my hands and wraps his fingers around mine.

“Stop running from me, Katniss. When we have problems, we talk them out. You can’t keep running from me. It’s what you used to do but you’re not that girl anymore. You trust more, love more, smile more, and know I will always love you. So why do you insist on fighting about everything and trying to get away from me? That day you ran. I wanted to go after you. Haymitch convinced me to give you some time to cool off. I kept waiting and waiting for you to come back and you never did. I’m grateful to Johanna for calling me when you went into labor, otherwise I would have missed the birth of our son! Do you know what that feels like, Katniss? Do you know what it feels like to have your daughter look at you like you are some kind of monster?”

“Peeta--“ I start but he shakes his head.

“Don’t. I need to get this out. You hurt me. You hurt me like I hurt you. You accused me of something so vile, so unbelievably…NOT me, that I completely lost myself for awhile. It wasn’t just seeing that stupid sketchbook again. It was your lack of trust in me. It was like seeing you again after I tried to strangle you in 13. Your eyes were so full of pain and mistrust that I forgot you were my wife and just remembered the girl who strung me along and then ignored me for months. The girl who abandoned me to the Capitol, and flitted around with Gale all day while I was held down and beaten within an inch of my life. Seeing you look at me like that nearly killed me. Whether you believed I had done anything with Delly or not, seeing that look in your eye crushed my heart. Because after everything I have done for you and all the years I have spent loving you, you actually thought for a second that what you were seeing was real. That I could actually do that to you…to us.” He runs his fingers through his hair and shakes his head.

“I didn’t believe them at first, you know. When I woke up in 13 and was piecing together what had happened…I still had a semblance of who I was, before the hijacking took over again. And when they told me I had nearly killed you, I didn’t believe them. How could I do that? How could I possibly hurt the woman I had loved all my life? Only when Haymitch told me did I believe it. And it made everything worse. It was like a downward spiral into the world of poison, where I was eternally trapped and replaced by this mutt that looked like me and who spoke with my voice. And who tried to hurt you. And that’s what happened when you yelled about Delly. All I could see was the mistrust in your eyes and it all attacked me at once. You are the reason I returned to 12, Katniss. You are the reason I fought off the poison in the Capitol, agreed to comply with Aurelius’s demands and treatments. Because I wanted to get back to you and show you how sorry I was…convince you that the mutt was gone and it was me again. But when you yelled at me that day, I became that mutt again and couldn’t think straight. Once again, I was left thinking, how could anyone believe I would hurt the woman I love? How could Katniss believe that I would hurt her in such a terrible way? I know you say you might not ever forgive Delly…but will you ever forgive me?” 

“Peeta.” I pull him down to his knees and roll closer so he can rest his head against my chest. His eyes are red-rimmed and his coiffed curls are standing on end from his fingers. I pull him even closer and wrap my arms around him so he can bury his face in my chest. I hope people aren’t looking at us but I know that’s too much too ask. 

“Hey,” I say softly. “Let’s get some fresh air.” He wipes at his face, nods, and stands back up. I try to roll myself but he swats my hands away from the wheels and proceeds to push me outside. 

The air is cold and biting but Peeta pulls me into a small corner where we huddle together for warmth. I watch him, his hair and face sparkling in the pale moonlight, his eyes a dazzling shade of blue with tears making them even more dazzling. Though we are nearing the end of our 30’s, Peeta still looks like the 18 year old boy on our wedding day. His blonde locks are still wavy and golden-colored, while his arms and chest are toned and muscular. Maybe it’s because I am used to it but he doesn’t look that different to me.   
He hasn’t changed much, either. He’s right; he has always promised to protect me and our children. And his heart is still as pure as it always has been. 

“Peeta?” 

“Hm?” He glances over at me and I hold out my arms. His brow furrows for a moment, before he hurries forward and lifts me out of my chair. I wrap my arms around his neck and he sits back in the chair, holding me across his lap. He gazes into my eyes, his hand resting on my cheek and he presses his forehead to mine. I feel his heart racing against his chest and I reach down to press my hand against it. 

“I do forgive you, Peeta,” I say softly and his eyes shoot open. 

“I do. I just can’t forgive myself.” 

“What do you mean?” My hood has fallen back and my hair escapes into my face. He pushes a strand behind my ear and strokes my cheek with his knuckles. 

“Time and time again, you tell me how you fought against the poison and what they did to you. How you defended me and protected me with your life. I will never forgive myself for those months I spent ignoring you, or forget the look on your face when I told you it was an act. I went into that Quell intending to die for you, because you were the only decent one of Haymitch, you and me. I looked at is as maybe a way to make up for some of the things I’d done to you. And I will never forgive myself for allowing you to be taken by the Capitol. For leaving your side that night. I’ll never forgive myself that Snow destroyed you to destroy me. For those horrible things I said about you when you joined our Squad. For not telling you how much I love you sooner. For waiting so long to give you a child. I have a long list of regrets, Peeta, and I can’t forgive myself for them. Add walking out on you to that list. I should have stayed and heard you out. You always have a way of calming me down. But I let my ridiculous fears and my crazy hormones take control over me and I ran. And you’re right. I’ve spent too much time running from someone. You, my mom, the Capitol, District 13…but you have to know, Peeta, I forgave you a long time ago. You can forgive yourself, you know.”

“Not until you can forgive yourself,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “God Katniss, we are so fucked up. And yet we let ourselves live this happy life. This wonderful, perfect, happy life together, with friends and children and so much laughter. What’s the point in beating ourselves up over the past? We both keep running from the past and I am so tired of running. I just want to stand up and face it but I can’t face it alone.”

“You won’t face anything alone,” I cup his chin. “We always face everything together.” He nods and kisses me softly.

“Together,” he repeats before he kisses me again. 

“So are we ok?” I raise my brow and he lets out an uncomfortable chuckle. “I mean…god, we need to talk to each other more and not let everything boil to the surface like that. Is there anyone else you want to say?”

“I don’t think so. We should go back inside though. You’re sniffling and I don’t need you getting sick.” He smiles and places me back in the chair; we turn the corner and find our path blocked by two somber-looking figures. Peeta’s hands clench on the handle bars. Delly is shoved toward us and she bites her lip. Peeta’s voice is low and angry when he speaks. 

“We don’t really have anything to say to either of you, Delly.”


	31. Chapter 31

“Peeta, Katniss, we were hoping that we…the four of us could talk,” Brent says nervously. I glance at Katniss and see her jaw tighten.

“As Peeta just said, we don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Katniss, I understand your anger. Trust me, I do. But Delly…she feels really horrible about what happened. And she’s been getting help.” Delly nods but Katniss doesn’t look appeased. In truth, I miss my best friend but I’m still furious with what she did. I didn’t try to make excuses for her but I know pregnancy can make women crazy. If I were to forgive Delly, it’s because of our history. After all, she was the one who helped me the most in 13, when Katniss abandoned me. Prim tried to help but Delly wasn’t even close to Katniss and still she tried to convince me that Katniss was good. “I’m dealing with depression as well as certain levels of anxiety,” Delly says softly. “I lost it that day and drank more than I ever have. I was wrong, Katniss, I never should have…I know that. And I know you will always be mad at me but Peeta never…I mean, he resisted the whole time…what I mean is…”

“I know what you meant,” Katniss says coldly. Delly flinches at my wife’s tone and Brent sighs heavily. Katniss looks up at Brent, her eyes narrowed.

“How could you have forgiven her so quickly?”

“Weeks of therapy helped,” he admits. “But it’s been tearing her up and as much as it hurt, I still love her. When she told me what she had done, I demanded that she get some help. And she did. And she’s doing a lot better. We’re hopeful that this will have no lasting effect on the baby. She’s due December 2nd and we were hoping that you two would be godparents, as you are with Dex and Lila.” 

“Brent,” Katniss says, her voice breaking a little. “You’re from the Seam.” Apparently this is only something that Katniss and Brent can understand, because Delly and I both look confused. Brent, however, nods and pats Katniss’s shoulder. 

“Things change, Katniss. Even we Seam folk change. Look at us. Married to Merchants.” I try not to be offended by this statement. 

“Life would be so different had you not gone into the Arena but you did and you both changed the world. And now we’re free to love whoever we want to. That doesn’t mean that we forget our heritage but we can forget about the negatives from the Seam. You learned to trust too, Katniss. You learned to forgive. And you learned to accept what was given to you rather than question it the whole time. Would you have ever allowed a Mellark to give you something without being able to pay for it?” He glances at me but then looks back at Katniss. I watch her and see her chewing on her lip, as she does when she’s thinking. 

“No. It was always a trade or nothing at all. You know how we are about charity.” Brent nods.

“You didn’t even eat the food that Peeta left in your locker. You just gave everything to Prim.”

“I know, I wanted her to…wait, what?” She looks up at me with wide eyes.

“It was you? YOU snuck the bread…and those sweets… into my locker all those years,” her voice fades and she stares at the ground in amazement. Wow. HOW many years have passed and she’s just figuring this out?

“Really Katniss? You honestly didn’t know?” She mouths uncertainly then turns back to Brent.

“How did YOU know,” she spits at him; he just chuckles.

“Thom saw him doing it one day; I think it was right after the accident,” he clears his throat and I immediately know which accident he is referring to. “We discussed telling Gale but we never did. Someone was keeping you alive; who cared if it was a Merchant boy? None of us could do it so we were just happy to see someone else could.” He nods at me and I nod back. Katniss scowls and looks back up at me.

“You could have gotten into so much trouble.”

“She found out,” I confess with a heavy sigh. “She didn’t know how long I’d been doing it but she discovered me wrapping up a few cookies and she probably knew what I was doing with them. That was when I came to school with welts on my neck and told everyone it was from the wrestling match.” 

“Peeta,” she says, her eyes wide with horror. I shrug.

“She watched me like a hawk after that and I couldn’t risk it. I felt terrible, but I also noticed you starting to look healthier and when you started to trade with my Dad, I knew you’d be ok.” She reaches up and squeezes my hand. I freeze when I see tears in her eyes and rush forward to wipe them away with my thumb.

“It makes so much sense,” she whispers and I kneel next to her chair. “My boy with the bread…you really did keep Prim and me alive.”   
She shakes her head and turns back to them.

“Delly, I can’t forget what you did. You hurt me and you nearly destroyed our marriage. I was stupid enough to believe that he would hurt me like that.” Delly nods miserably. 

“But I won’t stop you two from being friends. I just can’t forgive you…not right now at least. I thank you for your apology but I need some time. I don’t want this to ruin a childhood friendship though.” She gently pushes my shoulders and I rise to my feet and stare at the ground. 

“I don’t know how to act around you anymore,” I mumble to my shoes.

“Same here,” she mumbles back. “I can’t look you in the eyes because I’m so ashamed. I’ll never be able to look Katniss in the eye again. I’m so sorry, Peeta. I’m sorry to   
you both.” I nod and she backs up into Brent’s arms. 

“I guess we should get back to our kids.” Katniss nods and wheels herself back inside, without another word. Sighing, I watch her leave and turn back to Delly and Brent. 

“Let us know when the baby comes.” Delly nods and I follow my wife inside.   
\----------------------------------------------------------------

When I enter the room, my eyes scan the room for my family and I sigh when I find them. I make my way over to them and see Katniss holding a sleeping Rye in the crook of her arm while Willow has climbed up into her chair and is resting her head under Katniss’s chin. I reach out a trembling hand and gently shake Annie, who wordlessly hands me her camera. I snap a few pictures of my family and hand it back to her before I join them. I kneel to kiss Willow’s head and she turns to me and throws her arms around my neck. Katniss turns and smiles at me and I reach up to stroke her cheek. I see another flash go off and I grin broadly.

That will probably be my favorite picture ever taken.   
\---------------------------------------------

The party is still going when I ask Katniss if she’s ready to go home. Miraculously, Rye is still sleeping and Princess Willow has fallen asleep in my arms. I catch Finn’s eyes across the room and he nods, tugging his sleepy wife outside and helps her into the car. 

Rye wakes up as we pull into Victor’s Village and I carry Willow upstairs and put her in bed while Finn helps Katniss into the house. When I come back downstairs, she’s tugged off her robe and Rye is latched to her breast. 

“OK honey it’s too cold to sit around topless,” I say half teasing. She rolls her eyes at me and shrugs.

“He was hungry. Is Willow asleep?”

“Yeah, just tucked her in. Want me to get you anything while you’re feeding him?” 

“I’m ok.”

“Katniss, you didn’t eat anything at the party. Why don’t I make you something to eat?”

“If you’re going to eat too,” she mutters as she looks down at our son. I quickly heat up some soup and pour it into two mugs. She looks up at me and bites her lip to hide her grin.

“What?”

“You’re wearing epaulettes. It’s more than Capitol, it’s… pre-Dark Days,” she laughs and I frown down at my costume.

“Fine, I’ll go change,” I grumble.

“No! Hey, I’m sorry,” she frantically reaches out for my hand and her laughter fades. “I wasn’t making fun of you. I like the costume. It’s very sexy.”

“Liar. You called it Capitol.”

“It’s not. You look good in whatever you wear, Peeta. I was just teasing you.” I purse my lips and sip at my soup. She holds my hand while Rye eats and she sighs when he   
releases her nipple.

“Is he finished?”

“I think so. You want to put him down for me? I can start making my way up the stairs.” 

“Katniss,” I sigh but she shakes her head.

 

“Come on Peeta, I’m going to lose all use of my legs if I don’t start walking again!”

“Fine, walk around the room but not on the stairs! What if you fall again? You could hit your head…break more bones. Please don’t risk it. I’ll be right back to carry you up.” She shakes her head as I gather our son in my arms and gently carry him upstairs. I hurry back down to the kitchen, afraid that Katniss will disobey me and try to make it up to the bedroom but I sigh when I see she is sitting patiently. I lift her up, mindful of her leg, and carry her to the bedroom. 

I watch her in the mirror while I strip off my costume and drape it over the chair. She struggles around the bedroom, basically hopping and looking like I do when I take my prosthetic off. She huffs impatiently, clearly frustrated at her exertion. She closes the bathroom door behind her and I hear her let out several curses and ‘ows’ behind the closed door. Smiling to myself, I bend down and unclasp my prosthetic, setting it against the wall beside the bed. When Katniss is finished in the bathroom, I brace my palm against the wall and hop off the bed. Katniss frowns at me as she stands in the doorway, her hands clutching both sides.

“Peeta what are you doing?”

“Need to brush my teeth. Excuse me.” She moves to the side as I hop through the door.

“Why did you take your prosthetic off?” I only smile as I close the door in her face.   
When I finish, I open the door and see she is already in bed. She watches me as I hobble over to the bed and awkwardly climb under the covers. 

“Peeta--“

“I know how you feel, Katniss. And you’re not alone in this. This is something I know all too well and I know how frustrating it is. Just remember you’re never alone.” I hold her face firmly with both hands and kiss her forehead, her nose, and then her lips. She reaches up and tangles her fingers in my hair as she deepens our kiss. I moan a little as her tongue invades my mouth and challenges mine. Her hands move down to my bare chest and rakes over my shoulders before traveling lower. I move closer, pressing my erection against her belly. The way I am reacting you would think it’s been years since I have been inside her. My eyes roll to the back of my head as she tears away from my lips and starts to kiss her way down my jaw and throat. 

“Nngh. Katniss,” I pant as her tongue circles around my nipple. 

“I need you, Peeta,” she says in a husky voice. “I need you inside me.” She starts to lift her gown over her head but I move her hands aside; she knows how I love to undress her. I fling it aside and my hands reacquaint themselves with her breasts. I’m gentle, knowing she is sore and tender. My hands move down and into her panties until her breath hitches. I feel how wet she is and my dick leaps against its confines. 

“How do you want to do this,” I mumble into her neck as my fingertip finds that nub of pleasure. She only responds with a gasp. I withdraw my hand from her underwear so she can focus; she fixes me with a cold glare and I chuckle. 

“Lie on your stomach for me.” With a lot of fumbling around, she’s lying in front of me while I am halfway kneeling between her legs.   
\--------------

It’s actually a lot of fun figuring out different positions and what works; we’re delighted when we discover several that enable me to slide even deeper inside her and she screams into the pillow when I straddle her ass so I am thrusting into her and I can still push my finger between her ass cheeks. 

I have to tell her more than once to keep quiet but she winds up screaming my name loudly and we listen intently for the pitter-patter of little feet. Thankfully, we don’t hear it and I pull her into my chest as we burrow under the blankets. I should probably get up to shut the window but it’s too far a distance to hobble without anything to hold onto. I pull the blankets tighter around us and she sighs contentedly. 

“I’m glad we can do that again.” I chuckle into her hair.

“Me too. I’m glad it didn’t hurt you…you know, like last time.” 

“No I was ok. You’re always so gentle and wonderful with me though.” I kiss her shoulder and move closer to her on the pillow. 

“I would rather die than hurt you, Katniss.” She turns toward me, wincing a little when her cast brushes against my leg. 

“You could never, Peeta,” she whispers as she reaches up to stroke my cheek. We hold each other’s gazes for a moment and I can tell she is lost in thought.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she says quickly, confirming my suspicions.

“Katniss, what is it?”

“Do you ever regret…not doing it before me?” My brows shoot up into my hair.

“What are you talking about?”

“We were each other’s firsts…do you ever wish you had done it with anyone at the slag heap?” I suck in a breath; not the ideal conversation to have after just having sex, I   
have to say.

“No,” I say immediately.

“Really?” My brow furrows.

“Why, do you?”

“No.”

“OK then. Why are you asking this?” She shrugs but I shake my head.

“Something is bothering you. Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing, really. I was just curious if you ever think of other women. I was your first--“

“My first, only, and last,” I say firmly. She sets a hand on my cheek and smiles. It’s how Katniss communicates; not with words but gentle gestures and expressions. She didn’t mean to upset me and she wants to calm me before it turns into anything it shouldn’t be. 

“You’re my first, only, and last too,” she says softly. “And I don’t want it any other way. I was just curious if you sometimes think of other women. When I was pregnant and too ugly to look at--“ My hand flies to her mouth, cutting her off immediately and I shake my head in warning before I remove my hand. 

“I was also selfish because I didn’t let you touch me. Did you get off to thoughts of anyone else?”

“No Katniss. Only you. It’s only EVER been you.” Her hand falls to the pillow and I study her expression. 

“And you? Do you dream of other men sometimes?”

“Not in the way you would think,” she says carefully. I frown. What does THAT mean?

“Explain.” 

“Peeta, really, it’s nothing--“

“Well you’re freaking me out with a whole lot of nothing,” I say heatedly. “Just tell me.” 

“Did you know what Cray did with young girls?” I visibly wince.

“I guess you did know. But he would put enough money into their hands to keep them alive for at least a month. He liked virgins, though. He hardly took women who had already been to the slag heap before. Prim got really sick one day. She was coughing up blood and Mom wouldn’t move from the table. I thought I was going to lose her, Peeta. I went over to Cray’s house. I needed money for medicine and it was the dead of winter so I wasn’t able to hunt anything. Cray leered at me as he told me to take my clothes off,” I suck in a breath as my heart hammers against my chest. 

“I only got as far as my underwear. I…I was scared. I chickened out. He threw me out and told me to never come crawling back to his house again. A few Merchant boys heard the commotion and I heard them talking about all the vile disgusting things they could do with me. They dragged me into an alleyway and started ripping off my clothes. I’d never been so scared in my life. I wasn’t planning to lose my virginity to anyone but this certainly was at the top of my nightmares. They pressed me against the wall and held their hand over my mouth. A few other Merchant boys broke them apart and I was flung to the side. Ryean pulled me to my feet and gave me his shirt to cover up with.” My eyes widen. Ryean? As in…

“My brother Ryean,” I ask in a croaky voice. She nods slowly. 

“They made the other boys leave but then they started doing the same thing. Taunting me, I mean, teasing Ryean about if he was going to take the little Seam slut to the slag heap. Merchants took Seam girls there all the time. It wasn’t uncommon for a Merchant boy to ask a Seam girl out, making her believe that he would give her the world, and afterwards he would leave her naked and broken at the heap. Your brother took me there.” At this, I sit straight up.

“You’re…that can’t be true.” She presses her hands against my chest but I jerk away. She bites her lip and lowers her hands to her lap.

“I guess he wanted to protect his reputation. But he didn’t do anything. We just sat and talked for a little while. He said he had several friends who needed to take a wife and that he could maybe find someone to take me in. I laughed at him because he was talking about a Merchant taking a Seam girl for his wife but Ryean assured me there were plenty of Merchant boys who were respectable and who would have no problem taking me in. I thought for a moment that he was talking about himself but now I realize that he was referring to you. But I told him I was never getting married and I would find a way to survive and keep my sister alive. He then told me I owed him and needed to give him my bra. For proof, he said. I argued at first but decided, yes I did owe him and I gave it to him before I went home. I don’t think we ever spoke again after that.” 

I’m gaping at her; I know I look like a fool with my eyes popping out of my head. I remember that night. Ryean snuck in really late and threw a girl’s bra at me, told me it was something to jerk off to. I don’t know how many times I asked whose it was, and he never told me. I always assumed it was just another one of his “conquests” at the slag heap, as he called them. He probably knew how furious I would be if I learned it was Katniss’s. I flush bright red as I remember that I did, in fact, jerk off to the thoughts of whatever breasts that bra might have once covered. And how many times I imagined olive skin with dusty nipples and the slender belly that was below that, and the sweet folds hidden by a thatch of curls. My eyes dart down to my lap and I clench my legs together as I grip the sheets tightly. She watches me carefully, chewing on her lip.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up but…I guess sometimes I just think about certain outcomes. You know, if Ryean hadn’t saved me that night. What would have happened? Or those men that kidnapped me. They could have…well, you know.”

“You dream about being raped?” My voice cracks, like it used to do when I was a pre-pubescent teenager clutching to that tattered bra. 

“No! I mean, not really. It’s not like a fantasy or anything, it’s just something that has been featured in my nightmares lately. I don’t know why and I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want you to panic. I keep having dreams of us in the Capitol, what they would have done to us. Made us watch each other as we--“

“Ok, Katniss, stop,” I say firmly, clutching her hands. She falls silent and looks down at her lap. I cup her chin and shake my head.

“Try not to think about it, honey. Those images have haunted my nightmares too but I’m ok when I wake up and realize you’re still beside me, perfectly safe. I don’t ever want to think about my wife being touched by anyone other than me. Let’s just get one thing clear; I would have died if we had been forced to become Capitol Escorts like Finnick. No, I would have,” I talk over her protests. “Because I would have been executed for killing a client. I don’t care who they were, if anyone ever put their hands on you, I would have killed them. Or be killed trying to destroy them. There is no way in hell that I would have ever stood for that. Even if they tried to pair you with Finnick. I would have killed him.” She leans forward and presses her cheek to my chest. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just my stupid brain won’t turn off sometimes. I’m sorry.” I sigh as I hold her head against my chest and kiss her hair.

“I don’t think I can sleep now. What do you say to a hot bath?” She nods and I reach for my prosthetic so I can go fix the bath the way she likes it. When the bath salts are dissolved and the water is the right temperature, I go back and scoop her up, carrying her to the tub. 

“Drape your foot over the edge here,” I gently position her leg so she is keeping her cast from getting wet and I slide in behind her so she can lean against my chest. 

“I’ve never really worried about you cheating on me,” she breaks the silence and I inhale sharply. “I know that you love me. But I hear it happening so many times…and Mom had so many patients, young girls who were almost nine months pregnant and their husbands had run off with younger, prettier things. I guess sometimes I forget how wonderful you are and group you with other men.”

“Stop that,” I say into her hair. “I’m not. I never have been and I defied society for you. You think it was easy, coming back to 12 after I proclaimed I loved you? Mom screamed at me that I had sullied their good name. Even Bialy said something crude like I was supposed to take Seam girls to the heap, not to the toasting hearth. But I told them I loved you and I would marry you one day and they would just have to get used to you. You think after everything we have been through, I could possibly leave you for another woman?”

“No,” she says, her voice sounding strange. I push her hair back and kiss her forehead. She sniffles and closes her eyes. 

“You’re stuck with me for life, Katniss. I don’t want anyone else. I never will. You’re enough for me. I can’t speak for those other men you speak of but if they have something as amazing as I do, they’re idiots to give it up. I’m no idiot.” She leans her head back on my chest and reaches up to stroke my cheek. I smile and give her a soft kiss; I then break this tense/romantic moment and flick water at her. She gasps and splashes me and we wind up getting water all over the floor in our water fight.   
We stay in there until we both start to shrivel up. I help her dry off and dress; just as we are about to pull up the covers, we hear a shrill crying and then little fists against our door. I’m up in seconds, flinging the door open and scooping my little girl against my chest. Seconds later, we hear the sharp cries of our son and I hear Katniss sigh behind me. I lay Willow in her arms and I hurry to Rye’s nursery to calm him.

It’s a sleepless night in the Mellark household, that’s for sure.


	32. Chapter 32

It takes us awhile to calm our children down; Peeta brings Rye to me so I can sing him to sleep (sometimes it’s the only thing that makes him go to sleep) and while he carries him back to the nursery, Willow climbs into bed with me and clings to my waist. When Peeta returns, he climbs up behind her and strokes her hair. Our little girl refuses to fall asleep until she is safely nestled between her father and me. When we hear her soft snores, Peeta smiles over her head and reaches over to stroke my cheek.

“We make a good team, Katniss.”

“Mmmhm. Always have.” His smile fades and he bites his lip. I raise my brow and wait for the question

“Katniss…why haven’t you told me that story sooner?”

“What story?” His brows rise high into his hair and I sigh. Why haven’t I told him about his brother saving me sooner? Probably because I was too ashamed. I’d tried to block that night from my mind…I don’t know why I’ve suddenly started having dreams about that again. 

“I didn’t…think it was a big deal.” Now he looks incredulous.

“Not a big…Katniss, my brother…my brother basically saved you from being--“ his eyes fly downwards to our sleeping daughter and he mouths the word ‘raped’. “How is that not a big deal?!” I wince at his sharp tone.

“Ok Peeta, I didn’t mean that it wasn’t a big deal but a lot happened to me when I was young, I don’t think it’s necessary to tell you every horrible detail about my life.”

“Well that’s a pretty big omission of your life,” he scoffs. “I didn’t even know that you and Ryean ever spoke and now I find out that he took you to the Slag Heap.”

“We never did anything, Peeta!” 

“I know that,” he says softly. “But Ryean…he always knew how I felt about you,” his expression softens and he takes a deep breath. “He always looked out for me. I just know, if he was telling you about his Merchant friends who were willing to take you for a wife…he was testing the waters for me. He was finding out, for me, if you would be interested in marriage. Because if you had told him you were, he would have come straight to me and told me to ask you. I know it. And I never got to thank him for that. For all the things he did for me. He protected you, Katniss. I mean…he was a decent guy, he wouldn’t have let that happen to anyone but he saved you for me. He knew…knew how devastated I would be if…if that had happened to you…and he put himself out there, for me.” He sniffles and I reach over to wipe his tears away with my thumb. He grabs my hand and brings his lips to my knuckles. 

“Imagine, Katniss. If I had just confessed my love to you when we were younger. I could have taken care of you and your sister and mother. A baker’s wife wouldn’t go hungry. She wouldn’t have to risk her life in the woods for food. If I wasn’t such a coward, your life could have been so different. Maybe even happy.” 

“Oh Peeta,” I lean over my daughter so I can kiss him. I glance downwards at her to make sure she is still sleeping, and his eyes follow mine. “There you go again, playing the what- if game. We’re together now, love. We’re together and happy. My life is very happy. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about your brother sooner but Seam people don’t do well with any kind of charity and we feel that once we owe a debt, we are obligated to pay it. And I never got to repay him. So I was ashamed and didn’t want you to know that I feel guilty because I never really got to thank him or repay him.” 

“That’s what you meant in the Games, wasn’t it? When you talked about Thresh letting you go because he didn’t want you to owe you anything?” I stare at him in shock. HOW many years has it been and he still remembers that?!

“You have a remarkable memory.” He smiles sadly.

“You’ve said that to me before.”

“Real,” I nod. He nods too and sits up a little. 

“And you thought I was too dim to understand that concept.” 

“I didn’t think you were too dim,” I argue. “I just had a misconstrued view of life for the Merchant class. I didn’t know you suffered, just like me.”

“And that’s when you told me you would never get over owing me for the bread.” 

“Mmhm. But then I asked you why you did it. You never answered me though.”

“You know why, Katniss.” I stare at him. He said that very thing to me, so many years ago in that dreary cave, and I’d been frustrated because I just thought he was avoiding the question. I had no idea then…

“Because you loved me.” 

“Always have, always will,” he whispers as he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “And that’s why you’ve never owed me anything. Because I was selfishly saving your life, for me. I wanted you as my wife one day.”

“I don’t think that’s very selfish,” I chuckle lightly. He smiles. 

“You don’t owe us anything, Katniss. Doing the right thing isn’t charity or a debt to be repaid. Ryean and I both saved you in different ways…and that’s because we had to. Not because we thought you would pay us back somehow. Though I wish I had kicked Ryean in the balls for taking your bra.” I laugh and shake my head.

“It’s ok. It was a ragged old thing anyway.”

“I remember,” he mumbles and my eyes widen.

“You…he gave it to you?!” He flushes red and I can feel my cheeks redden. 

“Brothers are weird, Katniss. Be glad you didn’t have any.” 

“Well Prim and I definitely didn’t gossip as much as you and your brothers did. I guess it’s a good thing that your brothers took it upon themselves to educate you.”

“More like I was a horrible eavesdropper and heard them talking about what they did on their dates,” he flushes even redder. “But it came in handy, didn’t it?” He winks and I laugh.

“You’re terrible.” 

“But you love me.” He lays his head next to Willow’s and reaches over to stroke my cheek. I smile as my eyes close.

“That I do.”   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rye is over a year old now and is looking more like Peeta each day. When he was almost 4 months old, all of his hair fell out and Peeta and I positively panicked. Annie rushed over and assured us our son was fine, and it was something common called ‘cradle cap’. I didn’t stop panicking for weeks, though, until the rash went away completely. I was shocked and delighted when his hair started to grow back…much finer than it had been. At a year old, my little Rye had the bounciest golden curls I have ever seen. It still tugs my heart when Peeta picks him up and holds him close; they look so much alike and I am always running my fingers through his fair curls, as I always do with his father’s.   
\------------------------- 

Our little boy skipped crawling altogether and went straight into walking. I’m grateful that Peeta was home when it happened.   
Willow’s playing with her brother on their musical mat, while Peeta is in the kitchen finishing up the dishes. I lean against the couch, watching my children with a broad smile on my face, when my husband enters the room and leans down to give me a kiss. 

“Dessert is almost ready,” he says as he lays his head in my lap. My fingers gently stroke his curls and he sighs against my leg. Willow giggles and presses one of the buttons.

“That one, Rye! Yay! Good job baby brother!” I feel Peeta’s smile against my skin and I smile at my children. Willow flops onto her stomach and lays in front of her brother. She makes funny faces at him, causing him to emit shrill giggles. He rolls around for a moment and struggles to sit up. Willow sits up with him and holds her arms out. Rye’s tiny hands clutch the couch as he pulls himself up and Willow squeals.

“Rye! Come here, baby!” Peeta sits straight up and his jaw drops.

“Katniss,” he says quietly. We watch our son take his first tentative step toward his sister, before he falls on his bottom and starts to cry. Willow rushes over to him and wraps her arms around him.

“Shh, shh, it’s ok. Sissy is here. Sissy will watch over you.” Our daughter croons in our son’s ear and she pulls him to his feet again. Peeta slides off the couch and into the floor and crawls toward Rye.

“Hey buddy, what ya doing? Are you walking? Are you walking with your sister?”

“Daddy, look at him,” Willow giggles. Peeta laughs and holds his arms out, letting out a cry of delight when Rye walks toward him. He only gets a few steps before he crashes to his knees but he doesn’t stay down for long; several attempts and he is walking straight into Peeta’s arms. Tears roll down Peeta’s handsome face as he kisses Rye’s chubby cheeks and Willow climbs into his lap as well. 

“Let’s go attack Mommy with kisses,” I hear him mutter in a low voice and I squeal when they jump onto the couch and Willow throws her arms around me. Rye reaches up and touches my face and I kiss his little fingers. 

“My big boy is walking! Willow what a great big sister you are!” Peeta’s eyes meet mine and they are filled with tears and love. He mouths ‘I love you’ over our son’s head. I return his smile as I pull our daughter into my lap.   
\-------------------------------------------

Now Rye is 18 months and we are getting ready to celebrate our little girl’s 6th birthday in just over a month! I don’t know where the time has gone but it certainly has passed! Peeta doesn’t go into the bakery as much anymore; Rory has essentially taken over and he is now teaching his new wife how to run the front. Peeta decided before Rye turned a year old that he wanted to spend more time at home with his family. I can’t say I’m too disappointed by this change. I love having him home when Willow gets home and the whole family gathers in the living room to color or play games or just enjoy one another’s company. Sometimes others will join us, like Grandpa Haymitch and Mimi Effie, who absolutely loves to hold Rye. Annie will come over often, as does her son who checks on his mother often. Analise comes over sometimes when Finn is working in the school (he has become their official physical education instructor and coaches swimming and water aerobics) and asks to hold Rye; I guess she needs to practice because she is nearly five months along now. Johanna has come to vist a few times, bringing Aran, Brody, and Anna with her while George continues to make fashion news around the districts. Rye gets very jealous when his sister holds Brody and Peeta laughs as he scoops up our pouting son. 

These times of family are wonderful but they’re also painful; they bring back memories of loved ones, and make me wish for more times spent with those loved ones. We’ve lost so many along the way and it’s a harder lesson to learn, every time. When we lost Sae, that was particularly hard. She went peacefully in her sleep at a very ripe old age but she was still family to us. Peeta still sketches his brothers and tells Rye about the uncle he is named for. 

While Willow is at school, Peeta and I sit on the floor and play with Rye; he loves the musical mat that his sister still loves to play with. When the phone rings, I leave the boys to go answer it. 

When I come back, I am pale and shaking and Peeta’s smile fades when he sees me.

“Honey?” When I don’t answer, he jumps to his feet and comes toward me. 

“Katniss? What’s wrong?” 

“That was…Paylor on the phone.” His brow furrows while he waits for me to continue but I don’t think I can. I swallow a few times and shake my head. He leads me over to the couch to sit down and rubs my back gently.

“What did she say?”

“She wanted…she talked about the election.” 

“OK. What about it?”

“She was outvoted.” He gasps and his circles on my back cease.

“So who is President?” 

“Runyon Ballyntyn won by a landslide.” All color leaves his cheeks and he leans into me, our arms wrapping around each other and holding back tears.  
Ballyntyn is from District 2 and comes from a family of peacekeepers. He was Pro-Capitol during the War and apparently was instrumental in Commander Lyme’s death. Not only that, Ballyntyn was suspected and tried in a case in which large amounts of tracker-jacker venom were smuggled into the district. Although nothing was ever proven, Paylor still believed he was involved. 

“I don’t understand,” I cry softly. “How could he win? I thought Panem changed. I thought…we were free.”

“Shh,” he tries to soothe me. “We don’t know what kind of president he will be. Let’s just wait and see what happens. Don’t panic about it until we see what he does. Panem HAS changed. They still recognize us as the ones who changed the world. The people won’t let it go back to the way things were.” Suddenly, something clenches onto my heart and refuses to let go. The image of us standing around the Square while a young Capitol woman reaches into a bowl and pulls out my childrens’ names. 

I start to hyperventilate and can’t register what he is saying. I clutch his leg, my nails digging into his flesh. I vagely notice his hands gripping my shoulders and shaking me.

“Katniss, snap out of it! Please baby, breathe! Focus on my voice! Focus on me, Katniss!” 

“Peeta, is everything ok?”

“She’s having a panic attack! Effie, bring me some water please!” 

“Shit she looks like she is going into shock! Katniss! Can you hear me girl?” 

“Haymitch, take Rye out of here please!” 

“Effs, take the baby. Katniss! Come on, girl, look at us!” 

“Slapping her isn’t helping, Haymitch!”

“And your way is so much better?”

“Damn it. Katniss! Come on sweetheart, just look at me!” I blink and try to focus on him. His blurry shape starts to clear and I blink several times. His hands hold my   
cheeks firmly and Haymitch is splashing water in my face. I try to shake my head but Peeta’s hold is too tight.

“Stop,” I command and Peeta lets out a deep sigh, his shoulders slumping forward as he pulls my head against his chest.

“Thank God. You’re ok, Katniss. We’re all ok. Just breathe, honey. Breathe and focus on my voice.” I squeeze my eyes shut and listen to his heart beat under my ear. 

“Here, take a drink.” He helps me tip the glass back and I sip at the water. It spills down my chin and he hurriedly wipes it away with his thumb.

“You wanna tell me why your wife wasn’t breathing when we came over,” Haymitch says sharply. Peeta glances at me and I wipe at my mouth.

“Paylor just called her.”

“Ah. Then you’ve heard.” I turn to him sharply.

“You knew? And you didn’t tell us?”

“Sweetheart I just got the call before you. Paylor was calling all the Victors, to give us a heads up. Annie went into hysterics and we had to calm her down before we came over.” 

“It’ll be fine, won’t it Haymitch? I mean…the districts won’t let it get bad again,” Peeta even sounds uncertain and it makes me start to panic again.

“I don’t know kid,” he sighs. “I wish I could say we’ve learned our lesson and we’ll be just fine but…as Plutarch said when the war ended, “we’re fickle, stupid beings with poor memories and a great gift for self-destruction.” I shiver as he quotes the former game-maker’s words. Peeta frowns and looks from me to Haymitch.

“But Panem is better! We have worked hard to get where we are…we’re not just going to let one man tear all that apart, are we?”

“Look if you’re asking me do I think this guy is going to try to erect the Arenas and start sending kids to their deaths again, then no I don’t think that. But I don’t think things will be as peaceful as they were with Paylor. I don’t have a clue why he won but Paylor called us to give us all a heads up, to prepare. If he tries to do anything that Snow would have done, he’ll have the Victors to answer to.”

“I don’t need another War, Haymitch,” I sob. “I just want to keep my children safe.” 

~All I wanted was to save my sister, and keep Peeta alive.~

I gasp in realization, as I hear my own words echoing inside my head. Peeta and Haymitch watch me warily. My eyes roll to the back of my head as I slip backwards and all I register is someone crying out my name before everything goes black. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Peeta begs and pleads with me not to slip into my old ways. Those days of deep depression crushing me into oblivion and not leaving the bed for days or weeks at a time still haunt him and I know he’s terrified it will happen any day now. But for the sake of my children as well as my husband, I force myself to get out of bed and go on about my day. 

The week before Willow’s birthday, we receive an official looking letter in the mail. Peeta raises his brow and points to the seal.

It’s the new presidential seal, that looks alarmingly familiar to Snow’s seal. 

Peeta tears it open and his eyes scan the page. He swallows and Haymitch holds out his hand to read it. When he does, his scowl gets even deeper. I shift Rye to my shoulder and hold out my hand as well. 

“Looks like we’ll all be taking a little trip,” Haymitch says as he folds up the letter. 

“Give it here, Haymitch.”

“Sweetheart trust me, it’s just politics and the attempt to be polite. The new president has requested our presence in the Capitol in next week. All of us,” he specifies and my brow furrows as I whip my head around to look at Peeta. His jaw is tightened and his mouth is a thin line.

“The children included,” he says softly. I can already see the rage growing in his eyes.

“Why would we take the children to the Capitol?” 

“The president extends his warmest greetings to the Mockingjay and her family and begs for the chance to meet such distinguished members of society. As the first born of the Mockingjay is approaching a birthday, it is only fitting that a party be thrown in her honor,” Haymitch reads aloud before crumbling it in his fist and finging it to the side in disgust. Effie sets a hand on his shoulder and he grumbles something. 

“If he wants to meet us so badly, he can just come to 12,” I say with a scowl.

“You know it doesn’t work that way, Katniss,” Effie says gently. Peeta works his jaw. Without a word, he holds out his arms toward me and I silently pass our sleeping son over to him. Peeta’s hand cradles Rye’s head as he gets up and heads into the living room. Haymitch sighs and stands as well.

“Haymitch, do we have to go?”

“Sweetheart, we don’t want to get on this guy’s bad side. Let’s just play nice right now and not give him any reason to get mad at us. You think you can do that?” He gently pats my cheek and gestures for Effie to follow him. I can hear them saying goodbye to Peeta and I sigh as I sink further into the table.


	33. Chapter 33

When Willow comes home, Peeta and I sit her down and tell her we will be taking a trip to the Capitol. Our little five year old is more excited than we expected her to be. She claps her hands excitedly and Peeta glances at me before he turns back to her.

“You understand, sweetheart, that we will be spending your birthday in the Capitol this year?”

“Yes! Daddy I’m excited! I’ve never been to the Capitol!” 

“No,” I say rather stiffly. “We don’t like to visit there.”

“But why?” Her blue eyes are wide and she cocks her head to the side, like I do. She is the most curious child I have ever seen and she always wants to know how something works. Peeta laughs while he teaches her how to bake but she has to understand every little step and detail. It’s maddening sometimes.   
Peeta sighs as he shifts Rye to his other shoulder.

“Baby, your mama and I need to show you something.” His eyes meet mine and he nods. I swallow and Willow looks back and forth between us. I try to communicate with him without words, shaking my head and biting my lip. He looks firm as he nods again. Sighing, he passes Rye to me and goes up to our bedroom. When he comes back down, he is clutching the Memory Book. Willow’s eyes widen.

“Daddy…it’s yours and Mommy’s book.” 

“This book is important to us, Willow, and I think it’s time we told you why.” 

I have dreaded this day since the first moment I held Willow in my arms. I knew we would have to tell her everything but I didn’t think it would be so soon. Peeta has been saying lately that it will time to tell her soon, because the older she gets, the more curious she gets.

“Not to mention,” he pressed on the other night. “She will learn about it in school. Do we really want her to hear about it from a teacher rather than us?” 

For the next two and a half hours, while Rye is asleep in Peeta’s lap, we sit on the floor with Willow and flip through the Memory Book, telling her of how her mother and father first met and how they became friends years later while trying to keep each other alive. Willow glances up at me, her eyes sad.

“Is that why you scream at night, Mama?” I gasp and Peeta tenses up. 

“Mama and Daddy both get nightmares, sweetie,” Peeta says softly. “They’ll never go away. We help each other, though. We have been through a lot but we are survivors. Your mama is the strongest, bravest woman I know. You get your courage and your strong will from her, among other things. You may have my eyes but you are your mother’s daughter through and through.” 

“Is that Aunt Prim?” She turns the book around to show us Prim’s page. Peeta captured her perfectly, with her blonde hair in two braids, her bright eyes dancing with laughter, and her sweet smile. I nod, blinking back tears.

“Your mom and your aunt were as close as two people could ever get,” Peeta says quietly. “Mama promised to protect your aunt Prim, and she was willing to sacrifice herself to save her.” I am overcome by tears while Peeta tells Willow about how I volunteered for Prim, and I have to excuse myself from the room when he tells her about how she helped him when Daddy was “sick” in District 13; we are careful with the full details. Peeta has never outright told her about what happened to him. I’m not sure if we ever can. The world still doesn’t know the whole story either, and it will stay that way. All Willow needs to know is that her father is the most incredible man in the world, and he is a survivor, like the rest of this family. 

I put Rye to bed before I throw myself on the bed and sob into the pillow. I hear Peeta and Willow down the hall, sometime later, and then Peeta’s heavy footsteps enter the bedroom. He closes the door and sits on the edge of the bed. I feel his hand stroking my hair, and his voice shakes when he speaks.

“I had to tell her, Katniss. She asked so many questions…she’s wanted to know about Prim for so long. Maybe she is too young but our little girl is smart. Smarter than both of us. I had to tell her everything.” I don’t speak; I can’t. I’m paralyzed by the tears. He gently lifts me up and pulls me into his lap. I flop around like a rag doll as he kisses my forehead and pulls me close to his chest.

“It’ll all be ok, Katniss. We’ll go to the Capitol, as a family, and we’ll come back as a family. Nothing bad’s going to happen. Ok?” I close my eyes and bury my face in his chest. His fingers stroke through my hair as he holds me until I fall asleep, just like that. 

Haymitch arranges our train tickets while Effie helps Peeta pack up the kids’ things. I call Annie to let her know what is going on, and she agrees to keep an eye on our house while we are gone. I sincerely hope we are not in the Capitol for long.

Annie asks me to accompany her to the bakery because Analise has had a craving for chocolate muffins and Finn is busy with work. Since I need to talk to Rory about the trip, I agree and we climb into my car and are at the bakery in no time. 

Annie browses the stocked shelves while Theta assists a customer. She looks stressed than I’ve seen her in the past; she finally seems to have a handle on things and she tosses her long black curls out of her face as she hands the man his change. There’s two more people in front of me, and my eyes go to the back to see if I can see Rory. 

“Auntie Niss!” I gasp as a little boy throws his arms around my legs and I look up into wide, frightened Merchant blue eyes.

“Dex,” she says sharply. “What have I told you about running away?”

“But I wanted to see Auntie,” the little boy whines. Delly bites her lip and rushes forward to grasp my godson’s hand.

“I’m sorry about that, Katniss. He can’t be controlled right now.” I haven’t been this close to Delly since her son was born. True to my word, I encouraged Peeta to continue his friendship with her but it’s been strained and they haven’t been the same. I hate that a long friendship has been destroyed but she really brought it upon herself, and I think she knows that. Still, she and Brent did ask if we would continue tradition and be godparents to their third child. Since Peeta never backs out on a promise, I couldn’t say no. But I haven’t seen my godchildren in quite awhile, as I’ve been busy with my own kids. I smile down at Dex and shake my head.

“It’s ok, Delly. I’m happy to see you too, buddy.” 

“How are things,” Delly says in a strained voice. I sigh.

“Delly, we don’t have to do this. We don’t need to make it awkward.” 

“I made it awkward. It’s my fault,” she says, tears welling in her eyes. Oh no.

“Delly, don’t,” I whisper, my eyes flying to her son. She sniffles but blinks the tears away and shakes her head.

“We should be going. It was good to see you Katniss. Say goodbye, Dex.”

“Bye Aunt Katniss!” She grasps his hand firmly and leads him out of the bakery. Annie glances over at me with a raised brow. But she’s smiling and I frown.

“What?”

“You did good, Katniss. I’m proud of you.” I huff. I think everyone expected me to shoot her with an arrow. I’m not COMPLETELY unreasonable you know. 

“Hey Katniss!” I look up and smile at Rory, who has come out to plate fresh tarts. 

“Rory, we need to talk,” I say softly and he nods and follows me to one of the tables. 

He looks concerned that we are going to the Capitol but he promises to take care of everything and asks that we call him if we need him. We embrace and I sigh. His older brother used to be one of the few people in the world I loved and trusted, and now I look at him as my own little brother. He bags up some muffins for Annie and waves us off. When we get out of the car, she comes around and squeezes my hand.

“You’ll have Peeta by your side the entire time, Katniss. It’ll be alright.” I nod and watch her disappear into her house. With a heavy sigh, I re-enter my own house to find everyone running around, making sure they have everything they need.   
\------------------------------------------------------------

I cling to my son while the train zooms toward the Capitol. Peeta sits in a chair and I watch his leg shake anxiously. Willow colors on the couch and Haymitch and Effie chew their lips in silence. I am grateful that they decided to come with us. The letter, it seemed, had only summoned the Mellarks; Haymitch told us as our former mentor, he had a duty to join us on the trip.

“Plus, I’m the grandpa,” he had said when I tried to protest. “I take care of all my kids.” 

I think Peeta and I both wept at those words. Haymitch is getting older so we’re not sure how a trip like this will treat him but we’re grateful just the same. 

The attendant takes good care of my daughter on the train; he brings her a hearty dinner as well as a big mug of hot chocolate that is overflowing with marshmellows. She climbs up into Peeta’s lap and rests her head on his shoulder as she quickly falls asleep. Peeta grabs the mug of chocolate before it can spill all over him and he sets it on the table. Unfortuantely we will be arriving in the Capitol quite late and won’t see the new president until tomorrow. I had wanted to get it over with as quickly as I could. Peeta and I are anxious enough as it is.

Haymitch has plenty to tell me when we arrive at our hotel. Be friendly. Don’t speak out of line. 

“Actually, try not to speak a lot at all, sweetheart,” he says nervously. “Let Peeta do the talking. We both know he’s better at it anyway.” I nod and agree. Peeta will keep the peace. My sharp tongue could get us into a lot of trouble. It’s just lucky that Paylor and I fought together in District 8 during the War; else I’m not sure if she would have been so attentive to us during her years in office.   
\-----------------------------------------

Our hotel is more like a townhouse and Effie and Haymitch agree to sleep upstairs while we take the downstairs bedrooms. Willow and Rye sleep together, while Peeta and I try to sleep in the huge Capitol bed that is far too stiff for my taste. But I remember when Prim and I shared a tiny bed in our little house in the Seam, so I don’t complain about the sleeping arrangements. Peeta clings to me that night, whispering feverishly in my ear while he sleeps. I know being here is getting to him. This is why we don’t visit the Capitol. Neither of us wish to face the memories.   
\---------

We’re awoken by a Capitol official requesting our presence at a luncheon with the president and his wife. Willow chooses to wear a frilly blue dress with a yellow bow and asks me to braid her hair for her. My hands are shaking so badly that Peeta’s hand covers mine and he takes over, giving her a kiss on the cheek when he finishes. When it’s almost time to go, I’m still sitting on the bed in my bra and my slip. Peeta stops in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Honey. We need to go.” I can see from the sad gaze he gives me how lost I must look. 

“Ok,” I mumble without moving. He sighs and goes to my suitcase, pulling out a long green dress which he pulls over my head, then pulls me to my feet so he can zip it up. He turns me around roughly and takes my face in his hands.

“No matter what happens,” he whispers. “I’m right beside you and I won’t leave you. Ok?” I nod and he kisses my forehead before he releases me. I come to my senses and finish dressing myself, quickly pulling on my shoes and donning the locket from the Quell. Haymitch calls to us that it’s time to go, and I take Willow’s hand while we exit the hotel. Several Capitol officials are waiting for us and escort us to a car. 

\-----------------------------------  
Willow excitedly stares out the window, oohing and aahing at the sights and sounds of the Capitol. The busy city life makes me squirm in my seat and Peeta just smiles at our daughter while our son clings to his neck. I keep my fingers crossed that we are having lunch anywhere but the presidential mansion. I have seen enough of that place to last me a lifetime.

Haymitch sits with his arms crossed, tapping his foot and Effie just closes her eyes. I wonder what it is like for her to be back here as well. She was doing quite well with her fashion academy but she finally decided to move to 12 to live with Haymitch rather than be married from afar. I think Haymitch was happy about the decision as well but I’ve never actually asked Effie if she likes 12, or if she misses the Capitol.   
Right now, she looks as anxious as I do.

Thankfully, we don’t go the mansion. Instead, our driver takes us to a larg building in the middle of the city, not far from the Tribute Training Center.   
We are led to a large room that is bustling with people. When we enter, someone calls out to the room “The Mellark Family”. I swear it is so silent you could hear a pin drop. I’ve never quite understood that expression until just now. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Mellark,” a cheery voice comes from the other side of the room. “Welcome, welcome. So glad to have you.” A rather slender man comes striding forward, his hand held out in front of him. He clasps Peeta’s hand tightly and claps him on the shoulder, as if they are old friends. Peeta smiles and nods, like the gentleman he is and the man turns to me.

“And Mrs. Mellark. You are even lovelier in person.” He kisses my hands and I have to fight not to jerk my hand out of his grasp; his lips are cold and clammy on my skin. He smiles up at me and his eyes are an electric blue, that look unnatural next to Peeta’s calm ones. I force myself to smile and bow my head.

“Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for your invitation.”

“And we have young Miss Mellark, do we? A very happy birthday to you, my dearest,” he addresses my daughter, who stands in front of Peeta. My little girl is never shy and she takes his hand to shake faster than I did.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. President,” she says in a clear voice. She is clearly Peeta Mellark’s daughter; her charm goes a long way and I hear people muttering around us about how she is such a well-behaved little girl. 

“Allow me to introduce my wife, Emerella,” he waves his hand and a young woman suddenly appears by his side. I’m shocked at how quickly she joined him. She is a mousy little thing, with short red hair and brown eyes. She wears a look of smug pride and she looks me up and down as she grasps my hand.

“Why, I am actually shaking hands with the Mockingjay! Charmed, Mrs. Mellark.” I nod my head in agreement. Her attitude changes as soon as Peeta kisses her hand; she becomes a giggling mess and her hand slaps her cheek.

“Why, Mister Mellark! What an honor it is to meet the star-crossed lovers of District 12!”

“The honor is ours, my dear lady, I assure you,” he says softly. She giggles again and I am a little irritated at how flirtatious Peeta is being. But then, that is just Peeta. He’s never understood the effect he has on women. 

“And your daughter, Peeta! Why, she looks just like you!”

“She looks more like Katniss than me,” he says with a gracious smile. “Our son, however, is starting to look more like me as he gets older,” he indicates Rye, who is standing in Haymitch’s arms, and she squeals.

“He looks like a mini Peeta Mellark! My goodness, look at those curls! Really Katniss, you are going to have to work hard to keep all the ladies away from this little one!” I frown; when did we become best girl friends? She laughs and squeezes my arm. Peeta’s arm wraps around my waist and I bite my tongue. The president holds out his hands and addresses the room.

“Let’s be seated, shall we?” We are shown to our seats and Peeta is coincidentally seated next to Mrs. Ballyntyn. She whispers excitedly to him all through the meal about how she was always rooting for him in the Games and he smiles and thanks her. He grips my hand on top of the table and refuses to let go and for this, I am grateful.   
Look lady, he is mine. You didn’t survive the Hunger Games with him, I did. Again, I bite my tongue and glance at my daughter who is sitting on my other side. She wrinkles her nose and looks up at me.

“Mama do I have to eat this?”

“Willow, don’t be rude.”

“Oh I do apologize Mrs. Mellark,” Ballyntyn says loudly. “I had forgotten we would have a child joining us and did not think to adjust the menu.”

“Not at all, Mr. President. Willow can eat what she is served.”

“But let me have my chef prepare her something special! Mr. Abernathy, would you like to escort the children down the hall? Mrs. Abernathy is welcome to join as well. Chocolate chip pancakes will be waiting!” Haymitch and Effie glance quickly at us and Haymitch is about to say something when Peeta gives him a little shake of his head. Haymitch nods, his jaw set, and he carries Rye while Effie takes Willow’s hand and they follow the attendant out of the room. 

“Really, President Ballyntyn, you don’t have to go through any trouble,” Peeta says.

“No trouble at all, Mr. Mellark. Only the best for the Mockingjay and her family. In fact, would the rest of you excuse us as well?” He gives everyone a pointed look and they   
hastily jump to their feet. I watch them scamper from the room, my mouth opening and closing uncertainly. Now it is just Peeta, the president and his wife, and myself. 

“That’s better,” he says pleasantly. “Now we can have an actual conversation without blasted advisors and politicians listening in.” 

“Your children are absolutely adorable, Mr and Mrs. Mellark,” Mrs. Ballyntyn simpers. 

“Thank you,” Peeta says with a smile. “We are quite happy, Katniss and I.”

“Oh and don’t you deserve it! After everything you have been through, the Games, the War, those terrible weeks you spent in the Capitol! I am shocked you are not catatonic!”

“Um, well, yes, the odds were against us but we overcame them,” Peeta says as he clutches my hand. 

“Emerella, dear, you are making the poor boy nervous,” Ballyntyn chuckles. Peeta stiffens at being called ‘boy’. He is a grown man and Ballyntynn cannot be much older than he is. 

“President Ballyntynn, sir, while Katniss and I are grateful at your invitation to the Capitol, we are rather confused at why you have asked us to come.”

“Why, to meet you both of course,” he says as he waves his hand. “I have been most anxious to meet you over the years. The former president, however, is quite protective of you and insisted you not be disturbed.”

“President Paylor fought with Katniss in District 8,” Peeta says quickly. “They have a mutual trust and respect, and I am sure she was just thinking of our circumstances after the war when she asked that we not be disturbed.”

“Hmmm. Yes. Indeed,” is all Ballyntynn says. His smile seems plastered on and his eyes glitter. It is alarming, actually, at how unnatural his eyes look. After so many years of gazing into Peeta’s blue eyes, I thought I’d gotten used to blue eyes all around but no, these are terrifying. Souless. Cold. They freeze my very soul. 

“And tell me, Mr. Mellark. Your circumstances. Have things improved?” 

“Sir?” Peeta looks nervous and I squeeze his hand.

“You needn’t be coy. I know what they did to you here in the Capitol. Why, the records were all discovered sometime ago and brought to the president. They’re kept in a file in the office… I can show them to you, if you like?”

“No…sir, that w-won’t be necessary,” Peeta stammers. I’m biting on my lip so hard I think it will bleed. How dare he? How dare this man dig into us to find our weak spots? 

“We are doing much better,” Peeta says firmly. “Katniss and I have both moved on with our lives and we are very happy together. We are very happy to see that Panem has healed and improved as well. It is not the same country as the one we grew up in.”

“Indeed not. I imagine your District 12 is vastly different, isn’t it?”

“It is. Since we became a free Panem, District 12 thrives along with the rest of the districts. We’re no longer used solely for coal and minerals. We have various trades that we can contribute to society. Life is fair and happy. And no child will ever have to stand with their friends and wonder which of them is going to die next.” I shiver at how passionately Peeta speaks. Mrs. Ballyntyn, too, looks awe-struck but the president’s eyes have only grown colder. 

“You remember, do you not, that the late Alma Coin of District 13 wanted to hold a final Hunger Games?”

“With Capitol children, yes,” Peeta says. “We voted against it.” This is a lie of course; Peeta knows well that I voted yes for the Games, but he also knows why I did it. I don’t correct him; Ballyntynn and his wife stare at us. 

“Records show that she was also going to feature an arena with the peacekeepers and torturers that were involved in the late President’s personal matters. That is, his prisoners and such. How would you have felt about that?” Peeta swallows.

“I don’t condone death, Mr. President. The Hunger Games were an uncessary waste of life and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Not even my worst enemies.”

“Interesting,” Ballyntyn remarks before he leans back in his seat and wipes his mouth with his napkin.

“Well, I think we can call your children back in here for dessert, what do you say?” I’m surprised and I know Peeta is as well. Ballyntyn rings a bell and an attendant enters, leading Haymitch, Effie and my children back into the room. Ballyntyn whispers something to the attendant before disappearing from the room. Mrs. Ballyntyn sighs and leans back in her seat, waiting impatiently for her dessert. Peeta glances sideways at me and frowns.

“That was strange.”

“Understatement,” I mutter and he squeezes my hand. I can’t help but wonder what the new president is up to. And how it will involve my family.


	34. Chapter 34

After the odd luncheon with the president and his wife, Katniss and I are anxious to rerun to our hotel. Haymitch keeps shooting me looks but I can’t say anything with the president’s wife simpering and giggling at my side. The president has not returned so after Willow finally finishes her ice cream, Katniss rushes us all from the room. Rye wakes up and gets very fussy so we use him as our excuse for leaving. Emerella Ballyntynn pouts and runs her finger down my chest…right in front of Katniss! She must want an arrow lodged in her heart. 

“It was SO wonderful to meet you, Peeta,” she says softly in my ear. “I look forward to seeing you again soon.”

“As do I, my dear lady. Please pass on our thanks and appreciation to your husband for us.”

“I am sure he will be asking you back tomorrow,” she says as she waves her hand. “He wants you by his side when he takes that horrid tour.” 

“What tour,” Katniss asks with a frown.

“Oh, he wants to tour the Capitol cells and chambers that you and your Victor friends were held captive in, before they are destroyed. I have a feeling that’s why he asked for you to come here. So you can provide insight to the happenings in those cells.” I suck in a sharp breath as I feel my heart race. My nails dig into my palms and I immediately feel Katniss grasping my hand.

“Those happenings as you call them, where atrocities committed against Peeta and Johanna and Annie, as well as anyone who had anything to do with the revolution. Snow tortured them beyond recognition. Do you understand that? Peeta was TORTURED in there.”

“Katniss,” I say under my breath, sensing her temper rising. 

“Thank you for your hospitality, Mrs. Ballyntynn,” Katniss says shortly before whirling around and dragging our daughter out of the room. I sigh and bow to the president’s wife before I hurry to catch up to my wife.

“And that’s why I said to let Peeta do the talking,” I hear Haymitch snap.

“And I did! Until that woman started speaking so casually about his torture--“

“Katniss, wake up! We are in the Capitol! They don’t see things the way we do--“

“You guys need to keep it down,” I shush them as I hurry nearer. The hallways are empty but it would not do for someone to hear us discussing the Capitol in a negative light. 

“Peeta’s right. Let’s get back to the hotel and we can talk there.”

I try to hold her hand in the car but she jerks away and withdraws into herself. I sigh as I hold my son and listen to my daughter excitedly chatter away about the delicious food and the pretty dishes she just saw. She’s noticed that her mother is silent and she climbs up in her lap and wraps her arms around Katniss’s neck.

“Didn’t you like your food, Mama?”

“Yes baby and I’m glad you liked yours. Mama just doesn’t like being here, you know.”

“Don’t worry Mommy. Daddy won’t let anything bad happen to you.” Katniss’s eyes fill with tears as she wraps her arm around our daughter and pulls her close, kissing her forehead. She looks at me, over Willow’s head and squeezes back tears. I move to the seat next to her and pull them both into my arms. Rye turns and wraps his chubby arms around his mother’s neck and we cuddle like that for a moment until Haymitch clears his throat.

“I hate to interrupt this little moment but we need to talk about what happened in there when they kicked us out.”

“Later Haymitch,” I say sternly, with a pointed look toward my children. He sighs and Effie pats his arm. Katniss leans into me and I hold my family while we ride back to the hotel. 

When we arrive home, we are shocked to find an entire playground has been set up in the sitting room. Willow squeals and jumps onto the swing while Rye reaches up toward her. Haymitch rips off a sign that clearly reads “Happy Birthday, Willow Mellark”. He grunts and thrusts the paper toward me. Katniss shakes her head as she stands beside me.

“Why is he doing all of this,” she whispers. “What is his angle, Peeta? What does he want with us?” I wish I knew. I reach down and squeeze her hand and refuse to let go. Effie moves forward and picks up Rye so he can play too, and Haymitch jerks his head at us. He leads us into the kitchen and crosses his arms.

“Ok, tell me what he wanted with you two.”

“He said he just wanted to meet us,” I say with a shrug. 

“You’re not that naïve, Peeta, I know. What else did he say?”

“He asked about how District 12 is doing. How we are doing. He hinted that he knows exactly what happened to Peeta and the others and spoke about Coin and the Games.”

“I want to know more about this guy. He’s up to something, I know it. And I’d like to think he is just using the Mockingjay and her family for publicity and to boost his ratings.”

“Why would you like that,” my wife asks, surprised.

“Because I can think of other things he would want with you and I don’t like any of them.” My blood runs cold as Katniss turns very pale. 

“But as I said before, let’s no overreact until we know more,” he adds hastily. Too late, Haymitch. The damage has been done. Katniss is not going to calm down until she is positive that the new president isn’t out to hurt our family. It’s not that I am any less worried; however, I have faith in my country and know we won’t stand for what we endured with Snow. Too much has changed and the entire nation has improved. We’re not about to take such a drastic step backwards. Haymitch runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. 

“Just don’t let on that we suspect him of anything,” he mutters. “We need him to think we support him and that we think of him as our ally. Got it?” We both nod and with a brisk nod, he goes to rejoin his wife. I pull mine into my arms and stroke her hair.

“We can’t panic until we find out more, Katniss. Don’t make yourself sick with worry.”

“I can’t lose my children, Peeta. Or you.” I pull her away and force her to look up at me.

“You aren’t losing any of us. Just because he supported Snow doesn’t mean he wants to bring back the Games, or the way things were. It’s been over twenty years since the revolution, Katniss. Panem won’t allow any more setbacks. It’s flourished too much.” She’s about to argue with me, I can tell, but she’s cut off by a sharp knock at the door. She looks anxious as she follows me to the front door; I cast a glance over at Effie who is holding Rye while she sits on the swing, and Haymitch who sits behind Willow on the slide. Katniss’s eyes are wide and pleading, and I yank the door open, my jaw dropping in surprise.

“Peeta, my boy! It’s been a long time!” 

“P…Plutarch,” I manage to stammer. “What a surprise…please, come in.”

“Thank you, thank you,” he says jovially. “My lord, Katniss. You look lovelier than ever.”

“Plutarch what are you doing here,” she bursts out; never one for manners, my Katniss. Plutarch merely chuckles and greets the rest of the room.

“Effie, you are as stunning as ever. Marriage suits you,” she smiles and nods. “And Haymitch! Marriage has done wonders for you! I hardly recognize you!”

“Like the girl said, Plutarch. Why are you here?” You would think Katniss and Haymitch are related. Again, Plutarch ignores the question. His eyes fall on my children and   
he gasps.

“My word. The offspring of the Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12! I see Peeta’s eyes in that beauty…and good lord, Peeta, he looks exactly like you!” He gives a little wave to my children and Willow hides behind Haymitch. It says something when my little girl acts shy. Plutarch seems unabashed and rocks on his heels.

“Charming, just charming. Well then, won’t you three join me in the kitchen for some tea?” Acting as if he owns the place, he strides out of the room and bustles around the kitchen. Haymitch, Katniss, and I merely stare at him, waiting for an explanation. 

“Well then,” he finally says as he sets the tea on to boil. “I heard that you met the new president of Panem today.” None of us move.

“What did you think,” he asks delicately. 

“He’s not Snow, so that’s one thing in our favor,” Haymitch says nastily. I roll my eyes.

“Haymitch,” I say, sounding a lot like Effie. 

“Fine. He seemed polite. And very generous. Which makes me want to know what he is up to. He’s got something planned for these kids and I won’t stand for it.” I’m surprised at the level of the old man’s devotion to us. But he looks as if he hasn’t paid any attention to what he just said. Plutarch nods and turns to us, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Look, I’ll be frank with you because, well, I like you. All of you. And I think you deserve a hell of a lot more than what you’ve been given. Many people are saying that the voting was rigged and that Ballyntynn didn’t really win. The people still want Commander Paylor because of all she has done for Panem. But a law was put into place, before Madame Paylor, that a president could only be in office for two terms. That is, ten years in office; so twenty years is their max. And frankly that’s very surprising because I’ve heard that presidents before the Dark Days had much shorter terms, but that’s beside the point. Commander Paylor couldn’t be elected again but Ballyntynn’s men might have cheated to get him on the ballot.”

“I don’t even understand the voting,” Katniss says, sounding exasperated.

“And it would take too long to explain, my dear,” Plutarch says sympathetically. “Suffice it to say, politics is messy. And complex. But Ballyntynn was young during the Rebellion and was raised in the Capitol. His father was one of Snow’s closest advisors. He’s always been intrigued by the Mockingjay and has approached Commander Paylor several times about setting up a meeting with you. Commander Paylor wanted to respect your privacy and refused to let him contact you. I don’t know what exactly he wants with you and your family but rest assured, Katniss, the people of Panem adore you.”

“Not all of them,” she mutters. I imagine she is thinking about District 13 and those Revolutionary bastards who kidnapped her years ago. 

“There are a few who may have disagreed with your actions during the War but for the most part, you and Peeta are legends who helped heal the country. You haven’t been to City Circle, have you?” We both shake our heads and Plutarch’s brow rises.

“You should take a little trip there tomorrow morning to see it. You might be surprised.” I hear the tea whistle and I hurry to pour it for everyone; it goes untouched. Katniss’s hands are shaking too badly and Haymitch is red in the face. 

“So talk plain, Plutarch. What can we expect from this guy while we are here,” he spats.

“He’s using Willow’s birthday as an excuse to meet you and get close to you. He will want to speak with you about the Rebellion and your part in it. For Peeta, it is a different story,” he sighs as he turns to me. “He’s especially interested in you, Peeta. He’s vastly impressed at how you managed to defeat the effects of the hijacking. While he was growing up, he was actually studying tracker-jacker venom and its effects. You heard about the little scandal involving him and several cases of the substance, I’m sure? Well, most people compared it to a little boy and his science project. They didn’t think much of it. He admitted he knew he was doing wrong but he wanted to continue to study it and hated that it was banned. He will undoubtedly ask you questions. Personal questions.”

“He did seem interested in me,” I say uncomfortably. “And he brought up the records of my torture and said he has them filed here.” Plutarch looks uneasy.

“While you were still recovering here in the Capitol, Commander Paylor did all she could to ensure the safety of you both. She decreed that Haymitch would watch over Katniss in District 12 while Dr. Aurelius would care for you until he felt you were ready to return to Katniss, and then you would be the one charged to watch over her,” I notice Katniss scowl at this and I bite back my smile. She’s always hated to know that someone was in ‘charge of taking care of her’. Even if it was me. 

“That’s not to say that she didn’t believe you were more than capable of taking care of yourself, Katniss,” he hastily adds. “But to appease the people, especially District 13 and the Capitol, it had to be done. Well anyway, after she entered her term, she started to order the reconstruction of Panem, and her advisors told her not to destroy the Arenas from the Hunger Games. Especially the arena from the 74th Games. They suggested making everything a large museum and she hated the idea. So she closed the arenas and made them private monuments but did not allow access. She was more concerned with making sure the districts had food and necessities to recover after the war, you know things that a president should be paying attention to. Her advisors brought up the Tribute Training Center…where countless tributes trained for the Games, and where the Victors Peeta Mellark, Annie Cresta, and Johanna Mason were held during their captivity.” I don’t even notice that my hands are shaking until Katniss is squeezing one of them and I feel her cool lips on my knuckles. Plutarch casts me a sympathetic look before he continues.

“The advisors said it would be a shame to let such an important piece of history go to waste. Commander Paylor argued that it’s where the Victors were tortured mercilessly and forever changed and she wanted to destroy it. They decided to seal it off and keep the records locked up in her office. She didn’t give it much thought but she should have just destroyed it. Ballyntynn is a people-pleaser. He will most likely open the arenas for viewing and make a museum out of everything involving you two. Which brings up another problem. Haymitch’s privacy pact with Commander Paylor is null and void.” Katniss frowns and turns to Haymitch.

“What privacy pact?”

“We agreed that no camera crews could step foot in Victor’s Village ever again,” he says softly. “Unless we gave permission, the media could not enter District 12. Peeta’s bakery, for example, we gave them permission. Paylor felt that this would protect you both.”

“And now we are going to have cameramen on our doorstep,” I say faintly. Plutarch crosses his arms.

“It has been years since you won your Games but people still love you. They still want to see what the Mockingjay is doing after all these years.”

“Just trying to live life, like everyone else,” Katniss shrieks. “And I’m not the Mockingjay! I’m Katniss Mellark! I was never the Mockingjay! Peeta should have been the Mockingjay! They should have rescued Peeta! Better yet, I should have eaten those damn berries in the arena and died like I was supposed to! None of this would have ever happened! Peeta would be safe and healthy and sane, Finnick would be at home with his wife and son, and Prim would still be ALIVE!” She whirls around, tears streaming down her face, and stomps off toward the bedroom. I wince when I hear the bedroom door slam and Plutarch and Haymitch look shocked. I sigh and sink down into one of the kitchen chairs.

“I really am sorry, Peeta,” Plutarch says heavily. “I didn’t mean to upset her. I only wanted to warn you both.”

“I know. Thanks Plutarch.” 

“Ballyntynn will likely approach you about the sealed off cells. He wants to reopen them and let people visit these historic sites. Commander Paylor sent me here to destroy those documents but I will need your help.” My head shoots up, my wide eyes gazing at him. Here is the man who has always put himself first and allies himself with power. Why in the hell would he choose a fallen Victor and a former President over the most powerful man in Panem? I voice my amazement and to my surprise, he chuckles.

“Peeta, I think you fail to realize how powerful you and Katniss still are. Even years after Commander Paylor’s second term began, the people were asking for you.”

“Come again,” I say weakly. Plutarch nods.

“You were their choice for President, Peeta. People love a good rehabilitation story. And you are the best one of all. You overcame all the obstacles to be with the woman you have loved since you were a boy. After seeing you nearly die for her in the Games, the country watched while you made your way back to her. The greatest love story of our time and people remember you as an excellent speaker and a crowd-pleaser. Coin spoke highly about you on more than one occasion…she wanted to rescue you from the Arena so you could be her successor. She thought you had the excellent makings of a politician.” 

“I’m just a raving mad Victor who’s come to close to killing the woman I love numerous times,” I say quietly, my eyes on my shoes. “At least that’s what the media made   
me out to be for so long.” 

“But times have changed, Peeta. And forgiveness comes. District 13 has even erected a monument of Katniss in her Mockingjay uniform to honor her.”

“OK, we all know Peeta would make a good president, Plutarch. Go back to the records. Paylor actually told you to destroy them?”

“Ballyntynn wants to preserve any and all artifacts and sites that relate to the Victors. That includes the records that the torturers and investigators kept. Commander Paylor never even read them. She said it was a gross invasion of your privacy. That’s why she never asked for an official account of what exactly happened to you during that time. She feels that you three have suffered enough. Well if Ballyntynn gets a hold of them, he will publish them for the world to see, thinking it is just preserving history. He won’t think about the detriment it would do to you three. Johanna and Annie were both questioned while you were recovering, about what happened to them. Not even they know the full details. I doubt even you can remember. Commander Paylor did not want to open those old wounds and if these documents are published, they undoubtedly will haunt you for the rest of your lives.” Haymitch sinks into the chair next to me and rubs his face tiredly.

“I’m in. How do we break into the office and get the documents?”

“Ballyntynn wants to hold a ball in honor of Willow’s birthday. At the presidential mansion. I know where the documents are held but I am no longer invited to such events. I lost my image when I continued to show support to Madame Paylor and refused to support Ballyntynn. But as an honored guest, Peeta, you won’t be suspected.” I swallow. He’s talking about breaking into the president’s office. Treason. If I had ever thought about that while Snow was alive…

I shudder. The thought of those documents being read by my friends and neighbors leaves me feeling empty and hopeless. I’ll never have another customer in my bakery again! And the history books will undoubtedly include everything. My daughter could be in class, reading about what happened to her father. What sick, twisted things they did to her father and her two aunts. 

I shake my head and slam the tabletop with my palms.

“Let’s do it.”   
\---------------------------------  
After Plutarch leaves, I ask Haymitch to keep an eye on the kids so I can check on Katniss. I knock softly and press my ear against the door. Hearing only silence, I let myself in and close it tightly behind me.

I find Katniss lost in her nightmares. I shouldn’t be surprised; I’m actually shocked all of this hasn’t sent me into a flashback but maybe I’m just getting better at suppressing them. The old Peeta is finally winning and beating down Mutt Peeta. At least that’s what I’ll tell myself.   
Katniss whimpers and writhes on the bed and I can vaguely hear my name fall from her lips. I lower myself beside her and gently shake her.

“Katniss wake up. Come on honey, I’m right beside you.”

“Peeta!”

“I’m right here. Wake up, sweetheart. Katniss, wake up!” I have to hold her arms down so she doesn’t hurt herself but I kiss her cheek and nuzzle up to her. I taste salt where her tears stain her skin and I wrap my arms around her.

“Katniss, I love you. Whatever you are seeing isn’t real.” 

“Not real,” she repeats my words. 

“My love for you? That’s real. Open your eyes and look at me.” 

“Peeta…I love you.” She doesn’t open her eyes but she calms down and snuggles into my chest. I decide to hold off on my phone call so I can hold her for a little longer. I wind up falling asleep, my arms still wrapped around her slender frame.  
\---------------------------------------------

When I wake up, I’m alone. I sit straight up and my eyes fall on the clock. Damn it, I didn’t mean to sleep that long! At least no nightmares visited me. I jump out of bed and wince as my bad leg is feeling a little stiff. I massage it for a moment before I yank the door open and head into the living room, where Katniss is reading to Willow and Rye. Haymitch and Effie are nowhere to be seen and Katniss doesn’t notice me for a moment while I get lost in the sound of her voice. Willow looks up and her face breaks into a smile.

“Daddy!” She runs into my arms and I scoop her up, kissing her cheek. I live for these moments. Too soon will she be complaining about my kisses and my affectionate personality. I’ll relish them while I can. I sit next to my wife and kiss her softly.

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You were sleeping peacefully, I didn’t want to disturb you. Rye just ate and I was just going to wake you to see if you were hungry.”

“Starving actually. Where are Effie and Haymitch?” 

“I told them to go have dinner by themselves. It’s been awhile since they have gotten out, just the two of them.” I nod and lean down to kiss my son’s head. He giggles and reaches up toward me. 

“Why don’t I make us something while you finish the book? The kitchen is fully stocked.” She nods and I kiss her again before setting Willow back onto the couch and heading off into the kitchen. 

I’m pleased when I find I have all the ingredients to make cheesebuns and think it will be a nice surprise for Katniss since she’s had a rough day. I’m kneading the dough when I notice two little hands gripping the countertop and I smile as I see bright blue eyes gazing up at me.

“Hey, I thought you were reading with Mama and Rye.”

“I want to help you. Can I?” 

“Come on up, princess. Wash your hands first.” I help her wash her hands and drape a towel around her waist so we don’t get her dress dirty.   
Willow stands on a chair while I lean in behind her and help her shape the dough. She giggles and says it’s squishy and I smile at her infectious smile. I show her how to sprinkle the cheese and she watches me put them into the oven. 

“Great job, my little baker! I’ll be hiring you to help me in my bakery in no time!” I attack her with kisses and she shrieks and giggles and calls for her mother. I don’t notice Katniss standing in the doorway until I hear her soft laughter. Willow runs to her and flings her arms around her mother’s legs. 

“Mommy, the kissy monster is coming!” 

“Oh I think I can tame that monster quite well,” she says quietly as she grips my chin and kisses me hard on the lips. I gasp, pulling back before we can get too heated in front of our children but she gives me a sly smile and I have to turn to adjust my jeans. 

“Cheesebuns are in the oven and the meat will be done soon.”

“Smells great. By the way, this came while you were sleeping.” She hands me an envelope and I slide the letter out. 

“Apparently we all have appointments for fittings tomorrow. Willow’s birthday ball is tomorrow night and we are expected to look our best. Look at the name of the place though.” My eyes fall on the fancy font at the top and the name looks familiar.

“It’s Effie’s academy,” she says softly. That means Effie had to know what was going on. Why wouldn’t she say anything? 

“We’ll talk to her when they get back. Come on, let’s eat.”   
\---------------

We go to bed before Effie and Haymitch return, and Katniss rests her head under my chin, her arm draped over my waist. I stare up at the ceiling, listening to her steady breathing. I remember lying awake in the cave, while she slept on my chest and I just listened to her breathing, to make sure she was still there with me. 

“Katniss?”

“Hm?” 

“Do you still feel that way? About…dying in the arena?” I lean back so I can look down at her and she bites her lip.

“Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think everyone would have been better off if you had been the sole Victor. But that would mean I regret everything that has happened and I don’t. I love my children and my life with you. And I know you wouldn’t have been the same if I had taken my own life. I know things would be different…for everyone. I just wish… Peeta, there were so many sacrifices. I know now it was worth it…but it’s still hard to think that, even after all this time.” I kiss her forehead and stroke her cheek. 

“They would be so proud of you, Katniss. Prim and Finnick and Cinna and Rue…they would be so happy to see how far you have come. How you changed the world. I know I am.” She lies back down and I feel her sigh against my skin.

“What are we going to do, Peeta? We can’t let him publish those records about you three.”

“We’re not. Plutarch and I have a plan.” She glances up at me but I close my eyes and wrap my arm around her.

“Panem is different because of you, Katniss. It’s better because of you. Because of what we did. We won’t let someone destroy that peace. This is the kind of world I want my children to grow up in.”

“Peeta,” she sounds frightened. “We can’t incite another rebellion.” I can’t tell if she is teasing or if she is being serious but I shake my head.

“We’re not. We’re just not going to let someone dictate us anymore. I’ll fight for my family and some people should realize, I’m a Victor. I won’t go down without a fight.” 

She’s silent and I worry that I’ve upset her. But she squeezes me tighter and cuddles up to me. I wait until she falls asleep and then I quietly slip out of the bed. The phone is in the sitting room, so I am quiet as I can be while I sneak past the kids’ room and pick up the phone. 

Her voice is laced with sleep when she answers.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how late it was,” I whisper into the phone.

“Damn it bread boy, not all of us abide by baker hours you know.”

“Listen to me,” I say urgently. “I have some bad news.” Johanna listens while I share everything that Plutarch has told me. When I finish, the line is quiet except for her   
heavy breathing. 

“Jo?”

“Oh my god, Peeta. This can’t…this can’t be happening! After all this time-?”

“I need your help, Johanna. I’m not going to let this happen. Annie is too delicate to bring back to the Capitol.”

“You don’t think I’d have the same problems?”

“You’re tough, Jo,” I say with a smile. “You’re fierce and protective. So protect Annie and me, and yourself. Protect your family from those questions from your friends and neighbors. Please, Johanna. I can’t do this alone.” She sighs heavily.

“I’ll be there in the morning.”


	35. Chapter 35

Peeta’s words still echo inside my head this morning and I am terrified of what he is going to do. As Haymitch told us, Ballyntyn is now very powerful and maybe just as dangerous as Snow and Coin were. We don’t want to do anything to get on his bad side. I think parenthood has affected us both in such different ways. Peeta is the fierce protector, determined to lay down his life for his family while I am the mother who wants to keep her family alive at any cost necessary. This isn’t who I used to be. This woman would have died in the revolution if I had felt this way. I don’t want to go to war because of what it might do to my family. Not that I believe Peeta will start a war, but since we have already lived through one rebellion, I have had enough of war to last me a lifetime. 

I’m sipping at my tea when Peeta comes in, his hair standing on end. I notice him wincing and rubbing at his leg. 

“It’s sore this morning?”

“Little bit. You won’t have much of a dance partner tonight.” I gesture for him to sit down and I hurry to prepare his tea the way he likes it. I slide into his lap and his arms automatically wrap around my waist.

“That’s good because I’ve never been much of a dancer.”

“Not true,” he says with a smile. “Those dance lessons with Effie paid off well. You were stunning at our engagement party in the Capitol.”

“Only because I had you to guide me,” I lean closer and feel my lips brush against his. I lift my leg over his waist so I am completely straddling him and I intentionally grind over his lap. He lets out a little moan and hides his face in my shoulder.

“Katniss.”

“Maybe we can get Effie and Haymitch to take the kids for a little while,” I whisper in his ear before I gently tug at his lobe with my teeth. He inhales sharply and looks up at me.

“I’m surprised at you. How much you hate this place, I didn’t think you’d be…well, thinking of anything else.” 

“It’s the same as it was back then. As long as I have you by my side, I’ll be ok.” He smiles and reaches up to tug me down toward him. I allow his lips to claim mine, and then his tongue. I grind against him and he thrusts upwards, allowing me to feel all of him. I can’t say when was the last time we did anything intimate. Raising a child is hard enough; raising two makes it impossible to have any alone time. Aside from our exhaustion I am always covered with dough or marker or have cereal stuck in my hair. It’s a far cry from sexy. But the way he is looking at me right now, makes my insides burn with longing. I pull away from our kiss but he follows me, a low growl rumbling in his throat. His teeth tug at my lower lip and I gasp as my hands drift downwards, starting to slide underneath his shirt.

“I hope you’re using protection because I think babysitting two kids is all I can handle,” says a voice from the doorway. Peeta and I break away, our faces flushing red. 

“Haymitch! Really, could you be more crude,” I hear Effie scold and Haymitch chuckles. 

“Sure I can.”

“Why does Mama need ‘tection,” I hear a little voice and if possible, I flush even redder. Peeta clears his throat and tries to jump to his feet.

“Oven mitts. She was about to make us cinnamon rolls and I told her to put oven mitts on so she won’t burn her hands.” Haymitch laughs loudly but hastily turns it into a cough. Willow nods and her hands go to her hips.

“Daddy’s right, Mommy. You don’t want to get burned.” 

“Thanks baby. Ummm, Effie, Haymitch, if you want to sit down I can get started on breakfast--“

“We were actually going to see if Willow and Rye wanted to join us for breakfast in the City before we go to the Academy for your fittings.” 

“Yes, about that--“ Peeta begins but Willow claps excitedly.

“Mimi says I get a new dress!” I don’t know how my child gets so excited about fashion because neither Peeta nor I care about any of that stuff. Willow is much more of a Capitol girl than I would have expected. Not that I love her any less but I do wish she enjoyed the outdoors and hunting more. Maybe it will be opposite of what we thought; Willow will be the baker and Rye will grow up to be the hunter. Opposite of their parents. 

“Katniss?” I blink as I notice they are all staring at me.

“Sorry, what?”

“I said do you want to meet us at the Academy later?” Haymitch and Peeta reenter the room, holding Rye, who’s been changed and dressed. 

“Oh. Sure. That’ll be fine.” 

“Wonderful. Come on, dear,” Effie says, resuming her Capitol mannerisms. Haymitch huffs and trails behind her. Rye waves to me and makes bubbles with his spit; I laugh and wave them off and once the door is closed, Peeta pounces on me. I squeal as he lifts me up and carries me in the direction of our room. When he throws me on the bed and leans over me, my brow raises.

“I’d have thought that our embarrassing moment in the kitchen would have…um, changed things.” He smirks and captures my arms over my head, as he grinds directly against my center. 

“I think even when we’re 90, we’re going to be going at it in our spare time.” 

“Ew Peeta, that’s gross to think about.” He chuckles as he bends down and tugs at my ear with his teeth. He pulls my shirt up to my chin and bites his lip when he sees my bare breasts. As many times as he has seen them when I feed Rye, I wouldn’t think it would be something that excites him anymore. But here he is, with the same look he wore when he saw me naked for the first time. He starts to remove my sleep pants and I reach down to grip his curls but he slams my hands back down and lets out a low growl.

“Keep still.” I nod, showing I understand and feel his fingers at my waistband. He removes my pants and underwear together and throws them over his shoulder. He teases for a moment, his warm breath making my thighs quiver and his lips brush against my bellybutton. 

“Dear god I just want to tease you and make you fall apart again and again,” he says against my stomach. “But we don’t have a lot of time. I need to be inside you.”

“I need you inside me,” I whimper and he yanks his shirt over his head. His jeans and briefs soon join my clothes on the floor, and I sigh at the feel of his naked flesh against mine. Again I try to touch him but he pins my wrists down while he palms my breast. He slides back and forth and I can feel myself getting wetter.

“Fuck it, I need to taste you,” he growls before he yanks my legs apart and his tongue makes hard circles across my clit. 

“Peeta! Oh my god!” I try to lean up to watch him, to see his bright blue eyes gazing up at me, and his tongue plunges deeper inside me.

“Peeta! I…fuck, I need…”

“What do you need, Katniss,” he whispers right against my sensitive nub.

“Oh my god…I need you…in my mouth…get up here…”

“If you insist,” he smirks again before he pulls away and climbs onto the bed. He is not going to make this easy for me. As soon as we are lying on our sides, his tongue is inside me again, along with his fingers. I grip his hips as I hollow my mouth out. His groans spur me on and my squeals bounce off the walls. I can feel him getting closer and he pulls out of my mouth and spins me around. This bed doesn’t have our sturdy headboard that we are used to but my palms slam against the wall as he thrusts into me. 

“Katniss!” 

“God yes! Yes Peeta, YES!” I don’t know what I’m agreeing to but I can’t stop saying yes as he reaches around and his fingers resume those hard circles. I come, screaming his name and he is right behind me. I guess it’s just been too long for both of us. We pant into the sheets and take a moment to steady our breathing.

“Damn I have missed that,” he mutters against my back. My body shakes with laughter. 

“Just wait til we send Rye off to school. We will get some private moments then.”

“I have to wait that long?” He sounds genuinely concerned about this.

“Come on, we need to get dressed and get to the Academy.”

“They went to breakfast. We still have some time.” I am about to protest when I feel his hard length against my folds and all my thoughts fly out of the window. I let out an embarrassingly loud moan as his forefinger probes my other hole, and he groans in my ear.

“Remember what you said to me when you were pregnant?”

“Yes,” I say, immediately knowing what he is referring to. “We just haven’t had any time--“

“When we make it back to 12, we will make time,” he growls. His cock and fingers invade me and I feel so full of him. 

“Peeta,” I whimper. 

“One more for the road,” he whispers in my ear before biting down on it.   
\------------------

Haymitch can’t look us in the face when we arrive and I know he knows exactly what we have been doing. Isn’t that why they offered to take the children anyway? I suppose though it’s like a father knowing that his daughter is having sex. Too strange to think about.

Oh god. I pity the poor guy who wants to date Willow. Peeta will be worse than Finn. Annie started dating Riley and even with Peeta’s blessing, Finn made the poor guy’s life a living hell for the longest time. Hopefully fatherhood will mellow him out.  
Effie snaps me out of my thoughts as she rushes forward to greet us. All of a sudden, I can see the young woman in front of the Reaping bowl. Though she’s missing the colored hair and the elaborate makeup, she has resumed her Capitol mannerisms and I shiver. 

“Welcome, my darlings. What do you think?”

“Quite a place you have here, Effie,” Peeta says politely. 

“You’re too kind, Peeta. Still, we have been asked to design for some very powerful people lately. Willow, my darling, do you want to see what we have been working on for you?” Willow jumps up and down and claps her hands and Effie giggles. 

“Bring in Miss Mellark’s dress.” Two attendants, Avoxes from the looks of them, shuffle in, holding a dress bag between the two of them. Effie gives us all a proud look before unzipping the bag and holding the dress out; Willow gasps.

“Is that really for me?”

“Only for you, my sweet girl,” Effie gushes. Willow seems too stunned to speak. We have bought her dresses before and Effie has even made her some dresses but this is without a doubt the fanciest dress she has ever owned. And it’s very Capitol.

I feel like I am going to be sick. 

“You are going to be the most beautiful princess there ever was,” Peeta says as he affectionately tugs at her braid. 

“Peeta, I hope you don’t mind, but yours is a little less traditional,” she says as she waves her hand and they bring in another bag containing his suit. It’s black with red flames all over it, making him match with Willow’s red dress. His cuff links are outlined with red flames as well and his eyes widen when she brings it out.

“Th-thank you, Effie.”

“I told you the boy wouldn’t be pleased,” Haymitch says under his breath. I glance over at him and ours eyes meet; he knows exactly what I am thinking. Peeta is thinking the same things. The only thing that runs through our heads is our interview for our first Games. How they dressed us alike and paraded us around like prize pigs for the slaughter.   
My hand goes to my stomach and I bend over, breathing heavily. Peeta is at my side immediately, his hand on my back.

“Honey? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I say quickly, knowing my daughter is watching. “Nothing I’m fine.” He slips his arm under mine and squeezes my hand. Effie blinks at both of us and gestures for them to come in with my dress next.   
It’s a floor length halter dress made of soft green material. The halter is made up of pearls and emeralds and the bottom flares out in a beautiful way.

“I made sure I was the sole designer on your dress, Katniss,” Effie says softly. My eyes meet hers and she gives me a sad smile. I immediately feel terrible for thinking she might have changed just because she’s come back here. She’s still the kindly woman who saved Haymitch and who has been a mother figure to Peeta and me for years now. 

“That is gorgeous, Effie,” Peeta says and he turns to me. “I can’t wait to see you in that.” 

“We also have a little suit to put Rye in. He will match his daddy. Why don’t you all go get dressed so I can be sure no alterations are needed?” She shuffles us into changing rooms and hangs up our clothes on the hook just inside the door. Willow comes into the room with me and I help her into her dress first. My little girl looks stunning. She turns slowly on the spot and grins up at me.

“You next!” I slip into the dress and the material cools my flaming hot skin. I was worried with my extra baby weight and how curvy I am now it would look awful but it actually fits quite well.

Except it is showing a lot more skin than I expected. I frown at my reflection and turn slowly on the spot. 

“Mama you are so pretty.” 

“And so are you baby girl. Come on, let’s go show Mimi your dress.” I quickly pull the dress off and hang it back up. I know that when Peeta sees me in this, he will go off on Effie. Haymitch too, I expect. 

Peeta is already dressed and waiting and he sucks in a breath when we come out of the dressing room. He looks quite handsome but again, I can only see the little boy who I went into the Games with. I wish his outfit was a different design. He smiles when he sees me and holds both hands out so he can spin us around, Willow first and then me. 

“My beautiful girls. Willow, you take my breath away.” Willow giggles and looks up at me. Effie holds Rye while Haymitch changes and he comes out, looking very nice too. 

“Why did you change, Katniss?”

“Oh, I didn’t want to wrinkle the dress,” I say quickly. Peeta’s brow furrows as his bright eyes bore into mine. I clear my throat and look everywhere but at him. 

“Hope you didn’t forget about me,” says a voice from behind us.

“Aunt JoJo,” Willow shrieks as she runs to Johanna. 

“Wow squirt, you look more and more like your mama everyday.” 

“Do you like my new dress? Mimi made it for me,” she beams as she smoothes it down and twirls on the spot. Johanna grins.

“It’s beautiful. You make it beautiful.” She goes and embraces Peeta, then turns to me. 

“Johanna, I had no idea you were joining us,” Effie says in shock. Johanna shrugs.

“Figured I couldn’t let you guys have all the fun. My niece’s first Capitol ball, I just had to be a part of it.” My eyes narrow and I glance over at Peeta, who fidgets uncomfortably. Something is going on here, I can feel it. Even Haymitch looks a little stunned.

“Well I’m sure I can find something here that will look marvelous on you,” she claps her hands together and the assistants scurry away. 

“Effie, I think I know my way around this place by now,” Johanna scoffs. “In fact, I remember a few dresses I liked to try on when no one was looking. I’m sure one of those will be great for the ball.”

“If you’re sure,” Effie says uncertainly.

“I’m positive. Has everyone eaten? I’m starving?”

“Several hours ago,” Peeta says and I hear his stomach grumbling. We actually didn’t eat much breakfast. Johanna raises her brow at Peeta’s stomach and scoffs.

“Well that settles it. Let’s go get some lunch. There’s a great little place around the corner from here. George and I always spent our lunch breaks there.” 

“You all go ahead. I’m going to stay behind and make sure everyone’s’ orders are ready for tonight.” 

“Effs, come on, you haven’t stopped working since you got here,” Haymitch says softly to his wife. 

“You go on with them, darling. I’ll be along shortly.” Haymitch looks unconvinced and he sighs. 

“Alright. We drove separately though. They let us borrow their town car to get here this morning. How did you two get here?” 

“The man drove us,” Peeta mutters. 

“OK. Here Peeta, why don’t you drive?” Haymitch tosses the keys to my husband and we follow him out to the street. 

Peeta gets frustrated by the amount of traffic that is present in this part of the Capitol. Johanna said the restaurant was just around the corner but it still takes us fifteen minutes to get there. When we pull up and Peeta sees that it is another bakery, he is not happy. He turns to glare at Johanna and she rolls her eyes.

“You’re not the only baker in Panem, Mellark. Calm down, your buns are still my favorite.” He rolls his eyes and shakes his head as he helps our daughter out of the car.   
Lunch is pretty subdued and Rye falls asleep in my arms while we watch Willow color at the kids’ table nearby. 

“Now you can tell us what the hell you’re really doing here,” Haymitch lowers his voice and gestures to Johanna.

“Why do you always assume I have ulterior motives, Haymitch?”

“You’re a Victor, Johanna. And a smart Victor at that. Your every move is calculated and entails survival. Don’t bullshit me. Peeta called you, didn’t he?” 

“So what if he did,” she spits. “It’s none of your business.”

“Guys, please,” Peeta says tiredly. “We need to work as a team if we are going to pull this off. Yes I called Johanna. It involves her as much as it involves me. If those documents are published…” he trails off and bites his lip.

“Bread boy knew he would need some extra back up and Annie is out of the question,” Johanna finishes. “Besides, I can be a good distraction too. The president is a fan of Victors, I hear. So Katniss and I can keep him busy while Haymitch and Peeta get into that office.”

“I don’t like this,” I lower my voice even more. “If you’re caught--“

“Katniss, Peeta has never told you every detail of what happened to him, has he?” My husband’s eyes widen and I shake my head.

“He’s told me a lot--“

“But not everything. Because he doesn’t know. We blacked out, we can’t remember a lot of it. But we watched each other. We were forced to watch every sick, fucked up thing they decided to do to us…they experimented on us…”

“Johanna,” Peeta says quietly. 

“And we have been able to lock those dark memories away,” she plows on, ignoring my husband’s pained expression. “And I prefer to keep it that way. If those notes get published, we will be reminded of that terror every single day. Our kids will read about what happened, we would be forced to endure those looks of pity wherever we go. I’m not going back to that life I lived right after the War. When I was still recovering and people thought I was mad. I’ve turned my life around and I am NOT going back. Which means we are not going to let a sadistic prick rule over our country.”

“Shut up,” Haymitch snaps, looking around. “He’s still the president. Don’t talk like that.”  
“Because sneaking into his private office to steal his property is so much better,” Johanna rolls her eyes.

“Guys,” Peeta snaps. “I have a plan but we will talk about it later. What in the hell is this,” he wrinkles his nose and drops the piece of bread he is holding. “Tastes like   
cardboard.” 

“We all know your bread is the best in Panem,” I say as I reach out to squeeze his hand. Haymitch rolls his eyes.

“That’s the only reason Katniss is here. To nurse Peeta’s bruised ego.” 

“Fuck off, Haymitch,” Peeta spits. Haymitch raises his hands in the air.

“Jeez kid, I thought getting laid would mellow you out more. You brought her here with you, so I think sweetheart needs to take you back to the hotel and play with your dick some more--“

“I am warning you, Haymitch,” Peeta leaps to his feet, his fists balled tightly. “One more fucking sentence like that from you…” 

“Guys enough of the fucking testosterone fest,” Johanna says as she rolls her eyes. I glance quickly from my husband to my former mentor and see both of them are red in the face.

“Peeta, let’s get some air.” I slide Rye into Johanna’s arms and put a hand on my husband’s shoulder.

“I don’t need any goddamn air, Katniss.”

“You need a good slap in the face but I won’t do that in front of my daughter,” I bark angrily. He glares at me but his face falls and he pushes his chair in and stomps to   
the door. 

“Mama?” I turn and see Willow watching us with a confused frown.

“We will be right back, sweetheart. Stay with Auntie Jo.” Johanna swoops down on her and embraces her, looking over her shoulder to study her coloring.

I don’t immediately spot Peeta when I get outside but I am surrounded by a cloud of smoke. Coughing, I wave my hand aside and blink back tears. I hurriedly step away from it and continue to cough. When my eyes stop tearing up, I blink and gasp.

“Peeta Mellark, what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” 

“Just leave me alone, Katniss,” he mutters dully as he takes another inhale of that disgusting stick. 

“No! Oh my god, Peeta, that’s disgusting!” I yank it out of his mouth and throw it to the ground, grinding it with my foot for good measure.

“Damn it Katniss!”

“Stop acting like this is only affecting you! You think it doesn’t bother me to see you this way? You think I want to be back in this horrible place? Why are you behaving as if you are alone in this?” 

“Don’t go making this about you,” he says angrily. My jaw drops and I have an intense urge to slap him across the face. “You have no idea--“ 

“No idea? I have NO IDEA?” I’m screeching and several people are turning their heads to look over here but I could care less. I stand inches away from my husband, my fists clenching and unclenching. “I wasn’t there in the cell with you, was I? I have no idea about what they did to you, isn’t that right? I wasn’t going out of my mind with worry, crying my eyes out, PLEADING for you to return safely to me! I’m not the one you kick and and punch and scratch when you are stuck in a nightmare, I’m not the one who wraps their arms around you and holds you tightly, whispering in your ear how much I love you and need you. I’m not the one you have almost killed because of the poison that floods through your veins!” He blanches and takes a step backward. 

“You’re right, Peeta. I have absolutely no idea what you’re going through. I couldn’t possibly imagine! How could I? I didn’t suffer with you, I haven’t rebuilt my life with   
you or anything, and I certainly don’t think about what that man could do to you and to my family.” With a loud exhale, I spin on my heel and leave him standing there.

“Where are you going,” he calls, finding his voice.

“I need to think,” I call back without turning around.

“Katniss, come back here!” I shake my head and continue on my way, ignoring his pleading for me to come back. 

I don’t know where I’m going and more importantly, I don’t know how I am getting there. I’m just going. I continue to walk, keeping my head down and my eyes straight ahead. I hear mutters from a few people as I hurry past but I ignore them and I don’t stop. 

I’m not sure how long I’ve been walking when I look up and see the buildings are taller and closer together now. I’ve been here before. City Circle.   
It’s where we lost Boggs and Mitchell. It’s where Peeta nearly killed me, again. We’re not that far from the presidential mansion.   
In the distance, I can see a huge statue looming over me. As I come closer, my breath leaves me and I fall to my knees before the great stone faces.


	36. Chapter 36

I watch Katniss’s retreating form and I turn and kick the wall. All that does is result I an extreme pain in my toe and several odd looks from passerby. Huffing, I yank the door open and slump into Katniss’s vacated seat. Johanna has Rye in her lap, who is now awake and is tugging at her short hair. Willow is still coloring at the other table and Haymitch is nowhere to be seen.

“Ouch! Here, go to your daddy, pull his hair,” Jo says as she hurriedly passes my son over. I take his hands and kiss his tiny fingers, making him giggle.

“Where’s Haymitch?”

“Bathroom. Where’s Katniss?”

“Thinking,” I mutter. She raises a brow and shakes her head. 

“You two are exhausting, you know that?”

“I was an ass and told her she doesn’t understand what we’re dealing with. She was kind enough to remind me that I very nearly killed her. I feel like we are on a damn merry-go-round of insults and we can’t get off.”

“Nice analogy there, Peeta,” she scoffs. “But you’re right, you were an ass for saying that to her. You really don’t think she understands?”

“I know she understands. To an extent. She doesn’t know what all we faced and she doesn’t know how those documents could damage us. I love her, Jo, but some demons we face alone.”

“Peeta, George was never even near the Capitol during the war and yet he refuses to let me deal with any of it on my own. He insists on being right there beside me whenever a flashback comes on, or when I wake up screaming at night. He doesn’t question it, but he’s my rock and I have told him things I would never tell anyone else. But Katniss was with you. You survived the Games together, you fought in the War together. Why would you want to carry that burden by yourself?”

“I don’t,” I mumble, staring down into my son’s stormy eyes that match his mother’s. It makes me feel even worse. 

“Then why do you think you have to face those demons alone? You’ve been married for…god, I don’t even know how many years! You’re a team, just like you always were. So stop trying to be so noble and lean on the one person you need more than anything in this world. She gets hurt when you try to do it alone. Even though it’s always what she’s done all her life, you both depend on each other.” It’s scary how well Johanna knows us but I suppose after so many years of calling her family, she should know this kind of stuff. I sigh and play with my fork. 

“I need to go find her. I hate the idea of her in this city, by herself.” 

“Give me little bread boy. Haymitch and I will wait here until you come back.” I hand my son back to her and she holds his hands so he doesn’t try to pull her hair again.

“She can’t have gone too far, so go on.” I nod and kiss my son’s curls before I run out of the restaurant. I take off in the direction I saw Katniss go and my eyes fly around the tall buildings and the loud traffic. It’s nothing like 12. I find myself more and more ready to return to our quiet life in Victor’s Village. I hated the Capitol from the moment I stepped foot on the shiny concrete. I remember seeing it from the train, during our first Games. It was gigantic and impressive and terrifying.  
Now it’s just gigantic.   
I reach a crazy crossroad and I peer down both roads. 

“Damn it,” I curse under my breath. Ok. Where would Katniss go? When she’s upset with someone (me) she runs to her woods. But there’s no trace of nature here in this concrete city. I take a step to the left, then decide better of it and turn to the right.   
At the end of the street, I can see a huge statue though I can’t make out the face. People bustle around the streets and with each step I take, I grow more nervous. I feel as I have been here before. 

Ugh this place gives me the worst anxiety I have ever had. I increase my pace and head straight for the statue. As I get closer, I realize it’s not just one face but two. My heart starts to speed up as I suspect I know exactly what it is.

And the long dark braid at the foot of it confirms my suspicions. She’s on her knees, staring up at our terrifyingly-accurate faces. Tears streak down her red cheeks and she reaches out a shaking hand to touch my bronze leg, which I can clearly see is wrapped in a bloody bandage with a make-shift tourniquet. I stop behind her and stare up at the statue.

“It’s scary, isn’t it,” she barely breathes. “How young and scared we look.”

“Well we were,” I remind her. “I look more scared than anything. You look angry.”

“I was. I was furious with the Capitol for taking everything. And in that moment, they were trying to even take our deaths and make a mockery of them. I wanted to die by my choice, not theirs. And I couldn’t imagine killing you myself. Yet I wanted you to die with me, and thought if you did it yourself, it wouldn’t be so bad.” I raise my brow and hesitantly reach out to touch her. She doesn’t shy away; she doesn’t even move. 

“Plutarch did tell us they made this,” I say quietly. “I guess we shouldn’t be too surprised.”

“Why this moment though? I’ve seen the others’ statues. Us in our 13 attire or me in my Mockingjay outfit. Why did they choose this moment?”

“It was the moment that sparked the rebellion that changed our nation,” I say simply. “And you look so fiercely beautiful. A force to be reckoned with.”

We stare up at the statue. It’s at least 60 feet high and our faces cast shadows over the Capitol streets. The artist captured our youthful faces and the terror in our eyes, most likely from watching recaps of our Games. We’re turned away from each other, our backs touching and our hands clasped by our sides. Our other hands are flattened, palms up, with the deadly berries lying there, waiting to take our last breath away. We’re bruised and scratched and my leg looks pretty mangled but what surprises me is how her hand clutches mine. I guess I need to rewatch those recaps because I can’t remember her holding my hand like that. Clinging to me like I was her lifeline. I don’t know how because it’s a statue but the artist made her eyes glitter with rage; she is so lovely and terrifying and amazing, all at once and I spin her around, having the real Katniss in my arms, and hold her face in my hands while I crush her lips with mine. I sense several people stopping and staring but I cling to my wife as I am doing in the portrayal of our attempted-suicide. 

“I love you so much,” I whisper against her lips. 

“I love you t--ugh you smell like smoke! You are going straight to the shower when we get ho--“ I cut her off with another kiss and hold on, despite her attempts to push me away. 

“Ok, I can’t breathe,” she gasps as she straightens up and shakes her head. I smile, bringing her hands to my lips. 

“Let’s get back. Haymitch and Johanna are waiting…” I trail off, my eyes locking on the golden plaque underneath the statue. Grasping her hand, we move closer.

 

\--Katniss Everdeen “The Mockingjay” Mellark and Peeta Mellark  
On this the 10th anniversary of the 74th Annual Hunger Games, Panem honors the Victors who defied the Capitol by nearly taking their own lives with deadly nightlock berries. This iconic moment sparked a revolution that forever changed the country. Panem thanks the Victors for their courage and their perseverance as well as honors the fallen over 75 bloody years. To Katniss and Peeta Mellark, wherever you may go, may the odds be ever in your favor-- 

 

“I wish they had left that last part out,” she mutters quietly. “Reminds me too much of the Reapings.”

“I’d asked the artist to leave out that particular line but he insisted it was iconic,” says a quiet voice off to our side. Katniss gasps loudly as the figure lowers her cloak only slightly. 

“Madame Pres…umm…Madame Paylor,” I correct myself. 

“You are both looking well,” she says with a sad smile. Up close, I can see how politics has taken a toll on her. She looks older beyond her years and her eyes are heavy and sad. 

“As are you,” I lie and she chuckles.

“You are as sweet as you have always been, Peeta, so I won’t argue with you. I don’t have a lot of time, so I’ll say this quickly. You can trust Plutarch; he has nothing to gain and everything to lose. And he wants to help you. I also hear that Johanna has come here to help. The president is a fan of all the Victors, except for Haymitch. He doesn’t trust Mr. Abernathy so don’t let them get too close or it could ruin everything. Peeta you are the only one who can do what needs to be done.” She slips a piece of paper in my hand and I frown down at it.

“The combination to the safe. I refused to give it to Ballyntynn so he had me banished from the Capitol. I don’t think he has been able to break the safe lock yet so it is up to you, Peeta. Get to the office, unlock the safe, destroy those papers. Do not allow temptation to distract you,” she warns. She grasps both of her hands before she pulls up her hood and walks away. I tuck the paper into my pocket and take Katniss’s hand.

“Let’s go.”   
\----------------------  
We are silent as we make our way back to the hotel and Katniss pushes me to the bathroom to take a shower. I’ll admit smoking wasn’t my best idea but I must have seemed under pressure because the man offered me one of those foul sticks and never having one before, I agreed. I hear Katniss come into the bathroom to brush her teeth and I push the curtain aside and tug on her hand.

“Do you still smell like smoke?” 

“I dunno, come closer and find out,” I tease. She whips her shirt over her head and leans in.

“Hmm, ok as long as you promise never to smoke one of those things again.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” I assure her. “It tasted awful.” She finishes undressing and climbs in behind me. I move aside so she can stand in front of me and both of us can enjoy the warm water. I run my hands over her hips and her breasts but we both seem too nervous to actually do anything. I’m content in just washing her hair and holding her close. Of course my body has other ideas and my erection presses insistently against her but we both ignore it; tonight weighs heavily on our minds. 

“You know how much I need you, right,” I say in her ear as my hands rest on her hips. She glances over her shoulder, her brow raised.

“Yes. Why?”

“Those things that Haymitch said. About the only reason why I brought you here. You know that’s not true, don’t you?” 

“Peeta, is that why you got so upset? It’s Haymitch for crying out loud. You know you can’t listen to a word he says.”

“I know but…I love you for so many reasons. Your body isn’t one of them, I hope you know that.” Oh damn it. I really know how to stick my foot in it.

“No that’s not what I meant,” I hastily add. “I mean I love your body, but it’s not one of the main reasons I love you. You know?” She turns in my arms and kisses my nose.

“I know. Stop worrying so much. You’re getting wrinkles.” She reaches up to stroke my brow with her finger and my jaw drops. She giggles and leans up on her tiptoes to kiss my brow and moves down to my mouth. 

“I’ve told you before, your buns are the main reason I’m with you.” My eyes narrow at her cheek.

“You’re just pushing your luck, Mrs. Mellark.” 

“So when we get back to 12, you can punish me the way I need to be punished,” she lowers her voice and rubs up against me. I suck in a breath and close my eyes.   
DAMN it this woman is going to kill me one day!   
\-----------------------------------------

She leaves me to dress while she goes to get our children ready and I wince at my reflection; in the mirror, I see the scared sixteen year old boy about to go and announce to the world about his love for the girl who was Reaped with him. I fidget nervously and pluck at my flame-covered cuffs. 

“Stop fidgeting, boy, you look fine,” says a voice behind me. My head snaps up and I bite my lip.

“Haymitch I don’t think I can do this.”

“You gotta stick to the plan, Peeta.”

“She’ll hate me. Maybe she won’t even believe me. I’m just going to go tell her first…then I’ll talk about it at the interview--“

“No,” he says sharply. “You’ll follow the plan, like we agreed. You’ll tell Caesar that you’ve loved her since you were a little boy. It will help get you sponsors, I guarantee it.”

“I don’t care about sponsors for me! She needs to survive, not me.”

“Boy have you got it bad,” he scoffs as he downs his drink. I glare at him in the mirror.

“She needs to get back to her sister. I’m going to make sure that happens. If you think this will really help her, I’ll do it. I hate lying to her though.”

“You’re not lying to her. You’re telling her the truth in front of the whole country.” I gulp.

“That’s so much worse.”

“Come on, it’s about that time.” He claps my shoulder and my eyes lock on my trembling reflection.

“Katniss Everdeen…I swear on my grave that you will win this.” 

“Peeta?” I snap out of my reverie and blink in the mirror. Katniss comes up behind me and surveys with me with her clouded eyes. Her hands massage my broad shoulders and I sigh.

“You look so handsome.” 

“Did you think that during our interviews? Because I feel like I look the same,” I tease. 

“I thought you were handsome then too. But you don’t look the same.”

“Well I feel the same. The same butterflies in my stomach, the same fear that something will happen to you, and the same determination to keep you safe.” Her fingers stroke my face and I close my eyes. I feel her lips on my cheek and she nuzzles into my chest.

“We didn’t go into those Games as a team. It’s different now. You can trust me and I trust you. We protect each other. And I won’t leave your side.” 

“I love you,” I sigh. Confessing that to her is so much easier than it once was. 

“I love you too. Rye and Willow are both dressed and I need to go ahead and get ready. Effie is in the kitchen, if you want to talk to her.” I still want to know why Effie never mentioned anything to us before but maybe she was just scared. I am sure Haymitch has given her a complete interrogation as well. I decide to leave it alone and shrug while Katniss brushes past me and strips off her robe. I turn back to the mirror to style my hair and when she clears her throat, I look up again. Her back is to me, the dress gaping open down to her waist and I gape at the tantalizing flesh that is exposed.

“Can you help me with the halter clasp?” I fumble with it the clasp until I have the button through the material and my hand drifts down her bare back. I’m a little taken aback that Effie has left her so…scantily clad. I wonder, as anger starts to invade my mind, if the president gave her instructions to show Katniss off. She turns and her gaping cleavage takes me by surprise. She smiles wickedly and presses her chest against mine.

“I thought you would like this.”

“I don’t like the though of others seeing you in this,” I mutter. “You’re still my wife, not a prize to be shown off.”

“I’m still your wife. You know how the Capitol is. Anyone with any wealth or power is shared with the world.” My jaw drops. I’m shocked that she is so calm about this. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. It’s been years since we have had to suffer the fools of the Capitol. Literally years. I’m not about to let myself or my family be thrust back into this lifestyle. And I’ll be damned if the president thinks he can scare us into anything, But the look in her eyes is what shocks me the most. Fear. She is positively shaking and my hands rest on her shoulders.

“You’re still playing the game,” I whisper.

“We have to play the game if we want to survive,” her voice trembles. “Please survive for me, Peeta. We can’t live without you.”

“No one will take me away from you,” I say firmly. “No one. Ok?” She nods and my thumbs brush against the corners of her eyes, coming back wet. 

“I need to finish getting ready,” she says as her hands go to her wet hair. I stroke her cheek before I kiss her forehead and hurry past her.   
\---------------

Effie holds Rye while Willow twirls around the room. When I enter the kitchen, my daughter runs into my arms and I scoop her up, kissing her cheeks.

“My little princess, you are a vision!” 

“Daddy you look so nice! You match Rye!”

“I do, don’t I? Wait until you see your mama! You get your beauty from her, my little flower.” 

“Is she ready yet? We need to go,” Haymitch grumbles. I can see how nervous he is too. 

“She’ll only be a minute. Effie, you look beautiful.” She giggles as I kiss her cheek and I take my son from her. He blows bubbles with his spit and giggles as he reaches up to my neatly-styled curls. 

“Mommy you’re so pretty!” I turn and see my wife bending to hug our daughter and I suck in a breath. Her hair is beautifully curled and tucked up into a headband with a few strands hanging in her eyes. Her make up is soft and natural but her lined-eyes captivate me and make me weak in the knees. She straightens up and I kiss her knuckles.

“Jeez Effie, why didn’t you make the girl wear a flour sack? Would have covered her more,” I hear Haymitch mumble behind us.

“Don’t be so rude,” she snaps. “I think she looks beautiful.” 

“And so will every man and boy in that room,” he retorts. “What were you thinking?” I turn and frown at Haymitch. 

“Hey, lay off of Effie. Katniss looks stunning.” Effie shoots me a grateful look but Haymitch only looks more worried. And to be honest, I agree with him. I want to know   
what Effie was thinking too. We don’t say anything though as I escort Willow and Katniss (who holds our son) to the car. Haymitch offers Effie his arm, which she looks reluctant to take. Willow is the only one who looks excited about this evening. Johanna leans close to Katniss and clucks her tongue.

“Can’t believe he’s able to keep his hands off you in that dress,” she whispers loudly. “Even I think you’re sexy as hell.” Katniss laughs and shakes her head.

“Back off, Reneaux, I’m a married woman.”

“Oh darn,” she says, shooting me a wink.

“I’ll be watching you tonight, Johanna,” I say with a smile.

“It’s not me you should be watching,” she says dismissively but my smile fades and Katniss tenses. I can’t stand this. I’d have never thought, after the Games and the Snow regime fell, that we would be back in this place, playing the Capitol’s games again. Katniss leans her head against my shoulder and I squeeze her hand. Whatever happens, I won’t leave her side. 

 

When the car stops in front of the mansion, a man helps us all out and Katniss freezes in place. She stares up at the mansion with wide eyes, filled with fear. I place my hand in the small of her back and gently push her forward.

“I’m right beside you,” I whisper in her ear. She cradles Rye in one arm while she slips her other under mine. Willow’s hand slips into mine and we walk behind Effie and Haymitch. Johanna walks beside us rather than behind us. You see this, Capitolites? We are still Allies. Do not mess with Victors. Do not mess with family.

As we get closer, I can feel the memories flooding back as well. I look down at my daughter, who is positively skipping and I have to smile. She’s so innocent and naïve to the ways of the Capitol. I squeeze her hand and she looks up at me with a broad smile. 

“Please welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Haymitch Abernathy, Mrs. Johanna Mason-Reneaux, and of course, the Mellark family!” I wince at the deafening applause and an attendant leads us inside the mansion. 

“And let us have another round of applause for Miss Willow Mellark’s 6th birthday!” There is more applause and Willow’s smile lights up the room.   
Effie offers to carry Rye while Haymitch takes Willow’s hand. I want to protest because I want my children by my side but I understand that we need to mingle, just like the last party we attended here. Haymitch’s smile is strained while Willow tugs him forward when she sees the gigantic birthday cake sitting on the table. Johanna slips her arm under mine amd clears her throat. 

“One hour,” she whispers in my ear. One hour? Can we really pull this off? And what will happen once Ballyntynn realizes his safe has been broken into? 

There are so many things that could go wrong with this plan. 

I politely decline the plate of sweets the attendant is trying to press in my hand and I check my watch. I haven’t seen Katniss or Johanna in at least twenty minutes. Muttering my apologies, I hurry away from the food table and my eyes sweep the room.   
Both of them are engaged in conversation with the president and his wife. Johanna catches my eye across the room and gives a subtle nod.

It’s time.


	37. Chapter 37

I back out of the room and politely refuse a dance from a simpering Capitolite whose hair is as blue as my eyes. With as much stealth as I can muster up, I disappear from the room and head down the long and narrow hallway.

One good thing about my captivity in the Capitol is that I know this mansion quite well. It hasn’t changed and I have actually been to Snow’s office numerous times. 

Checking myself, I study the doors as I pass, my eyes peeled for the distinctive mark.

There is is. Near the end of the hallway, on my left, a tiny emblem from Snow’s regime is carved into the door. I remember one of my interrogators pointing it out when he brought me here to do an interview…that only turned into a live “let’s beat the shit out of the Victor and try to break the Mockingjay” session that never even aired. 

Closing my eyes, I force these memories down and try the door. I exhale deeply when I see it is unlocked and I slip into the office.  
I expect Paylor remodeled this office so it had no traces of Snow but Ballyntynn has already made himself at home and it’s clear who he supports. It’s terrifying to think that my country could allow itself to be dragged back into the cruel history it once knew. WHY hasn’t anyone put a stop to this?  
Thinking Katniss was definitely onto something when she assassinated Coin, I shake my head and pull the slip of paper from my pocket. I hastily put in the combination and sigh when I hear a click. As soon as it opens, my hand dives in and I grab the thick wad of folders. My picture graces the front of one of them, as do Johanna’s and Annie’s. There is also a folder with Katniss’s picture, in her Mockingjay outfit, as well as another with hers and Prim’s pictures, and another with Finnick’s. My surprise turns to bewilderment as I find another one with my father’s face, with the names of my family listed on the front. With shaking hands, I open that folder and see a map of District 12. The bakery is circled with red ink. 

Twenty-two hundred hours. Merchant Circle. Mellark Bakery.

I feel like I’m going to be sick. My family was targeted. They might have been the first ones to be bombed. Their deaths really are my fault!   
I start to heave as the papers drop and scatter all around my feet.

Do not allow temptation to distract you.

I hear Paylor’s voice in my head and I blink as I drop to my knees and gather all the papers. I don’t need to read these. I need to destroy them, as Paylor and Plutarch said. I straighten all the papers and stand up, walking over to the fireplace. As I approach, I see a large framed picture on the mantle and the man’s cold eyes make me shiver.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\--“WHAT did you say about our president, boy?” The blade twists into my flesh and I wince, blinking back tears.

“Go to hell! I hope all of you sons of bitches rot in hell, after Katniss takes your precious Capitol down!”

I’m jerked up by my hair and I gasp at the pain as his beefy hand holds tightly to my curls.

“Not so tough, are you, without Everdeen around to protect you? Face it. You would have died if she had been killed in the Games.”

“I’m not disputing that,” I gasp out. He flings me to the floor in disgust. 

“This is getting boring. Strip him.” I don’t have the strength to fight back as large hands grab at my clothes and fling them aside. One of them men kneels and unclasps   
my leg, tossing it to the man in charge, who leers down at me. 

“Turn him around.” They flip me over and hold my hands against the bars. I scream out as soon as heavy metal meets my flesh. This bastard is torturing me with my own prosthetic leg. This Capitol creation that basically made me a mutt of theirs is being used to strip my flesh and my dignity. I slump against the bars, completely lost in the pain.--

\--“Wake up, Mellark.” I blink sleepily up at the man whose cruel eyes bore into mine. He grips a bucket and I don’t even have time to tense up before icy cold water is flung over my head. I gasp and shake my hair out of my eyes, trying to stand up but go tumbling to the floor-- I forgot they took my leg weeks ago. Or was it months?

Years? How long have I even been here? 

And why haven’t I died already? 

“We’ve gotten word of your precious Mockingjay.” My eyes shoot open at the mention of that mutt. He nods, a smirk crossing his face.

“Apprently she was seen in District 13, perfectly healthy, alongside that cousin of hers. She seems perfectly content.”   
Fucking bitch.

“I don’t give a fuck,” I spat.

“Oh I think you do. I’ll make you a deal, Mellark. We’re prepared to let you go. You see, they’re sending someone to come rescue you. We will let you go, if you kill Everdeen for us. It won’t be hard to do, since you hate her so much.”

Wait. Kill Katniss? No…

Yes. She’s a mutt. A fucking mutt who’s left me here to die. 

He presses against my chest and I cry out, my eyes flying downwards at the mark he is pressing against.

A mockingjay. In the middle of my goddamn chest. Burned, branded onto me for life. 

“She did this to you, Mellark, remember? Now you have to kill her. 

“Sir! Senator Ballyntynn, sir, they’ve been spotted! Crossing Capitol boundaries as we speak.” The man grins wickedly at me and nods.

“Sounds like freedom is closer than you think, Mellark.”--   
\----------------------------------------------------------  
My eyes shoot open and I realize I am clutching onto the mantle with white knuckles. But I’m not alone.

The president merely smirks at me, his arms folded calmly across his chest. I clutch the folders to my chest and my eyes dart around the room. Why hasn’t he summoned anyone? 

“All I want are those papers, Mr. Mellark.”

“Over my dead body.”

“Be reasonable. Don’t you think Panem deserves to know every bit of its history?”

“Some pieces of history are better left buried, Mr. President. Publishing these notes will only do great harm to those involved. Please, just drop the whole thing.” His eyes flash.

“My father’s notes WILL be published so the whole world can know exactly what a fuck-up you really are.” My jaw drops.

“THAT’s what this is about? You’re going to destroy lives to get back at me?”

“Partially. I really blame your wife. She was the one who destroyed Snow in the end.”

“Snow destroyed himself! He died choking on his own blood! Katniss killed Coin because there couldn’t be another leader like Snow! And Coin was the one who had all of Snow’s men executed, not Katniss. She had nothing to do with your father’s death.” 

“She had everything to do with it. He was one of President Snow’s right hand men. Just because she decided to bring out a few poisonous berries, the whole damn country believed her capable of overthrowing the leader.”

“Why do you think so many supported her in the rebellion? Because the country needed a new leader!”

“And now it has one. And I intend to make each and every one of you pay. Starting with that pretty little wife of yours. At this very moment, she is being auctioned off to some of my wealthiest senators. She IS quite the beauty, Mr. Mellark,” he says slyly and my blood boils with rage. 

“You, Johanna Reneuax, and Annie Odair will be forced to mentor your own children in this year’s Hunger Games,” he goes on to say as my face turns more and more pale,   
“while Haymitch Abernathy and his charming wife will go into the Arena as chaperones for some of the younger Tributes. I have no doubts that the Capitol lifestyle has never left Effie Trinkett’s blood,” he says with a cold laugh. “Katniss may return to you during the summer holiday, but the rest of the year she will live in the Capitol as an escort. No doubt that the Mockingjay will fetch a steep price.”

“You son of a bitch!” I dive toward him, intending to choke the life out of this piece of shit, consequences be damned. The folders fly out of my hands and he reaches out for them but I kick them aside, toward the fireplace. We wrestle in front of the fireplace and he grabs my hand, forcing it into the flames. The pain makes my eyes water but I continue to hide the folders with my body. I’m a good bit older and stronger than the Capitol man, and I roll over and kick him off of me. I cradle my burned hand against my chest and grab the folders and fling them into the fire.

“NO!” He runs toward the fireplace with outstretched hands. I watch in satisfaction as the folders catch fire and turn to cinders. He turns to me, his eyes narrowed in hatred.

“Mark me, Mellark, you will pay for this. You will watch as I subject that little girl of yours to every horror the Arena will have to offer. Your wife will be forced to do the most heinous acts for her clients that you won’t even recognize her when she comes home. And YOU--“ his eyes widen and suddenly slumps forward. Johanna glowers behind him, holding a heavy-looking statue.

“Johanna!”

“Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. Let’s get out of here.” Casting one last look at the president, we flee the office and I pray that no one has heard the commotion.   
Haymitch grabs my arm as I am running down the hall and he gestures for me to follow him.

“Where’s Katniss?”

“She’s safe, now come on!” He pulls me up onto the roof, where a hovercraft is waiting. Katniss holds our daughter while Effie holds Rye in her arms. Johanna climbs into the hovercraft, and Haymitch climbs in behind me.

“Plutarch thought this would come in handy. Now let’s go!” 

“Peeta, what happened,” Katniss’s voice is soft as she takes my hand in hers. I wince and shake my head.

“I’ll tell you later.” 

“We can’t go back to 12. They’ll expect that.” Haymitch’s wide eyes bore into mine.

“Kid you better start talking.”  
\----------------------------  
Thank God that Willow falls asleep in her mother’s arms because the whole story pours out and everyone is left staring at me in shock and fear. Katniss is pale, her hands twitching on our daughter’s shoulders and Johanna scowls angrily.

“That bastard. I should have hit him harder.”

“He won’t know you were involved, Jo. You have to go back to your home and pretend you had nothing to do with this,” I say urgently.

“Bullshit, Peeta, you heard what he has planned for me too! No way in hell will I ever let my children go into an arena. We need to find a way to assassinate this guy.”

“I don’t think it will be that easy. Ballyntynn has the support of the Capitol.”

“But not all of Panem,” Haymitch says, shaking his head. “Panem still looks up to both of you. And Ballyntynn knows this. That’s probably why he wants to get rid of you, Peeta. Because he knows the country would vote for you as President.”

“I don’t…there’s no way I could ever be president…” 

“Why not? You’d make a hell of a better one than he would.” I swallow and shake my head. It’s not possible…is it? 

“The Capitol is still on your side anyway,” Johanna says. “Don’t let him scare you into thinking the whole country has sided with him. It hasn’t. He obviously rigged the election, now someone just needs to take him down.”

“Don’t look at me. My president-assasinating days are over,” Katniss says softly. Haymitch and I both look shocked that she is joking at a time like this. 

“Look we need to figure this out but 12 is still our home. Let’s just get back and form a plan.”

“Haymitch, they know where we live. They’ll come for us! What if they are already on their way to 12?” 

“I’ve put in a call to District 2 for some back up,” he says quietly. “He won’t get away with any of it, Peeta. I promise.” I lean back against the seat and close my eyes. I’m not comforted in the slightest. His vile words echo in my head and I glance over at my sleeping daughter and try to imagine her in the arena. 

No way on this green earth will I ever allow that to happen.   
Katniss reaches for my good hand and brings it to her lips. She then takes my injured hand and studies it, wincing at how badly burned it is.

“Don’t worry about it,” I say dismissiely. “I’m a baker’s son. I’m used to burns.” 

“Not like this,” she says worriedly. “As soon as we get home you put your hand in a bowl of ice water.” I nod, knowing that won’t do any good, but I’ll try to appease her anyway. 

“Did our little princess enjoy her birthday ball, at least?”

“She had a good time,” Katniss says as she strokes our daughter’s hair. “I’m glad we can at least celebrate her actual birthday at home in 12. Away from the stuffy Capitol.” I don’t know why I am the only one actually freaking out about Ballyntynn coming to 12; perhaps because I was the only one who heard him talk about his plans. His words still enrage me. All because his father was executed under Coin’s brief rule. 

I’m pleased to find out that Plutarch had everything ready, including all of our bags from the hotel. Seems like he and Paylor had everything planned out.  
Well, almost everything. I still think something bad will happen when we return to 12 but I’ll keep my opinions to myself until something actually happens. I’ve definitely developed Katniss’s panic mode over the years but it usually keeps me pretty sharp. 

We take Johanna back home to 8, then head back home to 12. Katniss and Effie fall asleep on the way but Haymitch and I are wide awake. We are both watching our wives with fiercely protective glares. As soon as the hovercraft lands just outside Victor’s Village, we thank the pilot several times before we clamber out onto the lawn. Effie wakes up and carries Rye into the house while Haymitch takes Willow into his arms so I can carry Katniss. They bid us goodnight and slip back over to their house. I’m so exhausted, I don’t bother undressing any of them. I do, however, slip downstairs and pour some ice water into a bowl, wincing when the cold touches my hand. I bite my lip as it soaks and I know the burns go deep. Shaking my head, I go to our medicine cabinet and wrap my hand in bandages and fall into bed beside my wife. 

\-------------------------------------  
For the next two days, I can hardly breathe. I keep expecting peacekeepers to bang down our door but Katniss goes about life as normally as she can. For her sake, I try to do the same. We celebrate Willow’s birthday with a little party and Finn takes her horseback riding. It’s nothing compared to the splendor of the Capitol but I think she enjoys herself and seems to appreciate being back home. 

The next day, I rise and tell Katniss I am going to check on the bakery. Willow begs to come with me and Katniss nods as she burps Rye.

“You two go ahead, we’ll be fine.” 

“We’ll be back soon,” I say as I kiss her goodbye. Willow jumps into my arms and Katniss blows us kisses as we head out the door.

When we get home, I immediately know something is wrong. There are several trucks on the lawn around the Village, and I can see Haymitch being restrained by several officers. Effie stands on their porch, her hands clapped over her mouth. 

“Willow, go stand next to Mimi for a minute, ok?” Effie understands and takes Willow’s hand and I nod to her. I let myself into the house and stop dead in my tracks.  
There are at least a dozen peacekeepers…as in old-fashioned peacekeepers from Snow’s days, standing in my kitchen. And sitting at the kitchen table, her hands in chains, is my wife.


	38. Chapter 38

I glance up at as soon as I hear Peeta’s heavy footsteps and see him freeze in the doorway. His wide eyes find mine and he sucks in a breath.

“Someone tell me what the fuck is going on here,” he barks. 

“We are authorized to place Katniss Everdeen-Mellark under arrest,” one of the men behind me says. Peeta’s face darkens.

“On what charges?”

“The President did not specify charges. He orders that we bring her to the Capitol at once.”

“You can tell your president my wife isn’t going anywhere! You can take me instead.”

“Peeta, don’t,” I say warningly but he ignores me. He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Unchain her. Now.” 

“We can’t make that call,” the man sounds uncertain.

“Then make a call to your president and tell him he can have me instead!” One of the peacekeepers excuses himself and brings out a radio to speak into. I can hear the crackling in the hallway. Peeta sits across from me and grasps my hands.

“Where is Rye?”

“Upstairs. Peeta, you can’t do this…”

“This is my fault, Katniss. I won’t let them take you away.” 

“It’s not your fault! We’re in this together, aren’t we,” I say pleadingly. He gives me a sad smile.

“Not this time, I’m afraid. You have to stay here and protect our children. Guard them with your life. I know you’ll keep them safe.”

“Peeta--“

“Katniss, you are my world. And I would lay down my life for you, time and time again. We can’t just think about it like the two of us anymore. Willow and Rye need their mother.”

“They need their father too,” I cry, tears streaming down my face. He reaches up and wipes my cheek with his thumb. This is my fault. Peeta wanted to take our family and run, and I was the one who said it would be alright. Why didn’t we go when we had the chance?  
The man with the radio returns and tucks it into his belt.

“The President approved the trade. Unchain her.” Someone lifts my hands and the heavy manacles are removed from my wrists. I cry out when they are instead locked into place around Peeta’s wrists and he winces as the cuff rubs against his burns. He stands across from me, his beautiful blue eyes filled with sadness and resignation.

“I love you, Katniss.” The men drag him from the room and I scream at them to let him go. I follow them out to the porch and am about to leap on top of them when a pair of arms wraps around my waist.

“Easy sweetheart, easy,” I hear in my ear. 

“Haymitch,” I gasp, sobbing into his shirt. 

“What the fuck are you looking at,” he spits at one of the peacekeepers. The men continue to drag my husband toward the hovercraft and I can hardly see through my tear-filled eyes. Haymitch’s arms tighten around me and he is the one who is holding me up right now. 

“Haymitch, we can’t let them…please!” 

“Officer Knolls, a word!” I hear a familiar voice nearby and it doesn’t register until I hear the clicks of a camera. 

“That woman’s got spunk,” Haymitch mutters. He supports me as we move off the porch, where Cressida and her team are surrounding Peeta and the peacekeepers. The head peacekeeper, who is gripping my husband’s shoulder, waves his hand in front of his face.

“Officer Knolls, can you tell Panem why you are arresting Peeta Mellark?”

“President’s orders! Move aside.”

“And did the president release the details of the charges against Peeta Mellark?” 

“No! And I don’t question it. Now move.” Cressida surges forward, thrusting her microphone in the peacekeeper’s face. 

“Are you aware that it was Peeta Mellark and not Runyon Ballyntynn that won the last election? In fact, Ballyntynn’s ballots were counted by his closest senator, who has now admitted to rigging the election for him! By all accounts, Peeta Mellark is Panem’s respective president.” Peeta and I gasp and the peacekeeper, Knolls, frowns.

“No, I hadn’t…what?”

“Do you know who you are working for, Knolls? Do you know what a liar Ballyntynn is? Not only did he rig the election, without informing Peeta Mellark that he was his running competition, but my sources can also confirm that Ballytynn intends to bring back the Hunger Games, starring the children of the Victors, including 6 year old Willow Mellark, 7 year old Aran Reneaux, and the grown son of fallen Victor, Finnick Odair. Is that really the kind of man you would like to support? After all that Panem has endured and all the healing that has occurred, are you really going to continue to take orders from a man like him?” Knolls, as well as the rest of the peacekeepers, look vastly uncomfortable. Pollux’s camera is capturing every bit of this interaction, which I have no doubt will be on every TV and holo in Panem very soon. I suddenly fear for Cressida. Ballyntynn will be furious. 

“Look,” Knolls finally says. “We’re just doing our job. We’ll take Peeta Mellark to the president but we won’t let anything happen to him, alright?” Knolls nods to the camera and pushes Peeta toward the hovercraft. 

“You are aware, are you not, that Ballyntynn auctioned off a night spent with Katniss Mellark, at her own daughter’s birthday ball just days ago,” Cressida yells out, making Knolls pause again. Peeta’s face darkens and a few of the men shift uncomfortably. Cressida nods.

“That’s right. Ballyntynn is trying to reinstate the practices of Snow’s regime in which Victors are forced into prostitution. The practice was revealed by Finnick Odair, and apparently many Victors were blackmailed into those situations. Ballyntynn actually ordered for a special dress to be made for Katniss that would be designed to show her off to the wealthy clients and early in the night, before the Mellarks’ arrival at the mansion, he auctioned off a night spent doing, and I quote “whatever perverse things you desire to do with her”. Now does THAT sounds like the kind of man you want to support and work for?” I gasp and Peeta looks ready to kill. Knolls glances at Peeta, at me,   
and then back to the camera. He clears his throat and says something into his radio. When he tucks it back into his belt, he nods to one of his men.

“Unchain him.” I gape at them as they remove the cuffs from Peeta’s wrists and I run straight into his arms. He strokes my hair and whispers soothing words in my ear. 

“Let it be known throughout Panem,” Knolls says to the camera, “I do not support any part of the Snow regime. If Runyon Ballyntynn is planning to return the country to its dark and dismal past, I withdraw myself from his employ. I do, however, offer my services to President Mellark.” Pollux turns so that the camera is on us and Peeta pulls back slightly, looking dazed.

“Um, this is…President Mellark… apparently. I won’t incite another rebellion and I won’t ask my country to endure what it endured just over a decade ago. I believe we have all achieved peace and healing together, by working together and finding harmony amidst all the terror we have endured. I truly do not believe that Panem would allow itself to be dragged back to its dark days that it endured during Snow’s regime. I still can’t believe we stood aside for 75 years while we sent children to be killed for entertainment, but I know Panem has changed for the better. It has become a place where I want my children to grow up in. Do now allow Ballyntynn, or anyone, for that matter shatter the peace we have found. I never imagined myself as a politician, let alone president, but I’ll accept the job if it keeps Ballytynn out of office. I ask you, Panem, to stand up and support me as your leader, peacefully. Help us usurp Ballyntynn.”

“Sirs! Aircrafts coming in from the West!” Knolls and his officers pull out rifles and Peeta’s arms wrap tightly around me. Pollux turns off the camera and Cressida rushes over to us.

“Cress,” we both embrace her and she smiles.

“Prepare yourselves. Things are about to get crazy.”

“How did you…you just showed up here,” Peeta says in awe.

“Effie called me. Said it was an emergency…luckily, I was only in District 6, took me no time to make it here by hovercraft. Panem doesn’t know what is happening and if they knew that the president was trying to arrest one of you, well, I knew I had to put it on their holos.” 

“Thank you, Cress. You’ve saved us all. Again.”

“Maybe not. You need to be careful, both of you. Ballytynn will strike back, and hard. He never counted on Peeta knowing that his name was on the ballot. It was a shock to Panem when Ballytynn won, and everyone just figured that you had dismissed the idea.”

“I didn’t even know,” Peeta says shakily. “No one ever told me.”

“That’s because it is Ballytynn’s responsibility, as your competition, to tell you that you were his running opposition. And it is clear that he didn’t. Now he is going to do everything he can to get rid of you both so no one will oppose him.”

“Why Katniss though,” Peeta says softly, his arms tightening around me. “If I am the real threat to him, why does he care so much about Katniss?”

“It’s unclear who his actual target is, but you two are viwed as a package deal. Use one to destroy the other. Besides, Katniss is the Mockingjay. Panem looks at her as the leader of the Rebellion. Ballyntynn’s father woudn’t have been executed had it not been for her.” 

“Cressida! A word!” She turns towads Jinx and he hurriedly whispers something in her ear. She listens with a frown, as Pollux stands to the side, ready and waiting. The peacekeepers around us keep talking into their radios and Knolls’s eyes are on the sky. Cressida comes back to us, looking pale.

“Ballytynn has just made a deal with 13,” she says softly and quickly. “He’s agreed to avenge Coin by executing Katniss and promised the District complete and total rebuilding which includes remaking the city above ground. In return, 13 will support him as president and offer him refuge. 13 is dangerously close to 12.”

“I thought I was the real President,” Peeta says angrily. “How does he continue to make these decisions?”

“Technically you’re more like a vice-president, until Ballyntynn’s death. It’s one of the strange rules of politics. Ballytynn is still president, despite the fact that he hardly has any supporters anymore. Moving in on you two was his ultimate mistake. But he’s still dangerous. 13 still has some real anger towards Katniss.” I inhale sharply, remembering my kidnappers and how close I came to dying. Peeta, too, seems to be remembering as his hand finds mine and squeezes. 

“Well they won’t touch her. I’ve got Ballyntynn’s soldiers on my side now. Nothing’s going to happen to her.” 

“Ballytynn is also offering a truce,” Jinx jogs over to us, breathless and panting. “He says he will forget about the Hunger Games as well as going after the Victors, if Katniss surrenders herself to arrest.” 

“What?” Peeta’s eyes flash angrily. “He’s fucking insane if he thinks we would agree to that!”

“Peeta,” I say softly. “Maybe--“

“No,” he says sharply. “No Katniss. Just don’t. I’ll find a way to keep my family safe. Don’t you even think about it.” 

“Hovercrafts traveling at 200 mph,” Knolls is saying. “Coming in from the West. Be prepared to fire if enemy seal is spotted.” 

“Sirs, just confirmed. Hovercrafts from District 2.” Knolls looks uncertain.

“Hold your fire.” 

“I need to go check on Rye,” I say softly, disentangling myself from Peeta’s arms. I run upstairs and hear Rye crying in his room. I scoop him up and stroke his curls, shaking my head.

“You’re ok,” I soothe him. “Mama’s here. You’re ok.” His arms wrap around my neck as I carry him down the stairs. Peeta comes inside, leading our daughter, and we all climb into the couch together, Peeta holding all of us. Willow and Rye fall asleep in our arms and Peeta sighs against my shoulder.

“Why can’t we just have our happy ending like we thought we would?” 

“Because life doesn’t work like that,” I say quietly. He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head.

“I thought it was all over. I thought we could actually go about living our lives this time. Why is something always against us? Why are the odds NEVER in our favor?”

“Shhh,” I stroke his cheek. “We’re together, that’s all that matters.” We start at a knock at the door and Peeta easily climbs off of us. Rye and Willow are sleeping on my chest and Peeta chuckles softly as he casts me one last glance before hurrying to the door. I hear other deep voices and heavy footsteps. I look up into familiar grey eyes and I gasp.

“Gale.”

“You weren’t lying when you said she had her hands full, Peeta,” he chuckles. Beside him, Peeta laughs and nods. I struggle to get up without waking my children and Peeta   
bends to help me. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Reporting for duty, here to protect Panem’s newest President and his family.” My eyes widen and Peeta looks uneasy. Gale’s eyes sweep over my children.

“Security forces are being assigned to watch Victor’s Village and keep you all safe. But this is only temporary. We need to relocate you all, Katniss.”

“Wait. What?”

“Ballytynn is ruthless. He won’t stop until he hurts you. We’re going to place you in a safe house somewhere until your safety can be guaranteed.”

“Can you really guarantee my safety, Gale? My childrens’ safety?”

“I can promise you, Katniss, your children will be safe under my unit’s watch.” I look into the eyes of both a friend and a father and I nod, knowing he’s speaking the truth. 

“It would have been so much easier if Johanna had just killed him,” Peeta grumbles under his breath. Gale pretends not to hear. 

“Where are we going to go?”

“That hasn’t been decided yet. We’re waiting on further instruction. Ballytynn has crossed the line into District 13, and we are keeping an eye on the borders to make sure they don’t try anything.” 

“Commander Hawthorne, Officer Knolls would like a word with you.”

“Excuse me,” Gale says as he shuffles to the door. Peeta sighs and strokes Willow’s hair.

“Why don’t you put her in bed, and I’ll go talk to the officers?” I nod and he sets Rye down very carefully in his pack and play that Haymitch and Effie bought for us. He kisses my forehead and follows Gale out. Sighing, I scoop up my daughter, grunting a little, and carry her upstairs. I softly kiss her forehead and close the door behind me.

As I’m making my way down the stairs, I hear a commotion coming from outside. There is a lot of yelling and I can hear Gale screaming at someone to stay down. I run outside to the porch and Gale’s head whips around.

“Katniss! Stay inside!”

“What-“ My eyes scan the scene and I see Peeta kneeling on the ground, his hand clapped over his neck. A syringe lies nearby discarded and there is a peacekeeper on the ground, his hands over his head. I run straight to my husband and he gasps.

“Katniss,” he says through gritted teeth. “Get away. Now.”

“But-“

“Please! Get back inside! Don’t…can’t…hurt you.” He lets out a cry of pain and his body starts convulsing. I turn back to Gale, horror-struck. 

“Emergency transport needed for Peeta Mellark, Victor’s Village. He’s been poisoned with high levels of tracker-jacker venom. We need to get him to the hospital immediately.” 

“Oh my god!” I fling myself onto the grass in front of him and grip his hands. He flings me away, his eyes squeezed shut tightly. He’s grinding his teeth, shaking his head and I know he is doing everything he can to fight it off.

“Katniss, I mean it, get back inside,” Gale yanks me to my feet. I jerk myself out of his grasp.

“I’m not leaving him!”

“The very first thing he said to me after he was poisoned was ‘don’t let Katniss near me’. I’m sorry but he wants to protect you.” He drags me back toward the house and I glance back to see Peeta writhing on the grass. I stifle a sob.

“How did--“

“The officer…one of Knolls’s men. A traitor. He stabbed Peeta in the neck with the needle and we knew immediately what it contained. We’ll take care of him, Katniss. Stay here and keep watch over your kids. I’m leaving several officers here to watch you all as well.” I hate being watched over. Like I’m some delicate little flower who can’t care for herself. Gale pats my arm sympathetically then heads back outside. I watch from the door while they load up Peeta into the ambulence and I sniffle.

He’ll be ok. Of course he has to be ok.   
\-------------------------------------

I toss and turn without Peeta beside me. Each time I’m jolted awake by my nightmares, I turn to bury myself in his warmth and sob when I see I am alone in bed. I bury my face in his pillow and inhale his scent. 

I keep thinking about Ballytynn’s offer. He’ll leave us alone if I surrender myself?  
Well, I won’t do that of course…but I can disappear. If he doesn’t know where to find me, he can’t punish the others. He’ll leave Johanna and Annie alone, and Peeta can watch over Rye and Willow and we can hope that Ballytynn will die quickly so Peeta can claim his rightful place as president.   
President of Panem. That’s way too bizarre to think about.  
Could I really leave my family? It’s to keep them safe, I argue with myself. Gale said he wants to relocate all of us. But what if I just went alone? If Ballytynn wants me so badly, he can come and find me. 

Making up my mind, I toss aside the covers and pull a bag from the closet. I pack quickly, tossing in things like my father’s hunting jacket and several framed pictures that I cherish, plus Prim’s blue hair ribbon and the glass flower Peeta bought me so long ago.   
I consider writing him a note but shake my head. He’ll be furious with me when he finds out what I’ve done. But I’m tired of putting him and others at risk. I mean, this is what I had planned to do when we invaded the Capitol. Take the Holo and go off on my own. Gale stopped me, insisting I couldn’t leave him behind and then I found out I couldn’t leave Peeta behind. But now…  
It’s more than Peeta now. It’s my son and my daughter. It’s my family. Ballytynn won’t leave them alone. I have to do this. I have to keep them safe.

I toss the bag over my shoulder and creep down the stairs. I head to the kitchen to maybe pack a few things to eat. I have no idea where I’ll go or when I’ll eat again. I set the bag on the table as I move toward the cabinets.

I don’t even notice him sitting there until he speaks.

“Running away really is your forte, isn’t it,” I gasp and stub my toe on the cabinet. Moaning in pain, I flip the light switch and see my husband sitting at the table, his hands folded on the tabletop and his brow quirked curiously.

“What…what are you doing here? I mean, when did you get out of the hospital?”

“Oh they released me hours ago. The venom didn’t do much except put me into a coma, which was more like a nice nap. I woke up and everything was fine. I came home and you were asleep and I couldn’t really sleep so I stayed down here. I checked on Rye and Willow a little while ago and watched you sleep for a few minutes before I came back down here to make some tea,” he nudges my bag with his hand. “You want to explain this?”

“Peeta, you know why I’m doing this.” He sighs and gets to his feet.

“Katniss, how many times have you tried to leave me?”

“Peeta--“

“And how many times have I told you, I will always find you?”

“Peeta I don’t--“

“And HOW many times do I have to tell you, we are in this TOGETHER?” He grips my face none too gently and his warm breath fans over me. 

“Ballyntynn wants me,” I whimper. “And even if Gale relocates only me, there’s still traitors all around. If I just disappear, they’ll have no idea where to look.”

“You’re not leaving me behind,” he says firmly. “But…we can leave together.” I look up at him, surprised. He looks sad but resigned.

“I think you’re right. I think someone could find us if we trust anyone else. And the kids are too young. I mean, if we disappeared into the wilderness, they would give us away. Haymitch can protect them. I trust Gale to watch after them too.”

“You really mean this? You really want to leave our children behind?”

“God no, Katniss, that’s the last thing I want to do but I don’t see any other choice. I think we need to disappear until all of this dies down a bit. I don’t want to be the cause of Panem ripping itself in half. But I won’t stay here while my wife disappears into the wild and I have no idea if she’s dead or alive,” he swoops down and kisses me tenderly, then cups my chin. “We’ll go together.”

We’re both packed and hovering over Rye’s cradle and I blink back tears.

“I don’t know how we are supposed to leave them,” I whisper. He shakes his head.

“To protect them.” We place one final kiss on our son’s head and I try to shake off the horrible question of when will I see him again? How long will it take to get rid of Ballytynn? How long until he caves? Months? Years?  
My son could be grown by the time we come back.  
I turn and sob into Peeta’s shoulder. He strokes my back and pulls me from the nursery. 

 

We tiptoe across the grass to Haymitch’s house and I am shocked to see him lounging in a chair with a glass of water in his hands. At least I hope it’s water.

“Ah, there they are. The Star-Crossed Lovers come to say goodbye.”

“Haymitch--“

“You weren’t even planning to tell me, were you? Just thought you would run off on your own.”

“Of course we were going to tell you,” I scowl. “Haymitch you’re the only one we trust to protect Rye and Willow.” He sighs and chews his lip.

“Please Haymitch,” Peeta implores. “You know why we have to do this. Keep them safe for us. Please.” With a heavy sigh, he nods.

“Of course I will. But you two watch over each other, alright? And stay close. This whole thing should blow over soon.” Somehow, I doubt that. And I can see he doesn’t even believe his own words. He rises to his feet and embraces us both.

“Effie was right,” he sighs deeply. “You both deserved so much more than what you got.”

“What we got was pretty amazing, Haymitch,” Peeta says softly. 

“Could have been more amazing, if the world had just dealt you the right cards.” He clears his throat and claps Peeta’s shoulder.

“Take care of her. Of each other,” he corrects himself. “Your little ones will be fine.”

“Tell them stories about us,” I say, not being able to hold back the tears. “How much we love them.”

“They know, sweetheart. I promise you, they know.”   
\-----------------------------------------

Peeta’s hand clutches mine when we sneak out of 12. It feels so wrong, running away like this but as we both have said, it seems like the only way Ballytynn will leave everyone else alone. We both stand on the hill that will take us out of 12, staring over the rooftops. I can see Victor’s Village rising high over the rest of the district, still as impressive and overwhelming as ever. 

Peeta squeezes my hand and drags me away. Together, we cling to one another as we venture out into the unknown.


	39. Chapter 39

Our first few weeks of hiding aren’t easy. It’s obvious I’m not cut out for a life in the wilderness and Katniss gets more than a little agitated with me. At times I fear she is going to leave me in the middle of the night and I always sigh with relief when I come back and see she is still here. It makes me think back before the Quell announcement, when she said she wanted to run and asked me to go with her. What would that have been like? Her, me, and Gale? I doubt Haymitch would have gone. Probably Prim and Gale’s siblings. Gale probably would have found a way to kill me once we got far enough away from 12. Would she have learned to love me? Or would she have resented me and regretted asking me to come along? I shake my head. No point in thinking like that, Mellark. Things worked out differently. And we’re still together, no matter what. 

Being without our children is hard on her. She and baby Rye had a special bond I could never understand, maybe because my own mother essentially hated me from the day I was born. I can hear her crying at night and no matter how I try, I can’t seem to comfort her. I want to remind her that this was her idea, that Gale could have relocated us all together and we would have our kids in our arms right now.

But I don’t. Because I believed her when she talked about someone betraying us. I don’t trust anyone anymore. Or rather, I trust very few people. And I know Katniss feels the same. It’s hard not to feel that way, after going through everything we have gone through in our lives. 

After several very near misses in District 8, it becomes clear we won’t be able to go around people that much. With a heavy sigh, Katniss starts to clear the hotel room of our things and tosses a knife at me.

“Keep this on you at all times. We have to go back into the wilderness.” We’re just too damn recognizable. We wanted to reach out to Johanna, to let her know we were ok, but her house is being guarded by Gale’s officers, for which I am grateful. He promised to protect our family and he is doing exactly that. 

Katniss and I head into 11 and we don’t even realize that we have been in hiding for a whole month already. 11 is where we definitely have allies.   
We’re discovered sleeping in a barn and Katniss pulls out an arrow, prepared to silence the girl who finds us, when the girl drops to her knees and bows her head.

“Mr and Mrs. Mellark,” she says with reverence. “Such an honor, sir and ma’am.”

“Please,” I say as I struggle to my feet, “please don’t say anything. We’ll leave immediately--“

“Oh, no sir,” her eyes widen. “No, you both are welcome to stay as long as you need! The whole district is on your side, Mr. President, sir. On the Mockingjay’s side as well. You don’t need to hide from us.” 

“I’m afraid we do,” Katniss says, sheathing her bow. “But we would be so grateful for any kind of help you can provide.”  
The girl comes back with a bag that rivals the size of my flour bags. It’s filled with food, blankets, and arrows. She comes back later with two plates filled with sizzling meat and potatoes. Katniss thanks her through a mouth filled with food and the girl gives us sad smiles.

“I never forgot what you done for my sister, Ms Katniss.” Katniss chokes and freezes, her eyes widening. Now that the girl stands in front of us, I can see the resemblance too. 

Rue’s little sister. 

After she leaves, Katniss curls into a ball and sobs into my chest while I hold her close. That night is a hard one and she is plagued by old nightmares, featuring all of us in the arena.   
In the morning, she says we need to continue on and I follow her without asking any questions. I sling the bag over my shoulder and follow her out of the district.   
\----------

We’re camped somewhere between 11 and 12 right now and we briefly mention making our way into 6 next. 13 is still far but not as far as I would like it to be. We’ve gotten word that Ballytynn’s supporters have set up a kind of barricade on the district line between 12 and 13, and that they are on the look out for us. Ballytynn was furious that we got away and is even more furious that he hasn’t caught us yet. He doesn’t realize my wife essentially lived in the woods, before the Hunger Games, and she’s pretty damn incredible when it comes to keeping herself and others alive. 

We’re careful not to get too close to 12 but I get an idea and tell her I want to go scouting. When I find what I am looking for, I don’t immediately tell her about it. I go back to that same spot twice more before she notices something is up. On the third day, I’m gone before she wakes up and when I return at sunset, she is furious with me. I dodge an apple and a cup and she stamps her foot.

“Damn it Peeta, don’t you ever do that again!”

“Hey, I’m ok,” I soothe her as I pull her into my arms. She’s tense and resisting at first but I stroke her hair and kiss her forehead.

“I found something that may interest you. But we need to go when it’s dark. Do you trust me?” Her eyes search mine but she nods and I kiss her.

“When the moon comes out, we’ll go. Let’s take everything with us.”   
Under the cover of night, we slip out of the barn we have been staying in and cross the border of 12. It doesn’t take us long to reach familiar territory. 

When we slip back into her woods, something mystical happens to my wife. She seems to come alive; she closes her eyes and breathes in the forest, her feet shifting underneath her. When she opens her eyes again, they are round and glassy.

“Not that I’m complaining but why did you bring me here?”

“Come on, we’re not far.” I tug her hand and lead her through the woods. 

If I had been thinking, I would have known it was her father’s idea. No one else knew these woods so well and I’m sure she has even mentioned this place before. 

We emerge into the clearing and I hold out my arms in a ‘tada’ fashion. 

“Peeta,” she whispers.

“I know it looks old,” I say quickly. “But I’ve been coming here to fix it up and it could actually be a nice little place for us, Katniss. Plus, we’re not far from the kids. I just thought it would be nice to be close to everyone, if we still have to hide.” 

“You found my father’s hunting lodge.” My brow furrows and I turn back to the little shack.

“Your father’s…?”

“He built it in case he got caught in a storm and couldn’t come home immediately. He taught me how to carve and this…this is where I first held a bow. The lake isn’t far from here, maybe a few yards down that hill. This is perfect, Peeta.” She grabs my face and kisses me hard on the mouth and I’m stunned by it all. She tugs me inside and runs around the little cabin. 

“You really have been fixing it up,” she gasps.

“It just needed a little patching up here and there,” I shrug. “But I brought some of our things and look, your dad even had a bed. I cleaned the mattress and brought the blankets from 11. Most of our food is already put away. And you can hunt whenver you want to. We can be happy out here, sweetheart.” She grips my face and smiles a real smile. It’s a crippling truth that our children are missing from this equation but I just have to keep telling myself that we are keeping them safe in the only way we know how. I just hope Haymitch and Effie explain to them why we are doing what we are doing. I don’t want either of them to think that their mother and father abandoned them. My own abusive childhood memories come to plague me at night, reminding me how much I needed my parents so many times. How much I crave to hold Willow and Rye and crush them to my chest. I fight to keep my emotions in check though. Katniss has not cried in days; I won’t be the one to bring it all up again.   
\--------------------

As summer leaves the district, I start to wonder how we are going to survive the winter out here in the woods. 12 is known for brutal winters and I can imagine we will get more than a few blizzards. The little cabin is cozy at best but it won’t keep us warm at night. I don’t voice my fears, though I have a feeling Katniss has started to worry about the same thing.

I watch her skin her kill, chewing her lip while she’s lost in thought.

“Your birthday is coming up soon,” she says in an offhand way. I raise my brow.

“Oh…yeah, I guess it is.”

“He’ll be 2 years old this year.” I swallow and nod. She sniffles and turns away to hide the tears. This time, I don’t let her. I turn her around and gather her to my chest, allowing her to cry into my shirt. 

Katniss helps me with the cakes this year. We make two, one for us to share and one for our son. While she’s asleep, I wrap up the cake and sneak over to Victor’s Village.   
Gale’s men are still around the district keeping an eye on the Village and over my children. I leave the cake on Haymitch’s porch and hope he tells my son where it came from, and how much his mama and daddy love him. 

When I get back, Katniss is still asleep and I burrow under the covers and hold her close. I study her while she sleeps and place a soft kiss on her forehead. This is the most contact we have had in weeks, other than sleeping in each other’s arms, and I kiss her again, a little lower. I plant gentle kisses over her face and lips and she blinks sleepily up at me; I bite my lip, afraid she will be angry.

“Sorry I woke you,”I whisper. She smiles and strokes my face with her fingertip.

“You’re starting to look like a mountain man with that beard.” I grin and rub my own fingers across my face. Thick blonde hair has grown over my lip and chin and it’s been keeping me warm so I elected to keep it. She leans up to kiss me and her tongue travels over my bottom lip before sliding into my mouth. She breaks away, giggling, and I raise a brow in bemuseument.

“It tickles.” I start to speak but she kisses me again, arching her back a little so she can wrap her arm around my neck. Her other hand slips under the blankets and grasps me through my clothes. I gasp into her mouth at the contact and her fingers tighten around my hair. She pulls her hand out of the sheets and holds her fingers to my lips for me to suck. We don’t break eye contact as my tongue wraps around her digits and when I feel her hand under the sheets again, it dives past my waistband and finds me hard and ready for her. I struggle to hold myself up over her, my arms shaking underneath me as her hand picks up the pace. She moves up and pushes me to my back, her hand not stopping.

“God Katniss,” I hiss as I feel my balls tighten. She grabs a towel to clean me up and lies back down on my chest, sighing as her fingers twist in my shirt.

“I love you, Peeta.” My eyes close in the darkness, a smile crossing my face.

“I love you, Katniss.”   
\-------------------

After Halloween is when the temperatures start to drop dramatically. Katniss burrows herself under the blankets and I hold her shaking body next to mine. I squeeze my eyes shut, blinking back tears. There is no way we will be able to survive the winter out here. I have to figure something else out or my wife is going to freeze to death. 

While she is out hunting, I try to sneak over to the Marketplace to buy more blankets and maybe some kind of heater. I don’t expect to see Haymitch there…or my daughter.   
I keep my coat pulled up over my face while I peruse the stall of thick blankets. A small bag of coins jingles in my pocket when I hear an excited gasp.

“Granpa, this so pretty! Can I buy it for Mama for Christmas?” I gasp as I watch my daughter grab a bright green blanket and hold it to her precious face. Haymitch comes up behind her, smiling.

“I think she’ll love that, Willow.” 

“You think she and Daddy will come home for Christmas?” I suck in a breath, tears welling up in my eyes.

“I’m sure they are going to try. You know how much they love you, sweetheart. I know they miss you and your brother.” Willow nods and I watch them pass by, my heart leaping out of my chest and following them all the way back to Victor’s Village. When I return to the lodge, I launch myself into my baking and make a batch of Willow’s favorite “no-bake” cookies (how I miss my oven right now). I wrap them up and plan to take them to Haymitch’s after the sun goes down. 

After Katniss has gone to bed, I grab the cookies and sneak out of the woods. I have gotten very good at navigating my way around here. I have to admit, I’m pretty proud of myself. As I am making my way through the meadow, I notice two dark shapes coming toward me. 

“Shit!” I kneel down, hoping to conceal myself in the brush and I feel around for my knife. The figures keep coming closer and I shrink back against the trees even more, suddenly feeling very foolish. Did I just risk Katniss’s and my lives all for a couple of cookies?! 

“Hey kid,” one of the figures breathes as they approach.

“Daddy,” the other one says in an excited whisper. I gasp and jump to my feet. Willow launches herself at me and my arms close around her as I drop to my knees.

“I don’t understand,” I glance up at Haymitch. “How did you…”

“Your daughter is one smart cookie,” he says with a grin. “Effie and I tried to keep it from her, that you had to be so close what with all the baked goods you’ve been dropping off. But she was sure she saw you in the Market today and said she knew where you two must be hiding. Said she wanted to come see for herself.” I glance down, amazed, at my daughter. Smart as a whip, like her mama. 

“Are you six or twenty-six?” She grins up at me and buries her face in my shirt.

“I miss you.”

“Oh I miss you too, baby. Mama and I think about you guys all the time.” 

“We should get back but we’ll come back tomorrow, tell Katniss to come with you.” I nod and set Willow on the ground. Her little hand strokes my face and she giggles.

“It’s so prickly.” I grin and nuzzle her cheek with my ‘prickly’ beard and she shrieks with laughter. I kiss her one more time and stand up to face Haymitch.

“How are you, Peeta? Do you need anything?”

“Maybe some more blankets and some hot chocolate, if you could spare some.” He grins.

“I think we can spare some, can’t we Willow?” 

“You can have all my blankets, Daddy!”

“Oh baby girl, I won’t take your blankets,” I say as I nudge her cheek. Haymitch’s smile fades a little as he wraps his arms around himself to keep warm.

“It’s getting mighty cold out here, Peeta. You think you two will be ok?”

“We don’t have much choice,” I say, lowering my voice. Last thing I want is for my overly intelligent daughter to worry about us. 

“Been keeping an eye on the news,” he says quickly. “Ballytynn’s health is deteriorating. Probably from living underground, he’s not used to it and he’s not doing well with it. You guys might be able to come home soon.” 

“Let’s hope.” I kiss my daughter’s cheek and hug Haymitch. He takes her hand and leads her back out of the meadow and I suddenly remember the cookies I baked for her. I run to cactch up with them and press the cookies into her hand.

“Share with your brother, alright? And tell him we love him.” She smiles up at me.

“We know, Daddy.”   
\-------------------   
The next day is bitterly cold and Katniss decides to stay inside. Her father actually built a fireplace in this little place, but it’s been closed off for who knows how long. After several hours of cleaning it and pulling out small skeletons, we have a little fire that casts warmth over the room. Katniss was worried that the smoke would draw unwanted visitors but I manage to convince her that we are far enough in the woods that no one will notice. She seems to be too cold to argue with me. 

We sit in front of the fire for most of the day, her head resting on my shoulder. I start to wish for my large bathtub back in Victor’s Village; it’s the perfect kind of night for a bath together. 

When it gets dark, Katniss starts to change but I stop her.

“I want you to see something. Come with me?” To her credit, she doesn’t question me; only takes my hand and lets me lead her out into the woods. I tuck her hands under my arms so she will stay warm and I lead her to the edge of the forest, where Haymitch is waiting with my daughter.  
Katniss gasps when we come closer and tries to stop us.

“Peeta--“

“Come on, sweetheart. Your daughter wants to see you.” As soon as Willow spots us, she runs into her mother’s arms and Katniss falls down, sobbing. I kneel next to them and enclose them both in my embrace. I wish our son was here as well, but I know he’s still too young to understand. 

“Let me get a look at you,” Katniss leans back and holds Willow’s face in her hands. 

“Oh my sweet girl, you’ve gotten so big and beautiful.” 

“I love you, Mama.” Katniss pulls our daughter back in for a hug, her tears wetting my little girl’s braids. 

“You’re strangling the kid, sweetheart,” Haymitch says with a soft chuckle. Katniss wipes at her face and sniffles before backing away.

“I don’t understand…why are we here, Peeta?”

“I saw Willow here last night and she wanted to see you too. She knows she has to keep it a secret, isn’t that right sweetie?” Willow nods and clutches Katniss’s hand. Katniss looks at Haymitch and bites her lip.

“It’s too dangerous.”

“Gale is still keeping an eye on Victor’s Village, while his units are patrolling the borders. No one from 13 is getting in here. And like I told Peeta last night, Ballytynn isn’t doing so well. His health is failing.” 

“That doesn’t mean it’s safe for us to be meeting. What if someone saw you? What if someone reports to Ballytynn they know where we are hiding?”

“Sweetheart, calm down. His support is failing and people are just waiting for Peeta to become president.” Oh that still sounds so weird. Katniss glances up at me and sighs.

“Ok fine but we can’t make this a regular thing. And I see my baby shivering so Haymitch, take her back inside.”

“I’m fine Mama.”

“It’s freezing out here. You go get warm.”

“Speaking of warm,” Haymitch hands me a large bag and I pull out a thick blanket. Underneath it, I see a portable heater and several bags of soup and hot chocolate.

“Thom sold it to me cheap at the marketplace. Figured it would keep you two a little warmer.”

“Thank you,” I say quietly as I embrace him. 

“Alright kiddo, say goodnight to Mom and Dad.” Willow clings to us while she cries.

“We’ll see you soon, my little princess,” I assure her. 

“I asked Santa to bring you home for Christmas this year,” she sobs into my shirt. “It’s all I want this year. You to come home.”

“That’s all we want too sweetheart,” Katniss says into her hair. I wrap my arm around her waist and we watch while Haymitch leads our daughter back toward Victor’s Village. Katniss sniffles beside me and I lift the bag over my shoulder.

“Thank you, Peeta,” she breathes.

“We’ll be home with them soon enough.”   
\----------------------------------

The next few weeks prove very difficult for both of us. 12 gets an early snowstorm and we are snowed in in our little cabin. Katniss tries to go hunt but there is nothing staying around these chilled parts. For the first time since I became a Victor, I go to bed hungry. 

She tries again in the morning and comes home crying that she couldn’t find anything. She apologizes profusely and I yank her to my chest and tell not to apologize. It’s my job to take care of her after all. Our cabinets are empty and even the small gathering of berries and nuts we collected last week are gone. I watch Katniss gnaw on a mint leaf and I cock my head.

“Are you really eating a leaf?”

“Mint leaves help with hunger,” she says as she pushes one toward me. “Trust me, I chewed on enough of these when I was a kid. Sometimes it was all I had for several days.   
One day I tried to eat mud and got an awful stomachache.” 

That night I lay awake and listen to my wife’s stomach growl and I shake my head. I vowed never to let her go hungry again. I pull on my boots and a coat and make my way through the snow to Victor’s Village.


	40. Chapter 40

Haymitch answers the door and gestures me in. Effie presses a mug of soup into my shaking hands while Haymitch packs a bag of food and supplies. He pushes the bag toward me and I stand at their door.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” I sigh. “Katniss is starving and I…I vowed to never let that happen again.” 

“Is she hunting?”

“There isn’t anything to hunt,” I say desperately. “She was chewing mint leaves today and told me sometimes it’s all she had for days when she was younger. We ate stale food at the bakery but we didn’t starve. She ate mud, Haymitch! Mud! I-I could have lost her! I could still lose her! I might--”

“Kid both of you are strong and resilient. I’ll bring you more food at the end of the week. There’s enough in the bag to get you by for a few days, ok? Try not to come to the house if you can help it.” I nod. It was stupid but we need food. My wife is already thin. I’ll be damned if I see her return to her pre-Games body ever again. Haymitch claps my shoulder and sighs.

“I know things look bleak right now, Peeta, but I have a feeling things will change real soon.” I clutch the bag and slip back into the darkness. When Katniss wakes, I cook her eggs and toast and she cries when I set the plate in front of her. I kiss her forehead as I hand her a fork from the bag.

“I swore to you that you would never starve as long as I am alive, and I meant it. Eat up.”

“What about you?”

“I’m not that hungry,” I try to lie but my stomach chooses that moment to growl loudly. She cocks a brow.

“Ok ok, I’ll make myself some too.” We sit in front of the fireplace and eat our breakfast. With our stomachs full, we have newfound hope. She moves our empty plates to the side and throws her leg over my thigh. She grinds over me until I start to come alive beneath her and she reaches into my jeans and pulls out my arousal. I let out a strangled gasp when she bends down to take me into her mouth and my nails scratch at her scalp. I pull her back up to me, yank off her pants and hold her panties to the side as she lowers herself on top of me. Our gasps and moans echo off the walls of the tiny lodge as she frantically bounces up and down. I throw my head back against the wall and bite my lip. My god how I have missed this! I wrap my arms around her, pushing her to the floor and wrapping her legs around my waist so I can thrust in and out of her. 

I think we’ve discovered a very good way to keep warm.  
\------------------------------------------------

Katniss is skinning a rabbit to make pillowcases for the kids while I am stirring the soup I just cooked over the fire, when we hear a loud banging on our door. We trade nervous looks as she reaches for her bow and I grab a knife from the drawer. 

“Kid! Sweetheart! Let me in!” She yanks the door open and Haymitch stumbles in, clutching the stitch in his chest.

“You can come home,” he gasps. We gape at our former mentor.

“What?”

“Ballytynn is dead! 13 apparently tried to hide his death for a few weeks now but news was brought to Gale this morning, he’s dead and Peeta is the official president of Panem! You two can come home!” Katniss turns to me, her eyes glassy with tears. I yank her to my chest and hold her tightly. 

Home. We can finally go home. 

We waste no time in packing up all of our things and following Haymitch to Victor’s Village. Gale is there with his officers but he smiles and steps out of the way, understanding we need to see our children first and foremost. I shoot him a grateful smile as we step into the house and are nearly knocked down by our weeping kids.  
Katniss and I both drop to our knees and hold them tightly, sobbing into their hair. My little boy has gotten so big and looks so much like me that it’s almost scary. And Willow looks even more like her mother than she did only a few weeks ago! Rye clings to Katniss’s neck and repeats “Mama” over and over. She strokes his curls and kisses his cheeks.

“I’m here, baby. Mama’s never leaving you two again.” Haymitch backs out of the house quietly and I am grateful that everyone just gives us a moment to enjoy the peace with our family. 

“Santa knew my wish,” Willow cries into my arms. “I asked and asked for him to bring you home. 

“We’re home, sweetheart,” I say into her hair. “We’re all together.” Katniss moves us all to the couch, where Rye and Willow climb into her lap and I wrap my arms around all of them. I could seriously just stay here forever, surrounded by the love of my family. But my responsibilities are just on the other side of that door, and I can’t ignore them for long.

There is a knock and Gale comes in, straight-backed and official.

“We need to move quickly,” he clears his throat, looking apologetic. “Several people in 13 are trying to move into office and we need to swear you in. The Council wanted to fly you into the Capitol but I insisted we do it here in 12. The Justice Building is being prepared, and Plutarch is flying in to help you with your speech, not that you need it,” he adds quickly. “Can everyone be ready in an hour?” Katniss and I trade stunned looks but Haymitch nods and moves forward.

“They’ll be ready. Come on you two, let’s get you two dressed and then we will worry about the kids.”  
Katniss doesn’t release our kids while we are dragged upstairs and pushed toward the closet. Effie brings out two dress bags and looks at us with teary smiles.

“I am sorry about the last designs I made for you but I think you’ll like these better.” I open my mouth to say something but my words leave me when Effie reveals my suit. It somewhat resembles my wedding suit designed by Cinna, and I can see his style in the cut of it. Effie bites her lip and sets her hands on my shoulders.  
“I am truly sorry for everything, Peeta, but for what it is worth, I think you will make a wonderful leader.” I suck in a breath and nod, still a little too stunned to say anything. She drags Katniss into another room to change and it all hits me at once.  
President. I’m the President of Panem.  
When the hell did THAT happen? When did it even become a possibility?   
And how do I feel about it? Now that Ballytynn is dead and the danger is passed, I have the opportunity to think about what this means for my family and me.   
Can I even be a leader?

 

There’s a knock at the door and I try to speak to tell them to come in but no words come. Katniss peers in, already dressed, and her smile lights up the room. She slips into the room and closes the door behind her and my wide eyes travel up and down her slim frame. She looks stunning, as always but unlike the last time she was dressed up, I feel comfortable and proud to have her beside me. She grabs the jacket from the hanger and helps me dress. She strokes my beard and kisses me softly.

“There’s a few people outside to help you finish getting ready. I need to go make sure Willow and Rye are dressed.” I nod, still speechless, and when she opens the door, her old prep team comes bursting in.   
Capitol people really do not age at all! Flavius bursts into tears when he sees me and Octavia shrieks as her hand runs over my face (none of them ever learned the meaning of personal boundaries) 

“We have got to get rid of this,” she says in a disgusted voice. “Peeta we hardly recognize you!”

“It came in handy while I was freezing my ass off in the woods,” I say with a shrug. 

“Well you’re back to civilization and the people want to see their old Victor, Peeta Mellark!”

“Their new President,” Venia corrects her. 

“Right,” Octavia nods. “And we’re here to make sure you look your best!”

“That suit though,” Flavius gushes. “It’s definitely a Cinna inspiration.” 

“Oh Cinna,” Venia bursts into tears and Flavius hushes her loudly. 

“We don’t have time! You heard Haymitch! We need to have them at the Justice Building in twenty minutes!”

“Ok, Peeta, back to beauty base zero!” 

~~~~~~~~~

K POV:   
\-------------------------

My little two year old can really move now and he refuses to sit still while I try to wrestle him into a suit.

“Mama?” I look up to see my daughter standing in the doorway, cocking her head and biting her lip.

“What is it baby?”

“Are you and Daddy going to go away again?” I frown and stop trying to fiddle with Rye’s suit.

“Why would you ask that, sweetheart?” She shrugs and comes closer.

“Cause Daddy has a new job.” I scoff to myself. New job. Peeta Mellark is now President of Panem. 

I have no doubts whatsoever that my husband would make an excellent politician, but president?!   
And then there is the Presidential Mansion, which sits in the center of the Capitol. Will we move there with him?  
I scowl. Of course we will. So what if District 12 has always been my home? PEETA is my home. Wherever he goes, I go. I decided that long before we were even married. Rye toddles off and I kneel and take Willow’s hands in mine.

“We are staying together, as a family. Daddy won’t allow us to be separated again, ok? And even if our lives change a little, we will always be together.” She nods and throws herself into my arms. I hear a knock and stand up to face my husband. He looks incredibly handsome in his suit, clean-shaven once again and his curls trimmed and slicked back. I go to him and run my finger along his strong jaw line; he sucks in a breath.

“Well, looks like my mountain man is gone,” I tease. 

“It got awful itchy. Although whatever they used on me stings and they weren’t too gentle. I’m sorry I ever laughed at you when they worked on you.” 

“Mmhm. You got off way too easy,” I say as I wrap my arms around his neck and play with the little curls at the nape of his neck. He presses his forehead to mine and closes his eyes.

“Can I really do this, Katniss?” 

“You can do anything,” I whisper back. 

“Grandpa says you need to hurry up,” Willow says bossily. Peeta grins as he bends down to pick up our son.

“Ok, I guess we are ready.”

Plutarch arrives only minutes later, casting me a smile before he bows to Peeta and pulls out a sheet of paper. Peeta holds up his hand, his mouth a thin line.

“I’m sure that’s a wonderful speech you have written, Plutarch, but I know exactly what I am going to say. I want the people of Panem to really know me and they can’t do   
that when I am reciting someone else’s words.” My heart speeds up even more for this man and Effie and Haymitch beam at him from across the room. Plutarch stuffs the paper in his pocket but the corners of his mouth turn up.

“I expected nothing less from you, Peeta. Come on then. We had better get going.” 

Gale drives us to the Justice Building and I can see all of District 12 has come out to see Peeta sworn into office. Peeta’s hand finds mine and squeezes and I squeeze back, hoping to give him some comfort. Rye climbs all over his father, pressing his face to the window and Peeta chews on his lip incessantly. I take his hand and kiss his knuckles and only then does he seem to relax.

“It’ll be ok,” I breathe softly. “We’re right here beside you. And we’re not leaving you.” He cups my chin and smiles.

“My perfect miracles.”   
\-----------------------

Gale and his soldiers squeeze in next to us as they usher us toward the stage. Haymitch and Effie take Rye and Willow and sit in the front row and I start to follow when Peeta gasps.

“Wait, I need Katniss with me!”

“She’ll be right here in the front row--“

“No you don’t understand. I need her up there with me. I can’t do this without her!” He looks so panic-stricken that I stroke his cheek and kiss his forehead.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Stay with me, Katniss,” he pleads. I nod.“I’ll be right beside you.” He squeezes my hand again and looks to Gale, who is obviously trying not to roll his eyes. 

“Come on then.” He leads Peeta and I up onto the stage and as soon as Peeta steps up to the podium, there is the sound of deafening applause from all around the district. I swear we can even hear it from other districts. I’d always known that the people love Peeta but this is something else entirely. He is their President now. My President. And the people love him enough to elect him.

It’s not just because he is a Victor either. He is just and kind-hearted and compassionate and intelligent and…why did it take me so long to see all of these things? He was still all of these things when I watched him being interviewed by Caesar Flickerman before we went into the Games. Why couldn’t I see how incredible he was, so long ago?   
I hang back a little, allowing his presence to calm every citizen in Panem. More than once, he looks back at me, and a smile crosses his face and completely transforms him. I listen as his voice gets stronger and more confident. His words touch the hearts of every citizen and no one could doubt his love for his country and his people. His eloquent speech leaves quite a few teary-eyed audience members and when he finishes, the applause is thunderous. He holds up his arms and motions behind him.

“As many of you know, I owe my life to this perfect woman behind me. She is the light of my life, my reason for breathing, my best friend, the mother of my children, and my soul mate. I’d like to introduce to you, Your First Lady, Mrs. Katniss Mellark.” I take a step on shaky feet and join his side while the people of District 12 rise to their feet and applaud for us both. Peeta holds up his hands, his smile broad and infectious.

“I can honestly say I could never have imagined standing up here in front of all of you. I can’t promise that I will never mess up, that I will have always have all the answers and all the solutions, but I can promise that I will do everything in my power to be a good leader and to follow in Madame Paylor’s footsteps. She is a woman I truly look up to, and I believe has helped this country heal itself significantly. Ladies and gentlemen…friends… I am Peeta Mellark and I am proud to be your President.” He smiles somewhat sheepishly and grasps my hand. He raises them high in the air and people go even more nuts. I bite my lip, remembering how we did this in the Games, and I lower our hands but lean in close so he can wrap his arm around my waist. He seems to understand and he pulls me close to his side and kisses my hair. Plutarch comes forward and bows to the audience.

“I’d like to ask our former President, Madame Paylor, to come forward.” Peeta gasps when she reveals herself, her dark eyes soft and kind. She comes to stand beside us at the podium and I move to the side to give them room. She turns to smile at the audience, before turning back to Peeta. She raises her hand and Peeta follows suit. 

“Peeta Mellark, will you, to the best of your ability, preserve, protect, and defend the peoples of Panem, a freed country which thrives on determination, perseverance, and brotherhood?”

“I will,” Peeta says solemnly. “I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the freed nation of Panem, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the rights of every person in this nation.” Madame Paylor steps back and turns to the audience.

“Citizens of Panem, I present to you, your President. Mr. Peeta Mellark.” I swear the district shakes from the applause. Girls are whimpering and wailing, Haymitch has his fingers in his mouth and is whistling loudly, my children are jumping up and down in excitement. I don’t expect either of them really understands what is happening but they know their daddy is a person of power and can understand how incredible he is. Plutarch bows his head to all of us, and gestures for us to leave the stage. 

Gale hurries up onto the stage and ushers us back behind the curtain, where Haymitch and Effie wait with our children. 

“You were so good Daddy,” Willow squeals as she throws her arms around her father. Peeta picks her up and kisses her cheek. Effie sniffles and dabs at her eyes.

“Peeta darling, you were just brilliant.” 

“Thank you, Effie.” Rye tugs at my dress and reaches his hands up so I bend down to pick him up. 

“Cressida made sure to get that on every Holo in Panem,” Haymitch says with a smile. “Now everyone knows you are President. District 13 has issued an official apology and swears their loyalty to you.” Peeta’s lips tighten but he doesn’t say anything. 

“When do we move,” I ask quietly. Effie, Haymitch, and Peeta stare at me, bemused.

“What are you talking about?”

“Aren’t we expected to move to the Capitol? To the Presidential Mansion?” Peeta opens and closes his mouth uncertainly for a moment, then shakes his head.

“Katniss, you honestly think I would agree to living in the Capitol?” 

“But…don’t you have to-?”

“I’m the President of Panem. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. Or anything that will make my family uncomfortable.” Finally I understand. He’s doing this for me. He knows how much I hate the Capitol and how miserable I would be if we had to live there. I know he doesn’t like it either but Peeta is a people-pleaser. If they wanted him to live there, then he would. Except he doesn’t want to raise our children there any more than I do. He moves close and wraps his arm around my waist again.

“Since I live right across from the Panem Secretary of State, I think it will be quite easy to deal with Panem’s affairs from Victor’s Village.” My eyes widen and I see Haymitch turn to Effie so quickly I imagine he got a crick in his neck.

“You never said--“

“Haymitch, stop. I only just asked her when she was helping me get ready. I think she’ll make a wonderful Secretary of State, don’t you?” 

“Of course she will,” Haymitch says gruffly as he spins his wife into his arms. 

“Besides, my Senior Advisor lives in the same house as the Secretary of State and again, that’s only right across from me.” Haymitch’s brow furrows.

“Come again?”

“I realize I haven’t quite asked you officially,” Peeta says guiltily. “But I figured as my former Mentor, you would be able to keep me in check when Katniss needs a hand.” It’s Haymitch’s turn to be speechless and Effie giggles and kisses his cheek. 

“And you, my beautiful wife,” he says as he cups my chin. “My First Lady, I expect you to be my counsel and my guide, to keep me in line and provide any critique and feedback you feel, to always be open with me and to stand by my side through the good times and the bad.”

“How is that any different than when I said ‘I do’,” I say softly, almost teasingly but his eyes sparkle and he presses his forehead to mine.

“You’ve saved me time and time again, Katniss. I’m not sure what the future holds for us but I know I can face it because I have you in my arms.” 

“So, Mr. President, what is your first order of business?” He steps back and nuzzles Willow.

“To build a chain of hospitals and community homes in every district because there still aren’t enough,” he says firmly. “Starting with District 12, the Primrose Healing Center will be erected on the other side of town and will accept any and all patients, even if they have no way of paying.” I could kiss this man. So I do.


	41. Chapter 41

Careful not to crush our children between us, my hand goes to the back of his head and I slam my lips against his, our teeth clashing painfully but he kisses me back with equal ferocity and only when we hear an impatient clearing of the throat do we break away. Gale has lost all color in his face and he shakes his head.

“For gods sakes, your children are right there!”

“Think that matters to them,” Haymitch scoffs. “They’ll be going at it with the kids in the next room.”

“Haymitch,” Peeta says sharply with a glare. 

“My apologies Mr. President,” Haymitch sweeps into a mock bow and Peeta rolls his eyes. 

“He’ll be worse than ever now,” he whispers to me. I silently agree. Gale clears his throat.

“Well, um, Cressida is wondering if you would agree to a quick interview, Peet--Mr. President, sir.”

“Um…we can cut out all the official titles, Gale,” Peeta says as he shifts from side to side. “We’ve been through too much together to pay attention to such formalities.” I can see Gale is torn between his allegiance to Panem and the new president, and the memories that are undoubtedly flowing through his mind. He clears his throat again, quickly bows, and hurries out of sight. Peeta sighs heavily.

“I guess this means everyone is going to act differently towards me,” he says softly, his eyes a little sad. “I hope this doesn’t affect the bakery.”

“Peeta, no offense, but District 12 has never given a damn about power. These people have been your neighbors all your life. They’re not going to behave differently because you’ve got a fancy new title. Now I will warn you. Most of Panem will expect you to return to the Victor lifestyle…you know, extravagant new clothes and a new house and shiny jewels…that sort of thing.”

“Paylor never accepted all that crap,” my husband says in disgust. “Why would people expect that from me?” Haymitch doesn’t say anything but I can see it in his eyes. Peeta is a Victor, and Victors are just expected to live a life of luxury. 

Even after the Games, there are still no winners. Only survivors. Haymitch told me that once and I can still see that he is right. 

“Just warning you, kid,” is all he says. Peeta nods in thanks and he turns back to our daughter in his arms.

“Hey, you want to be on TV with Daddy?” Willow squeals and Peeta carries her off stage. Rye clings to my neck as I follow him. 

Cressida has set up several seats off to the side of the stage, out of sight. Pollux and Willow are quite taken with each other and while Peeta does his official interview, Pollux teaches Willow some sign language. Cressida signals for Jinx to turn off the camera and she turns to me.

“Katniss, we would love to get a shot of the whole family, if that’s alright.” I still hate being the center of attention and I know it is just going to get worse now but I nod firmly and carry Rye over to the chair. Pollux lifts Willow into the other chair and tickles her chin. Cressida nods to Jinx and she shifts in her hair.

“Welcome back, Panem. I’m Cressida and this is your continued coverage of the Presidential inauguration. Now I’m joined by the entire first family! Peeta’s wife, Katniss, and their children, Willow and Rye Mellark. Can you say hello guys?” Willow and Rye both wave shyly and Cressida grins at the camera.

“How cute are they? Look at those curls on little Rye! Peeta, is being a father everything you imagined?”

“Everything and more,” Peeta beams as he moves Rye to his lap. “It’s no secret that I yearned for Katniss as a child. I’d embarrass myself constantly when my brothers caught me staring at her in school. I remember this one day, I was maybe…eleven? Twelve? I was walking around the bakery holding a loaf of bread in the crook of my arm, calling it Baby Everdeen. Not sure why I didn’t give it my name,” he chuckles as he starts to blush. “My brother Ryean heard me talking and singing to it and teased me mercilessly. When Katniss came in to the bakery, I refused to leave her alone with Ryean because I just knew he would say something to her. She must have thought I was such an idiot,” he shakes his head, laughing at himself. 

“Daddy fell in love with Mommy when he heard her sing,” Willow tells Cressida proudly. Cressida’s brow raises and she grins over at me. 

“And how old was your Daddy when he fell in love with Mommy?”

“My age,” she says with a giggle, as she holds up five fingers. Peeta chuckles softly.

“My little girl speaks true. Fell in love when I was five years old and I told my father, that’s the girl I’m going to marry one day. Now look at us.” He drapes his arm around my shoulder and Rye climbs over into my lap. I shake my head as I reposition him on my shoulder and Cressida laughs.

“Looks like you’ve got your hands full there, Katniss. Even more so with a president for a husband. How do you feel about the election?”

“I couldn’t be prouder,” I say as I hold my squirming son. “Peeta has moved this country time and time again with his words and I believe he will be a wonderful leader. He has already contributed so much to Panem over the years, it’s only natural that we should honor him for it.” That boyish blush comes back over his cheeks and Cressida nods firmly.

“Hear hear, I couldn’t agree more. Well thank you so much, Mellark family. Panem joins me in wishing your family a joyous Christmas.”

“From our family to yours, Merry Christmas,” Peeta says as he waves to the camera. I stand Rye up on my knee and Willow stands on Peeta’s as she waves. Cressida turns back to the camera with a broad smile.

“Tune back in after Christmas for coverage on the President’s inaugural tour around Panem! Thank you for joining us and be safe.” As soon as the camera switches off, Haymitch rushes forward.

“Way to spill the beans about the tour, Cressida.”

“You didn’t tell him?”

“Haven’t had time!” 

“So tell me now,” Peeta interrupts their bickering. “An inaugural tour?”

“It’s, uh…sort of like a Victory Tour. For the president. Paylor had to do it too, it’s just going around from district to district to make speeches and let the people see you.” 

“So it’s exactly like the Victory Tour,” Peeta says, his face losing color. 

“Oh but Peeta, everyone so wants to see you,” Effie says gently. “They want to look upon the new president.”

“I really don’t want to go,” he stammers.

“As President, of course it’s your choice to cancel the Tour. As your Senior Advisor, though, I would advise against that. Take some time to spend with your family. Then when the new year starts, take your wife and enjoy a little vacation around the districts. You don’t have to stay long, 12 days, 12 districts.” Peeta fumbles for my hand and looks right at me.

“You’ll come with me?”

“Of course, Peeta. Like you even have to ask.” 

“Can we go,” Willow asks excitedly. Before Haymitch has a chance to answer, Peeta nods.

“We’re not about to leave our babies behind again. Of course you can come, princess.” Willow emits a high-pitched shriek that mimics Effie and hugs her father tightly. I can see that Haymitch doesn’t look pleased but I’m grateful that Peeta spoke up. There is no way I can leave my children again. 

People keep coming up to congratulate Peeta, and I stand to the side while I hold our son. A flash of bronze curls catches my attention and I start.

“Finn!” He rushes over to me and I throw my arm around him (Rye reaches out and touches his face and he laughingly kisses my son’s fingers) 

“Glad to have you back, Aunt Katniss.” It’s only now that I realize I missed the birth of my godson’s child! I glance around for Analise.

“She’s not here,” he says, noticing my wandering looks. “Little Coral has been sick these past few days so she stayed home with her.”

“You have a daughter,” I whisper. Finn’s smile becomes even broader.

“I have a daughter.”

“Who does she look like?”

“She has my eyes and Ana’s cheeks. She was practically bald when she was born but Mom thinks she will have red hair, like her. She’s really sorry she couldn’t be here, she wanted to stay with Coral too.”

“You know you will have to bring her over when she gets better.”

“Of course,” he laughs. “Uncle Peeta is going to adore her.” 

“Adore who?” Peeta has escaped a group of excited Merchant girls and holds our daughter’s hand.

“Coral Ann Odair,” Finn says, his smile almost too big for his face. Peeta gasps and throws his arms around the boy. 

“Oh my god Finn, I wish we could have been here for it.”

“I do too, but it’s ok. You’re here now. You’ll meet her soon.” 

“Christmas,” I say immediately. “Let’s get the whole family over for Christmas dinner this year.”

“We’d love that. I should be going but I wanted to see you both and tell you how proud I am of you, Uncle Peeta.”

“Thanks Finn.” They embrace again, Finn kisses Willow’s cheek and rubs Rye’s head before he heads off toward Victor’s Village. Since he’d moved out of Annie’s house, he and Analise had taken one of the other houses on Victor’s Row, a little ways from us. I’m sure Annie appreciates that they are still so close. 

“Can we go home yet,” I ask tiredly and Peeta smiles as he kisses my forehead.

“Soon. I still need to meet with Brent for a few minutes about the construction crews. You guys can head home if you want.” 

Paylor comes over to speak to Peeta and leads him off to discuss some official business, so I lead Willow and Rye back to the house. Rye falls asleep as I undress him and I urge Willow to brush her teeth and change for bed. She asks me to read her a story, and I am draped over the edge of her bed, reading, when Peeta comes in.

“Hey, is she asleep?” I glance at our daughter, who is snoring softly.

“Guess so,” he laughs quietly and he takes my hand, leading me from the room. We close the door only halfway, as we always do, and head to our bedroom. I go into the bathroom to take off my jewelry and scrub at my face, sighing when I am rid of all the make-up. My hair comes tumbling down around my shoulders and I shake it back as 

I reach back to unzip my dress. Finding I cannot reach it, I huff and glance around for Peeta. I see my husband bending over as he pulls on a clean pair of underwear and I stare unashamedly at his shapely ass. As if he can feel my stare, he straightens up and turns to face me, his brow raised in question. My arms fall to my side and I bite my lip.

“I, um…can you help me out of this?” He gently turns me around and I feel the zipper being lowered. His hands move the material off my shoulders and his fingers rake across my arms as he pushes my dress down. It drops around my feet and I step out of it, as his hands splay across my back. I feel his fingers working the clasp of my bra and I gasp as the cold air hits my nipples. His lips meet my shoulders as he cups me in his palms; he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his chest, his erection pressing against my back. He turns me around to face him and lowers to his knees in front of me. His cool lips on my flaming skin make me shiver and his tongue in my belly button makes my knees shake. He rises to his feet and lifts me off mine as well, carrying me to our bed. He kneels before the bed, draping my legs over his shoulders so he can lean down. I clutch the pillows behind me; it doesn’t really occur to me until later that this is the first time in months that we are in our bed. We’d slept together a few times during our hiding but in the afterglow of his victory, I feel like we can really enjoy ourselves. An actual celebration.

All thoughts fly out the window, however, the moment his tongue touches me. I’ve ruined this pair of panties and he chuckles lightly against the material as he nuzzles them with his nose. I reach down and grasp at his coiffed hair as his fingers hook in the waistband and he pulls them down around my feet. I barely have time to stuff a pillow over my face before his tongue is between my wet folds. My hips arch off the bed and I feel him press against my thigh, holding me still. 

“Let’s play a game, Katniss,” he murmurs against my center. I’m too incoherent to even think.

“Wha-?” I say, dazed as I glance down at him. He moves away to kiss my inner thigh and I jerk. 

“Can you guess the word?” I can’t even ask him what he means before his tongue is on me again. But this time I can tell there is something different. His tongue takes a more precise path, like he is trying to tell me something. My thighs quiver as I realize he is spelling something across my clit. 

“Fuck,” I whimper.

“Nope, not quite it,” he says laughingly from between my legs. 

“P-Peeta…ah!” 

“Wrong again. Here, I’ll try again.” I scream against the pillow as he uses the tip of his tongue and very clearly “writes” something against my lips. The hell if I know what he writes. He leans back and studies me and I can only shrug.

“No clue at all?” When I shake my head, he huffs and leans back down.

“Fine then, once more and let’s see if you pay attention.” I let out a squeal when his tongue moves from side to side and I try my hardest to discern what letters he is spelling out oh so slowly. 

“M,” I manage to get out. I feel him nod and he continues, still nodding.

“I?” He nods again and moves his tongue further up, making me jerk my hips again.

“Mm…M?” 

“Nope,” he whispers as his tongue repeats the pattern. Shit. I can’t THINK straight. I start rambling off random letters and he chuckles against my skin.

“N,” he answers for me and I huff. 

“I don’t like this game.”

“Awe. And here I thought you would love it. Alright, have it your way.” He grips my thighs and plunges his tongue deep inside me. I scream out and it echoes off the walls. Oh please don’t let us wake the kids up. He literally lifts my bottom half up, pulling me into him and devouring me. 

“Oh god,” I keep repeating in a whisper. Or maybe I’m still screaming. I’m not sure. When his lips close around my clit and he begins to suck, I’m done for. I hold the pillow over my face and scream a line of obscenities. My legs fall, limp, to the bed and I lie still. When he moves the pillow off my sweaty face, I see his bright blue eyes over me and his crooked grin, so smug that I long to smack it off his face. He leans down and kisses me, sucking my tongue into his mouth. His knuckles rake across my cheek and he kisses my nose, my eyelids, my cheeks, and finally my lips again. 

“Mine,” he says against my throat. 

“Hm?”

“What I was spelling out. Mine. That’s all I could think about earlier when you were standing beside me. You’re mine. No one else’s. Not Gale’s. Not…well, no one else’s. You’re mine and I’m yours. Like I always dreamed.” I smile and caress his cheek as I gaze up into his eyes. My arms wind around his neck and I pull him down for another kiss. 

“Love me, Peeta.”

“Always Katniss,” he murmurs against my cheek. I reach between us and pull his boxer briefs down a little, his arousal slapping his stomach. He shuffles on the bed, pushing them down his legs until he is free, then he knees my legs apart and leans in closer. I moan deeply when I feel his head teasing my folds and my name escapes in a breathy sigh as he pushes into me. I wrap my legs around his waist and reach down to grip his ass, relishing the way his muscles flex as he thrusts. His thumb makes gentle circles across my clit, then moves down a little ways and sinks into my back hole. We both moan loudly and I start to think about my promise to him when I was pregnant with Rye.

Not tonight. But soon, I say to myself. I lean up and tug at his earlobe with my teeth, causing him to hiss.

“Shit Katniss,” he pants, burying his face in my neck. He pulls out suddenly and flips me over onto my stomach, my hands darting out to grip the headboard. He leans over me and I turn my head so he can kiss me, his arms by my sides, caging me in. My whimpers increase and I can feel him start to thrust harder, his balls slapping my ass as his groans get louder in my ears. I can feel he’s close. I nudge him backwards and he slides out of me; I immediately miss his warmth as I push him against the headboard and climb over him again, sinking down on top of him and reaching back to grip his curls. His chest presses to my back as he wraps his arms around me, one hand sliding down to help me along. Not that I really need it. I’ve already come twice with him inside me, and I am rapidly approaching a third. His hands move up to my breasts and he pinches my nipples between my fingers. He leans up and the shift in angle makes something inside me shift completely. I cry out his name and his hand drifts back down to roughly rub my clit. His other hand claps over my mouth, silencing my screams. My legs are failing me so he thrusts up into me, pushing his fingers inside me to the rhythm that his cock has taken.

“Fuck Katniss, I can feel you coming again! Shit baby, yes!” I feel him jerk inside me as I clench down around him and I bite his fingers hard as I moan through my orgasm. He kisses my sweaty temple and helps me move to the side. I close my legs as his seed drips down my thigh. He rests his head on the pillow while he tries to catch his breath.

“God,” he pants. 

“Let’s take a shower,” I whisper in his ear. His brow shoots up and he jumps out of the bed, grabbing my hand. 

I’ve missed him taking me against the tile wall, while the stream of water shoots down over both of us. He has to hold his hand over my mouth again because our moans echo off these walls. All I need is a curious six year old and two year old knocking on our door. After we finish, we take our time washing our hair and washing each other. Strange how much I’ve missed our shower; after a lifetime of bathing in a small bucket, you would think I would be alright with bathing in the stream. 

“You’re starting to get all wrinkly,” he mutters before he kisses my cheek. “We should really go to bed.” 

“Just five more minutes,” I plead but then I gasp as the water turns ice cold and he hurriedly shuts it off. 

“So Mr. President,” I say casually as he towels his hair dry. “Does this mean I’m not allowed to argue with you anymore?” He wraps the towel around his waist and gives me a smirk.

“As if that would stop you,” he scoffs. “You’re such a rebel, Katniss. You always have been.”

“Hey,” I protest but he grins as his hands rest on my waist.

“How old were you when you started breaking the law and hunting on Capitol lands?”

“I didn’t have much of a choice,” I say angrily. “We were starving.”

“I know,” his voice softens and he smiles. “You were 11 years old and saving your family. You broke the law to do it. Most people would have been too scared to try something like that. It’s one of the reasons I love you so much. You’ll defy anyone or anything to keep your loved ones safe.” He pokes at my mouth until I start to smile.

“You really can turn anything around with that mouth of yours.”

“One way or another,” he says slyly and I hit his chest. He gives me a pained look and pushes me out of the bathroom.

“As your President, I order you to get some sleep.” 

“How long is a President’s term again,” I say through a yawn. 

“Two terms is twenty years. You have a long way to go my dear wife.” I laugh as I pull on a long sleeve shirt and a pair of panties, and crawl into bed. He opens his arms and allows me to rest my head on his chest.

“I am so proud of you, Peeta,” I say seriously and he turns to look at me. “Really. I know you will take care of Panem the way you have taken care of me all these years.” He cups my chin and kisses me softly.

“We’ll do this like we do everything else.”

“Together,” we say in unison as I close my eyes.


	42. Chapter 42

It’s hard to say who is more attached to our kids at this point, Peeta or me. Even though Rye likes to run around the house, I keep picking him up and carrying him around. I find Peeta asleep on the couch with both Willow and Rye sleeping on his chest. Peeta shook me awake the other night when I fell asleep in Willow’s bed. We just can’t seem to leave them for more than a few minutes. If Willow has any complaints, she doesn’t voice them. She’s definitely grown up a daddy’s girl, though. She begs to accompany Peeta to the bakery or to town and comes home holding his hand. I smile as I watch them bake cookies together. She gets dough all over him and he smiles and attacks her with kisses. 

There’s only a few days until Christmas and I am at loss what to get my family. Granted living in the wilderness has occupied my mind for many months now but I still feel terrible that I haven’t found anything. I’ve been to town twice and have bought a few small things for the kids but nothing really big. With how much has been happening around here, I’d figured Peeta would forget about his Santa thing around the district but he can still surprise me. He makes sure to take a huge bag of gifts to the community home, and then makes his deliveries several days before Christmas. When he comes home late into the night and the kids are asleep, I greet him at the door. 

“I hope you don’t mind,” he says softly. “I just couldn’t leave them without anything this year.” I grab his hat and beard and fling them aside, pulling him into me for a kiss. His arms wrap around me and his bright eyes seem to sparkle through his glasses.

“We’re still standing under the mistletoe.”

“Yes we are, Santa. But right now I want you to take me upstairs.” Quick as a flash, he picks me up and carries me to our bedroom.   
I make sure to retrieve his discarded hat and beard before the children wake up.   
\------------------------------

Christmas morning, I’m the first to wake up. Peeta is sleeping peacefully after a rough night. One of his nightmares kept him awake and he hid in the corner until his visions had passed. He whispered apologies in my ear as he pulled me to his chest but we were kept awake by the fear of going back to sleep and facing our night terrors again. My fingers trace his arm, his hand resting on his strong chest. I chance a soft kiss before I pull on a robe and hurry down to the kitchen to start on breakfast. 

I see a mop of messy curls toddle into the room and I sweep my son into my arms.

“Merry Christmas sweet boy,” I say as I kiss his cheek. He winds his arms around my neck and rests his head there.

“Mama!” I chuckle softly as I turn back to the food on the counter.

“OK, I hunted while you and Willow were strapped to my chest. I think I can finish breakfast this way.” He giggles in response. He starts to pat my breasts with his little palm, giggling even harder when he realizes they are bouncy. I roll my eyes and shake my head.

“You’re as bad as your father.”

“At what?” I turn as Peeta and Willow enter the room, Willow on top of her father’s shoulders.

“Merry Christmas,” Willow announces as she opens her arms, Peeta’s grinning face underneath her.

“Merry Christmas baby girl,” I lean up to kiss her and then lean in to kiss my husband as well. 

“What are Rye and I bad at?” 

“He likes my breasts,” I whisper softly. His brow raises and he leans in to kiss Rye’s cheek while I help Willow down.

“Mmhm, you already had enough time with those. Those are Daddy’s again, ok?” Rye giggles in response and I roll my eyes. Peeta unstraps Rye from my chest and sets him in the floor.

“Really Peeta,” I huff. He shoots me a wink and steals a kiss before I can stop him.

“Mmm, something smells great! Willow, are you ready to eat?” Willow runs over to Rye and picks him up.

“Merry Christmas baby brother!” Peeta’s arm wraps around my waist and he kisses my temple.

“Sorry I slept so late. Do you need any help?”

“Rye and I got it,” I say with a grin as I hand him the plates to set the table. He positions the booster seat in the chair and helps Rye up into it. Willow smacks her lips as I set down the plate of bacon and eggs. 

“No cheesebuns,” Peeta asks with a smile.

“I wasn’t going to wake you just for that.”

“I’m shocked.” I stick my tongue out at him and he laughs. 

“It’s high time you learned how to make them yourself. I’m surprised you don’t know by now, with how many times you have watched me.”

“I’m not a baker, you know that. Rye, chew your food sweetie.” 

“You’re my huntress,” Peeta whispers in my ear as he sweeps my hair aside. I smile as I turn to kiss him.

“Granpa says you can’t kiss at the kitchen table,” Willow says matter-of-factly. Peeta leans back and raises his brow.

“Your Granpa needs to learn when to stop talking.” 

“He talks a lot.” Peeta and I both laugh.

“Yes, he really does. 

“Are you guys ready to open presents?” Willow is out of her seat in a flash, running to her brother and helping him down into the floor. Peeta and I laugh while we follow them into the living room where there is a dazzling tree in the middle of the room. I’m incredibly grateful to Haymitch and Effie for keeping the traditions alive with the kids this year but I know it’s hard for Peeta that he wasn’t here to celebrate with them. His favorite part of the holiday is putting up the tree with his children. Well, his daughter loves to sit on the couch and watch until it is time to put the star on. Then she becomes the helpful one. 

Willow starts handing out presents and Rye sits next to her, sucking on his thumb. Peeta leans against the couch and spreads his legs so I can lean into his chest. We watch while they open their presents. When Rye can’t get the wrapping off his gifts, his sister helps him. He starts to cry when she does it for him. 

“Willow, let’s let Rye open one,” Peeta says gently. I turn and look up at him and his eyes are blazing back at me. My tongue darts out to moisten my lips and his eyes fly to my mouth and narrow. 

“Daddy!” Peeta jerks back and blinks.

“What princess?”

“I SAID, I made this for you at school!” She thrusts a present at him and he takes it with a smile.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” He opens the bag and pulls out a homemade sun, with small hands forming the rays around the edges.

“Willow honey this is beautiful! Thank you.”

“Rye helped too.” Rye looks up and coos and claps his hands.

“Daddy’s sun!” 

“Well thank you guys. I’m going to hang it up in my office.” 

“AND it’s your favorite color,” she says excitedly. Peeta nods, grinning broadly.

“That it is. That’s a nice shade of orange.” She runs and hugs him and I lean up to bring Rye closer. He’s busy chewing on his foot but I attack him with kisses and he shrieks with laughter. 

“Can Mommy open one now,” Peeta asks our daughter.

“I made this one for Mommy!” She hands me a framed picture and I gasp. It’s a field of dandelions, though the flowers are tiny handprints.

“Rye’s hands worked better than mine,” she says with a shrug as she holds her hands up for us to see. I take one and kiss her palm and she smiles.

“It’s beautiful, baby. I love it.” 

Willow and Rye open a few more presents from Finn, Annie, Johanna, and Haymitch and Effie. Peeta has gone to make us all hot chocolate and Willow hands me a lumpy package.

“This is for Daddy. Granpa helped me make them. Do you think he will like them?”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure he will love it,” I say as I stroke her cheek. He returns with a tray and hands us our mugs. 

“Extra marshmellows for my princess,” he winks at our daughter.

“Hey. Where are my extra marshmellows?” He kisses my nose and gestures toward my mug.

“Extra marshmellows for you too, my love.” I glance down at the mug and see tiny marshmellows are overflowing past the rim. I grin up at him and he kisses my forehead. 

“Mashmlow,” Rye coos as he tries to get my cup.

“Here Daddy, one more present from me!” He sets his mug aside so he can open his present and he gasps.

“Oh Willow these are perfect!” He holds up oven mitts that have tiny handprints all over them. Willow looks exceedingly smug.

“Granpa helped us. Do you like them?”

“I love them, sweetheart. Thank you.” He kisses her cheek and sets them aside. I also unwrap a pretty green blanket that I know will keep me warm and a pair of nice hunting gloves from Annie and Finn. The kids are both excited when they see their rabbit skin pillowcases I’ve made for them and Rye curls up and goes right to sleep. Peeta presents with me several lovely new dresses for our upcoming trip, as well as a strand of pearls and an array of candles and bath oils. I was able to buy him a new case of paints (since I’m sure his are no good by now) as well as a new teapot, and I presented him a pillowcase as well, but my real present for him is in a tiny box, which I hand to him. He raises his brow curiously and removes the lid. I watch his face as he reads the papers that are inside. He develops that boyish blush, his fair cheeks going redder and his eyes getting darker. He swallows and looks up at me, his eyes almost completely black. 

“Thanks honey. I love this.” I give him a sly smile.

“I thought you might.” He swallows again and sets his gifts aside. Both hands grip my face as he kisses me, his tongue plunging into my mouth none too gently and I can’t help but release a little moan. He pulls away at the sound, his eyes flying to our daughter, who is coloring in her new art book. 

“We should start getting ready. People will be over around noon.” 

“Tonight?” His voice is deep and husky and I am immediately uncomfortably wet between my thighs. I nod slowly and he kisses me again.

“Whatever you want,” I say softly and he bites his lip and closes his eyes.

“Daddy, come color with me,” Willow whines from across the room. Peeta exhales deeply, fighting to maintain control, and he jumps up from the floor and rushes over to our daughter. I rise to my feet and start to clean up the mess. I feel his stare on me as I bend over to pick up the wrapping paper. When I glance over my   
shoulder, I see him staring at me with hooded eyes. 

It’s going to be a long day.


	43. Chapter 43

Just a warning, dear readers. This chapter contains explicit content and sexual practices. Do not read if you do not like what Everlark has been building up to. Thanks! 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Katniss sweeps aside our pile of presents and reaches under the tree. Willow is lying on her stomach a little ways way, coloring furiously. Rye is snoring softly on his new pillowcase and I’m so tempted to join him for a nap. Katniss pushes a small box into my hands and I raise my brow in question. She nods and glances over to our children. My eyes follow hers as I open the box and read the paper on top. 

-One coupon for a free kiss.- 

Ok, that’s cute. It’s not as if I don’t steal kisses from her every chance I get. I need a coupon now?

-One coupon for one free full body massage.-

Nice. Usually I’m the one giving the massages. Her hands on me always feel incredible.

-One coupon for a free blowjob, whenever, wherever you request.-

My eyes widen. Oh. Oh my…

-One coupon to tie me up, tie me down. Whenever, wherever you request.-

Ok, THAT’s unexpected. 

-One coupon to ride me hard….enough to wake the neighbors.-

My face is getting warm. I can feel it.

-One coupon for a dress up night. I’ll wear as much- or as little- as you request.-

Christ Almighty, is it HOT in here?! 

-One coupon for a striptease.- 

The image of Katniss stripping slowly invades my mind and I wince as all the blood rushes to my groin. God one coupon left. I’m almost afraid to read it.  
Almost.

-One coupon for One Fantasy.  
Whatever you desire. Take me however you wish. I will perform anything you request.   
Whatever you want.-

My throat constricts and I swallow several times, my eyes going right back to her.

“Thanks honey. I love this.” She smiles- more like smirks- and bats her eyelashes at me.

“I thought you might,” she says in a low voice. Fuck. I try to adjust my jeans without her noticing but I know she’s seen. I replace the lid on the box and set it aside with my other gifts, before I grab her face and yank her in for a kiss. It’s passionate and demanding, my mouth laying claim to hers. It’s the promise of more, of what tonight may hold. She moans a little and I jerk back, my eyes flying to my daughter. She’s already called us out for kissing in the kitchen today; I don’t need her saying anything else. Katniss leans back and blinks.

“We should start getting ready. People will be over around noon.” 

“Tonight?” My own voice surprises me, deeper and more feral than it usually is. If I can cash in on that last coupon tonight, though…shit, I have been dreaming of this for months. Years, if I’m being honest with myself. She nods and I move in to kiss her again.

“Whatever you want,” she says softly and my fingers clench her leg as my tongue forces its way back into her mouth again. I back away, closing my eyes and taking several deep breaths. Get yourself together, Mellark. NOT in front of your kids.

“Daddy, come color with me,” I hear my daughter begging behind me. I clear my throat and hurry over to join her. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Katniss standing up and starting to clean up. I start to help her but she turns around and bends over, picking up the paper that is strewn all over the floor. She’s barely wearing anything underneath that robe, I can see that clearly. She lingers near the floor, her ass wiggling slightly. My eyes are about to pop out of my head as I stare unabashedly. She glances over at me and I know she knows what I am thinking. We share a look until she goes back to cleaning, her back to me. I stare at that luscious ass for as long as I can. 

Tonight, that ass is all mine.   
\--------------  
Katniss is setting the table as I am trying to wrestle my nude son into a Christmas jacket when there is a knock at the door. Willow stops twirling in her dress and runs to open the door. 

“Merry Christmas, Willow,” I hear Johnna’s voice and I carry Rye downstairs to greet everyone. Katniss comes out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron, and smiles around at our family. Johanna goes straight to her and they embrace tightly; I don’t know if I have ever seen Johanna hug someone for so long. I set Rye down and join them.

“Wow. Do I get one of those too?”

“Oh get over here bread boy.” I let out a little ‘oomph’ as she throws her arms around me, nearly crushing me. I gingerly pat her back.

“We’re ok, Jo.”

“I know. Oh jeez, are there any rules about hugging the president? Should I kneel at your feet instead?” There’s the Johanna we know and love.

“Good to see you too, Jo.” She grins and tousels my hair. I scowl and pat my curls down as she bends to pick up my son. Aran rushes into my arms and I grunt as I try to pick him up.

“Lord Johanna, what are you feeding this kid?”

“Tell me about it. The twins are getting huge too.”

“Where are they?” Katniss asks as she looks around. At that moment, Effie, Haymitch, and George enter the house, George and Effie holding Johanna’s son and daughters’ hands. Damn, Johannna was right! They have gotten so big! Right behind them are Annie, Finn, and Analise. Finn’s arms are full of pink blankets and   
Katniss gasps.

“Let me see her,” she rushes forward. Finn smiles as he passes the sleeping baby to my wife. I stand next to her and peer down into the blankets. My god, she looks just like--

“Finnick,” Katniss whispers softly. Annie looks over and gives us a teary smile.

“I know. I cried when she was born. Just wait until she opens her eyes. It’s unreal.” It’s unbelievable seeing our friends’s face on a baby girl but it gives me a rushing feeling, knowing Finnick hasn’t really left us. That much is evident when we look at Finn, too. They’re nearly identical now. Finn embraces me and stands beside my wife, staring down at his daughter. 

“She’s beautiful, you two.” Katniss passes her back to her father and he gazes at her with adoration. I suppose we must look the same when we hold our children. George currently has his son trying to climb up his front but he gives me a one-armed hug before he reaches down to pick him up, and Johanna reaches for her daughter’s hand.

“We saw your speech on TV. Very moving stuff, Peeta.”

“I try,” I reply with a grin. 

“OK everyone, come on and sit down. Food’s just about ready!” Haymitch and I grab some extra chairs and make sure everyone has a seat. Willow, Aran, Rye, Brody, and Anna have a little table all set up for them. Since Aran is the oldest, he takes it upon himself to feed everyone. I watch his interaction with my daughter, nudging Katniss to make her look over. We all watch as Aran continues to flirt with Willow, and how Willow is having none of it. In fact, she tosses her braids and rolls her eyes, looking remarkably like someone I know.

“Yep, she’s Katniss’s daughter all right,” Haymitch laughs as he takes a drink of water.

“My poor son is in for a lifetime of heartache,” Johanna says dramatically, while shooting me a wink. Katniss glares at them and the table erupts into laughter. 

“Only eleven years, max,” I say, returning her wink. Katniss turns her glare upon me and I wrap my arm around her shoulders and kiss her cheek, poking at her mouth until she smiles again. She swats my hand away but a small grin forms. I’ll take it. 

It’s peaceful and wonderful, being able to enjoy this family time. I hold Coral while I listen to Finn and Analise tell about their new house, or Johanna and George talking about their latest fashion discoveries. Annie blushes while she talks about how she and Riley have become quite close, and Haymitch kisses Effie’s hand and raises a glass to her. I’d invited the Hawthornes but Rory’ wife Theta invited everyone to District 3 for dinner with her family and it’s Posy’s first time to 3, so Rory agreed. Katniss and I glance at each other and are thinking the same thing: it’s so wonderful to be home. 

Halfway through our meal, the phone rings and Katniss goes to answer it. She comes back and starts to take Coral from my arms.

“Cressida wants to speak with you.” I mutter an apology to everyone, before I hurry over to the phone.

“Merry Christmas, Mr. President,” she says cheerfully.

“Merry Christmas, Cress.”

“Hey, I need you to turn on your Holo for me.” 

“Um, ok.” I place my hand over the speaker and try to get my wife’s attention.

“Honey, can you turn on the Holo?” Her brow furrowed, she clicks the remote and the Holo appears beside the table. I can see a huge crowd of people, most of them dressed in lavish and warm clothing. They all seem to be waiting for something and I watch in bemusement.

“Ok, now,” I hear a female voice off to the side.

“Merry Christmas President Mellark and family,” they say in unison. Everyone in our dining room has stopped talking and is staring at the Holo. I smile and put the phone back to my ear.

“Oh Cressida, thank you for that.”

“Don’t thank me. Apparently Jinx got stopped on the street by a family, asking if there was any way for them to wish the president and his family happy holidays. More people heard and wanted to do the same, so Jinx called me up and we filmed this for you. That’s all of District 1, I’ll have you know. Everyone gathered in the Tribute Court Yard to record this.” I don’t even know what to say. But I want to do something in return, at least show them how appreciative I am of the gesture.

“Cressida, hang on a second. We are going to try to send you something on your Holo.” 

“I’ll be here.” I set the phone down for a moment, and hurry over to the Holo. I bring it to the center of the table and call the kids over. Everyone gathers in and I press the little blue button on the Holo, the word ‘record’ flashing in the bottom. Grinning, I wave to the machine and gesture around to my friends and family.

“From our family in District 12 to yours, Merry Christmas! We hope you enjoy the time with your loved ones and that you are all safe, healthy, and happy!” I hold Willow on my lap while we all wave to the Holo.

“Merry Christmas,” we say in unison. When I’m finished, I run back to the phone and hear Cressida talking to her husband. 

“Check your Holo and please make sure District 1 sees it!” 

“I will. Tell Katniss hi for me! Take care, Peeta!” I hang up, a broad grin refusing to leave my face.

“Peeta, dear, what a wonderful thing you just did,” Effie gushes as she raises her glass toward me. Everyone follows suit and I gasp. 

“To President Mellark,” Johanna says in a clear voice. “May you and your family find only happiness and light, after the dark days you have endured.”

“To President Mellark,” the room echoes. I swallow and my eyes rest on Katniss, who is holding her glass up to me and looking proud. Her support means more to me than anyone could ever know and I know I can do this because I have her by my side.   
I notice Haymitch chewing on his lip and he hasn’t taken a drink but I don’t ask him what is wrong. He’s always been an outspoken man; if he feels something is wrong, he will speak up about it.   
\-------------

After dinner, we move into the living room where the kids pile under the tree and we exchange more presents. Willow absolutely goes nuts over a little makeshift oven that Haymitch and Effie bought for her. I grin over at my little girl, who’s immediately started to “bake” cookies. She excitedly holds up the plastic cookie for the room to see.

“It’s just like Daddy’s oven!”

“You’ll be working in the Bakery in no time,” Finn laughs. Coral starts to fuss not long after and Finn apologizes as he rushes Analise and their daughter home. Haymitch stands and clears his throat.

“Well. Suppose Effie and I should tell you about your present now.” Effie claps her hands excitedly, her eyes positively sparkling.

“We are taking the children for a sleepover at our house!” We all gape at the couple. I want to stick around for this! I’d pay money to watch Haymitch corrall five kids! 

“Umm…are you guys sure,” Johanna says uncertainly. 

“That’s a pretty big present, “ George says carefully.

“Not at all,” Effie says cheerfully. “We are happy to do it! We bought everything to bake cookies and play games and we even have a few more presents for them!” Katniss and I exchange looks. Rye barely lets his mother out of his sight lately. How will he do away from her for a whole night?

On the other hand…I bite my lip as I remember Katniss’s present to me. We certainly don’t want to try anything with two kids in the house. It’ll be nice, having the house to ourselves. And I’m sure Johanna and George would love some alone time as well. I glance up at Haymitch and he sighs.

“Look, we just thought…after everything that has happened this year, it would be a nice gesture to give you lovebirds a night alone.”

“Why do they need a night alone,” Aran asks as he cocks his head. His father chokes on his drink and Johanna cackles. 

“Daddy wants to kiss Mommy,” Willow says gleefully. I swear the heat coming from our faces could light a damn fire. Except Johanna, of course, who looks pleased with herself for raising such an “open and honest son”. Haymitch chuckles while Effie swats at his shoulder.

“Manners, children. You don’t talk about your daddy kissing mommy.” 

“But why? Granpa does.” Effie shoots Haymitch a glare and shakes her head. 

“It just isn’t done, dear.” Willow looks up at us, confused. I kneel in the floor next to her and wrap my arm around her small waist.

“It’s ok when it’s just us, princess. When it’s other people, let’s not talk about it, ok?”

“Ok Daddy.” I kiss her cheek and she kisses me back. 

“Wonderful,” Effie says as she clears her throat and I’m taken right back to Reaping Day. “We should get going soon. Willow, do you want Mimi to help you pack a bag?”

“Yeeeeeah!” Willow grabs her Mimi’s hand and drags her upstairs. Johanna picks her daughter up and holds her on her shoulder.

“You sure this is ok, Haymitch?”

“Positive. You four have a nice evening. Annie, you’re more than welcome to join us if you like but I imagine you might have better plans.” Annie blushes as red as her hair.

“Well…Riley did ask me to come over after dinner…” 

“Ohhh, don’t tell Finn,” Johanna teases. I secretly agree.  
\--------------------------------

Effie and Haymitch lead the children across the way to their house and we all stand on the porch, waving them goodnight. Johanna and George give us hugs before they hurry back to their hotel and Katniss closes the door behind them. We hurriedly clean up the kitchen before I am dragging her upstairs. It’s already getting late and I want to take complete advantage of what little alone time that we have…not that we haven’t had plenty of that in the past months but when survival is your number one priority, you aren’t really thinking of much else. Including intimacy. I guess I should be grateful that Katniss’s birth control shot lasts so long, so that I know we are covered from our time in the woods. The way she is kissing me and moaning against my lips…all my thoughts fly out the window.   
I trap her against the door and tug her pants and underwear off, my head between her legs in seconds. She screams my name, and I grin up at her, loving the sound of it bouncing off the walls. There’s no reason to quiet her tonight, no reason I can’t relish in her breathy moans and her high pitched wails as she comes. 

“Mmm Katniss,” I say against her pelvis and she jerks forward. “I intend to make you come all night long tonight. Your throat will be sore from the screaming and tomorrow, you won’t be able to move.” 

“You’d better make good on your word, Mellark,” she says in a husky voice as she glares down at me with silver eyes. I lunge forward and make her scream again and again.  
When I’ve cleaned up after myself, I hold her legs in the air while I plunge in and out of her. I have no idea where we find the strength but we go late into the night. I scold myself for having so little self-control. I’d intended for one thing in particular to happen tonight and now, I’m not certain if it will. 

 

While she gets up to get us some water, I edge the drawer open and pull out various items. The bottle of lube stands next to the box of toys that we have accumulated. I sneak the larger of the toys and the lube under the sheets, then resume my place leaning against the headboard. She returns and hands me my glass as she curls up on my chest.

“So…are we done for the night?” She glances up at me, her brow raised. I stare into her eyes and don’t notice her hand move until I feel her fingers close around my length. I spring to attention under her caress and inhale sharply. 

“Did you think we were done,” she whispers before she bites my ear. My eyes flutter shut as she lowers in front of me, taking me into her warm mouth.

“N-no,” I stammer. “I mean…I hoped we weren’t.” 

“We have all night,” she says as she kisses her way up my body. “If you have any stamina problems, just think of the Arena. It should keep you going.” I choke on a laugh as her tongue swirls around my left nipple. 

“Have I ever had any stamina problems when it comes to you? I don’t need to think of the Arena. Just of you in that Quarter Quell outfit.”

“I knew you were checking out my ass.” 

“Hard not to. Aside from, you know, the fact that we were fighting for our lives.” Her head pops up and her smile is gone; I mentally kick myself for saying anything. But then she grabs my face with both hands and pulls me in for a rough kiss. I roll her under me and rub back and forth against her. She reaches between us and guides me inside her and I rest my forehead on her damp chest as I thrust in and out.

\-----------

After I pull out of her, I lower to my knees and tug her ass toward the edge of the bed. She moans deeply as soon as my tongue touches her wet folds, and I move up a little and thrust my tongue inside of her. She reaches back and grips my hair with her fist.

“Peeta! Oh my god!” I chuckle against her skin and she jerks forward. I bring my hand to my mouth and suck on my fingers. I bring my other hand up to her ass so I can spread her wide, then bring my wet fingers to both her holes. Sliding one finger in each hole, I start out slowly, torturing and teasing. She falls forward onto her elbows and moans into the pillow.

“Peeta, please!” I add a second finger to her pussy, the feeling of my fingers sliding even deeper making my cock twitch. I can even feel the finger in her ass and it is unreal. I pick up my pace, my fingers fucking her to near- oblivion. When I feel her clenching up, I withdraw my hand and her head whips around, fire in her eyes.

“Peeta Mellark--“

“Settle down, Mrs. Mellark. I told you I would make you come all night and I will. You have to be patient.” I lean down and lick up and down her folds for a moment before I settle on my back and pull her over me, so she can settle her feet on my knees. She lowers herself over me and starts to bounce up and down again. I lean against the headboard as I reach around and squeeze at her hardened nipples. She throws her head back, her hair covering my shoulder and I slyly reach across the bed for the lube and the toys. One hand rests on her hip while she continues to bounce, while my other quickly pours a little lube over the larger toy. When I bring it close to her cleft, she tenses and stops. I kiss her cheek and reach down to circle her clit. Her moans pick back up and she is distracted again, so I probe her entrance with the toy. She bites down hard on her lip as I slide it in and she shifts her hips a little.

“How do you feel, baby?” 

“Full.”

“You are going to be so full of me before the night is over,” I whisper in her ear. She reaches back and grabs my hair, pulling tightly. I wince and push the toy in even deeper, relishing in her throaty moans. Fuck, I need to see her like this. I quickly move her back to her hands and knees and she glances at me over her shoulder.

“Like what you see,” she says playfully, though I can hear the trepidation in her voice. It’s a mark of how well I know her, after all these years. Behind all the sexy talk is still a nervous little girl and I reach forward and cup her chin.

“Hell yes I do. I had to jerk off twice this evening, just thinking of what I am going to do to you. How incredible you make me feel, how amazing you are.” My eyes meet hers and hold her gaze. I push my fingers into her core again and feel her clench around them. Still holding her gaze, I pull the toy out of her ass and push it back in. She exhales sharply as I thrust the toy and my fingers in unison. Her arms are shaky and she falls forward again, burying her face in the blankets.

“Oh god Peeta…oh! Oh!” I slowly pull the toy out of her ass, and replace it with my thumb. I release a deep groan as I feel her clench around my fingers-- the way she is squeezing my thumb is unlike anything I have ever felt. Imagining my thumb as my cock…holy shit, I may not be able to handle it. I set the toys aside and climb over her, pushing her damp hair out of her sweaty face.

“Hey there beautiful,” I mutter as I kiss her temple.

“Mmm,” is all she can say in return. I chuckle and run my finger up and down her arm. She still hasn’t moved and seems like she is going to sleep. Well we can’t have that. 

“Hey,” I whisper in her ear before licking the shell of it. She shudders and turns her head.

“You going to sleep?”

“Nuh uh,” she replies. 

“You sure?”

“Positive.” 

“Ok. You still sure about this?”

“Whatever you want,” she says softly as she lifts her head and turns to me.

“Whatever YOU want, Katniss,” I kiss her forehead.

“I want this.”

“You stop me if anything is uncomfortable.” I lean forward and kiss her softly, which quickly grows into something much more heated. Deciding now is the best time, when she so relaxed, I quickly spread some lube over my cock and fingers. I pour a little over her ass and push a finger inside, making her hips jerk. I spread her wide with both hands and my head probes her entrance.

“God Katniss, you can’t begin to know how much I love you. I love you and I want you to feel incredible tonight.” I push in just a little, giving her time to stop me if she wants. When she doesn’t, I push in a little further. I didn’t think anything could feel better than her virgin pussy but dear god this is heaven. Her tightness surrounds me and I have to clench the sheets in my fists to keep myself under control.

“Fuck Katniss you feel absolutely amazing. You are so fucking beautiful, you know that? Every part of you is perfect.” She whimpers as I push in further and I tentatively pull out a little. 

“How do you feel, Katniss? Talk to me, baby.”

“You feel good, Peeta,” I hear her timid voice. I still inside her.

“Are you sure? Katniss, is this hurting you?” She shakes her head and raises her hips up. I slide in even deeper and both of us groan. I stand up on my knees and grip her hips, one hand rubbing over the smoothe skin in front of me.

“Your ass is so beautiful, Katniss. Every bit of you is beautiful. Fuck I am in heaven.” I reach down and rub her clit with my thumb as I increase the pace of my thrusts. She seems to be coming to, as she thrusts back against me and moans.

“I want to ride you, Peeta.” My dick hardens inside her at her words. I pull out and lie on my back, waiting for her to straddle me. She surprises me, turning around and positioning her legs on either side of me so I am staring at her bare back. She takes me in her hand and slowly slides down on top of me; I’m astounded that her ass is so tight even after I have been inside her. 

“Oh my god Katniss, I’m not going to last much longer.” She braces her palms against my legs and moves up and down, and my head falls backwards. I let her take the pace, controlling how deep I go inside her. She suppresses a cry when she sinks all the way down, so that she is actually sitting on me. My eyes roll to the back of my head as I am consumed by pleasure. My cock is throbbing, encased by her ass, and I wait patiently as I can for her to move. She does and I reach around and roughly rub at her clit. 

“Peeta! PEETA!” She arches her back and I lean down to suck at her breast while she continues to ride me. I feel her fingers join mine and she starts to finger herself, which makes it even harder to hold on.

“Fuck Katniss! Ah fuck!” Her nails sink into my leg and I hiss at the brief shot of pain. All of a sudden, she is coming and I feel her squeezing my cock so tightly that I jerk inside her. My fingers are frantically rubbing at her until I feel her squirting all over my hand and the sheets underneath us.

Holy shit, I just came in Katniss’s ass. And it was unlike anything I have ever experienced. 

Holy. Fucking. Hell. 

She falls, limp on top of me, her legs giving out underneath her. We’re panting hard, all words seem to be gone for the moment. I’m not even sure there are any words to describe what just happened. I lean up and kiss her shoulder and gently lower her onto the bed next to me, turning onto our sides. We’re both sticky, our bodies are glistening with sweat, and the bed is soaked underneath us and yet neither of us can move. I nuzzle up to her and kiss her sweetly.

“Thank you, Katniss.” Her steel eyes flutter open and rest on mine. My heart hammers at how much love and trust I can see there. I nuzzle up to her and hear her sigh.

“Seriously. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me with everything you have. I can’t tell you how much it means to me. How do you…are you ok?”

“I love you, Peeta,” she says tiredly, avoiding my question. “And love means trust. They go hand in hand. A long time ago, I gave you something special. Something I could never get back. And you cherished it, and cherished me, and my trust in you just started building from that day forward. I really wish Prim could see me now. She probably wouldn’t even recognize me.” Her mention of her sister at a time like this surprises me and I pull back to study her. But she looks content…happy, even, and doesn’t look to be on the verge of tears or a breakdown. I gently stroke her brow and she closes her eyes. 

“Why do you say that,” I say softly.

“Prim was the trusting one. The sweet one. You know how I was. I didn’t trust anyone, and I didn’t accept charity or compliments, even. If you had complimented me at school, I would have spent hours puzzling out the catch. I told you, I didn’t do well with friends. Prim knew that and she wanted me to be more social…to smile more. I just feel like…I have changed so much, my own sister wouldn’t recognize me.” I kiss her temple and pull her closer.

“The only time I saw you smile, Katniss, was when you were with her. She would recognize you. She would be so happy for you. She IS so happy for you.” She closes her eyes again and grasps my hand under the blankets. 

“I love you,” she sighs as she quickly falls asleep. I kiss her damp hair and watch her drift off to sleep. I realize tonight wasn’t about the act itself. Yes we have talked about it for some time and really, anything new I experience with Katniss is going to be wonderful. But she tore down so many barriers around her heart and trusted me with her body to let herself go to a place neither of us have ever been before. Falling in love with Katniss has been unlike anything I could have ever dreamed of, and I feel like I fall in love with her a little more every day, if that’s even possible. Yet everyday with her brings a new experience, a new sensation, a new emotion, and new wonder. And yes, tonight was incredible and I think I came harder than I have in a LONG time, but the simple fact of being with Katniss in that way- of her allowing me to be with her in that way, well, that’s really the best thing about tonight. I squeeze her hand under the blanket and lay next to her. 

“I love you too.”


	44. Chapter 44

It is WAY too early in the morning when I hear a knock downstairs. I glance at Peeta to make sure he hasn’t stirred as I throw on a robe and rush to the door. I wince as I move, noting how sore I am. It’s a good kind of sore, like the morning after my first time with Peeta, but I’ll still have to hide it from him or else, he is going to think he’s done something wrong.

Haymitch and Effie both carry our sleeping children to their rooms and Haymitch gives me an apologetic look.

“Effie got an urgent call from the Academy and she has to leave for the Capitol immediately. I’m taking her to the train station now but we wanted to bring them home first. We already dropped off Aran and the twins.” 

“Thanks Haymitch,” I say softly, the house still too quiet. He pats my shoulder before he leaves, and I hurry back upstairs before Peeta wakes up. I slip back under the covers and try not to jostle him.  
Damn him for being such a light sleeper.

“Everything ok,” he asks sleepily.

“Everything’s fine. Haymitch just had to bring the kids home early. They’re still sleeping. Go back to sleep.” He yawns and moves over on the pillow so I can rest my head below his chin. I feel sleep tug at me and I fall back to sleep as well.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------

When I wake up again, I note that I am alone. I really need a shower but I’m not planning to leave the house, so I just pull on a long robe and braid my hair. When I open the bedroom door, my son bounds into my sight.

“Mama! Play wif me!” I laugh as he drags me down the hall, then he decides to take me downstairs. I imagine my husband and daughter are in the kitchen, working on breakfast.  
But when I get downstairs, I see that I am wrong.

Rye tugs me into the kitchen, where Peeta is slumped over the table, his face in his hands. Haymitch stands over him, his arms crossed over his chest. I shoot a questioning look toward Haymitch and sit across from my husband.

“What’s going on?”

“Districts 2, 4, 8, and 11 are upset that they didn’t get a ‘personal holiday message’ from the president. Peeta’s been getting angry letters all morning.”

“I didn’t mean…I just wanted to do something nice for them, since they did something so nice…” Peeta shakes his head. I sigh. My poor husband. It really is true; no good deed goes unpunished. I’m not sure who said it but it’s so accurate. He really is too kind-hearted for this. Paylor had already been a commander and a leader in 8. Peeta won the Games, but as I once said, nobody decent wins the Games.  
I reach out to massage his shoulders and he sighs deeply.

“OK, what do I need to do?”

“Have Cressida issue an apology and make sure it is on every Holo, not just District 1. Make it look like it was an honest mistake and that it was meant for everyone.” Peeta frowns.

“That would make it look like it is Cressida’s fault,” I say carefully. 

“Cressida is allowed to make mistakes. Peeta isn’t.” Peeta looks up at me, biting his lip.

“If you think that is the best thing to do, Haymitch…” He doesn’t look away from me and I know he is waiting for me to say something. But what else is there to say? Haymitch is older…is he wiser? Well, not really but he’s survived the Capitol all these years and he definitely knows how to talk to people. How to please people. How else would he have kept us alive in the Games? 

“Ok,” Peeta sighs before he goes to the phone. I wrap my arms around his waist while he makes the call, so he knows I’m here for him no matter what he does.   
Cressida is completely understanding, as I imagined she would be. Peeta holds the phone between us and he sounds miserable.

“Don’t worry about it, Peeta. It could very well have been my mistake! And I think it’s a very nice thing you did for 1, but Haymitch is right, the rest of Panem deserves the same. You have to understand now, you can’t show favorites and you have to treat everyone the same. Plenty of people got upset that you refused to move to the Capitol but I think most people understood why you made that decision. You just have to be careful. Any mistake you make, and yes you will make them, is going to be magnified tenfold,” she takes a deep breath and Peeta and I exchange worried glances.

“I’m almost sorry this happened to you. I think you’re a great leader, Peeta, but you and Katniss have been through so much…I wish you could just live a normal life for once.” We don’t say anything to that. What could we say, when we wish for the exact same thing? Peeta thanks her and hangs up and trudges from the room. Rye starts nagging Haymitch to pick him up so I follow Peeta into the living room. Willow is still upstairs, probably coloring, and Peeta sits on the edge of the couch, his face buried in his hands. I sit beside him and reach out to rub his back.

“Peeta--“ He leans over and rests his head on my shoulder, his own shoulders shaking.

“I don’t think I can do this, Katniss. I thought I could, but…I know I’m going to anger someone important. And what happens when I do that? They’re going to target you and the kids. And I won’t let that happen.”

“Peeta. I told you that your family supports you. We love you and we will do anything for you.”

“Look at what just happened! A simple Christmas message exploded into angry citizens. When all I was trying to do was be nice. I honestly don’t know if I can do this job after all.”

“You have to find a way to do it,” I tell him firmly. “Your country needs you. What will happen to Panem if you step down? Someone far worse than Ballytynn or Snow could be just waiting for their chance and will tear the country apart as soon as they can.” He sighs into my neck and I feel his lashes tickle my skin as he blinks. 

“You really believe in me that much?”

“You know I do,” I cup his chin and kiss him softly. He rests his forehead against mine and our fingers wrap around each other’s.

“I need to get back in case Effie calls,” Haymitch enters the living room with Rye wrapped around his legs. “I told her to call me when she arrives. Someone want to take this little barnacle?” Peeta grins and reaches for our son, bringing him into our laps.

“Thanks for coming Haymitch.”

“No problem, kid. Remember what Cressida said. You’re going to make mistakes but they are going to be blown up, so just be careful what they are. You have family when you need us.” He smiles at both of us, tousels Rye’s hair, and leaves. Peeta sets Rye down and our son scampers off to play with his blocks, which he’s become obsessed with. 

“I just don’t want anything to happen to you,” he says softly beside me. My eyes fly over to him and he is staring at our son.

“There’s a monster inside me, Katniss. I don’t know if it’s always been there or if it’s from the hijacking. But if something happens to you, I’ll be so…I’ll be overtaken by rage and I won’t even recognize myself. That man who… bought you at Willow’s birthday ball? I would have had him executed. I’m serious, I don’t care who he was or how important he was, he would have died under my rule. And that scares the hell out of me. To actually say that and MEAN it. They changed me, Katniss. And that’s the one thing I hoped wouldn’t happen.” I swallow at his words. I remember that night in the Tribute Center, the first actual conversation I had with Peeta Mellark, the first time I looked at him and really saw him. 

\---“I don't know how to say it exactly. Only... I want to die as myself. I don't want them to change me in there. Turn me into some kind of monster that I'm not. I keep wishing I could think of a way to...to show the Capitol that they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games.”---

“You showed them, Peeta,” I say softly and he looks at me with a bemused expression. I take his face in my hands and kiss him hard on the mouth. He studies me, looking surprised and baffled.

“You showed them that they didn’t own you. You’re not a piece in their Games. You want to know why? Because you made a difference. You changed Panem for the better. You continue to do good by this country. You didn’t lose yourself, you didn’t let them win. It seemed like they would and you proved them wrong. You fought with everything you had to stay as you always had been - kind, compassionate, just, and gentle. After everything you have been through, every way they tried to change you, you are still you, Peeta Mellark. No one has changed you.” He stares at me for the longest time before his face breaks into a gentle smile.

“And who said you never have the right words to say?” 

“I learned from the best,” I shrug. He kisses my forehead and pulls me down to rest my head in his lap. We watch our son play while he plays with my hair. Willow comes down not long after and insists her brother help her bake with her new oven. Guess I know what my daughter will be doing when she grows up. I glance up at Peeta and see him grinning. 

“She’s not allowed near that oven until she’s at least 10, Peeta.” 

“8?”

“9 ½.” He sighs.

“Deal.” I scoff and shake my head and he leans down to kiss my cheek.

“Hey,” he says softly, nuzzling my ear. “How are you feeling this morning?” I look back up at him and see worry etched into his face.

“I feel fine…why wouldn’t I?”

“I just meant…well, you never said last night if you were ok and I guess I was um, kind of worried that I may have…you know, hurt you last night.” 

“Peeta,” I say softly. “You should know by now if I don’t like something, I’ll stop it. I loved last night. It was wonderful and you made me feel beautiful and incredible.” I see him blush and I lean up to kiss his nose.

“You’re sure you’re not sore or anything like that?”

“It hurt just a little but I’ve had worse pain than that. I’m fine, Peeta. It was great. I hope you enjoyed yourself though.” He lets out a hollow laugh.

“Katniss I can’t begin to express how much I enjoyed it.”

“Well don’t try. Our daughter is listening closely.” He falls silent and I rest my head in his lap again. 

While our children play, Peeta goes to make us some breakfast and I lower myself into the floor to watch them. Both of them have Peeta’s sweet smile, and Willow’s eyes have gotten even bluer. She’s also perfected my scowl and I’m saddened to say she doesn’t have a lot of patience with her brother. I wish I could remember how Prim and I acted at that age but I know I was fiercely protective, as my daughter is.

“Breakfast,” my husband calls from the kitchen and I take my childrens’ hands and lead them to the table. Peeta sets down plates of crepes and fruit and kisses each of us on the head. I sigh at the simplicity of it all. Just a casual morning enjoying breakfast with my family. And to think, I shyed away from this sort of life. Now, I can’t imagine my life any other way.   
\----------------------------------------------  
Johanna and George bring the kids by once more before they head back home. We watch as poor Aran tries to get Willow’s attention but she seems to be having none of it. She tosses her braids and sighs.

“Aran, let me make you some cake so you feel better.” Peeta bursts into laughter and the adults all chuckle lightly. 

While George makes sure Anna and Brody are packed, Johanna pulls me into the hall.

“Did you and Peeta have a nice time last night?” Her eyes are sparkling with mischief.

“I’m not telling you anything, Jo.”

“Come ON, I need some details! Did you at least enjoy it?”

“It was nice,” I say with a shrug. Her eyes narrow.

“You sure he did it right? I would never use the word ‘nice’ to describe that.”

“Johanna, I’m not doing this with you. My sex life is not gossip. We’re not in the Capitol.” She looks like she is about to protest but her expression becomes softer, more gentle.

“You’re right,” she says, squeezing my arms. “You’re absolutely right. I’m glad you two enjoyed yourselves. Come visit us soon, ok? Maybe you can come by for dinner during your Tour.”

“We would love that.” She kisses my cheek and goes back to her family. I watch her hug my son and my daughter and then kiss Peeta’ cheek. She whispers something in his ear and his eyes widen and he shakes his head.

“Let’s go before you make the boy blush again,” George says laughingly as he shakes Peeta’s hand. Aran looks miserable as he tries to give Willow a hug goodbye. Poor little guy. We follow them out on the porch and wave goodbye. 

“Ah the pain of young love,” Peeta says as he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. 

“Young love? He’s seven years old.” He shrugs.

“When you know, you know. I knew at five, remember?” I’m always uncomfortable when he talks about how he fell in love with me when we were kids. It just reminds me all over that I didn’t return his affections until we were almost adults. Peeta’s an expert at unrequited love, and I feel like I can’t show him enough now, to make up for it. 

I feel his fingertip on my brow and then his lips.

“Stop thinking so much. You’re getting wrinkles.” 

“Well you’re getting gray hairs!”

“You’re giving them to me.” I stick my tongue out at him and he gently bites it, before closing his mouth around mine and sucking it into his. Good thing our children are back inside, or we would never hear the end of it from Willow. He starts to follow them in and I hold him back. He turns to me curiously and I take both his hands in mine.

“I don’t know if things would have been different…if we had talked to each other when we were kids. And I try not to think about it, because we always tell each other no ‘what-ifs’. But I want you to know…I chose you for YOU. Not because…I just needed someone. Or because I was stuck with you. I chose you for your heart and your smile and your gentleness and your blue eyes and…Peeta, I love you for you. And I hope you know that.” When he smiles like he’s doing now, I swear the world could be crumbling around me and I wouldn’t care. I always want to see him smiling like that.

“What makes you so sappy this morning, Mrs. Mellark?” 

“I don’t know but I’ll stop.” He kisses me quickly and leans me back against the wall.

“Don’t,” he whispers. “I love hearing things like that come out of your mouth. But for the record, yes, I know you love me. And I love you. Now let’s get inside before Haymitch comes out and tells us to get a room.”

“Would you two get a room for crying out loud,” comes his irritated voice from across the lawn. I whip around to yell at him and Peeta takes my face in his hands, turns me back to him, and kisses me. I feel lighter than air as his lips brush against mine and I shrug everything off and follow him inside the house without casting Haymitch a second glance.   
\------------------------------------------

The whole thing with the Christmas message blows over very quickly. I know it bothered Peeta that we had to make it seem like it was Cressida’s fault but Panem was very forgiving when they learned that the president had not forgotten them after all. We saw the message on the holo and then a brief message from Cressida, apologizing for her mistake. Peeta sighs and flicks it off before leaning forward and resting his face in his palms.

12 gets three more snowstorms before spring officially comes! Peeta’s had to apologize to the country twice, and says he has to push back his tour due to inclement weather.   
\----------------------------------

I’m trying to tug Rye out of the bakery when the door opens and I nearly crash into something sold.  
I hear a delicate gasp and look up into wide blue eyes.

“Katniss.”

“Excuse us, Delly, we were just--“

“Umm…perhaps you could stay for just a moment?” She holds up an envelope and bites her lip. “Brent asked me to bring some papers over to Peeta and I don’t want…I mean, it might be better if you were there with us.” I suddenly feel like the extremely jealous wife so keeps her husband on a tight leash. But don’t I have a right to feel angry and possessive? Especially when SHE’s around? I sigh and nod.

“Ok, sure.” She gives a weak smile and I let her pass by. 

“Hey Rory, can you ask Peeta to step out here for a moment,” I call. Rory’s eyes flash between Delly and me and he nods. A moment later, Peeta emerges from the kitchen and his eyes widen in surprise.

“Is there something I can do for you, Delly?”

“Brent was caught up at the office and asked me to bring you these papers to sign. I asked Katniss to stay.” His eyes rest on me and they soften.

“Let’s sit over here,” he leads us to one of the empty tables and he scoops Rye up, bouncing him on his lap. Delly clears her throat and opens the envelope; I notice her hands are trembling. I watch Peeta’s eyes flicker to her shaking hands and I sigh. 

“I think I’ll let you two talk alone,” I say as I stand. Delly looks terrified and Peeta looks wary.

“Katniss-“

“It’s ok. I trust you. Both of you,” I add and see Delly’s eyes get very watery. I need to get out of here before we make any kind of scene. Peeta rises with me and gives me a chaste kiss on the lips. It’s not possessive or a kind of public display of affection, but it’s enough of a gesture to say he is mine and I am his. Staring down at the girl who has known my husband longer than I have, I’m not so jealous anymore. I’m saddened that it has come to this. This is the girl who defended me in 13, when he screamed and raged that I was a Capitol mutt. She helped him a lot when I couldn’t. It’s exhausting, holding a grudge, but with my hormones aligned again, I realize that Peeta could never hurt me like that. Even after I hurt him, he never looked at another woman.   
I give them both a smile and take my son from his father. Peeta grins and plays with Rye’s curls.

“I’ll be home in just a bit, little guy.” 

“Bye Delly.” 

“Bye Katniss,” she chokes out. I glance back to see Peeta handing her a tissue and taking the papers to read. Smiling to myself, I head back home.

I’m proud of myself for how much I’ve grown up. Prim WOULD be proud of me. 

\-----------------------------  
Strangely enough, it’s April when the snow has finally melted and it’s warmed up. Right around Prim’s birthday.  
And Reaping Day.   
\----------------------------  
Peeta comes home from the bakery with a smile, and four tickets clutched in his fist.

“Pack your bags, my loves! We’re leaving in two days!” Willow squeals and runs up to her room to start packing before she’s even finished lunch. I pick up Rye and bite my lip.

“That soon?”

“Honey we were supposed to go three months ago. We can’t put this off anymore. I’ve just talked to Rory and Dane and they’ve assured me the bakeries are all in good hands. Dane is even going to travel to my other locations to make sure everything is ok there. Rye is finally over that cold,” he tousels our son’s curls. “And the snow is completely gone. Come on. This is going to be fun.” I try to put on a smile for him and nod while he takes Rye in his arms and carries him upstairs to help the children pack. 

Sighing, I go up to my bedroom and pull out my suitcase. Peeta’s right. It’s our first vacation as a family and we are going to have a good time.

Never mind the memories that will undoubtedly resurface in certain districts. We’ll make happy memories too. 

He comes in not long after and sits on the edge of the bed, releasing a long sigh. I haven’t gotten a lot packed and he finds me staring off into space. He gently takes the shirt I am clutching in my white knuckles, and he folds it before setting it into the suitcase. He pushes it aside and pulls me into his arms.

“I know you’re scared,” he whispers against my heated skin. “I am too. But I’m better when I remember I will have you and the kids there with me. It’ll be different this time. We’re staying together as a family and nothing bad is going to happen.”

“You know you say that every time we leave 12. And something bad always happens.” He leans back and pushes my hair out of my eyes.

“We’re older now, Katniss. I’m not as scared as I once was. You remember when they pushed us into the Justice Building and gave us a chance to say goodbye?” I bite my lip as I nod yes. How could I forget that day? Gale telling me it was no different than hunting animals, Prim sobbing into my arms pleading for me to win, and Madge asking me to win her aunt’s mockingjay pin. And Peeta’s sweet father, who gave me cookies and promised to keep Prim fed. Did Peeta ever know that he came to visit me? 

“My family knew I would die for you,” he says quietly. My eyes lock on him and he stares at his lap.

“Mom wasn’t kidding when she said District 12 might finally have a winner. As I recall, the way she put it was that I was enough of a fool to help you win. Dad kicked her out of the room and my brothers told me to win for my family. When they left though…Dad said he knew I would do everything I could to get you home. He knew I was dead as soon as they announced my name. Because I was standing up there with you. My songbird, he called you.” I blush at the thought of Peeta and his father talking about me when we were young. But it shouldn’t surprise me. He’s told my time and time again how his father pointed me out and Peeta told him he would marry me one day. I feel a surge of guilt inside me and I choke out a sob. He pulls me into his arms and my tears stain his shirt.

“Your father came to see me,” I choke out. He cups my chin so he can see my face but I squeeze my eyes shut. They’re the same blue eyes that watched me so intently in that silent room. 

“He gave me a bag of cookies.”

“I asked him to give those to you,” he says against my hair. This just makes me cry even harder and he looks bemused.

“On the train…I thought…oh Peeta, I had no idea how you felt about me. I thought the bread was just…you being kind. I decided to distance myself from you before we even reached the Capitol. I threw the cookies out and it landed in a patch of dandelions. It made me feel even worse than I already did. That’s why I did what I ddi in the Games. I had no idea you weren’t pretending--“

“Shh,” he soothes me, pressing his lips to my forehead. “Katniss, don’t. Don’t go back there. We’ve been through this enough. Stop going back to the Arena.”

“It’ll never go away,” I sob into his shirt. “The Games stay with you forever.”

“Then you find your ally to help you get through the hard times,” he says firmly as his thumbs wipe at my tears. “And you’ve found him. As long as I’m alive, I’ll help you. I’ll protect you. Life is like an arena, Katniss. There will be obstacles and hard times and things that are meant to kill you. And you can’t go it alone, but if you find that one person that you trust and you make a vow to protect, it’s a bit more bearable. There’s even those happy times, like when I found that pearl for you. Or you kissing me on the beach and telling me you needed me. I don’t think I’d ever been so happy.” 

“We were going to die,” I remind him.

“Maybe but we were living in that moment.” I sigh. Peeta’s words always seem to knock me senseless and he’s just done it again. He kisses my forehead and pulls my suitcase back around.

“Now, as we will be leaving the district together and NOT on a train bound for imminent death, let’s get you packed.” I let out a weak laugh as he kneels in front of me, his eyes sparkling.

“You love me?”

“You know I do,” I reply. He kisses my nose and smiles.

“Then know that I’ll never leave your side.” 

“I know that too.”

“Good. Which of your formal dresses do you want to take?”   
\---------------------------------------------

 

We’ve been on the train barely an hour when Willow starts getting wound up and sarts bouncing all over the place. Haymitch and Effie are in a compartment a little ways down and Effie has agreed to watch the kids whenever Peeta and I need to attend to official business. I’m grateful that they came along. Not just for the kids, but for Peeta and me too. We’re much older but it’s still nice to have our mentor with us. I guess the old man grew on us, like we grew on him. 

Like the Victory Tour, we’re working our way backwards, starting with 13. Peeta is a little nervous to go there, I can tell, but Haymitch convinced him it is still a part of Panem too and they need to see their new president. I think I have more reason to be nervous in 13, but I can understand his apprehension. He never had too many great memories in 13 to begin with. Add that to my kidnapping and their loyalty to Ballyntynn, and it’s not Peeta’s favorite district. Still, it’s a time for new chances and changes. 

That night, Rye is drumming on the table while Willow dances around wildly. 

“Hey. Eat your veggies or you get no dessert,” Peeta says firmly.

“Daddy, are we going to celebrate our birthdays in the Capitol again?” He lowers his fork and glances at me.

“Maybe not the Capitol but maybe we can go to 8 to celebrate with Aunty Jo and the kids?” Rye claps his hands excitedly and Peeta grins as he rubs our son’s head. 

“I’m gonna be seven this year,” my daughter says proudly. I nod and tug on her braid. 

“Yep. You’re getting to be a big girl!” Peeta drapes his arm around my shoulder and grins.

“And you, my wife, are getting to be an old maid.” My jaw drops and I swat at his shoulder.

“You are an ass!” 

“Hey, language. We don’t need Rye to pick up---“

“Ass!” Peeta groans as Rye throws out the word carelessly. He drums on the table and giggles.

“Ass!”

“Rye, that’s enough. That’s not a nice word. You get a spanking if you say bad words.” 

“Does Mommy get a spanking?” Peeta chokes on his water and I can’t help but smirk at my husband for what he’s started. 

“Yes,” he says as he clears his throat. “I’ll give Mommy her spanking later. Now finish your dinner so we can have dessert.” 

“Not til Mommy gets spanked,” Willow crosses her arms over her chest and looks firm. Peeta and I look shocked and neither of us dare to move. 

“Ass ass ass,” Rye keeps yelling. Peeta’s face darkens.

“Rye! That’s a bad word. Don’t say it again.” Our son falls silent but a mischievous grin lingers on his face. Peeta nods and stands up.

“Our daughter’s right. Come here, Katniss.” He sits on the sofa and pulls me down so I am lying across his lap. I feel my face heat up at the fact our children are watching this.

“Are you watching me, son? Bad words get spankings, ok? Like this.” I gasp as his hand makes contact with my ass but it’s nothing like his usual spankings when we are alone. Twice more and then he helps me sit up. There is a slight stinging but I can hardly feel it. I screw up my face and rub my backside.

“Ouch, Daddy. That hurt.”

“No more bad words,” he says firmly, a grin tugging at his lips. 

“No more bad words,” I nod in agreement. “Come on, Rye. Time to say night night.” 

“No ass,” he says softly and I have to suppress my laughter. Peeta sighs and shakes his head.

“Maybe we’ll have to try the biting on soap thing.”

“He’s two, Peeta!”

“So he needs to learn early!” 

“And I’m sure you were a perfect little angel when you were his age,” I snap. I don’t know why I’m getting defensive but Peeta is taking this further than I expected. 

“I got hit if I wasn’t,” he says angrily. His eyes widen and he claps a hand over his mouth as he looks around at our kids. Rye hasn’t reacted but Willow cocks a head and frowns.

“Who hit you, Daddy?”

“No one sweetheart. I think it’s time for bed.”

“But--“

“Bed!” He casts me a worried look before he rushes out of the dining car. Sighing, I take Rye’s hand and lead them to their beds. Rye falls asleep immediately and I am tucking Willow in when she sits up.

“Mommy, who hit Daddy when he was little?”

“Daddy wasn’t…he wasn’t hit, baby. Your grandma just spanked him a lot.”

“Was he bad?”

“No. Not really. She was just angry a lot and took it out on Daddy. It wasn’t his fault. Your daddy would never hurt you or Rye, you know that right?” She nods and I gently push her back down.

“Get some sleep.” I kiss her forehead and she opens her eyes again.

“Did he hurt you when you were bad?”

“No. He would never hurt me either. Daddy loves us very much. You know that?” She nods again and bites her lip.

“When we went to Aunty Jo’s…did he hurt you?” I inhale sharply. Sometimes I forget how smart my sweet girl is. But I wish she would forget some things.

“He has never hurt me,” I say firmly. “He just lost his way for a few minutes and I didn’t want you to see him like that. That’s why I took you to Aunty Jo’s. Daddy wouldn’t have hurt us.”

“I see some of his pictures…they’re of you. Hurt.”

“That’s because he has nightmares, just like I do. And it helps him to paint them. He has never hurt me and he never will, ok? You remember what we told you about the Hunger Games and the book we showed you?” She nods and I sigh. “Well, Mommy and Daddy both see lots of terrible things. But we help each other through it. We protect each other.” 

“I love Daddy.” 

“And he loves you too.”

“I love you, Mama.”

“I love you too baby girl. Now get some sleep.” She turns on her side and curls up, the way Peeta does sometimes, and I smile as I close the compartment door. I turn and nearly run into Peeta, who is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. His eyes are heavy and sad.

“She thinks I hurt you?”

“No,” I say sharply. “She’s just worried about her daddy, that’s all.” I try to smile at him but his shoulders slump forward.

“She remembers…that day. How I yelled at her. And you. And you lied to her, Katniss. You told her I’ve never hurt you.” I pull him into our compartment and close the door.

“You haven’t,” I say softly. “The person who returned to us in 13…that wasn’t you. It was what the Capitol made…and you fought it. You came back to me. You have never hurt me. You could never hurt me.”

“I almost killed you,” he says, his voice sounding so far away. “In the woods…when Buttercup--“

“That was the mutt that took over,” I cut him off. “NOT you. You have a monster inside you that the Capitol planted. You have been fighting it for so long. You are so strong and you protect me from it. You protect us from it. I’m always amazed at how strong you are. You overcame the hijacking on your own, Peeta. The fact that we can be here, together, shows how far you have come. I am beyond proud of you.” 

“You shouldn’t be,” he mumbles. “Mom was right. I’m useless and I--“

“Stop it,” I hiss as I grip his face with both hands. His eyes widen and I shake my head.

“You KNOW I can’t survive without you. You know your children love you and need you. And you are the President of Panem, Peeta. Your mother would be so proud of you. And if she isn’t…to hell with her opinion. She never saw the goodness inside you while she was alive, or maybe she did, and that’s why she pushed you away. Because you were too good for the life you were born into. And she knew that.” Perhaps it’s true. Perhaps she saw what a wonder her son was, not because he was talented or strong, but because he was gentle and kind, like his father. And she knew she would never be like that, and that she would never be able to give him everything he deserved.  
Unlikely but who knows? I try not to think ill of the dead. I silently thank the woman for bringing this wonderful man into the world and I pull him down onto the bed with me, planting soft kisses all over his hands and face. I spend the rest of the night whispering I love you’s all over his skin, melding myself to his body, warming him with my embrace. I make love to him gently, softly, as if he is going to break and I hold in my cries until I feel he is about to let go; when I know he is on the edge, I lean up and whisper how much I love him in his ear and feel him release a sharp breath as he jerks inside of me. 

Afterwards, he slides to the side and hurries to the bathroom, returning with a wet cloth, which he runs between my thighs. He tosses it aside and pulls me into his arms, my face pressed against his chest.   
I fall asleep to his steady heartbeat and his tears dampening my hair.   
\---------------------------------------------------

“Mama! MAMA!” I feel Peeta stir next to me and I push myself off his chest.

“Willow,” he says breathlessly, already tearing the covers off. We grab our robes and pull them on as he yanks the compartment door open.

Willow is tossing in her bed when we burst in, her eyes squeezed shut in pain. Tears stream down my sweet girl’s face and I leap onto the bed beside her.

“Willow, sweetheart, Mama and Daddy are here!”

“Mama,” she continues to cry and I caress her cheeks, wiping her tears away. 

“Shhhh,” I pull her into my arms and stroke her hair. I feel her long lashes tickle my neck as she blinks.

“You’re ok, baby, Mama’s right here.” I feel Peeta stretch over and stroke her hair and Willow sighs into my neck.

“Mama and Daddy are here, princess,” he says softly. “Nothing’s ever going to hurt you.”

“Not me,” she sobs. “Mama. Mommy was hurt.” 

“Daddy won’t ever let that happen,” he says firmly. I catch his sad gaze over Willow’s head and behind us, Rye starts to cry. I start to move over to him and hand Willow to Peeta but she grabs my arm and shakes her head.

“No! Mommy stay with me.” 

“I’m right here, baby girl. I’m not leaving you.” Peeta bites his lip and hurries over to our son to calm him down. He brings Rye over to the bed and I can see he is clinging to his father like some kind of monkey. Peeta’s arms fall helplessly and he sighs.

“How about Daddy get us some warm milk?” No one answers so I nod.

“I’ll take him,” I say softly as he gently deposits our son into my arms. Willow’s little nails dig into my arm and I hold both of them tightly. When Peeta starts to move, Rye’s arms shoot out and wrap around Peeta again. My husband looks a little uncomfortable and he clears his throat.

“Um. I’ll call for an attendant.” He goes to the door and peers out, clearing his throat again. I see a shadow cross the room and hear him speaking in a low voice while I continue to stroke my daughter’s hair. I’m taken back to those days before the Reaping, when I shared a room with Prim and would wake up to her frightened screams.   
I would hold her close and stroke her hair, whispering soothing words in her ear. The way she cried into my chest, pressing her damp cheek against my shirt, and her whimpering wouldn’t stop until I assured her she was totally safe.

I feel the tears well up in my eyes and I hide my face in Willow’s curly hair. Peeta sets a hand on my shoulder and I turn and bury my face in his chest. It’s difficult, what with two children wrapped around us but Peeta envelops us all in his protective embrace and I weep against his neck. When we hear a knock, Peeta hurries to let the attendant in, Rye still stuck to his chest. 

“Thank you,” he says softly as the attendant (is he an Avox? I haven’t heard him speak once since we got on the train) bows and hurries from the room. The china is shaking as Peeta hands me a mug of warm milk.

“Here princess,” he says gently, stroking her hair with one hand. “Drink this. It will help.” Willow sniffles and takes the mug, sighing when the warm liquid meets her lips. Peeta has a hard time getting Rye off his chest and I gently pull at him and push the mug into his hands. Peeta sits behind us, his legs spread out so we are practically sitting in his lap. His cheeks flush red as he pulls the robe down and I give him a small smile. 

The milk works wonders and our children are asleep within minutes. 

“Let’s leave them together,” Peeta whispers as he disentangles himself from them and I nod in agreement. We both kiss their foreheads and tuck them in, and Rye turns and burrows himself into his sister’s arms. A smile forms on Peeta’s face and he tugs me from the room.

He throws his robe aside and pulls on some underwear before he lifts the blankets and waits for me to join him. I throw the robe aside and elect to sleep naked tonight. It amazes me how much I skirted away from nudity when I was younger but I prefer to sleep with nothing when I can. His wide eyes appraise me as I make my way to the bed and he sucks in a breath when I lean over him to kiss him, my nipples hardening at the touch of his warm skin. He leans up to grasp my face, his kisses becoming more impatient. Sighing, he breaks away and presses his forehead to mine.

“It’s scary how much you two looked alike a moment ago,” he whispers against my hair.

“Who? Willow?” He nods.

“They could have been…younger versions of us. When we first started sleeping together,” he clears his throat and bites his lip. “When we got there…I was taken back to that first night on the train, when I burst into your compartment and found you tossing and screaming. I was…I had been sitting up in the dining car, with some warm milk, when I heard you scream. I thought someone had gotten onto the train and was attacking you and I was ready to kill them. You sounded so terrified, in so much pain, it just ripped my heart out,” he pauses and looks to be hesitating. I set a hand on his arm and he tenses for just a moment. “That was when you asked me to stay with you. Real or not real?” 

“Real. I didn’t understand what I was feeling for you but I knew that you kept the nightmares away. I couldn’t sleep without you there.” 

“Guess you didn’t sleep much in 13,” he mumbles. I quickly look up at him and see him close his eyes, a pained expression coming over his face. 

“I didn’t. They had to drug me to make me sleep. And then I was trapped in these horrible nightmares, with no way to get out. No one to wake me and calm me down. I would claw my way out of them and I would wake up with bloody arms from my own nails. My throat was sore from my screams. All I wanted was you safe in my arms again,” My throat constricts from my tears. “All I wanted was to be able to tell you how much I loved you and needed you. To apologize for waiting so late. To do everything I could to protect you from the Capitol.” 

“That day I was rescued…when you walked in and saw me…you were…I can remember your face, your relieved smile…the joy in your eyes…you were opening your arms, about to hug me I think…” he trails off and looks down at the blanket, blinking back tears. I reach out to wipe them away and he jerks away from me.

“Tell me, Katniss. What was going on in your head? Tell me what you were thinking when you walked in.” I mouthe uncertainly. Do I remember? Of course I do. Every bit of emotion I was feeling. Can I put it into words? That I’m uncertain about. 

“Peeta--“

“TELL me,” he says desperately. I inhale and exhale several times, closing my eyes. The images come flooding back. I can practically feel the scratchy 13 coveralls. The smells of the hospital. The sounds of reunited loved ones, as Annie and Finnick collide in the hallway. 

“They only told us that they had rescued you. And that you were drugged and would be coming to, very soon. They said I should be the first person you saw when you woke up. Haymitch and I ran down the hall until we got to your room. All I could think was that you were alive. Safe. Possibly hurt but alive nonetheless. I was…happier than I’d ever been. I saw you sitting up while the nurses tended to you. I think I was taken aback by how…terrible you looked, at what had been done to you, but it made me even more desperate to move forward and to hold you. I remember thinking…will he kiss me when he sees me? Will his kisses be the same as they were in the Quell? I saw you look up and see me. I read it all wrong. I thought you were…well, I didn’t know what to think. I wasn’t even thinking, I just had to hold you and I saw you push the doctors aside and run toward me. Your hands ourstretched, I thought maybe to wipe away my tears…or to touch me, to make sure I was real. I tried to read whatever was in your eyes. I was starting to say your name… you were alive! You were with me again…”

“And I wanted you to die,” he finishes, his voice sounding flat and emotionless. I try to move toward him but he jerks back even more and moves off the bed.

“Peeta-“

“I have to…I need some air.” 

“Peeta!“ but he’s yanking the door open and I’m crying for him to come back and he doesn’t. I fall forward onto the pillows, my tears soaking the material through.


	45. Chapter 45

I wake up, confused and disoriented and in pain. I can see multiple wires sticking out of me and I panic. What experiment are they trying today? What sick twisted new torture have they thought of? A kindly looking woman rushes forward and pats my arm.

“You’re safe now, Peeta. You’re away from the Capitol. They can’t hurt you anymore.” What twisted trick is this? I jerk away from her, glaring at her with as much hatred as I can muster up.

“Vitals becoming steady,” says a doctor from my right. “Let’s get him something to drink.” Someone hands me a cup of water and helps move the straw to my chapped lips. I drink eagerly, forgetting that it’s probably poison. I don’t care. If they want to kill me now, it would be an act of mercy after everything they have done. 

“Does she know he’s awake?”

“Yes, she was just informed. She should be here soon.”

“Peeta? Can you hear us?” I try to nod, still drinking my water. 

“His blood pressure is a bit low. And he’s clearly starved. Shall I arrange for a food tray?”

“Let’s finish the tests first before we give him anything to eat. We don’t want to cause him to go into shock. She should be here any minute.” Who should be here? My interrogator? Or should I say torturer? She’s been relentless the last few days. My throat is raw from my screams. 

“Let her in.” I hear the door open and I tense up. Who’s here? Who else has to come to hurt me? 

And then I see her. The most beautiful and deadly vision I could imagine in my head.

Except it’s real. She’s really here.

She’s moving toward me, her arms opening wider and wider.   
Her eyes aren’t red like I have seen them in the videos. Her claws are retracted and she looks like she has been crying.  
The mutt has tricks, I’ll give her that.   
She’s coming closer and closer and I sweep the doctors aside. No one is stopping her! They’re just going to let her kill me! 

Not if I kill her first! 

I can see her lips starting to form my name when I close my fingers around her throat. She’s stunned, I can see, and I knock her to the ground. Her head hits the floor and her hands scrabble at mine as she tries to fight me off. I’m bigger and stronger than her. The Capitol may have created her but they didn’t give her as much strength as I expected. Or maybe I just took her by surprise. Either way, I can see I’m winning. The light is leaving her eyes. She stares up at me in shock and horror, her lips gasping my name over and over as she gasps for breath. 

Suddenly I hear a panicked voice in my head. Peeta! What are you DOING? Don’t believe the Capitol! Believe HER! You love HER! 

My fingers slacken for a moment as I start to come back to myself, only for a moment. The mutt inside me is overpowered and the real Peeta Mellark emerges and stares down in horror at the heinous crime I am committing. I can see the marks I am leaving with my fingers, her face getting blue and her eyes widened in terror and disbelief. She’s dying, that much is clear. A few more seconds and she’ll be dead. I have to stop this mutt! Not the one underneath me, but the one inside me! If I don’t,   
I’ll lose the only person I have ever truly loved. 

The mutt inside me rears its ugly head and bares its teeth. FINISH it. I squeeze harder and hear her frail breaths.   
Something crashes against my head and I fall into darkness. 

 

When I wake up again, I am strapped to the bed. It takes me a moment to remember that I am not in the Capitol, but where I am, I have no idea. Am I home? Where is my family? Where is Katniss?

KATNISS! All breath leaves me as I remember the sight of her lifeless form underneath me. What have I done? Did I actually do it? Did the Capitol win?  
I toss my head back and scream to the empty room. 

I scream until I no longer have a voice. The doctors come in to check my vitals and I demand to know where Katniss is. At first they glance at each other and shake their heads. They refuse to tell me anything.

After the hundredth time I ask, they finally say she is in recovery. 

“Recovery from what,” I spat. “Who hurt her?”

“You did, Peeta,” the doctor says none too gently. My jaw drops, my eyes widen in shock and fear. I could never. I could NEVER-

“Where is Haymitch?”

“With her.”

“Tell him I want to see him.” 

“Peeta, you need to rest--“

“I NEED TO SEE HAYMITCH!” I guess the doctors are afraid of me. They all flinch and hurry out of the room. Weak sons of bitches. I’m tied to the fucking bed right now, there’s not a lot I can do.

Which is a good thing because when Haymitch walks in, I feel all the rage and hatred bubble to the surface and I try to tear through my restraints. He pauses before he makes his way over to my side. 

Are those TEARS in the old bastard’s eyes?! 

“Peeta--“

“Don’t,” I growl. “I don’t want any of your fucking apologies. Don’t try. Just tell me one thing. Is Katniss alive?”

“Yes,” he says slowly. I nod.

“These doctors…they think I hurt her. I couldn’t do that. Right?” He shifts from side to side, looking uneasy. His glassy eyes refuse to meet mine.

“Haymitch.”

“You…weren’t yourself, Peeta.” He quietly explains what the Capitol has done to me…hijacking, he calls it. They don’t know how long it’s been happening and I can’t answer that either. I don’t even know how long I was a prisoner. Days, weeks…months? Was it years?

“She hasn’t woken up yet,” he says softly. I struggle to unstick my throat and breathe.

“Someone got you off of her…but you’re still pretty strong. You came real close…but she’s alive and sleeping. She’ll…she’ll recover in time.” 

I couldn’t have. This isn’t happening. I feel every once of rage coursing through me and I writhe in my restraints. I vaguely notice Haymitch calling for help and a doctor rushing forward to push a needle into my veins. 

When I wake up again, I’m alone. They leave me alone with my twisted thoughts. I don’t see Katniss after that. Haymitch barely comes to visit me. They don’t want anything to do with me.  
I don’t want anything to do with them.   
Delly and Prim are frequent visitors. Finnick sometimes drops by, even bringing Annie with him.   
The doctors tell me there is hope. That I may still regain my memories.

And I believe them. Until the day I see Katniss get shot on TV. And I feel nothing.

That’s when I know that I’ll never be the same. The Capitol took everything from me, including my memories.   
Katniss had never been the Capitol mutt; I was.   
I am.  
I always will be…

\----------  
I wander the halls of the train, much like I used to do when I was a boy. A scared little Victor who just wanted to protect his family and the girl he loved. My hands shake as the memories resurface. How much anger and hatred I felt. How much her indifference hurt. How close I came to killing her, and then again when we were in the Capitol on the Star Squad. 

I grip my hair with both hands and squeeze my eyes shut. It’s usually images of Katniss trying to kill me that threaten my sanity but tonight, it’s images of me trying to kill her.   
My hands squeezing the life out of her, my fingers pressed down on her windpipe until she turned blue in the face.  
My fists clenched around the handle of the rifle, bringing it down exactly where her head was a second ago. The image of crushing her skull with my rifle overtaking my mind.   
My hands meeting flesh, hitting every part of her face I can manage. Her jaw cracking under my fist, and her blood sticking to my knuckles. 

I run into the bathroom and heave into the toilet. I swipe my hand against my mouth, then splash some cold water onto my face. When I still feel dizzy and sick, I wrap the robe around me and head to the end of the train. I’m about to step outside when a guard jumps out of the corner and holds up a hand.

“Is everything alright, President Mellark?”

“It’s fine,” I wave aside. “I was just getting some air.”

“Sir, I can’t permit you to step outside right now without the area being swept. Would you like me to have the train stopped?” I sigh and think about everyone sleeping right now. Or I hope they’re all sleeping. I shake my head and take a step back.

“No, that’s alright. Thank you anyway.” The guard nods and watches me until I back out of the room. 

I head back to my compartment and hear sniffling coming from inside. Pressing my ear against the glass, my eyes widen when I hear Katniss’s sobs on the other side. Normally I wouldn’t hesitate to rush inside and hold her close to chase away whatever nightmare was after her.  
But this time I knew the nightmares couldn’t be chased away. Because they were chasing me just as badly. And they weren’t just nightmares.  
They were memories.   
She was undoubtedly remembering those times in 13. And as much as I wish I could comfort her, I can’t do it tonight. I don’t have the strength and I feel like such a failure. Instead, I head back to my childrens’ compartment and sit on the edge of the bed, watching them sleep. Willow is just like her mother, the lightest sleeper of anyone. Her eyes flutter open and she lifts her head a little to look at me.

“Daddy are you ok,” she whispers.

“Just a nightmare, sweetie. Go back to sleep.” She moves away from her brother’s arms and climbs over him to get to me. I’m about to tell her to go back to her brother but the feel of her little arms wrapped around my neck comfort me in a way I couldn’t describe. She presses her cheek against my neck and I sigh into her hair. Her locks, though dark as her mother’s, are starting to curl like mine and Rye’s. It’s thick like Katniss’s though and I’m reminded of her mother as I lay my cheek against her hair. I should go back to Katniss. She’ll be the only one sleeping alone tonight. But Willow tugs me over to the bed and I lay down behind Rye, while Willow settles in front of him. She reaches over her brother’s shoulder and strokes my cheek.

“I love you, Daddy.” I smile and kiss her palm.

“I love you, Willow.” She returns my smile and closes her eyes.  
\--------

I’m not surprised when I hear Katniss’s screams but it scares me just the same. Willow sits up and looks terrified.

“Is Mama ok?”

“Mama’s fine. I’ll be right back.”

“But…Daddy!”

“I’ve got to go check on Mama. I’ll be right back, baby.” She nods and I run back to the compartment to find my wife wrapped up in the sheets, trying to fight off her unseen attackers. She winds up catching her own chin with her fist and I hurry to hold her arms down.

“Katniss, wake up honey, you’re safe.” I lean down and press my lips to hers, my hurried kisses begging her to wake up and calm down before her screams wake up the rest of the train.  
I suppose Effie and Haymitch are used to it by now. But we have attendants and guards who aren’t. 

“Katniss! Shh, shh. You’re ok. I’m here. I’ve got you.” 

When she finally wakes up, I wrap my arm around her neck and her nails dig into my skin as she grips my wrist. The compartment door slides open and I see our son and daughter peering over the bed. Katniss holds her arms open and they both climb up and settle in our arms.

We fall asleep together, my arms wrapped around all of them, determined to shield them from the horrors of this world.   
\----------------

As long as Katniss and I don’t compare this trip to the Victory Tour, we actually find it quite enjoyable. Our children don’t really remember being out of 12 (save for Willow’s time in the Capitol and even she understands that we don’t talk about that) and we have lots of free time to do things together as a family. Guards are posted nearby but if I ignore them, I’m ok. At night there are speeches and official meetings. Parties are thrown in my honor and I do my best to seem gracious and appreciative when all I really want is to drag my wife away for a dance. Every district is to get a new hospital, a new orphanage (although Katniss formed an entire new foster care system years ago) and a new center for disease and medical research. My short time in the Capitol with Izzy and Aurelius as well as those two women specialists taught me that there is still so much to learn and fix in the world. Maybe with the right space and funding, we’ll be able to.

Katniss is even more amazing than I realized. If this had happened to us years ago, I’m not sure if she would have done as well with the attention as she is now but I appreciate her being by my side and I tell her so as we make our way back to our hotel in District 10. I stop her before we reach our room and squeeze her hands. She gazes up into my eyes, those silver pools nearly knocking me off my feet.

“I mean it, Katniss. I don’t think I can thank you enough for supporting me in this.”

“Did you expect me to shy away and hide in my compartment until the tour was over?” I flinch at her words. I didn’t exactly expect that but I’ll admit, she has surprised me on this trip. Her signature scowl returns and I take her face in my hands.

“I know you are completely amazing. But I also know how hard this is for you and I just want you to know how much I appreciate you. How much I need you.” Her hand comes up and covers mine.

“I love you, Peeta,” she says firmly. “Whether a Victor, a president, or a simple Merchant baker, I’ll always love YOU. Whatever you are, you’ll still always be my Boy with the Bread.” Her words make my heart flutter and I lean down to kiss her sweetly. She has other ideas, however, and when her teeth close over my bottom lip, I know what those ideas are. Glancing down the hall, I hurriedly slide the key into the door and push her inside, backing her against the wall. 

“So I guess we are letting the kids stay with Effie and Haymitch again tonight,” I murmer against her neck. She nods quickly and tugs me into the bedroom. 

“Wait, Katniss, I should shower and get all this off. I’ll meet you in a few minutes.” I stop in front of the bathroom. Her head whips around, her eyes wide. Her hand   
shakes in mine and I watch her, completely bemused.

“Katniss?”

“You…you’ve said that before,” she says in a trembling voice. My brow furrows even further.

“We just did our Tribute interviews…you told the world I was pregnant…they were screaming to cancel the games. I can’t let you out of my sight…” I suddenly realize what is happening and I pull her to my chest. 

“Shhh, Katniss, listen to me. We’re not in the Tribute Center. We’re together, in District 10. We’re married. We have two perfect children. Your name is Katniss Mellark. You remember?” She says nothing and continues to shake in my arms. I lead her into the bedroom and start to strip her out of her dress. She turns to me, her eyes looking glazed over and very far away, and she places her hands on my chest.

“I don’t want to go into that Arena without having given you everything first.” I gulp audibly, my hands freezing on her waist. She stands in front of me in just her bra and panties and I’m ashamed to say I’m still hard. She’s obviously having some sort of flashback to the night before the Quell. She reaches back and unclasps her bra, allowing it to slide down her arms and onto the floor. She bites her lip and looks up at me while my gaze rakes over her. Her silver eyes sparkle with apprehension and uncertainty. 

“I know I’m not as pretty as those Merchant girls you have dated,” she says in the softest voice. My head snaps up and I frown.

“You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” She crosses her arms over her chest and shakes her head.

“You don’t have to lie for my benefit, Peeta.” I remember her saying those same words to me so long ago. The thing is, I have never once lied for her benefit. I move closer to her and she sucks in a breath when I raise a hand, then gently caress her shoulder. 

“I’m not lying,” I breathe against her cheek. “I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you. You are perfect.” Her hands suddenly scrabble at my shirt and tie and I stand still as she rips my shirt open. She leans forward to kiss my chest and I release a shiver at the feel of her cool lips. She kneels in front of me, her hands working at my belt and I gape down at her.

“What are you doing?” My voice breaks like I’m a teenager all over again. What the hell?

“Is this not how it’s supposed to go,” the questioning in her timid voice makes my heart ache. “Johanna told me…all men love it…and she told me how…can I at least try…?” God. I need to put a stop to this. WHY am I not stopping this? It’s like she’s sixteen again and I’m a sick Capitolite who is paying for her company. A desirable Victor, whored out by the Capitol.

It’s that thought that wakes me up. I shake myself, and grip her arms to pull her upright. A look of hurt flashes across her face and I shake my head.

“You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to, Katniss. I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you.” She stands in front of me, her eyes boring into mine, until she leans forward and claims my mouth with hers. As soon as my tongue touches her lips, she moans and tilts her head to allow me better access. My arms wrap around her and her breasts are crushed against my chest. She yanks on my tie, as if I could get any closer. My hands drift down to tweak her nipples and she lets out a little squeak before her moans flow into my mouth. I don’t realize we are moving until I feel the edge of the bed on the back of my legs. She pushes on my chest and leans over me, straddling my lap. I grip her ass and pull her in even more, grinding against her. I execute my signature wrestling move and have her flipped over onto her back, my fingers hooked in the waistband of her lacy panties and move her legs to drape over my shoulders. I always love to watch her when I am between her legs. The way she tosses her head and squeezes her breasts, moaning my name as she bites down on her bottom lip. She reaches down and grabs a fistful of my hair as she jerks her hips upwards. I lick all around her, teasing her, until I find that glorious nub of pleasure and suck it into my mouth. She falls apart, crying out my name and I move up to kiss her. I hurriedly shove my slacks and underwear down my legs and she reaches between us and rubs my head against her folds; my head drops forward onto her shoulder and I groan her name loudly.

“Do you have any protection,” she asks quietly. My head shoots up, my mouth open wide. She shrugs.

“I mean… it doesn’t really matter, does it? We’re both pretty much dead anyway…I mean…I am…” My breathing gets heavier and heavier and I can only stare into her eyes, willing her to come back to me. I suck in a breath as I feel her thumb rubbing over my cock.

“You’ll be gentle, won’t you? I mean…I’m not sure I know what to do. You’ll have to help me.” My arms start to shake under me and can’t hold me up anymore. Those are the exact words she said the first time we did this, and she looked as uncertain and scared as she looks now.

I can’t do this. I WON’T do this. I shake my head and move off of her. She sits up, looking bewildered.

“Peeta?”

“I’m sorry, Katniss. I can’t do this.” I hurry into the bathroom before I see the crushed look on her face.  
\------------------------------

I stand under the stream of scalding water, hiding my face in my arm. What would I have done had that really happened? We were both thinking the same thing, that we   
were goners in the Quarter Quell. That we would die to make sure the other came home. What if Katniss had asked me to make love to her? Would I have done it? If only to experience, for once in my life, the gloriousness of being inside her? To hear her cry out my name, as I would have been determined to make her come over and over. Or would I have shyed away, like I did moments ago? Would I have been the gentleman and insist that she didn’t want it, that I couldn’t take something so precious from her, even if she was offering it? I squeeze my eyes shut as the water pelts my back. That’s the first time I have ever seen her have a flashback. Usually she is frozen in fear and can’t speak, like she is gone for just a moment. But this one was different. She was here and yet she was in the past. So vulnerable and tentative. So unlike my Katniss. 

The image of a submissive Katniss pleasuring a rich Capitolite invades my mind and I shake my head to rid myself of the horrors. I stifle a sob against my arm as my eyes dart open and I shake my hair out of my face. 

I hear the door open slowly and can make her shape out through the steamed glass.

“Peeta?” I hold my breath as I watch her toss aside her robe, then pull the door open and step in beside me. I don’t even move. She drapes herself over me, her arms wrapping around my waist and her cheek pressed to my back. 

“I had…this dream,” she says softly. I squeeze my eyes shut again. 

“I was dreaming of us in the Tribute Center…the night before the Quell. Do you remember?” I give her a quick nod. 

“It wasn’t a dream, was it?” I shake my head again and feel her hands in my hair.

“Will you look at me?” I bite my lip and try to turn my head. I find that I can’t.

“Please,” she says, her voice becoming thicker. I glance over my shoulder and lean my head back so I can kiss her cheek. She blinks back tears and hides her face in my shoulder.

“I’m sorry…I’ve never…had a flashback quite like that. What you must have thought about me!” 

“I didn’t want to take advantage of you,” I say quietly. “You looked so nervous and scared and I couldn’t think of doing that to you.”

“I’m sorry,” she says again and I turn and pull her around so she is backed against the wall and I am shielding her with my body. 

“Don’t apologize for what we can’t control. I just wonder…why now? I mean, what made you have that flashback?” She shrugs miserably.

“It was strange. One minute we were going to bed and the next, I was with you in my bedroom at the Tribute Center. I remember thinking…how I wanted to ask you to make love to me that night…how I was sure I wasn’t coming home and I wanted to give you a part of me to always keep with you…but I was so scared. You were lying there beside me and holding me so tightly and I wanted you so badly but I was scared. So I pretended to sleep.” I reach up to stroke her cheek with my knuckles and she leans forward to rest her forehead against my chest.

“I would have given you everything had you asked.” And I would have. I’m weak when it comes to Katniss. I would never have been able to deny her, and I know if she had asked me that night, I would have given her everything I could. It would have been something else to keep me strong in my time in the Capitol. Hell, it might have been strong enough to keep the hijacking at bay. I’ll never know. 

I feel her hands on my face and then her lips. She stands on her tiptoes to plant soft kisses around my forehead and brow and she moves around, planting kisses on my shoulders and back. Her hands rest on my stomach and I cover them with mine. My breath hitches when I feel her hand move downward and starts pumping my cock. My head falls backwards and her other hand moves up to grip my hair as she kisses and sucks at my neck. I come alive under her touch, never able to resist her. Why would I want to? She lathers me with soap and bubbles and presses me against the glass wall. 

“Katniss,” I say through gritted teeth as she tugs upwards. She kneels behind me and kisses my thigh as she reaches between my legs to finish me off. I pant into my arm as my seed washes down the drain, my hand groping blindly for hers. She stands up in front of me and pushes my sodden hair out of my eyes. My mouth is already watering for her again, as my hand moves between us and I feel how wet she is. I kneel in front of her and drape one leg over my shoulder, looking up at her and seeing her eyes glazed over by love and lust. Both her hands go to my hair as I lean in to blow on her clit. I don’t waste a lot of time with teasing; my tongue dives right in and I suck at her clit until I hear her screams echo off the walls. I stand up again and pick her up so she can wrap her legs around my waist. Holding her up with both arms, I silently thank my lucky stars that I am still so fit from my time in the bakery. Still, I’m getting older and can only hold her up for a few minutes. She pushes me out the door and drapes a towel over the floor before she’s pushing me down. As soon as I sit, she straddles me and leans back to give us the perfect angle.

“Oh fuck,” I can’t help but whimper. This is without a doubt one of my favorite positions. To have her so close to me, so I can see every expression that crosses her face, and can feel her nipples hardening against my skin. She pushes me down into the floor and rides me fiercely. Her breasts bouncing as she moves up and down, chanting my name without a care in the world. 

“Peeta Peeta Peeta!” It’s all she can seem to say and to be honest, I can live with that. I’m so close and I know she is too. I lean up and grab her hair roughly to pull her down for a kiss. She grinds against me, screaming into my mouth and I feel her clench tightly. I’m right behind her and I hide my face in her neck, trying to catch my breath. 

“You think it would have been that good if we actually had done it?” I chuckle against her skin.

“No. It would have been messy and awkward, like our first time. We were scared little teenagers.”

“Our first time was wonderful,” she says softly and my teasing smile fades.

“It really was,” I agree. “But we’ve had years to practice. And I wanted you so much back then, I probably would have come as soon as I was inside you. Not too much fun for you.” 

“I wouldn’t have cared,” she nuzzles up under my chin. “Just being with you in that way…if only for a few minutes.” She looks up and a sly grin crosses her face.

“Can I tell you a secret?” I raise my brow at her tone and nod.

“I wanted to on the beach.” 

“The beach…as in the Quarter Quell?” She nods and my jaw drops.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s not like it would have happened! Cameras were everywhere and we were around Finnick and Johanna and Beetee. But the way you kissed me…I felt such a hunger for you. I wanted you so badly.” I gape at her for a solid minute, my mind racing.

“Well shit,” I finally say. “If I had known that I would have taken you into the trees and made you scream all night long. We would have made Johanna and Finnick jealous.” She giggles and shakes her head.

“I guess it’s a good thing it didn’t happen. But I just wanted you to know…I still felt that way back then. I discovered that I loved you long before we went to the   
Capitol.” I lean in and rest my forehead against hers, my fingers making patterns over her back.

“I wish you had told me,” I say softly. 

“So do I.” I lie back and she follows me down, her lips insistent against mine. She moves her hips and I gasp as I harden inside her. 

We make love for several hours, as gentle and loving as we can be. I love the hard fucking we do when we are in the mood but the slow gentle pace is perfect when I can stare into her eyes and see her love shining through.

She loves me. It’s real. And I’ll never let anyone tell me otherwise.   
\------------------------------------------

The next morning we join Haymitch, Effie, and the kids for breakfast and Katniss murmers her apologies.

“It was so late when we got back to the hotel, we didn’t want to wake anyone up.”

“Oh it’s no problem dears. We’re happy to watch them.”

“But since your dinner ends early tonight, I expect you will pick them up early,” Haymitch says this directly to me and his eyes are sort of glassy with anger. I raise my brow and swallow uncomfortably. He then winks at me and I’m even more uncomfortable. 

I should expect it because they are married but good lord, the thought of Haymitch and Effie going at it is like thinking of my parents.  
I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head, doing my best to banish the image and Haymitch chuckles into his juice.  
Bastard.

“I think tonight Willow and Rye should come to dinner with us,” I say as I playfully tug on Willow’s long braid. “Every time we have a luncheon or a dinner, people are asking about them. You two could even join us.”

“That sounds lovely,” Effie says before Haymitch can open. He forces a smile but glares at me, which I return with a smirk.

“Is everyone alright with the tour running longer,” Katniss says softly, glancing around at Effie and Haymitch. He shrugs.

“If the people want to spend a little time getting to know their president, we won’t interfere with that. I knew the tour would last longer than 12 days.”

“But…is everyone ok with it,” I ask nervously. Katniss and I had this conversation already. We’ve definitely spent several days in each district and I’m sort of glad it’s not so rushed like the Victory Tour. Like Haymitch said, it gives me a chance to get to know the people and really be able to listen to them. Something I’m sure no president has done since the Dark Days. 

 

It’s a nice day in the district and I suggest we take the kids horseback riding. Rye isn’t as natural on a horse as his sister is, but Willow sits behind him and holds him tightly so he won’t fall. Katniss asks for a smaller horse for them and we lounge nearby while the instructor takes Willow and Rye around the paddock. Haymitch and Effie decided to stay at the hotel and “pack for the next district”. 

“What was that about at breakfast today?” Count on Katniss to never miss anything. And she used to be so naive.

“I think Haymitch is wanting a night alone with Effie soon.” She gags.

“Gross Peeta, I don’t want to think about that!”

“They’re just as married as we are.”

“They’re old!” I chuckle.

“They’re not THAT old. I just think we have been taking advantage of them. We need to remember they need alone time too.” 

“Ew. Fine. Just stop talking.” I laugh as I kiss her temple and her eyes don’t leave our children.

“Are you ok? You know, about last night.” She chews on her lip and I watch her for a moment.

“I think being in 11 brought up old memories. Rue, the Victory Tour, that old man who was killed in front of us. Stress makes the nightmares worse and I think my brain just handled it differently.” I nod and reach over to squeeze her hand.

“That’s why you have me. So you’re not as stressed and to help you relax and enjoy yourself.”

“Look Mommy!” Rye holds up his hands and squeals and Willow’s arms close around his tiny waist. Katniss laughs.

“How did our children get to be so good on horseback?”

“You’re a natural on a horse! It’s me that’s so clumsy. I blame the leg.” 

“You do that,” she turns and kisses my nose. “But you’ve always been clumsy.”

“Hey,” I protest. “I wasn’t ALWAYS clumsy. I only dropped a tray of cookies a handful of times. My first time my mother’s nails scratched the hell out of my cheek. I learned after that.” Katniss falls silent and I bite the inside of my cheek, chastising myself for bringing that up. I can see by the way her jaw twitches that she is holding back her angry words. Not for the first time, I wonder what she would have said if she had known how my mother treated me.  
Well, like she would have cared! She had her own family to look after. She was keeping them and herself alive. Why would she have worried about an abused Merchant boy?   
I pull her closer and she rests her head on my shoulder. I sigh contentedly, my eyes on my children.

We spend the rest of the day exploring the district. Willow drags us to some kind of ancient ruins that are all but gone except for a few pieces of what looks to be an archway and a sign near it that says in faded letters “remember the”. The rest of it has faded away and I find it a little ironic. Whatever it is that’s supposed to be remembered has been forgotten completely. 

 

Willow is excited to be wearing a pretty new dress for our dinner with the Mayor of 10 and I can hear Katniss in the next room telling her how important tonight is for Daddy and how she needs to be on her best behavior.  
Rye toddles into the room, half dressed. I burst out laughing as I see his little shirt is buttoned perfectly but his bottom is as bare as the day he was born.

“Hey buddy, where’d your pants go?” Rye turns around and shakes his little booty at me, even slapping it once.

“Ass!” I bite my lip to hold in my laughter. No one tells you these things when you’re thinking about becoming parents. I want to know what kinds of crazy things my brothers and I did when we were Rye’s age.   
My heart clenches when I remember I’ll never know. Dad would tell me funny stories and we would laugh about them together.  
Except he’s gone. As are my brothers. My mother. My grandparents died just after I was born.   
My family is gone.

“Peeta?” I whirl around and Katniss stands in the doorway, looking wary.

“Everything alright?”

“Um…yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Do you have--“ she holds up Rye’s pants and I smile. Together we wrestle him into a new diaper and his pants and he grins up at Katniss and me.

“Ass is clean,” he says gleefully. My head falls forward while Katniss’s shoulders shake with laughter.

“Sorry,” she says quickly. “I shouldn’t laugh. Rye, what did Daddy say about bad words? Don’t say that again.” 

“I’m laughing too hard to spank him,” I mutter and she shakes her head as she picks him up. 

“We’re about ready. Haymitch said they would meet us in the lobby.”

“Ok, let me get my tie on and we can go.” Willow comes in, looking beautiful in a new blue dress that makes her eyes even brighter, and her dark hair is in soft curls around her shoulders. 

“You look so much like your Mama,” I scoop her up for a kiss. “So beautiful.”

“Daddy,” she giggles. 

“Hold onto Rye while Mama and Daddy finish getting ready.” Willow takes Rye’s hand and they start dancing together, Rye falling down a number of times. Katniss grins as she follows me into the bedroom and helps me select a tie. She drapes it around my neck and starts to tie it.

“I think I know how to work a tie by now, Katniss.” She tugs on the tie and I jerk forward, gulping audibly.

“I know,” she says simply, the look in her eyes positively predatory. She grins and gives me a kiss before she goes back to tying the tie.  
\----------------

Katniss carrries Rye in her arms and I hold onto Willow’s hand while we enter the mayor’s house. He’s a kindly man, with broad shoulders and a white beard. He has crinkles around his eyes that remind me of my father.  
I just can’t stop thinking about him today.

“President Mellark! I’m so honored you and your family could join us!”

“The honor is ours,” I bow my head. “May I introduce my wife, Katniss, and our children, Willow and Rye?” 

“Charmed,” he says as he kisses Katniss’s free hand. 

“And our good friends, Haymitch and Effie Abernathy,” I gesture to them and the mayor’s eyes widen.

“I’ve always been a fan, Mr. Abernathy! And lovely to finally meet you as well, Mrs. Abernathy.” Effie and Haymitch bow their heads politely and the mayor introduces his family as well. Their son is only a year older than Willow and bows graciously before offering her his arm to escort her to the table. Katniss raises her brow at me and I rest my hand in the middle of her back as I lead her to the table.

 

After dinner, there is dancing. I watch as Haymitch sweeps Effie around the floor, and little Carlton even twirls Willow around. My daughter breaks away to bring her brother into the dance and we laugh as the three stumble around. I wrap my arms around my wife’s waist and rest my chin on her shoulder.

“Care to dance?”

“I thought you were clumsy,” she teases me.

“I am but at least you know it, so you won’t be surprised when I step on your toes.” 

“Oh come on then.” She yanks me forward and wraps her arms around my neck, her fingers playing with the little hairs at the back of my neck that are currently standing on end. She leans in and presses her cheek to my chest and sighs. I’m lost in the feel of her wrapped around me, that I barely notice when Carlton screams and I see the mayor and his wife running over to our children.

“What happened,” I gasp as Katniss and I join them. Carlton is holding his hand, and looking scandalized.

“She BIT me!” Katniss and I turn, flabbergasted to our daughter, and her hands go to her hips.

“He was being mean to Rye!” Rye is sitting on the floor, his face red from crying and Willow stands in front of him protectively. Katniss sighs and sinks to her knees.

“Willow, you cannot bite people, do you understand? Now say you’re sorry.”

“But--“

“Willow, now!” She huffs and crosses her arms.

“Sorry,” she says to the floor. Carlton squeezes his hand tighter and sticks his nose into the air. 

“I’m…so sorry about this, Mayor Brothwell.” 

“Children will be children, President Mellark,” he says delicately. Then he chuckles. “Your little Willow has fire.” 

“Yes, she definitely has her mother’s spirit,” I say carefully and Katniss’s head whips around, her eyes narrowing. I stifle a smile and shake my head as I help her up.

“I suppose we should be going anyway.”

“Apologize to the president’s son, Carlton.”

“What?!”

“Son,” he says sharply. “Apologize. To his daughter as well.” 

“She bit ME!” Willow sticks out her tongue at him and I squeeze her hand.

“That’s not nice, Willow. There’s no excuse for biting. Let’s go.” Katniss scoops Rye off the floor, apologizes to the mayor’s wife, and hurries off. Carlton crosses his arms and mutters a quiet ‘sorry’ to Willow. I shake hands with the Mayor and drag my daughter out of the house. 

After a stern talking to, we send our daughter to bed and we check on Rye before we head back to our bedroom. Katniss starts to pack up the suitcase, as we are leaving for the next district early in the morning. She sighs as she folds the clothes.

“Are you mad at me?” She glances over at me as I lounge against the headboard.

“No. I just hate disciplining her. Even when she’s done something wrong, it’s so hard.”

“I know. I just keep hoping I won’t wind up like my mother when I do it. That I’ll never raise a hand to her.”

“You could never, Peeta. You’re too gentle for that. I honestly can’t understand how someone as sweet as you was raised by that wi--that woman.” I smile as she catches herself and her eyes fall to the shirt in her hands. I move to my knees and tug her forward until she is sitting in my lap with her legs wrapped around my waist. Her arms automatically wrap around my neck and I lean in so that our foreheads are touching.

“She wasn’t all bad you know,” I say quietly. “I mean…I kind of understand why she was like that. She was bitter and jaded and sad a lot of the time. I’m not saying she had reason to beat us but it didn’t start out like that. We got spankings when we did something wrong, and Dad could never spank us. Then she started to slap us across the face. Her nails cut into our cheeks and left marks, so she started to slap us on the shoulder and our backs. Then she figured out a rolling pin could bring tears to our eyes. Nothing worse than a rolling pin on your backside. Around the time I turned 12 or 13, I had a whole month where I couldn’t do anything right. I had to…hide the marks when I came to school.” Her fingers clench in my hair.

“I always saw you with bruises on your face. Wondered what the hell a baker’s son could have done to get such bruises. I swear if I had known--“

“Katniss,” I cut her off. “You were barely surviving yourself. I wouldn’t have expected you to do anything.”

“No parent should treat a child like that,” she says softly.

“Well no parent should abandon their child either. But we learn and grow from it all. We survived their abuse and are happy. I do wish my parents had gotten the   
chance to meet their grandchildren though.” 

“Me too,” she sighs. “Come on, we really need to finish packing.”   
\----------------

While we are in 8, we get to enjoy some time with Johanna and her family. Poor Aran is lovesick for my little girl. He follows her around like a puppy, and looks at her much like I looked at her mother so many years ago.   
We meet up with Paylor, who has apparently moved back here, and she takes us to a memorial where the hospital used to be. Katniss’s eyes fill with tears and I have to hold her up as we make our way back. That night she wakes up screaming and it takes awhile to calm her down. Our children start to cry in the next room, and by the time we get them to go back to sleep, the sun has started to rise. So I take Katniss out onto our balcony and drape her across my lap while we watch the sun rise over the hills.   
\----------------

We decide to extend our days in 8 so that we can celebrate the girls’ birthdays with everyone. Johanna lets me use her kitchen so I can make a huge cake for both Katniss and Willow, then I take my family out for a fancy lunch while Johanna and George prepare for a surprise party that evening.

Aran presents Willow with a homemade bead necklace that I later discover is made of cloth beads. It’s bright and colorful and even with Johanna’s help, I know it took him a long time to make. Willow gasps and asks him to help her put it on. She holds her hair up as he clasps it in place and her fingers graze the vibrant beads.

“It’s so pretty Aran! Thank you!” The little boy flushes bright red and Katniss and I exchange amused looks. She leans in and kisses him on the cheek and if possible, his face turns even redder.

“I love it,” she says softly. 

“I’m glad,” he says in a squeaky voice. “It looks pretty on you.”

Later, when Rye tries to tug it from her neck, she screams at him and makes him cry. Katniss quietly scolds her but Willow clings to her necklace, looking scandalized that someone dared touch it. Katniss scoops Rye up and coddles him the rest of the night. I watch my little birthday girl, sitting in a corner with Aran. Johanna comes behind me and gently nudges me in the shoulder.

“I told you, we’re going to be in-laws one day.”

“You and Katniss are already like sisters,” I chuckle. “At least you fight like them.” 

“Brainless loves me. I just had to grow on her.” I shake my head and go back to eating my cake. 

“Hey,” she leans in and whispers in my ear. “George and I can watch the kids tonight if you and Katniss want a night alone together.” I nearly swallow my fork. Not that we have been absinate in any case but a night without worrying if we are going to wake the kids with our screams sounds pretty good right now.

“Besides,” she goes on. “Wait until you see my present for your wife. Bet it will make it…hard to resist a night alone,” she smirks and I swallow, shifting uncomfortably.

“Good lord Johanna, what did you get her now?”

“Oh don’t pretend like you haven’t enjoyed my presents to Katniss in the past.” She winks and I blush. Dear lord, did Katniss tell her that we tried Jo’s present on me? I don’t like this whole girls telling each other everything. I gulp audibly and she laughs. 

“If you want a little preview, it’s upstairs on my bed. The box isn’t wrapped so just open it and take a look.”   
Torn between curiousity and exasperation, I glance over to make sure Katniss is distracted before I excuse myself from the room. I find my way to Johanna’s and George’s bedroom and I try not to think about what goes on in here. There is a purple box sitting beside the pillows and I take a deep breath before I slide the lid aside.

“Holy shit,” I say weakly as I lift the dress. It could be called tasteful, until you see that the back is merely corset ties, going all the way down to the bottom, leaving the ass exposed. I haven’t seen Katniss put on lingerie in what seems like years. Not that I would ever complain. Truthfully I enjoy taking it off more than I enjoy looking at it but my heart always did speed up a little more when she walked in wearing one of Cinna’s creations. She says constantly that she doesn’t feel attractive anymore and I thank my lucky stars that it hasn’t stopped her from being intimate. My once- prudish Katniss now sleeps naked for crying out loud.

Still, I can imagine the dress on her and her olive skin flushing pink from my caresses and kisses and gentle spanks. I fold the dress and return it to the box, noticing something at the bottom. I pull out the package and flip it over, frowning. 

“What the hell?”

“Oh…yeah that. That’s kind of a belated birthday present to you,” Johanna says from behind me. I gape at her over the plastic package.

“What is it?”

“Vibrating panties…with a remote control.” My eyes widen even more.

“Come again?”

“And again and again and again,” Johanna says with a wink. “George bought a pair for me and seriously gave me four orgasms in like fifteen min--“

“Johanna!” I drop the package and my hands fly to my ears. “You’re like my sister! I don’t want to hear that!”

“You’re worse than brainless,” she laughs. “Anyway, see the ring? It’s a remote control and you wear it. It makes stuffy work meetings or luncheons more fun. You can watch her squirm in her chair unil she pulls you into the bathroom and fucks your brains out.” I think I turn ten shades of red and my eyes dart to the ceiling. 

“You’re insane, Jo.” 

“Hey call me what you will, but just try it one day. Do it in private if you’re more comfortable but there’s something exciting about knowing that you control her orgasms, especially when you’re in a room full of people.” Does it make me an absolute pervert if I said her words are making the blood rush straight to my dick? She closes the lid over the box and gives me a wink before striding from the room. I take a moment to adjust my jeans before I return to the party.  
I don’t ask Katniss about the present and she doesn’t say anything as we make our way back to the hotel. We almost didn’t make it out of the house because Rye kept his arms around his mother’s neck and refused to let go, crying hysterically. Katniss didn’t want to leave them but finally Anna and Brody dragged him off to play and he was alright. 

We don’t break out the vibrating panties but the sight of her in that dress is forever etched in my mind! Once again, thank you Johanna. 

\-------------------  
When we reach District 5, we have a pleasant surprise waiting for us at the train station. Lara and Logan are waiting for us and Lara runs right into Katniss’s arms. Katniss gasps as the girl- a young lady, really, grips her tightly and they lean back to study each other.

“Lara, I can’t believe how big and beautiful you’ve gotten.”

“Oh stop it, Kitty-Kat,” Lara giggles and winks. “Where is the baby?”

“Not so much a baby anymore,” my wife laughs, pulling Willow forward. Lara gasps and falls to her knees.

“Willow! I held you when you were just a little baby.” 

“Here Rye, go say hi to Miss Lara,” I whisper as I put my son on the ground and he toddles toward his sister on chubby legs. Lara gasps and her eyes fly to Katniss’s. 

“Katniss, they’re so perfect.”

“Thank you. We think so too,” she says as she turns to hug Logan. 

 

We make plans to meet them for lunch as soon as we get settled in our hotel room. Lara holds Rye as Logan tells us about his new job at the medicine factory and Lara asks us to tell them everything about 12 now. I can’t get over how the two of them have grown. I suppose I feel the same when I look at Rory and Vick and Posy and remember little kids but it hits me how old I am. My own children are growing too. I glance over at Willow, who is sitting beside Logan and is daintily picking at her croissant. 

“Willow, honey, you need to eat your lunch.”

“They’re not as good as yours Daddy,” she says with a wrinkled nose. Lara and Logan laugh.

“Yes sorry. We need a Mellark’s Bakery here in 5. Logan went to 6 to buy my birthday cake from their Mellark’s last month. It was delicious.” 

“Glad to hear my stores are successful,” I say with a smile. 

“Oh they are, Mr. President, sir,” Logan stammers and my smile fades a little.

“Logan please, I’ve asked you before to just call me Peeta.”

“That was before…” he trails off uncertainly and I shake my head.

“I’m still the same man I was when I met you and Lara. The same Peeta Mellark.” 

“What is it like,” Lara asks eagerly. “Being President?”

“Unreal,” I say honestly. “Some days I still can’t believe it. And I’m terrified I’ll do something wrong but I have the smartest woman by my side so I think I’ll be ok.” Lara smiles.

“This is the woman who was able to improve the community home before President Paylor made any announcements about such plans around the other districts. She can do anything.”

“That she can,” I say, giving my wife a loving gaze. She’s pink but pleased. 

 

We spend lunch catching up and I invite the two of them to our fancy dinner that night. Logan nervously mutters that they don’t have anything very nice to wear, but Katniss shoots him down and tells him they will go shopping. I leave the children with Katniss while I head off to a quick meeting with the mayor about the welcome party that is being thrown tomorrow. 

\----------------  
District 4 is still my favorite. I love Victor’s Village, where we are staying again, and I’m happy to see the Odair Memorial Medical Center has grown even more and Annie’s old house is somewhat of a shrine to her and Finnick. We are given our own private vacation home, while Effie and Haymitch stay in one next door. The view is beautiful and I love to sit on our back patio and watch the ocean wash over the sand. 

It’s Rye’s and Willow’s first time in the ocean and I’m surprised when Rye takes to the water better than Willow does. Finn tried to give her lessons when she was younger but she apparently never took to the water. I love the water but I still can’t swim well. Rye looks like a little fish as he swims around the shallow part and Katniss scoops him up and attacks him with kisses. I grin as I watch my family. We all stretch out on the sand and watch the sunset, Katniss leaning against my chest with Willow and Rye curled up in her lap. Willow holds my hand and Rye falls asleep before the sun disappears. I suck in a breath at the beauty of it all. The colors are wonderful but I glance down to see my wife stroking our son’s curls away from his face. 

“I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now and live in it forever,” I whisper in her ear as I wrap my arms around her waist. She leans back and smiles, her hands reaching behind her to wrap in my hair. We share a kiss and I can remember how much I wanted this that day on the rooftop. 

It starts to get cold and Katniss and Willow are both shivering. Katniss carries a sleeping Rye over her shoulder and I hold her sandals in my hand.

“I’ll run up to the house and get your jackets,” I tell her. “I’ll be right back.” She nods gratefully and takes Willow’s hand as they move slowly up the path. I run up ahead and jog up the stairs of our patio. The phone is ringing when I enter the house and I look around for the jackets as I grab it from its holder.

“Hello?”

“President Mellark, there is an incoming call from Annie Odair in District 12. Shall we forward it on?”

“Yes, thank you.” I sigh when Annie’s voice comes on.

“Peeta?”

“Hey Annie, how are you?”

“Peeta…I have been trying to get a hold of you and Katniss all day.”

“I’m sorry, Ann, we have been at the beach today. Is something wrong?” Theres’s silence and I grip the phone.

“Annie?”

“Gale is trying to contact Katniss.”

“Why?” 

“Peeta…Katniss’s mother passed away last night.”


	46. Chapter 46

Willow is shivering and breaks away from me to run up to the house. I hoist Rye up a little higher, grunting slightly, and continue walking up the path. 

When I enter the house, I see Peeta hanging up the phone, our jackets hanging from his hand.

“Hey, I thought you were going to bring…” I trail off, seeing how pale he is. He drapes the jackets over the couch and bites his lip.

“Willow, why don’t you go take a bath and get all the sand off? We will come up in a little bit to tuck you in.”

“Ok Daddy,” she trots off and I stare at my husband. He holds out his arms for our son.

“Let me take him up to bed. Gale would like for you to call him.” 

“You spoke to Gale? What did he want?” He looks hesitant, frightened even, and shakes his head.

“Just…call him. He has been trying to call all day. I’ll be right back.” He holds Rye close to his chest and positively runs from the room. I watch him go, my brow furrowed, and heave a sigh as I dial Gale’s number. 

Ghilda answers after two rings and I softly ask for Gale. I’m shocked when her voice softens when she asks me to hold. 

“It’s Katniss,” I hear her call. 

“Shit,” he says in the background before I hear him come to the phone. “Hey there Catnip.” 

“Ok, what’s going on?”

“What? Why does something have to be going on?” 

“You haven’t called me Catnip in years. Your wife is actually being nice to me. Tell me what the hell is going on.”

“Always right to the point,” he says with a heavy sigh. “Is Peeta with you?” 

“No, he went to put Rye in bed. Should I get him?”

“Um…well, I was hoping Annie would tell him what’s going on, so he could tell you.”

“Annie?!” My voice raises and I wince. “Annie knows too? Just tell me, Gale.” 

“Katniss, your…your mom was…well, she’s been sick for awhile now.” 

“Sick?” And then his words hit me. “Wait. Was?” Silence. I see Peeta tiptoeing back into the room and I whirl around, the phone on my shoulder.

“What’s wrong with my mother, Peeta?” He sighs and takes the phone from me.

“I’ve got it from here, Gale.” I don’t hear his response but Peeta hangs up the phone and takes my hands.

“Honey, your mom passed away last night. She had cancer.” I can feel bile swirling in my stomach and rushing up my throat. I bend over and heave right on the floor and Peeta’s hand makes soothing patterns on my back. When I’m finished, he rushes out and I can vaguely register water running. He returns with a wet towel, which he uses to wipe at my face, and then cleans up the mess I have made. My knees are weak and shaky and he gently sits me onto the couch. 

“Slow breaths,” he is saying in my ear. He takes my clenched hand and massages it until my fingers open. His rough baker hands rub against my palm and soon, his lips leave little kisses all over the back of my hand and my wrist. I close my eyes and open them again, willing the room to stop spinning,

“How does everyone know but me?” 

“Gale called Annie to find out where we were. Since Iris and Annie were kind of close, Gale told her. Annie said she would call Haymitch and Haymitch told her where we were. Apparently no one knew she was sick and Hazelle went to visit her…I’m so sorry, Katniss.” 

Sorry. It’s what I heard constantly after Prim was taken from me. It’s just a meaningless word, so why does everyone say it? 

What am I even feeling right now? Grief? Shock? Anger? All of the above perhaps? Why wouldn’t she tell anyone? Why wouldn’t she tell ME?  
Annie found out first. Well, no, she found out…third? And then me? Her only remaining daughter? We have never been close, as mother and daughter should be, but after she met her first grandchild, I thought things would be different. She loved to dote on Willow and Rye. They loved climbing into their grandmother’s lap and playing with her glasses. 

And now Mom has gone to be with Prim. Figures she would leave me behind. Abandon me. It’s what she’s done her entire life. Why stop now? Even in death, she’s leaving me. She left me in District 12 to heal myself because she couldn’t stand the thought of facing the memories and ghosts that plagued me. Did she even realize that she had lost both daughters? 

I guess she was resigned to the fact that she lost me a long time ago. The moment I entered that arena, I was no longer myself. When I came home a Victor and surprised everyone, she couldn’t understand what I had become. She voiced her disapproval when Peeta came over to check on me. She couldn’t understand what we had been through, how we protected each other from the nightmares.

I slowly move from the couch into the kitchen and Peeta follows me, though he stays a few steps behind. I fumble for the counter and reach for a glass. I want to squeeze it until it shatters, feeling the sharp shards against my skin. Instead I fling it across the room, where it crashes into the wall. Peeta gasps behind me and he flies toward me as I reach for another glass.

“Katniss!” I ignore him and throw the glass into the wall. All of the rage I have toward everyone who has ever wronged me- us- shatters against the wall. Glass after glass until I have run out. So I move onto plates. Peeta tries yanking the dishes from my hands until I nearly hit him in the head with a mug. 

He steps back and his hands fall limply to his side. I let out a scream that I’m sure echoes around the district as I continue to trash the room. Tears blur my vision and out of the corner of my eye, I can see the door burst open and several officers rush inside. Peeta holds up his hand and shakes his head and the officers stare at me with wide eyes.

Yes, it’s just me. The mad Mockingjay, lost her mind again. What kind of first Lady is this, they must be asking themselves.

I squeeze a glass so hard that it breaks and I don’t register anything else. I don’t register Peeta wrapping my hands in a towel, or dragging me from the room, while quietly asking his officers to clean up the broken glass. I don’t register my daughter calling out to us, or Peeta’s careful hands removing the shards of glass from my own. I’m so blinded by rage and despair that I don’t register anything.   
\----------------------------------

I think Effie and Haymitch come by and Effie gives me some kind of pills. Peeta must put me in bed because I wake up surrounded by our fluffy blankets and pillows. My hands are heavily bandaged and I wince when I try to move my fingers. There is no sign of Peeta and I glance down to see he has dressed me in one of his shirts. I pull on a robe, huffing when I can’t tie it closed, and tiptoe down to the kitchen. I hear cheery voices and stop in the doorway when I see Rye and Willow sitting at the table, Rye stuffing round cereal into his mouth and Willow clapping excitedly. Peeta dances around the kitchen shirtless, a mixing bowl in the crook of his arm. He laughs along with our children and flips his curls out of his eyes. He notices me standing here and his smile falters for just a moment. My son notices me next and he bangs on the table.

“Mama!” 

“Mommy, Daddy’s making pancakes!” 

“Yes I can see that,” I say with a smile as I move closer. Peeta looks wary but he leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek.

“Morning honey. They’ll be ready in just a minute if you want to sit.” 

“I think I’ll make myself some juice. Anyone else care for some?”

“Me!”

“ME!” 

“Yes please,” he chuckles as he turns back to the stove. I go about making our juice and watch him flip the pancakes in the air while our children cheer him on. 

“Think fast, Willow,” he says as he pretends to toss the pancake at her. She giggles as he swoops down to kiss her forehead before plating her breakfast. He does the same with Rye and me before he sits down with his own plate. I glance behind him and see all of the glass has been cleared away. I actually wonder whose plates we are using since I think I destroyed them all. 

“Effie brought over some of theirs since there’s only two of them,” he says as his eyes follow mine. “I asked one of the officers to go get some more today. Don’t worry about it.” I bite my lip and want to apologize for my tantrum. As I open my mouth, though, he shakes his head.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says again before taking a bite of his breakfast. I glance down at my plate and then at my hands. I can barely even hold a fork.   
What a mess I am.   
He sets his fork down and leans over to pick up Rye’s. He makes an airplane sound and pushes the food into our son’s mouth. Rye giggles and claps when Peeta makes a face at him and feeds him more. He then sets the fork down, and picks up Willow’s. Our daughter laughs and shakes her head.

“Daddy I’m too old for airplanes.” 

“I’m wounded,” he winces. “Fine, is Mommy too old for airplanes?” He takes my fork and feeds me a bite of pancakes. The blueberries explode in my mouth and I close my eyes at the deliciousness of it. 

“Definitely not too old,” I say as I open my mouth for another bite. He grins.

“Princess Willow is apparently too old for them.”

“Noooo! Daddy, make me an airplane too!” Peeta chuckles and feeds Willow next. I move closer, giving his cheek a long smack. He turns pink but smiles and feeds me another bite.

“Mama must really love my pancakes. Or maybe it’s my airplanes, I’m not sure.”

“Maybe it’s just you,” I say softly and I’m lost in his smile. The goodness that radiates from this man never ceases to amaze me. I could never feel awkward or uncomfortable with him because he simply won’t let me. He tries, and succeeds, to give me everything I need and he does it in a way that makes me fall in love with him a little more everyday. I adore everything about my boy with the bread. I nuzzle his cheek with my nose and when he turns to me, I give him a gentle kiss.

“I love you,” I whisper as I press my forehead against his. He cups my chin and kisses my nose.

“I love you too.” 

“Love you Mama,” Rye gurgles as he tries to climb the table to get to me. I hide my hands under the table and lean in to kiss him.

“I love you too, my little Rye. And you, Princess Willow.”

“Ok, let’s all get dressed so we can go with Grandpa and Mimi to the beach!” Willow leaps off her seat and runs off with a shriek. 

“We’re going to the beach?”

“Well, Effie said she wanted to take them to look for seashells. They thought you mght want a relaxing afternoon--“

“I want to be with my family,” I interrupt him. “I’ll get dressed.”

“I’ll clean up and be right there.” He starts to remove the plates but I stop him.

“Come take a shower with me.” 

“Katniss, we should really talk--“

“I don’t want to talk,” I cut him off again. He bites his lip and I sigh. “Just…give me some time, Peeta. Please?” He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Katniss it won’t do any good to bury your grief. I’m here if you want to talk.”

“I know,” I say softly. “And I love you for that. But I’m not ready. I was so angry and…I don’t want to be angry about it anymore. So just give me some time, ok?” He hesitantly nods and wraps his arms around my waist. We walk up the stairs with some difficulty and pop our heads into Willow’s room where she is standing in front of the mirror.

“Hey sweetheart, Mama and Daddy are going to shower and get ready. Can you help your brother get ready please?” Willow makes a face in the mirror and adjusts her little purple bathing suit.

“Please Willow,” Peeta sighs.

“Fine,” she huffs and turns around so sharply her braids slap her in the face. Peeta hides his face in my shoulder and his shoulders shake from laughter.

“I can’t handle how alike you two are. Down to that adorable scowl.”

“You didn’t used to think my scowl was so adorable,” I retort. “You were scared of me.”

“More like intimidated but yes, that scowl of yours is downright scary.” I allow him to drag me into the bathroom and he pushes my robe off my shoulders. He quickly works the buttons of his shirt and pulls it over my head. 

“We should probably wash the cuts on your hands again,” he says softly as he starts to unwrap my bandages. I wince when he has them uncovered and I can see how scratched up they are. It reminds me of a time when I first started going into the woods and had to climb a tree to get away from wild dogs. I returned home with my palms completely scraped up and Prim snuck into mom’s medicine case so she could bandage my hands.   
Even that young, my little duck took care of me.   
I suck in a breath as I feel his lips on my wounded palm and he kneels in front of me. My hands hover over his shoulders as he pulls my panties down around my ankles and helps me step out of them. 

“C’mon,” he mutters as he stands back up. “We don’t have much time before Effie and Haymitch get here.” He quickly shucks away his own pants and underwear and holds the shower door open so I can climb in. He backs me against the tile wall and bends slightly so he can push a finger inside me. I gasp and bite my lip to hold in my moans. He moves closer and I bite down on his shoulder as he curves his fingers. His lips attack my neck and my eyes roll to the back of my head from the sensations. His thumb rubs across my clit as he thrusts his fingers in and out and I reach between us to grip his arousal. 

“This is supposed to be about you,” he groans in my ear. I pick up my speed and we get each other off rather quickly. We wash each other off and hurriedly dress, knowing our children will be impatient. He spreads more salve over my injuries but leaves the bandages off, and gently tugs me from the room.  
\--------------------

Haymitch and Effie look surprised when I join them but Peeta wraps an arm around my waist and kisses my temple. 

“Katniss, darling, I simply love your bathing suit.”

“Thanks Effie.” 

“I’m sure the kid bought that for you but I expected something a bit more…fiery,” Haymitch says with a smirk. I glare at him.

“Willow picked it out for me for my birthday two years ago and I love the shade of green.” 

“You kind of look like an asparagus,” he retorts. I feel Peeta’s lips on my cheek.

“But a very very cute asparagus,” he says in a teasing tone. I swat his arm and he bends down to scoop up Willow and place her on his shoulders. She always cheers when he does this. Definitely a Daddy’s girl. Rye reaches up for his grandpa to pick him up and Haymitch bends, groaning slighty.

“Oh damn, can’t do that anymore,” he says as his hand goes to the small of his back.

“Language,” Peeta says sharply. “Rye is soaking up every word like a sponge. And Willow knows bad language gets punishments, don’t you princess?” 

“Daddy will spank you,” she says in the most serious of tones. Haymitch and I both snort. 

“Oh Daddy spanked Mama, did he?” 

“Haymitch,” Peeta says warningly. Effie hits his shoulder and he winces.

“Ouch woman.”

“Behave yourself,” she hisses. She bends to pick up Rye and plays with his curls.

“Come on children, let’s go to the beach!” 

Once we are on the sand, Peeta sets Willow down and she tugs on Effie’s hand into the surf. Peeta and I linger behind, his arm still hanging limply around my shoulder. I can see two soldiers in the distance, looking stoic and staring out over the water. To protect us, I have to remind myself. 

“You sure you don’t need to talk,” he mutters in my ear. I open my mouth to speak but Willow jumps up and down as the waves threaten to knock her over.

“Daddy come in the water!” 

“In a minute, princess!” 

“Go on,” I laugh as I push him toward the shoreline. “Go play with your daughter. I’m fine.” He dips a toe into the water and shivers.

“It’s freezing!”

“Big baby,” I tease as I push him harder. He loses balance on his bad leg and falls flat on his back in the sand. I gasp and run to his side.

“Peeta! Are you alright?” His eyes are squeezed shut and a pained look crosses his face.

“Nnnhhgg,” he only groans. 

“Peeta,” I say as I bend lower, examining him for injuries. His arms shoot up and wrap around my waist, pulling me down with him and I squeal as soon as the cold water touches my skin.

“Peeta!” He throws his head back and laughs and I slap his chest hard.

“Ouch! C’mon, Katniss, I had to-“

“You complete ass! You scared me to death! Damn you.” The mood completely shifts as he sits up and faces me, his face softer and all teasing laughter gone. He pulls me into his arms and buries his face in my shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to,” he whispers. “I’m sorry.” I wonder if he remembers the moment we said those words to one another. Or if it’s one of those memories that the Capitol tainted and he never really got back. He still has some of those. Sometimes he will say something that I remember him saying from so long ago but he looks as if it is not big deal at all.   
And as he holds me close I remember screaming his name after I found his jacket with the poison berries. How scared I was that I would lose him. Even without knowing what he meant to me, I knew that I couldn’t lose him.

I pull away from his grasp and he looks confused and I see a flash of hurt in his eyes. 

“Daddy, you ok,” Willow asks as she throws her arms around his neck. He forces on a smile.

“I’m fine, baby girl. Hey, what do you have there?” 

“Rye found it! What is it?”

“That’s a starfish. It’s actually living and breathing so we’re going to put that back in the water where you found it, ok?” He stands, with some difficulty, his prosthetic sinking into the wet sand, and he holds out a hand to pull me up. I ignore him and stand on my own and his brow furrows even further. Willow tugs his hand and he finally turns to follow her. I cross my arms over my chest and take several deep breaths as I turn back to the shore. I see Haymitch standing on the edge, watching me and I turn back around to see Peeta doing the same. 

I huff and kick the sand as I head back up the beach. I think I hear Peeta call out for me but I ignore him. I pass Haymitch without a word and groan when I feel my feet are covered with sand. I fling myself into a chair far away from everyone and close my eyes.   
I hear Haymitch sigh heavily as he sits beside me but I keep my eyes closed tightly.

“You can’t keep holding it against him, you know.” My eyes shoot open and I frown.

“What?”

“Things he used to say. Things he may not remember saying. You act like that every time he says something that gets to you and he’s going to think it’s his fault.” I give him my signature scowl.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh don’t I? Ok well correct me if I’m wrong, sweetheart, but you’re remembering when he killed the redhead with nightlock in the arena. You rushed into his arms and yelled at him for scaring you. You held each other so tightly that there wasn’t a dry eye in the Capitol. Now tell me I’m wrong.” I stare at him with wide eyes.

“How could you possibly remember that?”

“You’d be surprised at how much I remember,” he sighs, his eyes never leaving our family. “Too much. I can remember them making plans to kill the Careers, and their screams echo in my head. I can remember the dying moans of the little boy who crawled for two days to find water, only to find it poisoned by the Gamemakers. I remember the laughter around me when we watched my girl be speared by a Career, and then they played with her! She didn’t die for almost a day and a half. They just tortured her and the Capitol bastards sat around and laughed. I remember--“

“I get it,” I stop him, feeling sick to my stomach. 

“You gotta stop holding it against him,” he says urgently. “You can’t keep blocking him out. You’ve done it all your life, hell, I do it too. But Effie has tried to help me and I have to let her in. It’s the same with you and Peeta. Let him in, sweetheart. Let him love you.”

“I think all these years of marriage proves I have,” I say nastily but I instantly regret it. He finally turns to me, his expression surprisingly soft.

“That boy is the only person who has never left you,” he says quietly. “And he will never leave you. I know the shit you’ve been through…and you don’t deserve any of it. None of us do. But while others have abandoned you…Gale, your mom…well, Peeta’s not going to do that. He came back to you, and he’s not going to leave you again. OK?” 

“Dad left first,” I say, wincing when my voice cracks. “And Mom left with him. Prim. Peeta. Gale. Rue. Finnick--“

“You can name them all you like but they haven’t LEFT you. They’re still with you. You telling me you don’t carry your sister in there with you at all times,” he leans over and pokes me in the chest. “Peeta may have left you for a time but he came back. People have a way of coming back to you. You can’t be angry with your mom, Katniss. If all you carry with you is anger, there isn’t much room for anything else.”

“Was it so easy for you?” He laughs but there’s no humor in it.

“Hell no. I’ll always be a work in progress. The Games fucked us up. Effie understands that. Peeta does too. You find someone who understands you and who will help you through it, and eventually, you’ll be ok.” It’s a lot like what Peeta has told me many times in the past. How we can keep fighting the Games by staying together. Protecting each other like we have always done.

“Scuse me, my wife is calling,” he rolls out of the chair and jogs down the beach. I watch him reach Effie and grip her waist as he whirls her around and kisses her right in front of everyone. Peeta watches them with a smile, then turns to look at me and his smile fades a little. Haymitch says something to him, he nods, and rubs Rye’s hair as he passes on his way toward me. He stands in front of my chair for a moment, his toes curling in the sand.

“Is it ok if I sit here?” 

“No.” I look up to see his face fall and his teeth close down on his lip. I yank him down toward me so that he falls in my lap and his eyes widen with surprise.

“Wha-“ I take his face in my hands and kiss him hard on the mouth. He tries to respond but he is in an uncomfortable positon, clearly trying not to put any weight on me. He bends down, his lips melded to mine, and I feel myself being lifted out my chair. He wraps my legs around his waist and sits down, his hands traveling up and down my back.

“That’s better,” he mutters. I curl up on his lap and he rests his chin on my head. 

“They want to know why Mama isn’t in the water with them,” I feel rather than hear him say.

“Did you tell them cause Mama is a bitch to Daddy and is sitting in the corner to punish herself?” He sighs.

“No and I won’t tell them that. Stop punishing yourself, Katniss. You’re allowed to feel angry, you know. I’ve been putting up with your mood shifts since before we were married,” he nudges my face, poking at my scowl. His lips curl into a grin and he kisses my nose. “I love you, Katniss. Every part of you, every expression, every mood. That will never change. If I do something to upset you, you have to tell me. If you just want to be left alone, I mean, that’s going to be hard for me but I’ll try--“

“Peeta,” I stop him and he looks wary. “You’re right. I don’t let you in and I’m sorry. You’ve been my best friend for…god, how long has it been now?”

“I lost count,” he says with a smile. “Twenty-plus years of marriage, two kids, and several grey hairs later and I am still so crazy in love with you.” He leans his forehead against mine and squeezes my hands. I can’t help but grin.

“Now tell me what I said to make you flinch away.” I shrug and he shakes his head.

“Don’t do that. Tell me the truth.”

“It just…reminded me of something that happened a long time ago.” His brow raises and he leans back to study me.

“You mean in the arena? In our first Games?”

“You remember?”

“I remember you screaming my name and me running back to you as fast as I could. My leg was just barely healed but I was ready to kill whoever had attacked you. You flew at me so fast that my breath left me. I could see how upset you were and when you yelled at me for scaring you, I felt lighter than air. Like you really did care. The way I held you…I just wanted to do that for the rest of my life.”

“I never know which memories have been destroyed,” I say carefully and he watches me. “I don’t know what might trigger you. Anything from the Games, I assume. I don’t know what the Capitol did to those memories but I don’t want you to have any reason to doubt the truth.”

“Katniss you have healed me over the years. Just continue to be patient with me, as you have always done, and I know I can trust you. I’m sorry if I made you mad a few minutes ago.”

“I’m just scared of losing you. I can’t lose you.” He takes my face in his hands and his thumb wipes at the tears at the corner of my eyes.

“You won’t lose me. I’ve stayed by your side and I will continue to stay by your side, ok? Always.” I cover his hand with mine and close my eyes.

“Everyone else has left me. Don’t leave me.”

“Katniss you’re allowed to be mad at her. Just remember to grieve too. I felt so guilty because I never properly grieved for my mother. But I still think of them all the time. Dad and Bialy and Ryean and her. We never forget our family. She’s always going to be with you, just like Prim and your dad are.” 

“I just…why didn’t she tell me? Why am I the last one to hear about it?” 

“You’re right. She should have told you. But from what Annie said, she kept it secret from everyone. I guess she knew she didn’t have many options and she didn’t want to alarm everyone. You and your mom are a lot alike. You keep quiet about what’s bothering you, afraid you will hurt someone else. I think you’ve been doing that your whole life.” I sigh and press my cheek to his bare chest. The warmth of his skin surrounds and calms me.

“Annie said to call Gale…when you’re ready,” he says softly. “To discuss arrangements.” I swallow. I should have known I would be the person responsible for that I don’t think I can. There was never anything to bury when Prim died and so it didn’t fall on me to think of burial arrangements.   
Peeta can see I am tense again and he strokes my back gently.

“I’ll help you in whatever way you need. If you need me to plan the whole thing, I can do that. I just want you to have a say in it.”

“I don’t know,” I say against his skin. “I don’t know what she wanted. I’ve never known.” 

“It’s ok,” he kisses my temple. “We’ll figure it out.” I nod and allow him to hold me. 

 

After awhile, I can hear our children calling us and Peeta shifts underneath me.

“I’ll go,” he says quietly but I shake my head and wrap my fingers around his. We spash around with our children and for a moment, I’m completely happy.

\----------------

When we return to the house to clean up, Peeta takes the kids to shower and Effie and Haymitch head back to their house to clean up before we all meet for dinner. I stare at the phone for the longest time before I pick it up with shaky hands.

“Hawthorne Residence.”

“It’s Katniss,” I say in a stiff voice.

“Katniss…how are you,” he asks awkwardly. I can hear him groan. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I asked that.”

“I’m better,” I say quickly. “I’m…well, Peeta told me to call you about making arrangements.”

“Yeah, um…Mom is here with us now and she was asking if Iris had any special requests regarding her burial. I didn’t know but I didn’t know if you would know.” 

“She loved 4 the most,” I say softly. “I’m still not sure why she moved to 2, maybe she just got lonely after Annie and Finn left but I remember her being really happy in 4. Maybe we should do it here…find a place near the beach.”

“I think that’s a great idea, Katniss. Can you hold on for a minute?” I hear him talking to someone, most likely his son because he keeps saying ‘no icecream’ and he comes back with a sigh.

“Sorry about that. Dahlia keeps sneaking--LEO! I said no! Ghilda, please come get the kids while I am on the phone!”

“Sounds like you have your hands full there,” I say with a soft chuckle. 

“You have no idea. Posy keeps spoiling them and Vick is almost worse than she is! And don’t even get me started on Mom.”

“They’ve missed you,” I say quietly. “Your family has missed you, Gale.” 

“I know, it’s just…overwhelming, having everyone together again. Dahlia has never met any of them and Leo only met Posy and Vick once or twice. They still haven’t met Rory…”

“I’m sure they’ll all meet one day,” I try to reassure him.

“Yeah. Anyway, Katniss, I’ll make the arrangements to have your mother brought to 4 if that’s what you want. You and Peeta can plan a ceremony and I’m sure Peeta will take care of it if you need any help.”

“I know he will. But I feel like I should do something too. She was my mother, even if we didn’t really act like it.”

“Catnip…I wish you had seen her face when she found out she was going to be a grandmother.” His voice is soft and choked with tears. “She…kept going on about losing Prim, and how happy she was that you had found happiness and everything came spilling out at once, how she was sorry for abandoning you girls and how proud she was of you and…just everything.” I want to ask him if he knows about Prim’s real father but out of respect for mom and Peeta’s dad, I keep quiet about it. The line goes silent and I sigh.

“Thanks Gale. I should go. Peeta is trying to give both kids a bath and probably needs my help.” 

“Ok Katniss, I’ll make the arrangements and we will see you in two days.”

“Thanks Gale.”

“I wish I could do more,” he says honestly. I hang up and lean against the wall, closing my eyes.

“Hey.” I jump and whirl around to see Peeta leaning against the doorframe.

“How do you keep doing that? You have never been able to sneak up on me before.”

“I think you’re just distracted,” he says with a sad smile. “You ok?”

“Everyone keeps asking me that.” He bites his lip.

“I just meant--“

“I know Peeta. And like I told Gale, I’m better.” 

“You talked to Gale?” I nod and look down at my hands.

“I told him to bring her here…she was happiest here. I think we should find a place to bury her near the beach if that’s possible. And to have a ceremony here. If that’s alright.”

“That’s more than alright. I’ll make arrangements and we can hold a ceremony at the beach. When will they be here?”

“2 days.” He nods.

“Gives me enough time to talk to the mayor then. I’m supposed to meet with him tonight after dinner anyway. The kids are clean and taking a little nap. Well, Rye is napping and Willow is coloring,” he adds seeing my surprised look. He approaches me and wraps his arms around my waist.

“You want to go up and shower?”

“I want you to come with me.” He nods and I lead him upstairs. As we toss our clothes aside, his arms wrap around me and his lips travel up and down my spine. In the shower, we just hold each other. It feels even more intimate that what we did earlier. Peeta kisses my hair and holds me close to his chest. When we start to feel the water go cold, he turns me around and thoroughly washes me with body wash. His hands on my skin and in my hair make me sleepy and I lean against the wall. He chuckles as he pulls me flush against him, and I reach back to stroke his erection. He groans and his forehead drops forward on my shoulder.

“We don’t have to do this every time we get in the shower, you know,” he says, though his voice is laced with laughter and desire.

“It’s the only alone time we get anymore,” I say softly. “We can’t get too used to Effie and Haymitch keeping the kids. It’s only for the tour after all.”

“Yeah but…oh shit, Katniss!” I drop to my knees and rake my tongue across him. His soapy hands squeeze at my shoulders and I look up to see him watching me closely. His teeth clamp down over his lip as he bucks his hips. I grip his thighs and his hands cover mine as I take all of him into my mouth. He groans and tilts his head back, hitting the wall with a thud. I reach up and finger his sac and I know he is done for. His panting and moaning tell me he is close and I lean back so he can come on my breasts. He lets out an extra whine when he sees me swirl my finger around my coated nipple, then bring it to my mouth. He yanks me to my feet to kiss me and I turn back around to wash his seed from my body. He rests his cheek against my shoulder and sighs.

“Thanks for that.” I turn in his arms and give him a light kiss.

“Thank you, Peeta. For always being my rock and for always knowing what I need.” His face is flushed, his soaked hair hangs in his bright eyes and he smiles a smile that lights up his face. His hand rests on my cheek as he kisses me, and we turn the water off and dry each other off.   
I pull on a robe and Peeta sits on the bed, the towel wrapped around his waist, and brings his legs up.

“I think I’ll take my leg off for a little bit. It’s been a little sore today.”

“Go ahead. I’ll massage it with some salve if you like.” He detatches it and sets it aside and I bring his stump into my lap. The moment my fingers touch him, his eyes flutter closed and his lips part on a sigh. I collect the salve on my fingers and massage it into his missing limb. I still have a hard time looking at it. I remember the day I found him clearly, trying to clean it out and wondering how in the world he would survive the night. I set the salve aside and use my knuckles to massage him deeply. 

“God that feels amazing,” he whispers. My fingers explore the stump of his leg and I feel tears well in my eyes. After all these years, you think I would be used to it by now. 

 

\---“Pretty awful, huh?” Peeta watches me closely.   
“So-so.” I shrug like it’s no big deal. “You should see some of the people they bring my mother from the mines. First thing is to clean it well.”   
“Why don’t we give it some air and then…” I trail off.  
“And then you’ll patch it up?” I glance at him and he looks almost sorry for me, as if he knows how lost I am.   
“That’s right. In the meantime, you eat these.”   
I experiment, trying different things but nothing seems to work. Peeta is patient and doesn’t complain. He tries to hide his grimaces and his tears. He makes light conversation, asking me how I can stand hunting and I tell him killing things is much easier than this.  
“Although for all I know, I am killing you.”  
“Can you speed it up a little?”  
“No. Shut up and eat your pears.”   
After that, I can see how dire the situation is. How deep the cut goes. Cato knew what he was doing.   
“What next, Dr. Everdeen?”   
“Maybe I’ll put some of the burn ointment on it. I think it helps with infection anyway. And wrap it up? Here, cover yourself with this and I’ll wash your shorts.”  
“Oh, I don’t care if you see me.”   
“You’re just like the rest of my family. I care, all right?”   
He throws his undershorts at me and I avoid looking at him. He’s lying there, naked, watching me.  
“You know, you’re kind of squeamish for such a lethal person,” he says laughingly.   
I avoid looking at him because his leg is just getting worse. And I can’t do a thing to stop it. What if he doesn’t survive the night? What will I do then?  
After that comes the feast. Clove. Thresh. Waking up next to Peeta and thinking that he’s so good at this romance thing.   
And realizing that I can’t lose him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread.-------

\--------  
“Katniss?” My head snaps up and I realize he’s been watching me this whole time. My fingers aren’t even moving anymore, just gripping his thigh. The towel barely covers him, as Rue’s backpack barely covered him while I was washing his underwear. He sits up and reaches for me. 

“Hey,” he says softly as he pushes my sodden hair out of my face. “What’s wrong?” I shake my head and he pulls me close so that I am straddling him. He kisses my   
neck and cheek and cups my chin.

“What is it?”

“I came so close to losing you,” I barely whisper. His brow furrows in confusion and I gesture behind me.

“I could have lost you in that cave. Or what if I hadn’t found you at that riverbank? I was so afraid…I almost lost you.” He pulls me in and sighs against my hair.

“Katniss, I would be dead if it weren’t for you and you know that. Did you forget that you drugged me and risked your life to get me medicine? 

“No,” I say, my voice muffled by his shoulder. “I had to, Peeta.” 

“And what would have I done if I had lost you?”

“Died,” I say nonchalantly. He lets out a bark of laughter and shakes his head.

“Yeah, that’s true. But I mean…I just picture myself waking up in that cave and not knowing where you were. I guess I would have crawled out and tried to find you. Probably dying on the way. Or…waking up to find you in a pool of blood. I couldn’t…I was so scared I had lost you.” The image of him, bruised, cut up, feverish, and dying comes back to me and I shiver, shaking my head and throwing my arms around his neck. His arms hold me tightly, his lips on my hair.

“It’s ok, Katniss. We’re ok. I’m still here with you.” 

“Peeta--“ he’s learned from me because he holds my face and kisses me hard to shut me up. My hands move up to his hair and he starts to lean me backwards. His towel slips off and I reach down to stroke him. He rises up off me and pushes my robe up a little, settling between my legs. 

“Daddy, what are you doing to Mama?” I let out a little scream and Peeta tumbles off the side of the bed in a hurry to get off me. He frantically grabs for his towel, lost on the bed somewhere, and I toss him a pillow to cover up with. Willow stands in the doorway, her head cocked and her arms crossed over her chest. I scramble to straighten my robe and Peeta sits in the corner, holding the pillow over his lap.

“Ummm…Willow…sweetie…I thought you were coloring.” She shrugs.

“I was but I’m bored. What are you doing?”

“Mama was just helping Daddy with his fake leg. Why don’t you go see if your brother is awake yet?”

“He’s not.”

“Then why don’t you change for dinner?”

“This is what I’m wearing. Isn’t it pretty?” I glance at Peeta and see he is getting redder by the minute. I can’t help it; the situation is hilarious and I burst out laughing. Peeta’s eyes narrow and he glares at me in exasperation, which makes me laugh even harder. 

“Mama, are you ok,” Willow asks slowly. She thinks her mother has lost it.

“I’m fine baby. Hey, can you go downstairs and get Mama’s purse? I left it by the door in the kitchen.”

“Ok,” she bounds off, happy to have something to do. I close the door and turn back to Peeta, who struggles to stand. Still laughing, I pull him to his feet and hand him his prosthetic. He snatches it from my hand, still glaring at me.

“I can’t believe you.”

“I’m sorry! The look on your face though!”

“Helping Daddy with his fake leg. Really?”

“What did you want me to say? Daddy is trying to make another brother or sister? Not really looking forward to that explanation.” He looks horrified as he shakes his head.

“God no. Not yet anyway. Alright fine, Mama, help Daddy with his leg, will you?” He stretches out on the bed again and I quickly reattach the prosthetic.

“Need help with anything else, Daddy,” I ask coolly and his eyes narrow again.

“You’re going down a dangerous road there, Mrs. Mellark.” I laugh as I lean in to kiss his cheek and he gasps and shivers as my tongue rakes along his ear.

“I think Daddy likes for Mama to take care of him.” 

“Fuck, Katniss,” he growls, his hands clenching on the pillow in his lap. I move off the bed, swaying my hips, and toss him a clean pair of boxers.

“Get dressed before your daughter comes back and starts asking why she doesn’t have what you have.” 

“Good god, Katniss, really?”

“You know those conversations will come up eventually! Annie was crying from laughter when she told me about the first time Finn asked what his was for, and asked   
her if she wanted to play with it.” Peeta hides his face in his hands and shakes his head.

“I am not ready for our little girl to grow up and start asking embarrassing questions like that.” 

“Well, she’s seven. I think they’ll start soon.” He groans and pulls his underwear on while I move to the closet to get dressed.

“Katniss?” I peek out at his soft tone, and he is biting his lip.

“Do you…do you want more kids?”

“Two’s not enough for you?” I’m teasing him but he looks uncertain. I sigh and go to him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“I think Willow and Rye are pretty perfect. We don’t need to think about anymore. Do YOU want more?”

“I-“ We hear a knock on the door, cutting him off, and Peeta nods at me to go answer it. Willow hands me my purse, looking proud of herself.

“Thanks sweetheart. Go see if your brother is awake yet, ok? Daddy and I are going to get ready for dinner.” Our previous conversation is forgotten.   
Peeta and I dress quickly and we both gasp when we hear a shrill “WAKE UP” from down the hall, followed by crying. Peeta rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

“That girl is in trouble.” Our daughter peeks into the room, grinning broadly.

“He’s awake now.”

“Willow, you didn’t have to scare him like that,” Peeta says firmly.

“He’s a big baby!” Peeta turns to me, his jaw gaping open.

“What happened to our little angel?”

“She’s growing up. I’ll go get Rye while you finish dressing. Come on, Willow, come help me with your brother.” She huffs but follows me down the hall. Rye’s cheeks are stained with tears and he continues to sniffle. I give Willow a pointed glance and she sighs before crossing the room to her brother.

“Hey, sissy’s sorry,” she mutters, reaching out to stroke his curls. He leans into her chest and she wraps her arms around him. I smile at my children because I know Wilow would do anything for her brother. And Rye worships his sister. 

“Let’s get Rye dressed. This is a cute one and you two would kind of match.” Willow shrugs nonchalantly but when Rye is dressed, her smile is broad.

“You look like me,” she says happily as she twirls around with him. 

“Alright you two, let’s go to dinner. You’ll be on your best behavior tonight, alright? Daddy is meeting some very important people.” 

“He’s always doing that,” Willow sighs and I don’t miss the sadness or bitterness in her tone. I kneel in front of her and take her hands.

“Hey,” I say softly, cupping her chin. “Daddy is a very important man now and has lots of important things to do. He expects us to support him and to understand when he needs to do those important things, ok? He will never put anything before you and Rye, you know that right? You two are his first priority.”

“What’s a…piorrity?” 

“Priority,” I say with a smile. “Something very important. You both are so important to Daddy. Understand?” I look at Willow, who nods firmly, to Rye, who is sucking on his finger but his eyes sparkle and he giggles so I take that as a yes. I take their hands and lead them downstairs where their daddy is waiting for us.  
\---------

I don’t know why Willow has all of a sudden started to ask about her grandmother but I don’t know how to handle it. Peeta takes one look at me and knows I am about to pass out. He sends me up to our bedroom and tells me he will be up after he puts the children down. I loathe myself for being so weak but how do I tell my seven year old her grandmother is dead? We’ve had to talk about death before, a lot actually, but this seems different. Willow never met Prim or my father or Peeta’s family or Finnick but she’s heard about them all her life. She’s actually met her grandmother, and loved her a lot. I don’t know how to deal with death and so I follow Peeta’s orders and go to the bedroom, burrowing under the covers and hoping that tomorrow doesn’t come.   
\---------

But it does. I don’t remember falling asleep but I’m awoken by Peeta leaving soft kisses on my hair and whispering sweet words in my ear.   
I hate the color black. Almost as much as I hate the color grey. Effie brings me a dress that is both grey and black and I almost have a panic attack. Peeta rescues me, grabbing a silk dress that is a very dark navy that almost looks black. He found it in my bag and asked if I would rather wear that; I tell him I would and he helps me dress. I struggle to do my hair like Mom always did. That complicated braid that I wore when I was Reaped. Peeta’s gentle hands tug at my hair until I glance at my reflection and see has actually done a good job with it. He kisses my temple and smiles.

“I told you. I’ve been paying attention.” 

He wears a grey suit with a blue tie that brings out his eyes. Our children both wear black and Willow asks repeatedly why everyone is in such dark colors. I don’t really know how the conversation went last night and I don’t ask. She’s obviously been told, whether by Peeta or by Haymitch, that she isn’t to ask me any questions about her grandmother’s death. She grips my hand tightly as we make our way down to the beach. 

I’m shocked when we arrive. There are so many people. Many of them I don’t recognize and many I do. Many District 12 people have come out and I feel a rush of gratitude. Annie stands with her hands folded, her son by her side with his arm wrapped around his wife’s waist. In her arms rests their daughter. Gale and his whole family are on the other side. Hazelle, Posy, Vick and even Rory and Theta. Ghilda stands a little behind Gale, holding her childrens’ hands. I see Delly and Brent and their children, her brother Daniel, Thom, and several other of the miners who worked with Gale. Peeta’s and my sixth grade teacher, who had decided to stay in 13. Johanna and George, gripping their kids’ hands, Cressida and her husband with Pollux and Jinx, who thankfully don’t have cameras in their hands. Haymitch and Effie are holding Rye and Willow’s hands while Peeta stays by my side the entire time. I can’t speak to anyone as we pass. I merely nod at them until I can’t even do that. I stare at the sand and feel my heart sinking like the sun. Peeta squeezes my hand and leads me up onto the dock, where there is an intricate vase sitting on the edge. I realize with a gasp what the vase is for. My heels dig in the wood of the deck and he wraps an arm around me.

“I thought this would be nicer, to spread her ashes at sea. Annie said she loved the beach. She never wanted to go inside and spent all her time staring at the water. I thought it would be a nice resting place for her.” I feel like I have swallowed glass and I can only nod. He gives me a sad smile, squeezes my hand again, and approaches the vase. Urn, I remind myself. He holds out his arms and smiles at the crowd.

“There are a few of Iris’s friends who want to say something.” 

I watch as Annie, Hazelle, Gale, Brent, Haymitch, Daniel, Rory, some nurse at the hospital Mom worked at, and then Peeta himself all come up and say the most beautiful things about my mother. When Peeta turns and looks at me expectantly, I suddenly can’t breathe. All I can think about is what Prim would say if she were standing beside me. 

I don’t mean to run. Really I don’t. But if I stay here, I will have a breakdown worse than anything they have seen and I don’t need that all over the TV. I flee back to the house without a backwards glance.   
I collapse right inside, clutching my stomach and heaving on the floor. I wasn’t able to eat anything this morning so of course nothing comes back up. Tears stream down my face and I can feel my pretty braids coming undone. 

“I’m sorry, Mom,” I whisper, feeling utterly alone. 

I should have known he would come after me. But when I hear the door slide open, it’s not Peeta’s heavy tread that I hear.   
In fact, it’s quiet and I whirl around, fear in my eyes. Gale’s hands fly in the air and he shakes his head.

“Easy. It’s just me.” I sigh and visibly deflate and he cautiously approaches like he is cornering a wounded animal. 

“Mellark still can’t manage to sneak up on you then?”

“Only a handful of times,” I say with a shrug. He smiles and sinks down in the floor with me.

“Where is he?”

“Peeta? He hung back to finish the ceremony. He asked me to check on you.” I nod.

“Katniss…your mom helped a lot of people. I know you’re probably thinking that all those people came because you’re the Mockingjay and that may be true for a few, but your mom touched a lot of lives.”

“Why are you telling me this,” I ask rather rudely. He doesn’t look affected in the slightest.

“Because as angry as you are with her, your mother loved you and tried to spend the rest of her life making it up to you. Not just to you. To anyone she came into contact with. It was like…she was trying to undo those years that she just sat in her chair and stared at the wall. She was proactive, she was an incredible Healer, and she helped so many in need. Even before that, in the district, before you were Reaped…she was the one everyone went to for help. Where do you think Prim learned it all from?” Hearing her name come from his lips makes me wince but he isn’t looking at me, he’s staring at the floor with sadness etched into every line of his face.

“I apologized to her so many times for what I did. She said constantly it wasn’t my fault and I couldn’t blame myself. But I always will. Your mom, she…she saw the good in people. Even when I was worried that you were getting too serious with Mell--with Peeta, she assured me things would work out for you. And she was right.” I bite my lip and he chuckles.

“When I took her to 12 for a few days for a visit, when you told us you were pregnant again. You remember? God she would not stop chattering away about being a grandmother and how excited she was that there would be another grandchild to spoil. She loved her family, Katniss. She loved you.” He turns to me and cups my chin so I have to look up at him.

“She’s so proud of you, Katniss. They both are.” 

That does it. I break down and his arms are around me. I weep into his chest and he strokes my back, though there’s a bit of discomfort and awkwardness about the way he holds me. I hear him clear his throat and don’t register him releasing me until another pair of arms close around me. These feel more natural, more loving, more…right. His hands stroke my hair and travel down my back and he allows me to soak his suit with my tears. I don’t know how long we sit there but he doesn’t speak, doesn’t move, just allows me to cry. 

When I feel weak from crying, I lean back and rub my face. Rough hands wipe away my tears and I can see blue eyes staring straight at me as if staring into my soul. His hands rest on my cheeks and I cover them with my own. I close my eyes as his lips touch my forehead and he brings my face back to his chest. I have no more tears but the feeling of being in his arms makes me feel so safe and warm that I nearly fall asleep right there. 

“Do you want to go back,” he asks softly. I nod and he helps me to my feet. I can see Gale waiting on the other side of the glass door and when Peeta opens it, he nods.

“There you are, Catnip. Come on.” He offers me an arm, which I take, and allow them both to escort me back.  
I’m relieved that most of the people are gone. Johanna and Annie are still there, Haymitch and Effie, and Rory. They’re all standing on the deck, looking out over the water. Peeta and Gale lead me up onto the deck and Gale releases me and stands next to his brother. Peeta squeezes my hand and nods toward the urn.

“I didn’t think we should…without you here.” I look around at my family.

“Since she touched so many lives, I don’t think I should be the only one to say goodbye. If you would like to help lay her to rest, please do.” I reach in and clutch a handful of ashes. It’s not as weird or disgusting as I thought it would be; it feels more like I am clutching hair. When she sat in her chair and stared into space, I would brush her fine hair until Prim asked me to do hers too. 

I open my hand and allow the ashes to fly into the air and drop into the water. Annie comes next, her hand clenched. She closes her eyes and I hear soft words coming from her lips as she releases my mother’s essence.   
Everyone except for Effie (which really doesn’t surprise me) helps me scatter my mother’s ashes. Peeta stands next to me, his hand and his eyes closed.

“Thank you for bringing this angel into the world, Mrs. Everdeen,” he says softly. “I kind of hate that it didn’t work out with my dad but I’m glad you found love and you were able to bring mine into existence. I’ll protect her with my life.” He opens his hand and I snuggle into him, drawing in his warmth. When we’re finished, we all head back to Effie’s and Haymitch’s rental home, where everyone waits with food and drinks and stories. Peeta doesn’t remove his hand from my back and I feel his strength passing into me.


	47. Chapter 47

She’s strong, my beautiful Katniss. She holds herself together well as she makes her way around the room and listens to everyones’ stories about her mother. I think it helps her feel connected, to be honest. To hear how Iris Everdeen has touched so many lives, how many she saved and helped, and how she redeemed herself. I think a part of me will always be angry and bitter about Iris’s abandonment. I don’t know for sure but if Iris hadn’t slipped into such depression, Katniss and Prim might not have been so bad off. Instead, Katniss had to grow up and take care of her family at the tender age of 11. When she should still be playing with her friends, climbing trees, making flower crowns with her sister, and other little girl stuff that she didn’t get to do. I also have to remember that not only did she bring my love into this world, she brought my sister into it as well. We mutually agreed that we would keep Iris’s secret, out of respect to her as well as my dad. Prim being my half-sister is just gossip now. It was once a huge secret that rocked Katniss to the core, when she first found out, but now that Iris is gone, it’s just another memory of our loved ones.   
Haymitch nods to me when I approach them and I glance over to see that Willow and Rye have gone to play with Aran, Brody, and Ana. Haymitch lifts his glass to me.

“Quite a ceremony, kid.”

“Thanks. I hope Iris liked it.”

“I’m sure she did. I’m sure Katniss did too.”

“Dear, that was so beautiful,” Effie says as she dabs her face with a tissue. “Though I was a little shocked at some of the…customs, it was a beautiful sentiment.” I could see how squeamish Effie was when I revealed Iris’s ashes in the urn. But I thought it was a beautiful way to say goodbye and Katniss’s sentiments toward the end were perfect.   
My wife approaches us and I offer her a drink. She takes it eagerly and closes her eyes for a moment. Haymitch laughs.

“Don’t get sweetheart drunk now.”

“It’s just ginger ale,” I scoff. “Honey, how are you doing?”

“Ok. You have to see what’s happening with our daughter.”

“What?” I whirl around, my eyes scanning the room until I find her, twirling around with Aran. Wait. That’s not Aran…

“Oh ho,” Haymitch chuckles. “A Mellark and a Hawthorne. That would be one interesting match.” 

“Does Gale know where Leo is,” I ask her awkwardly.

“Ghilda is watching them. Gale is talking to Posy and Vick. I think it’s cute.” I don’t think it’s so cute. Clearly Aran doesn’t either because he is glaring daggers at Gale’s son. Oh buddy do I feel you. I hurry over to him and kneel next to him, nudging him gently.

“Why aren’t you over there dancing?”

“Leo asked her to dance,” Aran says rather stiffly.

“So cut in. She doesn’t have to just dance with one person.” He perks up a little and sighs.

“Did you see she’s wearing the necklace I made her?”

“I did. She loves that necklace. Never takes it off.” No doubt about it, the kid looks smug and proud of himself. I glance over to see Leo is twirling Willow around the room. Ghilda holds her daughter and she does NOT look happy. Her expression is very similar to ones I got used to seeing on my own mother. Gale and Rory start to come forward and I clear my throat. Gale raises his brow and looks to where I’m looking, but shrugs.

“What are you worried about, Peeta? That your daughter will fall for my son?” He laughs and I force a smile. It’s strained and he can probably tell. I pat Aran’s shoulder and nudge him forward. I watch as he approaches Leo and Willow and asks to cut in. Leo looks angry but Willow smiles as she moves from one boy to the other.   
Oh good lord I am not ready for all of this. My little girl is seven. I cannot imagine how it will be in a few years, when boys start coming to the house.   
I find Rye playing with Ana and I sit down nearby, my eyes scanning the room again. Katniss has moved on, making her way around the room again and she stops to talk to Ghilda. Their conversation is brief and both women have thinned mouths when they break apart. I’m happy for Gale and god knows I’m glad he’s over my wife, but I can’t see a single pleasant thing about Ghilda. I shrug and smile as George joins me, and we watch our children play as we talk in low voices. 

The hotel in Victor’s Village worked out a deal so that everyone could stay before they had to return to their own districts. I’m grateful to the mayor of 4 that he has been so helpful with all of this. We are due to leave tomorrow morning and go straight to 3, so I call him tonight when we return to our house and thank him personally. 

“It was the least I could do,” he assures me. “We have always been supportive of you and the Mockingjay. Do pass on our deepest condolences, won’t you?” I assure him I will before I hang up and go upstairs to join my family. Willow and Rye are fast asleep, and Katniss leans against the doorframe, watching them. She hears me coming (I guess I’ll never be as quiet as her) and I hold out my hand to take her to our room.   
\------------------------------------------

Katniss is rather subdued for the rest of the trip and I really don’t blame her. Before we left 4, she asked if she could have a moment alone on the beach. I kept Rye and Willow occupied and tried to answer their impatient questions about their mother as best I could. I knew Katniss was saying goodbye. 

District 3 is a bit of a blur, although Rory and Theta stop at her family’s house and insist we all come to dinner. Theta’s family is very sweet and hospitable and her little brother absolutely loves Willow. My daughter is certainly gaining admirers by the day. Then again, I’m a bit biased. How could she not, being Katniss’s daughter?   
Theta’s mother croons over us, and goes on and on about our “Capitol romance”. She begs for the story of how we met and how we fell in love and I can tell Katniss is rather uncomfortable with the whole thing. I wrap up the evening, hoping Theta has told them why Katniss is so down, and lead my family outside. Rory catches up to me and presses something into my hand.

“It was Prim’s. Gale gave it to me before we left, he wasn’t sure about…how she would react if he gave it to her. I think Iris found it in 13, and Gale found it in her belongings. He wanted Katniss to have it.” He shifts uncomfortably and I pat his shoulder. I look down and see I am holding a pretty emerald ring in my hand. It looks quite old and hangs from an old gold chain. I have a feeling Prim might have worn it under her clothes. Coin would have lost it if she had seen it. I don’t remember much about 13, but the drab clothes and plain appearances stick out in my mind. I still wonder how the prep teams managed! 

I catch up to Katniss and the kids, and stick the ring in my pocket as we make our way back to the hotel.

After Rye and Willow are asleep, I sit on the edge of the bed and play with the ring while Katniss is in the bathroom. I hear her sigh as I feel the other side of the bed dip and she curls up against my chest.

“You ok,” her voice is muffled against my shirt.

“Yeah. Um…Rory gave me something to give to you.” She glances up at me and I hold the chain out toward her. Her brow furrowed, she sits up and holds out her hand. I drop the chain into her palm and she studies it with a frown.

“This…this belonged to Prim.” I nod and she looks up at me.

“How did he get this?”

“Gale.” She swallows and looks back down at the ring. The gentle way she runs a finger over it tells me this ring has a story to it. And the tears in her eyes tell me she’s about to break down while telling me. If she tells me at all. 

“Mom…tried to give it to me. After Dad died. I told her to give it to Prim. It was my great grandmother’s. Dad kept it and gave it to Mom, and after Prim was born, he wanted to sell it at the Hob. Peacekeepers would have paid a nice price for this. But Mom refused, saying it was an heirloom and it would stay in the family and would pass down to her daughter. I told her I didn’t want it, so she would give it to Prim. She kept losing it, her hand was so tiny,” she smiles through her tears. “I traded…squirrels and bread from the bakery, to bring her home a chain to keep it on. I was kicking myself, because we needed the food more…but the look on her face when I attached it around her neck. I saved up for weeks for it. Your father kept giving me the best bread and I…I traded it away. For a necklace. My sister was starving and I   
brought her a necklace!” Her joy has turned into despair and she buries her face in my shirt. I hold her close and smoothe her hair back. 

“You were trying to make her happy,” I hush her gently. “You made her so happy, Katniss. Little girls aren’t meant to be logical. They’re emotional and rash. You brought your sister something pretty to wear. And she loved you for it.” 

“I failed her, Peeta,” she wails. “I swore to protect her and I failed!” I blink back tears as I hold her close to my chest. No matter how many times I try to convince her she’s not to blame, she won’t believe me. When she gets like this, all I can do is hold her close and press chaste kisses to her hair. She won’t listen to reason, she is inconsolable, and it will take me hours to calm her down. So I’m shocked when she falls asleep just like that, sniffling occasionally in her sleep. Her hand clenches the chain and I gently pry it from her hand and set it on the table beside our bed. I reach over to turn off the light before pulling her down into the pillows with me. 

Unsurprisingly, she’s plagued by nightmares all night long. Her foot catches my shin and I wince as I try to move away but at the same time, hold her close. I whisper her name loudly, hoping to wake her before she wakes the kids. I’m trying to hold her down, which only causes her to panic more, when there is a knock at the door. It creaks open and Willow’s worried face peers through.

“Daddy, is Mama alright?”

“She’s just having a bad dream, princess. Go on back to sleep.” Instead, she climbs up onto our bed and moves closer to her mother.

“Is she dreaming of Aunty Prim? I had a dream about her too.” 

“I’m not sure what she’s dreaming about, Willow,” I say with a sigh. Willow lays down in front of Katniss and snuggles close to her.

“It’s ok, Mommy. Daddy and I are right here,” she whispers in Katniss’s face. I suck in a breath as Willow reaches out to touch her mother’s shoulder. Katniss usually freaks out if someone else touches her but she relaxes instantly, and she reaches forward to pull Willow to her chest. Willow reaches up and strokes her mother’s cheek.

“You’re ok, Mama. Daddy and I will keep you safe.” To prove her point, I wrap my arms around both of them and pull them close to my chest.

“Daddy, your heart’s beating really fast.”

“I know. I get really scared when Mommy has bad dreams like this.”

“Mama’s strong, you know,” she yawns and hides her face in Katniss’s hair. “You should know that. You married her.” 

“I’ve known how strong she is all our lives,” I say quietly. “It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with your mama.” She nods but doesn’t say anything else and I watch my little girl fall asleep. I kiss her forehead, then Katniss’s. 

\-----------------  
Districts 2 and 1 run together, I think because we are all ready to be back home. Their greetings and parties are as lavish as always and I try to appear as gracious as I can. Katniss is sullen and prefers to stay in the room, and only appears in public when Cressida and her husband invite us out to dinner. Even then, she returns to the hotel quickly and stays in bed throughout the day. She clings to Prim’s ring and stares at the wall and I am terrified I will lose her.   
On one such morning, before we leave for the Capitol, I am pleading for Katniss to come down to the lobby to have some breakfast when Willow enters the room, tugging Rye behind her. She helps her brother climb onto the bed and she follows, both of them crawling into Katniss’s lap.

“Wake up Mommy,” Rye whispers as he nuzzles against his mother. I watch as Katniss blinks and looks down at our children, bringing her hand up to hover over Rye’s head. Slowly, almost hesitantly, she sets her hand on his hair and a sweet smile breaks out over her face.

“I love you both,” she whispers, leaning down to kiss our son, then our daughter. She then looks up at me, smiling, and holds out her hand. I take it and move onto the bed with my family. I cup Willow’s chin, tousle Rye’s unruly curls, and stroke Katniss’s cheek before I lean in to kiss her. 

“You guys are my whole world,” I whisper. 

“Mama,” Rye whispers. “No cry no more.” Katniss blinks back tears and squeezes his cheeks.

“Ok baby. Mama’s going to be fine.” 

“C’mon,” I hoist Rye up onto my shoulders and stand. “Let’s go get some breakfast and then do a little exploring. The mayor wants us at his mansion later tonight, so we have some time to ourselves.” 

\----------  
It’s peaceful, being with my family and if it weren’t for the officers keeping watch nearby, I’d almost feel like we are a normal family at last. People still recognize us, they still approach us on the street but my officers do their best to ensure our privacy. It’s better, I think, than when we were simply Victors and Rebel heroes. As President, I ‘m given a certain berth and discretion, for which I’m grateful. 

We elect to stay in a hotel rather than the Presidential Mansion. Something about going back there after so much bad has happened, even though technically it is MY home now, causes a shiver to go down my spine. 

Katniss asks that we shorten our time in the Capitol and I would be too happy to do it, except that the new Committee Board wants to meet with me on multiple occasions and Haymitch tells me sternly that I need to make time for these meetings. I don’t want them to think I am neglecting them, or that I am putting my family before my country (although that’s exactly what I do and will do everytime) and so I need to play by their rules.

“You’re still in the Game, Peeta,” he tells me gruffly. “You never really leave.” 

So I arrange for Katniss and Willow to have a mother/daughter day out, while Effie watches Rye for me. I listen to Capitol men (I’m shocked that I don’t see more women) drone on about meaningless things, such as a lack of hip restaurants or how the grass isn’t painted green enough. Even years after the Revolution, I’m sickened by how shallow and petty the Capitol is. Has it always been this way? Before the Dark Days, did anyone care about important things? Do these people understand that my wife once starved so her sister could eat? 

As I listen, I grow more irritable and more restless. Haymitch notices and sets a hand on my arm.

“Almost out of here,” he mutters. 

“Mr. President?”

“Hm?” I look up to see all of them watching me expectantly. 

“What is your opinion on the matter?”

“On…which matter, I’m sorry? I sort of got lost.” One of them clears his throat and looks irritated.

“We were saying,” he says slowly, “that we would like to build another night club around the corner from the Presidential Masion. But the restaurant owner is complaining that the noise will drive away their customers. What do you think should be done?”

“Does it really matter?” It slips out and I sit straight up in my seat, huffing. “I mean…are you really asking about nightclubs and restaurants? I just came from the districts, Mr. Shawton, where I witnessed hospitals and factories being built, research centers for diseases and medicinal purposes. Orphanages and schools, and here you are asking about more places to eat or to dance. Are you aware that before the Revolution, the people of District 12 didn’t have enough to eat, let alone a place to ‘hang out’? My own wife broke the law by hunting on Capitol land, in order to keep her family and her district fed. If she had been caught, she could have been executed, or at the very least, flogged, but she kept going back into those woods because her life depended on it. And you gentlemen are arguing which would be better, a restaurant or a nightclub?!” The men are stunned into silence. A few of them, the older ones, are scowling at me, no doubt about my revelation that Katniss hunted illegally. But some of them are looking at me with something like reverence. Haymitch clears his throat.

“I think what the president is trying to say is that there might be a more important use for that space. Didn’t someone say the only school is overflowing? Why not build another school there instead?” 

“And where would we find teachers to staff it?”

“Times have changed,” I say firmly. “Travel bans have been lifted and people come and go as they choose. You can hire teachers from the districts.”

“Parents may…object to outlander districts teaching their children,” one of the men says, albeit uncomfortably. 

“I am from an outlander district!” 

“You’re a Victor…sir,” the man says quickly. I’m fuming.

“So because I survived by killing other children, that somehow makes me better than everyone else? Snow is long gone and we are STILL dealing with this blatant refusal to acknowledge each other as equals? Why are you any different than me? Is it because I grew up knowing hunger and fear, while you grew up knowing fun and games and entertainment in the form of children murdering children?” I leap to my feet and a few of the men tremble in their seats. No doubt they are remembering their president is prone to fits and attacks. I clench and unclench my fists at my side and I look around, glaring. 

“When will we stop this twisted sense of morality that some people call normal? It is time to stop looking at each other as enemies,” I remember Beetee’s words before we voted on a final Hunger Games. “And stop looking at each other as anything other than brother or sister. We are all the same, whether we grew up privelaged or not. Snow taught the Capitol that you all are better than anyone who wasn’t born here. Because people in the districts knew hardships and had to fear the Reaping bowl, we were somehow considered inferior. I have news for you. In many peoples’ eyes, that makes us the superior ones. Because you haven’t experienced a shred of the despair we have had to endure. You didn’t watch your friends and your neighbors battle for their lives on live television. You haven’t known the aching feeling in your stomach when you haven’t eaten for days. You were never forced to do heinous acts, to keep your loved ones alive. You have never known the horror that we Victors as well as people from the districts have known. And I pray you never will. Panem has flourished and if we had any idea of how the country was before the Dark Days, well, we might be able to compare the times. Did you know the world used to be a whole lot bigger?” The men start muttering to themselves and I nod. 

“I found maps and globes in the presidential mansion. Apparently, what Panem used to be was only one small part of the world. There were many other countries! The world used to be huge and what happened to it? We’ve destroyed it, as we have destroyed each other. We must start viewing each other as equals because only then can we really prosper.” I finish my heartfelt speech and look around. The men are all looking uncomfortable or nervous. I start to wonder if I have just made a grave error until I see Haymitch shoot me a grin and a thumbs up. 

I’m on the floor playing with Rye when I hear the door open and hear excited voices. I tug on Rye’s hand and he toddles after me into the hallway. I freeze as I take in my wife and daughter.

Their ‘mother/daughter’ day was spent at the spa and the salon; Katniss would usually refuse to go to those places but Willow begged her, and I can see that both girls got their hair done as well as their nails (Willow’s are short and practically unnoticeable but I can still see a little bit of pink polish painted on) Katniss has even allowed Willow to wear make-up, although it’s very light. I’m shocked that my wife looks so dolled up but I have to say, she looks beautiful. Though I have always preferred the ‘natural Katniss’, I was definitely taken aback when I first saw her after Cinna had transformed her for the first time. Because of our time in the Capitol, neither of us really dress up anymore and she doesn’t wear make-up back in 12. Her hair is always in its signature braid and I have no complaints whatsoever. I think the woman is beautiful, no matter what.

I snap out of my reverie and go to her, my hands resting on her hips.

“Wow,” I say softly as I lean in to give her a kiss.

“Is wow a good thing?”

“It’s a very good thing. You look stunning.”

“Blame your daughter. She insisted.” I wink at my daughter.

“Well you both look quite beautiful. I think I should take you ladies out for a night on the town, looking like that.”

“Oooh Daddy, can we?” Willow asks as she claps her hands together. Katniss glances at me, biting her lip. I know she’s afraid that Willow seems to like the Capitol lifestyle a bit too much. We blame Effie somewhat, but somehow, she’s always been a bit of a ‘girly-girl’ as Finn says. 

“Sure princess. There’s a great new restaurant I have been hearing a lot about. Why don’t we all go out for a nice dinner tonight?”

“Because we haven’t had enough nice dinners,” Katniss says in a low voice. 

“Come on. There will be music and dancing. It’ll be fun.” She shrugs but Willow jumps up and down. Katniss bends to pick up Rye and I glance at my watch.

“We should go soon, I think. Want to beat the dinner rush.”

“Let’s get Rye changed and we can go. How did your meeting with the Committee go today?” Oh. I haven’t told her yet. I don’t know if she will be disapproving or   
proud. 

“I’ll tell you later,” I mutter. She frowns but nods and turns to go into the childrens’ room. I hurry to our bedroom so I can change as well, and I glance in the mirror. I roll up my sleeves a little, find Katniss’s favorite tie, and change from the crisp black pants to some nice jeans that she loves because they ‘make my ass look good’. I turn a little, and cock my head. Nope, don’t see it. 

“What are you doing,” comes a laughing voice from the door. I spin around, my cheeks burning.

“Nothing.”

“You were checking yourself out.”

“I was not. Just making sure they fit right.” 

“Oh believe me. They fit right.” She stands in front of me, her hands moving to my back and then lower until they both rest on my ass. She slides her hands into my back pockets and squeezes. I let out a little grunt as I pull her in for a kiss. 

“Dinner,” she pants as she breaks the kiss. I nod and take a moment to collect myself, running my fingers through my hair in an effort to get my curls to flatten.

“Rye’s hair is becoming uncontrollable,” she says as she reaches up to pat them down.

“Sorry about that,” I laugh. “I had a terrible time managing it when I was young. I remember Delly trying to braid my hair one summer because my mother didn’t want to pay for someone to cut it, and it was so long I couldn’t see. I finally took a pair of scissors and cut it all off myself. Mom was so furious, I couldn’t sit down for a week.” Her mouth thins as she reaches up to run her hand through the topic of conversation. I gasp, however, as her hand closes and she yanks fairly hard, jerking me forward. 

“Katniss,” I groan, trying to straighten my jeans. She smirks and releases me and I take a step back. I shoot her a glare and adjust my shirt. She reaches around so she can straighten my tie. 

“I do love that tie on you.” I glower at her reflection.

“You are nothing but trouble, Mrs. Mellark.” 

“Well, Mr. Mellark, I thought you liked me that way.” I’m about to speak when she swats my ass and walks away. I stare at her retreating form, my jaw wide open, until I shake myself and blink at my reflection. My hair is touseled, my cheeks are flushed, and I have a goofy grin on my face.

I look like a normal sixteen year old boy in love. 

\-------------------------------  
We decide to invite Haymitch and Effie out to dinner and I can tell Effie is more excited than Haymitch is. Haymitch is like Katniss; they despise all things Capitol. I’ll admit I find some of it interesting and I don’t mind exploring the sights but I know I have to be careful, lest any painful memories come back. 

Our driver drops us off in front of a large building that is positively shaking from the music. 

“The Spot,” Haymitch says distastefully. “What kind of name is The Spot?”

“The number one restaurant and nightclub in Panem, sir,” says a smug voice from behind us. A little paunchy man with pink hair and an upturned nose bows low and gives us a smile, which more resembles a sneer.

“President Mellark, I can’t tell you how honored I am to have you here tonight. And your lovely family too. Charmed,” he waves his hand in front of my face and I step back, not really knowing if he wants me to kiss it, bow over it, or shake it. 

“Well, come come. I have reserved you a table in the back, away from prying eyes.”

“That’s very kind of you, sir, we thank you.” I nod to my soldier, who follows us inside but stays at the end of the hall. 

Once we are inside, Willow gasps in delight and Haymitch lets out a low whistle. Katniss looks disgusted as she surveys her surroundings. There is a couch nearby, with couples that are very busy. I clap a hand over Willow’s eyes and clear my throat.

“I asked the Committee if this establishment was appropriate for children and they said yes.”

“But of course,” he said, waving his hand again. Katniss’s eyes narrow.

“How is THAT appropriate? Oh good lord, get a room,” she yells to the writhing couples. Only one breaks away, gives her a scowl, and goes back to what they were doing. 

“You’re one to talk, sweetheart,” Haymitch mutters and Katniss shoots him a cold glare. 

I steer Katniss and Willow into the private room, where it is much quieter and thankfully, devoid of couches and kissing couples. The owner hands us menus and bows low.

“Bon appétit.” 

“This place is so cool,” Willow gushes as she reaches out to touch the flickering blue candle.

“Willow, don’t touch,” my wife says sharply. “It still may be hot.” My daughter withdraws her hand and flips through the menu. 

“I should ask for a high chair for Rye,” Katniss bounces our son on her knee and he reaches for the many pieces of silverware. 

“I’ll take him,” I reach for him and position him in my lap but he tries to crawl over the table to get back to his mama. 

“We’ll switch off,” she says as she moves him to her other arm. 

“Everything looks so delicious, I just don’t know what to start with,” Effie says as her eyes pore over the menu. 

“I would settle for a bowl of soup,” Haymitch grumbles.

“Darling, we are in the hottest spot in all of Panem! Try something new, won’t you?” Haymitch’s reply is a heavy sigh and more perusing of the menu. 

“I don’t see anything on here for children,” Katniss says as she reads over Rye’s head.

“I want this cake,” Willow points out.

“That has rum in it. Peeta, maybe we should have found a sitter for tonight.”

“No! Mama! That’s not fair!” Willow crosses her arms over her chest and pouts.

“I’m sure they have a kids menu, we will just ask the server when they take our drinks.” 

No such luck but she does point out a few options that are more suited for children. The problem is, she does it so that she is pressed against my side and her very skimpy uniform doesn’t hide her very ample assets. Katniss glares at me from across the table and I clear my throat as I lean back to get away from the server. I’ve never really been good at dealing with attention from the opposite sex and I know how much it pisses Katniss off but now I probably couldn’t even flirt if I tried. 

“Please let me know if there is anything else I can bring you,” she says in a low voice, leaning over Haymitch to collect his menu and brushing up against him as well.  
Effie’s expression matches Katniss’s. 

“What an isolent little--“

“And here I thought this evening was supposed to be fun,” I cut her off with a sigh. 

 

Dinner is delicious, although we are all a little wary of the strange dishes they bring us. Effie lets Willow try her rum cake and Katniss splits her chocolate mousse with both our kids. Effie drags Haymitch out for some dancing and we sit at the table while Rye starts to fall asleep.

“I think we better go,” Katniss says as she glances downward. I nod and start to stand when Haymitch and Effie return.

“Oh he’s already out, the poor thing,” Effie croons toward my son. “Why don’t we take them back to the hotel and you two stay out and have some fun?”

“That’s ok Effie--“

“No really, Haymitch and I aren’t as young as we used to be,” she giggles as she pats Haymitch’s arm. “We’re ready to retire for the evening. We can watch the children until morning.” Willow tries to hide a yawn but I smile as I wrap a curl around my finger.

“I saw that, little princess. Go with Grandpa and Mimi.” She takes her brother from Katniss and we both kiss her cheeks. 

“How about another glass of wine,” I say as I wrap my arm around her waist.

“I’m not sure. I’m already feeling the first glass.”

“You take half, I’ll take half,” I say as I signal the server over. She hurries off to get another one and I take Katniss’s hand in my own.

“Can you imagine if they had let the Tributes out for a night before the Games? We wouldn’t have known what to think about places like this.”

“I still don’t,” she says, screwing up her nose. “Call me old fashioned but I prefer the quietness of 12. I miss it.”

“Me too,” I say as I kiss her knuckles. “But we’re almost finished with this tour and then we can go home. Until then, thank you for being the amazing, supporting wife you have always been to me.” She smiles and leans in for a kiss, and the server chooses that moment to return with our glass of wine. 

“Oh, I only ordered one.”

“I know,” she purrs as she sets the glasses down. “It’s on the house.” She winks at me before hurrying out. 

“Well ok, cheers,” I clink my glass against hers and take a sip. 

“Would you care to dance?” Not waiting for a response, I take her hand and lead her out of the private room.

I see why Effie and Haymitch didn’t stay out here for long. Effie was probably scandalized by the dancing. It’s definitely not what she taught us to do for our Engagement party. The music is blaring and couples are dancing so close that there is barely any room to move. But boy are people moving! Katniss’s head whips back and forth as she takes in the scene, and she blushes red under the bright lights. Some people aren’t even dancing; they’re making out and grinding against each other. Why not just find a room and have sex already instead of dry humping in the middle of a club?   
I gasp as I feel someone move against me and hands reach up to stroke my face. I reach up to remove them but Katniss grips the girl’s wrist and leans in to snarl in her face.

“Hands OFF my husband!” The girl looks unabashed, bored even, as she turns to grind against another guy. He shoots me a thumbs up and his hands close over her ass. Katniss shakes her head.

“I can’t do this. Let’s just go back to the hotel.”

“C’mere,” I tug her away from the middle of the room, where there are less people and the music isn’t so loud. I flip her around, so her back is pressed to my chest. The music changes to something much slower and I close my eyes as the soft melody travels to my hazy brain. 

“This is much better,” I murmer against her hair, wrapping my arms around her and holding her close. She nods and rests her cheek against my chest, the two of us swaying very slowly. She reaches up and wraps her arm around my neck, turning her head to kiss me. My hand travels down her side, brushing against her breast, and my palms are splayed across her stomach. The music changes again, and the tempo picks up. I lean in to kiss her neck and my tongue rakes along her ear lobe. Her hands close around my curls and my hands move down her waist to grip her ass, which is pressed right against my jeans. She moves in time with the music and I discover I am unconsciously thrusting my hips every time she moves. I move my hand back to her face, moving her damp curls off her forehead, and trail a finger down her cheek and over her lips. Her tongue wraps around my finger and she sucks gently, letting out a low moan. My jeans are tightening uncomfortably, my breathing getting heavier and heavier. I’m suddenly grateful for the loud music and the sea of bodies. She turns in my arms, her hands fingering my tie.

“Have I told you how much I love this tie on you?”

“Mmm, once or twice,” I murmer, my hands traveling down her back. 

“It makes your eyes sparkle. Plus it just looks so damn good on you.” I chuckle softly as I lean down to kiss her. 

“You sure you don’t just like taking it OFF?”

“Mmhm. Definitely. Or tying you to the bed with it.” I suck in a breath as her hands move up to my hair and her lips press against my neck. We’re being touched on all sides now, as more people move into the dark room but I can only feel Katniss surrounding me. With one arm wrapped around her waist, my other moves under her dress and slides into the back of her satin panties. She gasps against my neck as I lightly slap her ass, before my fingers travel downwards and feel wet. 

“Fuck Katniss,” I growl as I plunge two fingers inside her. She buckles against me and I grind my erection into her stomach, holding her up. The alcohol and our surroundings are making her hazy because she would never let me do this in normal circumstances. But oh damn all I can think about is how she feels around my fingers, and how much I wish we could just be one of those couples on the couch right now and throw all caution to the wind. Her nails scratch at my neck and I feel her teeth bite down on my shoulder, at the same time she clenches around my fingers. I hear her soft whimpering in my ear and I keep thrusting my fingers until I feel her body relax. I withdraw my hand, straightening her dress and her underwear, and bring my fingers to my lips. I hold her gaze as I suck my fingers clean, then lean in to kiss her. As she comes down from her high, my brain starts to scream at me, reminding me that I am the president of Panem and I am in a crowded club with my hands down my wife’s underwear. What a role-model I am. 

“Take me home, Peeta,” she leans up to whisper in my ear, her voice low and gravelly. Better to get her out of here anyway! Her eyes glitter as I tug on her hand, we collect her purse, and make our way outside to where the car is waiting. My soldier nods to me as he opens the door and I gesture Katniss in. Once we are inside, she pounces and her lips attach to my neck while she tugs on my tie, as if I could get any closer.

“Katniss,” I hiss. “We’re not alone, you know.” She looks toward the driver, who is doing his best to ignore what is happening back here and she frowns. She hits a button and the partition slowly slides up. When it’s fully in place, I turn to stare at her and she smirks.

“Now we are.” I mouth uncertainly but my eyes widen as she slides to her knees in front of me, groping me through my jeans. She deftly works my belt and zipper, and yanks my jeans down. I have no choice but to lift my hips so she can pull them down and she reaches into my underwear and reveals my cock. I grip the seats with white knuckles as she takes me into her mouth, all teasing pushed aside. She sucks at me like I am a fucking popsicle on a hot summer day. I bite my lip to hold in my moans. Though I know my driver KNOWS what we are doing back here, I won’t give him any more reason to be uncomfortable. The drive to the restaurant wasn’t long so I urge Katniss along, before we make it back to the hotel. My hands close around her hair and I thrust against her throat. She works me with both hands and her tongue and my head drops back onto the seat. 

“Shit,” I mutter as my hips jerk. She strokes me hard and fast and I bite down on my lip as I feel myself jerking deep in her throat. She tenderly tucks me back into my underwear, buttons and zips me up, and even does my belt for me. I pull her into my lap and kiss her gently.

“God I love you.”

“Mm. I love you too.”

The driver knocks on the partition only a second later and I hastily roll it down.

“Sir, we’re, um, here.”

“Thank you so much. Here, for your troubles.” And your silence, I think as I hand him a few bills. He stammers a thank you and I help Katniss out of the car.   
When we make it upstairs, she leans against me as I fumble for the room key.

“Haymitch and Effie said they would watch the kids until morning. Do you want to take advantage of that, or go get them?” I clear my throat nervously as I push the door open.

“It’s really late and we would just be waking everyone up.”

“I like the way you think,” she says as she jerks me forward by my tie and tugs me toward the bedroom. 

She insists I keep it on though the rest of my clothes are scattered on the floor. She enjoys yanking on it while I am riding her, and I enjoy tying her up with it while she goes down on me. 

We’re just going to bed when the sun starts to come up and Katniss groans against my shoulder.

“We should just stay up. Haymitch will be bringing the kids home soon, and you have another meeting at 8.”

“Let’s see if we can get at least an hour of sleep,” I say through a yawn. I don’t know how we are approaching our 40’s and we still find the strength to go all night. Not that I’m complaining in the slightest but sometimes our viriilty shocks me. She curls up against my chest and only moments later she is snoring softly. I smile and gently run my fingertips up her arms until I join her.  
\--------------------

Haymitch and Effie both join me for today’s meeting and I feel like Katniss should too but she doesn’t trust anyone but them to watch the kids. I can see a few of the men look surprised when we enter and they all watch Effie with confusion. 

“Gentlemen, you have already met my Senior Advisor, Haymitch Abernathy but I don’t think you’ve had the chance to meet the Secretary of State, Mrs. Effie Abernathy?” 

“A pleasure, gentlemen,” Effie says graciously before taking her seat. Effie arranges the pen and paper around her and looks up at me.

“When you’re ready, President Mellark.” 

 

The meeting isn’t as dull and long as yesterday’s meeting and we finish rather quickly while still reaching the appropriate decisions. A bill is signed to begin construction on a brand new school as well as a new factory that will produce different medicines, which is to be constructed around the Capitol border. 

“Well if there is nothing else, I suppose that concludes today’s meeting. I shall see you all--“

“Sir,” one of the younger men stops me. Mr. Twilling, I believe his name is. His father was on Snow’s committee board. Joy. 

“A lot of the men feel…well, we feel that it is unfair that you have elected to remain in District 12. Every president of Panem has lived in the presidential mansion in Capitol City and some people are saying…well, some are saying you are doing what you want because you are a Victor.” I freeze, my eyes locked on him. He looks wary but doesn’t back down. Other men shift in their seats and my eyes travel around the room.

“I see,” I say slowly. “You know, gentlemen, of my past…experiences with the Captitol, do you not?”

“We do sir.”

“And you know of my wife’s past experiences?”

“If you are referring to the death of her sister, then yes sir.”

“And do you see my reasoning for keeping my family in our home district?”

“President Mellark, please don’t misunderstand me. We realize you and your wife have been through a lot. And it is understandable that you do not wish to make the city, where most of your troubles happened, your home. However, there is much to be done and after yesterday’s meeting, I think we can all agree that we need your guidance. You were right sir. President Paylor was our first president who was not born in the Capitol…you are our 2nd.”

“President Coin was born in 13,” I remind them. Twilling waves this aside.

“Coin wasn’t really Panem’s president.” And yet you were ready to execute Katniss for assassinating her, I think to myself but I bite my tongue to hold in my angry thoughts.

“My point is, sir, is that we would appreciate if you were around more often so we can…well, learn your ways and have you help us fill in the gap between Capitol and district. I think we all,” he casts a glance around the room and glares at a few of them, “desire that peace and prosperity you spoke of and if you can help Panem find it, sir, you could go down in history.” I can feel every eye on me, including Haymitch’s and Effie’s. I mouth uncertainly, my mind racing. What the hell am I going to do? I made a promise to Katniss and to my family. But I have a chance, an actual chance, to make a difference to this country.

“I…I’ll speak to my wife today about relocating. I can’t promise anything but perhaps a negotiation can be decided upon. Spending a few months here in the Capitol, and the rest of the year in 12.” Twilling nods, looking satisfied.

“That would be agreeable, thank you Mr. President.” I nod in return.

“Is there anything else to discuss? Then I shall see you all later.” The men all hurry from the room, leaving me with Effie and Haymitch. I bury my hands in my pockets and sigh.

“So what are the chances of Katniss being alright with moving here?” Haymitch shakes his head.

“Sweetheart’s going to support you, no matter what. But she won’t be happy about it.” I nod dully. That’s what I’m afraid of. Because my mission in life has always been to make Katniss happy.


	48. Chapter 48

I’m helping Willow pack her bags when we hear the door open. One more day and then we will be back home in 12. I go to greet Peeta and he looks at me tiredly before he continues on to the living room. He collapses on the couch and doesn’t say anything as he leans back and closes his eyes.

“Is everything ok?”

“Where are the kids?”

“Rye is down for a nap and Willow is packing. Peeta, what’s wrong?” He groans as he reaches up and covers his face with his hands. I sit next to him, watching worriedly. He lowers his hands and sits up to face me, his teeth clamped over his lip.

“I didn’t tell you how yesterday’s meeting went.” In a quiet voice, he tells me about the exchange between his Committee and him, and how angry he got. I’m lost for words as he watches me, waiting for my reaction. 

“I’m really proud of you,” I say softly. “But I’m also scared. You think they could get mad and--“

“Katniss. I’m not finished,” he says as he squeezes my hand. He goes on to tell me about today’s meeting.  
And the Committee’s request of him. Of us. He moves closer and takes both of my hands, bringing them to his lips.

“Katniss, I told you when I gave my oath, that I would never do anything that would make you uncomfortable. I’m sticking to that. If you absolutely can’t stand the idea of moving here, even for a few months, I won’t make you. But I…I need to.” My jaw drops at what he is suggesting. 

“You want us to be apart…for months?”

“Of course I don’t want that, Katniss! Damn, I can’t even imagine being away from you for a day! But I’m President now and believe I can really make a difference. These people, they actually want things to change! Can you honestly say you’d have ever expected that? I certainly haven’t. I want that change, Katniss. I want to help my country prosper even more. And if I have to live in the Capitol a couple of months a year in order to see that change, so be it. I would hope that you and the kids could support my decision and stay with me but…I understand if you can’t.” I tear my hands from his and lean over the couch, my feet dangling inches from the floor. I can feel him watching me and I stare at the intricate floor rug in front of me.  
Can I really deny him? Why am I making it such a huge deal anyway? It was Peeta who was tortured and distorted here, not me. True, this is where I lost my sister but…that could have happened anywhere. Peeta has more to fear than I do; he runs the risk of facing flashbacks here in the city. Am I really considering leaving him to deal with it on his own? Can I actually stomach the thought of being at home with my children while Peeta calls to check on us every night?   
The answer is no. No I can’t imagine that. No I would never leave his side. He’s right; he’s the President now and needs my support. I turn back to him and he reaches out to me, almost hesitantly. I climb into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. His trembling hands rest on my waist as his wide eyes bore into mine.

“I said I would remain by your side and I always will. I do support you, Peeta. If you want to move to the Capitol…we’ll move here as a family.” I don’t think he hears me immediately; at least, he doesn’t react right away. It takes him a moment and he blinks in surprise. 

“Really?”

“Really.” His arms wind around my back and he presses his lips to mine. He breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against mine, his eyes fluttering closed.

“I would be lost without you.”

“Well you don’t have to worry about that. You have me for as long as you want me.” His eyes open and seem to sparkle.

“I’ve wanted you since I was five years old. I think it’s safe to say I will always want you.” 

“I suppose…we should make arrangements then.”

“We don’t have to be here the whole year, Katniss. I thought maybe spending the spring in the Capitol and then we go home around mine and Rye’s birthdays. Of course we will need to look at schools for Willow, but this way we will still be home for part of the year. Would that be alright with you?” I nod and he picks my braid off my shoulder and plays with it.

“Can we at least go home and come back in a few weeks? I feel like we have been away from 12 for forever.”

“We can go and pack up our things. Make arrangements at Willow’s school and the bakery. I’ll tell the Committee we will be back by June.” He kisses my temple and slides off the couch to go make a phone call. I take a deep breath as I make my way to Willow’s room.   
She takes it better than I expect. Though she’s a little distraught to hear that she will be starting another school, she seems excited to be moving here. 

“Will we live in that big house we went to for my birthday party?” I nod slowly.

“Yes, we will stay there for the spring and summer and then for Daddy’s and brother’s birthdays, we will go home to 12 to see Grandpa and Mimi and Aunt Annie and Finn and everyone. You’re ok with that?”

“Sure Mama,” she says as she excitedly hugs me. Well, didn’t take much convincing for my daughter. Peeta clears his throat from the doorway and Willow grins.

“Daddy!”

“How’s my pretty little princess? Has Mama told you the news?”

“Daddy, we get to move here!” I give him a pained look over her head and he chuckles softly.

“Yes we do. We’re heading back to 12 tomorrow, though, so are you all packed?” She nods and bounds toward her closet, where her bags are. 

“And what about you, honey?” 

“Um…I might not be as packed as Willow is.” He rolls his eyes and follows me to the bedroom, where all of my clothes are strewn over the bed. 

“You’re right, you might not be,” he chuckles as he pulls one of my suitcases onto the bed and starts folding my dresses. 

12 has turned hot and humid, but I’m still happy to be home. Haymitch rolls his bags across the way, grumbling about how he’ll have to be dragged out of his rocking chair after this. Effie pats my cheek gently, kisses the children, and follows her husband. 

\-------------------  
I hate packing and pace the room, having no idea what to take with me. When Peeta enters the bedroom, he stops and looks around. Our room looks like a cyclone came through it. 

“Um…Katniss? You don’t have to take everything you own, you know.”

 

“How do I know what to take? What will I need? What if I suddenly want to read something or look at something and it’s not there with me?” 

“They have these great things called stores, Katniss,” he laughs. “We can buy whatever you want. I have money, I can spoil you. Let me spoil you.”

“You don’t need to spoil me. I don’t NEED extra things--“

“You don’t live in the Seam anymore,” he cuts me off. “I have always enjoyed buying you things. I can do it even more now that I’m President. I intend to spoil you and the kids rotten.” I shake my head and feel the   
bed dip as he sits next to me.

“Your 10th birthday…I drew a picture of you and Prim and begged Dad to let me buy a nice frame for it. We found this beautiful gold filigree frame at the Hob and I laid all my coins out. The lady said it wasn’t enough and I cried and cried. Dad finally put down the extra coins and the lady wrapped it up for me. I wanted to give it to you at school and I was so excited when I woke up on your birthday.”

“What happened to it,” I ask softly. 

“Mom found it…I think that’s the first time I heard her scream at Dad. Then she turned on me and…” he trails off and I squeeze his arm. His hand covers mine and he sighs. 

“Anyway. Just let me buy gifts for my girl, ok? It makes me happy.” I roll my eyes but nudge him playfully.

“For the sake of your happiness.” 

“Thank you,” he says in mock seriousness. “I’m going to see if Willow needs any help packing. Remember we only have one train for all of our stuff.” I stick my tongue out at his retreating back. One suitcase holds all of my precious relics. Prim’s blue ribbon, the glass flower Peeta bought me, my locket from the Quell, the Plant Book, the Memory Book, the gloves and scarf Prim had made for me, countless items from Annie and Johanna and Finn. The suitcase is stuffed when I try to close it and I huff in annoyance. I turn to the next suitcase and see our bedside drawer is ajar. I bite my lip and call to Peeta. He pokes his head in, his   
brow raised.

“Do you want to…um…I mean, do you think we should take…take our…”

“Our what, Katniss?” 

“Um…our…toys,” I say quietly, my face burning. His brows shoot up and he walks over to our drawer, his hand on the edge.

“Do you want to take them with us?”

“I don’t…I don’t know,” I say with a shrug. 

“Well, the mansion is pretty huge. Lots of room. Lots of rooms away from the kids. And a really big bathroom,” he says with a wink. “So I say, yes. Pack them.” I’m blushing bright red as I stuff them into the next suitcase and say a silent prayer that no one checks our bags. Peeta gives me a sly smile as he disappears and heads back to help our daughter. 

 

I’m grateful that we have a few weeks before we head back to the Capitol. I spend most of my time with Annie and Finn’s baby girl. Peeta spends most of his time at the bakery and I know he is going to miss it. However, since he opened a location in the Capitol several years ago, he plans to oversee the chain from there. I’ll be the one who has to give up my hobby. There isn’t a trace of natural life in that city and I won’t be able to hunt at all. For now, I get up early in the mornings, kiss Peeta goodbye while he still sleeps, and slip out into the woods. When I return, my game bags are full and Peeta is making breakfast for everyone. I drop the game off at the orphanage, the school, and various restaurants I work closely with. I will definitely miss this. 

Before I know it, summer is officially here and we have to say goodbye to our home. Annie, Haymitch, Effie, and Finn holding Coral come to see us off. Rory and Theta had dinner at our house last night and Peeta was up early this morning, saying his farewells to his staff. We made a stop at the Canterbees last night, mainly to see our godchildren. I still haven’t actually met Bryce but Peeta is his godfather, and I am godmother to both Lila and Dex so we decided to push aside our past and go see them.   
Brent and Delly were both gracious hosts and Delly whispered how beautiful Rye and Willow are. I nodded in agreement, watching our children play together across the room. Rye seemed interested in their baby boy, and Willow adores Lila. 

When it came time to leave, Peeta thanked them for their hospitality and I became rather silent. Brent gave me a smile and patted my shoulder.

“Take care of each other,” he muttered in my ear. I looked over to Peeta, who was giving Dex and Lila hugs. 

“You too,” I replied. 

Peeta holds Coral in his arms and kisses Annie’s cheek.

“You’re all welcome to come visit.”

“Oh darling I’m sure we will be along in a month or so,” Effie giggles. 

“I’ve actually never been to the Capitol. Maybe we can plan a visit when Coral is a little older,” Finn says with a smile. Peeta nods and hands him his daughter.

“We’d love that. Willow will miss her Finny.” To demonstrate this, our daughter throws her arms around Finn’s feet and buries her face in his leg.

“Finny, come with us.”

“You know I’d love to princess, but Coral is too young right now. I have to be a good daddy to her, ok?” He bends down, cradling Coral in one arm, and kisses Willow’s cheek.

“You’ll always be my little princess, you know.” She sniffles and throws her arms around his neck. Effie sighs as she bends down to pick up Rye and give him a kiss.

“We will miss you, my dears.”

“We’ll miss you too. Please come see us soon. Haymitch,” I give him a pointed look.

“Hey, if the President is going to put me to work every time I come visit, I don’t think I want to come that often.”

“I promise to give you a day off to sightsee,” Peeta says laughingly. 

“I think I’ve seen enough of the Capitol to last me a lifetime,” Annie says quietly and the smile fades from Peeta’s face. 

“It’s changed a lot, Annie. It’s…it isn’t what you remember.”

“If Finn comes with me, I’d be glad to visit.” She doesn’t smile and her son wraps his arm around her. 

“I’ll be with you every step of the way, Mom.” He kisses her cheek and Peeta tousels his hair.

“Thattaboy.”

“Uncle Peeta!” Peeta laughs while Finn attempts to flatten his hair. The gesture looks hauntingly familiar.

“Just like your father,” Annie laughs, though it sounds so far away. I hug Finn tightly and lean in to whisper in his ear.

“Take care of her.” He nods and I lean down to kiss Coral’s forehead. Peeta picks Rye up and the attendant ushers onto the train. We all glance back to see our family waving at us. My heart sinks as the train takes us away from 12. Away from our home, our family. I suddenly remember the first time I was on a train that was taking me away from 12. I didn’t know if I’d ever see Prim again. I was thrown together with the boy who had saved my life, who didn’t deserve this fate. 

He slips his hand into mine and gently turns me to face him.

“We’ll be back, Katniss. This isn’t goodbye. Not really.” I nod and he smiles before he follows Rye and Willow to their compartment. My eyes dart around the decorated train and because I have nothing else to do, I fall into one of the red velvet chairs and quickly fall asleep.


	49. Chapter 49

“Mama! Mama! Finny says he is excited to see us!” I look up from the long documents I have been attempting to read for the last hour and a half and see my daughter waving a letter in front of me.

“You got a letter from Finn? That’s wonderful, sweetie.”

“Aunt Annie says we will be home in time for the Halloween Masquerade! Can we go, Mama? Please?”

“Of course we can. Can you give me just a few minutes, Willow? Mama needs to finish reading this for Daddy.” 

“Can I go tell Daddy what Finn said?”

“You can tell him when we see him for dinner, sweetheart. He’s really busy right now.” She pouts and lowers the letter, and I bite my lip. That pouty face is one I have seen on Peeta many times and I can’t resist it, whether it’s on my daughter or my husband. I put the papers down and hoist her into my arms.

“Hey, tell you what. Why don’t you and Rye and I go to the kitchens and make something special for Daddy?” Her eyes light up and I smile.

“Can we try that new recipe for that cake that I found at Daddy’s store?”

“Your dad is the baker of the family, not me. But sure, let’s try it.” I laugh at my daughter’s enthusiasm and take her hand. We find Rye with his “governess” ( a fancy Capitol word for nanny) as they are playing blocks in his room. He giggles when we enter the room and reaches up for me. Brittany (what kind of name is that?) smiles and folds her hands.

“He’s been asking to see you all day, Madame Mellark.”

“I know, baby, I’m so sorry. I’ve been up to my elbows in depositions.” I nuzzle his nose and he blinks up at me with that little grin of his.

“Mama, play with me?”

“Your sister wants to try a new recipe. Why don’t you come help us?” 

“Do you need any extra assistance, Madame?” I shake my head no.

“Take a few hours to yourself, Brittany. I think I’ll spend some time with my children.” She smiles and gives a little curtsy as she backs out of the room. Why are Capitol people so strange? I won’t dare repeat that thought when Peeta is around. After all, he is the one who is trying to change those thoughts and views around the country but I still think Capitolites are stuffy and odd. Or maybe I’m the odd one. I don’t know.   
I take my children’s hands and lead them to the kitchens. We weave around the cooking staff and find a table in the corner where Peeta sometimes bakes with his daughter. When he has time of course. Which is not often anymore.

I knew our time in the Capitol would change us but I didn’t think it would be this bad in only 3 months. Peeta is kept busy and we hardly see him during the day; the only time we do see him is at dinner, and then he retreats to his study to meet with more officials. At first he came to bed and cuddled up to me, kissing my forehead and murmering how much he loved me while his hand snuck down the front of my panties and he made me moan his name to the dark room.

Lately, his meetings have run later than usual and I am asleep by the time he comes to bed. When I wake up, he is gone to more meetings.  
We haven’t made love in nearly 2 months. I miss his touch and his kisses.  
I miss my husband.  
And my children miss their father. 

Upon arrival, Peeta informed me that a governess was selected to keep watch over the kids. Willow would be privately schooled until the new school opened up around the corner from our mansion. Her governess and her tutor were selected by the Committee so I wasn’t expecting to like them. I like her tutor more than the governess. He is a witty young man from District 5 and he makes Willow laugh. Peeta and I chose Rye’s governess ourselves, a sweet girl from District 9. She’s a little clumsy and she says “ummm” and “huh” a lot, but she adores Rye and gives him a lot of attention. It has killed me that I haven’t seen my children in a long time too. As Peeta becomes more occupied with official business and bills and orders, he asks me to read them over and make any additional suggestions I can think of. It’s exhausting but one glance at my poor husband and the dark circles under his eyes, and I shut my mouth and start to read. 

Willow starts to collect all of the necessary equipment we will need and she sends Rye to get some of the ingredients. I laugh at the sight of him carrying a bag of flour and an egg and I hurriedly take them from him before he can make a mess. 

“My little baker baby,” I stroke his curls and he grins up at me. 

“Rye, you’re going to turn 3 soon. Any ideas what you would like for your birthday?” He merely shrugs and starts poking at the flour. I sigh and bite my lip. I’m becoming concerned that he still isn’t talking much. The few times I have talked to Annie and Johanna on the phone, they both tell me not to worry, that he is like me and will do things in his own time. But I’m worried that with only Willow and Brittany and me as company, how will he develop social skills? I’ve tried to bring it up to Peeta but he tells me not to worry, he’s sure it’s just part of growing up. 

“Ok,” Willow starts to line up the ingredients. “brown sugar, apples, caramel, apple cider, spiced walnuts…do we have spiced walnuts?”

“Ask Jemma. She went shopping yesterday.”

“Jemma!” Willow runs off to find our cook, an elderly woman who loves Willow and buys her whatever she wants to eat. Peeta was concerned at first that Willow would be too spoiled when we return to 12, but since he hasn’t been around much, there’s nothing I can really say to the old woman’s kindness. She reminds me a lot of Sae and I enjoy my talks with her. I’ve told her about Prim and hunting with my father and the day in the rain with Peeta and the bread. She pats my hand with her gnarled ones and smiles.

“Life has a way of working out, dearie. One way or another.” 

“Mama, can I have some chocolate milk?” I glance down at Rye who is trying to climb into the chair.

“Baby it’s going to spoil your dinner.”

“No it won’t.” I shake my head but go to the huge fridge and search for the chocolate milk. 

“Anything I can get you, Madame,” I hear a sharp voice behind me. I roll my eyes before I turn around.

“No thank you, Krella, I’m just getting some chocolate milk for my son.”

“I’d be happy to get it for you, Madame, so that you’re not disturbing anything in the fridge.” I clench my teeth and slam the door shut. Krella is the one woman who is going to drive me over the edge in this household. She’s Jemma’s assistant and she tries to be the Head Cook, smug and patronizing. She tries to charm Peeta and I’ve caught her running her hand up his arm or giving him looks as she leaves the room. She comes to the table, pouring a small glass for Rye and I rub his head.

“Say thank you, Rye.” He gulps the milk and slams the glass down without saying a word. 

“Well hopefully he will get his daddy’s manners one day,” she says with a sniff. I glare at her retreating back and stroke my son’s cheek.

“Thank you Mama,” he says quietly. I can’t help but smile.   
\-------------------

I’m useless in the kitchen so what I’m really doing is supervising. With Jemma’s help, Willow manages to produce a beautiful apple cider and caramel spice cake that would make Peeta proud. She lets Rye sprinkle the walnuts so that he has something to do and she kisses his cheek with a loud smack.

“Good job, baby brother. Looks great!”

“You both did so good,” I say as I pull them both in for kisses. “Wait until your daddy sees this!”

“What smells so good in here,” we hear a deep voice behind us that makes both of them squeal. Peeta looks down as both our children throw their arms around his legs and he smiles.

“I was hoping I would find you in here.” He scoops both of them up, wincing slightly and kisses their cheeks.

“Daddy we made you a cake!”

“A cake? Really?”

“It just needs to cool,” I say as I wave my hand over it. “Your children have a real talent for baking.” 

“Awe I’m sure Mama helped a lot,” he says in a teasing tone. I shake my head.

“Nope, it was mostly your daughter.”

“Well my little baker children. I’ll have to take you to the bakery to help out tomorrow!” Both of them look excited and lean in to kiss him and I’m momentarily jealous. 

“Don’t you have a meeting tomorrow?”

“Ah, that’s…why I was coming to find you. I have to miss dinner tonight.”

“What?” He sets the kids down and runs a hand through his coffed curls.

“The mayors of 1, 2, and 3 are here early and they want to meet tonight. We are taking a day off tomorrow so they can see the developments and I thought we could all have lunch at the bakery together.” 

“Willow has an art lesson and I have an appointment at the archery range at noon.”

“So join us after your appointment. I can give Willow art lessons, can’t I, princess?” 

“Peeta. We haven’t seen you all day. Now you’re missing dinner too?” His lips thin and I can see how exhausted he is.

“I’m sorry Katniss but the leaders want to meet tonight and I don’t think we will be finished before dinner. I just wanted to tell you not to wait for me.” Without another word, he turns and walks out of the kitchen. I’m stunned and feel my heart plummet. He has never dismissed his family like this. WHAT is happening to us?

“Mommy, he didn’t eat it,” Rye says as he pokes at my leg.

“He will later, baby. Come on, let’s go get changed for dinner.”   
\-------------------

I try to make dinner as cheerful as I can but even Willow, my little ray of eternal sunshine, is vastly subdued from her father’s absence. Sighing, I push my dinner around my plate until Krella whisks our dishes away and Jemma brings out the cake that Willow made. It’s delicious but I feel sick to my stomach.

“Wrap up a slice for Mr. Mellark, please.” I lead Rye and Willow back to their rooms and kiss them goodnight. Rye doesn’t even ask for a bedtime story tonight. My heart and my feet are heavy as I make my way back to my room.  
\----------------

I’m in front of the vanity, brushing my hair, when I glance up and see the bedroom door opening. Peeta closes the door behind him and sighs as he throws his jacket aside. 

“Hey,” he mumbles as he makes his way to the closet. I don’t say anything but continue to watch him in the mirror. His eyes are halfway closed as he unbuttons his shirt and throws it aside. I grip my brush, my jaw clenched and my teeth grinding so I don’t say anything I will regret. He sighs as he pushes his slacks down his legs, wincing as his prosthetic pinches his skin. He runs his hands through his hair, opens his eyes, and finally makes eye contact with me.

“Do you want to shower first or you want me to?” I slam the brush down and whirl around.

“Since when do we shower separately? Since you refuse to come to bed on time? Since you leave before I wake up? Since we haven’t touched each other in months? Since you have no time for your FAMILY anymore?” He looks taken aback and mouths wordlessly. 

“I can’t believe you missed dinner, Peeta! Your children were excited to see you! Your daughter spent hours making you that cake and you didn’t even eat it! Your son asks me if you are mad at him! We haven’t seen you in WEEKS, Peeta! Do you realize we haven’t made love in almost TWO months?!”

“Katniss--“

“I knew when we moved here that things were going to change. But I didn’t think they would change this much! Is this what life is going to be for us, Peeta? The household giving me pity-filled looks when my husband doesn’t come to dinner? Being called Madame Mellark all day, and oh isn’t your husband delightful, where is your delightful husband, I DON’T KNOW WHERE MY DELIGHTFUL HUSBAND IS BECAUSE I DON’T SEE HIM ANYMORE!” I stand up and he takes a step back, his eyes wide.

“Is this what you wanted, Peeta? You asked me for a family and now you go off and ignore us while you try to change the world and you expect us to be happy about it?”

“Katniss where in the hell is this coming from,” he growls, his eyes narrowed and his voice low with anger. “You said you would support me. You said you would stay by my side. Are you regretting that now?”

“Of course not but I would just like to see my husband every once in awhile!”

“You do see me! I bake with Willow, I color with Rye, I sleep beside you every night! Why can’t you understand that what I’m doing, I’m doing for my family?”

“Ever since we came to the Capitol you have been distant and moody and too busy to spend time with us. We have to go to the bakery in order for you to actually see your children?! I was out with some of the Commitees’ wives today and they suggested I buy lingerie! I thought, why the hell would I need lingerie, and one of them said “to make your husband look your way again”. Do you KNOW how that FEELS, Peeta? To have a stranger comment on your sex life?! Or lack thereof?”

“There is no fucking reason to buy more lingerie, I look at you plenty--“

“Then WHY have I been using toys to get myself off for the last month? Why haven’t you touched me or even kissed me? Are you that exhausted that you can’t… touch your wife?” His face darkens dangerously.

“Look I’m sorry that you’re feeling so…neglected, but I just--“

“Neglected,” I laugh bitterly. “Those wives feel neglected, Peeta. Complaining that they haven’t had sex in a whole week. I’m forgotten. And I’m not saying we need to have sex every night, but I would love to wake up to you again, or watch you carry Rye around the house, or laugh with Willow. I would love to come at your hands, and not my own…to hear you moan my name again. I’m afraid…I’m afraid you’ll forget it all.” He slowly walks over to me and I turn back toward the mirror. I shiver at the feel of his hands on my shoulders and close my eyes as he rests his face in my hair.

“I could never forget it all,” he says softly. “I’ve just been…so busy that I…I keep telling myself when we go back to 12, that’s when I can make the time. I can stay in bed with you and spend time with the kids and see you smile again. I can ask Haymitch and Effie to take the kids so I can make you scream until morning. There’s just so much to be done right now, Katniss. Can’t you understand?” I jerk away from him and glare at our reflections.

“I understand plenty. Forgive me if I haven’t been the ‘understanding wife’. Madame Mellark is feeling lonely and abandoned, oh poor little me. The poor little orphan girl is feeling lost and alone. Is that what you think?” His eyes flash.

“That’s not what I think at all. Why are you being such a crazy bitch about this? Why can’t we have a civilized conversation like adults rather than you going out of your mind?” My jaw drops and I fling my hairbrush at him. He brings his hands up in front of his face to block the blow and it bounces off his elbow.

“Shit! What the hell is wrong with you, Katniss?”

“Fuck you, Peeta.” I turn and start to walk into the bathroom but I am slammed against the wall and before I have a chance to gasp, his hand covers my mouth. 

“You need to listen to me,” he hisses, his face inches from mine. “I’m sick of this bullshit crazy talk. I don’t know how you can still question my desire for you but I’m sick of it.” He yanks my blouse until the buttons pop and go flying across the room. His hands rip at my lace bra, pulling the cups down and allowing my breasts to spill forward. He roughly palms them with one hand before his hand moves down and under my skirt. He tugs the skirt upwards until he reveals my panties, then he rips those apart as well. His middle finger plunges into me and I whimper against his hand, my knees nearly buckling.

“Is this what you want, Katniss,” he spits as he shoves another finger inside me, none too gently. His thumb makes rough circles on my clit and his hand over my mouth is starting to bruise. 

“All day I sit in meetings and I’m thinking of you, how fucking lucky I am that I get to come home to you and how lucky I am that I have such a supportive, understanding wife. And you’re just telling me that that’s not so true. You’re not so understanding and you’re not so supportive. You’re angry with me that I’ve been neglecting you, when I have been in presidential meetings! Not drinking with the boys, not out fucking other chicks. I’m actually WORKING.” Tears stream down my face as saliva dribbles past Peeta’s hand. He continues to fuck me with his fingers, pushing in so hard that it actually hurts. He crooks his fingers and I feel my walls flutter. 

“So is this what you want then? Me fucking you against the wall like I fucking own you? When we could have just had a calm conversation and you tell me what you need instead of screaming and throwing things at me?” I toss my head as he leans in and bites my neck, his fingers pushing even deeper.

“You going to fucking come for me, Katniss,” he sneers. “Do it. Maybe you won’t be such a bitch tomorrow.” I scream into his palm as my orgasm hits me hard and he withdraws his hand. My skirt is ripped on the side, my panties are ruined, as well as my blouse. He jerks his hand away and I fall in a crumpled heap. I can feel him staring down at me as I sob into the floor. There is an ache between my legs but my heart is what is hurting most. 

“I think I’ll go sleep in the guest room tonight,” he says quietly and I see his feet move away from me. I can’t even say anything as I hear the door click quietly behind him. After he is gone, I drag myself to the bathroom and run the hot water. I fling aside my ruined clothes and stand under the hot stream. I blink back tears as I reach down and find blood. Peeta has never hurt me like that before. Not unless he was in a flashback. 

I’m terrified if he remains in office, it will mean the end of us. 

\--------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please hold all torches and pitchforks until the next chapter! I had people threatening to bang down my door on FF.Net and I promise there is a reason and redemption for Peeta! On the other hand, it's refreshing to see him screwing up every now and again. it shows that Peeta is real, not some perfect angel. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the drama...will post Katniss's chapter soon!   
> XOXO


	50. Chapter 50

I lean against the bedroom door, breathing heavily. I lift my hand to study it.   
Blood. There is no doubt about that.  
I wince and wipe my hand on my slacks. I shake my head, blinking back tears.  
I actually hurt her. I’ve hurt my wife.   
Something I vowed never to do and yet I did. Again. I lower my head to my chest and sob right there in the hallway. The housekeepers could be along in a minute and find the president blubbering like a baby against the door. 

The rage starts to subside and instead is replaced by terror and fear. Did I just have a flashback? Or is this who I am now?

I force myself to move down the hallway and into the guest bedroom. As much as I want to go back in and beg for her forgiveness, I don’t think I’m out of the woods just yet. A flashback can seize me at any moment and there is no telling what I would do to her. I pass by my childrens’ rooms and peer in. Willow is sleeping peacefully, and Rye is turned away, his little fist curled up under his chin. I smile and more tears start to come, so I move away as quickly as possible. Katniss was right. I haven’t seen my family in ages. I ache to hold them again, to kiss them, to spend time with them. 

The Committee was surprised when I moved to the Capitol with my family. They said they expected me to leave the wife and the kids at home. I scoffed at them and said I would never go anywhere without Katniss.

I guess they didn’t like that too much. Paylor has come by twice and I have asked her, in a desperate tone, if it was this hard for her. She, of course, doesn’t have children. She does have a husband and she said he supported her and remained by her side.  
The whole time I thought, Katniss supports me too. She may not like it but she will carry me through this. 

I collapse against the door and hide my face in my shaking hands. The blood remains on my fingers, like some haunting reminder of what I have done. I frantically rub my hand on my slacks and sob into my palm. 

God, what have I done? Will she forgive me for this? I’ve been so exhausted and so on edge lately that her words just made me snap. I blink back tears as I stare at the huge empty bed. This isn’t me…it’s not who I am. Katniss has always described me as gentle and loving and caring. My dad said I was the kindest person he knew. What has the Capitol turned me into?  
I gasp, realizing what has happened. Will she think I was in a flashback? Will she realize that mutt-Peeta has emerged again? And can I keep him at bay or is he going to come out again?

We need to go home. This place is poison… for me, for Katniss, for our marriage. My poor kids are too young to understand what is happening. Katniss said that Rye has been asking if I was mad at him.   
My poor little guy. 

I did ask her for a family…I wanted it so badly. And now I have abandoned them. I bang my head against the door and wince. 

I remember right after I was sworn in, I told her that I didn’t want anyone to turn me into something I’m not. Which of course reminds me of our conversation before we went into the first Games. The first time I really talked to her. How scared I was that the Capitol would make me a piece in their game.  
It happened. And it’s happening again.

I WON’T let this destroy us. Only a few more weeks before we are back in 12, and I am determined to make changes. I’ll still attend the meetings but I will also make everyone understand that I have a family and my family comes first. Before that, though, I have some serious groveling to do to Katniss. She won’t forget this easily and neither will I. Will she even hear me out for me to apologize? We have both been on edge lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if she slaps me across the face. Which, I have to say, would be welcome at this point. 

Come on Mellark, get a hold of yourself. Stop moping and actually DO something about it! 

Nodding in resolution, I stand up and wipe my face. I should have grabbed a robe or a shirt so I am not wandering the halls naked but everyone should be in bed anyway. I head downstairs to the kitchen and find Willow’s cake wrapped up and sitting on the counter. I quickly slice a piece and grab a fork, hungrily digging in.

“Holy shit,” I whisper as I close my eyes. My daughter really does have a talent. This is better than my cakes! I eat another slice and drink a whole glass of milk before I wrap up the rest of the cake, then go to the fridge to make sure I have the proper ingredients for my surprise for Katniss.

She hasn’t had cheesebuns in months and I decide to make her some for breakfast. I hurriedly collect the ingredients and roll out the dough. Glancing at the clock, I see that I don’t have a lot of time before everyone wakes up. I yawn more and more as I work and I think I fall asleep while I am watching the oven.   
Someone shakes my shoulder and I jump to my feet. Jemma blinks her dark eyes and smiles.

“Easy honey. It’s just old Jemma. What are you doing down here at this hour? And in your underwear, no less.”

“I…Katniss and I…we had a fight. Back home, I would make these for her and…I dunno, everything would be ok. I’m hoping she accepts this as a peace offering.”

“You’ve got a fiery one there,” she cackles. I rub my face.

“Don’t I know it.” 

“But she loves you something fierce.”

“I know. I just hope…after last night…” I trail off and she raises a brow.

“Well why don’t I watch over these goodies while you go up and take a shower? Maybe shave? You look exhausted, honey.”

“I am. And thank you, Jemma. I’ll be back soon.” 

I’m still exhausted but I find my way to the guest room and the shower wakes me up a little. I feel much better as I pull on a pair of sweats and a grey shirt, and I bounce down the hall, nearly running into Rye’s governess.

“Oh Mr. President, sir! I was just going to take your little one to breakfast.”

“No need, Brittany. I’ve made breakfast. I’m going to take my kids downstairs with me.” She nods, looking a little surprised, and I head into Rye’s room.

“Daddy!” I love the way his eyes light up, and become more of a sparkling silver, like his mother’s. 

“Hey little guy. Oh I’ve missed you!” I nuzzle him and kiss his fair curls and relish in his giggles. 

“Rye, are you--“ I turn and see my daughter, fully dressed, standing in the doorway. Her eyes widen and she cocks her head in question.

“Daddy?”

“Hey baby girl. Good morning. Want to come with us to breakfast?” Her jaw drops a little and I instantly feel terrible. Have I really been that busy that my kids are shocked that I am cooking breakfast?

Yes. And I hate it. 

Oh god. I’ve become my mother. Too busy for her children. I shake my head as I scoop up my daughter.

No. I won’t let that happen. I will DIE before that happens. 

I kiss her cheek and she tries to straighten her dress so I set her down.

“Come on you two. Let’s go get breakfast finished so we can wake up Mama.” 

When we get downstairs, the cheesebuns are still steaming from the oven and there is a tray of eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, and juice. I look around for Jemma but she’s nowhere to be found. Sly old thing. If I believed in reincarnation, I would say it’s Greasy Sae returned to us. 

“Cake,” Rye yells, pointing to Willow’s cake.

“We can have some after breakfast. I already had two slices. Princess Willow, you are a master baker already.” She giggles and shakes her head. I balance the tray in my arms and gesture for the kids to follow me. 

I feel nervous as we enter the bedroom. Mostly because I don’t know how Katniss will react. She didn’t come looking for me, which means she is still upset. I bite my lip as I approach the bed. Rye and Willow jump on her and Rye leans in to kiss her cheek. I smile at the sight as I set the tray on the bedside table. 

“What in the world,” she mutters tiredly, batting her hands. 

“Wake up Mama! Daddy made breakfast!” She sits up and her eyes fall on me. My smile fades slightly at the wariness in her eyes. I can’t really blame her but I hope…god I hope I can fix this. I reach over   
and pull the plate of cheesebuns onto my lap.

“Your favorite.” Her hand doesn’t dive into the plate, as it normally would. She doesn’t reach for one, and she lowers her eyes to the bed. Her hair hangs in her face and my hand automatically reaches out to move it behind her ear. She flinches ever so slightly and my hands fall into my lap. I suck in a breath when I see a bruise around her jaw. I clench and unclench my fists in my lap.

“Um…the kids and I wanted to ask you to join us for breakfast,” I say quietly. She opens her mouth to speak but Rye jumps into her lap and she groans loudly.

“Rye, baby, you’re hurting Mama,” she moans. I pull him off her and position him in my lap. He’s quite squirmy for this time of morning. Maybe it’s because his asshole father is finally giving him some attention. Willow attacks the cheesebuns and smacks her lips.

“These are so yummy, Daddy.” 

“Glad you like them, sweetheart. Save one for Mommy ok?” She shoves one toward Katniss and after a minute, she takes it and tears off a piece.

“Thank you. They’re delicious.” 

“Rye, slow down on the bacon. This kid is a machine, I swear.”

“Brittany says he is eating twice as much as he did when we first arrived.” I swipe a piece of bacon before it all disappears and watch Katniss carefully. She chews the cheesebun slowly and I can tell her mind is racing.

“I’m thirsty,” Rye announces as he reaches for the glass.

“That’s Mama’s juice,” Willow says sternly.

“But I’m thirsty!” Willow rolls her eyes and grabs her brother’s hand.

“Come on, let’s go get you some juice. Want some, Daddy?”

“Yes please. Thank you sweetheart.” She tugs Rye off the bed and Katniss yells at them to be careful. When they’re gone, there is silence. Stifling, uncomfortable silence.

“How are the cheesebuns,” I ask tentatively. She lowers her eyes to the blanket again and refuses to look at me.

“They’re good.”

“Katniss, please.” Her head jerks up and her eyes are full of fire.

“Please what? You think a few cheesebuns are going to fix everything, Peeta? Everything you said and…did...”

“Of course not. But I’m hoping you will just…listen to me,” I take a deep breath and reach for her hands. She pulls them away and I swallow heavily.

“I am so sorry, Katniss. I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am. For everything. Especially for hurting you. I told you I would never hurt you and…” She winces and shifts her legs under the blankets and I grimace. I move closer, despite how much she is shrinking away from me, and I try to pull her into my arms. After a moment of struggling, I give up and settle for my arm resting on hers.

“Katniss, I love you so damn much. And I am so lucky that you have put up with me and all my bullshit over the years. You were right, I haven’t been there for my family and I hate that. I know I’ve been busy but that isn’t any excuse. My family has always come first. I have always put you first, so I don’t know why I’ve lost sight of that. I…I let…him come out again after I swore he would never come back. I’m so sorry.” She lowers her head to my shoulder, and the damp spot on my sleeve tells me she is crying. 

“I’m scared, Peeta.”

“Don’t be. I’m not going to turn into my mother. Life hardened her so much that she didn’t feel anything for anyone. I don’t even know if she ever loved Dad. By the time I came along, she was so unhappy and bitter that I don’t know if me being a girl would have made any difference. I don’t know why they had me. Maybe I was a mistake. I never asked but it would make sense. And I won’t ever let my children feel that way. I won’t let YOU feel that way.” I lean back and cup her chin so she will look up at me. She lifts her face but her eyes are still closed, so I stroke her brow and her cheek. I wipe the tears from the corners of her eyes and leave soft kisses all over that precious face.

“I already feel that way,” she stammers. I nuzzle her cheek with mine, and kiss her browline. I hate how timid and small she seems. Not the strong, fierce girl I have always loved. 

I hate what the Capitol has done to the both of us. I will fix this. 

I HAVE to fix this. 

“It wasn’t just last night, Peeta, it’s…ever since you became President. I’m proud of you and I’m glad to see you are doing something to change the country. But at the expense of us? I just…I don’t know if that sacrifice means enough to me, after all we have been through. After everything, I wish we could just live as a normal family, happy and free.”

“I’m so sorry I ever let you feel that way, Katniss. I’m sorry I have been a terrible husband and father. But I’m going to change things, I swear it. Paylor didn’t have kids but I do. And they come before my meetings and my luncheons and my depositions. Their happiness means everything to me. YOUR happiness means everything. I’m…I’m so sorry I hurt you last night. I cried when I saw the blood on my hand and I…”, she winces and turns away from me. I have to blink back tears.

“I just wanted to run back in and hold you and cry with you but I was terrified I would have a flashback and hurt you even more.” I cup her cheek and my lips barely graze the bruise on her face. She whimpers slightly and shakes her head.

“Cheesebuns and apologies aren’t enough, Peeta. Not this time. I’m afraid that…if we stay here in the Capitol, it’s going to do terrible things to us. Our marriage, our family. We can’t keep living this way.”

“Katniss, you have always trusted me to take care of you. Even when we went back into the arena, and you were sorting out your feelings…you still trusted me and knew I would do everything I could to protect you. Have that faith in me now. Have faith that I will put us right again. Have faith that I will never, ever, stop loving you.” She sighs and closes her eyes and we’re so close that I can see the tears on the end of her long lashes. I can see she is at war with herself, and I gasp when she lifts her face and her lips crash upon mine. She gasps, as if she is just realizing what she’s done, and pulls away.  
I cup her chin with a finger and slowly bring my lips to hers, so slowly that she can stop me if she wants to. She doesn’t and her kisses are hesitant and careful until I trace her bottom lip with my tongue. She opens her mouth, my name on a sigh, and my tongue finds hers. Her hands grip my shirt and mine slide down to her shoulders. 

“See? I told you they would do that kissing thing again,” we hear a little voice and we jerk apart with a gasp. Rye pulls himself up onto the bed, followed by his smirking sister. She hands me my glass of juice and I stammer a thanks. Heat radiates from our faces and Willow giggles as she helps herself to another cheesebun.

“Your faces, Daddy. You and Mama look funny.”

“Why don’t we, um…go down to the kitchens so we can finish breakfast,” Katniss says in a choked voice. 

“Good idea. Rye is messy.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am n--“

“Children,” Katniss says tiredly. “Please don’t fight. Eating in the bed is messy. Grab your juice and let’s go down together. Daddy, can you please grab the tray?” My heart leaps when she addresses me like that. I balance the tray and wait while she pulls on a robe, pulling the sash into a tight knot. I wrap my arm around her waist and we all walk to the kitchen together. 

“I need some time, Peeta,” she says quietly before we follow the kids in. “I accept your apology…and I understand that you were…that you weren’t in a good place. But you hurt me. And I was…I’m still scared.” I nod sadly.

“I understand. I’ll do everything I can to make that fear go away, Katniss. I love you.” 

“I love you too,” she whispers before she pushes the door open and follows our children inside. 

Breakfast is loud and messy. Rye and Willow start to fling food at each other and Katniss has to raise her voice several times to tell them to settle down. For a moment, I feel like we are back in our kitchen in 12. With no housekeepers or cooks or official meetings…just a normal family breakfast.

I lean back in my chair, my hands behind my head and a broad grin on my face. God I’ve missed this.   
\---------------------------------------------

Katniss and I clean up and dress Rye together, then we ask Brittany to keep an eye on him and Willow while we get ready. Katniss starts to head for the closet but I tug her into the bathroom.

“I know you said you need some time,” I say as my hands move under her shirt, tracing her slender belly. “But I just want to make you feel good. If you’ll allow it.” Her eyes bore into mine before I feel her hands tugging at my shirt and I fling it aside.

“I’ll allow it.” 

I start the shower, turning off all the perfumed scents, and gently nudge her in. Before she has a chance to wet her hair, I trap her against the wall, her breasts pushed against my chest, and my mouth claiming hers. She trembles as my hand moves down her stomach and I glance downward before my eyes capture hers again. I hold her gaze as I lower to my knees, my hands gripping her hips, and I stare up at her as I lean in to swipe my tongue between her legs. She releases a little whimper as her hand closes around my hair. The hot jet of water beats my back as I flick my tongue across her clit, my hand moving up and down her stomach, pausing to tweak her nipple.

“Peeta,” she sighs breathily, pressing her cheek against the wall. I moan into her folds and she jerks her hips against my face. I’m an idiot for ever letting her think I don’t want her. She talked about buying more lingerie…she’s perfect just like this. Pressed against the shower, naked as the day she was born, flushed cheeks and a broad, satisfied smile.

After she comes, I place a kiss below her belly button and grin up at her. 

“I wanna make up for lost time,” I tell her playfully and she looks puzzled until I lower my head and swirl my tongue around her clit.

“Oh god!” She bangs her head against the wall and I feel her knees buckling. So I scoop her up, her legs draping over my shoulders, and hold her by her waist while I suck at her again. 

“Peeta Peeta fuck Peeta,” she chants, her manicured nails scratching at my arms. 

“Let go, baby,” I growl. “I’ve got you.” I push two fingers inside her and feel her clench down around them so tightly I can barely move them. She pants heavily against the wall, and I gently lower her to the floor. I stand up to kiss her and her arm wraps around my neck. Her nails rake down my chest and stomach and I flinch as her hand comes closer to my heated arousal.

“Katniss,” I gasp. “You don’t have to…I mean, I just wanted to please you. Please don’t think you have to do anything.”

“Shut up, Peeta,” is all she says before she takes me into her hand.

I can’t believe I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I have had her hands or mouth on me. She grips me in her fist and turns us so it is she who is standing under the water. I see her lowering to her knees but I stop her and she looks surprised.

“I just want to be inside you...if that’s alright?” Her eyes darken considerably as she turns and presses her palms against the glass door. I trail my hands down her spine and across her luscious cheeks as I move closer. I’m on the verge of sliding inside her when we hear the bathroom door bang open.

“Mama, Rye ate another crayon!” 

“Shit,” I mutter, bending my knees and trying to hide behind Katniss. 

“Ok sweetie, I’ll be right out.”

“I tried to find Daddy to tell him. Brittany is trying to get him to spit it out! Will his poop be purple, you think?” Normally I’d be dying laughing at my daughter’s words but my eyes are squeezed shut in mortification and my legs are aching as I crouch low. Katniss straightens up and turns off the shower.

“Willow, go back to his room and help Brittany keep an eye on him. Daddy and I will be there in a minute.”

“Ok.” The door closes again and my forehead rests on her shoulder.

“Why didn’t we remember to lock the door?”

“It’s been awhile. We haven’t…I mean,” she mutters and I feel guilt replace my lust. “Why don’t you…take a moment to yourself before you join us in Rye’s room? I’ll hurry and get dressed.” I glance down at myself and sigh. Looks like I have to take care of myself…again. She wraps a towel around herself and leans in to give me a kiss.

“I’ll make it up to you tonight when the kids are asleep.” My dick jumps at her words but I shake my head and bite my lip.

“I told you, you don’t have to do anything, I’m the one who is trying to make it up to you, remember?”

“Well then make it up to me by coming to bed on time and letting me do whatever I want to you.”I gulp and she gives me a sly smile before she slips out of the bathroom.   
\--------------------------------------

I hurriedly brush my teeth and pull on clean clothes so I can help Katniss with Rye’s little problem. For some strange reason, the kid likes to eat crayons and this is his third one since we moved here. Katniss and Willow look identical, both with their arms crossed over their chests and their scowls in place. I have to stifle my laughter as soon as I enter the room. Rye is standing in front of them with his shoulders slumped forward.

“How many times do I have to tell you, you do not EAT crayons,” Katniss says in exasperation. 

“Sowwy Mommy,” my son mutters to the floor. 

“Hey little guy,” I kneel in front of him and rest my hands on his shoulders. “Daddy liked to eat crayons when he was little too. Grandma didn’t like it at all and made me stop. It’s not good for you and you’ll get horrible stomachaches. Mama and Sister just want to keep you healthy, ok?” He nods and leaps into my arms. I turn to see Katniss shaking her head. 

“Why does it not surprise me that my artist husband ate crayons as a child?”

“And my huntress wife never ate leaves or dirt?”

“Ew,” Willow says, her nose scrunched up. “Why would anyone eat dirt?” 

“You ate dirt when you were a baby,” I tell her laughingly. She looks horrified and starts to rub frantically at her tongue. Katniss and I burst into laughter as we head downstairs.   
\--------------------------

The bakery is only a few blocks from the mansion, so we decide to walk rather than drive. I carry Rye on my shoulders and Willow holds mine and Katniss’s hands as we walk down the street. We do get a few stares but we do our best to ignore them. Correction, my wife and I do our best but our daughter looks around.

“Are they always staring because you’re the president, Daddy?”

“Something like that, sweetheart.”

“Or is it cause you won those Games?” I tense up and see Katniss throw me a sideways glance. 

“They just stare because your mama is the most beautiful woman in Panem,” I say non-chalantly. Katniss rolls her eyes but I see a grin tugging at her lips.   
\---------------------------

We arrive at my bakery and I make sure my family is comfortably seated before I slip behind the counter to check on things. I miss being involved. I miss being here at dawn to make sure the bread is fresh, and having a piping bag in my hands as I work on specially ordered cakes. Being President means having no time to do those things anymore and I barely get a chance to come check on the staff. 

My head baker is a man named Tomago. He’s originally from District 5 and came here with his sister after the rebellion. His sister Lystra has mentioned something about a family member being killed in the Hunger Games but I’m not certain if it was a parent or someone else. Tomago doesn’t talk a lot but he’s skilled at piping and sculpting. He and his sister make an excellent team and Lystra is a bit better with customer service so it works out well, with her working the register and the front café while Tomago works back here, delegating orders to the other bakers. 

I nod to Lystra as I pass by her and push the kitchen door open. The front is already pretty busy for the breakfast crowd, and my staff greets me cheerfully. Tomago glances up from the batch of cupcakes he is decorating, nods, and goes back to work.

“How’s it going,” I attempt to engage him in conversation.

“Quite well. Do these look acceptable to you, sir?”

“They look great. But you already knew that. I won’t keep bothering you, I just brought my family in so I could check on everything. No problems?”

“No sir. No problems.” I nod and he goes back to decorating. He sort of reminds me of Bialy when he is concentrating, with his tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth and his brow furrowed deeply. They’re both serious and don’t say much and I’ve only seen him smile when his sister is around. They seem to be very close. 

“Good man. Let me know if you need anything.”   
I greet my other staff members as I make my way back toward the front, where Lystra is cooing over Rye and I see Willow digging into a chocolate cupcake. 

“Lystra,” I gently scold and she merely shrugs.

“Sorry Boss, she was too adorable not to spoil.” I shake my head and pull up a seat next to Katniss. I appreciate the differences between District and Capitol people, even though I have been trying to eliminate those differences. District people feel that I am one of them. Capitol people are still overly polite and use titles like “Sir, Madame, President” but as soon as Lystra warmed up to me, she was calling me ‘boss’ and even by my first name. Some Capitol people would be horrified and say it’s not dignified but it reminds me of home, of my bakery and my friends. Dane and Cora would always call me Boss and I wouldn’t let anyone call me Mr. Peeta. If I insist a Capitol person call me by name, they use my full name. Which is what Ceasar Flickerman always did when he interviewed us. I was never just Peeta to any of them. I was Peeta Mellark, the Baker’s Boy or of course, the Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12. 

“Peeta?”

“Mm?” I look up and see Katniss and Lystra are watching me.

“I’m sorry, in a daze. What were you saying?”

“I asked if you wanted anything to go? Tomago made some incredible cupcakes with strawberry icing and filling.”

“Sure, box one up for us. We aren’t staying long, we just wanted to check on things.”

“Honestly Peeta, you don’t think if something went wrong that one of us would call you?” She teases me while she fetches a box from behind the counter.

“He’s just paranoid,” Katniss says dismissively. 

“I am not! This was my livelihood growing up. Forgive me if I just want things done right.” Katniss cups my chin and kisses me, pulling me back to give me a wink.

“You know we are just messing with you. Lighten up.”

“I usually have to tell you that,” I say softly. She only smiles in return.   
\------------

I’m watching Rye dig into a chocolate cupcake (and his sister leaning over to “help”) when the door opens and Katniss stiffens beside me. I look up and see my Committee Board enter the bakery, with the mayors of 1, 2, and 3 behind them. 

“Mr. President,” the Mayor of 2 greets me loudly. “I should have known you would be here! Do you ever leave your bakery in anyone else’s hands?”

“Quite often,” I stand to shake the mens’ hands. “My head baker Tomago is perfectly capable of handling the bakery all on his own. I have a very reliable staff. You  
remember my wife, Katniss?”

“Of COURSE,” he bows low to my wife and smiles. “It looks as if we have interrupted a family luncheon. We can just—“

“We thought you might like to join us for lunch,” Shawton says quickly. I glance sideways at Katniss and see her face has turned red. I turn back to the men with a  
smile. 

“I’m sorry gentlemen but Mayor Pinkerton is correct, I am having lunch with my family. Let me get you some menus and set you up with Lystra, who can assist you with orders.” I squeeze Katniss’s hand, gesture Lystra over, and see the men to a private table in the corner. I talk to them briefly, and hurriedly return to my family. Katniss gives me a surprised look.

“They want you to have lunch with them.”

“Too bad I already have plans,” I say with a shrug as I lift my glass of water.

“Peeta.” I set my glass down and bring her hand to my  
lips.

“Katniss I meant what I said this morning. I’m going to make some changes. You guys come first. You have always come first. The Committee has plans for tomorrow so I’m not going to change my plans with you to accommodate their last minute changes.” She continues to stare at me, stunned, until she leans in and kisses my cheek.

“I love you,” she says softly. I grin and cup her chin before I turn back to my children. My jaw drops at how much frosting Rye has on his face and Willow is sucking at her  
fingers.

“Why are my little ones so messy?” Rye grins a chocolatey grin and I shake my head as I dip my napkin in my water and start wiping him off. Katniss does the same with Willow and she giggles as her mother scrubs at her cheek.

“Don’t let him fool you,” Katniss says softly. “When we were nine, Daddy helped your uncles in a pie eating contest. Daddy got pie all over him! He was a sight to  
see.” I gape at her. She was…watching me when we were little? She noticed me back then?

“You mean at the Harvest Festival?” I say, my voice slightly hoarse. “You remember that?”

“You’re not the only one who was paying attention,” she says in a smug voice. I swallow and my heart races. At nine years old, I was a pudgy little thing and I followed my brothers around constantly. Bialy was an all star in school and Mom’s favorite child, so Ryean and I became close. I became more like Ryean’s shadow and especially that year, I tried to do everything he did. Mom and Dad took us to the Harvest Festival and it was the first year Dad didn’t want to participate in the pie eating contest. He announced that his sons would take his place and I remember Mom scoffing that I was already fat enough. Ryean draped his arm around  
me and said, in a proud voice,

\------“We are gonna WIN this thing!” 

“I would be surprised if Peeta lost at something like eating,” Mom scoffs. My round cheeks flush but Dad shakes his head as he claps my shoulder.

“Leave the boy alone, Ingrid. He’s growing into a man. He needs to eat to keep up his strength.”

“Ryean and Bialystock are broad-shouldered and strong boys. Peeta is growing bigger side to side than he is up and down.”

“I’m almost taller than you,” I say haughtily and I watch my mother’s face darken.

“Are you talking back to me?” I flinch, knowing what comes next but my father’s hand rests on hers and she stops.

“It’s the Harvest Festival, dearest. We’re celebrating our boys being safe from the Capitol. Can’t you put on a smile for this evening?”

“Fine,” Mom sniffs. “Eat as much pie as you want. And don’t come crying to me that you have a stomach ache later.” 

“C’mon Peet, let’s go check out the pies!” Ryean grabs my hand and drags me away from my parents.

“Must you be so hard on him,” I hear Dad sigh.

“He needs to LEARN how tough the world is,” Mom snaps. “You’re too soft on all of them. What happens if they are Reaped for the Games one day? They wouldn’t survive the Cornicopia!” I swallow nervously as I follow my brother over to the long table that is laden with every kind of pie you can imagine. Dad has baked more than half of them. I’ve always found it strange that Dad bakes the sweets for the contests that he himself enters. I lick my lips as my eyes travel over the goodies. 

“Hey Peet! It’s your girlfiriend!”

“Huh?” I whirl around and my eyes nearly pop out of my head. A little girl, about my age, goes skipping past, clinging to her father’s hand. I can’t help but think how much she looks like her dad. The same dark skin, dark hair, and light grey eyes. Hers are almost silver. The most beautiful silver eyes I have ever seen. Behind them walks a blonde woman and a little girl with two blonde braids. The elder girl turns around and grasps her little sister’s hand. Their father bends and scoops them both up, giving both of them kisses and making both girls squeal loudly. Their mother smiles behind them and links her arm with her husband’s. I feel a pang of jealousy as I wish my family would look that happy. My mom is often frowning and she never touches Dad like that. I turn back to my brother, shaking my head. 

“She’s not…she’ll never…she’s not my GIRLFRIEND, Ryean.”

“But you wish she was,” he says teasingly. My cheeks go even redder.

“Shut up,” I mutter. “She’ll hear you.” 

“My baby brother. In love with a Seam girl.”

“Shut UP.” 

“What are you two fighting about over here,” Bialy appears behind Ryean, looking bored.

“Not fighting. Just teasing Peety about his little Seam girlfriend.” 

“She’s NOT my girlfriend,” I say through gritted teeth. I see Bialy glance over his shoulder, where the Everdeen family is standing near the pie table. I can see little Primrose staring at the pies with wide blue eyes. Bialy turns back to us with an amused expression.

“She’s pretty, Peet. You know Mrs. Hawthorne helped make the prizes this year. I saw them bringing them in there and there are some cute little dolls and such. You should try to win one for her.”

“What is she going to want a doll for,” I say exasperatedly, already plotting how I can win that doll for Katniss. Even if she wouldn’t like it, I know she would give it to Primrose, who would love it. And that would put a smile on her face! Which of course would put a smile on Katniss’s face! I get more and more excited as I stand there, listening to my brothers tease me.

“He’s not even listening anymore,” Bialy laughs.

“He’s dreaming of his wedding day. With Katniss Everdeen.” Bialy closes his arm around my neck, trapping me, while Ryean completely messes up my neatly-styled curls.

“Guys! Cut it out!” They release me, laughing, and I hastily attempt to flatten my hair. Sighing, I wander over to the pie table and lean against it, my arms crossed over my chest.

“Hi Peeta,” says a small voice. With a gasp, I stumble over the leg of the table and nearly send the pies to the ground. I hastily grab at them and steady the table. My face burning, I turn to face the owner of the voice.

That little girl who voice can make the whole world freeze and even the birds stop to listen. Her dark hair is in two braids and she’s wearing a worn little green dress with green ribbons in her hair. Her hands are behind her back and her feet are turned inward, like she is nervous. Oh my god. She knows my name! She actually knows my name! I mean, we are in the same CLASSES, but she knows my NAME! I want to start dancing. 

“Katniss! Hi!” 

“Hi.” Is she actually SHY around ME?! I’m the one who can’t breathe right now! 

“Are you having fun?” She glances over where her family is and she smiles.

“It’s Prim’s first Harvest Festival. You know, they had to cancel it last year and she was sick for the previous two years. So she is having so much fun!”

“That’s great.” She nods and twists the end of her braid with her fingertips. How I wish I could take that braid with my own fingers. I imagine her hair is so soft. 

“Daddy said you and your brothers are entering the pie contest this year.” I nod, biting my lip.

“I hope you win,” she says quietly. My smile gets bigger and bigger.

“Thanks! Are you, um, coming to watch?”

“Yes I asked Daddy if we could.”

“Great. Well…maybe after the contest, if you haven’t left yet, I could…maybe ask you for a dance?” I see the surprise in her eyes and she drops her braid.

“Dance?” I nod slowly, already regretting my question.

“Daddy will ask Mommy to dance. He always does. You could ask me then.” My face actually hurts from the huge smile that forms. 

“Ok!” 

“OK. Bye Peeta.” I wave stupidly as she hurries back to her family. I don’t notice when my brothers come behind me and steer me away from the table. The Festival is in full swing but I somehow keep Katniss in my view the whole night. When it comes time for the contests, we move to a separate table. Katniss sits with Prim in her lap and they cheer everyone on. When it comes time for the pie eating contest, the Mayor stands to acknowledge Dad and the Mellark family, talking about how the district would be lost without the bakery. Dad stands and nods politely, a kind smile on his face.

“And now the Mellark boys will join us up here, to go against the Cartwrights, the Hiddlestons, and the Corchans. Competitors, come on up here!” I shuffle between my brothers and we are seated at the end of the table. I catch Katniss’s eye and give her a little wave. She and Prim both wave back and I glance down at the pies in front of me. Oh I’ve GOT this. 

“Ready. Set. GO!” Ryean flings a pie toward Bialy and me and we tear into it. I don’t even glance up at the other teams. We are devouring pie after pie. After my fourth one, I start to feel sick. One glance up at Katniss, though, and I dig into the next one. 

Two more pies and the buzzer goes off. Ryean raises his brow and nudges my shoulder.

“You conquered that contest, little bro. The other teams didn’t even have a chance!” My hand goes to my stomach and I use my other to wipe at my mouth. Ryean laughs and wipes at my face with a napkin. I brush him off and wipe at my face with my sleeve.

“The winning team: Team Mellark! Congratulations, Bialytock, Ryean, and Peeta!” There is loud applause, especially from my Dad. The other teams come up to shake our hands and I can’t help but groan as I stand up. The Mayor approaches us, with Mrs. Hawthorne and two other women I don’t know behind him.

“Congratulations,” he shakes our hands. “Time to distribute prizes. Did you see the list of prizes we have?” We nod and he beckons the women forward.

“Choose your prizes, gentlemen.”

I slip away from my family, the little hand-made doll clutched in my hands. It makes sense that Mrs. Hawthorne, who is from the Seam, made her because she has dark hair like most Seam folk I know. Mrs. Everdeen and Primrose are exceptions to that. The little doll is even dressed in a cute little red plaid dress, which is ironically what Katniss was wearing when I first laid eyes on her. I’m sure Mrs. Hawthorne was suspicious when I chose my prize. Why would a ten year old boy want a doll? But she handed it over with a smile and I took it and hid it in my shirt. If my mother saw it, she would flip out. 

I see Katniss sitting with Prim, while they watch their parents dance. I take a deep breath and approach them, hiding the doll behind my back.

“Peeta!” Katniss jumps up and starts to play with her braid again.

“Hi Katniss. Hi Primrose. I’m Katniss’s friend, Peeta.”

“You’re a baker,” the little girl says happily. “You have pie on your face.”

“Shush Primrose,” Katniss scolds. I wipe at my face again and bite my lip.

“Congratulations. You and your brothers really were the best.” I give her a grateful smile. How can this girl make me feel so awkward and so at ease all at the same time? 

“Thank you. I, uh…I won this. For you.” I withdraw the doll from behind my back and see Katniss’s eyes widen. Primrose lets out a little gasp.

“Katniss, she looks like you!”

“Mrs. Hazelle asked if she could make it look like me,” Katniss giggles. “Wait. You won this…for me?” I nod again and she reaches out with trembling hands. 

“Thank you,” she breathes.

“Katty, can I have her? Please?” I know Katniss can deny her little sister nothing. She sets the doll in Prim’s hands and the little girl squeals and hugs the doll close. Katniss shakes her head but gives me a smile and a silent ‘thank you’. I nod, unable to keep the broad grin off my face. 

“THERE you are Peeta! We have been looking for you everywhere.” Mom’s talon-like fingers close around my shoulder and I wince. Katniss and Prim look frightened and I look up into the stern face that is glowering down at me.

“We’re going home.”

“But…the Festival isn’t over yet,” I protest as she starts to drag me away. 

“Your father is exhausted and has to be up at dawn to open the bakery. You have to help him. Say goodbye to your,” she casts Katniss a disgusted look and sniffs. “friend.” 

“Mom…I really want to stay just a bit longer. Please? They’re about to do the last dance and I-“

“Don’t argue with me, Peeta Mellark! We are going home! NOW!” I cast a miserable glance over my shoulder and see that Katniss is watching me with a furrowed brow. Sighing, I turn back around and see dad and my brothers walking away from the festival as well. I’m sure it was Mom and not Dad who insisted we leave early. Bialy complains because he didn’t get to ask his girlfriend to dance yet and even Ryean asks if we can stay a little longer. Neither of them get clawed by Mom though. I stuff my hands in my pockets and decide I will just have to ask Katniss to dance next year. 

That was the last year I saw her at a Harvest Festival, until we were Reaped. I will forever remember the HAPPY look on her face when I gave Prim that doll. --------


	51. Chapter 51

“Peeta?” I shake myself and blink. My wife and children are watching me with concern.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine. I was just…remembering.” Her face softens, understanding dawning on her face. 

“Did you win, Daddy?” 

“Hm?” I look over at my daughter, who is wiping at her face with the back of her hand. I grin, seeing myself in her more and more. 

“Did you win the contest?”

“I sure did. We beat all the other teams. And I had the most terrible stomach ache that night. Daddy was too sick to get out of bed the next day and Grandma was SO mad at me.” 

“I think your dad had to have eaten at least ten pies by himself,” Katniss laughs. I look right at her and I raise my brow.

“I wanted to win you that doll.” She stops laughing and her eyes widen.

“You…you were trying to win…for me?”

“Of COURSE, Katniss. You think I wanted that doll for myself?”

“I just thought it was all that was left over,” she says softly. “I can’t believe…Peeta, that was Prim’s first real doll. I mean, Dad tried to buy us dolls for our birthdays but they were always so expensive. She took that doll everywhere she went. Even had it with her in 13.”

“I knew it would make her happy…which in turn made you happy. I mean, it wasn’’t like they had any bows or anything as a prize but I saw those dolls and knew I had to win you one.” She continues to stare at me while she chews her lip.

“Daddy got a tummy ache for Mama,” Willow giggles. 

“Daddy’s done a lot for Mama,” Katniss says softly, almost to herself. I smile and hold her gaze.

“Mama’s done a lot for Daddy too.” 

“Cake!” Rye’s exclamation causes us to lean back and turn our attention to our children. He has somehow managed to get chocolate all over his shirt and face again and I sigh as I start to wipe him clean.

“Well, I suppose we need to go back to the Mansion to change him,” Katniss says in an amused tone. 

“Let’s get going then. I wanted to take you three to that new virtual art studio that just opened.” 

“We can color,” Willow squeals excitedly. I grin and tug at her braid. 

“You can even color on the walls,” I lean in to blow a raspberry on her cheek and she giggles and swats at me.

“Mama doesn’t let us color on the walls!”

“No that wouldn’t be a good idea. But I’ve been told this place has coloring everywhere, and building blocks and molding clay-“

“Blocks,” Rye screams, clapping his hands. I quickly shush him, as several of the customers are looking over at us curiously.

“OK, let’s head back to change then.”   
\------------------------------

The art studio really is amazing and Willow is completely in her element. All Rye wants to do is play with the blocks so Katniss and I split up and go back and forth to keep an eye on them both. One of my soldiers stands in the corner, his dark glasses looking out of place in the brightly colored room.

When we tag- team, I go back to Willow and find her painting a giant brown horse. The girl who works there is watching over her shoulder and she nods her head.

“That looks so wonderful, sweetie! You are such a great artist!” 

“Daddy is an artist too,” she says smugly before catching sight of me. “Daddy! Look at my horsey!”

“It’s beautiful, Willow! She’s right, you ARE quite an artist.”

“Oh my goodness,” the girl stammers. “Peeta Mellark…President! You’re actually…you’re here.”

“I am,” I nod, still not used to this behavior. Even as a Victor, I was unable to deal with the screaming fangirls and people fawning over me. Years later, nothing has changed. Their reactions make me uncomfortable but I am more polite in dealing with it than Katniss is. “And I see you have met my daughter, Willow?”

“Hi,” Willow waves without looking up from her painting.

“I should have known…when I saw her painting…your art was always so beautiful. After the Rebellion, the Capitol put up your paintings and they’re all so wonderful! Some of the ones you did of the Games…my goodness, I cried so much.” I gape at the girl, feeling ridiculous that I never even asked about my paintings. Yes I have lots of them in my studio back in Victor’s Village, but the ones I did of the Games, the ones the Capitol used to show off my talent, disappeared when I went back into the Arena and I didn’t think much of them after that. Why would I? Between overcoming my hijacking and healing with Katniss, I didn’t think much of many things. 

“Wow, I had no idea,” I say softly. Her eyes widen.

“You didn’t know they were on display? Oh my god, they’re in the art museum just down the street. You must stop and take a look.”

“I’ve, uh, seen them before, thanks. Oh, here’s my wife and son. Katniss, this is…I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name?”

“Honey,” she says, indicating her paint-splattered name tag. 

“Right. Honey. This is my wife, Katniss.”

“Katniss Everdeen,” she gushes, clearly more enamoured with my wife than she is with me. “Oh my god, the Mockingjay! Can I have a picture with you?” 

“Um…sure,” Katniss says uncertainly. Honey fumbles with a little camera that she pulled out of her pocket and pushes it in my hands. Katniss’s smile is forced but at least she tries. 

“Oh gosh, thank you! I have to go tell my girlfriend that I met Katniss Everdeen!”

“Mellark,” Katniss says firmly.

“Of course! Mellark. Sorry. Anyway, we are such huge fans of yours. We found a magazine of the dresses that you wore on your Victory Tour and around the Capitol and my girlfriend even bought me a replica of your dress from your first interview! Nothing could compare to Cinna’s creations, of course, but my girl knows fashion means everything to me. Next to you, of course!”

“Um…thank you?” Katniss shoots me a panicked look and I stifle my laughter. The girl doesn’t seem to sense Katniss’s strange behavior and I drape my arm around my wife’s shoulder, standing between   
them.

“Well it was nice to meet you, Honey. Rye said he wanted to go check out the molding clay on the 3rd floor. Willow, are you almost finished with your painting?”

“Almost Daddy,” she says, her tongue poking out the corner of her mouth. 

“I should go check on the other kids. It was so nice meeting you both!” We both nod as she hurries off and Katniss exhales deeply.

“Nice girl,” I say in an offhand way. 

“Very enthusiastic,” she says softly. I laugh.

“Understatement. I think someone else has eyes for my wife.” She rolls her eyes as I snort with laughter. 

“The Capitol never ceases to creep me out,” she hisses. 

“Kat—“ 

“President Mellark,” my soldier is at my side and leans in to whisper something in my ear. “Your Senior Advisor is putting through a call to you.”

“Haymitch? Why?”

“Step this way, sir.” I glance back over to Katniss and mouthe that I’ll be right back. She nods, her brow furrowed in confusion and worry. I want to kiss that expression away but the soldier steers me   
away and into a private room. 

“Haymitch Abernathy to Peeta Mellark. Holo intact. Connection sealed. Mr. Abernathy, you are connected.”

“Peeta?” I startle at my former mentor’s voice. It’s trembling, almost like he’s been crying.

“Haymitch! What’s wrong?”

“It’s Effie. She’s…she’s been sick. And I don’t really know what is wrong with her but she’s…Peeta, I don’t know what’s happening to her! She’s slipping away from me!” I bite my lip and see that my   
soldier has slipped out to give us privacy. I sigh gratefully, and turn back to the holo. Haymitch’s worried face swims before me.

“What does the doctor say?”

“She won’t go! She’s a stubborn ass and she won’t let me take her! Peeta, I need you and Katniss! You two could talk her into anything! She never listens to me.”

“What makes you think she will listen to either of us?”

“Listen, she thinks of you as her kids. She loves you like her kids! If you play the worried child card…you especially, Peeta!”

“Why me especially?” 

“Because you’ve always had a special place in her heart! She was enchanted with you as soon as she met you, even though you were from 12. She fought hard for you to be rescued and it…it hit her hard when you…” he trails off, biting his lip. I suck in a breath, aware that I do NOT want to start this conversation with him. There is still a part of me, will always be a part of me, who is furious with him for keeping us in the dark. I still believe, had I known what was going on, I would have been able to keep the both of us safe and maybe things would be very different.  
I shake myself and see him blink back tears.

“Peeta, please. Effie changed my life. She changed me. I need you kids to come home and help me get her to the hospital.”

“Ok Haymitch. I have a meeting with the mayors tomorrow and then I will announce that we are heading home early.”

“Thank you. Thank you, Peeta, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I still don’t know if we will be able to get her to the doctor. I wish we could call Mrs. Everdeen.”

“So do I but that option is out. We have to rely on our doctors in 12. I’ll see you kids soon! Tell sweetheart hi for me.” I press the button to disconnect and his face disappears.

“Soldier Brathen,” I call. He appears and stands up straight.

“I need to arrange transportation for the family to District 12. Tomorrow night if possible.” 

“I’ll arrange it, sir,” he nods. I nod in thanks and go out to find Katniss. She’s holding a writhing Rye over Willow while our daughter finishes her painting. 

“Hey, there you are,” she says as she shifts Rye to her other shoulder. I take him and hoist him on my shoulder because I can see how Katniss winces. Rye starts to kick and I lightly slap his behind.

“Hey, settle down young man. We’re waiting for your sister and then we will go do what you want. Be patient.” A two year old doesn’t know the word. I roll my eyes and shift him to the side. 

“Is everything ok?”

“We’ll talk in a minute,” I lower my voice, knowing my daughter will be suspicious. She frowns but nods and tries to distract Rye.

“Why don’t you stay with Willow while I take Rye upstairs? He’s getting antsy.”

“That’s an understatement,” I wince as my son’s foot catches my face as he tries to climb down my back. “But go ahead, we will meet you up there.” She sets him on the ground and holds his hand while he tries to run ahead. I wave them off before I sit beside Willow and inspect her painting. It really is wonderful. She’s skilled beyond her years and I smile lovingly at the way she grips her paintbrush, her tongue pokes out and her brow screws up in concentration. She’s my daughter for sure. 

“Daddy?”

“Yeah baby?”

“Did Uncle Ryean or Uncle Bialy like to paint?” I raise my brow but shake my head.

“They were into wrestling and sports. Daddy was the odd one in the family. I liked art and beauty. Your uncles liked to smash things.”

“What about Aunt Prim? Did she paint or draw?” I suppose she could have but I never heard her mention it before. It would have been a great thing for us to bond over, during those months in 13. 

“Aunt Prim was like your grandmother, more of a healer. She was even training to be a doctor. Why do you ask, sweetheart?” She shrugs without taking her eyes off her work.

“I just wondered if I got it from anyone else.”

“No you’re definitely a painter like your dad. You’re also becoming quite a baker. I’m still waiting for you to go hunting with Mama and bring home a squirrel for dinner.” She shakes her head and finally looks up at me.

“Don’t tell Mama but I don’t want to go hunting. It’s gross.” I stifle my laughter.

“Well I agree with you there. And don’t worry. Mama won’t be upset.” She might be a little, I tell myself, but our daughter has always been more of the princess type then the hunter. I suppose Katniss might have been like that, once upon a time, before her father passed but I can’t remember her being anything like that. It doesn’t suit her, although I can’t imagine my daughter being the huntress that my wife is. Maybe Rye will become a hunter, like his mother. Though if I’m being honest with myself, I have always dreamed of working with my son in the bakery, teaching him how to knead. Like my father did with me, and his father with him, and so on and so on. The baker genes have been passed from Mellark to Mellark for nearly a hundred years. It’s always been boys who have grown up to be the bakers but what a wonder it will be if it’s my daughter who grows up to inherit the bakery. A Mellark woman in charge. My mother would be thrilled, I think grimly. 

“Daa-ddy?” I blink at my daughter’s singsong tone. 

“Huh?”

“Let’s go find Mom and Rye.” She holds her painting like it is something precious and runs up the stairs. I cast a glance over my shoulder at Brathen, and see that he is following us. I nod and follow my daughter upstairs. 

 

Willow hands me her painting to hold while she goes to play with her brother. Katniss and I find a chair nearby the mounds of clay so we can keep a close watch on them.

“Is everything alright?”

“Haymitch contacted me on the Holo.”

“Why? Has something happened?” I sigh and shake my head.

“He says Effie is sick but she won’t go to the doctor. He doesn’t know what is wrong but he was frantic. He begged for us to come home and talk to her. He says we have more of a chance getting her to   
the doctor than he does.”

“He’s that worried? It must be serious,” she says, chewing on her lip.

“I told Brathen to make arrangements. We’ll take the hovercraft to 12 after my meeting tomorrow. Can you make sure the kids are packed while I am at work? I’m not sure how long we will stay.”

“They didn’t really bring a lot with them anyway. I’ll have them packed and ready.” I nod and stare at my children.

“Although I don’t like the circumstances, I’m glad to be going home,” she says softly, almost to herself. I pull her into my side and she rests her head on my shoulder.

“Me too.”   
\-----------------

I’m happy to spend the whole day with my family and after the art studio, we cook dinner together, despite Jemma trying to shoo us out of the kitchen. Katniss likes Jemma, I can tell, but she still isn’t used to the idea of having cooks and housekeepers and governesses. I know she prefers it when it’s just us and the kids. I prefer it that way too, but as I am trying to have Capitol people and District people truly unite I won’t try to break their traditions. 

A few men from my Committee Board call as we are sitting down to eat and I hurry to take the call, but come back promptly and see Katniss’s surprised look as I sit across from my son. I intend to keep my promise to her and show her that they will always come first. 

Rye has a bit of a stomach ache that night (unsurprisingly) so we allow the kids to stay up and sit with us on the couch while they sip some warm milk. Willow is the first to fall asleep in her mother’s lap, and Rye is not far behind. I’m glad that Rye was able to fall asleep quickly; he was crying earlier from the pain and his mother gently reminded him not to eat crayons again. Poor little guy. 

I take our mugs back to the kitchen and lean against the doorway, watching my children sleep. Katniss grins up at me and tries to move.

“You just going to stand there and watch, or are you going to actually help me?”

“Give me a moment to enjoy this,” I whisper. “It’s been a long time since I have seen my family like this.”

“It’s been a long time since you have seen your family at all,” she bites quickly but her face softens and looks apologetic.

“You’re right,” I nod in agreement. “So give me just a few minutes to commit it to memory. This is the most beautiful sight, right here.”

“You’re so cheesy,” she grins as I lean down to kiss her. 

“I’ll put Willow in her bed, if you want to take Rye?”

“Alright. Change her into her pajamas for me, will you? She refuses to take off that little princess dress.” I smile as I lift my daughter, careful not to jostle her. Katniss stands, hoisting Rye on her shoulder and we slowly walk back upstairs to their rooms. I stop at Willow’s room and she continues on down the hall to Rye’s. Thankfully my little princess is still a heavy sleeper; I change her out of her dress and into her pink pajamas without her stirring. I lean over and gently kiss her cheek before I pull the door closed and head down the hall. I stop in the doorway and see Katniss running her fingers through Rye’s curls. Smiling, I wrap my arms around her from behind and stare down at our son. Sleeping like this, he looks exactly like me. I also see Ryean and Bialy in him too, and of course, the long golden Mellark eyelashes. She puts a finger to her lips and tugs me out of his room, leaving the door cracked. 

We make it back to our bedroom and we drop hands as I close the door behind us. She goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth and when she finishes, I go in and close the door. When I come out, the lights are dim and I move to the drawer to find some sleep pants. But I stop beside the bed as I see my wife, half covered by the blankets. She’s perched on the pillows, her long hair spread about her bare shoulders. I swallow as my eyes get wider. 

“I did say I would reward you if you came to bed on time,” she says in a low voice, rising to her knees. 

“Mmmhm,” is all I can say and I suck in a breath as she allows the blankets to fall, revealing all of her. I’m crazy, I guess, because even though we just showered together this morning, the sight of her still drives me wild. She’s much curvier and softer than she once was and she constantly complains about the stretch marks and the wrinkles but I still think she’s perfection, even after all of this time. Maybe it’s my childhood crush or maybe it was everything we went through. Maybe it was everything combined, but I still cannot fathom ever loving, or even looking at, another woman.   
My throat has gone dry as I move closer to the bed and she tugs at my hand. 

“Do you want to take your leg off?”

“I’m fine,” It’s more of a growl than a reply. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me deeply. My hands rest on her waist but something is nagging at the back of my mind. Despite my brain screaming at me to shut up and forget everything else, my heart still remembers that I hurt her less than twenty-four hours ago. I pull back slightly and she looks confused. 

“Katniss…please don’t get me wrong. All I want to do right now is kiss you and hold you and make love to you. But you said today that you need some time. I’m willing to give you that. Whatever you need. I just want you to trust me again.”

“Peeta,” she sighs, resting her forehead on my chest. “You really know how to kill the mood, don’t you?” I mouth uncertainly. I don’t really have an answer to that, or was that a rhetorical question?

“I appreciate you doing the noble thing right now. And I will admit, I am still scared. You showed me today that you wanted to change things and I want to believe you…but it’s only been one day. On the other hand, I know you would never hurt me. And I know how much you love me and our children. You’ve had worse flashbacks than last night,” I wince and her hands grip my face. “We have some things to work on. And I’m willing to work on them if you are. And I know you are. So let’s enjoy being with each other, which is something we haven’t been able to do for a long time.” I couldn’t agree more so I capture her lips with mine and claim them as my own. I lean her back on the bed, still connected at the lips, and fling the blanket aside so I can have access to her heated skin. Her nipples stand at attention, practically begging for me, so I take one into my mouth while I tweak the other between my fingers. She arches her back underneath me and moans my name loudly. I lick a path between her breasts and down to her belly button. She is softer around her, and has rounded out over the years. Her thighs are thicker, something I noticed when I was nestled between them, and I absolutely love it. Especially when she is riding my mouth and I press my fingertips into her hips, hard enough to bruise. I get a sick delight in seeing my fingertip bruises on her inner thighs or her hips, knowing exactly how they got there and knowing how much she secretly loves it. My mouth starts to water for her so I lower to my back and pull her over my mouth. She bites back a scream as I thrust my tongue up inside her, and run my hands up her legs. 

“Mmmm, fuck Katniss,” I murmur, the vibrations causing her to moan and tremble. I kind of hope that she will want to switch so she can take my dick into her mouth while I pleasure her, but I don’t mention it. I don’t really have room to request anything of her right now. I’m actually a bit surprised that she is so willing to be intimate with me right now. When she said she needed time, I expected that to mean I couldn’t touch her for weeks. 

Then again, Katniss has become sort of a nymphomaniac over the years, and really, who the hell am I to complain? After lusting after her all my life, I’m not about to deny her anything, especially my body. So she may just be using me right now and feel guilty about it in the morning. I should care more about that but I don’t. She’s right, it’s been so damn long since we’ve done anything like this and right now, I just want my wife. Consequences be damned. 

I feel her shatter on my tongue and I grin up at her as I kiss my way back to her mouth. She clutches my hair and uses her feet to push my pants off. I hurriedly unbutton my shirt and fling it aside, fearing that she may rip it in her impatience. As soon as my cock is free, she grasps me and grinds her hips against me. I bite my lip, stifling a moan as she pulls me into her and my eyes roll to the back of my head. 

“Oh god Katniss.” Her hands reach around and her fingertips sink into my ass cheeks as I plunge into her. Her pinky finger slips between the cleft of my ass and I feel my orgasm building as she fingers me while I continue to fuck her. 

“Shit Katniss! Holy…oh my fuck, yes!” Expletives escape both of us as I flip her over and pound into her from behind. I mimic her actions and she screams into the pillow as I push a finger into her back hole. I can feel her tightening around my cock but I am determined to hold out for her. 

“I’m so close, Peeta,” she whines. 

“Come on baby…come with me. Fucking come all over my cock,” I growl into her ear, knowing my dirty words will finish her off. She comes hard and squeezes me so tightly that I follow right behind, shooting my warmth inside her. We fall to the bed, sated and sweaty and panting. I pull her into my arms and she rests her cheek against my damp chest.

“I’ve missed that,” she says softly. Our bodies shake from my laughter.

“God me too. You don’t need any kind of lingerie to make me want you. You are so damn perfect, Katniss. You don’t need anything else. Just you.” She glances up at me and smiles against my neck.

“I love you, you know.”

“I know,” I reply. “And i love you. That’s real.” 

“Real,” she nods, already drifting off. I run my hands through her hair, attempting to unsnare the tangles that I’m responsible for. I lean down to place a kiss on her hair before I join her in sleep.


	52. Chapter 52

When I wake up against a warm, naked chest I’m temporarily confused. I have not woken up to my husband in ages, so who is here with me? I lift my head to turn and see him still sleeping peacefully. The sunlight streams into the room, bathing him in gold and I take a moment to admire his beauty. His touseled curls are all over the place and his long lashes flutter on his fair cheeks. His skin still has a healthy flush from last night and I smile as I lean in to kiss his nose. When he doesn’t stir, I nuzzle his cheek and kiss his jawline, kissing my way across his face. His eyes open sleepily and I am met with the most crystal blue eyes I have ever seen. His lips turn into a smile and he closes his eyes for a moment.

“Morning,” he says huskily.

“You slept in, you know.”

“I should care about that but I don’t.” He flips onto his back and pulls me down to him. I rest my head under his chin and listen to his steady heartbeat. His hands make lazy patterns down my back and I gasp as they go lower.

“Peeta,” I scold him gently, knowing he needs to get up and get dressed. He looks down at me with a playful smirk.

“When was the last time we had morning sex?”

“I couldn’t even tell you,” I reply, shaking my head. He tugs me up and throws the blankets aside; I can see how hard he is this morning and I lick my lips as I gaze down at him. Maybe I should be thinking about my own words from yesterday, about how I need some time and how scared I still am but right now, all I can think about is the feel of him inside me. I pump him a few times and he reaches down to push a finger inside me, testing me to see if I’m ready for him. I always am, and he groans when he can feel how ready I am. I sit on his stomach and rise up, the both of us hissing as I   
impale myself on him. His fingers dig into my thighs as I ride him and I throw my head back, my eyes squeezed shut. 

“God Katniss,” he pants as he leans up to nip at my exposed throat. “You are so fucking…you’re so perfect! God I love you!”

“I…love you Peeta,” I gasp as I bounce up and down. 

\----------------  
As we come down from our high, my fear and doubt start to set in again. What did I just do? I told him I needed time and he was willing to give me that; and yet I pounced on him like a horny teenager. Do I really have that little of self control? 

He asks me to shower with him but I tell him to go ahead so I can have a moment to collect my thoughts. His brow raises in concern and I squeeze his hand to assure him everything is alright. He looks satisfied and slips past me to go into the bathroom. As soon as I hear the water running, I collapse backwards on the bed and cover my eyes. What am I going to do?  
I of all people know what Peeta has endured and what he has accomplished. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: it’s a wonder we have been able to have any kind of normal life. Back in those days when he first returned to 12, I never would have thought we would be here. I never imagined he would be able to be in the same room with me. 

It took time but we learned and we grew and we fought together. His flashbacks are so few these days that I sometimes forget there is still another part of him, always fighting to get out. And my brave   
Peeta is always suppressing him, fighting to keep him away from me. He knows that his alter ego wishes to hurt me and he does everything he can to protect me from him.  
Usually he is successful. Sometimes, he loses the fight.   
And he hates himself for it afterwards.

I would never have called myself a weak person before. Marriage and motherhood softened me, when it should have hardened me, and I’m ashamed to say that I have become meek and anxious. I hardly recognize this woman and I wonder daily how Peeta can still love me. Yet I know he does, and I know how sorry he is for the other night. Still, a small part of me, the part who had to grow up much too young rather than watch her baby sister die, is distrustful and wary. He says that he is determined to change but tomorrow, we could go back to the way we were and I will be left kicking myself and telling myself ‘I told you so’. I try not to be cautious around my husband. Over twenty years of marriage and still, the way he looks at me causes me to flush pink. Like last night, for example. The predatory look in his eyes as he lay down on the bed and the way he whimpered my name makes me glow with love and confidence. 

So why do I still feel this uncertainty? 

I throw the covers aside and grab a robe; I plop in front of my vanity, scowling at my reflection as I run my brush through my hair. I don’t even hear the bathroom door open but my eyes widen when I see   
Peeta’s reflection behind me, wearing nothing but a towel around his slim waist and droplets of water dripping down his pale skin.

“Stop thinking so much,” he says softly, quirking a brow in amusement. 

“How do you know that I’m thinking anything at all?”

“Honey, that scowl is making wrinkles. Right here,” he rubs my forehead and then I feel his lips. He kneels beside me and turns me to face him. 

“You need to get out of here,” he rubs my forehead again, “and start feeling with this again.” His hand drifts down to my heart, where his palm flattens against my chest. “You didn’t let yourself feel for the longest time, Katniss. You didn’t allow yourself to love. You told me a long time ago that you didn’t want to fall in love with me, and I sort of crept up on you.” I nod, uncertain as to where he is going with this. His lips on my forehead make me close my eyes. 

“You are the most loving person I have ever known, Katniss. I think that’s why I so badly wanted a family with you. All of the love in your heart, I knew you would be a perfect mother. I still get butterflies in my stomach when you tell me you love me. I go back to being that little five year old hearing you sing for the first time. Or that little nine year old giving you that doll at the festival. Or that eleven year old who deliberately burned the bread so I could feed you because I knew you were so close to death. That fourteen year old who worked tirelessly to give you your first birthday cake and watched it be swept into the trash. The sixteen year old who vowed to get you back home to your sister. The seventeen year old who fought alongside you in the Capitol, the eighteen year old who stood beside you and said my vows. Your love transforms me, Katniss. It’s transcending. I forget…all that we went through and just see you. You and our daughter and our son. Those miracles that you gave me. I never want you to doubt how much you three mean to me. And I hope you know how lost I would really be without you all.” I rest my hand on his arm and see him blinking back tears. 

“You have us, Peeta. And we love you. So much.” He lowers his forehead to my knee. 

“I just want you to be proud of me.”

“We ARE proud of you,” I say firmly. “You have worked tirelessly to help this country, but you need to find a balance. Between your work life and your family, you need to balance it out so you are not spread too thin. Your mind is still delicate and we still have to be careful. I think both of us forget that sometimes,” he winces and I stroke his cheek, lifting his face upward. “What you endured…you are a walking, talking miracle, Peeta. What you have overcome is nothing short of wonder. The way you protect me from…your hijacking…that only proves that you love me. Don’t blame yourself if you slip every now and again.”

“Katniss, a slip is letting out a curse word or two. I could kill you one day. I could lose this fight and let him come back long enough to actually kill you.”

“No you can’t,” I say gently, running my fingers through his damp hair. “Look at how many times you have come close and you hold yourself back. I trust you, Peeta. Every part of you. Even your hijacked side, I know you won’t really hurt me.”

“I already hurt you,” he whispers. “The blood…your tears…the look in your eyes the morning after. I’m scared that one day you will just say enough and leave me.”

“Peeta,” I say firmly, taking his face in my hands. I’m being a little rough but I need him to understand. To really hear me.

“I made a vow that I would stand by your side, always. And I will never break that vow. You’re mine and I’m yours. And I can’t…there is no way I could survive without you. No way at all. You go on and on about how upset you get when I doubt my worth. And here you are, doing the same.” His blue eyes widen and I stroke his cheek with my knuckles.

“Don’t ever doubt my love for you,” I repeat his words and he sinks forward into my lap, wrapping his arms around my waist. His shoulders shake with his sobs and I stroke his hair lovingly. When that   
doesn’t affect him, I rise to my feet and tug him over to the bed. He follows, sniffling occasionally, and kneels beside me with confusion in his glassy eyes. I climb into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck.

“Make love to me,” I murmur against his lips. He gasps into our kiss and I pull him down to the bed with me.

I have always had trouble saying what I need to say. Showing Peeta how much I love him and need him is so much easier and as he slides in and out of me, I try to make him understand. With every pound of flesh and every whimper, every cry, every moan of his name, I want him to know that it has always been him. It will always be him.   
\-------------------------

Willow’s and Rye’s bags wait in the corner of the room and I am finishing packing my two suitcases, when Peeta walks into our bedroom.

“Hey beautiful,” he wraps his arms around me and kisses my temple. 

“How was your meeting?”

“Long and boring but the mayors are happy with our progress and they want to spend an extra day in the Capitol and do some more sightseeing. Everyone all packed?”

“Mmhm. Just need to take these bags downstairs.”

“I’ve got them.” He leans in and gives me a quick kiss before he grabs both of my suitcases and drags them downstairs. When he returns, I’m sitting on the bed, chewing on my fingernails. He sinks down beside me and pulls my hand into his lap, massaging it gently.

“What’s going on inside your head?” I grimace at the words, remembering so long ago when someone else said them.

“I don’t know,” I say softly.

“Talk to me, honey,” he urges and I shake my head.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Whatever you want to say. Whatever is on your mind.”

“That’s about a million things. We don’t have time and we should get ready to leave for 12.” His eyes search mine for a moment before his shoulders slump forward.

“Alright. Let me change and we will go. The hovercraft should be on the roof soon.” I nod and rise to my feet. He holds onto my hand and trails his fingers along the back of my hand as he lets go, giving me a long searching look. I kiss the top of his head before I hurry off to find my children. 

\--------------  
Rye clambers all over his father while we rise up in the hovercraft. Willow falls asleep against me and Peeta finally sets Rye in his lap and tells him to calm down. It doesn’t take us long to get to 12. Another hovercraft lands next to us, with some of Peeta’s soldiers and all of our luggage. 

Annie is the first one out of her house and she waves excitedly when she sees us. 

“Aunt Annie!” Willow takes off and nearly tackles the poor woman, but Annie is laughing, a pleased look on her face. 

“Oh, my sweet Willow, look at you! You’re practically a young lady!” Willow giggles and Annie moves forward to hug the rest of us.

“Welcome home,” she whispers in my ear.

“It’s good to be home.” I look up at Victor’s Village and think, it hasn’t been that long since we have been here. We have only been in the Capitol a few months but it feels like years. Peeta grips the suitcases and kisses Annie’s cheek.

“Good to see you again, Ann. I’ll put these in the house and then we’ll-- where’s Finn?”

“I told him you were coming in but little Coral has some teeth coming in and isn’t sleeping. Finn stayed to calm her while Ana gets some rest.” 

“Oh ho, we remember how that is, don’t we honey?” He squeezes my shoulders and grins. I visibly wince and Annie chuckles lightly. Willow and Rye follow their father into the house and I lean in close to Annie and gesture across the way.

“Have you seen her?”

“A few times. I hate that we don’t know what’s wrong but she tells Haymitch under no circumstances will she go to the hospital. I actually think she’s distrustful of our doctors here in 12.”

“What?! Why?” She shrugs.

“She’s still Capitol at heart. No matter how long Effie lives here, she will never feel that 12 is her home. Without you two here, she hasn’t had many people to talk to. Haymitch blames himself. Says he took her away from her Capitol life but she agreed to come here with him.” I sigh, wishing there was some way to switch all this around. Peeta has to stay in the Capitol, Effie wants to go back to the Capitol, I never want to return to the Capitol, and Haymitch…well, I think he’ll go wherever Effie goes. I squeeze Annie’s hand and she squeezes back.

“It’s great to see you, Annie.”

“And you, Katniss. How have things been?” I bite my lip; I don’t want to admit to her how much I hate it and how much it’s changed us. How I’m still afraid that this will destroy Peeta eventually, and how my own husband assaulted me just days ago. I refuse to tell her that. I refuse to tell anyone that. I believe him when he says he is going to change things. It is just like I said, we just have to be careful. Peeta’s mind has been in a fragile state since he was returned to me. I can’t imagine how terrible and exhausting it must have been, to doubt everything that he was told. And the way I treated him, when I should have been helping him, on top of everything else. He literally restitched that tapestry of memories after the revolution. It’s how he came back to me. But that tapestry in his mind is made up of the thinnest of thread. It can rip at any time.

Huh, look at me, I’m starting to sound artistic like Peeta. I smile to myself and shake my head.

“Things have been ok, Annie. The Capitol isn’t a good place for us but it’s where he has to be.”

“I wish things were different, Katniss,” she says quietly, her eyes taking on that faroff look. I squeeze her hand, hoping to ground her here.

“So do I. But no use in dwelling on it. Peeta taught me that.”

“Your husband is a smart man,” she says, her eyes glittering at something behind me. I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist and cool lips on my cheek.

“What am I so smart about?”

“Not dwelling on things. Especially things we can’t change.” He smiles and rests his head on my shoulder.

“Too true. We can’t do anything about it, so why worry about it? Annie, Rye and Willow are taking a nap but we want to go over and see Haymitch and Effie. Do you mind-?”

“Not at all, Peeta,” she says, brushing past him into our house. Peeta sighs in my ear and nuzzles my cheek.

“We can go in and rest first, if you like. We don’t have to--“

“No. We need to go see her. Now.” He nods and wraps his arm around my waist while we walk across the green. 

The door swings open and Haymitch envelops us in a tight hug.

“Wow old man, I don’t think I’ve ever known you to be so affectionate.”

“Don’t get too used to it, sweetheart,” he sneers at me. “Hey kid, you look terrible. Presidency not all it’s cracked up to be?”

“Hello to you too, Haymitch,” Peeta says softly.

“Don’t be an ass, Haymitch,” I snap. “Where is your wife?”

“Sleeping. I told her you were coming home and she was too excited to sleep last night. We can come by later if you want.”

“Is she…leaving the house?”

“No, so it will be good to get her out. Annie invites us over to dinner every now and again but mostly she’s at Finn’s and Ana’s, helping with Coral. Or staying over at Riley’s.” I raise my brow in surprise but now’s not the time to be asking about Annie and Riley. 

“How is she,” Peeta lowers his voice.

“The same,” Haymitch says in a hollow voice. “She barely eats. She doesn’t go outside anymore. She coughs and it shakes her whole body. I don’t know what is wrong but she won’t go to the doctor. We had a fight this morning when I asked her why she is making me watch her die.”

“Damn it Haymitch.”

“Hey, she’s infuriating me with this!”

“That doesn’t mean you attack her like that,” Peeta scolds. “Knowing Effie, she doesn’t want to be an inconvenience to anyone.”

“She’s my wife. She’s supposed to be an inconvenience.” 

“Have you asked her if she will go to a Capitol doctor,” I ask softly. Peeta and Haymitch both turn wide eyes on me.

“No. Why would I ask that?”

“Because maybe that’s what she would be more comfortable with. A Capitol doctor. Wouldn’t it be worth finding out what is wrong?”

“Of course it would,” he says gruffly. “I just…I thought she was liking 12 better, you know? She has a lot to do here, with her academy. They’ve opened a second store of hers down by Merchant Circle. Up til a month or so ago, she was staying busy. She handles affairs of the state from here, and she seemed to be happy. Until she wasn’t anymore.” He hangs his head and I feel bad for the old man. I can see how age has caught up with him. Haymitch wasn’t old when we met him but he always looked older beyond his years. The Hunger Games does that to you. The Capitol drains your youth. Even my handsome thirty-something year old husband is looking well into his fourties right now, with dark circles under his eyes and trembling hands. His mouth is a thin line and his lustrous curls have thinned.   
I don’t even want to imagine what he sees when he looks at me. I know bearing two children before living in the Capitol has taken a toll on me. 

“Katniss is right, it’s worth it to find out what’s wrong. Maybe we should ask her tonight if she will come back with us and get a check up.” Haymitch nods.

“Yeah. Maybe. Thank you both for coming back.”

“That’s what family is for, Haymitch,” Peeta says, clapping Haymitch’s shoulder. With a weak smile, Haymitch turns to stumble back into his house. Peeta squeezes my hand and we walk back to our house. We thank Annie and she slips out the door with a sweet smile and a promise to be back later.

“If we’re having people over for dinner, I should go to the store to get something to eat,” says Peeta as he stretches his arms over his head and yawns.

“I’ll go. You nap with the kids. I’ll be back soon.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Go lie down. You do look a little tired.” I stroke his cheek with my knuckles and he holds my hand to his lips, giving me a weary smile. 

“You want the keys?” 

“I think I’ll walk. It’s been awhile since I have walked through the district. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine,” I add, seeing his concerned expression. I give him a quick kiss and grab my purse before hurrying out. 

The district is unbearably hot and I am sweating before I even make it out onto the main road. I start to rethink my decision of walking as I hoist my purse over my other shoulder. 

“Ugh, I hate this thing,” I grumble as I fidget with the huge bag. The Committee’ wives (who insist on girl time, something I happen to loathe) convinced me to buy the bag when we were out shopping one day. It’s cumbersome and I wish I just had my game bag with me.   
People stare as I walk past. Katniss Everdeen, dressed in a pencil skirt and a frilly green blouse with a black purse over her shoulder. I desperately wish I had changed first. I hurry past without lifting my eyes from the ground. 

As I walk home with groceries, I can see how much the district has changed. When I was younger, the idea of outsiders was unthinkable because of Snow’s travel ban. Now I can see dozens upon dozens of new people whom I know are not from 12. They all stare at me, some point, some whisper. It’s just like the Capitol.  
Will I feel like I belong anywhere? Do they point because I’m the president’s wife? Because I’m a Victor?  
Because I was the Mockingjay?

I pick up my pace and ignore the sweat dripping into my eyes. The sun is starting to set when I return home and Peeta greets me on the porch.

“I was starting to worry…here, let me take those.” I hand him a couple of the bags and follow him inside.

I’m silent as we unload the bags and put the food away. I was careful not to get a lot of perishables, except for a few things we will eat in the next few days. Since I don’t know how long we will be staying and when we will return to the Capitol, I didn’t want to go overboard.

“What were you thinking we should make?” Peeta snaps me out of my reverie and I blink.

“How about pasta with meatballs? I bought things to make a salad too.”

“Sounds great.” He leans in to kiss me before he sets to cooking the meatballs. He has changed out of his nice clothes and is wearing a pair of worn jeans and a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He moves around the kitchen barefoot and I admire how the jeans accentuate his ass.

“I’m going to go change into something else.” He nods without turning to look at me.

“I was surprised that you didn’t do that when you got home, to be honest. I like the skirts and blouses for the Capitol but here, you can wear whatever you want. You can dress more like…you.” I sigh heavily and hurry up to our room. There’s still a lot of clothes in our closet, some things Peeta said we probably wouldn’t wear around tne mansion. He’s right though; when we arrived in the Captiol, I had to go shopping for all of us and returned home with fancy clothes I would have never dreamed of wearing before I was Reaped. Not quite as outlandish as what Effie used to wear but Capitol clothing is still more than what we wear in the districts. I was actually starting to miss the sight of Peeta in his worn jeans and his faded white tee shirts. He looks incredible in a suit but he always dressed up for his meetings and then I hardly saw him, so I didn’t see him in much else. I grab a pair of cutoff shorts but think better of it, and swap them for a pair of black Capri pants. I hang up my skirt and blouse, and pull on a blue tank top that is the same shade as Peeta’s eyes. I quickly unbraid my hair, brush it, and rebraid it before checking my reflection. OK. I’m starting to look like myself again. Giving my reflection a nod, I hurry back downstairs to help Peeta with dinner.

He turns when I enter and his lips curl up into a smile.

“There’s my Katniss.”

“I wasn’t your Katniss before?” He approaches me, his hands on my waist and stroking the big of skin under my tank top.

“You’re always my Katniss. But this is more you. You look happier in these clothes.” That actually makes me feel rather guilty. I don’t want him to think I am unhappy because I’m not. Being with him makes it worth it.   
His lips on my brow startle me.

“Stop thinking so much,” he chastises me. “I only meant I like seeing you looking so relaxed. I’m sure I look the same, in my worn out jeans.” 

“You do. Although I’m not sure if that glow you have is from a little rest or the morning sex.” For good measure, I slide my hands down the back of his jeans and grip his ass cheeks. He jumps, his face flushing red. 

“Could be both,” he says non-chalantly but I know better. I give him a smirk before I lean in for a kiss. 

“You’re going to make me burn dinner,” he says against my lips.

“Guess I got used to having someone cook for us. Fine, you keep watch over dinner and I’ll make the salad.” His hands move down from my waist to lightly slap my backside before he steps away toward the oven. I start slicing vegetables and throw everything together to make a big salad.   
Peeta is pulling dishes out of the cabinet when our bleary-eyed children wander in, yawning and rubbing their faces. 

“Hey there’s my two little helpers. Come on up and wash your hands, guys,” Peeta scoots a chair close to the sink so they can stand and wash their hands. He stands behind them, helping them and I smile at the sight before a knock at the door startles me. I hurry to let people in, and excitedly greet Finn, Ana, and Coral. 

“Mom said thank you for the invite but Riley asked her to go to dinner,” Finn explains as he kisses my cheek.

“That’s ok. You kids come on in.” Haymitch opens the door and stands aside. My eyes widen at the sight of Effie. She has obviously gone to great lengths to improve her appearance for tonight. Her thin hair is curled tightly and covered with some sort of scarf, and she has garish make up covering up her pallid skin. She looks sickly and she trembles with every step. Her eyes are dull and her smile is pinched. I hug her tightly and she pats my back with a shriveled hand.

“Welcome home, dear girl. We’re so glad you’re back.”

“Oh Effie, we have missed you. Come see the children, they are so excited to see you.” Haymitch helps his wife into the kitchen, where Willow and Rye almost tackle their grandparents. 

“Granpa! Mimi!” 

“My darlings!” Effie sweeps them into a hug and Haymitch watches closely. Her smile is genuine now but she still looks so pale and tired. She straightens up and goes to hug Peeta. He does a good job of hiding his surprise at the sight of her.

“And Peeta, dear, we have been so worried about you.”

“You don’t need to worry about me,” he assures her as he embraces her tightly. “I’m doing fine. How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I’m fit as a fiddle,” she fibs. Peeta bites his lip but gestures for everyone to sit down. Finn brings in a few extra chairs from the other room and sits next to his wife. Ana cradles Coral, who is sleeping peacefully.

“We were going to stay home and let her sleep,” Finn whispers. “But we wanted to see you all.”

“We’re glad you came,” Peeta says quietly, setting the bowl of pasta on the table in front of us. “Hope you enjoy. I haven’t cooked in months.”

“You let Katniss do all the cooking,” Finn says with a grin as he plates some dinner for his wife and then him.

“No, we have our own cook. Jemma, she’s…well, she’s basically Greasy Sae come back to us. She’s a sweet old thing. We have a lot of help in the kitchen.” Finn raises his brow.

“I’m surprised you took to that, Aunt Katniss.”

“It’s just part of Capitol life, Finn,” I try to shrug it off but he looks unconvinced. Peeta digs into his dinner, unaware of the exchange between our godson and me. Haymitch watches me from across the table, his eyes narrowed.

“How are things back here?” 

“Things are good. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but 12 has grown a lot. More and more people coming and settling here, I’m not completely sure why. Merchant Circle has grown and is now called Town Circle Center. Brent has done a great job making sure the tourist department flourishes.”

“I think Peeta has a little something to do with that,” Haymitch coughs. Peeta’s brow furrows.

“What? Why me?”

“Oh please, as if people didn’t already want to see where the Mockingjay and the Star-Crossed Lovers lived? Now our own President comes from 12, and people want to see where he grew up.” 

“That’s…that’s insane,” he mumbles. 

“Well, it’s sort of true, Uncle Peeta. Mom used to say it was strange, having so many Victors settled in one place but when you became president, people started flocking here. Some guys from 2 actually approached Brent about resurrecting the part of town Aunt Katniss grew up in…what was it called? Something with an S?”

“The Seam,” I ask, my eyes growing wide. Finn nods.

“That’s it. They wanted to rebuild the Seam and have it as a little museum. As a tribute to you, you know? But Brent told them no. He refuses to have 12 split ever again.” 

“Wow, good for Brent,” Peeta says as he pushes his food around his plate. “He was from the Seam, after all. And after the district has healed so well, I’m sure he doesn’t want any reminders of how…divided we used to be.”

“Ok but clear something up for me. If the district was so divided between Seam and Merchant…how come nothing bad happened when you confessed your love for Aunt Katniss?”

“You wouldn’t call the Quarter Quell and…everything that happened afterward… something bad?” Finn flinches.

“I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. I just meant…were you worried about what your family would think when you were about to tell the world? Were you worried about what Aunt Katniss would say about it all?”

“I was terrified,” Peeta chuckles softly. “But it was Haymitch’s idea to tell everyone before I told her, not mine. I knew she would be furious with me. She wound up pushing me over, knocking down a vase and cutting up my hands.” My eyes dart to Haymitch and narrow.

“It was your idea?”

“It was, sweetheart. I knew it would get you sponsors. I also knew he would chicken out if it was just the two of you. This way, he had to finally fess up.”

“In front of the whole damn world,” I growl. Peeta’s eyes lift to meet mine and then dart back down to his dinner.

“Look, Katniss,” Haymitch says seriously and my eyes widen at the use of my name. Peeta, however, cuts him off.

“In answer to your first question, Finn, yes I was nervous what my family would think. But they already knew how I felt about her and I was convinced I wasn’t coming back home. I’d made a promise to myself to get her out of the arena and I was prepared to lay down my life to do it. My family knew that too.”

“We’re changing the subject right now,” I say sharply, nodding toward my children. Willow’s eyes are wide with horror and even Rye cocks his head in questioning, as if he wants to ask about what he is hearing. Peeta sucks in a breath, as if just remembering that our children are present, and Finn bites his lip.

“Sorry Aunt Katniss.”

“What’s done is done, Finn, let’s leave them alone,” Ana whispers, setting a hand on her husband’s arm. 

“Daddy,” Willow says quietly. I can see her eyes getting glassy and Peeta drops his fork with a clank; he is out of his chair and kneeling in front of hers in seconds.

“It’s ok, baby girl. It’s ok.”

“But…you and Mama…you said…how you loved her…and she…I don’t…” my little girl can’t seem to finish a sentence, until she sniffles and buries her face in her father’s neck. Peeta lifts her out of her chair and holds her close, his hand smoothing her dark curls down. He casts us an apolgetic look before he carries her out of the room. Finn sighs and runs his fingers through his curls.

“I’m really sorry Aunt Katniss. I didn’t mean to upset anyone. Least all of all Will.”

“It’s alright, Finn. Talk of the Games does that to all of us.” He looks like he wants to apologize again but he falls silent, looking miserable. 

“Mommy…where Sissy?” Rye starts to climb up onto the table and I catch him quickly.

“Sissy is ok, baby. Here, why don’t you go to Mimi for a while?” Effie sucks in a breath but pulls him into her lap and bounces him up and down, placing kisses on his hair. 

“You sweet children have been through so much,” she says to me, tears welling in her eyes. Haymitch moves closer and drapes an arm around her.

“You all have,” she says, sniffling. 

“I really didn’t…I didn’t mean to make everyone miserable,” Finn says sadly. “Maybe we should go.”

“Finn, stay. It isn’t you. I think all of us are a little on edge.” He doesn’t look convinced but Ana passes their daughter to him and he falls silent, stroking her little cheek. 

“I’m just going to check on Willow. I’ll be right back.” I excuse myself and hurry into the living room, where Peeta took our daughter. I don’t see them so I start upstairs. I hear muffled voices coming from Willow’s room and I press myself against the hall, knowing my little girl has inherited my hunter’s senses. We can still hear Daddy coming almost a mile away.

“-don’t want to go back. You’re sad there, Daddy.”

“Sweeheart, it’s you and your brother and your mama that make me happy though.”

“But we didn’t! You were sad. You and Mama fought. It’s a bad place, Daddy. I don’t like it. The other kids talk about you and Mama and I don’t like it. Rye always cried cause you didn’t come play with us.”

“Daddy was just really busy, I told you, I’m sorry--“

“I know that Daddy but he doesn’t. He’s a baby. And Mama…Mama was the saddest. You hurt Mama.” I can hear Peeta suck in a breath.

“I know, baby girl. I know. Your Mama…she knows how much I love her. And I told you, like I told her, I’m going to put you guys first again. No more missing dinners, no more leaving the house before I   
see you all in the morning. You three are the most important things in my life and I could never forget that.”

“You could, Daddy,” her voice gets softer, choked with tears. “You could go away and forget. Like you went away before. When you got sick.” Tears fill my eyes as I hear my seven-year old daughter talking to her father about his hijacking…his ‘sickness’. It breaks my heart that she knows about this already. I wish she’d never found out. But she’s as clever as Peeta. She would have figured it out on her own. 

“Willow Rose, my beautiful girl, I promise you, I will never, ever, forget you. I couldn’t. I begged your mommy for you for so many years. I dreamed of you before you were born, before you were even in Mommy’s tummy. We wanted you so badly and now that we have you, nothing could ever make me forget you. You are Daddy’s world, you know that? When I get sick…all I have to think about is you and Mom and Rye, and I get better again. You all make me feel better. That’s why I wanted you to come with me to the Capitol. To live with me in that big house. Because I can’t imagine leaving you guys, even for a day.” I peer into the room and see Willow fling her arms around her father. She’s sitting in her bed, with Peeta sitting on the edge, but Peeta buries his face in her shoulder and I see his shoulders shaking. 

“I just don’t want you to be sad anymore, Daddy. I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy. You three make me so happy.”

“And you’ll tell Mama you’re happy? You’ll tell her you love her?” I clap my hand over my mouth and squeeze back tears. 

“Every minute that I can, sweetheart. You know I’ve loved Mama since I was a little boy. Nothing has changed. Your mama saved my life.”

“Tell her that, Daddy. Please.” 

“I promise I will.”

“I love you Daddy.”

“I love you so much, Willow. I don’t want you to ever know what Mama and I went through before you were born but you’re a smart little princess; you know we’ve been through some really bad stuff.” She pulls away and nods while he wipes her tears away with his thumb.

“We were really scared, before we had you. We didn’t know if it would be fair to bring you into this world, for you to see us like that. But you saved us. Mama saved me, and you saved both Mama and me.”

“You protect each other,” she says quietly and that does it for me. I slide down the flood, my hands over my face and tears streaming down my cheeks. I don’t know what else is said, I don’t know what else Peeta does, but I pull my knees to my chest and weep silently.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up into red-rimmed blue eyes. Without a word, he pulls me into his arms and we cry together. We cry for what we have lost, for what we have gained, for the happy times and the sad times. We cry for our child’s lost innocence, and for the murky future ahead of us. Peeta and I have cried together so many times, that now we are so attuned to each other that I know I don’t have to be in a hurry to pull away and wipe my face. He knows he can hold me for as long as he wants and I will let him. I never let myself show any signs of weakness when I was younger but now I know it’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a part of life and it’s one of the wonderful things that I can share with my boy with the bread, my best friend, my husband.


	53. Chapter 53

I don’t know how long we sit there together but I put a finger to my lips and pull her to her feet. I lead her to our bathroom and gesture for her to sit on the toilet; I wet a cloth and gently stroke her face, wiping the tear streaks away. 

“You heard?” She doesn’t nod but I already know the answer. She’s probably heard everything. I sigh heavily and shake my head.

“I’m sorry,” she says stiffly.

“Don’t be. Our daughter has to be the smartest child out there.”

“Too smart for her own good,” she nods in agreement.   
It absolutely tore my heart out to have that conversation with my little girl. My little seven-year old, who should be thinking about coloring and playing with her brother and school work, talked to me about my ‘sickness’ and me being sad. I asked her if she was ready to go back to the Capitol, or if she wanted to stay here for awhile. She told me she didn’t want to go back, and that she didn’t want any of us to go back. 

“Rye cried cause you didn’t come play with us. Mama was the saddest. You hurt Mama.” I broke down at those words. The fact that my seven-year old saw all of that completely breaks me. And I can’t forget how my son must feel. My two-year old boy who doesn’t understand a lot of this but understands that his father didn’t come visit him anymore. I wish I could remember how I felt at that age. I know Mom didn’t have time for any of us, and hardly ever played with me. How did that make me feel? Abandoned. Sad. Just like my son.  
She clung to me and I to her, the way I would cling to her mother. My lifeline, the way Katniss tethered me to reality during one of my flashbacks. In the Capitol, years ago, it was pain that kept me in the present. After that, it was Katniss’s voice. The feel of her arms around me. The way her hair smelled, the taste of her lips. Everything about Katniss Everdeen…it’s always been intoxicating. I can’t forget how everything about Katniss Mellark makes me feel the same way. 

I throw the cloth aside and kneel in front of her. She places her hands in my hair and I lower my head to her lap. I’ve turned into such a blubbering mess over the years; I can just hear my mother’s voice in my head, when I would burn myself on the oven and go running to her.

“Big boys don’t cry! Be a big boy, Peeta! Tears make you weak!”   
Thus I would try to hide my tears whenever she would hit me. As her beatings got worse, I became more resilient and stood firm. The beating I took with the bread incident wasn’t the worst but it did result in a pretty bad black eye. I ran to my room and cried into my pillow afterwards. One day when I was 13, Mom was cleaning my room and found a drawing of mine. A rather naughty drawing I had done of Katniss…thank god she couldn’t tell who it was but she could most certainly tell it was a woman. She struck me across the face and her ring had cut my cheek and my lip open. I told Dad I had tripped.   
I held the tears back until she left.   
Surprisingly enough, I let them flow when I was Reaped. I didn’t care who saw me, and really, who could blame me? I was a sixteen year old being carted off to my death. I cried until we boarded the train. I didn’t even care that Katniss Everdeen would see me crying.  
Would she think me weak? Well, go ahead and think that. I was a goner anyway.   
I cried in the Captiol. As much as I tried to remain strong, I screamed and begged and pleaded for them to leave me alone. Then I pleaded for them to kill me, to make the pain go away.  
Those moments of weaknesses still haunt me. 

“People will wonder where we are,” she says quietly. I suddenly remember our dinner guests.

“Damn. You’re right. I need to wash my face.”

“Is Willow asleep?” I nod as I splash some cold water onto my face.

“She fell asleep in my arms and I went ahead and tucked her in. She gets tired when she is so emotional like that.” Like us. I don’t say it, but she knows what I am thinking. She nods and checks her own reflection.   
Sighing, she scrubs at the red circles under her eyes and we both take a moment to compose ourselves. When we can’t hide out anymore, she slips her hand in mine and we return to our family downstairs. 

Finn apologizes over and over for upsetting us and I assure him it’s not his fault. Haymitch is quiet and doesn’t touch the dessert I made. When Coral wakes up and starts to fuss, Ana tells Finn it’s time to go and we hug them goodbye. I carry Rye up to his room and check on both of my children before I head back downstairs.  
Haymitch and Effie look uncertain, as if unsure if they should follow Finn and Ana. But Katniss makes some tea and insists everyone have a cup.   
I don’t think any of us know what to say right now.   
Effie stares into her tea cup, chewing on her lip. Haymitch heaves a great sigh and clears his throat.

“Look, uh, maybe we should…talk about why Peeta and Katniss came home.” Effie looks at us, surprised.

“We’re worried about you, Effie,” Katniss says softly.

“Oh, don’t be dear. I’m just fine,” she waves her hand. I can see Haymitch is about to make an angry retort and I shake my head.

“You’re not fine, Effie, and Haymitch is really scared. Why won’t you go see a doctor?”

“I don’t need a doctor,” she sniffs, reminding me of the old Effie Trinkett. “I’m just not as young as I used to be.”

“You’re younger than I am, Eff,” Haymitch says in a surprisingly gentle voice. “And we’re both getting older. You need to take care of yourself. You’ve been sick and you need to go to the doctor. I don’t know why you have to be so damn stubborn about this.”

“There is nothing a doctor in District 12 can do for me,” she shrieks. Ah. So maybe Katniss was right. Maybe she just doesn’t want to see a doctor here.

“What if you came back to the Capitol with me and went to see a doctor there?” She blinks, considering.

“Why do you think I need a doctor so badly?”

“Effie. You’re so thin. Really, you don’t look like yourself. Haymitch says you’ve been coughing and don’t think I didn’t see that blood in your napkin earlier.” I glance sharply at Katniss, wondering how I missed that. Then again, Katniss’s hunter instincts have always been on point.

“Blood?” Haymitch says, his voice raised. “That’s it, Effie. Enough of this stupidity. You are going to the doctor tomorrow.”

“I will only see a Capitol doctor,” she says firmly, slamming her cup down. Katniss blinks in confusion.

“I don’t understand. There is nothing wrong with District 12 doctors. And most of them have come from other districts. Why don’t you want to see one of them?”

“You don’t trust them because they’re from the districts,” I say, sharper than I intended.

“Do not turn me into a part of your district vs Capitol platform, Peeta,” she says angrily. “This isn’t about trusting a doctor. It’s about comfort. The Capitol is still my home, and I simply do not feel comfortable talking about my body to anyone else around here.” 

“Peeta didn’t mean to sound condescending,” Haymitch says quickly, shooting me a look. I have enough grace to hang my head in shame. “But as we said, we are all worried about you. We love you. We just don’t want to see anything happent to you.”

“I will admit I have been feeling…slightly under the weather,” she says into her tea cup. I raise my brow. If she’s been coughing blood, she’s more than under the weather. The question is, what is wrong with her and how do we fix it?  
Can it be fixed?  
I shake my head. Don’t go down that road. Effie is the closest thing to a mother-figure for both Katniss and me, and the grandmother figure to the kids. And I don’t want to think what will happen to Haymitch if Effie dies.   
We’d be burying him right after her. I know that. He’s strong but after everything he has been through, losing the love of his life would tip him into the grave.

“Please Effie,” I plead. “Let me escort you to the Capitol tomorrow. I can call a hovercraft, we can be back before dinner.” She nods, and finally looks up, into her husband’s eyes.

“I want you to stay here with Katniss and the children.”

“What? No way I’m going to--“

“Haymitch,” she says gently. “I know how much you dislike the Capitol. I know how hard it is for you. I don’t want to cause you any more pain.”

“You don’t think it’d cause the kid more pain,” he says with a raised voice.

“Peeta has been forced to make the Capitol his home. He’s been forced to deal with it. As much as I hate it for him, he doesn’t have much of a choice. You do. I won’t make you go back there. I won’t be the cause of your distress.”

“Effie,” Katniss breaks in, seeing how frustrated Haymitch is getting. “We can all go with you. We can stay in the mansion, and be comfortable. There’s no sense in going alone.”

“I see how happy you are to be back in 12, my sweet girl. You have never been and will never be a Capitol girl. As Peeta said, we can go early and be back before dinner. I trust my boy to look after me,” she turns to me and pats my cheek gently. Both Katniss and Haymitch look like they want to argue but I can see how important this is to Effie.

“We will go in the morning and maybe Katniss can have dinner waiting when we return. I wouldn’t say no to some squirrel, or some wild turkey.” I glance over at Katniss and see her trying to hide her grin. I knew the temptation of hunting would be too much for her to resist. She has missed it so much and I hate that she had to leave that behind as well. But it’s still relatively warm in the district and I want to give her a chance to return to her woods. 

“If Haymitch would come keep an eye on the kids in the morning, I think I can find something for dinner.” Haymitch sighs and props his head in his hands.

“I guess I don’t have a say in this, do I?”

“You always have a say,” Effie reaches out to stroke his cheek. “But you were the one who wanted me to get some help and now I will. I’ll be fine, my love.” 

“We had better get on home and get some rest. We’ll see you kids in the morning.” Hugs and kisses are exchanged, and we watch them make their way back to their house, Effie leaning into Haymitch. 

I take Katniss’s hand and lead her upstairs; we stop to check on the kids before we continue on to our room. She’s silent as she dresses for bed and I sit on the edge, watching her.

“Hey,” I say softly and her head snaps up. “Come here.” She takes my outstretched hand and I pull her down in front of me. My hands go to her shoulders and I wince when I feel how tense she is. She has knots all over her shoulders and back. I use my knuckles to knead them out, and she releases a soft whine. 

“I think you probably need this more than I do, Mr. President,” she says softly.

“Well you can pay me back another night. I hate seeing you so tense. You’re so knotted up, it’s hurting me!”

“I’m so worried about Effie. She’s coughing up blood, Peeta. I may not be a Healer but I know that is a terrible sign. We can’t lose her. Haymitch can’t lose her-“

“Hey,” I stop her and turn her to face me. “Effie will be ok. She’s a survivor, like we are.” I go back to massaging her shoulders, trailing my fingernails down her spine. 

“It’s just…I never imagined…Effie Trinkett being a part of the family.” I snort in laughter.

“I’m sure you never imagined the town drunk and the Baker’s youngest son being your family either.”

“No,” she agrees. “But life has a crazy way of working things out, doesn’t it?”

“Katniss Everdeen fell in love with me,” I say with a smile. “Not even in my wildest dreams…I mean, after we won the Games, when I knew we would have to marry…but imagining that you would love me one day…I mean…” I trail off, unble to find the right words. Which is rare for me. She understands and threads her fingers through my hair. 

“My boy with the bread,” she whispers before she kisses my cheek. “I could never lose my boy with the bread.” Her eyes sparkle in the moonlight and I cup her chin as I kiss her, before turning her back around so I can continue working out the knots. 

Without asking I slip her nightshirt over her head and toss it aside. Her arms automatically come up to cover her chest, a reaction she has always had ever since the first time I saw her. I reach around and wrap my arms around her, my hands finding hers and pushing them down so I can cup her in my palms. My lips meet the soft skin of her back and she tilts her head to the side, moaning lightly. That moan makes me harden in my briefs and I shift closer so I can press my erection into the small of her back. 

We undress each other slowly, taking our time to savor the sights and relish in these tender moments. Sex is hurried and often timed when you have kids, so being able to trail my tongue down her body and watch her squirm is a fantasy in itself. She climbs on top of me, riding me slowly and my hands trail down her chest and stomach. Neither of us seem to want this to end, and we prolong it as long as possible. She thrusts her hips forward and throws her head back, her hair tickling my thighs. God she is glorious. I lean up so I can watch our lovemaking. Even after all these years, the sight of her olive skin pressed against my pale flesh causes shivers to run down my spine. It’s the most beautiful artwork I have ever seen. Her hands press against my chest and her hips grind forward. I can sense she is getting close and I try to make us both hold out.   
Literally the second after we finish, we hear the door open and she falls off of me with a little scream. I frantically grab a blanket and toss it over both of us. Two little faces peer up from the floor and Katniss hides her face in the pillow beside me.

“Hey guys, what’s wrong?”

“Rye was crying in his sleep,” my daughter explains as she clutches her brother’s hand. “And I was having a bad dream when I heard him. Can we sleep with you?” 

“Of course baby,” Katniss says as she sits up, somehow wearing my shirt. “Let Daddy use the restroom and you guys can come up here.” I clear my throat as I wrap a sheet around my waist, praying my daughter won’t ask any questions. On the way to the bathroom I grab a clean pair of underwear and a nightshirt, and close the door behind me. I can hear Katniss’s soothing voice as I quickly dress. When I come out, I see her holding Rye in her arms, soothing his hair back as she’s done to me so many times. 

“Here, Mama’s turn,”she says as she hands him to me. He turns and presses his warm cheek against my chest and Katniss kisses Willow’s hair as she passes. I see her grab a pair of underwear as well, and shoots me a look over her shoulder before she closes the door. 

When she comes back, she climbs onto the bed and Rye moves back over to her lap. Willow climbs on top of me and I stretch my legs out in front of me, the blankets tossed aside. Willow’s small hand gently probes my prosthetic leg and she looks up at me, biting her lip.

“Does it hurt?”

“Not anymore,” I say quietly. 

“Daddy…I’m sorry people hurt you.” Katniss sucks in a breath beside me and I gather Willow to my chest and press kisses to her head.

“It’s ok, baby girl. I’m ok now. You and Rye and Mama make everything worth it.” 

“Are you leaving again?” I sigh and Katniss shifts closer.

“Daddy is taking Mimi to the Capitol for the day, but they will both be back to us by dinnertime. Ok?” 

“I don’t want you to go, Daddy,” she cries into my chest. “I had a bad dream. Bad men were hurting you.” 

“Oh honey, nothing’s going to happen to me. Your mama has always kept me safe.”

“But Mama won’t be there to keep you safe,” she cries even harder.

“Willow, Daddy is a very important man to the country,” Katniss says as she strokes our daughter’s hair. “He has lots and lots of people keeping him safe, ok? Nothing is going to happen to him.” 

“You promise?” I hate making promises like that to my children, promises that I could unintentionally break. But more than that, I hate to see them crying so I kiss her forehead and nod.

“Promise. Daddy will be back with Mimi tomorrow evening. And hey, maybe Mama can take you and bubby to the bakery to help me out a little? I wanted to check on it myself but I think my little bakers can go for me.” She cheers up a little at that, and Rye starts to fall asleep in Katniss’s lap until he starts getting the hiccups, and starts to cry again. 

Halfway through the night, Katniss wakes up screaming and I’m able to calm her quickly. But just as she is dozing off on my arm, Willow sits straight up, sees me, and leaps on top of me. It takes us awhile to calm her down.   
I loathe the fact that my children, my babies, have these nightmares at such a young age. It’s not fair and it’s not fair that mine and Katniss’s tragic past should bleed into their young minds and their little futures. Rye is too young to understand but he is already having bad dreams. Willow knows a little about the Games and what her mom and dad went through, and I know one day she will learn all about how her father was tortured and hijacked by the former president. I could never tell her about that, but Finn gave me a heads up about a year ago that more and more about us is appearing in the text books at school. If I could remove that from the texts, I would. I approached the Board about it when I first came to office but they said it was an important piece of history in Panem.  
Katniss’s nightmares make her thrash around and scream, and those nightmares have faces to them. Details. She sees me being tortured in a Capitol cell, or more often than not, Prim’s face bursting into flames. Our children don’t even know full details and they are already experiencing the terrors that we started to face in our teenage years.

It’s just not fair. I blink back angry tears as I hear their breathing steady out, meaning everyone else is back to sleep.  
I’m the only one who lies awake, glaring at the dark ceiling, as if it is responsible for all the horror I have endured. I feel a little hand slip into mine and I glance down. Katniss is curled up against my side, my arm under her head, while Rye sleeps between us, curled up against her waist. Willow is on my other side, her head below my chin and her hand tucked into mine. I take a moment to stare at their faces, feeling the rage ebb away. 

My family. My precious miracles. I told Willow the truth when I said they made everything worth it. If someone had told me, while I was being tortured in that cell, that I would one day have a family with Katniss Everdeen, I would have defied the Capitol even more. I would have fought the poison, I would have taken their beatings with a smile, I would have laughed in their face when they told me no one loved me. It would have been easy to ignore them. There were often times when the pain became so much that I slipped into this disassociative state, where I would leave my body and be transported to a beautiful place. It was usually the meadow, surrounded by yellow dandelions but sometimes it was a tranquil forest. Katniss was always by my side, though. No matter where I slipped off to, she was there, in my arms, nuzzling up to me, kissing my cheek, giggling in a very un-Katniss way. I imagined I looked like an idiot, with blood trails and a stupid grin on my face. The soldiers were furious when this would happen, and they were determined to make me suffer even more because of it. I would be yanked away from Katniss by an excruciating sensation, and brought back to the world that I begged to be released from.

I don’t sleep at all that night. I listen closely for the steady thump-thumps around me, and startle when a breath hitches or someone moans in their sleep. I pull them all closer, ready to fight whoever dares interrupt their peace. 

I had intended to wake Katniss up in my favorite way but with two children pressed against us, I don’t think that will happen. So I wake them all up with gentle kisses and soft fluttering eyelashes. Willow giggles and swats at me and I move on to my wife, whose sleepy eyes stare back at me before they crinkle as she smiles. Nothing is more beautiful, in my opinion. Waking up as a family is without a doubt the best thing I could ask for before I leave them again. 

“I think Daddy should make us pancakes for breakfast,” Katniss whispers, which is answered by both kids bouncing up and down in excitement. I wince as Rye jumps on my bed leg, wishing I had taken off my prosthetic in the night.

“Pancakes or crepes,” I ask as I push the blankets off and stretch my arms over my head.

“Pancakes!”

“Crepes!”

“Let’s choose,” Katniss laughs. “Daddy isn’t our personal chef. Crepes or pancakes?”

“Crepes!”

“Pancakes!” I laugh and shake my head. 

“Alright my little assistants. Come help me make breakfast.” The kids bound out of bed and race ahead of me. I’m a little slow; my prosthetic is feeling rather stiff this morning and Katniss notices my wince. 

“We will eat in the sitting room so you can take your leg off and relax.”

“I don’t have time to relax. I need to call for a hovercraft and--“

“I’ll take care of it, Peeta,” she cuts me off. I give her a grateful smile and lean on her for support as we go down the stairs.   
Willow is already setting out ingredients for crepes and I chuckle softly as I arrange the dishes on the counter.

“Willow shouldn’t we let your brother choose breakfast this time?” She gives her mother an offended look.

“No! He chose last time Jemma asked him. Daddy hasn’t made crepes in forever!” 

“How about I make some crepes today, and pancakes tomorrow?” I try to keep the peace in the household. Rye crosses his arms and I stifle my laughter as I see Katniss’s pouty expression.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Katniss growls and I turn away to hide my smile.

I enter the sitting room with a tray balanced on my shoulder and Rye nearly knocks me over.

“Rye, come sit with Mama,” Katniss says sharply. “Willow, make some room on the couch for Daddy. He needs to take his leg off for a little bit.” I really don’t like to take it off around the kids but it’s starting to pinch and the last thing I need is to be in pain while I am escorting Effie to the Capitol. Katniss takes the tray and passes out the plates while I bend over and work the clasps of my prosthetic. I sigh a little as I feel the pressure is relieved. I lean back on the couch and close my eyes. Maybe I can get a little sleep before I leave.

“Rye! Put it back!” My eyes snap open and I see my son playing with my prosthetic leg. He looks up at me guiltily and hands it to me.

“Thanks buddy. We can’t play with this cause Daddy really needs it, ok? I don’t want anything to happen to it.” He nods, pouting his lip. I cup his chin lovingly as I move the leg to the side. I always feel guilty when he looks at me like this. I look into his little face and see a little me. God knows my childhood wasn’t particularly a happy one, and I’m afraid I recognize that sad look on my son’s face. It’s what my dad saw often, when I would run to him after a sharp word or slap from my mother. Katniss is nowhere near as abusive as Mom was and I don’t believe she will ever be like that. Still, it makes me feel a little “good cop, bad cop” as Johanna used to say. Willow climbs up beside me and I laugh when I see her face is covered in strawberry syrup. 

“You’re such a messy princess,” I say fondly and her smile just grows. The phone rings and Katniss jumps up to answer it. She returns a moment later and settles on the floor in front of me, leaning her head back onto my lap. 

“Effie says she is feeling under the weather and wanted to cancel but I told her the hovercraft is already on its way. She will head over shortly.” I nod and accept a bite of Willow’s crepe. The cream cheese and fruit explode in my mouth and nostalgia begins to hit me. Dad started a little tradition of making crepes for our birthdays as we got older. They were easier and ‘more practical’ than cakes or cupcakes. The cream cheese was sort of hard to come by and Dad had to be careful on its usage. The berries were surprisingly difficult as well, unless a certain dream huntress of mine brought them to trade. Ryaen always favored the blueberry crepes while Bialy preferred the peach. I was always partial to strawberry. There was a day, right after Katniss’s father died, when she brought a really rare fruit, looking for whatever money she could make from a trade. My father had never seen or heard of the berries before but he accepted them from her and sent her along with several loaves of stale bread. I tried to sneak cookies into her bag for her and Prim. She brought them a few more times, until Dad discovered they were called snowberries and were really quite delicious in tarts. His snowberry tarts were an instant success but Katniss could never find anymore. I asked Dad for a snowberry crepe for my birthday that year and it was one of the most delicious things I’d ever tasted. I can’t seem to find them anymore but I wish I could; I would love to actually make one for Katniss, since she was the one who introduced me to the tasty fruit in the first place. 

“Peeta?” I blink and shake my head. It’s not the first time I have completely slipped away in memories and I blink up at Katniss.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, sorry. Just daydreaming. Are you going out?” She’s dressed for hunting and she has her bag slung over her shoulder.

“I meant to get up earlier and go. I won’t be able to find much if I wait any later. Haymitch will bring Effie over in a few minutes and will stay with the kids. Willow has enough coloring pages to keep them all busy.” 

“I’m going to make Granpa color with us,” she yells from the floor. I grin and nod. Katniss gestures for me to follow her and I quickly reattach my leg. I follow her onto the porch and she drapes her arms around my   
neck; my hands automatically rest on her waist.

“You be careful,” she breathes just inches from my lips. 

“Katniss I practically live in the Capitol now,” I remind her.

“I know that. But I’m usually there with you. I just don’t want you to…just come home safely, alright?”

“I promise I will. You be careful too. You have no idea what those woods are like anymore.”

“I’ll be careful. Peeta while you’re there…just remember how much we love you.”

“I thought you were going to tell me to remember who the real enemy is,” I say teasingly. She doesn’t smile. 

“Katniss, relax. We’ll be fine.” 

“I don’t like walking away from you. It’s always the same. It’s always like that night.” I know what she means. I always relive that moment in my head, when I watched her leave with Johanna and not knowing what horrors would befall upon us. 

“Then don’t walk away. Let me do the leaving.” 

“That’s so much worse,” she says in a soft voice, her eyes becoming glassy. I pull her forward and cup her cheeks so I can kiss her firmly on the mouth. So she will have no doubts whatsoever.

“I love you. And we will be fine. Willow is right. You keep me safe. So go on and enjoy your hunting. I will see you tonight.” She nods and I back away, into the house. She watches me until I shut the door and then I hear her footsteps on the porch. I sigh and rest my forehead against the door, before returning to my children.   
Effie and Haymitch let themselves in and I hear the hovercraft land only moments later. I hug and kiss my children for as long as I can before I straighten up, offer Effie my arm, and lead her down to the hovercraft. Haymitch picks up Rye and follows us across the lawn.

“Be safe, Daddy,” Willow calls. I blow her a kiss before I board the hovercraft. Effie settles in the seat across from me and sets her purse aside. She sighs and leans her head against the seat as we rise into the air. I press my hand against the glass, knowing Katniss is down there somewhere, watching me fly away.

“You really are very kind to do this, Peeta.” I tear my eyes away from the window and focus them on her.

“You’re our family, Effie. Katniss and I want to make sure you get better.”

“I’m not sure if that will happen, my dear.” My brow furrows.

“What?” She plays with her long nails, avoiding my eyes.

“Please don’t tell Haymitch. Or Katniss. I don’t want them to worry.” My heart starts to beat faster.

“Effie, what aren’t you telling us?”

“Well Katniss caught me last night when I was coughing,” she is suddenly seized by a coughing fit and she holds a handkerchief to her lips. When she lowers it, I see dots of red and her chest heaves as she struggles for breath. I hear a faint wheezing as if her lungs are in overdrive. She takes a moment and sighs. 

“I have been feeling it for some time now. I can hardly breathe and that is why I do not leave the house. I don’t have much of an appetite and my poor Haymitch, I haven’t had strength for sex in months.” I wince and try not to gag. Did NOT want to hear that. 

“That’s why we are taking you to the hospital, Effie. To find out what is wrong.”

“My father, rest his soul, passed when I was about twelve. Pneumonia, they said. He was coughing up blood and had gotten very thin. There was not a lot the doctors could do for him.” She reaches out to grip my hand and my eyes widen at how frail her hands are. 

“Promise me, Peeta. If the doctors tell me there is nothing to be done, you won’t tell them that. I don’t want Haymitch to know that I am dying.”

“Effie,” I say weakly but then find I cannot say anything else. I can’t even assure her that there is a way to save her, and we will find it. I can’t find any words. She pats my hand gently and gives me a sad smile before leaning back in her seat and going to sleep, occasionally being woken by bouts of coughing. 

\-----------------------  
She trembles terribly when the hovercraft lands and I hold out a hand to help her deboard. I nod to my soldier as we pass, and he gestures us into a car. The hospital was wary of having a hovercraft land on its roof and we agreed it would be better to drive there instead. I pull Soldier Brathen aside before we enter the hospital and ask him to call Katniss and let them know we made it to the Capitol safely. 

Victor’s Mercy Healing Center was where Katniss and I were brought after the bombs fell. It’s where I was kept for a long time for my rehabilitation, until the doctors deemed it safe to return to 12. I never wanted to see this hospital again.   
Of course that is where Effie’s doctor is. Both of us tremble as we make our way up the floors, flanked by my soldiers. 

“Ms. Trinkett! I’m sorry, Mrs. Aberbathy! Lovely to see you again!” Effie nods politely to a man, who can’t be much older than me. 

“I’ll escort you to the examination room. Would you like President Mellark to accompany you?”

“Yes,” she says in a tiny voice. I grip her arm under mine firmer and follow the man into the room. 

Effie sits on the examination table and tells the doctor how she has been feeling. It turns out she left out quite a bit when she was being so truthful with me. The doctor pulls aside a curtain so he can examine her with me in the room. I stare at the floor, fighting off the memories of being in a room like this. 

 

\----“Peeta.” I have trouble opening my eyes but the familiar voice makes me determined to open them.

“Just lie there and relax. You’re in pretty bad shape. I just wanted to see how you are doing.” How the fuck do you think I’m doing? I wince as I feel as if my skin is still on fire.

“That good, huh. You look a little better than sweetheart at least.” At this my eyes fly open and I try to ignore the pounding headache. No one has told me anything about Katniss. I asked as soon as I woke up and they told me to relax. Always relax. How the hell am I supposed to relax when Katniss Everdeen might be dead?! 

“She’s alive,” I ask in a croaky voice. 

“Thanks to you,” he nods. “The nurse said you brought her in.” I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Bet you were the one who found her and put out the flames too, am I right?” I don’t answer and he grunts.

“Well, yes she’s alive but she can’t talk.” I frown. 

“Why-“

“Doctors are calling it a mental avox. She’s traumatized so she’s not speaking. They’re fixing up her burns, new skin and all, but she sits and stares at the walls. Won’t speak to anyone.” She lost the only person she’s ever loved. How will she ever be ok again? I blink back tears but I can still feel the damn things staining my cheeks.

“I tried, Haymitch,” I whisper. “I searched and searched for Prim. I wanted to find her, to bring her to Katniss. I failed her.”

“You failed no one, kid,” he says firmly. “And you saved Katniss’s life. Prim was…Iris says she was sent to the front line of medics. There wasn’t much…no one could have helped.” I’m stunned into silence. Why was Prim on the front line? She was too young for that; it doesn’t make any sense. And Katniss…she was so close to the presidential mansion, running past bullets and bombs, to get to Snow. She watched her sister burn. I shake my head and turn away. 

“I’d like to be alone.” Haymitch sighs heavily but I hear his heavy footsteps crossing the room and I swallow, suddenly feeling parched.

“Haymitch.” He stops and waits for me to continue but I don’t look at him.

“It’s probably too much to ask…but can I see her?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Peeta. Not yet anyway. Coin has called a meeting of the surviving Victors as soon as you two have healed. You’ll see her then.” He leaves and I close my eyes, wishing for someone to take me away. -------

“President Mellark? Would you like to accompany Mrs. Abernathy?” I blink and see Effie and her doctor staring at me, the curtain pulled aside. 

“Escort her…where, I’m sorry?”

“We are going to run some tests in the rooms below. We want to get a closer look at her lungs. Would you please push her down to the 1st floor and wait for us there?”

“I am perfectly capable of walking,” Effie bristles as the nurse pushes a wheelchair in.

“Mrs. Abernathy, please. It will not do to argue.” Sighing, Effie plops down in the chair and crosses her arms. I stand behind her chair and nod to the doctor.

“The first floor, Mr. President. We will be right down.” I wheel Effie down the hall, all the while hearing her mutter things like ‘ridiculous’ and ‘questionable education’.   
The machine they put Effie in startles me and makes me shrink back. I don’t fully remember every little detail about my torture but the strange contraption looks like something they would have forced us into. They tell her to lie very still and I wait behind the glass, watching with wide eyes. The doctor pushes buttons and says things into a microphone, while Effie lies like a board. 

“Do you have an idea of what is wrong with her,” I say to the doctor.

“I have an idea,” he says but he doesn’t elaborate. 

\-------------------------------  
The tests run much later than we expected. I call Katniss to check on her and am relieved when I hear she is home from the woods. She and Haymitch are making clay animals with the kids, and I yearn to be there with them.

“We’ll be home as soon as we can.”

“Just take care of Effie,” she says. “Your son is going to burn himself, I have to go.” I chuckle; every time he does something wrong, he is suddenly ‘my son’ instead of ours. 

“Give them kisses for me. Tell them Daddy loves and misses them.”

“I will, Peeta. And they know. I love you.”

“I love you all.” She disconnects quickly, crying out Rye’s name and I sigh as I hang up the phone. There is a knock at the door and Brathen clears his throat.

“Sir, Soldier Hawthorne would like a word with you.” I jump out of my seat, my brow furrowed. Soldier Hawthorne?! I follow Brathen out and see Gale standing straight-backed and proud at the end of the hall.

“Gale! What are you doing here?”

“President Mellark,” he bows his head and I sigh at the formality. 

“Brathen, if you’ll excuse us,” I gesture for Gale to follow me and we make our way outside the hospital. I whirl around, my arms over my chest.

“Drop the formalities, Gale. Why are you here?”

“I’m a part of your security division, sir. As you should remember.” 

“And you came all the way from 2 to watch over me while I’m escorting Effie to the hospital?”

“Katniss called.” I lower my arms and I stare at him.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m still a part of the president’s security but Katniss called me when you left and asked me to keep an eye on you.”

“Why would she do that?”

“I guess she thinks if she can’t be here with you, I’m the next best person. Well, no, Haymitch would be the next but since he’s stuck in 12 with her, it’s me. She knows I’ll do everything in my power to keep you safe.” 

“And why would you do that,” I challenge.

“You forget who volunteered to rescue you from the Capitol in the first place,” he locks his steel grey eyes on me.

“No I haven’t. But what does that matter? You didn’t do it for me. You did it for her.”

“As I’m doing now.” Ah. So it’s still all about her. Has he ever stopped loving her? I know he’s married and has children but I’ve always wondered if he regrets not coming home to 12 before I made it back to her. 

“I know how much she needs you, Peeta. And if she asks me to do something, include watch over her husband, I’ll do it. Besides that, you are the President of Panem and a damn fine one at that. I’m honored to look out for you.” His words take me aback and I shift back and forth on my feet.

“Thank you, Gale. Your service is appreciated.”

“It’s weird, huh? Coming from 12, always starving and never thinking life would get any better. It’s weird to think how much the world has changed.”

“Katniss has taught me that we can’t think too much on that, and just be grateful instead.”

“You sure it’s not the other way around,” he asks with a raised brow. “Katniss has never really been the best at accepting things and she’s a born pessimist.”

“I think anyone born in 12 would be.” 

“Except you.” My brow furrows again.

“Even when we were kids, you were always smiling, always laughing in school. I hated you for it, seeing how carefree you were. I didn’t think you Merchants suffered at all, because of how easygoing you always were. It’s why I was so possessive when I saw you watching her. She was the exact opposite of you and I thought she needed to be with someone more like her.”

“Like you,” I say, instantly regretting it. He shrugs.

“I guess she just needed someone to make her smile and even I couldn’t give her that. The only person who made her smile was her sister. I rarely saw it. But after seeing her marry you and give you kids…I’ve never seen a more beautiful smile.” I have to agree. And my cheeks warm at the thought. 

“I’ll be outside the examination room with the other soldiers, if you need me sir.” He springs back into his soldier persona and I nod, noting that our strange conversation is over. I turn and walk back into the hospital, looking around for Effie’s doctor. 

 

I sit in the waiting room for several hours before someone finally comes and leads me to Effie’s room. She has been set up in a room toward the back of the building, with flowery sheets and a large window. Effie herself is in a green hospital gown, and she looks furious. I stand, confused, in the doorway.

“Why did they give you a room? I thought we were just doing some tests and then leaving.”

“You must talk to them, Peeta! You’re the president, they’ll listen to you! I don’t want to stay here. Not a moment longer.” 

“Alright,” I try to calm her. “I’ll find your doctor and see what he has to say.” She huffs and leans back on the bed, so I back out of the room and look around for her doctor. He comes toward me with a jolly smile.

“President Mellark!”

“Doctor, I’m confused. Why have you set Effie up in a room? We are returning to 12 tonight.” His smile falls.

“I’m afraid Mrs. Abernathy is in no state to go anywhere. We are beginning her treatment immediately.” 

“Treatment?” 

“We thought it was pneumonia and were prepared to start her on antibiotics immediately. But upon closer investigation, we discovered a tumor blocking a portion of her lung.” My heart stutters in my chest.

“A tumor? So it’s serious?”

“Her infection has developed over time, sir. Exposure and infection have progressed into something much more serious. She has cancer, Mr. President.” Now my heart has stopped.

“Exposure to what? I don’t understand.”

“Mrs. Abernathy has been living in District 12, correct?” I nod. What does that have to do with anything?

“District 12 was destroyed with firebombs. It’s been polluted with radioactivity and as much as the district has been cleared, it still hazardous to the health.”

“I have been living in 12 longer than she has. Why would Effie be the only one exposed to it?”

“All people react differently to such exposures. Mrs. Abernathy has grown up in the Capitol, and is used to a particular environment. Changing one’s environment completely can be the cause of some illnesses. Among other things. It also has to do with the location in general. District 12 is vastly different from the Capitol. And Mrs. Abernathy has a long record of health issues. Her immune system is already severly weakened. It is probably why she was not able to fight off the infection in the first place.”

“Ok,” I fight to steady my breathing. “What do we need to do?”

“We begin treatment immediately. We can hope that we have detected the cancer in enough time. She should not travel and bed rest is imperative. I have told her to inform her husband immediately, so he may join her.” Why didn’t she tell me any of this? 

“You are, of course, welcome to stay with her as well but I think her husband should come as soon as possible.” I nod in agreement. As much as Haymitch hates the Capitol, he’ll come to be with her.

“So she already knows all of this?”

“Yes sir.”   
\----------------

I wander back to Effie’s room, completely numb. She’s sitting up in her bed, facing the wall, when I walk in. She looks up and lowers her arms.

“Well? Did you use your charm and stunning personality to get us out of here?”

“Why didn’t you tell me,” I ask dully. She bites her lip.

“Tell you what?”

“Effie. Why didn’t you tell me what the doctor told you?” She pales immediately.

“He told you? Why would he tell you?”

“Why WOULDN’T you tell me?” I wince at my sharp tone. “Haven’t you always said you have thought of me as your son? Why would you hide this from me?”

“I…don’t want you to worry. You carry the world on your shoulders, Peeta. You have since you were a young boy, and now, it’s even worse.”

“I wouldn’t exactly compare being president to being in the Hunger Games, Effie.” 

“Oh Peeta. Victor, President, what is the difference? Your life is never your own, and any happy moment you experience is shared with the world, examined, questioned, and then criticized. Your entire relationship with Katniss has always been under scrutiny and speculation, and don’t think for a moment that people have forgotten your…time, in the Capitol. The history texts will not let anyone forget,” I wince at her words, “I think you, my sweet boy, deserve far more than you have ever gotten. You always have. And yet you are the one who was dealt the most terrible of cards.” I shift uncomfortably, my hands clenching and unclenching by my side. I’m not sure if I like Effie’s honesty. 

“You are too good for this world,” she says earnestly. Katniss has said that to me before. I hate hearing it. But she doesn’t stop there. 

“You’re better than the life you’re living, Peeta. You deserve so much more.”

“Effie,” I gasp, horrified. “Katniss is--“

“I understand your blinding love for that girl. And I still love her dearly. However, I do wish you had fallen in love with a pretty Merchant girl instead. Your life would be much less complicated. Much less…heartache.” I stagger backwards. I’d never expect to hear this from Effie; she knows how much we endured, how much we have sacrified. She has seen Katniss and I grow up.

Right now, she sounds like my mother. I’m furious and my jaw clenches.

“Less complicated is not the same as happy,” I growl. “And it’s Katniss who makes me happy. And I thought you, of all people, understood how much I need her.”

“Peeta--“

“I won’t justify my feelings to you,” I plow on. “You need to call your husband. Tell him what is wrong with you. Because I won’t destroy him with this. I’ll leave that to you.” I leave swiftly before I can see the hurt on her face.   
\-------------

I lean against the wall and close my eyes. I need to talk to Katniss again. I need to talk to my kids. I’m such a sad mess.  
I search for Brathen because my mobile device has disappeared. Gale is standing near the door and I gesture him over.

“Please find me a phone.” He raises a brow.

“Is everything--“

“Everything’s fine,” I cut him off. “I need to call Katniss. Please,” I add. He hands me his phone and I push the doors open, breathing in the fresh air. 

“Mellark residence.”

“Katniss.” I start to tear up at the sound of her voice. Boy I am pathetic. I talked to her maybe ten minutes ago.  
Get a grip, Mellark! 

“Peeta, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I…I just needed to hear your voice.” I know she doesn’t believe me.

“Want to talk to the kids?” I smile, loving her for knowing me so well. She knows exactly what I need. 

“Come here, guys, Daddy wants to say hi.” I hear both of them yell excitedly and I grin as I cover my eyes with my palms. 

“Daddy!”

“Hey guys. Are you having fun with Mama?”

“Daddy I made a lion!”

“I made a puppy dog!”

“Can we get a dog, Daddy?”

“Daddy, when are you coming home?”

“Rye, stop kicking your sister. Willow, put down Rye’s lion. OK, let Mama talk to Daddy now.” 

“Ask Daddy if we can get a sister!” I nearly drop the phone.

“Shister! Shister,” I hear my son chanting. 

“You guys go color and let me talk to Daddy.” She sighs as she comes back on the line and I chuckle softly.

“Sounds like you have your hands full over there.”

“Well you’ve heard their latest request. I blame your daughter for putting it into Rye’s head. He won’t stop asking for a ‘shister’ now. It was a puppy this morning. It turned into a sister this afternoon.” 

“She’s a bad influence on him,” I laugh. “Still, it’s good to hear him talking more.”

“He’s warmed up a little since we came home from the Capitol. Finn stopped by this morning to see them and to apologize, again, for the other night.” 

“Poor kid is like his father, he just doesn’t know when to quit.” 

“So what’s going on, Peeta?”

“Why do you think something’s going on?” 

“I know you better than that,” she says softly. “And I can hear it in your voice. You were crying when you frist called.”

“I was not,” I argue, angrily wiping at my face. 

“Is it Effie?”

“It’s not good news but that’s not why I’m so upset.” I quietly tell her what Effie said and she is silent. I was debating whether I wanted to tell her and now I wish I hadn’t. 

“Well…I sort of agree with her,” she says in a small voice.

“Excuse me?”

“Peeta, how many times have I told you that you deserve more? You always have. From your abusive childhood to everything I put you through, and after. Maybe she’s right…if you hadn’t seen me singing…if you had fallen in love with, say, Delly…or Madge…some nice little Merchant girl your mother would have approved of. Maybe…things would be different.”

“I already know things would be different,” I say impatiently. “And I don’t want to think about it. I didn’t fall in love with some Merchant girl. I fell in love with YOU. The little Seam girl with the braids. And I never loved anyone else. You’re my soul mate, Katniss. My other half. Your love completes me.” I’ve told her all of this countless times before but damn it, why won’t she believe me? 

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” she says gently. “I know how much you love me, and that means everything to me. I hope you know how much I love you. I know how distressed you get when I talk about what-if and how different things could be. So let’s not talk about it. What can I do to make you feel better?” I lean back against the wall and cross my ankles.

“I just wish you were here with me. No, I wish I were there with you. I hate this hospital.” 

“Is it…” she trails off and I clear my throat.

“Yeah,” is all I can respond with. She spent just as much time in here as I did. But I can just imagine her waking up to find burns all over her body and being told that her little sister is dead. Who told her, I wonder? Her mother? Not likely. I imagine she was lost in her grief. Haymitch, most likely. I hope it wasn’t an unfeeling nurse.   
I try to recall how I was feeling back then but I find that I can’t. It was so long ago and my mind was a jumbled mess. I literally had two people fighting each other inside my head and it was exhausting and painful. But I wish I had been there for her. I wish I had fought the poison more, and not allowed them to take her from me like they did.  
My eyes dart open and I shake myself.

“So…Rye and Willow are asking for a sister.” 

“Don’t even think it, Peeta.”

“What,” I try to sound innocent. 

“I just called to renew my shot. It will be two more years. Besides, I don’t know if I want any more kids. These two little monsters are enough to deal with. Especially your little princess.” 

“She’s like her mama,” I say with a smile.

“Oh, because you were such an angelic little boy,” she scoffs.

“I was,” I say, my smile widening. “Why do you sound so surprised by that?” She snorts and I grin, just imagining her smile.

“I love hearing you laugh.” I remember what Gale said about no one being able to make her smile.  
And I think about how it lights up her face, whenever she sees me.

“Well I wish you were here with me too. I would do my best to make you laugh as well. All I would have to do is lift up your shirt and tickle that bit of pale skin…you know the spot I’m referring to.” I suck in a breath; I never thought I was ticklish, until Katniss discovered a certain spot around my ribcage. 

“In fact, I think I’d just pull your shirt off and throw it aside. The sight of your pale chest makes me wet.” I gasp and my eyes widen.

“Jesus Katniss,” I hiss.

“What,” she says innocently. “I thought you needed some cheering up. This is what I would be doing if you were here with me. Trail my lips over every inch of that delicious, fair, flesh.” I gulp, looking both ways. 

“But I can’t do anything about it from here,” I say through gritted teeth.

“You could,” she says, nearly flooring me. “Go into the bathroom.”

“Wait…what?”

“You heard me. Go. I’ll wait.” I chew on my lip, look both ways, and re-enter the hospital.

“Bathroom please,” I ask the nurse gruffly. She points and I hurry down the hall. 

I sigh with relief when I see it is one stall, and I lock the door behind me.

“I’m alone.”

“Oh darn, I liked the thought of you trying to stifle your moans to keep quiet,” she teases. My eyes widen even more. Damn this woman. 

“Look into the mirror. Tell me what you see.” I stand and stare at my reflection, shaking my head in confusion.

“Um…”

“Tell me, Peeta. Are your cheeks flushed? Is your hair hanging in your eyes? Are you chewing on your lip? Are your eyes black with lust? Tell me everything.” I swallow and try not to feel ridiculous. Yes, I look flushed. My eyes are darker than normal and I can see my slacks are tented. It’s really strange, studying my reflection like this.

“You always know how to make me blush,” I say in a low voice. “And my eyes do look darker than usual.”

“I love that deep blue they get when you’re turned on. Raise your shirt up. Look at your pale skin and watch it flinch when you put your hand there.” I don’t know what her fascination is about my “pale skin” right now but I suck in a breath as I allow my hand to wander down my chest. 

“Trail your nails around your belly button. Pretend it’s my hands all over you.” I do as I am told, and deliberately dig my nails into my skin, the way she would if she were here. My cock twitches in its confines.

“Now put your hand down your pants. Not your underwear. Don’t touch yourself directly.” I obey and gasp as my hand brushes my arousal.

What am I, fourteen?! 

“Wrap your hand around your dick, Peeta.” 

“God Katniss.”

“Does it feel good?”

“So good,” I gasp.

“Where is your other hand?” It hangs limply by my side as I hold the phone on my shoulder at a strange angle. 

“Suck your fingers slowly.” I watch myself as I lift my hand to my lips. I close my lips around my digit, the way I would to her taut nipples. 

“Mmm, Peeta. You’re sucking on me right now, aren’t you?”

“Shit. Yes.” I can just see her tweaking her nipples. Instead of my awkward reflection, I see her standing in front of me, her bare ass pressed against the mirror.   
We’ve done this before, when I’ve been on over-night trips but never like this. Not in front of a mirror, with her asking me to describe what I look like. I feel weird but it’s strangely erotic. 

“I want to taste you, Katniss.” 

“This isn’t about me. It’s about you. Now, unbutton your pants. Do it slowly. Imagine me on my knees right in front of you.” My hand trembles as I work the button and zipper, and I try to go as slowly as I can. I moan as my hand brushes my erection again, and I rub myself through my briefs. 

“Use both hands to push down your underwear. I want you to peel them off, like you peel mine off.” I clench my jaw and push my briefs down my legs, along with my slacks. 

“Are you weeping, Peeta?”

“Yeah,” I grunt, my precum dripping from my tip. I’m surprised there wasn’t a spot on my slacks. I can’t help but spread the few drops over the rest of my sensitive head.

“Lick your palm. Imagine it’s my tongue, licking up the side of your cock.” I watch myself lick my hand and I close my eyes as I move it down. I can’t watch myself do this. It’s too strange. 

As soon as I grip myself, I grunt and hear her release a little moan. I can imagine her spread out in front of me, her fingers thrusting roughly in and out. That image makes my hand tighten and I release another groan. 

“Yes, Peeta. Stroke yourself. Show me how much I turn you on.”

“Damn Katniss. You are so damn sexy.”

“Did you do this when you were younger? Did you think of me? Lying in your bed, touching yourself? Did you moan my name?”

“Yes,” I groan as I pick up the pace. “I always thought of you…your hands…and your sweet mouth, wrapped around me…” I vaguely register her heavy breathing and I know that she is about to come with me. 

“Fuck I love you Katniss! Oh…shit I’m coming!” She lets out a high pitched whimper just as I come all over my hands. I grab some paper towels and quickly clean myself up. She’s panting into the phone and I wash my hands and check my reflection.

“Ok I look thoroughly fucked now. You should be here to deal with those consequences.”

“Sorry. I need to get back out to Willow and Rye. I’m surprised they haven’t come knocking on the bathroom door.” 

“Me too,” I chuckle, and I freeze. “Shit. This is Gale’s phone. Oops.” She lets out a snort of laughter.

“That’s some kind of ironic revenge there.”

“It wasn’t meant to be! Shit, I need to go. I should probably apologize to Effie and--“

“Let me talk to that boy right now!” I freeze as I hear Haymitch’s angry voice in the background.

“Haymitch, what’s your problem?”

“If you’re talking to Peeta, hand it over!”

“Piss off, Haymitch!”

“Katniss! Give me the fucking phone!” I wait nervously as Haymitch comes onto the phone. Did Effie tell him everything? Did she tell him I was rude to her?

“You said you would fucking look after her! And now she’s not allowed to leave the Capitol?!”

“Haymitch, that’s not my fault. They are starting her treatment, they want to help her as soon as they can...they want her to get better!”

“When were you going to tell me, Peeta? When were you going to tell me my wife is dying?!”

“Haymitch,” I hear Katniss say sharply. “Not in front of the kids!”

“You two were going to hide it from me, weren’t you,” he goes on and on. “I’m too stupid to figure it out, so let’s pretend that everything is fine! How long has my wife been like this, Peeta? Why is she telling me not to worry when she knows she doesn’t have that much time--“

“Haymitch,” Katniss yells. “Come on. We’re stepping outside.” In the background, I can hear one of my children crying and I bite my lip as I listen to Haymitch’s heavy breathing. 

“Do not scare my children. Peeta agreed to go with Effie and he had no idea how serious her condition was. Don’t you dare blame him.” 

“You’re right,” Haymitch breathes heavily. “I need your hovercraft, Mr. President. I need to get there as soon as I can.”

“I’ll send for it immediately. Be ready in an hour.” I don’t hear anything else until Katniss’s deep sigh echoes in my ears.

“He doesn’t blame you, Peeta. Not really.”

“I know. He’s scared, and I don’t blame him. I need to call for the hovercraft. Katniss, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be back tonight afterall.”

“Take care of Effie. And come home to us when you can.” I close my eyes, wishing I could hold my family right now.

“Tell the kids I love them and I’ll make it up to them. Although that probably doesn’t mean anything to them anymore, after the way I’ve been treating you all.”

“We know you have been busy--“

“That’s no excuse. You were right when you said I’ve changed. I’ve allowed work to come first and I’ve become my mother.”

“Never, Peeta,” she says sternly. “You will never be like her. You are your father through and through.” Though I loved my Dad fiercely, I’m not sure how much I like hearing that either. He was strong, physically, but he had a weak heart. He didn’t stand up to Mom, even when he knew what was happening to us. He watched her abuse us, and he refused to leave Mom when I invited them to live with me in Victor’s Village. 

“I love you guys so much,” I say softly. “And I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“We love you, Peeta.” I hang up, wash my hands, and wash the phone off too, just in case. I unlock the bathroom and am relieved when I don’t see a line of people waiting outside.  
I find Gale to return his phone, and ask him to send the hovercraft to 12. I return to Effie’s room to apologize but find her sleeping peacefully. I pull a chair closer to her bed and shift around, trying to get comfortable. Haymitch should be here in a few hours. I cross my arms and watch Effie sleep, feeling my eyelids growing heavy. I meant what I told Haymitch…I won’t leave Effie’s side. 

 

\---Stay with me, Peeta.

Always, Katniss. 

\------------  
“Peeta! Peeta, where are you?”

“Katniss!”

“Peeta!”

“Katniss, I’m here! Where are you?” A high-pitched scream is suddenly cut off and my heart stops. I have to find her. I watch as Beetee goes flying through the air, electrocuted by the forcefield. I start to run to him but something flies into the side of my head and I go tumbling. I roll over just in time to see Brutus’s knife come crashing down, just inches from my head. He stabs again, closer to my neck. I try to kick him off, and his hands wrap around my throat. I manage to punch him in the stomach and he grunts, barely releasing me. It’s enough. I won twelve wrestling championships, and I flip the Career over. 

“Where’s Katniss,” I growl in his face. He just laughs at me and his head surges forward, knocking me in the forehead and sending me backwards, dazed.

“She’s dead,” he spits. “And you’re next.” I run at his feet, knocking him down and in a sudden surge of strength, I grip his neck and force his head into the opposite direction. A sickening crunch echoes in the air and Brutus is still. A second later, I hear a cannon sound and I jump off him, staring at my hands. What have I done?

I killed a Career who was after us, that’s what I’ve done.

But where is Katniss?

I didn’t hear a cannon, so she has to be alive. I struggle to my feet and look around.

“Katniss!” I try again. No answer. 

“Katniss, please, answer me!” I run in the opposite direction of the tree, where Katniss and Johanna were heading. I’ll find her. I should never have let her go. 

Moments later, the world explodes and I am sent flying. 

I can barely move, as the arena crumbles around me. What the hell is happening? Am I dead?

If Katniss is dead, I might as well be too. 

From my resting place, I can see a hovercraft flying over the trees. A large crane, much like the ones we’ve seen collecting bodies, lowers and I brace myself. It doesn’t come for me though; instead, I see it clutching another figure as it rises back into the air.  
I can see a long braid dangling and I smile, as much as it hurts too.  
Wait…they’re taking her body? They’re taking her away from me?

No! I lift my arm, releasing a groan but I can’t move. My body is wracked with pain. 

“Please,” I whisper. Come back to me. Please don’t take Katniss Everdeen away from me.   
I told her always. That I would always be by her side.   
The pain in my head is excruciating and I wince, turning to the side. I’m lost in darkness and don’t know anything else until I wake up on a hovercraft, beside Johanna Mason. 

“Johanna,” I try to lift my head.

“I’m sorry Peeta,” her lips barely move. I frown.

“Sorry for what?”

“For what’s about to happen to you.”

“What are you talking about? Is Katniss here?”

“Katniss is safe. You aren’t.” I lie back, thinking about her words. I don’t care then. As long as Katniss is safe, I can die happily. It’s what I was planning, wasn’t it? For her to leave the arena. 

‘Tell them you don’t know anything.” I don’t know anything, that’s the truth.

“And always remember…she does love you.” Wait, what? But the pain in my head is back and I don’t have time to question Johanna’s words before I fall back into the darkness again.-------

\--------------------

 

I jolt awake, blinking around at the room I’m in. Effie is still asleep on her bed and I relax back in my chair. A dream. I was dreaming of the arena. Ugh, damn it. I roll my head around, trying to get rid of the cricks, and I hear the door open slowly. I look up to see Haymitch’s worried face and I gesture him in. I jump up from the chair so he can sit beside his wife and I stand near the door. Haymitch looks miserable as he clutches Effie’s hand and brings it to his lips. 

“I’m sorry I went after you,” he says softly without looking away from her. “I’m just so scared I’m going to lose her, Peeta.”

“Effie is strong, like us. She’ll fight this.” I clap his shoulder and leave to give them some privacy.   
I wander the halls aimlessly with nothing to do. I’m sure there is plenty of paperwork back at the mansion but the thought of returning there alone right now makes me grimace. I suddenly remember what today is, and hurriedly take out my Holo. I hope she has hers close by so I can see her and the kids.

“Well hello Mr. President!”

“Hey Johanna! I wanted to call and wish a happy birthday to Anna and Brody!” 

“Hey! Come say hello to Uncle Peeta!” I watch the twins run into the room and I marvel at how big they’ve gotten. Their big brother comes in behind them and my eyes widen. 

“Good lord, Aran, you’re almost a man!” 

“Yeah,” he grins. “Hey Uncle Peeta, is Willow with you?”

“Not this time, bud,” I smile at his infatuation for my daughter. “But I’ll tell her you asked about her. Hey Anna, Brody, happy birthday!”

“Thanks Uncle Peeta!” 

“Uncle, look what Daddy made us,” Anna exclaims, giving me a toothy smile. She holds up a beautifully-made wooden sled. 

“That’s so pretty Anna; are you going to use it this Christmas?”

“Yes!” I smile as Johanna ruffles her daughter’s hair.

“I hate to cut this short, Peeta, but George is waiting for us in town. We’re taking the kids to a new restaurant that has games and things.”

“That sounds like fun, I hope you guys have a great birthday!” Anna leanes in to kiss the projection and I smile as I blow her a kiss back. Brody and Aran wave and Johanna winks before she breaks the connection. I lean back in my chair and sigh. I wish I had time to make my kids presents and take them to fun places. It feels like I haven’t had any spare time since I became president and I hate it. Maybe I won’t last a full term after all. 

“Peeta?” I glance up and see Haymitch shifting on his feet. I jump to my feet and tuck the holo into my jacket.

“Is everything ok?”

“The doc wants to talk to us. All of us.” I feel like my feet are made of lead as I follow him back to Effie’s room.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning dear readers, this chapter is EXPLICIT! I wrote this dream scene as a one-shot awhile back and decided to incorporate it into the story. If you are easily offended please skip ahead!!

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t hear from Peeta again that night so after tucking the kids in and promising them that we will do something fun as a family when Daddy gets home, I return to my bedroom to attempt to sleep.  
I keep seeing Peeta behind a thick wall of glass, one that no matter how hard I beat on it, it won’t break. He is a bloody mess, lying still at the peacekeeper’s feet. I scream for them to leave him alone, cry to him that I love him and I’m sorry I didn’t protect him. 

“What did I tell you, Mrs. Mellark,” a soft voice says to my left. The smell of roses invades my nostrils and I gag. His thin lips curl up and there is blood all over his teeth.

“It’s the things we love most that destroy us.” From behind the glass, I hear Peeta scream my name.

I sit up, drenched in sweat, and I bury my face in my hands. Sobbing, I pull Peeta’s pillow to my face and inhale his scent to assure me that he was, in fact, here with me. I glance at the clock and decide I can’t call him right now. He’ll be home later today. I hope.  
How I wish I could run away to the woods and hunt but my kids are asleep and they’re still too young to be left alone. I’m probably the only one in the district who is awake at this hour and I sigh as I try to go back to sleep.

Several hours later, I’m still tossing and turning and I throw the covers aside with a huff. I decide to make myself some tea and pull on a robe as I hurry downstairs.  
I’m surprised to see both of my children awake and watching TV. Willow looks up and bites her lip.

“Did we wake you Mommy?”

“No baby, I was already awake. Are you two hungry?” Both of them nod and I go to the kitchen to see what I can make. Peeta did promise pancakes today but he makes the best ones from scratch and I’m not sure I want to attempt. I secretly hope Rye has forgotten.

“French toast? And then maybe we can all go to Daddy’s bakery and check on things. How does that sound?” 

“Baking, baking,” Rye cheers as Willow cocks her head.

“Is Daddy coming home today?”

“I hope so. He says he is going to try to come home this afternoon. Willow, why don’t you mix for me?” I manage to distract her long enough to get the breakfast made, and we enjoy our French toast, trying to ignore the empty seat beside us. 

“Can we call him,” Willow asks as she puts her fork down.

“It’s still very early. Let’s go to the bakery and then we can call him when we get home, ok?” 

Once we’re all dressed, we pile into the car and drive the short drive to the bakery. It’s still really early, even for a baker, so I use Peeta’s key to let us into the back. I turn on the ovens and set Willow and Rye to cleaning the cases out front. Whoever is due to come in this morning will be in for a nice surprise. I try to imagine what it was like for Peeta to grow up here. He has told me that he was the one to rise with his father to open, and they would have everything baked before the sun was even up. He cleaned the cases and swept until he was around 7, then he was allowed to plate the muffins and cookies in the display case. I smile at the thought of a little Peeta climbing into a chair to put everything in the display case. His brother Ryean worked the register while Bialystock helped his father bake and decorate. According to Peeta, his father let him start baking when he was 8. He was the best decorator out of all of them by age 9. That comes as no surprise to me. Peeta pretty much gets everything he is shown, except for hunting of course. He is miserable with a bow. My baker has always been sensitive and soft- a baker, an artist, a lover. Not a hunter by any means. Certainly not a killer. Forcing him to fight and kill in the Hunger Games was more than a heinous crime, in my eyes. I bet the Capitolites took sick delight in seeing him become a murderer in the Quarter Quell. Foxface was an accidental death, and he was torn up about it for ages afterward. When they sent us back into the arena, Peeta had already changed from the kindly baker into something else. Something on his way to being truly terrible. 

\--I just don’t want them to change me. Turn me into something I’m not.--

I swallow at the memory. I shake myself and tell myself to stop dwelling on the past. There is plenty to do here in the present.

The kitchen door opens and Rory steps in, looking surprised.

“So you’re making your kids abide by bakers’ hours too?” 

“I’ll have you know they were already awake,” I say as I embrace him. “We wanted to come check on things but I should have known everything would be fine. How have you been?”

“Great. I’ve been wanting to call you but I wasn’t sure…I didn’t want to bother you.” He looks sheepish and I raise my brow.

“You’re like family, Rory. You wouldn’t be bothering us.”

“Theta’s pregnant.” My jaw drops and I hug the boy I grew up with.

“Oh Rory congratulations! Peeta will be so excited to hear that too!”

“Thanks,” he grins. “I’m…well, I’m nervous as hell.”

“Of course you are. Natural father’s reaction.”

“I actually really wanted to talk to Peeta about it, but like I said, I know he’s been really busy. I didn’t know you were back in 12.”

“We decided to come back early,” I lie. I don’t want to go into the story about Effie. It’s her business, and I’ll let her tell people. “But Peeta had to return to the Capitol for some business. He should be back tonight.”

“And you’re staying through Christmas?”

“Of course. I’d never spend Christmas in the Capitol.”

“Good. Theta is about two months along. Mom is over the moon about it.”

“More grandchildren. Of course she is! Have you told your brother yet?”

“Vick lives near us.”

“That’s not the brother I was referring to.” He sighs heavily and runs his hand through his hair.

“When we visited him in 2, things were…kind of weird. I don’t think things will ever be the same between us. I tried to make sure we all had a good time, for Vick’s and Posy’s sakes. I love the kids. Leo looks just like him. But Gale is just so different and I kind of felt like…well, like I was betraying Peeta in a way.”

“What? Why would you think that?” He shrugs halfheartedly.

“Peeta took me in and gave me a job before he really knew me. I was Gale Hawthorne’s brother and he treated me like family. He’s been more of a brother than Gale has been over the years. I always feel weird around Gale now.”

“Peeta wouldn’t want that, Rory. He never hated your brother. And he knew there wasn’t any competition. It was always going to be Peeta. He knew that, your brother knew that. He wouldn’t want you to turn your back on your family for him.”

“Gale turned his back on us first,” he says, his voice rising. “And you’re an idiot if you actually believe all that, Katniss. Peeta struggled with the idea of Gale for years. He asked me, not long after I started working here, if Gale had ever come here to 12 after the rebellion. He still didn’t know if you actually chose him…or if it was because he was the one who came back to you. If Gale had come back to 12 before Peeta…would you have chosen him?” My jaw clamps shut at his words. Peeta actually asked him that? Did he still think it? After all these years, is there still doubt in his mind that I chose him? 

I feel sick and reach out to grip the counter. Rory takes a step back and his face softens.

“You ok, Katniss?”

“Fine, I’m fine. Um…I need to sit. I’ll be in his office if you need me.” I brush past him and close the office door behind me. There are pictures all over Peeta’s desk. From our wedding. When I was pregnant with Willow. A picture of me with both kids dozing on my chest. One of the four of us at a birthday party….someone snapped this, and I love how none of us are looking at the camera but at each other. I sit in his chair and glance at the designs on his desk. Several wedding cake designs, some balled up and thrown aside. In the corner of the room there are several boxes with what look like files. I bite my lip before I rise to my feet and crouch down in front of them. 

 

P. Mellark, 3 months. 

Tracker-jacker venom, low level. Fewer episodes, less prone to outbursts. 

From the journal of P. Mellark. 

~Today is the first day I don’t want to throw something. They have told me that the remaining venom in my bloodstream is at a low level and I am improving with the latest medications.  
Maybe that means they will let me go home soon.  
Doctor Aurelius keeps asking me what I will do when they release me from here. Will I stay in the Capitol? Will I travel for a little while, to actually see Panem?  
Will I return to 12? To her?

Do I have anything left in 12? My family is murdered, my home is burned to the ground. My friends are either killed or gone.  
Only her.  
Do I go home?  
Do I go to 13?  
Where do I belong?  
I don’t belong anywhere.  
Nobody needs me. ~

I want to respect his privacy and I know I shouldn’t read anymore but I pull out another page of the file and my eyes fly across the page.

 

P. Mellark, 5 months

~Medications have stabled his condition. Less attacks. Mentor Haymitch Abernathy comments he is ‘more like his old self’. Talked about family, his mother, and the bakery. Asks about K. Everdeen often, without anger. 

Possible date of release ~

From the journal of P. Mellark 

 

~Delly came to visit today. She asked me if I would come with her to 13. I don’t know why she wants to go back there but she doesn’t want to return to 12 right now. I told her I would think about it. She knows I’m still thinking of her. I have to go back to 12. Even if she doesn’t want to see me. I need to go back.~

~I miss her. I need to go back, if only to see her face and apologize for what I’ve done.  
Haymitch visited a few days ago. He just sat in that chair and stared at me, waiting for me to speak. When I asked him how she was, he actually flinched.  
“Been better,” is all he said. That made me angry. I threw my cup at him and yelled at him that he was supposed to take care of her. He didn’t fight back. It made me more angry. Nurses ran in to strap me down and I screamed at them to leave me alone.  
I didn’t see him before he left but he called me today. He told me she isn’t doing well and he doesn’t know how to help her. He told me he thinks I’m the only one who can help her right now. I argued with him, told him he was crazy. She has others. She has HIM. But he told me I was stupid and that he decided to stay in 2. He hasn’t come to see her at all. He told me I needed to get better so I could come back to her. To protect her, like I have always done. I told Aurelius that I would be willing to try whatever new medications they want me to. I have to get better. I have to go home. I have to tell her I’m sorry.  
I have to see her dark braid again.  
I told Delly I’m not coming with her to 13. She cried. But she knows.~

 

~It’s been a week since Haymitch visited and my treatment is going well. Haymitch called today and sounded uncertain, as if he wasn’t sure if he should be telling me this or not. I told him he owed me and he told me she’s dying. That she hasn’t been eating and she won’t move from her chair. He told me I have to come home soon, or it will be too late. And then it will be too late for me, too. I can’t survive in a world that doesn’t have Katniss Everdeen.  
I have to go home.~

 

P. Mellark, 6 months

~Released from care, under supervision of Dr. Marco Aurelius. Care will continue over the phone and holo sessions. Hijacking at bay, episodes less frequent. Last episode lasted 5 minutes. When asked what he would do if Gale Hawthorne were to return to 12, he became enraged and threw his food tray at his doctor. Restrained and medicated. ~

From the journal of P. Mellark

~This will be my last entry. They’re releasing me. Dr. Aurelius says I have miraculously cured myself, though I will always have a small dosage of the poison inside me. There will always be those memories, those terrible nights inside my mind. But I will endure. I have to, for her. I called Haymitch to ask him to meet me at the train station. I asked him how she is. He says Greasy Sae went over this morning and tried to force some food down her throat but she threw it right back up.  
How is she still alive?  
What will she do when she sees me?  
Does she even want to see me? 

God I miss her. I miss everything about her. Her dark braid, her stormy eyes, her olive skin, her scowl. The way she slumps in her chair, even when someone tells her to sit up straight. The way she cocks her head to the side and the way her brow rises only a bit when she’s inquisitive. The way her voice makes my heart flutter.  
The way she feels in my arms. 

I, Peeta Mellark, am going home to District 12. And I WILL save Katniss Everdeen from herself. I will chase away the darkness and the nightmares and will bring light back to her life.

I will show her that there is much to live for. Even if she never wants to speak to me again, I won’t let anything else happen to her.~ 

 

Tears stain the page and I gasp as I try to rub it dry. I run my hand over the letters that Peeta put so much love and passion into. About me. In the middle of his treatment, when his mind was so freshly tortured, he was still thinking of me.

“Katniss?” I jump up at the knock and try not to look guilty.

“Yeah?”

“Rye burned himself on the oven. You might want to come out and--“ I brush past him before he can finish the sentence and I find my son cowering in a corner, holding his hand to his chest.

“I told him to stay away from it,” Willow huffs in exasperation. I sit on the floor next to him and gather him in my arms, cradling him to my chest.

“You’re ok, baby. It’s ok.”

“It hurts Mama,” he sobs into my shirt.

“I know. I know it hurts. Come on, let’s run some cold water over it.” I gently take his hand and see his skin looks pink and raw. 

“Willow, go to Daddy’s office and get me the first aid kit.” She turns on her heel and I try to run Rye’s little hand under the stream of cold water. He screams and shakes his head and I run my fingers through his curls.

“Sweetie you need to let Mama wash it. It will feel better, I promise. Come on.” He screams again when the water hits his burned skin but I hold his arm still so he can’t move it away. His tears tear at my heart. 

“I know baby,” I keep saying over and over. “You’ll be ok. I love you my little Ryekin. You’re going to be ok.” I’m not much for pet names but I can vaguely remember my father calling me Katkin a lot and it seems to fit Rye. I have been calling him that in the Capitol and he seems fond of it. He sniffles but he’s a brave little guy, like his daddy. I don’t notice someone come up behind me but I see the first aid kit being held out so I take it with a nod.

“I need some ice to hold onto his burn. Can you get me some please?”

“Daddy, Rory says the burn cream is in the office ,” Willow calls from the door. Wait. Daddy? I whirl around and find myself looking up into brilliant blue eyes. 

“Peeta.”

“Burn cream?” He holds it out and I nod as I turn off the water. Rye notices his father and sniffles even more.

“Daddy,” he holds his arms out and Peeta picks him up, careful of his injured hand. He buries his face in the mess of golden curls.

“It’s ok, little guy. We’re right here. Mama is going to fix you right up.” I quickly spread the burn cream across his hand and instantly see the pink fade. I grab some gauze from the kit and wrap it up so it won’t hurt when he touches anything else. I kiss his cheek and he turns to look at me, his cheek pressed against his father’s.

“You’re such a brave little guy! Daddy did you see how brave he was?”

“I did. My sweet boy is so strong. Here, you want to go back to Mama?” He starts to hand him to me but Rye fights to be put down and Peeta lowers him instead. Rye takes off out of the kitchen, looking for his sister and I sigh as I close the first aid kit.

“Rye’s first burn. He did really well.”

“I’m glad you were here to help,” I say softly. He cups my chin and moves closer.

“I wish I had you around when I was little. You are such a better mother than mine was. I think when I burned myself on the oven for the first time, I ran to her crying and she shooed me away and told me to run it under cold water. I climbed up here by myself and couldn’t hold it under the water, it hurt so badly.” My face screws up and when his eyes widen, I know my face has darkened and he can see my anger in my eyes.

“A witch like that could never deserve a son like you.” He shrugs like it doesn’t bother him but I know better.

“His wasn’t bad then?”

“Not too bad. The water and the cream helped. I’ll just put this back.” I take the cream and the kit into the office and gasp when I notice one of the files I was reading is sticking out of the box. I glance behind me to see if he is following me, to see if I could push it back down before he notices. He closes the door behind us and I put the medicines in the drawer. When I turn back to him, he’s leaning against the door, his ankles crossed and his hands stuffed in his pockets.

“You’re back already? I thought you were going to stay with Haymitch and Effie.”

“They told me to come home. You guys are here awfully early.”

“We couldn’t sleep,” I shrug. “We wanted to come check on things for you. They cleaned all the cases for you.” 

“I’ll thank them in a bit. So you been doing some reading while you were here?” My eyes widen and I fight to look innocent.

“I, uh…I don’t know what you’re--“

“Katniss Mellark you lie worse than you bake.” My jaw drops and he only smirks at me. He doesn’t look angry but how did he know? I glance at the box and I kick myself, knowing I just gave myself away.

“What do you mean, reading?”

“My journal. About you.” 

“I wasn’t…I didn’t…I didn’t mean…”

“Katniss, it’s ok. Really,” he approaches me and takes my hands. “I keep those files here because I don’t really want to be reminded of them at home. But I’ve never shown them to you so naturally you’d be curious. When I saw one of the files lying open on top of the box, I thought Willow had gotten in here. But then I saw which one it was and knew it had to be you.”

“I’m sorry,” I hang my head and he cups my chin.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I wrote about you a lot, you know. You were the whole reason I tried so hard to get better.”

“You’ve told me that before,” I say and he nods as he nudges my cheek. 

“You did, Peeta,” I whisper against my cheek. 

“Hmm?”

“You brought light back to my life,” he pulls away to study me. “Remember our vows?”

“I…wow,” his face breaks into a grin. “Yes. I do.”

“It’s like you somehow knew,” I say with a smile. His face softens and his eyes seem to sparkle.

“Yeah. I guess deep down I did. I knew I would never be able to let you go.” I wrap my arms around him and he rests his chin on my head.

“Never let me go.” 

“You know I can’t.”  
We stay like that for a few moments, just absorbing each other’s warmth and love. I remember that he hasn’t mentioned Effie yet and I pull back.

“So what’s going on with Effie?” Something flickers in his eyes and he bites his lip.

“Let’s sit down,” he sighs. That definitely does not sound good. Since there is only one chair in the office, he sits in his chair and pulls me onto his lap. I snuggle up to him, my head tucked under his chin and feel him sigh heavily.

“It’s cancer,” he whispers. I jerk back and search his eyes. He looks miserable but resigned.

“What did they say?”

“They want her to stay in the Capitol so they can begin her treatment. They’re hopeful that they’ve caught it in time. Effie knew something was really wrong. On the way there, she asked me to keep it a secret, if the doctors told her nothing could be done. Of course I told her I don’t keep secrets from my wife,” he adds hastily. “But Haymitch is with her and they told me to come home to you. The treatment will make her sleep a lot and Haymitch said there was no point for both of us to be there. I’m on call if they need anything and I left a couple of soldiers with them. Everyone is under strict orders to contact me if anything happens or…gets worse.”

“What did Haymitch say?”

“Not much. Not much he can say. He kept begging her to fight it, to stay with him. I’ve never seen him so…vulnerable.” 

“You should have seen him in 13, when we found out the Capitol had you,” I say softly and his brow raises. “He blamed it on the sobriety but he was a pathetic mess. We both were.” 

“Well I don’t want to think about what might happen if Effie doesn’t get better. He’s come so far, I would hate to see him slip back into his old ways.”

“Let’s hope Effie is strong enough to fight this then,” I take his hand and kiss his knuckles. “So you’re staying home with us for awhile?”

“Until they call me. I’ve already arranged to have my next few meetings over the holo, so I won’t have to leave the district again so soon. I’m hoping we can plan something fun for Rye’s birthday.”

“Well it’s your birthday too, Mr. President. I’m sure we can come up with something you’ll both enjoy.”

“Our little boy is so antisocial,” he says sadly. “I’m really hoping now we are back in 12 for awhile, he will make some friends. I hate the thought of him growing up feeling alone. Especially when he has a big sister who adores him.”

“He’s just fine when it’s just us, but he does tend to freeze up when other people are around,” I agree. 

“I just hate to think that I’ve contributed to it,” he says quietly, his eyes on the floor. “Keeping him in the Capitol. Where he isn’t happy. What if he doesn’t really talk until he’s older?”

“Peeta, he’s the son of the Star-Crossed Lovers, as well as the president’s son. And being my son, he’s bound to be a little neurotic.” His lips curve into a smile and he shakes his head.

“Maybe I can talk to Finn about getting him into his swim class. He can meet some kids his age there.”

“That sounds like a great idea. If Finn could pull some strings and get him into his class at such a late date, that could really help.” 

“I’ll call him now. Why don’t you go out there and spend some time with your children? They’ve missed you.” He kisses my forehead and shuffles out from under me. I start to pick up the phone but he bends down and kisses me hard on the mouth. His tongue pushes past my lips and draws my moans out, which he eagerly swallows. When he breaks away, his eyes are dark and he licks his lips. 

“I’m really glad to be home.”

“I’m really glad you’re home,” I tell him. He cups my chin, gives me a much softer kiss than he just did, and leaves the office. I pat my cheeks, feeling rather hot, before I quickly dial Finn’s number.  
Ana answers and tells me Finn is at work but gives me his office number. I tell her to give Coral a kiss for me, and quickly dial the other number. 

“Finn O’dair,” he answers cheerfully.

“Hey Finn, it’s Katniss.”

“Aunt Niss! What can I do for you?” I smile at the nickname. I haven’t heard it in a long time.

“I have a bit of a favor to ask of you. Is there any way I could persuade you to take Rye in your beginner’s swim class? I know it’s late in the year but-“

“Of course I can take him. Does Will want to join a class too? I have a beginner’s class for seven to nine year olds.”

“”She might be interested in that. I’ll check with her. We are at the bakery with Peeta right now and I don’t want to interrupt them.”

“I’ll come over tonight with all the paperwork to get Rye signed up. I’ll bring an extra for Willow, just in case.”

“Thank you, Finn. We appreciate it.”

“Sure thing! Tell Uncle Peeta I said hi. I need to get to my next lesson. Love you guys!”

I go out to tell Peeta that Finn came through and stop in the doorway. Rye and Willow are standing in a chair against the counter, while Peeta stands behind them, his arms wrapped around them to help them hold the piping bag steady. Willow’s tongue sticks out at the corner of her mouth, just like her father does when he concentrates, and Peeta steadies her hands. Rye seems to be making a mess but Peeta doesn’t mind. All three of them look so happy. I frantically look for our camera and dig through my purse until I find it. I quickly snap a few pictures of the precious moment and Peeta finally looks up, smiling when he sees me. 

“Want to join us?”

“I’m no good at baking, you know that.”

“We can teach Mama too, can’t we guys?” 

“Mommy, look at my fower,” Rye says excitedly, squeezing more icing onto the cookie. I don’t see a flower, I don’t see anything really except a glob of icing but I nod and tousle his hair.

“Looks good, baby. Don’t eat too much, you haven’t had lunch yet.”

“Why don’t you guys help me make some more cupcakes to sell and then I can make us some lunch?” Peeta goes to get the mixing bowl and more piping bags. We watch him as he mixes up the cupcakes and puts them into the oven. While they bake, he mixes up frosting and shows Willow how to properly frost a cupcake. My daughter definitely takes after her father, which only pains me a little. I’d imagined taking her into the woods with me and showing her how to trap and hunt but she’s clearly not a huntress. I smile when her father leans in close to show her how to turn the cupcake to distribute the frosting, and my heart hammers its familiar beat against my ribs when I think of how I almost denied Peeta this chance. Thank God I came to my senses. There is no one else who is more deserving of fatherhood. 

“So Finn said that he can take them both in his classes,” I say as Peeta pulls the cupcakes from the oven. 

“Oh yeah? That’s great.”

“What classes,” Willow asks as she climbs back into the chair.

“Swimming lessons. Finn offered to teach you both.” 

“I wanna swim,” Rye says as he claps his hands. Peeta shoots me a grin.

“We will get you signed up right away, Ryekin,” I say as I stroke his hair. Peeta’s brow shoots up at the nickname. “What about you, Willow, do you want to learn?”

“Sure,” but she doesn’t look too impressed. She’s busy concentrating on her frosting. Peeta grins as he hands her more cupcakes to frost. We hear a bell out front and Peeta glances up.

“Katniss, can you go help Rory in the front? Theta and Dane are due to come in later today but right now, he’s by himself.” Only back in the district for a few hours and he is still concerned with his employees’ schedules. I nod and push the door open to see that quite a line has formed.  
I work the register while Rory plates and bags orders, and Dane comes in around lunchtime, immediately going to help Peeta in the back. When Theta comes in an hour later, we are still busy and I am starting to get very hungry. I close the register and turn to the next customer when I feel a hand on my arm.

“You’re way past your break time,” Peeta says with a soft smile.

“I’m not an official employee, so I don’t get a break time.”

“Of course you do. And your lunch is ready. The kids are already eating in the back. Go on and join them.”

“And what about your break time?”

“I’ll finish up these last few customers, then I’ll join you.” I nod and he kisses my forehead as I pass. I think I see two of the girls mouth ‘awwe’ before I disappear into the back.  
My Panini and fruit is delicious and Peeta brings us a large cupcake to share. 

“I had wanted us to go on a picnic but didn’t expect us to be here this long. It will have to wait until tomorrow.” 

“That’s ok,” I say, my heart leaping at the idea of a picnic with my family. He smiles at my excitement and squeezes my hand.

“Tomorrow,” he promises. I nod and he returns to the front to help with the rest of the lunch rush. 

The rest of the day is just as busy and we wind up staying to help until the bakery closes. Rye starts complaining that he is bored but Willow is in her element, especially when Peeta asks her to come help in the front and box up everyone’s orders for them. She loves the attention she gets, especially when someone comments on how she looks so much like her mother, or how she’s such a ‘sweet, pretty little thing’. Flattery gets my girl every time. She’s nothing like me in that aspect. Though I wish I had come in here more when I was younger to see how Peeta was while he worked here. I imagine he was the perfect charmer. What a sweet, handsome little thing, I’m sure they all cooed. 

As the sun goes down, Peeta says good night to everyone and locks up behind us. He climbs behind the wheel and drives us all home.  
I yawn as I drag my feet inside the house. I haven’t worked in the bakery all day like that since before I had Willow. 

“Mommy I’m hungry,” Rye says through a yawn.

“Alright little guy, let’s make some dinner.”

“Why don’t you guys go freshen up while I make something for all of us,” Peeta says, already on his way to the kitchen. The man just came back home this morning and he hasn’t stopped since he got here!

“Peeta, no, that’s not fair. You’ve been working all day too.”

“But it’s my bakery, Katniss. I’m used to it. I didn’t mean to put you guys to work the whole time. Besides, Rye really needs a bath. I’m sure he won’t try to pull down bags of flour again, will you bud?” My son looks like a ghost, completely covered in flour, but he gives us a sheepish grin.

“I want to go change,” Willow says as she flounces off. It amuses me how much she doesn’t like to be dirty. Peeta chuckles behind me as I push Rye upstairs to the bathroom. 

After I’ve gotten all of the flour out of his hair, I dry him off and send him to get dressed for bed. I want a shower myself but decide that can wait until after dinner, and I quickly rebraid my hair before returning downstairs.

I hear male voices in the hall and find Finn and Peeta in conversation. Finn smiles as he hands me the papers.

“I was just telling Uncle Peeta that I had a kid drop out of my class last week, so I can actually take Rye tomorrow if you want!” 

“Why did the kid drop out?”

“Ah,” he blushes, which surprises me. “His dad made him. The kid’s mom brought him to his lessons and liked to stick around to talk to me afterward…don’t think her husband liked that very much.”

“Jeez Finn, you’re a kid.” Finn raises his brow and scoffs.

“Uncle Peeta, I haven’t been a kid in a really long time. You guys are old.”

“Hey,” Peeta protests, as he crosses his arms. “My birthday is next week and I am NOT old.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” our godson says with a cocky grin. “Gotta get home to my own kid. I’ll see you and Rye tomorrow?”

“We’ll bring him around nine.”

“Perfect. Bring the completed paperwork with you and I’ll find him some swim floats to start him off with. Is Willow joining too?”

“I think so. She doesn’t seem as interested as Rye does but I think she’ll enjoy it.”

“She’ll love learning from me,” his eyes sparkle as he laughs. “See you guys tomorrow.”

“Alright so we need to fill this out after dinner.” I look over the paperwork and nod.

“Looks pretty basic. I trust Finn to take care of him.”

“Me too. And his father was practically born in the water. I think Finn got his water abilities.” 

“Maybe you should take a lesson too.” He chuckles and shakes his head as I follow him to the kitchen.

“You tried that, remember? I’m pretty hopeless in the water.”

“You weren’t terrible. You just couldn’t get out of your head long enough to relax.”

“Who can’t relax,” he says with a smirk.

“I can swim,” I shoot back at him.

“Well it was pretty hard to relax with your hands on me and your swim suit plastered to your skin. It left nothing to the imagination.” My jaw drops and he laughs.

“I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if the school actually had swim classes back when we were kids.”

“I’ll tell you what would have happened. I would have had to duck into the locker room to take care of myself twice a day, just from seeing you floating around the water.” He inches closer, his hands on my waist and I squirm against him. He releases a low growl as he lowers his lips to my neck. 

“I would have seen you watching me. And put an arrow in your eye.” 

“I told you, you never paid much attention. If you didn’t see me watching you already…what makes you think you would have seen it then?” I glare at him and turn my cheek when he goes in for a kiss. His lips press against my cheek and he chuckles softly.

“You wound me, Mrs. Mellark. Go tell the kids that dinner is ready.” As I turn to exit the kitchen, I feel the towel swat across my ass and I shoot him a scandalized look over my shoulder. He laughs as he turns away, trying to discreetly adjust himself. I love how hot and bothered I can make him. 

It might be the exhaustion from a long day but we devour our tacos quickly and both Willow and Rye nearly fall asleep at the table. When they don’t even ask about dessert, I know they are tired. We carry them up to their rooms and tuck them in. Peeta’s arm drapes around my waist as we head back to the kitchen to fill out the paperwork for the school, then back to our room. We take a quick shower together, while I wash his hair of all the flour, and we fall into bed without any clothes on. I feel his warm breath on the back of my neck as his arm hangs over my waist, and he falls asleep quickly. I try not to squirm too much, knowing he will harden in his sleep, especially pressed against my ass, and then we may have some real problems. But I don’t fall asleep immediately. The nightmare I had early this morning keeps resurfacing in my mind and I’m too scared to sleep, for fear of seeing Snow’s terrible face again.  
But my exhaustion from the day takes over and I succumb to the darkness. Terror fills my dreams, blood and screaming, and Peeta wakes several times in the night to find me rigid in his arms, crying his name. When I wake for the millionth time and knock him in the chin amidst my thrashing, he leans over to turn on the light and sits up to massage my shoulders. I feel terrible for keeping him awake like this and I turn around to kiss him and tell him to go back to sleep. He tries to protest but I shut the light off and pull him back down to the pillows. He is asleep as soon as his head touches the satin.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
My eyes open and I blink around the room. It’s much more lavish than I remember. Is this even my bedroom?  
Peeta lies still beside me, his eyes locked on the ceiling.

“Peeta?” He doesn’t stir, or even acknowledge that I have spoken to him. It’s then that I notice that his hands are bound to the headboard with soft scarves. I reach forward but I hear someone clicking their tongue.

“Not a good idea, girl on fire.” I whirl around to see Johanna leaning against the doorway, naked as she was that day in the elevator.

“What the--“

“Hey, did you start the fun without me,” another voice joins and my eyes widen as a shirtless Finnick walks in, twirling something in his hands. 

“We were just getting started. I think baker boy is feeling that stuff you gave him. Girl on fire here may need a little more.”

“We have plenty,” Finnick gives me a cheeky wink as he lifts a glass toward me and tosses a leather whip onto the bed. “Drink it. It will help,” his voice lowers and he nods. I glare at the glass and him, but toss it back. Johanna squeezes my shoulder as she slithers past me and climbs onto the bed.

“Hey baker boy,” she positively purrs as she pulls the blankets down. Peeta is clad only in his boxers and they are very tented. He blinks and tears his eyes away from the ceiling.

“Johanna,” he says weakly. “Please don’t do this-“

“Oh calm down. I’ll let Katniss have most of the fun with you. Come here, girl on fire. Tend to your little bread boy here.” She pulls on my hand and I fall to my knees beside Peeta. I feel hands under my shirt and they lift it over my head. I shiver and try to cover up but Finnick’s large hands cup my breasts and I gasp.

“Finnick, this is wrong.”

“Don’t think about that,” he says in my ear. “Just go along with it.”

“I…I can’t.” 

“We’ve been sent to train you. To help you. To make this easier.” How exactly does this make things easier?! 

“Hey, why don’t you and bread boy show us how you like to be kissed.” She shoves me toward Peeta and I wind up straddling him. He looks pained as his eyes meet mine but I lower my lips to his and feel him tense underneath me. I try to lose myself in the kiss, but his trembling throws me off. I tug at his bottom lip and he gasps into my mouth.

“Ooh, she’s feisty,” Finnick cackles behind me.

“C’mere, that looks like fun,” Johanna says and I can hear loud smacking behind me. I lift my face from Peeta’s and his eyes search mine.

“Katniss--“

“Hey Katniss, why don’t you finish getting comfortable and then help Peeta get comfy as well, hm?” Finnick tugs at my pants and I scramble away from him.

“I’ll keep them on for now, thanks.” Finnick raises his brow but Johanna slides her fingers along Peeta’s hip. He squirms a little and I shoot her a glare.

“If you won’t, I will,” she says steadily. I swallow and pull at his briefs, looking at him to help me. He gulps audibly but lifts his hips so I can slide them down around his legs. Johanna lets out a little moan.

“Knew you were packing down there. Not such a little bread boy at all. Suck him off, Katniss. We love to watch this part.” I shudder at Finnick’s laugh and try to understand what in the hell is going on here. This has to be a nightmare. Right? Please let this be a nightmare.

I bend down and take him into my mouth, drawing a strangled cry from his throat. I look up and see him tugging at the scarves but apparently someone has tied them pretty well. Finnick always did have a knack for knots. 

“Katniss,” he moans above me, writhing on the sheets. 

“Oh yeah, he loves that,” Johanna laughs behind me.

“I’d love that too. Mind helping me out here, Jo?”

“I’d be delighted.” I don’t look behind me, for fear of what I’ll see. I keep my gaze locked on Peeta, my eyes boring into his. His teeth dig into his bottom lip and his face is flushed pink.

“Oh god Katniss, I’m going to come!” I don’t pull away as he jerks his hips with a cry of my name.

“That didn’t take very long,” Johanna remarks.

“Mmm. Fuck. We need to train them on how to prolong the pleasure, don’t we,” Finnick groans. “Peeta, you should return the favor, you know.” Peeta pants heavily and doesn’t respond but Finnick nudges my arm.

“Let him repay the favor. You know you both want it.” I won’t deny that I love the feeling of his tongue inside me but I am starting to realize that this is, in fact, a nightmare and we have been taken back to our young, innocent days. In this alternate reality I have landed myself in, we probably haven’t done anything like this. No wonder he is looking at me with such awe. 

“Please Katniss,” he whispers, and I’m not sure what he is begging for. His knee nudges mine and his eyes flicker downward before they move back to mine. I bite my lip as I slide my pants and underwear down my legs and throw them aside. Peeta’s eyes widen as he takes me in, possibly for the first time? He licks his lips and gestures for me to come closer. I straddle him again and move up so that I am sitting over his face. He loves this position (in our real life that is) but I have never been entirely comfortable with it, always feeling like I will smother him completely. The way he licks me like a starving man tells me this is indeed our first time engaging in any kind of intimacy. 

“Oh fuck, look at him go. I’m really quite jealous at the moment.” 

“You don’t have to be, baby. Let’s join in the fun.” My hands are pressed against the wall and I don’t register anything until I feel Peeta moan against my folds. I glance over my shoulder and see Johanna bent over him, taking him into her mouth while Finnick kneels behind her, his face buried between her thighs. The moans that are echoing off these walls drown out everything else. My legs begin to shake as Peeta sucks my clit into his mouth. 

“Don’t let her come yet, Peeta,” I hear Finnick say in a muffled voice. “I want you to feel what it’s like when she comes around your cock.” Peeta moans at that but lets up a little and I slam my hands against the wall.

“Finnick, let me up. I need to untie Peeta’s hands.” I feel smooth hands on my breasts and lips on my neck and I shiver at the sensations. She quickly works at Peeta’s knots and he sits up and takes me in his arms. We kiss passionately and I grip at his hair as his hand kneads my breast. 

“I have an idea,” Finnick says with a wicked smile. “Peeta, lie back down. Katniss, you get comfortable.”

“What? Why?”

“Are you always such a stubborn ass?” I glare at him but lie down beside Peeta and see his throbbing cock just inches from my face. I move up a little so I can take him into my mouth again and his head falls back onto the bed.

“She learns quickly,” Johanna laughs and I feel her spread my legs apart. I release Peeta with a pop and I glance down at her between my legs.

“Johanna, I don’t--“

“I can lick pussy just as good as Peeta can,” she says defensively. I close my eyes as she lowers her head and I turn back to Peeta. His darkened eyes are on Johanna’s bobbing head and he blinks up at me. Finnick, meanwhile, starts thrusting into Johanna and she screams against my clit. The pleasure is too much. I come hard on her tongue and she moans as she laps me up.

“Fuck, you did say not to let her come right away,” she says as she reaches back to grab Finnick’s ass.

“I did. But I have another idea. Did you bring your toys?” Her eyes light up and she nods as she moves off the bed and into another room. 

“Come here Katniss.” He lies on his back and pulls me on top of him, reaching between us to rub his dick along my wet folds. Peeta sits up behind me and his eyes narrow.

“Finnick,” he says sharply.

“Would you rather me take her ass? I thought I would leave that for you.” I hear him suck in a breath behind me and I gasp as Finnick pushes up into me. He’s a lot bigger than Peeta, and I have to take a few breaths before I move. He pulls me down and traps my arms behind me so I am trapped against him, and his hand moves to slap my ass. 

“Finnick,” Peeta says again, sounding angry.

“Ugh you two make me sick,” Finnick groans as he thrusts up into me.

“Tongue her ass, Peeta,” Johanna croons in his ear. 

“Wh-what?”

“Finn this boy is so innocent. Look at him blush! Put your tongue in her ass, Peeta. She’ll love it.” She pushes him down toward me, holding his head still, and I feel his tongue slide along my folds and up to my ass. 

“Oh god,” I mutter against Finnick’s chest.

“Told you. Here, use this.”

“No way!”

“We have so much to teach you little baker boy. Like this.” I feel something pushing against my other entrance and I try to relax my hips. I try to look behind me but Finnick keeps me trapped and I can’t move. I can tell that it’s one of Johanna’s ‘toys’. 

“Mmm, that’s right Peeta. Put your dick inside her. Feel how tight she is.” He fumbles several times but I feel him push against my hole and his breathing is heavy as he leans forward. 

“Oh…Katniss, fuck,” he whimpers against my back. Finnick’s eyes light up and he nods at something as he continues his frantic thrusts. 

“Johanna, wait,” I hear Peeta stammer. 

“Relax,” she says softly and I feel Peeta tense up.

“Johanna, please, don’t--“

“Peeta you have to relax,” Finnick says underneath me. What are they doing to him?

“Wait. No. It…it hurts!” I try to lift up but Finnick holds me down. I hear Peeta’s whimpers get louder and he is frozen inside of me.

“Stop! Please, stop!” 

“He’s too tight, Finn. He’s too young.”

“I was younger than him. Just relax Peeta. You need to relax.”

“Stop hurting him,” I start shaking against his chest.

“You guys have to calm down,” he says in a sharp whisper. “He’s watching us. We have to make him happy. We have to go along with this.”

“Katniss,” Peeta cries in my ear, and I can feel his tears streaming down my neck.

“I’m sorry Peeta,” Johanna whispers. 

“Guys, we have to keep moving,” Finnick says urgently. “Shit Katniss, move…do something!” But I can’t bring myself to move with Peeta sobbing on my shoulder. Johanna leans over and picks up the whip off the bed. I hear it snap against skin and hear Peeta cry out again.

“I’ll keep hitting you if you don’t move,” she growls, her demeanor changing at once. She snaps it again and Peeta’s hips jerk forward.

“You guys are no better than he is,” I growl in Finnick’s face. He looks up at me, with sadness in his eyes.

“We do what we have to. It’s a lesson you’ll learn quickly.” The whip snaps again and Peeta buckles against me. 

“What about Annie,” I snarl. Finnick’s eyes flash.

“That’s how you do this. That’s how you get through it. Next time, whoever you are with, won’t be so nice,” Finnick goes on. “Next time they might tie you up and make Peeta watch. Or they might fuck Peeta with something other than their dicks and try to make him scream. They may force you to use your flames and burn him. They may force him to fuck your mouth so hard you choke. They could make him tie you up and beat you, for their pleasure. They can make you do anything they want. And you need to remember that.” The sound of the whip, Peeta’s cry, and Finnick’s words all echo in my mind and I release a scream. 

“Katniss!”

I’m still screaming and shaking even with someone slapping my cheek. 

“Katniss, please, wake up! Katniss!” I lurch backwards, falling off the bed and taking the blankets with me. Sobbing, I hide my face in the blanket and curl up into a ball. Peeta leaps out of bed and kneels in front of me, his hand stretched out over my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me,” I sob. His face crumples and he bites his lip.

“Katniss, you’re safe. I promise.” No doubt he thinks that I was dreaming of him choking me. If only. Those were the safe nightmares. Where in the hell did this latest atrocity come from, and WHY? I will never be able to look at Jo the same way. 

I lower my head and rock back and forth, while Peeta wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest. My tears stream down his bare chest and his arms tighten around me.

“You’re ok,” he says into my hair. “I’ve got you. You’re safe.” I nuzzle against him and close my eyes, trying to banish those terrible visions and sounds. When I’ve stopped crying and moved on to hiccupping, Peeta pulls me to my feet and spreads the blankets back onto the bed. He pulls me down and continues to hold me close.

“Can we…can we turn on the light for a moment?”

“Of course.” He leans over and flips the light on, his bright eyes searching mine.

“Katniss, tell me what that was. I have never heard you scream like that. What were you dreaming about?”

“Don’t ask me, Peeta. I don’t want you to ever see those things too.”

“You’ve been crying my name all night. I just figured it was the same…you watching while they…or when I tried to…but your scream this time. It was different.” 

“I can’t…I just want it to go away…make it go away…”

“Tell me,” he urges. I shake my head but lower my forehead to his neck. 

“Do you think…” I trail off and his hands make soothing patterns across my back.

“Do I think what?”

“If we…if we had been made to do…what the other Victors did…would we have been put with Finnick and Johanna…to train us?” He goes rigid in my arms and leans back.

“That’s what you were dreaming about?”

“Finnick kept apologizing. Said we do what we have to. Johanna hurt you and…I just started screaming at them to let us go. And Finnick explained that it could get so much worse.” 

“Katniss, if Finnick had tried to touch you, I would have--“

“Nothing,” I cut him off. “You couldn’t have done anything. Because he was watching us. And if he wanted us to do something, he could make us do it.”

“I wouldn’t have raped you,” he says in a broken voice. “And I wouldn’t have stood by and watch someone else do that to you. I’d never have been able to watch someone hurt you. That’s why I told you I would have been killed for disobedience. I would have fucking killed them for touching you.” 

“What if they made you, Peeta? What if they threatened you…with my life?” I can see I’ve got him but he clenches his jaw.

“I don’t know Katniss. I don’t know what we would have done. I would have done everything in my power to keep you safe.” 

“I know you would have,” I say softly and he strokes my cheek. 

“I told myself over and over while I was in rehabilitation…I was glad we rebelled. I was grateful for all the sacrifices. Because it meant that wasn’t going to happen to us. They couldn’t make us do that. It would have killed me, Katniss. It would have killed me to do that to you.”

“But I let her rape you…and couldn’t do anything to stop it. You were fucking me while she was fucking you and I…I screamed at her to stop!” He winces but pulls me back to his chest.

“Ok, let me try to get that image out of my head before I see her again.” He shakes his head as if trying to shake the thought from his brain.

“Tell me about it,” I huff. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look her in the eyes again. Or Finn. Or Annie. But she was fucking you and whipping you and you were crying, pleading--“

“Katniss, just…stop. I don’t want…just try to put it out of your mind.” 

“I don’t know why it was in my mind in the first place,” I shriek indignantly. “It’s not like I LIKE dreaming these things, Peeta! You think I want some kind of sick, twisted foursome with my husband, my friend, and our DEAD friend?”

“Katniss--“ he tries to rub my shoulders to calm me but I shake my head.

“I can’t sleep anymore,” I pull away from him and jump to my feet. “I have to…I have to get out of here. I’m going to the woods.”

“Katniss it’s three in the morning!”

“I’ll be fine. I have to get out of this house. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I can’t…” Peeta’s hand on my arm stops me from yanking clothes on. 

“Please be careful. Please come home safely.” My eyes meet his and I see fear and concern swirling around. He takes my face in his hands.

“We’re here and we’re safe. You don’t have to keep running. I’ll keep you safe in my arms.”

“The darkness is too hard to fight right now.” He looks miserable and I rest my hand over his.

“I’ll be back before breakfast.” He nods and kisses my forehead. I finish dressing and grab my game bag. He watches me leave the room, still perched on the side of our bed with a sheet wrapped around his bare waist, and I close the door behind me.  
I’m quiet as I tiptoe down the stairs and outside. The feel of my bow in my hands and the quiver over my shoulder gives me a sense of purpose as I walk through Victor’s Village. 

I’m cautious as I creep through the woods, keeping my ears sharp for any predators that might be lurking about. Dark is different than sunrise. More animals stay out in the dark and I am not the only one hunting. I catch sight of something very large and furry and I quickly scale the nearest tree. It’s not as easy as it used to be. I have a hard time getting up and as I fall from one of the branches, I can’t help but think how stupid I’m being. Why didn’t I stay with Peeta, where I was safe, instead of deliberately put my life at risk out here? But the animal lumbers past the tree I am in and I watch as the glowing eyes disappear. Well I’m not going to get any game from up here but I may get a little sleep. I’m not too high up so if I happen to fall, at least it won’t be far. 

When I wake up, I see the sun starting to come up over the trees. Peeta will be really worried. I sit up to try to stretch my sore muscles and I hear a faint buzzing coming from overhead. I try to get up and yank my hand back so quickly I bang it against the tree.  
Tracker-jacker nests. Three of them, lined up in a row right above my head. How? Did they all just escape into the wild when the Capitol fell and stopped making such muttations? 

Trying to keep the memories at bay, I fling my legs over the branch and glance down. I don’t see anything lurking about and another glance up tells me the tracker-jackers are starting to wake up and realizing someone is too close to their hive. I start to jump down but the branch starts to shake and I instinctively reach up to grab the branch above me…which is the one the hives are connected to.

“Shit!” I jump down as soon as I hear angry buzzing. 

My ankle twists as soon as I land and I let out a cry as I try to prop myself against the tree trunk. The angry buzzing gets closer and I hold my hands up in front of my face to protect myself.  
I feel tiny stings in my hands and neck. My arms fly up, swatting around me, and I lurch forwards, falling to the ground. I flip over on my back and see the hives above coming alive.

I have to get out of here! I start to crawl as fast as I can but already feel the venom taking effect. I claw at my skin and shriek in pain.  
Why didn’t I stay home? WHY did I leave Peeta?

Peeta. Oh god, he can’t come looking for me. I have to make it home to him before he comes out here and comes too close to these things. He would completely relapse. He’ll be trapped in a flashback and I won’t be able to save him from himself. I suddenly see him, trapped, bloody, pleading for me. His face screwed up in pain. His blood staining the forest floor.

I force myself on, crawling further and further until I hear the buzzing fade away. 

The world has turned into a twisted form of black thorns and still, I keep crawling. I try to stand but fall immediately. I try to study my hands, to see if I can pull the stingers out, but they are green and covered with red boils that bleed. Or is that the venom playing tricks on my brain? I start to feel more dizzy and realize I haven’t had a drink of water out here either. The buzzing is far behind me but I can’t go any further. As I turn, I see two glowing eyes watching me and I reach back for my bow. Shit! I left it at the tree. I have absolutely no way to defend myself. The glowing eyes come closer and I feel something sniff at my hair. I hold my hands up in front of my face again and hear a low growl. When the thing pounces at me, I scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	55. Chapter 55

I glance out the window and see the sun is almost completely up. Where is Katniss? She said she would be back before breakfast, and she’s been gone way too long for my comfort. 

“Daddy, where’s Mama,” Rye asks as he picks at his pancake. 

“She went hunting, buddy. She’ll be back soon.” 

“You look really scared Daddy,” Willow says quietly. I bite my lip and tear my eyes away from the window.

“Hey, why don’t we color a little bit before I take you guys to swim lessons?” 

As it gets closer to nine, I’m starting to panic. Where is she? Is she alright? Has she just lost track of time? I stand on the front porch and try to will her to come home. I’ve always felt like we were somehow connected. If only I could hear her thoughts…speak to her in her mind. I would kill for the power of telepathy right now.

Annie comes onto her porch and waves. I wave back but turn back toward the direction of the woods.

“Hey, everything ok,” she says softly as she approaches.

“Yeah…no. I don’t know. Katniss went to the woods really early this morning and still isn’t back. I’m getting scared.” 

“How early?”

“Three this morning. She had a nightmare and left in a hurry. I begged her not to go but I understand it’s her refuge. But she said she would be back before breakfast and…Annie, I’m terrified.”

“Why don’t I take the kids to Finn while you go look for her?” I give her a grateful smile and hurry inside to grab my shoes. 

“Aunt Annie is going to take you guy to swim lessons. Mama and I will be there in a little while ok?”

“Are you going to look for her,” Willow asks. I bite my lip but nod.

“Yes I’m going to the woods to find her. You kids have fun. Don’t worry about Mama, I’m sure she’s just fine.” Willow doesn’t look convinced but Rye runs to his aunt and seems excited. I quickly throw the first aid kit, some water, and a stale biscuit into a bag and slide it over my shoulder. On second thought…I slide a knife into my waistband and tuck my shirt over it. 

“Ok, you guys have fun.” I kiss them both on the head and give Annie’s hand a grateful squeeze. 

The fence that once kept us out of the woods (except for my wife of course) is gone and there is only a line of dandelions that make up the border of the forest. I shift my bag and push on, noting that it’s going to be a hot day. My shirt is already sticking to my back and I’m glad I brought the water with me. I hope Katniss has been staying hydrated.

Oh get a grip Mellark, she practically lived in the woods for years. She can handle herself.

I shake my head and walk further into the trees. The sun is high and beating down on me as I look around for her.

After an hour of calling her name, my voice is hoarse and I am exhausted. I sit on a rock to drink some water and rest for a moment. God I’m glad I was so young and fit when I went into the Games. I would have died in a second if I was anything like the present me. Shaking my head, I put the bag back over my shoulders and look up. Maybe she fell asleep in a tree?

“Katniss, where are you?” At least it isn’t dark out. I feel only slightly better about that. 

“Katniss!” 

“Peeta!” I stop. It’s not Katniss’s voice but someone is clearly calling my name.

“Peeta!”

“I’m here,” I call back. I turn, trying to locate the voice but see no one.

“Peeta!” I’m getting tired of this twisted version of marco-polo we have going on. 

“Who is that?”

“It’s Thom! We found Katniss!” My heart leaps and I take off at a run.   
He is waving to me at the edge of the woods and I look around frantically.

“My wife is tending to her. Come on, I’ll take you to her.” I follow him as fast as I can and ignore my pounding heart. 

“My dog actually found her this morning. Led us straight to her. She was in quite a state but my wife fixed her up and she’s resting now.”

“What happened to her?”

“Twisted her ankle, as far as I could tell. Seemed very out of it though. Come on in here.” He leads me inside his house and I see Katniss lying still on the couch. I fall to my knees before her and run my hands over her face. Her lips barely move but I hear my name as a faint whisper. 

“Hey,” I whisper against her cheek. “I’m right here.” Her eyes flutter open and they look glazed over.

“P…Peeta,” she continues to say in a trembling voice. I take her hand and bring it to my lips. That’s when I notice the tiny holes. 

Not holes. Stingers.

My eyes dart back to hers and widen.

“Katniss, were you stung by something?” She begins to tremble and I jump to my feet.

“Thom do you have any tweezers?”

“Think Lacey does,” he nods to his wife, who returns with a pair of tweezers. I resume my place at her side and take her hand.

“Katniss if you can hear me, this is me and not some mutt, ok? I have to get these things out.” She mumbles something incoherent so I start pulling the stingers out of her hands. She cries out but I focus on my task until the stingers have been removed from her hands. She has a few stings around her neck, and I quickly remove those too. Lacey takes the bowl of stingers from me to dispose and I quickly wash the tweezers for her.

“Thank you for bringing her here, Thom. She’ll be better now that we’ve removed the stingers.”

“Are those those weird mutt wasps?”

“Tracker-jackers,” I say uncomfortably. “The venom lasts longer if you don’t get the stingers out immediately. It’s why she’s so disoriented.”

“God almighty. Once she wakes up, we should find out where they are so we can get rid of ‘em.” I agree with this plan. I never once thought they were near District 12 and I try not to let them see how terrified I am.

“I’ll take her back home. Thanks again to both of you.”

“Our pleasure, Peeta,” Lacey says as they follow me to the door. I pass a large black dog, who pushes her nose into Katniss’s hand.

“Storm was the real hero,” Thom says as he pats her head. “Barked at me til I followed her to the woods.”

“Thank you, Storm,” I say to the dog. “I’ll see you soon, Thom. Lacey.” Katniss may not be as small as she once was but she still hardly weighs anything and I carry her back through town. A few people stop and stare as I pass by but I don’t acknowledge them. Katniss still hasn’t opened her eyes and she seems dehydrated as well as disoriented. 

I see that Annie has taken the kids to the school and I’m grateful that the house is empty as I deposit Katniss on the couch. As I move to stand up, her hand shoots out and grabs mine.

“Peeta!”

“It’s ok,” I soothe her as best I can. Her eyes are now wide open and she looks horror-stricken. What kinds of terrible things is the venom making her see? It’s bad enough that she sees these things in her nightmares, now she has to take them in her waking state too?

“You’re ok, sweetheart. I’m just going to get you some water.”

“Don’t leave me. Please…please stay with me.”

“Always Katniss,” I say earnestly as I kiss her forehead. “I’ll always stay with you. I’m just going to the kitchen, but I’ll be right back.” Her hand drops back to her chest and her eyes close again. I sigh deeply as I hurry to the kitchen to fill a glass of water. I rustle around the drawers until I find a straw, then slide the bag off my shoulder and pull out the first aid kit. Now that the stingers are removed, I just need to put a little ointment on her hands. I wish I knew what kind of leaves were best for drawing out the poison but plants are Katniss’s thing, not mine. After her stings are taken care of, I carefully roll up her pant leg and remove her boots. Her ankle is indeed swollen and she releases a little moan when I handle it. I’m not a healer by any means so I fashion a crude sort of wrap and spread some healing salve over it. I pull her pants off, with some difficulty, and prop her foot up on a cushion. Deciding she isn’t going to be leaving the house, I rush upstairs to grab some of her sleep pants. Her shirt was dirty from lying on the ground so I grab a clean shirt as well. While she rests, I undress her and prop her up so I can help her into her sleep clothes. She hasn’t woken since we got home so I go to make her something to eat, hoping she will wake when I’m finished. 

I watch her sleep for awhile longer but I know she hasn’t eaten and my concern for her wins out.

“Katniss,” I whisper, shaking her gently. “Sweetheart, you need to wake up.”

“Nuh uh,” she says as she turns into the couch. I can’t help but smile. 

“Come on. You need to eat.” Her eyes open and she turns her head to look at me. I prop my chin on the edge of the couch and smile at her sleepy gaze.

“Morning.”

“Um…morning. What…what happened?” She glances around and back at me.

“Did I make it back here?”

“What happened out in the woods?”

“Um,” her hand goes to her head and she scrunches her face up, like she’s trying to remember. 

“I fell asleep in a tree and woke up to find tracker-jackers right above me. I jumped down but got stung and I tried to crawl away…I just kept thinking that you would try to find me and you would…I had to get back home. Before you came looking for me. Did I make it back here?” 

“Thom’s dog found you and he took you back to his place. You were still out of it so I removed the stingers and brought you back home. You need to eat, you’re probably starving.” She nods and I pull the plate of food over to her. She tries to sit up, her eyes wide.

“Peeta, you can’t go near the woods. Please.”

“I have no intention of stepping foot in there again, unless I’m looking for you. But I already told Thom they were tracker-jackers so once you are feeling better, you can tell him where they are so they can go take care of them.” Her lip trembles and she throws her arms around my neck. I’m momentarily taken aback and I set the glass of water aside so I can hold her.

“I was so scared…you would come to find me and get stung…I don’t want you to ever feel that again.” Memories of needles being shoved into my veins, poison streaming through my bloodstream as I tried to claw it out, my screams echoing off the walls while it felt like my flesh was melting off. Distorted images of Katniss and Gale against a tree, of Katniss trying to kill me, Katniss standing on a skull amongst the ashes of District 12, laughing. My arms tighten around her and I bury my face in her neck.

“It’s ok,” I whisper. “We’re safe. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

“I will always worry,” she cries. I pull away and kiss her forehead. Gesturing toward the tray, I hand her the glass of water and stand back up.

“I’m going to put the first aid kit away and then I really need to go pick up the kids from school. Finn’s swim lessons should be about over.”

“Oh…I missed it this morning,” she bites her lip.

“Annie took them for us. I said I would pick them up though. Is it ok if I leave you for a little bit? We will be right back, I promise.”

“I’m fine,” she says shakily. I’m not entirely convinced but there aren’t a lot of people I can ask to bring the kids home. I kneel in front of her and gaze into her eyes, searching. They’re no longer glazed over and she seems stronger already so I nod and kiss her.

“I’ll be right back, I promise.” I glance back to see her taking a bite of toast and I smile as I pull the door closed behind me. 

I drive as quickly as I can through town, hating to leave Katniss even for this short amount of time. Finn is waiting with the kids out front and they wave when I pull up.

“Finn, you didn’t have to come outside. I was going to come in and get them.”

“No problem, Uncle Peeta, my next lesson was cancelled so I have a bit of a break before my next one. They both did so great! Rye is a little fish, I swear!”

“Daddy, I swimmed,” Rye says as he reaches up to me to pick him up. I laugh as I do, kissing his fair curls.

“I knew you could! Next time Mama and I will be there to watch!”

“Is Mama home?” Willow asks as she puts their bags in the car.

“She is. She twisted her ankle out in the woods so we have to be extra careful with her, ok?” I nuzzle Rye’s cheek and he pops his finger in his mouth. 

“Thanks again, Finn. We really appreciate it.”

“Glad to do it,” he says with a smile. “And I’m glad they enjoyed themselves. Next lesson is in 2 days, if you want to come watch.” 

“We’ll be here. Alright guys, say bye to Finny.” He bends down to give Willow a hug and I clap his shoulder. He looks so much like Finnick now that it’s almost disturbing. Katniss’s dream pops into my head and I flinch and shake myself. Finn gives me a bemused smile but waves us off as I hurriedly get the kids situated in the car.

“See you soon, Finn.”

“Bye Uncle Peeta.” I love that, as old as he is and now that he knows the full story of his parents and us, he still calls us Aunt and Uncle. Just goes to show that family isn’t always blood.

The kids are yelling for food by the time we pull through Victor’s Village, so I tell them to go change while I get started on lunch. I peek into the living room and sigh when I see Katniss where I left her. It means she didn’t try to get up and move around, which surprises me slightly. She’s always been too stubborn for her own good. 

“How are you feeling,” I ask as I lean down to kiss her head.

“Ok. Just kind of weak right now.” I nod. I’m quite familiar with tracker-jacker venom and its effects. Even in the Games, after I was stung, I was out for maybe a day or so. Granted I had just fought for my life and gotten sliced with a sword so that could have had something to do with my exhaustion as well. 

“Do you want me to carry you up to bed? I’m going to make some lunch for the kids.”

“I’m fine here. Did they have fun?” The kids choose that moment to come running into the living room and Rye starts screaming for his mommy.

“Careful, Rye,” I say sharply as I see him making his way toward her. 

“Come here baby. Tell me all about your swim lesson,” she pulls him up onto her lap and keeps her foot propped at the end of the couch. Willow collapses into a chair next to the couch and sits sideways so her feet dangle off the edge.

“It was fun, Finn says I’m a fish, I held my breath, and swimmed on my back and my tummy and even went down under the water and I didn’t have to close my eyes!” I laugh at my son’s excitement; I don’t think I have ever heard him talk this much! I hope this means Finn’s lessons will help him open up even more. Katniss grins and looks over at Willow.

“And how about you, Willow, did you enjoy it?”

“It was fun! Finn says you should get me a tail, so I can be a real mermaid. He says I did really good for never having lessons.”

“Well maybe we can see about getting you one made at Mimi’s academy. I’m sure they can handle a mermaid tail.” Willow’s eyes widen in excitement.

“Really? I’d love that, Mama! Can we call Mimi and ask her?” Katniss bites her lip and looks at me. It’s not something we really want to bother Effie with right now but I do want to call her and see how she is.

“Sure, let’s call her and see how she’s doing.” I bring the holo into the living room and manage to find a signal.

“Peeta Mellark, attempting contact with Haymitch Abernathy in the Capitol,” I say to the holo. 

“Attempting connection. Holo intact. Connected sealed. President Mellark, you are connected.”

“Hi Granpa,” Willow and Rye wave as soon as Haymitch’s face appears. Behind him, we see Effie and her face lights up. “Hi Mimi!”

“Hello my darlings,” she says with a broad smile. 

“Mimi, I swimmed!” 

“Your daddy took you swimming?” Haymitch chuckles. 

“No, Finny!”

“Ah, I should have known. That kid was born in the water. So you like the water, do you, Rye?”

“Yes! I’m a fish!”

“Oh just be careful, dear,” Effie bristles.

“Finn takes good care of them,” Katniss says with a smile. “How are you feeling, Effie?”

“Just fine, my girl. I just had a rather large breakfast.”

“Everyone here is taking good care of the President’s Secretary of State,” Haymitch says with a smile. His smile doesn’t seem forced so I wonder if they perhaps got some good news this morning. I don’t want to say anything about it in front of the kids though. 

“When are you coming home, Mimi,” Willow whines. 

“Soon, my sweet girl. Very soon.”

“In time for the Halloween Masquerade?”

“Willow, Mimi needs some time to get better--“

 

“I’ll be home before the Masquerade, darling,” Effie cuts Katniss off. “Have you decided what you want to dress up as? I must get started on your costume right away!” Katniss and I trade uneasy looks.

“Please Effie, don’t overdo it for yourself--“

“Oh nonsense. I have made Willow’s costumes for years. Nothing has changed. What do you think, Willow?”

“I want a mermaid tail, Mimi!”

“A mermaid tail?” Her brow raises and Willow nods as she climbs into my lap.

“A fin! That I can swim in! Finny called me a mermaid.”

“Well…that would be quite a challenge but I think I can manage it.” 

“Maybe Katniss can have a mermaid tail too and Rye and I can be human princes,” I say with a grin. 

“Oh Peeta that would be absolutely adorable,” Effie squeals. Haymitch merely rolls his eyes.

“How are Katniss and Willow supposed to walk in those things? You’ll be carrying them around all night.”

“Mama can be the evil sea witch,” Willow laughs. 

“Hey, that’s not nice. Mama isn’t a witch,” I gently scold her but Haymitch throws his head back in laughter.

“I kind of like that for Katniss.”

“Thanks Haymitch,” Katniss says and I know she is glaring at him behind me. “And I’ll make you my grumpy eel sidekick.” It’s Haymitch’s turn to glare while we all laugh. Willow has become obsessed with this huge book of fairytales that Johanna of all people sent her, and she’s fallen in love with a particular story about a mermaid princess who falls in love with a human prince. Every month it’s a new fairytale that she loves. Next month it will probably be another princess story. 

“Well I will get started on your mermaid tail and you all can decide what you want to be as well. What color would you like?”

“Rainbow!”

“Naturally,” Effie giggles. “A rainbow mermaid fin for the princess. I’ll call my seamstresses immediately.”

“We should let Mimi rest a little. You’ll call us if you need anything?”

“We will, Katniss. Take care of yourselves. We will see you soon.”

“Bye Mimi! Bye Granpa,” both kids crawl toward the holo and try to kiss the screen but end up falling through it. Haymitch chuckles and Effie blows them a kiss before we break the connection. Willow turns to us and claps her hands.

“I’m getting a mermaid tail!”

“Yes you are. Why don’t you go get your fairytale book and we can decide what we will go as to the Masquerade? Effie is right; we need to start on those costumes soon.” She bounds off to get her book while I go to the kitchen and make some sandwiches with sliced apples. When I return, Rye and Willow are both climbing on Katniss and she has a pinched expression, like she’s in pain.

“Hey, you kids come eat your lunch and let Mommy rest a little.” She sighs with relief when they both jump off her and I shake my head as I set their plates in front of them.

“Why didn’t you say they were hurting you,” I whisper as I brush my lips against her hair.

“I don’t want them to see,” she whispers back and I sigh. I can just imagine Katniss raising Prim with their mother lost in her own world. The sacrifices Katniss made, how she put her sister’s needs before her own. I imagine Prim begging for help on her homework and Katniss’s own grades slipping because she was focused on her sister. She is still the most unselfish being I have ever known. 

“Daddy!”

“Huh? Sorry princess, what were you saying?”

“I SAAAAAID, what about this one?” She holds up the book in front of my face and I blink down at the colorful pages. 

“The Nightingale,” I read aloud.

“Wead it, Daddy,” Rye demands through a mouthful of sandwich. I see Katniss watching me sleepily so I smile as I read the story aloud. 

I fall in love with the story immediately. It is about an old King who is told that the most beautiful treasure in his kingdom is the song of the nightingale. The King demanded that the bird appear in court, and a kitchen maid found its nest in the woods and the bird agreed to accompany the girl to court. The King treasured his bird and the song for a long time, until he was gifted a bejeweled mechanical bird. He lost interest in the real bird and the nightingale returned to its forest. The mechanical bird eventually wore down and the King took ill. The nightingale, upon hearing of the King’s condition, returned to the palace and sang for the dying King. Death was so moved by the nightingale’s song that he allowed the King to live. 

When I finish, the room is silent. I see Rye sleeping on Katniss’s lap, Willow asleep on the floor, and Katniss asleep on the couch. I chuckle softly as I close the book. I move slowly across the room and cover my wife and son with a blanket, then gently move Willow to the chair. Katniss opens one eye and yawns.

“Hey, is the story over?”

“I finished it, Sleeping Beauty. And the kids slept through it too.” 

“Shame. It sounded good. Your voice is too soothing, I guess.”

“Sure, my voice,” I tease. She closes her eyes again and nods and I bend down to kiss her cheek. 

“You would have liked it,” I say softly as I move to the floor beside the couch so I can lean my head back on her chest. “A bird whose song was so lovely that it stopped Death itself.”

“That’s pretty remarkable,” she says over a yawn. I feel her fingers in my hair and I close my eyes. 

“The King was foolish though. He had a real nightingale with a perfect voice and yet he turned his preference to a fake bird that was covered in jewels and mindless glitz. The real bird returned to its forest and still, it came back to the King when he was dying, when he yearned for the bird’s song. That bird was loyal…I bet the King didn’t understand what he had in front of him.” 

“Mmhm,” she mutters, already fast asleep. I grin and turn my head so I can kiss her cheek again.

“My songbird,” I whisper against her warm skin. “My beautiful, wild bird. Never leave me. I will always yearn for your song.” 

\---------------------------------------------------------------  
I wake to my son poking my prosthetic leg and angry voices coming from the kitchen. 

“Hey buddy, what’cha doing?” 

“Mommy and sissy are fighting,” he says softly as he climbs into my lap. I hoist him up and stand, wincing at how sore my neck is. When I carry him into the kitchen, I find my daughter cowering near the counter, her arms full of blankets. Katniss stands with her arms crossed, on the other side of the room, and she looks furious.

“Willow, I told you, we are NOT keeping it!”

“He’ll die, Mom! He’s all alone!”

“Hey, what’s going on,” I make myself known. Katniss turns on me.

“Your daughter found something under the front porch.” She lowers the blankets to reveal a shivering kitten. When you get over its squashed face, it’s actually kind of cute. Its startling blue eyes close as it leans back against the blanket. 

“You found a kitten?”

“It could have all kinds of diseases! Willow, we will be happy to get you a cat, but we’re not keeping one we found in the wild.”

“I don’t want another cat, I want this one! Mama, please!”

“Why don’t we take this little guy to the vet and see what he says,” I try to talk over them. Willow whips around, her eyes wide and pleading.

“Oh please Daddy, don’t let her put him back out there! He’s gunna die!” I gulp, feeling Katniss’s angry glare on me. I didn’t mean to go against her but that seems to be what Willow is doing.  
I search for a way to fix this.

“Your mom is right, honey, it could have things we don’t want you kids to catch. We will clean him up and take him into town. If he is clean, maybe we will talk about keeping him.”

“I’ll clean him up, Daddy! I’ll feed him and take care of him.”

“That’s a big responsibility, Willow. You sure you can take care of a kitten?”

“Yes Daddy, I promise!” I look to Katniss but she just shakes her head and limps out of the room. Damn it. 

“Take him to the bathroom and clean him up. I’ll be there in a minute.” I set Rye down and he runs off to help his sister.   
I find Katniss clutching the stairs for support, her face screwed up in pain. 

“Hey,” I say softly, rushing to her side. She jerks away from me and clutches the bannister with white knuckles.

“I don’t need any help,” she says through gritted teeth.

“Katniss, come on—“

“No! Just…leave me alone, Peeta.” I stand back as she tries to make it up the stairs, but winds up tripping and her knee crashes into the stair. She cries out and I fly to her side but her arms come up and she looks angry. No. Livid.

“I said, don’t touch me! Please just…just go.”

“And watch you kill yourself? Why are you so stubborn? Please just let me help you up—“

“Go back to the kids! Help them! And make sure they don’t catch anything from that thing!” She turns and proceeds to crawl up the stairs, whimpering every so often. I watch in bafflement as she makes it to the top and struggles to her feet. What in the world was that about? I know she’s in pain and I know she is strong but she usually lets me coddle her when she’s injured. She may hate it but she doesn’t refuse me. 

She nearly falls but catches herself and clutches the wall as she disappears around the corner. I frown after her, wondering what is going through her head. I shake myself and hurry to help the kids.

Once we have the kitten washed and dried, I find some milk in the fridge and pour some into a little bowl. It doesn’t look old enough to eat on its own and I fear we may have to feed it through a bottle. I really don’t want to go against Katniss and tell her we can keep it, but I can’t very well put it back outside. 

“Willow, go put your shoes on so we can go to the vet.” I watch the kitten while she does as she’s told, then she picks it up and cradles it to her chest.

“I need to tell your mom where we are going. Keep an eye on Rye for me.” 

“Don’t worry baby,” she coos to the kitten. “I’ll keep you safe. I’ll protect you.” I freeze in the doorway and turn back to my little girl, whose back is to me. Her mother must have put her hair in two braids, and the way she is clutching the kitten is vaguely familiar.

Oh. Oh damn it. 

I hurry upstairs to find our bedroom door closed. I knock gently, pressing my ear to it and my heart sinks when I hear soft crying. I slip inside and see her lying on her stomach, her face buried in the pillow.  
I sink onto the bed beside her and stroke her hair. She doesn’t jerk back like I halfway expect her to, and my fingers massage her neck.

“I know why you’re so upset,” I say softly and I feel her tense up. “Is that what Prim did when she found Buttercup? Begged your mom to let her keep it?” 

“I found him,” she says in a muffled voice. “And I wanted to drown him. He was a scrawny, matted thing. She insisted on cleaning him up and taking care of him. She sometimes took the food that I saved for her and gave it to him. When 13 was bombed, she ran back to get him. That dumb thing meant more to her than her own life.”

“Honey, things are different now. We’re not starving so we can afford to keep a cat. And Willow seems really attached. I didn’t mean to overstep your authority, really.” She snorts into the pillow and I pull her up to face me.

“I didn’t,” I say firmly. “I like being a team, Katniss. I like being your ally. I don’t like it when we’re put against each other.” 

“You just have to make everything about the arena, don’t you?” I frown at her words.

“Hard not to. We’ve been allies since we were kids. Since I found out we were supposed to fight each other to the death. Do you remember the end of the Games, Katniss? When they announced that they had revoked the rule change and that there could be only one winner?” She tries to look away but I hold firm. We have never talked about that moment and she probably doesn’t know that I know she was ready to kill me but it’s a moment the Capitol forced me to relive over and over. 

“As soon as they announced that rule change, you pointed your arrow at me. I saw you, I knew you were thinking I would try to kill you. You lowered your bow quickly but I saw you thinking about it.”

“I thought you would try! I didn’t know it was real for you, Peeta! I thought it was all for the cameras back then! I have TOLD you this before!”

“I know,” my voice softens as I reach out to stroke her cheek. She watches me with narrowed eyes. “You didn’t know how much I loved you. How I would die for you. I would rather throw myself on a bed of knives than see you in pain, Katniss.” She squeezes her eyes shut and tries to lean away from me but I won’t have it. I pull her into my lap and she rests her forehead below my chin. 

“I hate seeing you hurting. If having a cat is really going to affect you this badly, I’ll tell Willow we will find it a home. But I think it’s more than the cat. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much our daughter is starting to look like our sister.” She jerks back at my response and her eyes search mine. 

“Just because she looks like Prim doesn’t mean she shares the same fate. Our daughter is becoming her own woman. She’s growing up and we’ll be lucky if she has some of Prim’s traits.” At first I think she is going to hit me. Her eyes flash and her face is etched with anger. But then she sinks forward and buries her face in my shirt, weeping quietly. Her shoulders shake and I wrap my arms around her, letting her know I’m here. 

“It’s ok,” I whisper. “We’re ok.”

“She’s not,” she sobs. “Why was it her and not me? It should have been me!” I tighten my arms around her, trying to keep my temper in check. We have been through this before and she knows how upset I get when she talks this way. I hold her against me and breathe in and out of my nose. In. Out. Calm breaths. 

I open my eyes and press a kiss to her hair.

“It’s just the way things are, Katniss. No one ever said life was fair. No one deserves what we’ve been through. But we’ve managed to build a life. And I’m tired of wondering why we survived when so many didn’t. It’s not up to us, and it’s not for us to wonder why we are still alive. We just are.” I hold her until her sniffles fade away, rubbing patterns over her back and feeling her relax into me. When she shifts, I hear her gasp in pain and I glance downward.

“Are you done being a stubborn pain? I can get some ice for your knee if you need.”

“No, I’m ok. I think I’m going to soak my foot in the bathtub while you’re in town.”

“Are you sure? I’d rather be here in case you fall or something.” She gives me her signature scowl and I bite my lip to keep from smiling.

“I’ll be fine, Peeta. You promised Willow you would take it to the vet. Make sure it’s perfectly healthy before you bring it back home.”

“But she can bring him back home, if he is healthy?”

“You already told her she could,” she shrugs. I cup her chin and force her to look at me.

“I told her maybe. If it bothers you, then we won’t let her. I think she’s old enough to learn about the responsibility though.” 

“So do I,” she mutters. “Willow likes to play us against each other, have you noticed that?”

“She doesn’t mean it--“

“Yes she does. She’s a clever little girl. She knows we don’t like to fight and we are more likely to concede rather than argue. She does it on purpose.”

“I’ll have a talk with her,” I whisper before I kiss her forehead. “You get some rest. I’ll be back soon.” I make sure she is comfortable and her foot is propped up before I leave. 

 

Now that the kitten is clean, he doesn’t look as bad. The vet does some tests and confirms he is healthy and disease-free. I see Willow watching me anxiously across the examination table. 

“You need to buy a bottle from the store to feed him for the first few weeks. He’ll start eating on his own soon enough. He’s only about 2 weeks right now.”

“Thank you, Doctor Blackburn,” I say as I shake his hand. The vet puts the kitten back in Willow’s arms and leads us out.   
We stop at the store to get some supplies. When Rye finds a huge pile of blocks to play with, I pull Willow to the side and kneel in front of her.

“Baby, we need to have a little talk. You need to stop fighting with Mama.”

“She was going to kill him, Daddy!”

“She wouldn’t have killed him. She was concerned about yours and Rye’s health and safety. Your mom loves you and wants to keep you safe. You need to stop arguing with her about everything. And you need to stop coming to me once your mom has said no. You’re making us go against each other and that’s not a good thing, do you understand?”

“You always say that you two are a team,” she says carefully.

“And we are. We have been for a very long time now. We don’t like to fight and when you try to come to me after already hearing no, that’s what you’re doing. You’re making Mama and Daddy argue and you don’t want to do that, do you?”

“No sir,” she bites her lip.

“Mama said we can keep the kitty, but only if you take really good care of it. And you be sure to thank her when we get home, ok?” She nods and throws her arm around my neck, her other holding the kitten to her chest.

“Ok, let’s go get this little guy some things for his new home.” 

\--------------------------------------------  
When we get home, Rye is already half asleep. We spent a lot more time in the store than I’d intended, and I look up to see the house is dark. Katniss is most likely already in bed. I push the door open and gesture for Willow to go in first. I carry Rye up to his room, change him for bed, and tuck him in before I head to Willow’s room. We discussed keeping the kitten in the kitchen but she said she wanted to be close to him, in case he needed anything. Willow and Prince already seem quite attached to one another…I can’t wait to see my wife’s reaction to the name our daughter chose. 

We set up Prince’s bed and litter box, along with a water bowl. I bring up some milk so we can bottle feed him, and after he’s finished with his dinner, he goes right to sleep in Willow’s arms. 

“Isn’t he precious,” Willow coos over him. 

“Try putting him in his bed without waking him up. You need to get ready for bed too.” Miraculously the kitten continues to sleep and Willow pulls on her pajamas. I watch Prince while she brushes her teeth, then she comes back and settles in the floor beside his bed.

“You remember what Dr. Blackburn said. When he wakes up again, give him half a bottle, ok?”

“I heard him, Daddy,” she says, her attention on the sleeping kitten. I shake my head; my daughter has inherited that eye roll and scowl from her mother. I kiss her hair, and head to my own bedroom. 

The room is dark when I enter, with a light streaming under the bathroom door. I knock gently and upon hearing no answer, I push the door open and my wide eyes go to the still figure in the bathtub.

The water is red around my wife. Her hand hangs limply off the side of the tub, and I see a blood-stained knife just inches from her motionless fingers. 

“Katniss?” I drop to my knees to check her pulse and my hand comes away, sticky with blood.

“No! NO! Katniss! Katniss wake up!” There is a slash across her wrist, and her other, which is submerged in the water, is still bleeding profusely.

“Katniss! Katniss,” I continue to scream her name into her ear. “Katniss, please!” I fall forward, my forehead on the cold tub.

“Katniss,” I continue to sob. When she doesn’t answer me, I pull her into my arms and wince at how her head hangs over my arm.

“Please. Please, no. Katniss don’t leave me!” 

“She’d rather die than be with you,” a snarling voice says to my right. I turn slowly to see a terrible form of Katniss, the same dark braid and grey eyes, sneering at me. 

“I came to kill her myself but she saved me the trouble! Look at what your little wife did to herself!” 

“No,” I whimper, tears blurring my vision.

“You’re pathetic,” it bites. “You’re a weak, pathetic mess. No wonder she’s tried to kill herself before this. Several times, isn’t it?”

“No,” is all I can seem to say. 

“Weak,” it turns up its nose and its eyes glow red. “Worthless!” I shake my head and press my forehead to Katniss’s. I refuse to believe she is gone. 

“She’s never loved you. It’s not real.” 

“Real,” I gasp. “It’s real. She loves me.” 

“Peeta?” Her voice is weak, but I jerk back and study her closed eyes. 

“Ignore her, Peeta. She’s left you. She’d rather die than be touched by you! She doesn’t care about you one bit.”

“Peeta, what’s wrong?” I blink back tears as she opens her eyes, almost lazily. 

“Peeta, why are you crying?”

“She’s dead, Peeta! She’s dead and you’re next!” 

“Peeta, open your eyes!” My eyes fly open and I see my wife, very much alive, sitting straight up, her hands clamped around my biceps. Her eyes are wide with terror, but the water is clear and there is no trace of blood anywhere. 

“Oh my god, Katniss!” I throw myself forward and wrap my arms around her. She gasps against my chest and I might be suffocating her but I don’t loosen my grip. I’m sobbing so hard I start to choke and she leans back, gripping my face in her hands.

“Peeta, it’s ok. You’re ok. You’re safe, with me.”

“No,” I choke out. “Not…me. You…dead.” It’s all I can get out before I launch into a fresh wave of sobs. I AM a pathetic mess. 

“I’m ok,” she says firmly. “Open your eyes and see me.” I do as she demands and gaze into her stormy eyes. They’re narrowed but I see the love and concern swirling around. 

“Deep breaths, Peeta. In and out. Think about your list. What’s your list?”

“My name is Peeta Mellark,” I breathe. “I survived the Hunger Games. I survived the Capitol’s torture. My family was killed by the Capitol. I married Katniss Everdeen. I’m in love with Katniss Mellark. I have children with Katniss.” I feel her lips on my brow and lower my head to her chest. 

“My name is Peeta Mellark. I’m a painter and a baker. I like to sleep with the windows open. I never take sugar in my tea. I always double knot my shoelaces. I’m in love with Katniss.” I whisper it over and over, and her fingers go to my hair, stroking lazily. 

“What are our children’s’ names?” 

“Willow Rose and Rye Archer.”

“Good. What’s my favorite color?”

“Green, like the meadow.”

“And yours?”

“Orange. Like the sunset.” She kisses my forehead and I lean back, my muscles aching from the position I have been sitting in for I don’t know how long. She shifts in the tub and her hands move under my shirt, slowly lifting over my head.

“Come relax with me,” she says softly. I stand quickly so I can push my jeans and underwear down my legs, then move behind her in the tub. 

“Shit Katniss, it’s freezing in here!”

“I may have fallen asleep for a minute,” she admits sheepishly. “I’ll run us some more hot water.” 

After we let the cold water drain and refill it with hot water, she props her foot up on the side of the tub and lays back against me, while her fingers make lazy patterns over my arm, which is wrapped around her stomach. It isn’t about sex by any means; it’s about comfort, love, and safety. It’s about being consumed by the warmth of her protective embrace. My fingers trace the scar on her wrist and I bring it to my lips, trying to kiss it away. Her hand closes around mine and she shifts her arm so that she is hiding her scar.

When I sense that she is falling asleep, I push her to her feet and wrap her in a towel before I lift her off the ground and carry her to the bed. I hastily spread some healing salve over her swollen ankle, then climb in behind her. 

“What triggered it,” she asks softly. I wince and squeeze her hand.

“I don’t know. I haven’t had one that bad in…awhile. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I…I thought I’d lost you.” She’s silent and I kiss her bare shoulder. What made that flashback so different from the others is that Katniss was the mutt and then she wasn’t. Why didn’t I see her as a threat as I usually do when my hijacked brain takes over? I snuggle deeper into the blankets and she shifts in front of me, letting out a soft sigh. I’m not sure what brought it on but I’m grateful that I didn’t want to hurt her. Maybe in some strange way, my hijacked visions are improving somewhat? Not that those visions are any less horrifying but it wasn’t my hand that harmed her this time and I’m somewhat grateful for that. 

“Peeta,” she says, causing me to startle and jump.

“Hmm?”

“Stop thinking so much. I can practically hear your brain running around in circles.” I chuckle and kiss her shoulder again. Boy does this woman know me well. 

“I love you,” she breathes out, on the brink of sleep. My heart races, as it always does, at those words.

“I love you, Katniss.” It’s real. She does love me. 

I fall asleep with a goofy grin on my face. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Willow Rose, I said no!” I wince as I hear my wife’s sharp voice coming from the kitchen.

“But Mom—“

“The cat is not going to your swim lesson with you!” I sigh and head into the kitchen to act as mediator again. Rye is banging his fork on the table and Katniss looks stressed as she hobbles around the kitchen with plates of food.

“Honey,” I rush to her and take the plates from her. “Why didn’t you call me to help?”

“It’s ridiculous that I need help making lunch for my family,” she snaps but her face softens and she gives me an apologetic look.

“Sorry. Peeta, can you take the kids to their lesson? I think I’m going to stay home. And I’ll keep an eye on the kitten,” she adds to Willow. Willow looks dubious but sets Prince in his little bed she has brought down to the kitchen. He mews pitifully and Willow drops to her knees.

“I can’t leave him!”

“He’ll be fine without you for a little while.” Willow’s lip trembles and she shakes her head.

“I’ll be back soon, sweet baby.” Katniss collapses in a chair and winces as she pulls her foot up to another chair. 

“It’s not feeling any better,” I ask as I hover by her side. She shakes her head.

“It’s just sore. I had plenty of hurt ankles growing up but I’m wondering if I did something else to it.”

“I’m sure walking around on it isn’t helping it. Why aren’t you resting?” 

“I’ve been resting!” 

“Ok, so why don’t you go to a doctor?”

“I don’t need a doctor. I’m sure it’s nothing serious.”

“You just said—“

“I know what I said,” she sighs and rests her forehead on the table. “Ok fine. Maybe I’ll go to the doctor while you are with the kids.”

“Come on,” I lean forward to kiss her cheek. “I’ll drop you off on the way to the school.”

“But who is going to watch Prince?” My daughter looks horrified.

“Sweetie, he’ll be fine by himself for an hour or so.”

“But—“

“Willow,” I say sternly. “Your mother is hurt. Let me take care of her and then we can care for the kitten, alright?” She sighs and hangs her head and I try not to feel too guilty. The kitten blinks up at me, which makes it worse. Willow and Rye finish lunch and go upstairs to get dressed. Prince stares up at me, mewing. 

“Quit looking at me like that you stupid fur ball.”

“You’re starting to sound like me,” Katniss laughs. 

“I never had pets growing up. Mom wouldn’t let an animal in the house.”

“That doesn’t really surprise me,” she mutters. 

“Come on, I’ll help you upstairs so we can get ready to go.” She holds out the last bite of her French toast out and I close my mouth around the fork. She drapes her arms around my neck and I lift her up, carrying her up the stairs to our bedroom. I like it when she’s compliant and doesn’t argue with me when I try to take care of her. She nuzzles against my chest as I climb the stairs. I kiss her hair before I toss her onto the bed and shoot her a grin in response to her scandalized expression.

“What do you want to wear,” I call from the closet.

“You’re not dressing me, Peeta! I wasn’t even this bad when I dropped out of the tree that day when they turned the fence back on.” I pop my head out of the closet and fix her with a hard stare.

“You wouldn’t have let me get this close to you back then.” I retreat back inside but what she says next makes me freeze.

“It’s when I first started letting you into my heart.” I peer back out and see her playing with the blanket, refusing to meet my eyes. I swallow and cross the room, kneeling on the bed in front of her. I take her face in my hands and kiss her hard on the mouth. She gasps into the kiss and her hands come up to cover mine. I don’t release her until we are both gasping for breath. I break away and press my forehead to hers; it feels all too familiar, like the beach. 

“Peeta. Our children are going to be late.” My heart does a little jolt and I smile. 

“God I wish I could go back and tell my seventeen year old self those words.”

“Going to be late?” I pretend to glare at her and shake my head. She strokes my cheek and kisses my nose playfully.

“Our children,” she says softly against my cheek and I suck in a breath. “Our son. Our daughter. They are ours.”

“God I love you,” I groan, pressing her back into the bed. She squeals but I don’t let her up, kissing my way down her throat.

“Peeta! We…ah! We need to go!” She’s pushing my head away and I hold her gaze as she sits up.

“Tonight, I want to thank you for what you just did for me.”

“How is that different than any other night?” She’s teasing but I cup her chin and nip at her bottom lip, tugging gently until she whimpers in my mouth. 

“Whatever you want,” I say huskily. “Tonight is about you.” I can tell by the way she is rubbing her thighs together that my words have their desired effect. I move off the bed and head back into the closet, taking a moment to adjust my jeans. No way I can sit through a kids’ swim meet with this…um, problem. 

“Daddy, we’re going to be late,” I hear Willow pounding on our door.

“Just a second sweetheart.” I grab some clothes for both Katniss and I, and hurriedly get dressed so I can appease my daughter.   
It takes us even longer to leave the house because as soon as tried to leave, Prince started to meow and Willow fell to her knees and refused to put him down. Katniss keeps checking her watch and shaking her head.

“Finn’s going to wonder where we are.”

“I’ll drop them off first and take you to the doctor afterwards.” 

We apologize to Finn, kiss them both goodbye, and I drive Katniss over to the doctor. Luckily our district isn’t that big and everything is close together. 

Katniss insists she can go inside by herself so after a kiss, I watch her limp up the stairs and drive back to the school. I’ve missed Willow’s lesson but I watch as Finn coaxes the younger ones into the water and my son is floating around on his back. He IS a little fish all right! Finn notices me come in and gives me a smile and a wave before he goes back to addressing the other parents. Rye is the only one in the water, and the others look doubtful. 

“Come on,” Rye calls to them. “It’s fun.” I am beaming. My little boy is opening up more and more and I love it. I clap obnoxiously loud when Rye does a little flip or when he goes under the water; I’m sure the other parents hate me right now. I always knew I would be THAT parent; the one bragging to the others that my kid was the best. Things sort of changed that, LIFE changed that. Since I won the Hunger Games, I’ve always been given a certain berth from other people. Add my presidency to that and I might as well be a leper. But I could care less, really. I wouldn’t trade this life with Katniss for anything. Having Haymitch and Effie and Annie and Finn around helps too. We’re just a little family; we don’t need anyone else. 

When Finn finishes the lesson, Rye runs up to me and I scoop him up, ignoring the fact that he is dripping wet.

“Didja see me Daddy?”

“I did, buddy! Little fish indeed! You did so good! I can’t wait til Mama sees you! Both of you,” I address Willow as she approaches us. 

“You didn’t even see me,” she huffs.

“I’ll be here next week. I promise.” She looks only slightly appeased and Finn finishes talking to the other parents before he comes over to us.

“Cut it kind of close, Uncle Peeta,” he says with a cheeky grin.

“I had to drop Katniss off at the hospital. Her ankle is getting worse.”

“Is she ok?”

“We’ll find out today. When’s their next lesson?”

“Monday.” That means we can enjoy the weekend relaxing and being together. I thank him and lead the kids back out to the car.   
I notice quite a few people jump out of the way when they see us coming. Willow frowns and looks around while I go to open the car door. Several of the parents who were inside stand off to the side, holding their children back. The little ones stare at me with wide eyes. I usher my own kids into the car but Willow crosses her arms.

“Why are they staring?”

“I don’t know, Willow, get into the car please.”

“Why are you staring!” She yells at them and I bite my lip.

“Willow, it’s ok, really—“

“Stop staring at my Daddy! He’s braver than any other man in the whole wide world!”

“Willow! Come on baby, get into the car!” She sticks her tongue out and a mother gasps. I slam the door closed and clench the steering wheel tightly.

“I’m sorry Daddy. I don’t like them staring at you.”

“It’s ok, sweetie. I’m used to it. Mama and Daddy have been stared at like that since we were kids. It’s fine.”

“No it’s not,” she crosses her arms and glares out the window. “People are mean.” 

“Mean people,” Rye taps the door with his palm. “Mean mean mean!” 

“Why are people so mean,” Willow asks me seriously. I gape at her in the mirror. How in the world can I possibly answer that? She’s grown up in a world free of hunger and oppression and the Reaping. I’d never have been able to dream of such a world.

“It’s just how the world works, my sweet Willow. We all have some good and bad in us. It’s up to you to decide what kind of person you are going to be.” She settles against the seat and stares out the window. I blink and remember when I first heard those words.

**flashback**

\------“Does it still hurt, my boy?”

“A little,” I sniffle. My daddy moves off the stool and goes to the sink. I press my hand to my throbbing cheek and wipe my tears away. He returns and presses a cold cloth to my face and I gasp and jerk away.

“Hold it there, Peeta. It will feel better in a moment.” I sigh and let him hold it to my cheek. Sure enough, the hurt subsides. 

“Why,” I say softly and he lowers the cloth. “Why doesn’t she like me?” 

“She loves you, Peeta.”

“Then why is she so mean?” It’s the first time she’s hit me…really hit me. Mommy occasionally slaps my hand or thumps me on the head but when she came down and found me sweeping up a whole bag of flour, she lost it. The back of her hand stung as it made contact with my cheek and she snarled at me that I was useless. In my 5 short years on earth, I’d never experienced such pain. Even when I burned myself on Daddy’s oven.   
Daddy sighs and puts the cloth back on my cheek. 

“Your mother loves you boys, son. Even if she doesn’t always show it. She’s been through a lot. She’s lost a lot of people she loves. People have always been mean to her.” Probably because she’s so mean, I think to myself but I don’t voice it. I hang my head.

“Why are people so mean?” He studies me intently with his piercing blue eyes.

“It’s just how the world works, my boy. We all have some good and bad in us. It’s up to you to decide what kind of person you are going to be.” I bite my lip and stare at him for a moment.

“I want to be a nice person,” I finally say. He chuckles and tousles my curls.

“You have the sweetest heart of anyone I know. I don’t have a doubt that you will make a fine man one day.”

“Like you?”

“Be your own man, Peeta. Find a love, hold onto it, work hard, never settle. Make a life for yourself and make it worth living. You’ll understand when you get older,” he adds. He finishes closing up the bakery, strokes my hair once more, before going up the stairs to our apartment. I elect to stay down here, away from Mom and her cruel hand. My legs swing from the stool, which is much too high for me, and I rest my face in my hands.

“It’s up to me to decide what kind of person I am going to be,” I say to the empty kitchen. I decide then that I will be a good person. I will never raise my voice, I will be kind, I will help those in need, and I will work hard. One day I will find a love and hold onto it…and work hard to provide for her. For my family.

And one day, I will teach my child the same lesson that Daddy just taught me. 

It’s up to you to decide what kind of person you are going to be---


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so everyone is warned, this chapter is EXPLICIT. read at your own risk!

I wait for Peeta on the front porch, wanting to get out of that hospital as quickly as I can. I wince as I shift my leg, my ankle throbbing painfully. I see the car pull up and I grab the crutch they provided me with and hobble down the stairs. Peeta jumps out of the car and his hand goes to the small of my back.

“A crutch? It’s more serious than we thought, isn’t it?”

“Just slightly. I’ll tell you at home.” He looks anxious but helps me into the car and drives us home quickly. I question Rye and Willow about their swim lesson and Rye babbles the whole ride home. Peeta shoots me a grin as he goes on about how he is really a fish and he is going to move underwater. Willow is quiet, only answering with ‘uh huh’ and ‘yeah’ when I ask her something. When we park, she shoots out of the car and waits on the porch, impatiently tapping her foot.

“Hey, be patient,” Peeta scolds her as he helps me out of the car. 

“I need to check on Prince!”

“Mama is injured and you need to stop being so spoiled.” She looks shocked at his tone and she shrinks back. Peeta sighs, looking apologetic, but doesn’t say anything else as he opens the door and gestures her in. She disappears into the kitchen while Peeta pulls Rye into the house, keeping his hand on my back. He helps me lower myself onto the couch and he props my wrapped foot on the cushion.

“I’m going to help Rye change into some dry clothes and then I’ll make us some lunch.” I nod and he kisses my forehead before heading upstairs. Willow enters the room, holding Prince to her chest.

“How’s he doing?” She nods and stares at the floor.

“I’m sorry, Mama.” 

“It’s ok baby girl. You just have to remember to help us out around here, ok? Mama will be up and walking again before you know it.”

“No, rest. Please. Can I bring you any lunch?”

“Daddy is going to make us some lunch but you can help him if you want.” She nods and goes back into the kitchen. When Peeta comes back down with Rye, they’re both changed into loose-fitting pants and identical orange shirts. I chuckle as he sets our son on the floor and he takes off for his blocks.

“Any requests for lunch?”

“Surprise me. Willow is waiting to help you.” He raises his brow in surprise but heads into the kitchen. I can hear them talking in low voices but I lean my head back on the couch and close my eyes. The doctor gave me pain medication and it’s making me very sleepy. 

“Hey,” I hear a soft voice in my ear. I open my eyes and see his grinning face inches from mine.

“Crap I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“You didn’t sleep long. Lunch is ready. Willow made you spaghetti and meat balls.” 

“Oh…smells wonderful, Willow.” She smiles as she puts a plate in my lap and I glance down to see Peeta is holding the kitten.

“You’re babysitting Prince while Willow cooks?”

“I told her she couldn’t cook while she was holding him,” I chuckle lightly. “You want to sit up?”

“Yeah,” I struggle to a sitting position and wince as a pain shoots through my foot to my spine. He notices and his hand hovers over me.

“What did the doctor say?”

“It’s a grade 3 sprain. It’s just more severe than an ordinary sprain. She gave me some pain medication and told me not to walk on it.”

“Well I’m glad you’ll listen to her then,” he retorts and I shoot him a glare.

“Finn called while you were sleeping and asked if he could take the kids horseback riding. Annie is watching Coral, so that Ana can have a night to herself.”

“That’s sweet of him,” I say through a yawn.

“Which kind of gives us a night to ourselves too.” I know what he is getting at but I’m not sure if I could move to do anything. I’m about to speak when I feel his lips on mine.

“Even if I can just hold you in the bath. I’m just happy to spend the evening with you.” He acts like we don’t do this every night but I have to remind myself that Peeta has dreamed about holding me like that since he was a boy. It really doesn’t take a lot to make him happy and that’s what I love about him. I smile and nuzzle his cheek.

“Sounds great.” He smiles and leans back to allow me to eat. 

Peeta washes the dishes and brushes off my offer to help while Willow and Rye get ready to go out with Finn. There is a knock at the door and I call to whoever it is to come inside. Finn enters the living room, raising his brow when he sees me.

“Aunt Niss what have you done to yourself?” 

“She had to go and fall out of a tree,” Peeta says before I can answer. I scowl.

“I fell asleep and had to jump down fast,” I mutter angrily. “The tracker-jackers were right above me.”

“Tracker jackers?” Finn’s smile fades and he looks anxious. “Did you get stung?”

“I did but Peeta found me and brought me home. I wasn’t stung by too many of them.” Finn and Peeta trade a look and I shake my head.

“I’m fine, Finn.” Undoubtedly he has heard about our past run-ins with tracker -jackers. He shifts from side to side.

“And they are in the woods? Near us?”

“Thom is taking a team to get rid of them,” I assure him. “Once I feel well enough to lead them out there--“

“Um, you’ll do no such thing. You can provide a map,” Peeta cuts me off.

“A map? Peeta, I know those woods better than anyone. I have to lead them there. I don’t want them to get lost in a forest full of mutts.”

“You’re not making me feel any more reassured about this,” he says slowly.

“I’ll stand back far enough. I just need to show them the spot. That’s it.”

“Hey, are the kids ready yet,” Finn says, clearly desperate to change the subject.

“Should be. Hey kids! Finn is here!” We hear excited footsteps on the stairs, and both of them run straight to Finn. He laughs as he kneels down to tousle their hair.

“You guys ready to ride?”

“Yeaaaaah!”

“Thanks for this Finn,” Peeta says with a smile.

“I’m happy to! Aunt Niss, you rest up. Mom invited everyone over for a sleepover tonight,” he cups Willow’s chin and smiles. “You want to help me watch the baby?”

“Yes!” 

“In that case we should pack you a bag,” I say, glancing at Peeta. He nods and starts for the stairs.

“Let me get them packed really quickly. Hang on.” Rye tries to climb Finn’s leg so my godson bends down to pick him up, and holds him on his shoulder. Finn looks so much like Finnick, it’s almost painful. I don’t know how Annie can deal with it. Seeing Finn holding a baby is even harder…it’s just a painful reminder that Finnick never got to meet his son.   
Finnick’s strangled cries echo in my head and I shake myself, eager to return to the present. Peeta returns moments later, holding two bags and Finn slides them over his shoulder.

“Alright, say bye to Mom and Dad! You’re in for a night of fun with Finny!” I smile as Willow kisses my cheek and Peeta clears his throat.

“You going to take this with you?” He holds Prince up and Willow gasps, her hands flying to her mouth.

“I almost forgot! Oh my sweet baby, you can come with--“

“No he can’t. But you should ask your mom and me if we can babysit him while you are gone.” She bites her lip and glances at me guiltity.

“Mommy, please?”

“He’ll be fine, Willow. Go have a good time.” Peeta closes the door behind them and sets Prince down in his bed.

“We’re teaching our daughter about responsibility and relieve her of kitten duty too soon.”

“The cat has been sleeping a lot, from what I can see. Just leave him in his bed down here.” Peeta makes sure Prince has enough water and his blankets are clean. When he is finished, he bends down to pick me up and he carries me up to our room. He arranges the pillows on the bed and helps me lean against the headboard. He twists his body so he is halfway straddling me while he kisses me, his tongue coaxing mine into his mouth. 

“You ready for bed?” His voice is husky but he checks himself as he glances down at my propped foot. 

“I actually think a bath sounds nice. I’m not sure how much I can do tonight…with my limited range of motion.”

“We’ll go slow. Whatever we want. We have all night,” he bites down on my ear and I gasp as a shiver runs through me. He pulls away with a grin and starts to rise but I yank his hand and pull him back down to me so I can attack his mouth. I feel him harden against my thigh and he pulls away to bite his lip. Oh I can do that for him. I lean up and gently bite his bottom lip, tugging lightly and feel him gasp into my mouth. 

“Katniss you’re not making this easy,” he groans.

“What do you mean?”

“I…shit! I want to take care of you and…oh god, take this slow and gently so we don’t agrivate your injury any further. You’re making me want to pound you against the wall right now.” I feel my panties getting wet at his words and I realize that I want that too. Slow and gentle is wonderful but when Peeta takes charge and fucks me hard and fast, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. 

“We can go fast and still be careful,” I say as I suck at his jawline. His eyes flutter shut and he tilts his head so I can lick my way up his neck. The salt from his skin plus his own unique taste is intoxicating; I yank his shirt off and sit up so I can lick a path down his chest, stopping to play with his nipples with my teeth. 

“Mmm…shit,” he mutters. His eyes snap open and he gently pushes me back. I’m hurt and confused and he takes my face in his hands.

“You’re wearing way too many clothes.”

“Well so are you.” He only grins as he pulls my shirt off, then moves down to my sleep pants and underwear and has me naked in seconds. His jeans take a bit longer but he leans over me, naked, his arms trapping me in his embrace. I kiss his bicep and the muscles in his arms ripple. I lean up so I can trail my hands over his back, loving how the muscles strain under my palms. He is so strong but he is always so weak for me. I love and hate that I am his weakness. 

“Turn around,” I say softly and his eyes light up but he shakes his head.

“I thought I told you I wanted to thank YOU tonight. Make it be about you.”

“It’s always about me. What if I want to treat my husband a little tonight?” He grins as he slinks down my body, then turns so I am looking at his ass. I knead it like dough for a moment, then slap his cheeks several times. He jumps and shoots me a grin over his shoulder.

“You’re having too much fun there,” he says, his voice laced with humor.

“So?” I kiss both cheeks and squeeze. 

“Alright, you have your fun while I have mine.” He lowers himself over my core and I feel his fingers spread me wide. The first touch of his tongue is tentative, teasing, and I squirm underneath him as I do the same with his cock. 

We take care of each other, making it last and bringing each other to the peak only to delay it longer. Usually he tries to make me come several times with his mouth but tonight he seems intent on delaying my release for as long as he can. Likewise, I barely take him into my mouth and content myself on flicking my tongue across his head and moving up to his ass. He groans against my folds when I push a finger inside him and as I pick up the pace, he nips at my clit with his teeth. We’re torturing each other and neither of us wants it to end.   
When he starts to jerk his hips all over the place, I know he is close. 

“Peeta. Open up our drawer.” He turns to me with a dark, hooded look in his eyes and he hurriedly pulls out some of our toys. He lets me play awhile longer, I have to admit that fucking him with my toys has become one of my favorite pastimes. He kneels on all fours in front of me, his head hanging low and face pressed into the pillow. I grab the pillow and throw it aside.

“I don’t want you to muffle any sound you make tonight. I want you to cry out my name over and over.” It’s my turn to take charge and I know he will let me. It’s what makes us so good together. Peeta has his dominant moments and I love when he takes control, but other times we spin it around and I bend him to my will. The fact that we can both let go and let the other take charge says wonders for our relationship and how far we have come. Due to his horrific past, we never thought he would be ok with anything like this. And I was always the one with fire and rebelled against anything. The fact that he can push me against the wall and have his way with   
me, and I will let him, says how much I have grown. How much we have grown in our love and trust in one another. 

We experiment with the handcuffs, something neither of us have been brave enough to do, and I find I like it. It makes him even more helpless and the fact that he trusts me enough for this warms my heart. Seeing him squirm underneath me, completely at my mercy, gives me a rush. I don’t blindfold him; not that I don’t trust him, but I know the poison in his veins will turn that around and I don’t want him to fear or regret anything tonight. I make him beg for his release before I give it. I love to hear his whimpered cries as I keep him on the edge. 

When he finishes, I suggest we take a shower as I release him from the chains. He leans up to kiss me deeply, still panting heavily.

“Bring everything with us,” I say in a low voice. His brow quirks up but he grabs a few of our toys and brings them into the bathroom with us.   
He helps me to lean against the wall while he takes his turn to wash his hair. I can still feel my clit throbbing and I run my hands over my breasts and down between my legs. I release a little moan, which doesn’t go unnoticed. His eyes shoot open and he looks down at me, gasping softly.

“Shit Katniss.” I suck on my finger, locking my eyes on his, and swirl it around my clit. I can see his mind racing, deciding whether to move and finish me off himself or watch me do it in front of him. He doesn’t know which one he likes more. Making up his mind, he drops to his knees and grips my thigh as he gently drapes my bad leg over his shoulder so he can lean in closer. I grip his hair as his tongue dives into me. I was so close already, that I come fast and hard, his name echoing off the walls. When he lowers my leg, he looks vastly pleased with himself and I glare down at him. I was the one with the control and he just took it back. Well, we will see about that. 

With just a little discomfort in my leg, I move him around so he is the one pressed against the wall. He gapes down at me as I take him into my mouth, before I roughly turn him around. He whimpers as I move my hand between his legs.

“What do you want, Peeta? Do you want me to suck your cock? Do you want me to fuck you, nice and slow? You want it hard and fast? Tell me.”

“Fuck, Katniss,” he gasps against the wall. 

“Stay right there. Don’t move.” His hands are splayed on the wall, his legs spread wide, and he glances at me over his shoulder. I sit on the side of the tub and maneuver around to get into a comfortable position before I pull his hips toward me. His nails grapple at the wall as soon as my tongue touches him. I spread his cheeks wide so I can thrust my tongue in deeper. My hand leaves red marks on his fair cheeks. His skin is so pale compared to mine that any bruise or mark I leave blooms immediately and stays through the night. I grin as I soothe the burning spots with my lips. 

“Ka…Katniss,” he pants. 

I reach for the harness he brought in, and quickly pull it on. I don’t even give him a moment to catch his breath; I thrust inside him and relish in his deep groans. I fuck him hard against the wall until he is positively hoarse from screaming my name. Feeling my ankle throbbing, I sit back down on the side of the tub and pull him toward me.

“Ride me,” I say as I grip his hair tightly. “I want to watch you get off while riding me.” He shakily lowers himself into my lap and I feel him tense up slightly.

“This is kind of weird,” he admits softly. I lean up and suck at his neck while I shift my hips a little, so he can feel me deep inside him. Well, not really me but for all intents and purposes, since this is for him. He leans his head back onto my shoulder and grips my thigh tightly as he rises up and down. Holy shit, this is hot! Why haven’t we done it like this before? I reach around and slide my hand up and down his erection while he continues to bounce up and down. 

“Oh my god, Katniss! Oh my fucking…shit, Katniss! Shit!” I grin as I see that my Peeta has lost his words. My hand increases in pace and he reaches up to wrap an arm around my neck, his hand gripping my hair. 

“Come for me, Peeta.” With a strangled cry, he throws his head back and he spills all over my hand and his stomach. The hot water washes us clean and he rises to his feet, extremely shaky. I unclasp the harness, rinse it off, and throw it aside while he leans against the wall, his arm thrown over his flushed face. Nothing is more beautiful to me than those boyish cheeks flushed bright red from his exertion. Mainly his work out of making me come.   
I struggle to stand and he pulls me to my feet, his hand tangling in my sodden hair.

“My god I love you,” he gasps.

“Mmm, I love you too.” I grind against him, and he gasps, his hands flying down to still my hips.

“Give me a few minutes, love. I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“Get out so I can wash my hair then.” The water is turning cold so Peeta quickly grabs a towel and jumps out onto the bath mat while I lather the shampoo into my hair. My ankle is even more sore now so I sit on the side of the tub to rinse off. 

\-----------------------------------------------------  
When I come out of the bathroom, Peeta is sitting on the edge of the bed in nothing but his towel. He leans back on his powerful arms and I see the towel rise just a bit, so I can see the parts between his legs, which I love to tease. He wears a smirk and his cheeks are still slightly red. I limp to the dresser to find some clothes but he clears his throat, making me turn back to him.

“And why are you putting on clothes?”

“Because if I sleep naked, you complain about the problems you have in the morning.”

“When did I ever complain about waking up to you naked,” he snorts, jumping up and crossing the room. He plays with the towel that I clutch to my chest and his other hand caresses my thigh. 

“Besides,” he lowers his voice, leaning in to kiss my neck. “I’m not quite done with you yet.” I’m about to speak when my ankle throbs painfully and I nearly buckle in front of him. He’s quick to grab me, and carries me to the bed. He takes the towel from my hand and flings it aside, leaving me naked to his gaze.

“Whatever we do, we have to do here on the bed. My ankle is really sore.” A look of concern flashes across his face but then he nods and leans me back. 

“Trust me to take care of you, sweetheart,” he leans down and takes my nipple into his mouth and I buck my hips upwards. “It’s my turn to treat my wife a little.”   
\----------------------------------

I’m spread before him, with a pillow under my hips. He’s careful not to jostle my leg, and keeps it propped on a pillow. I feel his tongue in my ass and I clutch the sheets with white knuckles. He spends hours teasing me, building me up but never letting me fall.

“Peeta,” I say through gritted teeth after what seems like an eternity. 

“Where do you want me, baby,” he growls in my ear before biting down on my lobe.

“Take me however you want me. Just fuck me now!” A low chuckle in my ear, and I feel him tapping his head against my folds. He moves up and slides in between my ass, slowly pushing all the way in and pulling out again. 

“Fuck Peeta! Harder! Fuck me harder!” He snaps his hips and thrusts into the hilt; he is so deep inside me, I’m stunned he isn’t tearing me in half. 

“Sweet fucking… Ohhhh shit!” He pulls out of me and moves me further up the bed. After moving my pillow to keep my foot propped, he puts my hands on the headboard and grips my hips.

“Brace yourself, baby. This is going to be hard and fast. And I fucking want you to come all over the place.” I feel another flood of wetness at his words and I grip the headboard tightly. Good thing too, because when he slams into me, I jerk forward and nearly hit my forehead on the wall. He continues to drill into me, setting a threatening pace. The force of his balls hitting my clit is like a thousand vibrations, and I do exactly as he demanded and come all over the place, screaming his name. He grunts in my ear and palms my breasts.

“Oh fuck yes Katniss, you just squirted all over my dick and it all feels incredible. I can’t believe I am fucking your ass. Your tight little asshole feels just as amazing as your wet pussy! You’re taking me so deep right now. God I love watching my cock slide in and out of your ass.” I lower my head and my teeth clamp down on my lip as I feel so close to another one. Another orgasm might kill me but he is bound and determined to get me there.

“Come inside me, Peeta. I want you to completely fill me up. Your dick is throbbing inside my ass.” 

“Oh,” he gasps against my back, clearly not expecting my dirty responses. Who knew I could weave seductive words like he could? 

“Yeah baby,” I go on, determined to finish him off. “You like fucking my ass? You like being encased by my ass? Your hard dick sliding in and out of me? You like feeling me come around your cock?” His groans and pants start to increase and I know he is close. I reach around to massage his balls, and can practically feel them tightening.

“Oh holy fuck Katniss,” he moans, slamming his hips against mine. “Oh my…yes…fffffffffuck!” I feel his warmth deep inside me and he falls over me, his chest heaving up and down. My ankle is throbbing so I flip over onto my back and move my leg over to the far side of the bed. Peeta falls down beside me, his arm thrown over his eyes. 

“Goddamn Katniss, I don’t think I’ll be able to move tomorrow.” 

“That was sort of the point, wasn’t it,” I say teasingly. He lowers his arm, his eyes returning to his normal shade of blue.

“I just wanted to be with you, no matter how you wanted to be together.”

“Are you complaining about how we spent our time?”

“Not in the slightest. I just hope we didn’t make your injury worse.”

“If we did you can keep me in bed longer,” I reach up to stroke his cheek and he pulls my hand to his lips. 

“I never imagined I would ever be here with you, like this. I mean, you starred in most of my fantasies growing up but I’d never imagined this. And I have a pretty vivid imagination, you know.” 

“What, you mean you didn’t jerk off to thoughts of fucking my ass?” He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head.

“You cannot say things like that if you expect to get any sleep tonight.” 

“I’m rather impressed by our stamina. Aren’t we getting older? Isn’t the intimacy supposed to fade after a certain amount of years?”

“Katniss I will never get tired of being with you. I still react like a horny fifteen year old when I see you naked! I could never get tired of this.” 

“You won’t ever get bored with me?” It’s meant to be teasing but it comes out more serious than I’d intended, and I’m surprised by the vulnerability in my own voice. He leans up, propping his head with his arm, his other stroking my face, down to my chest.

“I’d sooner be bored with baking, which has been my livelihood since I could walk. Every day with you is a new adventure, a new beginning. I learn something new everyday, just from being with you.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?” 

“You’re asking for examples? Now?” he chuckles. “Let me get my head on straight and I’ll get back to you on that.” I laugh and lay my head on his chest, which is still damp. 

“You are the only person I have ever wanted like this,” I say against his warm skin. “I didn’t even think about sex when I was younger but after we on the Games…I wondered what it would be like to go further with you. Some of those nights on the train…” I trail off and he tenses up. He cups my chin and leans down to kiss me.

“I would say I wish you had said something so we could have done this much sooner. But everything worked out the way it was supposed to. I wouldn’t have wanted it if you had even a single doubt in your heart. I wanted it to be real. I wanted us to be real.”

“And we are,” I remind him gently. 

“I know. It just…it took long enough.” I couldn’t agree more but then, I know what he really means: I took long enough. It took me years, it took me losing him, to discover what I wanted. What I needed. 

“I need you,” I whisper and he glances down at me with confusion. I swing my leg over his waist and straddle him, moving back and forth over his cock until I feel him coming to life again. I reach down to guide him inside and he throws his head back while his fingers dig into my hips. His eyes lock on my bouncing breasts, then up to my eyes. We never break eye contact, while I plead for him to make me come, to take me harder, to never leave me. We finish together and it’s a glorious chorus of our names in the air. When we fall to the sheets our eyes are closed as soon as our heads hit the pillows.   
\------------------------------------

After I wake up with his head between my legs, we make love once more before he runs downstairs to make me some breakfast. When he returns, I admire his naked form in the doorway, carrying a tray of food on his shoulder and looking like some sort of domestic god. I grin at his touseled curls and his sparkling eyes and can’t help but leaning up to kiss him, despite my stale breath. 

“I need to get up and brush my teeth. Maybe get dressed.”

“You need to stay in bed. I inspected your ankle and it looks much worse. We shouldn’t have done all of that last night.”

“Are you complaining,” I ask again. He bites his lip and sighs.

“I love what we did but not at the expense of hurting you.” 

“I’m fine, Peeta. I’ll stay in bed today if it would make you feel better.”

“It would,” he nods. He picks up the fork and proceeds to feed me bites of fluffy waffle, giving me sweet kisses in between. It’s like we are newlyweds again. An empty house and all we want to do is make love. 

“Here, finish your breakfast. I need to check on Prince and then should probably go get the kids from Finn’s.”

“He said he would bring them back home this morning. Let them have a bit of a lie in. Just enjoy the morning with me,” I squeeze his hand and his lips curve into a smile. “Please?”

“You drive a hard bargain, Mrs. Mellark.”

“Well, Mr. Mellark, I don’t know where I learned such negotiations from.” He chuckles as he kisses me again, a kiss that is sugary sweet from the syrup that drips from his lips. 

“I’ll be right back then.” 

We finish our breakfast and then just lay there together, enjoying the feel of our bodies pressed together. His skin is warm and his heart is racing. His fingers idly play with my hair as I doze on his chest.   
\--------------------

Finn brings the kids back home closer to afternoon, apologizing that he lost track of time. I can hear Peeta telling them quietly than they need to let me rest and I can’t get out of bed due to my ankle. Willow stays in her room with the kitten, while Peeta brings Rye into our room to color. 

That evening, Haymitch and Effie call us to check in. We make sure the kids are elsewhere before Peeta asks them how they are really doing.

“The doctors say everything is progressing how they hoped,” Effie says softly. “They even say I could probably go home in a few weeks.” 

“The medicine just makes her tired,” Haymitch speaks up. “But she’s doing really well, and the doc says the tumor is shrinking. They think we caught it in time.”

“Effie, that’s really wonderful news.”

“I want to come home,” she says firmly. “I don’t like hospitals. I feel trapped.”

“I know what you mean,” Peeta mumbles. Our eyes meet and I bite my lip, looking away. I don’t want to think about Peeta being restrained in the District 13 hospital, without me there to help him. He knew I was avoiding him; knew how selfish I was. 

“Well the Masquerade isn’t until next month. You have some time to get better and then you’d better be home for it. Willow will be devastated if she has to go without her Mimi.”

“No I wouldn’t dream of missing it,” Effie waves her hand. “Have you dears thought about what you would like to dress as?” I have to admit, that’s the last thing I have been thinking of. 

“We forgot to tell you, but Katniss was injured,” Peeta says quietly. Haymitch raises his brow.

“Injured? What did you do to yourself, girl?”

“She was stung by tracker-jackers.” I swallow as Effie gasps and Haymitch looks pale.

“Tracker-jackers? In the woods?”

“Thom is going to take a crew to get rid of them,” I tell them. “But I fell out of the tree and twisted my ankle pretty badly. I’m on bedrest for awhile.”

“Hey remember after Rye was born, Peeta made your wheelchair a carriage? Maybe we can find another character to do that again,” he says with a chuckle. Peeta doesn’t look as amused.

“Let’s hope that she gets better before then. I can hear Rye calling me, so I need to end the call. I’m so glad you’re feeling better Effie!”

“Thank you darling. Take care of your wife!”

“I will. Bye.” Peeta presses the button on the holo and ends the call. 

“We need to figure out our costumes, tonight if possible. I’m going to see what Rye wants.” I hate not being able to follow him but one look from him and I know I have to stay put. 

When he returns, the kids are on his heels, Willow cradling Prince against her chest. The kitten is asleep, and the way she gazes at him in adoration reminds me of Prim when Buttercup was small. Peeta helps them climb into bed with us, and is careful to keep them both on his side so they won’t touch my ankle. 

“Mommy, you ok,” Rye cuddles up to my side, almost tentatively. I place a kiss on his curls and stroke his cheek.

“I’m fine, baby. Just a little sore is all. It’s nothing, really.” 

“Willow, we thought maybe we could get out your fairytale book and decide on costumes tonight. Mimi says she wants to get started right away.”

“Ok Daddy.” She hurries off to get the book, and places it in his lap before going right back to stroking the kitten’s head. 

“Ok, let’s see here,” Peeta flips through the book, pausing to look at the pictures. But the kids are asleep in no time and I doze off to the sound of Peeta’s soothing voice. I hear him chuckle softly before I feel his lips on my temple.

When I wake up, the bed is rather full. Rye is curled up in his father’s arm and Willow sleeps between Peeta and me. I don’t see the kitten so I assume Peeta took him back downstairs last night. I smile as I watch my family sleep.   
I never wanted this. But I can’t imagine my life any other way. Watching Willow is like watching Prim sleep. Sweet and innocent and lost in their dreams. Peeta frowns and shakes his head a little before he relaxes and his hold on our son tightens. Rye squirms a little in his father’s grasp and I smoothe his curls, making him relax and still. I really need to use the restroom but I won’t be able to move without disturbing them. I decide to hold it and settle back into the pillows, reaching out to move the hair off my daughter’s face. Her nose wrinkles for a moment, like Peeta’s does in his sleep, before her face relaxes again and she sighs contentedly. I close my eyes and find myself falling back to sleep.  
\-----------------------------------

I’m rather disappointed that we don’t do anything big for my boys’ birthdays. Peeta insists he wants to take it easy, not just for me, but because we have had a busy past few months in the Capitol and being able to slow down and relax is exactly what he wants for his birthday. Finn takes Rye to the pool and gives him a private lesson, Peeta joins him in horseback riding, and later, we invite Annie and Riley, Finn, Ana, and Coral, and a few of Peeta’s employees over for a small dinner. Peeta carries me downstairs and we all eat in the living room. Rye is too busy playing with his new playset of detachable building blocks to come to dinner. He comes running, however, when Peeta calls that there is cake. I grin as my little 3 year old smashes the cake into his mouth, grinning up at me with a sugary grin. Peeta hoists him onto his shoulders, sitting next to me, and I smile at their identical grins. I kiss my husband’s nose before I reach up and tug at Rye’s curls.

“Happy birthday, my sweet boys,” I mutter. 

“Thanks Mama,” Peeta says lovingly. 

Since we weren’t with our son for his birthday last year, we both fight to hold him this year but he squirms away to get back to his blocks. Willow presents her brother with a beautiful painting of the two of them, but rolls her eyes when he seems disinterested.

“That’s really beautiful, Willow,” Peeta whispers to her, making her smile.   
Haymitch and Effie call on the holo to wish the boys a happy birthday and to let us know the first parts of our costumes will be arriving next week. Peeta frowns.

“But we never told you anything,” he says uncertainly.

“Well, I took matters into my own hands,” Effie says, wiggling her manicured fingers. 

“Effie, what are you up to?”

“Never you mind. I think you’ll all be happy with them. I need to run and finish my dinner. I hope your birthdays were wonderful, my dears!” She blows us a kiss and ends the call. Rye has collapsed in the middle of his blocks, his face smeared with blue and yellow frosting. Peeta moves his arm from around my shoulder and kneels on the floor next to our sleeping son.

“Birthday boy is knocked out,” he chuckles.

“We should wash him off before we put him in bed.”

“I’ll do it. Let me get you upstairs first.” I start to protest but he gives me a look and I know not to argue. I suppose over the years Peeta’s protective nature has finally settled with me. He carries me to the bedroom and I limp to the bathroom to get ready for bed while he goes back downstairs to take care of Rye. Willow retreated to her bedroom with Prince a few hours ago, so I pull on a pair of silky underwear with one of Peeta’s old tees and settle under the blankets. Several months ago, I planned to dress up in lingerie for his birthday, but it’s rather difficult to move around right now.

He comes to bed not long after, smelling of toothpaste and cinnamon.

“Thank you for the new art tools, honey. I can’t wait to try them out.”

“I hoped you would like them. More than you liked that bottle of eu de cologne that Delly sent you.” He wrinkles his nose up and shakes his head.

“It smells terrible. But I’ll call her to thank her tomorrow. I’m still surprised at all the gifts Rye got!”

“I’m not. He’s the president’s son, of course people are going to send him gifts. They sent you gifts too, so don’t be jealous.”

“I’m not. Though I think Willow was a little upset.”

“She’ll be fine. The same thing will happen on her birthday, I’m sure.” He yawns and settles his head on my stomach.

“Another year older,” he mutters as I stroke his curls.

“But another year we have together,” I remind him and he glances up at me. In the moonlight I admire the way his eyes sparkle and the light dances on his pale chest. 

“I have another present for you,” I lower my voice and his eyes darken.

“Oh yeah?”

“I think you’ll like this one even more than the art tools.” Mindful of my ankle, I slip under the blankets and pull back the waistband of his boxers to find him already half-hard. He grows in my mouth and groans my name above me. 

We’re careful to mind the injury but I still manage to give him a very happy birthday, indeed.


	57. Chapter 57

Effie returns home by the second week of October, looking very well. Rye and Willow are escastic to see her and I invite her and Haymitch over for dinner after they get settled in. Katniss is now hopping around the house, still using one crutch but doing much better with her range of motion. The doctor said bedrest for the first few weeks and I’m still surprised she managed to obey. My wife has never been one for authority, but I’m grateful to see her moving around the house again. I know she gets restless and irritable if she has to stay in one place for too long. I see her gazing out the window longingly and I hope to take her out into the woods at some point this week before winter hits the district. 

Everyone is all abuzz, getting ready for Halloween. Effie still won’t tell us what our costumes are but Willow seems excited that it’s a surprise. I’m a little nervous to be completely honest but I don’t think Effie will humiliate me. Not intentionally anyway. Haymitch, on the other hand… 

Managing presidential meetings from home proves a little difficult but after the disastrous few months in the summer I’m more than happy to stay home with my family for awhile. I’m afraid of what will happen when we return to the Capitol in the new year but I force myself to shake those thoughts from my head. 

Aside from the meetings and keeping Katniss off her foot, life returns to how it was before I became president, and I relish it. Willow and Rye are both attending school, they both sign up for swimming lessons as well as horseback riding. They all come to help me at the bakery a few days a week, and we spend time as a family baking cupcakes while Katniss smiles in the corner. Yesterday I made Willow and Rye roar with laughter when I smeared a dab of frosting on their mother’s nose, and she went cross-eyed trying to get it off. Of course she got me back when she dumped powdered sugar into my hair, which made the kids go into hysterics again. I have to say, though, it was fun taking a long shower with her and trying to clean up the mess before Haymitch knew what we were up to. 

These simple times with my family remind me of how I grew up. Not a Victor, but a simple baker’s son. A Merchant child from District 12. True that I was Reaped when I was a teenager but thankfully I had a semi-normal childhood before all of that horror. As normal as it could be in 12, anyway. Having to watch the girl I love starve to death isn’t exactly normal, I suppose, but then what is normal? Katniss has always said this isn’t the life she ever wanted. She never saw herself as a wife or a mother, and I knew that when I asked her to be mine forever. I knew there was a good chance she would turn me down, telling me once again that she would never marry. It’s amazing, how life changes. I only wish I could know the country would be in good hands if I were to step down. I miss my simple life in 12, and I don’t like the idea of my children growing up in two different places, especially if one of those places is the Capitol. Katniss seems worried that Willow gets excited about fancy dresses and pretty jewelry. I know it’s her worst fear that our little girl will grow up to be a Capitolite. But she relaxes when we come home from the bakery and Willow is covered in flour and frosting. She’s already a baker, for sure. 

The week of the Halloween Masquerade, the bakery is jam packed. Willow stays with me the whole day and helps me in the kitchen. She actually came up with a delicious pumpkin spice cupcake and it quickly becomes the district favorite. It amazes me how she is in the kitchen at her age. I was more adept at frosting and piping cakes, but then again, Mom never gave me a lot of freedom to experiment with flavors. I love when my daughter proudly holds out a plate for me or Katniss to try. Some flavors have been distrasous but others, like her pumpkin spice, are genius. 

Katniss and Rye stay at the orphanage to help the children come up with decoration ideas for the Masquerade. Brent has put Delly in charge of decorations and she sort of teams up with Helga at the community home. Since Katniss has been around the home for years, Delly tentatively asked Katniss for her help and my wife graciously agreed. 

The day of the Masquerade, I kiss Katniss and Rye goodbye before Willow and I set off for the bakery. I’ve scheduled Dane and Rory to close up so I can get home and get ready for the party. Willow bounces on the balls of her feet as we assist our customers. I laugh at her excitement; she’s acting like it’s her first masquerade for goodness sake. 

The door opens and Riley appears, dressed in tight jeans, boots that clank when he walks, and a large hat. He grins sheepishly as Willow asks him what he is supposed to be.

“I’m a cowboy,” he says with a drawl. “Annie makes the cutest little cowgirl I’ve ever seen. I just wanted to pick up some of those pumpkin spice cupcakes that Miss Willow came up with! They’re Annie’s favorite.”

“You got it, Riley! Willow, honey, grab me a box, will you?” I box the treats up for him and he tips his hat at me, earning a bemused quirk of the brow from Willow. 

“Thanks boss! See you at the party.” 

“Daddy, can we leave early? I really want to see what Mimi made for us!” I’m about to protest when Rory waves his hand.

“Go ahead, Peeta. Dane and I have this covered, and Belinda is in the back. We’ll be fine.” 

“If you’re sure,” I say uncertainly while Willow rips her apron off. Rory chuckles and playfully tugs on Willow’s braid.

“Are you bringing Theta to the party tonight?”

“If she feels up to it. She hasn’t been feeling well lately. I tried to bring her a loaf of your pumpkin bread and she threw it at me.” I chuckle and nod.

“They get kind of scary around this time, but just be there for her, and show her you love her as much as you possibly can. She needs a lot of extra support and care right now.” 

“I’m glad you’ve already been through this. I know I’m going to mess up a hundred times.” I don’t mention that his own brother has children too; his relationship with Gale is still strained and I won’t push it. 

“You’ll be fine. Alright sweetheart, grab your stuff and we’ll go home.” Willow grabs her bag and bounds toward the door. Rory calls for us to have fun, and Willow runs to the car.   
\----------------------

Katniss and Rye are already home and Katniss is staring at four rather large packages that are sitting on the kitchen table. Against the wall, a giant trident is propped up. 

“Haymitch brought these over earlier. The trident wasn’t wrapped but he just put it against the wall. We are supposed to open these together.”

“Alright, well we’re here…Willow! Don’t you dare!” She is inches from ripping the paper off the package and glances back at me.

“Your mom and brother waited, so we will all open them as a family. Understand?” She huffs but nods. Rye starts moving toward the trident and Katniss sweeps him up; his legs kick out and he starts yelling and squirming.

“I’m almost scared to open these,” she screams over his cries. 

“That trident looks so much like Finnick’s!” She nods in agreement and gestures for me to move closer to the table.

“There’s a note.”

“My darlings, I wanted you all to enjoy this party as a family. Willow’s love for fairytales and magic inspired me, and the entire academy worked hard on these costumes. I do hope you enjoy. You rarely have time to enjoy each other’s company anymore, and I wish you a fun and pleasant evening! All my love, Effie.” 

“Ok kids, help Daddy unwrap them.” Rye and Willow rip at the paper quicker than I can and Willow’s squeal echoes off the kitchen walls. Katniss’s jaw drops in awe. 

Mermaids. But they’re not flimsy or fake-looking. Three very realistic mermaid tails, in three different colors. One green, one pink, and one a light shade of orange, that looks more masculine than the others. Beside the fins is a little orange fish. 

“Ohmygosh,” Willow breathes excitedly, clapping her hands together. 

“These are incredible,” Katniss breathes. She picks up the green one and holds it to her waist. There is space for the feet to stick out but looks well covered by the scales. 

We hear a knock at the door and all turn to see Effie pop her head in.

“Oh dear, I was hoping to make it over here before you all opened them. What do you think?” Willow screams and throws her arms around Effie’s legs. Haymitch follows her in and grins at the fins.

“Oh good, you opened them. I can’t wait to see Peeta in that tail.” 

“So what did she make for you?” 

“We’re not dressing up this year. We don’t know how long we can stay, or how tired Effie will be.” 

“I gave them explicit instructions to make it look as manly as possible,” she says fondly as she pats my cheek. “And for you, my darling Katniss,” she holds out a box and Katniss gapes at her.

“There’s more?”

“Of course there is! I thought a royal mermaid family would be such fun.” Haymitch whistles as he fingers the trident.

“Didn’t have time to really look at this earlier. This is nice! Finnick would be jealous right now.”

“Did you make this too, Effie?”

“Oh no dear but I had a friend who specializes in armor and weaponry, make this. Why Rye, what’s wrong my love?” Rye sniffles and points at the table.

“No tail for me.”

“You, my dear, are an adorable little fishy! See?” She holds up the fish costume and I have to admit it’s pretty cute.

“And, when you press this little button here, bubbles come out like this!” Rye’s pout disappears immediately and he claps his hands. Effie smiles as she strokes his curls affectionately. 

“These are amazing, Effie, really.” She waves this aside and pats her hair.

“I’m so glad you like them. Now you should all get ready! You need to be there soon. I’ll help Rye get dressed.” She and Haymitch bend down to help him into the little fish suit.

Willow grabs her fin and runs up to her room. Katniss tenderly carries hers and the box upstairs, and I follow close behind, cradling the fin to my chest. It’s smooth and cool to the touch. 

She disappears into the bathroom, leaving me to get ready in the bedroom. The fin fits snugly over my hips and my feet barely stick out of the bottom. I experiment trying to walk and am delighted when I find it’s not difficult at all. I rip off my shirt and glance in the mirror. I suppose mermen are supposed to go shirtless. The door opens and my jaw drops when my mermaid queen walks out.

“Effie really is a genius.” Her fin is as snug as mine and stops right below her belly button. She wears shells that are appear pinkish and smooth. Her dark hair cascades down her back and a shell crown adorns her head. Her necklace matches her crown, and she has golden cuffs around her wrists. Over her shoulder, rests an intricate bow that looks like it has come from the bottom of the sea. She’s looking me up and down and her gaze rests on my bare chest, making my cheeks color.

“You make a beautiful merman,” she mutters.

“And you are the most gorgeous mermaid I’ve ever seen.”

“How many mermaids have you seen,” she teases. She brings me the box and I peer inside. Golden cuffs for my wrists and a handsome crown, which she pulls out and situates on my head. 

“There you are my handsome king.” I cup her chin and can’t resist in sweeping down for a kiss; she obliges and deepens our kiss, her fingernails raking down my chest. 

“We should get going,” I mutter, wishing very much we didn’t have to leave this room. “You going to be ok, or you need the crutch?”

“I should be ok,” she shrugs, as she crosses the room once, then twice. She nods and we glance in the mirror before we head back downstairs.   
Effie gasps and her hands fly to her mouth.

“Oh Katniss! Peeta! You both look splendid! Of course I knew you would but…really, Katniss, I think you were a mermaid in another life.” Willow runs in, looking every bit as beautiful as her mother. She too has a shell crown and necklace, but her top is made of the same material as her fin and I’m pleased to see it covers more of her chest than Katniss’s does. I’m not ready to deal with all of that. Not in the slightest. 

“Mimi, it’s so beautiful!”

“You look beautiful, my darling girl!” Effie swoops down and kisses Willow’s cheek. “And isn’t Rye the cutest fish in the sea?” He sort of toddles around but he presses that bubble button and shrieks with laughter. Haymitch chuckles and shakes his head.

“Kid is easily amused. Here boy, don’t forget this,” he passes me the trident and it feels heavy in my hands. Out of the corner of my eye I see Katniss appraising me. Effie claps enthusiastically and I can’t help but smile. If this brings her this much joy, I won’t deny her. And I’m actually quite excited to see peoples’ faces when they see the Mellark Mermaids.   
\-----------------------  
I feel everyones’ stares on us when we enter the party and I shift uncomfortably.

“It’s just because you look fabulous,” Effie whispers to me but I don’t believe it. That feeling of isolation hasn’t improved since I returned home. Katniss slips her hand in mine and I squeeze. Haymitch helps Effie sit down and Willow sees a few of her friends from school and hurries over to them. I hear them ooh and ahh her fin as she moves, and grin as I watch Rye continue to blow bubbles.

“Hey little guy, you want to go decorate pumpkins?”

“Yeah!” We lead him off across the room and Delly smiles at us as we approach.

“My goodness—“

“Well you guys look amazing,” I hear a voice behind me. I’ve heard that somewhere before; I turn and my eyes widen when I see her holding her arms wide open.

“Johanna!”

“Mellark Mermaids. Man Finnick would be so jealous.” 

“You didn’t tell us you would be here,” Katniss says as she hugs our friend.

“Can’t a girl surprise her friends when her husband goes away for business?”

“So where are the kids?”

“I have a little mummy and a ghost around here somewhere, and the fart is somewhere over by the candy.”

“I’m sorry,” Katniss gasps out. “A what?”

“I swear it was not my idea,” Jo holds her hands up in surrender. Katniss is bent over in laughter and I’m not far behind her. 

“Oh I have GOT to see this,” I say as I wipe a tear from my eye.

“I’m sure he’s going to regret letting his dad pick his costume when he sees a certain mermaid,” she chuckles. 

“Oh yeah, Willow is prissy when it comes to that stuff. I’m always shocked when she comes home from the bakery covered in flour. Didn’t think she’d want to get   
dirty.” 

“Dirt and flour are two different things,” I remind her. “If she fell in the mud you can bet you would hear her screams in 8.” 

“Those costumes really are amazing. Seriously, Finnick would slice your throat for that trident. I wondered why he never went as a merman for any of the masquerades we attended in the Capitol.”

“Has anyone seen Annie,” I ask anxiously, unwilling to talk about the Capitol tonight.

“She’s over there flirting with her cowman.”

“Cowboy,” I correct her. 

“Whatever. They’re making me sick. And Finn looks like he wants to punch something. He’s over by the food table.”

“I thought he was ok with them dating,” Katniss says quietly. Johanna shrugs.

“Maybe he was but saying it and seeing it are completely different. Oh hey there’s my little guy!” I burst out laughing; I can’t help it. Katniss holds it together a bit better than me but her hand is clapped over her mouth. Aran looks miserable and I’m not altogether sure if Johanna was telling the truth about it not being her idea. He’s clad in brown pants, brown shoes, and some kind of brown and green mesh material covers his torso and shoulders. 

“Mom, can we go,” he asks desperately.

“What? We just got here!”

“Yeah but…I don’t want…anyone to see me like this.” 

“Ok, whose idea was it to torture the kid this year? Yours or George’s?”

“Hey, I have my ways of torturing my kids but sending them to a party that his crush will be at—“

“MOM!” Aran turns beet red and tries to hide his face in the mesh. 

“What,” Johanna says innocently, though a wicked grin spreads across her face.

“She’s not…I don’t…I’m not…” he shakes his head and I bite my lip to hold in my laughter. It’s me when my brothers teased me about Katniss. Right down to the flaming red cheeks. I chuckle and try to kneel next to him but find it difficult with the fin; my hands go to his shoulders and he looks up at me, his bottom lip pouting. 

“I know puppy love when I see it, Aran. I had it bad for your Aunt Katniss when I was your age and now look at us.” 

“Did she ever see you as a fart,” he asks dully. I turn to Katniss for help; my lip is bleeding from biting it so hard. 

“I think you’re very cute tonight, Aran.”

“You’re a mermaid, Aunt Katniss,” he throws his hands up in the air. Katniss giggles and shakes her head.

“Ok, what do we have under here…Johanna, help me take off this mesh.” Johanna moves closer and starts peeling the mesh off her son; together they have him uncovered and he is left in a brown jump suit with brown shoes. 

“Jo, tell me you have some make up on you right now.”

“Of course I do brainless, I’m not completely uncivilized.” Katniss rolls her eyes and pulls Aran over to a chair so she can sit. Johanna hands her an eye pencil and Katniss holds the boy’s face while she works. I watch, amazed, as my wife saves this little boy’s dignity. When she pulls away, Johanna cocks her head and crosses her arms.

“Well, I liked the fart better but he’s pretty cute.”

“Aran!” He freezes when he hears my daughter calling his name and slowly turns toward her.

“Oh…hi Willow!”

“Hi…oh my gosh, you make such a cute puppy!” Aran shoots Katniss a grateful smile and leads her off to get something to drink. Johanna grins as she slinks off to   
find Anna and Brody. I pull Katniss into my arms and nuzzle her cheek.

“You never cease to amaze me.”

“I couldn’t let him face her like that. He looked like he was about to be executed.”

“Yeah. I’m glad you never saw me at a masquerade. You would have changed your mind about marrying me.” She rolls her eyes but I steal a kiss anyway and she lets me. She leans into me so I can support her weight and I know it’s not just about her injured ankle. We always find ways to stay connected, however we can. Maybe it’s just because we lost each other and it was almost certain that we wouldn’t find each other again. But we managed to beat those odds and now, neither of us ever wants to let go.   
\----  
Katniss and I tire quickly but the kids are having fun, so we decide to stay a little longer. Johanna is nodding off in the seat across from us, and we watch as the kids decorate pumpkins, or make masks at the craft table. Aran gives Willow his popcorn ball and she kisses his cheek in thanks; I grin as I see that pink flush again.   
\------  
Katniss has fallen asleep on my shoulder and many of the families have already left. Willow is still coloring with Johanna’s kids and I look around for Rye until I find him in the corner. My chuckles wake Katniss and she frowns.

“What?”

“Sorry. It’s just,” I gesture over to where our son is sleeping and she joins me in laughter. Rye has fallen asleep on his stomach, right on the bubble button, so little bubbles keep drifting over our sleeping son. 

“We should probably get home,” she says through a yawn. I nod and gently shake Johanna awake. We manage to drag the kids away from each other and assure them we will get together for lunch tomorrow. 

Katniss helps Willow remove her fin and hang it in the closet so it won’t get damaged, while I dress Rye for bed. When I walk into the bedroom, Katniss starts to laugh and my brow quirks up.

“What?”

“I just didn’t expect a merman to walk into my bedroom.” She’s removed her fin, the crown and jewelry, and her make up. She’s just wearing the shell bra and a pair of flimsy underwear as she brushes her hair out. I approach her and wrap my arms around her, pulling her flush against my chest. My lips paint pictures across her bare shoulders and down her throat, and she releases a contented sigh as she reaches up to thread her fingers through my hair. I remove the crown and cuffs and set them on our dresser; she wraps her arms around my neck and smiles up at me. I love the way her silver eyes glitter in the moonlight. 

“Remember our first Halloween Masquerade?”

“Oh how could I forget that? We had no idea what the other was dressing up as and still, we managed to wind up together. My heart stopped when I saw you get out of that carriage. Every inch a Queen.” 

“And you, my King, always so regal,” she leans up to kiss me, her teeth closing over my lip and I moan as she tugs. 

“You looked beautiful tonight,” I murmer as she plants soft kisses near my mouth.

“Hmm, you always say that.”

“It’s always true.”

“You’re a sap.”

“But you love me.”

“I do.” Her fingertips graze my hips and she plays with the edge of the fin. Too deep into the kiss to care about anything else, I vaguely register her fingers moving around to my belly button and tracing lower, playing with the fine hairs there. She breaks away from my lips and I am about to protest but her eyes darken with lust as she slowly peels the fin down over my hips. It’s not long before she realizes I’m naked underneath the tail, and she licks her lips, which elicits a deep groan from me. 

She drops to her knees and pulls the fin completely off, her hands reaching up to run up my legs and to my inner thighs. I shiver as I stare down at her, this thing of beauty who is somehow mine. Her kisses are soft and slow as she makes her way up my legs; her pace is torturous and my cock twitches impatiently. I gasp as her lips make contact with my warm skin but it’s not enough and I moan as she pulls away. 

“Katniss!” 

“Be patient, my mer- king. I want to lavish you…bathe you in my kisses and my loving gaze.” I’m shocked at how poetic she is being right now but I don’t have time to reflect on it before her tongue is on me and all my thoughts are gone. She holds me in her hands as her tongue flicks over my head, so softly that I can barely feel it. 

“Katniss, please,” I say through gritted teeth. 

“Mmm,” she says, her lips pressed to my stomach. I scramble for the string around her neck, tugging until the shells come off and I toss them aside. Her supple globes are on display for only me to see and I reach down to tweak a nipple, hoping this will spur her on.   
It doesn’t. She is determined to torture me but dear god, I will succumb to this torture again and again. 

She pushes me back until I fall over the bed and she kneels beside me. 

As much as I love her sucking me off, nothing is better than finishing inside her. Feeling her squeeze around me, I gasp how much I love her as I take a final thrust. Panting, we curl into each other and I pull the blankets over us. She snuggles up to me, her hair tickling my chest. I relish the fact that I am the only one to ever see this side of her. Figuratively AND literally. I am the only one who has seen her bare herself, her body and her soul. And I can’t help the smug grin that covers my face as I fall asleep with her in my arms. 

\--- -------------------------------------------------------------------------

The months get colder and busier. I am constantly getting calls from the Capitol and have to excuse myself to my room to use the holo. Before I know it, December is here and Christmas is a few days away. I’m expected to return to the Capitol right after the new year but I haven’t mentioned it to Katniss yet. I do my best to be a perfect husband and father; I dote on them as often as I can, I make time for all three of them, make sure that we are spending time together as a family. I’m not certain what will happen in January but I know I can’t go back to the way things were when we first arrived in the Capitol. I’ve vowed to never do that to my family again. 

After an afternoon of baking and decorating Christmas cookies, Katniss joins me at the counter while Rye and Willow wash up in the back. 

“You haven’t said anything about returning to the Capitol.” I wince and I know she notices.

“Katniss, we don’t have to talk about this right now. Let’s enjoy the holidays-“

“It’s coming fast, Peeta, and we need to decide what we are going to do. Do you want things to go back to how they were this summer?”

“Of course not! And they won’t. I won’t let them. But I haven’t decided what is going to happen.”

“What does that mean,” she asks with a frown.

“Please honey, let’s not talk about this right now. Just…trust me. Ok?” I can see she is dubious but she accepts my kiss and doesn’t say anything else about it. Rye jumps into my arms and Katniss grasps Willow’s hand as I lock the bakery up and we head back home.

It’s a cold day so I regret not driving but the kids are bundled up and Katniss shoots me a grin as she wraps my scarf around her face. Rye sits on top of my shoulders and Katniss holds both my hand and Willow’s as we walk home. I take a moment to appreciate it. Walking in hand in hand with Katniss Everdeen Mellark, with our children. The little dark haired- blue eyed girl I always dreamed about. The toddler with golden curls and grey eyes on my shoulder. I must have had this dream a thousand times. This image kept me warm and comforted during those cold nights in my Capitol cell. I can’t help but smile at my family as we walk through the district, occasionally nodding to someone on their porch. Katniss giggles and mutters that I look like a lovesick puppy. I retort with, how is that different from any other day? 

That night after we’ve gotten the children ready for bed, Rye asks for a story and we all cuddle up in front of the fire. I read Willow’s fairytale book while Rye sleeps on my chest, Willow and Prince cuddle at my feet, and Katniss is draped halfway across the couch and halfway across my body. I’m suddenly feeling very warm with all the bodies on me, and I reach up to pull my shirt over my head. 

“Daddy,” Willow says softly so not to wake her brother. 

“Mmhm?”

“Why does your chest look different than Finn’s?”

“What?” I lower the book with a frown, my brow furrowed.

“Finn took his shirt off at our swim lesson. His skin doesn’t look like that.” She gestures to my scarred chest and I bite my lip. Why has this never come up? Our scars. 

“Willow, you know that Mama and Daddy both went through some terrible things before you were born,” Katniss says softly. “And you’ve seen Daddy without a shirt   
before.”

“But it looks really bad. I didn’t know…how bad.” My little girl’s lip trembles and Katniss sighs.

“They were really bad things. But as we’ve told you before, we made it through and helped each other heal. Daddy’s scars are just a part of him, just like mine are. We   
just don’t talk about them.”

“They look like burn scars,” she says quietly, staring down at her kitten. Katniss sits up and sighs heavily. This little girl is far too smart. 

“We’ve told you that we were in a fire, Willow. That’s how your Aunt Prim died.” 

“Daddy…can I feel?” I swallow but nod as she climbs up my body and her hand tentatively rests above my heart. She bites her lip as her hand moves across my criss-  
crossed skin. I hold my breath as my daughter’s soft touch causes my heart to ache. I feel fingers in my hair and glance up to see Katniss stroking my curls. 

“See? Daddy is the bravest man in the world, just like I told you,” Katniss whispers. I shake my head and lean forward to kiss my daughter’s forehead.

“Don’t let Mama fool you. She’s far braver than I am.”

“Our scars tell a story, Willow. One that you’re a part of, and that you will understand when you’re older.” Willow scoots her brother aside so she can lay her cheek against my chest.

“I love you Daddy. So much.” I squeeze back tears as I bury my face in her dark curls.

“I love you too, sweetheart.” She climbs over me and settles against Katniss.

“I love you Mama. If Daddy is the bravest man in the world, then you’re the bravest girl in the world.” Katniss sucks in a breath and I smile as I shift my body so I can see them both. Katniss holds our daughter to her chest and rests her cheek on her little head. I watch them both with a broad grin. 

We carry our children to bed and tuck them in together, before we return to the living room to clean up our dishes. Katniss carries the tray of hot chocolate mugs into the kitchen and when she returns, I grip her wrist, causing her to freeze in the doorway.

“We’re standing under the mistletoe,” I whisper, jerking my chin upwards. With a smile, she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me down for a warm holiday kiss. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------

On Christmas Eve, Haymitch and Effie join us for hot chocolate and freshly baked cookies while we let the kids open one present each. I wish we had been able to celebrate these holidays when my parents were alive; I imagine Dad would have had fun, pretending to be Father Christmas and bringing presents to us boys. I can also imagine he would have baked even more and given everything away. He always did sneak cookies to the Seam kids, whenever they would come in. Away from Mom, of course. I know her sharp words weren’t just for me. Willow is coloring under the Christmas tree, while Rye munches on a cookie, when Katniss stands up.

“Alright kids, time for bed.” There’s immediate protest and her hands go to her hips.

“You know if you’re not in bed, Santa won’t come.” It’s remarkable how fast they race to their rooms and I chuckle as I follow behind them. I kiss Willow’s forehead and she cocks her head as she studies me.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah baby?”

“Santa will come, won’t he?” 

“Why wouldn’t he? He’s come every year, hasn’t he?” 

“He won’t think we’re still in the Capitol, will he?”

“Oh sweetheart, Santa knows where you are. Don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll find you just fine.” 

“Do we have to go back to the Capitol?” I freeze, not ready for this conversation. 

“Do you want to go back?”

“No,” she says softly. “I like my school and swim lessons with Finn and my horses. Mommy is happier here. Rye talks more. Do we have to go back?”

“Daddy has to go back…but you and Mama and Rye can stay here,” I say slowly, almost regretting my words.

“You’ll be ok? Without us there?”

“I love you guys and can visit you often. I’ll be fine.” She nods and turns over to snuggle deeper into the blankets. I bend over to kiss her cheek and she sighs.

“I love you, Willow Rose.”

“Merry Christmas Daddy,” she whispers as her eyes start to flutter. 

I’m grateful that Katniss is still in Rye’s room and hasn’t heard my conversation with Willow. I don’t know where that came from and I haven’t thought about it enough but I know Katniss will hate the idea. Is it for the best though? Can I really be selfish and keep my family with me just because I need them? They don’t want to be in the Capitol and I know that. Can I really keep them there, knowing they’re unhappy?

She comes out with her finger to her lips and I follow her back downstairs.

“They’re asleep,” Haymitch mutters from his rocking chair. 

“Yeah. I need to get going,” I whisper, heading to the closet.

“I’m coming with you. Haymitch already said they will watch the kids.” 

“You still want to be Santa’s little helper?”

“I’ll always be Santa’s little helper,” she says with a smile. I return it and go get my costume from the bedroom closet. Katniss pulls on a heavy coat of mine and I wrap   
my scarf around her face. Luckily the white wig and beard keep me warm and Haymitch chuckles as he hands me the bag of gifts.

“Ok Santa, how you getting around the district tonight? You don’t have a sleigh.”

“We asked Thom to borrow his wagon. It will be cold but it’s better than risking being seen in a car.” 

“Stay warm, dears,” Effie says as she wraps a red scarf around my neck and pulls it tight. I’m suffocating in this costume already.

“I’m burning up,” I laugh. “Katniss is the one who needs to stay warm.”

“If I had extra padding and a beard, I’d be pretty warm too,” she retorts. I laugh and wrap my arm around her waist as we head out onto the porch.

“Have fun,” Haymitch winks as he closes the door behind us. 

“Alright Mrs. Claus,” I say as I hoist her up into the wagon and jump up beside her. “Where to first?”


	58. Chapter 58

Since the first time Peeta showed up to the orphanage dressed as Santa Claus, I’ve discovered a new love for him. Watching him deliver presents and such joy to children who once had nothing gives me such joy that I never thought I would feel again. After Prim died, I never thought I’d be able to look at another child. And then I fell in love with the children at the community home and Helga asked me to come back to help out more. I saw my sister in those sweet faces. I think that’s how I started to fall in love with the idea of children. Not just any children. Mine and Peeta’s. He is so innately good, so giving, that I wanted to give him his own children to dote on. 

And dote he does. He spoils them rotten but he makes sure they remain kind and humble. As our daughter grows into her own woman, we teach her the difference between right and wrong, and how to act in certain situations. I won’t say she’s perfect; I wouldn’t have even said Prim was perfect. But she’s a piece of me and a piece of Peeta and for that, I love her. And Rye is a perfect carbon-copy of Peeta, with grey eyes instead of blue. I’m surprised he isn’t chubbier, with how many sweets he devours. Of course we have his baker daddy to thank for that. Though I imagine if his grandfather were still alive, he would be quite pudgy. I can still remember Mr. Mellark surrounded by children, distributing sweets into dirty hands. He was the kindest man, and always had a smile for the Seam children. He always had one for me when I came to trade. I don’t know if that’s because he knew of his son’s infatuation with me, or if he was just that kind but I see him in Peeta every day. 

I watch as Peeta creeps into houses to leave the gifts behind. It’s lucky that the district discovered years ago that it was the baker who was leaving all of the gifts. Otherwise he wouldn’t be able to get in so easily and would have to search for alternative entrances, such as the chimney. That would be a sight to see! 

After several hours of gift delivering, I shake the bag and see we have only a few left. 

“Three more houses, I think,” he mutters as he stretches his leg out.

“Are you sure you can make it?”

“Katniss, I’m not an old man. Yet.”

“But-“

“Wait, did you find more grey hairs? I thought I plucked them all out,” he teases.

“Your leg is bothering you. I can tell.”

“A little but it’s just the cold. I’ll be fine. Let’s get these last three houses taken care of and then a bath and some healing salve sounds good.” I’m a little sad that he will be too tired to really enjoy my Christmas gift but I lean against his shoulder and he moves his arm so it is draped around me, pulling me to his side. He presses a kiss to the top of my head as he flicks the reigns.  
It’s starting to snow when we lead the horse into the stall and jump down from the wagon. Peeta looks up and I laugh as snowflakes catch in his beard. 

“C’mere,” I tug him toward me and yank the beard off so I can have full access to those luscious lips. He gasps at my aggression but I don’t let up, my hands gripping his suspenders and pulling him against me. My hands move under his suit and a wicked grin crosses my face as he lets out a yelp and jumps back.

“Jesus Katniss! Freeze me to death, why don’t you?”

“Oh but I can warm you right up again, you know,” I say before I yank his suspenders, jerking him forwards again. 

“I don’t know what’s going on with you,” he says against my lips, his teeth chattering a little. “But I don’t hate it. Come on, we need to get out of this snow. I don’t need you getting sick.” I grumble that I’m fine but allow him to steer me back into the house and wait while he shakes all the snow off, stomping his heavy boots. Effie appears in the doorway, her finger on her lips. She gestures to the rocking chair, where Haymitch is asleep, both Rye and Willow on his lap. I clap my hands over my mouth to hold in my laughter, as his head is tilted back and he is snoring loudly. Rye seems to be falling off his lap, halfway in his arms and the other half of him in the chair. Willow is wrapped around him like some sort of cat; her face is buried in his neck and her long hair rests over her cheek. 

“They woke up with nightmares not long after you left. Haymitch gave them some warm milk and read them a Christmas story and they were right back to sleep. Haymitch with them,” she laughs fondly and Peeta shakes his head.

“I’ll change clothes and put them to bed.”

“Go get in the bath and get warm. I’ll put them to bed.” I step forward and lift my son, who is in serious danger of falling to the floor, while Peeta hoists Willow into his arms. 

“Let’s let Grandpa Haymitch sleep here,” Peeta says with a light chuckle. “Effie, let me show you to the guest room.” 

“Oh I’m fine dear. I need to take my medications anyway. I’ll be back in the morning.” 

“Effs?” Haymitch startles and jerks awake, his eyes flying open.

“I’m right here,” she says soothingly, stroking his arm and he instantly relaxes. 

“I thought…I wasn’t sure…”

“I’m alright, my love.” It’s still weird to see my former mentor and escort in love but I’m truly happy for the both of them. Haymitch has completely changed and the way he is staring at Effie in the firelight makes me want to throw up and makes me want to cry. 

“I was just about to head back home.”

“Without me?” He stands and cracks his back, moaning a little.

“I wanted to let you sleep. Come on then you annoying thing.” She shoots us a wink as she places her hand in the small of his back, leading him back home. Peeta grins as he carries Willow to bed, with me right behind him. We’re careful we set the kids in their beds and tuck them in, then we tiptoe out. I used to tease Peeta that he would wake the kids with his heavy footsteps but miraculously, he has gotten a bit quieter. On carpet, at least. 

He strips off the costume while I go to the bathroom to run the water for him. He stands behind me, naked, stretching his arms over his head. I dump a little bit of my healing lavender oil into the water and turn around to face him.

“All ready. Go ahead and get in.”

“You’re not joining me?” He pouts.

“I need to finish wrapping the kids’ presents. I’ll come join you in a little bit.” I watch as he sinks into the water and leans his head back against the wall, closing his eyes as he releases a deep sigh. I kiss the top of his head and hurry from the bathroom before the sight of my husband, with steam pouring from his sculpted body, makes me stay in the room any longer. 

I hurry to the closet to finish wrapping Peeta’s gifts—I finished the kids’ presents a month ago. I find the box pushed back to the back of the closet, and quickly dress. I grab the sheer robe that came with the outfit and tie the sash in the front. Hurrying to the mirror, I brush out my hair and put a little make up on around my eyes and my lips. As I am finishing up my eyeliner, I hear the water drain and the bathroom door open. Peeta appears in a cloud of steam, looking pink and content. His hair is plastered to his head and falls over into his bright eyes. My eyes travel down his bare chest, following the path that several drops of water are taking, to the edge of his towel. He notices my attire and quirks his brow. 

“You want me to put some salve on your leg?”

“I was…I was going to take off the prosthetic for a little bit but…looks like I might need to reconsider that,” his eyes are traveling down my form, stopping and narrowing at the bit of skin that shows underneath the hem of my very short robe. 

“I don’t want you to be so exhausted tomorrow,” I say as I slink up to him, his hands automatically resting on my waist. His eyes widen when he sees my heels and tights.

“I went several days without sleep in the arena, Katniss. I can handle exhaustion.” 

“You were a lot younger then too.”

“You enjoy rubbing that in, don’t you?” I grin and stand in front of him. The heels I’m wearing make it easy to kiss him hard on the mouth. I grip a fistful of sodden hair and he groans against my lips. 

“Do you want your Christmas present now,” I say as I kiss a path down his neck.

“Mmmhm, yes please,” he all but whines as I suck at the tender spot below his jaw. I’ve loved discovering his pleasure spots over the years and I know he feels the same about me. I take a step backwards and his eyes shoot open, his mouth opening uncertainly. I hold up the sash around my waist and I cock my head. 

“Unwrap me.” His eyes darken as he reaches out and fingers the sash. He doesn’t pull at it immediately; his eyes and then his hands travel down my waist, my legs, and back up to my breasts. 

“I think this is my favorite present I have ever gotten,” he says huskily.

“You haven’t even seen it yet,” I pretend to scold him. He holds his hands up in surrender and pulls at the sash. The robe falls and his eyes get even bigger, making it almost comical if I weren’t so damned turned on.   
I found a red corset with white fur trim around the edges that slopes downwards and doesn’t cover my bottom half; with it, came a little red pair of underwear that is completely sheer in the front, and just a string in the back. My tights are garter style, red but still sheer and the huge black heels are a loan from Johanna. 

I see the towel begin to rise and I grin at what I am doing to him. 

“Oh wait, I forgot my hat!” I run (or hobble more like. I feel like Effie in these impossible shoes) and grab the box again. A little red hat with white fur trim, matching the corset, accompanies my outfit and I shove it on over my hair. Peeta grins as he takes another step toward me, his hand stretched out.

“I love your hair down like this,” he takes a bit of my hair and lets it fall through his fingers. 

“Don’t you think it’s appropriate for Santa’s helper?” I try to strike a pose but feel foolish and so my hands fall to my thighs uncertainly. His smile only grows. 

“I think if you had been wearing that tonight, Santa would not have gotten much accomplished at all.”

“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” I lower my voice. “I know you’re really tired and I just wanted to show you…I can always put this on another time.”

“You think I’m really going to be able to sleep with this?” He motions to the towel around his waist and I grin. 

“Show me.” His eyes gleam as he throws the towel aside and I can see how hard he is. My god I haven’t even touched him yet and he looks red and swollen and my mouth waters. I drop to my knees and immediately take him into my mouth, feeling his hands clench in my hair. 

“Oh my fuck Katniss,” he moans above me. I know he loves to watch me so I look him in the eyes and hold his gaze as I open my mouth wider so I can take him to the back of my throat. It took me a long time to perfect this but the strangled cry that comes from him when I do it is so worth all the practice. His fingernails scratch at my scalp as he holds my hair with one hand, the hat discarded, and the other drifting down to grab at my breast. The corset is in the way though and after a moment of scrabbling around, he releases a growl and pulls me toward the bed. He tries to pull the corset off and gives me an amused look.

“Can you even breathe?”

“Barely,” I gasp. He chuckles and turns me around so he can work the clasps that I somehow managed on my own. I inhale deeply when he peels the costume off of me and his lips meet my spine, traveling down to where I need him most. I reach back and grip his hair in my fist as his tongue makes a path between my cheeks and down to my throbbing core. 

“Oh! Peeta,” I nearly sob as his tongue dives into me over and over. 

“God I love the way you say my name,” he says against my cheek. 

He makes me say it over and over, all night long. When his head is buried between my thighs, when I’m riding him fiercely with his hands gripping my breasts, when I’m bent over the bed with him plunging into me from behind, his fingers swirling and pressing at my clit, when he has me captured against the wall, his strong arms holding me up and bringing me back down on top of him, when he has my hands bound tightly to the bed and his hand is leaving marks all over my sore ass, I sob and cry his name until we collapse to the sheets, naked and sweaty and sated. He pants into my neck, his arms holding me in their strong embrace. 

“I was right. Best present I’ve ever gotten.”

“The costume or me,” I tease.

“You of course. Not that this has anything to do with Christmas but for my birthday every year, or at least the years that Dad snuck me a cupcake or something sweet, he would light a candle and tell me to make a wish. And I wished for you. Not…this way of course though I started thinking that as I got older,” he blushes and I smile as I stroke his cheek. “But I wished for the chance to talk to you. To make you smile or laugh. To actually hear you say my name.” 

“Oh that’s why you wanted to hear it all night, huh,” I go on teasing him but his smile turns more serious and he buries his face in my neck. 

“I didn’t even think you remembered it when we were Reaped and I nearly had a meltdown the first time you said it. Of course I think you were plotting to kill me so it’s not THAT much of a happy memory but still.” I roll my eyes and kiss him to shut him up. I don’t know why he always feels the need to go back to those times and bring up those memories. Haven’t we made plenty of new wonderful ones? 

“Are you sore,” he asks and I look up to see him gazing down at me, biting his lip nervously.

“No. Well, I mean a little but it’s ok. I liked it. You know I did.” 

“I don’t know why I lose control like that but--“

“Peeta, we’ve had this conversation. Too many times in fact. I. liked. It. Stop feeling guilty because I like when you get that rough with me. You’re not going to break me, I’m not made of glass. You can spank me and tie me up…we have discovered over the years what we like and what we don’t like. I thought we were both ok with that.”

“I love making you happy, Katniss, but I still feel bad about it afterwards and think every time, I may have actually lost control and I’m nervous about it until I hear you say it’s ok. I’m sorry,” he adds, his cheeks coloring. I grip his face in my hands and kiss his lips, thrusting my tongue into his mouth none too delicately and swallowing his gasp. 

“I love you. And I love what we do together. And I love discovering new ways to make each other happy. As long as we talk to each other, we’ll be fine. Now get some rest. The kids are going to be up soon.” He glances at the clock and groans.

“Might as well get up and make breakfast. It’s nearly dawn.”

“We can get an hour or two,” I say as I settle against his chest. I feel his lips at my cheek and he settles behind me. 

“I love you, Katniss. Thank you.”

“I love you Peeta. Please never forget that.”

“I won’t. I can’t.”   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I wake up, I see that I’m alone and I sigh, knowing he didn’t sleep. The man is going to kill himself, taking care of his family. Taking care of the whole damn country. I quickly brush out the tangles that he put in my hair last night, pull on a pair of pajamas and a robe, and creep downstairs. Peeta is sitting on the couch with Rye in his lap, a tray of half eaten crepes beside them. They seem to be just holding each other, which is strange because Rye has barely sat still for ages. Peeta glances up and smiles when he sees me in the doorway.

“Merry Christmas, honey. Hey bud, go say Merry Christmas to Mama.” He sets Rye on the floor and he scurries over to me so I can scoop him up and give him a kiss.

“Merry Chrissmas, Mama,” he says, throwing his hands up.

“Merry Christmas, baby. Merry Christmas Daddy. Is Willow still asleep?”

“She is. Rye and I just had some breakfast, waiting for you two sleepyheads to get up. Do you want a crepe?”

“Yes please,” I set Rye back down and he runs back to his daddy’s lap. “I can get it, you have your hands full.” Peeta grins as Rye settles in his lap again and leans against his chest. They’re wearing matching flannel pajama pants and red Santa shirts I bought for them a few weeks ago, when the temperature dropped. 

As I make my way into the kitchen, I can see that Peeta has been up for awhile, longer than I originally thought. Did he leave the bed as soon as I drifted off? There’s a cake cooling on the counter, as well as a whole breakfast made, not just crepes. When I open the fridge, I see another cake, smaller but bigger than a cupcake, decorated with tiny katniss flowers, primroses, and dandelions. In swirly green frosting it reads ‘my Christmas angel’. 

“Oh are you having cake for breakfast,” I hear him say teasingly behind me.

“Cake!” Rye starts to yell and Peeta hushes him.

“No cake for breakfast, for you or for mama. I made lots of yummy things. Rye, you sure you don’t want anything else?”

“Bacon,” he says and Peeta chuckles as I make myself a plate. 

“A kid after my own heart,” I say as I kiss them both on the cheek. “Cake and bacon. Wonder whose kid he is.”

“It’s your fault. It’s all you would let me fix you when you were pregnant with him. Bacon. All the time.”

“I craved it,” I shrug. “Here baby, have some eggs too. Look, Daddy has put cheese in them, the way you like.”

“What smells so good,” Willow says through a yawn from the doorway.

“Come have some breakfast, sweetheart,” Peeta starts to make a plate for her too and my hand rests on his, stopping him for a moment.

“You haven’t slept at all.”

“I’ll sleep tonight,” he promises and I can see the dark circles under his eyes. I sigh as he continues to make our children’s’ plates and gestures for them to sit down at the table.

“Did you feed Prince?”

“Yes but he went back to sleep, the lazy cat.” 

“Haymitch and Effie are coming over after breakfast to open presents. Eat up.” I notice Peeta isn’t eating much either and I get up to make a plate for him too. He looks surprised when I set it in front of him and I give him a stern look.

“You eat up too.”  
He knows not to argue with me and takes a bite of fruit, watching me watch him. 

After we finish breakfast, I pile the dishes into the sink and Willow runs upstairs to bring Prince down while Peeta and Rye crawl under the tree to distribute presents. This was always Willow’s job but she’s too preoccupied with her kitten. Haymitch and Effie sit side by side on the couch while I drape myself over the chair, rubbing my hand over my full belly. 

“Here’s one for Grandpa,” Peeta holds out a large box and Rye struggles to carry it to Haymitch. Haymitch chuckles and ruffles Rye’s curls as he drops the box in front of him. 

“Hey, little elf, we can’t just drop the presents,” Peeta says exasperatedly.

“Heavy,” Rye complains. 

“IT’S heavy,” Peeta corrects. “Use full sentences, Rye. I know you can, buddy.” Rye just shrugs and runs over to his sister, throwing his arms around her. She shrieks and bats him away, shielding her cat.

“Your little elf abandoned you,” Haymitch laughs.

“Ok, Santa’s little helper. You’ve been promoted,” Peeta calls from under the tree, waving a gift in the air. I roll my eyes but scoot closer so I can pass out the presents. A pile forms in front of Rye and Willow, Peeta’s little pile continues to grow in the corner and I have several presents of my own by my chair. 

“I think that’s it,” he says as he emerges, his hair all over the place. I laugh and reach up to flatten his curls, kissing him for good measure.

“Hey now, none of that,” Haymitch catcalls from the couch and Effie hits his arm. “Ouch! Woman!”

“Leave them alone, Haymitch. Honestly.” 

“Alright everyone, go ahead and open,” Peeta calls, his face falling a little when he sees Rye and Willow have already torn into their gifts. He shakes his head but gives me a grin as he scoots closer to me.   
\----------------------------------

We have a good time, opening our presents and even Haymitch gets excited when he opens the picture frame project project that Peeta and the kids have been working on. He holds it up and whistles.

“This is some fine work! Who did the painting? Peeta or Willow?”

“Willow actually,” Peeta says with a smile. “I did the carving. It was my first try, I think it came out ok.” Effie takes it and studies it closer.

“This is beautiful, children, thank you.”

“We thought you could hang it in your living room so people can see when they visit,” Willow says with a smile.

“That’s a good idea, sweetheart,” Haymitch smiles fondly. Who’d have ever thought Haymitch Abernathy would be smiling at children?! 

“Oh Katniss, this necklace is perfect,” Effie gasps and I wink at Willow.

“Willow picked it out.”

“Well thank you both, my angels.” Willow runs to give her mimi a hug and she plants a kiss on Haymitch’s cheek.

“You’ve got quite the pile of gifts there, kid,” Haymitch gestures to Peeta.

“There’s a lot of little gifts from my committee board and their wives. A few from my housekeepers too. Look honey, Jemma sent us a box of home-made sweets. I guess she forgot that I’m a baker.”

“Or she’s convinced she’s better at it than you.”

“Ah. That’s probably the case. Oh man, taste these cookies!” He passes the box around and I take one, feeling my heart start to deflate. Peeta still hasn’t said anything about when we will be returning to the Capitol. He’s still got to go back; I know that. Is he thinking of leaving us behind? I hate to think of Peeta alone in the Capitol. What if he has a flashback and I’m not around to help him? 

I feel little fingers poke at the corner of my mouth and I blink down at my son, looking up at me with his stormy eyes.

“You’re fwoning, mommy.”

“Sorry baby. I’m just zoning out.” Peeta is watching me, his brow furrowed in concern so I shake my head and pick Rye up, blowing rasberries on his stomach and drawing shrill giggles.   
Haymitch reaches behind the couch and withdraws a lumpy package.

"Here's one more gift for Willow." She jumps up and rips at the paper, releasing a high-pitched scream. Peeta winces and tries to smile.

"Show us what you got, sweetheart." She waves a fin in the air before running to her mimi and grandpa and showering them with kisses. Haymitch chuckles but Effie's cheeks go pink.

"It's rainbow! A mermaid fin! A real mermaid fin," Willow starts to hyperventilate.

"One that you can swim in," Haymitch tells her and Willow gasps even louder.

"Oh my gosh, thank you! Thank you, Mimi, thank you thank you!" 

"Guess she's forgotten about her new paint set," Peeta leans over to mutter in my ear but I can tell he isn't really bothered by it. Our little girl is so happy and I grin as she drops the fin into my lap to examine. It's similar material to what our fins for the Halloween masquerade were made of but I can tell there is something different about the feet. Instead of popping out, there is something to hold the legs together and I suppose it makes swimming more possible. 

"This is really something, Effie," Peeta nods in approval as he studies it. 

"I did tell her I would make her one to swim in. Unfortunately it took more testing and readjusting than I originally presumed and it took me some time to tweak things. Make sure you only use it around your parents or Finn, alright? I don't want any accidents."

"I promise. Oh thank you Mimi." Effie laughs as she hugs my daughter again.

"I'm pleased you like it." 

She makes to stand and Haymitch jumps to his feet to help her.

“We need to go home and get Effie’s medicine. Maybe take a nap before dinner. Everyone will be over about 6?”

“We told them 6,” Peeta nods, rolling a piece of wrapping paper back and forth with Rye for the cat to play with.

“Good. We’ll see you kids in a bit.” Haymitch picks up the bag of presents and leads Effie to the door. 

“Ok, what do we need to do before everyone gets here,” Peeta yawns.

“Sleep.” He blinks at me, confused.

“Go take a nap, Peeta, while I get the meat into the oven. Rye and Willow can help me.”

“But-“

“No buts. I know you didn’t get any sleep. Go to bed. Now.” 

“Ooooh, better do what she says, Daddy,” Willow teases. Peeta frowns but nods and goes upstairs. 

“Ok kids, you clean everything up in here and make sure that tree skirt is straight. Willow, put your fin in your room so you don’t get anything on it. Then you can come help me with dinner.”

“OK Mama,” Rye grabs the paper and flings it into a bag, nevermind that it’s not a trashbag but at least my little guy tries to help. I stifle a smile as I head into the kitchen to put the ham into the oven.   
\------------------------------------------------

Christmas dinner is wonderful but more than that, it’s the time we spend together. Finn and Ana sit in a chair together while Coral is passed around. Effie spends the most time holding her and the look she is giving the baby confirms it for me; she wanted children. I don’t think they’re too old but something had to have stopped them from trying. Haymitch even shoots longing looks when he thinks no one is looking,

Peeta looks more relaxed than I have seen him in ages. I don’t want him to go back to being the president of Panem, stressed and pale and his temper rising easily. My kindhearted baker belongs with his family, here in 12. Not in the Capitol. But I can’t be selfish. A lot of people depend on him now, not just us.  
Willow and Rye decorate cookies with Aran, Anna, and Brody while Annie and Riley snuggle in the corner. Johanna and George talk with Peeta, making each other laugh. I smile at the simplicity of it.

I miss Mom. I miss Prim. I would have loved for Peeta’s family to be here for this, seeing the kids growing up. And for a moment, that sadness seizes me and takes hold for a moment until I can shake it off and come back to the present. Peeta moves closer and wraps his arms around me, his chin resting on my shoulder. 

“Need anything?”

“Just this,” I murmer as I turn in for a kiss. “Just you.”

“Merry Christmas, Katniss,” he says softly.

“Merry Christmas, Peeta.”


	59. Chapter 59

Before I know it, January is here and my time to return to the Capitol is rapidly approaching. New Years was a quiet affair, with just Katniss and the kids. George had to be back in 8 for an assignment, so they left right after Christmas. Riley whisked Annie away for a special trip (with Finn’s blessing) as a Christmas gift and Effie felt too weak to do anything special, so we took over cookies and tea and sat with them for a little while before we came back home to count down the seconds until the new year. 

I speak with a few of my soldiers, the ones who stayed near 12 to keep a protective eye on my family and me, and tell them to ready to the hovercraft. I keep an eye on the weather and decide, tomorrow is the best day to leave. Otherwise another snowstorm may have me stuck here for a while longer. And the committee is already calling frantically to see when I am coming back. Can the Capitol not survive without me, really? I didn’t think I was that important but it seems that I am. No one can make decisions without me and I start to get irritated when they interrupt my family time to ask stupid things like where we should put a new up and coming restaurant, or how much money we can spend on a new statue for Town Square. I’m losing my patience until Gale calls me and asks if I am alone.

“Katniss is upstairs with the kids. What’s going on Gale?”

“I’d just wondered what you thought about the new museum…sir.”

“New museum?”

“The Panem Archives. It’s right near the Presidential palace, I’m sure you’ll see it on your way back.”

“I’ve been gone for a few months, Gale. What is this Panem Archives and why haven’t I heard of it?” He clears his throat.

“I don’t know much since I’m only in charge of security, not board matters. The plan was to push it through and finish it, and then get your signature when you returned home. The building is complete and as far as I know, they have started to set up the exhibits but they have to wait for your seal and signature before they can open to the public.” A terrible feeling creeps at me and I swallow.

“What are the exhibits,” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“Anything related to the Victors.” I feel sick. How did they get their hands on those documents?! I destroyed them. I watched the files burn, and I burned the rest when I took office. 

“Do you know…have you seen…”

“I don’t know what all is involved, no. I know there are certain documents that are missing, that the board seems upset about.” I release a sigh of relief and he grunts knowingly.

“I just wanted to give you a heads up, Peeta. The board is quite excited about this so I wouldn’t shut it down immediately. Take some time to look at the exhibits and if it’s not too invasive, I would just sign and open it. The people still want to remember their Victors, especially the Capitol. Sometimes it’s all that they talk about here in 2. Remembering the Games. Their fallen tributes and Victors. I still find it sick but I understand just a little more, by being here. I don’t agree with it and I know Katniss will be outraged when she finds out so you may want to tell her before you all go back, before she can see it herself.” I haven’t told him I’m going back alone. Hell I haven’t even told my wife! 

“Thanks Gale. I appreciate it.”

“My pleasure, sir,” he says, slipping back into his Guard persona. “I understand we are to pick you up at thirteen hundred hours?” 

“Yes that will be fine, thank you.”  
“My pleasure sir. Have a good night. My best to the family and Mrs. President.” I hang up, staring at the phone. That man will always confuse me. He’s so up and down, I don’t think he and Katniss would ever have worked out. 

Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can’t survive without. 

I shake my head, balling my fists up and relaxing them. It’s over. She picked me. I was the one who she can’t live without. 

Sighing, I remember that I have barely packed and I shut off the lights as I make my way up the stairs.   
Rye comes streaking down the hall, giggling madly, his golden curls positively bouncing as he runs. Katniss is right behind him, huffing angrily and she glares at me.

“Catch that naked kid!” 

“Oh no you don’t,” I scoop him up as he runs right past me. He shrieks and writhes in my grasp but Katniss pants as she approaches us.

“Thank you. I am exhausted.”

“Bath time, huh?”

“Well it’s supposed to be but someone keeps escaping the tub.”

“Rye, come on, you know you need a bath. Why do you make it hard on Mama?” 

“I don’t think the terrible twos were as terrible as the terrible threes will be,” she sighs. 

“Why don’t I finish bathing him, honey, and you can get ready for bed?” She smiles gratefully and nods.

“I’ll check on Willow. May the odds be ever in your favor,” she mutters over her shoulder and I can’t help but chuckle as I fling the writhing child over my shoulder. I manage to wrestle him into the bathtub, all the while he’s yelling ‘no’. 

“Rye, you’ve got to stop this buddy,” I say as I wash his hair. He shakes his head, spraying me and making me laugh even harder. I can’t help it. He’s being so stubborn and all I see is Katniss. For some strange reason, right before Christmas, he started to develop this refusal to take a bath. Which baffles me because he will jump right into the pool at school but it usually takes both of us to get him into the bathtub. Katniss says he is just stubborn. Pot, meet Kettle, I can’t help but think with a smile. 

He finally relents and lets me wash him and dry him off and I give his little behind a gentle smack as I carry him to his room to dress him.   
I’m soaking wet by the time Rye is asleep, and Katniss chuckles when I enter our bedroom. She is folding clothes and putting them in her suitcase. 

“Looks like you had as much luck as I did.”

“The boy is clean and asleep,” I give her a mock bow as I strip my clothes off and dig into the drawer for some clean underwear. 

“Well done. Ok, I don’t want to pack as much as I did last time…I think I’ve managed to narrow it down to one suitcase.” She grins but I don’t return it. I clear my throat and sit on the edge of the bed in front of her. Her face falls and looks down as I take her hands in mine. I can already tell she is struggling not to pull away. It’s the old Katniss; she shuts down when emotions are involved but I don’t let her retreat into herself.

“Honey…I’m leaving for the Capitol tomorrow. And I want you to stay here.” She opens her mouth, to yell, to protest, to cry, I don’t know but I stop her.

“It’s not that I don’t want you there with me because believe me, the thought of leaving you behind is torture. But all I have to do is think about how bad the summer got and I decide that it’s for the best. I’ve already given my committee board a heads up and I’ll be coming home every weekend to see you and the kids.” She mouthes uncertainly and I squeeze her hand.

“Katniss, I love you so much. And I know you don’t like the Capitol. You weren’t happy there. Nor were the kids. I can’t bear the thought of going back to the way we were…I don’t ever want us to be like that again. I think this will help us, and this way you don’t have to live in the Capitol again. As I said, I’ll come home as often as I can to see you.”

“You’ve never spent that long away from us, Peeta. What if…” she trails off, biting her lip and staring at her lap.

“I know how to chase off a flashback. And I can always call you if I need. This is going to be better for us, sweetheart, I know it is.”

“How is it better, when we’re not together,” she says in a shaky voice that tears at my heart. 

“Because I won’t be able to take my frustrations out on you or the kids. You don’t deserve that and I felt like a terrible husband because I wasn’t able to make time for you. I felt like a horrible father because I knew my kids missed me, and I was so busy all the time.”

“So leaving us in 12 will automatically make you less busy?” 

“No but I’ve learned from our time there. I know what to expect. And I know what I have to do. I will make time for my family, no matter what anyone says. I won’t give you cause to doubt me again. And you guys can come visit whenever you want. I told Gale I want a private hovercraft at your disposal. Any time you miss me, you can come to the Capitol to see me.” 

“You act like you’re going to be right across the street, Peeta. How are you so calm about this?” I caress her cheek and try to smile.

“Because I just see your face after I attacked you in our bedroom and remember why I am doing this.”

“Peeta--“

“Please don’t argue with me on this, Katniss. I’ve made up my mind. It will be difficult but we have been through much worse, you know.” She can’t argue that one. She slumps against me and I push her suitcase aside so I can gather her in my lap. I feel warm tears against my skin and I cradle her head as she cries softly. I blink back the tears, determined to stay strong for her. This is going to work, I keep telling myself. It will be fine. We’ll be fine.

I lean back so I can kiss her cheek and I travel down her neck, pausing to suck at her throat. The little moan she releases is enough to make me harden and I buck my hips against her. We don’t speak as she reaches down to palm me through my briefs; she wants to make me ready for her but god, I am always ready for her. She pulls back the material, freeing me and I bunch her nightgown in my fist and pull it over her head. She holds her panties aside and slides down on top of me, causing us both to moan deeply. 

It isn’t hurried or overly stimulating. It’s really about the connection, being with my one true love in this way, as I have never been connected with anyone else. She is my one and only and I want her to understand that with every thrust of my hips. When we finish, she curls up into my arms and I push her hair back so I can kiss her forehead; her lashes flutter as I nuzzle her cheek and place soft kisses all over her face. I don’t really want the sun to come up. I just want to stay in her arms like this forever.  
\----------------------------------  
Nevertheless, the sun does come up and I rise early to cook breakfast for my family. Katniss quietly tells them over the breakfast table that Daddy will be going back to the Capitol today…alone. Willow shoots me a worried look but she turns to her mother and smiles. 

“Daddy will be ok, Mama. And you’ll be happier here.” Katniss looks taken aback but I smile and tug my daughter’s braids. My smart little girl sure knows what to say in these situations. I don’t know where she got that from, to be honest. 

We spend the morning as a family, while Katniss and I cuddle on the couch, Rye and Willow color and play with Prince. Willow breaks out her board game, and Effie and Haymitch come over later so I can tell them goodbye. Haymitch looks a little surprised when I tell him I am going alone but his eyes dart to Katniss and he nods.

“I think that’s good, kid. I think you’ll come back to a happier wife. And this way she’ll want to jump your bones every time you come home.” I roll my eyes at his crass words but Katniss wraps her arms around my waist and mutters in my ear that he’s right. I squirm a little, determined not to get turned on right now. Not when I need to leave. 

We keep it as tear-free as possible. I know Katniss will cry later tonight, after I’m gone. Hell I probably will too. I’ll clutch my pillow (I snuck one of our pillow cases into our suitcase, one that smells like her) and cry like a blubbering baby. Rye and Willow cling to me and tell me they love me until Katniss gently pries them off. Effie kisses my cheek and dabs at her own with a tissue. Haymitch remains stoic and pats my shoulder, telling me good luck. I hold Katniss in my arms and give her a bruising kiss that I hope will stay with her long after I’m gone. My soldiers clear their throat behind me and I give my family one last wave before I follow them onto the hovercraft.   
\------------------------------------  
The first month goes by quickly and I keep my promise and fly home to 12 every weekend. Friday mornings I finish up my meeting and am home by lunchtime, and Sunday evenings I have dinner with my family before I fly back before my Monday morning appointments. It’s hard, not being able to see Katniss whenever I want to. I often find myself standing in Willow’s or Rye’s rooms in my lonely mansion, staring at the empty beds. I can’t even sleep on the other side of the bed because it’s is Katniss’s side and if I pretend hard enough, I can imagine her beside me and I don’t want to crush her.  
I’m pathetic in the way I love her but it turns out as I hoped; I’m better able to concentrate on my meetings and presidential duties. I had a meeting with the mayor of District 11 last week and he praised me for my work.

“Really, President Mellark, the district is flourishing like it never has before. I don’t think we were even this fruitful before the Dark Days. Your irrigation and green house systems have worked wonders on the land. We are now the largest supplier of tomatoes, fruits, and herbs in Panem!”

“I’m glad to hear it, sir,” I told him happily. “When I visited 11 during my Victory Tour after I won the Hunger Games, I was distraught to see how bad conditions were. Of course you know that living in 12 was no picnic but I’m happy to see how Panem has improved.”

“Thanks to you, Mr. Mellark. Your ideas of how to improve each district has really turned the country around.”

“Thank you for that, sir, but I think it’s more about the people of Panem and less about me. It couldn’t have been done without people to make these changes.”

“Panem is lucky to have you, Mr. Mellark.”

I went home and called Katniss and told her about our conversation. She told me how proud she was to call herself Mrs. Mellark and made me promise to keep it up.   
There are times when people are not so grateful and I don’t exactly know how to handle the situation. It’s times like these when I wish Katniss were here, to tell me what I should do or say. She’s not the best with people but she’s a natural-born leader and even without a rebellion, she knows what to say. 

Right after my return to the Capitol, a lady from District 1 requested an audience and I agreed. She proceeded to scream at me at how I have brought the country to ruin and how things were better with Snow and the Hunger Games, because it kept people in line and kept the population down. She was raving mad and my guards dragged her from the room, screaming obscenities down the hall. I retreated to my room and again, called Katniss and poured out the whole story. I was shaking and sobbing and she did everything she could to calm me. When we hung up, the soldiers who had taken her away returned and stood outside my door. 

“Begging your pardon, President Mellark, but we just wanted to tell you something.” I nodded for them to continue and one of them cleared his throat.

“My mom’s little brother died in the Hunger Games, and Connor here watched his older sister get Reaped when she was twelve.”

“She died in the bloodbath in your Games,” Connor nodded, his voice breaking. “My mom and I watched it happen.”

“Our point, sir, is don’t listen to that crazy woman. Things are better because of you and your wife. We know that, the country knows that. Of course there are going to be insane people who still support Snow because that way of life was all that they knew. Starting over is scary and it’s never easy. But Panem is different and has become quite a place. If there were still other countries, they would be jealous of the way Panem is today.” 

“I was sort of like your wife used to be sir…afraid to have children. Now I’m raising my daughter, unafraid of the Reaping bowl. And we have you to thank for that.” They bowed their heads and left me there with my jaw on the ground. 

There is a knock at my door and I set my pen down for a moment to call out for them to come in. 

“President Mellark,” Brathen pokes his head out. “The car is ready for you sir.”

“Thank you, I’ll be right there.” I check my reflection, straighten my tie, and follow him outside. 

The new museum is only a few blocks but it’s still rather cold and Brathen insisted I take the car so I don’t get sick. I’m meeting a few others and a quick glance at my watch tells me I’m a few minutes early.  
I’m startled when I walk up to the museum and see a giant burning mockingjay sign right out front. I’m quite terrified of what I will find inside. 

“President Mellark.” I turn to greet the owner of the voice and find a lovely young woman, a good bit younger than me. She has long golden hair and perfect white teeth, which show when she smiles broadly. Her eyes are greener than Finnick’s were, and she doesn’t have a blemish or trace of a mark on her face. She shifts her purse to her other shoulder and holds out her arm, causing her shirt to rise a little and expose her midriff. Her ample cleavage juts out as she holds out her hand.

“I’m Cortina Braun Travers. My god, I’m so excited to be meeting you.”

“Likewise, Cortina. I’ve heard a lot about your father. He was Panem’s Favorite Son for many years.”

“He sure was,” she nods. “I was so excited when Capitol Couture wanted to do a piece on him! And now this museum! My mother and I are so delighted!” 

“Well we thank you for your generous contribution,” I give her a warm smile. “My Committee Board says you and your mother are our main sponsors and we couldn’t have thought about opening to the public without you.”

“Oh it’s my pleasure! I think it’s a fantastic idea, what you’re doing! I’m sure the others will agree.” Before I have a chance to respond, a few other people join us: A dark-skinned young man, Chaff’s grandson; A pretty dark-haired woman, Pamela, who is the daughter of Cecilia, Victor of the 60th Games; and a young man who reminds me a lot of Haymitch, clutching a silver flask, who is apparently Blight’s son. I think of my friend in 8, who was Blight’s district partner, and am grateful she had a happier life than this man seems to have had. 

“Thank you all so much for coming,” I address them. “I’m sure you’re as curious as I am to see what this museum entails.”

“Wait, you haven’t seen the exhibits,” Cecilia’s daughter asks. 

“I haven’t. Which is why, if a single thing offends anyone here, or if anything disagrees with anything, we will not open to the public until the problem has been addressed. To be completely honest, I wasn’t informed of its creation until after I returned to the Capitol, and I agreed to preview it before it opens. The Committee Board presented an entire presentation on it and how they merely wish to remember the Victors and give future generations a chance to know what happened in our past. I’m sure you all, like me, continue to desire peace and time away from the masses.”

“So this wasn’t your idea then,” Chaff’s grandson sounds surprised. 

“No, it certainly wasn’t. My wife wasn’t too crazy about the idea when I told her about it either.” 

“I don’t think that surprises any of us,” Blight’s son snorts. “Katniss Everdeen is a known hardass.”

“Would you shut it, Randall, and let the president talk,” Pamela snaps. I nod gratefully to her.

“Anyway, I wanted to invite you to preview it with me. I knew met some of your parents and I quite admired your grandfather,” I address the dark-skinned man. “And I’m confident that you will tell me if something bothers you about the exhibits. If you’re all ready?” Only Cortina looks excited as they follow me inside, and the docent nods to us as we pass. 

I walk through the halls silently, wishing Katniss were here with me. Portraits of every single Victor line the wall, many of them professionally drawn or painted. They go all the way back to the very first Victor, Coralee Ipwich, from District 2. Underneath each portrait is a small description of how they won their Games. I don’t particularly like this part but I focus on the faces as I move down the hall. A beautiful young woman with sad eyes grabs my attention and my eyes drift to the nameplate underneath. 

MAGS FLANAGAN- DISTRICT 4 

“Thank you, Mags,” I say softly to the young woman who gave her life so I could live. I smile at Haymitch’s portrait, a young robust man full of life. He’s more like that now than I’ve ever seen him before. Maybe with a few more grey hairs. 

I’m pleased and surprised to see at the end of the hall, I stand beside Katniss. No other portrait has two subjects but no other Games had two Victors either. I remember when they did those photoshoots. After we won the Games, I wasn’t allowed to see Katniss immediately, no matter how many times I demanded or more often than not, screamed at them to let me see her. They wanted our reunion to be on stage, in front of everyone. After we finished our interviews with Ceasar, we were ushered off to another room to do a photoshoot. Cinna and Portia stood aside with our prep teams, dressing us in various outfits according to what the photographer was wanting. The picture they chose is the one where the photographer asked for me to hold her from behind. I remember wrapping my arms around her waist and burying my face in her shoulder, breathing in her smell. Her Victor crown is perched on top of her flowing dark locks and we were clad in one of our final outfits: me in a blue button-up and black pants, while Katniss wore a simple white dress that made her innocence shine through. I remember Portia telling me that was Cinna’s reasoning behind a lot of Katniss’s outfits. To remind the people how young and innocent we had been when we were dragged off to the arena to murder innocent people. I’m looking at the camera but Katniss is turning her head to look at me. That was right before she told me it was all an act. Yet from what I can see in her eyes, I believe her when she tells me now that it wasn’t ALL an act. Katniss has never been much of an actress. The fact that she looked at me like this in our photos makes my heart race. Now all I want to do is see her and talk to her. 

“Well you two look cozy,” Pamela says over my shoulder.

“Yeah. Back when we were just trying to whatever we could to survive.”

“I know that you announced that it was all pretend and you two were acting for the cameras but that look she’s giving you is pure love.” I can’t help but grin before I turn to face her.

“What do you think so far?”

“I haven’t seen much. I was reading the plaque underneath my mom’s portrait and then looking at one of her costumes from the Tribute Parade. I can’t believe how much stuff they have in here.”

“Yeah, they have been storing this stuff for years. I guess they just want to show everything that has anything to do with the Victors.” 

“Will you bring your children here one day?” I bite my lip. Will I bring Willow and Rye to see this? So they can see what their country used to do to its children? Can I really show them what their mother and father and ‘grandfather’ and ‘aunts’ and ‘uncle’ and friends went through? 

“Maybe,” I say softly. “They’re way too young right now. Maybe when they’re older.”

“And your wife? What do you think she’ll say about all of this?”

“Katniss always hated the Games and everything to do with them. She thinks it’s better to forget it all and demolish the arenas like they never happened. But I understand the importance of remembering, to preserve the memory of the fallen. To ensure that it will never happen again.”

“You surprise me, Peeta Mellark.” I cock my head.

“How’s that?”

“My mother told me about meeting you both one time. I thought you were extraordinarily handsome. Granted I was only a little girl but she met you at your engagement party, I believe. She said you two were kind but that Katniss didn’t belong in the Capitol… but you did, she said.”

“What?!” I’m shocked that anyone would ever think that. She shrugs.

“She said you were polished and polite with an air of mystery about you. Intrigue. It’s exactly what Finnick Odair had when he won his Games. And you know what happened to him.” I swallow with some difficulty   
and nod.

“I played my part well. If I could do anything to keep Katniss safe, I would do it. If they had tried to force her into that, I would have begged to take her place. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”

“That’s quite obvious by your actions over the years,”she says, waving to the exhibits around us. “I know a lot of people might think this is a wonderful tribute to the Victors but I see it as a gross invasion of privacy. They have things like Brutus’s favorite swimsuit and Laurel’s false teeth. Those are just weird.”

“I agree,” I nod. “But they wanted anything and everything to with the Victors. Even the private items.” 

“I’m going to look at the weapons section. My mother was the best with a sword.” She gathers her shawl closer to her and disappears, leaving me to puzzle out the strange, sad woman. I tear my eyes away from the plaque that reads “STAR-CROSSED LOVERS OF DISTRICT 12” and turn away to find Cortina studying me.

“My god, look at you. So young and gorgeous,” she says softly as her eyes scan the portrait. I shake my head.

“Katniss was the beauty, not me.”

“Oh Katniss Everdeen has always been pretty enough. I think Cinna made her even more beautiful for the sponsors but you can definitely tell she is from an outlining district.” I startle. What is that supposed to mean? 

“I’m from the same district as her,” I say a little heatedly. “I grew up not far from where she grew up.”

“Barbaric place, from what I heard. My mother told us stories from Father’s Victory Tour often. Said he couldn’t stomach the smell of 11 or 12 for very long.” My eyes narrow at her comment. 

“12 has flourished like the rest of Panem. We’re a popular tourist destination now.”

“Oh yes I’ve heard,” she says arily, not looking remotely abashed. “You’ve done wonders for the country, Peeta! I just mean…before the Rebellion. 12 wasn’t such a popular place then, was it?” I can’t deny the truth in her words but I’m still rather irritated. I merely grunt and move away from the portait but Cortina decides to follow me. I manage to lose her when she stops to admire a hall of costumes from the Tribute Parades. I blush when I see some of the other costumes our tributes from 12 had to wear; thank God for Cinna and Portia. I don’t doubt I would have been parading around naked and covered in coal dust, which is what the tributes 2 years before us had to wear. I turn the corner and freeze; the entire room is a tribute to Cinna and the Mockingjay outfits. I remember each and every dress, seeing Katniss in these, thinking she couldn’t have been more beautiful. A glass case contains all of the wedding gowns Cinna designed for that stupid game show Ceasar hosted, where the people got to choose Katniss’s dress. I remember sitting at Haymitch’s and watching her come out in each one, until he threw a bottle at me and told me if I gasped any more I would pass out and he wouldn’t be the one to revive me. Could he blame me though? She was stunning, and she was trying on her wedding dress, to marry me in. For one moment I forgot that it was all fake. That we were being forced to do it. For a moment, I imagined our wedding day and how happy I would be.

Then the reading of the card took place and my world turned upside down again. 

I shake myself and move on, glancing at the gowns but not spending much time there. This was when she was a Capitol puppet…when we were both puppets, determined to do what we had to to keep our families safe.

And look how that turned out.

I shake myself again and move from the room, finding myself in a room that is a tribute to Portia and my prep team. I recognize all of the clothes, for they were designed for me. My costumes from the tribute parades, the flame outfit they dressed me in the night of the interviews…the night I told the world I was in love with Katniss Everdeen. The white suit they put me in for the Quell interviews, when I told the world Katniss was having my baby. 

I groan and run my fingers through my styled hair. I glance down at my suit and back to Portia’s creation. Why do I feel like I am right back where I started?  
I need to get out of here. I nearly run into Blight’s son and murmer an apology before I’m taking off down the hall. 

This place is a damn maze. I pass through the weapon room, another room that has details on the Victors’ skills, and another that has a giant state of Katniss and me with the berries. I don’t stop until I see the Exit sign, and I rest my hand on the wall, trying to steady my breathing. 

“Shit,” I groan, feeling much too hot and I hurriedly tear at my tie and collar. 

“Peeta?” I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing I don’t want to see Cortina Braun right now and hear her gushing about her perfect Victor father. But I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Pamela, her brow furrowed in concern.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine,” I say through gritted teeth. “I just needed a moment.” She nods knowingly.

“This museum will be great for the Capitol people who adore the Games…Districts 1 and 2, who have never stopped talking about them. But children of Victors…friends, we won’t be able to come see this place. It feels like a burial site, like we will never let them rest in peace.” 

“I won’t open it if that’s how you feel.”

“If it’s not personal, it’s a great tribute to the Victors. People will love it. I hate it.”

“I do too,” I mutter. She nods and pats my shoulder.

“I’d stay away from the top floor, if I were you. It’s pretty graphic and you don’t look like you can handle much more.” 

“There needs to be a fucking warning for that room,” Blight’s son grumbles as he approaches. “So kids don’t go in there.”

“Kids were required to watch the Games every year, what difference does it make if they see it now?”

“Because kids today don’t have to worry about that stuff! Our kids today are free from that bullshit.”

“What’s on the top floor,” I ask warily. Pamela glances at me.

“Holo images of the Victors’ final showdowns in the Arena.” I feel sick and clutch the wall again. 

“Yeah, that’s how I felt too when I watched my dad bashing in the head of the kid from 4,” he says, taking a swig from his flask. Pamela rolls her eyes but I close mine and will the room to stop spinning.   
Can I, as the President of Panem and a Victor, in good conscience, open this place to the public? When I and so many others are uncomfortable with it?

I need to talk to Katniss. She hasn’t seen it but she can give me her opinion. I’ll always value hers over anyone else’s. 

“I’m ready for lunch,” Blight’s son mutters, wiping his mouth.

“The café has agreed to have a soft open for us,” I gesture them forward. “Right this way.”   
\------------------------------------------  
After lunch, I thank the Victors’ families and head back to the mansion to call Katniss. She doesn’t pick up immediately and I hold my breath until the phone picks up.

“Helloooooo?” I grin at my son’s voice.

“Hey buddy, it’s Daddy!”

“Daddy!”

“Yeah! Is your mama around?”

“Daddy I swimmed in a big pool today and Mama watcheded me and I swimmed across the big pool!”

“That’s so great, bud. I’m proud of you. Where’s your mom?” 

“Daddy, I ated a crayon but don’t tell Mama.” I shake my head, holding in my laughter.

“Rye, I really need to talk to Mama. Can you get her for me?” 

“Rye? Who’s on the phone, sweetie?”

“Daddy!”

“Oh let Mama have that. Peeta?”

“Hey sweetheart,” my heart speeds up at the sound of her voice. “Is everything ok?”

“Everything’s fine. I tripped over that stupid cat this morning and hurt my ankle so I’m a little slower than our little boy.”

“Are you ok?”

“Peeta, I’m fine. What’s the matter with you?”

“Why do you think something is the matter?”

“Because I know you well.” I sigh; she’s right and I start to tell her about the Victors museum. I listened to the families’ concerns and criticisms as we ate our lunch and Pamela’s declaration basically goes for everyone; it’s personal to us and therefore, we are uncomfortable with it.

“I don’t think I’m the best person to tell you what to do, Peeta,” she says slowly.

“Katniss, your opinion is the one I value most of all.”

“But I hate the Games. Everything about them. And I know you think we should keep around reminders so that we never go back to those times but I would never step foot in a place like that.”

“It was interesting, seeing all the Victors back to the first games! And the exhibits are interesting…if it’s not reminding you of a more terrible time in your life.” 

“Oh yeah? It’s full of the weapons we used and the clothes we wore?”

“Actually, yeah,” I say slowly. “There was a whole room dedicated to Portia’s creations…and Cinna’s.” She’s quiet and I bite my lip. 

“They would have liked that,” she says quietly. I know her; she’s holding back her tears and I sigh deeply.

“I don’t know what to do, Katniss.”

“You can still open it, Peeta, and just never go there--“

“No, I mean…I don’t know what to do…anymore.”

“What do you mean?” My eyes fall on a picture on my desk. It’s right after Rye was born, the four of us sitting on the bed. I think Annie or Haymitch or maybe Finn took it, but I love the picture. We’re all smiling, looking so happy. Even Rye has a broad grin on his tiny face and he was just a few weeks old. Willow has her arms wrapped around her baby brother and Katniss and I are sitting close. 

“When I saw my outfits that Portia created…mainly the one I wore for our interviews for the Quell…it looks a lot like many of the suits I wear now.” She’s silent, waiting for me to continue.

“I feel like I’ve made a full circle…and I don’t like it. I’m from District 12. I was born there, I grew up there…so why am I still living in the Capitol? Why am I still dressing like I was born in the Capitol? One of the girls who was there today, she said something about you that really rubbed me the wrong way. She said that it was obvious that you were from an outlining district. And another…she said that her mother, Cecilia, told her that you didn’t look like you belonged in the Capitol but I did. Do I seem like a Capitol boy, Katniss?”

“Of course not, Peeta. You’re a Merchant boy through and through.” 

“It shouldn’t bother me as much as it does. I mean…I’ve been trying to destroy that way of thinking. That Capitolites are so much different than the rest of us. Us and Them. The way we think. The way we have always thought. I hate it. And yet I still feel it, because I feel like I am turning into a Capitolite and that scares the hell out of me.”

“Peeta listen to me. You are as gentle and loving and kind as ever. And I’m not saying that Capitolites aren’t but you know what hard work is. You grew up working in a bakery. Your hands tell a story, of knowing struggle. You ate stale bread for dinner, you didn’t feast on rich foods. The Capitol was as much of a shock to you as it was to me.   
Haven’t I always told you that your scars tell a story? I used to wonder why they didn’t polish me and wipe away my scars, because I didn’t want to be reminded of that horrible day. And now I’m glad they didn’t because they remind me what we endured and conquered. What we fought for. What we’ve won. And I guarantee that no Capitolite has endured half of what you have gone through. 12 will always be in your blood, Peeta. You’re my boy with the bread, after all.” 

I smile at her name for me and blink back tears.

“Thanks honey. I need to go, I’m late for a meeting with the board.”

“Ok, I need to get the kids to their horseback lesson anyway. Call me tonight?”

“Of course. I love you, Katniss.”

“I love you too.” 

When we hang up, I glance in the mirror and sigh. Katniss is right. No matter where I live, 12 will always be my home. 

\---------------------------------------------------------

I throw my wallet and phone into the wall and fling myself onto my bed. Damn it! Valentines Day falls on a weekday this year and of course I’m not able to spend it with Katniss. The past few years haven’t been overly romantic; with two kids, it’s hard to actually put effort into romance and I know Katniss doesn’t really care about that sort of thing but I was hoping to do something special. When I told the Committee I wanted to fly home for a few days, they freaked out, saying I can’t leave right as they are about to open the new hospital and school. I have to be here for the ribbon cutting, they plead, and can’t I celebrate the holiday with my wife later. 

On top of that, Cortina Braun has made another contribution to the hospital, so the board wanted me to invite her to the Valentine Ball that is being held at my mansion tomorrow night. I feel uncomfortable with the young girl; her longing glances and her soft touches on my arm or even a brush against my chest tells me she’s not just coming to contributors’ meetings because she wants to make donations. But I called her earlier and invited her and said she may bring an escort; I want to make sure she knows I’m not her date. She squealed and said she would love to come and I hung up, feeling worse than ever.  
I’m not stupid or naïve, despite what Katniss may believe. I’ve been aware of how the opposite sex views me. The fact is, it’s never mattered to me because if Katniss wasn’t looking at me, then I didn’t care who was. Even in school, I took a few girls out and flirted with quite a few but the one who really mattered wasn’t sparing me a glance. Well come to find out, she actually was and I was just missing them all along. 

I bury my face in the pillow, the one that still smells like her, and sigh. Damn it. I just want to go home and see my family. I had to miss this weekend due to the opening of the Victors Archives museum and now I’m not sure if I’ll make it home next weekend either. And today being Valentines day…spending it without my love, those frilly hearts and stupid arrow-wielding-cupids make me even more sick. I can’t see an arrow without thinking of my huntress back at home. I angrily sit up and pull my shirt over my head, throwing it aside. Poor Brittany got the brunt of my aggrivation this morning, when she tried to surprise me with a giant heart-shaped cake. It was lumpy and the frosting was everywhere and I yelled that it was a mess and it was a baker’s worst nightmare. I found her afterwards and apologized profusely; the poor girl is dumb as bricks but her heart is in the right place. Jemma was smart and kept the hearts and cupids away from me today. Krella wasn’t so smart and tried to give me a heart-shaped box of candy; I nearly threw it in her face but forced myself to say thank you and retreat from the room before I made a scene.   
My phone rings and I groan as I reach over for it. 

“Hello?”

“Happy Valentines Day, Mr. President,” comes a cheery voice, which makes my brow raise.

“You’re unusually chipper for this holiday, Mrs. Mellark. I hope your husband made it a good one for you.”

“He’s away, saving the world and all.” I snort and shake my head. 

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Peeta. Stop feeling guilty that you couldn’t come see us. I know that museum opening was important.”

“Not more important than my family! And that hospital and school are opening this weekend…” I trail off, sighing.

“It’s alright, Peeta. We understand.” 

“I promise I’ll make it up to you,” I say weakly. “Did you at least get my flowers?”

“I did and they’re beautiful. Rory asked Willow to come into the bakery this morning to help out, apparently they were very busy. Willow has been frosting cookies all day. You’d be so proud.”

“I already am. Tell her Daddy loves her. That I love both of them.”

“They know, Peeta. I need to go. I’ll talk to you soon. I love you!” I stare at the phone, surprised at the abrupt ending. Sighing, I fling it aside and settle back on the bed. Before I know it, my eyes are closing and I find myself in a dream world with Katniss and her lack of clothing makes me grin in my sleep. 

When I wake up, my stomach is growling. I change into a pair of soft lounge pants and a white tee shirt, and stand up to stretch my aching muscles. Deciding I should find some dinner, I head downstairs, ignoring those damn frilly hearts all over the place. 

“Well there you are. Thought you were going to sleep the day away!”

“I was trying to, Jemma. But my stomach woke me up. Any plans for dinner?”

“Already made you some, honey,” she pats my arm and sets a tray in front of me. It’s too much for one person and I glance at her uncertainly.

“I’m not THAT hungry, Jemma.”

“You might be later. Why don’t you eat in your room? Perhaps put a movie on and relax a little?” No one wants a sulking president around, I guess, so I carry the tray back to my room and pop a grape into my mouth as I push the door open. 

What I see makes me immediately start choking on the grape. Flower petals (not roses thankfully) cover my floor and lead to my bed, where lying in a pile of petals, wearing lingerie and a sly grin, is my perfect wife.


	60. Chapter 60

Before I know it, January is here and my time to return to the Capitol is rapidly approaching. New Years was a quiet affair, with just Katniss and the kids. George had to be back in 8 for an assignment, so they left right after Christmas. Riley whisked Annie away for a special trip (with Finn’s blessing) as a Christmas gift and Effie felt too weak to do anything special, so we took over cookies and tea and sat with them for a little while before we came back home to count down the seconds until the new year.   
I speak with a few of my soldiers, the ones who stayed near 12 to keep a protective eye on my family and me, and tell them to ready to the hovercraft. I keep an eye on the weather and decide, tomorrow is the best day to leave. Otherwise another snowstorm may have me stuck here for a while longer. And the committee is already calling frantically to see when I am coming back. Can the Capitol not survive without me, really? I didn’t think I was that important but it seems that I am. No one can make decisions without me and I start to get irritated when they interrupt my family time to ask stupid things like where we should put a new up and coming restaurant, or how much money we can spend on a new statue for Town Square. I’m losing my patience until Gale calls me and asks if I am alone.  
“Katniss is upstairs with the kids. What’s going on Gale?”  
“I’d just wondered what you thought about the new museum…sir.”  
“New museum?”  
“The Panem Archives. It’s right near the Presidential palace, I’m sure you’ll see it on your way back.”  
“I’ve been gone for a few months, Gale. What is this Panem Archives and why haven’t I heard of it?” He clears his throat.  
“I don’t know much since I’m only in charge of security, not board matters. The plan was to push it through and finish it, and then get your signature when you returned home. The building is complete and as far as I know, they have started to set up the exhibits but they have to wait for your seal and signature before they can open to the public.” A terrible feeling creeps at me and I swallow.  
“What are the exhibits,” I ask, already knowing the answer.  
“Anything related to the Victors.” I feel sick. How did they get their hands on those documents?! I destroyed them. I watched the files burn, and I burned the rest when I took office.   
“Do you know…have you seen…”  
“I don’t know what all is involved, no. I know there are certain documents that are missing, that the board seems upset about.” I release a sigh of relief and he grunts knowingly.  
“I just wanted to give you a heads up, Peeta. The board is quite excited about this so I wouldn’t shut it down immediately. Take some time to look at the exhibits and if it’s not too invasive, I would just sign and open it. The people still want to remember their Victors, especially the Capitol. Sometimes it’s all that they talk about here in 2. Remembering the Games. Their fallen tributes and Victors. I still find it sick but I understand just a little more, by being here. I don’t agree with it and I know Katniss will be outraged when she finds out so you may want to tell her before you all go back, before she can see it herself.” I haven’t told him I’m going back alone. Hell I haven’t even told my wife!   
“Thanks Gale. I appreciate it.”  
“My pleasure, sir,” he says, slipping back into his Guard persona. “I understand we are to pick you up at thirteen hundred hours?”   
“Yes that will be fine, thank you.”  
“My pleasure sir. Have a good night. My best to the family and Mrs. President.” I hang up, staring at the phone. That man will always confuse me. He’s so up and down, I don’t think he and Katniss would ever have worked out. 

Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can’t survive without. 

I shake my head, balling my fists up and relaxing them. It’s over. She picked me. I was the one who she can’t live without. 

Sighing, I remember that I have barely packed and I shut off the lights as I make my way up the stairs.   
Rye comes streaking down the hall, giggling madly, his golden curls positively bouncing as he runs. Katniss is right behind him, huffing angrily and she glares at me.  
“Catch that naked kid!”   
“Oh no you don’t,” I scoop him up as he runs right past me. He shrieks and writhes in my grasp but Katniss pants as she approaches us.  
“Thank you. I am exhausted.”  
“Bath time, huh?”  
“Well it’s supposed to be but someone keeps escaping the tub.”  
“Rye, come on, you know you need a bath. Why do you make it hard on Mama?”   
“I don’t think the terrible twos were as terrible as the terrible threes will be,” she sighs.   
“Why don’t I finish bathing him, honey, and you can get ready for bed?” She smiles gratefully and nods.  
“I’ll check on Willow. May the odds be ever in your favor,” she mutters over her shoulder and I can’t help but chuckle as I fling the writhing child over my shoulder. I manage to wrestle him into the bathtub, all the while he’s yelling ‘no’.   
“Rye, you’ve got to stop this buddy,” I say as I wash his hair. He shakes his head, spraying me and making me laugh even harder. I can’t help it. He’s being so stubborn and all I see is Katniss. For some strange reason, right before Christmas, he started to develop this refusal to take a bath. Which baffles me because he will jump right into the pool at school but it usually takes both of us to get him into the bathtub. Katniss says he is just stubborn. Pot, meet Kettle, I can’t help but think with a smile.   
He finally relents and lets me wash him and dry him off and I give his little behind a gentle smack as I carry him to his room to dress him.   
I’m soaking wet by the time Rye is asleep, and Katniss chuckles when I enter our bedroom. She is folding clothes and putting them in her suitcase.   
“Looks like you had as much luck as I did.”  
“The boy is clean and asleep,” I give her a mock bow as I strip my clothes off and dig into the drawer for some clean underwear.   
“Well done. Ok, I don’t want to pack as much as I did last time…I think I’ve managed to narrow it down to one suitcase.” She grins but I don’t return it. I clear my throat and sit on the edge of the bed in front of her. Her face falls and looks down as I take her hands in mine. I can already tell she is struggling not to pull away. It’s the old Katniss; she shuts down when emotions are involved but I don’t let her retreat into herself.  
“Honey…I’m leaving for the Capitol tomorrow. And I want you to stay here.” She opens her mouth, to yell, to protest, to cry, I don’t know but I stop her.  
“It’s not that I don’t want you there with me because believe me, the thought of leaving you behind is torture. But all I have to do is think about how bad the summer got and I decide that it’s for the best. I’ve already given my committee board a heads up and I’ll be coming home every weekend to see you and the kids.” She mouthes uncertainly and I squeeze her hand.  
“Katniss, I love you so much. And I know you don’t like the Capitol. You weren’t happy there. Nor were the kids. I can’t bear the thought of going back to the way we were…I don’t ever want us to be like that again. I think this will help us, and this way you don’t have to live in the Capitol again. As I said, I’ll come home as often as I can to see you.”  
“You’ve never spent that long away from us, Peeta. What if…” she trails off, biting her lip and staring at her lap.  
“I know how to chase off a flashback. And I can always call you if I need. This is going to be better for us, sweetheart, I know it is.”  
“How is it better, when we’re not together,” she says in a shaky voice that tears at my heart.   
“Because I won’t be able to take my frustrations out on you or the kids. You don’t deserve that and I felt like a terrible husband because I wasn’t able to make time for you. I felt like a horrible father because I knew my kids missed me, and I was so busy all the time.”  
“So leaving us in 12 will automatically make you less busy?”   
“No but I’ve learned from our time there. I know what to expect. And I know what I have to do. I will make time for my family, no matter what anyone says. I won’t give you cause to doubt me again. And you guys can come visit whenever you want. I told Gale I want a private hovercraft at your disposal. Any time you miss me, you can come to the Capitol to see me.”   
“You act like you’re going to be right across the street, Peeta. How are you so calm about this?” I caress her cheek and try to smile.  
“Because I just see your face after I attacked you in our bedroom and remember why I am doing this.”  
“Peeta--“  
“Please don’t argue with me on this, Katniss. I’ve made up my mind. It will be difficult but we have been through much worse, you know.” She can’t argue that one. She slumps against me and I push her suitcase aside so I can gather her in my lap. I feel warm tears against my skin and I cradle her head as she cries softly. I blink back the tears, determined to stay strong for her. This is going to work, I keep telling myself. It will be fine. We’ll be fine.  
I lean back so I can kiss her cheek and I travel down her neck, pausing to suck at her throat. The little moan she releases is enough to make me harden and I buck my hips against her. We don’t speak as she reaches down to palm me through my briefs; she wants to make me ready for her but god, I am always ready for her. She pulls back the material, freeing me and I bunch her nightgown in my fist and pull it over her head. She holds her panties aside and slides down on top of me, causing us both to moan deeply.   
It isn’t hurried or overly stimulating. It’s really about the connection, being with my one true love in this way, as I have never been connected with anyone else. She is my one and only and I want her to understand that with every thrust of my hips. When we finish, she curls up into my arms and I push her hair back so I can kiss her forehead; her lashes flutter as I nuzzle her cheek and place soft kisses all over her face. I don’t really want the sun to come up. I just want to stay in her arms like this forever.

Nevertheless, the sun does come up and I rise early to cook breakfast for my family. Katniss quietly tells them over the breakfast table that Daddy will be going back to the Capitol today…alone. Willow shoots me a worried look but she turns to her mother and smiles.   
“Daddy will be ok, Mama. And you’ll be happier here.” Katniss looks taken aback but I smile and tug my daughter’s braids. My smart little girl sure knows what to say in these situations. I don’t know where she got that from, to be honest.   
We spend the morning as a family, while Katniss and I cuddle on the couch, Rye and Willow color and play with Prince. Willow breaks out her board game, and Effie and Haymitch come over later so I can tell them goodbye. Haymitch looks a little surprised when I tell him I am going alone but his eyes dart to Katniss and he nods.  
“I think that’s good, kid. I think you’ll come back to a happier wife. And this way she’ll want to jump your bones every time you come home.” I roll my eyes at his crass words but Katniss wraps her arms around my waist and mutters in my ear that he’s right. I squirm a little, determined not to get turned on right now. Not when I need to leave.   
We keep it as tear-free as possible. I know Katniss will cry later tonight, after I’m gone. Hell I probably will too. I’ll clutch my pillow (I snuck one of our pillow cases into our suitcase, one that smells like her) and cry like a blubbering baby. Rye and Willow cling to me and tell me they love me until Katniss gently pries them off. Effie kisses my cheek and dabs at her own with a tissue. Haymitch remains stoic and pats my shoulder, telling me good luck. I hold Katniss in my arms and give her a bruising kiss that I hope will stay with her long after I’m gone. My soldiers clear their throat behind me and I give my family one last wave before I follow them onto the hovercraft. 

The first month goes by quickly and I keep my promise and fly home to 12 every weekend. Friday mornings I finish up my meeting and am home by lunchtime, and Sunday evenings I have dinner with my family before I fly back before my Monday morning appointments. It’s hard, not being able to see Katniss whenever I want to. I often find myself standing in Willow’s or Rye’s rooms in my lonely mansion, staring at the empty beds. I can’t even sleep on the other side of the bed because it’s is Katniss’s side and if I pretend hard enough, I can imagine her beside me and I don’t want to crush her.  
I’m pathetic in the way I love her but it turns out as I hoped; I’m better able to concentrate on my meetings and presidential duties. I had a meeting with the mayor of District 11 last week and he praised me for my work.  
“Really, President Mellark, the district is flourishing like it never has before. I don’t think we were even this fruitful before the Dark Days. Your irrigation and green house systems have worked wonders on the land. We are now the largest supplier of tomatoes, fruits, and herbs in Panem!”  
“I’m glad to hear it, sir,” I told him happily. “When I visited 11 during my Victory Tour after I won the Hunger Games, I was distraught to see how bad conditions were. Of course you know that living in 12 was no picnic but I’m happy to see how Panem has improved.”  
“Thanks to you, Mr. Mellark. Your ideas of how to improve each district has really turned the country around.”  
“Thank you for that, sir, but I think it’s more about the people of Panem and less about me. It couldn’t have been done without people to make these changes.”  
“Panem is lucky to have you, Mr. Mellark.”  
I went home and called Katniss and told her about our conversation. She told me how proud she was to call herself Mrs. Mellark and made me promise to keep it up.   
There are times when people are not so grateful and I don’t exactly know how to handle the situation. It’s times like these when I wish Katniss were here, to tell me what I should do or say. She’s not the best with people but she’s a natural-born leader and even without a rebellion, she knows what to say.   
Right after my return to the Capitol, a lady from District 1 requested an audience and I agreed. She proceeded to scream at me at how I have brought the country to ruin and how things were better with Snow and the Hunger Games, because it kept people in line and kept the population down. She was raving mad and my guards dragged her from the room, screaming obscenities down the hall. I retreated to my room and again, called Katniss and poured out the whole story. I was shaking and sobbing and she did everything she could to calm me. When we hung up, the soldiers who had taken her away returned and stood outside my door.   
“Begging your pardon, President Mellark, but we just wanted to tell you something.” I nodded for them to continue and one of them cleared his throat.  
“My mom’s little brother died in the Hunger Games, and Connor here watched his older sister get Reaped when she was twelve.”  
“She died in the bloodbath in your Games,” Connor nodded, his voice breaking. “My mom and I watched it happen.”  
“Our point, sir, is don’t listen to that crazy woman. Things are better because of you and your wife. We know that, the country knows that. Of course there are going to be insane people who still support Snow because that way of life was all that they knew. Starting over is scary and it’s never easy. But Panem is different and has become quite a place. If there were still other countries, they would be jealous of the way Panem is today.”   
“I was sort of like your wife used to be sir…afraid to have children. Now I’m raising my daughter, unafraid of the Reaping bowl. And we have you to thank for that.” They bowed their heads and left me there with my jaw on the ground.   
There is a knock at my door and I set my pen down for a moment to call out for them to come in.   
“President Mellark,” Brathen pokes his head out. “The car is ready for you sir.”  
“Thank you, I’ll be right there.” I check my reflection, straighten my tie, and follow him outside.   
The new museum is only a few blocks but it’s still rather cold and Brathen insisted I take the car so I don’t get sick. I’m meeting a few others and a quick glance at my watch tells me I’m a few minutes early.  
I’m startled when I walk up to the museum and see a giant burning mockingjay sign right out front. I’m quite terrified of what I will find inside.   
“President Mellark.” I turn to greet the owner of the voice and find a lovely young woman, a good bit younger than me. She has long golden hair and perfect white teeth, which show when she smiles broadly. Her eyes are greener than Finnick’s were, and she doesn’t have a blemish or trace of a mark on her face. She shifts her purse to her other shoulder and holds out her arm, causing her shirt to rise a little and expose her midriff. Her ample cleavage juts out as she holds out her hand.  
“I’m Cortina Braun Travers. My god, I’m so excited to be meeting you.”  
“Likewise, Cortina. I’ve heard a lot about your father. He was Panem’s Favorite Son for many years.”  
“He sure was,” she nods. “I was so excited when Capitol Couture wanted to do a piece on him! And now this museum! My mother and I are so delighted!”   
“Well we thank you for your generous contribution,” I give her a warm smile. “My Committee Board says you and your mother are our main sponsors and we couldn’t have thought about opening to the public without you.”  
“Oh it’s my pleasure! I think it’s a fantastic idea, what you’re doing! I’m sure the others will agree.” Before I have a chance to respond, a few other people join us: A dark-skinned young man, Chaff’s grandson; A pretty dark-haired woman, Pamela, who is the daughter of Cecilia, Victor of the 60th Games; and a young man who reminds me a lot of Haymitch, clutching a silver flask, who is apparently Blight’s son. I think of my friend in 8, who was Blight’s district partner, and am grateful she had a happier life than this man seems to have had.   
“Thank you all so much for coming,” I address them. “I’m sure you’re as curious as I am to see what this museum entails.”  
“Wait, you haven’t seen the exhibits,” Cecilia’s daughter asks.   
“I haven’t. Which is why, if a single thing offends anyone here, or if anything disagrees with anything, we will not open to the public until the problem has been addressed. To be completely honest, I wasn’t informed of its creation until after I returned to the Capitol, and I agreed to preview it before it opens. The Committee Board presented an entire presentation on it and how they merely wish to remember the Victors and give future generations a chance to know what happened in our past. I’m sure you all, like me, continue to desire peace and time away from the masses.”  
“So this wasn’t your idea then,” Chaff’s grandson sounds surprised.   
“No, it certainly wasn’t. My wife wasn’t too crazy about the idea when I told her about it either.”   
“I don’t think that surprises any of us,” Blight’s son snorts. “Katniss Everdeen is a known hardass.”  
“Would you shut it, Randall, and let the president talk,” Pamela snaps. I nod gratefully to her.  
“Anyway, I wanted to invite you to preview it with me. I knew met some of your parents and I quite admired your grandfather,” I address the dark-skinned man. “And I’m confident that you will tell me if something bothers you about the exhibits. If you’re all ready?” Only Cortina looks excited as they follow me inside, and the docent nods to us as we pass.   
I walk through the halls silently, wishing Katniss were here with me. Portraits of every single Victor line the wall, many of them professionally drawn or painted. They go all the way back to the very first Victor, Coralee Ipwich, from District 2. Underneath each portrait is a small description of how they won their Games. I don’t particularly like this part but I focus on the faces as I move down the hall. A beautiful young woman with sad eyes grabs my attention and my eyes drift to the nameplate underneath.   
MAGS FLANAGAN- DISTRICT 4   
“Thank you, Mags,” I say softly to the young woman who gave her life so I could live. I smile at Haymitch’s portrait, a young robust man full of life. He’s more like that now than I’ve ever seen him before. Maybe with a few more grey hairs.   
I’m pleased and surprised to see at the end of the hall, I stand beside Katniss. No other portrait has two subjects but no other Games had two Victors either. I remember when they did those photoshoots. After we won the Games, I wasn’t allowed to see Katniss immediately, no matter how many times I demanded or more often than not, screamed at them to let me see her. They wanted our reunion to be on stage, in front of everyone. After we finished our interviews with Ceasar, we were ushered off to another room to do a photoshoot. Cinna and Portia stood aside with our prep teams, dressing us in various outfits according to what the photographer was wanting. The picture they chose is the one where the photographer asked for me to hold her from behind. I remember wrapping my arms around her waist and burying my face in her shoulder, breathing in her smell. Her Victor crown is perched on top of her flowing dark locks and we were clad in one of our final outfits: me in a blue button-up and black pants, while Katniss wore a simple white dress that made her innocence shine through. I remember Portia telling me that was Cinna’s reasoning behind a lot of Katniss’s outfits. To remind the people how young and innocent we had been when we were dragged off to the arena to murder innocent people. I’m looking at the camera but Katniss is turning her head to look at me. That was right before she told me it was all an act. Yet from what I can see in her eyes, I believe her when she tells me now that it wasn’t ALL an act. Katniss has never been much of an actress. The fact that she looked at me like this in our photos makes my heart race. Now all I want to do is see her and talk to her.   
“Well you two look cozy,” Pamela says over my shoulder.  
“Yeah. Back when we were just trying to whatever we could to survive.”  
“I know that you announced that it was all pretend and you two were acting for the cameras but that look she’s giving you is pure love.” I can’t help but grin before I turn to face her.  
“What do you think so far?”  
“I haven’t seen much. I was reading the plaque underneath my mom’s portrait and then looking at one of her costumes from the Tribute Parade. I can’t believe how much stuff they have in here.”  
“Yeah, they have been storing this stuff for years. I guess they just want to show everything that has anything to do with the Victors.”   
“Will you bring your children here one day?” I bite my lip. Will I bring Willow and Rye to see this? So they can see what their country used to do to its children? Can I really show them what their mother and father and ‘grandfather’ and ‘aunts’ and ‘uncle’ and friends went through?   
“Maybe,” I say softly. “They’re way too young right now. Maybe when they’re older.”  
“And your wife? What do you think she’ll say about all of this?”  
“Katniss always hated the Games and everything to do with them. She thinks it’s better to forget it all and demolish the arenas like they never happened. But I understand the importance of remembering, to preserve the memory of the fallen. To ensure that it will never happen again.”  
“You surprise me, Peeta Mellark.” I cock my head.  
“How’s that?”  
“My mother told me about meeting you both one time. I thought you were extraordinarily handsome. Granted I was only a little girl but she met you at your engagement party, I believe. She said you two were kind but that Katniss didn’t belong in the Capitol… but you did, she said.”  
“What?!” I’m shocked that anyone would ever think that. She shrugs.  
“She said you were polished and polite with an air of mystery about you. Intrigue. It’s exactly what Finnick Odair had when he won his Games. And you know what happened to him.” I swallow with some difficulty and nod.  
“I played my part well. If I could do anything to keep Katniss safe, I would do it. If they had tried to force her into that, I would have begged to take her place. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”  
“That’s quite obvious by your actions over the years,”she says, waving to the exhibits around us. “I know a lot of people might think this is a wonderful tribute to the Victors but I see it as a gross invasion of privacy. They have things like Brutus’s favorite swimsuit and Laurel’s false teeth. Those are just weird.”  
“I agree,” I nod. “But they wanted anything and everything to with the Victors. Even the private items.”   
“I’m going to look at the weapons section. My mother was the best with a sword.” She gathers her shawl closer to her and disappears, leaving me to puzzle out the strange, sad woman. I tear my eyes away from the plaque that reads “STAR-CROSSED LOVERS OF DISTRICT 12” and turn away to find Cortina studying me.  
“My god, look at you. So young and gorgeous,” she says softly as her eyes scan the portrait. I shake my head.  
“Katniss was the beauty, not me.”  
“Oh Katniss Everdeen has always been pretty enough. I think Cinna made her even more beautiful for the sponsors but you can definitely tell she is from an outlining district.” I startle. What is that supposed to mean?   
“I’m from the same district as her,” I say a little heatedly. “I grew up not far from where she grew up.”  
“Barbaric place, from what I heard. My mother told us stories from Father’s Victory Tour often. Said he couldn’t stomach the smell of 11 or 12 for very long.” My eyes narrow at her comment.   
“12 has flourished like the rest of Panem. We’re a popular tourist destination now.”  
“Oh yes I’ve heard,” she says arily, not looking remotely abashed. “You’ve done wonders for the country, Peeta! I just mean…before the Rebellion. 12 wasn’t such a popular place then, was it?” I can’t deny the truth in her words but I’m still rather irritated. I merely grunt and move away from the portait but Cortina decides to follow me. I manage to lose her when she stops to admire a hall of costumes from the Tribute Parades. I blush when I see some of the other costumes our tributes from 12 had to wear; thank God for Cinna and Portia. I don’t doubt I would have been parading around naked and covered in coal dust, which is what the tributes 2 years before us had to wear. I turn the corner and freeze; the entire room is a tribute to Cinna and the Mockingjay outfits. I remember each and every dress, seeing Katniss in these, thinking she couldn’t have been more beautiful. A glass case contains all of the wedding gowns Cinna designed for that stupid game show Ceasar hosted, where the people got to choose Katniss’s dress. I remember sitting at Haymitch’s and watching her come out in each one, until he threw a bottle at me and told me if I gasped any more I would pass out and he wouldn’t be the one to revive me. Could he blame me though? She was stunning, and she was trying on her wedding dress, to marry me in. For one moment I forgot that it was all fake. That we were being forced to do it. For a moment, I imagined our wedding day and how happy I would be.  
Then the reading of the card took place and my world turned upside down again.   
I shake myself and move on, glancing at the gowns but not spending much time there. This was when she was a Capitol puppet…when we were both puppets, determined to do what we had to to keep our families safe.  
And look how that turned out.  
I shake myself again and move from the room, finding myself in a room that is a tribute to Portia and my prep team. I recognize all of the clothes, for they were designed for me. My costumes from the tribute parades, the flame outfit they dressed me in the night of the interviews…the night I told the world I was in love with Katniss Everdeen. The white suit they put me in for the Quell interviews, when I told the world Katniss was having my baby.   
I groan and run my fingers through my styled hair. I glance down at my suit and back to Portia’s creation. Why do I feel like I am right back where I started?  
I need to get out of here. I nearly run into Blight’s son and murmer an apology before I’m taking off down the hall.   
This place is a damn maze. I pass through the weapon room, another room that has details on the Victors’ skills, and another that has a giant state of Katniss and me with the berries. I don’t stop until I see the Exit sign, and I rest my hand on the wall, trying to steady my breathing.   
“Shit,” I groan, feeling much too hot and I hurriedly tear at my tie and collar.   
“Peeta?” I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing I don’t want to see Cortina Braun right now and hear her gushing about her perfect Victor father. But I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Pamela, her brow furrowed in concern.  
“Are you alright?”  
“Fine,” I say through gritted teeth. “I just needed a moment.” She nods knowingly.  
“This museum will be great for the Capitol people who adore the Games…Districts 1 and 2, who have never stopped talking about them. But children of Victors…friends, we won’t be able to come see this place. It feels like a burial site, like we will never let them rest in peace.”   
“I won’t open it if that’s how you feel.”  
“If it’s not personal, it’s a great tribute to the Victors. People will love it. I hate it.”  
“I do too,” I mutter. She nods and pats my shoulder.  
“I’d stay away from the top floor, if I were you. It’s pretty graphic and you don’t look like you can handle much more.”   
“There needs to be a fucking warning for that room,” Blight’s son grumbles as he approaches. “So kids don’t go in there.”  
“Kids were required to watch the Games every year, what difference does it make if they see it now?”  
“Because kids today don’t have to worry about that stuff! Our kids today are free from that bullshit.”  
“What’s on the top floor,” I ask warily. Pamela glances at me.  
“Holo images of the Victors’ final showdowns in the Arena.” I feel sick and clutch the wall again.   
“Yeah, that’s how I felt too when I watched my dad bashing in the head of the kid from 4,” he says, taking a swig from his flask. Pamela rolls her eyes but I close mine and will the room to stop spinning.   
Can I, as the President of Panem and a Victor, in good conscience, open this place to the public? When I and so many others are uncomfortable with it?  
I need to talk to Katniss. She hasn’t seen it but she can give me her opinion. I’ll always value hers over anyone else’s.   
“I’m ready for lunch,” Blight’s son mutters, wiping his mouth.  
“The café has agreed to have a soft open for us,” I gesture them forward. “Right this way.” 

After lunch, I thank the Victors’ families and head back to the mansion to call Katniss. She doesn’t pick up immediately and I hold my breath until the phone picks up.  
“Helloooooo?” I grin at my son’s voice.  
“Hey buddy, it’s Daddy!”  
“Daddy!”  
“Yeah! Is your mama around?”  
“Daddy I swimmed in a big pool today and Mama watcheded me and I swimmed across the big pool!”  
“That’s so great, bud. I’m proud of you. Where’s your mom?”   
“Daddy, I ated a crayon but don’t tell Mama.” I shake my head, holding in my laughter.  
“Rye, I really need to talk to Mama. Can you get her for me?”   
“Rye? Who’s on the phone, sweetie?”  
“Daddy!”  
“Oh let Mama have that. Peeta?”  
“Hey sweetheart,” my heart speeds up at the sound of her voice. “Is everything ok?”  
“Everything’s fine. I tripped over that stupid cat this morning and hurt my ankle so I’m a little slower than our little boy.”  
“Are you ok?”  
“Peeta, I’m fine. What’s the matter with you?”  
“Why do you think something is the matter?”  
“Because I know you well.” I sigh; she’s right and I start to tell her about the Victors museum. I listened to the families’ concerns and criticisms as we ate our lunch and Pamela’s declaration basically goes for everyone; it’s personal to us and therefore, we are uncomfortable with it.  
“I don’t think I’m the best person to tell you what to do, Peeta,” she says slowly.  
“Katniss, your opinion is the one I value most of all.”  
“But I hate the Games. Everything about them. And I know you think we should keep around reminders so that we never go back to those times but I would never step foot in a place like that.”  
“It was interesting, seeing all the Victors back to the first games! And the exhibits are interesting…if it’s not reminding you of a more terrible time in your life.”   
“Oh yeah? It’s full of the weapons we used and the clothes we wore?”  
“Actually, yeah,” I say slowly. “There was a whole room dedicated to Portia’s creations…and Cinna’s.” She’s quiet and I bite my lip.   
“They would have liked that,” she says quietly. I know her; she’s holding back her tears and I sigh deeply.  
“I don’t know what to do, Katniss.”  
“You can still open it, Peeta, and just never go there--“  
“No, I mean…I don’t know what to do…anymore.”  
“What do you mean?” My eyes fall on a picture on my desk. It’s right after Rye was born, the four of us sitting on the bed. I think Annie or Haymitch or maybe Finn took it, but I love the picture. We’re all smiling, looking so happy. Even Rye has a broad grin on his tiny face and he was just a few weeks old. Willow has her arms wrapped around her baby brother and Katniss and I are sitting close.   
“When I saw my outfits that Portia created…mainly the one I wore for our interviews for the Quell…it looks a lot like many of the suits I wear now.” She’s silent, waiting for me to continue.  
“I feel like I’ve made a full circle…and I don’t like it. I’m from District 12. I was born there, I grew up there…so why am I still living in the Capitol? Why am I still dressing like I was born in the Capitol? One of the girls who was there today, she said something about you that really rubbed me the wrong way. She said that it was obvious that you were from an outlining district. And another…she said that her mother, Cecilia, told her that you didn’t look like you belonged in the Capitol but I did. Do I seem like a Capitol boy, Katniss?”  
“Of course not, Peeta. You’re a Merchant boy through and through.”   
“It shouldn’t bother me as much as it does. I mean…I’ve been trying to destroy that way of thinking. That Capitolites are so much different than the rest of us. Us and Them. The way we think. The way we have always thought. I hate it. And yet I still feel it, because I feel like I am turning into a Capitolite and that scares the hell out of me.”  
“Peeta listen to me. You are as gentle and loving and kind as ever. And I’m not saying that Capitolites aren’t but you know what hard work is. You grew up working in a bakery. Your hands tell a story, of knowing struggle. You ate stale bread for dinner, you didn’t feast on rich foods. The Capitol was as much of a shock to you as it was to me.   
Haven’t I always told you that your scars tell a story? I used to wonder why they didn’t polish me and wipe away my scars, because I didn’t want to be reminded of that horrible day. And now I’m glad they didn’t because they remind me what we endured and conquered. What we fought for. What we’ve won. And I guarantee that no Capitolite has endured half of what you have gone through. 12 will always be in your blood, Peeta. You’re my boy with the bread, after all.”   
I smile at her name for me and blink back tears.  
“Thanks honey. I need to go, I’m late for a meeting with the board.”  
“Ok, I need to get the kids to their horseback lesson anyway. Call me tonight?”  
“Of course. I love you, Katniss.”  
“I love you too.” 

When we hang up, I glance in the mirror and sigh. Katniss is right. No matter where I live, 12 will always be my home. 

\--

I throw my wallet and phone into the wall and fling myself onto my bed. Damn it! Valentines Day falls on a weekday this year and of course I’m not able to spend it with Katniss. The past few years haven’t been overly romantic; with two kids, it’s hard to actually put effort into romance and I know Katniss doesn’t really care about that sort of thing but I was hoping to do something special. When I told the Committee I wanted to fly home for a few days, they freaked out, saying I can’t leave right as they are about to open the new hospital and school. I have to be here for the ribbon cutting, they plead, and can’t I celebrate the holiday with my wife later.   
On top of that, Cortina Braun has made another contribution to the hospital, so the board wanted me to invite her to the Valentine Ball that is being held at my mansion tomorrow night. I feel uncomfortable with the young girl; her longing glances and her soft touches on my arm or even a brush against my chest tells me she’s not just coming to contributors’ meetings because she wants to make donations. But I called her earlier and invited her and said she may bring an escort; I want to make sure she knows I’m not her date. She squealed and said she would love to come and I hung up, feeling worse than ever.  
I’m not stupid or naïve, despite what Katniss may believe. I’ve been aware of how the opposite sex views me. The fact is, it’s never mattered to me because if Katniss wasn’t looking at me, then I didn’t care who was. Even in school, I took a few girls out and flirted with quite a few but the one who really mattered wasn’t sparing me a glance. Well come to find out, she actually was and I was just missing them all along. 

I bury my face in the pillow, the one that still smells like her, and sigh. Damn it. I just want to go home and see my family. I had to miss this weekend due to the opening of the Victors Archives museum and now I’m not sure if I’ll make it home next weekend either. And today being Valentines day…spending it without my love, those frilly hearts and stupid arrow-wielding-cupids make me even more sick. I can’t see an arrow without thinking of my huntress back at home. I angrily sit up and pull my shirt over my head, throwing it aside. Poor Brittany got the brunt of my aggrivation this morning, when she tried to surprise me with a giant heart-shaped cake. It was lumpy and the frosting was everywhere and I yelled that it was a mess and it was a baker’s worst nightmare. I found her afterwards and apologized profusely; the poor girl is dumb as bricks but her heart is in the right place. Jemma was smart and kept the hearts and cupids away from me today. Krella wasn’t so smart and tried to give me a heart-shaped box of candy; I nearly threw it in her face but forced myself to say thank you and retreat from the room before I made a scene.   
My phone rings and I groan as I reach over for it.   
“Hello?”  
“Happy Valentines Day, Mr. President,” comes a cheery voice, which makes my brow raise.  
“You’re unusually chipper for this holiday, Mrs. Mellark. I hope your husband made it a good one for you.”  
“He’s away, saving the world and all.” I snort and shake my head.   
“I miss you.”  
“I miss you too, Peeta. Stop feeling guilty that you couldn’t come see us. I know that museum opening was important.”  
“Not more important than my family! And that hospital and school are opening this weekend…” I trail off, sighing.  
“It’s alright, Peeta. We understand.”   
“I promise I’ll make it up to you,” I say weakly. “Did you at least get my flowers?”  
“I did and they’re beautiful. Rory asked Willow to come into the bakery this morning to help out, apparently they were very busy. Willow has been frosting cookies all day. You’d be so proud.”  
“I already am. Tell her Daddy loves her. That I love both of them.”  
“They know, Peeta. I need to go. I’ll talk to you soon. I love you!” I stare at the phone, surprised at the abrupt ending. Sighing, I fling it aside and settle back on the bed. Before I know it, my eyes are closing and I find myself in a dream world with Katniss and her lack of clothing makes me grin in my sleep. 

When I wake up, my stomach is growling. I change into a pair of soft lounge pants and a white tee shirt, and stand up to stretch my aching muscles. Deciding I should find some dinner, I head downstairs, ignoring those damn frilly hearts all over the place.   
“Well there you are. Thought you were going to sleep the day away!”  
“I was trying to, Jemma. But my stomach woke me up. Any plans for dinner?”  
“Already made you some, honey,” she pats my arm and sets a tray in front of me. It’s too much for one person and I glance at her uncertainly.  
“I’m not THAT hungry, Jemma.”  
“You might be later. Why don’t you eat in your room? Perhaps put a movie on and relax a little?” No one wants a sulking president around, I guess, so I carry the tray back to my room and pop a grape into my mouth as I push the door open.   
What I see makes me immediately start choking on the grape. Flower petals (not roses thankfully) cover my floor and lead to my bed, where lying in a pile of petals, wearing lingerie and a sly grin, is my perfect wife.


	61. Chapter 61

Peeta immediately starts to choke, which was NOT what I was counting on. I jump off the bed and run to him as he beats on his chest. 

“Ka-Katniss,” he gasps, his eyes watering.

“Not the response I was hoping for,” I say softly. “Are you ok?” He nods and clears his throat.

“Sorry. Just…surprised.”

“Um…surprise,” I hold out my arms uncertainly, feeling exposed and awkward. My arms fall back to my sides and I cross my legs. Peeta stares at me for the longest time, as if he’s uncertain if I’m real or not. Then he swiftly picks me up, carries me to the bed, and kneels beside me. 

“I can’t even…are you real? I feel like if I touch you, you’ll vanish.” I gently pull his hand up and place it over my breast. His eyes darken and he squeezes, grinning at my moan. I take his other hand and pull his fingers into my mouth, sucking on them one by one and keeping my eyes locked on his. He leans me back onto the bed, leaning over me, his fingertips making the softest touches down my stomach and across my thighs. He picks at the hem of my red negligee and grunts.

“I got mad every time I saw one of these damn frilly hearts today. Just reminded me that I’m not at home with you.” I glance down at the offending heart-covered material and smirk at him.

“If you don’t like it, take it off me,” I say softly. His brow quirks and a smirk crosses his face as he lifts it over my head and flings it aside, leaving me in my red satin thong. I don’t wear the fancy underwear that much, unless it’s a special ocassion. I’m content in my simple cotton and I know Peeta doesn’t mind. But I do love the way his eyes light up when he sees me in something different. His head drops to my chest and he takes my nipple between his teeth, tugging gently. I toss my head back into the pillow and clutch at his hair.

“Peeta!”

“You are so beautiful, Katniss. So perfect.” He moves to show the other breast the same amount of attention and his fingers circle my belly button. He releases my breast with a wet pop and his eyes are black with lust.

“Are you wet for me right now, Katniss?” My legs part on their own and he reaches between my thighs and rubs me over my underwear. The satin is surely ruined. 

“Fuck, you are. You’re seeping through your panties.”

“Which I bought for you, by the way.”

“Oh I love them. But it’s been over three weeks since I have tasted you and right now, I am starving.” My breath hitches at his words and how quickly he moves. But he doesn’t rip my panties off like I halfway expect him to. He bends down and I feel his tongue over the material; just enough to drive me mad. My eyes narrow; he knows exactly what he is doing. 

“Peeta please.” He nudges my panties aside with his nose and I feel the first touch of his tongue on my smooth skin. I went all out last night and shaved and groomed and primped and readied myself as much as I could. Having kids doesn’t give you a lot of time to put thought into your appearance. Even when I bought lingerie at Christmas time, I hadn’t shaved and was sure Peeta would say something about the bit of hair on my legs. Of course he didn’t but I wanted everything to be wonderful for him today. He sounded so upset earlier when he said he couldn’t come home. I wanted to tell him I was already here in the Capitol, on my way to him but I decided surprising him would be better. Thank goodness Jemma was able to help me sneak into the house. When Peeta went down to the kitchen, I snuck into his room, spread the flower petals around, changed clothes and waited for him on the bed. 

He hooks his fingers around the material and pulls them down my legs, before burying his face between my thighs. He sucks and laps at me like a starving man in the desert. My teeth bury in my lip as I look down to see him watching me. His bright blue eyes seem to sparkle in the sliver of light coming from his lamp. He pulls back, his tongue keeping teasing touches and making me squirm. He sucks on his fingers before he pushes two inside me, crooking them the way he knows I love. I clutch his hair in one fist while I grasp at my own with the other. Oh my god, the way he is working me tells me I am in for a long night. Good thing I slept the whole time on the hovercraft. 

He slowly pushes in and out, making my hips buck every time he swipes across my clit, but his fervor takes over and he starts to finger me roughly. I scream at the change of pace and blush, remembering there are others in the house. I grab a pillow and stuff it over my face and hear him grunt.

“No. None of that. This house is huge and since Jemma already knows you’re here, she’ll keep everyone away. I want to hear your screams and moans all night long.” I shake my head but can’t find my words. Shit what is he doing to me? His tongue flicks across my clit, before his lips close around it and he sucks ferverently. 

“Yes baby. I want to feel you come around my fingers. Fuck you’re so tight.” He brings his other hand to my mouth and pushes two fingers past my lips. 

“Show me what you’re going to do to my dick later.” I swirl my tongue around his digits, sucking on them and tasting sugar. He was in the bakery earlier today. The man is practically made of sugar! He pulls his fingers from my mouth and trails them down my thighs. I jump and moan deeply as I feel him push his index finger against my other hole. 

“God yes, Katniss. Come for me baby. Squeeze my fingers.” I come a second later, moaning his name. I never would have though I would be so vocal in bed but I know he loves it and I don’t deny him hearing me scream his name. 

He kisses my damp forehead and then my lips, sucking my tongue into his mouth. He rests between my thighs, still fully clothed. There is something strangely arousing about being completely naked underneath him while he is still dressed. But I haven’t seen or touched him in weeks- last time he was home, he wanted to spend time with the kids and we didn’t get a moment to ourselves. I pull at his shirt until he sits up and helps me pull it over his head. My nails rake across his chest and I lean in to kiss his nipple, my tongue following the pattern of scars down his stomach to where that line of hair disappears beneath his waistband. He groans as my tongue follows that path, and I grip the sides of his pants but don’t pull them down. His wide eyes meet mine, his hair hanging in his flushed face and his breathing growing heavier. He is so beautiful. 

“What do you want, Peeta?” I ask in a husky voice.

“I…”

“Peeta,” I say again. “What do you want?” 

“Take me in your mouth. Please. I want to come in your mouth and then I want to come inside you later.” Sounds good to me! I suck him dry and give him a little while to catch his breath while we eat our dinner, naked, before we are ready to go again. He’s delighted when I bring out the handcuffs from my bag and soon, I’m on all fours, chained to the headboard. I lose count of how many orgasms he’s given me and the sheets are completely soaked by the time he pulses deep inside me. He rests his forehead on my back and pants against my skin. He gently kisses up to my hands before he unchains me and throws the wet blankets aside so he can pull me into his arms. His body still quivers from his orgasm, and I suck at his neck, tasting the salt and the everpresent sugar and just Peeta. 

“Happy Valentines Day,” I sigh against his chest.

“Mm, I was never a huge fan of this holiday but it may be my favorite now.”

“You say that about every holiday that we make love,” I chuckle. 

“Well that’s true,” he concedes. “Thank you, Katniss. You coming here to be with me…this means the world.”

“Annie and Riley are taking Finn, Coral, and Ana to 4 for a few days and offered to take Willow and Rye. They invited me but Annie encouraged me to come here for a   
few days, so I wanted to surprise you. When I called, I was already in the Capitol and wanted to tell you, especially when you sounded so disappointed.”

“I just miss you so much,” he sighs. “All of you.”

“We miss you too, Peeta,” I assure him. It hasn’t been easy, the weeks without him but I see on TV how much of a difference he is making to Panem and I am so proud of him. Our nightmares still come but we have learned to manage without each other. In a way, I think it’s a good thing that we’re not so co-dependent anymore. There was a time in my life when I couldn’t even let him out of my sight. After we returned to 12, I was so convinced someone would take him from me again that I kept him close by at all times. It wasn’t exactly a healthy relationship. This way, he can focus on his work and come home to us on the weekends. It’s not ideal but it works. 

“How long are you staying,” he yawns. 

“How long do you want me to stay?”

“Well, forever, but I know that’s not your plan. You just want to stay through the weekend?”

“I’ll have to get in touch with Annie and see how long they are planning to be gone. I don’t want to assume they can babysit for that long.”

“What about Haymitch and Effie?”

“Effie is still very tired all the time and can barely keep up with the kids. Haymitch still invites them over but it takes a toll on Effie.” Peeta looks concerned.

“I thought she was doing better.”

“She has good days and she has bad days. No matter what they say, the cancer is still there. It’s not gone for good. She’s in partial remission is what her doctor is saying.”

“So she’s going to a doctor in 12?”

“Actually, they are keeping an eye on her from here. She’s got an appointment in a few months to do some tests and see how everything looks but for the most part, they send her the medications and talk to her over the phone.”

“Poor Haymitch,” he sighs. “I can’t imagine.”

“She makes an effort, for him. But he’s a Victor. He can see through deceit.” 

“I wanted to stay up longer with you but you’ve tired this old man out.” I laugh and push his hair out of his eyes. 

“Well get some rest. You’ve got me all week so we can do this as often as you like.”

“Don’t tempt me like that,” he mutters and I kiss his nose.

“Let’s get up and take a shower and maybe change these sheets.”

“Why? They’re just going to get dirty again. As are you.”

“What a cocky president you are.” His brow quirks.

“Cocky? I prefer optimistic. If my wife has flown all the way to the Capitol to spend Valentines Day with me, I would hope she plans to be naked the entire time.”

“I didn’t say I would get dressed,” I can’t help but laugh at his childish pout. “I just want to clean up a little. And I’m a little hungry. That sandwich didn’t really hit the spot.” 

“Ok then,” he jumps up and strips the bed. I go into the bathroom to turn the water on and he comes up behind me.

“Put the stopper in. Let’s take a bath instead. Relax a little.” I do as he says and wait while the water fills the tub. He changes the sheets while I make sure the water is warm enough and I turn it off before it spills over the side.

“After you,” he holds out his arm and I slide into the hot water. It soothes my aching muscles and I sigh contendly.

“Don’t get too comfortable without me,” he warns before he lowers himself in front of me. I lean against the wall and wrap my arms around his chest, pulling him between my legs. He bends down to take off his prosthetic and leans it against the tub. My lips meet his shoulders and neck and he tilts his head back onto my breasts, releasing a tiny moan.

“I’ve missed this.”

“You act like you haven’t seen me in years,” I chuckle as I splash him with water.

“Sometimes it feels like that,” he protests, holding his hand up to block the water. I reach for a washcloth and trail it over his chest. 

“I know. I don’t like the distance any more than you do. But you’re doing some great things and I’m so proud of you, Peeta.”

“The kids know how much I miss them, don’t they?”

“Of course they do. They understand their daddy is doing important things. You make more time for them than you were able to when we were here. We’re ok, Peeta. We’re going to be ok.” He closes his eyes and tilts his head back onto my chest, his curls tickling my nipple. I kiss his forehead and wrap my arms and legs around him, holding him close. If I was a little taller, I would be able to reach his cock with my foot. I move to the side just a little, trying not to disturb him. This way I can reach around and grasp him. He gasps when I close my hand around him and I slide more to the side so I am not straining to touch him. I love the way he feels in my hand. Everything about him from the weight of him in my palm to the silky smoothe skin that covers his head. I slide my palm down his length, smiling when it slowly rises above the water. He turns his head and nuzzles my neck, his teeth pulling at my earlobe. I tug at his hair so I can bring his lips to mine and he complies; our tongues clash together as I stroke him, every so now and again running my thumb over his head and feeling him jerk his hips upwards. He breaks the kiss to gasp my name as I feel him getting closer. 

“Shit Katniss I’m gonna…oh god!” He buries his face in my neck as he pulses in my hand. I stroke him a few more times as he shudders against me, my body holding his up. He turns on his stomach and pulls me down so only my head is above the water. His smile and the sparkle in his eyes says enough. He doesn’t speak as he leans down to claim my lips as his own and I allow it. 

We kiss until the water starts to turn cold and he sits on the edge of the tub to pull on his prosthetic as I wrap a towel around myself. I guess he’s had enough time to recover because as I am opening the bathroom door, he slams me against it and wraps my legs around his waist. Our towels fall to the floor, forgotten, as he thrusts up into me and I bang my head against the door. I will never get tired of this feeling. Of him inside me, claiming me, making me his. 

“Scream my name, Katniss,” he growls in my ear before biting down on the sensitive flesh.

“P-Peeta,” I can only whimper.

“I can’t hear you. Scream it, Katniss. Scream it when I make you come.” His hips slam against mine and I know I will be sore tomorrow. The door is making marks on   
my back but I don’t care; I wrap my arms around his neck as he pulls me roughly down to him. He unwinds one arm from my back and holds my leg up, making him go even deeper. I feel the rough pads of his fingers on my clit and everything is wonderful and I see stars and OH GOD, he’s right there with me, pulsing inside me. I scream loudly as I clench around his cock and he cries out my name as well. He slides out of me and sits us on the toilet, holding my quivering body as I recover from the aftershocks. 

“Holy shit,” he pants against my shoulder.

“That didn’t do anything for my appetite,” I scold him. He chuckles softly and kisses my wet hair.

“My appetite is quite sated. You go ahead and get dressed and I’ll go down and make you something to eat.” He kisses my forehead, picks up the towel, and walks back to our bedroom. I sit on the toilet seat, naked, trying to catch my breath. What has this man done to me? Ruined me, destroyed me, conquered me, made me his…and I absolutely love it. I’ve allowed him to do all of that, to change me. 

Looking in the mirror, I cock my head and smile at my flushed reflection. Katniss Mellark. Married a baker who is now the President of Panem. And mother to the most beautiful children in the world. 

I quickly braid my hair and grab my suitcase from under the bed. I pull on a pair of soft black pants and a red camisole before brushing my teeth. I hear the bedroom door open and Peeta appears with a tray of food.

“That was fast.”

“I can whip these up in my sleep now,” he says as he sets a plate of cheesebuns on the bed. My eyes light up as I dive for one and he chuckles and shakes his head.

“There’s more substantial food on that tray too.”

“I see it,” I mumble as I grab another cheesebun. 

“I should take you to the bakery tomorrow. I just introduced three new items on the menu. This location is the only one that has them right now.”

“Rory did say you had some new things coming. Willow is having a ball with--“ I stop at Peeta’s gasp.

“What’s wrong?”

“Ball. I completely forgot…we’re having a Valentine Ball here tomorrow night.” 

“Ok,” I say uncertainly. Why is he so pale? “If you want me to go elsewhere, I can. I did sort of surprise you after all…”

“Of course not, Katniss! You’ll be my date of course. That is, if you want to come,” he adds with a stammer.

“I didn’t really bring anything nice enough for a ball,” I say, reaching toward my suitcase. “I suppose I could see if I have anything in the closet, since I left all my   
formal dresses here.”

“We can go to Effie’s academy tomorrow and buy you a new one. You don’t have to come, if you don’t want--“

“I want to be there by your side,” I cut him off. He smiles and nods.

“It will be good for Cortina to see you by my side.”

“Who is Cortina?”

“Augustus Braun’s daughter. The one I told you was making countless contributions to the Capitol funds? She’s young and overenthusiastic. Like most Capitol girls   
I’ve seen.” 

“Ah, the one who has been fawning over you since the day she met you.” He fidgets uncomfortably.

“Katniss, you know I haven’t--“

“I know, Peeta,” I cut him off again and he sucks in a breath. “I imagine there will be lots of Victors’ children there?”

“We’ve extended the invitation across the Capitol but not the districts. The Committee came up with the idea, I just offered to host it. But Cecilia’s daughter, Pamela should be here and I think you’ll like her. I liked her mother when we met her.”

“She was kind to me,” I nod. “But then, she probably knew what was going to happen to us.”

“You mean being Reaped again? How would she know--“

“Not being Reaped. Being sold.” He clamps his mouth shut and his nostrils flare. I don’t know how many Victors Snow sold but after Finnick’s confession, it became   
clear that most of the Victors had been forced into things they didn’t want to do. As Johanna told us before, by blackmail or threat, Snow got his way.   
We’re quiet as I finish the cheesebuns and eat some of the pasta that he prepared. He takes the tray back downstairs and when he comes back up, we curl up under the blankets.

“So Jemma helped sneak you in, am I right?”

“Yeah but she was supposed to distract you earlier. She said you had fallen asleep and she didn’t want to disturb you. When you went down to the kitchen, she seized the opportunity and snuck me in here.” He chuckles against my cheek and wraps his arms around me. Moments later, though, he sits up and pulls his shirt over his head.

“That’s the thing I hate the most about this room. No windows.” 

“Here, I’ll help you cool off.” I tug at his pants and throw them across the room so he is just in his boxer briefs. He watches me for a moment, before gesturing for me to do the same.

“I don’t think that will cool you off,” I giggle as his fingers slide under my camisole.

“You’re the girl on fire. Like I have EVER been cool around you.” I roll my eyes and push my pants down my legs. He slides the camisole over my head and I cross my   
arms over my chest.

“It’s still winter outside, Peeta.”

“I can keep you warm enough.” 

“I’m sure you can. But what about keeping you cool?” he pulls me down to the bed and wraps me in his embrace. His nipples press against my back and he shifts his hips so his cock is resting right between my cheeks. 

“Won’t this lead to some morning problems?”

“Don’t really care,” he says through a yawn. “I dream about waking up to you naked so I will seize that opportunity when I can.” He kisses my hair and I feel his steady breathing on the back of my neck. He falls asleep rather quickly and the smile on his face tells me his dreams are peaceful and pleasant. I snuggle deeper into his grasp and follow him in sleep.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I wake up to a familiar sensation between my legs, I reach down to grasp a handful of golden curls. His eyes sparkle up at me and he pulls away, licking his lips.

“Good morning,” he says huskily before he places a kiss on my clit.

“Ah! Good morning. Wh-what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m enjoying my breakfast.”

“Oh…god,” my eyes flutter shut as his tongue laps at me from entrance to clit. He brings me to the edge twice before he allows me to fall over it, and then he is sliding   
into me and raising me up for a third time; he falls with me and we quickly jump up to get a shower and get ready for the day.

“I’d forgotten I agreed to meet with a few designers for the Ball tonight. Just the decorating committee. Do you want to come with me and we can stop by the bakery for some breakfast?”

“Thought you already had breakfast,” I tease him. He licks his lips and narrows his eyes.

“I did but you haven’t yet.” I lean forward to kiss him, reaching down to cup him through his pants.

“Perhaps there will be time for dessert later.” He flushes pink.

“There’s always time for dessert.”

“Says the baker,” I say with a smile before I kiss him again. 

“Come on trouble, I’m already late.” 

He drags me around town but insists on introducing me everywhere we go. First to the decorators and then the construction crew when we stop by the new hospital and then the few board members we encounter on our way into the bakery. Every time someone new comes up him, he beams and turns to me, and I can hear the eagerness in his voice when he introduces me as his wife. It reminds me of the young Peeta, the one who, had we not been Reaped, I would have run into at the bakery and maybe, eventually, he would have worked up the nerve to talk to me. I imagine him courting me, bringing cupcakes to the Seam for Prim and me and Mom. He would have asked my mother if he could take me out but we wouldn’t really have anywhere to go, so we would sit at my table and sip tea and get to know each other. He would have shyly grasped my hand at school and I can just hear his boyish laugh whenever I would scowl at him. He would have invited me over for dinner one night, proudly telling his mother than he loved me and nothing she said would change that. 

What a different life we could have had. If only I had thanked him for the bread…would it have given him the courage to confess his feelings for me earlier? 

“Katniss?” I blink and see Peeta and Lystra watching me and I know he was probably calling my name.

“Are you alright?” He looks worried.

“Fine, just in a daze. How are you Lystra?”

“Well, Mrs. Mellark, and you?”

“Doing well, thank you.”

“What did you want for lunch, honey?” He wraps his arm around my waist and studies the menu.

“Do you really need to look at that,” Lystra laughs. “You created the whole thing.”

“Yeah but going back and forth between my bakery back home and this location can get confusing. Oh, I’ll have the turkey bacon avacado sandwich. How are those chess squares selling?”

“They sold out this morning. Tamago had to make two more batches. Katniss, do you want to try one?”

“Chocolate chess squares,” he tells me. “They’re delicious.”

“Might as well then. I used to be the taste tester for the bakery. I need to try all the new things.” 

We eat our lunch in pleasant silence save for the times that one of Peeta’s customers comes over to fawn over him, or thank him for everything. He merely pulls me closer and tells them loudly that he couldn’t have done any of it without the love of his life by his side. I can’t help but shoot smug looks at the simpering girls. That’s right, ladies. Love of his life. That’s me. Always has been. Always will be. 

Peeta knows exactly what I am thinking and he softly chuckles in my ear as he kisses my temple. When we finish lunch, Peeta calls for a car to take us to Effie’s academy. I quite like most of Effie’s assistants. She has trained them all herself and they take their craft and Effie’s legacy very seriously. Rayna, who is originally from District 8, takes it upon herself to find something ‘enchanting’ for Peeta and me. Peeta shakes his head, assuring her that he has many fine suits at home and that we are just here for me this time. Rayna grabs my hand and I shoot Peeta a desperate look over my shoulder. He can only smile as he sits in the waiting area while I am shoved into a dressing room. 

Rayna is one of Effie’s favorite students, and she is quite good at what she does. She brings me a stunning red dress made of satin and pearls. I quickly flash back to Cinna’s first dress, the one I wore for my interviews and I shake myself. Rayna’s face falls slightly.

“Mrs. Mellark, if you would rather wear something else…”

“No Rayna, it’s beautiful.” 

“You look beautiful in any color. I just thought this would be appropriate for the holiday. I also have a lovely pink dress--“

“This one is perfect. Thank you.” 

She quickly bags it and promises to deliver it to the mansion later on. Peeta thanks her, leads me back to the car, and grasps my hand while we ride back to the mansion. 

When we pull up, I’m surprised to see the car pulling further up the path than I have ever seen it. I suppose I have never paid attention to the path that the cars take but we are silent as Peeta wraps his arm around my waist and leads me into the house. There is a difference entrance. I don’t even recognize the gardens or the fountains around the back. I stop and Peeta watches me, bemused.

“Is everything ok?”

“I just…don’t really recognize anything. I mean…I guess I never paid attention to it before but is this…this is the same mansion, isn’t it?”

“The same mansion,” he repeats. “What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t look the same as when Ballytynn lived here. Or Snow, for that matter.” His brow furrows. 

“Katniss…do you honestly think I was going to leave it the way it was? The way it looked when we came here to celebrate our fake engagement? The way it looked when I was brought here as Snow’s ‘guest’ so he could torture me? The way it was when Ballyntynn sold my wife? I ordered for things to be knocked down and rebuilt and changed the moment I took office.” I feel like an idiot for never noticing before. Or never even thinking about it. How was I ok with living in the house my husband was tortured in? I feel sick and I press my palm against the brick wall. He is at my side, running his hands up and down my arms.

“It’s ok,” he keeps saying. Enobaria’s last words keep playing in my head. 

\---I was having dinner with the president while they twisted and tortured your little baker here. I stayed in the mansion and could hear his screams.---

“Bernard bring us a glass of water please,” I hear Peeta’s panicked voice. I shake my head.

“I’m fine,” I hear myself say.

“You don’t look fine. You’re whiter than a sheet.” He steers me inside and stops in the kitchen.

“Jemma hand me a glass of water please.” I feel the glass touch my lips and soft fingers stroking my hair.

“Drink,” he says softly. I obediently take two sips and shake my head again.

“I’m fine,” I repeat. 

“Let’s go up and rest a little.” His hand on my lower back, he leads me up to our bedroom and I glance around, wondering what else has been renovated or changed completely. Once we are in the bedroom, he sets the water down on the table and urges me to sit down.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

“I’m fine, Peeta. Just felt a little lightheaded. I’m better now.”

“ Katniss, what happened out there?” 

“Nothing,” I lie. He knows I’m lying but he doesn’t press me. He kisses my forehead and falls onto his back, pulling me down into his arms.

“I’m already exhausted and this thing hasn’t even started yet.”

“Let’s take a nap before the ball,” I curl into his chest and he kisses my hair. He’s asleep before he can even answer.   
\-----------------------------------------

I must have been more tired than I thought because I feel Peeta shaking my shoulders and I pull the blankets over my head. His soft laughter is near my head.

“You can stay here if you want to but I thought you were going to be my date tonight.”

“Ugh fine,” I grunt as I fling back the blanket. His smiling face hovers over mine and he bends down to claim a kiss. I start to gasp for breath as he pulls away and his lips cool my forehead.

“I asked Rayna to arrange for someone to come over to do your hair tonight. I hope that’s ok,” he adds hastily. I shrug and stretch my arms over my head. I’ve never been one for a lot of dressing up but since it is an important event for Peeta, I will do what I need to dress appropriately. 

“Come on, my sleeping beauty. Let’s start getting ready.” He pulls me to my feet and disappears into the closet. My dress, still bagged and covered, hangs from the hook above and I excuse myself to dress in one of the guest rooms down the hall. 

I zip up the dress and study my reflection, turning this way and that. There is a knock at the door and I hear excited voices on the other side. A pale face peeks in and I hear a gasp.

“There she is! Our star!” My eyes widen as the door is pushed open and Octavia and Venia tumble in and embrace me. My old prep team looks much like they once did, only a good bit older. I don’t see Flavius though; before I can ask, Octavia pats my arm. 

“Flavius can barely walk anymore, the poor thing. He asked his daughter to come in his place. Katniss, this is Decima. Decima, this is Katniss Everdeen Mellark. The Mockingjay!” Decima gives me a shy smile. Except for the purple lipstick, she looks completely normal. I remember her father being fond of purple lipstick and orange wigs. All three of them, like Effie, favored brightly colored wigs. I shake Decima’s hand and try to give her a warm smile.

“It’s very nice to meet you.”

“And you, Mrs. Mellark. My father speaks most highly of you.” Surely Flavius wasn’t so much younger than these two women. How old are they exactly? I can’t remember ever asking Cinna about their ages. Perhaps because I had more important things to care about when I first met them. Like how I would survive the Hunger Games. 

“Oh sweetie, you look marvelous,” Octavia squeals. “Still the epitome of a Victor!”

“You can’t even tell you have had children,” Venia chimes in. “I would kill for your figure.” 

I allow them to chatter away while they go to work on my hair and make up. Decima is more quiet than the others and I even catch her rolling her eyes a few times at comments that the ladies make. Clearly not everyone shares the same opinions on fashion and occurrences in the Capitol. 

When they finish, they step aside to allow me to approach the mirror. I asked them to keep my make up minimal and I am pleased to say I can still recognize the girl in front of me. Decima folds her hands and smiles.

“It was such a pleasure to do your make up, Mrs. Mellark. I can’t wait to tell my dad.” 

“You did a beautiful job,” I tell her. “You all did. Thank you so much.”

“It’s always so wonderful to see you, Katniss,” Octavia says as she air-kisses my cheek.

“You must allow us to come help you more often,” Venia adds. I promise to let them know when I am in the Capitol next, and they usher me out the door and down   
stairs where Peeta is waiting for me. 

He doesn’t see me immediately, which gives me a moment to take in his beauty. The black suit jacket stretches over his broad shoulders and chest and a red tie gives him a splash of color. His curls are neatly styled and he waits with his hands folded behind his back. I see him fidgeting nervously and I smile, clearing my throat so his anxiousness will be lessened. He turns and his face breaks into a smile.

“Wow,” he says as he crosses the room to me. 

“Same to you.”

“I will seriously have the most stunning date at the ball.” He kisses my hand and I can’t help but smile. He offers his arm and leads me down the hall to the grand ballroom, the room where we first danced together on our Victory Tour. I start to wonder how different that room will be too.   
Peeta drapes his arm around my shoulder and kisses my cheek.

“I know I say it all the time but I have no words for your beauty.” 

“And I say it all the time too but you are far too sappy for your own good.”

“And you expect anything less?”

“No,” I cup his chin. “You’re still the gentle baker’s son I watched in school. Your kindness shines through your beautiful eyes.” He takes my hand and brings it to his lips.

“I love you.”

“Sap.”   
\---------------------  
The party is in full swing when we enter the room. The music pauses and applause echoes in my ears as Peeta waves and nods, all the while smiling. I try to plaster on a smile as well but it gets more difficult as the night goes on and Peeta continues to introduce me to important people. I am already familiar with the committee board and their wives; many Capitolites I only know by name come over to introduce themselves. Peeta clears his throat when a young woman with a bright smile and more cleavage than I have ever seen, practically runs over to us and bounces on the balls of her feet.

“Katniss, I’d like to introduce you to Mrs. Cortina Braun Travers. Mrs. Travers has made several generous contributions to the Capitol including the new hospital that opens this weekend! Mrs. Travers, this is my wife, Katniss.”

“Katniss Everdeen,” the girl positively squeals as she grabs my hand. “I am seriously over the moon about meeting you. I am such a fan of the star-crossed lovers!” How old can she be? She looks like she’s 12! 

“Thank you,” I glance down as she continues to wring my hand. 

“Peeta has told me such wonderful things about you,” she goes on. I raise my brow and glance sideways at Peeta. He continues to smile, ignoring the awkwardness of the whole thing. 

“And your dress! My gosh, it’s beautiful. Is it a Cinna creation?”

“Inspired by him. It’s from Effie Abernathy’s academy.”

“Gorgeous. She does some of the best work I have seen since Cinna. I loved all your dresses, of course. That wedding collection was to DIE for!” I hold my tongue, not mentioning that Cinna, did in fact, die for that dress. Peeta senses my discomfort and presses a hand to my lower back.

“Excuse us, Cortina, we really should make our way around the room.”

“Of course. So nice to meet you, Katniss.” She gives me a broad smile and turns, her bouncy blonde ringlets almost smacking me in the face. I glance at Peeta but keep my mouth shut as he guides me across the room. Instead of introducing me to more people, he takes me to the refreshment table and offers me a drink. 

“She’s a little…enthusiastic,” he tells me quietly.

“A little? She was practically salivating over you.”

“I wasn’t the one she was complimenting,” he says with a slight frown.

“I wasn’t the one she was staring at with her giant tits sticking out.” His eyes widen and his head swivels around, making sure no one has heard.

“Katniss.” His voice is low and his teeth are gritted. I sigh deeply and sip my punch.

“Sorry. She’s a lovely girl. Now would you like to dance?”

“You read my mind.” He takes my hand and leads me onto the dance floor, spinning me around and making me smile in spite of my earlier annoyance. Peeta has a way of making me smile, even when he barely does anything. I can’t help myself. I hope Cortina is watching as he sweeps me across the dance floor, his hand positioned rather low on my waist. His eyes sparkle as he dips me, giving me a chaste kiss before he pulls me back up and spins me around. 

I was never a fan of dancing but I’m content to spend the night in his arms, safely nestled against his chest. The music has slowed and couples are swaying back and forth around us. My back is pressed to his chest and his arms are wrapped around me, his chin resting on my shoulder. 

“Have I told you how much I love you in this dress,” he whispers.

“You just like the view,” I tease. “This plunging neckline is probably your favorite part.”

“There’s that. And then there’s the fact that I can see clearly you have no panty lines. Which means you are either wearing that red thong you surprised me with, or   
nothing at all.” 

“Wouldn’t you like to find out,” I can’t help but press backwards against him and I hear a sharp intake of breath in my ear.

“This party better end soon,” he growls. 

“Aren’t you always telling me it’s more fun to build up the anticipation?”

“Not right now. I’ve been hard all night, since I first saw you in that dress.” I press my ass against his erection and discover he is right. His length presses into me and I moan softly. 

“Shit,” he mutters against my hair.

“Don’t let Cortina see you like that,” I warn.

“Oh please, you want her to see so she will know what you do to me. What you ALWAYS do to me.” I shrug, not willing to admit that he’s right. I love the way he reacts around me. I always have. It may have embarrassed and surprised me when we were younger but years into our marriage, I love that I can still get him going as much as I did when I was eighteen. We hear someone call his name and I start to move away from him but he grabs my waist and holds me still in front of him. I try to stifle my laughter as he uses me to hide his erection. Two of the Committee men have come over to say hello and congratulate Peeta on a grand party. Peeta thanks them cheerfully but his fingers dig into my hips and I can’t help but press back against him a little more. I hear his sharp intake of breath in my ear and I bite my lip to keep from smiling. 

“We will see you at tomorrow’s meeting, President Mellark. Mrs. Mellark, always a pleasure.” I nod as they give us a low bow and retreat across the room. 

“You are trouble,” he growls in my ear, pressing his hardness against me and I release a tiny moan at the feeling of him against my thin dress. Our clothes are thin and yet it is too many layers. 

“I’m about to say screw this party and take you up to our room so I can fuck you senseless.”

“You can’t leave your own party, Mr. President,” I taunt him as I press back against him one more time before I move to the side. He bends his knees slightly, glancing around, his face growing redder by the minute. I ought to put him out of his misery but I’m having too much fun seeing him like this. One glance downward and I assure him no one could really tell he is having such ‘problems’. He discreetly adjusts his pants behind me and offers me his arm, which I take and allow him to lead me around the room. 

When the party is over and the last guest has gone, however, Peeta takes his revenge by tying me to the bed, blindfolding me, and even ties a silk tie around my mouth so I can’t make any sound. My screams are muffled as he uses toys, his fingers, and his tongue to torture me and I am exhausted by the time is he is slamming into me so hard that I know I will have bruises in the morning. His passion takes over and bite marks and bruises cover my skin. He spanks me multiple times, leaving my ass red and sore. When we finally collapse to the bed, he falls asleep immediately but something keeps me awake. I lie on my back while his arm drapes over my waist. Sometime in the night, he startles and pulls me closer, burying his face in my hair. I snuggle closer to him, turning to face him so I can stroke his hair.

“Ka-nis,” I hear him mumble in his sleep. Smiling, I kiss his nose and close my eyes, hoping to get some sleep before he wakes up.  
\-----------------------------------

He’s gone when I wake up but he’s left me a note explaining that he will be out of his meeting before lunchtime. A glance at the clock tells me I slept in very late and he should be back soon. I jump into the shower and pull on some jeans and a blue and green sweater that Peeta and the kids gave me for Christmas. I am braiding my hair when I hear the door open and I smile as Peeta stands behind me, our eyes meeting in the mirror.

“You all finished with your meeting?” 

“Yep and I told them I’m taking tomorrow off. I hope you brought some warm clothes with you.” I frown.

“But…your ribbon cutting….”

“Isn’t until Friday morning. We’ll be back before then.”

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise. Come on, let’s start packing.” After he changes into more casual clothes, he pulls out a suitcase and starts packing his sweatshirts and warm pants. He throws in thermal socks and boots as well and I am baffled. It’s February and while it is still cold, I definitely don’t need thermal socks. But the look on his face is one of content and happiness. Excitement even. So I give in and start packing my warmest clothes. Luckily I still have a few things in the closet that came from Effie’s academy including a pretty green cowel and a warm black coat. 

“Do I need any fancy dresses where we’re going,” I ask from the closet.

“Nope,” is all he says. He really isn’t going to tell me anything so I sigh as I close my suitcase and he drapes it over his shoulder.

“Ok. You ready?”

“I suppose so.”

“Oh look a little more excited, Katniss. I promise that you’ll like it.” He grasps my hand and leads me down to the car. Bernard must already have directions because he doesn’t say anything as he puts our things into the trunk and closes the door behind us. Peeta gazes out the window, his hand closed around mine and we are silent as we ride to wherever the hell we are going.   
\--------------------------------------

I guess I fall asleep because when I open my eyes, all I can see is white. I sit up and Peeta turns with a smile.

“I was wondering how long you were going to sleep.”

“Guess I didn’t sleep much last night,” I mumble as I rub my eyes. “Wait, is that snow?”

“You’ve seen snow before.”

“Yeah but not that much!” His smile only widens and I stare at him in bemusement. The car stops and Bernard clears his throat.

“Shall I drive you to the door, sir?”

“That’s ok Bernard, here is just fine.” The door opens and again, all I see is white. I’m grateful I’m wearing my boots because when I step out, snow comes up to my shin.

“What the hell?” Peeta jumps out of the car and grins.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” He waves toward a building that I hadn’t noticed initially. I see several soldiers unloading our bags and Peeta wraps his arm around me and leads me inside. 

Inside, it’s warm and smells wonderful. It’s a rustic wooden cabin but the size of the presidential mansion. I gape at Peeta while he thanks the soldiers. He rubs his hands together and turns back to me.

“Surprise!”

“It certainly is. Want to tell me where we are now?”

“We’re just outside the Capitol, up in the mountains. Timothy, one of my Committee board members has this cabin for vacations and he offered it to me for a few   
days. There’s skiing and snowboarding and ice skating and all kinds of outdoor activities here!” His face falls slightly and he bites his lip. “You don’t look too excited.”

“I’m just shocked. Why didn’t you tell me where we were going?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” he shrugs half-heartedly. “I guess…I should have told you.” I hate how dejected he is looking and I shake my head.

“No, this is a wonderful surprise. I can’t wait to spend a few days here with you.” He doesn’t look convinced and I take his face in my frozen hand and he winces but   
doesn’t pull away.

“Really. You know I’m not the best with surprises but it’s a good one. Thank you.” 

“I really want you to have a good time, Katniss. We can do whatever you want to do!”

“It all sounds great but the best part is that I get to be with you.” His smile returns and he presses his forehead to mine.

“Ok, let me check in and get our keys. I’ll be right back.” I wait with Brathen until my husband returns, nearly bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

“We’re all set to go. Brathen, we can see ourselves to our cabin, thank you.” Brathen bows his head.

“Let us know if we can be of service, sir. We are on call, nearby.” Peeta smiles and nods and leads me out into the snow again. Our cabin is not far from the lodge and   
is almost just as big. Peeta whistles as he lets us in and drops our bags in the entry way.

“This is big enough for twenty people!” 

“It’s huge,” I agree. “Look at this tub out here!” Peeta joins me out back and he grins at the gigantic bath tub.

“It’s a Jacuzzi tub. It has hot water and bubbles. We will definitely enjoy that,” he adds with a low growl. I smirk as I move back inside, inspecting the rest of the cabin.   
\-----------------------------------------

Peeta wants to try one of the snow activities immediately but I am freezing and famished so we head to the restaurant inside the lodge, where I fill up on parmesean chicken and something called caprese. The sun goes down quickly and the temperature drops with it. Peeta hurries back to the cabin to get our coats and he hands me a pair of gloves and a hat.

“Here, I want you to stay warm on the ice.”

“That’s a contradiction,” I scowl as he jams the hat on my head, chuckling. 

“Maybe. But we’re going ice skating and I don’t want you to freeze.”

“I’ve never been ice skating before.”

“Neither have I. So we learn together.”   
\-----------------------------------  
I’m only slightly better on the ice than he is; both of us go crashing to the ground multiple times. Peeta takes it all lightly, roaring with laughter as he falls on his ass. I’m grumbling under my breath as I struggle to my feet and Peeta skates around me.

“Isn’t this beautiful, Katniss?”

“Since when are you so into snow and winter?”

“I dunno, I’ve never hated it in 12 but this is up in the mountains, so much further up than we’ve ever been. I wonder why we haven’t tried ice skating before.”

“Probably because we don’t want to go plunging into a frozen lake.”

“Fair enough,” he laughs. “Here, let’s stop up here for a minute.” He helps me sit on the bench and he buys us a hot chocolate to share. I study him as he sits beside me, blowing on the hot liquid. His nose and cheeks are pink, his curls are tucked under his blue hat and his golden eyelashes seem to sparkle with the bits of ice that cling to them. I reach over and brush the snow off his cheek and he turns his face, his lips curled up into an adorable smile. It’s been a long time since I have seen Peeta so carefree. Out here in this winter wonderland, he looks like a giddy sixeen year old. I move my gloved hands down to his neck and pull him closer. His lips crash against mine and one arm wraps around my shoulders while his other keeps the hot chocolate from spilling. We hear a whistle and laughter and break away quickly.

“That’s the best way to stay warm out here,” a man chuckles.

“Forgive him, he’s an ass,” a woman swats at him and shakes her head. Peeta laughs.

“It’s ok, really. But you’re right…I think it’s the best way.” The man shoots him a thumbs up and the woman rolls her eyes.

“How do we take them anywhere, right,” she asks me. I can only shrug. 

“So let me guess. Your first vacation away from the kids,” the man asks as he hands his money over for a hot chocolate.

“How’d you know,” Peeta says softly.

“Us too. The smallest one, Davey, was born last December so it’s been too hard to leave him. The others are five and eleven.”

“My sister lives close by so she likes to babysit but this is the first time we have been out of town, alone, together since Davey was born,” she explains. Peeta nods.

“We’ve, uh, been out of town for business but this is kind of the first time we are getting away to just be together.” 

“Oh man, don’t ever stop that. First rule of marriage, always make time for your relationship.”

“I’m sure they don’t need any advice from us, Toph,” the woman laughs. “They seem pretty strong to me.” 

“How many years has it been?”

“Twenty-three years in November,” Peeta says proudly as he wraps an arm around me. “But we’d been together a little longer before that.” 

“Ha, us too. Well we got together when we were in school and then some chump stole her away from me but I got her back in the end.” The woman rolls her eyes again and pushes him away.

“So classy, my husband.” The man chuckles as he sips his hot chocolate and the woman sits on the bench beside ours.

“I’m Topher and this is my wife, Bianca,” Bianca nods to us as she swipes the hot chocolate from her husband’s hand. 

“I’m-“ Peeta starts but he stops and bites his lip. Biance and Topher watch us, looking politely confused. Peeta shakes his head and holds out his hand.

“Peter. My name is Peter. And this is my wife, Kat.” 

“Pleasure to meet you both,” Topher says as he shakes our hands. 

“So is this your first time in the Rocky Mountains,” Bianca asks us kindly. 

“Um…the Rocking Mountains?”

“RockY Mountains,” she corrects. “Or that’s what they were once called, you know, before Panem became Panem. When it was called North America.”

“Bianca is a history teacher,” Topher quickly explains. “A damn fine one at that but she gets annoying with all the useless historical facts.”

“Excuse you, they are not useless! Did you know there used to be a state known as Florida on the Eastern Coast but that it disappeared under water?”

“That’s kind of scary, actually,” Peeta mutters.

“It is and we have no idea why! North America suffered from a number of things! Global warming, erosion, pollution, natural disaster, poor leadership…you name it!”

“Almost makes Panem look perfect,” I mutter.

“Suppose that depends on when you are looking at it. The Dark Days, the pre-Rebellion, post Rebellion…I mean, we’ve been through a lot too!”

“Yeah, we have,” Peeta says quietly. I sip at the chocolate, uncertain as to what I should say. 

“Anyway, we’ll let you guys get back to, ah, staying warm,” Topher says with a smile. “Ready to head back, honey?”

“Sure. It was great meeting you. Hope to see you again.”

“Yeah, you too,” Peeta says with a smile. I merely nod. When they’re gone, I turn to him with a raised brow.

“Peter and Kat?” 

“I don’t know Katniss, I just thought it would be nice to meet someone without them gaping at us or questioning us the whole time. For a second I felt like…like a real   
couple.”

“Peeta we are a real couple!”

“No I know that. I didn’t mean it like that,” he sighs and snatches his hat off so he can run his fingers through his hair. “All I’m saying is that it was nice not to be a Victor or the president for a minute, you know?” I nod, understanding completely. Still, I’m not altogether comfortable with being someone else. And I’m sure we will see Bianca and Topher again. How big is this lodge anyway? 

“Ready to get back out there?”

“Um, you go ahead. My ankles are feeling a bit sore so I think I’ll sit for a little longer.” His lips press against my forehead and I watch him nearly trip as he stumbles back to the ice. I have to laugh as I watch him fumble around, his arms flying in the air, trying to stay upright. My laughter fades, however, when I see a tall blonde skate a perfect circle around him, her eyes clearly appraising him. The cup in my hand crinkles as soon as I see her reach out and touch him, straightening his back and moving up to hold his hand. I jump to my feet, almost falling forward, and make my way back to the ice. Oh no you don’t, you little--

Peeta actually lowers his hands and looks straight at me. I don’t know what is said but she backs away and nods in my direction, giving me a tight-lipped smile. Peeta waves to me, which I return, if only to show this bitch that he is all mine and no one else’s. I was never this possessive when I was younger, or was I? Well, what did I have to be possessive about? I was protective of Prim but I wouldn’t call myself possessive. Peeta once said that everyone thought Gale and I were together because we were ‘stuck together’ as he called it. But that wasn’t me being possessive was it? Yet when Peeta and I got together, I became completely jealous and irrational. Is this what love is? It’s not that I don’t trust him, I just don’t trust any female around him.

Oh god. I AM completely irrational. I sink back onto the bench and look away, so Peeta and that girl can’t see me staring. But I soon hear screeching on the ice and a loud “WHOA”. I look up to see Peeta flying towards me, doing his best to dig his skates into the ground but failing miserably. I jump to my feet and throw out my arms   
to break his fall. He flies into me, sending both of us flying backwards onto the bench. 

“My hero,” he says shakily and then we are both laughing hysterically. The girl skates past, giving us a disgusted look and others are glancing over at us in bemusement. But Peeta’s deep laughter causes my soul to take flight and I join him, not caring in the slightest who is watching us. He pulls me upright and shakes his head.

“Ok, I’m horrible on the ice.”

“You weren’t too bad,” I tell him earnestly. “Pretty good for your first time.”

“Well, regardless, I’ve had enough falling for one night. Want to head back to the cabin?” I nod and we struggle to get our skates off, shivering how the ice melts through our socks. Once we have our shoes back from the attendant, we struggle through the deep snow back to our cabin. My third time getting stuck, Peeta lifts me off the ground and I squeal as he runs back up the path. We are both laughing as he sets me down inside and he takes his hat off, shaking his curls out. I squeal again and lift my arms to protect myself against the cold water he is shaking at me. As I lower my arms, I notice him staring intently, his smile fading. His eyes sparkle and his cheeks are red from the cold. His curls are everywhere, standing on end. I move closer and he continues to watch me, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. I drape my arms around his neck and his hands move to rest on my waist.

“Have you come to finish me off, sweetheart,” he asks softly, his lips barely moving. I don’t answer but move forward and slam my mouth over his. My aggression knocks both of us backwards, sending us into the door but neither of us seem to care as our tongues crash against each other’s. I tear away and his eyes fly open, confusion and concern crossing his flushed face.

“Remember, we’re madly in love so it’s all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.” A sly grin replaces the confusion and his arms wrap around my waist, picking me up and slamming me against the door, his lips claiming mine as I know he wanted to do that day on the river bank. Now, I let him. I’ll allow him to claim me in any way he desires because I owe him so much and he never asks for anything. He never has. Peeta Mellark gives and gives until he has nothing and I have taken his golden heart, his sweet words, his comforting arms, and his very soul. As his tongue begs entrance to my mouth, I pour all my love and thanks into this kiss. Attempting to, not for the first time mind you, show him how much he means to me. My legs wrap around his waist and he leans forward, grinding against me, moaning into my mouth. We break away for air and he pants as he kisses his way down my neck, hindered slightly by all the layers of clothing. 

“I think I’ll take you up on that,” he mutters against my throat before lifting me up and carrying me down the hall to the bedroom.


	62. Chapter 62

These past two days with Katniss have been nothing but heavenly. We’ve tried ice skating, skiing, taken a moonlit sleigh ride, and tried to snowboard (we’re both terrible at it). The young couple we met the first night, Topher and Bianca, were at the table near us in the restaurant and we invited them to join us. I was afraid they may recognize us but both Katniss and I are wearing hats and for once, her hair isn’t in its signature braid. I know Katniss had reservations about it but I quite enjoy our time as “Peter and Kat”. It’s given me the freedom to be myself, which is ironic in so many ways. But the simple pleasure of being with my wife and playing in the snow with her, or making love to her in the jacuzzi, isn’t lost on me. As a Merchant boy growing up in 12, I learned to enjoy the simple things, when they came at all. I could never be called spoiled, which is why I do my best not to spoil my own children. I want them to know what it means to work hard and make a life for yourself.   
I’m grateful they will never know the fear Katniss and I knew, especially the fear of starving to death, but I want them to understand that things won’t be handed to them. Our daughter, Katniss tells me, already understands working with her hands and has become quite a help in the bakery. I would love for her to work there when she is older and I picture the two of us decorating cakes, side by side. 

I miss the simplicity of life. It’s nice, not having my soldiers around or people gawking at us wherever we go. It’s nice to just be Katniss and Peeta. Well, sort of. Kat and Peter are close enough and I feel a little bad for lying to our new friends. Topher is from District 7 and grew up down the street from Johanna, while Bianca is from District 5. We listen to them rave about how wonderful things are ‘since the Mockingjay’ and Katniss grows very quiet. I glance sideways at her and grasp her hand under the table. 

“To be fair,” Katniss says in a strained voice. “It wasn’t just the Mockingjay that saved Panem. You know that right? She had a lot of help. And her husband was by her side the whole time.”

“Oh I’ve always been a huge fan of Peeta Mellark,” Topher says excitedly. “The way he disguised himself in his first games!”

“I was rooting for him but I personally was hoping Katniss would win. If the rule change hadn’t happened, of course,” Bianca explains. “But the way she volunteered for her sister touched me. Well, obviously it touched a lot of people. She became the Mockingjay, didn’t she?” Katniss falls quiet again and I smile.

“I think she’s pretty amazing. I hope she’s living a happy life now.” 

“Oh gosh, so do I,” Bianca nods as she sips her tea. “And I was so excited to hear that they got married and had kids! That it became real for them!” I squeeze Katniss’s hand and her lips curve into a smile.   
\--------------------------------

Topher and Bianca invite us to go snowtubing down the mountain but as it is our last night before returning to the Capitol tomorrow, we mutually agree to stay in and just be together. As we are lying on the couch, her leg slung over my hip and head tucked under my chin, I sigh into her hair.

“I think this is my favorite part of this vacation.”

“Mm. What’s that?”

“Just…being with you. Nowhere to be, no responsibilities. Just us.” 

“Mmhm,” she nuzzles closer and her hair tickles my nose. “I’d say you’re right. I almost don’t want to go back. Except I miss our kids too much.”

“I miss them too. So much.” What I wouldn’t give to have them here with us. I love these moments alone with my wife but our moments as a family are my favorite. 

“Maybe we can bring them back here sometime?”

“Rye would love the snow,” she chuckles. 

“I think I’d love to see Willow ice skating.”

“She’d probably take to it like her daddy.”

“You mean falling all over the place?”

“You finally stood on your own, after about twenty falls.”

“Thaaaaaanks,” I poke her ribs, causing her to squeal. I’ve learned all of her ticklish spots over the years and she knows not to tease me, lest she wants to be held   
down and tickled until she can’t breathe. 

“You’re cute when you faceplant in the snow,” she goes on. 

“Oh is that so? You know you are just asking for trouble.”

“Maybe I like a little bit of trouble,” she says as she looks up at me. 

“Fine then.” She tries to dart off me and run as my fingers move down to her waistline and she screams as I pull her back onto the couch and climb on top of her.

“No no no,” she cries, holding her arms up in defense. 

“You asked for it, Katniss,” I remind her as I relentlessly run my hands over every spot I know of. 

“Stop stop, I’m sorry, I give up!” But her hand darts out and she tries to move her fingers to the only spot I am ticklish, my neck. I grab her hands and hold them over her head, shaking mine just inches from her face.

“Oh no you don’t. I see what you’re trying to do there, missy.”

“Peeeeeeta!”

“I’ll give you a ten second start. You’d better run.” I move off her and she darts off down the hall. I chuckle as I count to myself, imagining all the fun I am going to have with her when I find her.   
\----------------------------

After our little “fight”, I suggest some dinner and look through the kitchen to see what I can make. There are pretty basic ingredients but I manage to make a nice soup and some bread and we settle on the couch so we can watch the snow fall. 

“I remember nights like this,” she says quietly. She’s draped over my lap, her head turned away. I bury my face in her dark hair and take in her sweet scent. 

“When it started to snow…they would close the mines because it was too dangerous. Which was stupid because that was when people needed the coal. Dad would sit at home with us, with Prim and me in his lap. Mom would try to make a soup out of whatever she could...Dad would tell us stories and old legends about the winter.   
He’d always talk about Jack Frost, and I think Prim fell in love.” 

“Jack who?”

“Frost. He was a winter sprite, who liked to nip peoples’ noses with cold.”

“Doesn’t sound like much of a guy,” I mutter.

“Prim was enamoured with the stories of Jack Frost. I think she was most taken with the idea of a winter wonderland. Not like what we had in 12 but more like what’s up here.”

“Do you remember any of your dad’s stories?” She nods, looking as if she is in another world.

“Can you tell me one?” I love the sound of her voice, especially when she is telling a story. I often hang around outside Rye’s room when she is reading to him, or better yet, singing.   
\-------------------

After our soup, I fix us some hot chocolate and we put on a movie. She’s fallen asleep on my chest and when the movie goes off, I set my mug aside and try to lift her without waking her.

“Mm, Peeta?”

“I’m just carrying you to bed.”

“What? No, I’m awake. I wanted to…to go into the Jacuzzi one more time,” she says through a yawn. The first night we went into the Jacuzzi, she reminded me of a little girl playing in the bubbles. Her girlish squeals were adorable and I was so taken aback she had to call my name three times to get my attention. I grin and shrug.

“Only if you promise not to fall asleep in there.”

“I’m awake,” she scowls and I have to laugh. I cup her chin and kiss her before I stand up.

“I’ll grab our suits and meet you out there.” She nods and opens the glass door that leads out onto the dock over the huge tub. I grab our suits from the bathroom, which are not completely dry yet, and head out to meet her.

“Hey, these suits are still kind of…” I trail off, my eyes widening. Katniss sits on the side of the tub, completely naked. The sight of her bare back, her hair cascading down like a chocolate waterfall, and the snow falling in the background is something I have to commit to memory so I can paint it when I get home. It’s perfection. I toss the suits aside as she slides into the water and bats at the bubbles. I grin as I pull off my shirt, shivering a little as I walk down the dock. She turns to face me, her breasts sort of floating on the surface. 

“My god, Katniss,” I mutter as I slide in after her, my boxer briefs way too tight right now. Why didn’t I just take them off before I got in? 

“I want a tub like this at home,” she grins as she drapes her arms around my neck and pushes herself against me, nearly climbing me like a tree. 

“I’ll have one installed next week.”

“Be serious, Peeta.”

“I am. If you promise to swim just like this, I’ll put one in our backyard.”

“And have everyone in Victor’s Village see me?”

“Since our neighbors are across from us, I don’t see that happening.”

“And you know Willow and Rye will want to go swimming. What happens when they find us like this?”

“They’ve already found us like this. I’m sure it will happen plenty more times too. Katniss, you’re driving me crazy.” She continues to hold onto my neck while she leans back, grinding down on top of me and causing my erection to throb almost to the point of pain. I’m about to say something when she lowers her legs and peels my shorts back; my words are cut off with a strangled gasp when I feel her palm wrap around me. I tilt my head back and close my eyes, relishing the feel of her hands on me. But then I hear a splash and feel something different and my eyes shoot open. Katniss has disappeared under the water and has her mouth wrapped around my erection. Holy shit this is incredible! I watch her anxiously, my teeth digging into my lip as I wait for her to come up for breath. It feels so different under the water and yet it’s just as incredible as it always is. Finally her head breaks the surface and she inhales deeply. I yank her forward, thrusting my tongue into her mouth before she can go back under. Her hand continues to travel up my length and one of my hands drifts down between her thighs. She moans into my mouth as I push a finger inside her, wishing I could hold my breath long enough to eat her out under the water. I don’t trust myself to try, however. I’ve never been around water and Katniss was the one who taught me how to swim; I’m still not very good at it. I pull away and push her against the edge of the tub, my fingers digging into her hips. She arches her back as I enter her and we throw our heads back. It’s not long after, however, that I notice something seems to be wrong. I don’t slide in and out of her as easily as I usually do and she winces more than once. 

“Katniss? Baby, is this hurting you?”

“It’s a little uncomfortable,” she confesses in a soft voice.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You were so into it,” she shrugs. I shake my head and fight to keep from rolling my eyes. Some people may call Katniss selfish but I never could; she has always put others first. She tries to see to my pleasure before her own but I don’t let her. It’s rather difficult when we are always trying to put the other first. I easily lift her up onto the side of the tub and lean her backwards, draping her leg over my shoulder. She leans up on her elbow and starts to speak but it’s my turn to cut her off. I lick all around her lips, getting her nice and wet before I move in on her clit. Her fingers pluck at her nipples and she whimpers my name as my tongue delves into her sweet center. It takes a bit longer but I’m not complaining in the slightest; between her thighs is my favorite place to be. After she comes, I carry her to the bedroom and build her up to it again before I slide inside her. I watch her face for any signs of discomfort and am relieved when I see none. She grips my shoulders tightly as I rotate my hips, making sure I hit her clit just right. We go through the night, remembering that tomorrow we return to reality and who knows when we will be able to do this again? 

Katniss falls asleep quickly and I pull on some clean underwear and grab my sketch pad out of my bag. I drape myself on the side of the bed and sketch out her slender form, how she looked in the hot tub a few hours ago. When I feel my eyes growing heavy, I toss aside the sketch and pull her into my arms. I’m not ready to go back. I’m not ready to let her go. 

I’m not ready to go back to my life as President Mellark.   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We’re both quiet as we ride back to the Capitol. Katniss gazes out the window and I squeeze her hand; she squeezes back but doesn’t look at me and doesn’t speak. 

When we arrive at the mansion, Brathen helps us carry our bags upstairs and reminds me that I need to call the Head of the Committee as well as the hospital’s leader. Katniss excuses herself to take a shower and I sit at my desk to make my phone calls. 

She’s oddly subdued as we eat our dinner and I chew on my lip, wanting to ask what’s wrong. Finally I can’t stand the silence anymore and I set my fork down.

“Is everything ok?” She blinks up at me, her fork halfway to her mouth.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you haven’t said more than two words since we left the cabin. Something’s on your mind, I can tell. Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Talk to me,” I say again, more urgently. She sighs and sets her fork down. 

“I just…forgot for a little while. That you were president and we have to separate at the end of the week. Being with you was so nice and I miss you being there for your family. I’m so proud of you, Peeta, but I miss you. There. I said it. I’m selfish because I miss you.”

“Oh Katniss.” I scoot my chair over so I can pull her into my lap. She sighs against my shoulder and I run my fingers down her spine.

“It’s not a bad thing to miss me and it certainly doesn’t make you selfish. I miss you too. To be honest, I was thinking the same thing. How I have to go back to reality and I just don’t want to. I miss you and the kids so much. I miss our simple life.”

“When was life ever simple for us,” she snorts. 

“Well,” I laugh. “Simpler than it is now anyway.”

“There was that time after Rye was born when things were semi-normal,” she says softly. I nod.

“I wish we could feel like that again.”

“But you’re doing such great things for the country, Peeta. We should be thinking of that. Of your people.”

“Panem has healed, Katniss. There’s very little left for me to do. Even after a few short months, I could see a difference in the Capitol. That’s quite a legacy to leave behind.” She jerks back and studies me with her stormy eyes.

“You didn’t say anything about leaving.”

“I don’t know yet. I haven’t worked everything out in my mind just yet. But I have been thinking more and more how much I just want to be the baker again, and enjoy   
my time with my family.” 

“Peeta you can’t quit! What if someone else takes power and they reverse everything you’ve done? What if--“

“You think I would let that happen,” I try to soothe her. “I’m not leaving office without being absolutely sure my family and my country is safe. And I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just been a thought. Like I said, I don’t have everything figured out yet. In the mean time, we need to get some rest because the ribbon cutting is early   
in the morning and I want you there with me.”

“Of course.” She slides off my lap and back into her seat and we fall into silence again. She keeps shooting me wary looks and I sigh as I take her hand and lead her back to our bedroom. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. 

Katniss calls Annie before we go to bed and I see my kids’ excited faces on the screen.

“Daddy!” I grin at their shriek and Rye climbs into Finn’s lap.

“Daddy we miss you!”

“Mama too,” Rye claps his hands.

“We miss you too,” Katniss says as she leans back into my lap. “Are you being good for Aunt Annie?”

“Mama, Finny took us to an underwater cave and we saw a dolphin!” 

“Wow that’s so exciting! You’re having a good time?”

“Mama I swimmed in the big water,” Rye says as he throws his arms into the air. Katniss and I both laugh softly.

“Ok Daddy needs to get to bed because he has somewhere important to be tomorrow morning. I will see you guys tomorrow night!” My heart pangs as I remember Katniss is flying back after the ribbon cutting. Without me. How I miss these two little faces. 

“Love you Mommy! Love you Daddy!”

“We love you guys,” we say in unison and I smile as I wave to the screen. Katniss makes baby sitting arrangements with Finn for this weekend so he can take Ana out,   
just the two of them. When we disconnect the call, she rolls over on her side and I watch her sleep for a moment before I join her.  
\-----------------------------------------------

The next morning I wake to a soft knock and I glance sideways to see that my wife is still asleep. I carefully extract myself from her arms and hurry to the door. The skirt and jacket I’d ordered for her is hanging in a garment bag on the door and I hang it up beside my suit. 

We shower together and get ready quickly. Katniss stands in front of the mirror, braiding her hair and I take a moment to appraise her. We’re both clad in light blue and she cocks her head when she sees the extra touch I’ve added to my suit.

“I like your flower, Mr. President.”

“Oh thanks. I wear this to all my important luncheons.” She snorts and shakes her head.

“Boy have you got it bad.”

“Maybe. Since you already know that, here, this is for you.” I go to my desk drawer and withdraw a small black box. She takes it, shooting me a curious glance, and   
opens the lid, gasping a little.

“Oh Peeta, it’s beautiful.” 

“I had it specially made and they took forever on the actual petals. I sent it back the first time because it didn’t even look like a katniss flower.”

“When did you become such an expert on flowers?” I give her an incredulous look and she laughs.

“Katniss, I asked Dad to teach me how to make a katniss flower when I was eight! Besides, all those hours working on your dad’s plant book was real educational. I   
definitely know when a katniss’s petals are the wrong color and they were definitely the wrong color.” She holds her braid to the side so I can clasp the necklace; the delicate flower hangs right above her breasts and she fingers it lightly.

“Thank you. I love it.” I lean down to steal a kiss and it’s longer than I intended; not that I’m complaining but we really need to leave soon. 

“The hospital isn’t that far away but it’s still pretty chilly outside. Let’s take the car.” She doesn’t argue and takes my arm when I offer it; I lead her down to the car and slide in after her.   
\------------------  
The ribbon cutting is a success and Katniss stands off to the side, looking proud. I give my speech, acknowledge the investors and everyone responsible for the new building, and invite some more important people to come up to speak. When I return to Katniss’s side, she clasps my hand and squeezes, pressing herself to my side.

“You make me proud to call myself Mrs. Mellark,” she whispers in my ear. My heart speeds up and I squeeze her hand in return.   
When everyone is finished speaking, a giant cake is rolled out, curteousy of Mellark Family Bakery, of course. I notice Cortina lingering off to the side and every now and again, she glances over here at us. I do my best to ignore her and try to concentrate on what Katniss and Larkin are chatting about. 

After many thank you’s, shaking hands, hugs, and declarations of appreciation, we are finally free to go and I hurry Katniss back to the car. I only have two more hours with her before she flies back to 12 and I intend to spend at least one of those hours making her scream my name. 

\--------------------------------------------------  
I watch the hovercraft rise into the air and I swallow thickly. Jemma stands next to me, having come out to wish Katniss a safe journey back. I sigh heavily and let my arm fall to my side.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, sweetheart,” she says softly.

“I don’t think my heart could get any fonder. I miss her so damn much, Jemma. All the time. I hate being away from her. Away from my kids.”

“You’re the president, Peeta. The only person stopping you from going to them is you.”

“Except when the Committee asks for me to attend meetings every day and begs me not to leave town and asks why I can’t just move my family back here.”

“You all went through some terrible things, Peeta,” she says wisely. “No one can possibly understand that. Nothin’ wrong with the Capitol not being home to you. If District 12 is home, then you go home.” I glance at her and see that she has a faraway look in her eyes.

“Katniss is home to me.”

“Then go be with her. You know how much new technology District 3 has come up with due to your funding? There’s no reason your meetings can’t be done from 12.   
You have a hovercraft for Capitols sakes, you can fly back and forth.”

“That’s what I’ve been doing, Jemma.”

“Not often enough. Spend your time at home and come back here for the occasional meeting. There’s no damn reason they have to hold a meeting every day!” 

“That seems pretty selfish,” I say anxiously. “To change the way things are just because they don’t work for me.”

“Peeta, after everything you’ve been through, you’re allowed to be selfish.” I turn to gape at her and she pats my arm before trudging back inside. 

“If a person is your home, then it’s your duty to spend as much time as you possibly can with that person. Trust me when I say, there will come a day when that person leaves you. And then you have to make yourself a new home.” I swallow as she gives me a sad smile, and disappears inside. I wish I knew more about my employees than I do.

The sun is setting over the Capitol and I watch as it decends lower and lower. I love to come up here on the roof and watch the sun set. It’s nothing like the sunsets in 12 but it still feels like home. Jemma’s words echo in my mind long after the sun has set and a chill has set in the air.   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the next few months I travel around Panem to see a disease research center open in District 6; new irrigation systems in 11; multiple hospitals and healing centers (several of which I named the Primrose Healing Center or the Primrose Patient Outreach, and one Iris Healing Center); a brand new building called a multiplex that includes shopping, restaurants, and a high-tech movie theatre; new schools in 2, 3, and 5; and a state of the art gymnasium in the Capitol that reminds me way too much of the Tribute Training Center. Katniss accompanies me as often as she can but Rye has gotten quite clingy when it comes to his mother and won’t allow her out of his sight. The last time I made it home, we didn’t get a moment to ourselves because our son refused to leave us alone. 

As May approaches, I frantically try to think of something fun to do for my wife’s and daughter’s birthdays. Katniss has been complaining of the heat in 12, so I arrange to take them all to District 4 for a few days. I even invite Finn, Annie, Ana and Coral to come with us. After a brief discussion with Haymitch, we both agree the sea might be good for Effie, and even Johanna says she would love the kids to see 4 now that they are old enough to appreciate it. Rye has been but now that he is quite the little swimmer, I’m excited to see him in the clear waters that Katniss and I swam in on our honeymoon. 

I keep my plans quiet until a week before their birthdays. I have to shorten my trip home this weekend due to the fact that the Mayor of 1 is in the Capitol and has asked me to show his young daughter around. I have a feeling this is because I am a Victor; not so much that I am the president. But we try to appease the cranky old man who just never seems to be happy and I agree to be back in time to greet them.

Rye and Willow both run into my arms the moment the hovercraft lands. Katniss waits on the porch, her tiny little shorts showing off her long legs. I agree that it is unusually hot for 12 right now and I wipe my forehead as I climb up the porch stairs.

“Hey you,” she says as she leans back on the swing. I lean in for a kiss and her fingers curl around my hair.

“Blegh,” I hear Willow say behind me.

“Yuck yuck yuck,” Rye agrees, dancing around us. Katniss breaks the kiss and grins.

“You weren’t saying yuck when I kissed you,” she says as she grabs at our son. He dodges her arms and runs into the house, yelling ‘yuck’ loudly as he can. Willow runs in after him and I pull Katniss to her feet.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too. I thought you weren’t able to come this weekend?”

“I have to be back tomorrow afternoon to welcome to the mayor and his daughter. But I haven’t seen you guys in a whole week. I decided to come have dinner with you.”

“Your poor pilot must be sick to death of you,” she chuckles as she pulls me in the house.

“Probably,” I agree. “But he is nice enough to hide it. And I think I pay him well enough to keep up these trips. Thank God for hovercrafts though. If I had to make that trip on a train every weekend, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“You’d put up with it because you still have to see your family.” I cup her chin and nod.

“You’re right. I’ll do anything for my family.”

“Well, I’m making dinner right now. Roast venison alright?”

“Sounds great. I was hoping we could talk before dinner.” She stops and looks worried.

“Nothing bad,” I assure her quickly. “Just about your birthday.”

“Oh,” she relaxes. “What about it?”

“Well, we haven’t really decided what to do for Willow’s birthday.”

“She asked if she could have a party at the stables. I checked with Colton to make sure it was alright but I was going to mention it to you when I saw you next.”

“How does a party on the beach sound?” Her brow furrows but then her eyes widen in realization.

“4?”

“I’ve made all the arrangements. We’ll have four days, and everyone is coming with us. We’ll have our own beach condo though.” 

“Everyone? As in-“

“As in the family.” Her eyes are wide as she tallies them up in her head.

“Is that ok,” I ask, getting worried. She doesn’t look too thrilled.

“Yes, it’s more than ok. That sounds great.”

“Do we tell our birthday princess or keep it a surprise?”

“I think we should tell her so she is not wondering why she can’t have a party at the stables with her friends.” I nod and follow her into the kitchen. 

“I know you just got home and everything but how about whipping up a loaf of that honey bread the kids love so much?”

“Sure. Let me just change my clothes.” I give her a quick kiss before heading upstairs the bedroom. Willow is playing with Prince in her room and Rye is playing with   
little clay animals on her bed. I grin as I watch them for a moment; Willow looks up from the ball she is rolling back and forth and smiles.

“Daddy will you color with us?”

“After dinner I’d love to. I’m going to help Mama get the food ready.” 

“Daddy stay for dinner,” Rye asks excitedly.

“I sure am buddy. Why don’t you two wash up and come downstairs?” Willow helps Rye off the bed and takes him into the bathroom. I love to see her be a good big sister to him. Still smiling, I head back to the kitchen where Katniss moves around, getting everything ready. I roll up my sleeves and feel her eyes on me. I can’t help but smile; I purposefully wore a tight white tee shirt and my faded blue jeans. For some reason, this is one of Katniss’s favorite outfits on me and I know she loves the simplicity of it. I feel her come up behind me as I start to roll out the dough and her hands reach around and palm my chest.

“Tell me the kids are busy.”

“I told them to come down as soon as they’ve washed up.” She sighs and presses her cheek to my back.

“It’s been so long since we’ve played dinner distractions.” I chuckle and cover her hand with mine.

“Annie promised to take the kids one night in 4. Maybe we’ll have a chance to…play then.” Her hand moves down my front and right over my jeans; I gulp and she   
squeezes my bulge once before backing away.

“I’ll hold you to it.”

“Tease,” I growl and she laughs as she goes back to making dinner. 

 

During dinner, I reveal my birthday surprise to Willow and she squeals loudly.

“Can I bring my mermaid tail?”

“Of course you can.” She claps her hands on the table excitedly.

“Daddy, thank you! I’m so excited!” 

“I’d hoped you would be,” I laugh as I stroke her hair. 

“Daddy be there too?” I glance at Rye and rub his hair.

“Daddy will be there too.” He claps his hands together and throws his arms around his sister. Katniss laughs and runs her fingers through his curls, like she does mine all the time.

“Ryekin, what did Mama say about using full sentences?” 

“Yes Mama,” our son says quietly and she smiles as she strokes his cheek. I sort of love the nickname she uses for him. I have no idea where it came from but I have a   
feeling it has something to do with her father. 

“How long are you staying with us Daddy?”

“Just until tomorrow, sweetheart. I need to get back to the Capitol so I can get ready for our big family vacation. And all your birthday surprises,” I poke her ribs teasingly. She’s as ticklish as her mama and she giggles as she swats at me.   
\-------------------

After we finish dinner, Rye tugs me into the living room to color and Katniss laughs as she shoos us off so she can wash the dishes. I start to protest but my son shoves a crayon into my hand and I settle down to color with them. Willow peeks around the corner, making sure her mother is still in the kitchen, and kneels in front of me.

“I need your help with Mama’s present.”

“Ok,” I whisper back. “What do you need?”

“Here,” she slides something into my hand. “You can take it back with you. I want you to decorate one. Rye and I already did ours.” I glance down and see little handmade coasters. 

“Willow your mama is going to love this. How creative.”

“She yelled at Grandpa because he left a mark on the table. I thought she would like these.”

“She’ll love them. What did you want me to put on it?”

“You decorate it. Rye made a handprint and a dog. I painted a tree and a flower.” What a cute idea. I nod as I slip the coaster into my pocket.

“I’ll come up with something good. Thank you, Willow.” She smiles as she bends down to adjust the crayon in her brother’s hand.

“Wrong end, Rye. Color with this end.” Rye shakes his head and flips the crayon back. Willow rolls her eyes, shrugs, and leans back against the couch. 

“Hey you guys, want to go get ice cream,” Katniss asks as she peeks her head in. Both kids jump to their feet, screaming. 

“Ice cream?” 

“A new ice cream parlor just opened around the corner from your bakery. The owner is really nice and really likes the kids. Gave us a free scoop on our first visit. How about we go get some?” She helps me to my feet and makes sure Rye’s shoelaces are double knotted before we head out. Since it’s only a short walk, Katniss insists we need the air and I grasp Rye’s hand and drape my arm around Willow as we head down the path into town. 

I’m a little sickened when I see the new sign, and am surprised that Katniss brings the kids here. It’s brightly colored with a huge melting ice cream cone but that’s not what bothers me; huge rainbow sprinkles, glittery and garish, cover the sign and the colors all seem to blend together. It looks like something from the Capitol. I turn to glance at Katniss but she smiles as she leads the kids inside.

“Sprinkles N Things,” I read a loud. “I guess they have lots of sprinkles?”

“Oh sprinkles is just the start of it,” a deep voice says behind us. “We have every topping you could think of!”

“Mr. Neapolitan!” My kids both rush forward and hug the stranger. He’s tall, fair-skinned but with dark, wavy hair and bright green eyes. Almost more striking than   
Finnick Odair or Gale Hawthorne. My worst nightmare. 

“Hi Neo,” Katniss laughs. 

“Katniss,” he says as he pats my childrens’ heads. “Good to see you again! I was wondering when you would stop back in.”

“We’ve been keeping busy, what with the kids’ lessons and everything.” I clear my throat, waiting for someone to notice me seething here.

“Oh Neo, you haven’t met my husband, Peeta.” 

“Ah the infamous Peeta Mellark,” he says as he holds out his hand. “Pleased to finally meet you.”

“Your name is actually Neapolitan,” I ask skeptically as I reluctantly shake his hand.

“Peeta, don’t be rude,” Katniss hisses.

“Oh it’s alright,” he says good-naturedly. “My parents ran a sweet shop and named all of us after sweets. Guess it was destiny that I would be the one to open an ice   
cream shop.” Katniss laughs while I nod and force a strained smile.

“Now then,” he claps his hands together. “What can I get for everyone? The bubblegum for Rye-lo?” Rye-lo? What the hell?   
Beside me, Rye nods excitedly and Neo…god I can’t even say his name in my head without rolling my eyes, hurries behind the counter to prepare the ice cream. He hands a dripping cone to my son and Rye runs off to a corner to eat it before it melts.

“And what about you, Princess Willow?” My brow shoots up. I’m the only one who calls my daughter ‘princess Willow’. No one else. Except for Finn, or maybe Johanna. Only family. 

“Rainbow,” she says with a giggle.

“Naturally,” he winks as he scoops out the sherbet. “And Katniss? The rocky road?” Who the hell is this man to have my family’s orders memorized?! 

“Let’s do butter pecan this time,” Katniss says as she studies the display case. 

“Coming right up. And for you, Mr. Mellark?”

“None for me,” I say immediately.

“Peeta, you must try some. It’s delicious, really,” Katniss says without looking away from the case.

“I’m not hungry.” The man shoots me a look with a raised brow before handing Katniss her ice cream.

“Are you sure? We have every flavor you could possibly think of.” 

“I was never a fan of ice cream,” I say coldly. This is a lie, of course. Whenever Dad managed to make the sweet concoction, I’d devour it. But I don’t want to take anything from this man. And I DON’T like the way he is looking at my wife. He shrugs and turns to greet the customer who just came in while Willow and Rye find a table.

“Peeta, what’s wrong with you,” Katniss asks as we sit down.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just not a fan of ice cream.” Or the man who makes it. She sighs as she licks her ice cream and asks the kids how theirs is. It’s at that moment I realize we haven’t paid. I hurry to the counter and dig out the change but Neo shakes his head.

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Mellark. It’s on the house.”

“No, I insist on paying for them. They are my family, after all.” 

“They’re good kids who deserve a treat every now and again. And your wife works hard. Really, it’s not a problem to treat them.”

“That’s what I’m doing,” I say as I slam down the money. “I’m treating my family. Keep the change.” I hurry back to the table before he can say anything else and Katniss eyes me warily. I imagine my face is quite red but I can’t help but glare at the man as he moves behind the counter, chatting with the customers. Some of them, I notice, are my regulars from the bakery. It’s like a slap to the face, coming here and being reminded that I don’t really live here anymore. Am I so easily replaced?

I look at my wife and kids and my face falls. AM I so easily replaced?

I tap my foot impatiently while the kids finish their ice cream and Katniss attempts to make conversation. Neo bustles around the shop, tending to the customers, and he stops by the table to ask how everything is.

“Yummy,” Rye says, his face covered in pink ice cream. 

“Say, I know we have someone’s birthday coming up next week. Why don’t you all stop in here for a free sundae?”

“We’ll be out of town,” I say before Katniss can answer. Neo’s brow raises and Katniss nods.

“Peeta is taking us to District 4 to celebrate.”

“Oh how nice. I’m not a huge fan of 4 myself. Too warm for my taste. I much prefer the colder weather.”

“We love 4,” I say firmly. “It’s where we went for our honeymoon.” 

“Ah,” he says, glancing at Katniss. “Well that sounds delightful. Well, you’ll have to stop in when you return to 12 and have a sundae on the house. I insist.”

“That sounds great, Neo, thank you,” Katniss says warmly. Since when is she so…nice to people? She usually has a scowl for everyone but the kids and me. How did this man charm her so easily? 

“Come on guys, finish up your ice cream so we can stop by the bakery.”

“Isn’t the bakery about to close,” Katniss asks with a confused look. 

“Yes but I wanted to make something special for my girls and my little boy tonight.” 

“Daddy I’m so full,” Willow says, her hand on her stomach.

“Me too,” Rye says even though he continues to lick the ice cream.

“Peeta we don’t have to go to the bakery this time,” Katniss says softly. “I know you must be tired. Let’s just get home so you can rest.”

“I didn’t come all the way from the Capitol to rest, Katniss,” I snap. She looks taken aback and I sigh.

“I just mean…I wanted to spend time with you guys. That’s why I flew here.”

“We know that. You’re spending time with us.” Neo gives me a smirk before he moves away to the other tables and my fists clench in my lap.

“Can we just go please?”

“Rye, you about finished sweetie?”

“I’m done,” he holds up his pink hands and Katniss laughs as she wipes him clean.

“Ok, say bye to Mr. Neo so we can go home.” I clench my teeth as they run to tell him bye and he tousles Rye’s curls. 

“See you guys soon. If I don’t see you before then, have a great birthday Katniss.”

“Thanks Neo. You’re always so great to the kids.” 

“Well someone should be. You practically raise them on your own.” My jaw drops and I jump to my feet, my fists clenched at my side.

“Peeta,” Katniss says immediately, rushing to my side. “Neo, that was uncalled for. Peeta is very attentive to his family.”

“My apologies, Katniss. I didn’t mean to stir up trouble. I’m sure he’s a great father…all the way from the Capitol.”

“You son of a--“

“Peeta! Let’s just go. Neo, just… we will just see you later.” She practically has to drag me out of the shop, our frightened and confused children at our feet.

My breathing is heavy and my nails are digging into my palms as we make our way back into Victor’s Village. Haymitch and Effie are on their porch and start to wave to us, but Haymitch’s hand falls to his side; I’m sure he can see I’m struggling to stay calm. 

“Kids, why don’t you go see Mimi and Grandpa for a little while?” Willow grabs her brother’s hand and tugs him across the lawn. Katniss steers me inside and closes the door behind us.

“Peeta--“

“Don’t Katniss,” I bark. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“Hear what?”

“Whatever useless words you are going to try to cheer me up with. I don’t want to hear them.” Her eyes flash and she crosses her arms.

“I wasn’t going to try to cheer you up, I was going to tell you what an ass you are being.” 

“Excuse me?”

“What was that, Peeta? How you acted as soon as we entered the shop? How you behaved toward Neo? You scared our children, you know. What is your problem?”

“Oh please, don’t act as if you don’t notice how he looks at you!” She looks shocked and takes a step back.

“And you think I look at him?”

“I don’t know, Katniss. Do you? Because I’m certainly not home enough to notice. Apparently I’m not ‘attentive’ enough to my family. I don’t have your ice cream orders memorized and heaven forbid that I actually see you more than two days.” 

“Peeta, you’re being--“

“What? Immature? Selfish? Unreasonable? Tell me what I’m being, Katniss!” I’ve backed her against the door and she glares at me with those stormy eyes.

“You’re an asshole,” she yells. “Obviously you don’t trust me!”

“I trust you. It’s him I don’t trust.”

“You obviously don’t trust me if you think I’d even look at him!”

“Oh for god sakes, he’s like a taller Finnick! With his perfect wavy locks and his perfect complexion! His bulging muscles that he doesn’t try to hide…how could you   
not look at him?”

“Sounds like someone else is attracted to him, not me!” My eyes narrow at her cheek.

“Oh that’s very funny. Well I’ll tell you something, Katniss,” I capture her wrists over her head and lean in close; she gasps at my proximity and I knee her legs apart. 

“You are mine,” I whisper harshly. “You are MY wife and I will never share.”

“Peeta-“ her words are cut off with a gasp as I move my knee up, pressing only slightly against her center. Enough to tease and drive her mad but nothing more. 

“No one else will ever make you feel like this,” I say in her ear before I bite down on her lobe. “No one else will ever see you like this.” I hold her wrists in one hand while my other moves underneath her shirt and find her nipples straining against her bra. I yank down the cup and squeeze her mound in my hand, tweaking her nipples and pulling between my fingers. She lets out a cry which I swallow as I claim her mouth. I move my head under her shirt and hear a thump against the wall as soon as I swirl my tongue around her hardened nipple. I take her breast into my mouth and suck, determined to leave my mark on her. My hand moves down into her jeans and I cup her over her underwear. 

“Fuck,” I breathe against her neck. “You’re so wet. Is this for me, Katniss?”

“It’s always you,” she pants. 

“No one else makes you wet like this?”

“No one has ever made me feel like this. Except for you.” She blinks up at me, her face softening as she grinds down on my hand. I circle her clit over the material and feel her getting wetter. 

“No one else will ever make me feel like this,” she says and trails off with a whimper as I move her panties to the side and circle her clit with my fingertip. My lips crash against hers again and I tug her bottom lip with my teeth until she is panting. 

“I want to hear my name dripping from your lips,” I growl against her mouth. “I want to hear how much you want me from your little moans. I want to hear you scream when I make you come. Because I’m the ONLY one who will make you come like this. All of this is mine, and I share with no one.” My hand travels over her neck, down to press against her heart, then squeeze her breast again before moving back down to cup her center. 

“I belong to you, Peeta. Only you.” Her words make me moan and I drop to my knees, my nose nestled between her legs. My mouth waters for her; I ache to be inside her but we don’t have that much time so I yank her jeans down around her ankles and she struggles to stand up straight. I press her against the wall and drape her leg over my shoulder before I thrust my tongue up inside her. She screams and grabs my shoulder, my shirt balled up in her fist. I spell “Mine” over and over with my tongue, feeling her walls flutter around my two fingers. 

“Oh god,” she moans and I tug her clit with my teeth.

“None of that,” I admonish. “The only thing I want to hear is my name.”

“Peeta!”

“Again. Scream it, Katniss. Scream it so Gale and that little ice-cream lover can hear you!” 

“PEETA!” 

“That’s right baby. You belong to me. You just said so. So come for me. You’ve never come for anyone else, have you? Show me what I do to you. Fucking come all over my fingers.”

“Oh…shit, Peeta!” Her knees buckle and I viciously suck at her clit until she comes, hard and literally falls forward. I catch her and push her damp hair off her forehead before I give her a gentle kiss on the head. I can’t keep both of us up so I lower her to the floor and allow her to rest on my arm. That one seemed to take a lot out of her and her eyes flutter.

“Ohhhhh my god,” she stammers and I smile as I stroke her cheek.

“You are still mine, aren’t you Katniss?” My voice is a good bit more vulnerable than it was a moment ago and I wince.

“Always Peeta. I will always be yours.” She pulls my hand to her chest and I can feel her heart beating frantically. 

“This never belonged to anyone before you. And I could never give it to anyone else, because it’s yours. We basically share a heart now, you know.” My heart swells   
with love and I kiss her passionately. I rub my nose against hers and she smiles sweetly.

“I’m sorry,” I say heavily. “You were right; I was being an ass. A jealous ass.”

“Well,” she shrugs with a smile. “It’s about time someone besides me becomes the jealous and irrational one.” She winds her arms around my neck and nuzzles my   
cheek with her nose. 

“After all, how many times have I dragged you away from a girl and claimed you as my own?”

“A few times,” I chuckle softly. 

“That’s being generous. Believe me when I say, you have nothing to worry about. You still don’t have any competition anywhere.” I can’t help the stupid smile that crosses my face; whenever she brings up something from the arena, I’m shocked to discover it’s untouched by the Capitol. They wanted to make me think she was trying to kill me in there but they forgot about all of the moments that we shared in the cave. And now that I know not all of them were for the camera…well, it’s easier to deal with with that knowledge.

I kiss her again for good measure and start to stand up.

“I should probably go get the kids. You want to go freshen up?”

“See if you can’t put them to bed early. Then you can join me while I…freshen up.” My dick leaps at her words and I hide my forehead in her neck.

“Katniss you can’t do that to me. Rye has not let you out of his sight for months now.”  
“Well, tell him a story that will put him to sleep,” she says slyly. “I’ll wait for you.” 

The odds are in my favor tonight because Rye falls straight to sleep as soon as I open the book. I silently thank his teachers for tiring him out, and check on Willow before I head down the hall. Katniss grins at me as I climb into the shower behind her and she spends the entire night giving every part of herself over to me. I’m not proud of how I acted but I’m grateful to her for understanding. Still, I don’t think I’ll ever be a fan of ice cream again.


	63. Chapter 63

I watch them load the train with a smile. Peeta takes Willow’s suitcase and they joke about something; they have identical smiles and she tosses her braids back as she climbs on board. He turns to speak to his soldier, who stands by with his hands crossed in front of him, and Peeta smiles and nods. We still won’t be completely alone on this trip; several of his soldiers are coming with us but they will be in different compartments on the train and then Peeta assured me they won’t be near the beachhouse he rented. When Peeta suggested taking a hovercraft to 4, it was Effie who suggested we take the train and enjoy the scenery. It feels like this is the first time that the train isn’t taking us to a desolate destination. It’s been a long time since we have taken a vacation as a family. Besides, since Annie, Finn, Ana, and Coral have joined us, a hovercraft would be far too cramped. So Peeta arranged for a private train and it goes straight to 4. 

Haymitch and Effie are settled comfortably in a squishy chair by the window, Haymitch’s chin resting on Effie’s shoulder. Finn, Ana, and Coral are in a separate compartment because they don’t want Coral to disturb anyone (even though we’re all family here). Peeta has his legs spread in front of him on the couch, with Rye curled up by his side while Willow has a sketchpad in her lap on the floor. The attendant comes in to inform us that we should be reaching 4 right around midnight…and it will be my birthday. Annie can’t keep the excitement off her face; no matter what happened, she’s happy to be going home.

Peeta glances over at me, and smiles, which I return. I’m excited for this trip and for the time with my family. The trip to the mountains was incredible but seems so long ago. It’s obvious that Peeta still struggles with his decision to stay in office. He hasn’t spoken anymore about leaving but I know being away from us takes its toll. 

The incident with Neo last week was sort of a tipping point; after his meeting in the Capitol the next day, he returned and said he would be staying home until we left for 4. I didn’t ask him what the Board thought about his decision; I know they prefer for him to stay in the Capitol.   
Truthfully, I can’t say I’m too angry about Peeta’s reaction. He has always been mild-mannered and gentle, with such a sweet temperament that it makes me look like a savage. To see him become so jealous and possessive was sort of a turn-on, though I will never admit that to a single soul. I know he was jealous of Gale when we were younger…even before the Reaping; he confessed he was jealous of him the moment he met him. But he had no reason to be. Not really. Though Gale was the friend I spent my time with for years, he never held my heart like Peeta has. 

I’m not completely unaware of Neo’s longing looks toward me. When we first met, he confessed he was star-struck so of course he knew who I was. And who I’m married to. The first day I took the kids into the shop, Rye was crying about his father. Neo heard and brought him an ice cream cone. When I tried to pay for it, he shook his head and handed Willow one as he said “we all owe the Mockingjay one”. I sucked in a breath, knowing my daughter and even my son had heard him. We don’t talk about the Games or the War; my girl is a curious one and even though Peeta has already told her a lot, I’m sure the questions will start soon. But I still don’t like charity or handouts and I tried again to give him the money. He looked straight at me and said in a low voice, “please allow me to do this, Mrs. Mellark. It’s an honor to have you and your family in my shop.” I scowled and shoved the money back into my pocket. The next time Rye wanted to stop in, he allowed me to pay for the ice cream but he joked around and made my kids laugh. Rye is still too young to understand why his father is always gone; I was afraid another man would confuse him but my son worships his father and talks about him all the time. Neo didn’t seem to mind. 

Still, that didn’t stop his flirtatiousness and I always did my best to remind him I am still happily married. I talk about Peeta often and I encourage my children to do the same. Even if Peeta isn’t in 12 with us, he’s never far from our thoughts and hearts and it sometimes seems that if I can wish it hard enough, I can assure Peeta from the Capitol that we are thinking of him. I suppose it’s because it’s what I wished for when he was captured. I just wanted to send out my love and let him know how much I needed for him to return to me. I focused my thoughts so intently, determined to send them to him. 

I’m jolted by my thoughts by a weight on my legs and I look down to see my daughter climbing into my lap.

“It’s almost my birthday,” she sighs against my chest.

“Mmhm. Are you excited?”

“I’m happy we’re all together.” I stroke her long hair and smile. 

“Me too, baby.” 

“Are we supposed to stay up until we make it to 4,” Haymitch asks with a yawn. Peeta’s brow furrows.

“We need to stay up to say happy birthday to Princess Willow.”

“No you don’t. If you’re tired, Haymitch, go to bed. We can celebrate Willow’s birthday all day tomorrow. If we ever figure out what we’ll be doing.”

“Hey, I’ve got big plans for my girls,” he pretends to pout. “Would you let me spoil you just a little?” 

“Your daughter is spoiled enough.”

“Hey,” she cries out indignantly, her head shooting off my chest. I chuckle softly; she looks and acts so much like Prim sometimes that it hurts. Peeta seems to know   
what I’m thinking and his face softens. 

“What do you have planned, Daddy?”

“No ruining the surprise. You’ll just have to wait and see.” Peeta stands with a sleeping Rye flung over his back.

“I’m going to put this one to bed. I thought he was going to try to stay up with us.”

“Let him sleep awhile. He will probably bolt out of bed as soon as the train stops.” Peeta nods and pats Rye’s back.

“I’ll be right back.” He kisses my head as he passes and I watch him carry our son to bed. Effie sighs and lowers herself deeper against Haymitch’s chest as her eyes   
flutter. 

“Really Effie, you should go to bed too. You want Peeta to have to carry you like he did Rye?”

“Heavens no, that would be simply improper,” she laughs nervously. 

“He won’t really carry you, Effie,” I assure her. “We’ll leave that to your husband.” Haymitch shoots me a glare.

“Come on, princess, let’s go on to bed.” 

“Oh all right,” she yawns. They shuffle off together and Willow yawns.

“Sweetheart you can go to bed too.”

“But then you’ll be all alone.” 

“Daddy is coming right back. I’ll be fine.” 

“I hear you crying sometimes, Mama. Crying for Daddy. I don’t want you to be sad anymore.” My heart and my throat constrict.

“I’m not sad, baby girl.”

“You are when he leaves. I hear you…talking to Aunt Prim about how much you miss him.” 

“Willow--“

“It’s ok to miss him, Mama. It’s ok to cry. That’s what Aunt Prim would say.”

“She would, huh? You’ve never met her, how do you know what she would say?” She tosses her braids back, exactly like Prim used to.

“Cause you always say I’m just like her. I think I would have really liked her.” I kiss her forehead and close my eyes so she won’t see the tears.

“I think you would have too. She would have loved you. You are very alike.”

“Did she like Daddy?”

“Oh she liked him a lot. There was awhile where things were…complicated between your dad and I and she was always trying to get me to talk to him. She invited him   
in for tea and was very nice to him. Much nicer than I was.”

“You were just scared of your feelings,” she says in a practical voice; I gape at her. When did my baby grow up? I tug her braid and she giggles.

“You’re pretty smart, you know.”

“I know.” I laugh and kiss her hair. 

“Well I promise I won’t cry. So you can go get some sleep.” She leans up and kisses my cheek before she bounds off my lap.

“Night Daddy,” she calls cheerfully as she hurries from the room. I lean my head back and see him leaning against the threshold. I know from the look on his face that   
he’s heard everything. I sigh and lean back up, pulling my knees to my chest.

“I guess I don’t need to ask if you heard all of that.” 

“I had no idea.” I refuse to look at him; I hate that pity I can hear in his voice. When he sinks onto the couch beside me, I turn my body so I’m not looking at him. 

“Katniss.” I turn my head so I am staring at the floor.

“Katniss,” he says again, more firmly.

“What?”

“Just look at me.”

“I don’t want to.” I feel his finger stroke my cheek and then his lips in my hair.

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll see pity and I don’t want your pity.” His fingers grip my chin and forces my head up. I angrily squeeze his hand but he doesn’t release me; instead, he   
presses his forehead to mine and shakes his head.

“There’s no pity in my eyes. It’s only love. The deepest love I can possibly feel, for you. Why can’t I feel sad that you are sad? Why won’t you let me mourn her too?   
Why is it so wrong that I wake up from a nightmare, crying out your name and I weep when I see the empty space beside me?”

“You do?” 

“You’re not the only one hurting over this, Katniss. The distance is hard; sometimes it kills me. When all I want is just to reach over and pull you into my arms. I want   
to read Rye to sleep and see Willow curled up with that cat. I want to wake you all up with pancakes and bacon like I used to. I miss it, Katniss. I miss us.” I close my eyes and feel his thumb at the corner of my eye; why can’t I hide my emotions, the way I used to? He used to never see me cry. Why have I grown up to be a sobbing mess? 

“It’s ok to cry, Katniss,” I hear her soft voice in my head. “Tears are cleansing. Cry it out. It’s ok to miss him.” 

One of the many nights I woke up from a nightmare, seeing Peeta tortured and bloody on the floor. I crawled into her bed and sobbed into her chest, then I apologized for being such a mess. She told me was ok to cry and it was ok to miss him.

My daughter’s exact words only moments ago. 

Peeta has me wrapped in his arms and my face squished against his chest. I can barely breathe but I don’t care; every time I inhale, I take in his familiar smell. Every   
time I feel that crushing feeling, I feel the warmth of his arms. 

“I miss her,” my voice is muffled but I know he hears me from the way his arms tighten. “I miss you. I miss us. I miss mom. I miss dad. I miss Finnick.”

“I miss them too. I miss Ryean and Bialy. I miss my dad. I miss my grandmother and the way she would pinch my cheek and tell me to find a nice girl to settle down with. I even miss my mom. I remember the way her hair looked at the end of the day, when she would take it out of that tight bun she always wore. She had the most beautiful blonde hair and it was almost to her hips. The way her eyes would light up when any of us brought home an A on our assignments. I miss them all, Katniss. But that’s what life is. Appreciating the smallest moments because you never know when something will happen. You hold onto them to make sure they don’t fade from your mind.” I wrap my arms around him and we cry together. I have a quick flash of me without Peeta; wrapped in someone else’s arms. I know who it is from the dark hair but that’s just my mind saying it was the logical choice if I hadn’t given in to my feelings for Peeta. But how different things would be. Gale has never been very good at emotions. He would pat my back, somewhat awkwardly, and assure me I was safe. He wouldn’t cry with me, he would rarely share what he was feeling, and he would never understand what I see in my nightmares. He would surely call Peeta weak and soft for breaking down like this but it makes him more beautiful to me. Raw and unfiltered emotion, he lets himself feel and he feels it wholeheartedly. Despite what he has been through, Peeta puts himself in others’ places and feels what they feel. One would think his torture would leave him cold and unfeeling but he is the exact opposite. Just another reason for me to love him and thank my lucky stars that I finally came to terms with that. I have loved Peeta Mellark for so long; and I can only tell him so many times.

I break away from his chest and lean back to study him. His face is tear-stained and red, his eyes are blurred, his curls hang in his eyes. I catalogue each precious thing in my mind and press my lips to the corner of his mouth. He freezes, uncertain as to how to respond to my absurd change in behavior. Very gently, almost tentatively, he moves his lips to mine and gives me a feathery soft kiss. My hand moves up to caress his cheek and his hand covers mine. I place soft kisses all over his face, the way I often do when he comes out of a flashback or wakes up from a nightmare. My actions are gentle but not hesitant. I don’t hesitate to show him how much I need him. Not anymore. I’ve come too close to nearly losing him too many times; I vowed when he returned to me that I would find little ways to tell him I love him. When I’ve kissed his face thoroughly, I finally move to his lips; by far, one of my favorite parts of him. My tongue traces his bottom lip and he stays still, clearly afraid he will frighten me with any sudden movements. Who is the hunter and who is they prey right now? 

It doesn’t matter; I seek entrance with my tongue and his lips part with a soft moan. I straddle his lap and urge his tongue to move against mine. I crave the gentle way he claims me as his. Peeta is a passionate lover; no matter what his mood or how he takes me, it is with passion and love. Even in his darker moments when he is uninhibited, he mutters how much he loves me before he finishes. I suck on his lip until he is panting and I wonder when he will give in to his desires and become the dominant one. Sex with him has always been amazing but it’s more about the connection right now than anything else. If anyone walked in, of course, they would be scandalized but I can’t stop myself from wrapping my fingers in his hair and moving against his lap. I feel him come to life underneath me and his hands snake under my shirt to scratch down my back. It feels like forever since we have been together like this when it’s only been a few days. Each time he goes away to the Capitol, it feels like years. Maybe that’s why I have no qualms with pouncing on him as soon as we are alone. As he said when I surprised him for Valentines Day, we don’t get enough time together so we have to take advantage of it when we can. 

There comes a knock at the compartment door and we break apart, panting. Our faces are red, our eyes are darkened, and our lips are swollen. Anyone with a brain will know what we’ve been doing. Peeta clears his throat and gently pushes me to the side. He winces slightly as he adjusts his jeans before hurrying to the door.

“Pardon the intrusion, President Mellark. We should arrive in District 4 in about ten minutes.”

“Thank you. I’ll tell the others.” He closes the door and leans against it, sighing. I watch from the couch and pull my shirt straight.

“As much as I would love to take you hard and fast against this wall, we don’t have time. I’m going to wake up Haymitch and Effie. Can you let Finn know?”

“Sure.” He catches my arm as I am about to pass and his eyes bore into mine. He leans down to give me a quick kiss, a promise of more to come, and opens the door again. I make sure to thrust my hips into his, grinding hard, before I pull away; I smirk to myself as I hear a groan and then a thump as he slams his forehead against the door. 

It takes a little while to calm Rye down. He did wake up as we were unloading the train and Peeta tried to carry him while we got into the car. Willow kept nodding off on my shoulder and I could see everyone else was trying to keep their eyes open. The beach isn’t far from the train station and Peeta quietly tells us there are two condos for us. Finn, Ana, Coral, Annie will have one floor to themselves while Haymitch and Effie take the downstairs. Johanna, George, and their kids will be on the floor above us while we have the entire first floor to ourselves. The condos are huge and the lights cast a cozy glow on the ocean. The soldiers unload our bags and Peeta thanks them and we mutter goodnight to everyone as we slip inside. Jo is due to arrive tomorrow so we don’t need to be quiet as we move around the condo. Which is a good thing because Rye has caught his second wind and refuses to go to bed. Willow rolls her eyes and yawns.

“I’m going to bed. Mama can we call Thom and make sure Prince is doing alright?”

“It’s way too late for that. I’m sure Prince is doing fine. We’ll call him tomorrow if you want.” She nods and disappears into the bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind her. 

“Ok buddy, it’s time for bed,” Peeta picks up our son, who begins to thrash and wail.

“Rye, come on now, we need to get some sleep.”

“Knew we shouldn’t have let him go to bed,” Peeta mutters.

“I’ll see if we have any milk in the fridge. Warm milk usually calms him down.”

“We should. I sent them a list of groceries to have when we arrived.” Peeta sets to undressing our son while I heat up a small cup of milk. It takes a little bit but finally, his eyes start to droop and Peeta gently carries him to bed.

I glance at the clock on the dresser as I change and groan. Even though we are on vacation, we all agreed we would be up early for Willow’s birthday breakfast on the shore. Right now, sleeping in sounds like a better plan. And I know I won’t be able to fall asleep. My hunting hours are still ingrained in me and I would be getting up soon to slip into the woods. 

Peeta sighs as he lays down beside me and reaches over to turn off the light. As he leans over me, his lips rest on my cheek and I smile into the blankets. 

“I wish we had welcomed our daughter’s birthday doing something more fun than crying in each other’s arms.”

“She’s asleep, Peeta.”

“Well, I can pretend it’s your birthday then.” I turn over to face him and his eyes widen when he sees I am topless.

“Sure, we can pretend.”

“Wha--now?” 

“You’re not tired, are you,” I tease. 

“You’re not? You were ready to fall asleep downstairs.”

“I’m wide awake now. I think we’ll be up in a few hours anyway.” He shakes his head but reaches out to trail a finger down my bare shoulder.

“Tell me what you want,” he whispers huskily in my ear. 

“You know what I want.” He quirks a brow and I don’t waste any time in flipping him over and straddling him.

“You.”   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Peeta refuses to take calls from the Capitol or attend their holo meetings. I hear him firmly telling his Board (after the third call for his opinion on a new fashion television show) that he is on vacation with his family and asks that he not be bothered while he is away. I can only imagine the happy looks on those mens’s faces. 

The time away together is exactly what we all need. Peeta is relaxed and happy, and keeps his arm draped around my shoulder as we watch Finn splashing in the water with the kids. Johanna leans over to pick up her drink and she releases a heavy sigh.

“I have to hand it to you, Peeta, this is by far the best idea you’ve come up with.”

“Glad you approve,” he replies, straightening his sunglasses. “I know 12 was getting too stuffy and my girls deserved a treat for their birthdays. Plus after I spoke to your husband, I figured you needed a vacation too.”

“I wish he had been able to come with us,” she sighs. “He is the one who needs the vacation. That damn magazine keeps him too busy.”

“Mama come into the water,” Brody calls to Johanna.

“You swim with Finn for a little bit, bud. Mama is enjoying the sunshine.”

“And the drinks,” Peeta mutters under his breath. Johanna lifts her glass and gives him a wink.

“So tell me, Mr. President, how is the Capitol treating you?” I see Peeta’s mouth thin and I bite my lip.

“Jo, we’re on vacation. Peeta doesn’t have to think about work right now.”

“Oh that good huh,” she chuckles. “Can’t say I’m too surprised.”

“What’s that supposed to mean,” Peeta removes his sunglasses and sits up. 

“Peeta, Johanna is just being her usual, annoying self,” Annie says placatingly. Peeta scowls and reaches for his drink. I’m upset with Johanna for putting that scowl   
there; he looked so peaceful only a second ago.

“Don’t get your panties into a twist. I’m just saying I’m not surprised that you’re tired of it yet. As a matter of fact, you’ve lasted longer than I expected. I told Haymitch after you took office that I thought you’d crack under the pressure.” Peeta shoots Haymitch a glare but the old man pretends not to hear.

“I haven’t cracked under pressure,” my husband growls. “And I’m so glad to hear how supportive everyone is!”

“C’mon Peeta, you’re telling me you haven’t had a single flashback in that place? You’re saying it doesn’t bother you to be back there where…so much happened?” 

“If you’re asking me if I would rather be in 12 with my family-“ he starts.

“That’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking if being in the Capitol is actually hurting you more than you realize?” He slams his drink down and the table shakes a little.

“I’ve been in office for over a year now. Why is this just now coming up?”

“Well your wife may not want to upset you and she keeps silent but I don’t need to do that.”

“Johanna,” I say warningly but she plows on, as if she hasn’t heard me.

“You’re my friend, not my goddamn lover. I can tell you the truth without being afraid you’ll get mad at me. I don’t care if you get mad at me, Peeta, and I think you   
being in the Capitol has always been a terrible idea. Your mental state is fragile enough as it is and this bullshit is too much for one person. Especially a person who has been through as much as you have. Why haven’t you found someone to replace you and step down? Or do you like the attention? Do you miss the fame from your Victor days?”

“Johanna,” Annie and I both cry out in shock. Peeta grips his glasses so tightly, his eyes narrowed and his nostrils flaring. His eyes darken dangerously and I reach out to touch his arm but he jerks away and jumps to his feet.

“Anyone else have any more encouraging words for me to take back to the Capitol with me?” He glares around at all of us and I struggle to my feet. He takes a step back and shakes his head.

“Don’t Katniss. I need to…I’ll see you all later.” 

“Peeta wait.” He stalks off, kicking the sand up as he goes. I sink back onto the chair and round on Johanna.

“What the hell was that? We’re on vacation, we’re trying to forget about his presidential duties for one day, and you have to go pull that shit?”

“I won’t apologize, Katniss. I still think he needs to step down.”

“What if he doesn’t have that luxury?”

“Of course he has that luxury! There are plenty of people who would love to be president of Panem!”

“Plenty of people we can trust? Who won’t go back to Snow’s reign, or the Dark Days? Who won’t revive the Hunger Games?”

“For gods sakes, you are paranoid, brainless! Those days are over. No one will allow that to happen!”

“Well it almost happened with Ballytynn! Or don’t you remember what he was planning to do to us?” She falls silent and I glare at her, my face flushed with fury.   
Haymitch sits up and tosses his glasses to the side.

“Well you two make it awfully hard to enjoy a nice sunny day. Come on, sweetheart, let’s find a quieter spot away from these ferile cats.” 

“Really Haymitch,” Effie sighs and shakes her head but she follows him off across the beach. Annie shakes her head and stares at her hands.

“Katniss, Johanna may be right…have you told Peeta you think it might be a good idea for him to find someone to replace him?”

“Ha,” Johanna crows in triumph. Annie shoots her a glare.

“And you. Peeta is our friend, he is like our brother, and we should support him. You have to admit he has been one of the best presidents the country has ever had and he has done so much. While I agree with you that it may be better for someone else to lead, I don’t really think his sanity is at risk. I think his happiness is. I think Peeta deserves far more than he has been given and he should be able to enjoy his life as a father and husband after yearning for it for so long.” She looks back at me and takes my hands.

“Look, you know I look at you like my sister. I see how this distance puts a strain on you and him and the kids. You all deserve much more. Perhaps Peeta can think about moving back home and dealing with his affairs from there, until he can find a suitable replacement.”

“Peeta enjoys being president,” I say softly. “He likes to help people. And as you said, he’s done so much good. I don’t want to be selfish and ask him to give that up.”

“But maybe that’s what he needs,” she says gently. “He needs to hear it from the person he loves most in this world, that she wants him for herself. That she doesn’t   
want to share him with the world anymore. Maybe you need to be selfish, Katniss, to keep your family together.” Johanna flings her legs over her chair and stands.

“Speaking of family, think I’ll go play with my son for a bit.” I watch her approach Finn and the kids and they all start to splash her. Laughing, my eyes travel over the group and I start when I see mine are missing from the pile. I shield my eyes and look around, letting out a sigh of relief when I find them again. They’re building sandcastles by the shoreline; correction, Willow and Aran are building a sandcastle while Rye is dumping buckets of sand over something. As I approach, I see Peeta lying on the ground, while our son pours sand over his body. 

“Sissy come help me!” Willow rolls her eyes but gestures for Aran to follow her as she sets her shovel down. She stands over her father and giggles.

“Daddy you look awfully silly.”

“Your brother said he was giving me a mer-tail,” I hear him say in a deep voice. “But I think he moved my tail up to my chest. At least that’s where he’s dumping the most sand.”

“Cover him,” Rye squeals and Willow laughs as she follows suit; I hold my hand over my mouth as I watch the three children cover Peeta completely and then run off to rejoin the rest of the kids. Peeta struggles in the sand and blinks when my shadow crosses over him. 

“They sort of buried you alive, didn’t they?”

“You here to finish me off, sweetheart?” My eyes narrow but he winks and laughs. 

“Just for that, I think I’ll leave you here.” 

‘What if there’s a Career, waiting in the water to kill me?”

“I think the chances of that are pretty slim. Still, you’ll have to manage by yourself. Unless you can give me a reason I should save you.” I watch him struggle some   
more but the kids have buried him pretty good. He sighs and slumps.

“C’mon Katniss, you couldn’t leave me on that bank, you can’t leave me in this sand.” 

“Prove it.” 

“You’ll…ugh…you’ll start to miss my kisses after awhile…ugh, dammit.”

“I went years without your kisses,” I stick my nose in the air to add to my dismissal.

“Fine then. My cheesebuns. You can’t live without my cheesebuns.”

“Willow has made some pretty good cheesebuns lately. She may be surpassing you in your baking skills.”

“Damn,” he curses under his breath. I cross my arms.

“I’m waiting.”

“Well I’ve got nothing then,” he shrugs in surrender.

“You really can’t think of any other reason why I should save you from that sand monster down there?” 

“Sand monster? The kids assured me there were no sand monters in here!”

“Must have missed that one,” I shrug. He gasps and looks around.

“Katniss,” he whines. “Help me out of here. Please!” 

“I’m still waiting for your reason.” 

“Uh, I, uh…” his wide eyes fly everywhere, his chest heaving. Those blue orbs land on me and his face softens. His boyish features shine through and his lips curl into a sweet smile.

“Because you love me?” I drop to my knees and push the wet sand to the side, allowing his arms to come free. We push the rest off together and I pull him to his feet.   
Sand coats him from head to toe but he yanks me forward and cups my face in his hands.

“And I love you.” 

“Just because I’ve saved you from that vicious sand monster?”

“Among other reasons,” he mutters, his lips pressing to my temple. 

“Get into the water and get that stuff off you,” I push on his chest but he pulls my hand to his lips. He quirks his brow and looks at me pleadingly.

“Alright fine,” I huff. “I love you too.” He cups my chin and gives me a sweet kiss. We’re suddenly hit by a stream of water and we jump apart, our drenched hair   
hanging in his eyes.

“What the-“ Peeta sputters as he shakes his hair out of his face. Willow, Rye, Aran, and Finn stand at the shoreline with huge water guns. Johanna, Anna, and Brody are behind them, holding their guns in the air. Haymitch and Effie roar with laughter off to the side. 

“Oh you’re in for it now,” Peeta roars, running into the water toward our children. Willow squeals as her father grabs her and hangs her upside down. 

“I’ll save you, Willow,” Aran cries bravely and attempts to shoot Peeta with more water. It seems he is out of ammunition though and Peeta smirks.

“Ana, I may have to drown your husband.” Ana, who is playing with Coral on the sand, waves nonchalantly. 

“You do what you need to do, Uncle Peeta.”

“Analise,” Finn cries indignantly. Peeta laughs as he turns on our godson and Finn holds his gun up.

“Where’s my little battalion?” 

“Abandoned you,” I snort with laughter. Finn turns to see that everyone has hidden behind Johanna and has left him on his own.

“Thanks guys,” he grumbles and Peeta laughs. 

“Ataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!” 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

That night, Finn cooks us a delicious fish dinner and we wrap up the evening with a bonfire and roasting marshmellows on the beach. Finn and Johanna tell the kids ghost stories, which turn out to be more funny than scary, while Peeta passes around slices of cake that he somehow whipped up this morning. Effie and Haymitch have to retire early, saying Effie is about to fall asleep outside. One by one, our kids start to nod off until only Aran is awake. When he thinks we aren’t looking, he reaches over to push Willow’s hair from her face. I nudge Peeta and we share a look; I know he’s seen the way the little boy looks at our daughter too. Johanna shoots me a grin across the fire and Peeta clears his throat.

“We should all head to bed,” he whispers. “Finn, can you help me get the little ones inside?”

“Sure thing Uncle Peeta.” Ana cradles a sleeping Coral and heads off to their condo while Peeta scoops Willow into his arms. Johanna and Finn pick up Anna and Brody while I slip Rye over my shoulder. Aran follows his mother into the condo and I follow Peeta up to our rooms.  
Peeta tucks Willow in and kisses her forehead before turning to me.

“It won’t be long before she’s too big to carry,” he whispers. I nod.

“She’s getting so big and beautiful. Our little eight year old.”

“I’m not ready,” he groans. “I’m not ready for her to be so grown up.”

“We still have lots of time,” I kiss his cheek. “And Rye is only four. We have plenty of time left with our kids.” 

“Well maybe we should have another one, you know, to give us even more time?” I swat his hands away and walk into our bedroom. He follows me, a broad grin on his face. 

“So that’s a no then?”

“You want to get slapped, don’t you?”

“Not particularly. Spanked, maybe,” he winks and I roll my eyes. 

“You’re insatiable.”

“So you say. A lot.” 

“Tell me I’m wrong.” He chuckles and rubs his nose against mine. I remember seeing my mother and father doing this when I was very young and thought how strange it looked. But they were always so happy so I never questioned it. The light that shines in Peeta’s eyes is identical to that of my father’s. How I wish they’d had the chance to really talk. Peeta probably can’t remember much about my dad except that he used to trade with his dad. I know Dad would love Peeta though. Mom was certainly fond of him. Prim, too. How could they not be? It’s hard to dislike a man made of sunshine. 

I watch him get dressed for bed, my eyes peeled for any limp or signs of discomfort. It’s not that we’re old, but the older people were in the Seam, the more respect they’d have. Old age was rare when I was young. And Peeta insists we are still young and healthy and we do what we can to keep ourselves like that. I know, however, there will come a day when we will encounter problems from something in our youth. Haymitch is a prime example, already having paid for his excessive drinking. Thank goodness that since the surgery, he seems healthier and happier than ever. If only Effie were healthy again, he would smile a lot more. But I have noticed the way her hand trembles or the way she leans on him for support when she enters a room. My former mentor and escort are not that young anymore.  
And I can’t think about what I would do without them.  
I’ve already lost my mother; what am I going to do if I lose anyone else?

“Hey,” I hear his soft voice and feel his finger at my brow. “What are you looking so sad for?”

“I don’t look sad.”

“Katniss I’m staring at your face and it’s like a shadow just crossed over you completely. What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” I shrug, moving to the drawer to find pajamas.

“You can lie to yourself but you know you can’t lie to me,” he says behind me. 

“It’s nothing, Peeta, really. I just had one of those sad moments…that’s all.” He bites his lip, his eyes narrowed but he seems to accept my answer, for he holds out his hand and backs toward the bed. I take it and follow him down, curling into his embrace. The bed is so soft and warm after the long day and I am asleep before he can say another word. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

The vacation goes by in a blur but we will have lots of wonderful memories to take back to 12 with us. Finn helps Willow swim with her mermaid fin and she is over the moon about it. Peeta and I lounge nearby and she cries out excitedly for us to look. Haymitch lifts his glasses when she calls out to him.

“Granpa, please come into the water!” Haymitch can deny his girl nothing; Effie giggles while he sighs and trudges through the sand, where she is splashing her fin in the shallows. We watch as he kneels down to help her clean off seashells and his loud chuckles reach us at our little cabana. 

My birthday is the day before we leave so Peeta wants to fit a lot into the day. He wakes me up in my favorite way; thank goodness I reached completion before the door burst open and the kids came in screaming ‘happy birthday’. Peeta rested his forehead on my arm and panted.

“Why don’t we ever remember to lock the door?” I grin and welcome my children into my arms. After they present me with gifts, Peeta goes off to cook breakfast and comes back with my favorite blueberry pancakes and thick slices of bacon. 

We all go into town, where Annie shows us some of her favorite spots, and we have lunch at a little seaside café that she loves. The staff come out to sing happy birthday to me and leave me with a crème brulee. Peeta grunts in my ear.

“If you tell me it’s better than mine, I may cry.” I pretend to savor the sweet dessert just to get on his nerves but really, I’m not crazy about crème brulee in the first place. Far too sweet for my taste.

“It’s delicious,” I smack my lips and his face falls.

“That hurts, Katniss.” I grin and trace his lips with my tongue.

“Ugh, kids here,” Haymitch growls across the table. 

“Oh please, you don’t think Johanna’s kids have seen worse,” Peeta scoffs. Johanna shoots us a thumbs up.

“I’ve already scarred them for life. Carry on if you like.” Peeta rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair, his hand on my knee. 

“We need to finish lunch so we can make it to those surf lessons,” Finn says excitedly.

“Told you I’m sitting that one out, kid,” Haymitch says as he digs into my discarded crème brulee.

“Awe come on, Grandpa, it will be fun!”

“Nope, I’m not much of a water guy. I’ll watch you from the beach. Hey honey, would you like to head back for a nap,” his voice drops and his brow furrows in concern. Effie wipes her mouth daintily and nods.

“I think that’s a good idea. Katniss, dear, I will see you at dinner. Enjoy the rest of your birthday, my girl.”

“Thanks Effie,” I squeeze her hand and we watch them walk slowly out of the restaurant. 

It turns out I am not a surfer at all and I get very impatient when I can’t manage to steady my board. Shaking my head, I crash through the water and head to the beach.

“Mama come back and try again.”

“No baby, I think I’m going to go lie down for a little bit.” 

“You sure Mrs. M? You were starting to get the hang of it,” the instructor says in a drawl. 

“I’m positive. Have fun kids.” I’m almost to the condo when I feel a towel drape over my shoulder.

“Thought I could join you. Finn and Ana said they would stay with the kids, and Annie is putting Coral down for a nap.” 

“Can’t believe Johanna is doing that well,” I say with a glance over my shoulder. “She doesn’t seem like the surfer type.” Peeta laughs and wraps his arm around my waist, leading me inside. 

“I think I need a shower to get rid of this fish smell,” I wrinkle my nose as I head up to our room.

“That’s just the ocean. It’s a very particular smell.”

“Are you an expert on the ocean,” I say with a smile. “You’ve seen it just as much as I have. And if I recall correctly, you were quite terrified to go swimming.”

“You’re really going to hold that against me? I barely knew how to swim when you made me go scuba diving!” 

“Were there any sharks or Careers or sand monsters to come after you? No. You know I’ll keep you safe.” He grins and strokes my cheek.

“Think I’ll join you for that shower.”

“Fine but no funny business. We have to be quick.”

“Really? You would deny me hearing your moans on your birthday?”

“It’s my birthday,” I glare at him. “If I want to deny myself pleasure, I can.”

“Ah but why do that? I can be quick. This can be very fast if you really want.” My words are cut off when he flings his shirt aside and I catch sight of that tanned, perfect skin of his. These past few days in 4 have given his pale skin a lovely glow; his stomach is not quite as flat as it was when he was younger but he’s still the most handsome man in Panem. I run my nails down his chest and pull him toward me.

“I can’t let my perfect wife go without orgasms on her birthday. It just isn’t right.”

He pushes me into the shower and pulls the curtain closed, his lips melded to mine. 

My lip is sore from biting down so hard; afraid that the others may hear, I hold in my cries as much as I can. Peeta is true to his word; he doesn’t let me go without.   
We dry each other off and quickly dress; he helps me clasp the necklace Willow presented me with this morning and he kisses my cheek.

“I feel like we haven’t had a spare moment to really enjoy your birthday.” He wraps his arms around me and I close my eyes as we sort of sway together.

“What are you talking about? It’s been a wonderful birthday. This has been the best vacation, Peeta, really. I can’t thank you--“

“Peeta! Katniss! Come quick!” Peeta’s arms tear away from me and we run to the front door. I can’t see anything because a small crowd of people have gathered on the beach and Johanna is flailing her arms toward us.

“It’s Rye!” A flash of blonde hair darts past me and I follow my husband toward the beach. Finn stands in the middle, our son curled up in his arms, and his eyes shut tightly.


	64. Chapter 64

“What happened?” My heart sinks at the sight of my son, curled into himself. I hold out my arms and Finn passes him to me. Katniss catches up to us, gasping for breath.

“He’s ok. He got stung by a jellyfish but it was just a little one. He’ll be alright.” I suck in a breath. A jellyfish? What sort of cruel dejavu is this?

“Finn grabbed him out of the water before the thing could latch on but it still stung him,” Johanna whispers. 

“Oh sweetheart,” Katniss strokes our son’s curls while he sniffles in my arms.

“Mama, it hurts.”

“I know baby.”

“Let’s get him inside and put some healing salve on it,” I mutter to her. She nods and takes his hand and kisses it. 

“Uncle Peeta,” Finn starts out, looking wary and apologetic. Johanna is clearing the crowd of people away, rather rudely, but then that’s just Jo being Jo. 

“It’s ok, Finn.”

“I’m really sorry,” he says miserably.

“It’s not your fault, Finn. Let’s get him inside.” 

“Come on kids, let’s go make sandcastles,” Ana tries to steer them away but Willow breaks away and runs right up to me.

“Is he ok?”

“He’ll be fine, Willow. Why don’t you go play with the others?”

“I’m not leaving him,” she says, her big blue eyes filling with tears. She stands up on her tiptoes and kisses her brother’s head. “I’m not leaving you, baby brother.” 

“Sissy,” Rye whimpers and Willow takes his hand. I carry him inside and Katniss searches for the first aid kit. Johanna was right; it isn’t a very big injury.

“Thank God,” I mutter as Katniss spreads healing salve over his little arm.

“Let’s be thankful it was a little one,” she murmurs. “Does that feel better, Ryekin?”

“A little,” he says, his bottom lip sticking out. Katniss takes his arm and kisses it, and our son visibly relaxes. 

“Better now,” she asks with a small smile. He nods, his finger going to his mouth. 

“Oh Rye, don’t scare us like that again.” I kiss his forehead and we sit on the couch together for a moment. None of us let go of him, not even his sister. Rye starts to squirm in our grasp but we don’t release him. 

“Don’t DO that Rye,” Willow says angrily before she wraps her arms around him and kisses his cheek. 

“Bleh,” Rye cries out, wiping at the spot. I grin as he jumps out of our arms and runs into the kitchen.

“Guess he’s feeling better.”

“Thank god,” my wife whispers against my shoulder. I lean over to wipe the tears from her eyes and Willow follows him into the kitchen.

“Rye! Put down Mama’s birthday brownies!” I laugh and Katniss and I follow them.

“If he wants a brownie, he can have one,” Katniss says with a smile. I raise a brow; I’m always the one spoiling my children’s’ appetite before dinner. She must have been really scared. Rye turns to us, his mouth overflowing with chocolate.

“Well it looks like someone is feeling better,” we hear a laughing voice behind us. 

“Brownies!” Anna and Brody run forward and reach for a brownie. Guess I’ll have to make some more since Katniss hasn’t even had one yet. Finn leans against the wall   
and crosses his arms.

“How’s he doing?”

“Like nothing ever happened,” I say with a shrug. Finn releases a sigh, his shoulders slumping forward.

“Hey,” I nudge my godson. “You did good. You protected my son.” Ana wraps her arms around him and rests her cheek against his back. I grin and turn to the chocolate-covered group. 

“Hey kids, has Finn ever told you about the time he fought a huge sea-monster, right here in District 4?” The kids abandon their dessert and drop right on the floor in   
front of him.

“No,” Willow says with a gasp. Finn shoots me a grin and I shrug. 

“Tell us,” Anna squeals. 

“It was right here, on this very beach,” he says mysteriously. Johanna, Katniss, and I leave Finn to tell his story and we collapse in chairs on the back patio.

“I was fucking terrified,” Johanna confesses.

“My heart dropped when you said jellyfish.” She nods.

“Finn lost all color in his face, let me tell you. But at least it was just a baby. The one that got him was twice that size. And I remember how bad it looked. That thing   
was wrapped around his leg completely.”

“I remember,” I mutter, wincing at the memory of my godson’s mangled little leg. “You think he secretly resents us for it?”

“No Peeta. We did what we had to. And look at him now,” she waves back toward the house. “He’s walking and swimming and running better than normal! And I even forget sometimes he has a prosthetic! It looks so close to his real one, no one can notice. The kids definitely didn’t know, that’s for sure.” 

“He was lucky,” I say, glancing down at my own fake leg. “He got to keep at least a portion of it. My prosthetic is actually fused to my nerves now. I didn’t get a choice either. When I woke up, it was just gone.” I see Katniss’s eyes fall to the ground and I reach out and cup her chin.

“Hey,” I say softly. “Do not start that.”

“Start what,” she mumbles.

“Feeling guilty. Don’t you dare.” 

“You know you saved his life, brainless,” Johanna says in a surprisingly gentle voice. “I was in that control room, watching. We all thought he was a goner, til we saw   
you make that tourniquet. Hell, even Gloss murmured he wished you were his tribute.” 

“See? Quite a Healer, like I always told you,” I nudge her with a smile. She doesn’t return it and I sigh heavily.

“Katniss. What’s done is done. Don’t go back to that arena. Please.”

“God no,” Johanna shudders. “You’ve got a damn good life here, Mellark, why would you keep thinking about the Games?”

“Can’t help it,” she says with a shrug.

“Yeah, you can. Concentrate on the good things in your life. Make a list in your head. Isn’t that what your shrink told you? Make a list in your head, of every act of goodness you’ve seen someone do. That’s how you keep the nightmares at bay. It’s helped me over the years.” She nods to me and I wrap my arm around my wife’s shoulders.

“Just think of me,” I whisper. “Think of the kids and me. How much we need you, love you.” Her hand finds mine on my knee and she squeezes. Johanna sighs heavily. 

“They’ve messed us up pretty good, haven’t they?” I shoot her a look and shake my head. She gives us a sad smile and heads back inside. Katniss’s breathing is heavy and she squeezes her eyes shut. I know she’s fighting back tears; the sadness takes her over and she has trouble breathing. 

“Katniss,” I whisper against her temple, pressing my lips there. “I love you so much, Katniss. I don’t know what I would do without you. I’d have been lost without you. Lost in my dark thoughts, another victim of the Capitol. You’ve saved me time and time again. You know that right? You understand how much I need you?” She   
doesn’t open her eyes but she nods. 

“Open your eyes, honey. Look at me.” It takes a moment but then I am gazing into those silver orbs and my breath hitches. It still takes me a moment to convince myself that this is real. That this beautiful creature I have watched for so many years actually loves me. Calls me hers, and lets me call her mine. 

“There you are. Are you back with me?” 

“Oh Peeta, I’m sorry,” she mumbles, covering her face with her hands. I yank her hands down and hold them in mine. 

“Don’t do that. You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

“I just…my anxiety…and Rye…”

“I know,” I say gently, kissing her forehead. “Not such a great birthday after all.”

“It’s been wonderful,” she says firmly. “Just a few moments I could do without but the rest has been wonderful. I don’t really want to go back to 12 tomorrow.”

“You could come to the Capitol with me,” I suggest tentatively. “Maybe you and the kids could stay with me for a few days. See how we do.”

“Rye and Willow have lessons,” she whispers, looking apologetic. I can’t tear my kids away from their lives anymore. They’re happy in 12. 

“You’re right. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I’ll be back to 12 before you know it.”

“Peeta…maybe it’s time to start thinking…” she trails off and I watch her expectantly. 

“Yes?”

“Um, what you were saying on Valentines Day. About…finding a replacement.” My brow shoots up. 

“You want me to do that?”

“I don’t know,” she says in an almost desperate tone. “I want to support you and I know you are helping the country but I am just too damn selfish, Peeta. I want you   
with us all the time. I want to raise our family together. I want you to be happy and do what makes you happy. And I see how peaceful you look when you get away from the Capitol. Johanna is right; you’ve been through so much and sometimes I think that all that stress really isn’t good for you. At home, you’re a simple baker again. I can hunt and you can bake and we can go about our lives. Maybe we would even have time to…expand our family.” My eyes widen and my jaw drops.

“You mean-“ 

“That’s why I’ve said no every time you’ve brought it up. Because I don’t want to go through that alone. I don’t want you to miss anything. You’ve missed quite a bit in Rye’s and Willow’s lives,” she says this tentatively, as if she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. “And I don’t want to have a baby without you there.”

“I swear that would never happen. I would be there for every step, for the birth, and then the aftercare.”

“How, Peeta,” she rests her hand on my cheek. “You are the most important man in Panem. How do you think you can just take off whenever I call you, panicking about something about my pregnancy? Or when I call you crying, because of hormones. How do you think the Board and your staff will respond to you leaving all the time?”

“All I care about is you and my family,” I say firmly. She nods, looking resigned.

“I know. Which is why I am asking you to consider it. If you can find someone suitable, someone you trust…I think it might be time to think about it.” 

“Ok. I’ll think about it,” I promise her. What I omit is that I have already thought about it. A lot. And hearing Johanna talk about it the other day was hard enough when I have essentially already made up my mind. It won’t happen overnight but I know it’s what is best for everyone in the long run. What happens to the country when it becomes too much? It’s not fair for anyone and certainly isn’t fair to the woman who swore to stay by my side for eternity. 

“That’s all I ask. Come on, let’s go back to the kids. I don’t want to let Rye out of my sight for very long.” 

“Katniss,” I jump to my feet and glance down, then back into her eyes. “If I wasn’t president…would you want another baby?” Her lips curve upwards only slightly.

“You are president, Peeta.”

“I know that,” I wave that aside impatiently. “Let’s pretend. I’m not president. Would we be trying for another baby?” 

“I like the sight of you with a baby in your arms,” she whispers before she turns to go inside. I stare after her, her hair glistening in the sun. I imagine her belly swollen with another child, that ever-present glow on her cheeks that I have come to love so much. 

I love my children more than anything. And before we welcome another one into the world, I want to spend more time with them, show them how much I love them and cherish them. Willow, my little princess who looks more and more like her beautiful mother every day and Rye, my mini-me, who’s inherited his mother’s mischievousness and stubbornness, and follows his sister around everywhere she goes. They’ve developed their own personalities and their own likes and dislikes.   
What would a third child look like? Maybe another little girl, with my hair and Katniss’s eyes? Or a dark-skinned little boy with her grey eyes? 

I’m yanked back to the present as I feel her yanking on my hand and I shake my head. She’s leading me back inside but I’ve stopped us, staring at her flat stomach.

“Peeta?”

“I’m fine,” I say immediately, blinking. Her brow quirks but I follow her inside, where the kids have all leaped onto Finn. 

“Well,” Katniss says with a laugh as we stand behind Johanna. “What’s happening here?”

“The hero is loved by all,” she snorts with laughter. 

“Ah, so they liked how he saved District 4 from the giant sea-monster?”

“I guess so.” 

“What on earth is going on here,” Annie says as she comes into the room with Coral in her arms. Ana jumps to her feet and takes her daughter and Finn leans over to   
kiss his mother. 

“You’ve missed an eventful day,” Johanna huffs.

“I’ve only been gone an hour.”

“Well it’s been an eventful hour.” Annie raises her brow and glances at me.

“You’ll find out at dinner. Speaking of which, are you guys sure you’re still ok to watch the kids tonight?”

“Aunt Johanna is making dinner for everyone,” Annie says, crossing her arms. Katniss’s brow furrows.

“Wait, I thought we were all going out for dinner.”

“Peeta is taking you out for your birthday,” Johanna shoots her a wink. 

“If that’s ok, “I hastily add. “If you would rather stay here with everyone, I can cancel the reservation. I just want you to enjoy the rest of your birthday.” 

“Oh go have a mommy/daddy evening. You’ve been with the kids the whole trip. You two haven’t had any alone time.” I don’t correct her; our “mommy/daddy time”   
has been quick and secret. But I want Katniss to have fun and if she wants to be with the family, I won’t fault her for it.

“Dinner alone sounds nice,” she whispers, squeezing my hand. I smile; I searched around for the perfect restaurant for tonight and am excited to see her reaction. The mayor himself suggested it and sent me a flyer; it sounds perfect. 

“When do we need to start getting ready?”

“Soon,” I glance up at the clock. “Dinner is at 6:15.” 

“You want me to help you with your hair, Katniss,” Annie asks eagerly. Katniss still prefers her simple braid but she glances at me and smiles.

“Sure Annie, that would be nice.” 

“You’re leaving me out of girl time,” Johanna pretends to pout.

“I would say you can help with make-up but you’ll just sit there and make rude comments,” Annie says, rolling her eyes.

“When did Mrs. Odair get such a sassy attitude?” Annie shrugs, her lips curving up.

“All these years of hanging with you, I suppose.” 

“Huh. I’m quite an influence,” Jo says with a smirk.

“Yeah, you are,” Katniss says pointedly and Jo laughs. 

“Ok, ok. Let’s go pamper the birthday girl. We’ll have her back to you soon, Peeta.”

“Please do,” I kiss her palm and smile as I watch the girls drag her upstairs.   
\----------------------------------------------------------------

Finn decides to take over dinner duties and I give the kids a quick art lesson while Katniss is upstairs. I glance up at the clock and decide I should start to get ready too. Willow takes over as instructor and I grin as I watch her correct everyone on how to hold their pencil. 

I lean in and hear giggling through the door; surely that can’t be my wife, sounding so carefree. I grin as I recognize her laughter and knock softly. 

“Go away, no boys,” Johanna’s face appears and I roll my eyes.

“How old are you, Jo?”

“Hey, none of us got to enjoy our teenage years much. We get to gossip and be girls again. Talk about cute boys.”

“You know I didn’t do any of that,” my wife says with a scowl. 

“I hope you’re including your husbands in there,” I say as I push the bedroom door open. Annie stands beside Katniss, who sits in front of the vanity. Her eyes meet mine in the mirror and I mouth wordlessly. 

“You’re catching flies there, Mellark.” I snap my jaw shut and shake my head. Johanna cackles as I make my way over to my wife. Annie has curled Katniss’s dark hair and piled it on top of her head, with little white flowers tucked in. Her make up looks natural but they have lined her eyes, making them look dark and mysterious, and lined her lips so they look full and tantalizing. 

“Hey, stand up and show him the goods,” Johanna teases from behind us. Katniss rises and I am floored. Now let me explain something. I think my wife is beautiful in whatever she wears; I love when she wears her ragged pants and tight shirts to hunt in, or when she just wears a pair of grey pants and one of my shirts to lounge around in.

But boy am I am a sucker for dresses. I didn’t really think I would be, since they’re not really her thing, but the first time I saw her in a dress for the Reaping, I was even more of a goner. Seeing her in her interview dress for the Games stunned me; Cinna had turned her into a work of art but at the same time, it wasn’t really her. She was too young for the sexy dresses they put her into and it just reminded me that we were never allowed to be ourselves again, at least in the Capitol.  
But after the revolution, when she would wear a little sundress that showed off her arms, hell, that did me in. The dresses I bought her during her pregnancy, and the dresses she wore around the house after Rye was born, well, those blew me away. It’s not even about showing off her legs or having easy access to rip aside her panties and take her whenever I want (though I do have to say I love being able to do that whenever I can) but maybe it’s just that I don’t always see her in them. She’s more comfortable in her worn hunting clothes, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But when she dresses up, she actually sparkles. 

The girls have gifted her with a long green dress that shows off her curves splendidly. It’s not as extravagant as the dresses in the Capitol and it’s rather low-cut so I can see the tops of her creamy breasts. This vacation has given her some rather enticing tan lines and since she’s been wearing a bikini top most of the time, her breasts are paler than the rest of her. A swoop of material, I don’t know what the hell to call it, hangs off her shoulders in the back as the dress plunges downward toward her hips. The straps are barely there and I watch as one of them slides down her freckled shoulder.

God help me tonight. Having dinner with her, alone, is going to be a hell of a challenge.   
She’s looking shy, waiting for me to say something. Even now, years into our marriage, she still seeks my approval. I think she’s crazy for that- how could I ever see her as anything but beautiful?; but I caress her cheek and my eyes move up her body slowly.

“You look stunning.”

“And you don’t,” Johanna proclaims bluntly. “You should get ready too, bread boy!”

“Well you ladies have been hogging the bedroom,” I tease. “I came up to get ready.”

“Ok, we’ll leave you to it. Have fun tonight, Katniss.” 

“Thank you,” she squeezes her friends’ hands and Johanna winks before she shuts the door. Katniss sweeps by me and goes to her jewelry bag.

“Damn,” I say weakly. “I don’t know if we should go out tonight. I’d rather just stay here and ravage you completely.”

“Nuh uh, I’m starving so you are going to feed me.” I laugh and watch her thumb through her jewelry. 

“Hey, I actually have one more gift for you.” I silently thank the girls; this dress goes perfectly with Katniss’s present. She waits while I dig out the box from my bag and she eyes the big green bow.

“I had limited wrapping materials. Just open it.” She smiles as she lifts the lid and her eyes widen.

“Peeta, it’s…” she trails off but I can see the awe in her eyes. The design is very simple but I knew she would love it. She still doesn’t wear anything too flashy and prefers to wear the simple locket from the Quell, or one of the gold necklaces I’ve given her over the years. The charm is a silver heart with a small emerald in the middle, hanging from a pretty silver chain. There are even stud earrings to match. She lifts the necklace from the box and hands it to me, turning so I can clasp it around her neck. The heart hangs above her breasts and I kiss her neck as I let my hand move down her bare back. She shivers a little and I smile at the reaction. 

“Mrs. Mellark, you are without a doubt the most gorgeous creature on this earth,” I say against her cheek. She leans back into my embrace and turns her head to nuzzle my face. 

“It’s still so weird to hear that,” she says softly. 

“What? Your name?”

“Well, in the district, especially in the Seam, that name was whispered. I mean, it was said and it was like…like a shadow cast over the Seam.” 

“Oh…do you still think of it that way?” Damn my voice for sounding so vulnerable. She turns in my arms and runs her fingers over my chin.

“No. I love the sound of it, especially when you say it. Particularly when you growl it as you’re taking me from behind,” she practically purrs. My hips jerk forward voluntarily and her eyes light up.

“You are such trouble,” I grit my teeth. “We have to get going soon so I’m going to get a shower and change clothes.”

“Sure you don’t want me to join you?” My cock positively jumps at the suggestion. Get a GRIP, Mellark, what are you, 12?

“And mess up your hair and make-up? The girls would kill me. You finish getting ready. I’ll be quick.” She pretends to pout but I know better. Now if only I can manage to ignore my throbbing hard-on during my shower. I clear my throat and push past her, throwing my shirt into my suitcase. I glance over at her as I unbutton my shorts and she’s putting the earrings on. Smiling, I hurriedly jump into the shower and determinedly avoid looking down. Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away.  
That’s the kind of thing teenage Peeta would have said. What the hell is wrong with me tonight?   
\---------------------------------------------------------

Teenage Peeta wouldn’t have had ANY self-control tonight with the way Katniss is hanging on to me. After one glass of wine, she’s rather tipsy and extremely flirtatious. Her giggles make my face hurt from smiling so much. And she has eyes for no one but me. 

The restaurant is at the edge of the beach, called La Villa Azur. My favorite part of it (and Katniss’s eyes lit up when she realized it too) is the retractable glass ceiling, so that diners may dine under the stars if they choose. We’re shown to a private table in the back of the restaurant, nearest to the beach. It’s a bit chilly so I rise to drape my jacket over her shoulders so she’ll stop shivering. And the food is absolutely divine.

I can’t believe how easy it is to just sit and talk to her, for hours. We’ve been married twenty- two years and it feels like we are on a first date, just talking about anything and everything. She laughs freely and I find myself feeling more relaxed than I have in years. This is what I love most about my relationship with Katniss. We have been through so much together, I call her my best friend. We are genuinely interested in what the other has to say and the conversation never dies. When our dessert is brought out, Katniss glances down and back up at me.

“If I don’t thank you later for this wonderful birthday, thank you Peeta.”

“It’s my pleasure, Katniss. Truly.” We share the chocolate lasagna and a glass of wine. When the server asks her if she wants her own glass, she glances at me and   
bites her lip.

“Go ahead. There’s nothing wrong with indulging a little.” 

“Alright, thank you,” she says to the kindly older man, who quickly brings back more wine. 

Her face grows more flushed and her eyes more glazed over. She’s such a lightweight (I can’t talk, I am too) and she never drinks so I don’t want her to feel sick on our way home tomorrow. 

“Hey honey, let’s put aside the wine for now. Want any more of this lasagna?”

“I’m so full,” she says, leaning back in her chair. “Have I ever eaten that much food in my life?”

“When you were pregnant with Willow you ate constantly,” I laugh but then realize how that sounded. 

“Oh damn, babe, I didn’t mean it like that--“

“I know,” she cuts me off. “You’re right, I was a cow when I was pregnant.”

“You were not a cow,” I scold her. “You were beautiful. You’re still beautiful.” 

“Will you think so in ten years, Peeta?” I lower my glass of water and frown.

“Are you really asking me that?”

“Will you still think I’m beautiful in fifteen years? How about thirty? When I’m old and wrinkled and so fat from your cheesebuns that I can’t walk! Will you always be attracted to me?”

“Always,” I say firmly. “I could never think anything else. Katniss, I fell in love with you when I was FIVE. I thought you were the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. Dad could tell how bad I had it. Hell, everyone could. You could be balding, blind, and deaf and I would kiss your head, bring your hand to my heart so you could feel it race for you, and cover your body with my lips so you would feel my love. I will never not want you. I promise you that.” She brings my hand to her lips and smiles but that smile fades fast and she suddenly bursts into tears. Loud, emotional tears. 

“Katniss!”

“I’m s-sorry Peeta. You’re…you’re p-perfect and I’m jus-just a m-mess right n-now!” 

“Hey, hey,” I try to soothe her, pulling her closer and she climbs into my lap and straddles me, sniffling into my shoulder. I glance around and see that some people have stopped eating and are staring at us. I shift around so I don’t have to see them and offer her a napkin. But apparently I’m wrong in doing so because her cries become louder and she starts to choke and cough. Oh damn it, WHAT am I doing wrong here? 

“Katniss, honey, it’s ok. Everything’s ok. Please stop crying, love.” I lean back and take her face in my hands. Despite her tears, her eyeliner isn’t running and she still looks so damn gorgeous. I kiss her forehead and use my thumb to wipe at her tears.

“Hey,” I say softly, trying to give her a smile. Her eyes swim as she gazes down at me and I push a loose strand of hair back behind her ear. She starts to calm down, shifting in my lap, and swallows thickly. I reach over and dip my napkin in my glass of water and bring it to her face. I gently wipe her tears away and kiss her face as softly as I can. 

“There we are. That’s better.” I sound like I’m talking to a five year old but she doesn’t give me her signature scowl. She closes her eyes and leans her forehead against the back of my chair. 

“You want to go on back home?” I had intended for us to end the night with a stroll around the beach and then some fun back at our condo, but I think the alcohol is   
affecting her worse than either of us expected and I feel her nod against me. 

“Ok.” I signal the server, pay for our meal, and pull her to her feet. She leans into me and rests her head against my chest; wrapping my arm around her, I lead her out of the restaurant and quickly call for my car. 

When I walk in, a few people are still awake. Annie, Ana, Haymitch, and Finn sit around the table, sipping from their mugs. Haymitch’s brow shoots up into his hair.

“What did you do to the girl?”

“She had some wine…someone get the door, please.” She completely passed out in the car and I’ve had to carry her inside. Finn jumps up to close it behind me and I nod to him as I carry Katniss up to our bedroom. 

She mutters something under her breath as I change her out of her dress and into an old shirt of mine. Her hair is still up but I don’t know how it’s styled and elect to leave it alone. I pull the covers over her, kiss her forehead, and head back downstairs. 

“How much wine did she have,” Annie asks.

“A glass and a half. She just doesn’t drink that often so I think it’s really affecting her. She had a break down at the restaurant and I wanted to get us back home. She   
passed out in the car.” 

“Aunt Niss can’t handle her liquor,” Finn cackles and his mother and his wife simultaneously slap his arm.

“Ouch!”

“You deserve it. My poor wife is going to have a hell of a headache in the morning.” 

“Get her to drink some water before you go to bed. It’ll help when you wake up.” I nod and roll my sleeves up.

“So other than the birthday girl passing out, how was dinner?”

“We had a good time. We just laughed and talked. It was nice.” I glance around at my family and study my hands.

“Can I ask you all something?” 

“Ask away,” Haymitch takes a drink from his mug. 

“I have a feeling this is going to turn into a deep conversation. Do you want some hot chocolate, Uncle Peeta?”

“Oh…that sounds good. Thanks Finn.” 

“I’ll get it,” Ana jumps to her feet, Finn kissing her hand as she passes. 

“So, what’s up Peeta?” I can’t bring myself to look up and I pick at my fingernails instead.

“What are your…you guys’s thoughts on me being President?” No one answers and I finally look up. Everyone is staring at me. Perfect.

“Never mind. I shouldn’t have asked…I’m going to bed.”

“Wait, Peeta,” Annie rests her hand on my arm and smiles. “Tell us why you’re asking this.”

“Because Katniss wants me to think about stepping down. And I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. But I want to hear what you guys think too. You’re all my family. And I heard Johanna’s opinion the other day.”

“Jo is just worried about you,” she says gently. “Don’t forget that she was there when everything happened to us. She knows exactly what we’ve been through. And then she watched us struggle in 13. She would never admit it but Johanna is a softie when it comes to all of us. Especially you. We’re the only family she’s known.”

“So she thinks I’m too weak to handle this?”

“Not weak. Peeta; we know how strong you are and how brave you have always been. Did you forget that we were mentors during your Games?” I look into her sea-green eyes and bite my lip.

“Johanna and I saw your courage. And no one would ever call you weak. I just believe that you deserve more happiness and the Capitol isn’t giving you that. You’re constantly away from the family that you wanted for so long. Everyone can see the difference, when you’re with her. You’ve smiled more, you’re relaxed, you look at peace this week! I really don’t want to see that look disappear.”

“I can understand what Aunt Niss and Aunt Jo and Mom are saying,” Finn says, chewing on his lip for a moment. “And even though I think you have been a great president…I sort of agree with them. I can see the difference too. Those weekends you come home and you know you have limited time. You’re always watching her like you’re about to lose her.”

“You can’t blame me, Finn, I’m used to losing her.” He winces at my tone but nods.

“I know. I mean, I don’t KNOW and I don’t know how bad it used to be except from what I’ve heard from all of you. I read the text books, Uncle Peeta, and I listened to your stories. I bet you think I wasn’t listening,” he winks before he continues. “But I was and I knew…even as a little boy, I knew my family was a family of heroes. I read about Aunt Niss and what she did for the country, what you all did for us, and I thought, man I’m pretty lucky to be related to these people. Even though we’re not REALLY related…I’ve always felt like we were.” My godson’s words are warmth that wash over me and I reach out to grip his shoulder.

“Peeta, we just want to see you happy,” Haymitch says gently. “And whether it’s because you miss Katniss and the kids, or because the Capitol brings up bad memories, we can see you’re not completely happy when you’re there. And I know most people would tell themselves to suck it up and learn to be happy but you’re not most people. Most people couldn’t imagine the things you’ve been through. You’ve seen and endured things that people couldn’t muster up in their nightmares and yet here you are, the gentle baker in front of us. I’ve seen you at your worst…I’ve watched you come back to yourself. And I’ve seen what happens when your thoughts get too dark. I don’t ever want to see you like that again, kid. And I agree with Johanna too. The Capitol is just a flashback waiting to happen. Finn’s right; you’re an incredible president and you have done wonders for the country. But it may be time to let them enjoy what you’ve done and step back into the shadows of your quiet life with your family.” 

I sip at my hot chocolate, pondering their words. I’ve already made up my mind. I don’t want to spend another year in the Capitol without my family. But hearing it from everyone else, well, I’m sort of irritated that no one raised these concerns before I took office.  
But we were in the midst of a crisis back then. Ballyntynn had threatened the peace and freedom our country had regained and when news of his death reached us, I didn’t have a lot of choice. It was either step forward and claim the role or allow someone worse than Snow to take over. I couldn’t take that chance. Especially now that I’m far more vulnerable than I used to be.

If I thought Snow had me right where he wanted me when he bartered with Katniss’s life, I was mistaken; I wasn’t thinking about a family at that age and never could have dreamed I’d have a family with Katniss. Now that I’ve known the joy of holding my daughter and my son in my arms, and seeing Katniss hold them, I’d do anything to protect that image. My family is everything to me and I think the Committee Board realizes that. It’s not that I try to be selfish or thoughtless toward my people; it’s just that no one is more important to me and even at a young age, I knew I would do whatever it took to protect Katniss. Hell I went into the Games, having told Haymitch I would die for her and he believed me. Nothing has changed; I’d do anything to protect her and our children. 

But Panem is so much better, so much safer and more improved, than I’ve ever seen it. So maybe everyone’s right; maybe it IS time to step back and enjoy a simple life; it’s what I’ve always wanted but always been denied. 

Katniss and I are now in our forties. (Ok, I’m not far behind her) and I really want another child one day. The fact that my leg cramps in the cold, or my hips are sore sometimes after I fuck her hard, tells me I’m not getting any younger. Quite opposite, in fact. I’ve even found a few grey hairs in the middle of my curls. I nearly had a heart attack but refused to show Katniss, out of fear she would just laugh at me. I could shoot back at her that she’s older than I am but I don’t want an arrow in my eye. And no matter her age, I don’t think her perfect aim will ever change. 

“It’s getting late,” Finn yawns. “And we have a pretty early train back to 12. Good night, everyone.” 

“Night,” we all murmur before we move to our respective rooms. I head to the bathroom first to brush my teeth and change and I can hear a little whimper from the bedroom. I push the bathroom door open and listen intently, breathing again when I don’t hear it. I’d feared she would have nightmares all night but she seems to be doing alright. 

I’m halfway to the bed when she starts to thrash around and toss her head from side to side. I’m beside her in half a second, my hands on her arms. 

“Peeta,” she gasps, her face scrunched up in fear.

“I’m here,” I say immediately. “We’re safe. We’re together.” 

“No,” she whimpers. “No, please!”

“Katniss, you’re--“

“Peeta!” She sits straight up, her face losing all color. My hands rest on her shoulders but her hands claw at my arms.

“Please don’t! Please! Peeta!” 

“Katniss, shh, you’re with me,” I run my hands through her hair, my nails raking across her scalp, hoping she will be soothed by my gentle touch. She shakes her head   
and tears stream down her cheeks.

“Peeta,” she whispers. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I could never leave you,” I reply without thinking.

“I saw you…with her. Please….please stay with me.” I gasp and pull back, as her hands clutch at my arms. 

“Stay with us,” she whispers. I give her forehead a kiss and pull her into my arms.

“Always,” I whisper against her hair. She visibly relaxes at our word and lowers her head to my lap. I stroke her hair for a moment, watching her, hoping the nightmare has passed. Whoever she is seeing me with, I pray she disappears quickly. Katniss’s body goes limp in my grasp and she turns her head away from me. I reach out to turn out the light and kiss her forehead again. Silently hoping for a peaceful night, I pull her closer to my chest and close my eyes.  
\--------------------------------------

Her pained moans wake me up immediately and I feel her fighting my hold on her. 

“Katniss? You ok?”

“Oh god Peeta, I think I’m going to be sick.” She claps a hand to her mouth and I rush to pull the wastebasket over to the bed. She doubles up and I gather her hair in   
my hand while she empties her stomach. She trembles as she wipes at her face and I jump out of the bed to run to the bathroom. Bringing back a warm towel and a glass of water, I dig some pills out of our suitcase and place them in her palm.

“Drink all the water.”

“I feel sick.”

“I know,” I say with a small smile. “This will make you feel better.”

“How much did I drink last night?”

“Not a lot but then, you can’t handle a lot.”

“I can handle more than you,” she says haughtily and I quickly tie off her hair with a band so she can keep it out of her sweaty face.

“We will talk about you drinking me under the table when you feel better. Take the pills.” She swallows them down and leans back against the wall, groaning. I hear a knock at the door and I jump out of bed so they won’t see Katniss.   
My little girl gazes up at me with wide eyes.

“Are we going home today, Daddy?”

“Yes baby, are you all packed?” She nods. “Can you help your brother and make sure he’s all packed? Mama isn’t feeling well so I’m going to take care of her this   
morning.”

“Want me to make pancakes?” I smile at my daughter and stroke her hair.

“That sounds perfect. Get your Aunt Johanna to help you.” Katniss would kill me if I let Willow use the stove without adult supervision, even though she practically does it every day at the bakery. Willow gives me a sweet smile before her braid whips around the corner. 

“Who was it,” Katniss asks weakly, wiping her face with the towel.

“Willow and I sent her to help Jo with breakfast. We will be leaving soon, if you’re feeling up to it.”

“What, you’re going to leave me in 4 until I get better?” I chuckle at her scowl.

“I can rearrange our train if need be. I don’t want you to travel until you’re feeling well.” 

“Oh,” she disappears and I hear her empty her stomach again. Good god, she didn’t even eat that much. When she reappears, moaning, I wipe her face again and dig out some clothes from our suitcase. When she stops throwing up, I go into the bathroom and start the shower for her, knowing the warm water will help. 

I nurse my poor hung-over wife for most of the morning and tell Johanna to tell the others they can go ahead and go if they want but we will be taking a later train. Finn decides to take Ana and Coral to the beach one more time, so they will be joining us. Haymitch says Effie isn’t feeling well either and traveling later will probably be better for her. George is returning this evening so Johanna and the kids leave on the early train. I have to hold in my laughter as I see Aran trying to say goodbye to Willow. When she kisses him on the cheek and thanks him for the shell necklace he gave her for her birthday, his face goes redder than I’ve ever seen. Johanna lets out a whistle behind them and if possible, he goes even redder. I shake my head and clap my hand over my mouth to hold in my giggles.

“Johanna,” I say behind my hand. She winks and shrugs. Aran kisses Willow’s hand (more like his lips hover over her skin until he awkwardly face plants against her arm) and runs off to join his mother. Willow screws up her nose and wipes her hand on her side. I quickly give Johanna a hug and she pats my cheek a little too hard.

“Ow,” I rub my face and she winks.

“You know you like it rough.”

“For the love of God, Jo, our children are right there,” I say through gritted teeth. As always, she looks unabashed.

“Listen, I’m sorry if I was a little too honest with you the other day. I hope you know, I only want what’s best for you.” I nod.

“I do know that.”

“I hope you’ll make the right decision, Peeta. For you. Not for anyone else. You’ve worried about other people for too damn long. Worry about yourself for once in your life.” She kisses my cheek, slaps it again, and pulls her children out of the condo. I stare after her, rubbing my sore cheek. 

“I will never understand that woman,” I mutter.

“Don’t even try,” Annie laughs beside me. “She’s one of a kind, our Johanna. Always has been.” 

“Thought you were going to the beach with your son?” 

“No, I um…I thought I’d go…elsewhere.” I quirk my brow and watch her fidget uncomfortably.

“Do I need to take you anywhere?”

“That’s sweet of you but no, take care of Katniss. I’ll be back soon.” She gives me a small smile and heads out to where the car is waiting. I bite my lip, having a feeling I know where she’s gone but I don’t say anything. Willow and Rye are coloring in the living room so I head up to check on Katniss again before I take them to the beach one more time.  
\---------------------------------------

The ride back to 12 is a quiet one. The kids have tired themselves out at the beach and fell asleep as soon as the train started moving. Haymitch and Effie are sitting together on the loveseat, Haymitch running his thumb over Effie’s frail hand. Finn, Ana, and Coral have disappeared into a private compartment and Annie looks rather subdued and pale; she never said where she went but when she returned, her eyes were red-rimmed and her skin had lost its rosiness. Katniss rests on the couch, her back pressed against my chest and her legs spread out in front of her. She sleeps fitfully, her stomach still rolling. She barely touched her dinner and I pleaded with her to at least eat the dinner roll. Her hands rest on her chest and I pull one of them to my lips; her eyes open and she glances up at me. I kiss her between her eyes and smile down at her. 

“We’ll be approaching District 12 in about twenty minutes, sir,” comes the voice of my attendant. I nod and glance over at Haymitch and Effie, who have already heard. I kiss Katniss’s forehead and settle against the couch for the rest of the ride. 

Katniss carries Rye while I lift Willow and the attendant promises to send along our luggage in the morning. Haymitch helps an exhausted Effie back to their house and we call goodnight as we disappear into our houses. 

After Katniss and I tuck our kids in, we fall into our bed together without bothering to undress. She looks as tired as I feel. I throw my socks aside, stumble to the window to push it open a little, and fall back onto the bed beside her. Our eyes are closed before I’ve pulled her into my arms.


	65. Chapter 65

It’s been four months since our vacation in 4 and Peeta doesn’t seem any closer to stepping down than he was. He continues his weekend trips home but when I try to bring it up, he changes the subject and says he doesn’t want to talk about work when he is with his family. It’s infuriating and I don’t know what else to do. 

On top of that, our son has had a crazy shift of personality and doesn’t ever want to be far from his father. I have to admit I love the sight of the two blonde heads nestled together while they nap, or the sight of Rye and Willow helping him at the bakery. Peeta is such a wonderful father and I just have to tell myself that I denied him this too long; I really don’t mind that he spends all of his time with our kids but it’s been a month since we made love and that is far too long for me.   
Peeta’s and Rye’s birthdays are next week and Finn has offered to have a party at the pool. Rye seems happiest when he is in the water and has taken to swimming like a pro. Annie even says he rivals Finnick at his age, and Finnick grew up around the ocean. My little fish is growing up quickly. 

I never thought I would take to a domestic life but motherhood has changed me. I don’t hunt as much as I used to; if I go into the woods, it’s to take the children. Willow isn’t as fond of the forest as Rye is and she spends most of her time coloring or at the bakery or in our kitchen, trying out new recipes. I sometimes go over to the orphanage but even that has ceased a little. Most of my time is spent at home with the kids. While they are at school, I clean the house or have lunch with Annie. I visit with Haymitch and Effie, or talk to Peeta on the holo for a few minutes between his meetings.

I never thought I could enjoy this life but I can’t seem to imagine it any other way now. 

One afternoon, I pick up Willow and Rye from school and Rye excitedly shoves a piece of paper at me.

“What’s this?”

“His homework is to find different leaves in the woods,” Willow says, wrinkling her nose.

“Mama, can I go to the woods with you?” I glance down at my son, whose big blue eyes are pleading.

“Of course you can. Let’s get home and get changed.”

Willow decides not to join us, saying she wants to start on her homework, and I ask her to do it on Haymitch’s porch where he and Effie can keep an eye on them. I hoist Rye onto my shoulders and start for the meadow. He starts to squirm and wants down so I hold onto his hand while we walk toward the trees. 

“Mama! It’s a dandelion!” I look down where he has grabbed a dandelion and is waving it at me. I smile and nod.

“That is a dandelion, you’re right. Your paper says you can have all kinds of plants so let’s take one home with us.” He opens the bag we brought to collect, and cheers as I drop the dandelion in. I take a moment to cherish the yellow, knowing that soon, the yellow will be gone and the dandelions will be nothing but white puffs. It’s the cycle of plant life, to become something else. I run my finger over the delicate yellow petals until my son impatiently calls for me to hurry up.

Spending the day in my woods with my son is exhausting but wonderful. He is a curious child and runs in every direction, asking what something is. I show him my old hiding place where my father’s bow rested, and some of the snares that have all but disintegrated. We collect twenty different leaves and flowers for his project and I carefully store them in our bag. 

“Mama, what’s this?” I hurry over to him, where he is holding a few dark berries in his palm. His wide eyes gaze up at me and watch as I fall to my knees and knock them out of his hands.

“Rye, you didn’t eat any of that did you?” When he bites his lip, my heart plummets.

“Rye, tell Mama you didn’t eat them!”

“I…I didn’t know,” he stammers, his huge eyes welling up with tears. My hands squeeze his little shoulders.

“Rye…baby…” 

“I…didn’t eat them,” he says softly. I stifle a sob and pull him into my arms, crushing him to my chest. It’s too familiar, this scene. The little blonde boy in my arms   
reminds me of another blonde boy from a lifetime ago. 

“Moooooom,” he complains as he squirms away from my grasp but I hold onto him tightly.

“Baby don’t ever go near those berries. Those are called nightlock and they are very dangerous. Do you understand?”

“Ok Mommy.” I cry as I continue to hold him, his blonde curls standing on end. 

“I did na eat any,” he tells me earnestly and I hide my face in his hair. 

“I know. I know.” He reaches up to touch my face, the way he’s seen his father do and it just makes me cry harder. 

“I think we’ve got enough different plants for your project. Let’s get home and start cooking dinner.” He nods and takes my hand as I lead him away from the woods. I quickly wipe my face on my sleeve so he won’t see but he squeezes my hand and tugs on my jacket.

“I’m sorry for making you sad, Mommy.”

“Oh honey I was just scared,” I sweep him up and carry him and he allows it. I carry him all the way back to Victor’s Village and he runs inside when I push the door open. I glance behind me to see if Willow is still on Haymitch’s porch but I don’t see her. Deciding I will go get her after I start dinner, I follow Rye inside and hang up my jacket. The smell of cooking meat immediately finds me and my brow furrows as I head to the kitchen. Willow knows not to try to cook anything major without me around, so I’m prepared to yell at her when I enter the kitchen but my jaw drops open and I’m left without words. My husband, with his messy blonde hair and his muscles rippling through a tight white shirt and a flour-covered apron tied around his waist, is bustling around the kitchen. My hand goes out to grip the doorframe and Peeta looks up as Rye runs in.

“Daddy!” 

“Hey, there’s my big guy! You want to come help me make the biscuits?” Rye nods and Peeta sets him back down.

“Go wash your hands then.” He watches our son run out of the room and his brow quirks as he sees my surprised look.

“Haymitch said you were gone to the woods so I thought I would cook dinner tonight.”

“But…I thought…” I roll my eyes at my lack of eloquence and clear my throat.

“It’s only Tuesday. You don’t usually come home until the weekend.” 

“I know. Could you grate some cheese for me? We’re having tacos by the way,” he goes back to the counter and picks up a knife. I’m still frozen in the doorway.

“I don’t understand.”

“How to grate cheese? I can show you if--“

“No, not the cheese Peeta. Why are you here?” His face falls slightly at my tone and I shake my head.

 

“I didn’t mean…I’m just surprised is all. I’m so happy to see you but…is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine,” he says softly, reaching out to caress my cheek with his finger. “I just missed you and the kids. I cleared my schedule for tomorrow so that I could come see you all.” I don’t know if it’s the onions he’s slicing or the chaos of the day, but the emotions start to catch up to me. I’m sent back to the arena, seeing Peeta holding those berries and I start to sniffle; his eyes widen and he drops the knife. I shake my head as he reaches for me and I turn away, hiding my face in my sleeve.

“Katniss, what’s wrong?”

“It’s just been an emotional day.” He pulls my arms down and wraps them around him so my face is pressed to his chest.

“Talk to me,” he whispers against my hair.

“Rye found nightlock in the woods.” He tenses immediately and jerks back.

“Did he-“

“He didn’t eat any,” I assure him and he lets out a sigh of relief. “It just…took me back.” 

“Don’t go back,” he says firmly, cupping my chin.

“I don’t want to. I try not to. Everything I do and see reminds me of the Games.” 

“I know honey. Believe me, I know. It took me ages before I could actually use red paint again. But we’re safe, we’re together, we’re with our family. Use that as your motivation to try to forget.” He kisses my forehead and releases me. I wipe at my face and go back to helping Peeta with dinner.

We fall into a comfortable silence as Rye runs back to help his father with the bread, and I stir the meat while Peeta stands behind our son. Haymitch brings Willow home a little while later and Peeta invites them to dinner but Haymitch declines, saying he’s made some stew for himself and Effie. Haymitch tugs on Willow’s braid before he departs and Willow runs to wash up for dinner.

It’s like our weekend dinners, how Peeta asks Rye and Willow how school was and they excitedly tell him what’s been going on. He doesn’t like to be asked anything about the Capitol and keeps the conversation focused on us. 

After we’ve eaten, we gather in the living room so Peeta can help them with their homework. He shoots me a look as I bring the leaves out of Rye’s backpack.

“The kid is three and he has homework?”

“Pre-school,” I shrug. “His teacher says he is a very advanced student and could possibly skip a grade or two.” 

“That’s great. Where did you get so smart, huh buddy?” He tousles Rye’s curls and grins over at our daughter.

“What’s your homework assignment, princess?”

“I finished my paragraph at Grandpa’s and Mimi’s house but I still have some math problems to solve,” she wrinkles her nose and looks down at the paper in front of   
me. I smile and shake my head. Math was definitely not my subject in school. I was more into the science classes but I had a tough time concentrating on my studies   
anyway. Peeta, on the other hand, was a straight A student. He moves to the side to glance at the math problems and he rubs his chin.

“Your daddy was the best in our class,” I say loudly and his head jerks up. See Peeta? You weren’t the only one paying attention.

“I got pretty good grades but I wouldn’t say I was the best.” 

“What was your favorite subject, Daddy?”

“Art,” he says without missing a beat. Willow rolls her eyes.

“Besides art!”

“English. I liked creative writing. Once in eighth grade, our assignment was to write about our future spouse. What they’d look like, what they’d wear, what they liked   
to do, what you two would do together. I used every little detail in my essay and my teacher picked mine to read aloud. I was terrified that the girl I loved would hear about it and hate me.” I gape at him and he shoots me a faint smile. Willow tosses her braid over her shoulder and looks up at him.

“Did she ever find out?”

“About the essay? Not until now.” His smile grows and I gasp. He reaches for my hand and brings it to his lips.

“Guess it’s a good thing that we were in different English classes.” 

“Ugh, gross Daddy!” He grins and leans over to nuzzle my nose with his. Rye shakes his backpack impatiently and Peeta pulls away. 

“Ok, what’s your project, bud?” 

I watch him as he helps both of our children, his smile lighting up the room. I’m not much help to them and Willow calls me out when she yanks on my hand and yells out, “Mom stop staring at Daddy and help me with this math problem.” Peeta tries to hide his smile but I force myself to focus on my daughter and her homework.

As it gets later, everyone starts to get tired and Willow is the first to say goodnight. She carries Prince with her and kisses her father’s cheek. Rye, too, jumps up to kiss Peeta’s cheek and then runs off after his sister.

“Hey,” I protest, holding out my arms. Peeta chuckles beside me while Rye turns to glance at me over his shoulder, before continuing up the stairs. My arms fall limply to my side and my brow furrows.

“Why do you get all of the love,” I mutter as Peeta picks up their work books.

“It’s just because I made dinner,” he says dismissively. 

“It’s not just that,” I argue. “Rye can’t stand to be away from you anymore. And Willow is a complete daddy’s girl. It’s not fair.” I know I sound immature right now but   
this kind of hurts. It’s the first time I haven’t gotten a kiss goodnight and Peeta can only smile.

“They’re just kids, Katniss,” he answers before he heads upstairs himself. I follow him and he stops to check on our son first. I can hear their voices as I retreat to the bedroom and close the door behind me. I can’t shake away this little ache in my heart as I get ready for bed. 

I’m under the covers and almost asleep when I hear Peeta come in. He disappears into the bathroom and emerges in just a pair of sleep pants. He pulls back the covers and sighs as he rests behind me. I’m reluctant to bring up my kids’ dismissal of me again so I shift backwards so his hips are cradling my backside. 

“I wish I’d heard your essay,” I say quietly, reaching for his hand. His light chuckle sends vibrations through us.

“I’m surprised it didn’t make it back to you, to be honest. Olivia Breschil thought I was going to ask her to the dance and when she heard, she went ballistic.”

“Yeah I imagine all those Merchant girls loved hearing that you had a crush on a Seam girl.” His arm drapes over my waist and he yawns.

“Like I cared. But she did tell everyone that I’d taken her to the Slag Heap and I was a terrible kisser. As if that would have bothered me. But she had some jock friends   
who knew a few miner kids, and they were all threatening me, saying a Townie and a Seam girl would never happen. It irritated me to no end so I was even more determined to tell you how I felt.” 

“I wish you would have,” I say quietly, kissing his fingers.

“So do I. But as we’ve said before, it’s not like it would have changed anything, really. I would probably have wound up with an arrow in my chest. You didn’t take too   
kindly to Merchants, I seem to recall.” I close my eyes and sigh.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Katniss there’s nothing to be sorry for. I got the girl in the end. Believe me, I’m good.” He leans over to kiss my cheek and I smile. I reach behind me and find his flaccid cock through his sleep pants. After a few strokes, he gently pushes my hand away and shakes his head.

“I’m really tired, Katniss. It’s been a long day of meetings and…I kind of just want to go to sleep, if that’s ok?” I withdraw my hand immediately, tears stinging my eyes. But I nod and he curls up against my back, his gentle breathing on my neck. I blink back tears and bury my face in the pillow. After my children’s’ rejection tonight, his rebuff is like a knife to the heart. And Peeta has never rejected my advances before. Especially when we haven’t been together in awhile. 

My tears are silent but I fear he will feel my shoulders shake so I edge a little closer to the edge of the bed, away from his warmth. His hand falls from my side and he snores softly, unaware of the doubts swirling around in my mind.   
\--------------------------------------------------------

Nightmares plague me all night, as they do when Peeta is in the Capitol. But he’s not in the Capitol; he’s right beside me, only a few feet away. I shiver and sit up, my legs dangling off the bed. I glance over my shoulder to see him sleeping on his back, his hand resting on his chest and his head turned away. I swallow and bring my arms around myself. The distance I feel between us this morning is much worse than last night. The room feels cold and yet it’s stifling. Peeta opened the window last night and a cold breeze comes in and wraps around me. I shiver again; it’s far too cold for the beginning of September. I hear his groans and glance back again. 

“Good morning,” he yawns. 

“Morning,” I say rather stiffly. He doesn’t seem to notice.

“Wow it’s strange going from sleeping in a huge bed by myself to sleeping with someone again.” I frown and rub my arm as if he’s struck me. As if we don’t sleep together every weekend when he comes home?

“Well I’m sorry I was the cause of your discomfort.” He stops stretching and his brow raises his high into his hair.

“Huh? I didn’t say that…Katniss, what’s wrong?” I suppose he’s finally noticed the distance between us, or my stiff posture or my scowl. I shrug as he reaches for me   
and jump off the bed.

“Nothing. I need to get the kids to school.”

“Let me get dressed and I’ll come with you.” I huff but dress quickly and wait for him downstairs. I try to ignore the joyous cries that my kids emit when Peeta   
announces he’s made crepes for breakfast. I ignore the curious looks he gives me or when he pushes the crepe toward me and mentions that I’m not eating. I don’t want him to see how upset I am. Mainly because I don’t even know why I’m so upset. I should be happy about my husband being home but instead I’m jealous. Why am I jealous of my own husband? 

I usher the kids outside and remind them to grab their jackets. Peeta picks up the keys to the car but I shake my head.

“It’s our morning exercise.” He shrugs but doesn’t seem put off by it. Rye wants to sit on his father’s shoulders and Peeta gladly scoops him up. Willow clings to his hand and I can’t help but frown even further; she’s refused to hold my hand all week, telling me “she’s too old”. Peeta reaches for my hand but I cross my arms instead and see his brow quirk out of the corner of my eye. He doesn’t say anything, though, as we walk through the district and drop our kids off in front of the school. I wave at Finn as he goes in and Willow gives me a quick hug around the neck before running off after him. Rye gives Peeta a kiss and Peeta gestures toward me.

“Give Mama a kiss too.” He throws his arms around me and kisses my cheek.

“Love you Mama.”

“Love you too, baby. Willow, wait for your brother!” Willow stops and taps her foot while her brother toddles after her. Peeta stands and offers his hand to help me up.

“When did they get so big?” I shrug and cross my arms again. “Rye seems really happy about pre-school. I’m glad we enrolled him. It’s definitely helping him get some   
social skills.”

“Mmhm,” I say as we turn away and head back down the lane. 

“You want to stop into the bakery with me? Maybe get some cheesebuns for lunch?”

“No thanks,” I mutter and he stops beside me.

“Ok. What’s going on with you?”

“Why do you think something is going on,” I say as I hurry forward, not giving him a chance to catch up. He does though and he’s frowning.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Katniss. I’ve been watching you all my life and we have been married for twenty-two years! I know when something is bothering you.” My   
arms cross over my chest and I rub at my arm again.

“Nothing’s wrong. It’s just….cold this morning.”

“Bullshit. Why are you lying to me? Did I do something to upset you?”

“No.”

“Did I say something?”

“Peeta just drop it.”

“Not when you’ve got such a scowl on your face! You think I didn’t notice how you scooted away from me all night? Or how you ran out of the room this morning, barely saying a word? You think I didn’t see how sad you looked at breakfast? Or how you refused to hold my hand? You think I don’t KNOW when you’re upset?” Peeta has always been far too observant and as he said, he’s been watching me his whole life. I pause, sighing deeply. I feel his hands grip my shoulders and I open my eyes to see his are a dark shade of indigo.

“Talk to me,” he says gently.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” I say, lifting my arms and letting them fall to my sides. “I’ve been feeling…rejected lately.”

“Rejected?” 

“I told you last night and you just brushed it off like it was nothing. So let’s just drop it--“

“Wait, you mean when Rye didn’t kiss you goodnight? That’s what has you so upset?”

“It’s not just a little thing Peeta,” I say shrilly. “Rye and I have always had a special kind of bond. Like you and Willow have. But lately, he prefers you. And I know I shouldn’t care about that but after how they dismissed me last night and then you kind of rejected me…I wasn’t feeling so great this morning,” I finish with a shrug.

“Rejec--Katniss, how did I reject you last night?” My eyes meet his and his widen.

“You mean you…honey, I was just tired.”

“You’ve never been too tired before,” I say in a small voice, feeling ashamed of the way I’m acting. I wish I could just take all these stupid words back and just go   
about my day with Peeta, enjoy it while he’s here. He rubs his hand over his face and goes to the back of his neck.

“Katniss. God, I never…not want you…you know that. You should know that. But I’m not as young as I used to be…and these meetings they’re holding, like 2:00 in the morning we wrapped up. If I’d have known how you were feeling I would have…jesus honey, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” 

What kind of wife am I, to make my husband fret over me like this? Over nothing! Over a little tiny thing that shouldn’t be bothering me in the first place. I shake my head and move forward.

“Peeta, it’s ok. I’m…I’m sorry for how I acted. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Clearly I’ve been doing a shitty job of making my wife feel loved and desired,” he mumbles, looking downcast. I can’t stand it; he was so bubbly and full of life only   
moments ago. And it’s my fault he’s not anymore.

“You carry the weight of the country on your shoulders. I shouldn’t be so selfish. I need to understand you have certain obligations.” 

“You are my first priority,” he says firmly, taking my hands in his. “And damn it, if I don’t show you that, I’m a bad husband.”

“You are NOT a bad husband. I’m a stupid woman if I’m going to be jealous of my own children. That’s ridiculous and I really don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s ok to want me to yourself sometimes,” he says gently, pushing my hair behind my ear. “I know I struggled with it when Rye was born. You were so sore from   
breastfeeding, you weren’t confident and you never wanted to let him out of your sight. As much as I wanted some time with you, I told myself you were an incredible mother who was just caring for our son. The son I begged you for. I guess we both have some issues with that.” He shrugs and kisses my palm.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. You want to get those cheesebuns now? Since you didn’t eat my crepes?” I smile and take his outstretched hand.

“Yes, cheeebuns sound great.”

“You can’t ever hide your sadness from me. Especially when you refuse cheesebuns. Then I KNOW something is terribly wrong.”  
\----------------------------------------

We don’t spend long at the bakery and when we get home, Peeta slams me against our front door. I whimper as he attacks my throat, licking and sucking his way down my body. He growls when his hand plunges down my pants and feels the wetness sticking to my thighs. 

“Damn Katniss,” he pants against my belly button. His licks and sucks continue downward until I am a writhing mess. He stands in front of me and spins me around, my face being pressed into the door frame. He shoves my legs apart with his knee and I feel him thrust inside me. I claw at the wood, not caring about splinters, only about the pure joy he’s bringing me. 

“Peeta!”

“Yes baby. God you feel so good. So fucking incredible.” His fingers grip my hips and his hips slam against mine. I’m so close and I wail his name as I clench around him.  
\--------

After we’ve cleaned up, Peeta makes us some tea and he smirks over the rim of the cup. Sitting at our table, naked, feels naughty but oh so right. I could stare at this man all day. (Seriously Katniss, when did you EVER gawk at a naked man?) I scowl at myself.

“So, is that what you were wanting last night?”

“It’s just been awhile since I’ve touched you,” I reply softly. “A whole month since we’ve made love but who’s keeping count?”

“God, a month? Things are crazy in the Capitol but I didn’t think it’d been that long. I’m sorry, love.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry. You’ve just made it up to me.”

“I can make it up to you even more, you know.” His eyes twinkle as he sets his cup down.

“I actually came home to escort you to the Capitol.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

“We’re throwing Paylor a huge birthday party, for her 60th birthday. Everyone will be there and I wanted you to attend as well. Haymitch says he wants to stay here with Effie, so he volunteered to watch the kids for us.” 

“When is the party?”

“Tomorrow night.”

“And when are you returning to the Capitol?”

“I have a meeting tonight but it won’t take long. You and I can have dinner and spend the day together before the party.” I lean over the table and kiss him deeply.

“Ok,” I say but I know he can see the delight in my eyes. He smiles and runs his thumb over my lip before taking another sip of tea.   
\----------------

Rye and Willow both cling to us as the hovercraft waits, which admittedly makes me happy. I kiss my children on their cheeks and nuzzle Rye’s hair.

“Mommy and Daddy will be back on Friday to get ready for your big pool party,” I stroke Rye’s cheek. 

“Yeah my big guy is turning 4 this weekend!” Rye grins toothily up at us and Peeta holds out his knuckles…a fist bump, they’ve told me. I don’t know when they   
started doing this but Rye giggles every time. Peeta kisses them both and wraps his arm around me.

“Thanks again, Haymitch.”

“Tell Paylor I said happy birthday.” We nod and Peeta helps me into the hovercraft. We watch until our children become specks on the ground and Peeta pulls me into his side.   
\--------------

I must have fallen asleep on his shoulder because when I open my eyes, he is leaning over to talk to the pilot and I can tell we are starting to descend.

“Well hey there, I thought I was going to have to carry you off the hovercraft,” he says with a smile. “We’re almost there.”

“Ok. Sorry I slept so long.”

“Nothing’s going on here. Besides, I like watching you sleep.” I start and notice his eyes are wide, as if he is remembering too.

“Clear for landing, President Mellark.”

“Excellent,” Peeta calls, shaking himself as if he is shaking away the memories.   
\---------------------

Jemma welcomes me with a tight hug and by squeezing my cheeks, telling me I look too pale and too skinny. Behind me, Peeta chuckles and asks Jemma for some tea to be brought up. His hand on my back gives me some comfort as he leads me upstairs. I’ve always felt uneasy in this mansion, and I can’t imagine how Peeta feels. 

He looks perfectly at home, however, as the staff call out welcomes and he acknowledges them with a wave and a smile. His soldiers bring in our bags and he thanks them as he removes his jacket.

“Alright, my meeting is in an hour and shouldn’t take more than half an hour. Do you want to go out for dinner, or stay in?” 

“You mean make you do the cooking?” He shrugs as he crosses the room to me.

“I like cooking. And I like cooking for you. But if you want to go out, I know a few new places we could try.” Though I’m not really looking forward to going out into the   
Capitol, I don’t want to make him cook a large meal when he’s just gotten home.

“Let’s go out. I’ll take a shower while you’re at your meeting.”   
\------------

When I get out of the shower, I see a pretty purple dress hanging on the door. It’s simple and yet elegant. This dress could have fed hundreds in the Seam before the war; which is probably why I’m not entirely comfortable wearing it. I just have to get used to the fact that Peeta and I live in a different world now, one where he lavishes expensive gifts on me. It may still make me uneasy, bringing back my Seam upbringing, but it makes him happy so I try not to argue too much. I braid my hair so it’s out of my way and slip the dress over my black lace bra and underwear.

There’s a knock at the door and I smooth the dress down before calling for him to come in. His eyes light up when he sees me and he leans against the door for a moment, just staring.

“I knew it would look perfect on you.”

“It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“I have something else for you.” He stands in front of me, holding a purple box.

“It’s your birthday this weekend, not mine.”

“Oh this is definitely for me too,” he says with a smirk. My brow quirks curiously.

“Johanna gifted this to us sometime ago and we haven’t used them.” He opens the box and pulls out a pair of simple black panties. 

“She gave you underwear?” As soon as I touch them, they start buzzing and my head jerks up. His smile widens and he holds up his hand. On his finger I can see a black ring with what looks like a little button.

“I’d wanted you to wear them tomorrow for the party but I think we’ll take them out for a test run tonight. That is, if you’re up to it.” He knows good and well I’m not going to say no. I hold the panties up and glance back at him. 

“Shall I help you put them on?” I don’t say anything as I reach below my dress and pull off the lace ones. His smile only falters for a moment but he is a master at disguise; he hitches it back on and bends down to help me into the gift. He leans in and reaches under my dress, rubbing my folds for a moment before he pulls the underwear into place. I gasp at the feeling of something directly on my clit and his eyes light up.

“I want to see how much you can take,” his voice is husky and sends shivers down my spine. “I’ll be the one to control your pleasure, Katniss. And I don’t want you to come until I tell you so, do you understand?” I quake at his dominating tone but nod. 

“Good. Stand up straight.” I do and he smoothes my dress down again, leaning in to kiss me. His tongue rakes across my bottom lip, then his teeth clamp down and I whine as he pulls it into his mouth. A month of nothing and I have a feeling these next two nights are going completely make up for it. When he pulls away, he holds up his hand and shows me the ring again.

“There’s three speeds to this. This is what it will be set to most of the night,” I gasp as I feel a slight buzzing but it’s tolerable. After so many nights with my own toys back home, I don’t think this will be too bad. 

“You tell me if anything becomes too much, ok?” I nod, he nods, and he presses the button again. This one is a bit faster and I bite my lip as I squirm. 

“OK?” I nod again and he smirks as he presses the button again. I let out a scream and nearly fall forward.

“Oh my god, Peeta!” 

“Oh that one’s going to be fun,” he says teasingly. I glare at him as he wets his lips and I buck my hips, so close to my release. The buzzing subsides and goes back to   
the first speed. 

“Shit,” I pant as I lean back against the counter. His hands find their way to my waist and he smiles as he leans in to kiss my neck.

“I can’t wait for our date tonight, Katniss. I think we’re going to have lots of fun.” He winks at me and walks into the closet to change. The vibrations have stopped and I feel an almighty ache, like I’ve felt for quite some time. He knows I’d rather have him than the toys. He knows how embarrassed I feel when I do this. But he also knows how desperate I am for release and how willing I am to do pretty much anything when he has me on the edge.

I grin at my flushed reflection. Peeta’s right. Tonight should be lots of fun.   
\------------------

Brittany is helping me with my hair when it happens. Sudden vibrations seize me and I jerk forward, letting out a little cry. Her hands hover over my head and she looks baffled.

“Mrs. Mellark? Are you alright?”

“Fine, I’m f-fine,” I stammer as the buzzing increases. Oh shit. How does he think I’m supposed to keep from coming, really? I squeeze my legs together and pray that my governess doesn’t hear the buzzing. She keeps chattering away, though, like she can’t hear anything and I slump with relief when the vibrations stop. 

I’m finishing my make up when he presses the button again. My lipstick goes everywhere and I clutch the counter with white knuckles, so close to my release. But Peeta must sense this, wherever he is.

“Oh fucking hell,” I cry to the empty bathroom as the vibrations stop again. At this point, I’m not going to make it to dinner. I may just pounce on him as soon as his meeting ends and--

My eyes dart to the door as I see the doorknob twist. He pokes his head in and I just want to smack that grin off his face.

“Hey beautiful, you ready to go?”

“No,” I say through gritted teeth. “You are going to fuck me, hard, before we go to dinner.” 

“Now Katniss, that’s not part of the--“ he gasps as I cup him, none too gently, and squeeze his balls in my palm. He’s only half hard, I can feel, but I squeeze him   
through his pants and clutch at his hair with my other hand. His coiffed locks slide through my fingers as I yank his head back against the wall. He gulps at my fierce expression and I lean in to nip at his throat. As strong and dominant my Peeta becomes, I will always be the huntress to him. I will always have that wild side that drives him crazy and that still intimidates him. Right now, I imagine I look downright terrifying.

“You had better let me come, Peeta. Or so help me--“

“Ok, alright,” he attempts a weak laugh. “Let me get you off. But I don’t want to fuck you yet. I mean, I want to save that for later. When we can really enjoy it.” I’m about to tell him I don’t care if it’s a quickie against the wall and that we’ve done that plenty of times before but my words are caught in my throat as he reaches under my dress and runs his thumb down my slit. These panties are surely ruined.

“Holy shit,” he says weakly. I grip his hair tightly and he nuzzles my neck.

“You want this?” The buzzing starts up but at a higher speed. Probably only the second speed but it’s not quite enough. I grind my hips against him and he bites down on my earlobe.

“Or this,” he says and the buzzing intensifies.

“Oh…oh god!” I tremble against him and his hand pushes down on the vibrator so it presses into my clit.

“Peeta…oh shit! Oh…OH!” 

“God I wish that was my cock getting you off like that,” he says in that deep voice I have come to associate with fucking me senseless. “But I can wait. You, on the other hand…” he presses down even harder and I feel wetness flood down my thighs. I collapse forward against his chest and he kisses my forehead as he withdraws his hand. I feel him inch up my dress again and a warm towel wipe me clean. He turns the panties off and settles them back in place.

“Now, you ready to go out?” I glance in the mirror and groan. I’m flushed and my lipstick is smeared; my hair is all over the place and I huff as I turn back to him.

“Give me five minutes.”

“Alright,” he chuckles as he gives me a quick kiss and leaves me to put myself back together, after he so willingly tore me to shreds.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up exhausted and sated. Beside me, Peeta snores softly, his skin still flushed pink from our long night. I decided he had way too much fun at dinner; his possessive side came out when the server was so obviously ogling me, and he pressed the button to the highest speed right then and there. He told me to come once at the table, once in the car ride home, and then later as he was slamming into me from behind. I was determined to be as generous with him as he was with me; I sucked him dry and then after a little rest, I rode him fiercely, relishing how his face screwed up in pleasure and his back arched off the bed. We threw all caution to the wind last night and he stopped me from burying my face in the pillow, saying he wanted to hear me cry out his name. When I reached out to stop the bed from banging against the wall, he gripped my wrist and shook his head.

“Don’t. I want to commit that sound to memory too.” So I rode him until I was sure the bed was leaving marks. Our gift for the next president, I suppose.

I feel his lips press against my forehead and I glance up into those crystalline depths. His lips curve upward and his boyish grin reminds me of the first time we did this. My grin turns into giggles and he bends down to kiss my bare stomach.

“What are you giggling about?”

“Just thinking,” I say, squirming away from his wandering lips. 

“Mmm? About?” 

“Our first time.” He lifts his head and smiles. 

“One of my favorite days, ever.”

“You have a lot of those.”

“Well, it’s easy to have such treasured memories when I’m spending my life with you.” I shake my head and pull him down to me by his hair. He moans and moves between my legs, so my hips are cradling him perfectly. 

“Were you always so good with words?”

“I guess so. I mean, I’ve never thought about it before but Dad always called me a passionate little boy and I enjoyed English and Debate in school so yeah, I guess I had a golden tongue when I was little.” His eyebrows waggle seductively and he leans down to briefly take my nipple between his lips.

“Do you like my golden tongue?”

“Ah! Yes, I do.” I start to squirm as he licks a trail across my chest.

“Mmmm, what do you like about it?” Oh damn, he’s teasing me again. I arch my back and his fingers grip my waist. 

“Are you sure you…ah! Shit. You have any strength left?”

“For you, my love, I will always find strength,” he smirks down at me, reaching down to rub himself against my sex. 

“Oh!”

“Why, did I tire you out last night,” he teases. I shake my head but stifle a sharp cry when he dips inside me, just the tip, before sliding back out. I clench the sheets by   
my side and stare up into his eyes. They’re so dark with lust I can barely see the blue. I hear something crackle from overhead and I jerk back.

“President Mellark, sir?” a voice fills our room. Peeta winces and sits back on his haunches.

“Damn it,” he mutters as he leans over to press a button that I hadn’t noticed before. “Yes?” 

“Good morning, sir. Misters Sochil and Plither are asking if they can get into the banquet room early this morning to finish the decorating.” Peeta rolls his eyes in my   
direction before pressing the button again.

“Yes of course, you can let them in.”

“Very good, sir. And will you be needing the car for your noon luncheon with the mayor of District 7?”

“Ah shit, I completely forgot about that,” he mumbles. “Well honey, you feel like attending a luncheon date today?”

“Do I have a choice?” 

“Of course you do. I won’t drag you out against your will. Yes Titus, I’ll need the car. Please make sure that Mr. Porthos is still planning to attend the meeting and the   
party as well.” 

“Of course, sir. The car will be ready at 1115 hours.”

‘Thank you, Titus.” Peeta moves away from the wall, sighing, and runs his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry, I forgot about the luncheon. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“When did you install that?” He glances up and chuckles.

“They weren’t ever able to get a hold of me on my phone. So we installed this since I sit at my desk often, talking to you on the holo.” 

“Oh.” He swoops down to kiss my cheek before moving off the bed and into the bathroom.

“Do I need to, um, dress up for this luncheon?” He peers out of the bathroom with a slight frown.

“Katniss, you really don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“I’m still the president’s wife. I don’t want the people of Panem to think I am a surly antisocial first lady.” His brow raises but then he grins.

“OK. Let’s take a quick shower and get downstairs to oversee the decorating. I’d love my first lady by my side the whole time.”   
\-----------------------------

We walk into the banquet room, hand in hand, and two men immediately greet him. Peeta shakes hands with them and they talk in a low voice while I give the decorations a once-over. 

“I’m so sorry, I haven’t introduced you. This is my wife, Katniss.” I smile at the men I’m being introduced to and they take turns kissing my hand. 

“Such an honor, Mrs. Mellark,” one of them gasps over my hand.

“Thank you, you’re too kind,” I attempt gallantry, if only to make Peeta look good. Not that he needs any help in doing that; the people love him and not because he’s   
a Victor. 

Another door opens near the end of the room and a tall, dark-skinned man comes rushing in, looking anxious.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” he gasps out as he stops in front of us.

“Not at all. Olivier, you remember Misters Sochil and Plither, the decorating committee for Madame Paylor’s birthday party?” 

“Of course,” he shakes their hands, a handsome smile on his face. His eyes are dark but kind, his skin nearly flawless; his suit is a nice shade of blue and he is a good bit taller than Peeta. I’m curious about his age; his face looks youthful but his hands tell a different story. Like they have actually known hard work. 

“And this is my wife, Katniss.”

“Katniss,” the man breathes. “Such an honor, ma’am. You probably don’t remember me. I was there when you visited the hospital in 8.” I can’t help the gasp that escapes me.

“You were in that hospital?”

“I was a soldier, ma’am. Maja Paylor is my aunt.” I’m nearly thrown backwards.

“Your…your aunt? Paylor as in…the former President Paylor?”

“One in the same. She spoke very highly of you, Mrs. Everde--I’m so sorry. Mrs. Mellark. Still does in fact.” I gape like a fool until Peeta sweeps forward and starts talking to the decorating committee; Olivier gives me a shy smile before turning to tune in to their conversation. Peeta clears his throat and nods at something.

“We’ll go check it out. Katniss, I’ll be right back, alright? If you want to just head into the kitchen and get yourself some breakfast, I’ll be along shortly.” Without waiting for an answer from me, he turns and gestures for the men to follow him. Olivier looks like he is hanging onto Peeta’s every word. 

Jemma offers to make me something for breakfast but I’m not too hungry and settle for a piece of toast. Peeta joins me not long after and frowns slightly.

“That’s all you’re eating?”

“I’m not that hungry,” I say dismissively. In fact, my stomach is positively rolling at this point. I jump to my feet and he quirks his brow.

“Um, I’ll be right back,” I manage to stammer before I’m fleeing from the room. Thank goodness I still remember my way around this place. I lock myself in the bathroom and collapse near the toilet.

After I’ve thrown up every little thing in my stomach and then some, I feel much better. I quickly wash my hands, my face, and gurgle some water before opening the door. I should have known my husband would follow me. His worried face is what I meet on the other side and he takes my hands.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. It’s probably just a little bug I caught. Rye was sick last week.” He kisses my hand and asks me to rejoin him in the banquet room.  
The decorating committee is hard at work and Olivier is off to the side, taking notes. 

“So you have Paylor’s nephew working for you?” Peeta glances over at him and nods.

“Hm? Oh, Olivier? Yes, he’s a great guy. He’s been very helpful around here this year and wants this party to be a success for his aunt.” 

“Exactly what does he do for you?” For some reason, he looks slightly uncomfortable; he runs his hand over the back of his neck, as he always does when he’s nervous   
or trying to think of what to say.

“He’s sort of an assistant. He takes notes, makes phone calls, sits in meetings. The fun things you used to do,” he says with a wink. I nod but I don’t altogether believe   
him. Why would Paylor’s nephew, a soldier at that, suddenly be an assistant to the president? It doesn’t make a lot of sense. 

Peeta’s hand on my lower back alerts me that he is leading me out of the room and into another room, one I haven’t been to before. It looks like an office but it’s mostly empty. Storage, I suppose.   
He pulls me over to a large box in the corner and drops my hand.

“I wanted to show you what I had made for Rye. I wanted to tell you about it beforehand but I wasn’t sure I would get it completed in time.” He pulls a flap and I’m staring at some kind of wall with brightly colored pails and shovels stuck into the cracks.

“Ok…what is it exactly?”

“It’s a discovery waterfall,” he says excitedly. “I saw one in a local toy store a few months ago and decided I could make a better one. Since our little guy likes water so   
much, the pails and shovels go into these holes, all over the wall,” he demonstrates, showing me how they easily come out and go back in. “And then the water starts up here, dropping down to make a waterfall.” He stands back and I watch the water flow down the wall. It’s a bit relaxing, really. It reminds me of one of those miniature waterfalls that Effie bought for me during my pregnancy with Willow; to help me relax, she said. 

Peeta’s smile is infectious and I laugh as I pour some more water down the wall.

“It’s great. He’s going to love it.” 

“You think so?”

“Peeta, he’s going to have so much fun with this! And his daddy made it for him. He’ll love it.” Peeta looks back at the wall, a proud smile on his face. 

“I’m glad. I also rented a bounce house for his party this weekend. Don’t worry, I already made sure it was ok with Finn,” he says quickly, seeing my look of surprise. 

“As long as he’s ok with it at his pool, I don’t have a problem with it. Let’s just be sure to keep an eye on him. Those things can be dangerous.”

“Katniss, it’s a bounce house. A child’s playground. How dangerous is it?” 

“Everything can have danger to it,” I say testily and he recognizes the need to drop it.

“I want him to have fun. He’s done so much better this year, I mean, become more social. He’s so happy with swimming and Finn says he’s like a brand new person. I was really worried about him at first. I was worried that being my son…” he trails off, biting his lip.

“Hey,” I tug his hand and pull him away from the wall. “You are the most wonderful, caring, loving father there’s ever been. And Rye knows how much you love him. It doesn’t matter who or what you are, you are their father and they love you for it.” He gives me a sad smile and traces my lip with his tongue.

“How did I get so lucky that you’d choose me over anyone else?” 

“You grew on me.” He leans forward to give me a soft kiss.

“I’m glad. You ready for the luncheon with the mayor?”

“Ok. Should I change?”

“You look perfect. The mayor, Bill, he asked me to call him, is very laid back and kind. You’ll like him.” I nod and he drapes an arm around my shoulder, leading me away from the room.   
\------------------

I agree to wear the vibrating panties again, for the party, but I tell him firmly that he will not embarrass me. He promises to keep them off for the remainder of the night and will only turn them on to a slow speed once he has me alone. It’s more of a threat than anything else and I think he understands that, as he gulps audibly as I grip his hair in my hands. 

We’re dressed in red again. The Capitol does love to see me in red, to remind them I will always be the Girl on Fire, I suppose. Peeta looks handsome, as usual, clad in a grey suit with a red tie and his katniss flower pinned to his lapel. His hair is slicked back and combed over, as he wore it for the interviews so long ago. His smile is strained but I study his face as he talks to people; he looks relaxed but I know better. I see his hand twitch in his pocket, and he keeps shifting from side to side. His eyes are dull and there is a pinch between his brow. Most of the time I am by his side but when I am not, Olivier takes my place. Peeta introduces him to everyone, they shake hands, they laugh, and Peeta finds my gaze from across the room and shoots me a wink. I haven’t had a chance to talk to Paylor yet; she’s been surrounded by people all night and I’ve done my best to stay over here near the wall. Of course there are many who have come up to me to shake my hand or ask for a dance. Plutarch stopped by only moments ago to say how beautiful I look and how very happy he is for Peeta and me. I nodded graciously and he kissed my hand before retreating back to the food table. I’ve met various relatives of Victors, including Pamela, Cecilia’s daughter and Randall, who was Blight’s son. Randall asks me how Johanna is doing but he tunes out as soon as he lifts a flask to his lips. I roll my eyes, all too familiar with this type of behavior and thankful that Haymitch has sobered up. 

I grip my cup a little too tightly when I see that CHILD, the Victor’s daughter who so obviously has eyes for my husband, flaunt over to Peeta and strike up a conversation with him. My eyes don’t leave them as she reaches out to touch his jacket or she brushes his hand; her dress is so short of material, I think her ass and her breasts are in danger of falling out all at once. As if Peeta knows what I am thinking, he turns and searches for me, smiling and raising his glass when he finds me. 

I return the gesture and turn away, determined not to give him any reason to believe I was just imagining Cortina’s death in my head. I feel a brush against my shoulders and then lips on my temple and I fall backwards into two very sturdy arms.

“You should just stay by my side the rest of the night,” he mutters against my hair. “Save me from talking so much.”

“But you’re always so charming and eloquent. People love talking to you.”

“I saw a few people come over here earlier. Was that Pamela you were talking to?”

“Yes, she wanted to introduce herself. I still haven’t had a chance to say hello to Paylor.”

“Neither have I and she’s my guest of honor,” he laughs. “Oh, Olivier is waving me down. I’ll be right back.” He kisses my cheek and hurries off to where Olivier is frantically signaling him over. I huff and lean against the wall, continuing to people-watch.

“Fancy seeing you here, Catnip.”


	66. Chapter 66

“Olivier, just calm down. I’m sure there’s more champagne in the kitchens.” “There’s not, sir. I already checked. What are we going to do?” “Ok we do not need to freak out about drinks. That’s one of the things we freak out about the least, alright?” I hold up my hands and he visibly relaxes as he nods. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles.   
   
“You’ve been stressing way too much about this. You’re doing great you know!” 

“I’ll never be as good as you,” he argues. “Are you sure you want me--“  
   
“Olivier I have complete faith in you,” I cut him off. “And you’ve done wonderfully this year. Really. You just need to loosen up and not let everything stress you out. What has your aunt been telling you all this time?” 

“That he needs to relax and make some friends,” a voice filled with laughter says behind me. I turn to greet Maja Paylor, my former president.

“Madame Paylor, I’m so honored to host this party for you tonight.” 

“Oh Peeta you always have been such a sweet young man. Being President hasn’t changed that at all.” I smile as she introduces me to her husband and he shakes my hand firmly, telling me he’s always been such a fan. Paylor goes on to tell me about her visit to the Capitol and my eyes search for Katniss again. She looks so beautiful tonight that I haven’t really been able to let her out of my sight. I see her leaning against the wall, right where I left her, but she isn’t alone. A tall, dark-haired man is leaning over her, his arm positioned over her head. She’s looking up at him, her hands behind her back as she leans away from him.   
A double take tells me exactly who is leaning over her like that. 

I clench my jaw. I don’t care if he’s happily married with kids. He’s WAY too close to my wife.   
And I really don’t like the look in his eyes.   
I’m fueled by anger and ok, yes, a little bit of jealousy. My eyes locked on her, I play with the ring on my right hand. She essentially threatened me so I would behave and I assured her I wouldn’t embarrass her. But she’s out of her mind if she thinks I’m going to watch him look at her like that and not remind her whose name she took. 

I press the button just for a second and smirk as I see her jump off the wall. Ok so I promised to keep it at the slowest speed but what good is that going to do? No I want her dripping for me later, when I claim her as my own. I see her smoothing down her dress and shaking her hair back, smiling to assure him she’s ok. He leans even closer and she doesn’t lean away.  
Alright Katniss…

This time her eyes scan the room until they land on me, and narrow. She gives a quick shake of her head and clenches her fists. I hold up my hands in surrender but my eyes narrow as I see him reach out to touch her shoulder. No…caress her shoulder. What the hell? 

“Would you excuse me for a moment,” I mutter to Paylor before swiftly making my way over to my wife. I press down on the button and see her gasp and bite down on her lip. Oh fuck that always does it for me; Her white teeth digging into that sensitive flesh, like I enjoy doing. I know what speed I’ve set it on and I know she’s not going to be able to last long as I make my way over to her. Gale’s hand is now gripping her arm.

“You sure you’re ok, Catnip?” 

“F-fine, I’m fine,” she stammers as I approach them. His eyes flick to me and he immediately releases her. I nod, showing him that yes I did just see that and I drape my arm around her shoulder.

“Hey honey, Paylor would like to say hello.” 

“Ok,” she says weakly, rubbing her thighs together underneath that tantalizing dress. I quickly turn it off and she seems to collapse against my side.

“Gale,” I nod before we turn away.

“Save me a dance, Catnip,” he calls. That stupid nickname though. What the hell is that all about?

“What in the hell are you trying to do,” she hisses as I lead her away. 

“Giving you a taste of your own medicine. You become irate and covetous when you see a woman flirting with me. You think I didn’t see how red your face got when Cortina came over to me earlier?” I smirk as I see her bite her lip.  

“You know that it’s just Gale.” 

“I know it’s just the man I watched you grow up with. The only person you would really smile around. And I did not like how close he got to you just now. Or you want to tell me what you were getting so cozy about over there?”

 “Oh stop it, Peeta. You know we are just friends and nothing more. You think making me have an orgasm in front of him would accomplish anything?”

 “Knowing that he has never known you in that way, the way only I have seen you, is the only way I can chase away those images.” 

“What images?” She looks horrified.

 “The images the Capitol planted in my head! The ones of him fucking you against a tree! Those images that I have to fight every time I see you two together!” She takes a step back but she doesn’t look upset; in fact her eyes soften and she reaches up to stroke my cheek. 

“I’m with you because I love you. And I love you like I’ve never loved anyone else. You know that.” I nod. 

“I know. Let’s just…let’s go say hello to Paylor before her speech.” She nods and allows my arm to return to its place around her shoulder.   
Paylor greets her warmly and she comments on how well Katniss is looking. We introduce her to Paylor’s husband and they make small talk. Katniss smiles and nods politely, telling them about our children. Paylor asks many questions about them and Olivier laughs about all of the pictures I have set up around the house. There’s at least a dozen set up in my office and the walls are lined with portraits of the four of us. Days at the beach, Christmas back in 12, working at my bakery, picking flowers in the meadow. I want to remember every single moment I have with my family. I hear the pride in Katniss’s voice as she tells them both our son and daughter have become quite the swimmers; that Willow is top of her class and Rye is becoming attached to nature, as his mother is. I can’t help but grin as I listen to her words. Hearing a mother brag about her children is somewhat new and I’m sent back to my days of boring Merchant parties, where I sat against the wall and watched my brothers dance. I didn’t really have anyone to talk to, unless Delly was there. 

\--“Oh my yes, did you hear that Bialystok is graduating with honors? He is so very smart!”

“Ryean? He’s made it to number one on the wrestling team. He’s going to go for State, you know.”  
 “Peeta? Well, his coach says he would make a fine wrestler, if he would ever just stop eating! You see how flabby he’s become? He’s just a lump, sitting beside the wall. Why won’t he get out there and dance like his brothers?”  
 “Oh Madge you’re such a lovely young lady. Surely you could get Peeta onto the dance floor? He needs the exercise.” 

Madge approaches me, looking shy. Her hands are behind her back and she digs her polished toe into the carpet.  
“Hello Peeta.”  
 “Hullo Madge.” My voice is dull, just like this party.  
“Your mother suggested I come over here and ask you for a dance.”  
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I snort. “Cause I need the exercise.”  
 “You’re not big at all, Peeta,” she assures me. “I don’t know why she keeps saying things like that. I think you’ll be great on the wrestling team.”   
“I have to beat Ryean first and he’s the best on the team,” my shoulders slump in defeat. “I really am a nothing.”  
 “Don’t say that! You are NOT a nothing! You are kind and smart and generous and very talented. I tasted that cake you made for my brother’s toasting! It was beautiful AND delicious! You have such a talent in the kitchen.”  
 “Thanks,” I reply without emotion, though inside I’m cheering. I’ve always felt like baking is my real talent. Well that and maybe art. But both would make me get fatter, according to Mom. That’s why I’ve decided to try for wrestling. Coach said I had a way to go but that I could definitely make it one day. 

“Oh yes, have you seen the pictures of Bialystok’s toasting? His wife is the confectioner’s daughter. Such a nice young lady.”   
“Ryean won another award for wrestling! We’re so proud of him, he’s really going places.”   
“Yes, Peeta is my youngest son. Yes, he’s a Victor…he moved up to Victor’s Village upon his return. His engagement? To HER? Well, I never, how dare you spread around such rumors! Peeta would never smear our good name like that. 

Would you Peeta? WOULD YOU? -SMACK-   
You WILL NOT besmirch our good name! You had better tell me this is a ruse! I will not have a harlot for a daughter-in-law!”---

 

I see red and I have to shake my head several times. Katniss and Olivier are watching me, bemused. Paylor and her husband have left to prepare for her speech. Katniss squeezes my hand and I see the question in her eyes. I squeeze back, assuring her I’m alright. 

I keep her by my side for the remainder of the evening. Olivier tries to wave me down several times but I shake my head, confident he can manage without me. After all, he’s going to have to. 

The song that comes on is a slow one and Katniss rests her head on my chest. I grin as we sway slowly, her lithe body pressed closely to mine. I hear someone clear their throat and Katniss jerks back.

“Oh…Gale.”  
 “I need to leave soon and was wondering if I could request a dance first,” he says. Slurs, more like. I can see he’s been drinking; being around Haymitch for so long, I know he’s actually drunk. His eye are glazed over and his hair is sloppy. I’m glad he isn’t wearing his uniform tonight. I’m afraid I would have to embarrass him and I don’t know how Katniss would take it. Surely she’s noticed his inebriated state? She glances quickly at me and back at Gale. His face darkens and he holds out his hand for her to take. 

“Peeta, let me finish this song with Gale and I’ll come find you in a moment. Is that alright?”   
No. It’s absolutely NOT alright. But I can’t tell her that. My strong, independent wife would go ballistic if I tried to control her in any way. In the bedroom she will bend to my will but in public, don’t even think about it; Katniss has never been one for authority. In fact she takes pride in her defiance. 

Before I have a chance to respond, Gale takes her hand, yanks her forward, and scowls. 

“I’m sure Peeta doesn’t have any problem with just a dance.” 

“Actually Gale, I don’t have a problem with a dance. It’s your drunkenness that I have a problem with. So I don’t mind if you dance with my wife but I’ll thank you to behave yourself.” 

“Peeta,” Katniss screeches, embarrassed. Gale glares at me, clearly forgetting that I am President of Panem and he is one of my heads of security. 

“Behave myself,” he spits. “You still looking down on us Seam folk?” My jaw drops and Katniss throws herself between us. 

“Gale, shut up right now before you make a fool of yourself. Peeta, please just wait for me. I promise, I’ll be there in a moment.” The pleading in her eyes is the only thing that makes me agree. I shoot Gale a deadly glare, one of warning, and stride to the other side of the room. I see him lead her out onto the dance floor and she has to reposition his hands several times. Oh that man is testing everything I have right now. I finger the ring several times before I drop my hands to my sides and go to find Olivier. But Cortina grabs my hand and drags me over to the Victors table, where she excitedly asks me if I have heard that they want to rebuild the Quarter Quell Arena. The Arena that Katniss destroyed. I’m temporarily taken aback and Pamela’s mouth thins. 

“Why haven’t I heard about this before now?” 

“Search me! I figured they would have to get your approval for it but it’s all very exciting!”

“They can’t rebuild without the President’s approval,” Pamela says softly. “And I would think that is one arena you will not want rebuilt.” I mean, she’s right. The others I have approved, I’ve had nothing to do with. Now they want to rebuild the arena from which I was taken by the Capitol? Captured, to be held prisoner and tortured?

I feel sick and reach out to grip the table. 

“Yeah I can see how our President feels about that one,” Randall cackles as he takes a swig from his flask. 

“Randall,” Pamela says sharply. They remind me so much of Effie and Haymitch that I have to stifle my laughter; everyone stares at me, baffled. 

“I’m sure the Mockingjay would have similar feelings,” he continues. “After all, she was the one who destroyed it.” 

“Careful Randall. I hear the little wife isn’t too fond of the name she got during the war.”

“I can tell you she doesn’t think much of the term ‘little wife’ either,” I say with a small smile. 

“So who was that tall man she left with,” Cortina positively simpers. “He was so handsome!” 

“He’s her childhood frie--wait, what do you mean, left with?” Pamela clears her throat and gestures across the room. My eyes scan the room but I don’t see Katniss or Gale.

“They went out that patio door,” Cortina says, patting her hair and I don’t hear anything else as I am almost running toward the back patio. 

The gardens have been decorated beautifully too and it’s rather chilly out tonight. I hear muffled voices coming from behind the bushes on my right and against my better judgement, I duck out of sight so I can eavesdrop. 

“--don’t know what you think you’re doing, Gale, but you need to stop.” 

“Come on, you don’t ever think about what could have happened? I mean, the only reason you wound up with him was because you were reaped. What if you hadn’t gone into the arena? He would have died and we would still be together.”

“If I hadn’t gone into the arena, my sister would have gone in with Peeta! And he would have died, trying to get her back to me!” 

“Oh Catnip, I have loved you so much longer than he has!”

 “No you haven’t! In fact you didn’t show any sign you were attracted to me until someone else did! You just couldn’t stand someone coming in and taking what you thought was yours! And stop calling me Catnip!” 

“You telling me you never think about that kiss in District 2? Cause I do.” 

“You said yourself, I didn’t know what was going through my head so it was like kissing someone who was drunk! It didn’t count! Those were your words!” 

“Yeah well, I still think about you. All the time.” 

“Congratulations. I hope you think about me kissing Peeta. Because that’s what I’M thinking about all the time.” My jaw drops and I have to stuff my fist in my mouth from crying out in triumph. I peer through the bushes, hoping to catch a glimpse of his crushed look. But they’re too thick and I can’t see anything.   
I see flash of red and Katniss comes into view; I bend my knees, trying to sink lower so she won’t see me. Gale runs after her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around. He pulls her into his arms, his hands low on her waist.

 “Kiss me ‘gain,” he slurs out. “We could be good together.” 

“If you don’t take your hands off of me, I will summon the President of Panem. Do you remember him, Gale? Your president? Your BOSS? That’s my husband. And he would not hesitate to take your uniform away from you. So I’d suggest you do as he says and BEHAVE YOURSELF.” Gale drops his hands but he doesn’t give up. He leans in close and whispers in her ear loudly.

“He can’t fuck you like I can.”

 “Actually, Gale, you’re right. Because I’ve seen how unhappy Ghilda always looks and could never understand how someone could look so miserable if they were actually well satisfied in bed. You know that glow that you always compliment me on? It’s because Peeta makes the sweetest love to me and he makes sure I’m always taken care of before he even thinks of his pleasure,” she smirks and her voice drops to a whisper; luckily I’m close enough to hear and my jaw drops at her next words. “And then he fucks me so hard that I can’t walk straight. He buries himself so deeply inside me, it’s impossible to tell where he ends and I begin. So no, I don’t think he can fuck me like you can. He’s so much better. And judging by Ghilda’s temperament, you’re seriously lacking in that department. Is THAT why she left your sorry ass?” Without another word, she whips around and heads back inside. Gale’s shoulders slump forward and he turns and immediately retches into the bushes on the other side. 

Holy shit. I ALMOST feel sorry for the man. Almost. Not really. Not when I saw him trying to seduce my wife. Now how am I going to keep from pouncing on her as soon as I walk back into that room? I glance down at my tented slacks and groan inwardly. 

Making sure that Gale is busy, I straighten up and walk around the mansion, heading in through the kitchen and re-entering the banquet room by the main door. Katniss is sipping punch near the wall, her eyes flying around the room. Looking for me, I hope. I sneak up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. 

“Where have you been?” Her hands cover mine.

 “I was helping Paylor cut her cake. Have you had a slice yet?”

 “Mm, no. I was, uh, talking to someone on the patio.” 

“Oh? Your dance with Gale ended so quickly?” I feel her tense up and I grin against her back. 

“Yeah.”   
I decide to play a little and grind my hips against her. She jumps as she feels my erection, and I detect a small moan dripping from her lips. 

“You still haven’t come tonight, have you?”  

“No,” she turns her head so she can look at me over her shoulder, her voice low. “You told me not to without your permission.” 

“Such a good girl,” I reach out and stroke her cheek. She turns pink but looks pleased. I hold up my hand so she can see and her eyes dart to the ring. Our gazes locked, I press the button to the second speed and can feel the vibrations through her dress.

“Oh my god,” she whispers, her eyes fluttering shut.

“Mmm, I wish I could watch you come.” An idea pops into my head, a deliciously naughty idea that I can’t seem to chase away. Taking a quick drink of her punch, I slam it down and take her hand.   
“Come with me.” I drag her out of the banquet room and down the hall. The closet at the end of the hall is used for coats but I also know that it locks from the inside. I remember Willow accidentally locking herself in there last year and crying for help for over an hour before we discovered it could be opened from the inside. 

I push her in and lock the door, reaching up to turn the light on.

“Lift your dress.” She does and I find a box to lean against. 

“C’mere.” She stands in front of me and I reach down to rub at her drenched panties. 

“Take my belt off.” Her eyes darken considerably and she seems to understand where I want this to go; without further instruction, she has my slacks and belt undone and pulled down past my knees. She licks her lips and my eyes go directly to the pink tongue sliding across her lips. I cup her chin and bring my lips to hers. Her hand slides around me and I groan into her mouth. 

“Take your dress off,” I don’t recognize the husky voice before I realize it’s actually coming from me. She slips it over her head, careful to avoid her styled hair, and kneels in front of me. Her tongue slides up and down my shaft, circling my head and dipping into the slit. My head tilts back and I fight to keep my eyes open. As soon as she takes me into her mouth, I press the button and hear her release a deep moan. 

“Play with your breasts,” I pant out, and she removes one hand from my balls and I watch as her fingers pluck at her nipples. 

“Spread your legs for me.” She obeys and I increase the pace. She screams around my cock and I jerk my hips. 

“Oh shit baby, that’s it. Faster. I want us to come together.” Her head bobs up and down and I grip the box to keep from taking her hair in my hand. We need to look at least a little presentable when we return to the party. My balls start to tingle and seize up and I lift my hips off the box. 

“Katniss, I’m gonna-!” After all these years, I still warn her, just in case but her stony eyes meet mine as she hollows out her cheeks. She sucks harder and I piston into her warm mouth. She lets out a long wail, her mouth still full of my cock, and I grip the box tightly. She lets me fall from her lips and she sinks into the floor, panting heavily. I pull my pants back up and kneel beside her, quickly turning the vibrator off; I kiss her damp forehead and pull her against my chest.

“Damn,” I pant into her hair. 

“Mmhm. We need to get back. I’m sure people have noticed we’re missing.” 

“It’s ok. I’ll make up an excuse.” As I help her to her feet and straighten her dress, she looks around the closet and scoffs.

“Peeta, your bedroom is right upstairs. Why did you drag me into a closet?” 

“It’s always been a fantasy of mine,” I say a little shyly. “I hid in the closet in the bakery whenever you’d come by to trade and I pictured myself dragging you in there with me and letting me touch you. Since I wanted to watch you come, I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone.” 

“I hate that expression. You can rarely kill birds with a stone. It’s not practical.” I snort. My practical huntress. I kiss her cheek and make sure we both look presentable before I open the door. Peering both ways, I tug her hand and lead her back to the party. 

No one’s noticed we were gone and I keep glancing sideways at her as she drinks her punch, smiling at her flushed cheeks.   
\--------------------------------------------------

I’m pleased that the party is such a success and Paylor hugs both of us before she and her husband are driven back to their hotel. I announce to everyone to continue to have a good time but because my son’s birthday party will undoubtedly exhaust me tomorrow (quite a few people laugh at this) I am retiring for the evening. I see everyone in the room lift their glasses to me and I set my hand on Katniss’s lower back, leading her out of the room.

When we are alone, however, sleep is far from my mind. I manage to make her come twice more before we actually “retire”. She shivers as I curl up behind her and pull my heavy blanket over the both of us. It’s actually gotten quite cold and I pull her into my arms, hoping my body heat will keep her warm. 

“Well that was a fun evening,” she says into my arm. I snort and kiss the back of her neck.

 “I’m glad you thought so. At least Maja seemed happy with how it went.”

 “She looked like she was having a great time. Everyone was.” “Mmmhm. Some people were having too great a time.” She falls silent, which means she knows who I am referring to. 

“You have no reason to be jealous of him, Peeta. None whatsoever. I made that perfectly clear to him tonight.” 

“I know.” It slips out and I wince as she goes stiff in my arms.

“I mean…I don’t KNOW, per say, but I just, I know that you love me and not him. Not that it means I know you told him anything in particular tonight…or anything like that.” I roll my eyes at my lack of eloquence. She surprises me by pulling my arm tighter around her, so my chest is crushed against her back. Since we’re both still naked, my cock rests right between her cheeks and I know I’m going to have a few problems in no time at all. She kisses my wrist and I exhale deeply.

“So you heard us on the patio.” I’m quiet for too long. She sighs.

 “I should have known. Was that the reason for dragging me into the closet? Did you have something to prove to yourself?”

 “Of course not. I dragged you into the closet because you are the most exquisite thing in that room and I couldn’t look anywhere else. Gale has nothing to do with how I feel about you.” 

“But you still get overly possessive, like you have something to prove. I will never want Gale like that, Peeta. Never.” 

“I know,” I say gently, kissing her cheek. “I’m sorry I was listening to your conversation. I just…I saw how drunk he was and I was worried. He seemed handsy and for a moment, I was upset that you weren’t getting away from him. But I know you don’t see him that way. I know how much you love me. I’m sorry that my stupid brain still has a glimmer of doubt every now and again.” Her warm breath on my arm makes me sleepy and I pull the blanket tighter around us. 

“Katniss, you have to understand…I never loved anyone else. No other girl caught my eye like you did. And when I was watching you, you were always with him. I always thought you two were together, I mean, everyone did. Not only did it make sense to the district because of that Merchant-Seam bullshit but because you actually seemed happy around him. Or happier than I usually saw you, at school I mean. I wished…God, I wished I could be more like him. Every night I would go to bed, hoping I would somehow wake up with dark hair and grey eyes. I wished for my pale skin to darken and for my freckles to disappear. And when I would wake up, a Merchant, I wanted to cry. I thought that was the only way I would ever get to be with you. And I guess in some ways, the Capitol knew about that. Because when they were torturing me and showing me videos of you two together, they would constantly remind me that I was a Merchant and you were from the Seam. That we could never be together. That I would never be worthy of you.”   
She’s silent and I close my eyes, hoping I haven’t said too much. It’s true that Katniss actually allows herself to show her emotions these days but there’s been a few times when I have casually mentioned to her how much I knew I loved her even when I was a boy and she grows stiff and quiet. I think the idea of someone loving her so much is still quite baffling. Not to say her mother didn’t love her but she did abandon her way too many times. Prim was the only one who seemed loyal and yet, she still left her. Not that it was her fault of course but Katniss has always felt that abandonment deep in her bones. It’s one of the reasons, I think, that she made herself stay in the present so she could take care of our children; even when that darkness threatens to crush her, she stays with us. 

She moves and I fear she’s about to pull away and curl up on the other side of the bed. But when she breaks away from my embrace, she turns and rests her head on my pillow; her face is inches from mine and I smell her perfume and sweat. God she’s intoxicating. Every bit of her. I can see her eyes in the darkness; they’re not cold but they’re not happy either. They’re unfathomable storms, as the clouds swirl around in her eyes. I attempt a weak chuckle. 

“I mean, hell, I even remember mentioning to Prim that I would love to accompany you to the woods one day and she said I should ask you to teach me to hunt. She said she would love to teach me but she wasn’t as good as you.”

 “When did you talk to her about the woods?”

 “When we moved to Victor’s Village,” I say quietly. “She was always really warm and inviting. Asked me in for tea a few times when you weren’t around.” She closes her eyes and I bite my lip.

“She was just being kind. And we didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. She probably saw how lonely I got without my family and she just wanted to be nice. I mean…not that she would have asked me over if you were home. She just…” I trail off, mentally kicking myself. Just. Stop. Talking! 

“My little duck was so much sweeter than I could ever be,” she says softly. “And she asked you over for tea because she knew that I was a bitch.”

 “You weren’t a bitch, Katniss. You were confused. And I don’t blame you for that.”

 “Don’t you? Because those months after we came home, I was completely horrible to you. Prim would get angry with me and told me I needed to go see you. She pointed out that your family didn’t come with you so you were all alone. She and Mom wanted to ask you over for dinner nearly every night and I always said no. I was a complete bitch.” 

“Katniss,” I say gently, reaching out to touch her face. She flinches but doesn’t pull away, and my hand rests on her cheek. 

“I told you, a long time ago, it wasn’t fair of me to hold you to the things you said in the Games. You saved us. I knew that. And to be fair, I wasn’t very warm to you during those months either. I could have made more of an effort to talk to you, like I’d always wanted, but my wounded pride kept me away. I was acting so injured that my own family didn’t want to be around me. And I’m not just talking about my leg,” she closes her eyes again and this time I see tears leaking over the sides. I immediately use my thumb to wipe them away before I give her a nose a soft kiss. 

“I don’t blame you. At all. And even those few months were hell, I loved living so near to you. I got to know a whole other side of you through your sister.” Her eyes widen. 

“What do you mean?”

 “Whenever we had tea…she just talked about you. Her face lit up as she talked and I fell in love you even more because of it. Listening to her going on about how you took care of her, your skill with the bow, the way you would come to her defense at school. Like in 13, she didn’t make you out to be some kind of saint…I could just tell how much she adored you.” I’m afraid I’ve said too much when she sniffles and I immediately pull her against my chest. 

“I’m sorry I was too cowardly to face my feelings back then,” she says; it’s muffled against my shoulder but I hear it and I smile into her hair. 

“It’s ok. As we always say, better late than never, right?” I pull back so I can stare into her eyes and she presses her forehead to mine.

“Let me get you a warm towel to clean up with.” I start to move out of the bed but she grabs me and shakes her head. 

“Just stay with me.” So I do. I kiss her head and hold her, her silent tears streaming down my arm. I sort of hate how vulnerable I feel around her; she’s the only one who has ever made me feel so raw and exposed. Even when I was stripped naked in my prison cell, beaten until I could no longer scream, I never felt this bare.  
But she’s also got this almighty way of making me feel completely safe. It’s her presence that calms me and I feel myself relaxing by her side. 

I’m almost asleep when she shifts onto her back and sighs as she rests her head next to mine. 

“You’re not going to fire Gale, are you?” My eyes shoot open and I turn to look at her.

“Did you think I would?”

 “I don’t know. He made quite a scene and I know how furious you were with him. Not to mention he completely disrespected the President of Panem.” 

“I think he got what he deserved when you told him exactly why I can’t fuck you like he can.” She snorts and shakes her head.

“You’re ridiculous.” 

“And I had to fight so hard not to pump my fists to the sky when I heard that. What was the look on his face? Unhappy?” 

“Of course he was unhappy! Ghilda left him.” I should feel more sympathy for the guy but I just don’t. We may have fought alongside each other in the Capitol and he may have volunteered to rescue me but I know why he did all of that. No matter what Katniss says, Gale Hawthorne will always have eyes for her. And he will always see me as the worthless Merchant who doesn’t deserve her. Whether I’m a baker or a president, his opinion will never change.

“I’m sorry,” I say genuinely. “I really am but I don’t want him thinking he can come after my wife now.” 

“I think as soon as he sobers up and realizes what he’s done, he’ll feel horrible. I’ve never seen him so drunk. Even that time Ripper gave him a whole bottle of her best stuff for the Winter Solstice dance. He was so nervous about asking out Lily what’s-her-name and got completely wasted. Made a complete fool out of himself.” “Liquor tends to do that to people. I saw how drunk he was immediately. So why did Ghilda leave him, did he say? And what about the kids?” “They’re staying with her until they can figure things out. I didn’t get the whole story, he just groaned and grunted a lot of the time as he drank. Said he was sure she was cheating on him but I think he’s just saying that. He hasn’t seen his kids in several days though.” I hate that for him; Gale seemed like a good father and I guess in many ways, a good guy. But I’ve got my hands too full of my own worries; I don’t really want to think about his too. “Well unless he does something else to make a fool of himself, no I’m not going to fire him. I won’t forget everything he’s done, Katniss. For both of us.” She nods but doesn’t say anything else. I have a feeling the conversation is over and I wriggle deeper into the pillow and shut my eyes.

“I’m so excited to see Rye’s face when he sees your waterfall gift for him.” 

“I’m excited too. It’s going to be a fun party. Can you believe our son is turning 4?” 

“My husband is getting so old,” she teases, reaching out to run her fingers through my disheleved curls. 

“You got old first,” I stick my tongue out at her. I don’t tell her how it still gives me a little start to hear her say the word ‘husband’. 

“I hope you like your birthday present. I’ve been working on it all year long.”

 “You know I already have everything I could ever want. Why do you insist on getting me gifts every year?”

 “Because I like giving you gifts. You always say it makes you happy, giving me presents. Why can’t I feel the same?” 

“Well, I won’t deny you happiness, if you really want to give me something. Just know that you and Rye and Willow are all I need.”   
She kisses my cheek and rests her head on my chest. 

“I know. That’s why it makes me so happy to give you things. Because you’re so easy to please.”

 “Hmmm. I sure do love you, Mrs. Mellark.” I don’t hear her reply because I am pulled into the throes of sleep rather quickly.


	67. Chapter 67

Rye’s birthday party is a huge success but we are all so exhausted by the time it’s over. It was worth every penny to see Katniss playing with him and Willow in the bounce house. She glared at Finn and I while we stood by and laughed.   
Rye loved his gifts but he actually cried out in excitement when he saw the discovery waterfall. Katniss has had to show him twice now how to keep the water inside because he’s made quite a mess on the floor.   
Willow’s gift was a home-made coloring book and I whistled as I flipped through it, thoroughly impressed.

“Sweetheart you are so talented!”

“Thanks Daddy. You think he likes it?”

“I’m sure he loves it! I might steal a page or two myself.” She giggled and I tugged on her braid, kissing her head.   
Katniss presented him with several nature sets, which he obviously loves. According to her, anything where he can play in the mud or dig in the dirt, makes him happy. He definitely gets that from his mother. Although Katniss will quietly remind me of the time when I dabbled in mud and chamoflouge, to which I respond with a look between exasperation and a patronizing glare. 

After we had all of the food and cake cleaned up, the pool area cleaned up, and the presents stored in the living room, we all collapsed on the couch. Rye fell asleep on my chest and Willow fell asleep right on the floor. Katniss smiles and disentangles herself from Rye and me.

“I’m going to put her in her bed. Want to get Rye?” I glance down at him and nod. We tuck our children in and sneak off to our room, where we fall onto the bed without even undressing. 

“Were Willow’s birthday parties ever that exhausting,” I say, pressing my hands to my eyes.

“Why do people say little girls are worse than little boys? A dozen three and four year old boys is like, some sort of torture.” I chuckle and turn to look at her. Her hair is all over the place, having fallen from her braid hours ago, and her eyes are squeezed shut.   
She still has frosting on her face and neck and pepperoni stuck to her shirt. 

“Whose idea was it to feed all those little boys sugar and carbohydrates?” 

“Willow said pizza is the most popular food in the district now! Rye wanted his friends to have some. And everyone knows you’re the Baker, Peeta! We couldn’t have a party without a cake!”

“I’m just teasing, honey. Rye had a really great time. I’m just so worn out.”

“Me too. Good thing we planned on having a quiet celebration for your birthday tomorrow, so we don’t have to leave the house if we don’t want to.”

“Sounds good to me,” I yawn. “We should really get up and shower.”

“I don’t think I can move. And we’re going to be so sore tomorrow, I can already tell.” Laughing, I force myself out of the bed and into the bathroom. I run a hot bath for the both of us and manage to drag her out of the bed.

“Come on, you reek of pepperoni.”

“You mean you don’t like it?”

“I don’t care much for the stuff. Though you’re also covered in frosting and I will take my sugar-covered wife any day.” She splashes me and I trap her arms with mine. I glance at the clock and smile.

“Now you have to be nice to me for a whole twenty-four hours.” Her eyes follow mine and she sinks back against my chest.

“Is this an ok way to spend the first part of your birthday?” I kiss her temple and close my eyes.

“It’s perfect.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Katniss wasn’t kidding when she said we would be sore. My bad leg feels stiff and swollen and I can feel all of those piggyback rides in my arms and back. Being President means I don’t get to be in the bakery as much, and I certainly don’t cart around heavy bags of flour anymore. I feel like my muscles are turning to mush, just sitting in my office or a board room. Maybe that’s why I feel so tired and sore after sex now. I think about how old I’m turning today and groan; I’m definitely getting further from my youth now. I remember my dad always being a little round when I was little but my mom was determined to “starve the pudginess out of me”. There were nights when she would give me less than everyone else, and I went to bed hungry. Ryean would sneak me a roll or a pastry and I would devour it in two bites. I glance down and pat my stomach, and wince when it sort of jiggles.

“No more cookies before bed,” I tell myself firmly.   
I know my poor wife is sore from the bounce house but she still left the bed very early. After a couple of hours, when I see she isn’t coming back to bed, I manage to stumble down the stairs where I’m nearly knocked down by my overenthusiastic four-year old. 

“Rye, honey, come help us finish Daddy’s breakfast,” I hear her call from around the corner.

“Hey,” I pop my head into the kitchen. “Can I help?”

“Make your own birthday breakfast? No sir. Go on into the sitting room. We’ll open presents in there. And feel free to take your leg off for a little while. I saw it looked a little red this morning.” She kisses me hard so I can’t protest and gives my ass a little smack as I turn away. The kids are busy at the table and she shoots me a wink as I shake my head. She’s undoubtedly more exhausted than I am and yet she’s awake this early, making me breakfast. 

My own mother didn’t even make me breakfast on my birthday. It was just another day in the Bakery. Ryean and Dad…

I flinch and shake my head. Thinking about my family this morning is painful. And I shouldn’t be looking so down when my perfect wife and kids are only a few feet away.

I lift my pant leg up so I can detach my prosthetic and I set it aside so I can stretch out on the couch. I close my eyes for a moment until I hear my children making an entrance.

“Happy birthday, Daddy!” Willow sets a plate of muffins on my chest, while Katniss comes in behind her with another tray.

“Carry the plate to Daddy,” she says to Rye, who looks like he is concentrating very hard on not spilling. I take the plate from him and stroke his golden curls, which look a lot like mine this morning: messy and all over the place. On the plate, there’s slices of bacon, poached eggs, a slice of toast, and a meat patty.

“Squirrel patty for my birthday love,” Katniss says as she swoops down on me with a kiss. I stare at her in awe. She got out of bed at dawn to go hunting, to find me squirrel because she knows it’s my favorite.  
Is there no end to this woman’s goodness? 

“Mama, I really don’t want squirrel,” Willow says, her nose wrinkled in disgust as she pokes at it with her fork.

“Well then give it to your daddy. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“Hand it over.” I hold out my plate and she uses the tip of her fork to push it off her plate and onto mine.

“You should try it, Willow. Mama makes the best squirrel.”

“Ew,” she says, shaking her head. Katniss and I exhange looks; our little girl has become rather spoiled but since we have more than enough to eat, I suppose she can afford to be a little picky. And I’m extremely grateful that she doesn’t have to live like we used to. That she’s allowed to be picky. I eat her squirrel with a broad smile on my face.

After breakfast, Katniss asks Rye if he wants to pass me presents. I sit up a little as my little guy plops about five packages into my lap.

“Carefully, baby,” Katniss says with a smile. 

I’ve gotten the most odd array of gifts from my committee and staff; mugs and ties and little things for my desk and a fountain pen. I push it all aside to open gifts from my family. Rye (and Katniss) actually made me a new mug; I will treasure it far more than the simple black mug that the board members bought for me. It’s brightly colored and has little hand prints all over it. Rye holds his hands up and grins.

“I made it with my hands!”

“I see that. I love it, buddy, thank you. And…oh my gosh, Willow, I get my own coloring book?” She smiles and nods eagerly as I flip the book open. A lot of the pictures are similar to the ones she’s drawn for Rye’s book but I notice mine has a lot more family   
portraits than Rye’s does. Her talent simply blows me away. I can suddenly see my little girl going off to District 3 or even the Capitol to be some sort of designer. I wasn’t even this talented at her age. 

“It’s beautiful, princess. Thank you.” I kiss her hair and Katniss sets a large box in my lap.

“If you don’t like it, or want me to make any adjustments, just tell me, you won’t hurt my feelings at all.” I raise my eyebrows and push the lid off. At first all I see is white paper, until I manage to push it all aside and my loud gasp fills the room.

“Katniss.” I don’t know what else to say; my beautiful huntress has made me gifts before but this…this is something else entirely.

She’s made me a winter coat, of the softest leather with fur-lined edges. I run my hand over it and let out a soft sigh.

“It’s deer hide and rabbit fur. It took months to tan the hide but don’t worry, it doesn’t smell at all. The inside is lined with rabbit fur, to keep you warm this winter. They’re saying it’s going to be a brutal one.” I bring it to my face and close my eyes as I rub the soft fur along my skin. She’s watching me warily and I tug on her until she falls into my lap. The box falls to the floor and I stroke her cheek.

“I can’t thank you enough for this.”

“Do you like it?” I can’t express how much I like it. Truth be told, I always dreamed of Katniss dressing me in her furs. Which was absolutely ridiculous because whatever she killed had to be sold to feed her family. SHE didn’t even wear them! But to my poor little   
twelve year old mind, it would have meant the greatest achievement if Katniss Everdeen made me something like that. A way to show everyone that I was her prey. She had captured me and I willingly succumbed to her captivity. My wild woman in the woods, my huntress. I pull the coat on, even though it’s quite warm in here, and I kiss her soundly.

“I love it. I love it so much. Thank you.” Her cheeks are pink but she smiles and runs her hand down my arm. 

“Daddy, you haven’t opened Grandpa’s and Mimi’s gift yet.” Willow rolls her eyes as Katniss pulls away but I wrap my arms around her and keep her seated on my lap. 

“Rye, why don’t you open it for me?” He grins and nods as he tears into the paper. 

“Here Daddy!” He hands the box to me and I see a new, expensive watch.

“That’s really nice of them. Maybe we can ask them over for dinner.” 

“Ok but you’re making your own cake. Unless Willow wants to make one,” she says with a smile and our daughter jumps up and down.

“Yes! I want to make him a cake! What kind of cake do you want, Daddy?”

“Surprise me,” I say with a grin. I love seeing how excited my little girl is about what I’m most passionate about; we share a love for baking and art and it thrills me. 

“Can we start on it now, Mama?”

“Sure baby. Daddy, you just stay here and rest a little. We’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.” I want to protest and insist she stay here with me; she has dark circles under her eyes and she tries to hide her wince as she moves but I can see right through it.   
She needs rest too. But she drapes her arm around our daughter and they disappear into the kitchen. Rye is preoccupied with his own gifts, which are pushed into the corner. I watch as he pulls one out, plays with it for a few minutes, and throws it aside to pull out another one. I don’t know if I fall asleep but Katniss comes into the room and settles on the arm of the sofa behind me.

“Haymitch and Effie will be over in a few hours for dinner and cake. Willow’s got the cake in the oven. I think she’s surpassing you in the baking field.”

“She’s surpassing me in every field,” I chuckle. “Did you see this coloring book she made?”

“I looked through Rye’s a little yesterday. She has such talent!”

“It’s actually rather intimidating how talented she is,” I admit softly. Katniss laughs and strokes my hair. I close my eyes, loving the feel of her fingers against my scalp. 

“Well she’s quite proud of your cake. She said not to tell you what kind it is though. It’s a surprise.”

“I like surprises. Why don’t you rest a little bit yourself?”

“Too much to do,” she yawns. “I still need to pluck the goose and clean the vegetables and puree the---“

“Katniss, that’s all for dinner,” I cut her off. “It’s still morning. I know you haven’t slept. Take a little nap with me.”

“Willow is upstairs with Prince,” she tries to hide her next yawn. “I need to keep an eye on the cake.” I shake my head and try to pull her down onto the couch but she jumps up and pulls on her jacket.

“I will not let this goose go to waste. I’ll be out on the porch, tending to it. Call me if you hear the timer go off.” It’s been ages since I have had goose and my mouth waters too much for me to protest. 

“Fine but I’m at least helping with dinner,” I call after her. She shuts the front door without answering me. Sighing heavily, I collapse against the couch and prop my foot up. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

I start when I hear the door slam and realize I’ve fallen asleep again. I hurriedly rub my eyes and feel around for my prosthetic. It’s not where I left it and I see that my son is missing as well. 

“Oh crap.” I hop off the couch and clutch the wall for support, hoping Rye hasn’t tried to go upstairs. But it’s been awhile since I have hobbled around on one leg and I lose my balance quickly; I tumble forward and slam into something solid.

“Peeta! What are you doing?”

“Oh damn, are you alright?” I try to move off of her but my stupid stump is tangled between her legs and I huff as I try not to crush her.

“Where is your leg?”

“Ask our son, wherever he is.” Her face darkens and she tosses her braid over her shoulder.

“RYE ARCHER MELLARK!” I wince and cover my ears as her angry cry echoes in the hallway. 

“Too much like Mom,” I mutter to myself, though Katniss hears quickly and shoots me a hard look.

“He still has to be disciplined, Peeta. Neither of us are as bad as your mother but he can’t be allowed to get away with everything.”

“I know that. You just…sounded so much like her.”

“Well, I’m sorry. Here, let me help you up.” She tries to pull me to my feet…foot, but I’m much too heavy and we both go crashing to the floor again.

“This is ridiculous. Rye! Get down here right now!” 

“Oooh, I TOLD you you were gunna be in trouble,” Willow taunts from the stairs. Our son appears, hiding something behind his back. 

“Bring your father his leg right now.” He toddles forward and produces my prosthesis, his face toward the floor.

“What have we told you about playing with this,” I say as sternly as I can. He bursts into tears and I have to fight so hard to harden my face.

“Rye, look at me. What did we say about playing with this?” 

“Not to play wif it.” His teeth dig into his lip as he shifts from side to side.

“Daddy does not want to spank you, Rye, but how else will you learn that it’s wrong?” He shakes his head and jams his finger in his mouth.

“Sorry Daddy.”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, son. You get one spanking, so you remember not to play with Daddy’s leg.” He screams and writhes on my knee as I try to hold him still. Katniss watches us with steel eyes. I bring my palm right down on Rye’s little bottom and he jumps up   
and runs away; I see him run straight to Willow on the stairs and hides behind her legs. Willow shoots us a worried look before she steps aside to hide him more. I can’t be mad at her for being a good big sister. I don’t feel too guilty because my palm barely did any damage through his pants, and he’s already stopped crying. I’m sure Katniss will lecture me later on how stern I need to be.

“Daddy’s leg is very important to him, alright? No one else should be touching it. That goes for you too, Willow.” Willow nods and reaches back to cover Rye’s head with her palm.

“Yes Ma’am. We won’t.” I quickly have it reattached and pull myself up. Katniss stands beside me and wobbles just a bit.

“Whoa.” I reach out to steady her and she grips the doorway with one hand, her other clamping around my arm.

“Katniss? Are you alright?”

“I…feel a little dizzy. Can you help me to the bathroom?” We’re not far from the downstairs guest bathroom so I gently lead her down the hall and her nails suddenly dig into my arm.

“Oh damn.” Before I can ask if she’s alright again, she’s disappeared from my side and the bathroom door slams closed. I hear her heaving and gently knock on the door.

“Can I do anything to help?”

“No. Just…I’ll be out in a moment,” she says weakly. I sigh and lean against the door. I hope she hasn’t outdone herself and made herself sick again. It wouldn’t be the first time. She’s run herself ragged, taking care of the kids and making my birthday special.   
But she was throwing up before Rye’s birthday party…she said it was some kind of bug that he had caught and probably had passed on to her.   
My eyes go to my children, still watching from the stairs, and they widen. I grip the doorframe and clap my other hand over my mouth. 

“Willow, why don’t you and Rye go play in your room for a litte while?” She nods and takes her brother’s hand, leading him back up the stairs. When they’re gone, I knock at the door again.

“Hey honey…do you still have that extra pregnancy test lying around somewhere?” I hear the door click and then swing open to reveal her wide, terrified eyes.

“What?”

“Remember when we were trying with Rye and we bought an extra test, just in case? Do you still have it?”

“No, I…what?” I glance down at her and suck in a breath. Why hadn’t I noticed before? She’s given birth twice so how could I miss the signs?

How could she?  
Her breasts are large and swollen, positively straining against her shirt. Her belly is slightly rounded and I can see her shirt is stretched pretty thin. Her skin looks dry around her hands and she seems to have a bit of acne around her nose and cheeks.

Of course I would never point these things out to her, but these are all telltale signs of pregnancy, according to the books I was obsessed with when Willow was conceived. 

“I think we need to take a pregnancy test,” I say softly, reaching out to take her hand. She snatches it away and crosses her arms.

“Why do you think I’m pregnant? I’m on birth control. You know that.”

“I also know that nothing is 100% effective. You’ve been sick for awhile, honey--“

“So what,” she says shrilly. “That doesn’t mean…I can’t be! There’s no way!” I open my mouth again but she stamps her foot.

“No! I’m not pregnant again! I’m not!” 

“Would it be such a bad thing? We’ve talked about having another baby--“

“Not while you’re still President, Peeta. I said no. I don’t want another baby if you’re going to live in the Capitol.” 

“But--“

“No!” She shoves past me and thunders up the stairs to our bedroom. I wince as I hear the door slam and I sigh heavily. Despite what she says, I’m fairly certain we will be welcoming another addition to the family.

And I can’t help but smile at the amazing birthday present she has unknowingly given me.


	68. Chapter 68

I sit on the edge of the bed, my feet dangling as my fingers dig into the bedspread. Peeta’s words echo in my head.

Pregnant. It’s just not possible! I’ve been on birth control for ages. And though I don’t hate the idea of having another baby, I meant it when I told him I don’t want to have one as long as he is president. 

My hand goes to my stomach and I stifle a sob. Oh god. What if I am? What if I have to go through this pregnancy without my husband by my side?   
I push off the bed and head into the bathroom. The extra test we bought is shoved to the back of the shelf; Peeta insisted we keep it for the future. Do pregnancy tests go bad? 

Despite what I screamed at Peeta, I don’t want to do this alone. And I feel horrible for yelling at him on his birthday. Still, I go through the motions by myself. I’ll call him before the timer goes off.  
But Peeta knows me better than anyone and I return to sit on the bed, only to find myself staring into his blue eyes from across the room. He closes the door behind him and leans against it.

“I’m sorry,” he says heavily.

“Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re just caring for me.” 

“Katniss…I think--“ he stops when we hear the timer ding in the bathroom and his eyes widen as they fly between the bathroom door and me.

“Did you-?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“Come find out with me.” I hold out my hand, which he takes and he follows me into the bathroom. I take a deep breath and his hand covers mine as we unveil the test together.

“Oh my god,” we say in unison. While Peeta is looking overjoyed, I’m downright petrified. 

“Another baby,” he says in awe. “I’m going to be a daddy again. Three Mellark babies. Oh my god, Katniss!”

“Peeta…” I bite my lip and he takes my hands in his.

“You won’t be alone for this. I promise.”

“How can you promise that? What if they need you in the Capitol? Or you can’t get away from an important meeting? Or if they--“

“Katniss,” he cuts me off and presses his forehead to mine. I close my eyes and feel his hands on my face.

“Katniss, I’m leaving office at the end of the year.” I’m speechless and I gape at him in horror. Leaving office? What is going to happen to Panem? To us? 

“I have been training Olivier all year long,” he says softly, his thumbs at the corners of my eyes. “I’ve given it to the end of the year, and he will be sworn into office the first of the new year. Maja has been helping prepare him as well, but he’s doing wonderfully.   
He just needs to learn to relax a little. He’s great with politicians and has a kind soul. He has been with me on every business trip I have made around the districts, learning. I only have three more months as President.” I still can’t speak.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but we are keeping it pretty quiet until it comes time. Maja agreed that keeping it a secret was the best idea, until he is ready. Although this does give me more of a reason to announce I’m leaving. Another baby means I’ll spend more time at home. The Board knows my family comes first.” He squeezes my hands and his eyes search mine.

“Katniss, please say something.”

“I…I just…” is all I can get out. 

“You said you would consider it if I wasn’t president. Are you happy now that you know?” 

Am I? Do I want a big family? Peeta certainly does. And I can’t deny him this happiness. Seeing him with his children gives me so much joy, and what if I can finally give Willow a little sister? 

“I’m happy, Peeta.” He pulls me into his arms and kisses my hair.

“Thank you so much, Katniss. Thank you for this life you’ve blessed me with.” I won’t tell him that I wasn’t planning this. Unlike Willow and Rye, this is an accident.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not excited.   
I allow myself to think about another child…a little girl with Peeta’s blonde curls, perhaps?   
A little girl who will look just like Prim. 

“We can tell Annie and Johanna and Haymitch. The family. But let’s keep quiet about it until you’re ready to announce you’re leaving office.” He nods and cups my chin.

“That sounds reasonable. But you know we need to get you into the doctor. See how far along you are and get something for your nausea. I hate you being sick.” 

“I do too,” I mutter, rubbing my stomach. I glance down and back up at him. “Did you know?”

“No. I mean not until a few minutes ago, though I should have suspected. Did you have any idea?”

“No. I guess I thought it wasn’t possible while I was on birth control.”

“Well it’s possible. You want to go tell the kids?”

“No special way to tell them this time,” I tease. When we told Willow she would be a big sister, it was a special announcement from Santa Claus. 

“It’s plenty special,” he says as he gathers me in his arms. I nod. I’d like to keep it between the two of us for a little while but I can already see the excited expressions on my childrens’ faces.

“Alright. Let’s go tell them.” I move from the sink and he tugs my hand.

“Thank you, Katniss. This is one unforgettable birthday.”

“First Rye, now this little one. Are you trying to top your best birthdays?” He chuckles as he presses a kiss to my temple before pulling me from the room.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------

Explaining my condition isn’t as much fun as announcing it. Willow’s eyes widen and she jumps up and down when we tell her she is going to be a big sister again. When we tell Rye he is going to be a big brother, he cocks his head and immediately asks how.   
Peeta pales and starts to stammer. Willow calmly presses her hand to my stomach and pulls Rye forward.

“Our baby sister is in here. Daddy planted her, like Mama’s primroses out in the garden.”

“It could be a little brother too,” Peeta says softly, covering his daughter’s hand on top of my stomach. “We won’t find out for a while. But I believe you’ll both be wonderful big sister and big brother, no matter what. Willow has been a great big sister to you, hasn’t she buddy?”

“I guess,” he shrugs and I see Peeta stifling his laughter. 

“But do we water it, like Mommy’s flowers?” 

“Daddy does,” Willow says in exasperation. Peeta and I trade looks and we both have to stifle our laughter now. 

“I want to see it,” he pokes at my stomach and Peeta grabs his hand.

“The little flower is going to grow into a baby and it’s going to take a long time for that to happen. So we have to be patient and extra helpful to Mommy, understand?” I can see how much sense it makes to a four year old. Rye wrinkles his nose and my husband   
laughs as he kisses our son’s head.

“Don’t worry, son, you’ll understand one day. Now, who’s up for a game of croquet?” Peeta introduced them to the sport while in the Capitol and both of them seem to enjoy it. I suppose one of his board members introduced him to it because I still don’t understand the game. It seems rather pointless to me but I wasn’t much into sports when I was in school. I agree to come out with them and watch and Peeta makes sure I’m comfortable in the swing before he goes to join the kids on the lawn. Haymitch and Effie wave from their own porch and Willow calls for them to join in on the game. Haymitch helps Effie up our stairs and she collapses into one of the lawn chairs as Haymitch goes to join the kids and Peeta. Up close, I can see how tired Effie looks. She tries to hide it with her make-up and her scarves but I can see the toll this sickness has taken on her body. 

I’m sure I look no better right now. How did Peeta know I was pregnant? By the dark circles under my eyes? The extra weight I’ve gained? 

I suddenly remember how completely unattractive I feel when I am pregnant. I’m not particularly looking forward to those feelings again. 

“How are you, my dear,” she reaches over to pat my hand.

“Still tired from yesterday.”

“Oh your darling boy had so much fun, it looked like. And how is Peeta enjoying his birthday?”

“He’s quite enjoyed it. And we discovered another birthday present for him too.” I quietly tell her our news and she claps both hands over her mouth.

“Oh my darling! Oh Katniss, that’s such wonderful news!” Haymitch looks up at us with a bemused frown but Peeta claps him on the back and I suspect he will know our news as well.

“We’re keeping it a secret for a little while though. Peeta is retiring in December and--“

“Wait a moment. Peeta is retiring?” I clamp my mouth shut. Was I supposed to tell anyone? I suspect not. But then, Haymitch and Effie are both on Peeta’s board. Surely he has to tell them his plans. 

“I’ll let him explain it to you. I don’t altogether understand it myself. How are you feeling?”

“Oh I’m just fine dear girl.” I can see through her lies. But she waves it aside like it’s nothing and I sigh as I lean against the swing, my hand automatically resting on my belly. I feel Effie’s eyes on me and I look over at my husband showing our son how to hold his stick…mallet, I think it was. Another reason I don’t play games; I don’t want Peeta or my children teasing me for not knowing the rules or the proper terms. The only game I had when I was growing up was my checkerboard Dad made for me, with painted pebbles as the game pieces. Prim accidentally swallowed one when she was a baby and I was furious because I couldn’t play anymore. Peeta mentioned Delly having a few games at her house that he would play every so often but that was out of the question for someone from the Seam. 

I watch my kids laughing with a broad smile on my face. How different the world is, how different we live now. Peeta throws his head back and laughs as Haymitch nearly throws out his back trying to take his shot. 

“Katniss,” Effie’s soft voice jerks me from my thoughts. I turn to her and she rests her hand on my knee.

“I have to return to the Capitol to have some more tests done. I was hoping we could arrange to have Haymitch spend some time with the children. It will keep him distracted and it would give you and Peeta a free night as well.” 

“Don’t you want Haymitch to go with you to the Capitol?”

“He hates that place. I can see the man’s soul wilt right in front of me whenever we are there. I don’t want to cause him that pain. I can go alone. I would rather go alone. Would you perhaps ask him to watch the children for a day or two next week?”

“Peeta is supposed to return to the Capitol on Monday. Haymitch will want to know why I’m asking him to watch them.”

“Then why don’t you two arrange a short trip to another district? Just a night to be alone.” We just had several of those in the Capitol but Effie seems desperate. I sigh and nod, knowing I will need Peeta’s help with this one.

“I’ll talk to Peeta this evening.”

“Oh thank you, Katniss.” She squeezes my hand and I wince at how frail hers is. How old is Effie anyway? Surely she can’t be that old. But I never know with Capitol people! My prep team looks like they haven’t aged! 

We watch as they continue their game and Annie comes out onto her porch to see what all the noise is. We invite her and Riley over for dinner and cake, and I go back into the house to prepare some hot chocolate. It’s gotten quite chilly in 12, and I can see my daughter’s cheeks are becoming quite pink. 

I call Willow in to finish the cake and everyone comes in behind her, blowing into their hands. I quickly pour the hot chocolate and pass it around, relieved that I made so much. I tell Peeta to relax with our friends while I finish dinner but he will have none of it; he moves around me in the kitchen, carrying out little tasks like slicing the vegetables and setting the table. Willow shrieks every time he comes near her, frantically trying to cover up her cake and he chuckles as he backs away, his hands held up in the air. 

“She wants it to be a surprise,” I say as I hand him the silverware to set out.

“Ok ok, I’ll stay in the living room.” He kisses my cheek and leaves the kitchen. I reach up to open one of the cabinets but feel dizziness coming over me like a giant wave and I grab the nearest thing, which is the counter top. Willow glances at me over her shoulder and gasps.

“Mommy! Are you ok?” She jumps down from her chair and runs over to me, her hands going to my stomach. Mine cover hers and pat them gently.

“I’m ok. I just got dizzy for a….oh.” I clap my hand over my mouth and barely make it to the bathroom. The smell of the goose wafts down the hall and I cover my face with my hands. 

“Oh god.” 

“Honey? You ok?” I hear his tentative knock and sigh as I twist the knob to let him in.

“I’m alright.” 

“Why don’t I take over the cooking while you relax a little? You’ve been at this all day.” I want to protest but my stomach rolls again and I reach out to grip the counter. His brow furrows in concern.

“Please, Katniss. I don’t want anything to happen to our little one in there.” 

“Alright,” I sigh heavily, wiping my face with the towel. 

He leads me out, his hand on my lower back and I freeze; my hand reaches out and slams against the wall to keep myself upright. I hear a guffaw from the living room.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart, are you pregnant or something?” 

“Haymitch!” A loud slap and an “OW” immediately follow. I glare at Haymitch, who rubs his arm with a frown.

“Wait. ARE you?” 

“Haymitch,” Peeta says through gritted teeth behind me. 

“Well…when were you going to tell me,” my former mentor cries in exasperation.

“At dinner, with everyone else,” my husband growls behind me. 

“Oh…sorry about that,” Haymitch mutters sheepishly. Effie rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

“Honestly.”

“Oh Katniss, another baby!” Annie jumps up from the couch and runs to me, flinging her arms around me. I nearly gag at her perfume but hold my breath until she releases me. Peeta’s arm wraps around my waist as Riley shakes his hand in congratulations and everyone comes surging forward.

“I…I need to change before dinner,” I manage to say before I am racing up the stairs. Far away from the smothering hugs and the suffocating smells, I’m safe in my bedroom and I lean against the door. My stomach coils and I groan as I run into the bathroom. I hear heavy footsteps enter the bedroom and the door shut.

“Can I get you anything or do anything or…” I look up into his worried face and shake my head.

“You know there’s nothing to do about this sickness. I just…oh god!” I clutch the toilet and hide my face in the bowl. Peeta sits behind me and rubs my back soothingly. He’s trying to be the doting husband but I could wring his neck right now. I keep myself   
from shrugging him off…the old Katniss would have done that and it would hurt him.

“Peeta, can you find my pills in the cabinet?”

“Of course.” I listen to him rustling through our cabinet and he hands me two blue pills and a cup of water. I swallow them down and close my eyes, willing the room to stop spinning.

“I’m really not feeling well so I think I’m just going to stay up here for the evening. You go enjoy your birthday with our friends.”

“I want to enjoy my birthday with you,” he says gently, kissing my temple. “Stay here and rest a little and come down when you feel better. Please.” I sigh. I really can’t deny him anything and I flop down on the bed, wincing at the bright lights. He kisses my head and closes the door behind him. I press my hand to my belly and silently plead for my baby to stop making me so ill. He or she, of course, doesn’t listen. 

“Definitely my kid,” I groan to myself.   
\--------------------------------------------------

The district grows very cold very fast and Rye is a little more than upset when he finds out he can’t go swimming in thirty degree weather. Peeta is true to his word and comes home more often; he calls me several times a day from the Capitol to ask how the baby and I are doing. He was crushed when I had to go to my first doctor appointment without him. I tried to reschedule it and he tried to fly home but in the end, the odds were just against us. I assured him everything was fine and we couldn’t really see anything but I brought home a picture from the ultrasound for him to carry around with him.

I was shocked when the doctor told me I was more than 3 months along. How could I not have known I was pregnant all that time? She smiles when I whine that I was on birth control.

“Nothing is completely effective, sweetie. And babies come whether you’re expecting them to or not. No need to worry, though, everything looks fine and you’re both healthy. Is Peeta excited?”

“So excited. I hope it’s a girl this time or Willow is going to be one unhappy sister.”

“Well we will find out in another month! Make sure you are doing your exercises and mind your breathing.” 

Rye finds my maternity exercises amusing and insists on doing them with me. The other day, Peeta walked in to find both of us in complicated yoga poses and he burst into laughter, saying that he had no idea what family he had come home to. 

Unfortunately this little one is as shy as Willow was; we don’t get to see him or her on the ultrasound, as the baby is curled up completely and refuses to uncoil. Dr. Mersa sighs and pushes the machine aside.

“I’m sorry, you two. Some babies just like to hide in the womb. Nothing to worry about.” I can tell Peeta is disappointed but I have hope we will find out at our next appointment.

As Christmas comes to the district, the kids are ecstatic that Peeta stays home with us. He explains to me that he wants to give Olivier a chance to operate on his own, without him or Maja around, so he is staying home for the holidays. They are going to make the announcement before the new year, and then a ceremony will be held the first of the year.

“I’m just a call away if he really needs me,” he tells me as he hands Willow a cookie cutter.

“Daddy, gimme the tree one!”

“Say please,” Peeta reminds our son as he hands him the cutter.

“Please,” Rye says with a broad grin as he presses the tree cutter to his bit of dough. 

I lean against the wall, smiling as I watch my family.   
\--------------------------------------------

Gale has kept a chilly silence until about a week ago. I wasn’t really bothered by it but he called to apologize for his behavior. I’d thought once he sobered up he would be embarrassed by how he acted it but he doesn’t seem like it at all. He just sighed into the phone.

“I guess I’ll have to accept it one day. That you really did choose him.”

“I thought you’d accepted it years ago,” I said impatiently.

“I thought I did too. I guess I never did.” Trying to change the subject, I asked him if he had any special plans with his children for Christmas. He snorted.

“Ghilda wants them for Christmas. And she didn’t include me in any of her plans. So I’m going to the Capitol Christmas party. Will you be there?”

“Peeta hasn’t mentioned it but I doubt it. He’s been staying home with the kids a lot.”

“Yes I’ve noticed that,” he says carefully. “And I’ve also noticed that Olivier Porthos has moved into the mansion. Is there something going on, Katniss?”

“Why do you think I would know anything? You should ask your president.”

“I just assumed he would tell you.” I don’t like how he says the word ‘you’ and I scowl.

“Well he hasn’t. Gale, I need to go. The kids want to go and build a snowman.””

“Bye Catnip.” The kids were already out with Peeta and I bundled up and went onto the porch to watch them play. Peeta looked up and grinned when he heard the door slam.

“There’s Mama! Come finish this snowman with us, Mama!”

“Looks like you guys have it covered,” I called with a smile. He ran up the porch and wrapped his arms around me. I giggled as flakes of snow fell from his hair onto my arm.

“You’re beautiful.”

“You’ve been hit with too many snowballs.” 

“I love you.” I grinned and leaned up to kiss him. We felt a smack of cold and whirled around to see our daughter and son scurrying out of sight.

“Oh no you don’t,” Peeta jumped off the porch and the kids squealed. Gale and his problems were put far from my mind.  
\------------------------

Since I’m a little too large to make Christmas rounds with Santa, Peeta has to go out without me. I stay up waiting for him to return, taking bite after bite of the cookies the kids made for Santa, until I hear familiar heavy footsteps. I meet him at the door as soon as he opens it and I don’t give him a chance to remove his hat or beard before I am pulling him to me, slamming my lips against his.

“That mistletoe works mighty well, Mrs. Mellark,” he chuckles deeply.

“It sure does, Santa,” I say before I kiss him again. 

“I have something rather special for you here in my bag.”

“Oh really?” His eyes twinkle and he gestures to the stairs.

“Is your husband home?”

“He’s away tonight.” 

“Then shall we go upstairs?” I put my finger to my lips as we sneak up the stairs and past the kids’ bedrooms, his hand clinging to mine. Once in the bedroom, he slams me against the door and sucks at my throat. I fling the hat and wig away and giggle as his   
white beard tickles my neck. 

“Take off the beard, old man.”

“Hey, who you calling old man?” 

“I dunno, Peeta, your stamina has been questionable as of late.” His jaw drops.

“No one could possibly keep up with you! You’re damn insatiable, woman!”

“I just want my husband,” I say slyly, plunging my hand down his pants. 

“Oh god. Let me…let me get out of this costume first.” I tap my foot as he pushes the red pants down and throws the old jacket aside. When he is standing in just his rather tented boxer briefs, I curl my fingers in his hair and pull him back to my mouth. He   
groans as he pushes me down onto the bed and covers my body with his.

“You know I’m only joking with you, right,” he says seriously, lifting up to gaze down at me. His blue eyes sparkle in the moonlight and he looks innocent and breathtakingly beautiful. I turn to kiss his wrist, his strong arms holding him up and caging me in.

“You can have me any time you want.” I pull him down to my lips and wrap my legs around his waist.

“Santa promised me a special gift, you know.” He chuckles, his face buried in my chest.

“He did, didn’t he? I thought I was distracting you quite well.”

“You are but I still like surprises from Santa.” He smirks as he climbs off me and goes to the closet, coming back with a plain orange box. I lift a brow and he nods eagerly; I lift the lid and my eyes widen.

“Do I need a new vibrator?”

“This one has three more speeds,” he whispers. “And it’s more realistic feeling.” I grip the rubbery toy in my hand as I lean in to kiss him.

“You’re sweet but you’re moving back home soon, for good, and I won’t need any toys.”

“I would still love to watch you fuck yourself with it,” he growls. My brow quirks.

“Is that so?” I lean back on the bed and bring the toy to my mouth. He releases a low moan when my lips wrap around the head and I smirk as I give him a show. His eyes narrow and he shakes his head.

“No doubt about it, you are on the naughty list this year, Mrs. Mellark.”


	69. Chapter 69

Christmas morning, I wake up with a broad grin on my face. I stretch my arms over my head and shiver as I realize I’m still naked. I glance to the side and see my beautiful wife, also naked, curled up beside me. A quick look at the clock tells me the kids will be up soon and they are always impatient to open their presents. 

Since Katniss is still sleeping peacefully, I gently push the blankets aside, give her a quick kiss, and pull on a robe as I make my way downstairs to start breakfast.  
It’s no surprise that Willow is already in the kitchen but she looks almost wary as she meets my eyes and then looks back down at her glass of milk.

“Merry Christmas, baby girl,” I give her a big kiss on her hair and she lowers her glass.

“Merry Christmas Daddy. Is Mommy still asleep?”

“We’re going to let her sleep a little late today. Your new brother or sister has been wearing her out. Where is Rye?”

“Still sleeping. He tried to stay up to wait for Santa last night.”

“You know if you two are awake, he won’t come.” I open the fridge to find ingredients for breakfast and when I close it, Willow is chewing her nails frantically. 

“Willow? What’s wrong sweetheart?”

“Daddy if I tell you something…will you promise not to get mad at Mama?” My brow raises high into my hairline.

“I won’t get mad at Mama.”

“Promise? Cause I don’t want her to get into trouble but…Daddy, I think we should make Santa stay away from now on.”

“Why on earth would you say that?” She bites her lip and looks anxious. I set the bowl and the milk down and sit across from her.

“Tell me what’s on your mind, baby.” 

“I saw Mama last night.” 

“Saw Mama doing what?”

“I was…well, Rye fell asleep and I was on the stairs, waiting for Santa. Mama sat in her chair and she was eating Santa’s cookies we made him. I was about to tell her to stop when the door opened and Santa came in. Mama grabbed him and kissed him!” Oh sweet mother of Panem, I cannot laugh. Willow looks up at me, her eyes wide and pleading.

“I ran back to my room and heard her bring him up to your bedroom. They closed the door and then I heard Mama laughing a lot. But her laughs started to sound kind of weird and then she started to moan…really loudly. And then she started to scream! I think Santa was hurting her!” 

I literally have to dig my nails into my palms to keep from clapping my hand over my mouth. I’m so glad Katniss is still asleep.

“She started to scream out ‘please’ and I wanted to go in and help her but I was afraid! I wanted you to come home and save her! I don’t think we should let Santa come back ever again, Daddy! I don’t want him to hurt Mommy anymore! She sounded like she was being really hurt last night!” 

My face is burning, I’m sure, but my sweet little girl looks like she is about to cry so I scoop her into my lap and nuzzle her hair.

“Sweetie, Santa wasn’t hurting your mama. She’s just fine. In fact, when I got home, Mama was asleep and Santa was leaving.”

“He may have cast a spell on her! We need to make sure she’s ok!” She jumps off my lap and goes flying out of the room. I’m right behind her, my hands on her shoulders.

“Willow, Santa didn’t cast a spell on your mama. I talked to her last night. Santa isn’t a mean man and he certainly would never hurt your mama.” 

“She kissed him, Daddy! I think he cast a spell on her to make her kiss him!” Oh god I need Katniss’s help on this one.

“Why don’t we talk about this later? Let’s finish breakfast for Mama and bubby, ok?” She sniffles and nods, following me to the kitchen. As we start making the crepes, all thoughts of Santa hurting Mommy are forgotten. I still feel my cheeks are rather heated but I keep my face straight for my daughter’s sake. i don’t really want to say anything because I know she’ll be mortified but I guess I’ll have to speak to Katniss about being quieter during our ‘alone time’. 

“Daddy?”

“Mmhm?”

“Santa woudn’t take Mama away from us…would he?” 

“I promise you, Willow, I will always protect your Mama. No one will ever take her away from us.”

“You’ve always been our hero, Daddy,” she throws her arms around my neck and I can’t even complain about the massive globs of fruit she is smearing across my skin. 

“Come on, let’s get these crepes made so we can wake up your brother for presents.” She claps her hands, splashing me with fruit juice and she winces.

“Oops. Sorry.”

“You’re as messy as I was when I worked in my father’s bakery.” 

“Did you work there all your life?”

“Pretty much. Your grandpa used to say I was decorating cookies before I learned to walk. I worked there with your grandpa during the day and then when I started school, I would work in the afternoons.”

“And Mama would come in with her daddy?” I grin at my little girl’s eagerness.

“Yes, her daddy and my daddy would trade with each other. I thought your mama was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. But Daddy was scared so I hid behind the counter so she wouldn’t see me.”

“That seems awfully silly, Daddy,” she says logically. I can’t help but laugh. Put in my place by my own daughter. 

“You’re right. It was silly. I should have come out and talked to her. But she was so perfect and I didn’t think I had a chance with her.”

“And now look at you. Three wonderful babies with her.” I tug at her braid and kiss her cheek.

“You’re so right. I’m a very lucky man. You all finished with that berry compote?”

“I think it came out right.” She shows me the bowl and I nod, once again beyond impressed with her skill in the kitchen. 

I tell her to go wake up her brother and I slide a crepe onto a plate, dust it with sugar, and head upstairs with the food. Rye and Willow hold hands as they run down the stairs and I quietly tell them to slow down and be careful. 

“Wait for me before you open anything,” I call after them and hear a vague “mmhm” in return. I roll my eyes; I’ll have quite a mess to clean up when I get back downtairs.

The door creaks open and I peer in to see if she’s still sleeping. I suck in a breath when I see her sitting up, her bare back to me and her arms stretched over her head. 

“Merry Christmas,” I say quietly so I don’t startle her. I’m sure she’s heard my footsteps anyway. She always says I have very loud steps. I didn’t spend my life in the woods though, so I never needed to be quiet. She turns and smiles, the sight of it making my heart dance.

“Christmas crepes! Oh you knew exactly what the baby was craving.” I sit beside her and kiss her softly, her lips immediately parting for me. 

“I brought you breakfast because I wasn’t sure if you wanted to stay up here and rest, or come down with us.”

“I want to be with my family of course. Just give me a few minutes to get dressed.” 

“You don’t need to get dressed. Just wear your--“ I stop as she comes out of the closet, clutching a bright pink bag. It’s a well-known lingerie store in the Capitol and my tongue suddenly becomes too big for my mouth. 

“I forgot to give you this last night.” 

“Well, uh…it’s Christmas day. You still can.” She grins and disappears into the bathroom. I wait with the plate over my lap, forcing myself to stay calm. Today’s a day for the family so I can’t get…distracted. When the bathroom door opens, I jump and my eyes   
lock on her. I can’t even move for a whole minute.

Then I fall backwards, laughing. I remember the plate of food and quickly sit up again but my stomach already hurts from laughing so much. 

“So you like it?”

“Katniss,” I gasp. “You’re so adorable.” She grins, standing in front of me in a full snowman onesie. She lifts the hood and hides her hair. Her baby belly makes the coal buttons stick out a little and I pull her toward me.

“I love you so much,” I manage to gasp out.

“You’re about to love me even more!”

“And why’s that?” She lifts the bag and pulls out another onesie. My eyes widen as I realize what, or who, that second onesie is for.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No! I bought them for the kids too. Yours matches Rye’s and Willow’s matches mine. Come on, just try it on!” I lift the onesie, which I see is a reindeer, and I shake my head.

“Katniss--“

“Peeta,” she says in a stern tone and I know I have no choice. I will kill myself if Haymitch sees me in this.

Sighing, I fling my robe aside and pull the onesie on. I turn to glance in the mirror and nearly fall over.

I look RIDICULOUS. 

“You’re so cute,” she squeals and I have to shake myself. Katniss Everdeen never squealed. Or giggled. Or said anyone was cute. 

“Are you sure about that? Because I feel pretty…absurd.”

“You just said I looked adorable!”

“You do! I just look like a grown man in a onesie.”

“Which is pretty adorable,” she gushes as she wraps her arms around my waist. “Come on, just wear it for me.” I roll my eyes, hating myself for not being able to say no to her. Ever. 

“Please?” I look down into her pleading eyes and smile. 

“Just because I love you.” She reaches up to pull up my hood and I reach up to feel antlers on my head.

“Turn around,” she says slyly. I quirk my brow but does as she asks. She giggles as she smacks my ass.

“You even have a little tail you can shake for me.”

“Too far,” I groan. “Going too far.”

“You weren’t afraid to shake your tail for me last week.” I groan and hide my face in my hand. I hear her huff and I lower my hand. She shoves the bag back into the closet and crosses her arms.

“If you don’t want to wear it, just take it off. I think the kids will like theirs.” Damn it. I always feel like I do this, whenever she’s excited about something. She knows about my silly passions and yet she just kisses me and calls me a dork.   
I tug on her hands and pull her forward. She keeps her arms crossed but I manage to pull them back around my waist. 

“Ok,” I sigh into her hair. “If it makes you this happy, I will be a proud reindeer. Tail and all.” 

“Really?” I grin and cup her chin so I can kiss her.

“I would have done anything to see that smile on your face when we were young, Katniss. I would have run through Merchant Circle wearing this if you asked me to. Just to make you laugh.” I kiss her sweetly and hold her in my arms.

 

“I love you, Peeta,” she says softly against my chest.

“And I must love you a lot, Katniss Mellark,” I say jokingly. 

“My crepe is getting cold. And I’m sure the kids are halfway through their presents by now.” I nod and start to follow her out of the room. When she’s gone, however, I glance over my shoulder and look into the mirror. Cocking my head to the side, I shake my ass back and forth and can’t help but laughing when I see the little tail wiggling from side to side. 

I catch up to her before she starts to make her way downstairs, tugging on her hand. She looks back at me, her brow quirked and I pull her back toward our room.

“Before we go downstairs, there’s something you should know.” I quietly recount our daughter’s tramautic experience and she grows paler by the minute. That palor is replaced by cherry red cheeks that make me smile in spite of it all.

“Oh my god,” she groans into her hands.

“Hey, it’s not a big deal. We just need to be more careful from now on.”

 

“Peeta, we have made her scared of Santa! Her favorite person in the world! What are we going to do?”

“I don’t have a clue. Hope she forgets what she saw?” She snorts.

“Sure, like she was supposed to forget that she asked for a little sister. We have a clever little girl, Peeta, and if we’re not careful, she’s going to out you! How old are kids before they usually stop believing in Santa?”

“I’m not sure but I hope she doesn’t stop believing. I always love to see her innocent bright eyes when she sees me…Santa,” I quickly correct myself.

“She’s 8 now. Isn’t that getting a little old to believe in him?”

“She can believe in him until she’s thirty,” I protest. “Perhaps Santa needs to make another appearance so she can see he’s not going to carry you off.”

“If you’re gone when Santa is here, she’s going to suspect something. Or be terrified of him. How are you going to pull that off?”

“Hey, I snuck cookies into your locker for years before anyone found out. I can be stealthy too, you know.” She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

“Peeta.”

“Just trust me, Katniss.” I pull her in for a quick kiss and pull her downstairs. 

Our kids wind around our legs, screaming out Merry Christmas as soon as we enter the living room. I’m shocked to see only one present has been opened. Willow gasps when she sees our pajamas.

“Mama Daddy, I want pajamas like that!”

“Well then I suppose you had better open that big blue one first,” my wife says with a wink. “And pull out that green one for Rye.” With a loud squeal, Willow runs to the tree and grabs the box for her brother first. They rip into them and cheer loudly. 

“We match Mama and Daddy!” Katniss smirks at me.

“Told you.” 

“Here bud, let me help you.” I pull my son’s shirt over his head and help him step into the onesie. Katniss helps Willow and pulls the hood over her head. My little snow girls watch me struggle with my tiny reindeer until finally, Rye stops squirming enough for me to zip it up. He lowers his head and pretends to head-butt me with his antlers. 

“Reindeer don’t do that,” Willow yells.

“How do YOU know,” Rye taunts back. 

“Cause Santa doesn’t let them be mean!” I see Katniss freeze for a moment and I know we’re both hoping Willow won’t think about Santa casting a spell on anyone anymore. Still, I know how I want to carry out my plan and I excuse myself to make a quick phone call.   
\------------------  
It goes better than I’d expected and after I make sure everything is ready, I sink down onto the sofa as the kids start handing out presents. 

Katniss tries to get up to start on dinner but I make her sit on the couch with the kids for most of the day. I don’t mind cooking and I certainly don’t mind cooking to let my pregnant wife get off her feet. Everyone is due to come over about four so that still gives me plenty of time to get everything ready. 

Olivier calls to ask why I’m not attending the Capitol Christmas party (it seems that Cortina asked him repeatedly where I was) and I calmly tell him I am spending the day with my family. He sighs into the phone.

“President Mellark…”

“Olivier, I know you can handle this. You’ve done a great job all year long. You’re ready.”

“You really think so?”

“Your aunt sure does and she was the one I have looked up to the most. So I’d say you have some good people standing behind you.” 

“I trust your judgement, sir. I always knew you would make a powerful leader but you certainly deserve a quiet life after everything you’ve been through.” 

“Thank you,” I say warmly. “And don’t worry so much. It’s Christmas. Try to have some fun.”

“I will. Thank you, sir.”

“I’ll see you soon, Olivier. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas President Mellark. My best to your family.” I thank him and hang up so I can get back to making dinner. I peer in on my family every now and again, smiling broadly. Katniss catches my eye and smiles, which only makes me smile harder.   
Just before four, I go upstairs to change and Katniss goes up right after me. Willow and Rye, however, refuse to take off their onesies.

“Don’t you want to wear your pretty dress for dinner tonight,” I try to appeal to Willow’s princess side.

“No! I love being a snowman.” I glance at Katniss and shrug. So our kids will be in their pajamas all evening.

The doorbell rings and I hurry to open it before Katniss can try to get up. Johanna, Aran, Anna, Brody, and George all come in, stomping the snow off their boots. Haymitch and Effie enter behind them, and Annie, Riley, Finn, and Ana come in after them. I give everyone quick hugs before I usher them into the living room so I can check on dinner. I hear Katniss welcoming everyone and the kids talking to one another in excitement. 

“Willow, your snowman outfit is quite…fetching,” I hear Aran say. I bite my lip to stifle my laughter. Poor little lovesick guy. 

I turn and nearly drop the casserole I am holding. Ryean and Bialy stand in the corner of the kitchen, snickering. I look around, trying to make sure I’m not going crazy…but I must be, right? 

“Poor little lovesick guy,” Bialy says, trying to control his laughter. Ryean shakes his head.

“He’s doomed. Did you see that scowl? No amount of baked goods is going to put a smile on her face.”

“Oh stop. If anyone can make Katniss Everdeen smile, it’s Peeta. He makes everyone smile!”

“Except people from the Seam. Why can’t he just accept we’re different?” The smile falls from Bialy’s face and he heaves a great sigh.

“You know our brother. He’s never going to accept that. And he’s never going to get over her. Especially now that they’ve protected each other like this. He’s so excited about living so close to her, let’s not tease him anymore about it, ok?”

“But it’s so much fun,” my brother grins and glances out the window. “Oh. He’s still holding that casserole. Guess she turned it down.”

“Or she’s not home.”

“Probably in the woods with her cousin--“

“Shhh!” Bialy shushes him angrily. “Are you crazy?” 

“Sorry,” Ryean looks embarrassed. Bialy glares at him while shaking his head and I hear the door open. I gasp as my Dad appears in my kitchen; he pulls his gloves off and blows into his hands.

“Where’s Peeta?”

“Taking a casserole to the Everdeens.” Ryean gestures behind him.

“And is there a reason you boys are spying on him?” Both boys look abashed and back away from the window, letting the curtain fall. 

“He’s invited us all to dinner tonight.”

“And we’re staying?” Bialy sounds dubious.

“Your mother has declined the invitation.”

“Course she has,” Ryean mutters. “That doesn’t mean we have to decline as well. He’s still our family.”

“You forget that he’s still my son,” Dad says angrily, his brow furrowed. “I know he’s family. But it’s…complicated.”

“It’s not complicated, Dad. Mom doesn’t have to come to Victor’s Village but Peeta is obvious lonely, he still makes the trek to the bakery on that bad leg of his. So why don’t we come have dinner with him every now and again? Why are we avoiding him?”

“We’re not avoiding him. Things are just…complicated.”

“There’s that word again,” Ryean throws his hands in the air. “You know what? Tell Mom I’ll be home late tonight. I think I’ll join my brother for dinner.” Bialy glances at Ryean and then at Dad. A shadow crosses the room and Bialy lifts the curtain.

“He’s coming!” 

I blink, still holding the casserole and looking around the room for my dead family. Am I going mad? I can smell the scent of baking bread, like my dad always smelled like. Like he was standing right beside me. I swallow heavily and turn all the way around, wondering what could have just happened. And why now? Why are these ghosts haunting me today? 

“Hey,” I jump at her soft voice and she looks apologetic. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you…ok?”

“I’m…” Am I ok? I shake myself and notice her watching me cautiously. I shake my head, shaking away the memories, and move to put the casserole onto the table.

“I’m fine. Just a weird daydream. Can you tell everyone dinner is ready? And see if Finn can bring in some more chairs.” She nods but doesn’t leave right away. She stands in front of me, her eyes searching my face. When my eyes meet hers, her gaze captures   
mine and holds it as she reaches up to run a hand through my hair. She lowers her hand to my cheek, and I turn into her palm. 

“You are far too precious for this dark world, Peeta,” she whispers against my skin. I shudder and press my hand over hers. Whenever she has a rare moment of abandon, she releases those sentences that take my breath away. I suppose I must be pale and shaking and she may think that I have had a flashback or something. I move forward to press our foreheads together and she sighs as her eyes slide closed.

“Sorry if I’m interrupting something-“ Finn’s voice makes us jump apart and he looks guilty.

“It’s ok, Finn, we’re just about ready to sit down to eat. Can you bring some more of those chairs in?”

“Sure thing Uncle Peeta.” I move back toward the stove and Katniss stands behind me. 

“What can I do to help?”

“I haven’t set the table, if you want to take care of that. Otherwise, everything is ready.” She calls everyone in and we all take our seats as Finn returns with more chairs. I pull a seat out for Katniss and she squeezes my wrist as she sits down. 

“You see that? He still pulls chairs out for Katniss,” Johanna turns and smacks her husband on the shoulder.

“Peeta’s a better man than any of us,” George says as he shakes his head, rubbing his sore shoulder.

“Hear hear,” Riley chimes in. I feel my face heating up and clear my throat.

“You guys give me too much praise. I’m just crazy about Katniss. It’s the little things I always dreamed of doing for her when we were younger.”

“Ugh, gag me, Mellark,” Johanna says, rolling her eyes. But George shoots me a wink and Katniss places a soft kiss on my cheek. 

“I like your little outfit, Willow,” Haymitch says with a grin. “Yours too, Rye.”

“Daddy has one just like mine,” Rye says with a broad smile and Haymitch cackles.

“Oh really, he does? I’d love to see your Daddy as a reindeer.”

“More potatoes?” I desperately change the subject and Haymitch chuckles as he takes the bowl from me.  
\-----------------------------------

After we have finished dinner and we are halfway through dessert, there comes a loud knock at the door. Katniss turns to me, frowning.

“Were we expecting anyone else?” I shrug but start to stand up. We hear jingle bells and a jolly ‘ho ho ho’ coming from outside. Brody’s eyes widen and Aran gasps.

“It’s Santa,” Anna shrieks. 

“Hey, wait a sec,” Johanna jumps up and runs atfter her daughter, who has taken off toward the door.

All of the children stand in front of the door and I notice Willow stays at the back of the room, behind the rest of the kids. I turn the knob and yank the door open.

“Well Merry Christmas, everyone,” his cheerful voice rings out in the hallway and the kids all gasp together.

“Santa!”

“Hello, little ones! Have we all been on our best behavior today?”

“Yes!”

“And did everyone like the gifts I left?”

“Yes, Santa, yes!” I smile as Santa moves among the children. 

“Santa, what are you doing here,” Willow asks timidly from the back of the room. 

“Yeah, why aren’t you back at the North Pole,” Aran asks logically.

“I was on my way but discovered I forgot something,” he reaches into his bag and pulls out a large red tin, bending low to give it to the kids. Aran takes it and opens the tin and he gasps.

“Cookies!”

“And cakes,” Rye cries, stuffing one into his mouth. 

“I’d forgotten to leave this last night but I trust you will all share?” The kids nod and scurry off to eat their sweets. Santa winks at me and glances over at Willow.

“I should be off. Peeta, will you walk me to my sleigh?”

“Of course Santa. Willow, why don’t you come with us?” She looks hesitant but takes my outstretched hand and hides in my side as we walk Santa out the door. Making sure the door is closed behind me, Santa’s boots echo on our porch and Willow gasps at the   
lovely sleigh sitting in front of our house. He jumps up into his sleigh and pulls his gloves on.

“Poor reindeer are exhausted after last night,” he chuckles, seeing Willow’s confusion. I hand him the reigns to the horses and he leans over to clap my shoulder.

“Good man, Peeta. You were a wonderful help to me this year. You keep the suit for next year, too.”

“Thank you, Santa,” I say with a grin. 

“Wait…Daddy, what is he talking about?” I glance up at Santa and bite my lip. 

“Do you want to explain, Peeta?”

“Maybe you should, sir. I don’t want my daughter getting the wrong idea.” He clears his throat and strokes his beard.

“You see little one, as you know, I’m a very busy man. I have to stay in my workshop and make sure everyones’ presents are completed and delivered on time. So during those few weeks before Christmas, when I am in my workshop, I get help from a few kindly   
men who pretend to be me in public so they can listen to childrens’ wishes and then they deliver those wishlists back to me. Your father is one of the kindest men around and has been helping me.” Willow’s eyes widen even more.

“Daddy?”

“I lend him one of my special suits and he helps me get ready for the big day,” Santa explains. Willow blinks rapidly.

“How…how long has Daddy been helping you?”

“This is my first year,” I assure her. “Santa just needed some extra help this year and I volunteered. I’m sorry we couldn’t tell you, baby, but we have to keep this a secret.”

“Can you keep a secret, Willow,” Santa leans far over his sleigh. Willow cocks her head but then nods firmly.

“Of course, Santa.”

“That’s my girl. Merry Christmas, Peeta. Merry Christmas, Willow.”

“Merry Christmas, Santa,” we say together. Santa clicks the reigns and the horses take off. We watch as the sleigh disappears around the corner and when he’s gone, I kneel in front of her.

“I’m sorry I lied to you, princess.”

“It’s a secret, Daddy, not a lie,” she throws her arms around my neck. “Wait!” She releases me and stands back. I try not to let her see me sweating. 

“It was you kissing Mama, wasn’t it?” I exhale, a deep sigh of relief.

“Yes. I had to take everyones’ wish lists to the North Pole and Mama was waiting up for me. We assumed you and Rye were in bed.” 

“So…Mama wasn’t being hurt?” I’m glad it’s dark outside because I’m once again blushing furiously.

“No sweetheart. I would never hurt your mama.” I take her hand, squeezing it and lead her back up the porch.

“You can’t tell anyone about this, princess. Not even Rye. You heard Santa. It’s our little secret, ok?”

“Yes Daddy.” I kiss her hair and lead her back inside, where the kids are arguing over the tin of Mellark baked goods. Katniss shoots me a curious look but I give her a wink and smile as I head back to the kitchen to start on hot chocolate.   
\---------------------------------------------

“You’re a genius,” she tells me as I lazily stroke her arm. We’re lying in bed, draped across each other, fighting to steady our breathing. Her skin is still warm and flushed and our stomachs stick together in that sweet way I love. 

“I just have a good imagination.”

“Well no wonder you’re such an artist,” she teases. “I’m so glad we haven’t scarred our little girl for life.”

“I just hope she never finds out. That betrayal will almost be too much for her.” 

“Keep coming up with excuses like that one and she’ll never find out,” she sighs against my chest. I move my hands to her hair and smile in the darkness. Her arm moves to drape across my hip and even though we’ve just finished, when her hand brushes   
against me, my cock twitches and stirs. Katniss looks up at me with a gleam in her eye.

“Finding that stamina again, are you?”

“Oh I’ll always have enough in me to make you come again, Katniss. You know how long I waited for you.” 

“I’m glad you waited for me.” Before I can answer, she climbs on top of me and rubs against me, releasing those sexy little whimpers that drive me crazy. I toss my head back as soon as she lowers on top of me and my fingers dig into her hips.

“Wait for me, Peeta,” she throws her head back and I admire the view as she moves up and down. 

“God, always, Katniss!” As always, I’m determined to make her come first. And as always, when her orgasm rips through her, I still inside her to prolong the pleasure but to also feel her coming apart around me, and that incredible feeling of being inside her; her warm walls literally clenching around me and holding me still so that I can’t go anywhere. Not that I would ever want to anyway.


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: abortion and stillbirth. Loss of baby is always hard to write about and I know it's hard to read about.   
> XOXO

A few days before New Years, I wake to Katniss’s pained whimpers. I reach over to turn the light on and see her curled into herself, one hand pressed to her stomach and the other  
covering her face. Her teeth are digging into her lip and tears stream down her cheeks.

“Katniss?” I move the blankets aside so I can wake her but I freeze.  
Blood. Her pajamas and the blanket are red with blood. 

“Katniss! Katniss, wake up.” I gently shake her and try to pull her up so she can sit straight. Her eyes open and she squeezes them shut again.

“Oh god, Peeta! It hurts so much!” 

“Can you move? We need to go the hospital!” She tries to twist around to get out of bed but cries out again and my hands fly to my hair.

“Sweetheart, tell me what to do,” I moan helplessly.

“Annie,” she gasps. “Call Annie.” I fly out of the bed and dial the number frantically.

“Hello?”

“Annie! It’s Peeta.”

“Peeta? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Katniss…she’s in so much pain and there’s blood and…the baby…” I can’t finish. I can’t finish that thought. It’s too horrible to think about.

“I’ll be right there. You should call her doctor too.” I thank her and hang up. I can hear Katniss’s cries from down the hall and I wince as I dial our doctor’s number. Willow’s door creaks open and her worried face appears.

“Daddy, is everything ok?”

“Go back to bed, baby,” I choke out.

“Is Mama alright?”

“Willow, please, go back to bed.” 

Dr Mersa tells me to replace the blankets with clean ones and get Katniss a wet towel. When I reenter the bedroom, I freeze in the doorway. 

Katniss has her face buried in her hands and is sobbing loud, wracking sobs that shake her body.  
Her pajama bottoms are flung aside and her legs are spread apart. In between her knees, I can make out something small and red. 

Annie pushes past me and runs to the bed. She throws her arms around Katniss and whispers soothing words into her hair. Katniss’s sobs echo around the room and I grip the threshold with white knuckles. 

“I killed her! I killed her,” Katniss screams. Annie holds onto her tightly, keeping her from hurting herself.

“Peeta,” she whispers. I can only stare at the thing between Katniss’s legs.

Until I finally realize what it is.

I turn and retch in the entryway. My stomach expels everything I’ve had in the last 12 hours and I shakily wipe my mouth. 

I kneel next to the puddle of sick and cover my ears. The blood and screams threaten to carry me away and I dig my nails into my face to keep myself grounded. Don’t you leave her! Don’t leave your wife like this!

“Katniss!” I register another presence in the room and realize Doctor Mersa has arrived. The two women move around me, which is good, because I’m pretty useless in that moment. I can’t move.  
Not until Annie moves toward me with a bundle of blankets in her arms.

“I thought you would want to hold her.” Stifling a sob, I take the blankets from her and don’t have the strength to move them aside.  
I can’t see my daughter’s lifeless face. I shiver as the blankets are far too still. She could be sleeping but I know that’s not the case.

I look up at Annie, who’s blurred from my tears. 

“Katniss?” 

“She’s going to be alright. Doctor Mersa stopped the bleeding and gave her a sedative. I’m going to stay here, if that’s alright. I want to be here when she wakes up. She was  
hysterical and tried to hurt herself. I’ll stay and help you.” I nod, not knowing what else to say. Has the doctor gone already? The blankets are clean and Katniss is dressed in clean pajamas; she sleeps soundly, as if nothing has happened.

But that’s a lie. Something did happen and I hold the proof in my arms. Our daughter, dead, almost too small for my hand. 

“Hey Mom, the kids are back to sleep. What can I do?”

“Peeta? Do you want Finn to take care of your baby?” Take care of her? She’s dead. I don’t register her being removed from my arms, nor muffled voices talking in the corner of the room. I don’t register anything except the darkness threatening to take me under, and then it does.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s been a week and a half and I feel like something inside me has died. Finn keeps the kids away, which I’m grateful for, because the house is somber and dark. Katniss has not gotten out of bed and for the first few days, she refused to eat or drink anything. I finally sat on her chest and forced soup down her throat. She leaned up, coughing and sputtering and we both sobbed in each other’s arms. Since then, she takes small bites of whatever I bring her but it’s not enough.

A light inside her has been extinguished. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling because I feel like my heart has been torn out. And I wasn’t the one carrying the baby.  
Annie explained quietly that miscarriages can happen…the doctor called it a stillbirth. What’s worse is that Katniss actually passed the baby.

I was furious when I heard that sentence. Passed the baby. Like passing a kidney stone. No, she gave birth to our dead baby. And she had no idea what was happening. While I was on the phone, she was giving birth to a lifeless little girl. And when she discovered what had happened, she tried to claw her belly and face up with her nails. Annie said she had to be heavily sedated. 

Doctor Mersa has explained that we have both been in different trances of shock and disbelief. Understandably, Katniss’s grief has consumed her and she has allowed her old ways to sneak back in. I beg and plead for her to leave her bed but she pretends not to hear me. She keeps the bedroom dark, the curtains tightly shut, and the blankets over her head. Every now and again I catch her pressing her hand to her belly, as if trying to feel movement. I have to turn away, sobs catching in my throat.

We entered a new year with tears instead of laughter and no promise that tomorrow would be any better.  
I don’t want to tell anyone else what has happened but news travels in 12. Annie and Finn are a tremendous help and Haymitch calls to ask if there is anything he can do. Rory calls to ask if he can help, despite the fact that he’s busy with his own child. It gets even worse when Maja calls me.  
I don’t know how she found out but I beg her to keep it to herself. She tells me we have to make some decisions about Olivier taking office but I can’t find it in myself to care.  
When she hangs up, I throw the phone into the wall and bury my face in my hands.

“I don’t give a fuck about the country right now!” 

“Kid,” Haymitch appears out of nowhere, patting my shoulder. “You’re upset and that’s completely understandable. But death happens. It’s a part of life. You need to pull yourself together so you can plan this ceremony. Once Porthos is in office, you can spend as much time at home with Katniss as you want.” 

“How could you think I would be ok with being in the public eye right now,” I snarl. “Look at me!” My eyes are dark and sullen, my skin sallow and unhealthy; there’s a week’s worth of facial hair on my cheeks and my hair hasn’t been brushed in days. I finally dragged myself into the shower a few days ago, something I haven’t been able to make Katniss do. And my face is covered in scratches, scratches that I made with my own fingernails to keep myself in the present. I have been on the verge of a flashback for days now and I wonder if I should just succumb to it so I stop digging my nails into my flesh.

“That’s what prep teams are for,” he mutters. I glare at him with as much hatred as I can.

“Peeta, you’re still the president. And if you don’t want people to get suspicious, you need to follow through with your plan! If you’re not careful you’re going to have reporters and media on your lawn, trying to find out why the star-crossed lovers have become recluses.” 

“I don’t fucking care!”

“Then care for Katniss,” he says sharply. “You think she’ll be able to handle that? Cameras going off in her face? The world finding out she’s lost her baby? You didn’t make any announcement about the baby so only a few people know! Let’s keep it that way and make sure people leave her alone about this.”

“I just can’t Haymitch. I lost my daughter.”

“I know, Peeta,” he says softly. “But you take care of business and then you have time to grieve properly. Take care of your wife. She’s going to need you through this and if I know sweetheart, this isn’t going to be a quick easy fix. Plan the ceremony, swear him into office, and come home. You still have a son and another daughter to take care of.” I hide my face in my hands and shake my head. He pats my arm once and I hear the chair scooting and the door slamming shut.

What’s worse than everyone persuading me to plan the ceremony are my children. Willow knows something horrible has happened but I don’t know how to tell her. Rye keeps asking me if I have watered Mommy’s flower-baby today. I fall into wracked sobs every time he asks. I can’t even be around my children right now. They don’t understand why they can’t see their mother.  
Seeing my wife in this state destroys me even more.

Life doesn’t end here, does it? It can’t. Not after everything we have been through.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------

I ignore the ringing telephone until finally, Effie and Haymitch come over and slam something down in front of me. I lift my head miserably and glance down at a frilly, golden letter.

“What is this?”

“Your speech for the inaguaration. Maja helped write it and Effie planned the entire ceremony. All you have to do is show up, speak, and come home. Plaster on a smile and wave. You’re good at that. You always have been.” 

“Look Haymitch--“

“Peeta,” Effie says gently, squeezing my hand. “I understand, my sweet boy. More than you know. But Panem has been doing so well, I don’t want to see anything happen to all of the progress you have made. It’s finally time for you to step back and relax. Enjoy the life with your family. But you can’t just leave the country high and dry. It doesn’t work like that. We need you to formally announce your resignation and Olivier Porthos’s commencement. Do you think you can do that, dear?” I look up into Effie’s soft eyes and she gives me a weak smile. Haymitch stands beside her, his arms crossed and his face in hard lines. Plaster on a smile and wave. Haymitch is right; I am good at that. I did it as a Tribute and a Victor. I had to pretend, not only for my life but for Katniss’s. For my family’s. 

I nod and run my fingers through my messy hair.

“Yes. I can do that.” 

“Good. I’ll arrange a hovercraft immediately.”

“Haymitch,” I stop him. “What about Katniss? I can’t just leave her like this.”

“We will take good care of her,” Effie assures me. I nod again and glance at the invitation. Shit. It’s tomorrow! 

“I guess, uh, I need a prep team to meet me at the mansion.”

“Already on it. I need to go call Maja since she has been calling me nonstop. And you’ll need to…well, try to explain it to Katniss. She’ll understand, Peeta, she really will.” Haymitch tugs on Effie’s hand but she pulls it away.

“I’ll be along in a moment, darling.” His brow furrows but nods and walks back to his house. 

“Peeta,” Effie starts before taking a deep breath. “When I say I understand what Katniss is going through…I mean I really know.” My brow raises high into my hair and I stare at my former escort.

“You…you were…”

“I fell in love when I was sixteen,” she say quietly. “With a boy from District 2. My mother was furious. She said I could date only Capitol boys. No one from the Districts. But Blaize  
and I fell in love from day one.” I gape at her. How could I have known Effie for so many years and not know about her past?

“Mother forbade me from seeing him again so we decided to meet and run away together. We had a wonderful night together and…well…the next morning, the peacekeepers found us and his mother had him sent away to District 1, to train to be a peacekeeper. I never saw him again.” I can see the deep pain in her eyes and I know it has to go even deeper than this.

“I found out I was…with child. I was overjoyed and vowed to keep it. Mother wanted me to get rid of it so I ran away from home. I went to 1 to search for Blaize but discovered he was already married to some wealthy little heiress. I returned to the Capitol but did not return to my home. I became a fashion assistant and wanted to work my way up. When I went into labor, no one was with me. I gave birth to a stillborn in a cold Capitol hospital room. I had no one to cry to. I asked them to bury the babe, I gathered my things, and I went on with my internship with the fashionista. As you know, I worked my way up from there. Became an escort for the Hunger Games. It hasn’t been an easy life, Peeta, so perhaps that’s why I was so taken with you and Katniss.” I reach over and cover her hand with mine and she squeezes once before she sits back in her seat. She dabs at her eyes and shakes herself.

“Now then. I must get back to Haymitch so we can plan your trip. I’ll be over in the morning to stay with Katniss. Don’t you worry about her, Peeta. I’ll watch over her.” Somehow, now that I know more about Effie, I know Katniss is in the best hands.  
\-----------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't come after me with pitchforks ;) 
> 
> Also, wanted to let everyone know that one of my awesome readers have started a Facebook group! If you are on FB, come join us! Just search "There are still much worse games to play" and request to join! 
> 
> Have a great week! :)


	71. Chapter 71

My hands drift down to my stomach and still. I swear I felt a flutter there a moment ago. I tear my hands away and bury my face in my pillow, which is already soaked from my tears.

She’s gone. She’s dead and she’s not coming back.   
Sobs consume my entire body. My name is Katniss Mellark. Why am I not dead? I should be dead. 

I hear the door creak open and I stiffen immediately.

“Mommy?” I keep silent as I hear little feet patter into the room. She’s as loud as her father is. I can make out little dark braids over the edge of the bed but my view from the under the blankets is obscured.

“Mommy, I…I made you some crepes. With fresh blueberries! Daddy says you like blueberries.” I squeeze my eyes shut, fresh tears continuing to stream down my face.

“Mommy, I know you’re sad. But Rye and I love you. Daddy loves you.” When I don’t say anything, I hear a heavy sigh and a plate scooting across the wood. She stands on her tiptoes to set the plate on my bedside table.

“I hope you like them. I love you, Mommy.” When she’s gone, I curl into myself and sob into my pillow.   
\-------------------------------------

The door opens again but I don’t know what day it is. I don’t know how long I’ve been lying here. I feel someone curl up behind me but it’s far too large to be one of my children. I feel lips press against my temple, though he doesn’t move the blankets aside.

“We’ll get through this, Katniss,” his voice sounds muffled, like his face is buried in the blanket. “I promise. I’ll never leave you and the kids…Willow and Rye love you so much. They need you. WE need you.”   
I want to tell him what he told me so long ago, that nobody needs me, but my throat seems to be stuck. He sighs and wraps his arm around me.

“I have to leave for the Capitol for the inaguaration. I’ll be back tomorrow and I won’t leave your side. We’ll finally have some peace and be able to stay out of the spotlight. Effie is going to stay with you and she’s…she knows what we’re going through. Maybe you could talk to her. It might make you feel better.” I really want to push him onto the floor. Nothing could make me feel better. Why would talking to Effie help at all? 

“I love you so much, Katniss. Please remember that.” He kisses me again and I feel him move off the bed. He shuffles around the closet, most likely packing a bag, and I sense him standing beside the bed. Even under the blankets, I know he is staring at me.

“You have always been the strongest woman I know, Katniss. Even as a little girl, your strength amazed me. You can fight this. This isn’t it for us. It’s not over for our family. Yes we lost her but we still have two angels, who are downstairs making presents for you right now. I would really love it if you would come downstairs and keep them company while I’m away.” I hear his footsteps fading away and I turn over in the bed, pulling the blankets in even tighter. Hoping they might suffocate me before he comes home. What kind of selfish wife and mother am I? 

I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I could get up and go to my children but unable to move.   
\------------------------------------------------

I hear a soft knock at the door and it’s unfamiliar. When I don’t answer, the door creaks open. I’m going to have to tell Peeta to put something on that to make it stop creaking. Someone enters the room but I don’t recognize the footsteps. After all these years, my huntress instincts are still in full effect. Without sight, my other senses are heightened; I keep the blankets over my head and my eyes closed. I hear someone drag a chair over by the bed and sit but they don’t sink into it. It’s like they’re barely sitting down. I frown. What a strange thing to notice right now.

“Oh my dear sweet girl,” I recognize Effie’s soft whisper. “You don’t deserve this. Any of this. But you’ll be alright. You’re so strong.” There’s the mention of my strength again. I don’t believe Peeta and I don’t believe Effie; I’m not strong. Thousands of women have lost a child and here I am, unable to get out of this bed. Effie’s hand searches for mine and finds it under the blanket. I struggle to pull it back but she tugs until she wraps her fingers around mine.

“I don’t know if Peeta told you before he left but I told him about my baby...losing my baby, I mean.” I freeze; what?! 

“It’s a long story but just know that I know how you feel. I know what you are going through and I know how painful it is. But I survived and you will too. I knew when you volunteered that you were a survivor, Katniss. I said to myself, this girl will be coming home.” No you didn’t. You didn’t think anyone from 12 could survive, just like the rest of the world thought. But of course I don’t speak.

“The thing is, Katniss, I never tried again…and how I wanted to. I’ve wanted a child for so long but I could never get over it. And when I met your two precious children, I cried to Haymitch. He said we could try. He said he would love to be the father of my children. But I’m a coward, dear girl. I couldn’t face that pain. I didn’t want to take that risk. I told him I couldn’t and he never pressured me. He’s such a wonderful man, I would have loved to give him children. You know how much he adores Willow and Rye.” She’s crying now; I can hear it in her voice though I’m sure if I lowered the blankets, I would see her fighting the tears. 

“You, however, are much stronger than I am. You can try again. And if you don’t, that’s ok too. Just know that life will go on. Peeta’s love for you is unlike anything I have ever seen. It’s something we all dream of. He’s been fighting tooth and nail to keep the flashbacks at bay. He fought Haymitch and I about going to the Capitol, saying he couldn’t leave you. He’ll be back tomorrow and you’ll have him all to yourself. He’s no longer the president of Panem, Katniss, he’s just the baker you fell in love with again. So you must find a way to overcome this darkness and be with your family again. Enjoy life. I told you, you must find the life of a victor. That doesn’t mean wealth and riches and an expensive lifestyle. It means happiness. And I know you have found it. You just need to find it again.” She pats my hand and sighs.

“I think I’ll return downstairs. Finn has taken your children horseback riding but will be back soon. If you need anything, you just call for me.” Her cool lips touch the back of my hand and I hear her leave the room. Effie’s words echo in my head; I toss and turn, thinking about everything she has told me. 

I know she’s right. I can’t abandon my husband and my children, no matter sad I am. What kind of life would that be?   
One that my mother suffered through. I never wanted to fall in love, terrified that something would happen to Peeta and I would wind up like my mother. Blank eyes, staring at the walls, not speaking. I remember Prim climbing into her lap and begging for her to speak. I remember being furious with her when she wouldn’t acknowledge the sweet little girl in her lap. I remember screaming at her when Prim was at school and I cut class to hunt, to keep my family fed. I screamed how useless she was and why couldn’t she wake up to see that her daughters needed her. 

My poor children have been sneaking in here, whispering to me that I needed to get up. Rye climbed up onto the bed and nuzzled up to me while my sweet Willow muttered that she made me breakfast and she hoped I liked it.   
My son has no idea what is happening. I hear him quietly asking Willow if he can talk to the baby. How am I going to explain it to them?   
What if Peeta has already told them? How could I leave him to deal with this alone? Effie said he’s been fighting flashbacks. Was he the one who took my baby away? Did he bury her by himself? Did he name her?   
I was thinking something pretty like Pearl. Pearl Mellark. 

Will I ever have the strength to try again? Will I survive if this happens again? I’m not young anymore; what if I get pregnant again and this happens, over and over? I spoke to Doctor Mersa years ago about permanent methods of contraception. Could I do that to Peeta? Will he be happy with just Rye and Willow for the rest of his life? Or will he hate me for even thinking it? 

One thing is for sure. I can’t stay in this bed any longer. I have a family and I will not be like my mother. I will not give my children reason to resent me. I AM strong. I AM a survivor.

I push the blankets down and struggle to sit up. I don’t know how long I have been in bed but I smell myself and wrinkle my nose.   
At first it’s hard to stand. My legs are shaky and I grab the wall as I make my way to the bathroom. When I stand in front of the mirror, I nearly collapse again. 

My stomach is flat as it once was. No baby bump. I look like death is at my doorstep. I can’t let my children see me like this. 

I quickly turn on the shower and stand under the scalding water for as long as I can. Pushing my fingers through my hair, I sigh as I start to feel clean again.   
Toweling myself off, I pick out a pair of sweat pants and a thermal shirt. I quickly braid my hair and take a look in the mirror.

I’m not beautiful but I don’t look like death anymore either. I look sad. That’s ok, I decide. I can be sad. 

I yank the door open and clutch the banister as I head down the stairs. 

Effie is sitting at the table with Rye and Willow, their heads bowed. They’re all coloring. Willow’s eyes dart up and widen.

“Mommy!” Effie’s and Rye’s heads snap up and Rye’s face breaks into a broad grin.

“Yayy Mommy’s up!” I smile as my children wrap around my legs and I lean down to kiss them both. Effie smiles as she stands up.

“I made some soup for dinner. Would you care for some?”

“Soup sounds great,” I say gratefully. She pushes a mug into my hands and Rye tugs me down to sit beside him.

“What are you coloring?”

“A puppy!” 

“A puppy, huh? What about you, Willow?”

“I’m coloring a puppy too,” she says with a smile, holding her sheet up. Effie holds hers up and I see another puppy, a little more brightly colored than the ones my children are coloring.

“Puppies on the brain, huh? Maybe we should think about getting a puppy when Daddy gets home.” Both kids gasp loudly.

“Really?” Rye claps excitedly.

“I gets a puppy!”

“It won’t eat Prince, will it,” Willow asks, her face falling.

“Puppies don’t eat kitties,” I laugh. “But we’ll wait for Daddy to come home from the Capitol. He’s going to be spending lots more time with us.” 

“Mommy, are you ok,” I suck in a breath as Rye reaches out and touches my stomach. I cover his hand with mine.

“Mommy will be ok. The baby though…it’s just not time for another baby in the house. Daddy may plant another flower baby someday.” 

“Don’t need a flower baby. Just need you, Mommy.” My eyes fill with tears and I pull him into my lap. I lean over and kiss Willow’s hair.

“Willow, your crepes were delicious. Thank you.” She gives me a big smile before she goes back to coloring her puppy.   
\-----------------------------------------

The next day, Willow, Rye, and I are in the living room, coloring more puppies. Effie went home a little while ago, saying she wanted to take a nap. Prince is curled up on Willow’s back and we’re all lying in the floor. 

“What color should I make this one, Mommy?”

“How about a black puppy this time?” He wrinkles his nose and shakes his head.

“Black’s boring. I wanna make him green!” I laugh and hand him the green crayon.

“Alright, a green puppy. Willow, can you hand me the…” I trail off as I hear the key in the door. Willow gasps.

 

“Daddy’s home!” The door opens and closes; heavy footsteps echo down the hall until they stop. I look up into his shocked face. He looks like he did when he came out of the Games. His hair is cut shorter and styled, pushed back with hair products. His skin seems to glow without a trace of hair anywhere. His clothes are neatly pressed, the blue tie at his neck crisp and sharp. His hands fall to his sides as he stares at us. His wide eyes lock on me.

“Welcome home, Daddy,” Willow tries to stand but Prince hisses and refuses to move. Rye jumps up and runs to hug his father; Peeta comes out of his trance to wrap his hand around Rye’s head. 

“Are we coloring?”

“Yeah, we’re coloring puppies!”

“Want to join us, Daddy,” I ask softly. His eyes never leave me and remain wide and shocked. I know he’s stunned to see me out of bed. Though he told me he wanted me to get up to see the kids, I know he didn’t expect it to happen. I’m sure he expected to come home to find me still buried in the covers. A smile tugs at his lips and he pulls his tie loose.

“I’d love to. Hi princess,” he places a kiss on Willow’s head as he lowers into the floor with us. Rye jumps into his lap and throws his arms around Peeta’s neck. Peeta chuckles as he kisses Rye’s curls, and holds him to the side as he leans over. His hand strokes my cheek and his eyes seem to dance.

“My love,” he says gently. 

“Welcome home, Daddy,” I almost whisper as I lean in to kiss his cheek. I see tears welling in his eyes and I reach over to squeeze his hand.

We’re going to be alright. We’ll get through this because we’re a family of survivors. And my family is what gives me strength.   
\--------------------------------------------

We tuck the children in together that night and I notice him watching me as I lean down to kiss Rye’s forehead. He grasps my hand and leads me to our bedroom so we can get ready for bed. We don’t say much as we brush our teeth and change into our pajamas. It’s still freezing in the distrct so we both wear thick pajamas to ward off the cold. Peeta pauses in the doorway and suddenly pulls me into his arms; I’m crushed against his chest and sigh at the warmth. His arms wrap tightly around me and I stand on my tipetoes to bury my face in his neck. I can tell the prep team used lots of Capitol products on him but underneath all of that I can still smell that familiar hint of cinnamon. When he pulls away, I look into his eyes and cock my head.

“What was that for?”

“You’re just amazing, Katniss.”

“Amazing,” I snort. “Hardly. But I’m glad you say so,” I say quickly, seeing how he is going to argue with me. “You look much better than I do.”

“Oh please. Don’t you know by now how good the Capitol is at hiding how we feel?” He releases my hand and goes to the sink; I watch as he scrubs at his face and my eyes widen as he lowers the cloth.

Fingernail marks trail down his cheeks and I wince, knowing they were made by him in his attempt to stay sane. I wonder why they didn’t try to polish them away and were content to hide them under make up. He turns back around and I can see dark circles under his sad eyes. I reach up a hand and it hovers over his cheek. He moves my hand to his face, his hand covering mine.

“We both have marks,” he whispers. “And we’re both wounded. But we’ll help each other heal. We always have.” I nod. I don’t know what else to say. He pulls my hand to his lips, then leads me to our bed. I try to curl up on his chest but he flips us over so he is tucked in behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist. I feel his warm breath on my neck and he pulls the covers over us.

“We’re survivors, Katniss. Some would say we should never have survived what all we’ve been through but we have. We’ll continue to do so. You know why? Because we have each other. And that’s all we need. You and our daughter and our son are all that I need in life. You three chase away the darkness and give my life meaning.” I still don’t know what to say. Just because I got out of bed doesn’t mean I all of a sudden have the right words. I’ll trust Peeta to speak for both of us for a little while. He’s always been good at that.

I close my eyes and sink into his warm embrace. There’s things to ask him and talk to him about but for now, I can sleep with him by my side.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------

It’s appropriate that it’s storming today; it matches the gloom in my heart. I asked Annie to watch Willow and Rye. I don’t think they would understand. Peeta keeps asking me if I am sure I want to do this; I’m not sure if he even has the strength for it. But I don’t want my little girl to be in an unmarked grave, all alone. So I told Peeta I want to move her to the meadow, to be with her grandparents and her uncles. To be with family. 

Several days after Peeta returned home, I was still quiet until I finally asked him what had become of our daughter. He confessed he couldn’t do anything at the time and instead asked Finn to take care of her. Finn buried her near the entrance to Victor’s Village and placed a little rock by the tiny grave. I think Peeta was shocked when I announced my plan. He certainly stared at me in horror and worry. 

“Honey, are you still sure about this? It’s storming badly, and we--“

“Shouldn’t leave her alone any longer than we have to,” I say gently. “I want to do this, Peeta. But I understand if you want to stay with the children.” His brow screws up.

“I would never let you bury our child alone.” 

“Peeta,” I lay a hand on his arm. “It’s alright. I’m alright. I want her to be with your family. I can’t stand the thought of her grave being the only one and so nearby. Please understand why I have to do this.” He sighs deeply and hangs his head.

“I know why you’re doing this, Katniss. I’m just worried it’s too soon.”

“It’s not. Not for me.” He nods and takes my hand, wrapping his fingers around mine.

“I’ll be by your side the entire time.”

“If it becomes too much for you--“ I start to warn him and he squeezes.

“I can hold it together. For her.” I don’t know how he managed to hold it together in the Capitol. I’m grateful that Haymitch accompanied him but after being so close to a flashback here, I’m sure the media and the cameras didn’t help one bit. But he’s amazing,   
my Peeta, and still surprises me to this day.

He bundles me up in his coat and scarf and grabs a large umbrella for us to share. He suggested driving but for some reason, I want to walk. I often forget about the luxuries we have in this life. In another life, I’d never have imagined such things like cars and rich foods and brightly colored dresses. 

As we approach the meadow, the rain slows to a light drizzle and Peeta glances up at the clouds. 

“Did you…” he trails off and I watch him. When he doesn’t continue, I squeeze his hand. We have an unspoken language and we both know that. He chews on his lip for a moment before he kicks a dandelion.

“Did you think of a name for her?” 

“I was thinking Pearl.” He looks considering but doesn’t say anything else. When we reach the Mellarks’ graves, I turn to him.

“Did you think of a name?” 

“Lily,” he says immediately. “I always thought of her as Lily, in my mind.” It’s pretty, I decide. Like Primrose. 

“Are you sure? You don’t want to save that name…” I bite my lip before I can say anymore. Save that name for future children? I won’t be able to try again after this. I know my heart won’t be able to take it. He swallows as he stares at his parents’ gravestone. 

“I’ll ask some of the men to make her a gravestone this week,” I say softly. 

“Thom…already buried her. He left some shovels so we could finish the job but he said…he wanted to do it for us.”

“That was kind of him.” He nods as he picks up a shovel and hands it to me. The grave is tiny and I shudder to think of my baby packed away in some sort of box. What else would Finn have buried her in? 

I see Peeta shaking next to me and I drop the shovel. I have no choice; I have to be strong for him. He always tries to be so strong for me; I wrap my arm around his waist and encourage him to cry. To grieve. He hasn’t really had a chance. He was too busy taking care of us to let himself mourn. I hold him close as we stand over the grave of our little girl. 

The sun is starting to set when we finally turn away. Peeta turns back and kneels next to the grave.

“Take care of her for us, Mom. I know how much you wanted a granddaughter.” Before our eyes, a little sprig of a plant springs into bloom right over the grave. It’s tiny, almost too small to see, but the little leaves open up and reach toward the sun. I turn away before I break down. We’re all too familiar with life and death; but I know one thing for certain. Life does go on.


	72. Chapter 72

Somehow, life goes on. Willow and Rye are getting so big and Willow looks more like her mother every day. She loves school, spends hours at the bakery, and has even started to notice boys…god help me on the day when one actually comes over to the house. Katniss teases me that we still have a few years before she becomes a teenager and then that’s when the real fun begins. But as far as I’m concerned, she’s hit double digits, which means we are in trouble. She fires back with “you fell in love when you were five…at least we aren’t dealing with that.” Thanks Katniss. Thanks for that. Bottom line, I’m not ready for the looks my daughter will undoubtedly get. Katniss doesn’t believe me but plenty of boys stared at her when we were in school. She really doesn’t know how beautiful she is. And our daughter got the best of her mother’s genes.

My son is the spitting image of me and it’s kind of scary. At six years old, he’s perfected his mother’s scowl and eyeroll. Whereas, Willow, who looks just like Katniss, has inherited my mild temperament and sunny disposition. Except when it comes to her brother; for some reason, they have started to fight like cats and dogs. It’s exhausting but we keep them distracted as best we can.  
And Katniss, my beautiful wife, only seems to grow more beautiful each day. 

Two years ago to this day we lost what was going to be our third child. Willow brings home a little cookie shaped like an angel that she made in the bakery and gives us a sad smile.

“It’s for her. I thought I would leave in the meadow.”

“I like that idea,” Katniss says, stroking our daughter’s long hair. “I think I’ll come with you.”

“Mama, you were going to show me shooting,” Rye protests beside me.

“How to shoot,” she corrects him, stroking his curls.

“How about we all go to the meadow and then we can head into the woods? Willow and I can watch Katniss and Rye practice their aim and then maybe we can all have a picnic?”

“Daddy, I don’t want to sit around and watch Mom and Rye shoot at imaginary birds. And Rory needs help in the bakery today.”

“They won’t be i…imag…imaginrinry birds this time,” Rye says proudly. “Mommy said she’s going to teach me to hunt some stuff!”

“Well good for you,” Willow mutters. “I don’t like the woods and I don’t like dead things. So I will be at the bakery!” She dumps her bowl into the sink and storms up the stairs. Rye crosses his arms.

“You’re sure we can’t send her back?”

“Rye!”

“What,” he shrugs innocently. “I want a nicer sister.”

“She’s been a great big sister to you. You never let her out of your sight and vice versa.”

“Well, I don’t like her now.”

“Rye, that’s not nice to say about your sister.” He shrugs and jumps down from the table. Katniss sighs and rubs her face.

“Go change for the woods, son. And bundle up! It’s cold today.” He nods and runs up the stairs and my wife groans into her hands.

“When did we get such obstinate children?”

“They snuck up on us,” I say with a smile.

“That or Johanna has been teaching them a thing or two.”

“I don’t doubt it. Should we tag-team it then? You go to the woods with Rye and I’ll stay at the bakery with Willow?”

“Seems like that’s all we ever do these days,” she sighs. I catch her staring wistfully out the window and I reach out to brush a strand of hair from her face. She turns before I can touch her and grips the sink.

“Katniss?” When she doesn’t answer me, I stand behind her and move her hair aside so I can kiss the back of her neck; she shudders and tenses up.

“Love, what’s wrong?”

“I’m not sure when it happened but this family has started to fall apart, Peeta.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Tag-teaming? You stay with one child, while I stay with the other? When did we stop having dinner together, as a family? When was the last time we just sat in the   
living room and talked? I don’t even know what Willow is learning in school because she’s always at the bakery with you.”

“You know she loves to bake.”

“That’s not the point, Peeta! Ugh, just forget it.” She tries to storm off but I’m far too used to her moods. I block her way, which infuriates her even more.

“Move.”

“No,” I fire back. “You’re going to tell me what is bothering you.”

“I just did!”

“And you didn’t say how you’d like to fix it.”

“Why is it always up to me to fix things?” I quirk my brow. 

“Always you? Katniss I’m the mediator of the family. Always have been. And if not me, then it’s Annie. Our children have developed your stubbornness and pride. Willow and Rye are both growing up. So what do you suggest we do to “fix” our family? I’m not letting you go until you make some suggestions.” She glares at me and before I know it, has ducked under my outstretched arms.

“That’s cheating,” I call indignantly.

“So what,” she calls back, already in the other room. I sigh and lean forward to grip the sink.

It’s been two years since I left office and I thought everything would calm down and be easy once I returned home.

Boy was I wrong. 

Katniss didn’t recover from losing Lily immediately; in fact, when her depression got even worse, Annie urged her to seek counseling; I was shocked when she agreed. 

Then she asked me to come with her and we discovered it helped a lot. I used to actually enjoy my sessions with Aurelius. After I recovered from the hijacking, I was able to concentrate on topics other than Katniss; my childhood, my wrestling scholarship, my mother’s neverending disapproval of me. As we got better, we stopped talking to him but I found I missed talking to someone not present in our everyday lives. It got easier to talk to him. 

Until the therapist asked us if we wanted more children in the future. Katniss nearly had a breakdown right there in the office and it was days before she spoke again. When she did, she met me downstairs for breakfast and I looked up, surprised to see her up.

“I can’t think of any more children, Peeta. I think I want to ask Dr. Mersa about permanent birth control. I hope you can understand that.”  
I had to ask for a private session with our therapist so I wouldn’t say something I would regret. I love Katniss and completely understand her pain and fear; and I’m perfectly happy being father to two. I don’t really need another child, as much as I would like to see another little girl with my wife’s hair and eyes. The thing that bothers me the most is that Katniss has made this decision by herself. We haven’t talked about it and now she’s telling me she’s decided this herself. I wish she would see how much it gets to me when she doesn’t include me in her decisions. Especially ones that affect our family.   
Still, two years later, she hasn’t taken such measures. Dr. Mersa did put her on a stronger birth control but Katniss has yet to take any permanent actions. Which I am grateful for. We’re not planning on more children but perhaps she will change her mind in a year or so. I can never know with Katniss. 

Olivier has been a wonderful successor and even though I did get a lot of raised eyebrows when I announced I was stepping down, the country continues to flourish and be a place of growth and prosperity. District 12 is thriving and our tourism industry is booming. Stepping down from office meant I had more time to devote to my family as well as my bakery. It felt wonderful to get back into the kitchen and be able to bake again. I let Rory and Theta handle the books and the other locations (though Theta often chose to stay home with their daughter, who looks just like Rory). I was never one for business anyway; I’m like Dad. He put Mom in charge of the books while he was content to stay in the kitchens. Willow was ecstatic that I could join her in the bakery again and I started to pass on my family’s recipes to her and Rye, even though Rye wasn’t as interested in baking as his sister. 

I was also able to spend more time with Katniss but she took to staying in the woods for a long time. As Rye got older, he asked if he could go with her and she eagerly took him along. I don’t dislike the woods like Willow does but I’m just not made for it; we’ve both said it before. As much as I would love to join her, I leave that as a mother/son bonding experience. Which leaves more time for father/daughter bonding.   
The nights, however, were difficult. Katniss would whimper and cry in her sleep, writhing around, every now again waking up with horrifying screams. I would calm her as best I could but there were times I couldn’t reach her. She would wake up, her hands pressing into her belly, and I never had to ask what she was dreaming about. I’m saddened and angry that after so many years of being free of the night terrors, she has something else to haunt her dreams now. It was a good thing I was no longer president because I certainly wasn’t getting any sleep for the first few weeks. As I held her in my arms, stroking her back and muttering that she was safe, she would mumble that I should sleep in the guest bedroom so she wouldn’t disturb me. But Katniss and I have always had trouble sleeping apart. I knew that wasn’t the solution. So I faced a lot of nights with very little sleep. 

Despite all of this, we’ve found a way to keep going. And things are getting better, I can tell. The thing that probably took the longest, that’s taking the longest, to get back to normal was our intimate life. 

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m a patient man. And I love my wife more than anything; I respect her and her needs. I knew we had a long road ahead of us after we lost Lily. But even months later, Katniss refused to let me touch her. 

And I’m not just talking about sex. Katniss was just not interested in any kind of intimacy. If our kisses were anything but chaste, she would shrug me off and turn away. After nearly four and a half months of nothing but innocent kisses, I brought it up to my therapist in one of my private sessions. I was downright frustrated and didn’t know how to bring it up to my wife. 

I was right to keep my mouth shut about it. When I finally did bring it up, she flew into a rage and fled from the house. She wound up sleeping over at Annie’s and refused to come home that night. I finally went over to beg her to come home and promised I would never pressure her for anything.   
It wasn’t until a year ago, on her birthday, I was giving her a back massage and I kissed her shoulder. I tensed, afraid I had gone too far, but she flipped over and pulled me down on top of her. I tried to remain the gentleman and give her the time she had requested. Even though it had been a whole damn year. My right hand was my best friend during that year and I felt like I was fifteen again. But all that changed when she kissed me; my hands wandered down to her chest and as she moaned into my mouth, all my restraint snapped completely. I had her out of her clothes in seconds and silently pleaded she wouldn’t stop me.   
I sang her praises between her thighs and she stopped me before I could make her sing for me; she didn’t urge me between her legs but instead leaned down so she could take me into her mouth. I couldn’t complain because at least it was something! I lay there, sated and relaxed and turned to thank her and help her find her peak, but found her curled into herself, crying silent tears into the pillow. And for once, I didn’t know what to say or how to help her. So I gathered her to my chest and cried with her. 

After that, she insisted on pleasuring me with our toys. I’ll admit it took me awhile to feel comfortable with this but I have to say it is fucking amazing when my wife lets herself go and becomes the domineering one in bed. She loves to see me squirm underneath her as my hands are tied to the bed and by face is buried in the pillows, so no one will hear my pathetic whimpering. I never thought about it when I was younger; but Katniss fucking me, making me hers, is unlike anything I have ever experienced. The way she takes me and then takes care of me reiterates how much she loves me. And in some way, it reflects my early boyhood wishes about the huntress capturing me and making it known to the world that I belonged to her. I know she was shy about it at first (and I was too, for that matter) but now when she ties me to the bed, I can see the passionate love and the fiery possessive side that only I can instill in her. It makes me feel pretty fucking powerful. 

After she would make me come, I would seek her permission to let me make her come. I would become her slave, willing to do anything she wishes. She prefers my mouth to anything else but I would sometimes bring out our toys to use on her too. She never lets herself go like she does when she’s pleasuring me; I can’t figure out how to turn it around and make it about her, like I always have but she will no longer allow me to REALLY pleasure her. I’m afraid that she feels guilty, for what I can’t fathom, but I can’t bring myself to ask her about it.

It took four more months after that before she asked me to make love to her again. I could tell she was torn between wanting it and asking me never to touch her again. I wore a condom, despite the fact that we both hate them, and I made myself pull out, and finished on her breasts. I knew she was on birth control again but I wouldn’t take that risk. Partly for me too. I don’t know if I could handle the joy and fear of another baby again. And I couldn’t put my wife in that situation. So I haven’t actually finished inside her in nearly two years. It’s hell but there are worse things to endure. We’ve become that married couple who just doesn’t have time to have sex, which is something I never thought we would be. I don’t like it but I don’t actually have the power to change it either. 

I hear footsteps on the stairs and the front door open, yanking me from my thoughts.

“We will be back before dinner!” The door closes and I watch them out the window. Rye looks excited as he brandishes his bow around. Katniss had it made for him for Christmas last year and it’s still a good bit too big for him. However, she says he will grow into it and he’s eager to learn how to shoot properly. My huntress is an excellent teacher and I think Rye realizes he couldn’t learn from anyone better. Willow comes down moments later and crosses her arms.

“Are we going to the bakery?”

“Let’s go make something special for your mom and brother. I want to come home early and make a nice dinner.”

“Ok,” she says slowly, starting to roll her eyes.

“Hey,” I say sharply. “We’re still a family. Just because you and Rye have different interests doesn’t mean we can’t still do things as a family.”

“Mama doesn’t really get me anymore,” she tells me later as she stirs the batter. I watch her, chewing on my lip and wondering what the hell to say. I used to be so   
good with words.

“You’re growing into a beautiful young lady, Willow. And your mama loves you as much as I do. You can have different interests and still love each other.”

“She doesn’t like coming to the bakery much. She wants to be in the woods a lot and I don’t like it there. It’s dark and scary and she says she will keep me safe but--”

“She will,” I say urgently, hoping to make her understand this. That Katniss would do anything to keep her safe. 

“Your mama…my god, I remember the first time I saw her shoot. I was still a little boy and I wanted to see her. Back then, there was a giant electric fence separating the woods and the district. Your Mama crawled under that fence to go hunt for her family. If she had been discovered, she would have been arrested and killed.” My daughter’s eyes widen and her hand freezes. I smile and cover her hand with mine, encouraging her to keep stirring so the batter won’t harden. I talk as we stir.

“I saw her going under the fence one day and thought, if she can do it, I can do it. Well, you know that your mother is much quieter and more graceful than Daddy.” She giggles and nods.

“I got my foot stuck on the fence and thought I would be there all day. I was convinced someone would find me and kill me. Or that I would be stuck there and would starve. But I got through and I went deeper into the woods. Your mother didn’t hunt alone back then. And it was easier to find two people in the woods rather than one.”

“You mean Gale Hawthorne?” She wrinkles her nose at his name and I have to hide my grin; she’s only met him a handful of times but the last time he was in town to see his mother, Willow described him as “very cold”. I guess when your wife leaves you and takes the children, a man’s heart freezes but from what Katniss has told me, it didn’t bother him as much as it should. I push aside thoughts of Gale and continue with my memories of Katniss.

“Mmhm. He was her hunting partner. They were sitting by a stream, cooling off, so I hid against a tree and watched them. He was good but she was so much better. And she suddenly jumped up and grabbed an arrow off her back. I was mesmerized as I watched her shoot a bird out of the sky. She was so quick and nimble that I had barely seen her move. I stayed there until they left, just watching. She doesn’t know I followed her, of course, but I’ve always loved to watch your mama in the woods. I’ve always called her my huntress or my wood sprite. Your mama is something else around nature, you know.”

“The woods are pretty but just not for me,” she shrugs. “They’re Mama’s woods. And Rye’s. I like it here better.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that. I love that you love being here with me. I dreamed that I would be able to teach my child to bake and you’ve surpassed me in   
skill! But we need to try to do more things as a family again. I think your mama is getting sad again and I swore that wouldn’t happen anymore.”

“Maybe we can go on a trip,” she suggests with a half-hearted shrug.

“What kind of trip?”

“I dunno, maybe to the beach?”

“It’s still really cold in 4, I don’t think the beach is a good idea. But maybe the mountains would be fun.”

“Ooh, can we go ice skating?”

“We can definitely do that! Your mom and I took a trip to the mountains just outside the Capitol a few years ago and did all sorts of fun things in the snow.”

“But we have snow here.”

“Not a lot of it. And not like the snow up in the mountains. We went skiing and ice skating and ice fishing and snowboarding…you kids would love it!” I get more and more excited the more I think about it.

“Keep stirring that batter; I’ll be right back!” She nods as I hurry over to the phone and quickly dial the number from memory. It’s a clipped conversation but no matter; I manage to convince him.

Now I just have to convince Katniss.   
\---------------------------------  
Willow is an excellent decorator, which makes me beam with pride because that was my strength when I was her age too. My artistry skills bled into my cake decorating and I remember silently laughing at Mom, thinking see Mom, art CAN be useful! 

She keeps her hand steady and I observe her as she paints flowers on the chocolate cake. Rory has asked me to decorate a toasting cake and insists I try to focus on it while my daughter works across from me.

“Ugh Daddy, I can’t get this flower right,” she whines and I immediately drop the piping bag.

“What’s the trouble?”

“I want to make this katniss flower next to the primroses. But it keeps coming out all gummy.” I suck in a breath and she looks up at me with a frown.

“Daddy?”

“I’m fine,” I say quickly. I see my Dad in front of me, perfecting my gummy flowers and I shake my head. “Um, let’s see what we can do about these.” I take the bag from her and squeeze more icing onto the cake, making sure to even out the petals. She gasps and takes the bag back from me.

“That’s perfect, Daddy!”

“I’ve made a lot of katniss flowers over the years,” I chuckle as I return to the cake I was working on.

“Tell me the story about Mama’s birthday again. When you made her a cake and Grandma threw it away.” It’s not my favorite story to tell but for some reason, Willow   
loves hearing it so I tell her like I remember it. She frowns as she makes little swirls and flourishes with the icing and we talk in low voices as we finish our respective cakes. 

“Hey Rory, are you and Cora ok to close? I need to get home to start on dinner.”

“Sure thing, Peeta. Tell Katniss and Rye hello!” I nod and hang my apron up.

“Ok princess, wash your hands and I’ll wrap up the cake.” She hops down from the stool and runs to the sink while I find a container to carry the cake in. It still needs   
to set so I hope Katniss and Rye are still in the woods so they won’t see it. Willow wipes her hands on the towel, takes my hand, and we call goodbye to everyone in the shop. She bounces up and down, waiting for me to open the car. 

“Rye’s going to freeze his little butt off in the woods! It’s so cold today!” She blows into her hands as I warm up the car.

“I thought we’d seen the worst of it at Christmas but it seemed to get colder this week. You have the cake?” She holds it up and sets it on her lap, staring out the window. I quickly blow on my hands before I set them on the steering wheel, wincing at the cold material.

“Hey Daddy?”

“Yeah princess?”

“When was the fence taken down?”

“What fence,” I ask, my eyes narrowed at the falling snow.

“The electric fence you told me about. That kept you out of the woods? When did it go down?”

“Oh, years ago. Before you were born. The government owned all of the land and kept people from leaving the district. Back then, we could never travel to other districts like we do now. And hunting on the Capitol land was forbidden. It’s why your mama would have been in so much trouble if she’d ever been caught.”

“I just don’t understand,” she says softly.

“Understand what, sweetheart?” I glance sideways at her and see her staring out the window still, her chin propped on her hand and a deep frown marring her brow. 

“How she could do something so dangerous. Didn’t they have any other food?”

“No baby, they didn’t. Your aunt Prim was starving and back then, it wasn’t as easy to get food. This entire district was hungry and very poor. Your mama…she lived in the poorest area and your grandma wasn’t working. So it was up to mama to keep the family fed.”

“That’s not fair,” Willow complains. “She was just a little girl.” 

“I know. And Daddy tried to help her whenever I could. I snuck cookies and pastries into her locker at school. I left her several loaves of stale bread on her porch when   
she wasn’t looking. It wasn’t enough. She was very, very brave and kept her family alive.” 

“Until she won the Hunger Games?” I swallow and glance at her again. She’s looking at me now, chewing on her lip. The same way Katniss does when she’s anxious.

“When school starts again, we start learning about them.”

“What?” I’m stunned; she’s only ten years old! Finn wasn’t learning about them until he was at least twelve! And it’s not like we haven’t told Willow about them before but this time, we won’t be around to hear what they are telling her. What if they tell her awful things, like how her parents killed children? Or about how her father was considered a traitor to the rebellion because he was calling for a ceasefire when her mother was leading it? About her how her father tried to murder her mother?

I grip the steering wheel and sit straight up.

“Are you ok, Daddy?”

“I’m fine. Listen Willow, you know Mama hates to talk about the Games. But I don’t want you to be afraid to ask about something, alright? If you hear something in school and you want to know more, or you don’t think it sounds quite right, you come to us, ok?”

“Yeah. I just don’t really want to learn about them. Hearing about them from you and Mom and, well, Finn has told me a little bit cause he learned about them too but…it’s awful. I feel like I’ve heard about them enough.”

“It is awful. But people need to understand what life was like back then. It wasn’t that long ago. And it still gives your mom and me nightmares, to this day.” She wraps her arms around herself and falls into silence. I don’t know what else to say so we ride in silence the rest of the way home.   
\-------------------

We manage to beat them home and Willow tucks the cake in the back of the fridge.

“I’m going to start on dinner, if you want to change clothes and make sure Prince is fed.”

“Need any help?”

“Sure, you can help me make this bread. It’s kind of difficult; you sure you up for it?” Willow gives me a look that Katniss gives all the time and I chuckle.

“Aright, it’s a special kind of bread. Can you go get me these ingredients?” I hand her an aged piece of paper and she cocks her head.

“Raisins in bread?”

“Mmhm. And nuts too. It’s really delicious. Go get me those things from the pantry and we’ll get started.” She bounds off, her braids bouncing against her back. I grin as I hurriedly get the meat into the oven and pull the vegetables out of the fridge.

“Go ahead and follow the instructions on that paper, until you need some help.” She looks up at me as she lays out the fruit.

“Is this Grandpa’s handwriting?”

“That’s actually your great-great grandfather’s recipe. Passed down from Mellark to Mellark. It’s a rather difficult bread to make which is why we don’t really stock it in the bakery but it’s your mother’s favorite.” 

“So you’ve made this for her before?” I give her a small smile, remembering the frail, dying girl in my front yard. 

“Yes. You got everything?”

“I think so.” She counts the ingredients and I leave her to it as I continue with the meal. 

As I’m slicing the peppers, I hear a thump against the table and turn to see my daughter huffing impatiently. I smile as I wipe my hands on my apron, hurrying over behind her.

“Patience, my girl. Bakers have to be patient and gentle. Let me show you.” I cover her hands with mine, helping her knead the dough. She’s helped me bake plenty of things but the fact that she’s helping me make this special bread doesn’t go unchecked. I stand behind her, my back starting to ache as I bend my legs, helping her knead. Groaning slightly, I straddle the stool behind her so I can give my back a break. I’m able to lean in and close my eyes for a moment. Much better.

I don’t even hear the front door open but Rye appears in the kitchen, looking filthy but a broad grin on his face.

“Ewwww,” Willow says, recoiling.

“Don’t you dare come into this kitchen looking like that,” I say sternly. “Upstairs to take a shower!”

“But Daddy-”

“No buts. Go on.” Rye pouts as he exits the kitchen, his head hanging.

“He’s so gross,” Willow says, shuddering. Katniss leans against the doorframe, her arms crossed and a frown on her face. I observe her flushed cheeks and her chapped   
lips but note her clothes and face are clean.

“Why is our son the dirty one?” 

“Because he shot his first goose today!” My eyes widen. My six year old managed to shoot a goose? I shouldn’t be surprised really; with Katniss as his teacher, I’m sure he has perfect aim already.

“He learned how to pluck and clean and he was really excited to get home to tell his father all about it.” Oh. My heart sinks at the look of disapproval she wears. Ah damn it. 

“I just didn’t want him around the food,” I explain weakly. 

“Do you understand what a feat that is, Peeta?” Her eyes flash and I swallow.

“Of course I do. I’m very proud of him and I’ll go up and apologize right away.” I kiss Willow’s head as I slide off the stool, making my way to my wife. I reach out for   
her but she shrugs me off, moving up the stairs. Sighing, I follow her and stop in front of my son’s room. She shoots me a look before continuing to our bedroom. I suck in a breath as I peer around the corner. Rye is stripping his dirty shirt off and whirls around when I push the door open.

“Hey,” I say as I stand in the doorway. “I’m sorry I snapped at you downstairs. You know how I like to keep the kitchen clean.” He shrugs and pushes past me, making his way toward the bathroom.

“Want me to help you?”

“I can do it,” he says dismissively. Katniss and I allowed him to start bathing himself several months ago but I still like to help him get started and be in the bathroom in case he needs anything.

“Come on buddy, talk to me. I want to hear all about your first goose!” 

“I’m dirty,” he says boldly, gesturing to his lower half.

“It’s ok, I just don’t like dirt and blood around the food. We can talk now.”

“I wanna take a bath,” he says coldly and my shoulders fall. Great. Tonight is not going at all like I planned.

“Ok, you call for me if you need anything, ok? And after your bath, I want to hear all about it.” He nods and practically slams the door in my face. I wait until I hear the water running before I push the door back open and peer in to make sure he’s ok. Katniss clears her throat behind me and I put a finger to my lips.

“He wanted to do it himself.”

“I heard. You really hurt him, Peeta.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just--“

“Just because he doesn’t bake doesn’t mean you can’t be interested in what he likes,” she continues angrily.

“Katniss, I’m sorry. I don’t know anything about hunting or the outdoors stuff you two like.”

“He’s still your son!”

“I know that,” I say sharply. I wince at my tone and bite my lip. “I’ll apologize again when he gets out of the bath. I need to finish making dinner.”

“Did you leave our ten year old alone with the oven?” I’m starting to get a little irritated at her tone.

“You could have stayed downstairs with her while I came up here to talk to Rye. I’m going back down now.” She doesn’t move to follow me and I pause on the stairs.

“Dinner should be ready in half an hour.” I inwardly groan; definitely not like I had planned.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m impressed at how far Willow has gotten but she seems to be having trouble rolling the fruit and nuts in.

“This is impossible, Daddy!”

“Not impossible,” I say with a smile. “Remember. Patience.” I show her how to fold the bread over and she watches intently. 

“And now we have the dough ready. Now it just needs to go into the oven for twenty minutes and we should be--“ I suddenly hear a loud thud, followed by a cry of pain.

“Peeta! Come quickly!” I freeze and my wide eyes meet my daughter’s.

“Stay here, princess. I’ll be right back.” 

I run upstairs, taking them two at a time and skid to a stop in front of the bathroom. Katniss is sitting on the floor, her feet sprawled out in front of her with our son in her lap. He’s clutching his foot and tears stream down his cheeks.

“What happened?”

“He slipped when he was getting out,” she explains fretfully. “I think it’s broken.”

“Mama, it hurts so much,” Rye continues to cry.

“I know, baby, it’s ok,” she tries to soothe him. Her eyes fall on me and narrow.

“You didn’t set a towel out for him?” 

“I…” I completely forgot, lost in my thoughts. 

“I was just trying to reach a towel. I’m sorry, Mommy.”

“It’s not your fault, Ryekin,” she says, shooting me a deadly glare. I grab a towel and try to wrap him in it. She snatches it from my hand and wraps it around his waist,   
smoothing back his wet hair.

“We need to take him to the hospital,” she whispers but Rye’s crying grows even louder and more panicked.

“No! No I don’t wanna!”

“Rye, baby--“

“No! Please, no!” Katniss hates to see our children in pain and I can see how much this is hurting her. I kneel next to them and hold out my arms.

“I’ll carry him downstairs. Grab some clothes and we’ll get him out to the car.” Katniss seems to be fighting with herself as it takes a moment before she hands him to me. He writhes in my arms and I shush him as I gently rock him. It’s been years since I’ve held him like this.

“Come on bud, you have to calm down.” 

“No hospital! No hospital!” 

“I’ll pack a bag really quickly,” Katniss whispers and I nod. I quickly carry him downstairs and call to Willow. Her eyes widen when she sees her brother writhing in my   
arms.

“What happened?”

“Sweetie, I need you to turn the oven off for me.” Dinner is ruined but it’s not exactly my priority right now. 

“What about Mommy’s special bread?”

“Don’t worry about that right now. We have to take your brother to the hospital. He might have broken his foot.” 

“Annie is on her way over to watch Willow,” Katniss says as she comes into the kitchen.

“What? No, I want to go with you!” 

“You should stay here and--“

“I want to be with Rye!” Katniss and I are both rather shocked. From the way they’ve been behaving toward each other lately, it’s strange to see her being so protective.

“Alright, I’ll tell Annie never mind. Let’s get him into the car.” 

Annie is coming up the porch and Katniss quickly thanks her and apologizes, explaining that Willow will stay with us. Annie glances over at us and gives Rye a sad   
smile.

“Rye, you’re such a brave little guy! You guys let me know if you need anything.” 

“We will, thanks Annie.” Willow climbs into the back seat with Rye and I try not to speed on the way to the hospital. 

The doctor asks that only one of us stay with him and he immediately screams for Katniss. She shoots me an apologetic look as she takes his hand but I steer Willow   
out of the room and we curl up together on the couch, waiting. 

Willow is restless and won’t sit still, which drives me crazy. But I don’t snap at her. I’ve already hurt my son enough tonight.  
Katniss comes out, looking solemn. I jump to my feet and grab her hands.

“Is he ok?”

“It’s just a bad sprain but he also has a minor concussion. He hit his head on the tub and they want to keep him overnight to observe him.” My shoulders slump and I don’t even think about it as I pull her into my arms. I don’t care that she’s mad at me; I just need to wrap my arms around her. Thankfully, she doesn’t pull away.

“Can we see him, Mommy?” 

“He’s resting but yes, we can go in to see him.” She takes both of our hands as we walk into Rye’s room. His eyes are closed and his bandaged foot is propped up.   
Willow sniffles and creeps closer to the bed.

“Rye,” she whispers very softly. Her hand finds his on the blanket and she wraps her fingers around his.

“I’m here, baby brother.” 

“You were mad at me,” he whispers back, keeping his eyes closed.

“No I wasn’t,” she shakes her head frantically. “I wasn’t mad.”

“Why were you so mean then?” She bites her lip and sighs deeply. His silvery orbs rest on her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be. I love you.”

“I love you too. But you’re still mean to me.” 

“I won’t be anymore. I promise.” 

“Ok,” he mutters, his eyes falling closed again.

“Let’s let him sleep, Willow,” Katniss says softly, wrapping her arm around our daughter’s shoulder. Willow squeezes his hand before Katniss guides her to stand beside   
me. I move to the bed and smooth his curls back, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

“I love you, buddy.”

“Lovu too, Daddy,” he says sleepily. Katniss sinks into the chair beside his bed and holds his hand and in both of hers. The nurse comes in and says we should let Rye   
rest and that two of us should leave. She smiles at Willow and offers her an ice cream, leading her off to get one. I stand behind Katniss and massage her shoulders.

“If you want to go home with Willow, I’ll stay with him tonight.”

“You’re just as tired as I am,” she yawns. 

“I’m fine. You should go home and rest.”

“I won’t rest knowing my baby is in the hospital.” 

“He’ll be fine, love.” She shrugs away from me and moves forward in her seat.

“How do you know that? It’s our job to protect him! My job. And I failed!”

“Katniss!” I move around and kneel beside her. She refuses to look at me so I grip her chin between my fingers and force her to turn to face me.

“Katniss, look at me. You did not fail. Little boys get hurt. I mean, little girls do too, but I can speak from experience, this will not be the last time Rye gets hurt. Do you know how many bruises and near-concussions my brothers gave me? You didn’t do anything wrong. You have to understand that.”

“I can’t do this, Peeta. They’re growing up and I have no idea how to deal with it.”

“We deal with it together,” I say gently, moving my hand from her chin to her hand. “No one really knows how to be a parent, Katniss. It’s learning all the time. We’re still learning and we are going to make mistakes. Our children are healthy and happy and so damn beautiful. And you did that. Do not ever say you failed.” She sighs and leans forward, pressing her forehead to mine. I squeeze her hand and kiss her temple.

“If you want to stay with him, it’s ok. I think you should go rest though and have dinner with Willow.” 

“Alright. Just because I’ve been starving for hours.” I smile and move to stand up but she stops me.

“I’m sorry I blamed you.”

“Well it was my fault--“

“No,” she says quickly. “It wasn’t. I was just upset. I want us to feel like a family again and I was just mad that you dismissed him like that. But I know it’s as new to you   
as it is to me. It would be like Willow asking me to teach her to bake.”

“Katniss, stop being so kind. You basically raised them by yourself while I was in the Capitol. There’s no excuse for making my son feel like that. None.”

“Stop beating yourself up, Peeta. What did you just tell me about how we will make mistakes along the way?” She pokes at the corner of my mouth until I smile weakly.

“Ok take Willow home. I’ll call you in the morning when they tell me when he can go home.”  
The nurse comes back in with Willow and Katniss takes her hand.

“Tell Daddy goodnight. He’s going to keep Rye company.”

“Ok, night Daddy.” She leans up to kiss my cheek and cups her hand around my ear. “Do you want me to give Mommy her special bread?”

“Yes. Share it with her. And ask her why it’s special. She can tell you the story.” She throws her arms around me before running back to Katniss. I walk them to the door   
and Katniss leans in to kiss me.

“Take care of our boy.”

“With my life,” I promise her.


	73. Chapter 73

Willow is quiet as I drive her home. Truthfully I probably should have been the one to stay with Rye because he gets quite upset if I’m not around. But I could tell how much it pained Peeta and so I relented, taking Willow home instead.   
When we walk in, I can still smell the dinner Peeta was making when we got home. 

“Mama, Daddy left the stew in the microwave and told me to tell you to turn the oven on when we get home.”

“Ok, what’s in the oven?”

“Your special bread.” I start and turn back to her.

“My what?”

“Your special bread. Daddy wanted to make it for you and I helped. He left it in the oven so that you just reheat it.” 

“Go get washed up for dinner and we will eat together.” She goes to the bathroom down the hall while I run upstairs to change. I quickly reheat the stew and the bread and scoop some onto two plates. The stew smells delicious and it’s clear he has been working on it for several hours. He knows I love veal with vegetables and I close my eyes at the rich spices he’s used. 

“Will you slice me some bread, please,” she says politely, holding out her plate. I slice off two thin pieces and set them on her plate and she holds the bread up to her nose.

“It smells so yummy.”

“So Daddy called this my special bread?”

“He said we should share it and you would tell me the story.”

“What story?”

“Why it’s so special.”   
It’s not like we haven’t told Willow things about our past before but if he wants me to tell her about how he saved my life when we were young, I’m not certain I’m ready for that. Clearly that’s what he was planning, though. Why else would he show her how to bake this bread and call it Mommy’s special bread? 

“What has Daddy told you already?” She cocks her head.

“What do you mean?”

“Did he tell you anything about when we were younger?”

“He said Aunt Prim was starving and you had to go hunt and it was dangerous because you could have been caught. And Daddy tried to sneak things into your locker and left you bread on your porch but you were still hungry.”

“I was, baby. I was really skinny…if I lifted my shirt, you could see my ribs sticking out,” I take a deep breath before continuing. “I was too scared to go into the woods, you see. My own daddy taught me some things about the woods but when he died, that’s when things got really bad for us. Your Aunt Prim cried at night because she was so hungry…and she got really sick. Mama got scared and started looking for food. I was trying to sell some of Prim’s clothes and I was passing your daddy’s house. The district was divided, Willow. It wasn’t like it is now. You see, your daddy lived in what was called Merchant Circle. I lived in the Seam, which was the poorest part of District 12. Merchants and people from the Seam…we just didn’t mix. You know how we always laugh at Daddy when he says he fell in love with me when we were five years old?” She nods anxiously.

“Well, he could have gotten into some big trouble if he had ever told anyone that. And his mother…well, she didn’t like anyone from the Seam. So when she saw me in their yard, she was about to call someone to have me arrested. I was digging through Daddy’s trash and--“

“His trash,” she looks horrified. 

“Food is food, baby. I thought the bakery might have something decent they’d thrown away. They didn’t so I moved away from their yard but I stopped to rest against their apple tree. It was cold and raining and…Mama was scared, Willow. I didn’t know what to do. Well your daddy…he was the kindest boy in Panem. He burned some bread for me and your grandma hit him for it. He threw it to me and I ran home with it. It was the first we had eaten in days and Prim cried when she tasted it. Your daddy had lots of ugly bruises when I saw him the next day but he had saved my life. Mine and Prim’s and your grandma’s, too.”

“This bread,” she looks down at our dinner and then back at me. Her eyes are watery and wide.

“Yes. This was the kind of bread he burned. It was also the kind of bread he made for our toasting, before we had you. It’s certainly Mommy’s special bread all right.” She pauses and holds the bread in front of her face. She seems to be studying it, looking right through it, in fact. I don’t know what she’s seeing in the chunks of fruit and the nut clusters but she sniffles and then shocks me; she climbs down from her chair and into my lap, wrapping her arms and legs around me. I drop my bread in surprise and my arms wrap around her small form. 

“I love you, Mommy. You’re so brave.” 

“I love you too, sweetheart. Thank you for helping Daddy bake my special bread. It tastes even better than usual.” She smiles and wipes her tear-streaked face. She twists around in my lap and goes on eating her dinner. Laughing, I reach around her to eat and she sinks back against my chest. 

“Mama,” she says, her mouth full.

“Yeah baby?”

“I’m sorry that I don’t like the woods.” She sounds so earnest and apologetic that I drop my fork and wrap my arms around her, burying my face in her hair.

“Willow, I love you just as you are. We don’t have to like the same things to mean that we are family. You and Rye don’t have to both be bakers for you to love each other. Daddy and I love you both so much, it doesn’t matter if you never wanted to go outside again. You’re my little girl and you have more of me in you than you realize.”

“I really want us to take that trip.” My brow raises high into my hair.

“What trip?”

“Daddy was planning a special trip for us to take before we go back to school.” 

“He was, huh?” She nods and slurps her stew loudly. I watch her eat, wondering what else Peeta has up his sleeve.   
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

After Willow is tucked in and has planted a dozen kisses all over my face, I hurry to our bedroom and hope Peeta’s phone is on. After two rings, it stops and I hang it up, defeated. I know he’s probably focused on Rye but I need to hear his voice. Sighing, I go ahead and get ready for bed, hating the fact that I’ll be sleeping alone tonight. But surprisingly, sleep comes rather quickly and I’m grateful that I don’t have too much time to lament my husband’s absence or worry about my son. 

I wake to soft lips on my skin and an arm wraps around my waist. I open my eyes, realizing I am pressed against a solid chest and I bolt upright.

“Easy, love, you’re alright,” he whispers in my ear. I turn to see him and he smiles sleepily, his blue eyes sparkling in the morning light. The sun has barely risen! 

“What are you doing here? Wait…where is Rye?”

“He’s in his bed, knocked out from the drugs. They came in to release him really early this morning but he was still asleep. We were able to catch a ride with Delly.”

“Delly!?” I insctinctively jerk back but he runs his palms up and down my arms.

“Dex broke his arm last night and was released this morning. She offered to drop us off and I took Rye to his room. He’s just fine, but he’ll be a little sore when he wakes up. The doctors gave me some pain medications for him for later.” 

“You should have called me,” I scold.

“If I hadn’t run into Delly, I would have but I didn’t think there was any reason to wake you that early. You didn’t stir when I climbed into bed with you.” He yawns and I   
can see the dark circles under his eyes. I soften and lean back.  
“You should get some sleep.”

“Stay with me,” he pulls me closer and I obey. I’m able to fall back to sleep with my back pressed to his chest.   
\-------------------------------------------

We wake up to our son calling for us and Peeta is the first out of bed.

“Stay here, I’ll check on him.” I want to obey and stay under the warm covers but my worry for Rye wins over my exhaustion. I follow Peeta into his room and Peeta kneels beside his bed.

“Hey buddy, what’s the matter?”

“It hurts. My foot hurts, Daddy.”

“I know, little guy. The doctor said you would be sore for a few days. How about I make you some breakfast?” He slouches against the bed, pouting, and glares at us. I   
reach out to ruffle his curls.

“We can give you some more medicine but you have to eat first, Ryekin.”

“Fine,” he huffs. “Pancakes.”

“Please,” I say sternly and he scowls.

“Please.” 

“No scowling. Say thank you to Daddy for making you breakfast.” He sighs and uncrosses his arms.

“Thank you, Daddy.” Peeta leans over and kisses his hair before rising to his feet.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Do you want some help?”

“Stay with him,” he mutters, glancing past me at our son. “It won’t take long.”

He manages to whip up the fluffiest pancakes in about five minutes and I still don’t understand how he does it. Rye smacks his lips as he drowns his pancakes in more syrup and Peeta shoots me a wink. After he’s eaten and taken his medicine, our little boy falls right back to sleep and I gather up the dishes to take downstairs. Peeta follows me, closing the door slightly behind him and wraps his arm around my waist.

“I hope he’s not as bad as you, confined to the bed.”

“Don’t count on it. He’s always been pretty restless if he’s cooped up in the house. Willow has been too. Let’s hope he feels better when he wakes up.” I set the dishes   
in the sink and pick up a sponge but his hand covers mine and makes me drop it.

“Come back to bed.”

“Peeta, we have things to do.”

“Like what?”

“Well for one, you should be at the bakery.”

“I called Rory to make sure he could open. And he’s calling Dane and Giselle in to help him today. So we’re fine.” I nod and he wraps his arms around my waist.

“So…bed?” I swat at him and he laughs. He catches sight of the left over bread on the counter and rests his chin on my shoulder.

“Did you enjoy dinner with Willow last night?” I tense up and his arms seem to tighten.

“Yes. Very much so.” He nods.

“I’m glad.”

“Did Willow ask…” I chew on my lip and he nuzzles my jaw.

“Did she ask about when we were kids? I mean…I’m just confused on how that came up.”

“She likes the story of how I made you a birthday cake and my mom found it. I don’t know why she’s so fond of it--“

“Because it shows how kind her father is,” I say gently. He makes a little “hmm” sound against my jaw, which makes me shiver.

“I told her about how you went under the fence and how brave you were…she’s learning about the Games in the new year and I told her I want her to come to me if she has any questions.”

“They’re teaching about them already? She’s so young!”

“I know,” he says darkly. “But I guess they want them to learn early. I’m not too worried though; Finn’s already spoken to her about it and she knows she can come to us too.”

“Will she understand, Peeta? What all we went through?”

“Sweetheart there are things I never want our children to know. But as far as what she learns in those books, we can set the record straight. Sort of like we did for Finn.   
We can tell her our side of the story. How it happened for us.”

“We’ll have to do it all over again in a few years with Rye.” He kisses my temple and his warm breath tickles my neck.

“They’re smart, Katniss. Smart and strong. And we can tell them in a way that will make them braver.” He kisses my cheek and releases me. I watch him slice a piece of the bread, which he immediately feeds to me. He slices a piece for himself and chews silently. The nutty taste brings back a rush of memories and I close my eyes. I feel his lips on my forehead and open them to see his blue ones blazing down at me.

“I want to take you all on vacation.” I quirk my brow at his abrupt change of subject but nod.

“Oh yes, Willow mentioned a trip.”

“She can never keep a secret,” he grumbles. I can’t help but grin at his disgruntled state.

“She didn’t tell me where though.” He brightens slightly.

“How about we go to the mountains?”

“As in-?” We live around mountains.

“Where we stayed last time! We can take the kids skating and ice fishing and skiing…we can even invite Haymitch and Effie to come, so we can have a night to ourselves…” he wiggles his brow and I laugh.

“They’re going to get sick of being the glorified babysitters.”

“They call themselves the grandparents. That’s essentially a babysitter!” 

“It all sounds wonderful, Peeta,” I say, tugging on his belt loop and pulling him closer. His cheeks are flushed in that wonderfully innocent way and a boyish grin graces   
his features. 

“You really want to go?”

“Yes,” I say without hesitation. “A vacation together sounds great. But we have to wait for Rye’s ankle to heal. It wasn’t a bad sprain so it shouldn’t take too long.”

“We have three and a half weeks until they go back to school,” he reminds me. 

“Ok. You already have the cabin booked?”

“Yep. He’s agreed to lend it to me again.”

“Interesting. You’re not the president anymore and people are still falling all over you.” He scoffs.

“Katniss, they’re not falling all over me. And I’m still a Victor, you know. We can pretty much get what we want.”

“You never liked that way of thinking,” I protest, drawing back a little. To my surprise, he laughs.

“You’re right. I hate it. But he’s a nice guy and agreed to let me use his cabin again so let’s get to planning.”   
\---------------------------------------------  
In truth, I’m excited for a vacation with my family. Willow and Rye both look eager when we tell them and Peeta describes all the fun activities they have at the resort.   
We decide to give it two weeks for Rye’s ankle to heal and he seems more irritated that he will have to stay in bed and rest that long.

“But think of all the fun things you’re going to do once you’re all healed,” Peeta tries to coax a smile out of him. My son isn’t having it. Unfortunately, he got my attitude when he’s injured or sick. We’re both awful patients and we’re really terrible to the ones who help us the most. Namely Peeta.   
\--------------------------------------  
I’m packing my suitcase when I hear a soft knock at the door. Peeta peers in and gives me a warm smile that goes straight to my heart.

“Hey, I’m almost finished here. Did you help the kids?”

“They’re almost packed. Willow keeps changing her mind about the dresses she’s packed. I told her she only needs one or two but I swear there are fifty dresses in that   
suitcase.” Our daughter has always been one for fashion, much to my dismay. She and Effie have bonded over it though. 

“Did you talk to Haymitch?”

“Yeah, he just left actually. He says he would like to come but Effie’s health is so fragile right now that he doesn’t want to risk getting her sick.” I can’t blame him really but it would have been nice to have them with us. Effie has been doing much better but her immune system is so much weaker, and any common cold can turn pretty severe. We thought we were going to lose her last year, when she came down with pneumonia. It was one of the few times I’ve ever seen Haymitch cry. As he clung to her hand, he pleaded for her to stay with him and I had to excuse myself from the hospital room, wanting to give them privacy. She recovered and he has been taking good care of her but she has to take it easy lest she get sick again.   
I nod and fold another shirt as he sinks down onto the bed beside me. He buries his face in my neck and sighs.

“I’m really looking forward to this,” he mutters against my skin.

“Me too. The kids are too. I think it will be a lot of fun.” He sits up and blinks.

“I wanted you to know…Olivier is throwing a winter ball in the Capitol. I think it’s mainly because this last bout of sickness kept everyone from celebrating new years so he wants to make up for it. He’s invited all of us and I said we would try to stop by.” For some strange reason, nearly everyone in the Capitol and District 1 caught an unidentified illness after Christmas and the President had to quarantine certain parts of the city. George, unfortunately, was in the Capitol visiting the Academy and caught the sickness. Johanna called us, sounding terrified out of her mind and asked us to watch the kids while she joined him but Peeta was able to talk her out of it. He convinced her that he wouldn’t want her to risk herself and the kids, and he was feeling better within two days. 

I don’t love the idea of a Capitol party but I know Peeta would like to see Olivier and now that he is no longer president, maybe we could actually enjoy a party without him being called away every minute. 

I cock my head and fold another shirt.

“Do you want to go?”

“I think we should make an appearance,” he says slowly.

“That’s not what I asked. Do you WANT to go?” He chews on his lip silently.

“I’d like to speak to Olivier and see how he’s really doing. And it will be nice to take my family to the Capitol and actually be able to stay with them for the night. You   
know I’ve never been able to ask Willow for a dance, even though I’ve always wanted to.” 

“Alright. Then we’ll go.” His eyes narrow as he studies me.

“Do you want to go?”

“Yes. I think we’ll have a good time as a family. Now go finish dinner because I am starving.” He grins and leans over to kiss me; he attacks my neck with kisses and I   
shriek, wriggling away from him.

“You would deprive your wife of dinner?”

“If it means I get to kiss you some more…yes.”

“Peeta Mellark, I’m shocked. Do you want my ribs to stick out and my face to sink in?” It was meant to be a joke but I immediately recognize that it was the wrong thing   
to say. His face falls and I immediately see the memories flash across his face as he reaches for me; when he pulls me into his arms, it’s not gentle, but bonecrushing   
and sad. He holds me to him like he is going to lose me at any moment. I disentangle my arms so I can wrap them around his neck, playing with the fine hairs there.

“Hey,” I say gently. “It’s ok. We’re fine. We’re great, actually. Better than great. We are living a life I could never have dreamed of.” He nods against my shoulder but doesn’t speak.

“Peeta.” I pull back so I can make him look at me. His eyes are glassy and I stroke his cheek.

“My boy with the bread,” I say lovingly. “I’m practically a fat woman thanks to you.”

“You are not fat,” he positively growls. I smile and rest my palm against his jaw.

“I’m not skinny either. You’ve never let me go hungry. You continue to provide for our children and me. You’re my savior, Peeta Mellark.” 

“And you’re mine, Katniss Mellark,” he mutters into my palm. He opens his eyes and holds my gaze as he leans in and kisses me sweetly. He pulls back slowly, turning   
to exit the room. I go back to my packing and he walks back over, opening our drawer by the bed.

“Um, we might should…uh, pack some of these.” His cheeks are flaming as he tosses me a few strips of condoms. He hurries out of the room without another word.   
Silently, I stuff them into my bag and sigh heavily. I hate those things. And I miss being totally connected with my husband but I am terrified of something happening. He has been the very definition of patient, though. He continues to be gentle and understanding and never finishes inside me anymore. He does anything and everything to maintain my comfort and to take care of me. Doctor Mersa has given me the strongest birth control known to Panem, and she says there is nothing to worry about. I don’t even know if we will get a moment to ourselves on this trip but if we do, I think I’ll show my husband how much I appreciate all of the time and patience he has given me.   
\-----------------------------------------  
Rye stays off his ankle and so he heals rather quickly. Perhaps that’s why I’ve never healed very fast; I can’t obey orders to stay in bed and rest. But Rye keeps his foot up and his sister dutifully brings him trays of food or sits on his bed and colors with him. I’m glad to see them acting like the loving brother and sister like they once were. 

We are taking the train to the Capitol Mountains; I suppose hovercraft access isn’t as readily available now that Peeta is no longer the president. We are leaving before the sun even rises so we are trying to get our children into bed. Of course they are too excited to sleep.

“You’ve been on vacations before,” I remind Willow as I try to tuck her in.

“But not in a long time! And I’m older! I can do more things!” 

“Ok,” I laugh. “But you need to sleep.”

“I can sleep on the train, Mom! Hey! Did Daddy tell you he is going to teach me to ice skate?” I think back to how Peeta is on the ice and can’t help but laugh.

“Daddy’s not such a pro himself.”

“Hey,” a sharp voice says behind us. Willow claps her hand to her mouth to stifle her giggling.

“Way to make me look bad in front of the kids, Katniss,” he says as he leans against the doorframe. His arms are crossed over his chest but he has a playful smile on.

“Do you want me to lie to our daughter?”

“Who fell down the most, between the two of us? I seem to remember you face planting on the ice.”

“I never face planted. And you ran into me, remember? Knocking me down.” Willow looks from me to her father and giggles.

“You are kind of clumsy, Daddy.” Peeta’s jaw drops and his hand goes to his heart.

“I’m wounded. Truly. My wife and daughter are laughing at me.”

“Ok ok, you can show us how good you are on the ice tomorrow.” 

“Then everyone should be in bed,” he says, shooting a stern look her way. She sighs and leans against her headboard.

“Ok fine. I’ll try to sleep.” We both kiss her forehead and close the door behind us. 

“It took a cup of warm milk and a bedtime story but Rye is already out.”

“Nicely done,” I stifle a yawn. “I guess we should go to bed too.” He grasps my hand, leading me down the hall to our bedroom. Our suitcases are lying open on the bed   
and he holds them down while I zip them closed.

“How many pairs of underwear did you bring this time,” he asks in mock exasperation.

“Not as many as last time.” 

“That could be a good thing though,” he winks and I shake my head. He moves the suitcases aside and goes to the bathroom to get ready for bed. 

I pull the covers back and glance at the closed door. He’s been in there for awhile and I can’t hear him moving around like I usually can. I pull on my pajama pants and my tank top and look back at the door again. What the hell is he doing in there? The door isn’t closed all the way and the light floods in through the crack in the door. I push the door slightly open and peer my head around the corner.

Peeta’s head is thrown back, his lips parted in an o shape as he grips the counter with white knuckles. His other hand is fisting his cock, which is red and swollen and my eyes are immediately drawn to his weeping head. 

“Oh god, Ka-- Katniss!” His eyes shoot open as he realizes I am standing in the doorway; he grabs a towel and hastily covers himself. He looks incredibly guilty as he moves away from the counter and takes a step backwards.

“I was, uh, I was just…I mean, I’ll come…to bed! I mean. I’ll join you in bed…in a minute.” I shake my head as I take a step toward him. His cheeks are flushed and his hair is touseled in that beautiful, uninhibited way. I grasp the towel and fling it aside, leaning in to kiss his neck as his adams apple bobs uncertainly. Why is he acting as if I have never seen him do this? Hell, he’s acting like it’s the first time I’m seeing him naked. 

I move in front of him and he swallows as I back him against the wall. I can tell he was so close so this won’t take long at all. I lick my palm before I grasp him and his head drops back against the wall. I lower to my knees so I can lavish him with my tongue. I look up at him and he opens his eyes to gaze down at me. I can’t remember the last time we did this. And at this moment with his cock in my mouth, I can’t understand why I’ve gone so long without it. He jerks his hips erratically as one hand fists my hair.

“Oh shit Katniss, I’m so close.” I move my hand up and down while my lips tease his head. My other hand moves up to massage his sac, the way I know he loves.

“Nnnhg…Katniss!” I swallow everything he gives me, realizing how much I have missed every part of this. I let him fall from my lips and he leans against the wall, his arm flung over his face. I pull myself up, using the counter and wipe my mouth on the back of my wrist. Clearing my throat, I go to the sink and brush my teeth, continuing my usual bedtime ritual. Peeta lowers his arm and moves to stand behind me. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and kisses my neck.

“Thank you,” he whispers. 

“It’s my pleasure.” He laughs softly.

“Really? Cause I’m pretty sure it’s mine.”

“Why are you so afraid to tell me what you need, Peeta?”

“I just…never know how you are going to feel about intimacy. And I’ve been hard all day, then I saw you dancing with Willow in the living room and then talking about   
your underwear and all I could imagine was you in those skimpy little lingerie sets you used to wear on special occasions and I just…I just needed a minute. I’m sorry,”   
he adds. I look into the mirror and see him watching me. Guilt flashes in his eyes and I shake my head.

“You can always tell me what you need.”

“Truly, Katniss? Because you ran away the last time I asked you about it.” I wince; while I was still recovering from losing Lily, things got really bad between us. I didn’t let him touch me for a long time and I felt horrible about it afterwards. But when he tried to bring it up one night, I flew into a rage and left the house. Peeta called after me, apologizing but my feet kept moving until I wound up at Annie’s house. I didn’t return to him until the next morning, where he threw his arms around me, tears in his eyes, and promising me he doesn’t need anything else from me, just my love.   
We’re slowly getting better but I can tell there is still tension between us. The flush is leaving his face and he frowns in the mirror.

“’I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Katniss, just talk to me. Don’t run away from me. I never know what to say to you because I don’t know how you will take it. I’m terrified you’ll leave and maybe one day…you just might not come home.” I gasp and whirl around.

“Peeta, I would never leave you. You are my world and my life with you is wonderful. I love you and our children so much…if I ever get up and leave, you have to know that I will always come back to you.” He chews on his lip, avoiding my gaze. He used to tell me the same thing. That whenever his flashbacks became too much, he had to leave but he would always come back to me. I think he is remembering it too because he slowly lifts his eyes and he sighs.

“Can I return the favor?” 

“I’m alright,” I say quickly and his face falls. I don’t want him to think he’s done anything wrong so I wrap my arms around his neck and nuzzle his chin.

“We just really need to get some sleep.” 

“Ok,” he says heavily, moving past me to clean up. He waits for me to climb into bed before he lays down behind me. His snores come quickly while I am up all night. Intimacy with Peeta has always been indescribable. Sex isn’t just about gratifaction; it’s a connection that we share, that we’ve never shared with anyone else. I feel the same when his hands are raking over my body or when I have my tongue wrapped around him. The connection with Peeta is what it’s all about for me. But lately we are disconnected. I don’t allow myself to let go as I once did. To really embrace the pleasure he so determinedly bestows. I haven’t let him ‘return the favor’ as it were in quite some time. I miss his hands on me. I miss his delectable tongue. And god I miss the feeling of him moving inside me. But if I can’t get past these fears or uncertainties I keep having, I don’t know how to restablish that connection between us. I need his help but I don’t want to ask him. Perhaps I will find a way on this trip we are going on. I miss my husband too damn much to keep going on this way.   
\--------------------------------------------  
Morning comes much too soon and when his lips meet my ear playfully, I bat him away. He chuckles softly, his tongue darting out to rake along my earlobe.

“Come on honey, you can sleep on the train but we need to get going soon.” With a loud groan, I toss the blanket aside and walk like a zombie to the closet. Peeta is already dressed and looks wide awake. Damn those baker hours. He kisses my cheek before he picks up our suitcases.

“I’ll make us some breakfast if you want to get the kids up?”

“Ok,” I do my best to stifle a yawn but he just laughs and disappears from the room. I’m still half asleep as my children tug me downstairs and into the kitchen, where   
Peeta is plating eggs and toast. 

“Morning! Is everyone excited?” 

“Yes,” Rye exclaims as he grabs a piece of toast.

“Daddy, how long will it take for us to get to the Capitol?” 

“Most of the day, sweetheart. You guys finish your breakfast and I’ll start loading up the car. Katniss, honey, you want to go get the kids’ suitcases out of the living   
room for me?” I nod, my mouth full of egg, and move all of the bags into the entryway. Peeta kisses my cheek swiftly as he passes by, carrying the bags out to the car. The damn sun isn’t even up yet! I grumble as I head back to the kitchen to finish my breakfast.

Even though Peeta is no longer president, our Victor status is clearly still in effect. That or Olivier just wants to dote on us. We have a private compartment, which includes two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a small dining area with two very comfortable-looking couches. After our bags are stored away, the attendant bows low to Peeta and me before taking his leave. 

“I’m going back to bed,” Willow yawns, heading into one of the rooms.

“Me too,” Rye follows her in. Peeta shakes his head.

“No one wants to stay up and watch the sun rise with me?”

“Sorry Peeta, you’ll be watching alone. I think they have the right idea.” He pretends to pout while I close the compartment door.

“Fine then. Abandon me. I see how it is.” He shoots me a wink and a smile but his comment makes me uncomfortable for some reason.

“You could join me in bed?”

“And miss the sunrise?”

“It’s not as if you haven’t seen it before,” I say thickly. 

“I’m not too tired right now so you get some rest. I’ll be in here if you need me.” He kisses my forehead and I nod as I walk past him and collapse on the bed.   
\---------------------------------------

I’m not sure how long I’m asleep for when I feel a gentle tapping on my arm.

“Hm?” I blearily look up at my daughter, who looks immensely worried.

“Willow, what’s wrong,” I sit up immediately, reaching out for her.

“It’s Daddy,” she whispers. “He’s sleeping on the couch and I think he’s having a bad dream.” I hurry out of the room and into the dining alcove, where Peeta is indeed thrashing on the couch. I glance back at Willow before rushing over to him.

“Peeta.”

“No! No, please! Please just, just leave me alone!” I kneel beside him, taking his hand. He immediately recoils and shakes his head frantically.

“Leave me alone! I don’t know anything! We don’t know anything! Just let us go!” 

“Peeta, it’s not real,” I whisper. His hair is drenched in sweat and his face is pale. He moves as far away from me as he can and whimpers.

“She…she left me. They’ve abandoned me. Please, just let me go! I won’t…I won’t say anything to anyone. I’ll disappear, if you want. She doesn’t need me anyway.”

“Peeta,” I whisper urgently. “Peeta, wake up. I love you and I need you. Wake up now and see me.” 

“Mama?” I whirl around and see Willow watching the whole thing with teary eyes. Peeta would be mortified if he knew she was seeing this.

“Sweetheart, go on back to bed. I’ll take care of daddy.”

“Is there anything I can do,” she asks in a small voice. My husband continues to thrash beside me and I bite my lip.

“No baby, just let me take care of him, ok? I promise he’ll be alright.” She takes a step toward us and I tense.

“Willow, I need you to go back to your room. Please.”

“She left me to die,” he wails and I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting the tears. Willow looks terrified and torn between running to her father and fleeing the room.

“Willow,” I say sternly. “Please baby. Go back to your room. I’ll be there in a minute.” Finally she turns and runs from the room, slamming the door behind her. Sighing, I   
turn back to Peeta, who’s sweating through his shirt. I stroke his cheek and he recoils.

“Peeta, it’s not real. What you’re seeing, it’s not real. Wake up, please.” He starts at the sound of my voice and frowns in his sleep.

“Katniss?”

“Yes. It’s me, Peeta. I love you. Please open your eyes.” He does so but he doesn’t look any less wary or confused.

“You…you left me.”

“No,” I reach for his hands. He jerks them away and his brow furrows.

“You all abandoned me in there. You left me to die!”

“No Peeta. I would never. I love you! I love you so much.” He shakes his head, looking pained.

“Peeta, can I show you something?” He looks back at me, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. I gently lift his hand to level with his eyes and he frowns when he sees his   
wedding ring.

“What is that?”

“Your wedding ring. You see what it says?” He turns his hand so he can read the writing.

“Real.”

“That’s right. Real. You married me. We have children.” He lowers his hand and looks stunned.

“I have children with Katniss Everdeen?”

“Mellark,” I say with a weak smile. “It’s Katniss Mellark now.” 

“Not like I ever said that in my head a million times a day,” he mutters. 

“It’s real. We love each other. That’s very real.” 

“You…you love me?” He looks disbelieving, almost as if it’s good to be true. My tears spill over.

“Real.” I feel his thumb gently wiping at the corners of my eyes and then I’m being crushed against his chest.

“Oh Katniss.” He whimpers, his face buried in my neck and his hands traveling down my back. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmers. 

“What could you possibly be sorry for,” I say, tearing away from him. His blue eyes look sad and hopeless.

“Because I forgot again.” He’s back. I let out a sigh of relief and pull him back to me again. 

“You just got lost for a minute. I helped you find your way back.” 

“I’m so sorry,” he continues. “I know how much it hurts you when I…get lost. I didn’t…do anything bad, did i?”

“Of course not.” He pulls back and grips my face in his strong hands. His eyes travel over my face, searching.

“I didn’t hurt you?”

“No Peeta, you were just sad and confused.” He shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut.

“They just never go away. The nightmares. The visions. Those bastards in the Capitol. They’ll never go away.”

“It’s ok,” I push his hair out of his eyes and kiss his forehead. “You’ll always have me here to help you chase them away.” He closes his eyes at the feel of my lips and   
slumps against me. I hold him, noting how terribly weak and exhausted he is. I pull him to his feet and toward the bedroom but I stop in front of the kids’ bedroom. 

“Let’s go in and see Willow for a moment.”

“Is she alright?”

“She’s fine. She would just like to see you.” He looks confused and then his eyes widen in comprehension.

“Please no,” he whispers, more to himself. I squeeze his hand and he shakes his head.

“Please tell me she didn’t see that.”

“Peeta--“

“Katniss, she can’t! She can’t ever see what a monster I am!”

“You are NOT a monster! Those people were the monsters. Willow loves you, no matter what. She was worried about you, that you were having a nightmare. I sent her   
to her room before you woke up. But she’s a smart little girl, Peeta. She knows we have gone through some terrible things. And she doesn’t love us any less.”

“If she ever finds out what I’ve done…what I almost did to her mother--“

“Peeta, she doesn’t need to know that. We don’t need to think about it. Because that wasn’t you. How many times do I have to tell you, I don’t blame you for that?”

“I don’t care if you don’t, Katniss, because I blame myself! I almost killed you. More than once! And if our daughter ever discovers that her father was once capable of that…” his shoulders slump and he blinks back tears. I lean up and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him into me again.

“No more thinking about it,” I whisper in his ear. “Let’s go see our daughter and then take a little nap.” I kiss his hand and pull him into the kids’ compartment.  
Willow is in her bed, leaning against the wall and her head snaps up when we open the door. Before we can speak a word, she leaps out of bed and runs into her father’s arms. Peeta cradles her close, kissing her hair.

“Shh, I’m alright. Daddy’s alright.”

“You looked so sad,” she cries in his arms. He gives me a look over her shoulder and I gesture for them to back out of the room so we won’t wake Rye. Peeta carries Willow back to the couch and holds her to his chest.

“It’s ok. I just had a bad dream, that’s all. Mama took care of me, like she always does.”

“I know Daddy, I just…I don’t like seeing you like that.” He sucks in a breath and I reach over and squeeze his hand.

“I don’t want you seeing me like that. But you’re growing up so quickly, I know you’ll see and hear things we don’t want you to. You’re going to learn more about the   
Hunger Games and what parts Mama and Daddy played in them. You’re going to hear some awful things about what happened to us. You just have to remember that we survived it all and we are still here, still loving each other and you and Rye. We will never leave you, my princess.” She continues to sob against his chest and he gives me a sad look as he tightens his arms around her. 

“Mama and Daddy love you so much,” he whispers in her hair. She sniffles and coughs, draped over his lap.  
When she finally falls asleep, Peeta tenderly carries her back to her bed and kisses her forehead before joining me in the next bedroom. I push his shirt over his head and toss it aside, leaning in to kiss the scars on his chest. He sucks in a breath and cups my chin.

“Let’s get some more sleep,” I whisper, tugging him over to the bed. I move up on the bed so I can pull him into my side, his head resting on my chest. I stroke his curls and softly sing to him as he drifts off to a (thankfully) peaceful sleep.   
\----------------------------------------  
Being on a train has never been so great for us. No matter what we do, it brings back memories. Peeta sleeps fitfully on my chest and I stay awake to watch over him, the way he did all those years ago. I realize with a jolt that it was the first time we started getting close…when I admitted to myself that I needed him and he wasn’t just a pair of arms to chase away the nightmares. That I needed HIM. His warmth and his strength and his kind, loving heart. My hand rests on his golden head and I smile sleepily as I play with his hair. We doze in and out, never truly free from the nightmares.  
\----------------------------------------

When we arrive to the Capitol, Peeta pays for our luggage to be brought to the cabin and he scoops Rye up onto his shoulder. Willow oohs and ahhs as we near the cabin and Peeta shoots me a grin. We wait in the lobby while he goes to check us in, and holds up a large key when he returns.

“We’re near the end on the other side. But Bradley here said he would be happy to drive us around.” Bradley, a paunchy man with purple hair, bows low. 

“If you’ll follow me, Mellark family.” I see Peeta grin at the man’s words and I squeeze his hand. He still acts like a giddy little boy where we are involved; he loves   
calling me Mrs. Mellark, or grins when he hears me refer to him as my husband and he positively glows when he says ‘our children’. I suppose it’s because he’s wanted this for so long and as he’s told me before, he never allowed himself to wish it could be true. He often tells me that the life he is living is one he wanted more than anything but never dared to hope for. I smile as I place a soft kiss on his cheek and he turns his head, his gaze holding mine. I’m sure we look like lovesick puppies but the Capitol always loved our ‘star-crossed lovers’ routine. Sure enough, Bradley sighs and taps his hand on the wheel excitedly. 

“You are just the MOST adorable!” 

 

“Ew,” Willow says beside me. Bradley laughs and turns into a little alcove so we can get out. He holds out his hand to help me out and Peeta nods to him in thanks as he slips him some money.

“We appreciate it, Bradley.”

“My pleasure, Mr. Mellark. Do let us know if there is anything we can do to make your stay more comfortable.”  
Peeta unlocks the door and holds it open while the kids run around the room excitedly.

“It’s so big!” 

“It’s gigantorous!”

“That’s not really a word,” Peeta chuckles. “And be careful around that case of trophies. This isn’t our house so we need to be extra careful.” 

“I’m hungry!” Willow gives her brother a look of disgust.

“You just ate on the train!”

“Yeah but I’m hungry again.”

“I asked for some groceries to be brought here. I’ll make a little snack and then we can go explore, sound good?” Peeta slips into the domestic role so perfectly and I   
just lean back and watch. The kids love him so much and he’s so good with them. He laughs while he cooks at the stove, Willow and Rye both trying to help. I must be   
staring too long because I blink and discover all three of them are watching me.

“Sorry, did you say something?”

“Mama’s daydreaming,” Willow whispers loudly.

“Does Mama want a grilled cheese sandwich too,” Peeta asks with a grin.

“Yes please.” I cross over to them and Rye hugs my legs. Peeta leans over and kisses my cheek before going back to the cooking. I sigh, lost in the simpleness of it all and enjoy these few moments of utter bliss with my family.  
\----------------------------------------------------

Rye proves to be the best at iceskating but Willow has us beat on skiis. Peeta and I just aren’t very good at any snow sport, though he still seems to love it. Our days are filled with various activities, trying to warm up with hot chocolate and hot cider, and then going right back into the snow. Peeta always wears his leather coat I made for him for his birthday, and I get a sense of pride whenever I look at him. I think I might see about making coats for Rye and Willow next year too, although Willow has become so animal-crazy that she would probably refuse to wear it. Maybe I’ll enlist Effie’s help for some “animal-friendly” material. 

We took the kids on the ski lift last night, which lifted us high above the mountain and that’s when we discovered that Rye has a thing about heights. He screamed and thrashed around until we got back onto the ground. Peeta swallows nervously.

“Would a vacation be as exciting if we didn’t discover new things about our children?” I chuckle anxiously, shooting my son a sympathetic look. Willow keeps her face straight, trying not to laugh at him. I nudge her and shake my head emphatically. She seems to understand not to make it worse for him. 

We eat some of our meals in the nice restauarant on property but mostly, Peeta cooks for us. Last night, all four of us cooked together and Peeta whispered in my ear how much he loved this. I couldn’t agree more. 

The night before we leave, I’m relaxing on the bench with a book while Peeta takes the kids skating again. I look up to see him return, without our children.

“I know you wanted a night alone but you can’t just dump our children somewhere,” I tease.

“Haha,” he forces a laugh. “We discovered a kids’ club in the lobby and they are doing a huge party tonight. They are basically taking the kids to roast marshmellows and watch a movie on this gigantic holo…and the woman said there are these giant ice sculptures they can actually sleep in. Rye and Willow begged to go, but I said I would make sure it was alright with you first.”

“That doesn’t sound very warm,” I say doubtfully.

“No they’re heated and, well, I don’t understand how it works but the woman assured me the kids would be safe. They have about twenty children in their group.   
Willow has already made a friend. A little red-haired girl named Madeline.” 

“Well, if they want to spend their last night in an ice sculpture, who are we to stop them?” He grins and sinks down beside me. I move my legs but he brings them into his lap.

“Those kids have worn me out.”

“Oh, a family vacation isn’t such a great idea anymore?” Despite my teasing, he laughs.

“I’m so glad we did this. It just proves that you’re right. We haven’t been like this in a long time and I miss it. I want us to keep this up when we go back home. No   
more tag-teaming, no more missed dinners. I want us to feel like a family again. Like we’ve been this week.” I lean over and grip his face with my gloved hand. He   
presses his forehead to mine and gives me a loving look.

“You know if the kids are staying with that group tonight, that means we have the cabin to ourselves.” It’s remarkable the way his eyes light up and the smirk that   
crosses his face.

“That’s true,” he says non-chalantly. 

“Well maybe we can have a little fun tonight,” I say in my best seductive tone. I’m terrible at the art of seduction but his tongue darts out to wet his lips and my eyes are drawn downwards.

“You haven’t been having fun all week?” 

“Not that kind of fun, Peeta.”

“I know,” he says softly, cupping my chin. “I think a little fun sounds perfect.” 

“Well let’s go tell the kids we will pick them up in the morning.” He pulls me to my feet and winds my arm around his as we make our way through the snow.  
\--------------------------------------------------------

I’m shocked we hadn’t seen the kids’ club before; it’s basically a giant playground and there are tons of kids running around. Rye is with several other little boys who look like his age and Willow is climbing with the red-haired girl Peeta mentioned. The woman in charge rushes over with a smile and Peeta introduces us.

“Don’t you worry about your little mockingjays, Mrs. Mellark. We’ll take good care of them!” I smile, a little uncomfortable but Peeta wraps his arm around my waist and thanks the woman.

“And you’re sure it won’t be a problem?”

“This is why we have the kids’ club, ma’am! To give the parents a night off. You and Mr. Mellark enjoy your night and your children will have such fun! You can pick   
them up any time tomorrow!” 

“Rye hasn’t ever really slept away from home before. I know he’s old enough but if there are any problems--“

“I left them a number if they need to contact us, Katniss,” my husband says gently. “They’ll be just fine.”

“Oh trust me, I understand your concern. Leaving the little mockingjays in the nest for the first time,” the woman laughs shrilly and I wince. Does she think I’m an actual bird? What the hell? 

“But the mama and daddy need a night alone every once in awhile! That’s very important! We will call you if there are any problems but try not to worry!” 

“Thank you so much,” Peeta says before I can speak again. “Let’s try to say goodbye to them before we leave.” Our kids are too preoccupied to notice us trying to get their attention and when we do, they merely wave. Rye pretends not to hear me when I tell him I love him. Peeta laughs against my shoulder, saying he’s a big boy surrounded by his big boy friends. My big boy is still my baby though. I chew on my lip as Peeta leads me out and back to our cabin.   
\--------------------------------------------

“Honey, relax. You’re so tense,” he says as he wraps his arms around me from behind. The water splashes my face and I shake my head.

“I’m sorry, I just haven’t really left them in a long time.”

“I know,” he says soothingly, kissing my temple. “But they’re fine. They’re having a great time and not even thinking about us. So let’s just enjoy this, being together, ok?” I nod and lean against his sturdy chest. The feel of him and the hot water and the bubbles of the Jacuzzi soothe my nerves and I close my eyes. I half expected Peeta to “jump my bones” as they say, as soon as we got back to the cabin but he surprised me, suggesting we take a nap together After our nap, we cuddled on the couch and watched the holo together until he turned it off, and we just talked. When he suggested we take a bath, I remembered the large Jacuzzi I enjoyed so much and said we should go in. Since I didn’t bring a swimsuit, I settle for my bra and panties and he’s just wearing his under shorts. His hand moves around my waist, his thumb brushing against my breast and he kisses the back of my neck.

“Mmm, I don’t think I’ve been this relaxed in months.” I nod and drop my head back onto his chest; he follows my lead and his lips press against my neck. I shiver as he plants kisses along my neck and jawline, and his tender kisses turn into nibbles that will surely leave marks.   
He squeezes me tighter to him, and pulls me flush against his chest. I can feel him start to harden against my back and I lift my hand out of the water to wrap in his hair. I feel his hands working at my back and then he slides my bra down my arms. He cups me with both hands, his thumbs traveling over my nipples and driving me crazy. I lean my head back to claim his lips and his tongue dives into my mouth. He groans as I grind back against him, his fingers tweaking my nipples. I wasn’t a huge fan of sex in this Jacuzzi the last time we tried it, mainly because it was uncomfortable. But I would be alright if he just takes me right now. I miss being with Peeta so much.

My stomach emits a low grumbling and his body shakes with laughter behind me.

“Was that your stomach?”  
“I might be a little hungry,” I admit sheepishly. He chuckles softly and presses a wet kiss to my cheek. 

“Well you really know how to kill the mood.” My teeth dig into my lip as I stammer my apologies. Peeta stands and pulls me to my feet.

“Katniss, I’m joking with you. Come on. You can help me cook dinner. And it will be better if you stay topless.”

“I’m freezing,” I hiss. He smiles as he wraps me in a towel. I notice him shivering as he dries me off and I shake my head. Why is this man so selfless? I grab his hand   
and lead him inside, where we can both warm up.

After we dry off and change into warmer clothes, he hurries to the cabinets to see what he can make.

“How does a stew sound? We have lots of vegetables and I think I saw a package of meat.”

“That sounds great. Do we have any cheese?” He pops his head out of the fridge, holding up a package of cheese and he grins.

“Of course she needs her cheesebuns.”

“It’s been awhile,” I shrug.

“Here, slice the vegetables while I work on the dough.” We work together; the conversation is light and we are both smiling like teenagers in love. He plants a kiss on   
my head as he passes to put the cheesebuns into the oven. As we eat dinner, we tease each other and giggle uncontrollably. His eyes darken when he feeds me the last cheesebun and I wrap my tongue around his digits, keeping my eyes locked on his. He takes care of the dishes while I say I’m going to get ready for bed.   
\--------------------------------------------

I hold the lingerie in my hand and merely stare in the mirror. I need to do this for him. I want to do this for him. We have been so disconnected lately and tonight, it finally feels like it used to. I’m catching a glimpse of the old us and I miss it. I miss him. I miss feeling that way, like I am the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. I know my husband still loves me and obviously, he still desires me; he always asks if he can pleasure me after I have made him come. We haven’t had sex in at least a month, maybe longer. And the other night in the bathroom, he sounded so eager when he asked if he could return the favor. 

I need to reconnect with Peeta. And this, what I plan to give to him tonight, is the only way I know how. Taking a deep breath, I toss aside my pajamas and slip into the sexy negligee I ordered. It’s black lace that leaves part of my stomach exposed. Since that is where most of my scars are, I’m deathly afraid to look in the mirror. My breasts are covered but just barely; the lace is completely see through and my ass is completely exposed. Inhaling and exhaling several times, I pick up the matching mask and secure it in place. I hurriedly line my eyes with dark liner, to make them seem more captivating. My hair is a mess from the Jacuzzi so I pile it on top of my head and blow a few tendrils out of my eyes. I study my reflection for a moment before I take another deep breath and open the door. 

I can hear Peeta still moving around the kitchen and I groan. I was hoping he would come in and sort of happen upon me. Going to him like this is going to be more difficult. My feet are bare as I make my way down the hall and peer over the railing. 

“Peeta?” His head jerks up and I move away from the rail.

“Yeah?”

“Can you, um…can you come help me with something?”

“Sure, I’ll be right there.” I dive back into the bedroom and frantically look around the room. Do I stand and wait for him? Do I sit on the bed? I let out a groan of frustration; why don’t know I know how to do this anymore? I shake my head and settle on the bed. The sheets are cool against my legs and I sigh, trying to relax. I   
hear his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and down the hall and I lean back, crossing my legs. I’m a horrible seductress.

“Hey, is everything alri-holy shit.” I glance up to see his eyes widen, almost popping out of his head. His jaw drops and he’s mouthing wordlessly; It’s almost comical. I sit up and slowly move off the bed, crossing over to him. He releases a pained little groan as I reach under his shirt and push it over his head. 

“Goddamn you’re beautiful,” he whispers, though it’s loud enough for me to hear. 

“Peeta,” I say softly, and his eyes fly up to meet mine. “I know it’s been…strained between us since we lost Lily. And I haven’t been the best wife. But you have been so   
incredibly sweet and patient and I…I miss you so much.” I pause and grimace; why am I so terrible at words? Why can’t I have learned from Peeta over the years, since   
he always knows what to say?

“Katniss,” he starts but I shake my head. If he interrupts me, I’ll never get this out.

“Just…let me finish. I know it hasn’t been easy…and I’ve been irritatingly chaste toward you. It’s not that I’m afraid of you, or that I don’t want you to touch me. I’ve   
felt…like something between us…was destroyed…and I just didn’t know how to repair it. Like we were disconnected. But I want to. Tonight, I want to…remind you of   
how much I love you and want you. I want you to make me yours again. I want us to…reconnect. I, um…I ordered…some new, uh, toys for us, and I…” I trail off as I turn to my bag, bending over to dig through it. I hear him groan behind me and remember that this thing doesn’t hide any of my backside. I glance over my shoulder and wiggle my hips slightly, hoping I am turning him on. The look in his eyes is positively predatory as he walks over to me, his hand reaching out to caress my back. I abandon the bag and flatten my palms on the bed. He loves to take me from behind, so this is the perfect opportunity.

“Fuck,” he mutters, bending down to place kisses down my spine. I glance behind me to see him lowering to his knees. He pushes my legs apart and his palm travels down my cheeks.

“God you’re perfect.” I squeeze my eyes shut; this isn’t what I had in mind. As much as I want his tongue on me, I want him to take control and make me his. This gentle, giving husband isn’t what I meant. After so long, I know he must be frustrated and needs to let his wild side come out.  
I stand up and move back to my bag.

“Peeta, I, um…what I meant was… you can have your way with me. Be wild and controlling. I know it’s been a long time since you’ve been able to…let go.” I reach behind me in the bag for the handcuffs and the various toys I bought. He stands up in front of me and takes my face in his hands.

“I don’t want want to dominate you, Katniss, I want to love you.” I’m about to protest when his lips crash upon mine. I moan into our intense kiss and when he pulls away, his eyes are a dark shade of blue.

“You have nothing to apologize for, or feel bad about. Nothing at all. But,” he holds up his hands as I’m about to protest again, “If you really feel like you need to make it up to me, or let me have my way with you, then you have to be willing to let me do what I want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to split this chapter in two because it was so long...I'm curious to hear what you all think. Is Peeta going to be his sweet usual self, or is he going to be all "Fifty Shades" on her?   
>  ;)


	74. Chapter 74

“Whatever you want,” I say, nodding.

“Alright then. Get on the bed.” I move to my hands and knees but he shakes his head and flips me to my back. He settles between my legs and drapes my ankles over his shoulders. I sit up and try to push at his shoulder.

“Peeta--“

“You said you would let me do what I want. Well, this is what I want.” 

“It really means that much to you? To do this for me?”

“You said the magic words, baby. For you. With you. Not to you. Sex with you is incredible, it always has been, but it’s not just because you have an amazing body I love to be buried inside. The way your eyes lock on mine and I see all the love and trust swirling around those silver orbs. The way your nails dig into my skin as you hold onto me. The sexy little moans you make when you come. That’s what I love about it, Katniss. Yes I’ve been frustrated but not because I haven’t fucked you. Because I knew you were feeling…disconnected, as you put it, and I had no idea how to help. You don’t let me touch you and when you do, you travel to another place and I don’t know how to get you back with me. You say we need to reconnect but Katniss, our connection has never been physical. After everything we have been through, we put each other back together just by staying together! We didn’t start sleeping together immediately after I came back to 12, you know. We became friends. We healed, very slowly. We talked and we cuddled and we learned things about each other. Things we hadn’t had time for, when we were “engaged”. We rediscovered who we were and we did that together. When we make love, yes, we’re connected but it’s beyond me being inside you. That’s the connection you’re talking about. Now, I’m going to bury my tongue in your pussy because frankly, it’s been too damn long since I’ve tasted you and you are going to keep your eyes on me. I want you to watch me when I make you come. I want to see the light in your eyes, understand?” I nod faintly as he places a kiss on my hipbone. I tilt my chin upwards as his kisses move downward and I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Eyes on me,” he purrs, his chin resting right above my center. I bite my lip and lift my head to look at him. His bright eyes sparkle back at me as kisses my outer lips. His kisses move across my inner thighs and I squirm underneath him. As much as I want to slam my eyes shut and give in to the sensations, I force myself to watch him. His tongue slides up and down slowly, sensually, and he knows he is driving me mad. He pries me apart with his fingers, going oh so slowly across my hardened nub. I reach down to grip the sheets and he leans to flick his tongue across it.

“Oh!” 

“Mmmm,” he moans into my folds, his tongue pushing in and his fingers following. He hasn’t picked up the pace but since I’m harboring months of pent up sexual frustration, I feel like I will come at any minute. 

“Oh god Peeta.”

“God I’ve missed this, Katniss. I’ve missed the way you taste.” I arch my back as his tongue plunges deeper, as if it is his cock and can fill me up. He pulls back and keeps his tongue flicking across my clit while his fingers slowly move in and out.

“Peeta! I’m…I’m so close!”

“Not yet,” he sighs. “Hold on just awhile longer.” He reaches for my hand on the bed and moves it to his head. My fingers curl around his golden strands and my nails rake across his scalp. My legs would be in danger of snapping closed around his head except his arms are holding me down. Which is good because now I’m writhing all over the place, jerking my hips and grinding against his mouth. His eyes hold mine as I scream his name, my walls fluttering around his fingers. His tongue gently laps against me until I can take no more and I snap my legs closed. He moves back up to me and kisses me sweetly, deeply, his throbbing arousal prodding my thigh.

“Oh my god,” I pant, burying my face in his chest. I blink back tears, suddenly feeling emotional. He wipes them from my eyes and leaves soft kisses all over my face before coming back to my mouth.

“I love you,” he murmurs and I moan it back as his tongue moves past my lips. “You’ve always been mine, just as I’ve always been yours.”

I reach down for him, pushing his pants down his hips. I’m dying to take him into my mouth but he won’t allow me to.

“You’re still letting me do what I want, remember,” he whispers against my lips. I nod, relaxing back against the bed.

“How do you want me?” 

“Just like this.” He moves to his knees so he can push his pants off and knees my thighs apart. 

“I mean it, Peeta, you can be rough if you need to.” To my surprise and disappointment, he pulls away so he can look down at me. His brow is furrowed and he looks anxious. His arms shake as they hold him up over me.

“Why do you think I need to be rough with you?”

“It’s just, been so long. I thought you could use a release.” 

“Katniss, I don’t need to pound you against the wall to feel satisfied. Just being able to please you like this is enough for me. You really think I need good hard sex to be fulfilled? You think I need to fuck you senseless for you to be mine?” He sits back on his haunches and lifts the cuffs and the strand of beads into the air.

“Handcuffs, dildos, toys…do you think I need all of this to get pleasure? You don’t think you’re enough for me?” He shakes his head and drops them back into the bag.

“Do you really think that little of me?”

“Peeta, no,” I sit up and reach for him but he moves out of my grasp. 

“Do you realize that was the first time I’ve made you scream with just my tongue, in four months? You suck me off in the shower and you won’t hesitate to get me off with toys but the moment I try to pleasure you, you shy away. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“I’m sorry, I just--“

“I don’t need all of this extra shit, Katniss. I don’t need Capitol contraptions to enjoy my wife. I just need you! I don’t own you, I don’t control you! You say you want me to make you mine but does that really mean handcuffing you and fucking you?  
I don’t need to take you hard and rough. All I want, all I’ve been wanting, is passionate, sensual, regular make-us-climax-together sex, with my wife!” I stare at him in shock as he hangs his head. He shoves the bag aside and moves to get off the bed but I wrap my arms around his neck and climb into his lap. 

“Katniss,” he sighs, turning his head.

“That’s all I want too, Peeta,” I whisper, kissing his jaw. “So make love to me.”

“You don’t want to make love,” he says in a pained voice. “You want to fuck. Hard.” 

“No, I want my sweet, gentle husband to make love to me. I’m sorry…I’ve misread everything. I’m an idiot. But I’ve been wanting you, so much, that I don’t care how we do it. I should have told you to make love to me the way you want to. However you want. I guess I thought that I needed you to…use me the way you wanted to but now I see that’s completely wrong. You’ve never used me. We bring each other pleasure because we love each other. And right now, I really want us to bring each other pleasure.” To demonstrate this, I grind down on top of his lap and his eyes slam shut. I’m glad our little argument hasn’t softened him and his hands move to grip my   
hips. I adjust my position so he rests between my folds and I rub back and forth, skin to skin. 

“Shit you’re going to have to stop that.”

“Can I suck you?” He blinks, those long lashes resting on his cheek as he presses his forehead to mine.

“I would much rather be inside you, if that’s alright.” 

“That’s more than alright.” He nods and rubs his arousal across me. 

“Oh…wait just a second.” He moves me off his lap and I’m instantly confused. But he kneels next to the bed so he can dig through my bag. When he comes back, he   
has a condom in his hand and he leans over me.

“Would you like to do the honors?” I take the condom from him and lean in to kiss him. When we pull away, I fling it across the room and his jaw drops. 

“What-“

I reach down to guide him into me and his hand flies to my hip.

“Are you sure?” I hold his gaze and with a smile, I push against him. His eyes flutter shut and his head drops forward onto my chest. 

“Fuck now I know I’m not going to last long.”

“You feel so good, Peeta!” I wiggle my hips but he seems content being seated inside me for a moment. He glances down as he pulls out and pushes back in; the look   
on his face as he watches us makes me smile. I reach up and push his hair out of his eyes; he captures my wrist and presses a kiss there. I wrap my legs around him, my heels digging into his delicious butt cheeks. I reach down and grab those globes of muscle, relishing how they flex under my palms. The sight of my husband above me, plunging into me, is enough to speed up my climax. As he feels me tightening around him, his eyes widen.

“Damn, again, already?”

“It’s what you do to me,” I throw his own words from long ago back in his face. His lips curve into a smile and he leans back, gripping my ankles so he can support his thrusts. I rake my nails down his chest and stomach and love how his stomach clenches as he nears his own peak.

“Oh shit, Katniss, I love you so much!”

“I love you, Peeta!” I throw my head back and play with my nipples, tweaking them between my fingers. His eyes lock on my hands and he moves a hand up to squeeze my left breast. He releases a strangled cry and jerks forward.

“Oh…shit,” he breathes, gripping my hip so hard there will be bruises. He’s panting but his eyes are worried, anxious even. I try to sit up and reach for his hand.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’m…I’m sorry. You just felt so good and I couldn’t…I’m sorry.” It’s then that I realize that he finished inside me. He hasn’t done that in two years and he’s staring at me in horror. I shake my head and pull him down for a kiss. He’s tense but my hand traveling up and down his spine makes him relax and he turns us over so we are lying on our sides, still connected. 

“It’s alright, Peeta. I wanted that. I’ve missed that.”

“You’re not scared,” he asks softly, pushing a strand of hair out of my eyes.

“I think I’ll always be a little scared but I can’t live life with that fear and worry. Doctor Mersa says this new birth control is the strongest in the Capitol and says we have nothing to worry about. I trust her. And I’ve always loved it when you finish so deep inside me. It’s like you coat my insides with your very essence. I’d be fine if it just stays there.” His eyes are wide and an adorable blush crosses his cheeks.

“Shit,” he whispers, shaking himself. “You seriously cannot say things like that to me.”

“And why not,” I tease. “What if I want to spend the whole night with you buried so deep inside me, that we won’t be able to tell where I end and you begin?” He groans and rests his forehead on my arm, chuckling softly.

“You will be the death of me one day, woman.”

“No,” I say gently. “I won’t be your end.” He lifts his head and his eyes search mine.

“I was a goner from the moment I met you.” I shake my head and lean in for a kiss. It’s sweet and gentle and exactly what we need right now. He breaks the kiss and falls backwards, his arm slung over his eyes.

“So about spending the rest of the night with you buried inside me…” I poke his stomach and he flinches, swatting my hand away.

“You’ll have to give me a minute. Or twenty. But you certainly know what to say to get me going again.” He pulls away and I feel his fingers working at my mask. He lifts   
me up so he can pull the negligee off and he leans down to swirl his tongue around my nipple.

“All of this is sexy as hell, Katniss, but I want to stare at your naked body for as long as you will let me.” He moves his hand up to my hair and he pulls the clip out, causing it to tumble around my shoulders in a sodden mess. 

I spend the rest of the night whispering the naughtiest things in his ear and he uses his cock and fingers to make me scream his name over and over. Since I’ve deprived him of hearing it for too long, I say his name every chance I get and I love the way his eyes light up whenever I do.   
\----------------------------------------------------------------------

We’re both rather sore when we wake up the next morning and Peeta rubs his hips, looking grumpy.

“I’m only in my forties, I should not be this sore or tired after sex!”

“It’s just been awhile,” I try to soothe him, ruffling his hair. “We will work up to it again.”

“You promise,” he asks in a husky voice, wrapping his arm around my waist. I laugh and swat at him.

“I don’t know why I let myself avoid that for so long but I’m so glad we had last night.”

“Me too,” he mutters against my forehead; I pull away and he gives me a look of hurt and confusion.

“Thank you, Peeta.” 

“For what?”

“For knowing me so well. And for knowing what I need. All the time. I can’t understand how you’re so good at it.” He chuckles and runs his thumb over my bottom lip.

“I just pay attention.”

“I’m sorry about how the night started,” I say tentatively. He shakes his head and holds my face with both of his hands.

“You were trying to get past your fears and I can’t fault you for that. And I love you for always thinking of me, and my pleasure. But remember when I told you I’m not   
like most guys? It’s true; I’d rather make it be about you any day,” he releases my face and runs a hand through his hair. “It’s kind of funny, now I think back on it…my brother Ryean always said I must be Capitol-made. I sort of lost that memory with the hijacking,” he says thoughtfully. I stare at him, horrified.

“Why on earth would he say something like that?”

“I think it drove him crazy how devoted I was to you,” he admits sheepishly. “I always tried to be a good kid, get good grades, be friendly and all around, a good guy   
and Ryean always teased me about being Mr. Perfect. But when it came to you…well, I made a fool out of myself plenty of times. And he was a good guy and a great brother but Mom wasn’t always very happy with his grades and he had quite a reputation for taking girls to the slag heap. When Mom heard about that one, she hit him so hard, her ring made his lip bleed. So he was just being funny when he said that and Dad teased that the Capitol would start cloning me.” Can they do that? Actual mutt-Peetas running around the Capitol, making perfect husbands and perfect slaves to the sexually-depraved Capitolites who would have been just fine with participating in the prostitution of Victors. 

Peeta can tell my thoughts have gone dark and he grabs my face again.

“Hey, don’t go there, Katniss. I don’t know what you’re thinking of and I don’t want to know. Just don’t go to that dark place. Stay with me, ok?” I nod and he kisses my forehead.

“Don’t worry, love, you’re the only one who gets to have me. I told Dad they would never clone a scrawny little nobody like me,” he attempts a smile but I shake my head.

“They would clone a handsome Victor.” 

“Well, too bad for the ladies of the Capitol, there’s only one Peeta Mellark and he has been spoken for.” He winks, attempting to lighten the situation and I force a smile.

“Damn right. We should get dressed and go pick up the kids.” He brings my hand to his lips and smiles.

“Last night was incredible and I don’t think I ever thanked you.” 

“I think you did, several times in fact.”

“You always were more about actions than words,” he winks again and pokes me in the side, which causes me to shriek and bend over.

“I really need a shower. A certain temptress seduced me last night and I don’t really want to show up to the kids’ club smelling like sex.”

My jaw drops and my face reddens. He roars with laughter; he always loves getting a rise out of me.

“Well, I could join you in the shower,” I shrug.

“But then I would still smell like sex,” he chuckles. “And you wore me out last night.” 

Fine. I’ll turn the tables on him. I climb on top of him, sitting right on his flaccid cock and splay my palms across his bare chest. The laughter falls from his face and his eyes widen. Just seeing my naked husband underneath me turns me on and I slide back and forth, smirking when I feel him twitch. I throw my head back, jutting my chest out and running my hands up my stomach and across my breasts. I chance a peek at him through lidded eyes and see his teeth digging into his lip, his hands clutching the sheets. He’s fighting so hard not to move so I continue to grind against him, moaning when as it stimulates my clit. 

“Since you don’t seem that interested in having sex with me, I think I’ll just take care of myself right here and now.” He swallows, his eyes locked on my hands cupping my breasts, and then I see them travel down to where I am grinding against him.

“I- I didn’t say--“ I lean back, spreading my legs wide so I can give him an excellent view; his lips clamp shut and he releases a tiny moan when I lower my hand to my folds. 

“Ugh I’m so wet,” I moan, perhaps over-exaggeratedly. “Do you feel how wet I am, sliding all over your dick?” He can barely nod. He’s completely hard now but still stays completely still, undoubtedly waiting to see what I will do. I swirl my fingers around my clit before plunging them inside and I toss my head back.

“Oh god!” I sit up and pull my hand from between my legs.

“Don’t you want to taste me, Peeta?” He nods eagerly and I start to lower my hand to his lips. I pull away and shake my head and he blinks in surprise.

“No, you said I wore you out last night so clearly you’re too tired for this.” I bring my fingers to my lips and swirl my tongue around them. I’ve never done that before but the way his eyes widen is comical. He wets his lips and he is positively panting.

“Katniss.” I grin at the way he says my name, breathes it like it’s a prayer. 

“Mmm, you’re right, Peeta, I do taste good.” I go back to fingering myself and lift my hips so I can rub myself against his arousal. He takes himself in his hand and taps my clit with his head but doesn’t move to push into me. I suddenly sit up and close my legs, falling off of him. He sits up and looks alarmed.

“On second thought, I think I’ll take care of this in the shower. Wouldn’t want to get my “sex smell” all over you.” I whip around and move to climb off the bed but he roughly grabs me from behind and throws me down onto the bed. He leans over me, inches from my face and he shakes his head.

“You are a sly little minx.” I shrug and he smiles as he places a kiss on my forehead before moving down to my nose and then my lips. I reach around to squeeze his ass and he lowers himself over me, propping himself up with his elbows. He doesn’t look away as he pushes into me with ease and my eyes slam shut. He nips at my throat as I toss my head back, already so close. 

“Come inside me, Peeta! Put that sex smell all over me.” He buckles in laughter and nearly falls on top of me. 

“You’re incorrigible.”

“I don’t know what that means but it must be good since you’re still on top of me.” He kisses my temple softly.

“It’s a good thing I love you then.” He picks up his pace and moves to his knees so he can brace himself better. 

After we finish, he leaves tender kisses all over my neck and I sigh in content.

“See? Passionate sex doesn’t have to be rough. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“Of course not.”

“I love you, Katniss. I love every moment with you. I just hope you know much I need you…every fiber of my being worships you and I don’t want you to think I need   
anything else other than that delectable body of yours.” He bends down to take my nipple between his teeth and I gasp as I feel his tongue swirl around. He releases me and leans back, smiling down at me.

“Join me for a shower?”

“Ok fine,” I huff in mock exasperation. He grins as he tugs me to my feet and pulls me into the bathroom. We hurriedly wash each other so we can go get our children. Even though my alone time with Peeta was perfect, I’ve missed my kids.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------

When we show up at the kids’ club, our hands are grasped and I’m sure we have that after-sex glow that Johanna always loves to tease us about. But I could care less.   
Last night was amazing and I finally feel as if I have reconnected with my husband, in a way I can’t even describe. I can’t believe how in-tune he is with my emotions but he certainly proved me wrong about what I thought we needed. It turns out that all I needed was Peeta coaching me through it, helping me find the connection and in turn, reconnecting with myself. I feel more…me, than I have in a long time. And I know I have my husband to thank. I squeeze his hand and he shoots me a grin before leaning over to kiss my temple.

“Let’s go get our little mockingjays,” he teases and I swat his chest.   
Rye and Willow talk over each other in loud voices as we make our way back to the cabin. From the sounds of it, they both had a wonderful time. I think Peeta and I are both rather surprised at how sociable Rye has been; he doesn’t exactly have a lot of friends back home in 12. Willow, of course, is her father’s child; she makes friends wherever she goes and she’s always friendly. Rye takes after me more with the solitude and the scowls. I think when we get back to 12, we should plan a big party and invite more of Rye’s classmates. Maybe he will make some new friends. I mention my idea to Peeta while we pack our bags and he smiles.

“I think that’s a great idea. Our little guy seemed to have a blast last night.” 

Rye and Willow want to go on the ice one more time before we leave so Peeta and I take them and watch them skate around. We cuddle up to each other on the bench, and I’m practically in his lap as he rests his chin on my head.

“Peeta?”

“Mmhm?”

“Thank you for this vacation. It was a great idea.” In more ways than one. He smiles against my hair and kisses my cheek.

“I’ll do anything to see those smiles on my loves’ faces.” We watch our children having fun on the ice. Willow skates near Rye and helps steady him when it looks like he is going to fall. We’re glad to see her being a good big sister again, after they’ve been fighting to much. I suppose Rye’s injury changed some things and I can only hope they will keep it up when we get home.  
\---------------------------------------  
It’s not far to the Capitol’s center, so Peeta rents a car and drives us to our hotel. Olivier invited us to stay in the Presidential mansion, but Peeta politely refused and booked us into a hotel nearby. We’re not planning on staying very long but he has made us appointments at Effie’s academy as well, to find outfits for the winter ball. 

We get in fairly late and Rye has fallen asleep in the car so Peeta carries him inside and we head up to our room to get ready for bed. 

The next morning, we agree to have breakfast at Mellark Family Bakery before we head to the academy. Willow peers into the display cases excitedly, reminding me so much of Prim. Peeta stands behind her, stroking her hair and laughing as he chats with his employees behind the counter. The menu here is different than ours back home so I take advantage of it, and order something new. I whisper to Peeta that it’s delicious and we need to add it to our menu; I hold it out for him to try and his eyes light up. I guess we will see it on our menu soon. 

After breakfast, it’s a short walk to the academy but it’s still quite cold. We hurry along the street, not really stopping to acknowledge anyone.

Everyone is quite excited to see the “adorable Mellark family” and they croon about how much Willow and Rye look like us. One woman actually fingers Rye’s curls and my son’s hand claps to his head, looking scandalized. I have to stifle my laughter as he marches away from her. Rayna has graduated and looks as if she is in charge of the sales floor. She bows low when she sees us.

“I’m so pleased you continue to visit us, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark.”

“Effie does have the best fashion and I know she is proud of each and every one of her students,” Peeta says warmly.

“That means the world, Mr. Mellark, truly. Well, we’ve selected a few pieces for you to choose from for the Winter Ball. We were told winter colors so naturally, we went with white for the family.” My heart falls a little when she opens her arms and the attendants come in, holding a beautiful white dress that looks way too much like my wedding dress Cinna created. 

The dress that turned me into a Mockingjay. The dress that had him killed.

My knees nearly buckle and unsurprisingly, Peeta catches me before I hit the ground.

“Are you alright,” he whispers. I nod faintly and shut my eyes. Peeta clears his throat.

“Rayna, these are truly beautiful. But if you don’t mind, we would rather not be in all white. The color is one from our past and one we would prefer not to think too much about.” Rayna’s eyes widen and she snaps at the attendants, who hurry away with the clothes.

“Mr. Mellark, I am so sorry--“

“No, you couldn’t have known.”

“But I did,” she sobs. “Mrs. Effie did warn me about the color white and how it is associated with…our former president. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories for   
you. Oh Mrs. Mellark, forgive me!”

“It’s alright, Rayna,” I say patiently. “Really. And the children can wear white if they wish. But another color for Peeta and myself, please.”

“Of course.” She hurries out of the room and Peeta strokes my hair.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You want to go sit down for a moment?”

“I’m fine. It’s just…that dress…”

“I know,” he says immediately. “The suit too. They’re like replicas. But now she knows and we don’t have to wear something we don’t want to. We’re finished with those   
days, Katniss. No one is forcing you to go to this tonight, either. If you’ve changed your mind--“

“Peeta. I haven’t changed my mind. I’ll be fine.” He looks dubious but he nods and he kisses my cheek. Willow is examining the dresses and she cocks her head.

“Why is white so awful, Mama? You hardly wear it at home either.”

“It’s just not my favorite color, baby.”

“Well, we know green is but that’s not a winter color,” she says logically. Peeta can’t help but smile and I shake my head.  
Rayna returns with several attendants and she still looks guilty.

“I hope these will be more to your liking.” 

The dress they hold up is beautiful silver satin with a small train that trails behind. It has only one sleeve and a sash tied at the waist. Tiny beads around the waistline   
give it a little extra sparkle, like the woods in the winter time. 

“It’s perfect, Rayna,” Peeta mutters beside me. 

“And you, sir, will match your wife,” she holds up the suit and I have to say it’s a thing of beauty. It matches my dress and there’s a light blue tie that will bring out his eyes perfectly. 

“Let’s try these on you and see what adjustments need to be made.” We’re pushed into a dressing room and I shiver as the dress is zipped up. It accentuates my curves well and the back of it dips quite low; that should drive Peeta mad before the evening is out. 

Peeta is still dressing but my daughter looks beautiful in a long-sleeved white dress with tiny diamonds around her collar and waist. My son, however, is wearing a grey suit with a white shirt and cummerbund. He looks vastly uncomfortable and shoots me a glare, as if I’m the one who forced him into the costume. He doesn’t like this fancy finery any more than I do. Willow, however, spins around and oohs as her reflection.

“Isn’t it beautiful, Mama?”

“You look stunning, Willow,” I say with a smile.

“Daddy!” I turn to see Peeta coming out of the dressing room and I suck in a breath at how handsome he looks. His suit does match mine and he adjusts his cuff as he   
stands with us in front of the mirror. Rayna claps her hands together.

“You all look marvelous,” she does a splendid impression of Effie. 

“Will you be needing a prep team tonight, ma’am?” 

“Oh I think Princess Willow should have someone come do her hair,” Peeta says with a smile. Willow nods eagerly, patting down her hair. I roll my eyes but don’t say anything. Peeta arranges for a prep team to be by the hotel around four, so we have a little while to get ready before the party. 

After we finish at the academy, we have the rest of the day to do what we please. It’s nice walking around the city as a family, without being interrupted by officials who need to drag Peeta off for a meeting. Peeta carries Rye on his shoulders (only wincing a few times, even though I’ve said over and over that our son is getting much too big for that) and Willow walks between us, clinging to both of our hands. I shoot Peeta a sideways grin, which he returns. 

“Whoa, Daddy, what is that?” Rye points to a statue up ahead and Peeta freezes. Willow looks up at us, cocking her head.

“What is that statue, Mama?”

“It’s…well, it’s us.” 

“Whoa, can we see,” Rye rocks back and forth on Peeta’s shoulder.

“Ouch! Careful up there, bud. Let’s head down this street instead, and do some shopping--“

“I wanna see the statue, Daddy!”

“Me too,” Willow practically drags us forward. Peeta sighs and glances at me. 

“Alright,” he says in defeat, and we both tense up as we approach it. We saw it when we were here, years ago, when we were “invited” by Ballyntynn. It’s us in the arena,   
before we were about to swallow the berries. Peeta and I hang back a little while our children rush forward. Willow touches Peeta’s bronze leg, and turns back to us with tears in her eyes. Even in statue form, his leg looks terrible. The artist did quite well at depicting the terrors we faced. 

“Is that what happened to your leg, Daddy?” He nods solemnly and she throws her arm around his waist. Our daughter buries her face in his side and sobs, while Peeta drops to his knees and cradles her close. Rye looks a little withdrawn, running his fingers over the statue. He cranes his head, looking up at our faces and then back at the inscription.

“May the odds be ever in your…ff… favor,” he reads slowly. I visibly shudder and Rye turns back to me.

“Mama?” He watches me for a moment before jumping into my arms. Peeta and I both kneel, at the base of the statue, with our children in our arms. Peeta doesn’t try   
to hide the tears streaming down his cheeks.

“I want you guys to know,” he says thickly. “At this moment, I thought my life was over. I expected to die and I was fine with it because your mama was holding my hand and that’s all I wanted in the world. I never could have expected my life would lead me here. That I could have such precious beings to love. You three give me life. Do you hear me?” He cups Willow’s chin, then turns to tousle Rye’s curls. Rye grins; Peeta is the only one who is allowed to touch Rye’s golden locks. He even glares at me when I do it now but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop anytime soon. He finally turns to me and rakes his finger over my lip.

“I love you three more than anything else in this world,” he says lovingly. Willow clings to his neck.

“We love you, Daddy. You’ve always been our hero.” 

“Mama too,” Rye says as he hides his face in my neck. Peeta nods.

“Your mama and I protected each other, so many times, just like we will always protect you.”

“Just like your statue is protecting the city,” Willow says softly. Peeta starts and I see the surprise in my eyes. I know I never thought of it like that. But I suppose, after   
the war, people did say the Mockingjay and her team did save Panem. Is it possible that the people of the Capitol look up to that statue as they hurry off to work and   
say a silent thanks to the Mockingjay and her husband? 

I shake my head; Too strange to think about. 

Peeta yanks me back to the present and I blink up at him. He’s trying to stand, with our daughter still wrapped around him.

“Hey,” he says softly, rubbing her back. “I know what we all need.” Willow wipes her face with her hand and he sets her down.

“How about we all go get some ice cream before we head back to the hotel?”

“Yeah,” Rye’s demeanor changes immediately and he leaps off me. Peeta smiles as he pulls me to my feet. Willow casts our statue one last look before taking our hands and dragging us away from it as anxiously as she just dragged us toward it. 

We don’t speak about the statue or the Games while we enjoy our ice cream and as Peeta was hoping, both kids are knocked out by the time we get back to the hotel. He grins at me as we put them in bed and our fingers entwine as we slip off to our room to take a quick nap.   
\----------------------------------------

Olivier tried to send a car to pick us up but again, Peeta politely declined and said he would be happy to drive. My husband looks exceptionally handsome as he waits for his girls by the door. Rye paces, looking grumpy and he crosses his arms when we finally emerge from our room. Willow loved being pampered by the prep team and I allowed them to put a little bit of make up on her sweet face. 

“You’re already so beautiful without it,” I tell her as I kiss her cheek.

“I want to look just like you, Mommy.”

“You have your father’s eyes and skin tone but the rest is me,” I wink. 

When she sees Peeta, she rushes into his arms and he gasps.

“Is that my princess Willow? All grown up?” She giggles as he sets her down and he looks over at me, shaking his head.

“You look so much like your mama. You’re stunning.”

“Daddy,” she giggles, which makes Rye roll his eyes.

“Can we go,” he whines.

“I’m going to get one quick picture of the four of us.” He hurriedly sets up the camera on the table, adjusts the settings, and tells us to smile. I blink at the bright light   
and shake my head.

“Alright, let’s get going. Rye, stop fidgeting son. You look very handsome.” 

“Ugh, Dad.” Peeta gives me an exasperated look and I merely shrug as he holds the door for us.  
\----------------------------------

The mansion is splendidly decorated and looks like a real winter wonderland. For a moment, I miss my woods. Even Rye looks taken aback at how real everything looks.   
Olivier immediately comes over to greet us and he bows low over my hand.

“You all look marvelous,” he murmurs as he kisses Willow’s hand.

“Thank you, President Porthos. You are very kind to invite us.” 

“Please, Mrs. Mellark, none of those pleasantries. Being President is still too new. And we did fight alongside each other in the war, after all.”

“Then you must call me, Katniss,” I say gently. He looks taken aback but bows his head.

“As you wish, Katniss. Call me Olivier. And Mr. Mellar--err, Peeta. How are you enjoying your retirement?”

“Retirement,” Peeta chuckles. “That’s an interesting way to put it. Well, I’ve gotten back to baking and painting and spending time with my family. It’s been wonderful.” Olivier nods.

“Good. You deserve it.” The two men share a look and I smile. 

People keep coming up to us all night to introduce themselves, to meet our children, and to thank us repeatedly for ‘our great deed to Panem’. Willow, I think, is touched by everyone’s’ reactions to us. Rye and I are both a little uncomfortable at all the attention but Peeta is as gracious as he always is. I’m glad our children are here because there isn’t really anyone here I would talk to. I’m both pleased and surprised that Gale isn’t here and a little disappointed Pamela isn’t here; I was looking forward to introducing her to Willow and Rye. 

I’m getting tired as the night goes on and I can tell my kids are getting sleepy as well. I try to signal to Peeta across the room that we need to leave soon but he is engaged in a conversation with several of Olivier’s board members. 

“Mama can we go home yet,” Rye yawns, leaning into my dress.

“Soon, Ryekin. We’ll leave soon.” He yawns and closes his eyes. A slow song comes on and I can feel my eyelids start to droop. Peeta’s lips meet my cheek and he   
smiles.

“One more dance before we go,” he whispers. I start to protest, as I can barely move but he kneels in front of Willow and holds out his hand.

“Princess Willow, may I have this dance?” 

“Oh Daddy,” she giggles but takes his hand and he leads her onto the dance floor. He towers over her and I see them trying to talk before she tugs on his jacket and he kneels in front of her. She smiles and flings her arms around his neck and he smiles over her shoulder. They move around clumsily and a few people shoot them looks; some crooning and some disapproving. One of them women looks scandalized and seems to search for me around the room; when she meets my eyes, I scowl and give her a pointed look. I won’t deny my husband this precious moment with his daughter. And I want to cry at how sweet they both look. The happiness on his face is worth every worry and tear that I had about having children. Willow is his miracle. They both are.   
\-------------------------------------------------  
She falls asleep right in his arms and he gives me an apologetic look as he carries her back to me. I’m sitting with Rye slumped over in his seat, and he sets her in my lap.

“I just need to tell Olivier we’re leaving. Two more minutes.” He swiftly kisses my cheek and hurries away.   
\---------------------------------- 

Willow wants to spend some more time in the Capitol but I feel like we have been away from 12 long enough. I’m not too broken up about heading to the train station the next morning and Peeta looks surprised when we have several guards at the station to greet us.

“You’re still a Victor, after all,” I remind him.

“I think it’s less of me being a Victor and more about you being the Mockingjay,” he says with a pointed look. I scowl and ignore the guard’s outstretched hand to help with lifting me onto the platform. 

The train ride home is subdued and our children quietly color in the corner. Peeta and I lay on the couch, my head in his lap while he plays with my hair. It’s peaceful and relaxed and I enjoy while I can. 

“Did you have a good vacation, love,” Peeta asks above me. I nod and reach up to touch his face.

“It was perfect.” He smiles as he kisses my hand then leans down to kiss my lips. I fall asleep a few minutes later and sleep for the majority of the ride.  
\---------------------------------

When we get back to Victor’s Village, Haymitch and Effie are sitting on their porch and he jumps to his feet.

“Well, you're finally back! It was too quiet around here, without the rug rats running around.”

“Granpa,” both kids yell as they run into his arms. Peeta chuckles as he moves our bags into the house. When he’s finished, he grasps my hand and we make our way   
over to them. 

“You’re looking well, Effie,” he gives her cheek a soft kiss and she pats his hand.

“Such a sweet boy, Peeta, you always were. I’m feeling quite well this morning. Been rather sick the past two days but finally this blasted cold is leaving me. Come here   
my darlings and give Mimi a kiss.” Haymitch sets Willow down and they run to Effie, smacking kisses onto both her cheeks. 

“Such sweet little ones,” she croons, patting their faces.

“Would you two like to come over for dinner tonight,” Peeta asks Haymitch.

“Boy you just got back into town and now you want to cook a huge meal?” Peeta merely shrugs.

“We’d better take a raincheck,” Haymitch lowers his voice. “Eff isn’t 100% better and I don’t want to jinx it. Maybe tomorrow night.”

“I’ll hold you to it,” Peeta claps his shoulder.

“We want to hear all about your vacation,” Haymitch opens his arms up to the kids.

“Granpa, it was so much fun! We went ice-skating-“

“And skiing!”

“And we slept in an igloo!”

“Sounds like it was a good family vacation,” he says, shooting me a wink.

“It was lots of fun but we need to unpack our bags and clean our rooms before we start school, right?” The kids groan and Haymitch chuckles.

“You heard your mama, go on. Mimi and I will come by tomorrow for dinner.”

“Ok! Night Mimi!”

“Night Granpa!” The kids run ahead of us back to the house and Effie coughs, which shakes her entire body.

“Let me get better first before I spend time with them,” she sniffles, dabbing at her mouth with her handkerchief.

“Sure Effie. Feel better. We will see you both tomorrow.” We hug them goodbye and hurry back to the house. Peeta tugs my hand in the entryway and sighs heavily.

“She doesn’t look good.”

“Not now, Peeta. She said she’s feeling better.”

“So she says.”

“I don’t want the kids to worry,” I whisper. “Let’s unpack tonight and tomorrow we can go check on her, ok?” He nods, his brow deeply creased and I lean up to kiss his nose.

“Why don’t you start on dinner and I’ll unpack your bag for you?”

“Ok but we probably don’t have much to make.”

“Check the freezer. There should still be some venison in the back.” I hurry upstairs while he goes about preparing dinner and I hear the kids chattering away in   
Willow’s bedroom. I’m stunned to see they are doing what I told them and their bags lie in the floor, unzipped. They’re both happy and my eyes widen when Rye offers   
to help Willow put her clothes away. Maybe this vacation really did help us. It not only reconnected Peeta and me, but reconnected the four of us as a family.


	75. Chapter 75

During dinner, both of our kids are very chatty. I turn to Katniss with a raised brow and she seems to be trying to hide her smile. Rye hasn’t talked this much in I don’t know how long. Katniss reaches under the table and grasps my hand; I hold it still on my knee and shoot her a smile as we go about our dinner.

When I am standing up to serve dessert, there is an urgent knock on the door. Katniss and I trade worried looks before she drops her fork and hurries to the door. I stay with the kids, if only to keep them calm but I listen intently to whoever is at the door. I suddenly hear girlish squeals and I’m shocked that I can decipher Katniss as the one who is talking excitedly. I tell the kids to eat their dessert and peer around the corner.  
Annie and Katniss are hugging tightly, and Annie is crying. She spots me and tears herself away from Katniss’s arms.

“Peeta, come here!” I warily approach the girls- I can count on one hand how many times I have seen Katniss squeal like a little girl- and reach out toward her. Annie holds out her hand, which is when I see a sparkling silver band. My eyes widen and I throw my arms around her.  
“Oh Ann, congratulations!”

�“I wanted you two to be the first to know! After Finn, of course. But he already knew so it didn’t really count.”�

“Finn knew?”�

“Riley wanted to ask for Finn’s blessing before he asked me. Finn told him he didn’t need permission to marry me but I think he appreciated the thought. I need to go home and call Johanna but Katniss…you’ll be one of my bridesmaids, won’t you?"

�“Of course,” Katniss says eagerly, hugging her again. I smile to see how touchy-feely my once anti-social huntress has become. 

“Oh and Peeta, I’m sue Riley will ask you but he wants you to stand beside him.” 

“Like his best man,” I ask, shocked.

“You’re his boss and you were one of his first friends in 12. He respects you and looks up to you.”�

“I’m…honored, Annie, I really am.” Annie kisses us both and throws up her hands.

“There is so much to do! And Riley wants it as soon as possible.”�

“You want to get married here…or in 4?” She stops and bites her lip; I instantly regret asking her that. 4 was hers and Finnick’s safe haven. Finnick is everywhere in 4. 12 is where she met Riley, so that’s where she should marry him. 

“We haven’t discussed it…and 4 used to be my home…but I think I would feel…” she trails off and sighs. I squeeze her hand.�

“Wherever you marry him, Annie, Riley will be happy. You’ll both be so happy.”�

“Thank you Peeta,” she says warmly. I can tell her thoughts are racing. “I’m not…betraying him?” I know who she’s asking about. Katniss glances at me before taking Annie’s other hand.

“Finnick would want you to be happy, Annie. He would want you to keep living your life, even if it’s without him.”�

“He will always be with you, Annie. Nothing will change that. But it’s time to do something for yourself again. It’s time to find something that will make you happy.”�

“And Riley does that,” Katniss finishes for me. “I can see the glow in your cheeks when he’s around. If he makes you smile like that, Finnick is happy.”

�“As is Finn. As are the rest of us.” Annie sniffles as tears stream down her cheeks and she throws her arms around both of us. I have to bend my knees to be at the women’s’ level, as I’m still a good bit taller than both of them. But I deal with the discomfort as we comfort our friend. Finally she pulls away and I stand up straight. I wince as shooting pains invade my legs.

“Thank you both. I love you guys.”

�“We love you too, Annie. You’re our family.” She squeezes both our hands, wipes her face, then pulls the door open and makes her way back toward her house. I close it and shake my head.

“Wow. Another District 12 wedding.”

�“I expect Jo will be calling soon to discuss details. And if Riley wants it soon, that means we need to get to work.”

�“I’ll have Riley and Annie come in together to figure out details of their cake. Let’s go tell the kids.”

�My little princess immediately asks if she gets a new dress for the wedding and I have to stifle my laughter as Katniss looks quite pained. I think we are both surprised that our daughter has turned into quite the little fashionista but honestly, I think Prim could have been the same way if her life had been different. If she had grown up Merchant, she could have been one of those little blonde-haired girls gushing about her new dress that her daddy bought her. Luckily that’s not ALL my daughter gushes about; she’s equally excited about her art and school and baking. As much as Katniss wanted a daughter, I imagine she expected them to have some similarities. But my wife and my daughter are as different as they come and I wish I knew how Katniss really feels about that. 

Katniss tugs my hand before I can take care of the dishes and I let her lead me to our room. The kids have gone to sleep and I groan when I see my suitcase lying open on the bed.

�“I’ll take care of it tomorrow,” she whispers as she moves it to the floor. I’m about to argue when I see her slip her shirt over her head and quickly shimmy out of her sweat pants. She’s breathtaking, standing by the bed wearing nothing but a pair of lavender satin panties and a matching bra. Her hands fidget by her sides, which means she’s nervous. For what reason, I have no clue. She already knows, or should know, I’m a pathetic mess when she’s involved. She completely unmans me and turns me into a puddle on the floor whenever she just LOOKS at me. And the way she’s looking at me right now…it’s partly predatory but partly shy, like she’s waiting to see what I will do. After this vacation, I can proudly say we’ve brought intimacy back to our lives. THANK HEAVENS. I was a little stunned when she threw all caution to the wind the other night and dared to let me claim her as my own. After a slight misunderstanding and a small argument, we got right back on track and are exactly where I want us to be. I kneel on the bed and pat the covers, to indicate where I want her. She bites her lip as she joins me, kneeling in front of me and reaching out toward me. I hold her hands and they slowly travel up my arms to wind around my neck. She nuzzles close to me, and I suck in a breath as I feel her lips on my throat.

“Take off your clothes, Peeta.” I’m out of bed and out of my clothes so fast that my head starts to spin. I kneel before her, still in my black boxer briefs, though they have no way of hiding how much I want her. She smiles as she cups me in her palm and my head tilts back slightly. But my eyes shoot open and I reach down to stop her from going any further. Before the vacation, this would be a regular occurrence. She would initiate it, would take me into her mouth, and then claim she was tired before I could take my turn with her. I finally got my turn on vacation and told her how it’s been making me feel; I think she understood how much it hurt when she shied away like she’s been doing. And every time I made her scream with my mouth or hands, it was glorious. But now that we’re back home, I don’t want her to go back to doing that. I gently lean her back until her head hits the pillow and her hands rest above her. I grin as I lean down and take her nipple between my teeth. She arches her back and moans my name; good start. 

“What do you want, Katniss, my love,” I ask as I kiss a path from her throat down to the valley of her breasts.

“Peeta,” she pants above me.�

“Mmmhm?” I bring the cup of her bra down so I can take her full breast into my mouth. She shrieks and turns to hide her face in the pillow. The one downside to being back home is no more privacy. The kids could wake up and then we would be in even more trouble. She tries to stifle her screams as my tongue travels around her bellybutton teasingly, then along the edge of her underwear. She writhes underneath me and I’ve barely touched her; damn, I can never get enough of her. My hand splays on her thigh and I admire how beautiful we are together. My pale skin stretched over her delicious olive flesh. 

And I’m pleased to say that things don’t regress as I worried they might. In fact it feels just like it used to. Katniss just had to find herself again, so she could find us again. And I helped her as best I could. When the kids go back to school, I go back to my old routine of sneaking home on my lunch break so we can have a quick round in the kitchen or on the couch. We were slightly deterred when Haymitch walked in on us last week; apparently we were being too loud and too clumsy and we sent a few vases crashing to the floor. Neither of us cared and I took her right there on the rug in front of the fireplace. We heard a door open and then snap shut, and as we waited in horror, we heard Haymitch’s voice on the other side of the door.

“They’re just fine, Effie. And now thanks to you, I know what Peeta’s bare ass looks like.” I hid my face in Katniss’s chest and refused to come out of hiding until I knew Haymitch was long gone. It put a damper on things but Katniss knows how to get me going again.   
After we finished, we quickly cleaned up the mess and pretended nothing was wrong when Haymitch stopped back by. He glared at us and shook his head in disgust.

“Lock your damn door, will you? Can you imagine if Effie had come over instead of me? You would have killed her!” We dissolved into giggles when he left and Katniss shook her head.

“He’s right though. Remember to lock the door when you come home from the bakery, alright?”�

“Katniss, sometimes I’m so hard that I barely remember which house is ours!” She wrapped her arms around my neck and I closed my eyes at the feel of her fingers in my hair.

“And what gets you that hard, my love? While you’re kneading dough, you’re thinking of kneading my breasts like that? You thrust against the counter like you want to thrust against me right now? You mix up the icing while thinking about that night you painted my body with frosting and then licking it all off?” Her eyes sparkled as I stared at her, my body completely frozen. Well, definitely not my WHOLE body. One part, in particular, was alive and well and was prodding at her thigh impatiently. She smirked and glanced down.

�“I guess you think about all of it.”

�“Fuck you,” I growled. “I didn’t think about those things but now you can be damn sure I will.”

�“And you’ll hurry home twice as fast on your lunch,” she purred before she moved away. I glared at her retreating back and made my sudden move. She squealed as I threw my arm around her waist and pulled her to the couch. 

Sure enough, the next day in the bakery, thoughts of a frosted Katniss made it very difficult to get any work done and I stammered to Rory and Theta that I needed to go home early. The kids still had two hours left of school so Katniss and I made very good use of those two hours.

With all the sex we’re having, I’m slightly worried about another surprise pregnancy. Katniss has assured me that the birth control she is on now is the best but that doesn’t mean something can’t happen. And with our odds, it will. I would hope after two years, she might be ok trying again but I don’t want to bring it up just yet. But we’ve got almost two years to make up for so I don’t complain when Katniss throws me onto the bed and has her way with me. 

As spring rolls around, we have a new challenge. I’m making dinner while Katniss has gone to pick up the kids. When they walk inside, Willow looks very pale.

“Baby what’s the matter?”

“Rye, Willow, why don’t you go wash up for dinner while Daddy and I talk?” Oh this does not sound good. Katniss watches them walk up the stairs before she turns back to me.

“We have a problem.” She quietly explains that Willow was in tears when she picked her up. Their teacher has given them an assignment having to do with the Hunger Games. Apparently, as Reaping Day is coming up, they all have to watch the final Reaping in the classroom and then pretend to have an actual Reaping. Their homework assignment is to interview someone who actually went through the Reaping, ie their parents or grandparents. Even their gym assignment will be a Hunger Games arena, where the kids who are Reaped will compete. 

I’m livid and I can tell Katniss is too.�

“She’s ten,” I say angrily. “Kids aren’t even Reaped until they’re 12!”

�“I know. I think…well, I would like to go speak to her teacher about this. I don’t feel comfortable with this assignment and I think she’s too young. If they want her to do it when she’s twelve, fine, we have another year. But Willow was torn up about it and tried to explain to her teacher who her parents were. Her teacher isn’t stupid; I know she knows who we are and what this might do to Willow. I think we should go together.” 

I’m worried because I don’t want the teacher to take it out on our daughter. Or say that just because we’re Victors we want special rights. But I agree with Katniss and say Willow is too young to learn about the Hunger Games. She’s certainly too young to go through a fake Reaping.�

“The final Reaping they’re watching…the Quarter Quell?” Her lips tighten and I swallow. Willow has never seen any holo images of her mother and I. The thought of her sitting in a classroom, watching her parents being dragged off to die, makes my blood boil. 

“Yeah. Let’s go talk to the teacher tomorrow.” 

I don’t know if Katniss spoke to Willow about the assignment but she doesn’t mention it at dinner. After we eat, we gather in the living room to work on different projects. I’m designing Annie’s and Riley’s wedding cake, Katniss is helping Rye with his science project, and Willow is solving her arithmetic problems. She’s still rather pale and subdued and I sigh as I put my drawings aside and sit down beside her.

“Hey princess, you ok?” She nods without looking at me.

“Willow,” I say gently. “Look at me, baby girl.”

She lowers her pencil and sighs, as her blue eyes meet mine.

�“Mama and I will take care of it, ok?”�

“I don’t want to be different, Daddy.”

�“You’re not. You’re a citizen of Panem and District 12, just like your classmates are.”�

“I’m a Victor’s child and the daughter of the Mockingjay,” she says miserably. “That’s different.” 

“So? I’m a Victor’s child and the son of the Mockingjay,” Rye says proudly. “We’re the same.” 

Katniss smiles and tousles his hair, which earns a disgruntled “Mom!” But Willow doesn’t look convinced.�

“People are going to talk about me, Daddy. And I don’t want to watch the Reaping. It’s you and Mama, isn’t it? That’s what Granpa said. The last Reaping is you and Granpa Haymitch and Mama. I don’t want to see that.” 

“I don’t want you to see it,” I say quietly, blinking back tears. “But it’s part of our history. And if your teacher says you have to watch it, then you’ll have to watch it. But Mama and I are going to talk to your teacher tomorrow to try to explain.”�

“Don’t get me in trouble,” she grumbles, picking up her pencil again. I smile and kiss her head.

“Never, princess. We just think you’re too young for this.” 

“Can I see it too,” Rye asks excitedly.�

“When you’re older, Ryekin,” Katniss says, stroking his curls. 

“You always say that,” he says grumpily. I chuckle and kiss my daughter’s cheek before I climb back onto the couch and pick up my designs.

�“Daddy?”

�“Mmhm?”

�“Do you think they’re going to make us watch…actual footage?” I lower the designs and shoot Katniss a worried look.

“I don’t think they’ll show that,” she says, shaking her head.

“What if they do? What if they…show Daddy losing his leg?” 

“Well, they cut off my leg after we won so you won’t see that,” I shrug.�

“Peeta,” Katniss says sharply. Well damn, what does she want me to say? We obviously can’t stop Willow from seeing everything if it’s in school. Maybe we can call Finn and ask him if they showed his class footage. To better prepare ourselves, I suppose.

“I’m going to call Finn. I’ll be right back.”�

“It’s late, Peeta, Coral is probably asleep. We can go see him tomorrow.” 

“I can’t, Mama,” Willow whimpers. “I can’t watch that. I can’t.” 

“Oh sweetheart.” Katniss moves across the floor quicker than I’ve seen someone move; she cradles our daughter to her chest and kisses her forehead. I watch their two dark heads rock back and forth, one with a single braid, the other two braids with red bows. 

“You are the daughter of two Victors, my precious Willow Rose,” she murmurs in the silent room. “You are stronger than you know. You have your father’s strength and your mother’s courage. You are a Mellark, do you know what that means?” 

When Willow shakes her head, I set the designs aside.

“It means you come from a long line of strength and determination. And from your mother’s side, you have a healing touch and more bravery than you can possibly imagine.”

“Your daddy’s right,” Katniss mutters as she continues to rock her. “You have a fire inside you, sweetheart. You just need to find it.”

“Will you sing, Mama?” My lips turn up into a smile; Willow and Rye are both like me and choose Katniss’s angelic voice as their healing power above anything else. I relax against the couch as her voice lifts into the air and settles a peacefulness over all of us. 

Rye falls asleep quickly but Willow stays up, her lip quivering. Katniss strokes her hair and cuddles up behind her.

“We will do everything we can, Willow. We can’t keep you from it forever but another year at least.”�“Maybe you’ll be more ready to see it next year,” I say half-heartedly. But I can tell by the look on her face that she might not ever be ready. 

When she falls asleep, we tuck her in and both kiss her gently before I pull Katniss from the room. 

Katniss’s breathing is steady so I know she’s almost asleep. I’m afraid to close my eyes, however. I know tonight is a night I will face my demons. Any time the Games or my time in the Capitol is mentioned, I fight off the nightmares all night. Katniss starts and moves her head further down my stomach and my hand rests in her hair. Maybe her arms will keep me safe tonight. I close my eyes, hoping for peaceful dreams.

\---“Peeta?”   
I feel pain everywhere and I can’t move. I don’t want to open my eyes but her voice sounds so injured and pleading. I feel a soft hand brush my hair back, trembling fingers at my neck.

Is she crying? Katniss Everdeen doesn’t cry.  
My eyes flutter open and her silver orbs widen. They’re glassy and they search mine.

“Careful,” I wince at how weak I sound. “There’s a force field up ahead.” She lets out a sound that’s a cross between a laugh and a sob.

“Must be a lot stronger than the one on the Training Center roof. I’m all right though. Just a little shaken.” Her lips crash upon mine and my eyes widen. This just confirms it. I’m actually dead. I’ve died and gone to a place where Katniss Everdeen kisses me because she wants to. 

This place is better than heaven.   
The kiss is wet and admittedly there’s too much tears and snot and drool but her lips feel perfect against mine. 

“You were dead!” She rises above me and pushes my hair off my forehead. “Your heart stopped!” She claps her hand to her mouth and her entire body shakes with her sobs. 

“Well it seems to be working now,” I try to soothe her. Those loud, wracking sobs don’t stop. I focus everything I have on moving my arm and try to lift my hand to her cheek.

“Katniss?” She grasps my hand and holds it to her face. Her teary eyes search mine and I search hers, for what, I don’t know. Anything to tell me that this is real. That she is actually crying over me. But then, Katniss is a terrible actress. Everyone knows it. And those tears and splotchy cheeks are pretty convincing.

“It’s ok. It’s just her hormones,” I hear someone say beside us. I crane my head and see Finnick Odair, looking quite out of breath. “From the baby,” he adds.

And just like that, my world comes crashing down again. I’m back in this death arena, where Katniss is pretending to love me for the cameras. I tear my hand away from her face and she sniffles. 

Not real. Not real.----

“Not real. Not real.”�

“Peeta?”

�“Not real! She doesn’t love you! Not real!” 

“Peeta wake up!” I feel someone shaking me and I swat at whoever it is. 

“Stop it. I just got to sleep.” I’m sure I’ll be punished for that. The guards like to keep us awake as much as possible. Cheek is faced with beatings. I brace myself but the beating doesn’t come.�

“Peeta, please wake up! What you’re seeing isn’t real.”�

“Not real. She wanted you to die in the arena.”�

“No! Not real! That’s not real, Peeta.”�  
Soft hands caress my face and I instinctively draw back. Another trick, I’m sure. To lull me into thinking I’m safe. They’ve done it before and it makes the pain so much worse.

“Peeta please open your eyes. It’s Katniss.”

�Katniss! What is she doing here? My eyes shoot open and I see her leaning over me.

“Katniss!”

�“I’m here, Peeta,” she croons.�

“No, you can’t be here! Why are you here?” She looks puzzled, her mouth opening and closing uncertainly.�

“Are there others, Katniss? Is this a rescue mission?” Her face softens and she sighs.

“Yes Peeta. I’ve come to rescue you.”�

“But you didn’t come alone, did you?” My voice is too high-pitched for my liking but if this girl really risked her life like that, I might strangle her.

“There are others,” she assures me and I relax. But then I stiffen again.

“Is Gale with you?”�

“No. He stayed behind. He’s working with Beetee on a plan to bomb the Capitol.” I don’t really care but I’m glad to hear he’s not a part of my rescue mission.

“Ok then what are we waiting for? We have to grab Annie and Johanna and get out of here!” I bolt upright and grab her hand. 

My cell is down a ways from the girls’. I put a finger to my lips and lean against the cell door.

“How did you get in here?”

�“The doors are unlocked,” she whispers. “Just push it open.” I do and let out a sigh of wonder. 

“Where do we need to go?”

“Peeta wait.” I turn back to her and she takes my face in her hands. Her lips crash onto mine and I freeze. Is this really happening?! When she tears away, I gape at her.�

“What was that for,” I ask weakly. Her eyes seem to be searching mine for something.

“Just…don’t let him take you from me.” I frown.

�“He won’t. You saved me.”

�“So you-“

“Listen Katniss, this might be the conversation of my dreams and I might be an idiot for postponing it but if we don’t get out of here, those guards will come back and find us.” Her face falls and she nods. 

“So where to?”�

“Um…we need to wait for a signal. Outside.” 

She bites her lip and I frown as she holds the door open. I make my way past the other cells, keeping quiet. There’s still no sign of peacekeepers or my torturers so I suppose Katniss’s group must have held them off. I see Annie’s door is open but Johanna’s is closed. I see her eyes flicker between mine to the cell doors and she shakes her head.�

“Peeta-“�

“I won’t leave them here,” I say firmly.

“No, of course not. But maybe you should…go wait for the signal while I get them.”�

“There’s no time,” I hiss desperately. Doesn’t she understand?! No, I was the one being tortured and beaten. She hasn’t felt an ounce of the pain they’ve inflicted on me. Angrily, I shake away her hand and turn back to the cell.

“You get Johanna, I’ll get Annie.”�

“Peeta, wait-“ I hurry into Annie’s cell and shake her awake. She looks very confused as I knew she would.

“Mama?” She’s addressing Katniss and baffled, I turn to look over my shoulder. Annie has always been a little off. My face softens as I rest my hand on her shoulder.

“Annie, Katniss has come to rescue us. We have to get out of here, now.” 

“I don’t understand-“

�“I know but we don’t have time to explain. Just come with me.” She stares at my hand but grabs it and I pull her from her bed. Katniss is waiting with Johanna at the next cell and I nod.�

“Good, we can go now.”

�“Daddy?” Johanna looks like she is about to cry. 

“It’s ok, Jo. You’re safe now. We’re getting out of here.” She turns and throws her arms around Katniss.�

“Mama,” she cries. Johanna and Annie have been even more messed up than I realized. Katniss pats her back sympathetically and shoots me a look over Jo’s shoulder. I can’t make sense of what I see in her eyes but I hear a noise and I jump.

“It’s ok, Peeta,” Katniss says soothingly. “Ok, you two. We are going to play a game. We’re going to go downstairs with D- Peeta, alright?”

�“It’s no game,” I say angrily. “We have to get out of here now! Do you realize what could happen if they find us? Do you?”

�“Peeta--“�

“They will kill us, Katniss. And I don’t mean quickly. Do you see these bruises?” I lift my sleeves to show her what they’ve done to me. “They torture me with knives and pipes. Sometimes big heavy whips and they beat me till I’m unconscious--“�

“Stop,” Johanna shrieks. “Make him stop!” I feel awful for reminding her of her torture but I’m trying to make Katniss understand.

“So you understand why we need to go.” Katniss nods but the other girls don’t move. Annie looks lost and Johanna is in tears. 

“Sweetheart, just trust me,” Katniss mutters to Johanna. I’m taken aback by Katniss’s affectionate nature and the nickname. She isn’t known for either. Shaking my head, I lead them down the hall of cells and peer around the corner.

“We need to get to the kitchen,” Katniss whispers behind me. I crane my head around to look at her.

�“The kitchen? Why?”�

“That’s where they hide the weapons,” she says slowly. 

“That makes no sense whatsoever.”�

“Well, our sources tell us that’s where they are. So let’s go.” She grips Johanna’s and Annie’s hands and we tiptoe down the stairs. I didn’t know there was anything below our cells. I’d thought we were at the lowest level, where the torture chambers are. I shudder to think what else Snow could have hiding down here. 

“The kitchen is up there on the left,” she says. I nod and continue to lead the way. I hear her trying to console both girls and I bite my lip, wishing I could help. I’m too intent on getting the hell out of here though. I peer around the corner and make a left. I blink and look around. Katniss has moved away from me and across the room.

“I don’t see any weapons.” 

“They’re hiding them. Check the cabinets.” 

“This is ridiculous. There aren’t any--“ I gasp as I feel a needle in my arm. Behind me, Johanna and Annie cry out in terror. 

“They’ve found us,” I gasp as I fall to the floor.

“Katniss get out of here! If anything…happens to you…I can’t…” I see her face swimming over me and then nothing but black. 

\----------------------------------------------------- 

My head feels so fuzzy and I reach up to run my hand through my hair. My eyes feel heavy and I groan as I open them. Katniss is sitting beside me, chewing on her thumbnail. Her face is pale and streaked with tears. She looks terrified.

“Katniss?” She starts at her name and turns to look at me. But she doesn’t throw her arms around me or even move toward me.

“Peeta are you alright?”

�“Um, I think so. My head…feels really weird. What happened? Why am I…why are we in the floor?” She moves to sit on her knees and just stares at me.�

“Katniss, what the hell happened?”

�“Tell me something, Peeta. Something real.”�

“Something real?”

�“Yes.” I start with what I know.

“My name is Peeta Mellark. I was in the Hunger Games. My home is District 12. I married Katniss Everdeen. We have 2 perfect children. I love them with all my heart and soul.” She sighs and buries her face in my chest. My arms strain to come up and wrap around her and she releases a loud sob. I start and try to pull back to look at her but she straddles my lap and wraps her legs around my waist. I gasp as she winds around me even tighter.

“Katniss, talk to me.” 

“Not yet. Just hold me, Peeta. Just keep telling me things you know to be real.” She must have had a nightmare. Did I have a flashback? Must have been an intense one because I can’t remember a thing.

But that doesn’t explain why we’re both lying in the kitchen floor.   
Oh god, did I hurt her? 

“My favorite color is orange, like the sunset. Yours is green, like your woods. I’m a baker and a painter. You’re my huntress, my Diana, my goddess of the hunt. Our daughter’s name is Willow Rose. Our son’s name is Rye Archer. We lost a daughter named Lily. Your favorite scent is lavender. Your favorite cake is vanilla with a chocolate filling. You look gorgeous in any color but when you wear blue, your eyes become this brilliant molten silver, not just grey, but sparkling silver. I have painted you over a thousand times and each time and I have still never been able to get the color of your skin right. Your scowl might be one of my favorite things about you. You had a sister, Primrose, whom you volunteered to go into the arena for. You would give your life for your family.” 

I go on and the list gets longer. Some things are inconsequential and some are major details of our lives. She clings to me, still not saying what she’s so afraid of but I’m content to just hold her. 

It’s our daughter’s shrill cry that makes her jump off me. I try to stand but she holds a hand up.

�“Just stay here. You’re still sort of weak to walk up the stairs. You’ll probably feel a bit fuzzy for a few more hours.”

�“What? Why would I…Katniss, wait!” She runs out of the kitchen and up to our daughter’s bedroom. I try to move but find it too difficult. Glancing around, I notice a syringe lying under the table. 

What the hell? I reach out and try to pick it up with a shaking hand but find I can barely lift my arms; I narrow my eyes.   
What the fuck happened to me? 

Did Katniss do this? No. She wouldn’t. She knows how I feel about…I drop the needle and shake myself. I focus on trying to move my legs and cry out in anger when they don’t. 

Katniss returns and freezes when she sees the syringe beside me. She knows I’ve seen it. I glance down at it and back up at her.

“You going to tell me what happened?”

�“I’d rather not but I know I need to. First, how are you feeling?”

�“Quit dancing around the fucking subject and answer the question,” I say angrily, beating the floor like a child with a temper tantrum. “Why can’t I fucking move?” 

“Because I drugged you,” she shouts back. I stare at her, unable to process what she’s just said. Her shoulders shake as she drops into the chair beside me and hides her face in her hands. 

“Katniss I swear to god if you don’t start talking right now--“�

“Don’t you dare threaten me,” she growls, turning to glare at me. “I did what I had to do to protect our children!”  
I feel as if she’s slapped me.�

“I would never harm my kids,” I say so quietly, I’m not sure if she’s heard. 

“Not physically, no. But they don’t understand, Peeta. Your dream…I couldn’t wake you from it. You were just lost and you brought the Capitol with you.” I manage to unstick my throat. 

“What does that mean?” She stares at the floor as she tells me what happened. How I forced my children out of their beds and into a twisted nightmare. I glance sideways at the syringe. She answers my unspoken question.

“Haymitch thought it would be a good idea to always have that stuff on hand, in case your flashbacks got out of control. I told him I wouldn’t carry it with me. So I kept it on top of the fridge. I basically forgot about it. Until tonight.”�

“When did he give it to you?”�

“Mom did. It was a long time ago. Before we were even living together. It’s an easy way to knock you out but you know, your flashbacks used to be more violent than that…this time you were so trusting and I didn’t want to hurt you. I just needed to end the nightmare. The kids are pretty shaken up.” I blink back tears. I turn away from her and hide my face in my hands.

“A monster. I am a fucking monster.”

�“You are not a monster, Peeta. They poisoned your mind, THEY are the monsters! Not you!” I don’t turn when I hear her chair scoot back but I tense when I feel her sit behind me and rest her cheek against my back.�

“You do realize that if I were able to move right now, I would have run away from this house and hidden somewhere you couldn’t find me.”�

“Where do you think you can go that you think I can’t find you,” she says into my shirt. “We deal with this together, Peeta, like always. You didn’t hurt any of us. The kids were startled but that’s it.”

�“They won’t understand,” I feel tears stream down my cheeks. “All they know is that something terrible happened to their father. What am I supposed to tell them, Katniss? What will I tell them when they ask me?” 

“They don’t need details. They just need to know their father loves them and will still protect them. That’s it.” 

It takes awhile for the drugs to wear off and even then, I’m extremely weak. It makes me uneasy to know that there is a drug that will leave me completely immobile; although I should probably for grateful for it. It just feels like another fucking secret Haymitch and Katniss have kept from me though.

She supports me up the stairs and I turn away from her as she offers to help me change into fresh clothes. I’ve sweat through the ones I’m wearing. I hate being an invalid and she knows this. She strokes my hair and I feel her lips at my temple.

“Peeta look at me.” I can’t but that makes her angry.

“Damn it, look at me!” My eyes meet hers and she holds my neck in both of her hands.

“Peeta, I would have died if you hadn’t returned to me.” She’s said this before and I always manage to stop her. I shake my head but she stands up on her knees and at the moment, I’m powerless to calm her.

“No, I need you to listen to me. I know you think I would have been just fine. That I would have found a way to go on without you. And maybe you’re right, your death would have added fuel to my hate fire for Snow. But what would have happened after that? After Snow was killed? I would have died because you were gone.”�

“Katniss, Prim might have survived and she would have needed you.”

�“No she wouldn’t,” she says very quietly. “She was growing up. And in a world after a rebellion, she wouldn’t have been hungry anymore. She would have become a doctor. Settled down and had a family. She wouldn’t have needed me. No one would have needed me.”�

“Gale,” I say before I can stop myself. “You would have married Gale and he would have taken care of you.” Why am I doing this to myself?

“Maybe for a little while but I would have driven him away too. You’re the only one I haven’t managed to drive away. You’ve loved me against all odds. And I don’t think you’ll ever stop.”

�“I won’t,” I assure her. “Nothing in the world could ever make me stop loving you.”�

“It seems you’re right. Tracker-jacker venom, torture, war, nightlock…something inside you just kept on loving me.” 

I pull her hand to my chest, where she can hear my heart racing.�

“That,” I tell her earnestly. “That’s what has always loved you. And it will forever beat for you.” She takes my hand and brings it to her chest. I smile at her unspoken meaning. I tilt my face up towards her, pleading for her lips. She complies and her lips meet mine in a feathery light kiss. She breaks away but presses her forehead to mine. I’m grateful that she doesn’t move far.

“We should get some sleep. I’m sure you’ll have a bit of a headache in the morning.”�

“Already do. But I want to make breakfast and apologize to the kids.”�

“Peeta they know what happened--“�

“No they don’t. Not really. I need to apologize. And make sure they know I’m alright.” She doesn’t try to argue with me anymore. We fall back onto the pillows and sleep comes quickly. 

\-----------------------------------------------------  
When I wake, my muscles are sore like I’ve put them through a work out. I can’t help but think, rather bitterly, the Capitol bastards could have used this stuff on me. Works faster and a lot easier than beating the shit out of me. 

I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. Obviously I’m susceptible to flashbacks right now. Don’t think about anything that might set you off. 

I turn and glance at my wife, who’s still sleeping. She wears a little frown, her brows furrowed together that tells me her dreams aren’t peaceful. I love to watch her when she burrows in my arms. The first time I burst into her compartment on the train, and she asked me to stay with her, I couldn’t stop my arms from shaking while I held her. As she drifted off, the fear and panic vanished from her face and she looked so calm. I watched her sleep, her head on my chest and looking more relaxed than I’d seen her in ages. Possibly more than I’d ever seen her. I mean let’s face it. I didn’t get to witness too many happy childhood memories. I watched her starve to death and she didn’t smile too much when she traded with my dad. Only Prim could make her smile in school; Gale did occasionally but it was rare. Since Gale was ahead of us in class, they weren’t together a whole lot until they were in the woods. And after the Reaping, there were very few times we actually smiled. I did get to see the moment that sisters were reunited; her genuine joy crossed right to me and I didn’t care that I had come home with one leg missing and that she had just told me that everything she said in the Games was fake. I was such a loser for this girl that I was just so happy to see Prim running into her arms and crying that she had come home. Then Prim turned to me and launched herself into my arms, thanking me. She clutched my neck and thanked me for keeping her sister alive. I think Katniss might have scowled at me; everyone knows it was the other way around but she didn’t say anything and she grabbed her sister’s hand and dragged her to their new home. 

So now that I am married to her and she’s a completely different person than when we left the district together for the first time, I’ll do whatever I can to see that smile. I bend down and kiss her between the brow. She mumbles something and stretches her arm, before repositioning her head on the pillow. I smile and nuzzle her cheek before I kiss her again, making my way down to her chest. I leave soft kisses in my wake, and gently lift her nightshirt so I can kiss her below her belly button. Her stomach flinches and I glance up at her to see her chewing on her lip. I glance sideways at the clock. I still have some time before the kids will be up. 

Enough time to put a real smile on my wife’s face.   
\-----------------------

“Are we still going to talk to Willow’s teacher,” she calls from the bathroom. I pull a shirt over my head and run my fingers through my damp hair.

“I think we should. Despite the fact that we think this assignment is a horrible idea, Willow is still too young. I just don’t know if the school will see it that way.”�

“I have no problem with homeschooling her the rest of the year,” she says with that familiar scowl as she joins me in the closet.

“The school year is almost over,” I chuckle. “And we can’t take her out of school. She likes it too much. Let’s just see what the teacher says. Then we can come up with a plan.” 

“I’d rather just show up with my bow and arrow.” I snort and lean over to steal a kiss.

“That’s my girl on fire,” I mutter in her ear. 

“Thank you for not calling me mockingjay.”

�“No I know how much you hate that. I’m going to get started on breakfast. See you downstairs.” I grab a blue plaid shirt that Katniss has told me makes me look very “fuckable” (I swear my wife has been taking lessons from Johanna. The things she says now adays would have made the old Katniss blush) and pull it on while I walk downstairs.

I don’t hear any sounds coming from my kids’ rooms so I tiptoe past and head to the kitchen. 

Willow is sitting at the table already, her hand around a glass of milk.�

“You’re up early, sweetheart.” She jumps and tenses. I bite my lip as I open the fridge.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she mutters. Despite the fact that I told Katniss I want to apologize to them, I don’t know how to handle this.

How do you tell your children you’re sorry for dragging them into your nightmares? Nightmares about real events, horrible things that actually happened to their father? 

“I’m going to make some scones for breakfast. Do you want to help me?”�

“Scones? I’ve never made scones before.” I smile; she’s temporarily distracted and I set the ingredients out in front of her.

“They’re not easy but they’re delicious. Your grandfather only made them a handful of times. Your grandmother insisted no one in the district would buy them.”�

“But they were good?”�

“Really good. Here, measure out the honey for me.” 

Since baking requires concentration and reading recipes, there isn’t a lot of time for us to talk about what happened last night. I’m grateful because I need time to think about what I am actually going to say. I don’t want to lie to my kids and I certainly don’t want to sugarcoat anything but I don’t know how to describe the hijacking in ‘kid-friendly terms’. 

“Daddy, is this right?” She tugs my arm, and I examine her work.�

“Looks perfect. You want to mix up the maple glaze?” 

As the scones are finishing up, Katniss and Rye walk into the room and I want to cry at how wary Rye looks. Katniss, however, lifts her head and sniffs.

“Someone is making scones this morning!”

�“Mama’s nose is a gift,” I nudge Willow and she giggles.�

“What are scrones,” Rye asks, taking a seat at the table.�

“Scones,” I correct. “They’re like little cakes.”

�“Cake for breakfast,” he lights up immediately and grabs a fork. Katniss shoots me a wink and I hide my smile as I drizzle the glaze over the scones.�

“Alright, I made two different kinds. This is maple pecan and this is blueberry with a lemon glaze.”�

“It always astounds me to see what you can bake in such little time,” Katniss says with a smile.

“I helped,” Willow raises her hand and I lean over to kiss her hair.

“You sure did. I love when my little ones help me out.” I bite my lip again and glance at Katniss. She’s determinedly staring at her plate but I reach for her hand and hold it on the table. She gives a little squeeze and it’s all the courage I need.

“We need to talk about what happened last night.” Willow and Rye freeze and I can hear the birds chirping over behind Haymitch’s house.

�“Daddy is…so sorry, guys. I was having a nightmare and I just couldn’t get out of it. I didn’t mean to scare you and I hope you know I would never, ever hurt any of you.” 

“You thought I was Aunt Annie,” Rye says softly. 

“Kids, I haven’t told you everything about…what happened before you were born. I probably won’t ever tell you everything. There are some things…a lot of things, that I have tried to forget. But I’ll tell you…after your mama and I went back into the arena again…well, your Granpa Haymitch saved your mama and couldn’t save me.” 

“What,” Rye says with wide eyes.

“Why couldn’t he save you,” Willow asks tearfully.

“I asked him to save your mama instead of me,” I say carefully. “And he did. He couldn’t save everyone. So Daddy was….taken prisoner. And Aunt Johanna and Aunt Annie too. And lots of bad things happened to us. Things I don’t ever want you guys to know about. Your mama doesn’t even know all of it,” Katniss squeezes my hand again. “But they did something terrible to my mind. They poisoned me, so that I would become a different person. A person who does very bad things. To people I love. And even though we won the war and I married your mama, that poison is still in my mind.”

�“Is that why you have to grab the table and your face gets really red sometimes,” Willow asks softly. I want to cry and just hold my family.

“Yes,” I say, swallowing thickly. “That’s why. And it’s why Mama and Daddy have nightmares. And you hear us cry at night. And why you’ve seen me act differently. I love you guys more than anything…you two and Mama…you’re my whole world. But I lose my way sometimes. Daddy loses his way and just needs some help coming back. Mama has always helped me but sometimes it’s not enough. And I’m so sorry for scaring you last night. I hope you both can forgive me.” 

There’s only silence and I can feel my heart tearing into tiny pieces.�

“I wasn’t scared,” Rye finally speaks, straightening up. “It was like a game! A cool, scary game.”  
Willow rolls her eyes.

“You were so scared.”�

“Was not!”�

“Was too!”�

“Was--“�

“Kids,” Katniss says softly. “You both did wonderfully last night. And we helped Daddy find his way back to us. We’re just asking you to understand what’s happening and if Daddy needs our help again, we can help him.”

�“Of course we help him,” Willow says, leaning over in her chair so she can hug me. Rye, too, jumps down from his chair and runs over to me. I kneel in the floor so I can hold both of them and only Katniss can see the tears running down my face.


	76. Chapter 76

Our breakfast talk went a lot longer than I expected and with a gasp, Katniss realizes the kids are almost late. We run around the house, grabbing their bags and their projects, and urge them out the door. Rye forgets his favorite notebook and then Willow shrieks that she forgot to feed Prince. 

We pull up to the school, already ten minutes late.�

“Great,” Katniss mumbles. “They’re not going to take kindly to us being late and requesting accommodations.” I squeeze her hand and help the kids out of the car. Willow waves to us and runs ahead. 

“Wait, why isn’t your sister waiting for you?”

�“I don’t wanna walk with her,” Rye says, wrinkling his nose. Katniss rolls her eyes.

“Go to class, baby. We will see you after school.” She bends down to kiss him and he recoils.

�“Mom!” I stifle my laughter as he looks around, scandalized, even though the parking lot is completely empty. Katniss sighs as he grabs his backpack from her and takes off running.

“He’s a man now,” I say as I wrap my arm around her shoulder.

“I thought we would have a little longer before that whole ‘I’m too old for this’ stuff started. And I always wanted to walk with Prim.”�

“Little boys are different. Besides, I’d thought we’d established that you were nothing like Willow as a child.”�

“I guess that’s true. I just thought I still had a few more years of kissing my babies goodbye.” 

“Well, we could always have another one, to kiss all the time,” I say in my best teasing tone. But she doesn’t say anything and looks straight ahead so I swallow and tap my fingers on her shoulder.

“Should we see if Finn is busy first?”�

“That’s what I was thinking too,” she says softly. “He will know more about what we’re up against.”�

Luckily, Finn’s first class isn’t for another hour and he is prepping his office. His face lights up when he opens the door and he pulls us in for hugs.�

“I’ve been meaning to come by but Coral keeps me so busy! Don’t know how you guys do it with two of them!”�

“It’s not easy,” I chuckle. “But it’s worth it.”

�“Well has Mom called you yet? She found the wedding dress she wants but she has to order it from 2. She was hoping you and Aunt Jo would go with her this weekend to see it.”�

“I haven’t talked to her yet but she knows all she needs to do is ask,” Katniss says with a smile.

�“Thanks Aunt Niss. Mom is…she’s so happy. Happier than I’ve ever seen her.” 

“We’re excited for her, Finn. It’s going to be a beautiful wedding.” He nods and turns back to his desk.�

“I would offer you some tea but I’m running low on supplies.”

�“That’s ok. We won’t keep you long. We were hoping to ask you something.”�

“Shoot.”�

“Finn, when you were in school and were learning about the Hunger Games…how, um…how graphic were they?”�

“The Hunger Games were nothing but graphic,” he says slowly.

“No we know that,” Katniss says impatiently. “Willow is about to learn about them and we want to know how much she will learn.”

�“You want to know how much they talked about you.” I sigh and glance sideways at Katniss.

“It just seems a really young age…to learn all this.”

�“I started hearing about them in school when I was ten. But I didn’t see any actual textbooks or anything on it til I was fourteen. That’s when they started teaching about important figures and we learned names. Specifics.”�

“About us,” I say in a low voice.�

“Aunt Katniss is…was the Mockingjay,” he says reasonably, shrugging. “And you’re her husband. Her Victor turned rebel husband. Of course we heard your name a ton of times. And Mom’s and Aunt Johanna’s and Haymitch’s…my Dad’s,” a shadow is cast over his face and he swallows. Katniss reaches out to pat his shoulder and he forces a smile. 

“My point is that yes, we learned a lot about you guys. And luckily, I had you both to explain some things. Willow has the same. She is kind of young but it doesn’t surprise me, to be honest. Our new president is really big on preserving history and making sure we all know how our independence was won. Uncle Peeta, you weren’t crazy about rebuilding the arenas but President Porthos is doing it. So it doesn’t shock me that the curriculum is younger ages now.”

�“Willow has a project,” Katniss says thickly. “She is going through a Reaping in class and then has to interview someone who experienced a Reaping. I know there’s hundreds of District 12 citizens who experienced a Reaping, and tons more who came from other districts. But I know her teacher expects her to interview us.”�

“They’re doing an actual Reaping?” He looks ill.

�“And they’re watching footage from the final Reaping. Afterwards, the kids who are Reaped are competing in some kind of arena.” I say flatly. Finn’s face falls. I don’t think he’s seen the Quell Reaping but he knows we and Haymitch were the only ones Reaped. He also knows his father and mother were Reaped together. 

"‘That’s really sick,” he finally says. 

“I agree. Do you think we can talk to her teacher? Ask her to excuse Willow from these…projects until she’s old enough?”

“Kids weren’t even Reaped until they were twelve,” Katniss says angrily. “Willow is under Reaping age anyway.” 

“I’m not sure if it will help but you can always try,” Finn says uncertainly. I can tell he isn’t too hopeful. Which means Willow will most likely come home in tears, questioning us endlessly. 

“Willow is a lot smarter than we give her credit for,” he offers. “She understands more than we think she does.”�

“Oh I would never underestimate my daughter. She’s seen my episodes and even…experienced one of my nightmares last night.”

�“Long story,” Katniss says at Finn’s confused look. “But Peeta’s right. She’s very smart. But she said herself she won’t be able to watch these videos. And what happens if they show footage of the actual Games? Seeing her mom and dad and aunt together in the arena?”

“I don’t know Aunt Katniss. All you can do is talk to them about it. Her teacher, Lyssa, is only a few years younger than you guys, I think. I believe I remember her saying she came from 13.”�

“Great. Bet she hates me already,” Katniss huffs.

“None of that,” I quietly chastise. “Alright, where can we find this Lyssa?”�

“Miss Norbert’s class is in that building across the lawn, first floor, third door from the exit. Her planning period is right after lunch so maybe you can come back at lunchtime and ask to talk to her. I might be able to go with you to sort of, introduce you. You know, teacher to teacher.”

�“That would be so great, Finn, thank you.”�

“Of course, Uncle Peeta. You know I may not know every detail about the Hunger Games and the rebellion but I know enough to understand our country is completely changed because of you guys. I know Willow and Rye are very proud of you.” Katniss pats his cheek and he smiles that cocky smile I remember seeing on Finnick so often. 

“We’ll be back at lunchtime then. Have a good lesson!”   
\--------------------

“We’re not far from the bakery,” I take her hand. “Let’s go get some cheesebuns to clear your head.” She grins and wraps her fingers around mine.

�“You know me too well.”�

After checking on everyone in the bakery and saying hello to my customers, I head to the kitchen to swipe a few fresh cheesebuns. Rory grins as he tosses me a bundled sandwich.

“You should probably feed her something more substantial than cheesebuns.”�

“You know that’s all she wants,” I laugh as I tuck the sandwich into my shirt pocket. “Actually, Rory, do we still have that basket we carry the deliveries in?”  
\--------------

Katniss sits with a cheesebun and a latte at one of the corner tables and I set the basket in front of her. Her brow raises as she looks up at me.

“I thought we could have a picnic in the meadow while we wait.”�

“I love that idea.” She stands and kisses me; my face heats up as I realize we still have about seven customers in here, all looking at us, I’m sure. Whatever happened to the Katniss who hates public displays of affection?

When she pulls away, I’m breathless and I grip the handle of the basket.

�“Um…you ready?”�

“Yes. Thank you for the latte, Giselle. It was great.” Giselle shoots her a smile from behind the counter as she turns to the next customer. I hold the door open for her and follow her down the path that leads to the meadow. 

Just like everything else in Panem, the meadow has changed so much. It went from a simple field of dying plants to a mass graveyard with smoke still lingering in the air, to this lush field of blooming dandelions. I know they won’t stay this way but the bright yellow plants puts an extra spring in Katniss’s step as we approach. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so excited about dandelions before,” I tease. She sticks her tongue out and runs ahead of me, running right through some of the dandelions that have already matured. The white cotton balls go everywhere as she kicks and squeals. I feel like I am watching a teenage girl playing in the field right now. At this moment, Katniss, with her long braid and her basic tee shirt and jeans, looks more youthful than I’ve seen her in years. She grabs one of the white dandelions and holds it in front of my face. My eyes widen and I give her a baffled look.

“Make a wish,” she exclaims. 

�“What would I wish for?”

�“I don’t know! It’s your wish, not mine.”

�“Katniss, I have everything I could ever want. I don’t really need to wish for anything. You make a wish.”�

“Fine. We’ll share this wish.”

�“It won’t be as potent this way, will it?” I tease but she holds it between us and looks very serious.�

“You’re right but I think it is still powerful for both of us. Ready?” I’m not sure whether to be even further confused or laugh at her strange behavior.�

“Sure.” She nods and closes her eyes; I do the same and rack my brain.

What do I wish for? I have the woman of my dreams, two beautiful children, I’m carrying on my father’s legacy while doing what I love, the world is finally at peace, my friends are happy and healthy, and I wake up everyday to live this incredible life.

What on earth could I wish for? 

My thoughts finally land on one tiny thing and I take a deep breath. We both blow on the seeds at the same time and the ball of fluff is no more. Katniss opens her eyes and drops the stem before she throws her arms around my neck. Her kisses are fierce and passionate and nearly knock me off my feet. I force myself to pull away; I don’t think Willow’s teacher will appreciate us looking and smelling like sex during our meeting. She pouts a little, which makes me laugh. I stroke her bottom lip with my thumb before giving her one more kiss.

“Let’s eat.” She opens the basket and spreads out the blanket I packed. I lay down and she drapes herself over me. There is a light breeze in the air but it’s a pleasant day and I relish in the simple pleasures. 

After our lunch, Katniss’s head rests in my lap while I weave a crown of dandelions and braid it into her hair. A memory stirs and I bite my lip. My hands have frozen and she’s noticed.

“What’s wrong?” Her hand on my cheek makes me start.

“We’ve done this before. Real or not real?”

“Real. The roof of the tribute training center.” I nod; I vaguely remember us throwing something off the roof and her lying with her head in my lap. We talked and no one bothered us. The memory is a little fuzzy but I mostly remember her sleeping peacefully in my lap. 

“I’m sorry,” I say, as I always do when I have to ask her if it was real.

“I wish you would stop apologizing,” she huffs. “It’s not your fault.”�

“You were never really fond of ‘Real or Not Real’,” I tentatively remind her.

“If it helps you with your memories, you know I’ll do it. Besides, back then I was nothing but a selfish bitch.” She sits up and I lament the empty space. Sighing, I push myself closer to her and cover her hand with mine.�

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”�

“You didn’t. I just…forget sometimes. I’m so happy with you that I forget what happened. And I get angry with myself because I should never forget. That would make Prim’s death meaningless.”�

“Oh honey no. There is nothing wrong with trying to forget. We can try to forget the pain but we will always remember our loved ones. Those memories will never leave us.”�

“Promise me, Peeta? Promise you will never forget me…or this.”�

“I can promise you, Katniss, I could never forget this life with you. Or how much I love you.” And I seal this promise with a soft kiss. 

\-------------  
We start heading back to the school and see a lot of the kids are outside eating their lunches. We make a beeline for Finn’s office and are relieved to see he is free.

“Hey,” he jumps to his feet. “Great timing, I just finished my lunch and planning.”�

“Here, we brought you this,” Katniss pulls out the last cheesebun and Finn’s eyes light up.

“I always love Uncle Peeta’s baking! Come on, Miss Norbert’s classroom is this way.” 

We follow Finn through the halls and I admittedly feel a little strange. It doesn’t seem that long ago that we were walking halls like these. I would always have my group of friends I hung with but I could always catch sight of Katniss, all by herself. After the Games, we didn’t go back to school; I guess the Capitol doesn’t care about Victors’ educations. Since our school was burned down, we don’t know where anything is or just how many buildings there are!

“It’s so big,” Katniss voices my wonder.

“More and more people started to come to 12,” Finn says in front of us. “I heard Haymitch say that District 12 had to actually expand its borders when it started to be rebuilt. Otherwise we would never have fit everyone.” He peers into a door and knocks. He waves to someone on the other side and the door is yanked open.

“Finn,” a pretty young woman answers with a bright smile. “What can I do for you? I’m sorry, I was totally engrossed in my lunch.”

�“You’re fine, Lyssa. I’m actually here with a few friends. Mind if we come in? Keep eating, lord knows our lunch breaks are already too short.” Her eyes widen when she sees Katniss and I and she holds the door open.

“Please come in.”   
She waves to the little chairs in the front.

“I’m afraid these are the only chairs I have in here but please, have a seat.” She sits on top of her desk, her leg crossed over her other. Her tight skirt rides up her thigh and I determinedly stare at her face. Katniss hasn’t seemed to notice but Finn shoots me a smug grin. I can’t help but roll my eyes. He really is just like his father. 

“Miss Norbert, I hope you pardon the intrusion,” I start as politely as I can. 

“Oh it’s fine,” she waves her hand. “I have a planning period right after this so I have plenty of time.”�

“Lyssa, this is Katniss and Peeta Mellark. Willow’s parents.”

�“Yes, of course. I mean, who doesn’t know about the Mellarks?” 

“I imagine you know why we’re here?” Katniss asks hesitantly.

�“I must confess I don’t.” Katniss blinks in surprise. 

“We are here about Willow.”

“Oh?” 

“Miss Norbert,” I shift in my seat. “I’m sure you can guess how difficult Willow’s life has been, being the firstborn of two Victors. Two…famous Victors.”�

“Uh huh,” she says, a trace of bitterness on her face. OK wrong approach to take. I shoot Finn a pleading look.

“Lyssa, Peeta and Katniss are among those who are just trying to live normal lives. As normal as they can anyway. I know my Mom suffered a lot and she isn’t even as well known as these two. She had to move us from our home in 4 because there was so much gossip and it was hurting her. She didn’t want me to grow up around all of that. So she brought me here, so I could be raised around other Victors. People who understood what she had gone through. They rebuilt this country together. And they would just like to live their lives in peace.”

�“I fail to see how this has to do with Willow…or me.”�

“I know that learning about the Hunger Games in school is standard,” Finn goes on. “I had to learn about them myself. But I was a lot older when we went through that lesson. Willow is only ten years old. Reaping age is twelve! Don’t you think that’s kind of young to go through a Reaping reenactment?”

�“Kids are learning about them from their parents and grandparents now. I don’t make the curriculum, Finn. It’s just our history.”

�“No but you do have the power to excuse a student and give them alternative work,” Katniss says anxiously. Lyssa’s eyes fall on my wife and I shiver; they are the same cold grey that Coin’s were.

“What my wife means is, is that we are afraid that Willow is too young for this assignment and that it will have a grave effect on her mental state. She already experiences aftereffects of the Games at home, when her mother or I have nightmares, or I have flashbacks from my torture in the Capitol. When someone points at her and calls her the Mockingjay’s daughter. She lives with it everyday. And she really loves school. We are just worried she isn’t ready for this assignment quite yet.” 

“And what would you have me do, Mr. Mellark? Allow one student to sit out while the rest of her classmates have their names in a bowl? That wouldn’t make her feel like an outsider too?” 

“Have her do some other kind of project. Maybe she could even join someone else’s class so she--“�

“You are asking for an exceptional amount of special accommodations,” she cuts me off. “And I’m afraid it just can’t be done. You ask us to treat Willow like any other student. So her name shall go into the Reaping bowl, like everyone else’s.”

�“And you’re going to make them watch the final Reaping? Footage from the Quarter Quell? You understand that Peeta, Haymitch and I were the only ones in that Reaping! You don’t think that will make her feel alienated?” Lyssa and Katniss are shooting daggers at one another and I hastily break in, if only to save Willow from future retribution. 

“Miss Norbert, we really don’t want any trouble. And Willow loves your class, she is a very bright student. We are just asking you to understand our concerns about this particular subject matter.”�

“I understand your concerns, Mr. Mellark. However, there is nothing I can do. Unless you are prepared to pull Willow from school for the remainder of the year, she will have to complete this assignment. And if you do, she will have to repeat this year again. So you see it really is pointless to do that.”

“Have you ever experienced a Reaping?” Katniss’s voice is deadly soft. Lyssa looks mildly bored.

“Pardon?”

�“You heard me. Have you ever experienced a Reaping?”

�“I hardly think--“�

“You grew up in District 13, didn’t you? Underground. Military style. You had no idea what it felt like to go hungry every day or watch your friends and family fight to the death. You have no idea how it feels to have your name in that bowl and pray with every breath you have that fingers will slip and your name will be avoided. You have NO IDEA how it feels to be paraded around like a prize pig, waiting for the slaughter!” Katniss has jumped out of her chair and Finn and I hastily stand on either side of her.�

“Aunt Katniss,” Finn tugs her arm.

“No. Finn, your father suffered years of the Capitol’s treatment. YEARS. They bought and sold his body until there was hardly anything left for your mother to hold onto. And he came on our mission because he believed in fighting. He believed in destroying that Capitol. So that our children never had to know how it feels, to be Reaped, to be carted off to a death arena, to be used by the Capitol. That is why we fought! That is why I became the Mockingjay! So don’t you dare tell me ‘it’s just our history’. It’s very real and very personal to us. And you, in District 13, had no idea what we were going through!”

“Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, I think this meeting is finished. Please see yourselves out.” Katniss doesn’t hesitate; she storms out of the classroom, slamming the door behind her. I wince and Finn mutters his apologies behind me. I glance back and see Lyssa is watching us with narrowed eyes and her face is screwed up in hatred.

That feeling of dread is magnified tenfold when I realize that now, because of us, our daughter has a target on her back. And whether it’s real or fake, her name will be pulled from that Reaping bowl. 

My daughter will be a tribute in the 76th Hunger Games.


	77. Chapter 77

I’m fuming as I lean against the lockers. My face gives off heat and my heart is racing.

How dare she? How DARE she! Little Miss District 13 has no idea what she is asking these children to experience.

My little girl, my poor Willow Rose, is going to watch her parents murder innocent people.   
And because of me, she will have to compete in some sick, twisted version of the Games. 

I tried to keep quiet. I tried to let Peeta do the talking, as usual, but the more those cold eyes bore into my soul the more angry I got. She blames me for Coin, I can already tell. And I don’t expect people to fall at my feet. In fact, I hate when people come up to shake my hand or thank me. I wasn’t alone, I want to tell them. And the sacrifices were too great to mention. So what makes me great? I want to ask them but I also don’t want to hear their answers.  
I hear Peeta’s prosthetic clunking against the floor as he hurries to catch up to me. Finn stands behind him, staring at the floor. I feel terrible for saying those things about his father but as he said, he’s experienced the gossip and the drama that surrounds Victors. 

I sigh and press my forehead to the locker. Peeta’s arms enclose around my waist and rests his chin on my head.

“I just doomed our daughter to the Reaping.” 

“You weren’t alone in there, Katniss. It’s my fault too. Maybe we should have just kept quiet and she would be safe. Now I think we have to face the very real possibility that we will be training our daughter for the Games.” I blink back tears. I could care less if it’s only some stupid project. The fact is, Peeta and I will be mentors.

Like we were going to be if the rebellion hadn’t happened. Mentoring our own child.

I clutch my stomach and feel sick. His hand rests on my back and he whispers soothing words behind me but my head is so fuzzy, I block them out. I bend over and grip the trashcan in front of me. 

That’s what Snow wanted, wasn’t it? He would have ordered Peeta and I to have children and then would have them Reaped as soon as they were of age. And we would have been their Mentors.  
It’s disgusting. I wish I had made his death longer and more painful. 

Burn him in my own flames. That would have been quite a headline.

I don’t remember leaving the school but Peeta must have dragged me away because when I blink and look around, I see that we are on the path toward the bakery, quite a ways from the school. 

“Listen to me,” he says firmly, gripping my shoulders. “We will get through this together, alright? Don’t disappear again. Don’t think about leaving me. I need you in this so stay with me.” 

“I can’t do this, Peeta. I can’t…we’ll be mentoring our own daughter! Our ten year old daughter!”

“Let’s not panic until it actually happens, Katniss. Her name hasn’t been pulled yet.”

“You and I both know that teacher will do everything she can to make it happen,” I say tearfully. “Didn’t you see the look in her eyes? She hates me for what I did to Coin. She’s like every other 13 citizen, thinking I should have been executed.”

“Stop it. Katniss, you have to pull yourself together. Even if she is Reaped…this is just a game.”

“The Hunger GAMES, Peeta. That’s what it was. A Game, a spectacle for the Capitolites to enjoy. A spectator sport. You root for your favorites, you cry when they get killed, it’s SICK!” I clap my hand over my mouth, remembering those words coming from   
someone else. 

“I know. But we can’t do anything about it. Except make sure our baby is prepared. She isn’t going to die, honey, at least we can take comfort in that. At least we will be watching, knowing she will still be alive when those cannons go off.” 

“Peeta, please. Use your influence with Olivier. Call him and ask him to stop this. I don’t understand why they are making the kids do this. There is a difference between remembering and trying to relive it!” 

He squeezes my hand and his warmth transfers over to me. I drop my head against his shoulder and blink back tears.

“It’ll be alright,” he mutters in my ear. “I promise. It’ll be alright.”   
\-----------------------------------------------------

When we get home, Haymitch and Effie are enjoying lunch on their porch and they wave us over.

“Come join us, kids, I just grilled and made lots of extra.”

“You grilled?!” Haymitch shoots Peeta a glare while my husband chuckles.

“Yes Peeta, you’re not the only one in Victor’s Village who can cook, you know.”

“Oh ignore him. He’s just grumpy because I told him his hotdogs were burned. Come join us children. Katniss, darling, why are you looking so glum?”

“Long story,” I mumble.

“Well, we have time,” she says with a kind smile. Haymitch sets a plate in front of me and I suddenly feel very hungry. The cheesebuns seemed like hours ago. But I can’t bring myself to say it. Peeta takes a swig of lemonade and wipes his mouth.

“We just came from the school. They’re doing a project on the Hunger Games.”

“What kind of project,” Haymitch asks, wrinkling his nose.

“A Reaping,” I spat. Haymitch and Effie both look horrified.

“They’ll do a Reaping in each class and then their gym final is an actual Hunger Games. They’ll also watch the final Reaping and footage from the Quell. On top of all that, they’re supposed to interview someone who has been through a Reaping and write an essay.”

“They sure are jamming that shit down the kids’ throats this year,” Haymitch growls. I nod gloomily.

“Oh Katniss, I’m sure little Willow is safe,” Effie pats my hand.

“I just put a target on her back,” I say softly. Haymitch looks to Peeta for an explanation and Peeta quietly tells them about our talk with Willow’s teacher.

“Well, girl on fire strikes again,” Haymitch cackles. 

“Haymitch,” Effie hits his chest and I glare at my plate.

“It’s not funny, Haymitch. Because of me, Willow is going to be Reaped.”

“Sweetheart, you’re a pain in the ass but not everything happens because of what you do; it’s who you are.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Think about it. Even if you hadn’t gone down to the school, you honestly think the teachers would have passed up an opportunity to Reap a Mellark, the daughter of the Mockingjay?” 

“You’re saying she’s been targeted because of who she is,” Peeta says through gritted teeth.

“More like who you two are but yeah, you get the idea. It’s not your fault, Katniss. And at least it’s not real.”

“That’s what Peeta said. It doesn’t make it any less horrifying though.”

“I’ll agree with you there. What the hell are these educators thinking?”

“I hear tell that President Porthos is planning to rebuild the Quarter Quell arena and open it to visitors,” Effie says quietly. 

“I refused to sign that order when I was in office,” Peeta sighs. “I guess Olivier pushed it through.”

“He seems like a people pleaser,” Haymitch grunts. “Wants to give the people what they want and they want more things of the Games and the Victors. I still haven’t been to that lovely museum you opened.” 

“Hey that wasn’t my choice. I didn’t even know about it until Gale told me.” 

“Oh speaking of Gale Hawthorne! Did you hear he’s remarrying?” Effie leans toward us, looking excited.

“No. To whom?” 

“Oh dear, why have I forgotten her name? That Capitol director you all love to work with.”

“Capitol director?” Peeta turns to me, looking baffled. I shrug, just as lost.

“Yes! Oh she was part of the mission with you all…her camera crew…”

“Wait a minute! Cressida?” 

“Yes! Oh that’s it. Cressida!”

“Cressida is already married,” I say, my eyes wide. “Where did you hear this from?”

“Her marriage to that journalist ended about a year ago, I believe. I think I heard that she and Gale had to work together on a project for the reconstruction of the arenas and they just announced their engagement last week.” Of course I haven’t spoken to Gale in   
ages but I’m surprised Cressida hasn’t called us to tell us the news. Perhaps Gale told her the last time he saw us and they feel awkward. I should call her and congratulate her.

“Wow,” Peeta finally says. “That’s…well, I’m happy for them both. It sounds like they will be good for each other.” 

“I’m surprised you didn’t know. Aren’t you and Gale still friends, Katniss?”

“Um we sort of fell out of contact,” I shrug.

“Yeah. In other words, your husband threatened him to back off,” Haymitch chuckles and Peeta’s eyes narrow.

“He was drunk and all over her. I requested that he stay away from my wife in that state. Not that I needed to do anything; we all know Katniss can handle herself quite well.” Haymitch raises his glass to me and winks. 

“Effie, how have you been feeling?”

“Quite wonderfully, dear. My last doctor’s appointment was last month and they said I’m doing very well. I’m still a little tired but that just comes with age. Haymitch and I have been walking around the district at night and we are trying to go to that new   
gymnasium to work out a few times a week.” 

“Gotta get back my pre-Games body,” Haymitch laughs as he slaps his stomach. Marriage has definitely done him well; aside from not drinking anymore, he eats healthy meals and watches his weight. I’m pleased to see what a positive influence Effie has on him. 

“That’s great. Maybe I should join you at the gym. I need to lose a few pounds myself,” Peeta looks down and pokes his stomach. I frown; since when has he been worried about his weight? True he doesn’t have the solid abs he had as a teenager but he barely   
has an inch of extra fat on him. 

“Oh yeah, Peeta, I can see what all that baking has done to you,” Haymitch says sarcastically. 

“Hey don’t joke. I sneak cookies when no one is looking. Just look at these love handles.” He grips his side and gives me a withering look. I roll my eyes and poke his belly button, which makes him jump.

“Shut up. You could eat a hundred cookies a day and still be skinny.” 

“Well, I didn’t make any kind of dessert so sorry about that,” Haymitch wipes his mouth with his napkin.

“That’s alright. Thanks for lunch, Haymitch, it was great. I think a nap sounds nice before we pick up the kids.”

“Sure. A nap. Just make sure to close the windows before you take a nap, will you?” 

“Oh honestly, Haymitch,” Effie covers her eyes with her hand. Peeta has a rosy blush to his cheeks.

“Sure Haymitch. You do the same.” Haymitch’s jaw drops, Effie looks mortified, and Peeta is staring at me in shock and awe.

“Touché sweetheart,” he winks. Ew.

We say our goodbyes and hurry back to our house.

“I can’t believe you said that,” Peeta says as he closes the door behind us.

“He’s always teasing us. I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine.”

“Yeah but the Katniss I used to know would never make a joke like that. She would blush redder than I did.” I shrug.

“Maybe having two kids changed me.”

“It certainly has,” he grips my waist. “But I loved you then and I love you now.”

“Want to show me how much?” His eyes widen as I rip off my shirt and run toward the stairs, throwing it in his face. His eyes are dark when he catches up to me and his lips meet my shoulder. 

“Oh I’ll show you how much,” he growls as he nips at my collarbone. I nearly buckle against him. 

“We have two hours before we need to pick up the kids.”

“Plenty of time to show you how much I love you,” he buries his face in my neck. I giggle and tug him up the stairs.   
\-------------------------------------------

We lay in bed, our bodies glistening and our legs completely tangled, his hand stroking my hair. I glance up at him and he gives me a sleepy smile.

“Peeta…Olivier will listen to you.”

“Oh Katniss, are we back to that?”

“Why are you not more horrified about this?”

“I’m plenty horrified,” he says angrily. “But you heard Haymitch. Olivier is a people-pleaser and the people want to remember the Games.”

“No, the CAPITOLITES want to remember the Games! Those in the districts want to forget about them and move ON with our lives!” He sits up and faces away from me.

“If the arenas are being rebuilt…Olivier has to know about the new curriculum. There’s no way he can’t. Which means he has approved it.”

“So call Paylor. She’s reasonable and hated the Games. She’ll talk some sense into her nephew!”

“I’m not going behind the president’s back, Katniss. What power do you think I have anymore?”

“You’re still a Victor, Peeta!” But he just shakes his head and I dissolve into sobs. I can’t comprehend why he isn’t more upset about this. In fact, I expected him to be fighting tooth and nail to stop these Games, just like he did when we were Reaped. 

 

Am I making too big a deal about this? Haymitch and Peeta are right; it’s not real. These kids are not going to be slaughtered. My daughter will be just fine.   
But I can’t stop the tears. Even when he pulls me into his arms and holds me from behind, his lips pressing to my temple. 

“Alright,” he mutters in my ear. “I’ll call Olivier tonight. I can’t promise anything. But I’ll do what I can.” I bury my face in his neck and I notice his face is rather damp and I don’t think it’s from my tears.  
\----------------------------

I am dreading picking up my kids and seeing Willow’s face when we tell her the news. Or maybe the teacher will have already told her. I can imagine Miss Norbert taking her aside and telling her that her parents are no one special and under no circumstances will she be shown any special treatment.   
My fists clench and Peeta notices immediately.

“Hey, easy there tiger,” he grasps my hand and pulls it to his lips. “You won’t have to see that teacher again.” I glare at the window; he knows me too well and sometimes, I hate it.   
Willow and Rye are waiting together and wave when we pull up. Willow looks happy so I’m guessing Miss Norbert hasn’t said anything. Peeta gets out and they leap into his arms. I sit in the car, watching them with a smile. It comes so easily to him. I wish I had actually paid attention to how he acted with his own father when we were younger. I remember the baker being kind and soft-spoken but that’s it. And I can’t really say I’m overly fond of a man who allows his wife to beat his sons. 

I jump as the doors yank open and Rye leans over the seat to give me a kiss.

“How was school?” They talk over one another, telling us how their day went. 

“Mama, Miss Norbert let me pick whatever color I wanted today AND she picked me to read aloud.” 

“That’s great, sweetheart,” I cast Peeta a confused glance. He looks as worried as I feel. What’s she playing at? Pretend to be nice and sweet until she calls her name to participate in the Games? Probably. 

“Did you and Daddy get to talk to her today?”

“We didn’t get to,” Peeta says before I can say anything. “We came to see her on her lunch break with Finn but Miss Norbert was busy planning her next lesson. So we said we would try to talk to her next week.” I gape at my husband. We’ve never outright lied to our children like this and I don’t like it. His eyes are pleading, telling me to trust him but I already feel terrible. 

Once inside, Willow goes straight up to her room to see Prince and Rye says he is going to play outside. Peeta watches our son out the window and I stand behind him, my arms crossed over my chest.

“Don’t look at me that way, Katniss.” I uncross my arms and frown.

“You’re looking out the window. How do you know how I’m looking at you?” He chuckles and shakes his head.

“You think after all these years I can’t feel your scowl on my back? You’re upset with me.”

“I’m not…not necessarily with you. Just with the situation. Although you can tell me why you lied to our daughter.”

“You want me to tell her the truth and make her think that conversation was the reason she will be Reaped? You heard what Haymitch said, and it actually makes a lot of sense. If I weren’t so angry with the idea, I would have thought about that too. They’ll Reap   
her because of who her parents are. It will make it more interesting. So why tell her that her mother had a fight with her teacher, because of who SHE is? Willow doesn’t know what happened between us and District 13. And after Paylor, I tried to encourage equality all across Panem. The fact that there are SOME people from 13 who still believe you responsible…well, we don’t need to go into that with her just yet.” He reaches for my hands and pulls them to his chest.

“No one ever said having a kid would be easy. But we just need to make sure she feels safe and loved and that she knows we will do whatever we can to protect her.”

“Those other kids are probably going to treat it like a big exciting game. Willow will be terrified, because of what she’s heard and seen from us.”

“Katniss, District 12 has welcomed back so many of its original citizens.”

“So?”

“So, they went through the Reaping too. They lost their loved ones to the Games. How many tributes came home in boxes before we came along? There will be plenty of people in this district who will be disgusted to hear what the school is doing. Trust me.” He   
kisses my forehead and moves to start on dinner. Sighing, I sink to the table and hide my face in my hands. I wish I could just think of this as some big game. Just a project the kids have to complete. Why do we have to call it the Hunger Games? Why can’t we   
refer it to as a relay race or a wrestling match or something like that? 

“Honey, do me a favor and check the pantry for more rice. I thought we had some in the cabinet but I don’t see any.” I rise to my feet, grateful for something to do. I toss him the bag of rice and he smiles as he sets the pans out to cook. My husband really does know how to distract people and keep them too busy to think about their problems. 

“Hey, I’m going to make a quick phone call. Yell if you need me.” He nods, his back to me, and I head up to our room. I find Peeta’s book of phone numbers by the phone and quickly flip through it. I tap my fingers on the bed while the phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Cressida?”

“Katniss! Hi! Wow, it’s been so long, how have you been?” I smile at her rapid-fire talk; she was soft-spoken and didn’t talk a lot when we first met but after the rebellion, I discovered how much she loves to talk. 

Then again, we met in the midst of a war. There isn’t a whole lot of time for talking when you’re on mission to assassinate the president.

“I’m good, Cressida, how have you been?”

“So busy! President Porthos has put my crew in charge of documenting the reconstruction of the Hunger Games arenas and I seriously haven’t had a moment to myself. I’ve been wanting to call and see how you and Peeta and the children are doing!”

“Everyone is doing really well. Willow just turned ten and Rye will be seven in September. They both love school and Finn teaches them swimming lessons.” 

“My god, ten?! Seems like yesterday you and Peeta were getting married!” I smile. It sort of does.

“Speaking of marriage…” I trail off, giving her the chance to answer.

“Oh…right…” she sounds uncomfortable. “Katniss, I wanted to tell you. I just thought it would be awkward for you.”

“Why would it be awkward for me?”

“Well, you know, people weren’t sure if you loved Peeta or Gale for the longest time. And then that whole business with your sister…I know you weren’t on the best of terms. And Gale told me about the last time he saw you, in the Capitol, and how Peeta reacted.   
I don’t know, I just felt a little strange and didn’t want you and Peeta put into awkward situations.” I wish she would stop saying the word awkward. Now I AM feeling very awkward. 

“Cressida, Gale and I were never more than friends. Peeta has always been…well, I mean it was always going to be him. And I thought Gale understood that but last time we saw each other, he was a little drunk and was saying things…we’re certainly not the   
friends we used to be but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy for him. And for you! I’m very excited for you!”

“Really?” She sighs with relief.

“Really. I just wanted to call and congratulate you both. I didn’t even know you had gotten divorced.”

“We kept it very quiet. It was a mutual understanding, just realizing we were just too different and we are still good friends. We didn’t want any embarrassment following either of us so we had a quiet split. Gale and I started to work together around Christmas   
and I guess we just got closer than we intended to. I certainly wasn’t planning to fall for him, Katniss, you have to know that.”

“I really don’t care,” I tell her. “I’m happily married to Peeta. I haven’t cared about Gale’s love life in years. Actually, no, I’ve never really cared about his love life. There was a brief time I thought we would end up together but that was more for convenience than   
any real feelings. I’m honestly happy for you, Cressida. He’s a good man.” 

“Yeah, he is. He makes me feel…things I’ve never felt before. Not even when I was married. Is that weird?”

“No. If it’s love, then it will make you feel those things. Sounds like it is to me.”

“Thanks Katniss. I would really love to come see you, if you have any free time.”

“We’re getting ready for Annie’s wedding in a month-“

“Annie’s getting married? As in Annie Odair?!”

“Yes. She’s marrying Riley Staffhorn, one of Peeta’s employees.”

“Oh my gosh that’s so great for her! Tell her congratulations from me!”

“I will,” I assure her. “And there is this big…project at the school that’s coming up. I’m, um…I’m going to have a hard time staying sane until it’s over, I won’t lie.”

“Wait, why? What kind of project?” I sigh and quietly tell her the school’s plans. She’s quiet for a moment after I finish.

“That is really sick. I mean, REALLY sick. The Hunger Games is still too fresh in peoples’ minds. I can understand doing this in about seventy years, because this generation will be gone but everyone experienced the Games, one way or another. And they’re   
actually REAPING kids?”

“Yes. And we have a feeling Willow will be Reaped.”

“God I’m so sorry, Katniss. I wish there was something I could do to help.”

“It’s alright. It’s…well, the odds are never in my favor, are they,” I attempt a weak chuckle.

“Don’t say that, Katniss. You married Peeta Mellark…you’re happily married, you told me. And you have two kids you love more than anything. I can tell. At least it’s just a Game…a disgusting game, but a game nonetheless. And one where no one will actually be hurt!”

“Yeah. Cressida, I need to go. Peeta is cooking dinner and--“

“Say no more. Gale will be home soon anyway. I have to take a trip to District 10 next week for some research and Gale is coming with me…do you think we could meet you and Peeta for a little bit?” 

“Why don’t you two come for dinner? You haven’t seen the kids since they were small and Peeta loves to cook.”

“That would be so great! We will see you soon, Katniss!” After I hang up, I stare at the phone. Am I crazy for inviting Gale Hawthorne into my house? After how he acted in the Capitol? And Peeta heard everything that night. He heard Gale talking about how good   
we could be together.   
Will Peeta be his usual gracious self or will this be too much?  
I lean forward and bury my face in the blankets. 

Ugh.   
\-----------------------------------------

Peeta is surprisingly calm when I tell him about my phone call with Cressida. 

“As long as she’s happy, then I’m happy for her.”

“And you’re ok with them coming to dinner next week?”

“I need to know which night so I can buy the stuff but it’s fine with me.”

“I can cook the dinner. I don’t want you working all day in the bakery and coming home, exhausted to cook a meal for lots of people.”

“I can always take a half day at work,” he waves his hand. “We can cook dinner together if you want. It’ll be fine, Katniss.”

Actually, it’s my daughter who’s the most agitated.

“Gale Hawthorne is coming for dinner? I thought we didn’t like him.”

“He’s one of your mother’s oldest friends,” Peeta says softly.

“Yeah but I thought we didn’t like him anymore. He’s really…cold.”

“The last time you saw him, his wife was leaving him, baby. And taking his children away from him. He was really unhappy.” I frown across at Peeta. Why is he defending Gale so much? He did hear everything Gale said that night in the Capitol. And he heard me   
shooting Gale down. 

This was such a bad idea. 

“You remember Cressida, don’t you? When you were on TV with Daddy and she was asking you questions? She’s really nice.” Willow scrunches her face up, trying to remember.

“I was little,” she finally says, shrugging.

“Well, it’s been a long time but Cressida is excited to see you all again,” I say as I lift my glass of water. 

“Daddy, can I have dessert?”

“Not until you finish your broccoli, Rye.” 

“It’s yucky,” our son complains. 

“It’s food,” I say sternly. “Many people went without it for too long. You eat what your daddy cooked for us.” Rye sighs and continues to pushes his food across his plate. Peeta gives me a small smile across the table and I swallow down the rest of my broccoli.   
My son is right though. It’s yucky. 

I collect the dishes while Peeta brings out the strudel he made. That’s the thing about marrying a baker; we have to have dessert after dinner. No questions asked. And it’s strange to think that in the same lifetime, I’d never even tasted a sweet. Not until my father brought home a cookie from the bakery. It was the most delicious thing I’d ever tasted and I was so tempted to keep it all to myself, except my father sternly told me to share with Prim. Peeta promised when we got married that he would give me all the cakes and cookies I could want. And he’s never gone back on that promise. 

I glance down at my own stomach and poke a few times. Maybe I am getting soft around the belly myself. But Peeta often says he loves to see me with curves; I’ll admit it’s better than being nothing but bones. My hands travel up and cup my breasts. Since having two children, they’re full and rather bouncy; Peeta swears he loves them like this. It seems I can’t find an in between I’m happy with. I’m either too skinny or too fat. Maybe I should join Haymitch and Effie at the gym too. 

“Hey,” a breath skirts across my ear and hands cover mine; I gasp when I realize my hands are still covering my breasts. 

“You look like you’re a million miles away. What are you thinking about?” 

“How far we’ve come. I used to stare in the mirror and see my ribs poking out. I never thought I would have breasts…I mean, to be completely honest with you, it’s one of the reasons I was so mad at you that day in the elevator…you know, when Johanna   
stripped and-“

“You thought I was actually looking at her,” he chuckles. “When I was staring straight at her face.”

“She had boobs, Peeta! Beautiful ones!”

“Alright, well, that’s a bit much,” he says, entwining his fingers with mine so we are both squeezing said topics of conversation.

“And then I was so afraid when you first saw me, afraid I would never be what you wanted-“

“Which is ridiculous,” his tongue rakes along my ear and I shiver.

“And after Willow, I was so fat and these got so much bigger, I didn’t know what to think!”

“I’ll tell you what to think. You’re perfect, Katniss. It doesn’t matter if you’re stick thin or if your breasts bounce when you ride me. Although you know damn well I prefer the latter,” he sucks on my earlobe and my knees buckle against the counter. “I love this   
body of yours, baby. I’m obsessed with it. I wanted to jump with joy every time I saw you gaining weight. Cause it killed me every time I saw your ribs sticking out. Now I know you won’t ever look that way again…cause I’ll never let you go hungry again. In fact, I intend to fatten you up even more, with sweets and cakes and pastries and everything you never had as a kid.” God I love this man. I reach behind and thread my fingers through his hair. His lips meet my neck as his hands grope my breasts. He groans against my shoulder.

“See, they fit perfectly in my palm. You were made for me, Katniss. You’ve always been perfect for me.” His teeth rake across my throat and my eyes flash open.

“Shit. Peeta, the kids.”

“Are busy with their dessert,” he chuckles. “But you’re right, we need to get back in there. Ah, damn it.” He moves back and adjusts his pants a little. I snort and giggle and he shoots me a deadly glare.

“Laugh it up and be happy you don’t have this kind of problem.”

“I’ll take care of your problem as soon as the kids are in bed,” I purr, stroking his cheek. He groans and squeezes his eyes shut, turning to grip the sink.

“I need a minute. Take this milk to them please.” I give his cheek one kiss before grabbing the tray of milk and carrying it into the kitchen. They are nearly halfway through with their strudel and eagerly accept their milk. Peeta joins us a few minutes later, though I see him shifting in his seat quite a bit. I have to stifle my laughter and try to focus on what my children are saying to me.   
\-----------------------------------------

Peeta excuses himself to make a phone call while Willow and Rye work on their homework. He’s not gone long and his lips are a thin line when he returns. I want to ask what Olivier said but I’ll wait until we are alone. 

Once we have the kids in bed, Peeta locks himself in the bathroom to get ready for bed. I have a feeling he is hoping I will fall asleep before he comes out of there. He knows I will question him about his conversation with the president.  
I pretend to be asleep and I hear the door open. He sighs deeply, and tosses his clothes aside. I feel him slide under the covers and curl up behind me. I’m about to turn over and confront him when he leans down and kisses my shoulder.

“You’re still a terrible actress, Katniss.” I huff and turn over.

“How did you know?”

“I sleep beside you every night. I know when you’re pretending. Question is, why?”

“You seemed to be avoiding me after we put the kids to bed.” He sighs and chews his lip.

“I don’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

“Then I’ll assume the conversation with Olivier didn’t go well.” He flops on his back and places an arm behind his head.

“I explained to him that Willow is too young for this, which means there are hundreds of other kids who are too young. The Games may be entertainment for some but for us, it was very real. I appealed to him as a man he says he has always respected and looked up to. He respects you even more, since he saw you in 8. He agrees that Reaping age should not be under 12 and he’s going to have a word with the Board of Education tomorrow. But he told me not to get my hopes up; as I suspected, he wasn’t the one who pushed this through. His Board did.”

“But he’s the President,” I say, confused. “Doesn’t he hold the power?”

“Honey, my Board was full of men who wanted to run the country through me. A lot of my decisions…weren’t mine. But I was convinced they were for the good of the country. That it was what the people really wanted. Which is why I finally suggested having a   
Board with members from every district. Of course that idea was shot down and the Committee Board is still made up of Capitol men.” He sighs and rests his forehead on my arm. 

“I’m sorry,” he says in the meekest of voices.

“Peeta,” I say sternly, making him sit up with me. “You have to know I am never disappointed in you. You were a wonderful President and you helped the country in so many ways. And you are an even more incredible father. I know you’ll do whatever you can to   
keep our children safe.”

“But you think I don’t care what happens to Willow,” he says in a pained voice.

“No, I would never think that. I know how much you love her. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. But tell me the truth, Peeta. Am I overreacting about this project?” He takes a deep breath and takes my hand.

“Some people might think so but I know how much this hurts you. I know how terrifying this is, how many horrible memories this brings up. I know what you’re thinking and see the fear in your eyes and actually understand that fear. I know it’s just a project and the kids will be fine but…I’m scared. I’m scared I will have a flashback and Willow will be humiliated by her messed up Victor father.” Now he’s gone too far. I take his face in my hands and ignore his pained expression.

“Stop it right now,” I hiss. “Willow is proud of you. She loves you so much. Whatever happens, we are a strong family and we will get through this together. If the President isn’t going to cancel this assignment, we will just have to help her the best we can. Like you told me earlier, everything will be alright.” He squeezes his eyes shut and I bring my lips to his forehead. 

“Everything will be alright,” he repeats. I nod and reach under the blankets for his hand.

“She’s clever and brave. And like you and Haymitch said…when that cannon goes off…”

“We just have to remember that,” he says patiently. “The kids will be just fine.”

“We can’t be the only parents outraged by this. What if we protest this project and see who else would join us?”

“Katniss,” he says warily. I bite my lip as I realize what I’m saying.

Revolution. That’s how it started; a protest, a riot, a girl defying authority. Thousands of deaths. Fire. Ash. Pain beyond pain. 

Peeta’s haunted eyes burn into my mind. The look of hatred as he gripped my throat.   
My sister bursting into flame. Finnick being decapitated by mutts. 

“Katniss!” I don’t realize my breathing is off until he has wrapped his arms around me and is rubbing my back.

“Breathe,” he says in my ear. “Slow, steady breaths. Start with your list.” Silently, I obey. My name is Katniss Mellark. My home is District 12.   
I was in the Hunger Games. I married Peeta Mellark.   
My home was destroyed. My sister was taken from me. Peeta was taken from me.  
Everyone was taken from me.

“Hey,” I hear a soft voice in my ear. “Time to wake up.” 

“Peeta?” There is a chuckle and it’s vaguely familiar.

“Oh no, Mrs. Mellark, don’t start mistaking me for your husband. He won’t like that much.” I open my eyes to see a cocky grin just inches from my own face. I jerk back and he laughs again. He throws back his head, his copper curls bouncing as he laughs.

“Am I…I’m dreaming, right?”

“I suppose that depends on how you choose to look at it,” he says lightly. “See, this can’t be real because, well, I’m dead. But you’re here with me and you’re not dead. So yeah, I guess you’re dreaming. But are you asleep? You were literally just awake, making that dumb list in your head.”

“That dumb list helps me stay sane,” I say crossly.

“Oh yeah, I can see how that’s working out for ya,” he says with a wink. 

“You know your son inherited your smart-ass attitude.”

“I’d expect nothing less. I imagine he’s a lot better, though, because of his mother’s sweet temperament.” His smile becomes a little sad.

“So why are you here with me and not with her?”

“Annie isn’t suffering as much as you are,” he says seriously.

“I’m suffering?”

“You tell me, Katniss. That list that helps you so much…you only repeat it when you’re really suffering. And it’s usually when you start thinking of your sister. When you start feeling guilt.”

“Are you going to tell me I shouldn’t be feeling guilt? That yours and Prim’s and Cinna’s and Castor’s deaths weren’t my fault?”

“Katniss, you really are a stubborn one,” he sighs. I frown.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I thought after all these years, Peeta would have gotten into your head a little.” 

“What do you mean by that?”

“Peeta tells you everyday that you can’t feel guilty. That none of it is your fault. That we all chose our fate.”

“You didn’t choose to die, Finnick!”

“No but I chose to fight for my family and I’m proud to have given my life so that my son would never have his name in a bowl. I would think you feel the same about your children.”

“Of course I feel the same,” I say impatiently. “That doesn’t mean I downplay the sacrifices.”

“Sacrifices are a part of revolution, Katniss. And we knew those chances. All of us.”

“And Prim?” I look up into his green eyes and mine start to water.

“Why did she have to make that sacrifice? Why was she taken from me?”

“If you’re going to spend the rest of your life looking it at that way, you are never going to feel real happiness. And you have so much to live for! You and Peeta make beautiful babies! Prim agrees with me.”

“You…you see her?”

“We hang out all the time,” he says with a wave. “She’s funny. Has great stories about you too.” My eyes narrow and he winks cheekily.

“Someone else wanted me to give you a message.”

“Oh yeah, who?” 

“Rue says she’s glad you won.” I freeze and his face grows serious again. 

“You’ve seen Rue?”

“She and Prim are rather close,” he says cheerfully. “They take care of each other. Like you and Peeta do. You need to stop spending so much time thinking about the dead, Katniss, when you’ve got quite a life to live.”

“There’s nothing wrong with missing all of you,” I say angrily.

“Missing us and trying to keep us with you are two different things,” his voice grows softer. “You need to let us go so you can keep on living. Your son and daughter and husband depend on you. I know you have that stupid notion in your head that no one needs   
you but you’re wrong. They all do. But you have to live, Katniss. You have to stop mourning the dead all the time. It’s not healthy and to be honest, you’re disrupting our paradise up here.”

“Your paradise?” He grins and looks around.

“Yeah, pretty much. One big party. I know you’re just dying to join us but it’s not your time. You have plenty of living left to do with your family. And you and Peeta…well, I have to say, girl on fire, you can be PRETTY lively.” My jaw drops and he roars with   
laughter.

“Finnick! I don’t believe you!”

“Awe calm down, Katniss, I only peek. Never at the good parts, though, don’t worry about that.”

“Gee, thanks,” I say nastily, still blushing. 

“Still so pure,” he pats my cheek and I jerk back.

“Not in the slightest,” I say, rather haughtily. 

“Oh I know,” he says with a smirk and I feel my face go even redder.

“You’d better get back to your husband before your face gets even hotter,” he snorts. 

“So I’ll ask again, is this all in my head or is it just a dream?”

“What’s a dream, Katniss? Is it in your head? Is it make believe? Or is it your deepest most inner thoughts, longing to be free? You decide what this is. You’re the Mockingjay, after all.”

“Not anymore,” I protest. “I don’t go by that anymore. I’m just Katniss.” 

“Alright, just Katniss. Just don’t forget who you are. It will help Willow discover who she is.” 

“Wait…what? Why do you say that?” But he’s gone and I’m left staring at darkness. 

“Finnick! Wait! Finnick!” 

“Katniss! Katniss, wake up.” Someone is slapping my cheek and I blink. Hazy blue eyes blink in concern and I reach up to wipe my face. 

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Could you get me a glass of water?”

“Of course.” He jumps out of bed and runs to the bathroom, coming back and pressing the glass into my hand. He smoothes my hair back while I drink and he bites his lip.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“You look worried. Did I say anything?”

“You said Finnick’s name a few times,” he says uncertainly. I swallow the water and set the glass aside.

“It’s not like that,” I say quickly, taking his hand into my own. “He just gave me some sound advice.”

 

“Really? Care to share?”

“Maybe in the morning. I’m suddenly pretty exhausted.” True to Peeta’s nature, he doesn’t press me to tell him anything. He settles back on the pillows and holds out his arms, waiting for me to reclaim my spot on his chest. When I’m settled and comfortable,   
his hand finds its way to my hair and his lips meet my temple. 

“I love you, Katniss.” 

“And I love you, Peeta.”   
\-------------------------------------------------

Before I know it, we are facing Cressida’s and Gale’s visit. Peeta leaves the bakery early; I’m sitting at the table while he peers into the cabinets.

“What did you want to cook for dinner?”

“Cressida is Capitol and Gale ate squirrel for most of his life. I have no idea what we should make.”

“You know things have changed, Katniss. We can buy our meat from a store. You don’t have to hunt for it anymore.”

“I know, it’s just…” will Gale think differently of me if I make dinner with something from the store? 

“Katniss, he’s not going to judge you,” he says gently. Damn him for being so attuned to my feelings! He massages my shoulders behind me and kisses my temple.

“He’s lived in 2 and the Capitol. I’m sure he’s more used to fancy meals than you are. Stop worrying.” Why do I even care this much? It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone.   
I shrug and lean back against his chest.

“How about a pasta dish with the turkey we have?”

“Sounds good. I’ll make a loaf of bread and some salad.”

“Cheesebuns! Cressida needs to try your cheesebuns.” He chuckles softly and his lips meet my cheek.

“It’s not as if Cressida will get the chance to even try them.”

“If you are insinuating that I will eat them all--“

“I insinuate nothing.”

“Then you can stuff it. I won’t eat them all. I can go a meal without your cheesebuns, you know.”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” he winks. I scowl in return, which makes him laugh.

“I’ll make extra cheesebuns. And a cobbler.” 

I wind up only working on the salad, while Peeta makes the rest of the dinner. Or rather, I sit at the table and stare at my shirtless chef while he bustles around the kitchen. I love to watch him when he gets into that mindset. He’s very hospitable and actually loves to host. Whereas I’m just antisocial and prefer it to be my children and us. Every now and again I like to see Annie and Finn, or Haymitch and Effie, but that’s pretty much the extent of my social circle. 

When the kids come home, Rye starts on his homework while Willow pulls on an apron and helps Peeta with the cobbler. 

At a quarter to six, Peeta suggests we go upstairs to change clothes. Rye, Willow, and I look down at what we have on.

“Why do we need to change,” Willow asks grumpily.

“We’re having company over,” Peeta says cheerfully as he playfully tugs one of her braids.

“We have company all the time. Aunt Annie and Finny and Granpa and--“

“We haven’t seen our friends in quite awhile,” he stops her. “Please sweetheart, just change out of your school clothes.” She huffs and stomps upstairs. She never has a problem with changing her outfits but I get the feeling she just doesn’t like Peeta making a   
big deal out of our company visiting. Rye follows her and I glance down at my shirt.

“I suppose you want me to change too?”

“You could put on something nicer. I’m changing.”

“You’re also covered in flour,” I point out. He rolls his eyes.

“And you wonder where Willow gets it from.”

“Gets what?”

“The stubbornness.” I scowl.

“Yes, and that too,” he adds with a grin. I cross my arms over my chest and stomp up to our room just like my daughter did only a moment ago. Peeta follows and closes the door behind us.

“May I remind you, you were the ones who invited them?”

“So? Do we really need to try to impress them?”

“Changing out of dirty clothes isn’t really that impressive Katniss,” he mutters as he yanks off his shirt. “Really, love, what’s the problem? Are you regretting inviting them?”

“No, I just…” I clamp my mouth shut, chewing on my lip. He comes out of the closet, in a clean pair of jeans and a nice flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up. 

“See? Not impressive at all.” 

“Fine. You want to choose my outfit for me?” He quirks a brow and disappears into the closet again. When he remerges with clothes draped over his arm, my jaw drops.

“I was joking, Peeta.”

“Too bad cause this is what I choose.” He flings the clothes at me and I hold them up. A simple pair of khaki pants and a nice orange top with sequins. 

“I know, I know. I should be a stylist.” I snort as I quickly dress and he takes my face in his hands. He’s wearing a broad grin as he leans in to kiss me.

“Tell me again how I fell in love with you.”

“Alas, it’s such a long and yet wonderful story,” he says against my skin. “I’ll have to recount it another time.”

“Mm. You do that.” He gives me a wink before he tugs me from the room. 

 

As we make it to the bottom of the stairs, there is a knock at the door and Peeta hurries to answer it. I can hear muffled voices and hurry into the entryway.  
Cressida looks wonderful and I’m shocked to see not only has she let her hair grow out but it’s now bright red. She turns to embrace me as Peeta welcomes Gale in. 

“Peeta,” he says, nodding a bit too stiffly.

“Welcome back to 12, Gale.” Cressida releases me and Gale approaches.

“Hi Katniss.”

“It’s good to see you, Gale.” Do we embrace? Do we shake hands? Do we simply nod in acknowledgement? It’s so awkward between us now. We seem content with one of those uncomfortable one armed hugs where we slap each other’s backs once before we   
back away immediately. Peeta’s arm slides around my shoulder and I instantly relax. I don’t miss the way Gale’s eyes narrow before he does the same with Cressida.

“Well, it’s good to see you guys again. I hope you’re hungry,” Peeta says kindly. 

“Oh, we brought you this,” Cressida hands him a bottle of wine.

“I wasn’t sure if you drank but I wanted to bring something and Gale suggested some kind of dessert but really, what do you bring to a baker’s house?” Peeta’s laugh fills the hallway, causing Gale to stiffen.

“I’ve got dessert covered but that’s so kind of you. Please, come in.” Willow and Rye stand at the bottom of the stairs, looking a bit nervous.

“Kids, come meet some old friends of ours.” They stand in front of us, our mini- doppelgangers. Cressida’s eyes widen.

“Wow Peeta. I think I’m seeing double.” 

“Yeah, it’s scary sometimes. Willow, Rye, this is Cressida and Gale.”

“Hello,” Rye nods his head.

“Hey Rye. You know we knew your mom and dad years before you were even born.”

“That’s what old friends means,” Willow says bitterly.

“Willow Rose,” Peeta says sharply. “Mind your manners.” 

“Sorry,” she says quickly, nodding to them. Where did she get such a feisty tongue?

Peeta shoots me a look over the kids’ shoulders and I sigh. Oh. Right. 

“That’s ok,” Cressida says gleefully. “You remind me a lot of your mom, Willow. Especially when she was younger.”

“Really?” My daughter perks up and Cressida grins.

“I met your mom before the rebellion! She was the reason I fled the Capitol, to aid the rebels!”

“Wow, cool,” Willow gushes, tugging Cressida into the kitchen. Peeta can’t help his smile as he gestures the rest of us to sit down. 

Dinner smells wonderful and everyone makes a point to say so. 

“Do you cook often, Peeta,” Gale asks as he spreads his napkin out. “I would have thought having the bakery, you wouldn’t want to be in the kitchen much.”

“On the contrary actually, “ my ray of sunshine laughs as he serves everyone. “I love to cook. I mostly do the decorating at the bakery so I get to come home to cook dinner and Willow usually helps me with dessert.” 

“Taking after your dad, huh,” Cressida smiles. Willow nods proudly. 

“I want to work in the bakery when I grow up.” Peeta pretends to wipe a tear away and Cressida laughs. Gale’s smile seems strained.

“I’m sure you love that, Peeta. Another generation of bakers.”

“I won’t lie and say I didn’t dream of my children helping me in the bakery one day. But we made it clear to our kids, at an early age, that they could pursue whatever they wanted. I got lucky that Willow wanted to learn to bake.”

“What about you, buddy, are you a baker too,” Cressida asks Rye from across the table. He wrinkles his nose and shakes his head.

“Mama is teaching me to hunt!” 

“Oh District 12 better watch out then,” Gale says, shooting me a smile. It’s the first genuine one I’ve seen from him since they’ve arrived. 

“You were her hunting partner, weren’t you Mr. Gale?” Gale swallows and glances at our son before his glance turns to me.

“I was. A long time ago.”

“You knew her before daddy did?” This time Gale gulps audibly. He glances over at Peeta, who is calmly eating his dinner. 

“Rye, let’s let Mr. Gale eat his dinner,” I say quietly. 

“Well, who knew you first, Mama?” Peeta and Gale look up and their eyes meet. I swallow. I feel like I am suffocating, the tension is so thick.

“Haven’t you heard all the stories, Rye,” Cressida breaks in and winks. “Your daddy fell in love with your mama when he was only five years old!”

“He tells us that all the time,” Rye rolls his eyes.

“Well, then you have your answer,” Cressida says with a giggle. I shoot her a grateful look and she winks. Peeta’s hand rests beside his plate and I cover it with my own. He glances at it then meets my eyes. I smile and wrap my fingers around his and his   
shoulders visibly relax. 

“So Cressida, tell us what you and Gale have been up to in the Capitol!” Peeta squeezes my hand and I squeeze back while I continue to eat one-handed. 

You’re mine. I’m yours. It was always going to be this way. 

Always.  
\--------------------------------------

After dinner, we move into the living room where Peeta serves tea and dessert. 

“You haven’t got any coffee, have you Peeta? I started drinking it in 2 and have become quite fond of it.” I frown at Gale; he would have never asked his host for something other than what was being served but I guess a fancy government job has changed his morals.

“Sure, I think I have some I brought home from the Capitol. I’ll make some really quickly.” I watch my husband hurry back to the kitchen and I shoot Gale a glare. I’m sure that he sees it and decides to ignore me. 

“So Willow, Cressida was telling me about some kind of project you are doing in school?” I’m even more irritated with him now. What the hell are you doing, Gale? Cressida shoots me an uneasy look.

“Sweetie, we don’t have to talk about that…”

“It’s ok,” Willow says glumly. “A lot of kids are excited to learn about the Hunger Games. I think I already know too much about them.” 

“No matter what you learn, they won’t be able to stress the importance of your parents,” Cressida says gently. “They really did change the world.”

“I know,” Willow says, looking up at me and smiling. Gale clears his throat and shifts side to side.

“It will be interesting to learn about other people involved in the rebellion too. Did you know your mom and dad were on a special mission in the Capitol, called the Star Squad? Cressida and I were on it too.” 

“Special mission? To do what?” Gale is opening his mouth and I swear I’m about to shoot him in the chest when Peeta reenters with two steaming mugs.

“I figured you would like a cup too, Cress.”

“Thank you so much, Peeta,” she says gratefully, taking it from him. “That was so sweet of you.”

“Thanks Peeta,” Gale nods, taking the mug from him. I shift to the side and allow Peeta to squeeze into the armchair with me. We’re a bit squished but he adjusts so my legs are draping over his lap and he lays his arm around my shoulder. We need to get more   
furniture in here. Willow is lying on the loveseat with Prince on her chest while Rye is in the floor, coloring. Cressida and Gale sit on the couch, both looking strained. I’m not sure where the lovesick Cressida that I spoke to on the phone is but there is a certain   
distance between the two of them and they barely touch. 

“So Peeta, I stopped by your bakery in the Capitol the other day,” Cressida says cheerfully. “What do you think of being a chain?”

“Completely took me by surprise,” he says with a carefree smile. “I wish Dad had a chance to see this enormous success. He would have had a heart attack though! He always said he wanted to expand the bakery but I know he never could have imagined we   
would have locations in other districts!”

“There is a Mellark’s in nearly every district now,” I say smugly. Peeta looks pink but pleased. 

“You think that’s more because of the baked goods or the baker himself,” Gale asks with a raised brow. 

“My daddy is the best baker in Panem,” Willow boasts proudly. Peeta grins goofily but I narrow my eyes in Gale’s direction. He has done nothing but piss me off tonight.

“That’s fantastic,” Cressida laughs. “I think we’ll have to stop in tomorrow before we leave. I haven’t had a Mellark pastry in ages!” 

“You just had one,” Gale says touchily. 

“Oh you know what I mean,” she waves this off.

“Well we’d love to have you for breakfast. Maybe we can meet you after we take the kids to school.” 

“That would be lovely! You know Peeta, Plutarch is working on a new baking championship show. I’m rather shocked he hasn’t approached you about it yet! It’s still in the early planning ages but still, you’d be great!”

“It shouldn’t surprise me that Plutarch is still doing those kinds of shows,” he chuckles. “But I don’t need any more television appearances. Since I left office, I’ve tried to keep a low profile and we just take it easy here in Victor’s Village.”

“Well of course. After everything, it’s what you deserve! A nice, calm, life.” Peeta lifts his cup toward her and smiles. 

“You really think that nice calm life will continue once this project happens at the school?”

“Gale,” I say warningly.

“I’m sorry Katniss but it’s true. The school is actually reaping kids for a mock Hunger Games. And four Victors live here, one of them being the Mockingjay who started the Rebellion. You honestly think this place won’t be crawling with press and photographers?” 

“We’ve already said we don’t want to be a part of that,” Peeta says uncomfortably.

“Even when your daughter is Reaped?”

“Gale! That’s enough!” I’ve just about had it. This cold man sitting on my couch is not the Gale I remember. Not even in 13 was he this rude. And I don’t believe it’s about me being with Peeta. His attitude has just changed way too much.

His eyes dart from me to Willow and back to me.

“Sorry,” he mutters as he leans back into the couch. Willow sighs and leans her head against Prince’s.

“It’s ok, Mama. I know that’s probably gonna happen.” 

“Baby,” Peeta starts to protest but she shakes her head.

“I’m the daughter of the Mockingjay. People have talked about it since I’ve started school. You might not be president anymore, Daddy, but you are still a Hunger Games Victor and an important one too. And Mama started the rebellion with some berries. They’re   
going to make me a part of the Games because of who I am.” There is silence following my daughter’s statement.

“Lord, is she ten or thirty,” Cressida mutters. 

“At least she knows who she is,” Gale says sternly, fixing his eyes on me.

“And what is that supposed to mean,” I snap.

“You two have seemed to forget who you are. What you mean to the world.”

“We have not forgotten, Gale, we’re just ready for a quiet life! We’ve earned that!” 

“Ok,” Peeta holds his arms out between us. “We all just need to calm down and take a breath. And I don’t think we should be having this conversation in front of the kids. Rye, Willow, why don’t you start getting ready for bed?” Rye shrugs and grabs his coloring   
books but Willow pouts her bottom lip out.

“You think I’m too young to hear this but I’m not too young to be in the Hunger Games?”

“I do think you’re too young,” he says through gritted teeth. “And I personally asked the president to reconsider this assignment so my ten year old daughter doesn’t have to learn all of this yet. But we’ve been overruled and the assignment will continue.   
Nevertheless, your mother and I need to talk to Gale and Cressida and there are things I don’t ever want you to know about, remember?” 

“But I’m your daughter,” she says shakily.

“You are. And that’s why I never want you to know these things. Because I love you too much.” Willow has my stubborn stance, her arms crossed over her chest before she gives in and stomps up the stairs. Peeta sighs and presses his hands over his face. 

“Alright Gale, now you can tell us why you’ve been an asshole since you stepped foot in our house.” Gale looks completely taken aback and I’m stunned that Peeta was the one who said it first.

“Excuse me?”

“I wish I could. Katniss and I have been nothing but hospitable and you’ve thrown it in our faces. You’ve made disrespectful comments all night and you’ve upset my wife and daughter. What the hell is your problem?”

“Oh please, Mellark, like you haven’t been rubbing it in my face all night, just what you’ve got! Just how great things are for you since the war ended! Typical Merchant.” Peeta’s eyes go wide and his jaw drops. Cressida sits up straight and clutches her mug.

“Look I think we just need to go--“

“It still bothers you so much, that a MERCHANT married a girl from the Seam?”

“Katniss would never have married a Merchant if she hadn’t been Reaped!”

“Tell me why you’re so intent in making sure Katniss and I can’t enjoy our freedom! Why are you so hell-bent on making sure our daughter knows everything that happened to her parents?”

“She should be proud of all the things Katniss did in the War!” 

“And me? She shouldn’t be proud of me?”

“What exactly did you do, Peeta? After we rescued you, you were too messed up to actually help the cause! You even begged us to kill you in the Capitol! Because you knew you wouldn’t get better! You tried to kill Katniss, again, and you knew it would just keep   
happening!” 

“How dare you,” my husband growls as Cressida gasps. “You think I would have actually come back to 12 if I didn’t think I was getting better? You think I would have put Katniss’s life in jeopardy like that?”

“So lie to me and tell me your flashbacks are completely gone,” Gale roars. “You can’t. Because I was a part of your protection in the Capitol and I knew when you struggled with yourself! You will NEVER be normal, Peeta! Why can’t you see that?”

“Get out of my house!” Peeta is on his feet and the two are inches away from each other. Both mens’ fists are clenched by their side and Cressida and I both leap into action.

“Gale, we are leaving. And I swear to God, if you don’t apologize right now, I am not marrying your selfish ass!” 

“Apologize,” he sputters but Cressida’s eyes flash.

“Yes. Apologize. NOW.” 

“Don’t worry about it, Cressida,” Peeta says, his eyes narrowed and fixed on Gale. “He doesn’t even know how to apologize.” 

“Fine. I’m sorry we infiltrated the Capitol and saved you in the first place. I was the one who reached your cell first…I should have left you there to die-” Gale’s head swings in the opposite direction and a bright red print appears on his cheek. Peeta’s breathing is   
heavy, his eyes glazed over, as they all stare at me in shock. My palm smarts but I raise my hand again.

“Don’t you ever…EVER…speak to my HUSBAND like that again, do you hear me? Now get the hell out of here. And I don’t ever want to see you again.” Gale’s breathing is as heavy as Peeta’s, his chest heaving and his grey eyes positively icy.

“As far as I’m concerned, Katniss, you died in the arena. The girl who came home with this Merchant wasn’t my Catnip.”

“Get. The Fuck. Out.”

He shoves past us and we hear the door slam. Cressida buries her face in her hands.

“You guys, I am so sorry-“

“It’s not your fault he’s such an ass,” I snap.

“No but…god, I just wanted to see you both! I was so excited to see you! And now…ugh, Peeta, I can’t believe he said those things to you! I am so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Cressida,” he says quietly, his face still rather red. 

“Are you really going to marry that,” I say in disgust.

“Ghilda basically ruined him,” she whines. “And I’ve been trying…I thought maybe if we came back to 12 to see his family…remind him of who he used to be…but he’s turned into one of those Capitol snobs. His own family was sorry to see him come home.” 

“I meant what I said, Cressida. I still want to see you but I don’t want to see him again.” She nods miserably and moves past us.

“I’m so sorry,” she says again. 

“I don’t want this to come between you two,” Peeta says gently. “Gale has never liked me. And he has no problem showing it. If he is a different person than what we just saw, I commend you for bringing that out in him. If he really is that coldhearted, I hope you   
save yourself that heartache.” Cressida’s lip trembles, she nods, and then she’s gone. I have no idea if she’s going after Gale or if she’s going back to the hotel alone. For her sake, I hope that they will talk it over and work it out. She sounded so happy on the   
phone, so in love. But Peeta is right; if he is really like that, I can’t see how anyone would marry him. 

Maybe he is a different person away from 12. Away from us. 

Peeta closes the door and rests his forehead on the back of his hand. I reach forward to massage his shoulders before I wrap my arms around him. His hand finds mine and he leans back into my embrace. 

“I love you,” he murmurs.

“Oh Peeta, I’m so sorry.”

“What did we just tell Cressida? It’s not your fault either.” 

“But I invited them. I knew Gale’s changed but I guess…I’m like Cressida. I’d hoped he would be different with someone else. He is just an asshole now.”

“Well I’m sorry to say this Katniss but he’s always been an asshole.” I laugh weakly and kiss his neck. 

“You laugh but it’s true. He used to glare at me when you both would come trade at the bakery. He caught me one day, when I was sneaking a cookie into your bag. He actually took it out and threw it at me, and said ‘she’ll never take charity from a Merchant like you’. And when we moved to Victor’s Village…whenever he would come visit you, he would turn toward my house to make sure I was watching, so I would see him going into your house. He has never gotten over losing you to a Merchant. I don’t think he ever will.”

“Ugh, Peeta, he never lost me because he never HAD me. There wasn’t even a choice! I fell in love with you. Not him.” He turns his head to the side so I can kiss his cheek and he closes his eyes. 

“Come on.” I tug him up to our bedroom and close the door tightly. He stands in the middle of the room and doesn’t move while I hurriedly undress him.   
I take my time in worshipping every inch of his body, showing him how much I love him. I mark his skin, letting him know he’s mine. I let him mark me however he wants, showing that I belong to him.

As he groans my name, I take his earlobe between my teeth.

“I want to take you somewhere tomorrow.”

“God Katniss, I’ll follow you anywhere,” he bucks his hips upwards. 

“I love you, Peeta.”

“Katniss!”   
\------------------------------------------------  
As he sleeps beside me, I think about tomorrow and what I have in store for him. I hope against hope it doesn’t bring on a flashback but from what he’s told me of the Capitol’s torturous videos, I know it might.   
I need to show him there has never been anyone else. Peeta Mellark is the one who fills my heart, my mind, and my deepest desires. 

We don’t talk much while we get the kids ready for school. Peeta mentions stopping into the bakery first and letting them know he is taking the day off. After Rye and Willow have gone inside, we clasp hands and make our way down the path toward the bakery. 

“Hey there Peeta, wasn’t sure if you were coming in today,” Dane smiles from behind the counter. 

“I’m taking the day off but wanted to make sure you guys don’t need me.”

“Go ahead, we’re all covered. Rory called to say that Walker is home sick from school so he’s staying with him.”

“He knows that’s fine, we’re well staffed in the mornings anyway.” Dane nods and continues to clean the counter.

“Anything I can get you before you leave?” 

“How about it? You didn’t eat much at breakfast.”

 

“I’ll take a croissant,” I shrug and Peeta points at some pastries in the display case. Dane passes them over and we nod in thanks before Peeta holds the door open for me.

“Oh…Dane. If a woman named Cressida comes in looking for me…tell her to call the house tonight.”

“Sure thing, boss.” I don’t think Cressida will still think we’re meeting but leave it to Peeta to think of what to tell her. 

 

We munch on our pastries as we make our way through the meadow and into the woods. Peeta doesn’t question me at all; he merely holds my hand and follows me in. He winces as he steps on a particularly loud pile of leaves.

“You didn’t want to come in here to hunt, did you?”

“Would I have brought you with me if I did?” He grins sheepishly.

“Are you going to tell me why you brought me here?”

“In a little while. Do you trust me?” He squeezes my hand.

“You know I do.” I nod and pull him off the path. My father’s cabin is still a good ways away and I’m hoping to make it to the lake before the sun gets too high in the sky. Peeta’s not a hiker but he can hold his own out here and to his credit, never complains. 

We reach the lake quicker than I anticipated and suck in a breath at how inviting it looks. Maybe we will have time for a swim later. I stop us in the middle of the clearing and fling my arms around his neck. He stiffens only for a moment as my lips crash down   
onto his. 

“Katniss,” he breathes against my mouth before he pulls his head back. His eyes search my face, a slight furrow between his brow.

“Katniss, what’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on.”

“Ok…so why did you bring me out here?”

“You don’t like coming to my favorite spot with me?” He looks around and back at me. 

“Come here.” I pull him over to a large tree and turn him around so that he is pressed against it. I lower to my knees in front of him, ignoring his loud gasp. I quickly work at his belt and his pants and his hands grip my wrists.

“What is going on with you?” 

“I want you, Peeta. I want you day and night. You are the only one I could ever want.” Before he can stop me, I pull his underwear out and down and he stares down at me with his mouth wide open. He’s only half hard but I know what works to get him worked   
up. Years of being together has taught me all the different ways to please Peeta. I know exactly where to touch or where to put my tongue if I want to hear him moan my name. I yank his underwear down to his ankles and massage his balls. Sure enough, I hear a dull thud and his head has fallen back onto the tree. I tease him at first, giving him light licks here and there but never taking him into my mouth. He bucks his hips and even releases a groan of frustration but I don’t concede. My tongue darts across his head and I smile when I see drops of precum appear. 

“Oh…shit, Katniss,” he pants above me. I reach up and move his hands from his sides to my hair. I quickly pull my braid out and his fingernails scratch my scalp. I stop moving, so he will get the hint. His eyes shoot open and he looks back down at me, his teeth digging into his lip. I hold him in my mouth, my eyes locked on his. With his hands buried in my hair, he jerks his hips and then starts to fuck my mouth. I open my mouth wider so I can take all of him and he releases a strangled cry as my lips touch his stomach. 

“Oh…Katniss…I’m gonna-“ I immediately release him and stand up. He looks at me with a little too much shock and anger. I work the button of my shorts and shove them down my legs. 

“Inside me, Peeta. Now.” He grabs my hips and yanks me toward him; I turn us so I am the one pressed against the tree. He lifts my leg around his waist so he can plunge into me. He reaches behind me, his palm pressing against the bark.

“Katniss,” his teeth are clenched and his eyes are squeezed shut.

“Open your eyes, Peeta. Watch me while you fuck me.” They shoot open and I cherish that dark sapphire that his eyes become in this state. I lick my fingers and lower them to my clit. He’s getting close and I want us to finish together. 

“Do you like this, Peeta? Do you like taking me against this tree?” He releases a whimper but doesn’t answer me.

“You fucking me out in the woods, where anyone could see. You want me to scream your name so anyone outside will hear it?” His eyes are squeezed shut again and I begin to worry. Was this such a good idea after all?

“Peeta,” I say roughly. “You feel so good inside me. Are you going to come inside me? Are you going to fill me up?” 

“Oh fuck!” His hips jerk and I feel him swell inside me. We still for a moment and he drops my leg to the ground. He moves away from me, bending over and gripping the tree. I watch him for a moment before I hesitantly move toward him.

“Tell me what this was about,” he gasps, still catching his breath. He straightens up and turns back around. “Tell me. Now.”

“I wanted to share my woods with you in our favorite way. I know when you think of the woods you think of…him and me. But I never brought him to this spot and this…this is where you asked me to marry you, remember? This is our special spot now. And I   
wanted…Peeta, I wanted you to get rid of that stupid image of me with him out here. I thought…maybe, I could replace that image in your head. With ones of you.” 

“So you dragged me into the woods to fuck me and hope it would mess with my mind?” My eyes widen.

“No! Well, I guess, technically yes, it’s reverse hijacking but I just thought…I wanted you to know, once and for all, there has never been nor will there ever be anyone else for me! You are IT for me, Peeta. I love you and you are the only one I’ve wanted in that   
way. I wanted you to…forget what you see in your nightmares. And know that you’re the only one who’s ever been here.” I reach down and swipe my fingers through my folds, collecting our fluids on my fingertips. I hold up my hand so he can see and his hard   
eyes dart to them before they lock on mine. 

“This could have backfired horribly, Katniss. What if I went into a flashback? What if I attacked you and there’s no one around?”

“I trust you, Peeta. I know you won’t hurt me.” He sighs and pushes a hand through his hair.

“Katniss, it means a lot that you want to share your special spot with me…but we have plenty of special spots. I mean, we can do this…pretty much anywhere. I don’t need you to drag me out here to prove to me that you didn’t fuck Gale.” 

“You still see it,” I say shakily. “And I don’t want you to. I just hoped that after you’d had me out here, in the place where your hijacked mind thinks I’ve been with him, that particular image would leave you for good.”

“It doesn’t work like that, honey,” he says, his voice gentler than before. “Those images…what the Capitol tortured me with…it’s like the venom. It’s not going to leave me. I can fight it, I can tell myself it’s not true and I can convince myself that you’ve only ever   
been with me--“

“That’s all I was trying to do,” I cut him off urgently. “I swear, Peeta, all I wanted was to give you a more pleasant memory…to help overcome the hijacking when it gets to be too much.” 

“You’re trying to fuck the hijacking out of me,” he says and my head darts up to see a slight smile around his lips. He moves closer and cups my chin.

“You don’t have to try to save me. I’ve done a good job keeping it at bay.”

“I always have to save you. Even if only to prove to you that I really love you.”

“I know that you really love me,” he says firmly. “You’ve proven that in a thousand different ways. Don’t feel like you have to keep proving it.” I sigh and take a step back. My shirt is crooked and my panties are around my ankles. I turn from him and bend over to   
pull them back up.

“This worked out better in my head,” I huff toward the ground. His arm wraps around my waist and his cock presses against my ass. 

“I get what you were trying to do,” he says in my ear. “And I appreciate it. But it’s not necessary. I know he never got to see you like this. I know I was the first. And to be honest with you, I sort of wish he would walk into this clearing right now, to see you bent   
over like this for me.” I grin and glance over my shoulder.

“Peeta Mellark, what a thing to say.” 

“Oh you weren’t thinking the same thing when you were on your knees?” His hand moves under my shirt and tweaks my nipple through my thin bra.

“Peeta, if you’d wanted to give Gale a show, we’ve had so many opportunities in the Capitol.” 

“Oh if you only knew all the perverse things I dreamed about, Katniss. My favorite was you riding my face and screaming my name with him watching. Although, you telling him he can’t fuck you like I can…that was pretty good too.” 

“I was just telling him the truth.”

“Glad you feel that way,” he leans in to kiss my neck. I feel his arousal stir against me and I push back against him.

My brow raises and his smile grows. I glance to the side and start.

“I think…I saw something move over there.” 

“Nice try, Katniss.”

“No…really. I saw something.”

“Probably an animal.”

“Or a hunter.” 

“Spying on us?”

“Well…we weren’t very quiet just now.” He stares at me for a moment before reaching down and cupping my center. He hisses as he pushes a finger inside me.

“Oh baby…you didn’t come yet.”

“It’s alright,” I try to shrug off but he falls to the ground, rolling on his back, and pulls me over him. 

“Come all over me, Katniss.” And then his tongue pushes up into me and my head falls back. I don’t care if someone really is watching us, and to be honest, I sort of hope that it really IS Gale! My legs shake as I struggle to keep myself up and his hands dig into   
my thighs as his tongue moves across my clit. 

“Peeta…Peeta!”

“Mmm,” he moans, fucking me with his tongue. His lips close around my clit and he tugs gently.

“Oh…FUCK! PEETA!” I watch as my own fluids cover his face and he leans back to lick his lips. I can’t speak before he yanks me to my feet and bends me over. I grip the tree in front of me as he takes me from behind. I do scream his name so loudly, that anyone near the woods will hear. Which should make me blush but at this moment, I don’t care. So my plan didn’t work out the way I intended but it did still work. If Peeta has a nightmare of Gale taking me out here, maybe it will be replaced by the thought of him taking me like he’s doing now. Making me his, the way it’s always been. I say a silent thanks to anyone who may be listening that I never went to the Slag Heap as a teenager. That Peeta was the first one I shared this with, and that there will never be another. He trembles behind me and I quiver at his whispered ‘I love you’s’. Gale could never imagine how great I have it. But I won’t rub it in his face. I’m sure he’s seen my look of adoration towards Peeta. I gasp as I realize, perhaps that’s why he’s always attacked Peeta.   
Not because of Peeta looking at me, but because of me looking at Peeta.

Too bad Hawthorne. Your Catnip did die. And Katniss Mellark is the Victor.


	78. Chapter 78

I’m still a little irritated with Katniss about her little stunt in the woods. I won’t complain about the sex but she must know that the topic of Gale will always put me on the edge. Still, in her own way, I know she was trying to help and I merely kissed her before I pulled our clothes straight. She, however, had other ideas as she whipped her shirt over her head and threw her shorts at me. I stared in fascination as she jumped into the lake with a whoop and a holler. Seeing Katniss so carefree, especially after such a difficult night is, well, thrilling. I’m pleased to see her having a good time and I cross my arms over my chest, wearing a broad smile.

“Peeta come in! The water’s great!”�

“It’s too cold for swimming!”�

“Big baby,” she teases. “Is this too cold?” Before I know what’s happening, she splashes me and I bring my arms in front of my face to shield myself.

“Katniss! That’s freezing!”�

“Well I could pull you in so you get used to it faster!”

�“You do and I’m not speaking to you for a week. No, you enjoy your swim, I’ll sit on this rock and enjoy the sun. Don’t you dare splash me again.” She sticks her tongue out at me then falls on her back and drifts lazily across the water. I watch with a grin as I stretch out on the rock. I keep my eyes open, still sure she will try to pull me in with her. I wish I had my sketch pad out here. Katniss disappears under the water and reappears, tossing her hair back. She reminds me of a mermaid, the way she moves through the water. I know where our children get it from. 

I don’t realize that I’ve fallen asleep until a shadow casts over me. My eyes slowly open and all I see is shapes. But I feel cold water dripping on my bare stomach and I jump up with a screech. I look around, my jaw dropping when my wife nearly falls off the rock from laughing so hard.

“You little-“ She tosses her head and sprays me with more water. I cry out as they pelt my skin, like little pieces of ice. I’d fallen asleep without a shirt and she’s taken full advantage of it. She trails her sodden hair across my belly button and I shiver.

“I’ll get you back for that,” I growl.

“I look forward to it. You just looked so peaceful.”

�“So you had to disturb my peace? Well you’re a piece of work.” Both of us gasp as I realize what I’ve said and her smile fades. Shit.

“Katniss, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”

�“I shouldn’t have sprayed you,” she says quietly as she starts to turn away. I make a grab for her and pull her close.

“We can’t do this every time you know. Every time I slip and say something…from my past, we can’t just stop laughing and get serious all of a sudden. Life shouldn’t be like that. Our lives certainly shouldn’t be like that.” 

“So what do you suggest?” I cock my head, considering before I shove her off the rock and into the lake. She emerges, gasping and shakes her head.

“You son of a bitch!”�

“I did tell you I’d get you back,” I smirk. “I just didn’t say when.”�

“Damn it, you made me hit my leg and now it’s all scratched up.” She looks pained as she tries to examine her leg. The water is too murky to see so I sit up straighter.

“Are you ok?”�

“What do you think,” she snarls.�

“I’m sorry honey. Come out and let me have a look at it.” I slide off the rock and hold my hand out for her to take.   
Stupid Mellark. I had older brothers. I know how this trick goes.   
I let out an embarrassing scream as she grabs my hand and pulls me into the water. Holy SHIT, this is FREEZING! I stand in front of her, shivering. She smirks and I want to smack it off her face. 

“You look cold, Peeta.”

�“Yeah, you can go find my balls because I have no idea where they’ve run off to.” 

“Just dunk your head under the water and you’ll be warm in a second.”�

“That makes no sense. The water is fucking freezing. And now I am fucking freezing. Thank you very much.” I wipe the water from my eyes and she wraps her arms around my neck. 

“I can warm you up quickly.”�

“Not in here you can’t. I think my dick retreated inside my body.” I jump as her hand gropes me and she cocks her head.

“Hmmm. No, I think little Peeta just needs some coaxing out.” Little Peeta? Oh dear god. 

“Come on Katniss, you’ve had your fun. Now let’s go home and dry off.”

�“You’ll dry off on the hike home. It’s not that cold outside today. Why are you being such a grump?”�

“Because I’m COLD!” I pout like a five year old. She rolls her eyes and pushes me toward the rocks. I take a step toward land and my bad leg buckles underneath me; I feel a rock give way as I fall forward, swallowing a lot of water as I yell. 

“Peeta?” I can’t yell for help, I can only thrash around. My prosthetic is stuck on something and I frantically tug at it. I try to reach the surface, desperately wishing for air. I feel a tug and my face barely breaks the water.

“Peeta, what’s wrong,” she screams. I inhale as much air as I can.

“Stuck,” I manage to get out before I disappear back under. Whatever has hold of my leg is pulling me down further. I try to bend down to see what’s got hold of me but I can’t see anything in this dark water. I feel around but all I can feel are rocks. I’m starting to feel lightheaded and feel my breath leaving me. I feel something tugging at my leg and I reach out to find something solid; Katniss is beside me, trying to move the rocks. She squeezes my hand once then continues to tug on my leg. A few more yanks and she has me free, and she’s tugging me toward the surface. I fill my lungs with sweet air as soon as my head bursts through and she pulls me onto the rocks. 

“Oh my god, Peeta! Peeta!” She’s fussing over me, her hands all over my face and her tears streaming down her cheeks. I try to reach out to her, to tell her I’m alright, but my throat has closed up.

“Roll over. Spit up all the water.” She tries to roll me onto my stomach but I shake my head.

“M’alright,” I manage to get out. 

“You…you…” she throws herself in my arms and I cough violently. 

“I’m so sorry…I am SO sorry,” she says against my neck. I shake my head.

“It’s not your fault.”

�“I pulled you in! I was just teasing you…and you could have died! Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”�

“Katniss, stop. You saved my life. Again. What the hell was that?”�

“The rocks had all given way and trapped your foot. The wall was crumbling and just pulling you down with it. I knew I had to get you back to the surface…before…” she bites her lip and hides her face in my neck.

“Katniss, I’m ok,” I say weakly. 

“I was so stupid!” 

“No you’re not. Although, I don’t think I’m ever going back into that lake again. Sorry.” She gives a weak chuckle and I quickly wipe at her tears.

“It was an accident. One you saved me from. But this is why I hate thinking about you coming out here by yourself. If something happened to you…” I don’t continue and we fall into silence. She pulls me to my feet and I hold her against my chest. My hand moves down her back, doing my best to soothe her even though it was me who nearly drowned. She seems to realize this and pulls away, angrily wiping at her face.

“Ugh, you almost drowned and here I am, sobbing over being an idiot.” Well, my strong Katniss is back. 

“It’s ok. Are you ready to head back?”�

“Are you ok to walk?”�

“Yes I’m fine. No damage to my leg and I feel fine.”

�“OK. Then yes, let’s head back.” She takes my hand and leads me away from the lake. How did I, someone who had no experience with the wilderness, wind up loving a girl who’s practically a wood nymph? 

She’s silent as she leads me out of the woods. I squeeze her hand, hoping she will talk, but she merely squeezes back and continues walking. 

When we get home, I immediately strip off my wet shirt and pants and go upstairs. Katniss doesn’t say anything but she lingers behind, chewing on her lip. I quickly get a bath drawn for us and go to find her. She hasn’t taken off her wet clothes and I pull her hand to my lips.

“Come take a bath with me.”

�“You haven’t had enough of water for today?” My lips curve upwards.

“I don’t think there’s much risk of me drowning in the bath tub. Especially if you’re in there with me.” She doesn’t look convinced so I pull her into the bathroom and slip her shirt over her head. She watches me closely as I push her shorts and panties down her legs. I lock my eyes on hers as I reach behind to undo her bra. She stands in front of me, naked, but doesn’t look away.   
It just reminds me that the old Katniss…she would never have allowed me to stare at her like this. She’s not without hesitation, of course. She shifts from side to side nervously and hikes one foot up behind her leg. 

“Get in,” I say softly. She does so and I lower in behind her. I pull her to my chest, wrapping my arms around her so I can rest my cheek on her back. After being so cold on the hike home, the warm water feels incredible. It soothes my aching muscles and her fingers gently press into the skin above the prosthetic. I suck in a breath as I lean my head back against the wall.

“That feels wonderful.”

�“Do you want to take it off for a little while?” I don’t answer but she quickly unclasps and detaches my leg and I let out a moan as the pressure is relieved. She sits up a little and takes my stump into her lap. This is something that took me awhile to get used to as well. There was a time where I never even let her see me without my prosthetic. I was terrified of what she would think, or more often than not, that she would feel guilty about it. Slowly, as we grew together, our trust and love did too. She took care of me, like I took care of her. I secretly relish the way she tends to what’s left of my leg. When she takes the salve and massages it into the skin, or when she presses tender kisses to the ugly scar. My heart leaps whenever she does this. I even dreamed of this when we came back home. There were many nights I would imagine her taking it into her lap and bringing her lips to the mangled flesh.

I wrap my legs around her waist and she uses her knuckles to knead my flesh. My eyes flutter closed as I place an arm behind my head. It isn’t sexual by any means and I know many would argue because we are naked in the bathtub and the moans I am making are usually released when she is caressing a different part of me. Nevertheless, I watch her place soft kisses above my knee and across my thigh. I can still remember the moment Cato’s sword pierced through it. The gleam in his eye as he left me there by the stream.

“I’ll find your little girl on fire. And then I’ll come back to finish you off. Maybe I’ll save a piece of her for you.” I hadn’t known such fear in those Games until that moment. I knew I had to stop him and yet I was completely and utterly powerless. How much the audience must have loved that. The lovesick fool who had done everything he could to keep the Careers away from his district partner, only to be wounded and taunted and kept from getting to her.   
And then the feel of that mutt’s teeth, in the same leg. Bet the Gamemakers loved that.

“Are you ok?” Her voice is soft but it makes me jump and there’s a loud squeak as I shift around.

�“Yeah,” I grunt. “Just lost in thought.”�

“Don’t return to the arena, Peeta,” she lays a hand on my face.�

“I wish I could stay away from it, Katniss.” 

“I know.” I kiss her palm and she curls into me. It can’t be comfortable, how she is lying on her side, half in the water, half out but I don’t try to move us. Only when the water starts to get cold do I nudge her.�

“I’ve had enough of cold water, that’s for sure. Stand up.”

“Let me get you a towel before I get your leg back on.” I wait, shivering slightly as she hurries to get us towels, then hands me my prosthetic. Clasping it and unclasping it has become second nature and she holds out her hand to help me up. 

“We need to pick up the kids soon.”

“Willow said this morning that they’re supposed to receive the first part of their assignments today.” Her lips tighten but she says nothing.   
\-----------------------------  
We pick them up and Willow doesn’t look as somber as I expected. On the contrary, she looks kind of excited and waves a folder in the air.

“We’re learning about the Dark Days and how the Rebellion happened,” she explains as we walk home. “How the Hunger Games actually started. You learned all that in school, right?”�

“Of course,” Katniss says stiffly. “The Capitol made sure we had an extensive education.” Our daughter misses the sarcasm and bitterness in her mother’s voice.

“Well, it’s cool, the very first Hunger Games Victor, Coralee Ipwich, was fifteen when she won!”

�“So did you get any homework assignments,” I ask hurriedly, seeing Katniss’s face.

“We are supposed to read some pages in this book they gave us. And then this worksheet.” She hands it to me and I wrinkle my nose in disgust. It’s just a grammar sheet but they have made it all about the Games. Is this what the rest of the year will be like? 

“What about you, Ryekin, any homework?”

�“We learned even and odd numbers! And my homework is about the moon!” Ok, well at least they aren’t making the younger kids learn about the Games. 

“I guess it’s only Grade 4 and up,” I mutter to Katniss. She nods and takes Rye’s backpack from him.

“Ok well how about I make some chocolate chip cookies while we get started on our homework,” I say cheerfully as I hold the door open. The kids both exclaim excitedly and Katniss gives me a quick kiss as she passes by.

“Can I help,” Willow asks.

“You need to do your homework,” Katniss says patiently. Willow gives me a pleading look and I hold my hands up. 

“Listen to your mama.” She huffs and yanks her backpack open. Katniss sits on the couch behind them and immediately starts to help Rye read his assignment. With a smile, I head off into the kitchen to start on the treat. I should probably figure out what to do for dinner too but hey, I’m a baker, sweets come first in our family. 

Katniss gets a phone call from Johanna as we are finishing dinner and when she returns, she tells me she is going to 2 for the weekend.

“Annie really wants this dress and they won’t send it here until she tries it on. She’s asking Jo and I to go with her.”

“Can I go pick out a dress too,” Willow asks, her eyes lighting up.

“Sure baby,” Katniss laughs. “You can come with me. That means it’s just you and Daddy this weekend, Rye. I’m sure you’ll have lots of fun.”�

“Yeah buddy, we can do whatever you want,” I nudge my son. He looks excited. 

“Ok yeah!”   
\-------------------  
But as Katniss starts to pack for the weekend, I start to get nervous. If the family splits up for any reason, it is usually the opposite; Katniss is always with Rye and Willow comes with me. Mostly because of our shared interests but Rye has always had a bond with Katniss. A whole weekend with my son sounds great but what are we going to do? Can I actually handle a little boy without his mother around?

“You know, maybe we should all go. As a family.” She stops folding and glances over at me.�

“I thought you were excited to have some boy time with Rye.”

�“I am…we still can. In 2.” 

“Peeta.”�

“What?”�

“What’s wrong?” I sigh and hang my head.

“I’m not sure I know how to entertain him for a whole weekend. He loves the woods and the water and hunting. Everything you are. And everything I’m not.”

“Oh Peeta, he still loves you. And he loves spending time with you!”�

“We haven’t really spent any time together, just the two of us, in…well. God, I don’t know how long.”�

“Exactly. You need this. Father-son bonding. You don’t think I’m terrified of having Willow to myself for three days? I don’t do the shopping thing.” I have to laugh at that.�

“You’ll be with Annie and Johanna. You’ll be fine.”

�“Well, I’m sure Finn can join you if you have any trouble.” I nod, thinking my godson will definitely have to come over at some point. 

“What if he starts to cry because he misses you?”

�“He’s been away from me before.”

�“When both of us were gone. Not when it was just me staying with him.”�

“Peeta, you had all brothers,” she says gently.

“I was the youngest,” I argue that point. “I didn’t babysit my brothers. I mean, they didn’t really babysit me. Ryean tried once and when he wasn’t looking, I jumped off the roof. I remember Mom and Dad yelling at him and then yelling at me for doing something so stupid.”

�“Ok well, keep a close eye on our son and you will be just fine.” She squeezes my arm.

“What if something happens…remember the bathtub incident?”

�“Then I will come straight home. You know how to be a father, Peeta, you are a natural at it. I don’t understand why you are so nervous.” I shrug and she cups my chin.

“Look at me.” Her molten silver eyes draw me in and I feel my shoulders slump, instantly relaxed.

“You’re going to be fine. You have always protected our children. You would do anything for them.” I nod but then something else comes to my mind. Something that makes me tense up again.

“What if I have…another nightmare? And you’re not around? What will our little boy do to get me out of it?” She opens her mouth to answer but I shake my head, suddenly terrified.

“He’s only 6, Katniss, he doesn’t understand. What if I hurt him?”�

“Peeta, you would never hurt our son or our daughter.”�

”No, I can’t. Please don’t go, Katniss. Take us with you.” 

“You’re being ridiculous. You won’t hurt him. It’s only three days and you’re going to have a great time together. So stop thinking only bad things.” She squeezes my chin and kisses me firmly on the mouth. We do this when we need to stop the other from talking, or when we need to end the conversation. 

I glare at her as she pulls away.�

“Don’t give me that look. You do it to me all the time.”�

“You promise things will be ok?” She gives me a kiss at the tip of my nose.

“I promise. Stop worrying. You boys are going to love having a girl-free weekend.”   
\-------------------------------------------

We wave our girls off and Rye immediately says he’s hungry. I suggest we go into the bakery but he says he would rather stay at home. I make lunch while he colors at the table, then he asks me to join him. We’re quiet as we pass by several hours. All of a sudden, he throws down his crayons and leans back in his chair.

“I’m bored.” I raise a brow and lean back as well.

�“Alright. What would you like to do?” He shrugs.�“Well it’s still a few hours until dinner. Do you want to go horseback riding?” 

“Yeah!” He flies out of his seat and upstairs to change and I grin. Katniss is right. This isn’t so bad. Being alone with Rye is no different than being alone with Willow. 

Colton waves to me as Rye and I enter the stables. Rye picks out his horse and I am a little nervous that she’s so big. 

“I’ll be fine, Daddy,” Rye argues and Colton raises a brow at me. Sighing, I nod and watch my friend help my son up.

“How about you, Peeta, which horse would you like?”

“Oh I don’t ride-“

�“Come ON Daddy!” His grey eyes bore into mine and I’m helpless. Just like his mother.

�“OK,” I breathe. “Do you have…a beginner’s horse?”�

“Come on. You can take Blossom. She’s older and more gentle.”   
I pat the mare’s muzzle as Colton gets her ready for me.�

“Hey there girl. I’m new at this so go easy on me, ok?” She whinnies, which I guess means “fine”. 

“OK, step into the stirrups. Swing yourself over.” I wince as I try and fail; my son watches me closely and I try to ignore how foolish I feel. Why didn’t I ask Finn to join us? 

“There you are. Here are the reigns. She’ll go slow for you.” 

“Hurry up, Daddy!”

�“Hold your horses, son,” I call, which earns a laugh. Colton slaps Blossom’s backside and she jerks into motion. I join my son and he tugs the reigns of his mare. 

“Can we go on that trail?” He points across the corral and I glance back at Colton, who nods.�“It’s ok. These mares know the trail well. You’ll be alright.” 

“OK buddy, you lead the way.” He clicks the reigns and takes off in front of me.� “Rye, slow down bud, let’s just take it slow.” 

Along the way, Rye points out various plants as we pass; He is every inch his mother. As we get close to a pond, I suggest we let the horses stop and take a drink. 

“Daddy, look,” he points at bunch of white water plants. “katniss!” 

“Your mama’s taught you well. Those are katniss tubers. When your mommy was young, her daddy took her into the woods and taught her what kinds of plants she could eat.”

�“Yeah! Dandelions and clovers and wood sorrel…those my favorites.”�

“I had no idea she’d taught you all that. What else do you learn in the woods?” He chatters on and on about what Katniss has shown him about hunting, setting snares and traps, edible plants, and climbing trees. I’m a little shocked that my 6 year old surpasses me in forest knowledge and wonder why Katniss has taught him all of this. Has she always had this horrible fear that the Games would return, and wanted our children to be prepared? Or was she just looking for someone to pass on her father’s wisdom to? Either way, I smile at his enthusiasm. 

After we finish our ride, I take his hand and lead him to the meadow. He excitedly shows me more plants and I have to sit down to rest for a moment while he runs off to play. I make sure he stays close as I stretch out in the field of dandelions. I grin as he runs through, making the dandelion seeds fly. He looks just like his mother did only days ago. 

“Hey Rye,” I pluck a dandelion and hold it in front of my face. “Make a wish, buddy.” He giggles and blows right into my face. I bat at my face as the seeds tickle and even spit one out of my mouth. It makes him laugh even harder.

“What did you wish for, Daddy?”�“Can’t tell that, bud, otherwise it won’t come true.” 

‘’My tummy’s grumbling.” He pokes it for good measure and lets out a shrill giggle when I gently poke him. I grin, poking and tickling, relishing in my son’s laughter.

“Sounds like it’s about time for dinner. Let’s head back.” He grabs my hand as soon as we stand and with a broad smile, I follow him home.   
\--------------------------------------

The next day I bake us a cake for breakfast (after swearing him to secrecy) and let him watch some TV. He likes the little animated cartoons and we lay on the couch together for most of the morning. When the phone rings, I gently move him off my chest so I can hurry to answer it. 

“Hey,” Katniss sounds relieved when I answer. “How’s it going over there?”

“We’re doing great. He’s watching cartoons right now. How’s girls weekend?”

�“I’m ready to strangle Johanna. She gave Willow a make-up kit and taught her how to use lip liner. I don’t even know what lip liner is!” I chuckle softly.

“Our little girl IS getting older. And if Mama isn’t going to show her make-up, Aunty Jo’s gotta do it.”

“Ugh. I’m ready to come home. These District 2 people are driving me insane. The girl helping us with the dresses is a simpering idiot. And I didn’t really expect that kind of reaction from 2. I figured they still wouldn’t like me.”

�“Everyone in Panem has reason to thank you, Katniss. Even those in the Capitol appreciate what you did.”�

“Yeah. There’s, uh, something else.” I raise my brow at her hesitant tone.

�“What?”

�“Willow is asking to go see the museum.” My heart falls. Of course she is.�

“Are you going to take her?”

�“I honestly don’t know if I can go in there without you, Peeta. Annie and Johanna flat out refused and Johanna had a talk with Willow this morning. She flipped out, by the way, when Willow told her about the assignment.”�

“Yeah I bet she did.” Johanna’s never taken kindly to anything to do with the Games. She was livid when Paylor first approached us about the memorials. 

“Well,” I say slowly. “Tell Willow not this trip…but we can go as a family when we have some time.”�

“Rye’s too young to see all that,” she protests.

“He took me on a nature walk and I swear the kid is older than six.” 

“Yeah,” she laughs. “He loves our plant book.” 

“We can’t keep them from it forever, Katniss. And Willow will learn it all this year. I’d rather her see it with us than on some kind of field trip. And I wouldn’t put it past the Board to do that.”�

“I never wanted to go to that museum. Even when you told me you were opening it, I didn’t think I could step foot in there.”�

“It was hard,” I admit. “And you’re right; I couldn’t do it again without you by my side. Maybe next year, when they’re a little older.”�

“Alright. Annie is calling for me so I need to go. I love you.”�

“I love you too. Tell the girls I said hello.” We hang up and I return to find that Rye has finished off the cake and fallen asleep. Chuckling softly, I gently carry him to his room and tuck him into bed. Thinking a nap sounds nice, I head off to my room and curl up on the bed. The other side still smells like her and I bury my face in her pillow.   
\---------------------------

The next morning, the circles under my son’s eyes match my own. We both had nightmares last night and didn’t get much sleep. The cup of tea I’ve made isn’t helping and I briefly consider making a pot of coffee. That will wake me up for sure. The girls aren’t due home until later tonight and I hope very much we will have time for a nap before then. I don’t want Katniss to see either of us like this. Rye sighs as he stuffs a piece of bacon in his mouth.

“Do you want to talk about it,” I ask over the rim of my cup. He shakes his head, his curls flopping everywhere. 

“Ok. That’s ok, we don’t have to. Just know that I’m here if you do want to talk.” What does a six year old have nightmares about? It tears my heart out, to think he’s having nightmares because of what I did that night. Dragged my children and my wife into my own nightmare. 

“Can I go swimming today?” He’s pleading to change the subject; Katniss does this all the time. 

“I’ll have to call Finn and ask but I’m sure it won’t be a problem.” 

Unfortunately Coral is sick and Ana isn’t feeling well herself. Finn is the only one with the keys to the pool and he sounds harried and apologetic.

�“I’m sorry, Uncle Peeta, I’d love to let the little guy come swim but I just--“�

“Don’t worry about it, Finn,” I assure him. “Take care of your girls.” 

Rye huffs when I tell him we can’t go swimming but I suggest we color for a little bit. He looks like he is about to fall asleep right on the table. I wonder if we should just go back to bed. I don’t want to throw off his sleeping schedule but neither of us can function at this point. 

“Why do you cry out for Mama,” he says casually. My crayon freezes on the paper. �

“What?”�

“In your sleep. You yell for Mama. Do you dream bad things of her?”

�“Yes,” I say slowly. “I dream bad things.” I’m not about to tell him that last night I dreamed I was back in the Capitol cell and was screaming for Katniss to save me. I guess I don’t need to; he heard everything. Last night I revisited one of my more intense “sessions” with my interrogator; I passed out from the pain twice before I was revived to be tortured some more. 

“Did she save you from that place?”�

“She wasn’t physically there but the people who saved me took me back to her. It took awhile before I was normal again. The poison I told you about made me very different and it hurt your mama to see that. But yes, she saved me in the end.” 

“Good,” he says, never looking up from his coloring sheet. It occurs to me that he’s coloring in the book that Willow made for him; the sheet he’s selected is the four of us walking through town. He’s on my shoulders and Willow is between Katniss and me. 

“Am I ever gonna have a little shister?” My crayon freezes once more and very nearly breaks in my grasp.�

“Um…I don’t know, bud. Probably not.”�

“Why?”

�“Your mama and I are very happy with the way things are. With you and Willow.”�

“Well I’m not. I want a little sishter.” I can’t help but laugh at the many different ways he keeps saying sister. 

“Well it has to be something that your mama wants. And that I want.”

�“Don’t you want a baby? Willow gets annoying.” 

“That’s not nice. Don’t call your sister annoying.”

�“Why? She calls me annoying.” I sigh and shake my head.

“I just don’t know if it will happen, son. I’d like it to…I always wanted a big family. But if it doesn’t, we can still be really happy. Right?”�

“You think if I ask Mama, she’ll let you plant another one?” I shift around in my seat.

“No, I don’t think you should ask Mama that.”�

“So you can just plant a flower baby in her belly, right? She doesn’t have to know.” I stifle my laughter.

�“Yeah, that’s not exactly how it works buddy. She will know.” 

“Well tell her Willow, you and me want one. Three against one.” Oh boy, my son is getting ruthless.

“We’ll see. How about I make something for us to eat?”�

“Cake?”�

“No more cake for breakfast. And we won’t tell Mama I let you do it yesterday!” His silver eyes, exactly like his mother’s, blink up at me innocently.

“Right Daddy.” 

“But I can make crepes.”

�“Crepes!” Laughing, I pull the ingredients out and start on breakfast.   
\----------------------  
After breakfast we watch some cartoons and he falls asleep quickly. I say a silent prayer of thanks as I tuck him in, before slipping off to my room. 

I didn’t realize how long I’d slept and I kick myself when I look at the clock. Rye didn’t wake me up so I hope he’s not getting into any kind of trouble. I rub my face and hurry downstairs to find my son sitting at the table with my wife and daughter.

“Hey sleepyhead,” Katniss says with a smile as she leans in to kiss me. “I was about to come wake you.”

“I didn’t mean to sleep so long…Rye, you should have woken me up.” He shrugs, not looking up from his coloring.

“It’s ok. Willow and I got home an hour ago and he was still asleep. Willow was the one who woke him up.” 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t awake to greet you.” She shakes her head as she peers into the oven.

“Dinner’s about ready. I’m making a casserole.”

�“Smells great. Hey princess, did you have a good time,” I kiss Willow’s head and she smiles.

“It was so fun, Daddy, my dress is so pretty! And Aunt JoJo taught me how to do make-up and I got to see Aran for a little bit and Mama and I went shopping!” I realize that it’s not just Rye and I who haven’t spent a lot of time together; Katniss and Willow barely hang out either. This weekend was a good thing for everyone, I think. 

“Hey Daddy…can we get a puppy?”

“That’s…sort of random. Why are you asking?”�

“We’ve wanted one for a long time. And I saw so many cute puppies in 2!”

�“We walked by a puppy shop,” Katniss says quietly. “Annie said I should let her bring one home but I wanted them to pick one out together.”�

“We’re getting a puppy,” Rye looks up, a broad smile on his face.

“Yes dingdong, we’re getting a puppy!”�

“Willow, what did I say about name-calling,” I say firmly as I peek out from the fridge. 

“Sorry Rye. Can we go this week to pick one out?” I glance at Katniss and she shrugs.

�“Sure. We’ll go this week.”

Both kids jump out of their seats and run around in excitement. It takes Katniss several times to calm them down and get them back in their seats. I throw together a quick salad and set the bowl on the table as Katniss pulls the casserole from the oven. 

“Daddy I tried lamb this weekend,” Willow says smugly. Katniss smiles as she spoons out the casserole.�

“Annie treated us to a nice dinner and I let Willow try my lamb stew.” All the times I’ve made Katniss lamb stew, it’s crazy that it’s Willow’s first time trying it. 

“And what did you think?”�

“So good!” I glance at Katniss with a smile. 

“So what did you boys do this weekend,” she directs the question at our son. I grin as I chew, listening to Rye’s enthusiastic reply.  
\-----------------------------

“Sounds like he had a really good time with you,” she says as she unpacks her bag. I nod, glancing over my glasses.

“I loved hanging with him. I learned a lot this weekend. We should try to do that more often.”

�“What, split up?”

�“No. I mean I’d love to let the kids pick something to do and do it as a family. But you need more girls dates with Willow. And I liked my father-son bonding time.”

�“I told you that you’d be fine,” she kisses me softly. 

“I’ll go ahead and warn you…Rye asked me to plant a flower baby in your belly.”

“What?” She spins around, her eyes wide. I shrug and set my book aside.

“I told him it probably wasn’t going to happen. But I wanted to warn you, in case they gang up on you about getting a sister.”�

“You told him it wasn’t going to happen?” For some reason, she sounds stunned and a little…irritated.�

“I said probably. I told him we are happy with the way things are. In the end, I just said we’ll see but…I mean I didn’t want to tell him it would never happen. And I certainly wasn’t going to make any promises. But we don’t really know…I mean…do we?” I grimace at how hopeful I’m sounding. I hope she doesn’t notice.

“I don’t know. I don’t think there will be any more but I don’t want to tell them never, either. I just don’t think…after Lily…I mean, I just don’t know…” 

“Hey,” I tug on her hand and pull her down to the bed. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted to give you a heads up. Our son is persistent.”�

“That he is. Wonder where he gets that from.” I stick my tongue out and she gently bites it. I groan as her teeth nibble at my jaw line.�

“He asked me if I could do it without you noticing.” Her choked laughter against my neck makes me jump. 

“I would hope I’d notice.”

�“Me too. Else, I’m doing something wrong.”

�“Hmmm. Well I’ve been away from you all weekend. You want to make sure you’re doing everything right?” My hand travels up and down her leg and into her little silk shorts.

“With pleasure,” I growl before burying my face in her neck.   
\-------------------------  
The next few weeks are hectic for everyone; the end of the school year is approaching so they are piling on the homework for the kids. Annie’s and Riley’s wedding is in less than 3 weeks, which means I’m at the bakery with Riley figuring out the cake while Katniss is at Annie’s house, poring over pictures and magazines. Johanna drops in nearly every weekend to help; Annie says she can’t do this without her two bridesmaids so I’m glad Jo is helping out as well, so it doesn’t all fall on Katniss. Finn tries to help as well, when he’s not coaching swim meets. The kids grumble because we haven’t had time to go pick out a puppy yet.

And Reaping Day looms in the distance. 4 weeks, right after the wedding.   
I’m fairly certain this is when the school will do their “Reaping”. What better way to celebrate the end of the Hunger Games, then do a reenactment for all the district to see?  
The thought makes me sick. 

“Hey boss,” Dane pokes his head into my office.

“What’s up Dane?”�

“There is someone out here asking for you. Looks like a Capitol bloke.” With a slight frown, I make my way out to the front. I recognize Cressida’s assistant, though we’ve only met once.

“Mr. Mellark. It’s good to see you again.”�

“You too…Jinx, right?” 

“That’s it. I’m sorry to bother you at work, and I promise I won’t take up too much of your time.” I shrug and look around the bakery. It’s busy but not so busy that my staff are frantic.

“Can I get you anything to eat or drink?”�

“Oh no sir, you don’t have to do that. Cressida asked me to come speak with you.”

�“Cressida? Is she alright?”

�“Oh she’s fine,” he assures me, sensing my concern. “She’s busy planning her wedding and is holed up in her apartment. But she’s been asked to cover the upcoming Reaping ceremony at the school here in 12. She tried to get out of it but the president himself asked for her. That’s a huge honor.”�

“It is,” I say, wondering why Olivier asked for Cressida. Then I remember Cress was with Katniss in District 8. He would know how far she’s willing to go to tell the truth.   
She’ll make the country watch them Reaping these children under twelve and they’ll be horrified. Olivier is trying to make sure this doesn’t happen again.  
I visibly relax and Jinx seems to notice.

“Everything alright?”�

“Yes, sorry. You were saying?”   
“So Cressida wanted to interview you beforehand, to hear your thoughts on this ceremony and this assignment.”�

“She already knows my thoughts.”�

“She wants it on record,” he says, clearing his throat. 

“So I have to be professional about it.” 

“As professional as a Hunger Games Victor whose daughter’s name is in a Reaping bowl, can be.” I raise my brow; Jinx is blunt… even angry sounding. 

“Is there a reason you are asking for my thoughts but not Katniss’s?”

�“Cressida wanted me to speak with you first and see if Katniss would be willing. She would also like me to interview Haymitch Abernathy and his wife. Annie Odair, if she’s willing, and her son.”

“Oh damn, it’s such a bad time. Annie’s wedding is in 3 weeks. That’s all she and Finn and Katniss have been concentrating on! Well, I’m making their cake but it’s not as intense for me.”

�“I understand,” he said softly. “Still, you know that this could rock the nation. I’m hoping that everyone can make the time.” I chew on my lip. Katniss will be furious that this is interrupting our lives but then again, this could help us in the future. Maybe if we do this, we don’t have to worry about Rye going through this in a few years. 

“Alright, how long are you staying in the district?”

�“Until I can get everyone’s’ statements.”

�“Come over for dinner tonight. I’ll gather everyone and you can interview us together or privately, whatever is easiest for you.” He looks stunned.�

“Thank you, Mr. Mellark! That’s wonderful!”

�“Call me, Peeta. Cressida is a good friend and she has helped us a lot in the past. I can only hope this will be a good thing.”�

“That’s what she’s hoping too,” he says gently. 

“Come on over to Victor’s Village around six thirty, if that works for you.”

�“That will be perfect. Thank you Mr- uh, Peeta.” I grin and reach around the counter.

“Let me send you off with some breakfast.”

�“Oh, you don’t have--“ he falls silent at the sight of the Danish and muffin I’ve pulled out. I laugh at his longing face.

“Curteousy of Mellark Family Bakery,” I hand him the bag. “We will see you tonight.”�

“Thank you, Peeta,” he says genuinely and with a nod, I watch him back out of the bakery. 

Now how do I break this to Katniss?   
\---------------------------------------  
I stop by Haymitch’s first and am relieved to see both of them relaxing on the porch with glasses of lemonade. 

“Can I get you one, Peeta,” Effie starts to stand but I shake my head.

“No thank you, Effie. I just came by to invite you both to dinner tonight. Cressida’s friend Jinx is joining us and he wants to…hear what we all think about the school assignment.”�

“Hear what we think,” Haymitch snorts. “We’re Hunger Games Victors. Surely they know what we think.”�

“We have to be professional about this, Haymitch,” I warn. “Olivier asked Cressida to cover this and he knows she will show the world the truth, like she’s done before. But we can’t make it just about us. We have to show that it affects all of us…all of Panem.”�

“Huh. That’s what Coin told Katniss when she screamed that we should have rescued you instead,” he says nonchalantly, though I know better. I see the memories in his hazy grey eyes. 

“Katniss told Coin…that you should have rescued me instead?” Haymitch raises a brow.�

“You sound surprised at that, boy. You don’t remember me showing you my war injuries from her fingernails? Sweetheart was livid when she found out.” 

“I don’t remember that,” I mumble, trying to rack my brain.�

“You didn’t exactly care back then.”�

“Haymitch,” Effie hisses, squeezing his wrist. “Peeta, dear, please don’t let this put you into a flashback.”

�“I’m ok, Effie. I need to get started on dinner but I’ll see you both around six thirty?”

�“I can’t imagine he wants to talk to me,” she says anxiously.

“But he does. You were our Escort, after all. You were the one who called the names.”

�“Oh,” she looks vastly uncomfortable and squirms in her seat. Haymitch shoots me an annoyed glare. I merely shrug. I’m not going to apologize for upsetting her. I know she lives with the fact that she called all those names. I can imagine her sometimes dreaming, if she had just moved her hand to the left, if she had chosen another slip of paper… 

“Cressida thinks your opinion is important too,” I say, breaking the tense silence. “She wants to hear what we all think of this. I need to get home to Katniss. See you two later.” They nod faintly as I step off their porch and hurry across the lawn. Tonight should be interesting. We’ll be lucky if I’m the only one having a flashback…  
\----------------------------------

Finn brings the kids home because Katniss is still at his mother’s house. I hurriedly explain Jinx’s visit and invite him to dinner as well. His brow furrows.

“Why do they want my opinion? I didn’t live through the Hunger Games.”�

“Your parents were Victors,” I say gently. “And you have lived with the fame and recognition. They want to know what we think about the Reaping assignment.”�

“It’s disgusting,” he spits. “Plain and simple.”�

“I agree. But we need reasons and we need to appeal to the Capitol why we think it’s disgusting.”�

“This won’t stop it. You know that, right?”

�“True but it may stop future assignments like this. Rye might not have to experience a Reaping.” Finn runs a finger through his messy curls and huffs.

“Alright. I’ll run home and check on Coral and Ana.”�

“Bring them too, if you want. I’ll make enough dinner for everyone.” Finn nods and says goodbye to Willow and Rye as he makes his way out. 

When Katniss gets home, she looks exhausted. I immediately feel terrible about inviting everyone over tonight when I know my wife just wants to rest and have some quiet. But as Jinx said, we don’t have a lot of time. I’m stirring the pasta on the stove when I feel her arms wrap around my chest.

“Smells so good,” she murmurs into my shirt. I cover one of her hands with my own and turn to kiss her temple.

“We’re having some company over this evening.”�

“Company?” Her brow furrows and her arms fall to her sides. I quietly explain Jinx’s visit and her face grows darker.

“They know what we think about it. Why is Cressida turning this into a freak show?”�

“She isn’t. Olivier is doing what he can to make sure this is the last Reaping the school will see. Cressida will do what she can too. We have to help them out, honey.”�

“They won’t cancel the Games. They can’t.” I suck in a breath, remembering her saying those very words in another lifetime. After I shocked the nation on live TV, telling them that I’d gotten Katniss pregnant before the Quell.   
She squeezes my hand and I shake away the memories.

“This might not help Willow but it can help Rye,” I say softly. Her face softens and she sighs heavily.

“Alright. I’m going to take a quick shower and then I’ll help you with dinner.”

“Take your time. The bread is already in the oven and the salads are made, in the fridge. I’ve got it covered.” She leans in to give me a kiss and when she tries to back away, I hold her face with both of my hands. She gasps as I tilt my head so I can deepen our connection, our tongues dancing furiously against one another. When I pull back for breath, our foreheads press together and she shakes her head slightly.

“I hate this, Peeta.”�

“I know. We’ll get through it. I promise.” I kiss her forehead before she turns to go upstairs. I hear her talking to the kids as she leaves the room and I turn back to dinner. I should have made cheese buns. They always make her feel better.   
\--------------------------------

Finn and Annie arrive before the others and I usher them inside. Katniss is still upstairs getting dressed and I just sent the kids up to change out of their school clothes.

“Smells so good in here, Uncle Peeta.” 

“Good. How are you, Annie,” I kiss her cheek and she smiles; I can see she is as exhausted as Katniss is.

“I’m good, Peeta. Riley says you have been the most amazing with our cake the past few weeks. I can’t thank you enough.”�

“You don’t need to. I’m so happy to do it,” I squeeze her hand once before guiding them into the living room.

“Coral and Ana aren’t joining us?” Finn looks slightly uncomfortable.

“Analise thanks you for the invitation but she gets a little anxious when there’s talk of the Hunger Games so we thought it best if she stayed home with Coral.” I nod in understanding. Talk of the Hunger Games makes me anxious too but I won’t say anything; this was my idea, after all. Annie’s face goes blank and I pray this evening isn’t detrimental to her mind. 

“Katniss should be right down--“ I gasp as I feel her hands on my shoulders and I whirl around.�

“Damn you still scare me when you do that.”

�“Finn saw me,” she laughs. Finn chuckles as Katniss embraces them both.

“How are Ana and Coral?”�

“They’re great. We, uh, have some news.” His eyes are sparkling and his mother quirks her brow.

“Ana’s pregnant.” Annie and Katniss squeal and my jaw drops. We all move in to hug him and that big, goofy grin looks perfect on his face. 

“So who’s knocked up,” we hear a voice from the entryway. Haymitch is hanging up Effie’s shawl and she rolls her eyes.

“Oh HONESTLY Haymitch. Have I not taught you ANY manners?”�

“Living with you has been a fucking school of etiquette, princess, but I’ll always be a Seam boy at heart,” he says with a wink. “I assume that’s what’s got everyone so happy. So who is it? Sweetheart, you pregnant?”�

“No,” Katniss snaps. Finn grins.

“My wife.”�

“Congratulations, Odair! When is she due?”

�“December. We’re hoping before Christmas.” 

“Congratulations, dear,” Effie kisses his cheek.

“When did my baby grow up,” Annie strokes her son’s cheek affectionately. 

“They tend to do that, Annie,” I laugh, my eyes meeting Katniss’s. We hear a commotion on the stairs and turn to see Willow and Rye fighting about who will reach the bottom first.�

“Stop bickering and come give me a hug,” Haymitch calls gruffly. The kids’ faces light up and run to him; I grin as I watch the old man being so tender. I really do wish he and Effie had kids; I can see how much they both love them. I know Haymitch wanted them. Katniss told me how Effie comforted her after we lost Lily, when she told her about how she lost her baby in the Capitol. Katniss explained to me that Effie was too scared to try again, though she and Haymitch both wanted them.   
I’m so grateful to Katniss for pushing aside her fear for me. For giving us a chance and giving me the two greatest miracles I’ve ever known. 

Rye stands beside me and leans against my leg and I drape my arm around his shoulder. We have gotten a lot closer since our boy’s weekend. Willow and Katniss, I’ve noticed, have been spending more time together too. Effie smiles as she strokes Willow’s hair. There’s a knock at the door and I shoot my family a glance before going to open it. 

“Evening Mr. Mellark!” 

“Peeta, please. Welcome to our home, Jinx.” I show him in and he fidgets nervously. 

“Everyone this is Jinx. You remember my wife, Katniss? And I know you have met Annie Odair and Haymitch Abernathy…this is Haymitch’s wife, Effie. Annie’s son, Finn. And our children, Willow and Rye.” Jinx shakes hands with everyone and bows low over the women’s’ hands. Willow gives him a bemused look.

“I can’t thank you enough for agreeing to talk to me. Cressida is quite anxious to get everyone’s’ opinions on the matter and thanks you all for your cooperation.”�

“Cressida knows how we all feel about this,” Haymitch mumbles. 

“Yes sir, she does but as this is a government-approved assignment, she needs to appear as neutral as possible.” 

“Still playing the same damn game,” the old man huffs. 

“The Games never leave you.” 

“Come on, let’s eat,” I say hurriedly, leading them all into the kitchen. I’ve been racking my brain all afternoon, thinking of what I can say that I haven’t said already. Cressida needs to remain neutral but is that even possible for Katniss and I? As Jinx pointed out, we are Victors and we are going to watch our daughter be Reaped. Granted it’s not a real Reaping or real Games, but it’s still a nightmare. 

I’m suddenly unsure if this is a good idea. Katniss is fiercely protective and also very brash. If she says something that might upset someone in the Capitol…our nightmare could turn into an even bigger hell than we can imagine.


	79. Chapter 79

I’m quiet for most of the meal. I have discovered that if I am tired, I tend to snap more easily and don’t want to upset anyone. I know Peeta thinks this is a good idea but what good will it do? The Capitol does what it wants to. Even after everything we have been through, we are still playing the game. Just like Haymitch said.

It makes me sick to think about.

Peeta is as hospitable and friendly as he usually is and Jinx laughs more than once at something my husband or Haymitch says. Finn and Annie are pretty quiet too. I know they’re as exhausted as I am. I wish this could wait until after the wedding but I understand Cressida’s urgency.

We barely have four weeks before Reaping Day. After discussing it with each other, Peeta and I both agree this is when they will do the Reaping. Willow has already gotten her essay assignments, including “what would your weapon of choice in the Hunger Games be and why” and “interview someone who has experienced a Reaping.” Fortunately she didn’t come to either of us for that one; she actually went to Effie and Haymitch. She interviewed them both, Haymitch for his experience of having his name in a bowl, and Effie for pulling names out of that bowl. Peeta baked them three extra loaves of Effie’s favorite bread as a thank you.

But Willow came home from their house in tears and Peeta gathered her in his lap. Haymitch stood in our doorway, his head hanging low. 

“We showed her a video.” 

Apparently it was just a clip but it was one from our first Hunger Games, when Peeta and I were fighting Cato. Effie had shut it off quickly but not before Willow saw her parents fighting for their lives. I didn’t speak to Haymitch for several days. Willow defended him, saying she would see them in school and he only wanted to warn her of what was coming. 

If I could, I would take my family away to another district and never think about these horrible assignments again.   
Jinx clears his throat and I shake myself free of the nightmares.�

“Um…you all know why I’m here.”�

“Hold on one second,” Peeta holds up his hand. “Willow, Rye, I made you guys special cookies. Can you go eat them in the living room?”�

“Daddy,” Willow huffs. 

“Please,” he presses. Rye jumps down from his seat but Willow gives her father a hard stare.

“When will you stop treating me like a child?” I choke at my ten year old’s words. Ten. Years. Old.   
She sounds just like Prim.

Peeta shoots me a look as if he knows exactly what I’m thinking. He quirks a brow and seems to be asking for help.

“You’re the most mature ten year old I have ever met,” Finn comes to the rescue. “But someone needs to keep an eye on Rye so he doesn’t get a stomach ache, eating all those cookies.” Rye’s head shoots up and I snort; his face is already covered in chocolate and Peeta groans. 

“Rye, don’t eat all of them.”�

“I’m not,” he says, his mouth stuffed full. Willow rolls her eyes but pushes her brother out of the kitchen. 

“Thanks Finn,” I say and he shoots me a wink. 

“I can’t wait til Coral gets old enough to sass me.”�

“Oh you’re as bad as your father,” Annie says, shaking her head. “She’ll definitely have some sass to her.” 

“Why don’t you say what you need to say, Jinx,” Haymitch says, lifting his glass. Jinx blushes and nods.�

“Right. Well, I know all of you have been affected by the Hunger Games and that you think this assignment is barbaric. Cressida agrees with you. She asked me to…interview you separately so I can compile a list. Your answers will be confidential. She wants a video interview of Peeta and Katniss but for the others, you can say whatever you like.”�

“So we can’t be objective?” Peeta asks, his brow raised.

“Cressida is actually counting on the opposite. She knows how passionate you both are. And she’s worked with both of you…well, I get the feeling that she knows how the audience will feel just by looking at your faces.” So I can just scowl at the camera the whole time. Great.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to start with you first, Mr. Abernathy. Since you’re District 12’s oldest Victor.”�

“You better mean most handsome, boy,” Haymitch says as he rises to his feet. He gives Effie a quick kiss on her hair and follows Jinx outside to the front porch. 

“I made dessert for everyone,” Peeta mumbles. �

“Those cookies your son is devouring,” Finn asks with a smile.

“No, I made those for the kids. But there’s a lemon meringue pie in the fridge.”�

“Oh I love lemon,” Annie says happily. Peeta jumps up and runs to get the pie. I collect everyone’s’ dishes and place them in the sink. 

“Annie, how is all the planning coming along,” Effie asks gently.

“Oh. Katniss has been such a big help. Everyone has! But I’m quite excited. I think it will be beautiful.”

�“It’s going to be perfect, Mom.” Finn reaches over and squeezes her hand and Peeta comes up behind me at the sink.

“Can you imagine when Willow gets married?”�

“She’s ten, Peeta. Don’t try to marry her off yet.”�

“I wasn’t. I told you, she’ll wait until she’s thirty.”

�“Well it’s a good thing we had no such rules,” I give him a sly smile and his cheeks are tinged pink. Two blushing eighteen year olds, toasting bread; that’s what we were.   
But I have no regrets.   
I wish I’d married him sooner.   
I wish he had actually talked to me in school. I wish I had looked up to see him watching me.  
Most of all, I wish I had him as a friend when we were young.

I’ve discovered that I needed a friend; I might have been surly and mean, but I get the feeling that Peeta wouldn’t have minded. Persistent and always cheerful, he would have followed me around and talked my ear off.   
I called Gale a friend but we never really talked. I listened to him rant about the Capitol and how unfair things were.   
But could I really call him a friend?  
I did, for a long time. I called him my best friend.  
But it was Peeta I shared secrets with.  
It was Peeta I learned to laugh with.   
Granted it did take awhile. I mean, before the Games I thought he was thinking of a way to kill me.  
During the Games, I thought he was acting for the cameras.  
But after the Games, he was the one who understood me. Understood my nightmares and comforted me at night.   
It was Peeta whom I let into my heart. 

I watch as he slices the pie and hands me plates to hand out. We are digging into our dessert when Haymitch and Jinx come back in and Jinx looks pleased.

“Mrs. Abernathy, would you join me?” Effie’s hands tremble as she stands and Haymitch caresses her cheek for a moment.

“It’s ok, princess. I’ll be right here.” I look away, not wanting to see the two of them kiss but still genuinely happy for them both. Peeta grins as he pushes a slice of pie towards Haymitch.

“You tell us we’re not allowed to do that in front of you.”�

“And neither of you have ever listened to me,” the old man snaps. “Is this lemon?” Peeta nods as he takes a bite.�   
“Really good,” Haymitch grunts. 

“What did he ask you,” Finn mutters.

“The same shit they’ve asked me before. Why are the Games important to our history, do I think we should be forced to remember them, what age should learn about them, and so on.”

�“So what DO you think, Haymitch,” Annie asks, surprising us all.

“Annie, I have the utmost respect for Victors. We not only got out of the arena alive, but we managed to find a way to go on afterwards. Like Katniss, I would like to forget they ever happened. But Peeta is right; it’s important to remember them so history won’t be repeated. Some of the arenas have been destroyed…and others have been rebuilt. Tours still happen; I mean, the ones who can afford it, visit those sites and they can see what we encountered. It’s sick in my opinion…but I don’t altogether understand a Capitolite’s mind. I never have. So maybe that’s the first thing that’s wrong with this world. We still don’t understand each other.”

�“I tried my best,” Peeta says weakly. “When I was president…I tried everything I could think of to unify the districts and the Capitol. There’s just too much history and too much misunderstanding.”

�“I’m from a different generation,” Finn says, staring at the table. “I still know of the Games because I’ve learned about them and of course I know how they affect all of you. But I don’t really see a huge difference between Capitolites and district people. Granted I’ve never actually been to the Capitol but when I’ve met Cressida…Jinx…there’s a few Capitol customers at the bakery…they’re all alright.”

�“Finn we’re not saying all Capitolites are bad,” I say gently. “It’s like saying all Peacekeepers are evil. My friend Darius was a Peacekeeper and he was--“ Peeta sucks in a breath and has gone very pale. I gasp and bite my lip, shutting up immediately. Finn looks between us, confused.

“He was what?” 

“He was a very good guy,” I mumble quickly before I reach over for Peeta’s hand and squeeze. His eyes are slammed shut and he shakes his head. 

“Oh Peeta,” Annie says softly, reaching over her son to take his other hand. Finn looks up at Haymitch, baffled.

“I’m missing something, aren’t I?”�

“Probably better that way,” he says gruffly. 

“Slow breaths,” I say softly, nuzzling his cheek. He’s tense, every muscle in his body is straining. I know he’s fighting off a flashback. In fact, I pretty much know what he’s seeing. He’s squeezing my hand so tightly that my rings are cutting into my hand. 

“Peeta, it’s not real. You’re safe.”�

“Not real,” he whispers.

“You’re safe. Annie is here. Johanna is at home with her family, safe. Your children are just in the next room. And I’m your wife. Katniss Mellark.” His eyes shoot open and he looks incredulous. I nod and lean in to kiss his forehead.

“That’s real, Peeta.” He leans back and frowns as he looks around. His eyes fall on Annie and he cocks his head.

“Annie?”�

“We’re all ok, Peeta,” she says with a sad smile. Her son takes her hand and kisses it. Peeta swallows and turns to Haymitch.�

“You’re here too, Haymitch?”�

“Can’t get rid of me, kid,” he says with a playful wink but he looks miserable and much older. He turns back to me and reaches for my face. I let him rest his hand on my cheek and he bites his lip.

“I’m really yours?”�

“Forever and always,” I assure him. “Let’s have you lie down for a little while. You’ll feel better with some rest.” He doesn’t argue as I pull him to his feet and out of the kitchen.

“Daddy, are you ok,” Willow calls and Peeta freezes.

“He’s fine, baby. He just has a headache. I’ll be right back down.” 

I pull him upstairs and into our room and bend down to pull the sheets back. When I turn to him, he looks utterly lost.

“That girl…is our daughter?” Fighting back my tears, I gently nod.

“She looks just like you.” 

“She has your eyes,” I say softly. “And the boy…he’s your little twin. Mini-Peeta, Johanna calls him.” 

“They’re mine?”

�“They’re ours. We made them with our love.” Peeta looks around the room, looking curious about our many possessions. I wonder how long this flashback is going to last; I’m grateful he isn’t violent or angry but he looks so sad and confused that it’s breaking my heart.

“You love me?”�

“More than anything. Would you like to lie down?” He takes a tentative step toward me and his hand reaches out before dropping to his side. 

“I don’t…I don’t understand,” he stammers.

“It’s ok. You’ll feel better after you’ve had a little rest. You’ve been working so hard all day.” 

“Can…can you stay with me? Until I fall asleep?” I nod and he pulls me down onto the bed with him. 

“I love you, Peeta,” I whisper against his temple. 

“Real,” he whispers as his eyes flutter shut. “Could you…would you sing for me, Katniss?” 

“Of course.” Once upon a time, I would clam up and refuse to sing but now I know how much it comforts him, how much it means to him. I sing softly, gently rocking him in my lap.

“She loves me,” he whispers. I smile as I stroke his cheek with the tip of my finger until his breathing steadies. Giving his cheek a quick kiss, I hastily straighten my clothes and return to the kitchen.  
\--------------------------------

Everyone gives me wary looks when I sit down; Jinx and Effie must still be outside.

“Is he alright,” Annie asks in a small voice.

“He’s just confused. He fell asleep and the flashback usually goes away when he wakes up.”   
Finn looks anxious, his handsome face screwed up in remorse.

“Aunt Niss, I’m sorry if I did anything--“

�“It wasn’t you,” I say firmly. “The Capitol did so much damage that we never know what will trigger it. A word or a name or a color. He fights it off as best he can.”

�“His flashbacks seem…more mellow,” Haymitch says, stroking his chin. I nod as I play with my fork, my appetite gone.

�“I actually think his self-conscious keeps his temper in check. Like he is trying not to be violent in front of the kids. So he reverts to this confused, shy little boy. It’s become a lot easier to convince him of what’s real and what’s not over the years but it’s still hard to see him like that. He hasn’t let Mutt-Peeta come out in a really long time though.”�

“I’m glad to see he’s doing better. And that you’ve helped him so much.” I glance at Haymitch and see him playing with his fork, the same way I’m doing. He sighs heavily and I know he’s blaming himself. I think it’s secretly eaten at him, that he left Peeta in the Capitol and allowed everything to happen to him. He really does love Peeta, I realized that quickly. When we agreed that Peeta was the only decent one of the three of us, we weren’t joking. And it sucks that he was the one who was tortured like that. 

I wonder if I had offered myself up to Snow, would he have accepted me as a trade. I probably never would have because Prim still needed me but…what if I had? Would Peeta have become the Mockingjay instead? 

We all look up as Jinx and Effie come back in. Effie looks like she has been crying but she shakes Haymitch off when he jumps to his feet. 

“I’m fine,” she says firmly. 

“Where is Peeta,” Jinx asks, looking around.

“He has a terrible headache and I sent him to bed. We will have to reschedule our joint interviews for another day. I’m sorry,” I force myself to add even though I’m not. I’m convinced all this talk of the Games is what has made Peeta’s mind so fragile tonight. Though talk of Darius definitely didn’t help.   
Jinx nods.

“Of course, that’s no problem at all. You’re all doing me a favor, actually, so I thank you for your cooperation.” 

“I’ll go next, if you don’t mind. I need to get home to my wife and daughter,” Finn stands and Jinx nods as he leads him outside. 

“You alright, love,” Haymitch asks as he tucks Effie into his side.

“I’m alright. I just…I gave him names.”

“Names?” Effie nods, perching her elbows on the table and hiding her face in her hands.

“All of them just came out. Tributes from the last…goodness, I don’t even know. I just kept saying them. I couldn’t stop. I drew those names. I killed those children.”�

“Effs, don’t do that to yourself. It wasn’t your fault.” She hides her face in Haymitch’s shirt and he sighs as he holds her close. I hate the Capitol. We’ve already been through enough pain, now we have to drag it all out and live it again? 

“I’m going to take her home,” he whispers and I nod.�

“Take some pie with you. Peeta made it for her.” I hurriedly slice two slices and wrap them up and Haymitch gives me a sad smile as he clutches the plate and leads his wife home. They briefly exchange words with Jinx and Finn and then are gone. I sigh and rub my face tiredly.

“Katniss maybe you’d better go to bed too,” Annie says tenderly. “You look exhausted.”

�“I am but I don’t want to be rude. Besides, it’s still early. Rye hasn’t had his bath and-”

“Katniss.” Her voice is gentle but firm. I gaze into her green eyes and sigh.

“I know. You’re right. I just…hate this.”�

“I know.” And she does. I know she does. She lost her husband in the war. No matter how bad things are with Peeta, he’s still here. I still have time. I reach over and take her hand and she gives me a sweet smile. 

“What does Peeta always tell you? Everything will be ok.” 

“That’s my ray of sunshine,” I mumble and she laughs.�

“He really is. Oh that was fast,” Jinx and Finn come back in and Finn nods.

“I didn’t have a lot to contribute since, you know, I wasn’t around. I have to get home. Are you going to be ok getting home?”�

“Finn I live next door.” 

“I know I know, I just…I worry about you, Mama.” Annie starts.

“You haven’t called me that in years.”�

“I know,” he says with a sheepish grin. She leans up to kiss his cheek and he gives her a tight hug. He moves to hug me and I pat his face, the same way I teased Finnick.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Aunt Katniss. Tell Uncle Peeta and the kids good night.”�

“Give Ana and Coral our love.” He shakes Jinx’s hand on the way out and Jinx turns to Annie.

.�“Mrs. Odair, if you’d follow me?” Annie nods, her smile gone, and follows him outside. I start to collect the dishes and clean up the kitchen before I check on the kids.

Rye is fast asleep and Willow is reading on the couch.

“Did you knock your brother out?”�

“He’s been asleep awhile. Is everyone gone?”

�“Just about. Why don’t you head on up and get ready for bed? I’ll put Rye in his bed.” She yawns and closes her book. Prince jumps down from her lap and starts to wind around my feet.

“Did you feed him?”�

“When I got home,” she says through another yawn.�“Ok go on up to bed. I love you.”�

“Love you too, Mama,” she says as she bends to pick up Prince and heads upstairs. I watch Rye sleep for a moment and smile; he looks exactly like his father from the blonde curls that float in his face to the curved lips while he sleeps. My back protests as I bend down to pick him up and gently carry him to bed. I wince as I kneel to tuck him in. My back and knees are going to hate me later. 

I kiss his forehead and stroke back his hair. He mumbles something in his sleep and turns on his side, pulling the pillow further under his head. With a smile, I pull his door closed and head back downstairs to see if Jinx and Annie are finished. 

I’m relieved to see that Annie handles herself well. I was afraid that she would have a flashback like Peeta but thankfully, she just looks a little pale when they are finished talking. Jinx pats her arm sympathetically and offers to walk her home. I stand on the porch and watch them leave, and Riley comes out of the house to meet them. He talks with Jinx for a moment before he wraps his arm around Annie’s shoulders and leads her inside. Jinx turns back to my house and has a sad expression on his face.

“I hate doing this to you all, Mrs. Mellark. I really do.”

�“It’s not you doing it, Jinx. I just don’t understand why the government thinks this is a good idea.”

�“I’m not too sure ma’am but I’m determined to do everything I can to make sure this is the only year.” I nod in thanks and he runs his hand through his hair. I’ve just noticed there are blue and green streaks when he moves it aside.  
Capitol people and their fashion. 

“Well I’ll wish you goodnight. Thank you and your husband for everything. I hope I haven’t been too much of an inconvenience.”�

“Not at all, Jinx. Peeta and I are very busy with Annie’s wedding but if you’d like to come by tomorrow afternoon before the children get home, we could finish our interviews then.”

�“That would be splendid. Thank you, Mrs. Mellark.”�

“Katniss, please,” I say softly. Peeta’s gracious hospitality has rubbed off on me slightly and thank goodness for that because I used to, as Haymitch put it, have as much charm as a dead slug. 

“Until tomorrow, Katniss.” With a smile and a nod, he’s gone and I retreat back into the house.  
I check on the children before checking on Peeta. 

Everyone is sleeping peacefully and I sigh as I hurriedly dress and ready for bed.   
\------------------------------

The next morning I wake before Peeta and go to wake Rye; since he missed his bath last night, he needs to shower before school and I know he hates to wake up early. He grumbles and pulls the covers over his head, locking them into place with his chin.

�“Rye,” I sigh. “Come on, you can’t be late for school today.”�

“Just five more minutes,” he says in a muffled voice. I shake my head; looks like my kid is going to be the smelly one in class today. Then again, I didn’t really bathe regularly when I was young and I turned out just fine. 

Since I’m already up, I decide to start on breakfast and sit at the table with a cup of tea. I can’t get into this coffee stuff, despite the fact that Peeta has started to drink it in the mornings. I think it’s silly to make a whole pot for one person but he says it wakes him up and who am I to refuse when he spends all day in the bakery and then all night tending to his family?

My husband trudges in, his hair all over the place and dark circles under his eyes. I gently push him into a chair and hand him his coffee.

“Thank you,” his voice is croaky from sleep.

“How are you doing this morning,” I ask as I sip my tea.

“Alright. I know I had a flashback last night. I woke up with a headache and a terrible feeling.”�

“You were ok,” I assure him. “Just confused. You did nothing wrong.”

�“Did Jinx ask about it?”�

“He didn’t know. I told him you had a headache and I sent you to bed.”

�“Great. He’s going to think that my wife runs the household.”

�“Excuse me. Think?” His brow quirks and his lips curve upwards. 

“Alright, alright. He knows what an amazing woman I’ve got.” He leans forward to kiss me and I let him. 

“So what happened? With the interviews, I mean?”�

“He finished with everyone else. I told him to come by here before the kids get out of school. Can you leave the bakery early?”�

“Yeah. I’ll be home around 1.” I nod and drink my tea, picking at the piece of toast I’ve buttered. He eats in silence and we wait for our children to come tumbling in, bringing the noise.   
\--------------------------'

Peeta brings home lunch and we eat at the table together. He reaches across to take my hand and my eyes meet his as he squeezes.

“It’s going to be alright, Peeta.”

�“Isn’t that my line,” he asks with a small smile.�

“I figured it was my turn to assure you.”

�“I love you, Katniss.” I squeeze his hand again and he brings it to his face.

“I love you too.”�

“I’m really afraid…that I’ll say something on camera. Something bad.”

�“They can edit it. Do you think the propos I did in 13 were perfect? There was a whole lot of editing work for Cressida.” Peeta is about to say something else, when there is a knock at the door. He swallows before he goes to answer and can hear muffled voices. 

Jinx nods to us and someone comes in behind him.

“Pollux!” I run to embrace the man and note how well he looks. I don’t know how old he is but at least a few years older than me. He pats my cheek and signs something; I can only smile.

“It’s good to see you, Pollux.” 

“I didn’t think you would mind having Pollux as my cameraman. Would you prefer to do this in the kitchen or the dining room?” He might be asking Peeta or Pollux, I’m not sure. 

“The dining room is more comfortable. Right this way. Pollux, can I get you anything to eat or drink?” Pollux signs but shakes his head.

“We’re alright,” Jinx answers. “Thank you though.”

�“This way.” Peeta leads everyone into the dining room and starts fluffing the cushions on the couch. 

“If you two would just sit on the couch together. We want you to appear a unified team. You’re so strong together, we want to capture that.” Peeta nods as he sits beside me and I immediately take his hand. He reaches up to run a hand through his hair.

“Do I look ok?” 

“Stop fussing,” I reach up and brush his hair aside. “You look handsome as ever.” He presses his forehead to mine, smiling and there is a bright flash. Blinking, we both pull away and Jinx looks apologetic.�

“Sorry. It made a great picture, I couldn’t help myself.” Jinx doesn’t seem like the type to buy into the star-crossed lovers stuff but I will probably always be a little wary of Capitol people. 

“Alright, let’s get that lighting right. Pollux, you can sit here.” He must be Cressida’s right hand man because he sounds just like her. I can remember her filming my first propo and the way she directed me around. Coin was trying to get me to rally the troops and unify the districts. Peeta was still in the Capitol’s clutches back then. 

When I started doing propos, his torture got worse. Snow wanted me to suffer. He wanted Peeta to suffer, because of what I was doing.

I’m squeezing his hand and his brow quirks. He knows something is amiss but he doesn’t ask. 

“OK, we are rolling,” Jinx nods to us as he situates himself a little ways. “Good afternoon. I am here with everyone’s favorite Victors, from District 12, Peeta and Katniss Mellark. Now you probably know them by different names…Star-Crossed Lovers…Girl on Fire…Mockingjay…but Peeta…Katniss…tell us what you really are.”�

“We’re parents,” Peeta says immediately. “If someone had told my younger self that I would have children with Katniss Everdeen, I would have laughed in their face. Actually, I probably would have cried. I was rather pathetic.” Jinx laughs and Peeta pauses, knowing the exact moments to pause for laughter. Jinx explained to us to act as if we are in front of a live audience. I feel like we are acting for the cameras once again but Peeta’s words are impassioned and genuine.�

“But we survived. We overcame. We fight our nightmares every day and we find a way to go on. Our children are our miracles. And it took me…well, it took ages to convince Katniss that we should have a child. She was so afraid.”�

“Why, Katniss? Were you afraid of something happening?”�

“Of course I was afraid. I’m a Hunger Games Victor. I wake up screaming from the nightmares. The arena never leaves us. And Peeta and I have been through so much…I didn’t think it would be possible to have a child.”�

“Katniss was so scared of the Hunger Games coming back,” Peeta says softly, wrapping his fingers around mine. “We’ve already been into the arena, twice. We can’t imagine watching our child be sent to one. We can’t imagine what it was like for all of the parents, who watched their children die solely for entertainment. I can’t fathom it. As a father, I can’t imagine how my father felt when he watched me get stabbed in the arena. I worry plenty about something happening to my children, without thinking about them going through what we went through.” 

“But you overcame those fears,” Jinx says lightly, his eyes on me. “Enough to have two children, anyway, isn’t that right?” 

“Peeta made me see that things would be alright,” I say slowly. “He’s my ray of sunshine. Always smiling and trying to make me happy. He convinced me the world has changed and that the Games are gone.” 

“And so little Willow was born,” Jinx speaks to the camera. “I know most of you have seen this beauty over the years but let me tell you, she looks just like her mother. Quite a vision. But what did you say about her dating, Peeta? She has to be, what, twenty-five?”�

“Thirty,” Peeta says firmly. Pause for laughter. Jinx reminds me a bit of Ceasar Flickerman when he interviews. It makes me a little uneasy. 

“She’s a real beauty and very smart too. I had the pleasure of talking to her a bit last night when the Mellarks were kind enough to invite me over for dinner. Now their son Rye…he looks just like Peeta but he’s really a lot like you, isn’t he Katniss?” 

“He has always been Katniss’s little shadow,” Peeta chuckles. “She’s even teaching him to hunt now.”

�“Oh yes, he told me about that! Imagine being able to go past the fence and into the woods whenever you want to now!”�

“The fence is long gone. As are the Capitol’s rules,” I say with a nod.�

“Quite so! Yet you continue to teach your son all about the woods and how to survive out there. Is there perhaps a rooted fear that he will need this knowledge to save his life one day?”�

“I don’t think that’s why I started to teach him…my father taught me so much and it’s nice to pass it on to my child. I don’t think they will bring back the Hunger Games. The country has made too much progress and has come too far.”

�“And yet, have we taken a dramatic step backwards? It has come to my attention that the school here in District 12 is assigning children projects pertaining to the Hunger Games. And that’s not all, is it Peeta?”

�“No. Papers and essays are one thing. But the school is holding a reenactment of the Reaping and a Hunger Games arena will be built in their gym. Twelve children, from any grade, will be “Reaped” and forced to play.” 

“This was a little shocking to hear, to be honest. I mean, rebuilding the arenas is one thing. Forcing children to play this dangerous game is another thing completely. Katniss, what do you think about the assignment?”

�“It’s disgusting,” I say without hesitation. Objective, my ass. We can’t be objective. It’s too personal. What else is there to say? Thankfully, my husband always has words.

“The Hunger Games is a dark spot on Panem’s history. And since we don’t know much about anything before the Dark Days, we could go as far as saying it is the biggest atrocity known to man. The fact that we sat by and watched children murder children for seventy five years blows my mind…and I feel like I can say that because I was one of those children,” he adds, looking to Jinx for confirmation.

“You most certainly can say it,” Jinx nods emphatically. 

“You lived it, so I think I speak for most of Panem when I say, say whatever you want.”�

“When Commander Paylor was in office, she created countless memorials for the victims of the War and the Hunger Games. When I became President, I was determined to continue her work and honor those who were lost. Memorials were erected just as former hunger games arenas were rebuilt. A museum was opened, showing the public each and every tribute and various facts about the Hunger Games.”

�“Ah that museum is quite popular in the Capitol! Have you been inside, Katniss?”

�“No and I’m not sure I will ever be able to. Twenty-two children died so that Peeta and I could live. I was sixteen when I won the Hunger Games. I can’t look at those faces on the wall or watch a holo of our kills. I understand some people want to remember the tributes but others take it to another level and I will never be able to understand that.” 

“You know, I barely remember the Hunger Games myself. I was just a boy when you two won your Games. And I was in the Capitol when the rebels marched in…in fact, I was evacuated with my family when our former president ordered everyone to evacuate the city.” My jaw drops and I can’t help it; he’s a kid! I knew he was young but had no idea how young. And he was there, in the Capitol, when I went to kill Snow. He might have even been in the streets when the bombs went off.   
As if he knows what I am thinking, he nods solemnly.

“Yes Katniss, I was there at the mansion gates when the parachutes were released. I was in the hospital for a month with third-degree burns,” he turns to the camera and all traces of his smile are gone. “Many of you don’t understand why the war happened but I do. And if a child from the Capitol can understand that what they’ve known all their life is wrong, I would think a grown man could understand it too. Children have a certain innocence to them that hasn’t yet been destroyed by the world. And yet, in four weeks time, we are taking twelve children and twisting them in the most terrible way. This may not be the actual Hunger Games, but where does it stop? Are we really going to allow the government to undo all of the progress we have made? Everything that this young man and woman fought for, sacrificed so much for? Are we going to let the Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12 watch their child be Reaped in this sorry excuse for education? We are asking you to write letters to the Committee Board of Education. Tell them you think what they are doing is wrong and you don’t want to see a fake Hunger Games. We have four weeks to stop this cruelty from happening! And it is almost guaranteed that Willow Mellark will be among the twelve children being Reaped. Peeta…Katniss…do you have anything you would like to add?”�

“I think you’ve about covered it, Jinx,” Peeta says darkly. “I don’t want to see my daughter up on that stage…and I’m sure other parents don’t want it either. If we rally together, we can convince the Committee Board there are other ways to teach about the Hunger Games. We don’t need to bring them back, in any form. Our children can learn in a way that doesn’t hurt them. But then again, it’s painful for anyone involved. I remember the first time Willow asked us about them…and we had to decide what to tell her. There’s so much that we don’t ever want our kids to know…and I know anyone that was ever in the Games, or lost a child to the Games, knows how painful the very topic is. This isn’t the world Katniss and I fought for. This isn’t what we wanted when we elected Commander Paylor as President. I think President Porthos is doing a wonderful job…but that the Committee Board needs a curriculum reevaluation. I implore you all, not as a Victor or a soldier, but as a father. I fought, for years, to keep my hijacking at bay. To overcome the torture that was inflicted on me. I still fight it. There are days when…I completely lose myself and I have to count on Katniss and my children to guide me back. They are my everything.” 

“I…” Peeta and Jinx turn to me and I stare at the carpet for the longest time. “Peeta said earlier, that he can’t fathom how a parent feels when they lose a child. But we know.”

�“Katniss,” I hear him whisper and he squeezes my hand.�

“We lost a baby…about two years ago. It was devastating and completely broke us. And I realize…that’s how a parent feels, when they lose a child. Whenever that cannon went off in the arena, the parents were back in the district, dying inside. That’s how it feels, to know that your child will never draw breath again. No parent should have to bury a child…and while I understand these Games will not bring us body bags in the district…I agree with Jinx; when will it stop? How far will this go? Those parents are going to forget that it’s just a game. Because they will watch their children fight other children and for what? Education? As Peeta said, there are better ways to teach our children. I…We hope you will stand with us.” Jinx releases a deep sigh and I swear his eyes are glittering.

“That’s all the time we have for today. At the bottom of the screen is the address where you can send those letters. Stand with the Mellarks, as well as all of the other Victors. With the families and friends of the lost tributes and anyone lost in the war, as they fought to end the Hunger Games. Stand with us. Tune in again to hear testimonies from other Victors and their families, including Haymitch Abernathy and his wife, Effie, who is a former District 12 Escort as well as Johanna Mason Reneuax and Annie Odair and even Annie’s and Finnick’s son, Finn. Get to writing, people! We have four weeks to save these children!” The light disappears and Pollux lowers the camera, exhaling. We sit in silence, all staring in different directions.�

“Hey Jinx?” 

“Yes Katniss?”

�“Thanks for not saying ‘stand with the Mockingjay’.” He merely smiles at me.


	80. Chapter 80

Jinx and Pollux are long gone and Katniss goes upstairs to rest before we pick up the kids from school. I stay downstairs, staring off into space. I don’t think I said anything that could be misconstrued or that could paint Olivier in a bad light. I was honest and spoke from my heart, as I always do.  
And Katniss…she shocked me. The moment she mentioned knowing how it felt to lose a child, I knew what she was going to do.

And her declaration nearly knocked me over. I can only imagine how stupid I’ll look on camera, gaping at her like a fish. 

I wander around the kitchen, asking myself if I should make any kind of dessert or start on dinner for tonight. But I can’t bring myself to do anything productive.   
Katniss must think I’m down here avoiding her. Does she think I’m mad at her for telling the world about Lily? After Pollux turned off the camera, she was silent and hardly said a word to either of our guests. She muttered that she was going to lie down and couldn’t seem to get out of the room fast enough.

I run a hand over my face and sigh. Are there correct words to say right now? I’ve always known what words to use but right now, I can’t come up with any. Jinx surprised me when he spoke so passionately about stopping these Games. I could tell Katniss was as surprised as I was when he revealed that he was burned by the parachutes…the very parachutes that took Prim’s life. I wonder if Jinx thought of that before he spoke about it. The country knows that Katniss lost her sister in those bombs. It was one of Haymitch’s arguments at her trial. That she had been driven mad with grief and that she killed Coin to save Panem from another seventy-five years of oppression. I remember watching her trial while I was recuperating in the Capitol.   
I can’t stand the silence anymore. I head upstairs and push the bedroom door open so I can peek in.

She’s lying on her side with her back to me. I listen for a moment for soft sobs or sniffles but hear none. I close the door behind me and lie down behind her. Her soft body immediately molds to my chest and I wrap her in my arms. She turns a little so she can look at me and I notice her red-rimmed eyes. 

“Are you alright,” I ask as I nuzzle her cheek.

“Fine. Are you mad at me?”�

“Why on earth would I be mad at you?” 

“For mentioning Lily.”�

“Honey,” I pull her to my chest and rest my chin on her head. “I am so proud of you. You were so strong and courageous…you looked like the brave Mockingjay I’ve heard so much about.” 

“I just didn’t know how you felt about…everyone knowing. We’ve never said anything to anyone about her and I felt like I was sort of…betraying you.”

�“On the contrary. We honored Lily today and showed Panem that our lives aren’t perfect. That we know pain and loss as well as anyone. For those who still think we are those happy little Victors living happily ever after…I think it’ll be a good thing for them to see.” She lifts her hand to my hair and I close my eyes at her gentle caress. 

“Your hair is getting so long.” I raise my brow at her abrupt change of subject.�

“I’ll have to get it cut before the wedding.”�

“No,” she says loudly. “I like it like this. I love your curls. Rye’s are getting to be just like yours.”�

“That doesn’t mean we both don’t need haircuts.”�

“Don’t. I like it long.” She continues to run her hands through my curls and my eyes drift closed. I’m not sure if it’s her intent or not but I shake my head and lean back.

“Can’t fall asleep. We need to pick up the kids soon.”

�“Did Jinx say he was leaving 12 or staying for a few more days?”�

“I think he and Pollux are heading back to the Capitol. As far as I know, they got everything they needed. I’m sure Cressida will contact us if she needs anything else.”�

“Good. Now we can focus on Annie’s wedding and make it wonderful for her.”�  
\-----------------------------

The weeks fly by and sure enough, Annie’s wedding is here in no time at all. The few weddings we have had in 12 have been beautiful and I’m hoping that rings true for this one. Katniss sent the boys to dress at Annie’s house while the girls are getting ready at our house.

Riley fidgets in front of the mirror and I smile as I offer to help him with his tie.

“I can’t believe this is it,” he breathes, shaking his head. “I mean…I’ve always fancied Miss Annie. Even back in 13.”�

“Tell me, Riley, are you going to keep calling her Miss Annie even after she’s your wife,” I tease. He exhales and starts to mess with his hair.�

“I’m serious, Peeta. I was at her wedding in 13…with Finnick. I saw how happy she was. I didn’t think…I mean, will I ever be able to make her that happy?”�

“You do make her happy,” I say sternly. “She glows around you. Finnick has been gone a long time, Riley. Annie chose to go on for her son and she has learned to live again. You’ve helped her to love again. And Finn really thinks the world of you. You have nothing to worry about.”�

“I just want to be perfect for her,” he says softly. 

“Well, none of us are perfect. I could say the same thing and that I want to be what Katniss deserves but I don’t think Katniss would take to perfection. Nor would Annie, for that matter. We’re going to make mistakes, Riley. It’s just a fact of life. But just love her and be there for her and do everything you can to make her happy and everything will fall into place.”�

“Is that true?” I grin, like the lovesick fool I am.

“Worked for me. Katniss and I had a long way to go…and I mean a really long way. But we found our way, together, and we’ve been a team ever since.”�

“I remember seeing you…in 13. Everyone talked about how you weren’t yourself and how it had destroyed Katniss, seeing you so broken.”

�“Well, I’ll be honest. I don’t remember a lot about when I first got to 13. I think I’ve tried to block it all out. That was a very dark time for me and I prefer…well, I’d just prefer to forget most of it.”

�“Of course, boss,” he says quickly, looking away. It disturbs me to know that he saw me in 13…I don’t remember a lot of it but I know I was an asshole to most people I came into contact with. And the things I said to Katniss…well, as I said, I’d prefer to forget most of it.�

“Hey,” I say softly as I grip his shoulders. “You’ve come a long way too. I remember your first day in 12 and you were absolutely terrified...you asked me if you could come work in the bakery because you, what was it, wanted to learn from the best,” he gives me a sheepish smile and nods. 

“It was a different life for all of us, back then. This life we are living now…this is what you have to fight for. The present. Don’t think about the past and don’t worry about the future. Focus on the here and now and on making Annie happy. That’s how you’ll get by.” He gives me a broad smile and claps my shoulder. 

“Hey,” Finn comes in behind us. “We’d better get a move on! The sun is going to set soon.”

�“You ready,” I ask the anxious groom-to-be. He takes a deep breath and nods.

“Yeah. Um, Peeta, could I get a moment alone with Finn?”

�“Course. I’ll meet you outside.” I clap Finn’s shoulder as I pass and head out to the porch. I don’t see any movement from our house and wonder if the girls are even ready. It’s going to be a warm evening so I’m glad they decided to hold the ceremony indoors. Still, we have to get to town and preferably before sunset. I hear a slamming door and whirl around to see my daughter practically floating down the porch steps. She looks beautiful, dressed in green with a big white sash and bow, and holding a small basket of white flowers. Katniss comes after her, her green silk dress hugging her slender form and her dark hair pinned up in curls. I suck in a breath as she passes by me, not noticing me standing here.

“You are the epitome of a woods sprite,” I call and she stops in her tracks. Her face relaxes into a smile as I hurry down the steps toward her. 

“Well you don’t look so shabby yourself,” she says, patting my tie. “Wait…that was a compliment, wasn’t it? I can never tell with you.”

“When am I NOT complimenting you?”

“That’s true.” I chuckle lightly. 

“You’re so beautiful. And Willow, you look like a fairy princess. I must be the luckiest man in the world.” 

“Is Rye with Haymitch?”�

“Yeah they went ahead of us. Is Annie ready?”

�“She was just behind me. Johanna has been trying to hurry her out for the past hour.” I hear the door again and turn to see Johanna and Annie walking down the steps. They both look beautiful, Johanna in a green dress like Katniss’s and Annie wearing a simple lace dress that she holds up when she comes down the stairs. I hear the door behind me and turn to see Finn and Riley coming out together. Riley freezes when he sees Annie, his eyes wide. We watch Annie approach him, wearing a shy smile and he swallows.

“You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.” She casts her eyes to the ground and he gently cups her chin. Katniss and I turn away to give them privacy and Johanna joins us.

�“Hey where is your escort,” I ask her.�

“George is with the kids so Riley is escorting me. Finn will walk with Annie.” Finn stands between Riley and Annie and offers his mother his arm. Smiling broadly, she takes it and Riley moves forward to Johanna. 

“Willow, go ahead,” Katniss says softly, and Willow bounces off through Victor’s Village. I offer Katniss my arm and she rests her hand on top of mine. 

When we enter town, some people stare at us as we walk past. It’s a wedding processional so naturally we are going to get some attention. A Victor’s wedding processional. 

Two men hold the doors of the newly renovated Justice Building and we follow Willow down the winding halls, to the banquet room. It’s decorated beautifully with green silk ribbon and splashes of turquoise all around the room. The tables hold small jars of seashells, that Willow and Katniss have been making for the past week. The archway where the couple will exchange vows is decorated with white flowers and pale cutouts of starfish. The cake I have been working on day and night is sitting in the corner, tiny figures of Annie and Riley on the top tier. 

As soon as we enter the room, the music swells and Willow starts to walk down the carpet, tossing flowers as she passes. Katniss and I follow, with Johanna and Riley behind us. Riley moves to stand at the front and Finn and I stand at his side. Katniss and Johanna stand on the other side, while Willow joins her brother in the front row. Annie walks slowly to stand in front of Riley, her smile lighting up her face. I love seeing other district wedding traditions; when Johanna and George got married, they explained their customs and when Haymitch and Effie married, they had a few Capitol customs mixed in with the traditional District 12 toasting. Annie asked for a few of her customs from 4 while Riley explained they didn’t really have anything special in 13. I watch them exchange vows, wondering if Annie is thinking of her first wedding at all. I suppose it would be unfair to Riley if she were but I couldn’t blame her either. I glance across at Katniss, who is watching the couple with a smile. I told Finn a long time ago that if I died, I would want Katniss to move on with her life. Is Finnick watching us right now? How does he feel about this? 

The way that Annie looks at Riley and vice versa convinces me that Finnick would be joyful for her. She needs love in her life and Riley is utterly devoted to her.   
We clap as they lean in to kiss and Johanna and Finn move to sprinkle water over the couple. Annie doesn’t wear a veil so she shakes her hair, sending droplets of water everywhere. Riley laughs as he kisses his bride and they grip hands as they move back down the aisle. The wedding is over and the reception has begun. They hastily cut their cake and Annie tries to stuff a piece into Riley’s face. The crowd moves to the snack tables and Riley starts to slice the cake. I move forward and take the knife.

“I can do that, Riley.”

�“It’s alright, Peeta. I’d like to do it.” I nod in understanding as he hands out slices of cake. People come up to me to compliment me on the cake and I smile in thanks as I carry plates back to my family. Rye stuffs his in his mouth but Willow eats daintily, like Effie is doing. Katniss slices into hers and closes her eyes.

“This is delicious, Peeta.”

�“Really sweetheart, you still act surprised that his stuff tastes good,” Haymitch chortles.�

“I’m not surprised. I’m reaffirming what he already knows.” I laugh as I take a bite. This one did turn out really well. I glance over at Annie and Riley, who are talking to other people but holding hands. They both look so happy.

“Well it’s certainly not his first wedding cake. In fact it’s not even Annie’s first wedding cake.” Haymitch takes another bite and Effie slaps his chest. 

“Not so loud, Haymitch. She looks so happy. Don’t remind her of…”

�“Of what? Her first wedding? Effie, she’s going to think about it no matter what. She’s happy with Riley, that’s true, but Finnick was her first love.”

�“We don’t need to remind her,” she says gently. “Let her have this day with her new husband.” 

“Annie has been back and forth, wondering if Finnick would approve, for months now,” Katniss says quietly.   
“We finally managed to convince her that he would be happy for her. Don’t you say anything to upset her, Haymitch.”

�“I’m not upsetting her! I was merely bringing up a point. You were at her first wedding too, you know.”

�“So was Riley,” I say, glancing over at the couple again. “He mentioned it earlier.”�

“Riley was at Annie’s and Finnick’s wedding?” 

“Shouldn’t surprise. He’s from 13, after all. Everyone was invited to that wedding.” Well, not everyone. I remember them asking me to make the cake but I had to do it under heavy supervision. Still, I was rather proud of the finished product. But when I asked if I was able to attend the actual ceremony, they told me Coin decided that I was still too unstable and seeing Katniss might send me into a fit. I was furious. Annie and I had become close and I wanted to see her marry her love. I yelled and threw things but that definitely didn’t do me any favors. In fact, I wound up strapped to the bed and denied any visitors.  
Until Katniss agreed to see me.

My horrible words to her echo in my mind and I wince. 

Katniss notices and she reaches out for me. I shake myself, determined not to let anything from my past ruin this happy day. I take her hand and squeeze before going back to my cake. 

Katniss complains about her feet hurting (Annie requested she and Johanna wear heels) so she sits with me, her head resting on my shoulder. 

“Hey,” Johanna hisses in my ear. “Look at my little boy go.” She nudges me and we turn to watch Aran bow low to Willow and offer his hand. She gives him a sweet smile before taking it and allowing him to lead her onto the dance floor. 

“They’re cute together,” Katniss laughs. “We’ve always thought so.”�

“I think it’s more than a crush for Aran, though. As soon as I told the kids that Annie was getting married, he started asking if Willow was going to be at the wedding. What she would be wearing…if he should take her a gift. You’d think it was a party for Willow and not Annie.”�

“Kind of hard to court her from another district,” I say gently.

“I’m sure he’ll find a way around that. Oh no. Brody! Get your hands out of the punch bowl!” She hurries off and Katniss finds my hand under the table.

�“She’s growing up so fast, Peeta.”

�“She’s turning into such a beauty. It’s all you.”�

“We’re doing this together,” she says as she cups my chin. “So no, it’s not all me. It’s both of us.” My heart swells and I lean in to kiss her. 

“You want to try for one dance,” I whisper against her lips.

“Only if I can leave my shoes here.” I grin as I bend down to slip them off her tired feet and pull her up with me. She wraps her arm around my neck and allows me to guide her across the floor. When she winces at the cold floor, I hoist her up and hold her close to my chest.

“I’m too heavy for this now.”�

“You’ve never been too heavy to hold like this.”�

“Do you still lift those hundred pound bags of flour the way you did when you were a boy?”

�“I knew you were watching me when you came to trade,” I wink and smile.

�“Mmmhm. I was paying attention too. My boy with the bread.” My heart races for this woman in my arms. I lean in to kiss her again and when the song is over, I carry her back to our table and sit with her in my lap. Haymitch grunts for us to get a room but I ignore him. Katniss shoots him a glare and an inappropriate hand gesture that I’m glad our kids miss. I shake my head and she shrugs. 

“You’d better get Rye away from that cake. I think he’s already had two pieces.” I chuckle as I slide her back into her seat and hurry over to stop my son from having a sugar attack. 

As another slow song comes on, I look around to see where my daughter has disappeared to. Effie drags Haymitch out to dance and Riley and Annie are in the center. Willow is once again dancing with Aran so I sit back down and Katniss leans into my side.

“Why do you look so glum?”

�“I was going to ask Willow for a dance before we go but Aran stole her again.” She laughs softly, the sound of it like sweet bells. 

“Then why don’t we head out there?” 

“I thought your feet hurt.”

�“It’s one of the last dances of the evening. Unless you don’t want to dance with your wife.” I smirk as I yank her to her feet and bring her arms around my neck.

“I would have given anything to hold you like this at our first party.”

�“You mean in the Capitol? You sort of did. You became rather possessive when people started asking us to dance.”

�“Because I could see the lust in those mens’ eyes and I was livid. The way they would look at you. I hated it.”

�“I know,” she says softly, her hand resting on my cheek. I sigh and close my eyes, trying to force those memories away.

“You’ve always been protecting me. If I had been the only Victor…I wouldn’t have survived it, Peeta.”

“Shhh,” I say hastily, seeing her eyes start to well up. “Today’s a happy day. No more dark thoughts.” She nods and rests her head on my chest and I bring her as close as I can. We dance in circles for a few minutes before she breaks away.

“Excuse me a moment.” I watch, bemused, as she pulls away from me and moves across the room. Willow and Aran stop dancing and Aran looks surprised but bows low to my wife and offers his hand. Willow comes over to me and smiles.

“Daddy, you wanna dance?”�

“I would love to, princess.” I bend down to take her hand but think better of it; I sweep her into my arms and she lets out a shrill giggle. She wraps her arms around my neck and buries her face in my jacket. I see Katniss shoot me a smile over Aran’s shoulder and I give her a grateful nod. 

My little princess falls asleep while we are dancing and Aran looks a little sad.

“Tell her I said thank you for the dances. And to have a good night.”

“I’m sure we will see you before you go back home, Aran,” I say gently. “Your mom said she wants to stay through the weekend.” His eyes light up and I stifle my laughter. Katniss bends low and kisses his cheek.�

“Thank you for the dance, Aran.” He looks pink but pleased. We find Rye sleeping under a table, his face smeared with cake. Katniss winces as she bends down to pick him up and cradles his head as she shifts him over her shoulders.

“Let’s find Annie and Riley,” she whispers to me. I nod and spot them at the back of the room. We make our way through the crowd and Annie giggles when she sees both of our sleeping kids.

“We are heading home but we wanted to tell you congratulations and we love you.” She gives us very light hugs, not wanting to disturb our children and she kisses our cheeks.�

“Thank you for everything. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.” 

“We’re so happy for you, Annie.” Annie glances back at Riley, and pulls us to the side.

“I want to thank you…for everything,” she says again. “I mean…I don’t need to tell you how hard it was at first. And when you encouraged me to move to 12…my life changed. You showed me love and became my family. You were so great to Finn…we wouldn’t have been able to do it without you both. I don’t think I can thank you enough.” 

“Annie, you’re our family,” I say softly, reaching out to touch her arm. “And we love you and Finn. Really, you don’t need to thank us--“

�“I was with you, Peeta,” she cuts me off, her eyes growing wide and fearful. “I was right beside you, listening to your screams. I know what they did to you…to Johanna. And if you were able to come back after all that…if you were able to fall in love with Katniss again…that’s what made me really go on. If you could do it, so could I. Finnick wouldn’t want me to give up. He fought for our future and he…he helped create this world his son could grow up in.”

“And he has,” Katniss says tenderly, squeezing her hand. “You’ve done such a wonderful job, he’s turned into a fine young man. Finnick would be so proud.” 

“Peeta gave me the real strength,” she says as she turns to Katniss. “You have no idea, Katniss, no idea how hard the Capitol tried to break him. But he’s here…he’s here with you, living again.” 

“Riley, you should take your new bride home soon,” I call to him, my eyes boring into Annie’s. “I think it’s been a long, exhausting day.”

�“What do you say, honey? Ready to head home,” he wraps his arm around her waist and nuzzles her cheek. She nods faintly.

“Yes. I think that would be a good idea.” 

“Have a good night, Mr. and Mrs. Staffhorn.” 

“Good night, Peeta. Thank you and Katniss for everything.” Riley and I shake hands firmly and I wrap my arm around Katniss, gently pushing her toward the door. Annie looks dazed but when I look back, she is smiling and hugging Riley again. I sigh with relief. 

Katniss clings to my hand as we make our way back to Victor’s Village. Willow slips in my arms and I have to pull my hand back to tighten my grip on my daughter. I glance sideways at my wife, hoping Annie’s words haven’t affected her much. 

But as soon as we tuck the kids in, she flings her arms around me and presses her cheek to my chest as if trying to hear my heart beating. I gently tug her to our bedroom and try to pry her off.

“Katniss. Love, I’m alright.”

�“I need to hear your heart beat. I need to know you’re here with me.”

�“I’m here with you. You can see me…feel me. I’ll never leave you.” She looks up and tears stream down her cheeks. I gently wipe them with my thumb but more come. 

“You’re my strength too, Peeta. You gave me the will to live. You opened my heart to love again. And what did you get in return?”

�“I got you,” I say firmly. “And Willow. And Rye. That’s more than enough for me. I could never have imagined having your love. It’s what healed me. I’ve told you that time and time again. You healed me.”

“All I ever did was make your life miserable,” her voice breaks. “I hurt you, over and over again. And when you came back to 12, you had to take care of me. Because Haymitch and I were too much of a mess to care for ourselves. You were struggling to find yourself again and came home to find me almost dead. How did I heal you, Peeta? You healed yourself!” 

“Katniss…all I had to do was think of you when I was in the Capitol to know I needed to get better. Sweetheart, you’ve read my journal! You know how I felt…why I felt like I needed to come back here. I knew you weren’t in a good place. I just wanted to help. Because we’ve always protected each other. I didn’t mind taking care of you…and in that long period of healing, I somehow made you see that you are worth loving. But it was more than that, it was…your singing. The way your arms would wrap around me when I was having a nightmare. The way you would talk to me when I was on the verge of a flashback. You loved me…and when I discovered that, no amount of poison could take it away. Look at us now, my love. Look how happy we are! How much you have given me…how incredible my life is, because of YOU! Can’t you understand, Katniss? Can’t you understand how much I need you?” I take her hands and hold her gaze. She searches my eyes and I plead silently for her to understand. Her face softens and she reaches up to caress my cheek. She moves both hands to my face and pulls me down to her mouth.

“I will never stop loving you,” she whispers, her words wrapping around me like a loving embrace. 

“Even when my heart stops,” I say slowly. “It will still race for you.” She stands on her tiptoes and crushes her lips to mine. I gather her in my arms and lie back on the bed, pulling her on top of me. She leans back and I sit up on my elbows about to ask her what’s wrong when I see her reach behind her and untie the halter around her neck. My eyes widen as she drops the front of the dress, revealing her bare breasts. She stands up and shimmies the dress down her hips and lets it fall around her ankles, before she steps out of it. Clad in only black silk panties and those black heels that Annie bought for her, she stands in front of me, looking like a goddess. I sit on the edge of the bed, my mouth watering but unable to move. Her hands rest on her thighs, her finger tapping nervously as she waits for me to make a move. But I can only stare, wide eyed and my jaw slack. Come on, Mellark. MOVE.

I finally force my arms to reach out for her, and I tug on her hips. She stands between my legs and I lean up to wrap my tongue around her nipple. She moans and her hands wrap in my hair as her head tilts back.

�“Katniss, I yearn for you every minute. I’m always starving for you. And right now you look…my god, I just want to devour you. Every inch.”�

“That sounds like it could be fun,” she says with a devilish smile. I smirk as I pull her panties down her legs and support her so she can step out of them. I gently push her onto her back and she bites her lip as she watches me, watching her. I kneel in front of her and pull her hips toward me.

“I’m your willing servant and you, my goddess, need only tell me what you need.” But the look in her stormy eyes tells me all I need to know and without a word between us, I kiss her inner thigh before I continue my path toward ultimate paradise.   
\------------------------------------

Now that the wedding is over, Katniss and I can only concentrate on our mounting fear. We saw Cressida’s and Jinx’s public plea on TV yesterday; I’ll say this for Cressida: she’s a brave one. She went as far as saying that the Committee Board is a “revival of the Gamemakers, who delight in the torture of our youth”. I don’t know how that special was broadcast but I suspect Plutarch has something to do with it. He always did find ways around everything. 

Katniss couldn’t watch it and disappeared into the woods for several hours but I watched with rapt fascination. True to his word, Jinx made an anonymous compilation of statements, never revealing who said what. I feel like I knew exactly which statements belonged to Haymitch and Annie and Finn and Effie.   
And I held my breath the whole time Katniss and I sat on the sofa together, speaking about how the Games had affected us and how being parents have changed us. I watched as Katniss talked about our baby, and how Jinx stunned us with the revelation that he was in the Capitol when the bombs went off. 

All in all, it was a touching special but I don’t think it’s enough to stop the Games from happening. Cressida did a great job but experience tells me that the people in power will push something through. How else did the country get away with seventy-five years of slaughter on live television? Olivier’s hands are tied; he told me we would have to wait and see how this assignment is received. He said more than likely, after seeing it (and Cressida assured us she would be filming it live) the country would protest to them doing it again.   
But this would one would happen.

Sure enough, Willow comes home from school and hands us a note, disappearing into her bedroom without a word. Katniss holds it open and I read over her shoulder.

Dear parents,

As you have undoubtedly heard from your child, our school is focusing on the Hunger Games this term and we have assigned various assignments related to the topic. Next week, on the anniversary of what used to be known as Reaping Day, we will hold an honorary Reaping in the school courtyard. Parents are asked to attend. Twelve children will be Reaped to participate in the school’s “Glory Games”, a grueling obstacle course that will be held in two weeks time. The winner, or Victor, will be awarded an all expense-paid trip to the Capitol along with a monetary reward to invest for his or her future, and a shopping spree at any Capitol designer store he or she chooses. 

This is an exciting assignment for the school to partake in and we look forward to seeing you on Reaping Day. Please dress professionally. 

Sincerely,

Emile Graves, Vice Principal 

P.S.  
Please note, only Grade 4 and up will be allowed to participate. Children in lower grades may still be allowed to view the Reaping but will not be entered into the Reaping Bowl.

Katniss is gripping the paper so hard I fear she will rip it so I gently pry it from her fingers. 

“I think I’m going to be sick,” she mutters before she disappears into the bathroom. I stare at the words and feel sick to my stomach myself. 

An exciting assignment. Are most of these teachers and educators from 13, where they didn’t have to live through the fear of the Games? Or are they just too young to remember? It’s not as if it was in a different lifetime…Katniss and I are barely in our forties, and we were teenage Victors, as most Victors were.   
Why oh WHY can’t Olivier put a stop to this?

When Katniss comes out of the bathroom, she looks pale and I immediately pull her into my arms.

“We’ll get through this,” I mutter into her hair.

“The Glory Games,” she spits, “like changing the name is going to make it any better. I don’t know how I’m supposed to sit through this monstrosity!”

�“We can at least sit with our son and just hope and pray that our daughter’s name isn’t called,” I say gently. She shakes her head, her hands coming up to grip her hair.

“Don’t pretend, Peeta. You’re smarter than that. You know she will be Reaped. She knows it, we all know it.”�

“Katniss.” I do my best to soothe her but it’s just not happening. There’s nothing we can do about it at this point; the “Glory Games” will happen and Willow will most likely be a participant.   
\----------------------------------

On the day before the Reaping, I call into the bakery and tell them I’m sick. Rory seems to understand and tells me not to worry. My employees have been giving Dane, Cora, and me the most pitiful looks all week and I can’t stand it. I know their son Nathan is old enough though I don’t know what grade he is in…he may actually be too old for it. Delly’s and Brent’s daughter will be in the bowl as well, though I think Dex is too old and Bryce is too young (Why can’t I remember how old my godchildren are…because I can barely remember to double knot my shoelaces in the morning, that’s why). Haymitch came over last night to say that he and Effie will be sitting with us; I’m not sure if the school asked for him to attend or if they are just doing it for moral support but we are grateful all the same. 

Finn actually picks the kids up, saying he wants them in an early swim lesson but I know he’s doing it to help Katniss and me. At least this way I can tend to my wife and make sure she doesn’t slip into her old ways. Finn understands this too well. 

I cuddle up to her and hold her close, listening to her uneven breathing. Thinking I should make her breakfast in bed, I release her and roll to the side.

“Don’t go,” she says in a muffled voice. I turn back to her and quirk my brow.�

“I was just going to make you some breakfast.”

�“I’m not hungry. Just…can you just hold me?” 

“Of course I can.” I slip my arm underneath her and pull her into my chest, starting when I notice her shaking.

“It’s not real, Katniss. It’s not a real arena. The kids are going to be fine.”

“I didn’t sleep at all last night. All I could think about, all I could see, was you dying in the arena. You ate the berries before we had a chance to spit them out. You died in the cave. Cato threw you to the mutts. You came after me when I went to the feast and Clove slit your throat. All night, Peeta. And it’s terrible…so terrible of me because I was just thankful that I wasn’t seeing Willow or Rye in the arena. How selfish is that? I am the most terrible…person…” tears splash on my arm and I bury my face in her hair.

“Katniss, it was just a nightmare. I’m right here, beside you. And you are not a terrible person. Don’t ever think that. You know I would give my life for my children. I know you would do the same.” She doesn’t speak anymore after that but clings to my arm and weeps quietly into the pillow. 

I coax her out of the bed later on and to take a shower with me. She leans against the wall, staring with blank eyes. I pull her down to the kitchen and tell her I will make her anything she wants.

She stares at the table with blank eyes.

As I am pulling a batch of cookies out of the oven, I glance over and see that she still hasn’t moved from her chair.

“Katniss,” I say loudly and she jumps. “Can you please get me the chocolate chips from the pantry? I want to make another batch of these.” She nods faintly and hurriedly hands me the sweet chips. 

“Hey, come here and help me with these cookies.”�

“I don’t really feel like it, Peeta.”�

“Exactly. So let’s keep your mind off the dark stuff. Stand here in front of me.” Huffing, she obeys and I stand with my chest pressed to her back. 

“Stir the chips in, like this.” I show her the motions and rest my hand on top of hers. She sighs heavily and I kiss her temple.

“Stop thinking about it. Think about the cookies. They’ll be nice and warm and will melt in your mouth.”�

“Do you think food makes everything better?” I start at her snappish tone but when she turns, she looks apologetic and presses her forehead to my cheek.

“I’m sorry. I’m so on edge. You don’t deserve that.”�

“It’s alright,” I assure her. “I suppose it is a little unreasonable to say that dessert makes everyone feel better. It’s just…something my dad always used to say,” I shrug and her eyes soften. “Baker logic.”�

“It’s not unfounded. Melty cheesebuns do make me feel better.”�

“One batch of melty cheesebuns coming right up.”�

“Oh Peeta, no, you keep working on the cookies. The kids will love them.”�

“I’ve already made two batches of different cookies,” I grin sheepishly. “I guess baking keeps my mind off things as well as eating them does.” She snorts and shakes her head and I kiss her forehead before I hurry to the fridge to find the proper ingredients. 

Katniss and I are sharing the cheesebuns when we hear the door open, and the kids start calling us. We hurry to the door to thank Finn and he grins as he tousles Rye’s hair.

“I’ve got to run! Have a good night!” 

“Thank you again Finn, “ I call as he jogs down the steps and back up the path. Katniss takes their backpacks and kisses their cheeks.

“Did you guys have a good day?”�

“Yeah! Mama, look what I made!” Rye holds up some kind of mask that he must have colored himself; Katniss smiles and clucks her tongue.

�“Wow, that’s really something Ryekin! It looks great. And what about you, Willow? Did you have fun?”

�“I don’t wanna talk about it,” she says solemnly as she stalks off. Katniss and I trade worried looks and she gives me a little nod. We can’t both go rushing after her so she stays with Rye as I follow her up to her room.

“I don’t wanna talk, Dad!” 

“Hey,” I say softly. “I know you’re upset but that’s no way to speak to your mom or me. Now I have warm cookies out of the oven and a big glass of milk with your name on it, when you’re ready to talk. You know where to find me.” I give her a brief smile before heading back downstairs. Rye has already found the cookies and Katniss gives me an apologetic shrug. �

“Don’t fill up on sweets, buddy. Dinner will be ready soon.” Damn it. I’d been so focused on cookies that I’d forgotten about dinner. I think we have some things in the fridge we can just reheat. 

“One more?” I stifle my laughter at his frosting-covered face and shake my head.

“One more. Then you can go start your homework.” He shoves another cookie into his mouth before he grabs his backpack and heads into the living room.

“Is Willow ok,” Katniss asks in a low voice.

“I told her to come talk to us when she’s ready. I don’t want to force her.” She nods and takes a cookie from the tray. 

“I dug some of that lasagna out of the fridge. Let’s just do that for dinner.”

“Sounds like a plan. I can make some kind of veggie and we can have the rest of the cheesebuns.”�

“Does that mean I’m not allowed to eat anymore?” I snort at her pout.

“Like I told Rye, one more.” She shakes her head but I don’t miss the smile that covers her face. Saying a brief silent thank you, I start to look through the freezer for a vegetable to go with the pasta. I hear a slight clearing of the throat and I close the freezer to find my daughter standing in the doorway. Katniss sits at the table, her hand hovering over the cheesebuns. 

“Baby, do you want to talk about it,” she asks softly. Willow nods slowly and I quickly pour her a glass of milk as Katniss pulls her chair closer to us. 

“What happened,” I ask as I push the plate of cookies toward her. She stares at the table, reminding me of her mother.

“You didn’t have to go,” she says, barely moving her lips. Katniss leans forward.

“What, baby?”�

“Daddy didn’t have to be in the Games the second time.” She looks up and her wide blue eyes lock on me. “You didn’t have to go.”

“Yes I did, sweetheart. I couldn’t bear to think about your mother in that arena without me. I had to do whatever I could to protect her.” 

“You volunteered.” Slowly, I nod. It’s clear they showed the Quell Reaping footage and she’s taking it like I expected she would. 

“I saw Aunt Annie…screaming. And an old lady took her place.”�

“That’s Mags,” Katniss says softly. “She was Aunt Annie’s mentor and wanted to protect her. She went into the arena with Finnick.”�

“Uncle Finnick?” 

“Yes. Did you watch footage from every district?” She nods, her hands fidgeting in her lap. 

“You were last. And everyone turned around to stare at me. Mimi looked so sad and Mama…you were crying, Mama.”�

“I didn’t think I was coming home,” Katniss says quietly, her hands fidgeting on top of the table. I count the ways these two are alike. 

“And I was so scared, for your daddy. Granpa Haymitch had agreed the night before that he would take Daddy’s place but we both knew that if Granpa’s name was called…Daddy would volunteer for him.” Willow turns back to me, frowning.

“Couldn’t you have protected her being her mentor?” I smile sadly at the awkward way she pronounces mentor; it just reminds me how young she really is.

�“I didn’t know how to be a mentor…and your granpa and I agreed that Mama would be the one to survive, not me. I went into the arena, prepared to die for Mama to live.” Katniss and Willow both let out little choked sobs and I’ve got my arms around both of them. Willow climbs into my lap and she sort of half straddles Katniss’s leg. Katniss alternates between kissing our daughter’s hair and my cheek. 

“You’ll be with me tomorrow?”�“We will never leave your side, sweetheart,” I assure her. 

“And you’ll… help me if they call my name?”�

“We’ll do whatever it takes. But just remember that this is not the Hunger Games. You’re going to be just fine. Just think of it as a fun little obstacle course.” Even as I say the words I grimace. Nothing about this is fun. But thankfully Willow doesn’t snap at me. 

“Daddy’s right. It’s just an obstacle course,” Katniss takes Willow’s face in both of her hands, her thumb stroking away the tears. “And when it’s over, Daddy and I will make you a big dinner and will start planning what you want to do for your birthday. Alright?” Willow nods, still looking a little pale. I pull the plate of cookies and pick out the largest sugar cookie I can.�

“Your mama and I love you,” I hand her the cookie, “and you know you’ve got everyone else…Granpa and Mimi…Aunt Annie…Finn…Aunt Jo…we all love you and will do whatever we can to protect you.”�

“You can’t protect anyone in the arena,” our daughter says so softly we barely hear. She takes a bite of her cookie, hops down from our laps, and heads into the living room. Katniss gives me a tortured look and buries her face in my shirt. I have to hold it together. For Katniss and for Willow. We can’t let ourselves get lost in the memories. Not this time. Tomorrow, we will most likely have all eyes on us as we sit and watch.  
And my eyes will be on that Reaping bowl. Each child only has their name in it once…not like a real Reaping. I haven’t ever asked but I’m curious how many slips Katniss had. Then again, does it matter? Prim was Reaped her very first year. One slip with her name on it.  
That’s all it takes. 

Dinner is subdued but we attempt to keep it light for the kids. Rye doesn’t altogether understand what is going to happen tomorrow and Katniss prefers to keep it that way. If we can keep our son innocent a little bit longer, I’ll agree to it.

After dinner, Katniss is the one who suggests we take the remaining sugar cookies and decorate them. Willow lights up at the idea and I pull out my tubes of frosting. They make a mess but have a good time. Even Katniss participates, painting an orange sun on one and handing it to me. In return, I paint her a heart with an arrow through it, completed with our initials. She rolls her eyes but grins as she takes a bite. 

She insists on getting the kids cleaned up and in bed early and I nod in agreement. I help Rye with his bath and tuck him in while Katniss goes to tuck Willow in. When I enter my daughter’s bedroom, my wife is sitting on the edge of Willow’s bed with a book in her lap.  
When I look closer, I realize it’s not her book of fairytales; it’s our Memory Book. 

“Hey, there’s Daddy. This is a question for you, Daddy. I’m afraid I’m not much help on this one.”�

“Oh?” I seat myself behind her on the bed and glance down at the page that’s open.  
My family. Particularly my brothers.

“Tell me about my uncles,” Willow says, reaching for the book.

“Oh, well, let’s see…Uncle Ryean was two years older than me and a real clown. He was always in trouble but he was slick enough to get himself out of it. Uncle Bialy, he was five years older…he was your grandmother’s favorite son. He married the confectioner’s daughter, from town. He was a bit more serious but he was a hard worker. Ryean and Bialy both preferred to work with the customers, in the bakery, but I liked to stay in the kitchen with my dad. Your grandpa was a wonderful baker but an even better storyteller! He would always be talking as his hands moved through the dough. I just wanted to sit and watch all day.” I catch the dreamy look on my face and glance back at the book. Willow yawns and Katniss seizes the opportunity.

“Go to sleep, baby, and try not to think about tomorrow.” She leans down to kiss Willow’s forehead and our little girl grins sleepily. I love hearing Katniss using pet names for our children…when she was so against them at the start of our relationship.

“I love you Mommy and Daddy.”�

“We love you, princess.” I kiss her cheek and pull the blanket up to her chin. Katniss grasps the book as we close the bedroom door behind us.

�“I’m sorry,” she says softly, holding the book up. “She asked me about Prim and I read the section…your brothers were next and she wanted to know what they were like. You knew them better.”�

“She should know about her family. And you know…maybe we should add a page for Lily,” I suggest tentatively. She looks surprised but doesn’t say anything.

“I mean…maybe just the things, you know, we think she might have liked. Or looked like. Just so no one will forget her.”�

“OK. Let’s do it after the Reaping, though. I’m…pretty exhausted.”

�“Yeah,” I nod and pull her into the bedroom. We’re silent as we dress and ready for bed. I decide to read a little bit while Katniss seems to fall right to sleep. When my eyes grow heavy, I set the book and my glasses aside and shift around to get comfortable. I stroke her hair back a few times before I join her in sleep.   
\--------------------------------

 

\------“Look! There she is!” I barely have time to turn before the Careers are running ahead of me, their feet pounding against the ground. They stop at a huge tree and are looking up at something. Fear courses through me as I realize what they are looking at it.

“Hey! Girl on fire,” the one called Marvel calls. I see Katniss peek out of the branches and she…  
holy shit, she SMILES.

“How’s everything with you,” she calls down. Glimmer and Clove murmur to themselves, and I see Glimmer’s grip on her bow tighten.

“Well enough,” Cato says casually. “Yourself?”

�“It’s been a bit warm for my taste,” Katniss calls back. You would think we were all gathered around a campfire from this exchange. What does the Capitol think of all of this?  
What is Haymitch thinking? I’ll tell you what he’s thinking. DO SOMETHING PEETA. 

“The air’s better up here. Why don’t you come on up?” Katniss continues to taunt Cato.

“Think I will,” he replies, inspecting the tree trunk. Shit. What can I do? How do I distract them?

Get a grip, Peeta. She’s up in a tree and you know the Careers can’t climb. Didn’t Marvel fall from that tree last night when he was trying to find food?   
She’s better than you think. She can protect herself.  
Doesn’t mean I can’t try to keep her safe, I argue with myself. 

She practically lives in the woods. She’s probably better off than the rest of you!

Feeling relieved, I look down and casually start to clean my knife with my shirt. The poor girl’s blood from the first night still makes me sick. The Careers played with her but when I told them I would finish her off, I returned to hold her hand and she asked me to make it quick. Her choked scream as I slit her throat still echoes in my mind and I shake myself. Focus, Mellark. You’re doing all of this to save Katniss. So focus ON Katniss! 

I vaguely register Glimmer offering Cato her bow and him rejecting it before he starts to climb. He’s not far up before I see Katniss scurry up the tree like some kind of animal. She has speed, I’ll give her that, but I can clearly see she is injured. Oh Katniss be careful. 

Cato misses a branch and Glimmer screams as he crashes to the ground. I secretly hope he’s broken his neck but he jumps to his feet and brushes himself off.

“Fucking whore,” he yells to the forest and my fists clench. “I’ll get you, you little bitch!”   
Glimmer pats his arm and moves toward the tree. We watch as she gets a little farther than Cato did. My eyes drift upwards, trying to find her. She’s disappeared in the branches and I think, she’s alright. She’s safe. Glimmer fires an arrow and I see Katniss waving it in the air, teasing them further. Katniss, STOP! I want to shout at her but shake my head, forcing my face into a look of disgust. I wish I could see her face. I wish she could see mine. Maybe she would see the regret and sorrow in my eyes.  
She would probably avoid looking at me altogether. I know I’m not on her favorite persons list right now. 

“You bitch,” Glimmer cries before she comes back down. They all glare upwards, growling what they are going to do to her when they finally catch her.  
Clove’s grisly account especially makes me speak up.

“Oh, let her stay up there. It’s not like she’s going anywhere. We’ll deal with her in the morning.” They all trade looks and Glimmer shrugs. Cato drops his sword.

“No. Give me that.” He grabs Glimmer’s bow and moves to stand under the branches. At first I watch with a relaxed expression. Cato can’t shoot a bow and arrow like Katniss can. 

He fires twice and nearly throws the weapon aside in fury. The third arrow, however, he lets out a triumphant noise and tosses it aside. I don’t register anything until Clove pumps the air with her fists and Marvel cheers. 

No. 

I hurry forward and it seems to happen in slow motion. Katniss falls from the tree, hitting branches on the way down. She had to be at least eighty feet up.

Can I catch her? Don’t be stupid. But you have to TRY! You have to save her! 

She crashes to the forest floor and I see an arrow emerging from her chest. She’s still for a moment, and my heart stops beating, until she releases a pained cry.

The Careers all cheer as they move closer to her, standing in a circle. My feet can’t move. How is she still alive after that fall?   
Why couldn’t she die quickly?

Now they’re going to drag it out for making them look stupid. Cato and Clove are the most bloodthirsty teenagers I have ever seen.

I push the Careers aside and drop to my knees beside her, shaking my head.

“No, no Katniss, you listen to me! You can’t…you promised Prim, remember? You have to live! You have to go home!” Blood trickles from her lips as she struggles to turn her head to look at me. Even as she’s dying, her eyes are filled with hatred and fury.   
I can’t have Katniss Everdeen die without her knowing how much I love her.  
The Careers will kill me next. I should probably fight harder, to go back to 12 and take care of Prim but I don’t care about anything anymore. My world is here in front of me, slipping away.

“Katniss--“ I gasp and start to cry out when I see Cato plunge his sword into her stomach. She lets out a scream that burrows in my very bones and he rips it right back out.

“Nothing personal, lover boy,” he says from behind me. My eyes widen as I feel pain wrench through me. I glance down to see the blade protruding from my chest and I close my eyes. He jerks the sword up and blood pours from my mouth. I crash to the ground, beside Katniss.

“Together in death,” Cato says mockingly. I bring my hand to my wound and struggle to catch my fading breath. I move to my side and watch the Career group walking away, so sure that they have taken care of the Star-Crossed Lovers.  
I guess they have.

I reach out and press my hand to her stab wound, trying to stem the gore. She moans and I move closer. Her breathing is faint and she trembles violently.

“Katniss,” I manage to gasp. “I’m so sorry…I was only…trying to protect you. You have to know that. You have to know…I have always loved you.” The boom of a cannon echoes in my ears but I go on talking to her, telling her about when I first noticed her when were five, how she had two braids instead of one…she wore a red plaid dress and her singing made the birds stop. I talk until my own cannon thunders and the Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12 both paint the night sky. ---------------  
\--------------------------------------------------------------  
I sit up with a loud gasp, my hand flying to my throat. The cannon still roars in my head and I grip my face with both hands. The light flips on and Katniss sits up beside me.

�“Peeta?” She’s still mostly asleep but I pull her into my arms and weep into her shoulder. She doesn’t stop me and my grip around her tightens. She reaches up to soothe my hair back and paints my face with tender kisses. 

“It’s alright,” she whispers. “We’re alive and we’re together. That’s all that matters.”   
\----------------------------

I refuse to tell her about my dream, even though she asks several times. It’s still a sore subject between us, after all these years. She knows that I teamed up with the Careers to protect her but I know she felt so betrayed. She’s forgiven me but we’ve reached an unspoken agreement not to mention it. 

She pulls me down and I rest my head on her chest while she runs her fingers through my hair. I close my eyes at her caresses, feeling like I could fall back to sleep. She turns slightly and sighs.

“It’s almost time to get up. I thought we should make Willow’s favorites for breakfast.”

�“Good idea,” I grunt as I sit up and push my hair out of my eyes. She watches me for a moment before she cups my chin and leans in to kiss me. I hold her face as my tongue explores her mouth and her hands cover mine. I break the kiss before it can get too heated…we don’t need to get distracted today. I rest my forehead against hers and sigh.

“I love you.” 

“You know how much I love you, right,” she tilts my chin up a little and her eyes search mine.

“Yes,” I say immediately. “I do.” 

“Good. I’m going to hop in the shower and then I’ll be down to help with breakfast.” I nod and watch her disappear into the bathroom. I hurriedly dress and glance out the window to see the sun is barely up. I’ll let the kids sleep a little while longer, I decide, as I head down the stairs. 

I’ve probably gone overboard but the crepes are almost done and the wild berry muffins are still in the oven when Katniss enters. 

“Peeta you don’t have to make enough to feed the district,” she says exasperatedly. I shrug and flip the bacon over.

“Options.”�

“Problems,” she taps my head before she gives me a quick kiss.

“Quite possibly. Wow…Haymitch is up early.” She joins me at the sink and peers out, where we can see Haymitch sitting on his front porch. 

“Why don’t you go invite him in for breakfast?” I hand her the spatula and go to open the front door. His head jerks up at the sound and nods as I approach.

“You’re up early.”

�“Couldn’t sleep,” he grunts. I nod in understanding and lower myself on the step next to him. I peer into his mug and he scowls.�

“It’s coffee.”

�“Just checking,” I hold up my hands. “I wouldn’t blame you if it was something else.”�

“No, Effie won’t let it into the house. She gave me that ultimatum a long time ago and I chose her, obviously. Still, days like this…I’d love to have my hands wrapped around a bottle.” 

“Well I just made a huge breakfast with all of Willow’s favorites. Why don’t you come over? Is Effie awake?”

�“I wanted to let her sleep as long as possible. She stayed up with me most of the night…but I know it’s hard on her.”�

“She understands, Haymitch,” I say gently. He merely grunts.

“To a degree but she wasn’t in the arena. She can’t imagine the things we’ve seen in there. I’m not saying she doesn’t have her own share of nightmares but they’re different, you know?”�

“Yeah.” I do know. It’s one of the reasons I was able to comfort Katniss on the Victory Tour, the first night I heard her screaming. I knew what she was seeing…now our nightmares are a jumble of Hunger Games mutts and Capitol torture and fires and screaming children. He takes a sip of his coffee and sighs.

“Don’t imagine you got a lot of sleep last night, am I right?”�

“It wasn’t too bad but then I woke up from this horrible nightmare and Katniss just stayed up with me. I actually slept better than I expected to.”

�“Lucky you.”�

“I saw Katniss murdered by the Careers,” I say heatedly. “So no, not really.”�

“I see that all the time, kid.”�

“Katniss being murdered?” This takes me by surprise. He takes another sip and doesn’t answer for a few moments.

�“You kids are in my nightmares pretty frequently. In the arena. You in the Capitol. Her getting shot in 2. I think of you as my own so I see your faces with the rest of my family’s.” Haymitch doesn’t get emotional often but I find I like seeing this side of him. It’s like when he’s affectionate with my kids; it’s a whole other side that I never imagined I would see.

“Come on. Come to breakfast. The kids will be happy to see Granpa Haymitch.”

�“Didn’t I tell you when the girl was born that I would NOT answer to that,” he sighs heavily. 

“You took to it pretty quickly,” I grin as I shove my hands into my pockets.�

“I can’t resist that little girl’s big blue eyes.”�

“Because they’re just like mine?”�

“Stuff it, boy. I’ll be along in a minute. Just going to check on Effie.” I nod and wait on my own porch until he comes back out. He rolls his eyes as he comes up the steps.

“I said I’d be along in a minute. Separation anxiety, Peeta?”�

“Don’t flatter yourself, old man,” I grin as I open the door. “How is Effie doing?”

�“She’s good. Her last doctor appointment went really well. The medication she takes makes her a little tired but it’s helped a lot. They said she had a very low chance at beating the cancer at her age but she showed those Capitol quacks.” 

“I thought I heard your dulcet tones,” Katniss says, coming around the corner.�

“Morning to you too sweetheart.”

�“Breakfast is ready, if you want to let the kids know. Tea, Haymitch?”

�“I thought the boy was getting you to drink coffee now.”�

“I won’t touch that stuff. But I made some for him so I’ll pour you a mug. How do you take it?”�

“Black,” Haymitch grunts as he pulls out a chair. I head upstairs to call the kids down but they beat me to it before I make it to the top.

“Morning Daddy!”

“Hey my little love bugs. Come have some breakfast before school.” 

“Daddy, we don’t have school,” Rye says cheerfully. Willow gives me a sad look.�

“Classes are cancelled,” she says softly. “So everyone will come watch the Reaping.”�

“Alright, well let’s have a good breakfast before we go.” 

“Granpa!” Willow lights up as soon as she sees Haymitch. He holds out his arms and she runs right into them. Katniss smiles behind them and brings a platter to the table.�

“Are hands clean?”�

“Yes Mama,” they say in unison.

“Milk or juice?”

�“Milk!”�

“Juice!” 

I grin as I hurry over to the counter to help her serve breakfast. She hands me Haymitch’s and my coffee and sits down beside me.�

“Oof, princess, you are getting so big,” Haymitch grunts as he leans back in his chair.

“Granpa are you coming with us today?”

�“Mimi and I will both be there. Apparently they’ve roped off a section for Victors and their families,” he says in a lower voice to us. This is news to us.

“Great. Another chance to be gawked at,” Katniss says bitterly. 

“Rye, slow down bud, it’s not a race,” my son grins as he stuffs two strips of bacon into his mouth at once. The kid still eats like he’s not going to have food tomorrow. Haymitch chuckles as he takes a bite of melon and Katniss tousles our son’s curls. 

“Mooooom,” Rye whines as he always does when Katniss touches his hair.

“Is Cressida going to be there today?”�

“Yes, she was the one who called me last night to tell me we are sitting in a special section. She will be doing a live feed of the Reaping. And then she hopes to interview the families afterwards.” 

“Interesting,” Katniss says, shooting me a look. Cress is still trying to do whatever she can to get the people’s attention. No doubt the families are going to be distraught and with any luck, the audience will feel something. 

“Peeta hand me one of those muffins before your son devours them all.” I swipe a muffin from the plate before Rye can grab it, and pass it to Haymitch. 

“Hello?” We hear a familiar voice from the entryway. Haymitch leaps up to greet his wife and pulls out a chair for her.

“Good morning, Effie. What would you like to drink?”�

“Tea is just fine, my dear.” Katniss jumps up but I beat her to it. I hand Effie the tea and she pats my hand.�

“You’re looking very well, Effie.”�

“Oh goodness, you lie. I can’t stop trembling this morning. I’m ready for this to be over with. Do you know they actually asked me to pull the names?” The fork falls out of my hand and Katniss looks livid.

“What?”

“The school called me last week to ask if I would be interested in conducting the Reaping. I told them under no circumstances would I ever touch a Reaping bowl again.”�

“What did they say?”�

“They didn’t seem too distressed. I imagine it’s quite easy to find someone to read names from a slip of paper.” She shrugs and spreads marmalade over a biscuit. 

“I think Miss Norbert is doing it,” Willow says as she helps herself to more crepes. Katniss sighs and shakes her head.

“I should have seen that coming,” she mutters.�

“Who’s Miss Norbert,” Haymitch asks, raising a brow.

“My teacher.”

“Ah. The one who-“ I aim a kick under the table and he jumps and scowls. “What the hell was that for?”�

“Language, Haymitch, dear,” Effie scolds. 

“Yes. Language. Our children are present,” I say pointedly, narrowing my eyes. He looks confused but thankfully doesn’t continue.  
Trust my daughter to catch on, though.

“The one who what, Granpa?”

“I thought for a minute she was the one who moved here from the Capitol but I don’t think that’s right.” He clears his throat and Willow frowns suspiciously.

“No. She’s from 13.” 

“Ah,” he says again, taking a drink. I’m sure he’s wishing even more for something stronger than coffee. 

“We had better get moving,” Effie says, always on schedule. 

“Alright. Kids, get your shoes on and let’s head out.” Rye runs upstairs for his while Willow goes to the door to get hers. Haymitch shakes his head and Effie rests a hand on his shoulder.

“It will be alright, my love,” she whispers.

“I wish I could think that. This just feels like…it used to,” he finishes, looking miserable. “Getting ready for the Reaping. Preparing myself to meet the two kids I’m responsible for and will most likely lose.”�

“You’re not Mentoring this time, Haymitch,” I try to assure him. “Just look at it that way.”�

“Who is mentoring,” Katniss asks quietly. Haymitch gives me another miserable look and I already know the answer. My heart sinks to the bottom of my chest.

“Us.” 

“What?” Katniss’s head jerks up and her eyes are wide with terror. “You’re joking. We’re not mentoring twelve kids!”

“No, as far as I know, one parent will volunteer to be the Mentor. It’s supposed to be some kind of bonding and bullshit…but, according to Cressida, Victors are being asked to be available to give advice and teach how to get sponsors.”�

“Sponsors?” I repeat in horror.�

“This is way bigger than District 12, kid. The Capitol is turning it into a full-fledged freak show. Viewers are able to be sponsors, like in the real Games. I’m a little surprised Plutarch isn’t behind it but he’s expressed his disgust with these Games. ”

�“This is madness,” I say faintly. 

“Since Ceasar Flickerman died, they’ve asked his son to do the tribute interviews. You remember Donaldo?”  
Willow and Rye run back in, cutting our conversation short. 

“Ready!”

�“Um…I need to get my shoes on too,” Katniss says, shooting a look toward the floor. Willow gives our bare feet an exasperated look and I tug on Katniss’s hand.

“They can’t do this, Peeta! They didn’t ask us or… anything!”

�“Shh. Honey, I know. It will be alright. We have our family. We’ll do this together, as a unified force.” She hides her face in her hands and I pull her into my chest.

“It will be alright,” I repeat. 

“If Willow’s name is called…you should be her Mentor.” I pull back with a frown.

�“Why me?”

�“Peeta, there’s already this bond between you two! And you would have made a great Mentor…you’re understanding and patient and know how to move a crowd with your words. You can get her sponsors!”

�“Are you forgetting how upset you were with me when I pushed you and Haymitch before the Quell?” She bites her lip.

“No. You were brutal. But maybe she needs that to do this.”

“And you don’t think this will push me into a flashback? One where I actually hurt her?”�

“You would never hurt our daughter! You think I would make the better mentor? Not a chance. It needs to be you.”

�“We don’t even know if she will be Reaped. Let’s wait and play it by ear.” She looks like she wants to argue but closes her mouth and nods. I’m in denial, I know.

“Come on. Effie’s going to be yelling for us to hurry up in about two seconds.” She takes my hand and we head out onto the porch. 

“Well good morning,” we hear another familiar voice and I whirl around.

“Johanna?”

�“Hey baker boy,” she pulls me into a one-armed hug. “Brainless you look like someone just ran over your dog.”�

“We don’t have a dog,” Rye says, horrified.�

“It’s just an expression, buddy,” she assures him. 

“Jo what are you doing here?”�

“Let’s talk on the way,” Effie says urgently, flashing her watch. We nod and decide that we want to walk while Haymitch can drive Effie. Rye and Willow want to ride with their grandparents, which gives us a chance to talk. 

As Haymitch drives off, Annie comes out of her house and gasps when she sees Johanna.�

“Jo, I had no idea you would be here too.”

�“We were just asking her about that,” Katniss says warily. 

“The Capitol is paying me to be here today and then stay around to help the parents…the mentors. I wanted to refuse but my Victor funds aren’t going to support my kids after I’m gone. They’re paying me well…well enough to keep my grandchildren going. I’m sorry,” she adds. I shake my head but Katniss is glaring at her. Do we have a right to be angry with her? I don’t think so. She’s doing what she has to for her family. 

“The Capitol offered me the same thing,” Annie says sadly. 

“Why haven’t we been approached about it,” Katniss says heatedly. 

“Do you guys ever answer your phone,” Johanna points out.

“Peeta does.”

�“Peeta works during the day. I’m pretty sure they have tried to reach you. And I’m sure they will talk to you about it today.” 

“But if Willow’s name is called, I’ll be a Mentor,” I say slowly. “I’ll focus entirely on her…no one else.”�

“So Katniss will help the others.”�

“You’re crazy,” she shrieks. “If my daughter is Reaped, I won’t help anyone else! My focus will be Peeta and Willow. And yours should be too!”

�“Hey, don’t do that,” Johanna says, taken aback. “You know we love Willow fiercely and it’s not as if we are going to be giving the other kids an advantage.”�

“By teaching their parents how to mentor and get sponsors? Yes you are, Johanna! You’re turning your back on your family!”�

“Let’s all calm down,” I step between the two women, knowing how they can both get riled up. Annie looks anxious and I hold up my arms.

�“We don’t know that Willow is getting Reaped. Let’s play this all by ear. Do not let the Capitol divide us. There’s just us left among the Victors. And we are a family, first and foremost. Don’t forget that.” I lower my arms and Johanna stares at the ground. 

“Let’s just go,” Katniss growls and pushes ahead of the rest of us. Annie squeezes my arm before hurrying to catch up to my wife. 

“I kind of expected you to be the one to jump down my throat. Then again, it was Girl on Fire. Not Boy on Fire.”�

“You know, I was on fire too. People seem to forget that.” Johanna snorts and nudges my shoulder. 

“We’re ok?”�

“We’re family, Jo. It will work itself out. Somehow.”�

“How are you always like that?”�

“Like what,” I ask, frowning.

“Like the fucking sun shines out of your ass.” I gape at her.�

“I’m going to assume you are referring to my optimism…in which case, thank you…I think…”�

“You know what I mean, Peeta,” she says impatiently. “How is it you, who had the most happen to you, can be so positive and…so damn cheerful?” 

“I have a pretty great life,” I say with a shrug. “And so do you. Isn’t that what you told Katniss the last time we were on vacation together? That she has some great things in her life, so she shouldn’t focus on the negative?”

�“Yeah but I don’t actually take my own advice. It’s still hard for me. Anna asks me why I scream at night…and do you know how long it took for me to get into the water? Literally years. George needs a medal for staying with a nutcase like me.” 

“It’s hard for all of us, Jo. I’m not saying life is just rainbows and butterflies all the time. Hell just last night I had a dream about the Careers killing Katniss in our first Games. We’ll never really get over it but we go on the best we can.”�

“See? Sun shining from your ass.” I shake my head and speed up a little. Katniss and Annie seem to be deep in conversation and Annie has wound her arm around Katniss’s. It’s strange to see Katniss walking like this with another female. The last time I can remember was…

Oh. I wince and Johanna tugs my sleeve.

“You alright?”�

“Yeah. Haymitch and Effie are going to beat us if we don’t hurry.”   
\---------------------------  
I have never seen the school so packed. The Capitol was kind enough to provide chairs for everyone, rather than cramming us into a crowded courtyard. Their recess area has been turned into a stage. There’s even decorations with The Glory Games painted on them. Johanna gives me a sickened look and Annie points out Haymitch waving in the corner. He and Effie stand next to a sign that says “Victor’s Circle”. A teacher bows low as he unclips the rope and gestures us all in. Willow climbs into my lap and naturally, Rye does the same to his mother.

“Was this a good idea,” Katniss leans in close. “Bringing Rye?”�

“Everyone we know is here. He should be here to support his sister.”

�“He doesn’t really understand all of this yet, Peeta.”

�“He’s going to learn about it in just a few years. And he’s already seen it at home. Between our nightmares and Willow’s assignments, he’s going to experience it.” She sighs and leans back against her chair. I clasp her hand in mine and rest them on my knee. Finn sits beside his mother, and Ana and Coral sit together behind him. My eyes travel around the crowd; there’s so many familiar faces and every one of them looks solemn. 

“Ugh, the nerve of them,” Effie growls, drawing my attention to where she’s looking.

“You’re got to be kidding me,” Haymitch mutters. Even I’m a little stunned and usually the Capitol doesn’t surprise me.

But they’ve taken this to a whole other level. The woman walking onto the stage is wearing a replica of Effie’s dress from the Quarter Quell Reaping. It’s even complete with a gold wig.

I feel sick.

“This is just one big joke to the Capitol,” Katniss hisses. I squeeze her hand to quiet her. 

“Welcome, welcome,” the woman says in a sickeningly accurate impression of Effie. I can’t tell if it’s Miss Norbert from this distance or not. But her Capitol accent is good.

“Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor!” Silence follows her announcement and she giggles into the microphone.

“I just had to do that! Moving on! On behalf of the school, the Capitol, and all of Panem, I would like to welcome you to the first ever Glory Games! Parents, we thank you for joining us today. I’m sure you are all as anxious as I am to see who this year’s tributes will be.”�Tributes. Not players. Couldn’t they have at least used different terms?

Effie is gripping Haymitch’s hand tightly and he winces more than once. 

“Now, every parent should have received an instruction letter. If you have not, please see our teachers around the lawn, so you may be better informed. Many of you are familiar with how a Reaping is conducted…if you are from District 13, like me, and have no idea what is going on, never fear, we will briefly explain.”  
�Yep, I guess it’s Miss Norbert. And I’m sure she’s loving her little role up there. 

“Now, by definition, a reaping is the annual event that takes place in every district, where the tributes are chosen. The names are picked randomly, one male and one female. Typically, tributes are between the ages of twelve and eighteen years old. We are doing things a little differently. This is the Glory Games, after all, and not to be confused with the Hunger Games.” Katniss and I exchange looks. 

“The Glory Games was signed into official order by President Porthos and allows children in grades 4 and up to participate. There will be twelve tributes, so we will call six boys and six girls. The selected tributes will have two weeks to train and prepare, while the school’s gymnasium will become a grueling obstacle course designed to challenge the students. Each tribute must use a combination of stealth, cunning, and courage. The Glory Games will go on until we have one winner. I have been told there was a previous Hunger Games that lasted several weeks…can you imagine how exciting that must have been?” I feel Katniss’s nails dig into my hand and my jaw tenses. I wonder if Lyssa Norbert is just playing a role…or does she really feel, like the Capitol, that the Hunger Games was exciting and entertaining? Most of the people I came onto contact with in 13 thought they were barbaric…but I suppose it could be like any other district: different opinions. 

“Now,” she clears her throat again. “It is time to select our tributes for the honor of participating in the Glory Games. And we shall have ladies first!” She wobbles on her heels over to the first bowl. I secretly hope she falls. 

“The first female tribute is Lila Canterbee.” Oh no. I glance over to see Delly and Brent both clutching their daughter. A teacher pries their hands from her arm and escorts her up to the stage. Delly and I rarely talk anymore but Lila is still my goddaughter and the expression on Delly’s face as Brent holds her is heartbreaking.

Willow hides her face in my shirt. 

“Hannah Cordell.” I remember the Cordells. The family owned a bookstore near the bakery and their son was the same age as I was; he was Reaped and died when we were 13. A woman cries out and clutches a little girl, who looks no older than Willow. 

“Verna Cordell, her brother died in the Games when he was 13,” I hear Haymitch telling Effie. “After her husband died, she moved back to 12 and took back her maiden name. It’s just her and her daughter.” Effie shakes her head, her lips pursed.

“Miley Cratchett. Evie Lourde.” Maybe she’s safe…maybe we were panicking for nothing…maybe…

“Willow Mellark.” Willow releases a little choked gasp and peers out of my shirt. The silence that crosses over the crowd is deafening. Every eye is on our family. Willow tilts her chin upwards and climbs out of my lap. She straightens her dress and the teacher unclips the rope, looking sympathetic.

“Wait. Sissy. Where you going?” Rye tries to climb out of Katniss’s lap and she holds tightly as he reaches for his sister.

“I’ll be ok, Rye. I promise.”�

“Mama…where-“�

“Shh, hush Ryekin. Your sister will be alright.” Willow’s eyes meet mine and we’re both tearing up. She quickly wipes them away and walks with the teacher up to the stage. 

My worst fucking nightmare come true. Seeing my daughter standing on the stage with the other tributes. The girls all look fairly young; I’m going to be livid if the male tributes are all older. How would that be fair? 

“Wonderful,” Miss Norbert says as the last of the girls, my little girl, has joined them. “And now, for the boys.” 

Katniss hides her face in my shoulder and Haymitch pats her arm gingerly. We knew this was coming, I tell myself. This is not a surprise…we KNEW this would happen.

It doesn’t make it any better. In fact, leaving her as the last one was downright cruel. It lulled us into a false sense of safety. Because let’s face it, we all know this shit was rigged. I refuse to believe Willow’s name coming out of the bowl was just a coincidence. Haymitch was right; it’s just too dramatic to not Reap her. 

“Marcus Lyons.” Marcus is an enormous fifteen year old. I am furious already.

“Ashby Reed. Cash Yellowstone.” I tune the rest out. I could care less; my daughter’s face is a mask of bravery but I know it’s just that: a mask. When the names are all called, Miss Norbert holds up her hands and asks for applause for the twelve tributes. 

It’s not enthusiastic, I’ll say that. I know some of it is even forced. Katniss and I don’t clap. Haymitch and Effie don’t either, for that matter. Johanna and Annie clap once and drop their hands. I guess it would look bad if all the Victors sat here and didn’t support this.

Fuck this, does anyone actually think a Hunger Games Victor would support this? I grip my chair and fight the flashback I feel coming on. Shit. I need to get out of here. But I can’t leave Katniss here!   
I start to see red and feel my blood boil. 

“Kat…Katniss, I have to go,” I stammer. Her eyes widen and I know she knows.

“I’ll come with you-“�

“No! Stay here. I don’t… want you near me. I’ll see you at home.” Without another word, I jump up from my seat and nod to the teacher at the rope.

“Let me out.”

�“Sir, the ceremony-“

�“Let me OUT,” I say through gritted teeth. He looks reluctant but unhooks the rope and I practically run from the school. I could care less how it looks to people. I’m about to lose it. I can feel reality slipping away.

I fall to my knees and come away with a handful of dirt in my fists. 

Fires. Screaming kids. Mutts. Mutts with snapping jaws. Jabberjays bringing the screams of my family. 

Katniss standing on my father’s bones.

No! That’s not real! That’s…not real! 

“Peeta?” I tense as soon as I feel arms wrap around me. I grit my teeth and shake my head.

“You never fucking listen, do you?”

�“Because I know that you need me right now. And I won’t leave you. I’m never leaving you again. You have to fight it, Peeta. You’re so strong…you can fight this.” 

Fuck! Why won’t she just leave so I can rage and throw things and smash a window, or something? I don’t want to be strong right now! The pain in my head is so intense that I just want to give into it and become a mutt. 

“Mutt,” I mutter. “Mutt…killed my family.”

�“You’re a painter. You’re a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. You always double-knot your shoelaces. And you love me unconditionally. Just as I love you.” I squeeze my eyes shut against the new wave of pain and her arms tighten around my waist. 

“Oh god,” I moan, digging my nails into my palms. 

“Start with your list Peeta. What’s your list? Your name is…”

�“Peeta Mellark,” I growl.�

“Your home is-?”�

“District 12.”�

“You were-?”

�“A tribute in the 74th and 75th Hunger Games.”

“You married-?”

�“Katniss Everdeen.” 

“Your favorite color is-?”�

“Orange.”�

“Mine is-?”�

“…Green.”�

“We have how many children?”�

“Um…two.”�

“And their names?”

“Willow and Rye. Oh god…Willow!”�

“No. Focus on your breathing. Willow is fine. Now, the word on your wedding ring…what is it?”�

“Real.”�

“What did you change your bakery’s name to?”�

“Mellark…Family Bakery.” 

“Very good. Slow breaths. Talk to me. Tell me…tell me what you want to do when you get home.”�

“Go on a picnic…with you and the kids. And watch the sunset…in the meadow.”

�“That sounds nice. We’ll do that, Peeta.” Her hand is pressed to my chest, right over my heart and her cheek is smashed against my back. I’ve sweat through my shirt but she continues to hold me close, whispering soothingly. I shake with tremors and every now and again, I’m seized by pain and I cry out. But she holds me and talks to me and doesn’t let me slip away. When the attack seems to be over, I slump backwards and she wraps her legs around my waist, allowing me to rest my head on her chest. I’m not sure where we are or why we haven’t been hounded by people yet but I’m grateful for her patience and for the peace. She smoothes my hair back from my sweaty forehead and kisses my temple.

“How are you feeling?”�

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck. Can we go home?”

�“Yes. We’re right outside Victor’s Village. Can you stand?” With her help, I manage to get to my shaky feet and she supports me as we walk up to our porch. I’m too weak to make it up the stairs…the attack itself combined with the effort to keep it at bay have wiped me completely. She helps me spread out on the couch, then returns with a cold rag which she presses to my forehead.�

“The kids?”�

“Are just fine. As you said, everyone we know is there. They said they would bring them home when it’s finished.”

�“I’m sorry, Katniss,” I close my eyes. “I’m such a-“

�“Don’t you say it,” she says sharply. “Just rest. I can tell that one took a lot out of you.”

�“I’m sore all over…god, my leg hurts so much.”�

“Let me take it off so you can rest easier.” I don’t object as she unclasps the prosthetic. It takes awhile longer now, because skin fibers and nerves are involved and it’s a little painful to take it off but I release a contented moan when it’s unattached and she gently massages the skin.

“Katniss…please wake me up before they come home. I don’t want the kids to see me like this.”�

“They would be so proud of you, Peeta. Like I am.”

�“No. I don’t want them to see. Please. Please don’t let them-“

�“OK. I’ll wake you up.” She pushes my hair back and kisses my lips. “Get some sleep.” I feel her hand leave mine as my head falls back and my eyes close on their own. Blackness takes over and I scramble for her hand as I slip away.


	81. Chapter 81

I stand there watching over him as he sleeps. I knew he would be susceptible to an attack, with everything going on, but this one seemed to be the worst one in awhile. Still, he came back to himself quickly and aside from the pain, recovered fairly quickly. He looks peaceful in his dreams and I move his hair out of his face. He’s right, he does need a haircut but I love his long curls. I gently kiss his forehead and he mutters something in his sleep. I slip into the kitchen to make some tea but return to the living room and spread out in the lounge chair. I want to be close by in case he has nightmares. 

When I hear voices outside, I start and fly to the couch.

“Peeta,” I whisper, gently shaking him.

“Mm?” 

“They’re home.” His eyes fly open and he tries to sit up, wincing.

“Easy. You’re really wobbly. Just take it easy.”

“Damn my head is pounding.” His hand covers his eyes and I hurry to open the front door. 

“Special delivery,” Johanna yells. My finger flies to my lips.

“Peeta’s resting.”

“Oh damn, sorry,” she hisses. 

“Is Daddy ok,” Willow asks fearfully.

“Daddy is just fine. Why don’t you go and see him?” She nods and hurries into the living room. Rye follows her and I usher Annie and Johanna inside.

“Thank you for bringing them home.”

“We told Haymitch and Effie we would take care of them. Effie got upset and they left early.”

“I can’t really blame her,” I mutter. “How is she?”

“Effie or Willow?” I glare at my friend.

“Effie wasn’t just Reaped.”

“She’s alright. She’s way more mature than we give her credit for.”

“No, I know how smart she is. And she knew this was coming but I’m afraid that we have made it worse for her.”

“How do you mean,” Annie asks gently. I shrug miserably.

“If we hadn’t told her about the Games…if she hadn’t seen what it’s done to us…this could just be a big fun obstacle course, like it is to the rest of the kids. She is going to view it as the Hunger Games. And I feel like that’s our fault.”

“No it’s not, brainless. I saw those parents’ faces and not one of them is happy about this. This isn’t some game to them. Those parents remember the Games and the fear of the Reaping. It’s real, in their eyes.”

“Cressida asked me to tell you that she is going to stop by later,” Annie says, setting a hand on my arm. Of course. She wants to interview the kids’ families. 

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea,” I lower my voice. “Peeta’s in such a fragile state.” 

“How’s he doing,” Johanna asks, glancing at the living room.

“He seemed to come out of it pretty quickly but he was in a lot of pain. Sometimes I wonder if he just feels it all over again…what they did to him. It’s the only explanation I can come up with.” 

“I can understand that. For the longest time when I got into the water, I felt electric shocks traveling through me. My body would spasm and though I wasn’t really being shocked…memories can do some awful things to you.”

“I wish they would stay the hell away,” I sigh, leaning against the wall and closing my eyes.

“Katniss, why don’t you all come to dinner tonight? Riley is cooking and you look simply exhausted.”

“That’s kind of you Annie but earlier Peeta said something about a picnic in the meadow. I think some tranquility would be good for all of us.” Both girls nod in agreement. I glance at Johanna and bite my lip. I want to apologize for jumping down her throat this morning but I’m not sure what to say. I don’t want her to help anyone but Willow. 

“I’ll be staying at Annie’s, if you guys need me,” Johanna says. 

“You’re invading a newlywed’s house,” my husband’s amused voice comes from behind me. He’s walking into the kitchen, tousle-haired and sleepy, but otherwise fairly cheerful.

“I told them to have all the sex they want, I don’t mind,” Johanna shrugs. Annie covers her face with her hands.

“Keep that up and you will be staying in a hotel.” Peeta chuckles as he pours himself a glass of water.

“How you doing, bread boy? You need anything?”

“Just a good night’s sleep, which I haven’t gotten in several weeks. I don’t think tonight will be the night either.”

“Take care of yourself, Peeta,” Annie says softly. They both cross the room, wrapping their arm around him. His arms automatically wrap around their waists and I watch the three Victors, connected by horrors I can’t even imagine. Peeta notices me watching and drops his arms, moving back over to me and kissing my cheek.

“You seem to be doing better.”

“I feel a little better. I just took something for my headache but I’m still tired.” 

“Hopefully that picnic will relax you,” Johanna says, walking back to the entryway.

“We’re having a picnic,” he looks at me, surprised.

“You said that’s what you wanted to do when we got home. A picnic in the meadow. We don’t have to, of course--“

“No,” he cuts me off. “A picnic in the meadow sounds perfect. I’ll make some sandwiches.”

“We’d better get home. Which one of you is going to be Willow’s mentor?” Peeta and I exchange looks and he sighs.

“Me.” Annie nods and looks sympathetic.

“We’ll set up our first mentoring session with you then. This week we are supposed to meet with the parents and talk skills and negotiating with them.”

“No one has talked to me about it yet,” I say in a low voice. “And I’ll tell them no if they ask.”

“That’s fine. You don’t have to. In fact, I was thinking about it and you may be right, they may not have called you. You never had a chance to mentor.” It would make sense, I suppose.

“Did they call Haymitch?”

“Yes and he refused. Said he’s done enough mentoring and he doesn’t need anymore money. He hung up on the Committee Board.”

“Good for him.”

“Katniss,” Annie says, fidgeting with her fingers. “We are really sorry…it’s just--“

“You don’t have to explain, Annie,” I stop her. “I get it.” I mean, I really don’t; I still feel like they are turning their backs on Willow but they clearly don’t see it that way. As if she knows what I’m thinking about, Johanna sets her hand on my shoulder.

“I promise you, we will do everything we can to help Willow win. I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve. I didn’t become a Victor by chance.” And for some reason, I’m comforted by this. I nod and her hand falls.

“Peeta, what time do you go into the bakery?”

“Usually by 8. Though lately I have been going it around 10.”

“Alright, would you prefer to have your session here at home or at the bakery?”

“At home,” he says immediately. “My employees pity me enough as it is. Actually I may tell Rory I’m taking a few days off. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“Don’t you like, own the place? You’re the boss!”

“I like to work,” he says with a shrug. “Baking is therapeutic to me.” 

“Yeah well, being with my spouse, that’s therapeutic. Maybe you should spend more mornings letting your wife tie you to the bed. Might make you a little happier.” As usual, Johanna just doesn’t know when to quit.

“Oh Johanna, really,” Annie groans, shaking her head. Peeta’s blushing but he wraps his arm around me and clears his throat.

“Well sounds like you need the same thing, Jo.” My jaw drops and Johanna’s eyes widen.

“Touche, bread boy. Knew you weren’t as innocent as your girl on fire.”

“If you call me pure, I will shoot you through your eye,” I growl to no one in particular. Johanna cackles while Peeta stifles his laughter beside me. I shrug him off but that just makes him hold me tighter.

“I’ll make breakfast for everyone.”

“Don’t go through any trouble, Peeta,” Annie warns.

“If I can’t bake at work, I have to bake at home. I can have Katniss tie me to the bed later in the day, after you’re gone.” Annie and I both hide our faces in our hands while I swear my husband and Johanna high five. 

“You are such a man, Johanna,” I hiss.

“Thank you very much,” she says with a smirk. “We will see you two in the morning.” Annie shakes her head at me as they head out and Peeta closes the door. 

“What kind of sandwiches do we want?”

“Peeta.” His smile fades a little and he pulls me into his arms. He uncrosses my arms and pulls them around his waist.

“Katniss, you were right. We knew this was coming and we knew we wouldn’t be able to stop it. So now we are going to do the best we can and make sure Willow comes out the winner.”

“Don’t you mean Victor,” I say dully.

“However you want to say it, our little girl is going to beat them all. With a mother as fierce as you and a father as dedicated as me, how could she not?”

“You always underestimate your strength, Peeta. You did it in the Games and you do it now. You are strong, so teach her how to be stronger! Teach her to be faster than me. Quieter than you-“

“That won’t be hard,” he mutters.

“Teach her to be more cunning than either of us and how to climb…well, ok, I’ll teach her how to climb.” He laughs and rests his chin on my head.

“We’ll help her, Katniss. Have faith that things will be alright.”

“How are you so calm all of a sudden?”

“I guess a flashback puts life into perspective. She isn’t going into a real arena. And the Committee Board aren’t Gamemakers. They won’t have real weapons in this thing and she’ll come out of this alive.”

“So you’re ok with it now?”

“Not at all. I still think it’s barbaric and that she’s way too young. I’m still pissed with the whole idea. But I’m not as worried for her as I was. Yes, I had an attack when I saw her up on that stage but that’s because I saw you on the stage…and remembered how terrified I was. Because it was different for us. You were going into a real arena, where weapons are allowed and people didn’t come home. I’d never known such fear than when I saw you up on that stage.”

“Not even when your name was called?”

“I didn’t even register it at first. Then when I came to, I realized I had the chance to protect you and…maybe even tell you how I felt before I died. I was a hopeless romantic.”

“Was,” I snort. He lifts my chin with his finger and leans down to kiss me.

“So, about that picnic.” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It’s just what we need, this serenity. Rye is teaching Willow about edible plants while Peeta’s head rests in my lap. I’m braiding a crown of dandelions to go around his fair head and I glance over to check on my children. Peeta’s lashes look like the finest gold in the light of the setting sun and I gently nudge him.

“Peeta,” I whisper. “You’re going to miss the sunset.” His eyes flutter open and I am floored by the intense blue, as I always am when he opens his eyes from sleep. 

“Can I watch it from here?”

“If you want,” I giggle. He shifts his head a little and when I glance down, I see him watching me instead.

“You’re still missing it.”

“There’s something far more beautiful I’ve got my eye on.” I feel myself blush and he reaches up to stroke my cheek. I’m leaning down to kiss him when heavy footsteps echo on the ground.

“Daddy daddy, we made this for you!” They hold up a dandelion necklace and he laughs.

“Oh that’s so pretty you guys, thank you!”

“It goes perfectly with the dandelion crown I made for him,” I show them and Willow giggles. She and Rye slip the necklace over his neck and I position the crown on his curls.

“Am I beautiful yet?” 

“You were always beautiful,” Willow giggles.

“Then why are you laughing?”

“Daddy, you look silly,” Rye says, following his sister in laughter. 

“Silly? You’re saying these flowers make me look silly?” 

“So silly!” 

“How dare you. My beautiful family made these for me and I will wear them with pride. But I can tickle you for saying I look silly!” I snort as he takes off after them, their high pitched squeals disappearing into the high grass. Peeta’s footsteps are heavy as he chases them, first lifting Willow into the air and then Rye.

“Call me silly again,” I hear him yelling and their shrill laughter follows. I reach for another cheesebun and stretch my legs out in front of me. The sun has almost set and I smile at the intense colors.

“I wish you were here with us, Prim,” I say softly to the wind. A light breeze wraps around me and my hair tickles my nose. I giggle as I swat at my face and lift my chin to the sky. 

Peeta reappears, stretching his back and yawning.

“They got away, didn’t they?”

“It was two against one. Not fair at all.”

“You couldn’t use your wrestling moves on them?”

“Oh man I should have tried that.” We chuckle as he sits back beside me and I rest my head on his shoulder.

“But I can use them on you later tonight,” he says in a suggestive tone. I quirk my brow and he gives me a sly smile. 

“I want more brownies,” our son announces, pushing the grass aside and crashing down beside us.

“You’ve had five already, bud!”

“Three.”

“You had five.”

“Ok, four?”

“You still ate five but keep changing the number if you want to. We need to pack up and get back home anyway. You two have school tomorrow.” Rye whines as we pack the basket and Peeta calls for Willow. She comes running and hands him something.

“Oh a bracelet to go with me crown and necklace.” He bends down and allows her to drape her arms around his neck. He stands, holding her legs, and takes off at a run.

“Mama, me too,” Rye reaches up for me. I laugh as I bend to let him climb onto my back. We must look really silly as we run through town with our children clinging to our backs like some strange kind of animal.

You wouldn’t know by looking at us the pain that we’re harnessing and how much we’re determinedly not thinking about while we focus on these few moments of bliss. 

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

Willow is in her room playing with Prince and Rye is taking a bath when there is a knock at the door. Peeta shoots me a look before he goes to answer it. I hear muffled voices and clench the table. What if she brought Gale with her? No, she knows how I feel…and so does he, for that matter. Gale always did understand me well. At least, I thought he did. Maybe he never really did and when he says his Catnip died in the arena, he's talking about someone who was never really there. Was I ever as cold and calculating as he made me out to be? Or bloodthirsty and vengeful as he was?

"Hello Katniss." Cressida's soft voice breaks me from my thoughts and I return her hasty hug. Pollux squeezes me tight and I smile.

"Good to see you, Cressida."

"I wish we were seeing each other under better circumstances," she sighs.

"Cress, don't. We knew this would happen," Peeta mutters.

"That doesn't make this any more fair."

"I agree. But our self-pity won't help Willow. So what do you need from us?"

"I have been interviewing the families and just getting their reactions on camera. Remember how our propos in 13 went, Katniss?"

"You mean unscripted?"

"Exactly. I want you to say whatever you feel. I just want you both to talk."

"How is that any different than what we usually do? What we did with Jinx a few weeks ago," Peeta asks with a furrowed brow.

"It's not really but I can see the fury in your eyes and I want to show that. I want Panem to see how much this hurts you."

"I don't," I snap. "My pain is none of their business."

"Katniss I know you think you have to remain strong for everyone but you don't. I understand how difficult this is for you-"

"Only Peeta can understand how difficult this is," I cut her off. I don't mean to be so snappish but I don't want anyone comparing their situation to mine. "I was a Hunger Games Victor, the Mockingjay, and now just a wife and mother and I still have to watch my daughter compete in these Games. Peeta was beside me in those Games. He was beside me in the War. He was changed forever in those battles…and he has to mentor his own daughter in something that resembles the horror we went through. So no. No one understands how difficult this is for us. People may pity us…they may sympathize with us…the families of the tributes may even feel something that we are feeling…but no one else will understand what these "Games" will do to us." Cressida isn't frowning; in fact, she's actually smirking. I turn slowly to see Pollux is pointing the camera at me and the little red light is flashing.

Damn it. The cunning bitch tricked me. Peeta wraps his arm around my waist and nods to the camera.

"We're not scared. We are furious. We are outraged that this is still happening, after this long moment of peace that we have enjoyed. And we are not naïve enough to believe that our daughter being Reaped was a coincidence."

"Are you accusing the government of manipulating the system," Cressida asks gently.

"Yeah, I sure am," Peeta says firmly. "As former leader of Panem, I know who is behind this decision and it is not the president. There are still a number of Capitol men who sit in charge, who don't understand how terrible this assignment is for people from the District. It reminds us of a darker time, a time of horror and pain and immense fear. Katniss and I have nightmares from the arena and our children hear us cry out in our sleep. It may be true that Willow will not face those same terrible things, and that these Games will not be as bloody as the Hunger Games were but she has seen what the Games did to her parents and it has changed her. The tributes who were Reaped today…I know many of their families. Some of them have been personally affected by the Games. Some have lost loved ones to the Arena. Do you think this will be an easy thing to watch for them? We aren't the only ones feeling sick to our stomachs right now. You interviewed the others already, Cressida. Did a single parent sound excited about these Glory Games?"

"I…unfortunately, I can't share with you what others have said until it is aired but I will agree with you, Peeta; no one is happy with what happened today. But let's move on. We briefly spoke to Johanna Mason-Reneaux and Annie Odair-Staffhorn this afternoon and they revealed that they will be Mentors to the Mentors! What exactly does this mean?"

"Parents are being forced to mentor their children," Peeta says in a dull tone. "Johanna and Annie, as former Hunger Games mentors, will offer the parents guidance and a working knowledge of how a tribute's journey goes. Everything from training the tribute to securing sponsors. Neither of them are very happy about doing it but the Capitol is paying them."

"And did the Capitol approach either of you to help the mentors?"

"No. Katniss and I never had to mentor after our Games."

"Of course. Because you were sent back into the arena after you won."

"Right," he says, a little uncomfortably.

"So which one of you will mentor Willow?"

"I've agreed to do it," his voice shakes a little. He clears his throat and his eyes shine with ferocity. "After discussing it, Katniss and I decided that I may be able to acquire sponsors for our daughter."

"Everyone has always liked Peeta," I say in an offhand way. "He's still as charming as ever."

"His looks don't hurt either," Cressida winks. Peeta chuckles and shakes his head but my brow furrows.

"Whoa, stay away from Peeta Mellark everyone, lest you wind up with an arrow in your eye!" Peeta grins and pulls me to his side.

"She knows I've only ever had eyes for her." I can practically hear the audience 'awwwing'.

"Let's talk about your strategy, Peeta. Do you know what you plan to work on with Willow yet?"

"Not yet and I wouldn't reveal it if I did. I have a mentoring session scheduled with Johanna and Annie, and Willow and I will begin training tomorrow afternoon. We will play to her strengths so I want to take a few days to see what she is comfortable with. I can't forget that she is still a ten year old girl…which, again, is far too young for this, in my opinion. But I can't change how things occurred. Her name was called and she will compete. It will be my job to make sure she comes out as the Victor."

"I think I speak for most of Panem, if not all, when I say we are all rooting for you and little Willow."

"Thank you. I will keep that in mind when it comes time to secure sponsors." Cressida laughs and nods to the camera.

"And that concludes the testimonies from the tributes' families! We will be back soon with an update on training and the building of the arena. And tomorrow night, tune in for the tribute interviews with Donaldo Flickerman! Stay safe, Panem." Pollux turns the camera off and exhales deeply.

"Nice job, you guys."

"Just speaking the truth," Peeta says, staring off into space.

"That's what you have to do. You are furious with the Capitol and everyone knows it. I'm just sorry that I have to be the one to hound you with interviews."

"We wouldn't agree to anyone else," I say with a shrug.

"Well, Donaldo is flying here to 12 to interview the tributes tomorrow night. Jinx is in the Capitol right now, helping him to prepare. Everyone was impressed with Jinx's interview with you two so the asked him to help Donaldo."

"That's great. There's a lot we didn't know about him." Cressida nods, looking thoughtful.

"Like the fact that he was in the Capitol at the same time we were?" We are all silent and she nods again, exchanging looks with Pollux.

"We didn't know either. We all found out at the same time. Jinx called me to apologize for keeping it from me but I understand why he did. Still, it resulted in quite a few tears from viewers. Jinx being unknowingly connected to you. All three of you burned by the same flames. His parents paid a lot of money to keep him in the hospital until they had remade his skin. Jinx told me afterwards that his mother could barely look at him until his scars were faded."

"That's despicable," Peeta spits. Pollux signs something and Cressida shrugs.

"Mothers aren't always the heroes we think they are, are they," she says softly. Peeta jerks his head back and I immediately take his hand.

"Anyway, Donaldo will be here tomorrow afternoon and the tributes will spend the day figuring out what to wear and preparing for their interviews. They don't have stylists, per say, but Effie is supposed to take Willow to pick something to wear."

"Effie?!"

"She was your escort," she says gently. "And has agreed to be Willow's."

"That's…surprising," Peeta says faintly. Pollux signs and Cressida nods.

"Pollux is right. At least Effie is family to Willow. It might make things a little easier."

"None of this is going to be easy," I sigh. "For anyone."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, Peeta and I are resting on our backs, staring at the ceiling. I listen to his heavy breathing and shift my head so it is resting over his heart. I still love how much his heart races after we make love; the frantic thump-thump of it makes me feel powerful. His fingers slide through the strands of my hair, attempting to untangle it after he just made a mess out of it.

"You know, I sort of wish you had showed me some of those wrestling moves when we were still in school." His body shakes with silent laughter.

"Yeah, I don't know if you would have been too keen to see them back then."

"I watched almost every one of your competitions," I say softly, feeling myself getting more and more sleepy as he strokes my hair.

"Really?"

"Mmhm."

"Well I'm glad I didn't know that. I probably would have messed up and gotten slammed on the mat if I had seen you there." I flip over and rest my chin on his chest. My fingers find the little patch of blonde hair over his pectorals and he sighs at my touch.

"I wish things had been different for us."

"So do I. But how many times have we wished for that? And what good does it do? I got you in the end, Katniss. I don't need to change how things happened."

"I would change a lot of what happened," I say darkly. He glances down and trails his fingertip across my forehead. I know he is tracing the cut that Clove gave me in the first games. He leans down and I slide up so I can meet him; our lips collide and and his thumb trails down to press against my nipple. I fling my leg over his hip and straddle him, sliding across his flaccid cock until I hear him groan and feel him come to life.

"Katniss, god, you're going to kill me."

"You telling me you can't go one more time?"

"I'm not the young baker you fell in love with, you know."

"Your body is telling a different story," I say slyly, rubbing up and down and throwing my head back when his head catches the hood of my clit. I could probably just get myself off by doing this but I love the feel of him inside me and besides, we don't get to do this as often as we would like. I reach down and grasp him while I slide down on top of him. His hands grip my thighs and then slide up to rest on my hips.

"You are incredible, you know that." I don't answer as I start to bounce up and down and his eyes slam shut.

"Oh shit Katniss! You feel so damn good." My thighs are starting to burn and something fun pops into my head.

"Are you too tired to try something new?" I can see the surprise in his darkening eyes and he sits up and wraps his arms around me.

"What do I need to do?" I move off him and lie flat on my back, moving him around so that his legs are stretched out beside my head. He props himself up on his elbows and glances at me over his shoulder. I reach between us to guide him inside me and curl my legs around his hips. The way he is angled makes him slide in even deeper and I am cradling him in an almost tender way. I see him grab the sheets as he bucks his hips.

"Oh fuck Katniss…shit, I'm so deep inside you!"

"You feel amazing," I moan, clutching his cheeks and digging my nails into his skin. My palm leaves several red marks on his delicious pale skin and he buries his face in the blanket.

"I'm gonna come, Katniss! Oh fuck, I'm coming!" I thrust my hips upward, hoping the friction will speed me along but I feel his warmth inside me and I reach down and rub frantically. To my dismay, he crawls off me and I slam my head against the pillow. But I catch his eye and his smirk as he spreads me wide and buries his head between my thighs. It only takes a few swipes of his talented tongue before I am screaming his name into the pillow. He collapses beside me and I grin as I hear his heart racing again.

"That time didn't seem too good for you," he sighs.

"It felt amazing. I think it just felt too good for you."

"Where are you learning about new sex positions now," he teases.

"Um, Annie might have told me about that one."

"Annie?!"

"She said it was her new favorite and asked if I'd ever tried it and it sounded interesting. She may have given me a few of her favorites before I started thinking about her and Riley trying them and then I might have asked her to shut up." He chuckles and nuzzles my cheek with his forehead.

"Well it was great. I'm always game for trying new things with you."

"Mmmhm," is all I can reply with as I am quickly falling asleep. I register his laugh and his cool lips on my forehead.

"I love you, Mrs. Mellark," he whispers to the darkness.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

When I wake up, I feel sort of guilty that Peeta and I, once again, buried our emotions in sex. Not that I don't love being with my husband but I should be doing everything I can to help our daughter and this isn't the time to be selfish.

I move the blankets aside and pull on Peeta's shirt, before I tiptoe to Willow's room. She's fast asleep, curled up on her side with Prince sleeping on her hip. His ears perk up and he looks up at me, prepared to alert her to my presence. I put my finger to my lips and stroke him behind the ears for a moment to calm him. It works and he rests his chin on her hip again, his tail flicking back and forth. I watch her sleep for a moment more before moving on to Rye's room. He looks so much like Peeta, even in sleep, his long lashes resting on his cheeks. I gently stroke his hair, since he won't let me do it when he's awake. Resisting the temptation to lean down and kiss him, I hurry back to my room and sit on the edge of the bed.

Peeta stirs and immediately reaches for me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just watching you sleep."

"Can't be that interesting. Why didn't you wake me?"

"Why? The house is quiet. I just couldn't sleep any longer."

"Ok. We're both awake. What do you want to do?" I can see the blankets are tented and his cheeks are flushed, love and lust shining in his sleepy eyes. He sits up, the blanket still around his bare waist, and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his lap.

"No Peeta, we can't," my hands fly to his chest.

"Why can't we?"

"It just isn't right. We can't keep doing this." His brow furrows and he leans back.

"Doing what? What's not right about it?"

"We're both so worried about Willow…we're scared. And we're using sex to cover up our emotions."

"Um, I'm not using sex to cover up anything. I'm making love to my wife because I love her with all my being and can barely go a day without being inside her. I don't think there is anything wrong in that."

"But you have to admit, we sometimes do it to forget our problems. We should be focusing all of our attention on Willow. I feel so selfish when we…you know."

"Katniss," he gathers me in his arms and wraps my legs around his waist. The blanket separates us but I can feel his morning arousal through the thin material. "Love, that's just silly. We don't use sex as anything but showing each other how much we love one another. It isn't selfish. Yes, we are scared for our daughter but what more do you think we can do before the interviews even happen? If you focus solely on helping her, you'll drive yourself mad. You can't stop living your life. You need to stay happy…healthy. Keep your mind from remaining on the darkness. I think being together is the best way to do that. When I'm with you, I remember that everything will work itself out. You are the best reminder of that." He presses his forehead to mine and his hands slide up my sides, under the shirt. I shiver as his nails rake down my ribs, his thumb brushing the underside of my breast.

"The first time we did this," he breathes across my cheek, "my hands were shaking, I was in such disbelief that this was happening. That I was actually touching you…that you were actually loving me. That you were actually giving yourself over to me…and making me yours." I moan as his lips meet my throat and his hands move up to palm my breasts.

"You were made for me, Katniss. These were made for my hands." I let out a choked gasp as he plucks my nipples and twists them between his fingers. I release a disappointed whine when he withdraws his hands but then they are at the buttons of his shirt and he is ripping it apart. I gasp again, his strength and fervor turning me on even more. As aggressive as he just was with the shirt, he surprises me by sliding it from my body and planting feather-light kisses across my shoulders and down my arms. His lips are maddening as they make their way across my chest and he swirls his tongue around my nipple.

When he has me spread wide before him and his tongue circles my center, he looks up at me through his messy blonde locks.

"You taste just as sweet as you did the first time I did this. I could go down on you twenty times a day and never get enough." I shiver at his words and the touch of his tongue.

After he has made me come, he makes his way back up my body, pausing at the scars that wrap around my stomach and chest. As always, I writhe underneath him, still self-consious even after all of these years.

"Every inch of you is so beautiful, Katniss. A true work of art. And I would know. I am an artist after all," he says smugly before leaning down to kiss my stomach. I giggle and swat at him but he is relentless, determined to kiss every scar he finds.

When he sits up and pulls me up with him, I can't help but stroke him a few times; I relish the way his eyes flutter and his head drops back, as his breathing increases.

"Oh my god, Katniss."

"I remember how happy I was to hear that you'd never given this to anyone before me," I say softly and his eyes dart open. I think he's always surprised when I confess my feelings. I don't really blame him; the girl he fell in love with was terrible at anything to do with emotions or romance.

"I thought you were insane to think I could have done this with anyone else."

"I didn't know. I treated you so terribly…even after we were engaged, I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd run off to someone else for comfort. I wish I could make it up to you. For all of it."

"Make it up to me now," he growls, wrapping his arm around my waist. With just a little adjustment, he helps me sink on top of him and his hands grip my waist as he helps me establish a rhythm that will have us both breathless.

"You were made for me," he moans, his fingers digging into my thighs. "We were made for each other, we fit together so perfectly. I've never wanted anyone else. God Katniss, you are incredible. The most beautiful." I cut off his adoring words, thrusting my tongue into his mouth. I don't want to speak anymore; I just want to feel. He understands as he bucks his hips up and I grind against his pelvic bone.

After we have both finished, he kisses my forehead and gives me a bright smile.

"You're not selfish, Katniss. You're allowed to find happiness, you know. You, a girl who has always sacrificed herself, has never seemed to understand that."

"I never allowed myself to think of it, until you came along." He kisses me again and tips my chin upwards with his finger.

"Don't forget it."

"I don't think you'll let me."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

School is back in for everyone except the tributes. It irritates me that Willow is missing two weeks of classes but as Annie later explains, the rest of the classwork is what they call busy work; they took their exams a week ago and after the Games are over, they will have one final project to complete before the school year ends. I hope very much it has nothing to do with the Hunger Games.

Peeta takes Rye to school while I stay home with Willow. She is rather subdued, staying in her room and playing with Prince, until Peeta coaxes her downstairs with bacon and waffles. After breakfast, she asks him to color with her and he glances sideways at me.

"Let's keep her a little girl for a few hours longer." I nod and usher them into the living room. Not long after, the girls knock at the door and our peace is shattered. Not only do Annie and Johanna come, but Effie as well. She is dressed more elegantly than I have seen her dress in quite awhile. It's nowhere near her outlandish Capitol outfits but I'm still a tad uncomfortable.

Peeta welcomes everyone in and offers them tea. Willow hugs her aunts and Effie sits in the lounge chair and tugs on my daughter's hand.

"I hate that this has happened to you, my sweet little girl. But I am determined to do everything I can to help you."

"How can you help me, Mimi?"

"I've agreed to be your Escort and your Stylist. We are going to my Academy in town to find you something to wear for your interview tonight. I want all of Panem to see how lovely my girl is."

"Will I be on fire, like Mama?" I suck in a breath and Effie squeezes her hand.

"No, my darling. Your mother is the only Girl on Fire that Panem has ever or will ever see. We will find something else to make you sparkle."

"Please remember how old she is, Effie," Peeta speaks up, fidgeting a little. "Nothing too…revealing."

"Peeta, I would never allow my sweet girl to be…exposed." Even as she says it, she blushes. My ten year old is not nearly as skinny as I was at her age but she's still just that; a ten year old. If the Capitol tries to put these children into revealing costumes, I'm liable to attack the entire board with flaming arrows.

"Just think of it as shopping with your Mimi, alright," Effie says brightly and Willow's face lights up a little bit. She nods and Effie pulls her in for a hug.

"Good. Go get your shoes and we will be off."

"Is Haymitch going with you?"

"I told him to stay home. He isn't doing well…with any of this. I know how much he wants a drink. I don't want him to be around it anymore than he has to."

"And you'll be alright with Willow all day?"

"We will be just fine," she assures us. "I know Annie and Johanna are waiting for you to start the mentoring session. Willow is expected at the Justice Building by 5 this evening. I will have her back home well before then." Willow comes bounding down the stairs and grabs Effie's hand. She does seem excited to spend the afternoon, shopping with Effie. Thank goodness this part won't be terrible for her.

"I hope she brings her back in enough time to work on her interview," Peeta says worriedly.

"She's your daughter, Peeta, she will give a wonderful interview," Annie says gently.

"Yeah and she's also Katniss's daughter. Which means she may need some help being charming," Johanna snorts.

"Katniss was stunning in her first interview," Peeta protests.

"She was giggly and fake. The only stunning thing was her fiery dress. And that was all Cinna."

"We were sixteen, Johanna," Peeta says hotly but I lay a hand on his arm.

"It's ok, Peeta. Jo's just watching out for Willow."

"She's going to have sponsors just by being the daughter of the Star-Crossed Lovers, but we want her to delight the country enough to make them realize she is enchanting on her own!"

"Let's start with her talents," Annie says softly, tracing the rim of her cup with her thumb. "We already know she is great in the water."

"She could have given Finnick a run for his money," Peeta says with a broad smile. Annie chuckles and nods.

"I've seen the girl swim and I agree with that statement."

"Anything else," Johanna asks, unsmiling. She is all business, determined to keep us on track. Peeta and I exchange looks.

"She's definitely not a huntress. Or a forest lover, like Katniss."

"She's a baker, like Peeta. She can bake better than him some days."

"And she's an incredible artist," Peeta nods, looking proud, even a little smug.

"Guys…these are great attributes but won't help her much in an arena."

"She's basically Peeta's double and he is a Hunger Games Victor," I say angrily.

"I feel like we need Haymitch's help," Johanna mutters to Annie. "He mentored these two and I want to know how he felt when he found out what Peeta's talents were."

"Hey," Peeta frowns. "My artistry saved my life, in case you've forgotten."

"You mean turning yourself into part of the landscape? No I haven't forgotten. But this game isn't going to be like a typical Hunger Games arena. It's going to be about obstacles and strength and endurance. Can Willow handle all of that?"

"She is TEN years old," Peeta yells, jumping to his feet. "This whole thing is complete bull shit!"

"Peeta," Annie hurries to comfort him as I reach out to grab his hand.

"I'm sorry Peeta," Johanna sighs. "I don't want to upset you…maybe Katniss should do the mentoring."

"I wouldn't have a clue how to help," I shake my head.

"Look, off the record, we have seen plans of what they want to do with the obstacle course. Lots of climbing and lots of long-distance running, but no swimming or baking or painting. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Peeta's jaw is set but I nod firmly. Johanna is just trying to help our daughter by preparing her for what's to come.

"I still don't find this fair. If all of this is about endurance, then the tributes should be around the same age. Those massive fifteen year old boys have a head start already."

"Are we really discussing what is fair when the country spent 75 years, watching kids kill one another?" Peeta scowls at Johanna.

"I have half a mind to take my family to another district until this madness is all over."

"You know you can't do that," Annie says gently. "The country knows Willow was reaped. She has to compete. And you don't want the government to make things worse for any of you."

"I'm not sure how much worse they can make things," he huffs. Johanna looks ready to slap him.

"Really? You of all people are going to say that? I seem to recall you saying those words before…"

"Johanna," Annie says sharply, as Peeta loses all color in his face. I'm completely lost.

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Peeta says through gritted teeth.

"Nothing," Johanna nods, looking slightly abashed. I assume it has something to do with their torture in the Capitol.

"Let's get back to Willow. How do you think she will fare in her interview tonight?"

"Willow has always been a polite little girl. And Donaldo loves Katniss. He said so the last time he interviewed us."

"That should help but Willow has to sell it too. Since Effie took her shopping, I have a feeling she will give her some pointers."

"Is this what mentoring sessions entail," I ask with a scowl. "Is this how you are going to help the other tributes?"

"Hey, drop the attitude, Girl on Fire. I told you I will help you guys and I will but not if you're going to be a bitch to me. I know you're still mad that I'm even doing this. But I'm not going to apologize for looking out for my family. I think you both need to calm the hell down and be grateful that nothing bad is going to happen to your daughter. We aren't sending her to her death. Why don't you show a little gratitude?"

"Gratitude," Peeta snarls. "You know damn well that she was only reaped because she's our child. So what if she isn't going to actually fight for her life? The country will see it that way. They are going to watch children fight against one another, again, and do nothing about it! This is what we fought against! This is what we bled for, almost died for, and I thought we were free from it! So sorry that I see Katniss being treed by the Careers, or waking up to find her lying in a pool of blood! I know you still suffer from those images too, Johanna. Do not try to tell me this isn't a big deal. You would be just as livid if Aran were Reaped to compete." Johanna's eyes narrow and Annie looks from one to the other, her jaw wide open. Peeta clenches and unclenches his hands until he turns and stomps up the stairs. I lean forward and rest my head in my hands.

"Maybe we should come back later," Annie says softly.

"I think that's a good idea," I say to the floor. Johanna doesn't say anything but they set their tea cups on the table and head to the front door. She gives me a brisk nod before yanking the door open. Annie sighs and turns back to me.

"This is hard on all of us, Katniss."

"I know that. But Peeta's right. Willow is competing…not Finn or Aran. Just try to understand where we are coming from."

"We do," she says urgently. "But…Johanna is right. I think you should flip the scenario around just a bit. Try pretending this is an obstacle course and it's about gaining points. Willow needs help getting more points, so she is going to appeal to the public. Whoever has the most points, wins the game. Try thinking of it like that." She sets a hand on my arm, gives me a sad smile, and follows Johanna. I lean against the door, considering her words. Just a game.

Can we do that? Can Willow do that? Can we pretend it's something else, something that might even be fun? I cast my eyes to the ceiling, wishing I could see what Peeta is doing. And my own question is answered.

No. Peeta will never be able to view this as anything other than the Hunger Games. He said himself he sees me when he looks at Willow. I don't know if we would feel any better if she were older, but the fact is, the government is dragging out painful memories.

 

I head upstairs to check on Peeta and find our bedroom empty. When I see he is not in Willow's or Rye's rooms either, I head down the hall to his painting studio. He doesn't go in there much anymore; he has been so busy, he doesn't make a lot of time for painting unless it's with Willow. But this is where he used to run when he had a flashback so I have a feeling I will find him in there.

The door is closed and I immediately twist the knob. My heart nearly stops when I find it locked. I cry out and beat on the door but hear only silence.

"Peeta, please, at least tell me you are alright." There is a long moment of silence until finally I hear his muffled voice.

"I'm fine, Katniss. I just need to be alone. Please," he adds, a little desperately. I press my palm against the door and sigh. Haymitch told me years ago that this studio is Peeta's refuge, as the woods are mine. I have to understand and give him the space when he requests it. Since Rye is at school, I decide to seek a little refuge myself.

"I'm going to the woods," I call through the door. "I'll be back soon." He doesn't say anything and I head to the bedroom to change clothes.

"Be careful," he calls.  
\---------------------------------------------------

I throw my head back and inhale the sweet smell of the trees. It's still so peaceful out here. The leaves, the creek, the fresh scent of earth. It's calming. Serene.

I kneel by the lake and splash some water onto my face. I would love to take a swim but I did promise Peeta I wouldn't go into the lake alone anymore. After what happened to him last month, he is even more worried when I come here by myself. Setting my bow aside, I pull off my shoes and socks and dip my feet into the water. Technically I'm not IN the lake, so I'm not breaking my promise. The water invigorates me. Perhaps this is what we both need when I get home. A warm bath together. It always seems to calm us down. Shoving my shoes and socks back on, I grab my bow and hurry home. The sun beats down and I am sweating profusely on my return to Victor's Village.

The studio door is still closed tightly so I head to the bedroom and run the bath water. I pour in a little bit of lavendar, for extra calming, and strip my damp clothes off. Wondering if he will come out of the studio, I poke my head out of the room and call his name.

"Peeta, I'm taking a bath. Why don't you join me?" Silence. I sigh and tap my fingers on the door frame. I glance down at my naked body and feel my lips curve upwards. Without grabbing a robe, I run down the hall and pound on the studio door again. He doesn't answer so I don't stop knocking. The door yanks open and I nearly fall forward.

"Damn it Katniss-" he stops, his eyes going wide. I AM standing in the doorway of his studio without a stitch of clothing, after all. Even though we have seen each other naked at least a thousand times, I don't go traipsing through the house nude. I always grab a robe if we leave the bedroom. I can see I have stunned him, and he swallows several times. Feeling bold, I place my hands on either side of the door and lean forward.

"I said, I want you to join me for a bath."

"I…I heard you," he says faintly, his eyes darkening and his hungry gaze raking up and down my body. I try not to blush.

"So why are you still in here by yourself?"

"I have no idea." I stifle my giggle; he looks like he is in some kind of trance. I reach out and trail a fingertip up his arm. He has paint on his hands and his cheek. His curls are a complete mess. As he stares at me, his face flushes and he wets his lips. I can't help but lean forward and pressing my breasts against his chest.

"Peeta," I whisper and I hear his breath hitch. "You are so beautiful." His large palms rest on my waist, then move back to cup my ass.

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"No. Just trying to get you to come relax with me."

"What you're doing is the opposite of relaxing." I glance down and see his sweat pants are tented. Well then.

I tug his hand and he follows me with no objections. Once I have him stripped of his clothes, he holds my hand while he lowers into the water and I straddle his leg. He gasps and moans when my lips latch onto his neck and he tilts his head back against the wall. I trail my palm down his stomach and grasp him firmly under the water; my lips crash against his, swallowing his strangled cry. I kiss my way down his stomach and glance up to see him watching me with wide eyes.

"Move up." He props himself up on the side of the tub, making room for me to kneel between his legs. He slides in and out of my hand as I bend down to take him into my mouth.

"Oh," he whimpers, clutching the tub with one hand while his other is buried in my hair. I absolutely love how weak my strong husband becomes when I do this. The fact that I can bring him to the edge of oblivion and have him as helpless as a kitten is empowering. My eyes bore into his as I hollow out my cheeks and his turn pinker by the minute.

"Katniss…sweetheart, I'm going to-" his hips jerk and he twitches against my throat. He nearly falls forward into the water and I help him lean against the wall, resting my head against his chest.

"Now do you think you can relax?" Our bodies shake from his laughter.

"Between that and the lavendar, I think there's a strong possibility."

 

We soak up the warm water together, our hands entertwined, my back pressed to his chest. I almost fall asleep once or twice, before he says the water is getting cold and we should probably get out. I glance at the clock and suggest we take a nap before the kids get home. I know Peeta needs to think about helping Willow with her interview but the dark circles under his eyes make me worry. He agrees and I fling back the covers and climb in. He stares for a moment, glancing at our drawers.

"You don't want to get dressed?"

"Do you want me to get dressed?"

"Do you really have to ask me that?" I pat the bed next to me.

"Just take a nap with me."

"You know, I don't think you realize how seeing you naked does NOT relax my body." I grin as I run my hand across his chest.

"I guess I just don't understand the effect I have on you." He turns his head and grins.

"You never have." I rest my head in the crook of his arm and rest my palm on his stomach.

"Peeta…what was Johanna talking about earlier?" I feel every one of his muscles tense up.

"I said it in our cell one night…the next day, they started to torture Darius and Lavinia in front of me. They took Annie out of my cell so that I would be alone with them. You know that Lavinia died right away but Darius…well, I said it again awhile later and they started the hijacking. I need to learn things can always get worse." I stiffen and wish I hadn't asked. I need to learn that some things, especially things pertaining to his torture, need to remain unasked.

"I had to paint him…how I remember him anyway. Not as an Avox but as a Peacekeeper. He was always laughing and flirting with you."

"He tried to stop Gale from being whipped. That's why they made him an Avox."

"He tried to stop them from hurting Lavinia too. He hit a peacekeeper and they started to beat the shit out of him in front of me. I felt useless because I couldn't help either of them." I stroke his cheek and he holds my hand, pressing my lips to his palm.

"Get some rest, Peeta."

"I don't think that's possible, Katniss," he says with a heavy sigh.

"Try."

"I don't want to close my eyes. I know the nightmares will be bad."

"I'll keep them away. Just sleep awhile and I'll hold you." I wrap my arms around his body and kiss his shoulder. As my lips find new patches of skin, he relaxes and the tension fades away. He falls asleep and as far as I know, no nightmares plague him while I hold him close.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------

I leave to pick up Rye from school while Peeta busies himself in the kitchen. When we walk through the door, the smell of fresh cookies hits me and Rye lets out a cheer.

"Cookies!"

"Wash your hands, bud," Peeta says with a smile, wiping his hands on his apron.

"It's almost 3. Willow still isn't home?"

"Effie called to ask if she could take her to get some food. They've been shopping all day and are both starving. She is bringing her home soon."

"What are we going to do, Peeta? How are we supposed to help her with this interview?"

"She's smart like you. She knows this is important. And I have a feeling Donaldo will ask about us, anyway. What it's like, growing up as the daughter of the star-crossed lovers." He sounds bitter but he just looks tired.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
As usual, Peeta is right. We watch from backstage as Donaldo spins our daughter around and kisses her little hand. She looks beautiful in a halter dress of green satin that stops around her knees. Her dark hair is twisted into an elegant bun on the side of her head and on her feet, she wears dainty white slippers. I'm grateful that Effie didn't try to put her into heels. She looks so beautiful and grown-up. She has Peeta's charming smile as she asks Donaldo how he is liking 12. They banter back and forth for a moment, and he chuckles.

"I can't decide which one you are more like, your mother or your father!"

"People say I look just like my mother," she says softly. "But that I have more of my father's personality."

"I'm sure you have the best of both of them," Donaldo says good-naturedly. "It must be tough, being the first born of the Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12."

"Not really. They're just Mom and Dad to me." There are laughs from the audience and behind me, Peeta squeezes my shoulder.

"So life hasn't been different for you?"

"Different than what? Daddy was President of Panem and I know he did a lot for the country. Mama has told me stories of when they fought in the war together. Grandpa Haymitch showed me videos of my parents in the Hunger Games. People have asked my brother and I what my parents are like but that's just life to us. I don't know any differently, really."

"You're only ten years old. When did you learn the roles your parents played in the war?"

"I'm not sure," she says, playing with her hands in her lap. "I was young. Mama and Daddy keep this book, they call their Memory Book…I found it and asked about it and Daddy told me some things. They don't like to talk about the Hunger Games or the war. My aunt Prim was killed and it makes Mama really sad." I see some people in the audience clap their hands over their mouths. Peeta wraps his arms around me, holding me close to his chest. I relish the warmth and safety his arms provide.

"Your mother is considered one of the best huntresses Panem has ever seen. Do you take after her?"

"No," she shudders. "The woods scare me. Mama takes my brother into the woods with her and I stay in the bakery with Dad."

"Ah, so you take more after him, do you? Baking and painting?"

"Yes," she says proudly. "I love to bake."

"How do you think those talents might help you in the upcoming Games?"

"You never know," she shrugs. "There might be an oven hidden somewhere and I could be the only one who knows how to use it. It would mean I'd be the only one eating." More laughs from the audience and Peeta chuckles in my ear.

"She's just like you," I whisper. I can see Donaldo is enchanted with her.

"You really ARE like your father. So tell me, Willow, how do you plan to win the Glory Games?"

"I haven't really thought about it, to be honest. I'm not even sure I care about winning. Losing doesn't mean dying, like it did in the Hunger Games. I don't have to worry about a cannon signaling my death. So what do I miss out on if I lose? A trip to the Capitol? I lived there for a summer, I'm ok if I don't go back anytime soon." I suck in a breath and look out into the audience. Some look uncomfortable, some look angry. Peeta starts to shake. We both know she is ruining any chance of sponsorship.

"But surely you would like to bring home honor," Donaldo says eagerly. Willow shrugs again.

"My mom and dad have brought enough honor to our family to last a lifetime. Even if I win, I'm still going to be known as the firstborn of the Star-Crossed Lovers. The daughter of the Mockingjay. At home, I'm just Willow Mellark and they are just Mom and Dad. The sooner these Games are over, the sooner I get to go back to being just Willow, or Princess, as Daddy calls me. So no sir, I don't really care about winning or losing. I just want the Games to end so the tension in my district will go away."

"Tension," Donaldo leans forward in his chair. "What do you mean by tension?"

"Disrict 12 had very few Hunger Games Victors. Four, to be exact. Three are still alive. 75 years of Hunger Games means District 12 lost many children. A lot of the people who came back here after the Capitol bombed it, had lost family members to the Games. I know the Capitol and the rest of the country may think it's a big fun game but it's really not. It hurts people. Like my Mom and Dad. Like Annie Odair Staffhorn and Johanna Mason-Reneaux, who I have called my aunts since I was born. And Haymitch and Effie Abernathy, who I love as my grandparents. It hurts all of them. It hurts anyone who knows what it was like to live during those Games. Luckily I don't have to know what it was like, thanks to my Mom and Dad. But I think the Capitol is fooling itself if they think we are actually enjoying any of this." Silence follows her statement and Donaldo squirms in his chair.

"Oh my god," Peeta breathes against my neck. If these were the real Hunger Games, our daughter would have just given herself a death sentence!

"Well…that's a very interesting way to look at things, Willow. I thank you for your insight. Willow Mellark, everyone!" There is scattered applause and Willow jumps down from her seat. She is directed to the line of tributes across the room and she looks perfectly calm.

"Well, she is definitely the daughter of Peeta Mellark," a cackling voice says behind us. I whirl around to see Haymitch and Effie leaning against a column. Effie looks horrified but Haymitch is wearing a huge smirk.

"And what's that supposed to mean," I snap.

"She knows how to stun them into silence."

"Haymitch, that's enough," Effie stamps her foot. "Peeta, darling, you didn't tell her to say all of that, did you?"

"What? Of course not!" Peeta looks furious. "Why would I coach her to ruin her chances of winning?"

"People are going to think you both told her to say it," Haymitch says with a shrug. "Especially with Peeta's passionate speech on Cressida's airing last week. It just looks like the whole family hates the idea of the Glory Games."

"And they would be right," I say angrily. "For all the reasons Willow just said. In fact, I'm proud of my daughter!" I was horrified at first but now, looking back on it, she really is her father's daughter. Saying what needs to be said, not caring about the consequences. Peeta rocked the world several times, pronouncing his love for me before we had to kill each other, and telling the country I was pregnant before they sent me back into an arena to die. Even after that, telling everyone to lay down their weapons before we annihilated our own existence. Willow has inherited her father's eloquent way with words.

But it turns out that Haymitch is right. After the program, while Willow is getting changed, Johanna and Annie run up to us backstage. Johanna is positively snarling.

"What do you think you're playing at?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why would you tell her to say something so stupid? And why involve us in it?"

"Every bit of that was Willow," Peeta says hotly. "We barely even coached her this evening. And none of it was stupid! She said what we have all been thinking!"

"Your daughter just put a target on her own back and we won't be able to get her sponsors now! Damn it Peeta, why couldn't you just tell her to think of it as a fun game and try to win because you wanted her to?"

"Because I don't want her to! I want her to stand up for what she believes in and she did just that! Do not insult my daughter, Johanna!"

"Your daughter is just like you…both of you! No regard for authority or the bigger picture. Only thinking of yourselves…and not giving a damn about the consequences!"

"That's rich, coming from you," Peeta snarls. Johanna looks ready to slap him but Annie stands between them.

"Johanna, stop," she says patiently.

"Don't be surprised if the Capitol announces another Reaping next year…a real Reaping! With real horrors and real deaths!"

"How dare you," Peeta seethes. I hold his arms but he is angrier than I have seen him in a long time.

"That's enough, from both of you," Haymitch says gruffly. "This is ridiculous. Just a few Victors still alive and you are fighting like cats and dogs. I would expect this from sweetheart, Peeta, but not from you."

"Katniss isn't the only one allowed to have a temper," my husband says through gritted teeth.

"You're the logical one," Haymitch says, shaking his head. "You always have been. So be practical about this and stop fighting one another. If the Capitol wants to divide the remaining Victors, it's doing a damn good job."

"Why would they want to do that," Annie asks fearfully.

"Beats the hell out of me! Then again, I rarely understand why they do what they do! Now pull yourselves together and go home. Peeta, Katniss, take care of Willow. You need to start her endurance training tomorrow."

"You heard the girl, Haymitch. She doesn't care about winning. So let her fall flat on her face!" I launch myself at Johanna and Haymitch catches me around the middle.

"Get out of here. Go home with your daughter! Now!"

"Let's go, Katniss," Peeta yanks on my hand and we wait for Willow outside her dressing room. We are both steaming but we don't want Willow to think we are mad at her.

Surprisingly, she doesn't say much as we drive home. She greets Finn, who was watching Rye for us, and goes up to her room. Finn glances uncertainly at us.

 

"The interviews aired live. I saw the whole thing."

"Yeah. Thanks for staying with Rye, Finn. We appreciate it."

"Sure thing, Uncle Peeta. Is she…alright?"

"She's fine. I think she shocked us all. I'm going to bed." Peeta stomps up the stairs and Finn looks bemused.

"I'll tell you about it another time, Finn. Thanks again. Get home safely."

"Night Aunt Niss." He plants a kiss on my cheek and hurries down the porch steps.

Aunt Niss. He still calls me his aunt. Just as Willow does with Johanna and Annie. She's old enough to know that they aren't her biological family but I guess the ties we have are thicker than blood.

So why is Johanna allowing the Capitol to tear us apart? Haymitch is right; we can't afford to fight like this. I need to let her know I'm not mad at her for mentoring the tributes. And suddenly because of what Willow has said, I'm not so worried for her anymore. She can handle herself, and if she loses, well, then she's lost the Games. She isn't going to die or lose a family member. She will be just fine. I can now understand what Annie was talking about earlier. It's just a game. A sick game but a game nonetheless. Willow doesn't have to experience an actual Hunger Games and she never will.

Peeta is lying on his side, facing the window when I enter the room. I curl up behind him and kiss his shoulder.

"She's going to be fine, Peeta. I promise." He doesn't say anything but reaches behind him for my arm, to bring over his waist. I scoot closer and rest my forehead on the back of his neck.

What will the Capitol say about Willow's disregard for the Games? What will they do? What will the rest of the country do?

My mind races as I fall asleep.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
When I wake up, Peeta's side of the bed is empty but still warm. I reach for a robe and tie the sash as I wander down the hall. Willow's bedroom door is ajar and I can hear soft voices.

"-you mad at me, Daddy?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Cause of what I said last night. About you. About the Games."

"Princess, I am so proud of you. You spoke your mind, you weren't afraid to tell Panem how it really is. No, baby, I'm not mad."

"What about Mama? Was she mad?"

"No. We're not mad at you. Your aunt Johanna may have gotten a little upset but that's just because she wants you to win."

"I was telling the truth, Daddy. I don't care about winning."

"I know. And you made me realize…you're right. Losing doesn't mean death. This stupid assignment isn't like the Hunger Games. You're going to compete and if you lose, that's it, you just lose. I thought, at first, that I would lose you and I know that's not going to happen. I think you can still win this, if you really want to."

"I hate running," she huffs and I smile. "I'm not sporty like Rye is. I just want to get this over with so I can come back to the bakery with you."

"Alright well, you know you have a lot of people supporting you. They will be upset if you just lose on purpose."

"Who's going to support me now?" I hear Peeta sigh deeply.

"A lot of people still want to sponsor you, Willow. The phone has been ringing all morning."

"Only because of who I am. Not cause they think I have a chance of winning." She sounds exhausted, defeated. "And what do I need sponsors for, if this isn't  
like the Hunger Games?"

"I'm not too sure what they are supposed to do, I think it's just some way to get the people involved so they will feel a part of it too."

"That's gross."

"Well I agree but the rules say you the more sponsors you have, the more points you will get. I called your Aunt Annie and she said you are already up a thousand points. And we still have a week before the actual Games." How long has he been up?

"Again, it's just cause I'm your daughter! They don't care about me. They care about the Star-Crossed Lovers!" Lord, when did my daughter grow up? She sounds like she's twenty, rather than ten.

"Baby, you think everyone actually cared about me after the Games?" My head whips around and I frown.

"Yes," Willow says slowly. "You were a Victor."

"It was pure gratification for them."

"What's that mean?"

 

"Well, the Hunger Games was entertainment to the Capitol. Your mother and I…well, we were just the next big thing. Our "love story" if you will, made us seem more human to the audiences. It was your mother who enchanted the country…I was just her sidekick."

"That's silly, Daddy. I watched those tapes. You saved her life!"

"And she saved mine. We protected each other. She may not have loved me at first but I loved her, and I would have done anything to keep her safe."

"But you did," Willow says in a hushed voice. "You suffered in the Capitol for her." I rest my forehead on the wall and shake my head from side to side.

"Yes. And I would do it all again, if it meant keeping her safe. Your mother is the other piece of my heart. And when she gave me you and Rye…my heart just grew."

"I love you, Daddy. But I just don't think I can win these Games. And I don't want you or Mama or the Aunts to be mad about that."

"All you can do is try, baby. Mama and I just don't want to see you get hurt. I don't know how these new Games are going to go but since weapons aren't allowed, I feel a little bit better."

"I want to make you and Mama proud of me."

"We are already proud of you. Not because you are the daughter of the Star-Crossed Lovers, but because you are Princess Willow Mellark. You're sweet and passionate and talented and driven and courageous. You are your own person, Willow, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"Can we go to the bakery today? I'd like to make a cake for everyone and maybe apologize to Aunt Johanna for upsetting her."

"Sure. But you and I are going to work out a little bit too. We need to build up your strength a little. And I would feel a lot better if you went with Mama to the woods so she can show you how to climb a tree."

"I don't like trees!"

"This arena is outside, princess. We want you to have an advantage, whatever kind of advantage we can give you. Alright?"

"Alright," she sighs. "I gotta feed Prince." I don't have time to move before she opens the door and stops in the doorway.

"Morning Mama."

"Morning baby." She hurries downstairs to the kitchen, and Peeta exits the room behind her.

"You heard all that, huh?"

"I…didn't want to interrupt." He runs his hand through his hair and stretches his arms over his head; his shirt lifts up, exposing his midriff and the band of his underwear and I resist from reaching out to tickle him.

"You think she is going to lose on purpose?" His blue eyes bore into mine.

"I don't know. I was hoping I could make her see that people are supporting her but she's just upset that they aren't really supporting HER. She seems to want to rebel!"

"You can't blame her. She feels the same way about injustice as we do." He sighs and rests his chin on my head.

"I know. I'm just scared for her. What if the Capitol gets mad and tries to do something to her?"

"I had the same thoughts last night. But Snow is dead, Peeta. Olivier would never let anything bad happen to our daughter. Even the men on the Board aren't like Snow. No matter how much we fear it, the Hunger Games will not come back."

"I know you're right. My heart just fears the worst."

"Naturally. You're a father. A great one at that. But Willow is right; she isn't going off to her death. I think that's what Jo and Annie were trying to tell us."

"So why is Jo so upset about what Willow said?" I shrug.

"She wants Willow to win. Maybe she feels like she owes it to us to make sure she does. She's never really forgiven herself, I don't think, for what happened after the Quell. She told me once that she was sure Finnick would grab you and haul you to the hovercraft. He told me he wanted to go back for you both but he was paralyzed by the explosion. And then when you came back to us…Jo told me years later that she blamed herself for that too. She still carries a lot of that guilt."

"That's stupid," he sighs. "She was tortured way more than we were, because she actually knew something."

"She wasn't hijacked and made to attack someone she loved," I say quietly. He tenses and tries to pull away but I wrap my arms around his waist and hold him close.

"You have to know, Peeta, even if you hadn't been able to cure yourself…I would still love you. I would still be fighting to get you back."

"Katniss-"

"And what is this bullshit about you being just the sidekick? You don't remember all the googly eyes Capitol girls made at you? Because I certainly do!"

"Katniss, I-"

"You were the one who professed your love! You enchanted the country, not me. You charmed them all, I just rebelled and made a stupid, impulsive decision."

"That's not-"

"People loved you and respected you! Why do you think Coin wanted to save you and not me? She knew-" I don't get to finish my sentence though because his lips crash against mine and I'm momentarily stunned. When he pulls away, he shakes his head and smirks.

"The only way I know how to shut you up sometimes."

"Peeta-"

"Stop it, Katniss. Don't keep doing this to yourself. Besides, we don't have time for the blame game. We need to get Rye to school and then start on Willow's training." He kisses my forehead and pads down to our bedroom to get dressed. I lean against the wall, feeling my lips tingle, before I head into Rye's room to get him up and ready.


	82. Chapter 82

We decide together that Katniss will take Rye to school, while Willow and I start on her strengthening. But as we start to leave Victor's Village, Katniss points out that the gym at the school would be a good place to take Willow. So we set out together, Willow and Rye between us, swinging our hands. 

It's getting hot in the district and I am grateful my shirt has no sleeves; it's already drenched with sweat and I haven't done anything but walk. Katniss scowls my way more than once and I finally understand when we pause at the corner to allow Rye to tie his shoe. Katniss kneels to help him and he swats her away.

"I can do it Mama!" She jumps to her feet and her eyes fall on a group of girls standing near us. They are giggling and whispering and Katniss rolls her eyes.

"Did you have to wear that shirt?"

"Would you rather I wear a suit to work out in?" 

"You could have changed at the gym," she mutters darkly. I frown in bemusement, glancing from her to the group of young girls. Finally I understand and I move closer to my wife.

"Would you rather I take it off?"

"No," she says shrilly. I grin and attempt to wrap my arms around her waist. 

"You know good and well that you are the only person who has ever--"

"What's she talking about, Daddy," Willow cuts off my impassioned statement. Katniss grabs Rye's hand and pulls him across the street.

"Nothing baby," I say quickly, clearing my throat. I reach for Katniss's hand but she seems determined not to touch me. I stop us in the middle of the street, grab her by the waist, and dip her low in my arms, my lips claiming hers. I'm not sure if she'll punch me or not, but I release her and give her a goofy grin. The looks on the teenagers' faces make me have to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Her eyes follow mine and her lips curve upwards. 

"You're ridiculous," she mutters.

"No more than you. If you think I'm looking at anyone but you, you've got another thing coming."

"Another thing, huh," she raises her brow. I press my forehead to hers, forgetting our daughter is within earshot.

"I'll show you a thing or two later tonight, if you want."

"Peeta." She rolls her eyes but the grin doesn't leave her face.

"Come on. Willow and I need to build up our muscles so we can catch up to you and Rye." 

\--------------------------------------  
Unfortunately our gymnasium in 12 is nothing like the one we had in the Capitol and I quickly become frustrated. Willow heads over to the stationary bike and I decide to lift some weights. I note my wife watching closely and I shoot her a sly look over my shoulder. She clears her throat and pretends she wasn't gawking but I know better. Was she watching like that in the tribute center? I shake my head and scoff. Don't be stupid, Mellark, she was focused on surviving. Still, my cheeks warm as she continues to stare appreciatively,unaware that I can see her in the mirror. 

 

"Daddy, help me with these," my daughter's voice comes from my side and I glance over to see her attempting to lift weights bigger than her. 

 

"Don't try to do those big ones, baby. Here, start with something smaller." She sighs and reaches for the lighter ones.

 

"Don't hurt yourself, Willow," Katniss calls from the back of the room.

 

"I'm fine, Mama."

 

"Hey," I cluck my tongue. "Your mama doesn't want you to get hurt. She's been through this before too, you know."

 

"Yes Daddy. Mama was in the Games. You wanted her to win. I've HEARD this story." Willow drops the weight she is holding and storms out of the gym, leaving Katniss and I with our jaws wide open.

"Well shit."

 

""I think you should go after her," Katniss says softly, touching my arm.

"Sounds like I am the one she's frustrated with." 

 

"I think she's frustrated with the whole situation...and the fact that she grew up hearing these stories. Peeta, she's seen what the Games did to us since she was a baby! She must be sick to death of it by now."

 

"It's like Finn," I mumble. "He grew up hearing about his parents and us and he was just fed up with it by the time he started learning about them in school. Remember the day when he yelled at his teacher?"

 

"How could I forget," she sighs. "I was the one keeping Annie company when she was wailing that she had failed as a mother." 

 

"We haven't failed Willow. But I know how hard this is on her."

 

"That's another thing. We need to stop comparing ourselves to her. She didn't live through the Games but we aren't children of Victors. Life is hard for her and it's in a different way.I think she's tired of that too. Hearing that our lives are the same as hers."

 

"Then maybe you should be the one to go after her," I nudge her gently. "You understand her."

 

"I didn't say that. I'm just saying, maybe we should stop trying to thinking that our tragedies are the worst in the world. We went through some real shit but so did a lot of other people." I stare at her, surprised. Really, she's the last person I would expect to be saying this but I know that she's right. 

 

"Go after her." She nods and pushes ahead of me out of the gym. I stare at my reflection and push my damp hair out of my eyes. For a moment, I see the sixteen year old tribute in the tribute center, training harder than I ever had in my life. All of my wrestling matches and my fights with Mom and everything paled in comparison to that moment. I remember the day when I got into a fight at school, when Ashby Lhocke said something crude about Seam girls and punched him in the face; the teacher sent home a strongly-worded letter and the bruise I'd given Ashby was nothing compared to the bruises Mom gave me that night. 

 

I'm staring at my reflection for so long that I don't notice the door open and someone joining me at the weights. I'm startled when she straightens up and gives me a bright smile.

 

"Fancy seeing you here, Mr.Mellark."

 

"Nice to see you again, Miss Norbert. I hope you've been well?"

 

"Well enough. I received a bit of backlash from parents about the reaping ceremony. As if it was my idea," she shakes her head and reaches for some pretty heavy weights. I eye her skeptically; can this tiny thing lift that much? Then again, I was quick to judge Clove and quickly realized she was more lethal than most of the Careers.

 

"I'm sorry to hear that," I say slowly, watching her easily lift the weights into the air. Damn. It's then that I notice how tight her top is...her breasts are practically screaming to get out. I move away from her and grab another pair of weights. She stands on the mat and bends her knees, lifting her arms over her head.

 

"How is your daughter doing, after that interview? I expect she got a lot of backlash too."

 

"No actually," I bristle. "I was getting calls all morning from people who want to sponsor her."

 

"Really," she sounds bored. "I'm not really surprised. She's the firstborn of Katniss Everdeen, afterall."

 

"Mellark," I snap, a little too aggressively.

 

"Of course. My point is, she's the daughter of the Mockingjay and the Victor. I mean, I feel like the whole reason the Committee Board came up with this idea is to bring your family back into the spotlight again. You've been laying low for too long."

 

"By laying low do you mean enjoying the peace and quiet that we deserve?" My face grows more heated by the minute.

 

"Call it what you will. There are many in Panem who believe Victors should still be public figures. You made a wonderful president, you know."

 

"President Porthos is doing a fine job.I wouldn't have stepped down if I didn't think he would be fit for the job."

 

"So defensive, Peeta," she laughs softly. "You forget I'm from 13. I don't give a fig what the Capitol thinks or does. Yes, President Porthos is doing some good things. You did great things. Paylor did great things. Even Snow did some good things. Coin would have done some good things too. I think if you're in office, you're automatically going to do some wonderful things for your country."

 

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." It comes out before I can stop it. She doesn't look offended though. If anything, she seems amused.

 

"Oh really? Contradict me then."

 

"Name one good thing Snow did for this country. One."

 

"Well he seemed to keep it running the way he did for a long time. If things were so bad, why didn't someone rebel sooner?"

 

"They did. Then your district decided to hide underground while we suffered the consequences!" 

 

"Keep pointing fingers, Peeta. This is why people of District 13 have a hard time trusting you. Because you'll always blame us for your misfortunes." I slam the weights down and go to stand beside her.

 

"No, people from 13 don't trust me because of what my wife did to your president. Coin wanted to bring back the Hunger Games again. For Capitol children. It was ruthless and she committed countless acts of pre-meditated murder."

 

"And that justifies her death? Who are you to dole out justice, Peeta Mellark? Just because you're a Victor?"

 

"I met some of those crazy Revolutionary bastards years ago, when they tried to hurt Katniss. They said the same thing...because I'm a Victor. You don't understand what life is like for Victors. You don't see the things we do, hear the screams like we do. You didn't have to sell your body to survive, or watch your loved ones starve to death. You know NOTHING of Victors, Miss Norbert. So don't pretend like you do."

 

"Is that temper something you have always had...or something that the Capitol gave you when they made you hate Katniss?" I want nothing more than to wrap my fingers around her throat...and she knows it. She smirks and flips her hair before she sets the weights down.

 

"You see, I may be young but I remember hearing about the deranged Victor who almost killed the Mockingjay. There was even talk of executing you for it. But Coin liked you. And she wanted to turn you into even more of a weapon. So she had the doctors continue to hijack you, then sent you to Katniss's group, hoping you would finish the job. I've heard you've come pretty close a few times over the years."

 

"I don't have to stand here and listen to this. I'm going to call the president right now and tell him how hateful you are. What you're trying to do to my family."

 

"Go right ahead," she laughs, flipping her hair again. "But my uncle is on the Committee Board and I think you know as well as I do that the president doesn't have any real power. The Board pushed this assignment through and there's nothing Porthos could do about it. Which means there's nothing you'll be able to do about me reaping your daughter." My blood is boiling as I stare at her.

 

"Katniss was right. You rigged the whole thing. Did you just write Willow's name on everything?"

 

"Don't be so selfish. Other children were reaped too. It's only fair. But the country will see how great the little girl of the Star-Crossed Lovers really is."

 

"They already have," I spit angrily. "A ten year old stood up to the system and talked about how wrong it is. On live television. And she now has over twenty sponsors. Your messed up revenge plan just fell through."

 

"Don't flatter yourself. I could care less about revenge. Not everyone from 13 wants your wife dead, you know."

 

"Then why are you doing this?"

 

"I didn't do anything," she shakes her head. "I'm not on the Committee Board! I'm just a teacher, following orders!"

 

"Fine. Why does the Committee Board want to torture my family like this?"

 

"I suggest you take it up with them!"

 

"Oh believe me, I will." I grab my towel and stomp towards the door. "By the way...not all District 13 people are wary of me...Riley Staffhorn asked me to be his best man at his wedding earlier this month and I was proud to stand beside a man from 13 and call him a friend. I think you have a rather twisted view on the world, Miss Norbert. People have good and bad in them. It's up to us to decide what kind of people we are going to be." I don't wait for a response before I push the door open and leave the gymnasium. 

\---------------------------------

 

I don't see Katniss or Willow anywhere and wonder if they went back home. I know Willow wanted to go to the bakery but I don't want to show up there smelling like sweat. I head back to Victor's Village and straight up to our room to shower. The house is empty and I glance out the window as I towel my hair dry. Haymitch and Effie are sitting on their porch and he is showing her some kind of book. I quickly pull on some jeans and a nice shirt before I head downstairs and across the lawn. 

 

"Morning Peeta," Haymitch greets me. I shake his hand and lean down to kiss Effie's cheek. 

 

"How's the day, Haymitch?"

 

"We slept in a little. Effie didn't sleep too well." I cast her a worried glance and she waves her hand.

 

"Nothing to worry about, dear, I'm fine. How is Willow today?"

 

"She's...um...well, Katniss took her somewhere. I'm not sure where they are. I was going to ask if you had seen them?"

 

"Not today, no. Maybe she took her to the woods?" That seems likely.

 

Though Willow doesn't like the woods, I think Katniss should still show her how to climb a tree, at least. The Careers train all their lives and none of those guys could scale a tree like my Katniss. 

 

"You ok, kid?" Haymitch can tell something is bothering me. I shrug in what I hope is a nonchalant way. 

 

"Just ran into Miss Norbert."

 

"Who is Miss Norbert," Effie asks disapprovingly.

 

"Willow's teacher. The one who decided to dress up like you." Effie puffs up and her face turns red.

 

"Oh really. What did she have to say to you?"

 

"She just confirmed our thoughts that the Reaping was rigged."

 

"No shit," Haymitch grunts.

 

"And she said the Committee Board was the one who made this happen. Olivier had nothing to do with it."

 

"We already knew that, Peeta. You really think Paylor's nephew would have suggested reaping your daughter for a mock Hunger Games?"

 

"No. But now I want to know why the Committee Board has it out for my family. She said it was a deliberate attempt to get my family into the limelight. Because we have been laying low for too long, as she put it."

 

"That's ridiculous," Effie says shrilly. "After everything over the years, you deserve some peace and quiet!"

 

"Apparently the rest of the world doesn't see it that way," I mumble.

 

"So this teacher told you the Capitol deliberately Reaped your daughter?" 

 

"It's not much of a surprise. But I'm still pissed off. I want to have a conversation with Olivier tonight. I know firsthand that the Committee Board has the real power but that doesn't mean he is completely powerless. Why is he just sitting back and allowing this to happen?"

 

"Just be careful, Peeta. You don't want to go angering the wrong people." I nod and stare out across the lawn. District 12 is bustling today and it's strange to see so many people walking around. I remember a time when the district seemed empty, when children worked their fingers to the bone so they could eat scraps that day. It seems like a whole different lifetime but it's only been twenty something years.

 

"Peeta." Someone snaps their fingers in front of my face and I jump.

 

"Don't do that," I say sharply, instantly regretting my tone. Effie looks offended while Haymitch's brow raises. I sigh and my shoulders slump.

 

"Sorry." I don't go into an explanation. My interrogator would snap his fingers to get my attention, as if my attention could be anywhere else. Every time he snapped, however, another "interrogator" followed with a shock from his electric baton. I've associated the noise with pain...however, I don't want to see their looks of pity. So I don't say anything.

 

"I guess I'll go look for Katniss and Willow. I'll see you guys later."

 

"Hey," Haymitch steps off the porch and follows me down the path. "I suggested to Johanna that we get together tonight. I'll cook dinner if you prefer." 

 

"Does Katniss know this?"

 

"You can tell her," he shrugs.

 

"And Johanna is ok with it?"

 

"She thinks it would be a good idea for everyone to sit down and talk. She's still steamed though."

 

"Great. So is Katniss. What a fun dinner this will be."

 

I shake my head and continue down the path leading out of Victor's Village. 

 

\-------------------------------------------------

 

As I approach Merchant's Circle, I can see that the bakery is really crowded today. I resist the temptation to stop in and help, and head towards the meadow. The border of the woods is near my family's grave and I pause at their headstones. Little Lily's headstone is right beside Dad's, and I sigh.

 

"I miss you all." Wishing I had some flowers to put on their graves, I continue through the trees until I realize I can't see the meadow anymore. 

 

"Oh great. Get lost in the woods, Mellark, that's a great way to show your daughter she comes from a family of winners." I stand still, lifting my chin to the sky. There's nothing but silence. Not even the birds are whistling. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as I feel like I have just entered the arena again. Hiding from the Careers, who are most likely watching me as I circle around, trying to figure out my next move. I grow more and more panicked as I spin on my heels, waiting with baited breath. Something lands in front of me and I nearly bolt.

 

"You're ok," her voice is soft and soothing. "You're alright. I'm here, and I'll keep you safe." She runs her hands up and down my arms and once I have regained the ability to move, I pull her to my chest. She can feel my heart racing under her cheek and she rests a hand on my jaw.

 

"Are you alright?" 

 

"M' fine," I stutter. She nods and pulls away.

 

"Willow," she calls to the trees. I frown and look up, my eyes darting from tree to tree. "Come on down, sweetheart." 

 

"Are you serious," I whisper and Katniss smiles. I hear grunting and look up to see my daughter trying to climb down. She's really far up but seems to be having some trouble getting back down the thick trunk.

 

"Mama," she whines. "Help!" 

 

"Don't lose your footing. Concentrate on putting your hands where I told you. You're way too far to just drop down. Just take it slowly." I watch in wonder as Willow lowers herself from the tree, looking so much like the young girl I knew that for a moment I become the shy,tongue-tied little boy I was whenever she was around. When she's a few feet from the ground, she jumps back and lands on her feet. I can't help but applauding loudly.

 

"I thought we were going to sneak up on him," she says, crossing her arms. I turn to glare at Katniss, who shakes her head.

 

"You did so great! Do you want to show Daddy how high you climbed?"

 

"My hands kind of hurt," she shows us her scratched hands and Katniss gently kisses her palm.

 

"I'll put some salve on them when we get home. Why don't you grab my bow and your bag, and we can go home." Willow nods and hurries off in the opposite direction. Katniss rubs her hands against her pants and watches me nervously. 

 

"You were teaching her to sneak up on me?"

 

"Not you per say, but I wanted to show her how to be quiet and be somewhat of a huntress, in case it helps her. But I saw how panicked you were getting and knew it wasn't a good idea. I didn't want to send you into a flashback so I needed to calm you down. How are you feeling?"

 

"I'm fine," I say, a little irritated. "I'm a big boy, Katniss, I can watch out for myself." She looks a little taken aback and I close my eyes.

 

"I'm sorry," I huff, more irritated with myself. "I didn't mean to snap. I just get frustrated that a flashback can still happen, at any time. I'm just in the woods, for fucks sake. Why do I react like that?"

 

"Don't blame yourself for what you went through," she says firmly. "You react like that because you have real horrors in your life that very few people can understand. I had the same problem when we first came home.These woods reminded me of the arena. But I had to tell myself it was still my home, my safe-haven."

 

"Yeah, and you had Gale with you back then." It just comes out, and I immediately regret it. The way her face shifts from expression to expression shouldn't surprise me but it does. Shock, then anger. Hurt, then sadness. She whirls around and stomps off through the trees.

 

"Katniss, wait," I call after her.

 

"Take Willow home. I'm staying here for awhile," she snaps without looking back. 

 

"Katniss, stop!" I reach out for her but she adjusts her course and dodges my grasp. 

 

"Katniss, will you please just stop! I didn't mean for that to come out--"

 

"But it did," she yells over her shoulder. "You still won't let it go, Peeta! You still won't forgive me for those months after the Games! And you brought HIM into it, of all people!"

 

"I'm sorry," I say desperately, nearly tripping over a tree root as I chase after her. "I'm sorry I said that! I have forgiven you! I know you chose me and not him, I'm sorry I brought him up! Please stop running from me."

 

"Just go home, Peeta. I need a moment alone."

 

"Why? Why do you need to be alone? We're a team, Katniss, we always have been. Will you just STOP RUNNING FROM ME!" I whirl her around so sharply we both nearly fall. She looks shocked for a moment but then her fight or flight mode kicks in and she starts to struggle.

 

"Why can't you just let me go," she says, digging her nails into my hand that is closed around her shoulder.

 

"You know I can't." She stops struggling and stares up at me. The words take us both by surprise and we stare at each other, wary awareness in our eyes. I move my hand up to her cheek and slide across her face, to her hair.

 

"I'm sorry," I say again. "I'll let you have some time out here but when you're ready, you know I'll be at home waiting for you. If you want to talk or yell at me or even throw something, I'll be there. I'll never leave you, Katniss. And I know you'll never leave me." The fight slips out of her as her shoulders slump. 

 

"Just...just don't bring him up anymore. I thought we were over it. I thought--"

 

"We are," I interrupt her. "I am over it. I know he isn't in your life anymore. And it was stupid of me to bring it up again. My hijacked brain still blurts things out to hurt you sometimes. My heart berates me for it afterwards." She nods and takes a step back.

 

"Let's find Willow and go home." I know our daughter has heard our fight; our angry words were probably heard by everyone in town. Still, Willow comes forward, holding her mother's bow and her backpack and she steps between us. Taking our hands, she leads us out of the woods. Katniss doesn't look at me and I can tell she is still tense but I'm shocked she is still with us; I don't think she realizes how much has changed. She would normally spend hours in these woods until I would worry about her.She goes off, alone, to grieve and to be silent and still. It's what she would have done today too, it's what I expected her to do. The fact that she still clings to Willow's hand is not lost on me. Sometimes it feels like all we do is fight, but I know that's not the case. We still have plenty of love, enough to keep us going. I don't think it's possible for me to continue breathing if I didn't have her in my life. Some people may say we stay together out of necessity but I find that ridiculous. It's like Gale telling me that she would pick whoever she couldn't survive without. What callous, cold words from a guy who claimed to love her. 

\----------------------------------

 

Haymitch and Effie wave as we pass by them but Katniss doesn't stop; she holds firmly to Willow's hand as she leads us into the house. 

I follow them upstairs while Katniss tenderly spreads some salve across our daughter's little palms. She winces but doesn't say anything.

"Alright my big girl," Katniss kisses Willow's cheek. "Does that feel better?"

"Thank you Mommy." Willow squeezes Katniss's neck and I grin; I can't believe it was only 10 years ago that I thought I would never have this. I still feel tears when I see Katniss and Willow together. My beautiful wife and my beautiful little girl. 

 

"It's almost time to go get Rye from school," I glance at the clock. "Do you want to pick him up and I'll start on dinner?"

 

"Can I help," Willow exclaims. 

 

"Are we having company," Katniss asks shrewdly. I know I look guilty.

 

"I thought we could have everyone over so we can talk."

 

"Talk," she says slowly. "Like we talked the other night?"

 

"No. Like actually talk and work things out. This fighting is ridiculous. Haymitch is right; we can't afford to let anyone divide us. So let's have our family over for dinner." She crosses her arms and looks defensive.

 

"Fine. I'll go get Rye."

 

"Any requests for dinner?"

 

"I don't care," she shrugs. I'm not having this. I don't want Surly Katniss tonight.

 

"Willow, baby, go on and feed Prince." Our daughter nods and runs out of the bedroom and I approach Katniss. I see her tense and it irritates me.

 

"Don't do that," I scold gently.

 

"Do what?"

 

"Put your walls up around me. Are you still mad at me for what I said in the woods?"

 

"I haven't forgotten it, if that's what you are asking. And I don't particularly want to see Johanna right now.She didn't have to say what she said about Willow, Peeta."

"Katniss, we can't let this divide us. We need to stay strong. For Willow." She shakes her head and moves past me. I sigh as she thunders down the stairs and slams the front door. 

 

"Willow, come down and help me make something sweet for Mama!"  
\-----------------------------------------------

 

When Katniss and Rye get home, they are both in a good mood. Willow and I are wearing our matching aprons and Katniss pauses in the doorway.

 

"Smells amazing in here."

 

"We made something special for you Mama," Willow giggles. "It's a surprise!"

 

"Alright, well I won't ruin the surprise. I need to go change before everyone gets here. What time is everyone coming over?"

 

"Another hour," I glance at the clock on the wall. I dislike wearing watches, even though I have received two nice ones from Haymitch and Effie. I take a chance and wrap my arms around her waist. When she doesn't pull away, I lean in to kiss her and she surprises me by sinking into my arms, her lips sweet like berries.

 

"Someone was in the woods," I whisper.

 

"Well that's not fair. We didn't ruin your surprise but you ruined ours."

 

"Mmm no, I didn't know you'd brought us anything. Just that you have been eating berries." She smiles as she pulls a basket out from behind her back.

 

"Fresh blackberries. These will be perfect in a pie or a tart."

 

"I have such a thoughtful wife," I say with a wink. She rolls her eyes and sets the basket on the counter, before giving Willow a kiss on her hair.

"What have you and Daddy been making?"

"It's a surprise," she huffs.

"Ok," Katniss holds her hands up in surrender. "I'm going to go change. Rye! You've already eaten two dozen berries! Get out of there!" I turn to see my son standing on a chair, with his hand buried in the picnic basket. His face is almost completely purple and I burst out laughing.

"Well if you hadn't already given yourselves away, Rye's purple face definitely does it." Katniss sighs and pulls Rye down.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." I grin as I watch my son being lead off, still licking his lips for the remainder of the berries.

 

\-----"Peeta!" My head snaps up, my cheeks reddening as my eldest brother bears down on me.

 

"Did you eat ALL of the berries? Dad was going to use those to make pies!"

 

"I didn't," I protest. "Ryean ate some too!"

 

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Ok, that's enough," Bialy shakes his head. "I don't care who ate them. You need to go pick some more, before Mom sees this empty basket!"

"But they grow in the woods," I say, my voice shaking.

"And?"

"And we're not allowed past the fence! Besides, it's almost dark! The woods are...scary at night."

"Scaredy cat," Ryean taunts me from behind our brother's solid form.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am--"

"Boys, stop it," Bialy sounds a lot like Dad. "Ryean, take Peeta to the edge of the meadow and see if you can find any more."

"Why do I gotta go with him?"

"Because he's our little brother. We need to look out for him."

"I can look out for myself," I say with a scowl. "I'm not a baby, Bialy."

"Alright then," my brother looks amused. "You can go to the meadow by yourself. Don't you come home without those berries." Ryean sticks his tongue out at me as I pass and I glare at him. Bialy is Mom's favorite but Ryean never seems to get into trouble. I don't really know why I'm the only one Mom gets mad at. But I know Bialy is right; my bottom is still sore from the other night, when I accidentally broke one of her plates. I don't want to make her mad again. I don't know why I kept eating those berries but they were so sweet and delicious, that I couldn't stop! Bialy hands me a basket and instructs me to go out the back door, so no one will see me. The sun has nearly set and I swallow as I walk out into the darkness.

Despite the fact that I'm really quite scared to be out at night, I enjoy the walk to the meadow. It's not too far and it's pretty out tonight. I glance up and gaze at the stars as I walk. I would really like to be able to study them some day. In school, I learned about people in the Capitol, who have these special devices just for stargazing. People in the Capitol have everything, it seems like. Food, money...freedom. They aren't Reaped for the Hunger Games each year, like we are in the districts. I still have a few years before my first Reaping but Ryean just went through his first one and Bialy has been eligible for several years now.

I'm not paying attention to where I'm going and when I look away from the sky, I see I have taken a wrong turn and somehow ended up in the Seam. I haven't really been to this part of District 12 before...Mom talks about how dirty people from the Seam are and how we should stay away from them. It's a good thing she doesn't know that I've fallen in love with one. I shiver as I think about what she would do to me if she found out.

There aren't any lights on in any of the houses...is it true that their power shuts off after the sun goes down? I don't imagine Mom would be able to deal with that, if it happened to the Merchant section. She likes to read by the lamp and she is always sneaking down to the kitchens to warm up some milk. I guess she doesn't sleep well. One house draws my attention and I creep closer to the window. There are cheery lights dancing in the windows and I can hear music coming from inside.

Are you, are you coming to the tree  
Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me  
Strange things did happen here no stranger would it be  
if we met at midnight, in the hanging tree

The man's voice is rich and cheerful; I'm not exactly musically inclined but I know he's a good singer. I lean closer, listening to the man's song. Then another voice joins in; one that makes my heart stop.

Are you, are you coming to the tree  
Where a dead man called out for his love to flee  
Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be  
if we met at midnight, in the hanging tree

 

I suck in a breath as I recognize the voice. I now know who lives here, just from a few verses of the song. She stole my heart when we were little, and I press my ear to the glass so I can hear her sing. Dear god, please just never stop singing.

"Katniss! What did I tell you about singing that song?" The woman's voice is sharp, though not as sharp as my mother's.

"Daddy was singing with me."

"Teaching a child that song! Honestly, what is wrong with you?"

"What harm can a little girl's voice do?"

"Plenty! Do you want people to think she's a rebel? Do you want the Peacekeepers to take her away?"

"Iris, you're being unreasonable. It's just a song. Calm down, my love."

"I don't want anything to happen to her. To any of you. I don't know what I would do if--"

"Nothing is going to happen," he says gently. "Katkin, my sweet, sing us something about love. I will dance with my wife by the moonlight." Katniss's soothing voice flows through the window and I instantly relax. I can see Mr. and Mrs. Everdeen dancing around the room and I sigh wistfully; I've never seen my parents dance like that. I've never seen Dad hold Mom like that...and how much I would love to hold Katniss Everdeen like that one day.

 

I gasp as I realize how late it is getting and I still haven't reached the berries! I turn and run out of the Seam, heading for the meadow. My face falls as I realize the only berry bush is just past the fence...they say the fence is electric but I know Katniss's dad goes into the woods during the day. He's not afraid of the mysterious forest and is talked about as a great hunter. If he can do it, there must be some kind of weak spot in the fence somewhere. I grit my teeth and drop to my knees, splashing my pants with mud. I crawl along the fence, searching for a hole or something. I get caught on the fence twice and rip my shirt. What seems like hours later, I give up and clutch the basket as I head home. What will Mom do to me? Will she spank me like she usually does, or will she do something worse?

I have my answer soon enough. She screams herself hoarse, talking about curfew and how stupid I was to go out at night. Then she notices my clothes and claps my ear. I cry out and clap my hand over my head, glancing at Dad hopefully. Maybe he will say something to stop her, or step forward to shield me.

He doesn't. I cry out again as her palm meets my cheek, and her ring slices my skin. I press my hand to my face and glance down at the spot of blood on my fingers.

"Mom," I whimper. "Please-"

"Don't you whine, you pathetic little thing! What were you doing out so late anyway?" I show her the basket, trembling from head to toe.

"I went to get more berries."

"We had plenty this afternoon." She freezes and her eyes harden. "Did you-?" She doesn't wait for an answer. She slaps me again and pushes me backwards; I fall to the floor and look up in time to see her bearing down on me with a rolling pin clutched in her fist. I cover my head and scream when the wood meets my knuckles. I don't bother to stop the tears.

"Daddy, please," I say through my sobs. Daddy's face is covered in shadow and he turns away. Mom hits me again with the rolling pin and I roll onto my side, crying into the hard floor.------------------------------

\------------------  
I blink and look around. My daughter is humming happily as she opens the oven to check on the cake. I shake my head and rub my face with my hands.

"What's wrong, Daddy?"

 

"Hm? Oh nothing baby, I'm fine. How's it looking?"

 

"I think it's done!"

 

"Let's see." I pull out the cake pan and Willow inhales.

 

"Smells so good. You think Mama will like it?"

 

"Everyone will love it. Let's let it cool, while we go and change clothes. Make sure you feed Prince before dinner."

\-----------------------------

As I head into the bedroom, I can hear soft singing coming from the bathroom. The door is ajar and I lean against the wood, closing my eyes. I allow her voice to take me away and soothe my very soul. I don't notice when the singing stops and the door opens. She stands in the doorway, clutching a towel to her chest. Her brow raises curiously as she watches me.

"What are you doing?"

 

"Listening to you sing. It's calming." She snorts and shakes her head. I follow her into the bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed.

 

"It's true. You know, I was just remembering one night I got lost and wound up in the Seam. I heard you and your father singing together." She whirls around, looking surprised.

 

"When was that?"

 

"Think we were about 7 or 8," I shrug. "I was going to the meadow to find berries so Mom wouldn't be mad. Of course she flipped when I came home late, with torn clothes and muddy pants. I think that may have been the first time she used a rolling pin on me." Her face hardens and she turns back to the closet. I know she's determined not to speak ill of the dead but I do wonder what it would have been like had my parents survived. Would Katniss and my mother have been able to sit in the same room together?

Not likely.

I move into the closet and lean against the door frame, crossing my arms over my chest. She faces away from me, her long hair dripping down her bare back. I hadn't noticed how long it's gotten. Almost to her waist, at least. She stands in just a pair of faded orange panties and shifts back and forth. I can't stop myself from reaching out and drawing her to my chest. My shirt is instantly wet but she melts into my embrace. I rest my chin on her shoulder and my hand on her belly.

"Are you still mad at me?"

 

"Do you think I would be letting you hold me like this if I were?"

 

"You're right. You hate to be held." She snorts and turns in my arms.

"I don't mind it when it's you."

 

"No one else should be holding you," I say with a raised voice. "Especially like this."

 

"And no one else ever has," she says gently. I close my eyes as she passes a hand over my face.

"I know."

"Can we have one day without me trying to reassure you of how much I love you," she sighs and my eyes shoot open.

 

"I didn't...I'm not...I know how much you love me," I say weakly.

"Do you? Do you believe it? Cause sometimes I don't think you do. I think you still tell yourself you weren't a choice, just an accident. That I just wound up with you. That I was too damaged to be with anyone else, and you were the logical match. That--" she falls silent as I slam my lips against hers. I run my hands up and down her bare back, moving around to grasp her breast with my palm, just to elicit that squeak that I capture with my mouth. I grin as I pull away and she looks dazed and thoroughly kissed.

"I know," I say again. I cup her chin and kiss her nose before I grab a clean shirt and head into the bathroom to clean up. My face is rather red, my hair mussed, and my lips, too, look thoroughly kissed.  
\-----------------------------------

 

Annie and Riley come in first, with Haymitch and Effie behind them.

"Johanna is running a little late," Annie tells us as she hugs Katniss. "She says to start without her." Katniss shoots me a look and I shake my head at her; no sense in saying anything to cause further trouble.

 

"We can wait for her for a little bit. What can I get for everyone to drink?"

 

"I would love some coffee," Haymitch says immediately.

 

"You really are on a coffee kick aren't you?"

 

"Do not deny me my caffeine!" I snort as I move to the fridge. Rye has climbed onto Haymitch's lap and the old man winces when my son looks away.

 

"Rye, don't climb all over your grandpa. He's not a tree," Effie says tenderly.

 

"Hush woman. The boy weighs nothing." Effie purses her lips but bends down to wrap her arms around Willow. I grin as I watch them both; they have such a soft spot for my kids. Katniss goes about making the coffee and Riley comes over to help her.

"Riley, you're our guest. Please sit down."

"I'm still in your employ."

 

"You're in my husband's employ, not mine," she scowls. "I wouldn't know how to have anyone in my employ."

 

"Peeta has no problem bossing people around," Haymitch chuckles. "I bet you would be just fine at it." Katniss shoots him a rude hand gesture and Effie gasps.

 

"Really Katniss! Your children are right here!"

 

"And they're used to her crude behaviors by now."

 

"If anyone has taught them crude behaviors, it's Haymitch!" Haymitch pretends to look scandalized but then winks at my wife.

"Touche, sweetheart."

 

"Oh for goodness sake," Effie shakes her head. Her blonde ringlets are clipped back behind her ears and she twists a finger around a curl. "Haymitch, I thought I was teaching you better manners than that!"

"Can't teach an old dog new tricks, princess." Katniss snorts and claps her hand over her mouth. Effie looks scandalized. What fun we have, with poor Effie.

 

"Granpa's a dog?" Rye asks, looking bewildered. For some reason, Katniss's giggles increase.

"No bud, it's just an expression," I assure him.

"We need a dog, Daddy! You said we could get one."

 

"I did. We can. Things have just been...busy lately."

 

"Can we go tomorrow? To find a dog?"

 

"Where do we even find a dog," I ask Katniss.

 

"There is a shelter that was set up several years ago. We can go tomorrow and look, Ryekin, but no promises. Does that work?" Rye nods emphatically and Willow claps.

 

"A dog! We're getting a doggy!"

 

"Maybe," I say firmly. "We will see."

 

"That always means no," my daughter pouts.

 

"We will go look," Katniss nudges Willow. "We can go this weekend, when Rye is out of school. Is that ok?"

 

"I guess so," Willow says dejectedly. "When can I go back to school?"

 

"You're supposed to be training, pumpkin," Haymitch leans over and cups her chin playfully. "Training hard for the Games."

 

"I trained today," she whines. "Daddy made me go to the gym and then Mama taught me to climb."

 

"That's wonderful, Willow," Annie says at once. "That will really help you win."

 

"But I don't care if I win!" Annie looks tense and bits her lip.

 

"Willow...everyone really wants you to win--"

 

"Cause I'm their daughter," she waves at us helplessly. "Not cause I'm any good! What do I need to do, Aunt Annie? You won the Games before."

 

"Your mother and father did too," she says with a strangled tone.

 

"I've heard all about how they won. I want to hear your victory story."

 

"Willow," I say cautiously. "You know we don't really like to talk about the Games. That goes for all of us."

 

"Well if you want me to win so much, I need to hear all your stories." I could scream at how logical my daughter sounds.

"Talking about the Games is hard, pumpkin. For everyone."

 

"Then why are you trying to make me win?" She fixes all of us with a steely stare. Well shit.

"Well shit," Haymitch voices my thoughts. "She's got us there."

 

"We want you to win because we know you can," Annie says patiently. Willow shrugs nonchalantly.

 

"I don't think I have a chance. I bake, like Daddy. And paint. And I like to sew. How am I sposed to win? Aunt Jojo was right. My talents are useless."

 

"Aunt Jojo never said that," Annie says, shocked. "She loves you, like we all do. And she is very, very proud of you."

 

"But she's mad at me." My daughter sounds miserable and Annie casts me a worried look.

 

"No she isn't. She's just scared. She wants you to win but you have to want to win!"

 

"And it's obvious she doesn't," Haymitch says flatly.

 

"Haymitch!"

 

"No I'm sorry, Effs. The girl doesn't care about winning. And she doesn't HAVE to. She isn't going to die in the Games, like the old days. So why are we forcing her to do her very best when we know she cares less about being the victor?"

 

"Because she has sponsors. People who care for her and are rooting for her."

 

"Since when do we owe anyone anything, Annie? Especially the people in the Capitol? That's where most of her sponsors are from, aren't they?"

 

"I...you would have to ask Peeta about that."

 

"Yes," I say dully. "Most of her sponsors are from the Capitol."

 

"Told you. Your daughter is right, Peeta. She isn't being sponsored because they believe she has a chance. So what does she owe them?"

 

"Look, this is beside the point," I say anxiously, glancing at Katniss. "We never said she owes anyone anything. But she was picked to compete and I think Johanna was just saying she needs to try to win, and not just give up."

 

"So if I lose in the beginning, she's going to think I just gave up?" I hate how crushed she looks.

"We are all so proud of you," Katniss says, swooping down and wrapping her arm around our little girl. "And we know you are going to try your best. And we will support you and be there for you, whether you win or lose."

 

"I think maybe we should change the subject," Riley surprises us. "At least while we eat dinner. Johanna should be here soon, why don't we sit down and eat?" He slips his hand into Annie's and squeezes, shooting me an anxious look. I have no words of comfort; I'm anxious enough as it is.

\------------------------  
We are just digging into the pasta when there is a knock and Annie jumps to her feet. I hear the girls' muffled voices and I sigh; I'm sure Annie is warning Johanna about our earlier conversation. I sort of wish Jo had brought her family to 12 with her; she's much happier around her kids. I can imagine how difficult this is for her but I wonder where the Victor turned Rebel disappeared to. 

She was tortured because she became a rebel. She was tortured worse than you. Can you really blame her? 

I swallow and run my hands through my hair. If we could just all mutually agree this assignment is terrible. Johanna was furious when she first heard about it...now they are paying her to help with it. Could it really change her mind that much?

I rise to go and greet her and both girls come around the corner.

"Smells good in here, Mellark. And I'm starving."

"Well sit down and help yourself. Haymitch had me make a pot of coffee, would you like some?"

"I'll be up all night if I do and I need some sleep. Early morning mentor sessions," she explains. "But water would be great." I quickly get her a glass of water and she sits between Effie and Annie. 

"Who are you mentoring?" 

"The mayor." I guess Delly couldn't handle mentoring her daughter. 

"Is Lila ok," Katniss asks in a small voice. She may not speak to Delly anymore but as a parent, we're in the same boat. 

"I'm afraid I can't talk about other tributes," Johanna says unfeelingly. I give her a scowl that I'm sure could rival Katniss's.

"What a diplomatic answer."

"Peeta," Annie says softly.

"No Annie, don't try to pacify me. We are FAMILY. And Johanna is acting like we are just another family she is forced to mentor."

"And how am I supposed to treat you," she snarls. 

"Like someone you went through hell with! My cell was right next to yours, Johanna. I know the shit they put you through. What we endured. But now you're acting like nothing changed. Jo, we've been together through so much. We were in your wedding, you were in ours, you helped deliver our daughter...you have been our best friend for so long. Please don't let the Capitol come between us now." Johanna gives me a hard glare and I think she's going to punch me. But then something happens, something I would have never seen before the Capitol took us.

Johanna Mason is crying. 

Fat tears roll down her slender face and she turns and buries her face in Annie's shoulder.

"Oh Johanna," Annie says, turning in her chair and pulling Jo into her chest. Willow's big blue eyes meet mine and her lip trembles; I can see the question in her eyes. She pushes her chair back and walks around the table, to climb into Johanna's lap. She's too big for it, really, but Johanna leans away from Annie and wraps her arms around Willow.

"Oh Willow. I just want you to be safe. I can't stand the thought of anything happening to you." Katniss looks stunned; in fact, we all sit in our chairs, too shocked to say anything. Who is this emotional, weepy woman? Willow nuzzles her neck and rubs her thumb over Johanna's face, wiping away the tears.

"I'll be fine, Aunty JoJo. I have you and Mama and Daddy and Granpa and Aunt Annie...and you're Victors. I know I'm safe around you. I have the best family ever." Rye seems upset he is being left out and hurries around to Johanna's seat. He sort of lays across his sister as he climbs into his aunt's lap and rests his head on her chest.

"Don't cry, Aunty Jo. We love you."

"I love you guys too. I'm so sorry. You are so right, Peeta. I'm being a bitch."

"Language," Effie practically sings. Katniss leans over and squeezes Johanna's hand, which is resting on the table.

"We'll get through this whole thing together." Johanna nods and gives me a smile. We eat our dinner, we Victors united. I'd like to see the Capitol try to tear us apart....we have been through too much to allow it to happen. And watching Johanna hold Rye and Willow convinces me that it doesn't matter if we are blood or not...we're family. And family can stick through anything.


	83. Chapter 83

After Willow and Rye climb down from Johanna's lap, she is considerably softer and a lot more talkative. She hungrily digs into her pasta, complimenting Peeta for it more than once (I can't really blame her, the man is a great cook) but I feel like she is trying to be apologetic. 

Peeta, of course, is as gracious as ever.

"Delly was a sobbing mess when I went over there," she tells us, grabbing another cheesebun. "She kept begging me to do something about it, to save her little girl. I tried to convince her that her daughter is perfectly safe and these Games aren't real but I don't think it really helped. The mayor was trying to keep her calm. Did Delly ever lose anyone to the Games?"

"Just me," Peeta says softly.

"You came home," she says patiently.

"You forget, Delly was the one who helped me in 13. I wasn't the same boy who left for the Games. That was pretty clear." I glance across at him and he shifts in his chair.

"Well, Delly grabbing my arm and crying for me to spare her...it was way too familiar." She, Annie, and Haymitch share a dark look and we fall silent. I'm still forever grateful that I never had to mentor; the idea of parents clinging to me and begging me to save their children makes me sick to my stomach.

Haymitch stares into his coffee with glazed eyes. Peeta's eyes are locked on the table; I can't imagine him as a mentor. He's too much like Annie, too sweet and naïve. Not for the first time, I wonder what life would have been like for him if he had come home alone.  
I shake myself and Peeta's eyes snap to me. We are so attuned to each other's thoughts now, that I shake my head to let him know I'm ok. He would be livid if he knew what I was thinking right now.

"Your mama took me by the arm and told me to bring you home." Haymitch speaks up but he isn't talking to me...Peeta leans back in his chair and gapes at our former mentor.

"What?" Haymitch nods, playing with his fork.

"As you were being taken to the Justice Building...she took me aside and told me she knew you could win. Course she also said she knew that you would sacrifice yourself for her, but I believe her words were "don't let him do anything stupid. Bring my boy home." Silence follows his statement and Peeta mouths wordlessly.

"She...she made me so mad. That day. What she said. I told her to get out. After that, we hardly ever talked again."  I reach over to take his hand but he pushes his chair back so violently that it falls over; he doesn't cast us another look before he storms out of the room. Haymitch sighs heavily and hides his face in his hands, his elbows propped on the table.

"Daddy?" Rye says quietly.

"Your daddy's just fine, baby," I smooth his curls back.

"Was Grandma really mean to Daddy," Willow asks, biting her lip.

"Yeah she was, pumpkin, " Haymitch says sadly. "She really was."

"Katniss, dear, why don't you make sure he's alright?" I nod but Johanna clears her throat.

"He may need a little time by himself." We all raise our brows and stare at her and she shrugs. "I talked to him in 13. His mommy issues did a bit more damage than he lets on. She screwed him up pretty good."

"Can we refrain from talking about Willow's and Rye's grandparents please," I say through gritted teeth.

"We know Grandma spanked Daddy," Rye says smartly. Annie visibly winces and Riley shakes his head.

"Grandma didn't spank him, kiddo. She beat the--"

"HAYMITCH!" Effie's, mine, and Johanna's angry cries echo in the kitchen. I'm shaking with fury.

"Why would you say something like that to my six year old?!"

"Sweetheart, your six year old and your ten year old are the smartest kids I've ever seen."

"That doesn't mean you have to say things like that. I can't even look at you right now." I throw my hands up and stomp past Haymitch and Effie, to head upstairs.

"Really Haymitch, I can't believe you sometimes," Effie is saying to Haymitch.

"Truth hurts, princess. It really does."  
________________________________________

Peeta isn't in our room, nor is he in either of the kids' rooms. I reach the end of the hall and see the door to his studio is tightly closed. It's been awhile since I have found him in there. I'm almost afraid to knock but I rap the door with my knuckles and lean in close to listen.

"I'm fine, Katniss," I hear his voice muffled through the door. But it sounds like he is just on the other side. I press my palm against the door and listen.

"Peeta, can I come in?"

"Please just go away." He's been crying, I can tell. I'm torn; I want to go in and comfort him but I need to give him his space. I kneel in front of the door and press my forehead to the wood.

"Peeta," I say softly. "Please know that I'm here. I'm right here, if you need me." I wait for a moment before I start to stand and the door swings open. With a small cry of surprise, I pitch forward and strong arms close around me. Peeta pushes the door closed and gathers me into his lap. His tears soak my hair as his body shakes from his sobs. I try to wrap my arms around him but he has me pinned beneath him. I turn my head and nuzzle his cheek.

"It's ok," I say soothingly. "You're ok."

"Why did she hate me, Katniss? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing. You did nothing wrong. She just had a mean spirit. But she loved you, Peeta. She really did love you."

"Why couldn't she show me? All I wanted was her approval. And when I came home from the Games, she acted disgusted that I had survived. Do you know how much that hurts?" He leans back to run the back of his hand over his eyes. He looks so boyish and heartbroken. I reach up and run my hand through his soft curls.

"I was always jealous, when I saw you with your mother and sister. How much you loved each other. My family never showed affection. I was the odd one in my family, I mean, I showed affection whenever I could. My mother said it made me weak."

"You are many things, Peeta, but you are not weak."

"No? Then why did I cry like a baby whenever she hit me or dismissed me? I hid in my room and sobbed into my pillow."

"You sought her love and it hurt you when she didn't show it. There is nothing weak about that."

"I can't believe that she told Haymitch to protect me. She actually thought I had a chance."

"Your mother wasn't blind, Peeta. She knew you were a wrestler and how strong you were. Of course she knew you had a chance." Peeta leans back against the door and closes his eyes. My legs are sort of hanging off his arm and I'm sitting sideways over his thigh.

"Why didn't my Dad ever step in?" I have no answer for that but he doesn't seem to be waiting for one. "He watched it happen...he was even there, that night I told you about. When I went out to find berries and came home covered in mud and scratches. Dad just turned away and I even pleaded with him to stop her. He let her hurt me...why wasn't he strong enough to stop her?"

"I didn't know your parents that well, Peeta, but your dad was soft and kind, like you. He might have just been too afraid to say anything to his wife."

"Even when she's beating his son," he snarls. "He was the weak one." It alarms me to hear him talk like this. The gentle baker's son has always been most like his father.

"He wasn't weak either. Maybe he just didn't know what to say."

"Your family was the first time I ever felt...wanted. Appreciated. Your mother was always welcoming, even though she knew how you really felt. And Prim was just the sweetest."

"She had some of you in her," I say in a quiet voice. "You and her must have gotten that from your father."

"I don't know if sweetness is a Mellark gene," he shakes his head.

"Well Rye and Willow certainly don't get it from the Everdeen side." He chuckles softly and presses his cheek to mine.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"We're all messes," I remind him. "Don't apologize for it." I glance around the room and my eyes fall on his canvas.

"Were you painting?"

"I came up to paint her...but then I remembered this." He pushes a crumpled piece of paper into my hands and I smooth it out over my leg. It must be from when he was really little...young Peeta wasn't quite as talented as he is now. It's a drawing of his family and the youngest son, a tiny toddler with curly hair, is clinging to his mother's leg. She has her arm wrapped around him and is smiling. His family stands close together, all with broad smiles. I look up at him with wide eyes.

"Where did you find this?"

"Years ago, I found this box in my basement. I think Dad might have left it there, but I'm not sure. I brought it up here to my studio and it's been sitting there in the corner. Anyway, inside were my drawings and projects I did when I was in school. My wrestling trophies and certificates, letters that girls wrote me. And," he adds hastily, seeing my scowl, "love letters I wrote to you."

"You kept them?"

"Every one. I planned to confess my undying love in this great romantic letter, but they're kind of painful to read, to be honest." I grin and look back down at the drawing of his family.

"Would you show them to me?"

"Right now," he asks, going pale.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but one day I'd really love to read them. I'd love to see your drawings, your trophies. I want to see everything from your childhood.

"That would take all night!" I shrug.

"We should go finish dinner with our friends but we can come back up here later, if you want to." He glances at the drawing in my hand and bites his lip.

"I like this crown on your mother's head." He stifles a grin.

"I was a little boy. Most kids imagine their mothers as queens."

"I bet your mom had this hanging by her bed."

"Doubtful," he snorts. "But I don't remember a lot of this stuff. Dad must have collected it all when I was Reaped. I really hope he wasn't planning to give you the letters I wrote." He shudders and I grin, leaning in to kiss his nose.

"Love letters from a little Peeta. I wouldn't have known what to say."

"My old sketch pads are probably in there too and I REALLY hope Dad never looked in them." He's blushing and I raise my brow.

"What was young Peeta drawing?"

"Young Peeta still had a filthy mind," he says with a shy grin; it's even more adorable accompanied by his rosy cheeks.

"You knew what a woman looked like?"

"I told you, my brothers educated me," he says, still blushing. I kiss his cheek and shake my head.

"Let's get back down there. Your children are worried about you." He stands and pulls me to my feet.

"How did I get so lucky," his hands rest on my waist and he presses his forehead to mine, "that I get to call you mine?"

"You have such goodness in you. And you deserve the utmost happiness. So if I'm what makes you happy, I will happily say I belong to you." His smile lights up his entire face.

"You have no idea what that means to me," his warm breath fans across my face.

"I think I might." Katniss Everdeen would never, in her life, have let someone claim her. But the moment Peeta and I became intimate, the first time I allowed him to call me his, I knew I had changed. I knew I wanted to experience that for the rest of my life. I secretly love to hear him use the words "my wife", "my Katniss", or simply, "mine". I wrap my hand into his and pull him from the room. He closes the door behind us and follows me down the stairs.

Everyone seems to be waiting for something when we re-enter the room but Peeta doesn't say anything. The kids run over to him and he kneels to hug them both.

"We love you, Daddy," Rye says in a loud whisper.

"I love you guys too." He stands back up and faces everyone else. "Sorry," he says sheepishly.

"The only thing you should be apologizing for is not making more of these cheesebuns," Johanna picks up the empty basket. "I think Brainless ate twelve by herself."

"Stuff it, Jo. I watched you eat five in a row." Annie claps her hand over her mouth and Johanna tosses the basket aside.

"Fine. What's for dessert then?"  
_______________________________ 

Later that night, Willow and Rye both ask for Peeta to read them a story. Rye is out before he can finish but Willow stays alert until the story ends and she climbs under her overs, moving Prince off her pillow.

"It's ok to be sad sometimes, Daddy," she says softly. "You know that, right?"

"I swear, Willow, you get smarter everyday." She nods, looking smug.

"I know." Peeta chuckles as he kisses her forehead.

"Get some sleep."

"Aunt Jo and Mama were really happy with the cake we made!"

"Everyone loved it. Your cakes are always a big hit."

"You think one day I'll help run your bakery?"

"I'm sure that day isn't far off, my sweet girl. Now go to sleep."

"Night Mama," she calls to me as I lean against the doorframe, watching them.

"Sweet dreams, baby." Peeta pulls her door shut and kisses my temple.

"You tired?"

"Not really. Why?"

"Well I think I have some letters to read to you." I nod and he tugs me down the hall, into his studio.

Hours later, we are lying on our stomachs on the floor, giggling into our arms. He was right; the letters were a little painful and he keeps bursting into laughter every time he tries to read one. Finally I have to yank it from his hands and read it myself, until I find I can't read it without laughing.

"You're not supposed to laugh," he tries to sound hurt, but fails to stifle his laughter.

"You were such a romantic little boy."

"Were? I'm still romantic! Do I not try to sweep you off your feet every chance I get?"

"You do," I giggle. "But Peeta really. I can't describe the stirrings in my heart, whenever you are near me. Your eyes freeze me in place, where I stand, causing the whole world to stop spinning on its axis." He grimaces and I clap my hand over my mouth.

"Ok, we're done with those." He gathers the stack of letters and tosses them back into the box.

"Awe, don't do that."

"I'm never writing you another love letter," he pouts. "You just make fun of me." He reaches into the box and withdraws a rather large trophy.

"Wow," he says with wide eyes. "I won this the year I beat Ryean in the championship." He turns to me, looking excited. "Ryean was so upset with me, and his girlfriend, Mira Blackwell jumped into my arms and kissed me on the--" he shuts up immediately at the look that I am giving him; he clears his throat and stuffs the trophy back into the box.

"Anyway," he says loudly. "Should I read you another love letter?"

"Let's see those drawings of yours," I lean up to peek over the box. He rummages through the papers until he withdraws a heavy-looking book.

"Are you sure?"

"It's not like you haven't drawn me before," I point out.

"Yeah but that's different."

"How?"

"We're married now," he shrugs. "When I started to draw you...I dunno, I just don't want you to think it's creepy."

"It IS creepy, Peeta," I laugh. His shoulders slump.

"Yeah."

"But it's also flattering. And you have told me time and time again how much you loved me. So show me your drawings. Please," I add. He inhales deeply and flips the book open.

"I drew this the day I first met you," he says with a shy grin. He pulls out a faded piece of paper and hands it to me. It's obviously drawn by a child and yet I can immediately tell it was Peeta's hand. A little girl stands on a chair, singing, with musical notes flowing from her mouth. A little boy with lots of curly hair stares up at her, entranced. Outside the window, there are two birds that have comically large eyes and ears (do birds have ears? They must but where are they?) and are clearly listening to the little girl's music. Her braids are lopsided, shaded in with a pencil, and her eyes are closed. He's watching me, almost tentatively.

"Go ahead and laugh."

"I really wish you had talked to me, Peeta," I say quietly. He looks taken aback and glances down at the drawing.

"I was afraid to."

"I know. But I think we could have been friends."

"I thought you weren't very good with friends," he says with a grin.

"Well before my dad died, I was a little more cheerful and friendly. I may not have been THAT mean to you." He kisses my forehead and takes the drawing back. He places it between the pages of his book, almost tenderly.

"I think Mom and Dad gave me this book when I was 11 or 12. I started to experiment with shading and eventually color. Here," he turns it and I pull it into my lap. It's a black and white field of dandelions but two little girls sit against a tree. I know who they are without asking. I flip the pages, pausing to admire certain works. There are several pages of just hands, slender and delicate. There is a whole page of eyes, shaded very light grey.

"I was sort of obsessed with your eyes," he says quietly.

"I'm sort of obsessed with yours," I reply, glancing up into those blue orbs. "Even when I was trading with your dad...I noticed how pretty your eyes were." He blushes and turns the page.

"This was when I started to draw still life. I loved drawing the cakes and pastries." Every drawing is so detailed and pristine. I see when he started to design cakes, how his drawings came to life. I feel like I am viewing Peeta's childhood and teen years through his art. It's an entirely new kind of intimacy. There are some that are very dark, like a child cowering in the corner with a shadow bearing down on him. I choose to flip forward a bit.

"Hmm, this doesn't look like me," I turn the book so he can see and his ears turn red. It's Peeta and a girl kissing; their eyes are closed and their lips are barely touching.

"Turn the page," he mutters. I do and can't help but smile; it's the same drawing, except this time, he's kissing me. My braid is drawn so clearly, flung over my shoulder, and unlike the girl in the last picture, our lips are pressed tightly together. Even the way his hand caresses my face screams his adoration.

"You were everywhere," he whispers. I glance up at him and then back down at the book. I flip the page and he clears his throat.

"Umm...well, I think this was the year that Ryean and Bialy snuck in Capitol porn."

"Clearly. Those can't be real." There are quite a few pages where I can tell what Peeta's new obsession was. Every now and again they were attached to a slender body, the belly button shaded in. The drawings get more detailed and more risqué and start to involve him as well. The girls, I notice, are faceless. This intrigues me but I don't say anything.

"Oh," I say, cocking my head and studying one. "That just looks...painful."

"Obviously I didn't know a lot about it," he says, his cheeks flaming. "It was a favorite position in one of those Capitol magazines."

"Doesn't surprise me. Oh my god, Peeta." My eyes nearly bulge out of my head as I find a very detailed drawing of the two of us; we are on what I assume to be his bed, with him kneeling behind me. My hair is loose but somehow, I still know it's me. It's funny that he's mostly hidden, his face peeking over my shoulder, and his eyes closed. I'm on full display, however, with my back arched and my arm stretched over my head, my hand gripping his hair. His strong hand is closed around my breast and his lips are touching my shoulder. His other hand is buried between my legs, his fingers crooked, the way I like.

"You've just seen far worse," he scoffs. "What are you so shocked about?"

"The other girls were faceless. But this is...me."

"You sound so surprised."

"I guess it was less shocking to see them faceless. Then I don't have to think about you fantasizing about other girls."

"Katniss I told you, you were the star of every one of my fantasies." I turn the page and there is another. Beautifully intricate, the expressions on our faces are serene and blissful.

"Did I live up to your standards," I ask, hating how vulnerable I sound. He takes my hand and brings it to his lips.

"You're so much more than I ever imagined." In the next one I am sitting on the counter in the bakery, with him kneeling between my legs. My head is thrown back, one of my hands is buried in his hair while the other grips the edge of the counter. We've done this many times and yet it's strange to see us portrayed so young.

"It's weird, isn't it," he says, reading my thoughts. "That we've done this a thousand times. Almost like I could see the future."

"Maybe if you had talked to me here," I pull out the first drawing, "then this could have happened a long time ago."

"You think so?"

"Maybe. But like you always tell me, no point in dwelling on 'what if'." I turn another page and laugh. We're in bed, my legs wrapped around his head and clutching his messy curls again.

"Most of these are you going down on me. Did you not fantasize about more?"

"I fantasized plenty. But that's the one thing I always wanted to do. I wanted to hear you cry out my name cause that got me going EVERY time." He blushes and I have to smile; he's acting like the young boy who drew these scandalous pictures. When the truth is, my husband has whispered far worse in my ear. I flip through the pages, admiring his work.

"It's interesting..." I trail off and he looks down at the page I'm on with a frown, as if it has offended me.

"What's interesting?"

"You drew me...so real." He continues to look bemused.  
"I mean...you drew me with small breasts. And still really skinny. You didn't draw me as some girl from those Capitol magazines."

"Because I didn't want those girls. I wanted you. And the real thing beats any fantasy I've ever had."

"It's hard to be irritated with you when you say things like that."

"Why would you be irritated," he asks, surprised.

"Because you're sort of turning me on with your art." A sly smile crosses over his face and he slams the book shut.

"Well then let's do something about that, shall we?" He pulls me to my feet and kisses me deeply; pressing against me, I can feel him hard and ready.

"Take me to bed, Peeta." He gives me a sweet smile and tugs me into the bedroom. His fingers toy with the edge of my shirt until he slides it up and over my head. He drops to his knees and kisses the jagged scar across my belly, his lips trailing down to the edge of my pants. He looks up at me as he edges my pants down my hips. I suck in a breath as he places a kiss over my clothed center. He pulls my panties aside and I throw my head back as soon as his tongue meets my sensitive skin.

"Lie back on the bed," he says huskily.

"Are we recreating those drawings," I ask with a grin. He only smiles as he crawls toward me. Sitting up on his knees, he yanks his shirt off and throws it aside.

After he makes me come twice, I sit up and tug at his jeans. He winces only slightly until he pops free of his restricting clothing. I waste no time in lowering my mouth over him and he gasps loudly.

"Oh fuck Katniss, that feels amazing." I swirl my tongue around him and he wraps my braid around his hand.

"You've got to stop," he whispers, cupping my chin. He looks disappointed when I release him and sit up.

"I want to ride you," I murmur, pushing him onto his back. His hands travel up my thighs and rest between my breasts. I straddle him and he grips my hips as I lower onto him. For a moment I just sit there, enjoying the feel of him filling me. He sits up and reaches behind me to unclasp my bra, and slides it down my arms.

"You are so beautiful," he whispers, sliding his palms across my hardened nipples. He leans down to take one between his teeth and I throw my head back. My eyes meet his and he smiles.

"It feels like the first time, all over again." I brace myself against his chest and move up and down. He squeezes his eyes shut but they snap open again; he knows I love to watch him when he's inside me. And vice versa.

"Peeta," I say breathily and he shifts a little, so that he is sitting cross-legged and his chest is pressed to mine.

"God Katniss," he breathes.

"Is this what you imagined, Peeta? Is this what you thought it would be like?"

"My poor little Merchant mind couldn't imagine how amazing this would be," he gasps as I grind my hips, searching for friction.

He grunts loudly as I come around him and he holds me close, his hand making gentle patterns on my back as I come down from my high. He's still throbbing inside me but he sits still, waiting for me to stop trembling. I climb off of him and he looks confused but his bemused expression quickly becomes lustful as I turn around and move to all fours. He leaves soft kisses down my spine as he snaps his hips and reenters me.

"Fuck. Arch your back, baby. God, you have such a gorgeous ass." I blush at his dirty words but smile into the sheets; the closer he is, the dirtier his mouth gets.

"You going to come again, sweetheart? I'm not letting go until you come for me."

"Shit Peeta, I can't," I squeal, as his thrusts increase and he slams into me.

"Oh yes you can." He tugs on my shoulder until I sit up on my knees, with him kneeling between my legs. His hand moves to my breast and his other slides down to circle my clit. It's just like his drawing, as his shifts his hips and moves inside me.

"Oh my god Peeta!"

"You're so close, Katniss, I can feel it. Come for me. Come with me!" I dig my nails into his leg as we find our peaks only seconds within each other. I fall forward onto the bed and he rests on top of me. We're both sweaty and it's a bit uncomfortable with him splayed across my back but I reach back and hold him when he tries to move.

"I'm too heavy for this," he says in a muffled voice. I giggle and slap his ass. "Hey!"

"You're on top of me," I point out.

"Trying to move here." I giggle as he slides off to the side and throws his arm out. I rest my chin on his bicep and grin up at him.

"Are you happy, Peeta?" He turns his head and rises off the pillow a little.

"Do you really have to ask me that?" I shrug.

"I just want to hear you say it."

"Hear me say what? That all my dreams have come true? That I couldn't imagine such a life, with you. With our children. Of course I'm happy, Katniss. I'm happier than I ever thought I'd be. Sure, there are some things I would like to be different but...this life with you is worth every ounce of pain." I squeeze my eyes shut and rest my cheek on his chest. His hand goes to my hair, gently untangling the strands.

"I think I should go see Delly tomorrow." I sit up and he bites his lip. "If you don't mind, that is."

"Why do you need to see her?"

"Katniss, this really doesn't have anything to do with her. It's Lila and how afraid she must be. I'm her godfather, I feel like I should offer whatever kind of support I can." I huff and hide my face in his arm; I don't want to admit that he's right but why does he have to be so good all the time? Am I selfish if I ask that Brent have to be there with them when he goes over?

"We won't be alone, Katniss," he reads my thoughts and kisses my forehead. "I want to talk to Lila and Brent and Delly all together. Delly needs to understand that her daughter is safe."

"What if the Capitol decides to retaliate?" He frowns and sits up against the headboard.

"What?"

"We're not taking these "Games" seriously. What if the Capitol gets upset that we are taking it so lightly and they decide to do something else? Something to punish us?"

"Olivier won't let that happen."

"He sure is being silent about it now. What makes you think that he will be able to stop them, if they try?"

"Honey," he says patiently. "You remember what it was like when we lived in the Capitol."

"Yes I do," I bristle. "You barely had any power. What is the point of declaring someone a leader of a country if their power is limited?"

"Snow had advisors but ultimately, he made the decisions. Because of that, Panem decided to elect a Committee Board to maintain a balance. It limits the president's power but the fact is, the country won't let these things happen again. We're a freed nation, Katniss. We won't go back to the dark days or what followed."

"Do people really want to see these Games happen, or is this all just some elaborate plot to get back at you?" He shifts under the blankets and sighs.

"I'll call Olivier first thing in the morning. I wanted to talk to him tonight but someone distracted me."

"Excuse me. You welcomed the distraction."

"I did," he grins. "In fact, feel free to distract me more often."

"Don't tempt me," I wink and giggle, surprising myself. Peeta, however, doesn't look surprised; I suppose he's learned to accept it over the years, how much I have changed. It still shocks me sometimes.

He wriggles down the bed until his head is resting on the pillow and I stretch out beside him.

"God it's hot," he whines, throwing the blanket aside.

"Peeta," I mumble as the blanket hits the floor. I know I'm going to want it later on. He still sleeps with the windows open, and though the days are sweltering, the nights are freezing.

"Mmhm," he grunts, already falling asleep. The moonlight streams into the room and paints his fair skin in a bright light, making him look like an ethereal creature.

Damn. Peeta is starting to rub off on me, with his artistic, romantic side.  
I stare at him until I feel my eyes growing heavy, finally burying my face in his side.  
_______________________________

"I understand that. I'm not trying to put you in an uncomfortable position. I'm just asking why this is happening." Peeta's voice is impatient but hushed, as though not to disturb me. I peek an eye open and see him sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed. He presses the phone to his ear and sighs.

"The teacher as good as told me that she was deliberately Reaped. And I'm not asking for you to change the circumstances, I just want to know why we're being targeted, Olivier!" I sit up and kiss his shoulder and he starts, glancing back at me.

"Sorry," he mouths and I shake my head. The sun is already high in the sky so I don't know how I slept so long.

"I always knew he hated me. But one man on the board can't possibly control everything. I refuse to believe that Griggs and Brody and Polthad are all ok with this...they're from outlining districts like me!" He runs his hand through his hair and lets out an impatient sigh.

"Olivier, you know those Capitol men only tolerated me because I'm a Victor. And I'm sure you deal with the same kind of prejudice. Just tell me how you are containing this madness to one district." He jumps off the bed and I nearly fall forward into the floor. He immediately starts to pace and he shakes his head.

"That's insane. Why is 12 being targeted? Because it's the home of the remaining Victors? Is that it?" Olivier must answer and Peeta goes red.

"Bullshit, Olivier. Don't insult my intelligence!" I jump to my feet and attempt to calm him. Peeta may have been Olivier's mentor but Olivier is the president of Panem now and Peeta is just a citizen. He could get into serious trouble for speaking to the president like this and the last thing we need is more trouble for our family. My hands go to his arms but he shrugs me off and moves across the room.

"My daughter is only 10, Olivier, and she was Reaped to compete in this twisted little experiment! If I need to fly to the Capitol to talk to the Board myself, tell me now so I can arrange a hovercraft. No? Then be the president I know you can be and DO something about this!" He slams the phone down and presses his palms to the wall.

"Peeta-"

"Don't, Katniss. I love you but I need to be alone. I'm sorry." He throws the door open and stomps down the stairs. I wince as I hear the door slam and hurriedly get dressed so I can calm the kids if needed.  
________________________________

Willow and Rye both want to help make breakfast, and we decide to save a plate for Peeta in case he comes home soon. Johanna calls and asks for me to meet her at her hotel, near the bakery. I glance at the clock and decide we need to get Rye to school and on the way home, Willow suggests stopping into the bakery to see if Daddy is working. I know he wants some time alone but time with his daughter can always cheer him up. I agree and we change our course, heading to the bakery.  
Rory and Dane wave as we enter, and Giselle pushes the door open.

"Well good morning Katniss. Willow. How are you both?"

"We're fine, Giselle. Is Peeta in the back?"

"He is." She looks uncertain, so I have a feeling he told her he's not to be disturbed. "Should I...call for him?"

"Don't worry about it," I wave my hand as I hold the counter up and allow Willow to slip into the kitchen.

"Go cheer him up kid," Rory whispers to Willow as she passes. She looks up at me, biting her lip.

"Is Daddy sad?"

"He's just a little upset. Maybe you can bake with him for a little while?"

"Yes please Mama," she says excitedly. Rory winks at me as we pass and Willow bounces toward Peeta's office. The door is closed and I hold her back for a moment.

"Knock first." She nods and tentatively knocks with her little fist.

"What is it," I hear him snap. Suddenly I'm afraid that this might not be a great idea. He is obviously very upset and he may think that Willow is another distraction that he doesn't need.  
I shake my head. Peeta cherishes his daughter and their time together. He could never view her as a distraction.

I nod for Willow to push the door open and she peeks her head in.

"Hi Daddy!"

"Willow? What are you doing here?" Peeta comes to the door and his eyes widen in surprise.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. We took Rye to school and Willow wanted to come bake with Daddy." His lips are thin and he looks strained.

"Katniss--"

"Don't you want me to help you, Daddy?" He can't resist those big blue eyes and his face softens.

"Of course I do, princess. Daddy just has lots of work to do."

"I can help," she says eagerly. I watch him warily. Please don't hurt her feelings, Peeta.

"Of course you can help. Mama can help too, if she wants."

"I need to go see Johanna before her mentoring sessions start. I can swing by and pick her up after I'm finished so you can get some work done, if you like."

"I'll bring her home. Willow, baby, why don't you go start getting things together for our triple chocolate cake? A bride has requested it for her wedding in District 11."

"Good choice," she nods proudly. Peeta watches her with a smile as she runs out of the office. I wait for him to speak and he gestures for me to come in so he can close the door. He takes both of my hands and I suck in a breath.

"This can't be good," I mutter softly.

"I'm flying to the Capitol tonight."

"Wait, why?"

"The Committee Board is requesting to meet with me. As a Victor, I'm still shown just enough respect to be requested and not ordered. But they want me to come for an urgent meeting. I just got off the phone with Paylor."

"Will she be there?"

"She and Olivier have both agreed to be there, just in case."

"In case what? Peeta, what's happening?" His eyes are sad and his shoulders are slumped forward.

"I don't know, Katniss." I start to hyperventilate and back away from him.

"You...you said..."

"Katniss-"

"You said we would be ok! That the country wouldn't allow anything else to happen to us!"

"Honey, please-"

"You promised, Peeta," I say through my tears. "You promised that things would work out for us! Why does it seem like we will never have a moment of peace?"

"Katniss! You've got to stop, you're going to make yourself sick!" I back into the door, shaking my head.

"Don't touch me!"

"Sweetheart please calm down. Look at me. Nothing is going to happen, to me or to the kids."

"You can't know that! What if you caused too much trouble with this assignment, and they're going to punish you?"

"What can they do to me that they haven't done already?" I blanch and he seems to realize what he's just said.

"Shit, I'm sorry. That was incredibly stupid of me to say. I didn't mean it, Katniss. Nothing is going to happen to me."  
But it's too late. The darkness is crushing me completely and I fall to my knees. I vaguely register him calling my name and shaking me but it's like the jabberjays from the arena; I'm lost in my world of pain. I can hear his screams echoing in my head, begging for me to save him. I hear my little girl pleading, my little boy crying, screaming "Mama". Prim crying out "Katty" as she burns. I rock back and forth, my hands over my head, pleading for the voices to stop. Please just make it all stop.

"Katniss! Katniss please look at me! It's not real! What you're seeing, it's not real! Look at me!" He holds my face in both of his hands and kneels between my legs.

"Katniss I'm sorry. I'm sorry for upsetting you. Please believe me, I won't let anything bad happen. I'll come home to you. I promise." I feel his lips, soft and tentative, on my forehead and my nose. My body shakes with sobs but he holds me close and strokes my hair.

"Come back to me, love. Come back to me."  
_________________________________________

My anxiety attack lasts longer than usual and I don't know what exactly happens while I'm out of it, but I do know he never leaves my side. When I come to, he is holding me to his chest, still stroking my hair. I lean back and blink groggily, frowning when I see his tear-streaked face.

"What happened?"

"Oh my god, Katniss," he launches himself into my arms and hides his face in my hair; I feel his shoulders shaking.

"What," I ask, muffled by his shoulder.

"I couldn't reach you! You just...I don't know, you were gone. I was crying your name and shaking you and talking to you and you just stared at the wall. You've been...out of it for hours."

"Where is everyone?" I hope no one else heard my breakdown, especially our daughter!

"Everyone went home. Johanna came by and took Willow home. She told me to stay here with you."

"Is Willow ok?" I try to stand but he gently pushes me down.

"She's fine. You're not. You need to sit and drink this." He pushes a glass of water into my hands and I suddenly realize how thirsty I am. I drain the whole thing and he goes into the bathroom to get me more.

"Was I screaming?" My throat sure feels like it.

"You did at first but then you started muttering to yourself and rocking back and forth. You had some kind of fit on the floor until I pulled you into my lap and you kind of calmed down."

"Willow didn't see, did she?"

"No, Rory kept her busy out front. She didn't come back here." He's always ashamed to think of the kids seeing his episodes and he knows I'm the same way. He keeps rubbing my arms and I suddenly remember why I went into an attack in the first place; I shrug away and his brow furrows, his eyes clouding with pain.

"Katniss-"

"You didn't go to your meeting." His eyes flash and he looks more annoyed than anything else.

"My wife was in the middle of a severe panic attack. Give me some goddamn credit, Katniss."

"Well I'm fine now so you can go."

"You're acting like I want to go to the Capitol!"

"You told Olivier this morning that you would fly there to speak to the board yourself! You're pissing off too many important people, Peeta! Why can't you just be quiet and just help Willow play...win or lose, it doesn't matter! As long as nothing else happens to her father!"

"Nothing is going to happen to me!"

"Then why are Paylor and her nephew going to this meeting of yours? So they can be ready to defend you? Keep you out of jail or keep you out of whatever trouble you've gotten yourself into?"

"You're being ridiculous, love--"

"I'M being ridiculous?" I straighten up and narrow my eyes at him. "You were the one so scared the Capitol would do something to our family. And yet you continued to speak out and curse the president and whatever else you've done!"

"You'd rather I just sit back and let all of this happen? Be a good little Victor and keep my mouth shut? Like you think you should have done when we won the Games?" I gasp and fall silent. He takes a deep breath and releases, shaking his head.

"I've heard you talking about it. To Johanna and Annie and Haymitch....you think that things would be different if you'd have followed Snow's orders and married me and stayed quiet. But that's not you, Katniss. You were the Mockingjay, the girl who set the country on fire because you were furious about the injustice. And it's not me. I can't just sit back and watch this happen to my family. Despite the fact that it could be so much worse, I won't stand for my family being targeted. All I want to do is face the Committee Board and find out what they are thinking. To hear their views on everything. That is it."

"I just think we should be careful," I say miserably.

"I'm being careful. I asked Paylor to be present and she agreed. I'm not in trouble and nothing bad is going to happen to me. But if it would make you feel better, I can arrange for you and the kids to join me. It's the weekend anyway so we wouldn't be taking Rye out of school." I consider this; as much as I don't want to return to the Capitol, I can't let Peeta face them alone.

:We're a team," I finally say. "And I want to be by your side to hear their views on it too." A small smile forms on his face and he pushes a strand of my hair back.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Maybe we can talk Haymitch and Effie into coming so they can watch the kids."

"Ok. Let's go talk to them and I'll call for the hovercraft when we get home." He helps me to my feet and I'm a bit shaky, so he wraps his arm around my waist and I lean on him as he closes up the bakery.


	84. Chapter 84

Katniss is still really weak from her attack and I keep glancing at her out of the corner of my eye, as if she is going to collapse at any minute.

"I'm fine, Peeta," she growls after my fifteenth time doing it.

"Sorry. But I haven't seen your episodes that bad since..." I fall silent and her lips tighten. Since we lost Lily. She was completely unreachable for weeks, months even. She didn't move from the bed and I did everything I could. Nothing worked, and I never want to see her that bad again.

"It's been a long time," I say softly. She sighs and stares straight ahead, refusing to look at me until we make it back to Victor's Village. The sun is almost finished setting and I pause in the middle of the road to take it in. There's a lot of red splashing across the orange and it's captivating.

"Blood stained sky," Katniss mutters beside me. My brow furrows.

"What?"

"The red sunset. Blood stained sky. It's what my father used to say. Blood was spilled today. The moon will come wipe away the blood soon." I stare at her, stunned. Katniss isn't really poetic but every now and again, she will say something that floors my artistic side. I really wish I had the chance to know her father; I think we would have gotten along well. And I certainly would have asked him for her hand and his blessing before I proposed.

"Peeta, did I do something to my shoulder? It's really sore." I didn't tell her that she slammed into me, screaming that she would save me from the Capitol. It was too much like the jabberjays in the arena; I was powerless to help her. My shoulder is throbbing but I remain silent.

"I held you pretty tightly," is all I say. She rubs her shoulder gingerly and nods.  
_____________________________

"Do you think they might be asleep already," she says in a hushed tone as we approach Haymitch's house.

"No. Effie told me one day that they stay up to have tea and read together every night. Why don't you sit for a moment?" I help her sit in Effie's rocking chair and knock on the door. Effie's surprised face appears and her eyes dart from me to Katniss.

"Peeta, what's going on, dear?"

"We need to talk to you and Haymitch. It's sort of urgent."

"If you're not getting ready for bed," Katniss adds. I don't have time to be polite; Olivier sounded anxious when I called him from my office to tell him about Katniss's attack.

"I'll tell the Board what's happened. Take care of her first and we will see you when we see you," he said.

"No, no, come in." She opens the door and stands aside. I stand next to Katniss so she knows she can lean on me again but she shrugs me off and enters the house. She never likes to appear weak in front of anyone but I wish she weren't so damned stubborn all the time.

Haymitch has a cozy fire going even though it is at least eighty degrees outside. His brow quirks up when Effie leads us into the room.

"This have anything to do with Paylor calling me earlier?"

"Wait. She called you?"

"Asked me to escort a former Victor to the Capitol for an important meeting. Figured it had to be one of you, Johanna isn't going there anytime soon and Annie wouldn't be asking for me to escort her."

"Are we really the last of the Hunger Games Victors," I say softly. "That's so....depressing."

"And yet Plutarch has outlived some of the younger ones," Haymitch chuckles. Effie shoots him an annoyed look.

"Anyway, Peeta, mind telling me why we're taking a spontaneous trip to the Capitol?"

"The Board wants to meet with me. I asked Paylor and Olivier to be there and I was supposed to go this afternoon."

"Yeah, Paylor called me earlier today. Figured you had changed plans when you didn't come home."

"Katniss had a bit of a panic attack at the bakery." Haymitch nods, looking thoughtful.

"Knew that too. Johanna brought Willow home and went back to pick up Rye so Willow stayed here. We made them dinner and Johanna just took them back home a little while ago."

"Thanks Haymitch. We appreciate it." He waves my thanks aside.

"You know we will watch the rug rats anytime."

"Well, we are kind of hoping you'll hold true to that. Katniss is coming with me to the meeting and we need someone to watch Willow and Rye. I'll pay for a nice hotel room and room service."

"Pft, I'm richer than you kid. I was getting Victor earnings way before you were." I give him what I hope is a patronizing glare. Why is he bringing that up now?

"Regardless," I say through gritted teeth, "will you two come with us?" He shoots Effie a concerned glance and they trade looks.

"You're not leaving me behind," she says sternly.

"Fine. I guess we're both going."

"I need to call the Capitol and arrange for them to pick us up. We will go home and pack and let Johanna know what's going on."

"We'll go ahead and pack. Let us know what time to be ready."

"Thank you," Katniss nods gratefully. Effie pats her hand as we pass them on our way out.

All of our lights are on as we head up the porch stairs and as soon as the door opens, we hear little voices squealing. Johanna runs in after them, clutching her side.

"I can't handle little boys anymore!"

"I thought little girls were worse," I grin, remembering her complaints about Brody and Ana.

"Little kids in general. I'm exhausted," she pants.

"Did you make it to your mentoring session," Katniss asks, biting her lip.

"I rescheduled," Jo shrugs.

"Oh."

"It's fine, brainless. How are you feeling?" Katniss glances at our kids before nodding.

"I'm fine." Jo nods and nudges Katniss's shoulder.

"Don't scare us like that."

"I'm fine," my wife repeats firmly.

"Haymitch fed us and Rye refuses to take a bath. I wasn't sure when you would be home."

"Thanks Jo. I need to call for a hovercraft to take us to the Capitol." Katniss fills her in while I hurry up to our room.

"Peeta?" Olivier's voice is quiet when they finally put me through. "Is Katniss alright?"

"She's better, thanks. We are getting packed and we will be ready, whenever the hovercraft wants to pick us up. The Abernathys are joining us too."

"I'll let the head of security know. We have pushed the meeting back to lunch time, so that you can have some time to rest in the morning."

"I really appreciate it, Olivier," I say gratefully. It's then that I remember something. "Um, Olivier...your security detail....Soldier Hawthorne won't be there, will he?"

"No Peeta," it sounds like he is trying not to laugh. 

"Soldier Hawthorne is on assignment in District 4 until his wedding next month."

"Oh, alright."

"Will you need anything else, Mr. Mellark?" Olivier still seems to forget that he is the president and I'm nothing but a citizen of Panem now.

"No President Porthos," I say loudly. "Thank you for your assistance and your hospitality."

"The hovercraft should arrive at eleven hundred hours, Mr. Mellark. My aunt said she will greet you and personally escort you to your rooms."

"Tell your aunt that she's very kind but that's not necessary. I don't want to be a bother to anyone, especially since it's so late."

"You know my aunt, Peeta," he drops his professional tone again. "She won't take no for an answer."

"Very well. We will see you in the morning, Mr. President. Thank you again."

"Safe travels, Mr. Mellark!" I hang up the phone and stare at it in bemusement. That man baffles me sometimes.  
_______________________________

I hear the kids in their rooms and I assume Katniss has sent them to pack. As I am exiting the room, I nearly run her over and she squeals loudly.

"Sorry! I didn't hear you coming in."

"I still need to pack. When will the hovercraft be here?"

"11. I'll call Haymitch and let him know. Are the kids packing?" She nods as she moves past me.

"What did Olivier say?"

"That Maja will greet us when we arrive and escort us to our hotel. They've pushed the meeting back til lunchtime."

"That's good," she yawns. "Did he say anything else?"

"No, that was it. He doesn't seem to worried about this meeting."

"Yeah, well, you're not his family," she snaps. I sigh and pull her into my arms.

"I promise you, everything is going to be fine."

"That's just it, Peeta. We always think everything is going to be fine. Every time we think things will be alright, our happiness is snatched from us. It's like someone doesn't want us to be happy."

"Nothing is going to keep me from my happiness with you, Katniss, nothing. So knock off those thoughts. You'll be right there beside me. Maybe you should sneak your bow in."

"Don't think I haven't already thought about it," she growls and I have to laugh.

"Why don't you pack for us and I'll go help the kids?" She nods as she reaches for our suitcase and I give her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Rye is actually asleep in the middle of the floor, curled up in his suitcase. Willow rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

"He looks like Prince right now."

"He kind of does. You need any help packing?"

"I got it." She's folding several dresses quite daintily and I chuckle softly. I don't know where she got such a prissy side from. I never grew up with sisters so I couldn't say that's how girls behave but Katniss has always been so much of a tomboy that I think we were both surprised when Willow's personality started to develop. If anything, she's more like Prim than anyone else. I think Katniss sees it too though she sometimes denies it.

"You don't need that much, princess, we are only going to be there for 2 days tops."

"But I won't know what I will wanna wear," she says very slowly, as if it's obvious.

"Ok. But you'll be with your Mimi and Grandpa so you don't really need anything fancy."

"This isn't fancy, Daddy," she says, her eyes wide. I hold up my hands in surrender. I can't win this battle. Effie has taught her well.

"Ok. Can you put some of your brother's things in there too?"

"With my dresses," she asks, horrified.

"Willow, his clothes are clean. Just put them under your dresses if you want." She huffs and stomps into his room; when she returns, she holds his shirt and shorts between her fingers, looking disgusted.

"For crying out loud, Willow, you won't get dirty from a boy's clothes."

"Boys are gross." I quirk my brow at her.

"You think I'm gross?"

"Cept you. But Rye is. And boys at school. Dirty and gross." I struggle not to laugh, disguising it as a cough.

"How about Aran? You think he's gross?"

"Kinda," she cocks her head and looks considering. "But kinda sweet."

"Sweet? How can he be gross and sweet?"

"Ugh I don't know," she tosses a shoe into her bag and looks thoroughly irritated with where the conversation is going.

"Well, you're a ten year old beauty. And a competitor in these Glory Games. Boys are bound to start noticing you." She wrinkles her nose at me and throws in another shoe.

"You look like your mama did when she was little."

"She thought boys were gross too." I snort.

"She probably did."

"Cept you?"

"She didn't really notice me, baby, I've told you that. We didn't know each other very well."

"Bet she didn't think you were gross," she argues.

"Well--"

"Mama!" My head shoots up as Katniss enters the room, leaning against the door.

"Did you guys knock him out?"

"He fell asleep like that. Mama, did you think Daddy was gross?"

"What? When," she laughs.

"When you were my age! Boys are gross. Did you think Daddy was gross?"

"I thought all boys were gross."

"Even Daddy?"

"No, Daddy wasn't gross. He smelled like cookies and cinnamon. And was always very sweet." Willow turns back to me, her hands on her hips.

"See?"

"I stand corrected," I raise my hands in the air.

"Mama wasn't gross was she," Willow asks in a sing-song voice. Katniss giggles while I wrinkle my nose, before grabbing her to my side.

"Little girls are made of sweet things! Like sugar and cinnamon and yummy desserts."

"They are," Katniss gasps in surprise. "Why didn't you ever tell me that, Peeta? I need to find out if that's true!" Our daughter emits a shriek as Katniss bends down to bite her. They fall to the floor, as Katniss finds all of Willow's ticklish spots and pretends to gnaw at her shoulder.

"You're right, Peeta! Little girls are deliciously sweet!"

"Noooo! Daddy, help me!" I bite my lip to keep this stupid grin from spreading all over my face. The sight of Katniss and our little girl, so carefree, however, is absolutely beautiful.

"What to do," I say loudly. "Help my daughter, or taste the sweet little girl!"

"Daddy! HELP!" I kneel next to them and she tries to climb into my lap.

"I'm going to gobble you up," Katniss says playfully. Willow's arms wrap around my neck and she hides her face in my shirt.

"MUTT! Mommy's a mutt!" I tense and nearly drop her; Katniss freezes and her jaw drops. The tension in this room could be cut with her hunting knife. And just like that, my heart starts pounding for a different reason.

"Willow," Katniss says slowly. "We don't ever say things like that."

"Daddy says it. I've heard him." Oh god. She's still clinging to my neck and I know I need to set her down before the situation becomes dangerous. She's noticed our somber faces and she cocks her head.

"What'd I say?"

"We never use that word, ok? And we never call Mommy names. Do you understand?" She nods slowly. For such a smart little girl, I don't think she realizes what she has said.

"Now I want you to apologize to Mommy."

"Sowwy Mommy," she says softly. Katniss takes her from my arms and positions her in her lap, pressing their foreheads together.

"Do you know what we told you about Daddy being hurt by the Capitol? And how he did some scary things, because they made him?" She nods, her lower lip pouting out.

"Well Daddy used to say that about Mommy, because they made him think I wasn't human. Capitol creations are called mutts and Daddy sometimes thought that I was a Capitol mutt." Our daughter looks horrified. I honestly want to run and hide in our room. I can't bear to look her in the eye.

She knows her father is a monster.

I blink back tears and feel a tiny hand on my cheek.

"You're still our hero, Daddy." Katniss still holds her and brings her closer, so she can hug me. I catch my wife's eye over my daughter's shoulder and see that she is holding back tears as well.

"You girls and Rye are my world," I whisper against her braids.

"We love you, Daddy," Katniss says softly. I feel tears streaming down my cheeks and Katniss reaches up and holds my head to her shoulder. The tears fall freely and my shoulders shake silently. Katniss's fingers wrap around my curls and I squeeze my eyes shut. The moment of peace is shattered when we hear the door downstairs slam.

"Hey, where is everyone," we hear Haymitch call.

"Granpa!" Willow jumps out of Katniss's lap and runs out of the room, leaving Katniss and I to hold each other on the floor. Rye pops up, his eyes sparkling, and scrambles to his feet.

"Granpa! Mimi!" He races out of the room before we can say anything.

"Are you ok," she asks tentatively. I wipe my face with the back of my hand and nod.

"I hate myself sometimes, Katniss."

"Peeta-"

"No, how do you think she knows that word? She heard me say it, she said it herself. I've let my daughter see my attacks and she's only TEN! A ten year old shouldn't have to wonder about that."

"And twelve year olds shouldn't have to compete in a death arena. We shouldn't have had to endure what we endured. Prim should be here spoiling her niece and nephew. There's a lot of should and shouldn't, Peeta. It's the same as 'if'. We can't think about it." She strokes my cheek and I close my eyes at her caress.

"You're right," I say softly.

"Of course I am. She will understand everything one day, Peeta. They both will."

"That's what I'm afraid of."  
________________________________

When we enter the kitchen, Haymitch is holding Rye and Willow sits on the table beside Effie.

"-so don't call Mama a mutt, k," Rye is whispering to Haymitch, holding his finger to his lips. Haymitch catches my eye and looks concerned.

"No. We don't use that word," Haymitch whispers back.

"Rye, where on earth..." Effie falls silent when she catches sight of us and her lips tighten. Rye puts his finger to his lips again and shushes her. Effie nods and repeats the gesture. Katniss pretends not to see as she swoops down and kisses Rye's hair.

"Where are your bags," she asks Haymitch.

"In the living room," he jabs his thumb over his shoulder. "Where are we staying?"

"Olivier didn't say but Maja is supposed to be there to greet us and escort us to the hotel. I told Olivier to tell her don't worry about it."

"She adores you both," he snorts. "She'd do anything for you."

"Well I wish this meeting wasn't happening then," my wife sighs.

"It will be alright, dear," Effie says earnestly.

"Hovercraft should be here soon. Anyone want hot chocolate?"

"It's too hot for hot chocolate," Willow wrinkles her nose.

"Well how about frozen hot chocolate then?" Her eyes widen.

"Huh?" I chuckle as I move to the counter and pull out the ingredients.

"Why haven't you made this before," Katniss says at my side.

"You've never asked," I reply delicately.

"I don't know enough about sweets to ask anything. I've always just tasted what you make without question or complaint." I shake my head, a broad smile on my face, as I mix the sweet treat. I relish the looks on everyone's faces when they take the first sip.

"I agree with Katniss. Why are you just now making this for us?"

"It's been on my menu for 2 months now," I point out.

"When do I have time to go into that bakery, when you're always asking me to watch your rug rats?" But he grins and tousles Rye's curls, earning a scowl.

"Granpa, you had a big box of pastries just yesterday," Willow says logically and Katniss bursts out laughing.

"Busted." He rolls his eyes and shifts Rye to his shoulder.

"You don't tattle on me, do you kid?"

"Here's your chocolate, Rye. You need to sit down to drink it." He climbs into a chair and takes the cup from me. I have to laugh when I see his very chocolate-y mustache.

"You're just like your father," Katniss sighs exasperatedly, cleaning his face off.

"Hey!" She glances over at me and bursts out laughing; my mustache is far more impressive, apparently. Willow giggles and Rye throws his head back in laughter. It's a nice break from feeling so damaged and so anxious. Here, surrounded by my family, I'm reminded that I did survive; I did leave the arena, and I am living with the girl of my dreams, living the life I always wanted. No, it's not perfect but it's pretty damn close.  
___________________________________

As I expected, Maja is waiting for us when the hovercraft lands and she gives us bows and smiles. Willow has only met her once and she's very shy around the older woman. Maja kneels in front of my daughter and gives her a kind smile.

"That was a very brave thing you did, Miss Mellark. You are an extraordinary young woman, much like your mother." Willow looks up at her mother with a broad smile and back at Maja. Rye, who was just sleeping in Katniss's arms, has woken up and seems to be upset to be left out. He stands in front of his sister and holds his hand out for Maja to shake.

"And it's nice to see you again too, Mr. Mellark," she says with a light chuckle, as she shakes his hand. She stands and addresses us.

"I know you all must be exhausted. The car is waiting to take you to your hotel. It's a new one, very close to your bakery, Peeta."

"Oh that will be nice. We can have lunch before our meeting."

"I think Olivier was trying to arrange to have lunch at the meeting."

"He doesn't need to do that," I say immediately.

"And he said you would say that," she says with a smile.

"You two are so much alike," I reply. She nods and her smile fades a little.

"I basically raised him after my brother was killed." Katniss looks stricken. We've never asked about Olivier's family; there were too many tragedies before and during the war.

"Where was his mother," she asks quietly.

"Died giving birth to him. Then when Olivier was eight, he got caught stealing some food. Peacekeepers came for him and his papa stopped them. They dragged him off and we never saw him again. Didn't even let us bury him." Katniss's jaw clenches and I gape at her in horror.

"That's why," Maja lowers her voice, "you should never question the importance of what you two did. Ever." We both nod stiffly.

"Good luck getting them to listen to you, Maja," Haymitch grunts behind us. "They've never listened to me."

"We started to after you sobered up a bit," Katniss snaps. I swear Effie is trying to hide her smirk.

"Come on," he says grumpily, pushing past us. The officer tries to take his bags but Haymitch yanks them away.

"I can manage my bags, boy, I'm not that old!"

"I beg your pardon, Mr. Abernathy," the soldier stammers.

"Oh don't mind him. He's a terrible grump when he hasn't slept," Effie says warmly. "You can take mine, dear." The young boy eagerly takes Effie's bag and bows to her; Haymitch gives him a sharp glare.

"Don't you go getting any ideas, boy." For some reason, Katniss is overcome with giggles at the sight of a jealous Haymitch. Once we are all comfortably seated in the car, Maja leans in through the window.

"Please let me know if you need anything else, or if there's any problems with your room."

"You and Olivier are too kind to us, Maja."

"No such thing as too much kindness, Peeta. Especially after the lives we have lived."

"Thank you for being here, Maja," Katniss says softly.

"Don't worry about him too much, Katniss. He'll be fine."

"You can't really blame me though," she drops her voice even more. I find her hand on her knee and squeeze. Maja straightens up and nods to us.

"I'll see you at 1. Have a good night."  
__________________________________

The ride to the hotel is quiet; Willow and Rye have both fallen asleep and Effie dozes on Haymitch's shoulder. Katniss stares out the window, chewing her lip in thought. I hold her hand in my lap, and constantly press kisses to her palm. I wish I knew what she was thinking; I'm usually very attuned to her thoughts but Katniss has always been somewhat of a mystery/ Her eyes usually tell me what I need to know but since she isn't looking at me, I can only guess.

Luckily the hotel staff is very attentive and helps us with our bags, so we can carry our sleeping children inside. Haymitch has to gently shake Effie awake and she groans as she runs her hands over her face. She catches sight of her reflection in the elevator and shrieks loudly.

"Heavens! I look terrible! Don't look at me," she turns away and Haymitch rolls his eyes.

"Can it, woman, we all look like walking corpses."

"Couldn't think of another choice of words, could you Haymitch," Katniss snarls.

"Oh go to bed, sweetheart. You're more pleasant when you've slept."

"Yeah well, you're unpleasant the majority of the time."

"Guys," I break in, shaking my head. "Just shut up. Look, here's our floor." Our rooms are next to each other and Haymitch doesn't say a word as he pushes the door open and disappears inside.

"Good night, darlings," Effie says as she closes the door behind her.

"Can you get it," Katniss asks as she repositions Rye in her arms; he's such an awkward sleeper, spread out over her arm while his head hangs limp.

"Yeah." I struggle with the key for a moment and finally push it open. Our bags are in the living room and Katniss immediately takes Rye to a bedroom right across from the master.

"Maja didn't say it was a suite," she sounds surprised.

"Least it's not the penthouse," I mutter, thinking of our first time in the Tribute center. The rooms were bigger than anything I had ever seen in my life, and Katniss later admitted to me that she hated sleeping in the giant bed by herself, having always shared with Prim.

"There's another little room for Willow. Want me to take her?"

"I've got her." I don't need to tell her that tucking my kids into bed is one of my favorite parts of the day. I don't actually remember either of my parents ever doing it but I know Mom used to. I wish I could remember that.

Katniss brings in Willow's suitcase and hands me her pink pajamas. We work as a team without waking her up and both leave soft kisses on her forehead.

"You know she says she's getting too big for this."

"We could have another one, then," I whisper against her hair. She hits me softly but it's not as hard as I expected.

"Can you blame me for thinking you look like a goddess when you're pregnant?"

"Oh shut up."

"The most breathtaking sight I've ever seen," I go on.

"Flatterer." I pull her from the room, we stop to check on Rye, and fall into the bed together.

"I could sleep for a hundred years," she yawns, turning into me.

"So I would have to wake you up with a kiss?"

"You've been reading too many of Willow's fairytales."

"True love's kiss," I say through a yawn. "It's powerful, you know."

"Is it?" She flips onto her stomach and half straddles me. She drapes her leg across my hip and slides up my body. Her hands play with the edge of my shirt and her fingertips graze my ribs. She knows exactly how to tease and I feel myself coming to life underneath her. She leans down to kiss me and tugs at my bottom lip with her teeth. I buck my hips upwards and groan.

"I thought you were tired."

"I am but I need to see if this theory about true love's kiss is true." I chuckle as she leans down to kiss me again and I reach down to slide my hands down her shorts. She jumps and grins down at me.

"You too tired?"

"For you? Never."

"You've said that before."

"Guess I need to keep reminding you."

"No reminder needed."

"No?" I sit up and shrug. "Ok, well I guess we can just go to sleep then."

"No, no. Feel free to remind me any time!" I grin and yank her down to me. I'll have circles under my eyes at the meeting but who cares, as long as she never leaves my arms.  
_________________________

I didn't ask for a wake up call so I want to know why the phone is blaring beside me. Katniss groans and turns over while I fumble for the offending device.

"Lo?"

"Good morning, Mr. Mellark," I hear an obnoxiously cheerful voice on the other line. "My name is Hollie, I'm a secretary and assistant for the Committee Board of Panem!"

"...ok?"

"I'm sorry if I woke you, sir, but President Porthos asked me to check with you and see if you require anything before your meeting."

"Did Olivier tell you we got in around four this morning?"

"The hotel alerted us when you arrived. Do you require anything, sir?"

"Just a few more hours of sleep," I grunt.

"Well please let the front desk know if you need anything when you wake up. I look forward to meeting you, Mr. Mellark!" I slam the phone down and flip over. The sun streams in through the dark curtains a I stare at Katniss's bare back for a moment. I inch forward and press my lips to her shoulder.

"What time is it?"

"I don't even know. Go back to sleep. The meeting isn't until 1." She stops rustling around and moves her head further down the pillow. When we finally went to sleep, the sun was already coming up. I yawn and rest my head close to hers.

"Peeta?"

"Mmhm?" I lift my head up off the pillow and see her trembling.

"...will we really be ok?"

"Of course, Katniss." I slide my arm underneath her so I can close her in my arms. "I swore to you when I came back to 12 that I would protect you with my life."

"That's the problem, Peeta. You've always protected me with your life. But do you understand how lost I would be without you?"

"I didn't back then," I kiss her shoulder. "But I do now. Nothing is going to happen to me. I promise. I've fought too hard for this life, love, trust me. I'm going to be around to enjoy many, many more years with you."

"They understand we are a force to be reckoned with, don't they?"

"They may not but they will. As soon as they see us standing together in that meeting room, they'll know not to mess with the Mellarks."


	85. Chapter 85

Willow and Rye are still sleeping when the car arrives to pick us up, so Haymitch and Effie come to our room to have breakfast. 

"Thanks again Haymitch," Peeta whispers as we open the door. 

"Don't let sweetheart lose her temper," he warns. 

"Remember how you have to act around these people. Play nice and you'll be fine."

"I don't want to play nice," my husband growls. "They're making Willow participate in this stupid assignment, they're going to understand they can't mess with Victors." Effie looks shocked but I swear Haymitch winks. 

"Well, have a good meeting then." Peeta wraps his arm around my waist and we hurry out of the hotel.   
____________________________________________

The car takes us to another hotel, which I find ridiculous but I keep my opinions to myself. Maja meets us out front and there's a group of Peacekeepers just inside the door. As we head down the hall, Olivier comes toward us with a nervous smile.

"Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, it's wonderful to see you again." 

"And you, President Porthos," Peeta says graciously as they shake hands. Another man, tall and slim with bright green eyes that almost glow, comes up behind him.

"Peeta, Katniss, I'd like you to meet Hector Baresetta. The Head of the Committee Board and my chief advisor."

"What an honor it is," he takes my hand and kisses it, his eyes boring into mine. "Katniss Everdeen, right here in front of me. I tell you, this is so exciting."

"Peeta Mellark," Peeta side-steps in front of me, holding out his hand. "Katniss's husband." 

"Oh yes," the man's demeanor changes immediately. "Yes that's right, I'd forgotten the Mockingjay got married." I immediately dislike him. His eyes dart back to me and he smiles.

"I'm sure she was the loveliest bride."

"She was," Peeta says smugly. Olivier clears his throat, looking vastly uncomfortable.

"Well, now that introductions are taken care of, shall we?" He gestures to a room on the left but he doesn't lead; it's actually the green-eyed advisor who leads the way, looking arrogant. I cast Peeta a confused look but he looks straight ahead, his mouth a thin line. An officer holds the door open and Hector sweeps his way to the table and pulls out a chair, looking at me expectantly. There are name tags on the table but I only see one Mellark at this one.

"Ah, Hector, you have Mr. Mellark sitting at that table, beside Madame Paylor," Olivier says anxiously. Why is he so nervous? He's the president but he's definitely not acting like it. I find myself missing my strong husband being in charge. It wasn't good for our marriage but he did great things for Panem. 

"The Committee Board has requested Mr. Mellark to sit at the front table where he can be easily seen and heard. Mrs. Mellark is assigned this seat."

"Katniss sits next to me," Peeta growls. "We're a team and have been for a long time."

"How touching," Hector says with a curled lip. "Surely you can be apart for the hour-long meeting."

"Mr. Baresetta," Maja breaks in, her voice raised. "Katniss and Peeta are married, and should be seated together. You seated the Mayors of 3 and 7 with their wives."

"But Madame Paylor, Mr. Mellark is not a Mayor. In fact, he has no power whatsoever. He threw away that right when he stepped down from office."

"Mr. Mellark is a Hunger Games Victor and a hero to this country," Maja says sternly. I have to give her credit; even when she's angry, she stays collected and elegant; whereas I just lose it entirely. 

"And as a former president of this country, he should be shown the respect he deserves. He was my mentor, after all." 

"That explains a lot," Barasetta sneers.

"Care to explain what you mean," Peeta says heatedly.

"By all means, Mrs. Mellark, sit beside your husband. We will have to move elderly Mrs. Gonzalez but that's alright, you're Hunger Games Victors after all." 

"Excuse me, sir," I say angrily. "I've never met you before so obviously you are new around here. But let me explain something to you. Peeta is the nice one. I, however, carry my bow with me at all times. And I have excellent aim, Mr. Baresetta. I suggest you do not mess with me or my family." 

"Yes, my niece warned me about your temper, Mrs. Mellark," he smirks. 

"Oh so you're Lyssa's uncle," Peeta says, his brow raised.

"Indeed I am. She has told me a lot about the Victors in District 12."

"So you've sent her to 12 to spy on us," I practically yell. Peeta's hand rests on my arm. Baresetta gives us a derisive look.

"Do you believe the whole country is obsessed with you Victors? Honestly, I'm not sure why Snow was so taken with you."

"Says the man who was just gushing over my wife." 

"Peeta," Olivier mutters behind us. Baresetta doesn't look offended; in fact, he looks amused. 

"Have you always been so possessive, Mr. Mellark? Or did it happen when the president who preceded tried to sell your wife?" Peeta makes a sudden move and both Maja and I grab his arm.

"Peeta," I hiss in his ear.

"So the stories are true," he looks delighted. "The hijacking really did change you permanently? I'd heard you used to be so...mild-mannered."

"Mr. Baresetta," Maja says, her face completely devoid of any kind of smile. Rage flashes in her eyes. "That is quite enough."

"Begging your pardon, Madame Paylor," he sweeps into a mock bow. "I apologize if I have offended you."

"Not me. The Mellarks. Who, I might add, are here as the President's guests. So I expect you to apologize to them." Baresetta merely smirks.

"My apologies, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark. Please have a seat so we may get started." He sweeps away without another word and Peeta whirls around.

"You have got to be kidding me," he hisses to Olivier.

"Later Peeta," the President shifts from side to side, and gestures to the table. "Let me move some of these name plates around so you may have a seat." Maja sighs as he hurries off and Peeta shakes his head.

"I know I didn't have a lot of political freedom when I was president, Maja, but what is going on?"

"Power is more limited now," she says out of the corner of her mouth. "The board essentially runs the country and they have already replaced several board members who didn't like the way things were. There are supposed to be representatives from every district but we are now missing Districts 4, 11, and 12." 

"Why didn't they ask Peeta to be on the board?" 

"Peeta's resignation speech was quite...stirring. And it was around the time of great personal tragedy. Olivier didn't want to keep Peeta in the Capitol any more than he had to. As soon as the ceremony was over, he sent Peeta home to you." I remember what a mess I was when I lost Lily. But did I actually cost him the chance to help? Could he have done something about the Glory Games? I have no doubts that he would have made the rest of them see reason. And Willow would certainly not be Reaped, not while Peeta had a seat of power.

My eyes fall to the floor and I chew on my lip. His hand slips into mine and squeezes.

"I was right where I was supposed to be."

"But if you'd been here--"

"Katniss, there's that if word again. We need to delete it from our vocabulary." 

"But this time it's true," I protest. "This wouldn't be happening to Willow."

"Yeah, Maja, do you know whose idea it was to Reap my daughter? Was it the Chief Advisor who suggested it?"

"As far as I know, the two Capitol men mentioned how exciting it would be to see the child of past Victors playing in the Games and everyone else just went along with it. Well, not everyone else but most of them. Baresetta actually argued against it."

"He did?" We both look shocked. 

"He can be a real ass but he's got a good heart. He just sticks his foot in it a lot of the time." I have no idea what that expression is supposed to mean but Peeta looks mollified.

"Well I'm glad he's just an ass and not a vengeful prick." 

"I honestly don't think this was done to hurt you, Peeta. Or you, Katniss. Your daughter is just a victim of unfortunate circumstance."

"Isn't that what the Hunger Games were? Unfortunate circumstance?" Maja's lips tighten but Olivier returns and gestures us to our seats. Maja sits on Peeta's other side and an attendant immediately offers us some orange juice. Peeta coughs as I start to take a sip of mine.

"That's not juice," he shakes his head.

"Then what is it?"

"Mimosas," Maja whispers. "Capitol favorite."

"God that's strong," Peeta pushes the glass away. "Could I just have regular juice, please?"

"Yes sir," the attendant bows and disappears. I sip mine and agree with Peeta; we don't drink very often but this is VERY strong. The attendant brings us two glasses of juice and gives us a smile. 

"They're going to drag this out," Maja sighs. "Lunch has to be a five course meal in the Capitol. I miss the simplicity of 8." 

"How is your husband, Maja?" She and Peeta fall into conversation while my eyes scan the room. I have met quite a few of them, when Peeta introduced me to the Committee Board. There are a few new ones, though. Baresetta's eyes are on me and when our eyes meet, he grins broadly. He reminds me a bit of Finnick, with his glowing green eyes. 

_____________________________________  
Maja is right and lunch takes forever. I'm glad we asked Haymitch and Effie to come watch the kids so they could be with someone familiar. Olivier moves around the room quite a bit, but he settles beside Peeta and they strike up a conversation. I'm quiet for the most part as I eat and listen. 

Olivier quietly tells Peeta how the Capitol is, about their many meetings, and the status of each district. Peeta nods and listens, throwing in his little pieces of advice but only when Olivier asks him for it. I can tell Olivier still has a deep respect for my husband; he shakes his head and takes a sip of his water. 

"Maybe it would be good for you to be on the Board, Peeta. We have asked Haymitch repeatedly and he always turns it down. There aren't many people in 12 I would ask."

"If it's the matter of coming to the Capitol once or twice a year, then of course I'll do it. But I won't be away from my family again. That was my whole reason for stepping down."

"Board meetings are a few times a year. You could even do a meeting by Holo, if you choose."

"I'll think on it," he says, his eyes meeting mine.  
__________________________

Finally, we move on to the final course, which is some kind of strange dessert that my husband is fascinated with.

"Look at the texture," he gasps. "It's like mousse but it's colored...and taste this crust! It's so crisp."

"Always the baker," Maja laughs.

"Always," I nod. "No doubt whatever this it, will wind up on his menu soon."

"Katniss, look at this! I wish I could take some back to Willow and Rye."

"Have the kitchens prepare some extra for Mr. Mellark's family," Olivier mutters to the attendant. 

"Oh you don't have to do that-" Peeta says hastily but Olivier stands and straightens his tie.

"We will get started in just a few minutes. Aunt Maja, would you like to do the introductions?"

"I think it would be a better idea for you to do them," she says delicately. "They are your guests, after all." Olivier nods and moves to the front of the room. A hush falls over the room immediately and Olivier actually looks a little nervous. Peeta always looked comfortable in front of a large crowd. 

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I want to thank you all for taking the time out of your busy schedules to attend this meeting. As many of you know, we are here to discuss the existence of this school assignment we have nicknamed "The Glory Games" and the future of any assignments similar to it. As the Committee Board knows, we took a vote on the assignment three months ago and it was voted into existence. Today, I have invited someone who is more than a little familiar with what was known as the Hunger Games, and the devastation those Games left behind. Mr. Peeta Mellark, won't you come up here please?" There are a few whispers and some peoples' eyes narrow. Peeta stands and his eyes travel the room.

"Good afternoon. My name is Peeta Mellark and I was a Victor in the 74th Hunger Games. I was a tribute in the 75th Hunger Games, and was held prisoner by the Capitol during the War. I fought alongside Katniss Everdeen, my co-Victor and the love of my life, and was determined to bring an end to not only the Hunger Games, but to Snow's reign as well. But today, I don't come to you as a Victor or a soldier...what I am now, is much more important than that. Something I always dreamed of being: A husband and a father."  
___________________

 

My Peeta still knows how to move a room. His words cause gasps and tears; old women clasp their hands over their mouths and stare at him with glassy eyes. Even a few men look sympathetic and apologetic. Baresetta sits with his arms crossed over his chest, but his expression has softened. Peeta talks about what it was like being a tribute in the Games, then going into the arena for the second time. Of course he talks about me and how terrified he was that he was going to lose me. I'm grateful he doesn't mention the imaginary baby. Some people in the Capitol still believe it, and some know it was a lie. He talks about loving me and wanting to protect me, even after they stole his identity and his mind. And when he starts to talk about when he first held Willow in his arms, his eyes start to tear up. He's not the only one; all of the women and a few of the men are sniffling and Peeta talks about how his children have grown up being the children of the Star-Crossed Lovers. There are a few titters when he says that Willow is a better baker than he is, and when he talks about Rye already knowing how to use a bow. 

"My point," he says softly, "is that Willow and Rye are already wiser beyond their years, because of what they have seen in our family. Knowing what happened to their parents, and hearing about it in school should be enough. But this year when Willow told us she was learning about the Hunger Games in her classes, we couldn't imagine what that meant. Not only did they watch videos of the final Hunger Games, they you decided to take it a step further. You thought it would be "entertaining" to see children compete against each other and decided to call it something else, perhaps to assuage your guilt? You call it the Glory Games, rather than the Hunger Games. And those of you who have been on the Committee Board since I was president, know how I attempted to heal the divide between the Capitol and the districts. Many Capitol people hated me because Katniss and I changed the way things were. People from the district hated the Capitol because they never had to endure the agony of watching a loved one participate in the Games. It was just entertainment for the Capitol, because they didn't know anyone personally. When I took office, there was a lot of bitterness and misunderstanding and I did everything I could to fix that. I think having a leader from the districts helped make some of you understand. But then I find out that you voted for this assignment because you thought it would be entertaining to see a child of two Victors participate in something similar to the Hunger Games. Let me ask you this. Would you think it is entertaining if we said those children aren't just participating in an obstacle course...but they will kill each other instead? Would you find it amusing to watch children, years after the end of the Hunger Games, murder each other in order to stay alive? Would that be entertaining for you?" He waits and looks around, holding his arms out as if he is waiting for an answer.

"No? No one wants to answer? What if we closed our eyes and voted? How many in this room would like to see children kill each other on live television?" 

People are starting to shift in their seats, looking uncomfortable. Some of the mayors' wives are shaking their heads, their hands pressed to their cheeks. 

"I believe that Panem has changed for the better," he says passionately. "And that people have learned from the mistakes that our ancestors made. I don't think there is a single person in this room who would condone the murder of a child. And I know many of you are thinking, it's just a game, so why am I making a big deal about this? It's because there is a line that does need to be crossed. And if we say it is alright to watch these children fight against one another, earning sponsors and the like, then who is to say you won't decide it would be more entertaining if there was blood? If we have one winner, well, how do we get that winner? We have to be careful that we respect our history so that we do not repeat it. We want to make sure that don't make the same mistakes for future generations, as our ancestors did for us. We have to decide, when is it too much? When we do we draw that line? This assignment could easily become something else entirely. And I would hate to see Panem revert to its dark days."

"Are you sure that you are not just angry about this assignment because your daughter was chosen to participate," comes a haughty voice from the back. Peeta's jaw tightens but his answer is calm.

"Of course I am furious about that. But it's not just about Willow. The children who were Reaped...and I do not use the term participate because an actual Reaping was held, but the children who were Reaped are from District 12. Their parents experienced Reapings, possibly even lost someone in the Games. The Hunger Games was very real to the people in the districts. I imagine most of you saw the special that Cressida Coratella directed and aired after the Reaping. The interviews from the frightened parents. And I imagine most of you wondered why on earth everyone was going on like they were, for something as insignificant as a game. Katniss and I aren't the only parents who are connected to the Hunger Games. This isn't just an assignment to us; it's a horrifying version of deja vu."

"Well what would you have us do," an older man says from my left. He gives Peeta a condescending look. "We can't exactly cancel these Games. Flickerman himself said how exciting this was, after he interviewed your daughter."

"Donaldo is Ceasar's son, and Ceasar was the one who interviewed us in our Games. Yes, it must be exciting to him...because it's a difference in perspective. Yet if you ask someone from District 12, they would tell you how utterly disgusted they are with the whole thing." 

"I can safely say, it is not just District 12 that is disgusted," Maja stands and my jaw drops to the floor. 

"District 8 remembers those times during Snow's reign and we oppose anything that might remind us of it."

"The same goes for District 4," a man stands and nods.   
"And we send our deepest love to our surviving Victor, Annie Cresta Odair Staffhorn. We know how difficult it will be for her to watch these horrifying "Glory Games"." 

"Johanna deserves some peace after all she has been through and we actually asked her to instruct parents how to mentor their children! That's terrible," exclaims what I assume to be the Mayor of 7. A few of the pompous Capitol men puff out their chests and look scandalized.

"You never actually asked your president how he feels about the assignment," Olivier says delicately. We all gasp and he moves to stand next to Peeta.

"I fought alongside Katniss and the rebels when they came to District 8...and I have nothing but respect and admiration for her and her family. Peeta Mellark remains to be one of the greatest presidents that Panem has seen, after my aunt of course," he shoots Maja a wink and she shakes her head, a broad smile on her face. 

"I agree that this assignment is too close to crossing a line. And it will be painful for any surviving Victors to witness. So I move to abolish any future assignments like it, from here on out."

"And what of this year's Glory Games? Do we cancel that too?" Olivier chews his lip while we all wait in silence.

"The Glory Games were voted into existence by this Board. I ask the Board to stand and vote, for a second time. Knowing what you know and how people feel...I ask you to consider your choice carefully." Peeta slips by him and sits back down. I launch myself at him, throwing my arms around his neck and burying my face in his chest. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my temple.

"Mr. Baresetta, if you would be so kind." Baresetta rises to his feet and clears his throat.

"I call for a vote, to cancel the Glory Games this year and in the future years to come. Those in motion?" There are only twelve men on the Committee Board, yet more than fifty hands go up. Baresetta stifles a smile.

"Those against?" Three. The three pompous Capitol men who always gave Peeta a hard time. I don't know why Olivier keeps them on the Board.

"Motion carried. The Glory Games are cancelled and the twelve tributes of District 12 will not be forced to play." Peeta kisses me hard on the mouth and his hands rest on my face.

"We saved her," he mouths. I nod and grip his shirt. 

"You saved her." 

"Well done, Peeta," Maja pats his shoulder.

"And that's why I wanted Maja and Olivier to be here," he says against my cheek. "They respect you."

"And you," I protest. "You're the one with all the right words." 

"It's more about who you two are," she says softly. "Most of these people remember what it was like, too. And Peeta's right. We must never repeat our mistakes." 

After the meeting, people come up to shake Peeta's hand or to thank him or in the womens' case, give him hugs. I remain seated, until Peeta gestures for me to join him and people turn to me.

"We would be lost without you, Katniss." I'm uncomfortable with all the attention and long to return to our hotel. I just want to hold my little girl to my chest and cry into her hair. Olivier has to make a few more announcements and then we are allowed to leave. We hurry out before we can be stopped again and Maja mutters that she has a car waiting downstairs.   
________________________________________

When we enter the hotel room, we hear excited squeals and Haymitch lets out a roar.

"I'm coming to find you!" We head into the living room, where Effie is sitting on the couch with her feet tucked under her, holding a steaming mug.

"Children! You're back!" 

"Are our children hiding from Grandpa?" 

"They're hiding from the big scary troll," she says a hushed tone. We hear another roar and squeals. 

"Fi fi fo fum--"

"That's a GIANT, Grandpa," comes my daughter's exasperated voice. "You're a troll!"

"Children, your parents are back," Effie calls and we hear excited yells before we are nearly knocked over. Haymitch follows them, wearing a grin.

"Well?" Peeta glances at him before he kneels before Willow.

"You don't have to be in the Games, Willow. They cancelled them."

"What," Effie cries.

"What," Willow looks shocked. 

"That's what our meeting was about...we convinced the Capitol to cancel the Glory Games. You don't ever have to do anything like the Hunger Games again, baby." She looks to me for confirmation, mouthing wordlessly. I nod and she throws her arms around her father's neck. He strokes her hair and hides his face in her curls so no one can see his tears. 

"Way to go, Peeta," Haymitch grunts. "I look forward to hearing the story."

"Later. We want to get back to 12 because I believe we promised two certain someones that we would go find a puppy this weekend." 

"PUPPY!" They both start bouncing up and down and Peeta chuckles. 

"Haymitch, how much sugar did you give them?"

"Don't look at me! Effie ordered room service." 

"I have very few chances to spoil my little darlings," she croons. 

"Let's pack up and get out of here. I want to tell Johanna and Annie before they see it on the holo." 

____________________________________

 

The ride back is a good bit more relaxed than the ride here was. Willow is her usual, cheerful self and Rye keeps climbing all over his father, talking loudly about what kind of puppy he wants. Haymitch and Effie sit close, their foreheads pressed together and she sighs deeply.

"I'm so relieved."

"Trust us. We are too."

"Your husband really is something, sweetheart." I find it funny that he knows I didn't say or do anything to change the Board members' minds. That it was Peeta's words that made a difference. But again, Effie surprises me. 

"They both are, Haymitch. They both saved this country." 

"Don't I know it." 

 

The hovercraft drops us off just outside Victor's Village and Johanna is waiting for us at the entrance. She doesn't say anything but sweeps Peeta into a hug that actually lifts him off his feet. 

"Whoa! Jo...would you put me down!" 

"I don't know how you did it, bread boy, but you did it! You stopped those bastards from putting us through hell!" 

"God Jo, you're crushing me," he gasps. She puts him down and he practically hides behind me.

"So they've already broadcasted it?"

"Not that I know of. Chief Advisor or whatever just called us to let us know our services are no longer required. So I knew you'd done it!" 

"It wasn't really me," he shrugs. "Olivier really helped and there are a lot of people who hated the idea of it."

"You're too humble, Mellark. You know it was probably an emotional story you told that touched the hearts of millions." He snorts and digs his toes in the dirt.

"I'm sure we will get the story later," Haymitch says, hoisting Effie's bag over his shoulder. "In the mean time, I want to put these bags down. And I know these two are chomping at the bit to go look at puppies."

"Aunt Jojo, we're getting a puppy!"

"Ohhh, good luck with that," she says to me with a wink. My daughter doesn't have to participate in these stupid Glory Games. Nothing can wipe this smile off my face right now.  
__________________________

 

After we drop our bags off and change clothes, Peeta drives us to the new shelter and I suddenly wonder how we are going to leave with just one animal. Willow drops to her knees in front of the cages, while Rye runs around, sticking his hand in and petting the dogs. 

"Mama we should take them all!"

"No way," I laugh. "Just one." 

"This one is so cute!" The little furball keeps licking her hand and she giggles. 

"He's really cute," Peeta agrees, kneeling beside her. According to them, every single dog is really cute. Rye becomes attached to a solid black puppy with floppy ears. 

"Willow! Come look!" She gasps when she sees the dog and I already see the love in her eyes.

"He's so cute!"

"Can we get him, Daddy? Can we?" Peeta glances at me and I just shrug. The dog is licking my son's face and Willow has her arms wrapped around its neck.

"I'll speak to the worker about this one," Peeta whispers before slipping out of the noisy room. I nod and watch my children play tug of war with the puppy and have to smile. They look so carefree and happy. Peeta comes back with a worker and the man smiles.

"That pup was the last of his litter. Whole family was killed by wild dogs. He's a lucky one." 

"Can we have him," my children tug on my leg. I glance up at the worker.

"Well, I think we need the proper adoption documents for this one." The kids squeeze the puppy and he starts barking excitedly, his tail going crazy. Peeta watches the kids while I follow the man to sign the papers. I leave the name blank because that right belongs to my children. We head to the pet store next to the shelter to get a collar and leash, some bowls, food, and some toys. It astounds me that there is an actual store for solely animals. How different our worlds are. 

The pup gets too excited and makes a mess in the car, so Peeta has to have a "responsibility" talk with both of them when we get home. Willow wrinkles her nose.

"He's really Rye's dog."

"You wanted a dog too, Willow. So you're going to share in the chores. Puppies are a lot of work, a lot more than kitties are. You have to clean up after them, walk them, feed them, play with them." 

"Fine," she rolls her eyes. "Let's take him for a walk, Rye."  
They grab the leash and the puppy bounds after them, tail wagging. 

"Come on. It's a pretty day for a walk," Peeta takes my hand and we follow them out.

We linger behind while Rye and Willow and the puppy take off ahead of us. Whenever Rye changes direction, the puppy does too. Peeta laughs as he bends to scratch the dog's ears.

"He's like your little shadow, Rye." My son's eyes light up.

"Shadow! That's his name!" 

"I like it," I nod. "It suits him." 

"Come on, Shadow! Come and get me!" Peeta wraps his arm around my waist as we watch our children run through the district. 

"We have a puppy, a cat, and children. Did you ever imagine we could be...normal?"

"Normal," I repeat. "What does that even mean?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Happy."

"Do happy and normal mean the same thing," I tease.

"I'm serious, Katniss. Ten years ago even...I wouldn't have believed this."

"I know. Oh my god, our daughter turns eleven soon."

"Nooo," he groans. "Don't say that."

"And she won't spend it fighting on live television." He smiles weakly and his shoulders slump. 

"I can't believe we actually stopped it from happening."

"Johanna's right though. It was your emotional stories that made them wake up." He shrugs.

"Maybe. I wonder if Cressida will do a special broadcast to announce the cancellation."

"I'm sure she will. Let's head back home and start on dinner. I'm getting hungry."

"You're always hungry," he teases. 

"Not really, your food is just irresistible." He grins as he pulls me to his side.

"Well then let's go so I can stuff my wife full of her favorite things." 

"And after dinner...I can still have my favorite things?" He looks bemused.

"Like dessert?"

"After dessert," I say pointedly. His brow furrows then his eyes widen comically.

"Your favorite things, huh?"

"Yep. I'm not ashamed to admit it." 

"Mmm. I like the sound of that." He nibbles at my ear and I shiver, causing a wicked grin to cross over his face.

"Seems like you like the sound of it too."

"What are the chances that the kids will go to sleep early, do you think?"

 

The odds are never in our favor. The kids want to stay up late since it is a weekend and after we go to bed, the puppy starts screeching from his bed downstairs. Rye runs down to check on him and nearly trips on the last stair, hurting his big toe. Peeta sits with him on his lap, and Shadow rests his chin on Peeta's leg. When we finally go to bed, it's so late that we might as well stay up. Peeta yawns as he pulls me to his chest, his nose buried in my hair.

"I think I could sleep all day tomorrow."

"Good thing it's the weekend."

"Yeah which means the kids will be up early wanting to play." 

"Maybe they'll sleep in a little too," I suggest hopefully. 

"Don't get your hopes up, honey," he says sleepily. I flip over onto my side and reach over to run my fingers through his curls. I kiss his nose and he smiles in his sleep.

"You're my everything, Peeta," I whisper. He shifts down the bed so his head is resting on my chest and his arm drapes over my stomach. 

"No," I whisper. "I didn't think we would ever be normal. I didn't think we would ever be so happy. You make me happy, Peeta."


	86. Chapter 86

Cressida didn't waste a lot of time; the day after we returned from the Capitol, a special broadcast was on every holo in Panem. She spoke passionately about how happy she was that the assignment was cancelled and how she hoped now everyone could give the remaining Victors some well-deserved peace. She even interviewed Olivier, who surprised me by saying the same things he had said at the meeting. She announced at the end of the broadcast that she was getting married and now she felt she could focus entirely on her wedding and not the hell that the parents in District 12 would have had to endure. 

We received a wedding invitation in the mail but Katniss threw it to the side. I would really like to see Cress get married but the last time we saw Gale stands out in my mind and makes me angry every time I think about it. I don't understand how a guy who claims to have loved Katniss as much as he did can just throw their friendship away like that. In some ways, I blame myself but Katniss reminds me constantly that Gale never lost her because he never had her to begin with.

"I never let anyone claim me until you came along," she whispers in my ear as I push inside her. 

"I could never belong to anyone else," she gasps. "I'm yours forever, Peeta." 

________________________

 

Time passes quietly and I actually ask myself if life can be like this from now on. Willow and Rye still enjoy school, but we did take Willow out of class for a few days so we could celebrate hers and Katniss's birthdays in District 4. It was a huge family vacation, which everyone enjoyed. 

I agreed to join the Committee Board and true to Olivier's word, he only held meetings every few months. Though I dislike politics, I like being able to make a difference and the meetings keep my hopes up that Panem has truly changed. I took Willow with me back in August, when they called the first meeting and told her we could check on my store in the Capitol. She asked me if we could visit the Museum of the Victors, and I reluctantly promised I would take her next year, when she and Rye were older. I dread taking my children there and even more so, I dread taking my wife. 

 

Mine and Rye's birthdays consist of a party with fifteen rowdy little boys and one very irritated older sister. Finn comes over to help us wrangle them (since most of them are on his swim team anyway) and Katniss goes all out with snacks and a new game system to play on the holo. The day after, Annie and Riley take the kids camping, allowing Katniss to give me a belated birthday present. I have to say, all of the filthy and perverse things I whisper in her ear that night, every single thing I do to make her cry out my name, make me quite grateful that I am here celebrating with her. Years ago, a whole other lifetime it seems, I wished for death to take me swiftly. On my birthday, I thank the heavens for unfulfilled wishes. 

 

The holidays bring laughter, cold weather, and a new baby. Riley watches Willow, Rye, and Coral, while we rush Annie to the hospital. Finn is holding his new baby girl and pacing Ana's room. She already has a head full of golden curls and Annie gasps as she reaches out for the tiny being.

"Meet Pearl Lark Odair," he says with a broad grin. 

"Lark," Katniss asks with a raised brow. Finn glances over at his wife and smiles.

"For you and Uncle Peeta. Because you two have helped us through so much and we would be lost without you."

"Oh Finn," I whisper, my eyes never leaving the sleeping baby. Annie passes her to Katniss and I suck in a breath. I miss that sight; she looks so beautiful and so natural, holding a baby in her arms. As if she knows what I am thinking, she glances up at me and her eyes are soft and hazy. I vow to ask her thoughts on the matter when we get home. I know we are getting older and she is still taking birth control but I can only hope the arrival of Pearl will change her mind. 

"Is Coral excited about being a big sister?"

"She's so excited. She kept kissing Ana's stomach and talking to the baby." 

 

Annie wants to stay at the hospital with Ana and Finn and asks us to watch Coral.

"Riley is wonderful but I think he will freak if he is left alone with a baby all night."

"Can you really call Coral a baby? She's only two years younger than Rye."

"They're all my babies," she shrugs. 

"Of course we'll watch her, Ann. Tell Finn and Ana to let us know if they need anything." Finn is too captivated by his new daughter so say good night. 

 

Riley looks relieved when we tell him that Coral can stay the night at our house. We have to interrupt a very serious game of hide and seek and get some disappointed cries when we say it's time to go home.

"But Coral is coming home with us, so you can continue your game when we get home."

"You're coming with us," Rye exclaims, throwing his arms around Coral. She shakes her head, her bouncy red curls going everywhere, trying to get away from his grasp.

"Rye, be gentle. Coral is a young lady, like Willow."

"Willow's not a lady," he scoffs. Willow looks scandalized and Coral sticks her tongue out.

"You're it!"

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

"Kids, let's say goodnight to Uncle Riley." 

"Daddy I'm hungry!" I glance at Katniss as we push open the front door.

"We didn't cook dinner."

"I'm sure I can whip up something easy while you play with them." 

 

After a quick dinner of chicken tenders, macaroni and cheese, and applesauce, we fix up the spare room for Coral and tell the kids to get ready for bed. Katniss comes out of the bathroom wearing a long-sleeved nightgown that stops mid-thigh. My eyes hungrily rake over her frame and I rest my hands on her hips.

"You know, you've been driving me crazy all night. First with a baby in your arms, and then watching you play with the kids. Now in that skimpy little thing."

"You need to have some more self control," she laughs, pushing on my chest. "You're too easily turned on." 

"Since when has that bothered you," I mutter in her ear, holding her hips so I can grind against her. I hold her still so I can thrust against her softness and she gasps.

"Give me another baby, Katniss. You're such a natural and you are so damn beautiful, you should be passing those genes on."

"Oh you're so full of it," she scoffs, shaking her head.

"I'm not. Willow and Rye are perfect!"

"So why do you want another one so badly?" I look down at her and bite my lip.

"I guess it's because three is the lucky number in my family. It was Bialy, Ryean, and me. My dad and his two brothers. My mom had two siblings, too. My grandmother had two sisters. It just...runs in the family." 

"Peeta," she says softly and I brace myself for quite the blow. "I would love to have another baby with you."

"But?"

"I'm just getting older. It's harder for older women to have healthy babies. And when we lost Lily...I don't know if I can go through that again is all. I just...I don't know if I'm strong enough to have another one."

"You're still young! And you are the strongest woman I've ever known. I just want us to...put it back on the table, you know? Talk about it before we say never again."

"Alright. We'll talk about it. Later. Right now, I just want my husband." I smile as I pull her back onto the bed with me and kiss her neck. Her eyes flutter as she reaches for my jeans, popping the button with just one hand. 

"You know Rye and Willow want another sibling."

"No more baby talk," she whispers. "I want to hear those dirty things coming from your mouth instead."

"Dirty things," I chuckle. "What kinds of dirty things?" She leans down and whispers in my ear and my hips buck upwards at her words. She leans back with a sly grin and her hand slides down my hip, past my underwear. I'm already so hard, I'm afraid for her to touch me, lest it end quickly. I grasp her wrist and flip her over. She reaches up to grip my hair and she arches off the bed.

"Have to be quiet. Can't wake the kids."

"Oh yeah there are three of them now." She catches the look in my eyes and stifles her giggle against my arm. 

"We'll save the dirty stuff for another night. Just make love to me, Peeta." I hold as close as we move together, connected in my favorite way. I wonder, as I release inside her, if she really is still taking the birth control. She hasn't said anything about it in awhile and if she isn't, then I could have just put a baby inside her. Rye keeps asking when I am going to plant another flower baby inside Mommy. Soon, buddy. I hope it's very soon. 

___________________________  
Christmas morning comes and I am completely exhausted by my Santa activities the night before. Katniss moves behind me, sitting up in bed and stretching her arms. I squeeze my eyes shut, wanting to sleep some more but her lips on my shoulder make me jump and I relax into the warm blankets.

"Come back to bed," I mutter.

"Can't. I need to get started on breakfast and Johanna will be here in about an hour, and I told her I would meet them at the train station. You keep sleeping though." She kisses my cheek and I make a grab for her.

"Bed's too warm to leave it. But I want you beside me."

"Sorry my love, it's Christmas day. The kids will be up very soon." She strokes my curls and kisses my forehead. 

"OK," I sigh as I sit up against the headboard. Now that I get a good look of her, I can see she looks anxious...more excited than anything else. Her hair is loose around her shoulders and her eyes are bright and sparkling.

"Think I can give you your present before we go downstairs? I want to see your face before the kids see." 

"Ok," I say, a little confused. We always open presents as a family but she's clutching a long white box with a single orange bow. She sits on the edge of the bed and pushes it into my hands. I glance at her with a raised brow. She chews on her lip and sits cross-legged, gripping the blanket. 

"Go ahead." I open the box and find myself staring at a long white stick that I have seen plenty of times in my life. The stick has two faint pink lines.

It takes me a good few minutes, I'll admit. My eyes shoot open and I nearly drop the box.

"Katniss." Her lips start to curl upwards and I merely stare at her.

"Is this...tell me this is what I think it is."

"What do you think it is?"

"Say it. Please Katniss, say it." 

"I'm pregnant, Peeta." I close my eyes and when I open them, I register tears streaming down my face. I yank her forward and cover her with kisses. She squeals as my lips meet every inch of skin they can and she giggles as she closes her eyes.

"I love you. My god I love you so much." I can't stop saying it. I never want to. I squeeze her tightly and bury my face in her hair. After a few minutes of utter bliss, reality hits me and I pull her back so I can see her face.

"Wait. Did you stop the birth control?"

"I didn't. I mean, I was still taking it but this still happened."

"How long have you known?"

"Just a few days. I wanted it to be your Christmas present."

"And...how are you feeling?"

"A little tired but I'm ok for the--"

"Katniss," I stop her. "How do you feel about it?" She stops and chews on her lip. My eyes bore into hers, pleading for her to tell me the truth.

"I'm happy, Peeta. I'm a little scared but I'm happy about it."

"Really?"

"Yes," she says firmly. "I'm excited to do this with you again. We just have to be extra careful. And I want to make an appointment with Dr Mersa as soon as we can. I don't know how far along I am but I have a feeling it's more than a few weeks." Why am I always oblivious to the signs? 

"You're positive? You're not just putting on a brave face?"

"Peeta, you know me. You always say I can't lie to you. Well, do you think I'm lying now?" I study her face. She's glowing, a nervous smile lingering around her lips. Her eyes are soft and lovely, her cheeks a little rounded and a healthy blush to them. 

"No," I say softly. "You wouldn't lie to me about this." I take her hands in mine and my thumbs run over her knuckles.

"We're going to have another baby."

"Can we keep this between us for now?" My brow furrows and she looks down at the blanket.

"I didn't want to keep it from you...but I want to wait a little while before we tell everyone. Especially the kids. I just remember how excited they were when we announced Lily and then when we lost her, it was hard on them...I'd just like to wait, that's all." I understand her reasoning. As much as I want to shout it from the rooftops, I know why she wants to hold off on telling people.

"I'm so grateful that you told me," I tell her, pressing my forehead to hers. "And whenever you feel comfortable telling people, that's when we will do it. I'm completely fine with waiting." 

"Thank you, Peeta." She squeezes my hand and closes her eyes.

"You've always understood exactly what I need."

"Judging by that growl coming from your stomach, I'd say you need some sustenance."

"I'm going to start on breakfast--" I cut her off with my lips slamming against hers.

"I'm going to make my wife and baby some breakfast. Then I'll go wake up my other babies." She smiles as we trade soft kisses, before I toss the blankets aside.

"Let me jump into the shower really fast. I'll be right down."

 

The kids devour breakfast and I watch Katniss closely to make sure she eats all of hers. Johanna nudges me and I jump.

"You expecting her to run or something?"

"What?"

"You haven't taken your eyes off her since you walked into the room. I know she's pretty but damn, Mellark, take a look at the rest of the lovely ladies in the room." A snort of laughter escapes me and I shake my head.

"You know I've never had eyes for anyone else."

"I know that. But your goo-goo eyes are making me sick. Either tell me what's going on, or cut it out."

"Why do you assume something is going on?" Her eyes narrow as she studies me and I quickly look away. Damn, I'm sure she can see right through me. 

"You have a tell, bread boy."

"A...a what?"

"A tell. You're transparent. Totally see-through. I know something's going on...should I ask brainless about it?"

"Nothing's going on, Jo. You just like to assume the worst."

"I didn't say it was anything bad," she says impatiently but she's interrupted by her daughter tugging on her sleeve and whispering in her ear. 

"I don't know baby, ask Uncle Peeta about it." 

"Uncle Peeta, can we start decorating the Christmas cookies?"

"Sure pumpkin. Ask Willow to get the frostings and sprinkles out and I'll clear a space at the table." Anna runs over to Willow while her twin jumps up and down in excitement, proving they have already had more than enough sugar. I guess I can blame myself; their stockings were stuffed with sweets from Santa and they probably shouldn't have opened them until after dinner. 

I find an excuse to touch Katniss, whatever we are doing. I set a hand on her lower back, or keep my arm draped around her shoulder at dinner. While we watch the kids open presents, she rests her feet in my lap and I use my thumbs to massage her heels. I catch Johanna watching us a few times but as far as I know, no one else suspects anything. Haymitch and Effie are the first to leave, followed closely by Finn and Coral, Ana and Pearl. Annie and Riley make a mess with the kids doing Christmas crafts and Aran presents Willow with a sweet little keychain he made himself. She grins broadly as she slips it onto her finger. 

"Oh god," Katniss mutters in my ear, her chest pressed to my back. 

"It's starting," I reply with a grin.

"Mellark. Outside. Now," Johanna barks. Assuming she is going to say something about her son and my daughter, I huff and follow her onto the porch. But she steps down the stairs and heads toward the entrance to Victor's Village.

"Johanna, it's freezing out here. Why are you dragging me out into the snow?"

"When were you going to tell us Katniss is pregnant?" I gape at her, forgetting the cold.

"Come again?"

"No games, bread boy. I've been knocked up plenty of times, I know what pregnancy looks like."

"I...I don't..."

"Why the secret?" I sigh and dig my hands into my pockets.

"She's scared. She doesn't want a repeat of what happened with Lily, so she wants to wait a while before we announce it." Her face softens and she clicks her tongue in thought.

"I guess I didn't think of that. Is she happy about it?"

"Yeah. We both are."

"I know YOU are, you've always wanted a big family."

"And Katniss doesn't?"

"Katniss doesn't handle change very well. I'm sure the idea of expanding the family scares her a little. But as long as she is happy about it, that's what matters." 

"She's more frightened that she's too old."

"What is this OLD business," she looks angry and my hands fly into the air.

"Her words, not mine! She's just scared there will be some problems and she can't handle another miscarriage."

"I've had five miscarriages." My jaw drops. This is news to me.

"What? When?"

"Two before Aran, one before the twins and two after." 

"Johanna, I'm so sorry-"

"Stop! I don't want pity, Mellark. You know how I loathe pity."

"I can grieve with you, Jo. I can't begin to understand how it is actually carrying the baby but Lily's death was hard enough to deal with. I guess that's why women are the ones who carry new life. Men are too weak to do it."

"I won't argue that." I chuckle and flex my fingers in my pockets.

"Will you keep our secret? Until she's ready to tell everyone?" 

"Of course, Peeta. And tell her to let me know if she needs anything." I nod and she claps my shoulder before steering me back inside.

 

When everyone is gone, Willow says goodnight and heads to her room with Prince. Rye trudges up after them, with his little shadow at his heels. Katniss stretches out on the couch and I turn the lights off and lay down behind her. We relax in the glow from the Christmas tree and she sighs contentedly.

"Was it a good day?"

"It was a great one. I love when the whole family comes together. All of the kids are getting so big." I rest my palm on her stomach and lean in to kiss her temple.

"We will be holding another one in our arms next Christmas." Her hand rests on top of mine and she lets out a little "hmm".

"Johanna said to let her know if you need anything." She bolts up and the tension flows off her.

"You told-"

"I didn't tell her," I say gently. "She guessed. She wanted to know why we were keeping it a secret but then said she understood. She's had multiple miscarriages, you know."

"I only knew about the one after Aran was born." 

"Well, regardless, it's nice to know you have someone else you can talk to about this, should you need."

"Mmhm," she snuggles closer, and I can see she is falling fast asleep. I wait a few moments before I lift her into my arms and carry her upstairs. I love carrying her but she always protests she is too heavy. I tuck her in, check on the kids once more, before I fall into bed beside her.

 

We are unable to get in to see Dr. Mersa until school starts again, and I drive her over after we drop the kids off. Dr. Mersa looks surprised but she smiles.

"These things do happen, kids."

"What's the point of birth control then," Katniss says grumpily. She dislikes being referred to as a kid and even I have a problem with it, unless it's Haymitch. 

"Come on, Katniss, this is wonderful news! How are you feeling? Sick? Throwing up a lot? Tired?"

"Not a lot of sickness but I am tired. I feel kind of weak too. Like I can't stand too long or I get shaky."

"Let's take a look, shall we? Peeta, why don't you take that chair there? Katniss, lift up your shirt for me."

 

The exam doesn't take long; Katniss was right when she thought she was more than a few weeks pregnant. Try two and a half months. If she starts to show early, we will have to announce it. Dr. Mersa tells us to come back in a few months for an ultrasound to find out the sex, which I get giddy about, I'll admit. She does warn Katniss about low blood sugar and gives her a few pamphlets to read. Katniss expresses her fear about being too old and Dr. Mersa literally shushes her.

"You are a strong young woman. You've got this." 

 

We leave, more at ease and more excited. I mark my calendar at work and count the days until our ultrasound.   
___________________________

 

It's not long into March, when we are celebrating Lila's birthday, when we are found out. Katniss is helping Brent with serving drinks while I slice the cake and Delly passes plates around the table. Rye digs into his cake and Katniss is about to take a bite when he holds up his hand.

"Mama I don't think you need more cake." She stops, her fork halfway to her mouth.

"You're getting fat!"

"Rye Archer Mellark," I exclaim in shock. He looks at me guiltily.

"But it's true."

"That was not a nice thing to say, Rye," Delly says, pursing her lips. 

"Rye, you're mean to your mommy," Lila throws her hands up.

"I am not! I love my mommy! She's just fat!" Katniss covers her pregnant belly with both hands and swallows. I drop the knife and kneel next to her.

"Sweetheart-"

"It's a BABY, Rye," Willow says, rolling her eyes. Katniss's fingernails dig into her belly. 

"Willow," I say slowly. "How do you know it's a baby?"

"I'm eleven, Daddy. And I'm not stupid."

"Of course you're not." I'm still baffled how she knows and doesn't think, as Rye does, that Katniss has just gained weight. I see Delly and Annie studying Katniss and she excuses herself and runs inside the house. My eyes meet Johanna's before I hurry after her. 

She's sitting just inside with her face buried in her knees.

"Hey." She runs her hands through her hair and sighs.

"That is not how I wanted to tell people."

"I know. But hey, at least now the truth is out there. And Rye didn't mean to be mean."

"I am not ready to have this talk with Willow, Peeta."

"I'm afraid we have no choice. Johanna said Aran started asking about babies two years ago. And we don't want her finding out from any of her friends and getting wrong information."

"Oh god," she covers her flaming face. I chuckle and pull her into my arms.

"It'll be ok. She'll probably be more embarrassed than you."

"Doubt that. When did you have the talk with your parents?"

"Oh damn," I run my hand through my hair. "I think my dad sat my brothers and me down all together when I was almost seven."

"Seven?!"

"We were...curious boys."

"You mean he found you drawing breasts and thought he needed to educate you." I burst out laughing at that one.

"I think I learned more from my brothers than my dad. But that's probably true. So, you ready to officially announce it?"

"Think our son took care of that for us," she grumbles. I grin and pull her to her feet.

"If our daughter knew, I have a feeling our friends knew. They just didn't say anything."

"OK. Let's go tell them." 

 

I was right; I can tell by the look on their faces that mostly everyone already knew. I'm grateful that they didn't pry into our business and ask us about it, but waited for us to tell them. Everyone comes up to give us hugs and Rye chews on his lip.

"I'm sorry, Mama."

"It's ok, baby. Mama IS getting fat but your little brother or sister is in here now." 

"Can I have a brother," he whispers, "I don't want another sister."

"We'll see," she says with a smile, rubbing her belly. I realize how stupid we were to think we could hide it; when she stands, I can definitely see her baby bulge. I go to stand behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. I let my hand rest on her belly, and hers covers mine. It's the first time in months that I am touching her stomach in public and I feel my heart race. 

"Mama...Daddy...where do babies come from?" My eyes widen and my throat goes dry at my daughter's question. Johanna cackles behind us.

"THIS should be good."

 

"...and that's how a baby is made," I finish weakly. Katniss and Willow are silent, both quite red in the face. 

"Do you...have any questions, sweetheart?"

"No," she says in a high-pitched voice.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm going to bed. Night Mama. Night Daddy!" She scampers off out of our room, and Katniss exhales and buries her face in the pillow.

"That went well."

"God Peeta, you didn't have to be so thorough!"

"What did you want me to do? Tell her the basics and send her on her way? I want her to be as prepared as possible."

"I didn't even see a naked man until I was eighteen!" 

"We lived in a different time, Katniss. We had a lot more worries back then, a lot more problems. Willow's going to be a teenager before we know it. And she is a beautiful little girl. Any guy who even looks at her better prove his worth." Through her blush, her lips curve into a smile.

"You're going to scare away any guy who likes her."

"I hope not. I want her to find a good husband. When she's much, MUCH older."

"We got married when we were eighteen," she says slyly. I grin as my hands go to her hips.

"After everything we have been through, I just couldn't wait another day to call you my wife." 

"Well I hope Willow finds a man as good as you."

"High praise, honey. High praise indeed." 

_________________________

Today is our ultrasound and I am driving Katniss crazy with my excitement. Willow and Rye were both shy and we had to wait to find out the sex...I'm hoping we will find out immediately with this one. I want to get started on the nursery this weekend and Willow wants to go to the store to pick out paint. It's an adventure letting two kids, who are complete opposites in every way, pick things out for the baby. Willow insists on pink and frills. Rye wants dark greens and oranges. Katniss suggests a light purple while Haymitch insists that it's a boy and needs blue. If anything, this ultrasound will put a rest to all the bets and arguments. 

I hold Katniss's hand while Dr. Mersa spreads the gooey gel over her stomach and our eyes lock on the screen. 

"OK, found the little one," she mutters. "Ah! There we go! Well congratulations! You have a baby girl inside there." My heart practically beats out of my chest.

"Is she healthy," Katniss asks softly.

"Perfectly healthy. And your blood pressure is much better, so good job on that. You're both doing wonderfully." She shuts the machine off and I stifle a moan. 

"Don't worry Peeta. I'll send the holo video home with you," she says with a smile. 

When we're back in the car, I lean over and hold her face while I kiss her deeply. 

"I love you so much."

"I love you too, Peeta. Are you happy with another girl?"

"Don't tell Rye but I wanted another girl too." She smiles and covers my hand with hers.

"Let's think of some names when we get home."

"Haymitch said to call him first thing. I can't wait to tell him he owes Annie twenty dollars." 

________________________________

“Peeta!” My head darts up and my wide eyes meet my daughter’s.

“Keep an eye on your brother,” I stammer. “I’ll be right back.” She nods, her grip on the spoon tightening as I run out of the kitchen and take the stairs two at a time. I burst through the bedroom door and find my wife standing in front of the mirror, waving a pair of scissors around.

“Honey what is it? The baby-?”

“I found five grey hairs! FIVE!” She holds a chunk of her hair in her fist and waves it around furiously.

“That’s it. I’m done. I need you to cut it all off for me!” I stand at the door, completely bemused.

“Katniss-“

“I’m serious, Peeta! I’m too young for grey hairs! I don’t even want hair if it’s all going to be grey! Cut it off for me!” 

“Katniss I am not going to cut your hair--“

“Fine,” she shrieks, her eyes flashing. “I’ll do it then!” She holds the scissors up to her hair and squeezes her eyes shut. I hurry forward to wrestle them from her hands and she cries out as I throw them aside.

“No! I need those! I want to cut my hair!”

“You are not cutting your hair! And I don’t know what you’re on about, most of my curls have turned silver.” 

“They blend in with your blonde hair! Mine’s dark, so they stand out. People will talk.”

“People will talk about how you have fought everyday to live this life,” I ask tenderly. “Then let them talk. You know how much I love your hair. Just about as much as I love the rest of you.” I pull her protesting form into my arms and crush her face against my chest. I rest my cheek on her hair and inhale her sweet scent. She must have showered this morning with that lavendar and mint wash that the kids and I made her; she smells so sweet and her body is so soft in my arms. She huffs and repositions her head on my chest.

“I’m getting old.”

“We’re getting older,” I correct her. “You’re just upset that Rye called you an old maid last week.”

“And he’s right! Effie gave me some cream for my wrinkles! Wrinkles, Peeta!”

“And you are still the most gorgeous creature on this earth,” I say soothingly. She stiffens and I tighten my grasp on her.

“Katniss you can’t be serious. Since when do you care so much about what you look like?”

“Since my husband, who is the same age as me, still looks like he’s in his twenties. And trust me, the rest of the district has noticed that too.” I pull her to the edge of the bed and bring her into my lap. She starts to protest, always saying she’s too heavy but she knows how much I love to hold her like this. I leave gentle kisses on her forehead, her nose, her throat, her chest, and then down to her distended belly. I can’t stop my hand from caressing the gentle bulge there. It’s been years since I have seen her like this and she has no idea just how damn beautiful she is to me, especially when she’s pregnant. Her temper has been even shorter lately, complaining that she can’t see her feet and she looks like a beached whale (I tease, has she actually seen a beached whale but I got a hairbrush thrown at me so I try to keep my teasing at a minimum) but her skin practically glows and her swollen belly is so beautiful that I want to cry every time I look at her. I can’t believe we have been given this, this third miracle that I can’t wait to hold in my arms. 

She squirms on top of me and I lean in to kiss her where I know she wants me to kiss her. I tug her lower lip between my teeth and she releases a faint whimper. 

“Katniss you still drive me crazy,” I whisper against her lips. “Everything about you drives me insane. And you can feel…I’m sure you can feel what you still do to me.” She wriggles around in my lap and I thrust my hips upwards. If she couldn’t feel my arousal before, she definitely can now that her bottom is resting directly against my groin. I groan at how my shorts rub against me and keep us separated. I move my hand down to cup her behind and groan again; the flimsy little dress she’s wearing hides nothing and I can feel a dampness that I’m sure isn’t from her perspiration. When I move my hands up her dress, my brow flies into my hair and my teeth dig into my lip; She’s not wearing underwear under her dress. Fuck if I had known that I would have been up here ravaging her instead of giving Willow a cooking lesson. 

Shit. Willow. I left the kids in the kitchen and they’re working around the hot stove. Even though my mother had no qualms about leaving us unattended, we make it a point to supervise when our kids are trying to cook or bake.

“Fuck Katniss, I left the kids downstairs,” I say between kisses. She whines when I pull away and gently push her back.

“Stay right where you are. I’ll be right back.” She starts to stand up but my hands fly to her wrists.

“Stay. Right. Where. You. Are.” Her eyes darken at my authoritative tone and she nods. I quickly adjust myself, shoot her one more look over my shoulder, and hurry to the edge of the stairs.

“Willow,” I call. She appears at the foot of the stairs, looking anxious.

“Is Mama ok?

“She’s fine. She’s feeling a little sick though so I’m going to stay up with her while she rests. Can you turn the oven off and wait for me to get back downstairs? Maybe go play outside with Rye and Shadow?” 

“Sure Daddy.” I give her a grateful smile and wait until I hear the kids’ voices move outside. Rye loves to walk Shadow around Victor’s Village and Haymitch always keeps an eye on them from his porch. When the door slams closed, I hurry back into the bedroom and twist the lock. Katniss is where I left her, toying with the edge of her dress with her fingertip. It’s slipped up her thigh a little bit and my eyes are drawn to her other hand, which is nestled between her legs. I crawl up the bed on all fours, feeling extremely predatory. She chews on her lip as I lower her to her back and slide the dress up her side.

“Starting without me?” 

“I wasn’t sure when you would be back,” she whispers, lifting her shiny fingers to my chin. I take her hand and wrap my tongue around her digits, her eyes fluttering closed as I relish her taste. 

“You’re being a bad girl. Walking around the house like that.”

“It’s too damn hot for underwear,” she says hoarsely. She’s right though. I can’t imagine being 9 months pregnant in this heat. District 12 has become a sweltering mess and it’s brought out the worst in everyone. Rye spends his days at the pool and Willow will often join him. Effie complains loudly from their porch while Annie whines that she misses District 4 and its clear oceans. 

Katniss is the loudest, saying she can’t breathe in this heat and she’s basically wearing a fur coat that she can’t get rid of. I have done everything I can this summer to make her comfortable; I make about ten pitchers of lemonade a day and even introduced her to popsicles and learned to make home-made ice cream. The air is on full blast, even at night when Willow and I are shivering. And I’ve endured her walking around in skimpy little shorts and camisoles, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. 

Annie and Johanna bought her several little sundresses that keep her relatively cool and they stretch over her belly. She wears them all the time and this one she’s wearing now is pretty transparent. 

“You’re going to kill me woman.” 

“What did you tell the kids?”

“That you’re sick and resting. They’ve gone outside to play with Shadow.”

“Then we better make this quick.”

“Katniss it’s been months since you’ve let me touch you. This is not going to be quick.” She bites her lip and looks remorseful.

“I’m sorry, I’ve just been feeling--“

“I know,” I cut her off. We only have so much time and I don’t want to waste it on apologies and explanations. “We’ve been through this before, Katniss and I know what to expect. You’ve been doing so wonderfully through this pregnancy, especially with this heat. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” 

“Stop being so perfect, Peeta. You’ve taken care of the kids and the house while I’ve grumbled around like a thunderstorm.” I shrug as I lift the dress higher; her breasts have grown in size and the dark aerolas taunt me over the edge of her dress. I bend down to take her left breast into my mouth and she gasps loudly. My hand reaches for her other breast, tweaking her nipple and running my palm over the soft skin. I’m aware she’s tender and I should probably be more gentle but I wasn’t lying when I said it’s been months; as per usual Katniss behavior, she completely shut down when she started to show and gave me the usual bullshit of how she just doesn’t feel beautiful anymore. I fight with her, arguing her moot points but she just won’t believe me and I find the constant battle pointless. Still, she must like what I’m doing because she isn’t pushing me away. I’m not sure why she has suddenly accepted my advances but I’ll count my lucky stars and make sure we are both satisfied. We are only a few weeks away from the birth and who knows when will do this again? Two kids are hard enough to work around…three might be nearly impossible. 

She arches her back, shoving more of her breast into my mouth and I smile against her skin. I kiss her flesh under her breast and around her belly. Her hands in my hair anchor me to her, for which I have no complaints. My other hand rests on her belly for a moment before moving down to spread her legs. They fall apart and I gently stroke her with my thumb. She’s so wet and grinds her hips against my hand. I tug her nipple between my teeth before I release her with a wet POP and kiss my way down her body. I pause at her belly and shoot her a smirk over her bump.

“Hey baby girl, if you don’t mind, could you look away for a moment? Daddy wants to show your mommy how breathtakingly beautiful she is and I can’t really do that with you watching us.” Katniss rolls her eyes but I feel a little movement under my hand and I smile.

“She listens to me already.”

“Yeah we’ll see how long that lasts.”

“You’re right. She’s your daughter.” She sticks her tongue out at me and I smile as I kiss all over her belly. But I know where she really wants me and I feel a rush of wetness around my fingers as I bring my face lower. She’s damp with sweat but still tastes sweet. I take my time, teasing her at first and then diving right in. She grips my hair with both hands, her nails scratching my scalp. She leans her head to the side so she can watch me and I take a long lick before leaning back and plunging two fingers deep inside her. I already feel her walls fluttering and add a third finger. 

‘Too much,” she groans, reaching for my wrist. I quickly readjust and add my tongue into the mix, hoping it will soothe her. Judging by her gasps and moans, it does the trick. I reach down to probe her other entrance but she shakes her head.

“Not…not this time,”

“Ok,” I say softly, reaching up to grasp her breast. “Whatever you are comfortable with.” I keep two fingers inside her while my other hand moves into my own shorts. I push them down my hips with one hand and tug on my cock.

“Oh Peeta I’m…I’m going to…” I quickly remove my fingers and she huffs and narrows her eyes.

“I hate when you do that.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t want to miss the feeling of you coming around my dick.” I used to be able to get her to come three or four times while we were having sex; lately she orgasms once or twice, if I’m lucky. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t make me feel a little pathetic in my abilities but she assures me nothing is different. The joys of getting older, I guess. I should be thankful; the doctor tells me a lot of older people have little to non-existant sex lives. I can’t imagine not being with Katniss like this anymore. As long as I have the strength, I will make her come as many times as I can. She moans and grips my thigh as I slide into her. We turn her onto her side so she’s more comfortable. This pregnancy has definitely tested our creativity; we’ve had to experiment with different positions to see what she likes and what doesn’t feel good. She still loves being on all fours and I usually try to save that for last. But to be honest, I don’t know how long I’m going to last and she was already so close. She clenches around me and I still, allowing her to ride out her peak. When she stops fluttering around me, I increase my pace and thrust hard.

“Oh…god Peeta, yes!” I hope the kids are still outside. I hope they’re taking a long walk around the Village.

“Yes, Peeta, just like that!” I grunt and grip her hip. I’m pounding into her and her breasts bounce back and forth. 

“Katniss,” I growl through gritted teeth. “God you’re perfect.”

“You feel so perfect inside me,” she whimpers. “Come for me, love.” Shit she must want me to come if she’s rolling out the pet names. Those are few and far between for Katniss but every now and again she will surprise me with one. I lean back and gently move her to her hands and knees. She thrusts her hips backwards, no doubt expecting me to plunge into her and finish but I move a pillow under her so she can bend down and lean down to thrust my tongue inside her. She screams into the sheets and reaches back to grip my hair.

“Fuck Peeta!” Oh I plan to, honey. But I’m determined to make her come again. I’ve learned all the tricks and everything about Katniss. Which buttons to press, literally, to make her scream and what to do to tease her. I spread her wide and push my tongue deep inside her. I don’t use my fingers on her but she squeals when I start tonguing her ass and keep my thumb over her clit. She reaches behind and I feel her hand searching for me. I move her hand back up next to her head, not wanting any discomfort to interrupt her pleasure. She grips the sheets with white knuckles and keens into the pillow. 

“Oh…my god Peeta, oh my GOD!” 

“You ready for me baby,” I say into her folds.

“Fucking get inside me Peeta, and fill me up!” Shit. When she talks like this, I’m done for. I stroke my tongue against one her once more before I slide back inside and thrust all the way to the hilt. I alternate between long, sure strokes and quick, hard thrusts. I hold off for as long as I can, squeezing my eyes shut. She seems to know what I am doing.

“Peeta I won’t be able to-“

“Yes you can. Now come with me. I want to feel you squeezing my cock again.” I move my thumb to rub her in time with my thrusts and see her entire body tensing up. 

“That’s it, my love. You are so fucking beautiful, Katniss. You’re so close, I can feel it.”

“Yes,” she whimpers, her teeth buried in her lip. I bury my fist in her hair and tug; I feel her clench around me and I groan against her spine. With one more hard thrust and cries that echo around the room, I bring us both to those gates of paradise. I pant against her back, my arm wrapped around her and unable to move just yet. I fall sideways onto the bed, pulling her to my chest. I push her wet hair back and kiss her temple. Her lips curve into a smile as she repositions her head on my outstretched arm.

“I love you,” I whisper against her hair.

“Mm. I love you too.” She’s about to fall asleep and I can’t let myself close my eyes, knowing I need to clean up and start on dinner. I gently pull my arm out from under her and kiss her bare shoulder. I hastily pull on clean clothes and spray on a little cologne before heading back downstairs. 

Rye, Shadow, and Willow walk back in just as I get to the bottom stair and I smile.

“You guys have fun?”

“Shadow chased a squirrel,” Rye says proudly.

“The poor thing got away though,” Willow assures me. I grin and scratch Shadow’s ears.

“I’m going to start on dinner if you guys want to go wash up.”

“I can help,” Willow says immediately. I smile as she runs to the sink and pulls on an apron. 

“PEETA!” Willow turns, her eyes wide.

“Now what?”

“Stay here.” 

Again, I take the stairs two a time, swearing that if I find her with scissors again, I will throw them out the window. But when I fling the door open, I see Katniss sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor with a horror-striken expression. She bites her lip and looks up at me.

“I think it's time.”


	87. Chapter 87

The first alarm had Peeta worried, the second and third have him on edge. We're two and half a weeks past my due date and I am getting more cranky by the minute. Peeta seems to understand I want to be alone, so he takes the kids to school and to the bakery with him. He's been wonderful, making time to take them to swim practice and even goes riding with Rye.

We're lying in bed one night, with his arm draped over my waist, his fingers making tender patterns over my swollen stomach.

"Peeta," I mutter, rolling away from him. I don't want to hurt his feelings but it's so hot and I feel so sticky and gross.

"Sorry," he mumbles with a sigh.

"I'm sorry," I say quickly, noting how his shoulders deflate a little. "It's just so hot."

"I know. I wish I could do something else to help you. I know this is unbearable for you." I sigh as he gently rolls me onto my back and pushes my shirt up to my breasts. His lips hover over my belly and he blinks up at me.

"Hey there baby. We're really anxious to meet you. Will you please come out soon? I am dying to hold you in my arms."

"We haven't decided on a name yet," I giggle despite how miserable I feel. "You want her to be born without a name?"

"Ok, we have it narrowed down to Pearl, Bella, and Blossom."

"I ruled out Blossom," I remind him. He huffs, his warm breath making my heart jump a little.

"Well then I ruled out Bella."

"I like Bella. We could use Pearl for her middle name."

"Isn't belladonna like, a bad plant?"

"It's just Bella. We don't have to use a plant name, Peeta." He rests his cheek on my stomach and seems to be thinking. His brow raises and he looks up at me hopefully.

"What are some other words for song?"

"What?" He sits up and strokes my cheek.

"You first captured my heart with your voice. Your song. What's another word for music, or song?" As soon as he says it, there's a little kick and I jump. His eyes and hand fly to my stomach and mine rests over his.

"Aria," I say softly. There's another kick, much softer this time, and he looks up at me with tear-filled eyes.

"I think she likes it."

"You like that," I ask her, my hands splayed over my heated flesh. "Aria Pearl Mellark? Is that your name?"   
She presses against our hands and he smiles broadly.

"It's beautiful. And she'll be as gorgeous as her mama."

"Let's hope we get to meet her soon."

____________________________________  
The next day, after Peeta and the kids have gone and I am digging around the fridge for something to appease my insatiable appetite, there is a knock at the door. 

Grumbling, I tug my shirt down and stomp to the door. I throw it open, ready to go off on whoever it is but I freeze, with my hand on the doorknob.

"Rory. Is everything ok?"

"Katniss," he gasps, before he throws his arms around me. My heart is sinking and racing at the same time.

"Did something happen to Peeta?" He shakes his head against my shoulder but doesn't say anything else.

"Rory, tell me what's going on," I say angrily, shrugging him off my shoulder. Tears stream down his ruddy cheeks.

"Mom died in her sleep last night." I instantly become far more motherly than I just was. I pull him into my arms and hold his shaking form close.

"I'm so sorry, Rory."

"I...can you call Peeta and tell him I can't come in? I need to...I need to call Posy and Vick and Gale and let them know."

"Of course. I'll call anyone you want me to, as well."

"Will you call Gale for me?" I freeze and suck in a breath. I haven't spoken to him in ages; can I really call him and tell him his mother has died?

"Of course," I say again. I drag him into the kitchen and make him a cup of tea while he sobs at my table. He stares into his teacup and I hurry off to call Peeta at the bakery. He sounds harried when he answers the phone.

"Mellark Bakery," he snaps into the phone.

"Peeta it's me."

"Katniss? Is the baby--"

"I'm fine," I cut him off before he can worry any more. "Rory asked me to call you."

"He's there? His wife has been calling here every five minutes looking for him!" Rory didn't tell Theta? Did he just leave her at home with their daughter?

"Hazelle died last night," I lower my voice.

"Oh god."

"He's in the kitchen, crying into a cup of tea. He asked me to call you and tell you he can't come in. He needs to let his other siblings know too."

"Well Vick was just here, I can see if I can catch him although I don't know if I should be the one to tell him that news."

"Rory wants me to call Gale." I can just see how pale he's gone.

"Are you ok with that?"

"This isn't about him and me. This is about Hazelle, and she was always like a second mother to me. So I'm going to call him. Do you need extra help since Rory and Theta can't come in?"

"I'll call Dane and see if he can come in this afternoon. We should be alright. You'll let me know if you need anything?"

"Of course. Take care of the bakery and I'll take care of Rory."

"I love you, Katniss."

"I love you too. I'll call you later." I make my way back to the kitchen, where Rory is red faced but he's stopped crying.

"I'm so sorry Katniss. I didn't realize you would assume I was upset about Peeta."

"You weren't really thinking of that, Rory," I say gently. "It's alright. And Peeta says to let him know if you need anything at all. But you need to call Theta. She's worried sick."

"Can I borrow your phone?"

"In the hall." He shuffles off and I pour another cup of tea for myself. When he comes back, he sighs and rubs his face with his hands.

"Theta says to come home so we can call Posy and Vick together. Will you still call Gale for me? I'm sorry Kat but I just don't think I can."

"It's alright Rory. I'll call him for you. Do you know...I mean, have you thought about arrangements?"

"I think I'm more stunned than anything although she was having such a hard time breathing. Maybe it's better she went peacefully in her sleep."

"She didn't suffer. And you were always such a great son to her."

"Thanks Kat. She loved you like a daughter, you know." I smile, a little uncomfortable. I never asked Hazelle what she thought about Gale and me together but I know without a doubt she would have accepted me into the family, no questions asked. Was she angry when I married Peeta? Was she lying when she said she was happy for us?

"Katniss? You ok?"

"Yeah," I shake myself. "Yeah I'm fine. Go on home to Theta, Rory. Peeta and I can take care of arrangements if you prefer."

"I think Theta will know what to do more than I do but thank you. I'll call you guys tonight and let you know what's going on." I walk him to the door, give him a tight squeeze, and watch him walk out of Victor's Village with his hands buried in his pockets. I inhale deeply before I head upstairs to use the phone. My fingers dial the number from muscle memory. I exhale all the breath when a female answers.

"Hi Cress. It's Katniss."

"Katniss, hi! It's good to hear your voice, how are you," she says in one breath.

"We're good. Waiting for the baby to come, any day now."

"I am so excited for you and Peeta! He must be over the moon about another baby!"

"He is. Cressida, I was actually calling to speak to Gale. Is he there?"

"Oh...no he's not, I'm sorry," she sounds confused. "He's on an assignment in District 11."

"Do you have any way to get in contact with him?"

"Is everything alright?"

"Rory just left. Their mother died last night."

"Oh my god." Cressida starts to sniffle and I squeeze the phone.

"Oh my god, she was such a sweet woman! She came to the Capitol for our wedding and she gave me one of her necklaces! She was so kind to me, even though I don't think she really approved of her son marrying a Capitol woman. Oh my god, Gale is going to be so devastated."

"Listen, Rory asked me to call him but do you think you can? It will be easier coming from his wife than from me."

"Of course Katniss but I really hope you will be at the funeral."

"I will be. Hazelle was like family. Rory will call you later with the details."

"Thanks for calling, Katniss. I appreciate it and know Gale will too." We say our goodbyes, hers more tearful, and I hang up. My hand rests on my stomach and I feel Aria press against my palm.

"OK baby. Stay in there awhile longer, because I don't want you born into the chaos that is about to ensue."

_____________________________________  
"I can't believe this," Peeta says for the hundredth time.

"Peeta, it's alright."

"It's NOT alright! I adored Hazelle too. And you are past your due date! I don't want to leave you!"

"You are the owner," I remind him gently. "The bakery is your baby too. And a fire is a big deal that none of us can control. You have to go see if everything is alright."

"But...I just don't want to leave you," he says miserable. I take his hands and give him a smile.

"I'll be fine. And Hazelle would understand. You have to go." He sighs and presses his forehead to mine.

"Alright. I'd better pack and get going then." I watch him run around the room in a panic, throwing things haphazardly into a bag.   
The call about our bakery in District 9 catching fire came early this morning, before the sun had risen. Luckily the fire was put out but we don't know the extent of the damage and none of the employees want to go inside without Peeta being there. He agreed to catch the first train he could and come inspect it himself. I know he feels guilty about missing Hazelle's funeral this afternoon, though. He grips his bag and stops in front of me. He kneels and presses his lips to my stomach before resting his cheek there.

"Aria, please, just stay in there, safe and sound until I get home, alright?" She kicks him in response and he presses another kiss there.

"I hope for once one of my children listens to me."

"We will be fine, Peeta. Go." His blue eyes are sad as he kisses me, hugs Rye and Willow, and hurries out the door. I glance at the clock and see we have a few hours before the funeral starts. I haven't heard from Gale since I called to tell Cressida about the arrangements. Since her home was 12, Rory wants the funeral and burial to be here as well. I'm grateful that I don't have to leave, though I know it's a trip for Cress and Gale. Posy has been living in 4, and she arrived late last night. No one has seen Vick since we told him the news. I hope he's alright.  
__________________________________

There are lots of beautiful flowers (though I'm relieved to see there are no white roses anywhere in sight) and Rory holds himself together quite well. Vick holds a sobbing Posy while Gale sits stoned-face next to his wife. Ghilda actually sits a few rows away from me, with their kids sitting completely still beside her. Rye is getting squirmy and wants to know where his father is. Willow, on the other hand, is behaving quite well and turns to curl into my side. The Hawthornes take turns in speaking and Gale's voice cracks as he tells everyone about how Hazelle held the family together when they lost their father. I find that I really hate funerals. Too much black, too many tears, too many solemn faces. I wish Peeta were here to say the right things. He always says the right things.

"So where is Peeta," Cressida asks as the Hawthorne boys greet and thank people for coming.

"His bakery in 9 caught fire and he had to go inspect the damage."

"Oh my god, really? A fire?"

"His manager said it's not completely destroyed but they didn't want to really go inside without Peeta. He left this morning. He felt horrible for leaving."

"He had to," she assures me. I nod in agreement.

"Gale's speech was beautiful."

"Yeah. I'm glad you're here, Katniss." I glance at her out of the corner of my eye.

"Why?"

"You've known the family the longest. When he was talking about losing his father...well, I remember you saying your father died in the same accident. Gale has said that tragedy is what brought you together but he was grateful to find a friend in the middle of the sorrow."

"He said that?" She nods, dabbing at her eyes with a napkin.

"I want to speak to him...but I don't really know what to say."

"I'm sure he would like for you to talk to him," she says softly. Sighing, I make my way over to the line and wait patiently. Vick is first, as the youngest boy, though I'm not sure where Posy has disappeared to. I hug him tightly and he squeezes my hand. Rory is next and he kisses my cheek.

"Thank you for everything, Katniss."

"Peeta is so sorry he couldn't be here, Rory."

"I know. Theta got the call too and was really worried. Is the bakery ok?"

"Don't worry about the bakery, Rory. Today you don't have to think about work, ok?" He nods and looks down at my stomach.

"I know he didn't want to leave you."

"I told him he had to. He wants me to give you his deepest condolences and said to take as much time off as you need."

"He's the best boss ever. But I'll be back to work on Monday." I shake my head but he turns to address the woman behind me. Gale nods and thanks Thom and his wife, and turns to face me. His brow quirks as if he is surprised but other than that, his face is pretty blank.

"I'm so sorry, Gale." He nods and shakes my hand.

"Thank you for being here, Katniss."

"She was like a second mother to me. She will be missed around 12. Willow and Rye loved her." He nods and glances off toward my children, who are standing next to Haymitch and Effie.

"Your husband actually left you in your condition?"

"One of our bakeries caught fire and I made him go. He didn't want to leave and he certainly didn't want to leave before the funeral. He adored Hazelle." He looks like he wants to say something but he just nods. I'm about to move on when his hand rests on my arm.

"What happened to us, Catnip?"

"What are you talking about?"

"We just acted like...like strangers. Like we never meant anything to each other." His Seam gray eyes fill with tears.

"I guess that's because we are strangers," I say softly. 

"When we knew each other, it was like a different world. And you said yourself...I wasn't the same when I came home from the arena. Or how did you put it...the Katniss you knew died in the arena." He flinches at his words being repeated back to him.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I'm sorry for all of the horrible things I said to you. And to Peeta. I guess I've been so angry and bitter for so long that I never really got over the fact that you fell in love with him. Even when I married Ghilda...I always thought you and me, we were meant to be together. Cressida sort of opened my heart up again and made me realize that I was wrong but I'm afraid it's too late. I hurt you and I'm sorry for that."

"Gale, we don't have to do this today," I glance around fretfully.

"Then when, Katniss? Life's too short. I don't want to be angry anymore. And I don't want us to be strangers anymore. You used to come to dinner at our house, we used to have each others' backs in the woods. You used to help Posy and Prim with their homework while I tried to make us tea out of bark and leaves. We've been through a lot and I don't want to forget all of it. I know it's too hard to ask you to forget everything I said...but can you forgive me someday?"

"I forgive you, Gale," I say immediately. "And there's no point in dwelling on the past. Peeta taught me that."

"He's a smart guy. For a merchant." But he winks at me and squeezes my hand.

"I'm happy for you, Katniss. Really."

"I'm happy for you too, Gale. Cressida is pretty amazing."

"She really is," he says with a broad grin, glancing over at her. "I couldn't have gotten through this without her."

"I hope you've told her that."

"What? How special she is? Twice a day, every day." I smile and move to hug him. His arms are steady and warm and a rush of memories come flooding back.

"Thank you, Katniss," he says in my ear. I pull away and pat his shoulders.

"Hey. I know pregnant looks good on you but how did Peeta talk you into a third kid? I thought you were done after Rye."

"It wasn't really planned but we are still excited about it. He's been begging for another one for ages."

"He bribes you with cakes and cheesebuns, I'm sure," he says with a grin.

"What can I say, I always did like trading with the baker."

"Uh huh. It had nothing to do with the baker's bread. And everything to do with the baker's son." I smile and glance over my shoulder.

"There's a line of people waiting to see you. Come find me later?"

"Count on it." He squeezes my hand again and I start to move away when an almighty pain completely paralyzes me. I guess I cried out because Gale has grabbed my hand and is looking extremely worried.

"Katniss! What's wrong?"

"Oh no," I moan, my eyes darting to the floor. I'm standing in a puddle and my knees are shaking. Gale's eyes follow mine and he swallows.

"Oh shit."

"Nooooo. Aria, please, not now," I press against my stomach, pleading for my daughter to stay where she is.

"Cress! Cress, you need to call Peeta now!"

"He's unreachable," I say through gritted teeth. "He's on a train to 9."

"Come on, Katniss, you need to sit down."

"Mama! Mama are you ok?" I squeeze my eyes shut and hear my daughter gasp.

"Is it the baby? Is the baby coming?"

"Go watch your brother, princess. Katniss, look at me. Look at me!"

"Stop yelling at her, Haymitch. Katniss, darling, can you open your eyes?"

"Shit, she looks like she's going into shock. Katniss? Can you hear us?"

"What can we do?"

"We need to get a hold of Peeta, asap. Rory, do you have the number to the bakery in 9?"

"Yes but Haymitch, there was a fire. I'm not sure the phones will be working."

"You have the manager's number, right? Just call him!"

"Don't yell at me, Gale."

"I'm not yelling. Just...just help her! Get her husband back here!"

"You're not helping, Gale. Katniss, if you can hear us, squeeze my hand." I try to squeeze once but the pain is so intense that I wind up cracking the bones of whosever hand I'm holding. I hope very much it's a male hand I am breaking.

"Breathe through it, Katniss. Breathe through the pain."

"Where's that ambulance? Cause she just broke my right hand."

"Don't be such a baby."

"Yeah Gale, you saying Ghilda didn't crush your hand?"

"SHUT UP," is what escapes my mouth.

"Good to see you're still with us, sweetheart," Haymitch's smile swims before me.

"The ambulance is coming! And we managed to catch Peeta! He's, um, asking to be sent back on the next train."

"Asking," I hear Gale snorting. "You mean demanding?"

"He was pretty friendly when he was spewing expletives."

"Yeah, I'll bet."

"Oh my god," I moan, clutching my stomach.

"Is Mommy ok?"

"Rye, come over here and help me with something bud."

"Katniss? Katniss, stay with us. The ambulance will be here any minute."

"Can't we just take her to the hospital?"

"You want to move her like that? Be my guest."

"Katniss, just hold on."

"Please," I plead to my unborn child. "Wait for Daddy."

"He'll be here, sweetheart. Peeta will be here." I will feel terrible if he misses the birth of his daughter. He very nearly missed the birth of his son, because of me.

"Stay with us, Katniss."

That's all I remember before everything goes black.  
_____________________________________

"I was so afraid I wouldn't make it to welcome you to the world, my precious girl," I hear a soothing voice beside me. My eyelids feel like lead but I lift them to see the most beautiful sight: Peeta cradling a bundle of blankets in his arms. He notices I'm awake and he moves to the edge of the bed.

"Hey beautiful. Look what we did." He holds her up and I feel like I'm being thrown off a building. Her eyes are closed but she opens and closes her mouth and lifts her tiny hand.

"She's so perfect." I reach for her and he lowers her to the crook of my arm. He moves to lay behind me, supporting me so I can hold her with both arms. He kisses my temple and strokes her head.

"Her eyes are as blue as Willow's. She just started to fall asleep."

"She has your face."

"She has your cute little mouth though."

"She's beautiful."

"She's perfect."  
_____________________________

We both agree, Aria is the sweetest baby we have ever seen. She doesn't cry once and she seems to smile up at us when she wakes up. She wraps her minuscule finger around mine and I smile.

"I'm so glad you made it back in time."

"I thought I was going to miss it. You had passed out and they were trying to revive you but Annie suggested they just give you a little morphling and do a C-section to get her out. We were afraid when you didn't wake up but Aria is perfectly healthy and the birth was really easy. How are you feeling?"

"Ok. A little hungry."

"Let me go find a doctor and get you something." He starts to move but I hold his arm and shake my head.

"No. Stay with us."

"You need some food."

"I need you more." He sighs and kisses my hair, which I'm sure is gross.

"Haymitch checked in on you about fifteen minutes ago. He's going to bring Willow and Rye in when visiting hours start, in about an hour."

"Then I should clean up and eat before they get here." A nurse comes in and offers to take Aria so I can freshen up. Peeta helps me to my feet and I lean on him as he leads me to the bathroom.  
I don't know why I'm not putting up a fight but I let my husband take care of me; I can tell he's surprised and relieved. He wraps me in a towel and helps me sit while he tests the temperature of the water. I watch him as he tenderly washes my skin, his eyes soft and loving. He's so careful around my incision, and his hands are delicate as they travel over my body. His lashes catch the light as he blinks up at me and notices me staring.

"What?" I just shake my head.

"You've always been like this, haven't you?"

"Like what," he looks puzzled.

"Such a helper. Such a giver. Why didn't I see this so much sooner?" He leans forward and kisses my forehead.

"I've always loved you."

"I know. So why couldn't I see that sooner too?"  
"Close your eyes. I need to wash your hair." I let him tend to me, dry me off, and help me into some clean clothes. When he helps me back into bed, I feel exhausted and my stomach is growling.

"The doctor says he wants you to have a full meal before you can feed Aria. He's afraid you may be too weak."

"I'm not weak," I protest.

"That's my girl, always proving them wrong," he says with a smile. I wince as I shift and feel a pinch. His smile falls and he lifts the blankets a little.

"Are you ok?"

"Just sore." The nurse comes in with a tray of food and Peeta pulls a tray over for me. I grimace at the first taste, which makes him chuckle.

"I'll bring you cheesebuns tomorrow."

"I don't want to stay in here for long. You've proven that you're more than capable of taking care of me."

"But I'm not a doctor. We have to make sure you and Aria are healthy before you come home." I grumble but know he's right. I'll sacrifice my comfort to make sure my daughter is safe.

Peeta watches me carefully as I eat and although it's disgusting, I know I need the nutrients. I push the tray away and Peeta kisses my forehead as he collects it. There's a soft knock at the door and he goes to answer it, keeping his voice low.

"How is she," I hear equally soft voices.

"I'm not dying here," I say grumpily.

"Glad to see you're still your charming self," Haymitch enters the room, holding my son's hand. Rye runs to his father and Peeta scoops him up.

"Where is the baby," Effie squeals.

"Nurse took her away," I mumble.

"I'll ask her to bring her in," Peeta kisses Rye's cheek and sets him down. Willow walks over to my bed and reaches up to give me a hug.

"Careful princess," Peeta calls from the door.

"It's ok. Come on up baby." She climbs up onto the bed next to me and lays her head on my arm. Peeta reenters with the nurse behind him.

"I'm not sure this many people is a good idea. She needs rest."

"I'm fine. And I want my family." The nurse purses her lips but it seems she won't argue with a Victor. Peeta cradles Aria's head as he brings her over to the bed, and Effie gasps.

"She's so tiny." I look up at Effie, whose hands are covering her mouth.

"Would you like to hold her, Mimi?" Her eyes fill with tears as Peeta slides our newborn daughter into her arms.

"Oh Katniss. She's...she's so beautiful."

"Lemme see Mimi," Rye stands up on his tiptoes. Peeta lifts him up and Rye wrinkles his nose.

"I told ya I wanted a brother."

"Sorry buddy," I laugh. "Daddy really wanted another girl." Rye rolls his eyes.

"You're outnumbered, bud," Haymitch laughs. Rye has perfected my scowl and we all laugh.

"She sure picked a convenient time to be born, I'll tell you."

"She's like her mother. Does things in her own time," Peeta says lovingly.

"Is the bakery alright?"

"Most of the damage was to the back of the building. There was a storm and lightning hit the tree behind it. It didn't really touch anything inside."

"Thank goodness." Effie nuzzles Aria's head and my baby girl's eyes open.

"Oh," Effie gasps again.

"Wow. Those are the most blue eyes I've ever seen," Haymitch says softly.

"Like her daddy's." I look up into said eyes and they seem to sparkle.

"Can I have her back, Effie?" I lift my arms and she immediately brings her over.

"Here you go, Mama," she says tenderly. "She is darling."

"Can I hold her, Mama," Rye asks.

"Come on up next to Willow, buddy," Peeta pats the bed. Rye scrambles up next to his sister and peers over my arm. Peeta moves behind me and moves his arms under mine so that we are both holding Aria.

"What'd you decide to call her?"

"Aria."

"Aria, huh?" Haymitch looks considering. "I like it." Peeta nods.

"Aria Pearl."

"That is too precious," Effie squeals.

"Hi baby Aria," Willow whispers. "I'm Willow, your big sister. This is Rye, your big brother. You'll like me more."

"Hey," Rye says with a scowl.

"Willow," Peeta says quietly, though he can't keep the smile off his face. Willow rolls her eyes in response.

"We'll take care of you, Aria. We will be the best big brother and sister ever!"

"And Mama can teach you hunting, like me. You can come into the woods with Mama and me," Rye says eagerly.

"OR Daddy can teach you to bake, like me, and you can help us in Daddy's bakery."

"I think she'll have a little bit of both Mommy and Daddy in her," Haymitch says gently, standing over us. "But I think she will do something special, something no one in the family has done."

"Like what?" He shrugs at Willow's question.

"Dunno. But I bet she'll be great at it. And maybe she will like hunting and baking and lots of other stuff too! You guys are all different but you are some truly special kids."

"You think I'm special, Granpa?" Haymitch ruffles Rye's hair.

"I think I'm a very lucky Granpa."  
_______________________________

Aria and I are released two days later and Peeta drives us home with a broad smile. The kids are at school for maybe another week and I hold Aria while Peeta collects my bag and all of Aria's gifts and carries them inside.

"There's gunna be chaos when birthdays roll around," he laughs as he carries the toys up to the nursery.

"At least she didn't wait until September. Though for awhile I thought she would."

"Glad she didn't. One September baby is enough. Where do you want this stuff?" Olivier, Maja, and the Committee Board sent a whole box of toys and goodies for the baby and I don't have a clue as to what to do with it all.

"Set it in the closet until we can go through it all. I'd really like a nap before the kids get home." He kisses my forehead and leads us to the bedroom.

"I'm not really tired. I'll hold Aria while you sleep."

"Wake me if she gets hungry." He settles in the bed beside me, leaning against the headboard so he can cradle our daughter. She sleeps soundly in his arms, perfectly content. I rest my chin on his stomach and watch Aria sleep.

"I can't believe this is real," he breathes.

"Real," I nod.

"Three beautiful, perfect children with the love of my life. Could the odds actually be in my favor?"

"Maybe they have been for awhile," I yawn. I feel lips press against my forehead and I close my eyes.

"Sleep, Katniss. I'll watch over our little songbird."  
______________________

I dream of my family. Peeta, Rye, Willow, and Aria all stretched out on a big picnic blanket while Mom, Dad, and Prim sit on another. Finnick sits behind Annie and Finn (though Finn is considerably younger) and Rue swings from a branch high above. As I blink, more people start to appear. My family starts to fade, however, and I run to them with my arms stretched out. I wake up, clutching Peeta's arm for dear life and he soothes me with soft kisses.

"We're alright," he says repeatedly. I scramble to sit up so I can look down at Aria. She still sleeps peacefully. I rub my face with both hands and shake my head.

"Ok no more sleep."

"You only slept for thirty minutes, at most."

"I'm fine. I'm really hungry, I think I'll--" he stops me from getting out of bed and slides Aria into my arms.

"You know I'll make you whatever you want. So name it."

"A bacon lettuce sandwich."

"Cheese?"

"Swiss. No cheddar. Wait, no. How about-"

"How about I just make you a cheese sandwich," he teases me.

"That sounds yummy too."

"OK, stay her with her. I'll be right back." Aria tosses her head and I bite my lip.

"Oh please don't wake up," I whisper. She settles back down and opens and closes her mouth. I relax and stroke her cheek.

"My little songbird. My sweet Aria. I love you so much." She nuzzles against me but continues to sleep. When Peeta returns with a tray of food, I find him staring at us from the doorway.

"You going to bring me my lunch or do I have to tackle you for it?"

"You have a baby in your arms. It would be pretty hard to tackle someone."

"Try me. I'm starving."

"Well in that case." He sets the tray on my lap and leans over to give me a kiss. Aria wakes up and makes a little sound but doesn't start to cry.

"I suppose I should feed her first."

"I could feed you while you feed her," he says laughingly. I shake my head as I fumble with the buttons of my blouse. Holding a baby in my arms complicates even the simplest tasks.

"Let me help," he says softly, his hand covering mine. He quickly undoes the buttons with one hand and I shiver at the feel of his fingers caressing my breast. He leans down to kiss me between the valley of my breasts, peering up at me over his long lashes.

"Ok Daddy since you are so familiar with them, help your daughter." He grins as we hold Aria close and she turns her head, her hand covering my nipple, before she latches on and starts to eat. It's been awhile since I have breastfed and I wince at the sensations. Peeta strokes her head, before moving up to my cheek.

"My perfect girls."

"Our other perfect little ones should be getting out of school soon. You going to pick them up?"

"Riley offered to, since I don't want to leave you. Would you rather me pick them up? Is it ok if Effie comes and keeps you company? Or Annie, if you'd rather?"

"We'll be fine, Peeta." I can see the worry in his eyes and I sigh.

"Ok. Ask Riley to bring them home. But we can't keep taking advantage of our friends."

"He offered, I accepted. I'm not ready to leave either of you just yet."

"Your bakery needs you too, you know. And what are you doing about the one in 9?"

"We're taking care of it. Minimal damage, doesn't need a lot of repair. I don't need to be there for it. When are you going to learn that my family is my number one priority?"

"I just don't want you to lose something you have worked so hard for. Your father's legacy--"

"My father would berate me for leaving my family behind for work. He always made time for us, no matter how busy the bakery was. He said spending time with your loved ones was the most important thing in the world."   
Aria has stopped eating and screws up her face like she is about to cry.

"No tears, baby girl," Peeta shushes her. "What's wrong? Hm? I wish she could talk already."

"She hasn't eaten very much. She may need some help." He doesn't hesitate; he holds my breast and helps Aria find her way. I blush but he looks unabashed and so collected. Completely natural.

"There we are," he says in his soothing tone as Aria starts to eat again. He gives me a smile as we watch our daughter eat; when she's finished, she yawns and stretches her arms over her head. He swoops down and kisses her forehead and she blinks up at him with those brilliant blue eyes.

"Will you sing for us?" Their eyes are both like sapphires, shining in the morning sun. He looks so full of hope and love that I can't refuse.

 

Lullaby, and good night, in the skies stars are bright.  
May the moon's silvery beams bring you sweet dreams.  
Close your eyes now and rest, may these hours be blessed.

'Til the sky's bright with dawn, when you wake with a yawn.

Lullaby, and good night, you are mother's delight.  
I'll protect you from harm, and you'll wake in my arms.

Aria reaches up and touches my face, and I kiss her tiny fingers.

"Keep going," he breathes, looking lost in awe.

Lullaby, and sleep tight, my darling sleeping.  
On sheets white as cream, with a head full of dreams.  
Sleepyhead, close your eyes, I'm right beside you.  
Lay thee down now and rest, may your slumber be blessed.

Lullaby, and good night, you are mother's delight.  
I'll protect you from harm, and you'll wake in my arms.

When I finish, Aria's eyes are fluttering and I know she's close to falling asleep. But Peeta's eyes are just as heavy and I smile as I reach up to run my fingers through his hair.

"Mmm, Katniss," his head falls forward and I gently pull him down to the pillow. He probably hasn't slept in days; he stayed with us in the hospital the whole time and the only time he came home was to put the finishing touches on the nursery and make sure everything was ready to bring Aria home. I stroke his curls, aware that is a surefire way to put him to sleep. Sure enough, he starts snoring on the pillow and I grin down at Aria, who is watching me with wide eyes.

"Well now it's just you and me, little girl. Your daddy is amazing but he does so much for other people and rarely takes any time for himself. You'll learn that soon enough. You'll really like him. He will bake for you and let you paint with pretty colors and he will teach you how to throw a ball. He won't sing for you, I mean, I'll do that and frankly, you don't want him to sing...but I will show you how to hold a bow and how to climb a tree. I hope you like the outdoors. Your sister doesn't really like the woods but your brother loves them. We like plants in this family too. I mean, your mother and your sister are named after them. And your brother is really good at recognizing different plants. You have grandparents too...well, they're not technically your grandparents but they already love you and will keep you safe and happy. And you have aunts and uncles and cousins...again, not technically, I mean, not biologically, but they're your family. And you'll grow up hearing stories about Mama and Daddy...stories that might make you sad. Just remember, everything we did and everything we went through, we did for your future. We did it because we love you. You were a little unexpected, Aria, but your daddy and I already love you so much and we are so happy you are here. Daddy is going to sneak you cookies when he thinks I'm not looking. Willow is going to dress you up like one of her dolls, and Rye is going to teach you to ride a horse. And Mommy will love you so fiercely. I will keep you safe, in whatever way I can, and I will never, ever abandon you. I'll hold you through your nightmares and kiss your tears away. You will be safe and cherished."

We seem content in watching over Peeta together, and it stuns me that she is so silent. She rarely cries and I'm grateful. Rye cried all the time and it killed me not knowing how to help him. Aria watches me calmly and Peeta burrows into my side.  
Not long after, I hear the door slam and loud footsteps on the stairs. The kids talk noisily as they come down the hall, and Willow peeks into the room. I put a hand to my lips and beckon them forward.

"Daddy's sleeping," I whisper. "Come on in and tell me about your day."

"Is Aria sleeping," Rye asks, peering over the bed.

"Not really. Come on up here baby." They both climb onto the bed and Willow settles herself between Peeta and me. Peeta smacks his lips and drapes his arm over Willow.

"She's so small."

"She'll grow up fast, just like you two."

"Can I teach her how to bake?"

"You'll have to wait a few years for that," I say with a grin. 

"Did you have a good day at school?"

"I'm so ready for summer," Rye groans.

"Not long now. And you two will be helping me with the baby so you'll be ready to go back to school soon enough."

"I can help, Mama. I'm her big brother."

"You sure are. Here, Willow sit up and sit beside your brother. Now be very, very careful, alright?" They both nod and hold out their arms. Aria blinks up at her brother and sister and they both smile.

"She's got my eyes."

"What color hair is she gonna have?"

"I'm not sure yet. Maybe golden curls, like yours," I ruffle his hair and he kisses Aria's bald head.

"I love her."

"She is going to love you both so much." Peeta snaps awake and lifts his head, looking confused.

"When did our bed get so full?"

"Hey Daddy, you're awake!" He leans up and kisses all three of his children, before leaning over to kiss me.

"Hi," he says softly.

"Hi. We wanted to let you sleep."

"And miss this? This is too perfect to sleep through."

"Something tells me this will be a regular thing for us, from now on."


	88. Chapter 88

The first few nights, we are grateful that Aria sleeps most of the time. A week later, however, we both grow anxious.

"Aren't babies always awake and crying," my wife whispers as we watch our newborn daughter sleep.

"I suppose it depends on the baby," I say softly. "Should we call Dr. Mersa? Do you think something might be wrong with her?"

"Like what," she looks panic-stricken. "What could be wrong with her?"

"Lots of things." Wrong thing to say.

"Like what, Peeta? She doesn't seem upset or hurt or sick!"

"Alright, calm down," I run my hands up and down her arms. "Let's just...let's call the doctor and ask."

Dr Mersa immediately puts our minds at ease.

"Babies don't always cry. And no two babies are the same. Miss Mellark is just fine."

"You're sure?" Katniss hovers at my side.

"Katniss, you have to relax. You have two gorgeous children, this isn't your first rodeo."

"Thank you so much, Doctor," I say before hanging up. I scoop up Aria and cradle her in my arms. She smiles up at me, her eyes shining brightly.

"You're just a really easygoing baby, aren't you baby?"   
She grins and I make noises against her cheek. She shrieks and lifts her hands toward me. I pretend to nibble on them, which makes her giggles increase. 

Katniss is watching us with a broad grin and I press my cheek to Aria's.

"What?"

"I can't imagine anyone more destined to be a father."

"You believe in that stuff? Destiny and all that?"

"Don't you?" I shrug.

"I believe we were meant to be. But I didn't think you did."

"I didn't used to...but you made a believer out of me."

"Hm? How so?" I pat Aria's diaper, which feels rather wet, so I turn and lay her on the table. Katniss leans against the wall, crossing her arms.

"Every time you say I was made for you...and vice versa. I guess after awhile, I started to believe it."

"Wish you hadn't been so hard-headed when we were younger," I shoot her a wink as I sprinkle baby powder over Aria's fresh diaper. "There we go! Nice and fresh." I kiss her baby cheeks and slide her into Katniss's arms.  
"I need to check on lunch and you should get her dressed for company."  
"And you're sure you're ok with this? With him being here?" I don't know if I'll ever be completely ok with Gale Hawthorne being in my house but Katniss told me what he said and how he apologized. I still won't forget what he said about how he regrets saving me and I'll never forgive him for hurting her like he has, but I can tell something happened between them at Hazelle's funeral. Not the something that I spent my teen years dreading, but I can tell that something has changed. I stroke her cheek with my knuckles.  
"I know no one else has your heart like I do. And I don't want you to lose him as a friend. As long as he plays nice, I promise to do the same." She stands on her tiptoes and kisses me.  
"The moment he says something rude, I'll throw him out."  
"Works for me. Put her in that cute little blue one I just bought, would you?"  
"You're spoiling her and she's only a week old."  
"I spoiled Willow and Rye too, so why are you surprised by this?"  
"I'm not," she laughs, holding Aria to her shoulder. "See if Willow wants to help me dress her sister." I smile as she makes whooshing noises and Aria giggles happily. She's certainly the happiest baby I have ever seen.  
Willow is on her bed, stroking Prince's fur while Rye is on the floor with Shadow.  
"Hey," I lean into the room. "Anyone want to help me with lunch?"  
"Sure Daddy." She sets the cat aside and he gives me a dirty look, saying I've disrupted his pampering.  
"Wash your hands, princess. Rye, want to come with us?"  
"Nah," he says without looking up.  
"Willow, your mom asked if you wanted to help dress Aria." She gasps and rubs her hands against her pants.  
"I want to help Mama!" Without another word, she runs down the hall and into our bedroom.  
"Well then." Guess I won't get any help with lunch after all. I peer into the room to see Willow kneeling on the bed, watching Katniss undress Aria. With a smile, I take the stairs two at a time and hurry to prepare the food.  
A knock at the door makes me jump and I toss the oven mitts aside. Brushing my hands on my apron, I hurry to answer and Cressida throws her arms around me.  
"Peeta, it's so good to see you!"  
"Good to see you, Cress. We're glad you could make it. Please come in." I stand aside to allow them to pass and close the door behind them.  
"Gale." I hold out my hand, which he takes and nods.  
"Congratulations, Peeta. I've heard she's quite a looker."  
"Did Katniss say that or did Haymitch?"  
"I'm not sure if Katniss would use the term 'looker'," he chuckles.  
"This is true. Haymitch is pretty excited about his third grandchild. Here, you guys come in and make yourselves comfortable. Can I get you something to drink?"  
"We're fine, Peeta, don't fuss," Cressida says happily, waving her hand. I go into the kitchen and pour them some tea and they sit at the table, close together. I can't help but be hospitable; I'm like my dad in that sense.  
"I'm sorry about your mother, Gale." He nods and sets his cup down.  
"Thank you. Rory said you were really helpful with the arrangements and everything. So thank you for that."  
"Everyone in 12 loved her. Katniss really looked up to her."  
"She was like our mom and our dad for so long," he sighs. "I mean after Dad died...she had to find a way to keep the family going. And Posy had just been born...I did what I could but she was the one who worked to keep us fed."  
"You kept your family alive too," I say quietly. "I know your mother was very proud of you."  
"I wish I could believe that but..." he shrugs and trails off. Cressida and I watch him and she reaches over to squeeze his hand.  
"Peeta's right. She was VERY proud of you. And she loved you very much." He squeezes back and I turn back to the food on the counter, giving them a moment alone.  
"Oh my gosh Katniss, she's gorgeous," Cressida gushes and I turn back to see my wife and children enter the room. Katniss cradles Aria in her arms and quietly hands her to me so she can embrace our guests.  
"You look great, Katniss," Gale mutters.  
"As Dr Mersa said, this isn't my first rodeo."  
"No you must be a pro by now," Cress giggles.  
"I'm not sure I would say pro--"  
"Don't let her fool you," I cut in. "She's a natural."  
"It helps to have Mr Mom helping you," Katniss nods toward me and I snort. Mr Mom. I kind of like it.  
"How about you, Cress? No thoughts of kids?"  
"Yours are adorable but I'm not really the motherly type. I always focused on my career instead of thinking of a family. And Gale doesn't really want any more so that's perfectly fine with me." I wonder if Gale sees his children often but don't ask. I can't imagine being separated from my children; does Ghilda even want Gale around them?  
I keep my opinions to myself.  
Katniss lifts Rye onto the chair and kisses his cheek. Willow sits beside him and Katniss sets the table.  
"I just fed her so she should be falling asleep soon if you want me to put her down."  
"I love holding a sleeping baby," I gently rock her.  
"While you're eating?"  
"Gotta keep up with you, Super Mom." She rolls her eyes but leans down to kiss Aria's forehead. When she looks up at me, I lean in to kiss her and she meets me halfway.  
"Right in front of the baby, guys," Willow says in exasperation. Gale snickers but lowers his head.  
"Eat your lunch," I playfully tug her braid.  
"Your daughter's smart as a whip, guys," Gale chuckles.  
"Too smart for her own good," I give her a mock glare. She wrinkles her nose up at me, making faces in return.  
"I think she has a lot of her uncle Ryean in her." His statement makes me freeze and Katniss frowns. Willow cocks her head.  
"You knew my uncle?"  
"I did. Not very well, I mean, back in those days, the Merchant class and the Seam class didn't associate too often. I'm sure your mom and dad have told you about how it was."  
"Sorta. I mean, I know Daddy would have gotten into a lot of trouble if anyone found out he liked Mom."  
"I would have gotten into trouble with my mother," I tell her. "Not anyone in the government or anything. It wasn't like we were forbidden from speaking to one another."  
"But there was a distinction in class, you're right," Katniss nods. "People from the Seam were coal-miners and that's about it. The Merchant class had trades. Shopkeepers, butchers...bakers."  
"So you knew Daddy when you were young?"  
"Well, again I didn't really know him. His older brother was in a lot of my classes though. He was a class clown and always made the other kids laugh."  
"I never knew you had classes with Ryean," I say softly. Gale nods as he takes a drink.  
"We were actually partnered up for a project one time, in my 2nd year I think. It was the first time I thought Merchants weren't too bad after all." It's so casual, the way he says it but knowing Ryean had classes with Gale, even worked with him, when Ryean knew how much I liked Katniss...it makes me a little anxious.  
"He never, uh...he never said anything about me, did he?"  
"Don't worry, Peeta. I'd figured out you had a crush on Katniss on my own. Didn't need your brother to tell me." Katniss and I scowl while the rest of the room howls with laughter (except for Rye, who is eating his lunch without a care in the world)  
"I wish I'd gotten a chance to meet him. The rest of Daddy's family too. And Aunt Prim. I think I'd really have liked her."  
"Everyone loved your Aunt Prim," he says softly. "She was the sweetest person you could ever hope to meet. Only person as nice as her, is your dad." I stare at him with wide eyes. Who knew that Gale Hawthorne could say such nice things?  
"Mama said she wanted to be a doctor." I glance at Katniss but her eyes are locked on the table.  
"I met Prim when I came to 13, to help your mom with the rebellion. She was so sweet to me even though I was from the Capitol. A lot of people from 12 and 13 didn't trust me and were kind of rude at first. But Prim offered to show me around and introduced me to some of her nurse friends. I liked her a lot." Willow smiles but her smile fades when she notices Katniss.  
"I'm sorry, Mommy." Katniss's head darts up and she fakes a smile.  
"Why are you sorry?"  
"I made you sad."  
"You didn't, baby. I just-"  
"Miss her," Our daughter cuts her off. "That's ok. I know she's watching you from Heaven." Man if I could count on my hand the amount of people who have made Katniss cry, our daughter would be at the top of that list. I start to move from my chair, but Willow beats me to it. She climbs into Katniss's lap and wraps her arms around her.  
"It's ok to be sad, Mama."  
"I'm so sorry Katniss." His voice is so small and frail, I don't immediately recognize it. But Gale sits on the other side of the table, his head downcast and his eyes cloudy. Katniss wipes at her face but fresh tears stream down her cheeks.  
"I know why you hated me...for so long," he continues. "And I couldn't begrudge you for it. I mean...I blamed myself too. I hated myself for so long..."  
"I didn't hate you, Gale," she says in a choked voice. "I didn't blame you...not really. I know I said I did but I knew it wasn't your fault. I knew you loved her." Gale drops beside Katniss and takes her hand, pulling it to his lips.  
"She was like a sister to me, Katniss. I swear I didn't know what they were doing. If I'd known...I would have done everything I could to stop it."  
"I know," she says, patting his hand. Willow, who is still sitting in Katniss's lap, cocks her head and frowns.  
"What's everyone talking about, Mama?"  
"Hey," I stand up and pat Aria's back. "Why don't Katniss and Gale step outside to talk while we play with Aria?" No one will "play" with the newborn baby but Willow and Rye are excited, nonetheless. Katniss stands and gives me a grateful smile. As Gale leads her outside, she squeezes my hand and I squeeze back, letting her know it's ok. I see how much he loves Cressida and I'm not worried about Katniss betraying me in any way. In fact the thought of Gale and Katniss together has been laughable for quite some time. I wish my hijacked brain would realize that.  
But I glance down at Aria, who's staring up at me with those big blue eyes and I smile. The Capitol couldn't have imagined I'd be holding this beautiful little girl in my arms. They did everything they could to break me and they were so sure I would go back and kill Katniss, thus destroying myself with her. They couldn't have imagined that their poison would fail. That the girl they tried to destroy was able to bring me back to her, and that we would save each other. They couldn't have imagined I would be living this incredible life one day.  
"Daddy?" I glance down at Willow, whose eyes match her baby sister's.  
"Is Mama ok?"  
"She's fine, princess. Hey Cress, you want to hold Aria?"  
"Oh give her here," she holds out her arms. Aria reaches up toward Cressida's face and wraps her fingers around her long hair.  
"Oh no you don't, missy," I make a grab for her little fingers before she can pull and Cressida laughs.  
"Little trouble maker, aren't you?"  
"Oh her brother and sister have taught her a thing or two already," I wink at my children. Rye sticks his tongue out at me and Cressida chuckles.  
"You think they'll be ok?" I glance out the window and see Katniss leaning against the wall while Gale sits on the porch, his feet sprawled out in front of him.  
"They'll be fine. They haven't talked about...well, everything in so long. I think you've really helped him so maybe the Gale she knew can come back to her."  
"Let's hope so," she whispers.  
"Hey Daddy, can we make cookies to take over to Finny's?"  
"I think they would like that, princess. Cress, you want to help us?"  
"I'll hold onto the baby," she laugh. "I'm useless in the kitchen."  
"It's easy. We can show you," Rye tugs at her hand and she grins at me.  
"So both of your children inherited your charm?"  
"Oh don't let them fool you. That little diva is as stubborn as her mother," I tug Willow's braid again and she swats my hand away.  
"So will this little one will take after Mommy or Daddy," she croons over Aria.  
"Granpa says she will have something from all of us. But that she will be her own person," Willow says, quite proudly.  
"Your granpa is absolutely right. You guys are very special, being born in this family."  
"We know that," Rye says with a toothy grin.  
"Come on, let's get those cookies started. Wash your hands, everyone. Cress, come away from the window. Let's let them take as long as they need to talk it out." She nods and stands beside me, holding out a hand to help Rye climb onto the chair. I stand behind them both, reaching around them to help spread out the ingredients.  
"Willow is the master baker now," I smile and kiss her head. She rolls up her sleeves and nods.  
"I'll show you how Mellarks make cookies."  
\----  
I glance out the window every now and again to make sure Katniss is alright; it isn't that I'm worried that Gale will try anything but she's still pretty emotional and I don't want her to cry anymore. They move from the porch, pacing back and forth and I even see Haymitch glance out his window a few times, checking on her too, I'm sure. So far, neither of them have raised voices.  
"Hey I think your little one might be hungry," Cressida says softly, gently rocking Aria. She's wide-eyed and red-faced and looks like she is about to cry. I take her and pat her back, hoping to calm her before she even starts. But it's been several hours; the cookies are cooling on the counter, the kids are in the living room coloring and Cress has finished her third cup of tea.  
"I don't want to interrupt them because it looks like they are making progress," she bites her lip. "But it's getting late. And I know the kids wanted to go see Finn tonight."  
"We can go tomorrow, that's no problem. I'm just worried about you making your train. Aren't you heading back home tonight?"  
"Well, we were. But I think we have missed it. And I don't want to say anything. I know they've been needing to talk. They both carried so much anger and guilt. I'm hoping this helps both of them." I nod in understanding and hold Aria to my chest. She starts to sniffle and toss her head, telling me she is most definitely hungry and will start screaming any second now.  
Less than a second. She emits a high pitched cry and Cressida winces.  
"Hungry baby wins. Let's go break them up." Sighing heavily, I admit she's right and follow her outside. We're tentative as we open the door and both Gale and Katniss look surprised and maybe a little irritated.  
"We're sorry to interrupt," Cressida says quickly.  
"It's time for Aria to eat, but I'll take her as soon as she's done so you can talk some more," I say quickly. Katniss's shoulders slump and she jumps onto the porch.  
"I'll take her."  
"Sorry," I say as I transfer Aria to her mother's arms.  
"Not your fault you don't have boobs," she says with a smile.  
"I'll take her when you're finished," I say again but she shakes her head.  
"I didn't realize how late it was and I know Gale wanted to get back tonight."  
"We will probably head back first thing in the morning," he shrugs as he drapes his arm around his wife. "I guess we lost track of time."  
"It's ok," Cressida nudges him. "I'm glad you guys got to talk."  
"Me too," Gale says, his eyes on Katniss. But he turns and kisses Cressida's temple and pulls her tighter to his side. "We should go so you can feed your daughter. Katniss, it was...really good to catch up."  
"Yeah it was." Gale steps forward and they sort of embrace, careful not to crush Aria between them.  
"So I can call?"  
"Yeah. Call whenever you like." He nods and steps back beside Cressida.  
"It was good to see you guys. Tell Rye and Willow thank you for the baking lesson."  
"Oh they taught you how to bake, huh," Katniss laughs. "I'm sorry that you missed that, Gale."  
"I'm not. Else you would be eating rocks for dessert. I'm not a baker at all."  
"To be fair, you never really had anything to bake with," I offer halfheartedly.  
"You're just being nice, Peeta. I'd burn anything I tried to make. I left the cooking to Rory, actually. And I hear he's become a great baker."  
"He really has. Rory and Theta actually run the bakery themselves these days. I just pop in to bake occasionally."  
"Yeah, I asked him how that works with a daughter but he said they love teaching her too. He seems really happy." I nod and he steps closer to me. I glance down and see he is offering his hand to me.  
"Thank you." We shake hands and I nod.  
"You don't have to thank me, Gale."  
"Actually I do because I never have. I even got mad at you for it for awhile. But you took care of my family when I was off being an ass. You made them happy. And you gave them a new home." I open my mouth to protest but he cuts me off.  
"I didn't feel like I had a home anymore, which is why I left for 2. And I asked Katniss to come with me even though I knew she wouldn't. I wanted Mom and my siblings to come along, so I could try to take care of them but they wanted to return to 12 and rebuild it. I didn't feel like that was possible, for us to restore the 12 we knew. So I stayed away. And then I heard that you had hired Rory to work in the bakery...I was pretty angry about it. I thought you were replacing me, becoming the big brother they wanted. Posy adores you. Even Vick took to you and he hated Merchants possibly worse than I did. But I discovered I was wrong. You weren't taking my family away from me. I drove them away myself. You just stepped in to help when they needed it, like you always have." He reaches up to run a hand through his hair and he sighs.  
"I had a long talk with Rory and Vick and Posy after Mom's funeral. I don't think we'll ever be as close as we were growing up but Cress has already agreed to come back here with me for visits. We all agreed we would come back here to see the home we knew. But I just wanted to thank you, Peeta." It's the second time he has thanked me and the hundredth time he has surprised me. Cressida stands up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek and Katniss clears her throat.  
"Well, we should let you go feed your kid. We'll see you guys soon." I nod and they step off the porch together, arms wrapped around one another. Katniss moves to stand beside me and Aria finally starts to cry.  
"Are you ok?"  
"I'm fine. You should go feed her."  
"Peeta." I turn and cup her chin.  
"We're good," I assure her. I lead her back inside and she works the buttons of her blouse.  
"OK baby girl, let's get you fed and happy again." She sings softly as she heads upstairs and I give her some privacy, knowing how self-conscious she gets when I watch her breastfeed.  
"Hey guys," I pop my head into the living room and see them watching cartoons, Shadow curled up at their side. "We will have to wrap up these cookies and take them to Finny tomorrow, ok? It's time to get ready for bed."  
"I'm ready for school to be over," Rye huffs.  
"Soon buddy," I laugh. "Only two days left." I quickly wrap the cookies so they won't get too hard and place the dishes in the sink to soak. Wiping my hands, I head upstairs where I hear Katniss singing. Aria makes little cooing noises so I suppose she's finished eating. I peer around the corner and Katniss lifts our daughter into the air, making whooshing noises. It warms my heart to see her so playful with her. She was so careful with Willow, being a first time mom. I can't remember my parents playing with me, though I seriously doubt my mother would have been lifting me into the air and looking at me lovingly. She was so heartbroken that I was a boy and not long after, she found out she couldn't have any more children. I was a disappointment from the day I was born.  
"Hey," her voice breaks my melancholy thoughts and I jerk.  
"Sorry. Lost in my thoughts."  
"You look so far away." She reaches out a hand and I move to sit beside her.  
"Say why do you look so sad, Daddy," she says, pouting her lip. I chuckle and stroke Aria's head.  
"Daddy was just remembering a time when he wasn't so lucky."  
"Don't think of that," she whispers.  
"Can't help it. Especially when I see how great you are with them...I remember how much of a failure I was to my mother."  
"You were not a failure," she says firmly. "Your mother had no reason to be so cruel to you. No excuse whatsoever. And I wish you would see that. I wish she could see the incredible man you have become. The wonderful husband and father that you are." Aria sucks on my finger and my eyes fill with tears.  
"What color hair do you think she'll have?"  
"Sneaky, changing the subject," she says, pursing her lips. "I don't know but I have a feeling she will take after you and Rye."

"Blonde curls? Why do you think that?" She shrugs.

"I wanted a little girl who looks like Prim. Since you two share genes, I thought it might be possible."

"I love that our children share our traits. Willow is looking more like you every day, despite the fact she is so light-skinned."

"Well Aria is pretty pale. I just feel like she will take after you." I kiss my daughter's head, then my wife's.

"We'll see."

"She will be a beauty, no matter what."

"I saw three boys staring at Willow at school the other day." Her brow raises.

"And you didn't attack them? I'm impressed."

"Still thinking about it. Can I hold her again?" She slides our daughter into my arms and she reaches up to touch my face, as she does when I'm holding her.

"I love you, my little songbird."  
\----------------  
Tomorrow is the last day of school before summer break starts and I am already panicking about keeping two kids entertained while helping Katniss take care of a newborn. Luckily Finn comes to the rescue.

"We will plan play dates over here," Finn said as he held Aria up to his face. She giggled and his brow raised.

"Seriously Uncle Peeta, I have never heard of a baby giggling before!"

"She's one of a kind," I say with a smile, stroking my little girl's head. There is a bit light fuzz forming there but it's still too soon to tell what color it will be. Coral's hair turned as red as Annie's right after she was born. Pearl's is still really light, almost blonde. I sort of hope Katniss is right and that Aria has blonde ringlets but then again, I would love her to have Katniss's dark braids like Willow.

"Willow, these cookies are delicious," Analise says with a smile. My daughter beams.

"Thanks! Daddy helped make them."

"No," Ana says, giving me a wink. "I thought you were baking all by yourself now!"

"Mama doesn't want me around the oven without Daddy," she shrugs. "But Daddy already said I will own the bakery one day!"

"It's true," I pat her shoulder. "It's time to get the next generation of Mellarks ready to take over."

"Don't say it like that," Finn says with a little frown. 

"Makes it sound like you won't be around much longer."

"Course I'll be around. But my dad started training me when I was Willow's age. It's good to be prepared."

"Ok. It just sounded...cryptic."

"Sorry," I say hurriedly. "Hey, where's your mom?"

"She, uh, she's not feeling well." He and Ana trade looks and my brow quirks.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Dad's birthday today," he lowers his voice. "She isn't taking it so well. Riley has already come over here to ask me what he should do. I don't have a clue. She just likes to stay in bed and cry on this day every year." Over twenty years of friendship and I'm just learning this? I feel terrible.

"Anything we can do?"

"I don't think so," he says sadly. "Couple of years ago I took her to 4 to see some of his favorite places but she really wants to be able to visit his grave, I think." Since Finnick was killed in the Capitol, there is no such thing.

"He has a memorial in the Capitol. Maybe you should take her."

"I offered but she said no. She does well with her depression for the most part, but then some days are just worse than others. It's one of those days." Ana rises from her chair and goes around to hug him from behind. Finn pats her hand and sighs.

"Better get these rugrats to school. Only two more days, kids!" Willow and Rye sigh heavily and Finn glances at me, amused.

"I thought everyone loved school."

"It's been a rough year," I mumble, shrugging. Since the almost-assignment, Willow hasn't been as enthusiastic about her classes. Katniss is worried but I'm sure she will love it again when she starts back. My little girl is quite the bookworm, as I was when I was her age. Katniss wasn't as concerned about school but then again, she was too preoccupied with trying to survive so I can't really blame her.

I take Aria from Finn and turn to Ana.

"Katniss and I really appreciate you taking the kids today. You don't have it much easier, with Pearl."

"She's not a newborn anymore, Uncle Peeta. And it's fine, really. Finn is pretty outnumbered by the girls so I know he loves to have Rye around."

"It's true, Uncle Peeta. How did you stand it before Rye was born?"

"I grew up in a house full of boys. I don't mind it."

"Nope," Ana shudders. "I couldn't do it. A house full of boys, rough housing all day? Sounds like a nightmare."

"Hey! Our next one is gonna be a boy."

"Next one?" Ana's jaw drops. Finn looks sheepish and I bite my lip to hold in my laughter.

"That's my cue to leave. Thanks again you two. Rye, Willow, come give me hugs goodbye." Willow kisses my cheek and Rye pulls on my arm so he can get to Aria. He kisses her little forehead and smiles.

"I'll be back soon," he whispers. Finn and I exchange smiles and I give him and Ana quick one-armed hugs.

"Hey," Finn lowers his voice. "If you have any time today, do you think you could check on Mom?"

"Of course Finn. I'll take Aria to Katniss and go on over to see if she needs anything."

"Don't go out of your way," he says hurriedly. "The whole point of us taking the kids to school was to give you and Aunt Niss a moment's peace."

"That doesn't exist with three kids," I scoff. "But we appreciate it. I'll check on your mom."

"Thank you." He briefly squeezes my arm as he passes and Coral tries to jump on his back.

"Ah! Attack of the killer Coral!" I hear the kids giggling as I hurry back toward Victor's Village. Aria falls asleep against my chest so I decide to stop by Annie's first before I go home to Katniss.

Riley is pale and shaking when he answers the door.

"Peeta, thank God."

"Riley what's going on?"

"I can't help her, Peeta! I can't! She's unreachable! She keeps crying for him and she doesn't see me, doesn't know I'm here." I reach out to pat his shoulder.

"It's ok. She'll be ok."

"Please help her. Please. I was just about to go over and ask Katniss to come." I hesitate. Katniss can calm me down easily but she has a hard time if it's anyone else. I should be the one to talk to Annie.

"Can you take Aria to Katniss? I'll see if I can talk to your wife."

"Thank you," he says, cradling Aria's head carefully.

"Just wait there for me. Tell Katniss I'll be home soon." 

He nods and hurries out the door as if he can't get out of the house fast enough. I peer around the corner but don't see Annie.

"Annie?" I call softly, not wanting to disturb her. The house is eerily quiet and the hairs at the back of my neck stand up as I move from room to room.

"Annie, it's Peeta. Where are you?"

"PEETA!" I whirl around at her panicked cry. It sounded like it came from this room but I don't see her.

"Annie?"

"Peeta, you have to hide! Now!" I pause, my eyes searching.

"Annie, where are you? It's ok, you don't have to be scared."

"Get down! Hide, now!" I can make out her trembling form underneath the coffee table. She grips the table legs with white knuckles and her long hair hangs in her face. It's too familiar. I remember her like this, her dirty hair hanging in her wide eyes as she gripped the bars of her cell.

"Peeta!"

\--I start to struggle with my captor at the sound of her cry.

"Who is that?"

"Move along, Victor," the guard snarls in my face. "It's none of your business."

"Someone crying my name is certainly my business." I pay for my cheek with a punch to the stomach; I double up in pain and they drag me into the cell.

"You won't last long, Mellark, if you continue to question the way things are run here."

"I've already told you, I don't know anything," I say through my pain. "Why won't you let me out of here?"

"President Snow has requested an audience with the Victor of District 12 later tonight." For some reason, his smile makes my skin crawl. The guard moves away to rattle the bars of someone else's cell before he laughs and stomps out. Sighing, I lean against the wall and pull my knees to my chest.

"Peeta?" I start as I realize I'm not alone.

"Who is that?"

"You are Peeta Mellark, aren't you?"

"Yes," I say slowly. "Again I ask, who are you?"

"Annie." My eyes widen. Is this the mad girl Mags volunteered for? Is it true Finnick is in love with her?  
"Annie Cresta?"

"Yes. Are you alright?"

"They haven't done anything to me." Yet. "Are you alright?"

"I don't know anything, Peeta," she starts to cry. I rise to my feet and go over to comfort her. Her soft cries become sobs and then wails and I try to hide her face in my chest, so the guards won't come.

"Peeta, shut her up," Johanna hisses from her cell adjacent to mine.

"Try being a little more sympathetic Johanna," I snap.

"You want sympathy? Well understand this, baker boy. They don't care that you don't know anything. They're doing this because of Katniss. And took her because of Finnick." Why would they take me to get to Katniss? If they wanted to do that they would have had to take Prim. Or Gale.

Which means they're both safe. Guess I'm the 3rd best choice.

"What are they going to do?" I meant it about Annie but Johanna falls quiet.

"Whatever they can to break the Mockingjay."  
\-------------------------------------------------------

"Peeta! Peeta wake up. Wake up, love." I squeeze my eyes shut, shaking my head. I don't want to open them. I don't want to see any more guards, or any more fake footage of Katniss, or the sight of my own blood staining the floor.

"Leave me alone," I grumble.

"Peeta, it's Katniss. You're safe, you can open your eyes." It's not her voice but the sound of a baby crying that makes my eyes snap open. She's kneeling beside me, with our baby girl tucked safely in a wrap against her chest.

"Katniss!"

"You're ok," she says soothingly.

"Wait. Where's Annie?"

"Riley is with her. She's alright." I want to throw my arms around her but our daughter is in the way. She smiles as if she knows what I am thinking and she turns her back to me. I'm leaning against the couch and she leans back against my chest, her head resting on my shoulder. I kiss her forehead and wrap my arms around her. Aria sleeps peacefully and Katniss closes her eyes.

"How long was I out?"

"Not long. I told Riley we should come check on you both and when we did, you were in here screaming. I knew you were in a flashback so I told Riley to carry Annie to our house. She's calming down now."

"Katniss I wish you wouldn't do that," I huff.

"Do what?" She frowns.

"Stay around me when I'm in a flashback. We can't know how I will react or what I can do." I close my eyes and breathe through my nose. Now it's her blood staining the floor that flashes in my mind.

"We can't know what I'm capable of."

"You're not capable of hurting me," she says softly, reaching back to stroke my curls. In spite of myself, I rest my chin on her shoulder and close my eyes.

"You don't know that."

"Peeta, your flashbacks are more mellow. You're just frightened and confused, you're not violent anymore."

"Doesn't mean it can't happen. I mean it, if you won't take your own safety seriously, think of our daughter." She glances at our sleeping girl and sighs. I know I've got her. Her children mean everything to her.

"Fine. I'll have someone with me next time. Now can you stand?" I wince as I rise to my feet; the pins and needles in my legs tell me I have been kneeling in a cramped position for a long time.

"Did Riley tell you what's wrong with Annie?"

"He said it's Finnick's birthday." I nod as she helps me lean against her and leads me out of the house.

"You need to lie down."

"I'm fine."

"Peeta, those flashbacks always take it all out of you. You need to rest. The kids won't be home for a few hours, why don't you nap?"

"I need to check on Annie first," I say dismissively. Her jaw clenches but she doesn't say anything else.  
Riley is leading Annie down the steps when we approach the house.

"You ok, Ann?"

"I think I'm going to take a nap," she says quietly.

"That's a good idea," Katniss says, nodding to Riley. "I think we could all use some rest. Maybe we can all do dinner tomorrow night if you're feeling up to it?"

"Count on it," Riley says immediately. "Thanks for your help, Peeta. Katniss." I nod as they pass us and can't help but notice how weak Annie looks.

"Come on." I allow myself to be steered into the house and lead upstairs. When she gets like this, there is no arguing. So I say nothing as she pushes me toward the bed and throws the covers aside. She leans down to kiss my forehead as I close my eyes. She starts to leave and my hand darts out to grab her wrist.

"Stay. Until I fall asleep, at least."

"OK. She's sleeping anyway." I stroke my daughter's back and Katniss hums quietly. It's utter peace until we hear the door burst open downstairs. I sit straight up and my wide eyes meet Katniss's.

"Peeta! Katniss!" It's Riley. I jump out of bed and run to the stairs.

"Riley! Is Annie alright?"

"She's fine," he says, looking up at me. "But Effie-"

"What? What's wrong with Effie?"

"She's unconscious, Peeta! Haymitch is taking her to the hospital now."  
\------------------------------

Katniss insists on driving because I'm too upset. I cling to my baby girl, patting her back and hoping she can't sense how upset I am.

"Maybe you should have stayed at home with Aria," Katniss mutters, reaching over to take my hand.

"No," I say quickly. "I need to see her. I need to be there with her." Effie has become a mother figure over the years, not just to me but to Katniss too. She's the kids' grandmother and it doesn't matter that she isn't a blood relative. I'm not ready to lose her. I just can't.

Haymitch is pale and shaking, gripping the chair and staring into space.

"Haymitch," my wife says gently. He doesn't respond so she sits down beside him.

"Haymitch? It's Katniss. Peeta and I are here." He blinks and looks up.

"Kids?"

"Yeah," she says softly. "Have they told you anything?"

"When did you guys get here," he asks, all the usual gruffness gone.

"Just a minute ago. Where is Effie?"

"They took her into the room," he gestures toward the room behind him. "Told me to leave so they can figure out what's wrong."

"What happened to her," I sit on his other side.

"I don't know," he says, looking utterly lost. It breaks my heart. "I was making us some tea...she wasn't feeling well so I told her to relax on the couch. I heard a crash and I ran into the living room to find her passed out on the floor. Her breathing was so faint and I called am ambulance but they were too damn slow. So I brought her in myself. They don't know what's wrong. If she's relapsed or what. They don't...they don't know what's wrong." His voice breaks and he blanches; I catch Katniss's eye, panicked, as he lowers his head and covers his face with his hands. His shoulders shake and his sobs echo on the pristine white walls.

"Oh Haymitch," Katniss pats his shoulder awkwardly. She's never been the greatest with grief.

"We will stay here until they tell you something, Haymitch," I tell him, draping my arm around his shoulder.

"I'll go call Finn and ask him to keep the kids this afternoon. She'll be ok, Haymitch." Katniss slips off to make the call and I try to comfort my former mentor the best I can. I haven't seen him break down like this before and it terrifies me. I glance down and see Aria staring up at me. Giving her a smile, I straighten up and pat Haymitch's arm.

"Hey Grandpa, someone wants to say hi." He lifts his head and rubs his hand over his face.

"Oh hey little girl." He sniffles and I carefully pass her to him. He is overly careful at first, holding her like she is going to break. But she snuggles against his chest and he lowers his arms a little.

"That helps a little, doesn't it?" His lips curve upward.

"Yeah. It helps." Katniss returns and is watching us; I look up to see her leaning against the wall, smiling. The doctor entering makes us more alert and Haymitch immediately passes Aria back to me.

"Tell me what's going on, Doc."

"Your wife's blood pressure is alarmingly low, Mr. Abernathy. We are working on getting her stabilized and we want to run some more tests. You may see her now if you like." He nods as the doctor hurries off, looking harried, and he turns back to us.

"You kids will stay?"

"Of course. We'll be right out here if you need us." He nods and starts to head into the hospital room, but pauses. He turns back to us and looks like a lost five year old.

"What am I gonna do if..."

"Go see your wife, Haymitch," Katniss says softly. His lip trembling, he nods and disappears. Katniss sighs and slumps against her chair.

"So do you really believe that?" She opens her eyes and looks at me, puzzled.

"What?"

"That she'll be ok. Do you really believe it or is that just something we tell people to comfort them?"

"I don't know Peeta," she says miserably. "She's been sick for a long time. And we're all getting older."

"I can't think like that," I say immediately, shaking my head. She's quiet and I stare down at our baby, who is drifting off to sleep again.

"People kept telling me that when I lost you," she says so softly that I wonder if she meant for me to hear it. But when I look up, she's staring back at me with glassy eyes.

"I was a complete wreck...we've told you that before. And people kept saying "he'll be alright, Katniss. Peeta will be ok". And I knew it was a lie. I told them you were dead. And they just pat my shoulder and said "he will be alright". Haymitch was the only one who didn't say it. He knew too. He knew...that you weren't ok..." She lowers her head and starts to sob; I want to reach out and comfort her but number one, my arms are full and number two, I don't really know what to say to that. She knows exactly what happened to me so it's pointless to tell her they were right. It's pointless to tell her I was most certainly not ok and that Johanna and Annie kept telling me the same thing about her. I wouldn't say she was "ok" but she was definitely better off than I was.

"Hey," I whisper, moving closer to her. Careful not to wake Aria, I reach out and cup her chin. She squeezes her eyes shut and I press my forehead to hers. It's an awkward angle hell on my back but I twist in my seat and run my thumb over her cheek.

"Look at me." When she doesn't and continues to cry, I sigh. "Katniss look at me." Her silver orbs are clouded with tears, making them even more hazy and beautiful.

"I think we've both learned that death is a part of life. But we also know that Effie is a fighter. So let's not give up hope, ok?" She nods and I kiss her forehead before leaning against my seat.

"I'll take her if you want," she rubs her face with the back of her hand.

"It's ok. I don't want to wake her." She smiles and scoots to the edge of her seat so she can rest her chin on my arm. I kiss her hair and we settle into an awkward position but we don't mind it as long as we are touching one another.  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve, everyone! I wanted to post a new one before tomorrow but didn't want it to be the cliffhanger I left for my readers on FF.net, haha. Hope everyone has a great holiday!!


	89. Chapter 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! So just a warning, this chapter is full of emotions and really rough subject matter. Mentions of torture, rape, bdsm, fireplay... a lot of horror. If you're a regular reader of mine, it shouldn't be too traumatic but still , continue at your own risk!! 
> 
> On a happier note, I'll be posting a new fic sometime this week! It's another K/P called "On Borrowed Time". Keep an eye out for it :)

Time seems to stop in this waiting room and when I finally ask a nurse what time it is, I realize we have been here nearly seven hours. We haven't seen Haymitch and Katniss has been dozing on my shoulder. No wonder Aria keeps waking up and whining, she must be starving!

"Katniss," I gently shake her and she shakes her head.

"Katniss, I need you to wake up."

"Peeta?" She leans up to stretch and cries out in pain.

"Easy. I'm sore all over from this horrible chair so I'm  
sure you're hurting too."

"What time is it?"

"Almost six. You need to feed Aria."

"Six?! Oh my god!" She takes daughter and rubs her head.

"I'm so sorry baby girl. I'm a terrible mother."

"You are not," I say firmly. "We were both sleeping. I'm going to go check on them while you feed her."

"I'll be right back," she rises and hurries off to find a private room to nurse. I get a good stretch in, bending this way and that, before moving toward Effie's room. The door is propped open and I peer in.

Haymitch sits at her side, holding her hand. She looks pale, her eyes closed and her hair loose around her shoulders. It's strange to think that we used to see so many different colored wigs and lipsticks on this woman. She was full of color yet the times I have seen her full of life is when she came to be with Haymitch, leaving the frivolity of the Capitol behind.

"Hey," I whisper, standing behind Haymitch. His chin rests on her still hand.

"Hey." His voice is rough, telling me he has crying.

"No changes?"

"Doc got her blood pressure stabilized and she woke up a little while ago but could barely keep her eyes open. We're waiting for the test results."

"Katniss is feeding Aria but we all need to eat. I think I'll run out and get us all some food."

"I'm not hungry."

"Haymitch-"

"I SAID I'm not hungry, Peeta!" I freeze at his tone and stare at his back. He sighs and strokes his wife's hand.

"You and Katniss should go on home. No point in waiting around here."

"We're not leaving you."

"You've got a family at home. It's time to stop worrying about us and start focusing on your kids." I gape at him, lost for words.

"You're our family too," I say, rather faintly. "I can worry about all of you."

"I don't want you to. You and Katniss need each other. Your kids need you."

"Haymitch-"

"Kid," he heaves a great sigh and turns toward me in his chair. His eyes are red and his face is puffy. "I haven't done right by you. I mean, not many people have but I'm happy you got the girl in the end. And those kids. I know they mean everything to you. It makes all the shit you went through worth it, a little bit, at least, I think. I will always blame myself. The revolution wasn't worth it. Your suffering and your mind, I mean. I kept telling myself we had to leave you behind, that sacrifice was a necessity but that's bullshit. If I ever had a son, Peeta, I'd want him to be exactly like you. Gentle and caring and passionate and protective. It was easy, all these years, to pretend that you were mine. Effie thinks of you as ours. Despite the fact that Katniss is more like me, you're the kid I never had. And I know you had a good daddy. We all liked him but we were livid that he wouldn't stand up to his wife. That he kept letting her hurt you."

"Who's we," I finally find my voice but I don't recognize it at all.

"12. Merchants. Seam. We knew what was happening and we never did anything about it. I don't know why."

"People were starving. Dying in the streets. A kid being abused kind of pales in comparison."

"Til that kid won the Hunger Games and helped change the world. Now it just makes me look back and wonder why I never intervened on your behalf."

"You weren't exactly in the right state to help."

"Well, that's true. You and sweetheart changed my life and made me want to stop living that way. And Effie loving me just made me that more determined to change. It's been an honor and a privilege watching you and Katniss grow up together." A chill runs through me and I take a step toward him.

"Why is this sounding so final?"

"I'm selling my house and moving to the Capitol." My jaw drops to the floor.

"What?"

"Effie needs the best treatment and we both know that's the Capitol. The cancer is back and is spreading. I'm going to be there with her every step and I can't think about coming back here without her. I'm sorry, Peeta."

"So you lied to me," I say, my throat starting to close up. "Again. You lied again! You said you were waiting for test results...you've known all this time that she's...that she's worse?" He rises to his feet and stands in front of me.

"Peeta, I want you to know that you took an old Victor and brought him back to life. You gave me meaning and you always looked out for us. Effie and I love you so much."

"Haymitch stop talking like this-" his hands on my shoulders make me stop.

"We're really proud of you, kid. You overcame the worst odds and you're standing in front of me, a husband...a father. You're living the life of a Victor. A true Victor. One who has fought for his life and his love. Never stop living that life, Peeta. Promise me." I nod and he claps my shoulder.

"Good man. Take your wife home and hug your children. I need to make arrangements."

"What do I tell Katniss?"

"Hell boy you've never been ever to lie to her. So tell her the truth. This isn't goodbye, you know. We will see you before we go." I nod and reach up to rub my face. He gives me a sad smile before turning back to Effie and resuming his place by her side.

Katniss sees my tear-streaked face and runs into my arms. I'm careful not to crush Aria between us but she buries her face in my chest. I realize I haven't told her anything so she must be thinking the worst.

"Let's go home," I whisper, leading her to the car.

On the way home, I quietly tell her what Haymitch told me. She's silent as she stares out the window. As we pull into Victor's Village, she stares at the dark house across from us.

"What do we tell them," she asks, not looking at me. I don't have to ask who she's talking about.

"We tell them that Mimi and Grandpa love them very much and are going to miss them." She sighs and rests her forehead against the window. I frantically pull Aria from her car seat and open the passenger door.

"Come on, love." She clings to my hand as we walk up the steps of our porch.

As soon as I push the door open, I'm surrounded by excited children. Willow and Rye and Aran and Anna and Brody are all squeezed in the entryway.

"Hey, when did we get so many kids?"

"Daddy, Aunt Jo and Uncle George came to visit!"

"I see that. Excuse me kids. Careful Brody. Rye, don't climb all over Anna." I gently push Katniss through the sea of children and Johanna is standing in the living room with Finn, Annie, and George.

"This is a surprise," I hug everyone. Katniss moves right past us and up the stairs. Johanna cocks her head and frowns.

"That have something to do with Effie?"

"Yeah. It's a long story."

"The kids have all been fed, Uncle Peeta."

"Thanks Finn, I really appreciate it."

"How is Effie," Annie asks softly. Sighing, I quickly tell them the news. No matter how many times I say it, it doesn't feel real.

"Poor Haymitch," Finn shakes his head.

"When are they leaving?"

"He's making arrangements but it will probably be soon. They haven't packed anything though, I mean...he can't just sell the house."

"Well he can but Victors' property is obviously higher value than anything else."

"So what brings you to 12, Jo?"

"We wanted to stop in and see Annie." She drapes her arm around Annie's shoulder and Annie gives us a weak smile.

"I appreciate everyone's support but I'm ok. It's just...hard."

"It will always be hard," I squeeze her hand. "It's never going to be ok that he's gone, Ann. We can remember him and celebrate him and celebrate his life." She nods, her eyes filled with tears.

"Oh Mom," Finn reaches out and pulls her to his chest.

"I wish you could have met him," she whimpers. "He wanted a son so badly."

"Mom, don't," he says miserably, stroking her back.

"Annie, don't do this to yourself," Johanna whispers, wrapping her arms around her from behind. "Finnick wouldn't want this. He wants you to be happy. He wants you to live your life."

"I'm going to take the kids to play outside," George says quietly, setting a hand on his wife's arm.

"Thanks honey." I hear him wrangling the kids and the door close behind them. Annie breaks down as if she was holding it together so the kids wouldn't question her; in fact I'm fairly certain that's what's going on. Finn tightens his hold on his mother and looks at us, desperation and sadness in his usually bright eyes.

"Come on, Annie," Johanna says gently. "Finnick loved you. So much."

"And now you have two men loving you," Finn says in her ear. "Riley adores you, Mom."

"I love him. I do. But Finnick will always be my first love."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Johanna says, her face pressed into Annie's back. "Ewan was mine. I'll never forget him. We don't forget them, Annie, we celebrate their lives and remember their love." I have no idea who Ewan is but it dawns on me that I actually don't know a lot about Johanna's past. She's told us parts about what happened to her after she became a Victor but nothing about her childhood.

"I just...wish I had told him to stay."

"You know that Finnick was a warrior. And that he wanted to fight. He wanted to bring down Snow, to make him pay."

"But he would have stayed for me. He asked me if I wanted him to stay." I didn't know that and from her expression, Johanna didn't either.

"Dad asked you if you wanted him to stay?" She pulls back and wipes her face, nodding.

"The night before everyone was deployed to the Capitol, he kept rubbing my stomach and asked me if he should go. Maybe he knew...but I said yes because I knew that's what he wanted. I knew he wanted to fight. He asked me again, and told me if I wanted him to, he would stay. But he was a Victor and I knew Katniss needed him. I told him to go. I wish I'd told him to stay with me."

"Finnick died saving us," I stroke her hair. "He was a hero, Annie. He told me I had to protect Katniss and pushed me out of there. I tried to stay to help him fight but he chased everyone away."

"That sounds like Finnick," Johanna sighs. "Power of one."

"He talked about you all the time," comes a new quiet voice behind us. I whirl around and see Katniss standing a few feet away, her hands folded in front of her and her head lowered.

"He did?" Annie lifts her head off Finn's chest. Katniss nods and approaches us. I automatically wrap my arm around her.

"He kept your picture on him all the time. When the Capitol had you all...he kept saying he wished he were dead. He loved you so much, Annie, and that's why he went to the Capitol. He wanted to remake the world for you, and he did. He succeeded. He's a hero." Annie blinks back tears and reaches out for Katniss. My wife has never been huge on affection but she accepts our friend's embrace without a word. Finn and Johanna close their arms around both women and Katniss reaches behind her to grasp my hand. I move closer and embrace her from behind, my hands finding Johanna's.

"We are so fucked up," Johanna sighs, breaking the peaceful silence. We all start to snigger until it erupts into loud laughter. Annie shakes her head as she wipes at her face.

"Leave it to you, Jo, to make a crude comment to avoid feelings."

"I'm not avoiding anything. But I'd rather feel a buzz from the bottle of wine I brought with me." Katniss rolls her eyes but Finn grins.

"Ana and the kids are with her parents tonight. I could be persuaded to have a glass or two."

"Careful," Annie scolds him.

"I'll pass. It's been an emotional day."

"All the more reason to drink, baker boy," she says cheerfully. "We'll toast to Finnick's life, to Haymitch and Effie-"

"To Ewan," Annie breaks in. Johanna nods gratefully.

"Who is Ewan," Katniss asks with a puzzled frown.

"My first love. He was a tribute in the games before mine." I don't need to ask what happened to Ewan, then. Snow really did take everything from Johanna.

"Where are the kids," Katniss looks around, noticing how quiet it is.

"My amazing husband is entertaining them."

"Is Aria asleep?" She nods and Johanna pouts.

"I want to meet my new little niece!"

"Tomorrow you will," I promise her. I decide that I will call Haymitch tomorrow to see if we should start packing for him. He's not going to leave Effie's side to do it, I know that.

"Peeta, where are your wine glasses?" Johanna, Annie, and Finn are already ahead of me, on their way to the kitchen but Katniss holds me back.

"You ok?" She nods and stands on her tiptoes to kiss me.

"It's been a day."

"Tell me about it. Maybe a drink will help."

"Please pace yourself," she smiles. "You're such a lightweight."

"Me? You are far worse."

"I can't drink. I won't risk it, for Aria." I kiss her temple and fold her into my arms.

"I don't need a glass then."

"Don't let me stop you. But you'd better get in there. Sounds like Johanna has already gotten the bottle open." I chuckle as I follow her into the kitchen and Jo hands me a glass. Katniss waves her aside but goes outside to relieve George of children wrangling so can have a drink. It doesn't take long for the kids to be wiped our and Finn whistles.

"Good job, Aunt Niss. Wish I could get Coral and Pearl to fall asleep that quickly."

"Super Mom," Johanna slurs, lifting her glass to my wife. I grin and pull her to my side, burying my face in her neck.

"My *hic* hero." Katniss giggles and pushes me away.

"What did I say about pacing yourself?"

"We're playing a game," I say excitedly. A little too excitedly but I'm considerably happier than I was earlier. "Katniss come play with us."

"I'll watch. Anyone want anything to eat? Maybe some bread to soak all that alcohol?"

"Cheesebuns," Annie yells, throwing her arms out. She's had at least 4 glasses. She will definitely be feeling that in the morning. I feel like I should warn Riley but I'm not sure where he is at the moment.

"I'll make some," I rise to my feet and nearly stumble. Katniss catches me and shakes her head.

"You sit. I'll make them. They won't be as good as yours but at least I can stand up straight."

"I'm fine," I protest but realize my head is feeling very fuzzy. I pick up my glass and peer inside. "What the hell? How did I get so drunk?"

"Cause you've done more than the rest of us," Annie giggles.

"False! Johanna has had to refill her glass six times!"

"I also know how to handle my liquor, bread boy," she teases. I groan and sink back into my seat.

"OK, my turn. Never have I ever...had anal intercourse."

"Oh my god, MOM!" I choke as I take a sip from the glass. Finn covers his face and grips his hair.

"Oh god, I just learned way too much about my family! WAY too much"

"Cheers kid," Johanna tips her glass back.

"You are scarring the kid," Katniss says from the counter, her lips thin.

"Everyone in this room needs to experience the wonder of a good ass fucking," Johanna says with a wink. Finn gapes in horror. George, at least, is blushing and shakes his head.

"Johanna," he says through gritted teeth.

"I've been thinking about it," Annie says quietly and Finn jumps to his feet.

"And I'm out! Mom I love you but I can't stay here. And I can't even look at Aunt Niss or Uncle Peeta right now!"

"What did I do," Katniss sounds hurt. He gives her a patronizing look.

"Uncle Peeta took a drink! And I don't think he was alone in that act...I can't even think about it!"

"Your Aunt Johanna drank too," I point out.

"Nothing about Aunt Jo surprises me. Blegh, I gotta go. I feel like I need to shower like three times right now!" He gives his mother and aunts a quick kiss on the cheek before literally running out the door.

"Nicely done," Katniss snorts.

"He's drunk. He probably won't even remember it tomorrow."

"Ok now we can talk about the good stuff," Johanna pours several more glasses. I see Katniss shake her head from the corner of my eye and I refuse the next glass.

"My head will be hurting enough as it is."

"Stick in the mud. Here honey, have another."

"Last one, baby. For both of us." Johanna nods but pushes the bottle out of view.

"So you and Riley really never have...?"

"No. I think I want to try it though. Katniss you like it don't you?" I think I get whiplash from turning my head so quickly.

"I am NOT discussing this with any of you," she says firmly, bending to check the cheesebuns. I feel my jeans tighten at the sight of her shapely ass on display through those tight work out pants she likes to wear. We still have several weeks before we are allowed to do anything and that's if she feels like it. When she had Willow, she didn't let me touch her for ages.

"Wait. You mean you and Finnick never tried," Johanna lowers her voice. Annie shakes her head.

"He never suggested it. Our lovemaking was always pretty calm and just...beautiful. We didn't try crazy positions or toys or anything."

"That's cause he'd had enough of that in the Capitol!" A loud clang makes us jump and we all turn to see Katniss standing over the ruined cheesebuns on the floor, her eyes wide and horrified.

"My god Johanna, would you, for once in your life, shut your fucking mouth?" But drunk Johanna is far worse than normal crude Johanna. She shrugs and leans back in  her chair.

"The first night we were put together, he had all these toys to use on me. Think it's because he didn't actually want to touch me. He got me off with everything but his dick." I'm sober now and from the looks of it, so are George and Annie. Johanna, however, is so far gone she has no idea what is coming out of her mouth.

"Then we had this couple...fucking homos, though they weren't allowed to say they were cause they were married to these rich bitches, and they purchased us but they really just wanted him. And I had to watch while they had Finnick on all fours, dick in his mouth and in his ass--"

"We're leaving," George says immediately, jumping to his feet. He grabs Johanna's arm and hoists her up and her head sort of rolls on her shoulder.

"Awe but honey we were having fun!"

"You've made sure no one else is having fun," he says sternly. He helps her lean on him and she immediately starts snoring. Sighing, he lifts her in his arms and gives us all a deeply apologetic look.

"I am so sorry, you guys. She really doesn't know when to quit."

"No she doesn't," Katniss says furiously. George shakes his head.

"Let me take her to the hotel and I'll come back to get the kids."

"They can sleep here, George. I don't want them seeing their mother that way, anyway," Katniss looks at Johanna in disgust. George nods in understanding and we follow him to the door.

"Annie...I'm so sorry."

"She's always had that mouth on her, George," she says softly. "You can't change her." Johanna's head rolls on his shoulder as he carries her down the steps and out of Victor's Village. Katniss reaches for Annie's hand.

"Are you alright?"

"I never asked him...what they made him do."

"You didn't need to know that," I say pointedly. "Just like Katniss still doesn't know everything that we went through."

"And I don't want to know," she says sadly. "It hurts more to know. Don't listen to Johanna. Don't think about it."

"I've always known the Capitol was despicable and sickening...but I'd hoped they treated him better than that."

"Annie, Finnick loved you. That's all you need to know. That's the only thing you should remember." She nods and I pull her in for a hug.

"We're grateful for you, Annie. For you and Finn and for what Finnick was to us. We love you all."

"I love you both." She squeezes our hands and toddles out the door, wrapping her arms around herself though the air is anything but cold.

"As if she wasn't having a hard enough time," Katniss mutters at my shoulder. "Damn Johanna."

"Maybe Annie won't remember any of it either," I suggest halfheartedly. She slams the door and gives me a disgusted look.

"She'll remember, Peeta." I don't say anything as she flips the lights and stomps up the stairs. I stand there in the darkness, afraid to move. My head is pounding and I know I need to lie down but I want to give her some time to fake being asleep if she needs. I don't know what to say to her. I honestly don't. Today has been an emotional rollercoaster and I just want to sleep for a thousand years. Finally my feet move me up to the bedroom and sure enough, the room is dark and she is rolled over on her side and pretending to sleep. Her body is stiff as I curl up behind her but she doesn't resist when I drape my arm over her waist.

"I love you," I whisper before I give her a soft kiss and rest my head on the pillow next to hers.  
____________________________________________

I wander the halls of the train, much like I used to on our Victory Tour. I haven't seen Katniss and wonder if she's avoiding me. Of course she's avoiding me. She never wanted any of this. But it irritates me that she thinks she is the only one suffering here. Does she think it's easy, being married to the love of your life, when that person doesn't love you back and never will? In fact, she's barely looked at me since the wedding.

Sighing, I decide to head back to my room and try to sleep. Since we are now married, we technically have a joint compartment but she prefers to keep her old compartment as her room still. I'm the one who goes to her at night when I hear her crying out from her nightmares. She never joins me in my bed. What is it going to be like when we get back to 12? Surely she knows she has to move in with me...Snow will be watching us closely. We may have convinced him for now but we have to keep playing this game. It's the whole reason we agreed to marry in the Capitol in the first place. To keep our loved ones safe. It's the only reason she's doing this and I'm ok with that.

Well, not really ok with it but I can live with it. The look on her face when she gets home to Prim makes it all worth it to me.

I push open my compartment door and stop in my tracks. My wife is bound to the bed, her body twisted and bare save for a black camisole that she often wears to sleep in. I can see her face is red where material covers her mouth and cuts into her jaw. Her eyes are wide with terror and I merely gape at her, unable to actually move.

"Katniss!" I jump at the door slamming behind me and I whirl around. A man I have never seen before in my life is standing behind it, wearing an evil smirk.

"Who the fuck are you?" He moves toward me and I take a step backward. He has to be the largest man I have ever seen. He's a bit taller than Gale and about three times the size of the paunchy gamemaker I met in the Capitol. His smile widens and I long to smack it off his disgusting face.

"About time you came looking for your wife, Mellark."

"What do you want?"

"Your wife is naked and bound on your bed and you're asking me what I want?" My fists clench and unclench by my side.

"No that's not what I mean. Why are you here?"

"Does it matter?" I'm getting angry with this man's riddles. Turning on my heel, I stomp over to the bed and reach Katniss's side. Her cotton panties lie ripped on the floor and I can see she's bound with thick manacles, nothing like the handcuffs the peacekeepers use back in 12. I gently stroke her cheek once, to assure her I will get her out of this, before I turn back to the man.

"Let her go. Now."

"Oh we're going to have some fun first." I turn back to Katniss and struggle with the manacles. Her wrists have started to bleed from the way they rub against the skin. My eyes meet hers for a moment and she says my name through her gag. Her eyes then widen and she screams something before I feel something cold at the back of my neck. I freeze, my hands flying into the air.

"We are going to have some fun first," he growls in my ear. I want to throw up at the sickening stench of his breath. Like he just fed on raw meat or something.  
Or just blood.

I turn my head ever so slightly and find myself staring down the barrel of a gun. A gun? Capitolites don't have guns!

"Why are you doing this," it comes out in a whisper.

"I want to watch."

"When President Snow finds out what you're--"

"President Snow is the one who sold you to me!" My blood runs cold.

"What?"

"He's not happy with you little Victors. He found out that you didn't take advantage of his generous hospitality when he set you up in that lovely hotel room with rose petals and champagne. He was expecting you to consummate your wedding night. And you didn't." I wanted to. God how I wanted to. But I know Katniss wants to save this for Gale and I couldn't force myself on her.

Now this man is going to force me to rape her. We could have had a typical first time back in the Capitol, with fumbling hands and nervous apologies and just a moment that belonged to us.

Snow is stealing that from us. Because we've angered him.

"There were other bidders. But he figured I could teach you both a lesson. I'm a very good teacher." His lustful grin makes me sick to my stomach.

"Now, are you going to behave? If you behave, I can put this away." He gives his gun a little shake and I nod slowly. He tucks it into his slacks and my eyes rest on it for a moment before flying back to his. His irises are purple and look frightening. His hair is greasy and slicked back and his thick fingers start unbuttoning his shirt.

If he only wants to watch...maybe I can still make this good for Katniss. If he wants to join in...I'll kill him before he touches her.  
And I won't get far. There are peacekeepers just in the next room.

Haymitch! I wonder if he would come running in if I yell.  
But then what would he do to Katniss? Punish her to punish me. This is Snow's punishment for us.

"Strip for me." I swallow but immediately remove my robe and my pajama shirt. My hands stop at the waistband of my pants and I glance at him. He nods impatiently and I see the gun sticking out of his pants. I push my pants down my legs and stumble for a moment. This prosthetic has made me even clumsier than I already was. I know Katniss is watching us and I wince as I straighten back up.

"Very nice. I didn't know bakers were so fit." I'm only fit because you Capitol bastards forced me into a deadly game where I had to fight for my life and when I won, you awarded me with a life of luxury that I can't really enjoy because it came by killing innocent children.

Of course I don't say any of this aloud.

"Have you even fingered your girl yet?" I've never even seen her, I want to say. Stiffly, I shake my head.

"Fine. Warm her up a bit. I'm not completely heartless. And I hate when they cry." I mouth uncertainly, twisting around to look at Katniss. Her eyes meet mine again and I bite my lip.

"Can I...take off the gag? So I can kiss her?"

"You're pathetic." But he doesn't say no so I kneel beside her and reach behind to tear off the gag. She licks her lips a few times and grimaces as I run my hand over the red skin. Tentatively I bring my mouth to hers and stay there for a moment. This is familiar. This is something we both know well, and maybe I can relax her enough to proceed.

Who am I kidding, she can hear every word and she knows what is going to happen. If she's waiting for me to figure out a way out of this, she's going to be disappointed in her "hero". She breaks the kiss and nuzzles my cheek.

"Peeta," she whispers and I lean closer. "I forgive you." 

Tears well up in my eyes. She knows how much this is killing me and she knows how I'll beg for her forgiveness after it's over. Before I can speak, she is kissing me again and I move my lips down her throat and to the valley of her breasts. I look to her for permission and she gives a little nod. I pull the camisole down so her breasts can spill forward and I release a groan of longing before I close my lips around her dusty nipple. I'm certain she has never been touched like this before; when would Gale find time to pleasure her between all of his hours in the mine? An image comes to me of him going down on her against a tree and I shake it away. He's not here with her right now. I am. 

She's my wife.

Mine.

"Get on with it boy, we don't have all night."

I run my hand down her stomach and to her inner thigh. She trembles as I get closer and my thumb makes the lightest touch over her center. I'd hoped I'm being gentle enough to get her a little wet so this won't hurt her as much but she's completely dry. I wet my fingers before I bring them back to her clit and start circling around. 

Thank God my brothers felt the need to educate me before my wedding. My mom found the magazines and I avoided the bakery for several weeks but at least I have some sort of knowledge of what to do. I try to slide a finger inside her but she tenses and whimpers in pain. I lean up to kiss her again, hoping this will relax her.  
But she's terrified. And her body reflects that. This is going to be so much worse if I can't get her aroused.

And speaking of, my own traitorous body responds to touching her. A glance downward shows me my underwear is doing nothing to hide my arousal. I can't let this pervert see; he is going to think I like doing this to her. Well, I mean I like doing this but only if she enjoys it.  
Which, at the moment, she's too scared to.

"Katniss," I whisper as I go back to kissing her. "You have to relax. Just focus on me."  
I can see she is trying. I go back to circling her clit and finally feel a slight bit of moisture. But she winces when I try to slide a finger in and back away. I lower to my stomach and push her legs open. She gasps and chews on her lip. God I have dreamed of tasting her ever since I heard Ryean talking about his first time at the slag heap. I keep my eyes on hers as I slide my tongue up her slit and smile when she jerks her hips. She may be terrified but she can't deny this feels good. I will make it as good as I can, despite the horrifying circumstances that surround us. I slide my tongue all around, relishing in her taste, before I push my tongue inside her. Her breathing picks up and when I look back up at her, her eyes are squeezed shut. I reach up to circle her nub again before pushing a finger in. It's not as tight and she doesn't wince; but I know it's going to take a lot more before she's ready. And the man doesn't seem to be a patient one.

"Oooh yes," he says in a nauseating grunt behind us and I can hear the wet slapping of skin. I focus on Katniss and getting her closer to her orgasm. I try pushing two fingers but she whimpers again and I go back to using just one.

"Come on, make her come Mellark!" I'm trying to, you asshole! My tongue makes rapid flicks across her clit and she bucks her hips upwards.

"That's it, Katniss," I whisper against her pelvic bone. "Let go. I've got you."

"P-Peeta," she pants, straining against her binds. I feel her clenching my finger and I nearly come at the sensation. Fuck she's beautiful. When I feel her tremors pass, I pull my hand away and go back to kiss her.

"Well done, Mellark. Took you awhile but the President did tell me you weren't experienced at all. So I guess you learned that back home in that trashheap of yours."  
I wipe my chin on the back of my hand and turn back to him and immediately wish I hadn't. He's tugging on his cock, his slacks pushed down to his knees and his shirt is halfway unbuttoned. He pours something out of a bottle and rubs it over himself. I wonder if he would give any of it to me to make it easier for Katniss. Something tells me the answer is no.

"Alright, next lesson. Here." He tosses something onto the bed and I only stare at it. It's shaped like a phallus but looks hard and big, though somewhat smaller than I am. I've seen a lot of these in the pornography videos Haymitch has given to me (though I begged him not to, or ever try to talk to me about sex again).

"Suck on it." I stare at him in disgust.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't fuck with me, Mellark. Suck it. Now." He takes a step toward Katniss, who seems to be coming down from her high, and I grab the phallic toy. Closing my eyes and praying Katniss looks away, I hesitantly lick it and grimace at the rubbery taste. I see the man's eyes flash and he stomps to the other side of the bed. I don't have any time to react before he grabs my hair and yanks my head back. I try to gasp but he seizes the opportunity to shove the toy down my throat. My eyes water as I start to choke but he pushes it further down until I feel like I am going to throw up.

"You'd better study up, Mellark. You can barely take this size, you're going to have a difficult time in the Capitol. Odair and Mason are the best cock-suckers I know, perhaps they can give you a lesson." 

My eyes widen in terror at his implication and I gag. He pulls the toy out and I choke, turning away from Katniss. Tears of humiliation stream down my face and I angrily wipe them away.

"Good. Nice and wet. You're going to fuck her with this so you need it wet enough." I turn back to him and my eyes dart between him and Katniss.

"You choose which hole to fuck. This thing gets the other." I nearly cry out at his statement. Katniss, sweet naïve Katniss, looks baffled but I don't have to ask him to explain. He's going to force me to take her virginity...and violate her in the cruelest way. I shake my head and back away.

"No. No way." His brow raises as he pulls the gun from his shirt pocket.

"What was that?"

"Please," I'm sobbing now. "Don't make me do this."

"You're disgusting," he spits. Well, look who's talking. "Crying over a dirty whore."

"She is NOT...what you just called her! And I won't do this. You'll have to kill me." He reaches out and yanks on Katniss's hair. She cries out as the gun is pressed under her chin and he glares at me.

"You really think I'll have to kill you to get you to do what I demand? There are far worse ways to hurt someone, Mellark. Something you will learn soon enough."

"Let me take her place," I say, defeated. "Torture me. Do what you want to me. Just...leave her be." He studies me for a moment, cocking his head. I guess he wasn't expecting that.

"I don't know what to make of you, Mellark." I don't say anything. I know I'm in for a world of pain that I won't be able to understand but I will do whatever I have to keep Katniss safe. I was prepared to die for her in the Games. This is no different.

"Alright. Take off your underwear and lie back beside her." Narrowing my eyes, I slide them down my legs and kick them aside. I close my eyes when he eyes my cock and licks his lips. For Katniss. For Katniss. I repeat it over and over in my head. My new mantra.

I hear the manacles being unchained and then a second later, feel them close around my wrists. They pinch and scratch against my skin and I wince as I feel my blood running down my arms. Katniss's hands grab my face and my eyes open to find her tear-filled ones inches away.

"Don't do this," she whispers.

"I would do anything for you. You know that." I lean forward to press my forehead against hers and she quickly kisses me.

"Come here, Girl on Fire," he calls from the side. She warily slides off the bed and I can't see what he is doing. Her gasps and panicked "No" makes me start and I thrash on the bed.

"Don't you touch her--"

"Shut up," he snaps. "Don't try to threaten me. One more word from you and I'll gag you. And it won't be with rags like her." I shut my mouth, remembering the feeling of the sex toy closing off my throat. He reappears on my other side and Katniss kneels beside me, crying softly.

"We're going to play a game," he says gleefully. 

Something tells me he doesn't mean Chess.

"I want to know how much pain you can take, Mellark. And the girl on fire here...her flames are the perfect weapon against you." What the...

My eyes are drawn to the long match in Katniss's hands. Tears pour from her eyes as they meet mine.

Sick son of a bitch!

"Do it, Everdeen. Or I'll put a bullet in his pretty little head." She stifles a sob as she holds the match close to my chest. The flickering flame sears my skin but isn't unbearable...yet.

"Damn it, I almost forgot..." he pulls out a bottle of liquid from his pocket. I don't have a chance to get a good look at it before he's pouring it over my body in straight lines. I bite my tongue as he pours a generous amount on the head of my cock and he throws the bottle aside.

"Now, let's try that again." This time when Katniss brings the flame to my skin, it immediately catches fire and I gasp as I feel the heat getting more intense. Katniss cries out as the flame spreads across my chest but it doesn't burn.

I smell singed hair and realize my chest hair has burned off. It only takes a second but the pain is agonizing. I cry out as the pain spreads, the flames growing.

"Please!" A second later, he's thrown a blanket over me and the fire is gone. I pant in pain and hang loose in the manacles. Katniss buries her face in my neck and sobs and I'm unable to comfort her. I'm unable to do anything.

"You're a Hunger Games Victor, Mellark. I'm sure you can take more pain than that. We'll try again and this time...let's give you a little motivation." I swallow thickly as he removes the blanket and runs his hand through the oil on my skin. I flinch at his touch and try to writhe away. He hands Katniss another lit match and she shakes her head no.

"You two are getting to be tiresome," he says in an almost bored voice as he shoves the gun into my temple. Katniss doesn't hide her sobs as she lights my flesh on fire again. The flames spread quicker this time and I feel the scorching heat sooner.

It's excruciating but as I am ready to cry out, to plead for him to stop, he yanks Katniss to her feet and turns the gun on her. My eyes lock on his finger, putting pressure on the trigger, and I bite my lip to hold in my pained cries. I don't know how long it is before Katniss screams for him to stop. I stay silent.

I feel the blanket on me again and the searing pain lingers.

"A lot longer that time, Mellark, well done." He throws the blanket aside and takes the match from Katniss. "We should have drawn a mockingjay with the fuel...that would have been a sight." My lip is bleeding from biting down so hard.

"Moving on to our next bit of fun." I'm beginning to question the definition of 'fun'. Perhaps District 12 has a different dictionary than the one the Capitol has.  
He hands Katniss the toy from earlier and she whimpers as she shakes her head.

"Do not test me, girlie. If you want to get him ready like he did for you, then by all means." He crosses to the other side of the room and I can't tell what he is doing. Katniss moves closer to me and looks up at me through her tears.

"Peeta...I don't know what to do...I'm so sorry..."

"Katniss," I say through gritted teeth, the pain on my chest not yet gone. "This is not your fault. And I forgive you too."

"Tell me...what to do."

"Suck on your fingers...make them wet as you can...and then you...do what I did to you." I can't even muster up the image of Katniss doing this to me...probably because I never imagined it was possible. I'm just a baker's son from District 12. I couldn't imagine half of what the Capitol has taught me. Her cheeks hollow out as she sucks on her fingers and my cock jumps. 

REALLY?!

When she brings her finger to my inner thigh, I jump. I try not to tense as she tentatively probes my cheeks. I stare at the ceiling determinedly, trying not to cry. The Capitol has destroyed us in the most unspeakable ways.

"I'm getting bored," he says again and I jerk back when I see he is nearly straddling me. He is gripping his cock, which is at least twice the size as the toy in Katniss's hand. He bats Katniss's hand away and rubs against my thigh with that monstrosity.

"You wanna take it up the ass, Mellark," he chuckles inches from my face. He grabs Katniss's hand, which somehow has another lit match, and brings it to my flesh. I'm on fire again and this time, it spreads to my cock. I scream out and writhe all over the bed. The flame spreads and this time, I'm pretty sure the flames will leave burns all over my body. It seeps into my skin and makes me scream in agony. Katniss is crying my name and I black out from the pain. I know nothing else but pain...

________________________________________________  
I wake up screaming. My throat is so sore and yet, I don't stop screaming. Tears stream down my cheeks as I fight the blankets that have trapped me and I somehow wind up in the floor.

"Daddy!" I vaguely register Willow throwing herself at me and I fight to back up against the wall.

"Daddy, it's ok! You're ok! I promise, you're safe!" I can't seem to break through the terror. It has paralyzed me and I can't speak or move. I lower my face to my knees and sob.

"Oh Daddy, please don't cry! Please! Let me go get Mama...Mama will help you!" Mama...Katniss! Yes, I need Katniss, like I always do after a nightmare.

"Daddy, I'll be right back with Mama. I promise!" I don't have the strength to ask her to stay. I'm sobbing into my hands when I feel soft hands on my face.

"Peeta." I launch myself into her waiting arms and she holds me as I cause both of our bodies to shake with my cries. She rubs my back and hair soothingly, the way I saw her do with Rye when he fell last week, the way she does when I am crippled by fear.

"I'm here. I'm here, Peeta, and you're safe in my arms." I bury my face in her chest and sob like a baby.

"Willow, take Aria into the nursery please." She stretches her legs out and lets me rest between them.  
_________________________________________

It takes hours, maybe even the whole afternoon, before I'm able to move again. Every time she would ask me if I wanted to talk about it, I launched into tears and clutched her as my lifeline. Finally, she gave up asking and I fell asleep on her chest. I don't understand why my mind decided to torture me with those images last night...perhaps it's the stress that this week has brought, with Effie and Haymitch and Annie...or maybe it was the talk about Finnick and what he was forced to do. Maybe it's a combination of all of it. The alcohol certainly didn't help.

I won't tell Katniss about this one, though. Some things are better left in your head. And she suffers enough from the nightmares; they've gotten worse since she gave birth to Aria so I won't add to that fear. I let her think it's one of my usual nightmares, memories from the Capitol.

When I see it's starting to get dark outside, I pull myself out of bed and find my way downstairs. My children are sitting at the table, while Katniss feeds Aria. I cross over to her and gently kiss her cheek before glancing down at our baby.

"Are you alright," she asks softly, taking in my pallor and generally disturbing appearance.

"I'll be fine. I have you." She lifts my chin with a finger and leans in to kiss me. It doesn't disrupt the little mouth that is latched to my wife's nipple. I kiss her fuzzy head and go back to the table to kiss my other children.

All I need is right here.  
________________________

I feel terrible that I've sort of checked out all day and left Katniss to deal with the kids by herself. Plus there's Haymitch and Effie, and what happened when Johanna sobered up. Katniss tells the kids to take Shadow out for a walk and she sets a plate of food in front of me.

"You need to eat something." She has Willow strapped to her chest and she rubs our baby's back.

"I'm so sorry, Katniss. I shouldn't have drank so much last night."

"You're not the only one."

"I guess you're still mad at Johanna."

"George apologized again when he came to pick up the kids. Johanna won't show her face right now, she's too ashamed. Rightfully so even though Annie called her and told her she doesn't blame her. She's better than I am." I grab her hand and wrap her arm around my shoulder, holding her hand over my heart.

"Have you heard from Haymitch?"

"Effie is awake and eating. I said we would come see them this evening but it's too late now."

"I'm sorry," I say again.

"It's alright, Peeta. I just know that the drinking brought on that horrible nightmare. And I haven't seen you like that in a long time." I close my eyes at the feel of her lips on my hair.

"I don't like seeing you in pain," she whispers. I pull her around so she can sit on my knee. Aria peeks over her wrap and I smile at her before looking back up at Katniss.

"You are my everything, Katniss Mellark."

"And you're mine," she strokes my cheek. "But you need to go take a shower. You still smell like alcohol." I smile as she jumps to her feet and I shovel the food into my mouth, suddenly feeling ravenous.

"Wait a second...who the hell is going into Haymitch's house?" She's looking out the curtains, across at Haymitch's and Effie's house and I join her. There is a gangly younger man standing on their porch; he looks around then pushes their door open and closes it quickly. Katniss gives me a confused look.

"Stay here. I'm going to check it out."


	90. Chapter 90

Peeta's nightmare leaves him incapacitated for most of the day. His screams echo in my mind and I can only imagine what horrifying things invaded his mind, especially after their little rousing game last night. I'm still pretty pissed and disgusted with Johanna but Annie came by this morning to assure me she was alright.

"Riley is taking me on a little vacation," she'd said with a smile. "He says I need to get out of 12 and I agree with him."

"That sounds wonderful! Where is he taking you?"

"I've actually never been to 1. I mean, aside from my Victory Tour, of course but he wants to go. He hasn't traveled much, and he says he'd like to stop by the Capitol to see Finnick's memorial. He wants to pay his respects."

"That will be really great, Annie." I poured her tea and she ran her slender finger along the rim of the cup.

"Are you alright?"

"I called Johanna but she refused to come to the phone. George says she's so ashamed of herself."

"As she should be. No state of mind excuses what she said."

"You know that Johanna has never had a filter," she said gently.

"There's a difference between no filter and saying the most horrific thing you could think of."

"That's my point, Katniss. Johanna doesn't think. She doesn't mean to hurt people. She's just been through so much...I forgave her. You should too."

"I'm upset for YOU," I said with a sigh. "So if you forgive her, then I do too."

After she left, I checked on Peeta but he was still caught in that terrified state and there was nothing I could do to pull him out of it. I helped him back into bed, I stroked his curls, I sang to him, I kissed him, and I held him but he wouldn't come to. Knowing that my children needed me too, I left Peeta in bed and went downstairs to make lunch. A little while later Haymitch called to say that Effie was awake and feeling a little better. I asked him if they wanted us to come by and Haymitch agreed that Effie would like that.

Now, however, the sun is going down and my kids are eating their dinner quietly while I nurse Aria. Willow looks up at me, chewing on her lip.

"Is Daddy gonna be ok?" She was the one who ran to him when he woke up and found him sobbing into his hands.

"Daddy's fine, baby. He's just sleeping."

"Daddy!"

"Hey princess." He bends down to kiss our daughter and our son, and approaches me. He looks terrible but he's smiling. He kneels so he can kiss my cheek and his hand rests on Aria's head.

"Are you alright?" I take in his disheveled curls and the heavy circles under his eyes.

"I'll be fine. I have you." I slide my finger under his chin and lift his face toward mine so I can kiss him. It's soft and sweet and his long lashes tickle my cheek. He breaks the kiss to look down at Aria and watch her feed. Her tiny hand presses against my breast while she suckles my nipple. I love this wrap that Rory and Theta gave me; it allows me some privacy when I nurse and it lets me move around freely while keeping her close to my chest. Peeta kisses Aria's head and sits down. His eyes travel over the table and his smile grows. I never want to see that smile fade.

"Kids if you're finished eating, you can take Shadow out for a walk."

"Ok!" They jump up and run to get his leash. I glance at the pup, who's sitting at Peeta's feet while he scratches the dog's ears.

"Don't go far," I call to their retreating backs. Aria finishes eating and yawns so I rub her back to help her get to sleep. I jump up and fix a plate for Peeta, knowing he hasn't eaten all day. I set it in front of him and he glances up at me.

"You need to eat," I say softly. He nods and makes to grab my hand but I move toward the counter.

"I'm so sorry, Katniss. I shouldn't have drank so much last night." I turn back to him and see that he hasn't touched his food; he's watching me looking pained.

"You're not the only one."

"I guess you're still mad at Johanna." My eyes narrow.

"George apologized again when he came to pick up the kids. Johanna won't show her face right now, she's too ashamed. Rightfully so even though Annie called her and told her she doesn't blame her. She's better than I am." He reaches for my hand and tugs me toward him. He pulls my arm around and presses my palm to his heart. I hear him sigh deeply and my hand curls into his shirt.

"Have you heard from Haymitch," he asks meekly.

"Effie is awake and eating. I said we would come see them this evening but it's too late now."

"I'm sorry," he says again, bowing his head.

"It's alright, Peeta. I just know that the drinking brought on that horrible nightmare. And I haven't seen you like that in a long time." I kiss his head and wrap my arms around him. He smells like the spirits but I think that cinnamon smell is burrowed in his pores.

"I don't like seeing you in pain," I whisper, blinking back tears. The sight of him pale and shaking and sobbing...I want to know what he was dreaming but then again I don't. I don't want to know if it was some horrific torture he actually endured in his captivity. He grips my hand and scoots his chair back, pulling me down onto his lap. His hand moves up to Aria's back, up to my face.

"You are my everything, Katniss Mellark." I smile and trail my finger down his cheek.

"And you're mine," he leans in to kiss me but I lean back, ignoring his hurt expression. "But you need to go take a shower. You still smell like alcohol." His smile returns and I stand back up. I glance out the window to check on the kids but movement on Haymitch's porch makes me lean in to press my nose to the glass.

"Wait a second...who the hell is going into Haymitch's house?" Peeta is at my side instantly and he frowns.

"Stay here. I'm going to check it out." He whips around and I watch as he exits our house and crosses over to Haymitch's. He storms up the stairs and yanks the door open. I think I hold my breath as I wait for him to come back out.

The door opens again and I see both men step out onto the porch. Peeta is frowning but he nods at whatever the other man is saying. They exchange more words, Peeta nods, and comes back toward the house. Willow and Rye and Shadow bound up to him and that broad smile is back. He lets Rye climb onto his back and Shadow puts his front paws on Peeta's chest. I go to meet them on the porch and Peeta sets Rye down.

"Haymitch hired movers," he says quietly once the kids are in the other room.

"Movers?"

"Yeah, he owns a moving company and wanted to get an idea of how many boxes to bring and how much labor he will need. I told him I will try to get most of it packed up. The idea of strangers going through Haymitch's and Effie's things is creepy."

"I'll help too. I should call Haymitch and let him know we won't be there tonight."

"Alright. I need to shower anyway and then I thought I could take everyone out for ice cream."

"Oh? You're taking us to Neo's place?" His eyes narrow and I stifle a giggle, remembering how jealous he got the night he met Neo.

"You're funny."

"You mean there there other ice cream places?" I'm teasing him. I know there are lots of new dessert places but it's fun to rile him up. His hands go to my waist and he pulls me close.

"If you're not careful, I'll tie you to the bed and take the kids out for ice cream without you." His voice is low and husky and I see his eyes darkening.

"I might enjoy that too much," I whisper, cupping his chin. He takes my finger into his mouth and sucks before nipping the tip. "Except..."

"Except?"

"No ice cream," I shrug, taking a step back. He smirks and shakes his head. Control yourself, Katniss. A couple more weeks before I can have him again.

"I have to go shower."

"Mmhm. Think of me," I call as he jogs up the stairs. I see him pause for a moment, adjust his jeans, and continue to the bedroom. Laughing softly, I head into the kitchen to take care of the dishes.  
\-----

"Why did we volunteer for this again," I look around at the piles of books and papers and boxes and my shoulders slump. This is going to take at least a week.

"Because Effie asked that we not let those men into her room. Would you have wanted strangers cleaning Prim's room?"

"OK fine but we need help, Peeta. There is no way we are going to get this done with just the two of us."

"Effie is being released at the end of the week and Haymitch will help us. And I know Effie will try but we have to make her rest. Haymitch has more junk than I imagined. Look at this," he laughs, holding up a strange looking figurine of a donkey.

"Are they taking everything with them?"

"He said for now let's just separate things into piles so he can go through them before we pack them up. He wants to throw things out but he's feeling overwhelmed. I mean, the only time he's ever moved is from the Seam to here!"

"That we know of. We don't know anything about his childhood."

"True but I asked him about it and he said he moved from his mother's house to Victor's Village. He almost brought his mother and brother with him. Here, help me with this big one." I stand and hold my arms out to help him move the heavy box off the shelf.

"What the hell is in here," I say through gritted teeth.

"Books probably," he grunts. "Oh shit!" The bottom of the box opens and folders fall to the floor. We hold an empty box and we share a guilty look.

"Oops." He throws it aside and drops to his knees.

"Damn it we just made an even bigger mess. How do we put these papers back in their respective folders?"

"We can't. We will have to wait for him to get...home..." I trail off, my eyes narrowed in on one of the folders. It says in red letters MELLARK. Peeta's gaze follows mine and he grabs it.

"What the hell?" I kneel beside him and peer over his shoulder. There is a picture of him in his tribute training outfit. Haymitch's messy scrawl is underneath it.

STRONG. LOOKS A LITTLE SCRAWNY BUT HAS MUSCLES. WRESTLER BACKGROUND.  
WITTY  
CONVERSALIONIST.  
INTELLECTUAL  
SMART- HIGH GRADES IN SCHOOL  
YOUNGEST SON OF BAKER  
ABUSED AS A CHILD- POSSIBLE TEMPER PROBLEMS?  That part is scribbled out.  
NOT LIKELY TO SURVIVE ARENA...

"Well. Didn't think much of me, did he," he snorts. I take the paper from him and turn it over. The writing continues

BECAUSE TRIBUTE SEEMS TO BE INFATUATED WITH FELLOW TRIBUTE, K. EVERDEEN. IS VERY DEFENSIVE AND PROTECTIVE OF HER.

TALKED TO TRIBUTE. IN LOVE WITH EVERDEEN SINCE CHILDHOOD. WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO KEEP HER SAFE. K EVERDEEN PRIORITY.CARES FOR MOTHER AND SISTER. HUNTRESS. MELLARK SAYS SHE CAN USE A BOW AND ARROW. WILL WATCH CLOSELY.

LIED TO EVERDEEN THAT MELLARK REQUESTED TO BE TRAINED PRIVATELY. MELLARK AGREES THAT EVERDEEN IS PRIORITY AND HAS A PLAN TO PROTECT HER.

DAMN KID STILL WON'T TELL ME HIS PLAN. INTERVIEWS SUCCESSFUL. KID SHOOK THE WORLD WITH HIS LOVE CONFESSION.

DAY 1 OF GAMES. MELLARK CONVINCED CAREERS HE'S ONE OF THEM. LEADING THEM AWAY FROM EVERDEEN.  
I LIKE THE KID. I'LL BE SORRY TO SEE HIM DIE.

 

WATCHED THE KID FIGHT THE CAREER TO SAVE EVERDEEN. MEETING WITH SPONSORS FOR MEDICINE.

MEDICINE TOO EXPENSIVE. KID CAMOFLOUGED HIMSELF BUT INJURY IS SERIOUS. MEETING WITH HEAD GAMEMAKER LATER TODAY.

CONVINCED SENECA TO PERSUADE SNOW TO CHANGE RULES. 2 VICTORS, PLAY UP STAR-CROSSED LOVERS. MAY ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO SAVE THEM BOTH.

EVERDEEN FOUND THE KID DYING ON THE RIVERBANK. MADE SHELTER IN CAVE. EVERDEEN IS A TERRIBLE ACTRESS.

KID'S STORIES ABOUT LOVING EVERDEEN GOT 3 SPONSORS. SENDING EVERDEEN SLEEP SYRUP TOMORROW.

SLEEP SYRUP A SUCCESS. KID KNOCKED OUT, EVERDEEN SUCCESSFUL AT GETTING MEDICINE.

I LIKE THE KID EVEN MORE.

MORE SPONSORS COMING THROUGH. SENT KIDS FOOD, EVERDEEEN SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND TO PLAY UP LOVE STORY.

"That's enough," I shove the paper back at him and he looks surprised.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? You both lied to me! You wanted to be coached privately? You just wanted to plan how to save me!"

"Katniss you both lied to me plenty of times! Let's not forget that I wasn't in on the little secret of your fake feelings for me!" My eyes widen at his words.

"Are you serious right now?"

"Well why are you so upset? You already know I was prepared to die for you in those Games. So why is it such a shock that Haymitch and I planned out how to save you?"

"Why didn't you just TELL me, Peeta? Instead of telling the whole world, why didn't you just talk to me?"

"You know that was Haymitch's idea! I didn't want you to find out like that, you know I didn't! Why are you getting so upset, years and years after the fact?" I turn away and wrap my arms around myself, glaring at the wall. I blink back tears and close my eyes.

"Hey," I feel his sturdy arms wrap around me and his chin rests on my shoulder. "Talk to me." I'm stubborn and face the wall even when he tries to turn me to face him.

"Katniss. Talk to me. Please." His voice is soft and pleading. I can clearly see the sixteen year old boy fighting to protect me.

"I just...the Games feels like a different lifetime and seeing Haymitch's notes about them...about US...makes it seem even closer. And I wish I could forget it all." He nuzzles my cheek and his warm breath fans across my neck.

"I don't want to forget," he whispers. I clearly remember those words too. Lowering my arms, I turn around and he holds my face in his hands.

"We're here. We escaped. And we're together." I nod and fall into his arms. His heart races beneath my cheek.

"Let's come back later. I want to take my wife home and love on her a little before the kids get home. Ana said she would watch Aria for a couple of hours. We have all afternoon to-"

"Six weeks," I halt his lustful thoughts. He cups my chin and makes me look up. He leans forward and kisses my neck. I groan, as he knows this is one of my more sensitive spots. His lips leave feathery kisses up my neck and his tongue rakes along my ear.

"I don't need to be inside you to make you scream my name," he reminds me. I shiver and he leans down to suck my lip into his mouth. I gasp when he tugs lightly, using his teeth to cause just enough pressure to drive me insane. I reach up and tug at his curls, causing him to groan.

"What do you plan to do to make me scream?"

"I could think of a whole afternoon of things," he says, his eyes sparkling. He reaches up and palms my breast through my shirt. His motions are gentle but his teasing is going to kill me. He sucks at my throat and my knees start to buckle. Without warning he drops to his knees and pushes my shirt up so he can kiss my stomach. His eyes on mine, he uses his teeth to pull at the waistband of my pants. Smirking up at me, he leans back a little and his hands knead my ass.

"But it's been way too long since I've had my tongue buried in your pussy. So we will start with that." I cry out in surprise as he whips me around and pushes me onto the couch.

"Wait, wait," I giggle, making his smile widen, "we're going to do this on Haymitch's couch?"

"Payback," he shrugs.

He wastes no time in yanking my pants down and throwing them to the side. My underwear are anything but sexy and I definitely haven't groomed or prepared in awhile but his kisses on my lower stomach make me buck my hips upwards and my eyes slam shut.

"You are so beautiful," he moans against my skin. I know by now not to argue with him or protest. He flattens his tongue and licks over my panties, making me collapse back against the couch. He rips the material down my legs and spreads me wide.

"Tell me if anything is too much." I nod, my eyes squeezed shut and I nearly launch off the couch and the first swipe of his tongue. It doesn't matter how many times we do this, it still feels beyond amazing. It doesn't take long at all; we weren't exactly abstinate during the pregnancy but I was so uncomfortable those last few weeks that I didn't let him touch me. As I'm coming down from my high, he kisses his way up my stomach and lowers the cup of my very UNsexy nursing bra. He licks around my nipple and his eyes catch mine as he closes his mouth around my whole breast.

"Oh," I gasp, feeling the sensation overload as his mouth engulfs me.

"Holy shit," he gasps, pulling away slightly. I sit up in fear and reach out for him but the look he gives me is one of awe.

"Wow," he says weakly, reaching up to wipe his mouth.

"Oh my god," I realize in horror that he must have tasted my breast milk and I cover my face with my hands.

"No Katniss," he pulls my hands away. "That was amazing. I tasted your life force...the very thing that keeps our children alive. That's...it's incredible." I wrinkle my nose; as incredible as it was I don't imagine it tasted very good. I pull him up onto the couch with me and I rest my head on his lap.

"I mean, I've tasted every inch of you," he mutters as he strokes my hair. "But that was different. That's something your body produces for our baby. I think...I might have just fallen even more in love with you."

"Because my body can make food?"

"Because you carried three masterpieces inside you and brought them into the world and give them the nutrients they need. They were formed in your womb and you gave them their first breath." Peeta's words wrap around me like a cool piece of silk. I shiver and lean up to kiss him. I move on top of him so he is the one lying on the couch.

"Want to get Haymitch back even more?" His brow quirks.

"What did you have in mind?" I run my palm over the bulge in his jeans and his eyes flutter.

"I was thinking I could take care of your little problem there."

"Who you calling little," he pretends to be hurt. I roll my eyes and push his shirt up, lowering my head. His stomach flinches when my lips meet his skin and his breathing becomes heavy as I work the buttons. His hand covers mine as we push his jeans and his briefs down his legs. The head of his cock is red and swollen, beads of pre-cum sparkling like morning dewdrops in my forest.

"How long have you been suffering, love," I tease. His cheeks are an adorable shade of pink.

"Honestly? Those work out pants keep me in a permanent state of arousal. Your ass looks delicious in those, honey."

"Should I not wear them anymore?"

"Oh I'll suffer, you better keep wearing them." Laughing softly, I bend down to take him into my mouth and his laughter turns into a strangled gasp. I watch him as he watches me, loving the way he stares with adoration. It reminds me of the first time we did this, the look of shock and awe on his face, his eyes wide and bright, his teeth digging into that luscious bottom lip. His whimpers, his grunts- I think he's right. Every time we do this, I discover something else that I love about him.

"Oh god Katniss," he groans, his hands gripping mine. I pull one away so I can stroke him while I suck and feel him swell even more against my throat.

"Shit baby, just like that. Fuck you are incredible." 

Sensing he is holding back, I pull his hand to my head and start to slow my pace. He groans and gently pushes my head down, his hips jerking upwards. I secretly love when he lets go and is controlling. I can sense he is still holding himself back so I back off until he pushes me back down. I want to see him lose control and hear the filth fly from his mouth. I glance up at him and see him chewing on his lip, another telltale sign that he is resisting. His hand is clenching the edge of the couch and I draw back a little.

"Peeta," I say in a sing-song voice. He opens his eyes and they are so dark that I'm almost afraid he's having a flashback.

"What do you want, Peeta?"

"Katniss," he says my name through gritted teeth.

"Let go, Peeta. I want you to." I lick up his shaft and his knees shake. "I want you to fuck my mouth."

"Oh my fucking..." he throws his head back and reaches forward; fingers bury in my hair and I hold my head still so he can control the pace. I almost gag when he thrusts too deeply but I keep my mouth wide and ignore how sore my jaw is getting.

"You are so damn sexy...with your mouth full of my cock. Holy fuck, I want to come inside your mouth babe. I wish I was coming inside your pussy, that's my favorite place to be." I can't reply because as he so eloquently put it, my mouth is full of cock. He starts to jerk erratically and I brace myself before I feel him coming undone. His grunts and groans turn me on even more as I stroke him, completely milking him.

"Shit," he pants. I release him and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I glance downwards and start to laugh; his brow raises and he looks a little offended.

"What's so funny?"

"I hope Haymitch decides to throw this couch out." He frowns as his eyes follow mine; I guess I didn't do too great of a job at swallowing everything he gave me. He's flushed already but his cheeks go redder than a tomato as he scrambles to his feet.

"Shit! I thought you were gonna..."

"I did! You came a lot more than you usually do."

"Not my fault," he mumbles, running his hand through his hair. "I completely lose it when you let me take control like that."

"Well go get a wet napkin and we'll try to clean it up." He runs, bare-assed into the kitchen and I can't help but laugh even harder. When he returns, he's wearing a smirk.

"You know, I wonder how many times Haymitch and Effie have done this in that very spot."

"EW EW EW!" I very nearly run out the door without my clothes.

Very nearly. Peeta's laughter echoes on the walls as I pull my pants back on, and it just increases as my underwear hits him in the face.

"Awe Katniss, where ya going?" I'm still shuddering as I leave his bare ass and his teasing tone behind.  
\--------------------------------

Unfortunately Willow catches on quickly and confronts us about her grandparents a few days later.

"Why are you always at Grandpa's and Mimi's house? And who are those strange men on their porch?" Peeta and I trade worried looks.

"Listen princess," Peeta plays with the end of her braid. "Grandpa and Mimi are leaving District 12."

"What? Why? Where are they going?"

"They're moving to the Capitol in a few weeks. They wanted to wait until after Rye's and my birthdays."

"Why are they going to the Capitol? Grandpa hates the Capitol!"

"Mimi is still sick, baby, and they will be able to get her the medical treatment that she needs there." Willow looks up at me, her blue eyes watering.

"I don't want them to go."

"I know, sweetheart. We don't either. But the doctors in 12 have done all they can. They need to go." Peeta holds her close and glances sadly over her shoulder. I shrug miserably, never knowing the right thing to say.

"Can I come help you," she says into her father's shoulder.

"Don't you want to go horseback riding with Rye and Coral?"

"No. I want to help you." Peeta glances at me and I shrug again.

"Ok princess. You can come with us."

We quietly explain to Finn that Willow is staying with us today and he nods with a sad smile.

"Saw Haymitch this morning. Effie can go home tomorrow."

"Guess we should get a move on then," Peeta sighs. "We will see you guys tonight. Have fun. Rye, stop pulling Coral's hair."

"She pulls on his more," Finn whispers.

"Little flirt," Peeta mumbles, trying not to smile.

"I would have punched you if you'd pulled my hair," I tell him.

"Which is why I never touched your hair," he says seriously.

"Let's go kids. See you guys tonight." We wave them goodbye and quickly head across to Haymitch's house.  
\----------------------------

Willow packs two small boxes before she falls asleep in Haymitch's chair. Peeta chuckles as he tapes a box closed.

"She was such a big help."

"I think she just likes to stay with you," I say as I pat Aria's diaper. "She's such a daddy's girl."

"I wish I could say I'm sorry for that but I dreamed of a little girl with you for so long that I kind of hoped she would be a daddy's girl."

"You shouldn't be sorry. I'm sure Aria will be crazy about you too."

"You could very well have another huntress in your arms," he says with a smile. "I think my favorite thing about having kids is seeing their personalities develop. What kinds of things they will like and dislike."

"I know you imagined having a son to bake with."

"That's just because it was my brothers and me, and before that it was my dad and his brothers. Mellark boys have been working in the bakery for a long time."

"And now you can pass it on to your daughter," I say with a quick kiss to his cheek.

"About that, Katniss...I think we should make a will."

"A what?" I'm only halfway listening, twirling Aria around while she coos happily. Peeta's hand on my arm makes me stop and look up at him.

"A legal will. It details what happens to our stuff when we die, who we leave it to...our final wishes. That sort of thing." I feel my brow furrowing.

"Don't look at me like that," he sighs. "I'm planning on living a long, amazing life with you...but this stuff with Haymitch and Effie just makes me want to make one. It's better to be prepared, my dad always taught me."

"I can't think about you dying, Peeta. I just can't."

"Honey," he tugs me into his arms and encloses me before I have a chance to run away. "This is for both of us. I'm not leaving you. I promise. But I want the kids provided for. I want the bakery to stay in the family. I want us to be buried side by side. Things like that."

"Fine. We will make one. And then we won't speak of it again." He nods and rests his chin on my head.

"Did Haymitch convince you to do this?"

"I don't even know if Haymitch has one. I've been thinking of it for awhile now. I'm sure Brent's office has all the legal documents we need." I let him hold me but my thoughts are consumed by fire and rabid mutts and cannons booming. He starts to rub my back so I know I have tensed up.

"Ok, let's finish these boxes and then I can make us some lunch."

"I think we should put Aria down for a nap soon. Let's go home and eat and we can come back later."

"Ok but we have to finish this room tonight," he looks around. "I at least want to get Effie's stuff packed away."

I'm not sure who will go through my things when I die but I start to think I want to pack my things myself. Each box we pack, we discover something new about Haymitch and Effie. Peeta finds a pair of faded baby booties that are horribly knitted; I'm certain Effie made them herself. I fight the tears as I think about the baby she lost. I'm the one to find Haymitch's Victor crown and I try to tell myself it doesn't smell like roses. There's photos of Haymitch's first love, a beaten up locket, folders from Effie's first five years as Escort, and the list goes on and on. Even with our lunch and dinner breaks, we manage to have thirteen boxes packed by the time they get home.

Willow runs out onto the porch and I hear Effie's soft voice as Haymitch holds the door open. They enter the house holding Willow's hand, and Haymitch leads Effie over to the chair. She has a shawl wrapped around her shoulders and her face is pale but she gives us a bright smile.

"Thank you for your help, my darlings. I didn't know how we were going to get all of this done before next week."

"You're leaving next week?" Willow's face falls and Effie pats her cheeks lovingly.

"Don't be sad, my sweet girl. You can come visit us any time you want."

"We will go see them in the summer, baby," Peeta says as he sets a box down beside Effie's chair. "Here's your personal items, Effie. Things I know you want to take with you. I didn't mix them in with Haymitch's so you can do what you like with it."

"Oh Peeta," she squeezes his hand. "You're such a good boy." He smiles, despite being called 'boy'.

"Hey let me hold that little bundle of cuteness," Haymitch holds his arms out. Peeta and I share a smile, then hide it. Haymitch's softness with our kids has shocked us over the years but he seems quite attached to Aria. I pass her to him and she blinks up at him curiously.

"I sure will miss you little girl," he whispers, his hand hovering over her head.

"You'll have to come back for lots of visits. See how she grows up."

"You know we will."

Effie looks dead on her feet so we leave them to rest and hurry Willow home. Finn brings Rye home not long after and we send them up to play. I stand at the sink, staring across at the house. Peeta comes up behind me and buries his face in my neck.

"Aria's down for the count."

"Thanks. I'm sure she will be up again in a few hours."

"Well I'll take of her if she does. I made you a bath. With your bath beads and oils. Why don't you go relax while I clean up down here?" He starts to pick up a dirty dish but I close my fingers around his wrist.

"Or you could join me upstairs." He smiles and drops the plate.

"Your wish is my command, m'lady."

\------------------------------------------------

Christmas is a very quiet affair, more quiet than it's ever been. With Haymitch and Effie in the Capitol and Annie and Riley traveling, Johanna and George didn't make the trip to 12 this season and Finn took Ana and the kids to see her parents in 5. Rory took his family to his in-law's and Vick went to see Posy. I feel a little bad for Willow and Rye, sure that they will be bored but they love the time away from school and the family time we have together. They help Peeta in the kitchen, they love to help dress Aria, Willow paints with Peeta, Rye and I color and make crafts. It's peaceful.

I open my eyes and realize someone is carrying me. I look up into a smiling face and groan.

"I can walk."

"You were going to get a neck cramp from falling asleep in the chair like that."

"Aria?"

"She's already in the nursery. Rye fell asleep under the tree and Willow is taking the trash out. You overdid it today, love."

"No I didn't," I fail to stifle a yawn. "I wanted everything to be nice. It was our first Christmas alone in a really long time."

"I quite liked a quiet Mellark Christmas," he whispers. "It was just what we needed after such a hectic year."

"Agreed," I yawn again. He kisses my forehead and pulls the blanket up.

"Go to sleep. I'll be in soon." I don't have the strength to protest or ask him to stay. I'm asleep as soon as he leaves the room.  
\--------------------------

The kids go back to school the second week of January, and Peeta asks Rory to continue running the bakery so he can stay home with Aria and me. She's started to grow hair and I was a little giddy when I pointed out the fine golden curls.

"Looks like you got your wish," he smiles, rubbing her head.

"Big blue eyes and beautiful golden hair. She's going to look so much like her aunt."

"Her aunt was a beauty but I still want her to have her mother's eyes. There's still a chance they could fade to grey."

"You said the same thing about Willow. Let Aria have your blue eyes." Peeta blows on her pudgy cheeks and she shrieks, reaching up to touch his face. I recline on the couch, watching with a smile.

"I sort of want to go to the Capitol for Prim's birthday. Willow and Rye haven't seen her memorial yet." Olivier called us last week to tell us they'd added memorials to the Victor's Museum in the Capitol and that there was a beautiful statue of my sister. They also added statues of Finnick, Mags, Beetee, Lyme, and plaques of dedication to Peeta's family. He looks up, surprised.

"Really?"

"Willow has been asking to see that museum. And I know they miss Haymitch and Effie."

"Ok. We can go for the weekend. I may have to attend a meeting while I'm there." Peeta is now the official District 12 representative and attends meetings via holo to weigh in his opinion. I know Olivier still looks up to him.

"That's fair. I'll ask Haymitch if Effie is up for a visit before we tell the kids."

Effie's treatments are, according to Haymitch, going very well and she's feeling much better. They both said they would love for us to visit, so we bring it up at dinner the next night.

"We get to go see Mimi and Granpa!!!!!" Aria immediately starts crying at the loud noise and I give them annoyed looks.

"Guys, don't scream in the house."

"Oh sorry Aria," Willow claps her hand over her mouth. 

"When do we leave?"

"Not until April, kids. Rye, buddy, chew your food please."

"I eat like Shadow," he says with a grin.

"You're a human, not a dog," my husband says patiently while Rye continues to rip at his meat with his teeth.

"You're gross," Willow whines. She sounds more and more like a Capitol girl every day. Rye opens his mouth to show his sister his dinner and Willow screams.

"Gross Rye!"

"That's enough, you two," I pat Aria's back, trying to calm her. Peeta sighs as the two continue to bicker and snarl at each other across him.

"Guys don't fight," he says, rubbing his face. I stifle my grin. He grew up in a house with three boys. He should be used to this by now.

"I was the one being picked on," he says when I bring it up to him later. "They always ganged up on me!"

"Poor baby. Being the youngest must be so hard," I tousle his hair and he narrows his eyes.

"Only the oldest would say that." I tug his hair and he glares at me for a moment before flipping me onto my back and pressing my wrists into the pillow. His grin above me makes me start to squirm. He leans down to suck at my neck but he releases a pained cry and he releases me immediately. His hand flies to his lower back and he winces.

"Damn, that hurt."

"What happened?" I sit up and start to examine him for injury.

"Think something popped. I just felt a sharp pain. It's gone now, though."

"You are getting old," I point out. His jaw drops.

"You're older than I am!"

"Fine old man. Lie on your back so I can do all the work."

"You keep that up and you won't get anything from me."

"Oh yeah? And what will you do with this?" I grasp his erection and squeeze; his hips jerk and his eyes roll to the back of his head.

"I...I managed with just my hand for years," he says weakly. "All those years you ignored me, I learned to take care of myself."

"Really? Well ok then. I can just go have a date with my vibrator in the shower." I continue to stroke him slowly until I stop completely and fling my legs over the edge of the bed. With a growl, he pulls me back against his chest and his hand dives down the front of my panties.

"Baby you're so wet," he groans appreciatively.

"What can I say, those wrestling moves of yours are a real turn on." He bites my neck none too gently, probably for my cheek, and buries his fingers inside me. I turn my head so I can bite down on his arm to keep quiet, and he proceeds to rip the waistband of my panties.

"Aren't we a little old to be ripping my panties off?"

"Katniss I'll be 90 and still ripping off your panties. Preferably with my teeth."

"If you still have-AH!" He ends my teasing as his thumb finds my clit and his other hand squeezes my ass.

"You want me inside you," he breathes in my ear.

"Always," I gasp. He drags me backwards so he can prop his back against the headboard; I lift up a little and rub against his cock, enjoying the teasing until I can't take it anymore.

"Please Katniss!"

"I love it when you beg," I say slyly, his fingers digging into my hips as I raise up a little and hold him still. I hear a thud as his head falls back against the headboard and I grind against him, whimpering at the friction.

"Promise me," I gasp as I start to move up and down, "that we'll still be doing this when we're 90."

"I may have to have a hip replacement but I promise," he wraps his arms around me, my back sticking to his sweaty chest.

"Gonna come, Peeta!"

"Stay with me, Katniss. Just a little longer." But his fingers on my clit make it impossible to hold on and I throw my head back onto his shoulder, my hair fanning out over his arm.

"Fucking hell, Katniss, you're squeezing me so tight. It feels like our first time! Oh...oh shit." He slumps forward, his forehead pressed to my back and I shift from side to side, feeling hot and sticky. He notices and moves me to the side so he can get us a towel to clean up with; when he comes back, we settle under the covers without bothering to get dressed. We stopped sleeping naked when he got sick from the cold but I've missed this.

"Peeta?"

"Mmhm?" He sounds like he is about to fall asleep.

"I'm thinking of...having a procedure done. To make sure I can't get pregnant anymore." I feel him stiffen and I glance up at him.

"What kind of procedure?"

"Johanna said something about getting her tubes tied, whatever that means. But I don't want anymore. Three is enough."

"Yeah. They're perfect. We can't get any better."

"So you're not upset?"

"Katniss I was never upset about you wanting to go on birth control. Or wanting to take take drastic measures, though I thank the heavens every day that you didn't. It's that you didn't talk to me about it. You decided it on your own and that hurt me."

"I didn't want to hurt you. I knew how much you wanted kids and I didn't know if I'd ever be ready. I couldn't stand the sadness in your eyes every time I took my birth control pills." He kisses my temple and strokes my cheek.

"We have three amazing children. It's more than I could have ever imagined. If you want the procedure, I'll be there with you. Or if you'd rather, I can have a procedure instead." I remember when he had scheduled a vasectomy and hid it from me; that moment haunts me to this day. We found out later that I was already pregnant with Willow, but Rye and Aria wouldn't exist.

"I was so pissed at you," I whisper. He knows exactly what I'm thinking.

"That was the first night you told me you wanted to try for a baby," he presses his lips to me forehead. "I hated myself afterwards for even thinking it but we just didn't know if it would ever happen. And I was perfectly fine, Katniss. I would have been fine if you'd told me to go ahead with the vasectomy. I dreamed of kids but you were the ultimate prize. Willow was a dream, Rye was a blessing, and Aria was a miracle. I wanted them but not at the expense of your happiness."

"I'm happier than I ever thought I could be," I tell him seriously. I want him to understand that. I need him to understand.

"I know. As am I. We don't have to decide tonight but one of us can have something done to make sure we're safe. I will die if we have to go back to using condoms." I snort and hit his chest.

"Or heaven forbid, stop altogether."

"You and I both know that would never happen," he tweaks my nose as if I'm five years old. "you're way too insatiable."

"Um, pot meet kettle."

"I never understood that expression. But you've tired me out, my love."

"Then go to sleep. I think I hear our miracle crying."

"I did tell you I would take care of it." But his eyes are closed and I smile as I kiss the corner of his lips.

"Dream sweet dreams, Peeta." The way his lips curve upwards make me sure that he is.

\-----------

 

When Annie and Riley return, they offer to take the kids for the day and we seize our opportunity to get in to see the doctor. It's still hard to let Aria out of my sight; she usually stays strapped to my chest. But Annie promises she will call if there are any problems and the kids are excited when Riley picks them up. They've built something called an arcade around Merchant Circle, something with games on the holo or something of the sort. After years of being hungry, it's weird to think about something as insignificant as entertainment.

Peeta's arm is wrapped around my waist as we enter the doctor's office. Doctor Mersa smiles kindly when she enters the room.

"How's the newest Mellark doing?"

"She's great. Her hair has started to grow in and it's blonde curls like Peeta's."

"Called it," she says as we exchange winks.

"Yeah yeah," Peeta grumbles. "It could change, like Rye's did."

"Why are you so determined that our daughter NOT look like you?"

"Panem needs more dark haired-dark skinned beauties." I roll my eyes and ignore his lips on my cheek.

"So what brings you two in today?"

"We want to talk to you about permanent birth control."

"Ah." She doesn't look surprised.

"Well, you know there are several different ways we can do this."

She spends the next hour and a half explaining the procedures, the recovery time, the cost, the risks. Peeta looks uneasy as she says it could result in complications for me.

"But there's less risk for me?"

"Correct. Neither of you are teenagers anymore but Katniss has had one vaginal birth and two C sections. Your anatomy is on the outside, Peeta. We would have to go inside her abdomen for this surgery. It's just a little easier and there's less recovery time with the male." Peeta glances sideways at me and I already know what is going on in his mind.

"I'll do it then," he says firmly.

"Peeta," but it's no good.

"Katniss your body has already been through so much. I won't risk it. Can I schedule it here?"

"I would say the two best clinics for that procedure are in 13 and in the Capitol," she tells us. "And it takes awhile to get an appointment. The tubal ligation, however, can be done right here."

"So we still run the risk of Katniss getting pregnant while we wait for me to have the vasectomy?" He looks irritated.

"I can go ahead and give you the birth control shot again. It's still the strongest method we have."

"Isn't that what I was taking when I got pregnant last time?" She's silent and Peeta sighs.

"Thank you, Doctor. We will have to talk about it."

"Of course. Let me know if I can be of any further help."

\---------------------------

I didn't imagine Doctor Mersa's answer would lead to such problems but it's been a week since our appointment and Peeta has barely touched me. When he suggested using a condom the other night, I got irritated and shrugged him off. I watch him reading to Willow and Rye across the room and I heave a sigh. We might just have to bite the bullet and let me go ahead with the surgery.

But he gets upset when I suggest it.

"We agreed that I would have the vasectomy."

"That was before we found out it could be up to six months for an appointment!"

"Katniss, I'm not risking it."

"It's my body! I'll decide if it's worth the risk. And she said it was a small risk, anyway."

"I don't care how small it is! A risk is a risk. I will not lose you!" I gape at him, his chest heaving and his curls standing on end.

"You won't lose me," I lower my voice. His shoulders slump and he shakes his head.

"If it came down to it...I would never touch you again. If it meant keeping you healthy and safe...I would give up intimacy completely."

"Well I'm not willing to go that far," I mean it as teasing but his nostrils flare.

"Peeta. I don't want you to have to do this. I know we have them already but you destroying your chance to make babies...I can't let you go through with that."

"It's my body," he throws back at me like a petulant child.

"I can't talk to you when you're like this," I huff, throwing the covers aside and stomping out of the room. He doesn't follow me, which is somewhat of a surprise, but my kids are asleep and Aria is thankfully sleeping through the night.

I find myself on the front porch, staring out into the night. I wish I'd brought a blanket out with me; these March evenings have been quite chilly. Just as I am thinking it, I hear the door open and I wrap my arms around myself. My favorite blanket is draped around my shoulders but I refuse to look at him. A warm cup is pushed into my hands and the cinnamon smell invades my nose. I sigh, irritated with him for being so damn perfect. For some reason, he chuckles softly.

"What's so funny," I grumble.

"Nothing," he says immediately though I know he's still smiling. When I glance out of the corner of my eye, I see that I'm right.

"What," I say again.

"It never fails. You always scowl when I take care of you." This makes me scowl even harder.

"I find it endearing, actually."

"Don't." But he laughs at this and shakes his head as he leans against the swing.

"It's a beautiful night."

"Mm." I don't know why I'm being such a bitch, after he just brought me a blanket and hot chocolate. I take a sip to avoid having to say anything. It's just right; it doesn't burn my tongue but it's still warm to enjoy. I huff and set the cup down.

"Something wrong with the chocolate?" I glare up at him.

"Why are you so perfect?" He quirks his brow.

"This again?"

"Even your hot chocolate is perfect! Every woman in 12 wishes you were theirs and talks about how different you are. How incredible you are. How perfect your baking is, how perfect your curls lie, how perfect your smile is, how perfect of a father you are, how perfect-" he silences me with a finger on lips and I frown.

"You're not going to lose me," he whispers.

"What? I never said--"

"I know what you're doing. You pick fights when you're scared. But you're not going to lose me, Katniss. Not to a random woman who says I'm perfect but doesn't really know me. Not to anything. I told you always and I meant it. I'm not going anywhere." When he pulls me to his chest, I don't protest and shut my eyes when I feel his lips on my temple.

\------------------

When Peeta comes home from the bakery I am trying to get Aria to take some formula but she's refusing. I sigh as I hear the door open and he walks in, holding a box.

"I come bearing gifts," he says with a smile.

"That better be cheesebuns." His smile falls and he turns, muttering under his breath.

"Come back! Whatever it is, I'm sure it's delicious." He smirks as he hands me the box.

"Of course it's cheesebuns. You think I'm an idiot?" I grin as he bends down to kiss Aria on the head. She giggles and reaches up for him.

"See if you can get her to drink this," I hand him the bottle and his brow raises.

"Doesn't she hate the formula?"

"My breasts are too sore, Peeta. This child eats day and night and I can't keep up. Please, just try."

"Ok, come here my little songbird." I chew on a cheesebun while he pokes at her mouth with the bottle. She keeps her mouth clamped shut and she turns her head. He gives me a miserable look and I groan loudly.

"I'm sorry, honey. You know if I could feed her, I would."

"Fine. Give her back." He kisses her cheek before he passes her back to me. I can't help but groan as I unbutton my blouse; I don't know why but nursing Aria is different than it was for Rye or Willow. It feels like needles passing through me and the suction is unbelievable. Peeta sees my wince and his brow furrows.

"Maybe we can ask Doctor Mersa if there is anything we can do?"

"I, ah, tried already. She suggested the formula. But obviously it's not working." She latches on and I hold my breath.

"So why were you so happy when you walked in?"

"I can't be happy to see my wife and daughter?" I give him a patronizing look, but he only laughs.

"Fine, ok. I got an appointment in the Capitol. This weekend."

"You mean-?" he nods and kisses Aria's head.

"Sweet songbird, you will officially be the youngest child of the Star-Crossed Lovers."

"Ugh, Peeta, don't tell her that story."

"You think she won't hear it when she gets older," he snorts.

"I've had enough Star-Crossed Lovers crap to last me a lifetime."

"Ok, sorry. Yes, they called me when I was leaving the bakery. Apparently they had a last minute cancellation and can get me in. I'm just going to stay an extra day because they don't recommend me traveling immediately after and the appointment is the day we leave. But, Olivier said he could lend me his hovercraft so I don't have to take the train back."

"But that means I can't stay there with you," I say softly.

"I'll be fine, love. I'll be home Monday night. And then you can wait on me hand and foot."

"I feel like I have to, since that's what you do to me for nine months." He grins and pulls my hand to his lips.

"I am but your slave, queen of my heart."

"Your daddy is so cheesy," I tell Aria; she's too concerned about eating to care.

"How about I get started on dinner before the kids get home? I know Willow needs to finish packing tonight."

"Rye too. I emptied all the toy dinosaurs out of his bag but I have a feeling they found their way back in there."

"Ok, what sounds good for dinner," he checks the cabinets.

"Don't care," I say with a mouthful of cheesebun. He gives me an exasperated look before he starts pulling out ingredients.

Surprisingly it's Willow who is the excited one while Rye is rather subdued. Peeta keeps Aria strapped to his chest while Rye naps on my lap and Aria watches her father with wide eyes as he talks.

"First time I came here with your mama, I was too scared to even talk to her," he whispers to Aria. "I was already planning how I was going to save her. I was ready to die for-"

"Peeta!" He jumps, as if he's just realizing I'm here.

"Can we hold off on the Games talk until she's at least 5?"

"Your mama likes to pretend it didn't happen," he says softly. "But without the Games, Mama and Daddy would never have fallen in love.

That's only because your daddy was a coward and wouldn't talk to me," I tell our daughter. 

"Daddy's a scaredy-cat," Willow giggles and Peeta frowns.

"Your mama was intimidating." 

"Mama's not im...imtim..." Rye yawns. Peeta chuckles and pats Aria's back. 

"Intimidating, bud. Big word."

"I'm big," he says tiredly.

"You are," I stroke his curls. Clearly he's tired because he's letting me play with his hair. "You're a big boy now." 

"When did our babies grow up," Peeta says with a dramatic sigh. Willow wrinkles her nose.

"I'm not a baby. Rye and Aria are."

"I'm not a baby," Rye protests.

"Are too!"

"I am NOT!"

"Guys, don't fight," Peeta says, covering Aria's head. 

"You watch it or I'll drag you into an arena," my daughter snarls.

"Willow Rose!" I stare at her in shock. Peeta just shakes his head, looking disappointed.   
\-----------------------

"When did she get so bloodthirsty," I ask as Peeta rocks Aria back and forth. We arrived in the Capitol later than we intended and the kids were already asleep. We are due to meet Haymitch and Effie at their new house for breakfast so we are trying to get Aria to fall asleep early.

"She was just playing, Katniss."

"Why does she seem like such a Capitol girl? We raised her in District 12 fashion."

"Honey you're overreacting. She isn't a Capitol girl, but she is the daughter of Victors. You have to admit our lifestyle is a lot more lavish than what we had growing up."

"That's always what I've been afraid of. I want them to know where they come from, to understand the sacrifices that have been made."

"They're good kids, sweetheart. We've raised them well." I sit on the edge of the bed and peer down at Aria in his arms.

"Stay innocent, my songbird," I whisper . "Stay sweet and innocent." He smiles and tickles her chin with the tip of his finger. She's still so tiny and looks even smaller in his broad arms. 

"So are Haymitch and Effie joining us for the museum tomorrow?"

"I don't think so," he shakes his head. "Effie said maybe but Haymitch said no way. I mean he used alternative words, of course."

"I can imagine," I snort. 

"She's asleep," he whispers. "Want me to put her down?"

"Please. I need to take a shower before bed." He raises his brow as he stands.

"And if you hurry and get her to bed, you can join me," I say with a wink. He chuckles, handling her carefully as he takes her into the room that Willow is sleeping in. Willow has taken her big sister duties seriously; she takes good care of Aria and when she's not fighting with him, she takes good care of Rye as well. 

\------------------

 

Haymitch's and Effie's house is beautiful though smaller than the one in Victor's Village. Effie squeals as soon as she opens the door and the kids nearly knock her down. 

"Guys, be careful," Peeta calls from behind me.

"Oh my little darlings," Effie cries as she kisses their cheeks. Haymitch steps over them to shake Peeta's hand and gives me a one-armed hug.

"Give me." He holds out his arms and I laugh as I hand Aria to him. Granpa Haymitch has developed such a soft spot for my little girl. Peeta shuts the door and wraps his arm around my waist; we watch as our kids pepper them both with kisses. Effie looks wonderful, actually. I was afraid that she would look sickly and pale but there is color in her cheeks and her eyes are sparkling again. Haymitch, too, looks full of life. Maybe this move really was good for them. 

"Hey, come on in. I made breakfast," Haymitch gestures for us to follow him into the kitchen. 

Over plates of eggs and bacon and pancakes, Rye and Willow chatter endlessly until Peeta has to tell them to eat their food, so that the grownups can talk.

"It's a lovely house," Peeta says, taking a sip of his tea.

"They gave us a good deal. Being a Victor and all that," Haymitch shrugs. "But it's close to everything and it's a quiet neighborhood. Effie's treatments are literally down the street."

"Yeah, how's that going Effie? You look great."

"Thank you," she beams. "I feel wonderful. The doctors really know what they are doing."

"We're so glad to hear that," Peeta squeezes her hand.

"Uh oh. Someone's waking up cranky," Haymitch pats Aria's back but I stand and take her. 

"She hasn't eaten yet. She slept longer than we expected this morning."

"Use our bedroom for some privacy, dear." Effie directs me down the hall and Peeta follows.

"Do you need any help?"

"I think we're good. I'll call if I need anything." He nods, kisses my forehead, and goes back to the kitchen. Aria eats quickly and when we return, Effie claps her hands together.

"Katniss we had a thought."

"Why don't we take Aria while you guys are at the museum today," Haymitch asks. "Give you guys some family time without the stress of caring for a baby."

"Oh..." I glance at Peeta, who nods.

"I told them it would be great but that we still had to ask you. I think it's a good idea though." I glance down at my baby, sleeping in my arms, and I bite my lip.

"I don't know. She hasn't been taking to the formula much. What if she gets hungry?"

"You won't be gone that long, sweetheart. Just go, have a good time, and come home for dinner."

"Please Mama," Rye grasps his hands together and pouts out his lip, looking so much like Peeta that I have to laugh.

"Ok. Let's go on to the museum then." 

"YAYYY! See you later Mimi and Grandpa!" They follow us to the door and Peeta makes them put on their coats.

"You'll contact us if anything happens?"

"We have Peeta's number, everything will be just fine," Haymitch says softly. "Enjoy the museum." I give him a look as I pull my coat on.

"Not likely." He merely shrugs and Willow grabs my hand. They wave us off as the kids tug us down the path toward the car. 

 

I look up at the building with a sense of foreboding. A statue of two children in battle guards the doors, and once inside, there is a burning mockingjay above the entrance. I glance at Peeta and swallow. His free hand finds mine and he squeezes.

"It'll be ok," he whispers. "I'm right here. We're ok." I nod and allow Willow to pull me inside.

The building sort of reminds me of the Capitol mansion. Rye and Willow want to tug us in different directions but Peeta firmly tells them we are staying together. Willow squeals when we enter a room for costumes from years of tribute parades. Rye gets excited in the weapon room. Peeta warns me quietly that we need to avoid a room upstairs because it's too graphic. 

If I had no connection to the Hunger Games, I would find the museum to be a nice tribute (no pun intended) but I can't help thinking how it's all such a gross invasion of privacy. There is a display case that holds personal items of the Victors; I see a pair of teeth and a prosthetic arm in there. I shiver as I turn away.

"Wow, look at this," Rye exclaims from across the room. I suck in a breath as I stand in front of a gigantic statue of a Victor with a trident. He looks fierce and almost god-like. 

"Finnick," I whisper, reaching out to touch his stone hand. 

"That's Finn's daddy?" I nod, my eyes locked on the statue. 

"He looks brave," Willow says in awe.

"He was. Very, very brave. And he loved Aunt Annie so much." Peeta squeezes my shoulders and I blink back tears.

"Let's check out the next room," he leads us down the hall and pauses. Willow peers in, squeals, and tugs my hand so sharply that I'm jerked forward. 

"Willow," Peeta says in warning. I don't have any time to ask him what it is.

"Oh my god." 

"Mama, it's you!" I nod faintly, unable to speak. It's a tribute to Cinna; the entire room is covered in sketches and pictures and holo images. My interview dress is on display and there is a holo image of me twirling on the stage for Ceasar, my dress in flames.

"Wow," Willow says, her face pressed to the glass. Rye and Willow run from case to case, gasping in delight at Cinna's gorgeous creations. Peeta is watching me, I can feel it but I go to a podium that displays his sketch book. It's open to the page of my Mockingjay outfit.

"Mama! You look...beeeeeeeeeeeeautiful," I hear Rye gush. I turn and suck in a breath. All of the wedding gowns he designed are on display; A picture of that garish wedding dress that the Capitol chose for me. I'm disappointed that there is no picture of Peeta in his wedding attire. As if reading my mind, he wraps his arms around me from behind and props his chin on my shoulder.

"There are quite a few pictures of us in the next room. It's a tribute to Portia."

"Joy," I mutter.

"You have to admit, it's a touching tribute to him. To both of them."

"It is," I have to agree. In the next display case is my mockingjay dress. I feel my throat tighten.

"He knew what he was doing, love," he says in my ear. 

"He knew what would happen when he turned you into a mockingjay. And he still did it. He loved you so much, Katniss." Tears stream down my cheeks as I turn into him. Thankfully we are the only family in this room, and the kids are admiring another display case. Peeta takes my face in his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe my tears. 

"Guys, let's keep moving," he calls to the kids. My Mockingjay outfit is what they are staring at. I don't even know how they got it...they stripped it off me when they arrested me for murdering Coin. My bow and a single arrow rest beside it. Willow turns to us, her jaw wide open.

"I saw pictures at school...but Mama, you really ARE the Mockingjay."

"I was," I correct her gently. "I haven't been for a long, long time. Now I'm just Katniss."

"But Katniss Everdeen was a fierce soldier," my daughter says firmly. "She helped free Panem."

"I don't want to be Katniss Everdeen anymore. I have a whole new life now. As your mother." 

"I like Katniss Mellark better," Rye says with a nod. I smile at his little lisp when he says our last name. Peeta grins beside me.

"Katniss Everdeen was pretty incredible, trust me, but Katniss Mellark is a whole different woman." 

"I'm hungry," Rye says, rubbing his stomach. I inwardly sigh with relief at the change of subject.

"Bud, you just had breakfast!"

"You said your bakery was close! I want a chocolate croissant!" The kid has trouble saying his own last name but can pronounce 'croissant' perfectly. 

"We aren't finished here, Rye," Willow says crossly.

"Almost, buddy. A few more rooms, I think." 

 

A few more rooms is actually an entire floor. The walls are lined with portraits of every single Victor and Willow spends a long time reading each plaque that tells about how they won the Games. I'm surprised and pleased to see that Peeta and I have a joint portrait; we really did change things. Peeta gets choked up when he points out Mags and explains who she is to the kids. They linger in front of Haymitch's portrait, not immediately recognizing him. There are quite a few people in the next room that is about the history of the Capitol, and we get some stares and whispers. Peeta moves us along, merely nodding to the gawkers. It must be strange, I think, to see a picture of us on the wall and then see us in person. And the last time people saw Willow was when she was on TV, denouncing the Glory Games. She seems to remember that too as she stiffens up as we pass. 

 

By the time we enter the last room, we are exhausted and hungry. I keep thinking of my baby, who is probably screaming at Haymitch and Effie because she wants what only her mother can give her. Peeta glances at the clock on the wall and sighs.

"We should really get back, guys. Haymitch said he's making dinner. We'll go to the bakery tomorrow, Rye." He nods, yawning as we pass by the statue of Peeta and me with the berries. We barely glance at it as we walk towards the exit sign. 

 

"How was it," Haymitch asks we slip off our coats.

"An invasion of privacy. How's Aria?"

"Sleeping in Eff's arms," he gestures to the living room, where Effie is sitting on the couch, her arms full of blankets.

"The poor dear got a little cold, so I bundled her up. Oh do be careful children, don't wake her," she says in a loud whisper as Willow and Rye throw themselves on the couch beside her. 

"I'm making burgers and potato wedges for dinner. Everyone hungry?"

"Starving," Rye cries dramatically.

"Shh," Effie scolds him, pulling the blankets up around Aria.

"I can take her, Effie."

"Oh but...do you mind if I hold her a little longer, Katniss?" She looks pleading and I lower my arms. 

"Of course. You're so good with her." She looks down at my daughter with such a loving look that I feel like I am committing my own invasion of privacy. She only releases her when she wakes up after dinner and starts her little hungry cry, and she's reluctant when she hands her over to me. Haymitch takes his turn after we eat and Peeta grins as he drapes his arm around my shoulders.

"I've never gone this long without holding her," he whispers.

"I know. It's weird, isn't it?"

"I guess we can share. I don't think they're ready for us to head home tomorrow." 

"You're sure you'll be ok without me?" He kisses my temple and takes my hand.

"Haymitch said he would stay with me at the doctor's office in case I need anything. But the procedure is fairly minor. I'll be fine, honey." I sigh and lean against his chest. Effie is teaching Willow how to hold crochet needles while Rye colors some sketches and Haymitch makes funny faces at Aria. I close my eyes and allow myself to feel the peace my family brings me, for the first time in a long time.

There are tearful farewells and they get worse when they realize Peeta is staying in the Capitol an extra day.

"Daddy, why," Willow cries.

"Don't, princess. I'm just staying to help Mimi and Grandpa for one day and I will be home tomorrow night. I promise." She seems torn between whose leg she wants to cling to. Rye looks up at Effie with a pouty lip.

"Come see me soon?"

"We're planning to visit you this summer, little tyke," Haymitch says affectionately. 

"Take care, my girl," Effie hugs me tightly. Peeta drives us to the train station and helps get the kids into their seats. We stand on the edge of the compartment, one of his feet on the ground outside.

"I'll be fine, Katniss," he tells me for the millionth time.

"I know." He will be home tomorrow. This isn't a big deal. He will be home-

"Coming or going, sir?" 

"Sorry, I'm not going," Peeta starts to step off but I grab him and kiss him; the porter clears his throat in embarrassment and slinks away. Peeta groans into the kiss, his hands coming to rest on my back.

"You come back to me." He presses his forehead to mine in a familiar gesture. It's his way of assuring me everything will be ok.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He steps down and the porter slams the door. I watch him wave until I can no longer see him. 

He will be ok. There's no reason he wouldn't be. 

That's my mantra until we pull into District 12.

\--------------------------

Willow and Rye nearly knock him down when he comes in the next night and I have to tell them several times to calm down. He drops to his knees to hug and kiss them both before making his way over to me.

"Miss me?" I imagine my kiss shows him how much I missed him. He kisses Aria's head and takes his bag upstairs. I know he needs rest but he sits down to color with the kids while I make dinner. 

"How are you feeling," I finally have a chance to ask him after the kids are in bed.

"A little sore but they said that was normal. I can go back to work in a few days but I need to keep it lowkey tomorrow. And no fun stuff for at least a week. They were pretty adamant about that."

"I don't imagine you'll be wanting any "fun stuff"," I scoff. He looks at me like I've grown three heads.

"They could cut if off completely and I would still want that fun stuff." 

"Well I like it too much for them to do that so let's obey their rules, alright?" He smirks and shakes his head as I turn away to change. 

 

"Fun stuff" resumes two nights later, when he insists on going down on me in the shower. I try to shake him off, telling him it's not necessary but who am I kidding? I grip his curls in my fight as his tongue thrusts inside me, his fingers pressing into my thighs. Thank goodness Aria has been sleeping through the night because he seems determined to make me come multiple times. 

His bruising and soreness vanish about a week and a half later and we celebrate with lots of "fun stuff". He grins cheekily as he props himself up over me.

"I can't go that long without this again."

"You went months when I was pregnant," I remind him.

"Yeah, never again." I roll my eyes but they roll to the back of my head as his mouth engulfs my breast. 

Doctor Mersa gave me another birth control shot, just to be safe for the first few months. Peeta offers to wear a condom but I squash his suggestion. He doesn't have any more words of protest when I slide on top of him and ride him to completion.

\-----------------------

May starts to warm the district up and Peeta wants to plan something big for Willow's birthday. Annie laughs as she says that 13 is the big birthday, but Peeta is just excited and I don't want to spoil his fun. He brings it up a few days before her birthday and I have to admit, I'm wary.

"A sleep away camp?"

"She's been asking about it. She'll be 12, Katniss, I think we can let her do this. It's only a week."

"What about Rye? As soon as he hears that his sister is going to camp, he's going to want to go."

"Well, Riley and Finn were talking about taking a boys trip and asked me if Rye and I would like to join."

"Boys trip sounds fun."

"But I'm a little nervous about leaving you and Aria. She's still a baby."

"We can manage, Peeta," I laugh. "You should go. It will be fun." 

"I'll think about it," he says as he goes back to cooking dinner. He turns and pulls on his apron; I had it specially made for him for Christmas and it says "Bakers Buns are the Best". I reach over and pick up Aria's spoon and slowly move it to her mouth. She clamps her mouth shut and turns her head and I groan.

"Aria, please eat your food."

"Mmh," she says stubbornly. If she could cross her arms, I'm convinced she would. 

"Here," Peeta takes the spoon and holds it in front of her face, making train noises. Aria giggles and he slips the spoon into her mouth.

"That's my big girl," he says happily, kissing her pudgy cheek. 

"Ugh, I give up. You feed her while I make dinner. She never eats for me."

"You have to make it fun," he dips the spoon into the food. "Here we go, Aria. Choooooo, chooooo!" She squeals with laughter and he laughs as he continues to feed her. For a moment I get lost in it. He looks so perfect and so natural. He notices me watching as he shakes his curls out of his eyes.

"What?"

"Just watching," I shrug. I don't miss his smile as I turn back to the stove. 

We decide to let Willow have a few of her friends from school over for cake and ice cream while Rye goes horseback riding with Finn and Coral. For my birthday, Johanna comes into town and takes Annie and me to the spa for a pampering day. I'd much rather have Peeta massage me but I appreciate the gesture and don't say anything. He and Finn let the kids all get together and Peeta laughs while he tells me about Coral punching Rye in the nose because he pulled her hair. 

"Is he ok though? He must be, because you're laughing."

"He's fine. He cried for maybe a minute but she barely hit him."

"Start teaching your son better, Peeta," I wink as I set Aria into her bed. 

"Excuse me. You think he gets that from me?" 

"I don't like what you're insinuating," I say, my nose in the air. He grabs me from behind, his nose buried in my hair.

"I insinuate nothing, my love."

"Mmhm." He swats my ass and I give him a glare as he heads into Rye's room to check on him. 

\------------------------

I find it difficult to face the fact that my babies are growing up. Time flies by and soon, they're out of school again for summer break.

The morning that Willow leaves for camp, I'm sulking and in a miserable mood. Peeta tries to cheer me up, saying it's two less kids to take care of for a week but I get upset at that and stomp out of the room. 

Johanna decides to let her kids join for the fun, and Ana leaves with Willow for camp while George, Aran, and Brody will join Finn, Riley, and Rye on their boys camping trip. Johanna convinces Annie to join her for a girls night in 13, and they try to convince me to come.

"You can't just sit at home and sulk, brainless!"

"I'm not sulking."

"You are so sulking," Annie says with a smile. "Katniss, it's ok. I was the same way when Finn went on his first date. But kids grow up! It's a good thing."

"Yeah. It's something they didn't used to be able to do," Jo points out. 

"I wouldn't be a lot of fun on this girls night out. You go ahead without me."

"Fine, but you're coming to the next one. And I will drag you." I nod and wave them off. Peeta comes in with Aria strapped to his chest.

"You ok?"

"Fine. Are the boys almost ready to leave?"

"Almost. Finn is loading up the car. I'm going to put this one down for her nap." I nod and he cocks his head, watching me intently.

"You sure you're ok?"

"It's just hard." He nods in understanding and his hand rests on my hip.

"I know. But they're growing up beautifully."

"They are. And like Johanna pointed out, at least they're growing up." The Games don't exist anymore and Panem is a completely different place. My whole fear of having kids started when I was young and struggling to take care of Prim and my mom. I couldn't imagine bringing a child into a world of fear and hunger and death and despair. 

My children don't have to know such a world. They can't even imagine it. And they shouldn't have to.

I nod and he kisses my forehead. I go to meet the boys and kiss Rye's cheek, despite his panicked "MOM" while frantically turning back to look at Aran and Brody. I chuckle as I push him toward the car and Finn leans out the window.

"Last chance, Uncle Peeta. Sure you wanna stay here with the girls?"

"Yeah, I've been outnumbered for years, Finn, it doesn't phase me anymore." Finn chuckles as he waves out the window and Riley drives away. 

"You're in for a boring week," I tell him as I shake my head and he chuckles. 

"Nah, I'm rather looking forward to it." I grin as we head inside and he settles in the floor to play with Aria on her musical mats. I wanted to keep Willow's and Rye's old stuff but Peeta insisted on buying Aria all new things. I slip off into the kitchen to fix myself a bowl of ice cream and relax on the couch while watching my husband and daughter play.   
\------------------------

I actually enjoy the peace and quiet, even though I didn't think I would. Peeta keeps Aria entertained and the three of us cuddle up together in the evenings.

Johanna and Annie return, looking refreshed and telling me I missed out on a great time. Annie then suggests taking Aria for the evening so Peeta and I can have a night together.

"When was the last time you screamed his name at full volume," Jo winks. 

"Not that it's any of your business but it has been awhile." 

"Exactly. Enjoy an empty house. We'll be right next door if anyone needs anything."

"Think of it as a belated birthday present," Annie giggles. I sigh and my eyes go to Peeta and Aria on the floor.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt."

"Unless you want it to."

"Johanna," I roll my eyes in disgust. She has to be the most crude woman I have ever met. She just winks and laughs and I shake my head.

"Ok, sure. I wouldn't mind a night alone with him."  

"You didn't even have a chance to celebrate your birthday properly."

"My birthday was almost 2 months ago."

"I know. So it's settled. We will bring her home tomorrow around lunchtime." I glance again at Peeta and smile; I hope he has some energy tonight so we can really enjoy ourselves.  
\-------------------

Time flies and before I know it, we are celebrating Aria's second birthday. She looks so much like Prim that it's scary; curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes like her father's. She has the sweetest smile and the most lovely little giggle. She babbles and coos and loves to be held, especially by her sister. Peeta comes into the room, holding her with Willow and Rye at his heels. 

"There's our little birthday girl," I exclaim, kissing her forehead. "You were holding her hostage, Daddy."

"Had to get her ready for her big party, Mama." He throws her in the air and kisses her cheek and I lean against the wall, just smiling and watching. They have dressed her in a white shirt with a frilly rainbow tutu; Willow's doing, I'm sure.

"We still have to finish her c-a-k-e, Dad," Willow whispers. Rye rolls his eyes.

"She can't spell yet, Willow."

"Well neither can you but you don't see me talking about it!"

"I know how to spell cake, dummy!"

"Do not call your sister dummy," Peeta closes his eyes. "And you promised you wouldn't fight on Aria's birthday." Aria giggles and reaches out for her sister. With a broad smile, Willow takes her in her arms and starts to whisper in her ear. Rye rolls his eyes and shrugs.

"Girls are no fun."

"Hey," I uncross my arms. "I'm still fun!"

"Sure Mama," is all I hear from his retreating back. I give Peeta a scandalized look and he chuckles as his hands rest on my hips.

"I need to go finish her cake. Have you spoken to Jo?"

"George is coming in a little later with Haymitch and Effie," he nods. "Annie said she would be over early to help with set up."

"She's two, Peeta, not thirteen." 

"Willow and Rye both had big parties when they were babies. We have to make it fair."

"He's right, Mom," Willow nods, clutching Aria's small hand.

"Thank you, Willow. Give her to me so you can make sure our baby has a delicious cake to dig into." Willow hands her to me and drags Peeta off by the hand; he shoots me a smile over his shoulder and I kiss Aria's cheek, causing her to laugh.

"Cake, Mama! Cake!"

"Of course you get cake," I nuzzle her curls. "Your daddy is the best baker in Panem. The boy with the bread, I used to call him. Someday, I'll tell you the whole story." She grins up at me, unbeknownst of the grief still buried in my heart. Her aunt should be here celebrating with us. So many people should be here celebrating with us.

"Love lu Mama," she lays her head over my heart and I feel it start to pound. Peeta is right. It's worth it. This is worth it.


	91. Chapter 91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: lots of tears and emotions up ahead. I cried really hard as i was writing these last few chapters. A few of my readers on FF.net even wrote me apologizing and saying they couldn't finish. But I hope y all stick with me to the end. Please understand that I love these characters and after 2 years of writing this fic, I feel like a piece of my heart is missing now. 
> 
> I'll stop ranting and let you read ❤❤

I'm stunned at how quickly the days go by. I used to sit in my bed, wincing from an empty stomach, and praying for the day to end already. Now I wish I could make time stand still. 

I didn't notice it until my beautiful wife started to lament about my hair fading from a bright yellow hue to a faded gold. Of course being the artist that I am, I revel in the silvery specks in her dark hair; I tell her it makes her look like some sort of pixie or ethereal creature but she's less than amused. I constantly tell her the lines on our face tell a story, just as our scars do. Of course she tells me I still look much the same, but I find that she sort of does too. I wonder if it's just because we love each other, or did the prep teams do some kind of lasting magic that keeps us young-looking? Haymitch certainly doesn't look his age but then again, neither does Effie. Maybe it was something in the Capitol water. 

My daughter is a gorgeous sixteen year old and looks more like Katniss than I could have imagined. My twelve year old son looks exactly like me but has his mother's scowl. And my little Aria is truly our songbird; she started to sing when she was just three years old and I swear I started to cry right there in the floor next to her. She has a voice like her mother's, soft and sweet and completely captivating. Even Willow and Rye looked up from their homework with wide eyes. I'll never forget the look on Katniss's face; her palm covered her heart and her eyes were glassy. Since then, Katniss and Aria always sing together and I become an emotional mess every time it happens. 

 

Willow finishes school and comes straight to the bakery in the afternoons. In fact she's very nearly ready to take over, as I prefer to spend my time at home with Katniss and Aria. Rye and Katniss spend at least one afternoon in the woods a week and Rye has been asking if they can take Aria next time. I remember my wife used to strap the baby to her chest and took them both out there, so I'm a bit surprised that she hasn't done the same with Aria. Since we have always been able to provide our kids with whatever they want, there is little point in actually paying Willow. It becomes clear, as the years go on, that our children will be well provided for when they become adults. Our grandchildren and even great-grandchildren will be as well. Our Victor winnings seem never-ending and for the first time since winning the Games, I'm grateful that I actually won such a large sum of money. Blood money is what Katniss and I used to say, but if it means my children will have an easy life, I find it worth it. 

 

The days aren't without pain. My flashbacks are few but still there and Katniss's nightmares still emerge from time to time. Rye, Willow, and Aria still have accidents, moments that cause us sheer terror. Rye falls out of a tree and spends two nights in the hospital with a concussion. Aria finds nightlock when she's playing outside and nearly gives Katniss a heart attack. Haymitch calls us frequently to update us on Effie's condition; she's doing well with the treatments and even though the cancer isn't gone completely, she's still fighting it as best she can. Haymitch speaks with adoration and awe. They still invite the kids to spend some time with them in the Capitol and Willow actually makes my heart stop when she comes home to tell us she met a Capitol boy and they've exchanged numbers. Katniss had to talk me down that night. 

 

I'm actually working in the bakery one afternoon when Willow nudges me at the counter; she pauses cleaning the cases and whispers "Dad" loudly, making me look up from my work. Cortina Braun-Travers is leaning over the counter, her low-cut shirt making Willow scowl. 

"Why Miss Travers. What a pleasant surprise."

"Ohhh Peeta, I have always wanted to come in here! It smells wonderful."

"Thank you. What can I get you?"

"Just give me a moment to peruse. Everything in here looks so...delicious." I don't miss how her eyes travel up my frame and neither does Willow. 

"We're about to close," she says rudely. 

"Willow," I gasp. "We don't treat customers that way." 

" She's the daughter of Katniss Everdeen, alright," Cortina says with a light laugh.

"Mellark," Willow snaps. "It's Katniss Mellark. And yes. I'm proud of that."

"Such spirit," Cortina giggles girlishly. Willow wrinkles her nose in disgust. It doesn't escape me how much she resembles her mother right now. 

"Will, go on and help Rory finish those cupcakes will you?" She nods, casts Cortina one last glare, and heads into the kitchen. I clear my throat and rub my hands together as I lift the barrier and go around the counter to face her. I don't need to get on the bad side of a Victor's daughter, especially one who is clearly loved in the Capitol.

"Sorry about that. Teenagers, you know?" 

"What do you recommend?"

"Oh, well, our cupcakes are pretty popular, especially the cherry limeade and the mint ones. Brownies are always a good choice. If you prefer something more savory than sweet, we have some great spinach and feta puffs. And the cheesebuns are a family favorite." She leans against the display case, her head propped on her hand. But she isn't gazing at our baked goods; she's gazing at me. 

"Um...or you could have a Panini? We make them fresh-"

"Forget the food, Peeta," she reaches out and grips my apron, tugging me closer. "There's something else I have my eye on and it doesn't have frosting. Though we can definitely change that." I jerk my apron out of her grasp and shake my head.

"Cortina, I have never nor will I EVER cheat on Katniss."

"But is it cheating if it's a fake marriage?" My eyes narrow.

"What the hell are you talking about," I snap, all politeness gone. 

"It's ok, Peeta. It'll be our little secret."

"What-" I let out a strangled gasp as her hand presses against the front of my apron. I shove her back so roughly that she falls to the floor.

"Get the fuck away from me!"

"Peeta," she gasps from the floor. 

"No one but my wife is allowed to touch me like that, Cortina! I'm not some fucking possession of the Capitol!"

"No. No of course you're not," she whimpers.

"Then WHY would you think it's ok to put your hands on me?" 

"I...I'm sorry, Peeta. I always thought it was an arranged marriage! I didn't know it was real for you." My brow furrows as I stare down at her. She struggles to her feet but I don't move to help her. She groans as she pulls her dress down a little and rests her palms on her thighs.

"An arranged marriage? We've been married over 20 years!"

"There are plenty of Victors still married, whose hands were forced by Snow. I assumed it was the same with you. I'm...I'm sorry, Peeta. Of course you're not a Capitol possession. Everyone talked about how lovesick you were for her but I guess I...I guess I just didn't think. I'll um...I'll see you later." I watch in shock as she hurries out of the bakery, her head lowered and her arms crossed over her chest. I haven't seen many Capitolites show embarrassment or remorse but both are evident on Cortina's face. 

Haymitch still says anyone with eyes could see how much I love Katniss; but it seems there are some people who just didn't want to use theirs. I'm afraid the people in the Capitol will always feel like Victors belonged to them. The Hunger Games was just entertainment to them, and even though it's clear that not all Capitolites shared the same views (just take a look at Effie and Cressida for crying out loud), I still think there is such a difference in culture that might not ever go away. 

When it's time to close up the bakery, Willow asks me if she can go meet her friends for dinner. It's hard to face the fact that she's grown but I nod and watch her jog down the path, clutching her jacket around her slender frame. Her long dark braid bounces on her back as she runs and I'm caught in a daze of memories as I watch her retreating back.

"Hello," I call to the dark house as I hang up my apron. Weird. Katniss didn't say she had plans or anything. The kids aren't here either, that's immediately clear. 

"Katniss?" I move from room to room, calling her name. When I make my way upstairs, I can see a sliver of light under the bedroom door. Rye and Aria aren't in their rooms so I push the bedroom door open and start to say her name again; it's cut off by the sight of her standing naked, pulling a robe from the door.

"Hey, you're home," she says softly. My eyes linger on her breasts and release a little groan of disappointment when she pulls the robe closed. "I was just about to take a bath. Care to join me?"

"Why put on a robe then, if you're just going to take it right back off?"

"Because I don't just stand around naked," she says pointedly. She's right, she doesn't. I suppose as the years passed, Katniss started to more and more self-conscious about her appearance and doesn't really let me look my fill anymore, despite how many times I tell her how perfect she is. It always bothered me when we were young but it's a silly thing to get upset about now. I continue to assure her she's beautiful and my desire for her hasn't changed but it's not easy. We both tire quicker than we used to, and there is never any time for ourselves. I promised her we would never stop making love but I actually haven't been inside her in months. Maybe it's been a year. God, I don't know anymore. We just haven't had time to think about it. We still shower together and sleep beside each other but we're always too tired to do anything. 

Not tonight though. The sight of her bare breasts on display, even though it was only for a second, causes my pants to tighten in a way they haven't in a long time.

"Where are the kids?"

"Rye's at a ball game. Aria's at a slumber party. I thought Willow was with you?"

"Dinner with her friends," I take a step toward her and finger the edge of the robe.

"So we have some time to ourselves," she says in surprise.

"Mmmhm." I lower my lips to her slender neck and she gasps.

"Peeta." 

"Fuck I've missed you saying my name like that." I suck at her throat and move my tongue up to the sensitive flesh of her ear. She moans and my hand moves into the robe, to palm her breast. Her hand flies up and covers mine as I weigh her in my palm. I don't waste any more time; the kids could be home soon and I intend to take advantage of this moment the best way I know how. I pull the robe off her shoulders and let it drop around her feet. She starts to protest but I shut her up with my mouth. My hands travel up her sides, reacquainting themselves with her delectable flesh. My lips move from her lips down to her chest, closing around her nipple and squeezing my eyes shut at the sound of my name on her lips.

"What's...what's gotten into you," she says breathily.

"I miss you," I say simply before pushing her backwards to the bed and leaning over her. I'm fully clothed on top of a naked Katniss, squirming underneath me. We need to remedy that.

"God, you're beautiful, Katniss." I take her nipple between my teeth and tug, relishing her sharp cry. "You still drive me mad, as much as you did when we were 18." 

"Ohhh Peeta." Her fingers wrap around my curls and the sharp tug goes straight to my cock. I lean back to yank my shirt over my head and her hands frantically pull at my belt. As soon as her hand closes around me, my fingers rest on hers and she glances up at me.

"I'm gonna need you to slow down. I don't think I'll be able to last long as it is."

"Don't care."

"I want to treasure this, Katniss. I want to treasure YOU."

"I need you to fuck me. You can treasure me later." I groan at her words and how her hand starts to stroke me. Moving her hand away, I trap her between my arms and push inside her. Her eyes roll to the back of her head as I keep up a steady pace that will make both of us come undone.

"Peeta! Oh my god, yes!"

"Katniss," I pant, right at the edge. I move my thumb down between us to help her along. I will never forget how it feels when she comes while I'm inside her; it has to be the most glorious thing in the world. I follow shortly after and fall on top of her, our hearts racing together. 

"Why has it been so long since our last time," she wonders aloud and I chuckle.

"We don't have time anymore. Three kids with baseball and dance and voice lessons and horseback riding and swimming and dating...when are we supposed to find time for ourselves?"

"We need to make time. That was fantastic." I let out a noise of agreement as I kiss her damp hair.

"I didn't tell you who came to the bakery today." I figure I'd better tell her before Willow does, so she doesn't get the wrong idea. She does scowl and tense up when I tell her what happened but luckily she's still coming down from her post-orgasmic high. 

"That bitch," she spits.

"I made sure she knew who gets to touch me. The only one ever allowed to touch me."

"What did she say to that?"

"She actually apologized." 

"I still wish I could shoot her with an arrow."

"Yeah, not a good idea. I know your aim is as good as ever. But it's not necessary. The whole world knows my heart belongs to only you." She sits up and props her head up on the pillow.

"So that's what this was about?" I turn to look at her and frown.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't want to have sex until a Capitol girl seduces you?"

"Um, no. When do I NOT want to have sex with you? And I just told you, I brushed her off and came straight home to you." She sucks in a breath and starts to turn over but I grab her and push her onto her back, trapping her wrists over her head. She squirms but she knows I'm stronger than her. 

"Don't do that. Don't spoil the first night we have had in forever because you think you are anything other than beautiful."

"What? That has nothing to do with--"

"It has everything to do with it," I cut her off. "Whenever you feel down on yourself you start comparing yourself to other women, and even though I have no interest in those women, you get jealous. It's what you're doing now." She huffs so I know I'm right.

"You're my one and only. You always have been. Nothing will ever change that. So you can stop comparing yourself to other women cause you're still the only one I'm looking at."

"I'm getting old," she sighs after a few minutes of tense silence.

"As am I."

"You don't look it."

"Neither do you."

"Peeta."

"Katniss," I say in a tone that tells her not to argue with me. 

"You'll still love me when my hair is grey? And I'm covered in wrinkles?"

"Did I not tell you I'll be ripping your panties off with my teeth when I'm 90 years old?" She smiles and shakes her head. 

"Alright, I'll remind you." I hold her wrists with one of mine and move the other down her stomach. She writhes under my touch, and I hold her gaze as I slide two fingers inside her. Her head tilts back so I lean down to suck at her throat, feeling her swallow deeply. 

"Eyes on me, love." Her eyes fly back to mine and I keep my eyes on hers as I finally release her wrists so I can move down her body. 

"Pee--shiiiiiit." I smile against her as I tongue her slowly, taking my time and building her up to her orgasm. 

After she comes, I flip her onto her stomach and move her to her knees. She's like a ragdoll, completely pliant. I bury my face in her ass and she screams into the blankets. I know she's sensitive but I'm determined to get several more out of her before the night is over. My tongue moves between her cheeks and back to her clit and her muffled whimpers only turn me on even more. I push my fingers into both of her holes and lean down to kiss her back.

"It's been so long since I've had you here, Katniss. Do you want me inside you?" She whimpers and I add another finger.

"That's not an answer. Do you want my cock in your ass, love?" 

"Fuck, Peeta!" Good enough for me. It's definitely been years since we have done this so I take it slowly and grit my teeth at how amazing it feels. I don't want to hurt her but I'm so close and she hasn't come again yet. 

"Katniss, baby, I'm so close. Tell me you're close too."

"I am," she whines, throwing her head back. "I want to ride you." We switch positions and I hold in my moan as she lowers on top of me again. She presses her palms to my chest and spreads her legs even wider; my fingers fill her as I plead with her to come with me.   
___________________

Later when we are soaking in the bathtub together, I move her hair off her forehead so I can lean down and kiss her. Her eyes are closed and I know she's in danger of falling asleep.

"I love you, Mrs. Mellark." I smile as I remember how Willow snapped at Cortina. Daughter of Katniss Mellark indeed.  
________________________

It's Aria's first trip to 4 and I think she's fallen in love with it. Our family Christmas trip has been a success, as everyone has had a wonderful time. Tonight is our last night and the mayor arranged a Christmas dance. Even Haymitch and Effie are dancing off to the side, Effie's head resting on his chest. Everyone is coupled up, including my children. I grin as I catch sight of Rye dancing with Coral. Katniss went to get a piece of cake but she hasn't returned and I frown as my eyes travel the room. When I find her, I relax. I make my way through the crowd and pull out a chair beside her.

"You left me."

"You were dancing with Willow."

"She abandoned me for Aran."

"Poor baby. Go dance with your other daughter."

"She's talking to the chefs," I laugh. "They are showing her the different kinds of cakes they made for tonight."

"Why does that not surprise me?" I grasp her hand in mind and settle them on my knee.

"I'm not quite ready to home tomorrow."

"Me neither. This has been a great trip. Thank you for organizing this Peeta." 

"Don't thank me, it was Haymitch's idea. He did most of the planning from the Capitol. Think Effie wanted to get away from the cold Capitol weather for Christmas to be honest."

"Well I'm glad we came. The kids have all seemed to enjoy it."

"Yeah they ha..." I trail off, my eyes landing on something across the room. Or rather, someone. Katniss twists in her seat to see what I'm gawking at and she turns back to me with a smile.

"Peeta," she says and it sounds like a warning.

"They're just...making out! In front of everyone."

"I think you're the only one actually watching."

"How are you so calm right now?"

"Peeta, she's the same age as we were when we got married!"

"That's beside the point," I sputter.

"And Aran is practically family too. You should be happy she's with someone we are so close with."

"He's like...like her cousin!"

"You're ridiculous," she laughs.

"How long have you known?"

"I'm her mother, Peeta." I gape at her, my eyes determinedly avoiding the couple under the mistletoe.

"How did I not know?"

"Because you scare away any guy who looks at her?"

"I do not." I do. And I'm proud of that. 

"Hey Mellarks, did you see our kids going at it under the mistletoe," Johanna cackles as she pulls out a chair beside me.

"Peeta's been glaring at them for a couple of minutes."

"What's wrong with your princess being with my son, Mellark?" 

"Don't try to pick a fight, Jo. I'm having a hard time accepting my daughter is 18." 

"Don't worry, Peeta," George pats my shoulder. "I'm keeping my eye on them. The kid barely knows what he's doing."

"Like father, like son," Johanna squeezes his arm.

"Hey!" Katniss giggles and shakes her head.

"Dance with me, Peeta." I allow her to pull me to my feet and toward the dance floor. Her arms lock around my neck and she gazes up at me with a smile. 

"We could go get lost under the mistletoe too," she purrs. My brow quirks and my hands rest on her hips.

"I want to take you somewhere since it's our last night in 4. Will you allow it?" 

"I'll allow it." She doesn't ask where I want to take her; she trusts me completely and that warms my heart. When the dance is over, Johanna and George invite everyone back to their beach house for hot chocolate and cookies. After making sure Willow will keep an eye on Aria (and making her promise she will sleep in her own bed tonight!), Katniss and I sneak out.

Her hand rests in mine as she willingly follows me through the district. It's getting colder so I pause to wrap her in my coat before continuing on. She hesitates for a moment when she sees we are getting close to the water caves but one look into my eyes makes her take a step forward. 

 

The fire light dances on the cave walls and she gasps as I lead her inside.

"Oh Peeta." Annie helped me set everything up yesterday; it's the perfect retreat with a gorgeous view of the moon on the ocean. We stand at the edge of the cave and I wrap my arms around her from behind.

"It's beautiful," she whispers. To be honest, I haven't looked away from her. 

"I didn't think you'd ever want to sleep in a cave again," she says later as we sip at our hot chocolate. The thermos and the cookies I baked have been kept warm by the fire. 

"As long as one of us isn't dying, I'm ok with sleeping in a cave." 

"And it isn't raining outside." 

"And there aren't Careers hunting us down." 

"No cameras in this cave either." 

"Nope. I checked." She laughs and I hand her another cookie. 

"It wasn't all bad. It's the first place I felt something for you." I stop chewing.

"In the cave? Really?" 

"When you kissed me... I knew I was feeling something that I hadn't felt before. I knew I couldn't leave the arena without you." I cup her chin and kiss her nose.

"I'm so glad you didn't." 

"Me too." I pull her close and we watch the waves crash against the rocks. Thank God Annie suggested a lot of blankets because the temperature is definitely dropping still. 

"We may have to share a sleeping bag, Everdeen," I say in a low voice. She quirks her brow and gives me a scowl.

"No funny business, Mellark." 

"Wouldn't dream of it. I've seen you shoot." I'm glad we have more than a sleeping bag but she cuddles up to me as if we are sharing one. 

"You know, I know a good way to keep warm." Her low voice makes me bite my lip to hold back a moan. 

"Oh really?" 

"Want me to show you?" She doesn't wait for an answer before ducking under the blanket and disappearing from view. I feel small hands groping me before tugging at my waistband. 

"Katniss!" 

"No cameras around so that means I can do whatever I want," she says playfully under the blanket. I let my head fall back with a thud. Outside the waves crashing on the cave friend out our grunts and moans but inside the cave, it's music to my ears.

__________________________

 

I'm listening to Aria sing and practice for her piano recital when it happens. I feel my vision start to go blurry and my hand flies up to clutch my head; I feel a wrenching pain as if someone is pounding on my brain with a hammer. My daughter notices and stops playing.

"Dad, are you ok?" 

"I don't...feel so good." I start to slide sideways into the floor and barely register my daughter's scream.

_________________________

 

"Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." I squeeze and feel a squeeze back.

"Can you open your eyes, love?" I try but they're too heavy. 

"Peeta, I'm here. I'm right here." 

My Katniss. Here with me. Always. 

__________________________

"I don't understand." Her voice shakes and I reach out to catch the tears I know are forming. But im too weak. 

She squeezes my hand but focuses on the doctor.

"I'm sorry. Your husband's condition is serious. The canc-" "

"Don't you say that word," she snarls. "Peeta just needs rest." 

"Mrs. Mellark, your husband has pancreatic cancer. And it is progressing at an alarming rate. I'm very, very sorry." 

________________________________

 

Katniss refuses to accept my diagnosis even though a team of doctors sat down with us and the kids and explained what would happen next. According to my specialist, the chance of living past 5 years is slim. They immediately schedule me for a series of treatments and I ask Katniss to call Haymitch and Effie for me. 

"Effie has fought it for so long, Peeta. You can too." I don't point out that Effie' s and my conditions are vastly different. Instead, I nod and promise her I will try.

_________________________________

Our lives turn completely upside down. The medication makes me tired and weak. I sleep most of the day and Katniss refuses to leave my side. I plead with her to go out with the kids. 

It's actually Aria who makes Katniss leave our room.

"Dad doesn't want this for you, Mom! Maybe if you continue to fight, you'll show him how to fight too." 

"I'm so tired of fighting,  Aria. It's all I've done, all my life." 

"You've fought for love. Keep doing it! Show him you will fight for him! Make him see that you need him to stay with us. Don't give up on him, Mama." After she leaves, Katniss me and in and kisses my cheek. 

"I'll fight for us, Peeta. We will fight this thing together." 

 

________________________________

And we do. The days are long and sometimes painful but I fight to stay with my family. I prove the doctors wrong. On our daughter's wedding day it's really her who supports me as I walk her down the aisle. Aran moves forward to help me sit down and Katniss clutches my arm as we watch him walk back to the front to his bride. Johanna whistles and shoots me a wink across the aisle. 

I'm determined to have at least one dance without any kind of help and my little girl leans into me as we sway to the music. 

"I love you so much, Daddy," she whispers.

"My sweet Willow. You're my miracle, you know that?" She smiles a dazzling smile and looks at me questioningly when her groom asks to cut in. Katniss is there with my wheel chair but I shake my head.

"Dance with me." 

"Peeta-" 

"Just give me five minutes to hold you in my arms." She pushes the chair aside and takes my hand. 

 

Willow and Rye share the responsibility of caring for the bakery. I know Rye isn't too interested in being a baker but he understands how much it means to me and takes care of the business side including hiring new employees when Rory and Theta move away. Willow, on the other hand, loves being in the kitchen. She brings home tasty treats for her mother and me to share.   
________________________________

The night my grandson is born, I weep into his little tuft of dark hair. I silently thank the heavens I am still here, that I'm able to experience this joy. Aran cries when he sees his son and I assure him I did the same when his wife was born. Johanna tries to wipe her tears before any of us can see bit I from and nudge her.

"You're just a big old softy, Johanna Reneaux." 

"Stuff it, Mellark." 

______________________________

 

I ask Katniss to read to me while I work on my project. It's a surprise for her but I know she isn't watching me draw. She sits on the edge of the bed, our hands touching while her clear voice rings through the air. More often than not, I grow tired and tuck my project under the bed and ask her to sing to me. Sometimes Aria joins her. She brings home a piano one day and Katniss helps me downstairs so I can listen to her play and sing all night. 

_________________________________

Though we are no strangers to loss and grief, Annie's death rocks us to our core. Riley says she went quietly in her sleep, some kind of heart attack but with no warning. Katniss and I hold each other a night and neither of us bother to wipe away the tears. Finn holds himself together quite well in my opinion but his two daughters weep uncontrollably for their grandmother. Haymitch's hand shakes as he places flowers over her coffin. 

We lose Riley shortly after. Finn and Ana decide to take Pearl and Coral to 4 for awhile, to get their minds off their grief. 

 

_____________________________________

Not long after, I ask Katniss to marry me again. She looks surprised and confused.

"I want to renew our vows, Katniss. I want our kids to be there and I want to stand next to you like we did when we were 18. I'm afraid...i won't be able to much longer." I spend the majority of my days in this damn chair and I just want to be able to hold her again. She agrees and calls Effie for advice. Effie comes and with the help of some of her employees at the Academy, they manage to restore our wedding clothes. 

Katniss is as beautiful as she ever was and I shake a little as I walk toward her but I manage to stay strong. And when Haymitch tells me to kiss my bride, I gather her in my arms and kiss her like I did on our wedding day, after she promised to be mine forever. 

 

This life I have lived, it's more than I could have ever imagined. And I know it's all thanks to the woman standing beside me. My best friend, my wife, my lover. 

 

Friend. Victor. Lover. Enemy. Fiancee. Target. Mutt. Neighbor. Hunter. Tribute. Ally. 

 

Oh she's so much more, and as I feel myself drawing closer to the end of my days, I focus on what she's been since the day I threw her the bread.

Mine. 

My wife. My heart. My love. 

My Katniss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note this is NOT the last chapter! 2 more to go! I'm sorry it sounded so final ❤❤


	92. Chapter 92

His hands shake in mine and it makes me cry even more. I’m so tired of crying. I don’t think I have stopped since I learned about his diagnosis. His eyes flutter in his sleep and I lean closer, stroking his bald head. I remember when his hair was nothing but golden curls that gleamed in the sun. I was always fascinated with it and couldn’t keep from pushing it out of his eyes. His eyes would close lazily as soon as I touched his hair and he would let out a contented moan as I ran my fingers through it. We both wept when the medicine caused it to fall out and he made jokes about it as often as he could, to keep the mood light.

I see his eyes start to open and hear the wheeziness in his chest, worse than it has been. 

“Hi,” he says softly. I give him a sad smile.

“Hi.”

“I was dreaming of you.”

“Oh yeah? What were you dreaming of?”

“Your hair was in two braids instead of one. You wore a red plaid dress and your cheeks were pink. You stood up beside your chair and sang the Valley Song. I gazed at you like an idiot, long after you stopped singing.” He stops a moment, his coughing overtaking his words and he attempts to steady his breathing. I run my hand over his face, trying to tell him to save his strength. 

“Peeta, shh--“

“After that I followed you home. Every day.” His eyes have never lost that brilliant blue hue and they bore into mine.

“Every day,” he whispers.

“I wish I had turned to you one day and talked to you. I wish you had found the courage to talk to me. We would have had more time.”

“The time we have had is perfect, Katniss.”

“I wasted so much time though,” I start to cry. He tries to lift a hand to wipe away my tears but groans because he is too weak. I lean forward and press my face to his hand, and his fingers stroke my cheek. “I knew I loved you in those Games. Why didn’t I just tell you? Why did I waste so much time?”

“Katniss, stop,” he pleads. “You fell in love with me. You became my wife. You gave me three perfect children. That is all I could have ever wanted. You made my life worth something, Katniss Mellark. You made my life wonderful. You show me everyday how much you love me. After everything we have been through, every terrible thing I ever said or did to you, your love is what keeps me going.”

“So why can’t it be enough now,” my cries turn to sobs. 

“We all have a limit to the time we have. Being with you makes it feel infinite but my body seems to disagree. It’s time for me to go, Katniss. You have to let me go.”

“I can’t.” He leans up, struggling, to lean against the headboard.

“Can you do me a favor? Can you get something out of the closet for me?”

“Of course.” I hurry over to our closet and listen to his instructions until I at last, find the box he is talking about. I bring it back to him and he gently tugs me onto the bed beside him. He lifts the lid off the box and pulls out a book, much like the memory and plant books. He runs his fingers over it for a moment before he hands it to me. Wordlessly, I open it and I find it difficult to swallow. To even breathe. 

Peeta has given me countless drawings and paintings over the years. I know the love and care that goes into his art. 

This drawing, though, is different. It’s like he poured his whole self, his beautiful soul, into this art. 

It’s a little girl, with dark braids and wearing a red plaid dress, standing up and singing. On the floor, a little boy with blonde curls stares up at her. The admiration in his eyes jumps right off the page. The way he clutches his knees to his chest, with such eager attention startles me. Why didn’t I notice him staring like that?

I glance up at him and he nods with a smile. I turn the page and the next picture makes me gasp. 

He has painted this one before. Two little girls, hand in hand, walking through the meadow. One with dark braids, the other with blonde ones. 

The next page fills my heart with despair. The tone of the painting is entirely different, with dark skies and rain that is so realistic I can feel it pelting my skin. A young boy tosses a loaf of bread to an emaciated girl, hunched under the apple tree. My sob catches in my throat.

The next page shows that same emaciated girl, a little color in her cheeks, plucking a dandelion in the schoolyard. 

The next is a stage with that same boy and girl, older now, shaking hands beside a Reaping bowl. There is anger in both of their eyes. A fierce determination shows on the boy’s face. I know it’s because he was thinking of all the ways he could get me home to Prim.

There’s the Cave, where I’m leaning over him, kissing him for the first time and the way his fingers clutch my jacket, the way it looks like he will never let me go, makes me sigh.

We are standing beside the train, and the devastation on his face is evident. This has to be when I told him it was all for the Games. He is starting to turn from me, leaving me standing there as I wished I didn’t have to let go of his hand. I knew I didn’t want to lose him.

We’re on the train, and I’m asleep in his arms. The way he watches over me when I sleep, how he fought the nightmares that haunted me, without a care of his own, makes tears well up in my eyes again. 

The beach is next, with him presenting me with the locket and pearl. I glance at my wedding ring and bite my lip. 

The next, I’m looking through Peeta’s eyes and I sniffle. It was the lightning tree, when he watched me leave with Johanna. I’m glancing back at him, over my shoulder, unaware that I would lose him in just a few minutes. 

There are several that I would rather skip but I study them intently as I have his other precious paintings. One in 13, when I visited him in his room and his face is etched with anger and hatred. Another in the Capitol, when I clutched his cuffed hands and begged him to stay with me. That kiss brought him back to me, assured him I would not give up on him. 

The next one, again, is through his eyes. The viewer stares down into a giant black hole and just barely, you can make out the shape of a frail girl, bent at an odd angle. When he found me that night and took me back to his house to care for me. The old Peeta, MY Peeta, had returned to me. 

The next causes a blush to stain my cheeks. It’s us in bed, him moving over me and my hands clutching his back. He has captured the blush of our bodies, the love in our eyes, and the desire in our faces as he has painted our first night together.

Our wedding. My belly swollen with Willow, his face pressed against my stomach and the happiness evident in his expression. Me on the couch, holding both Rye and Willow. The four of us curled up together in bed, as Peeta’s arms shielded all of us from anything that dared come after us. He has always been our hero. Our first night with Aria, our beautiful surprise. Our vow renewal, right before Haymitch died. Our first night holding our granddaughter. 

And the last painting is us, looking not like we do now but like we did when we were Reaped. Except we are happy. We’re lying in the meadow, dressed in the same clothes we were wearing during the Reaping, and I lean back in his arms. His chin rests on my shoulder and our hair blows in the wind. He is handing me a dandelion and we are both smiling. 

I lower the book and his gnarled hand covers mine. 

“Our bodies may be broken and aged now, but this is how I want you to remember me. Remember us. Whole and healthy and happy. Free. Because that’s what you have given me, Katniss. A lifetime of happiness and freedom.”

He has painted our story. Our life together, in this leather-bound book. I throw myself at him and wrap my arms around his frail form. My face buried in his neck, our tears soak the blankets underneath us. 

“I don’t know how to say goodbye,” I whisper. “You promised always.”

“I did. And I’ll always be with you.” He cups my cheek and his lips slant over mine. Over sixty years of marriage and his kisses still take my breath away. 

“Please Peeta,” I break away, pleading. “Don’t go somewhere I can’t follow you. I lost you once. Don’t leave me again.”

“I came back to you, Katniss. I’ll always come back to you.”

“I don’t know how to live without you! I can’t imagine a life without you.” 

“I’m your dandelion, Katniss. I’m in the meadow, where you can always find me. I’ll always be there.” He kisses my forehead and squeezes my hand. 

“And I’ll be waiting for you.” 

 

Are you, are you coming to the tree…

 

Where a dead man called out for his love to flee…

 

Are you, are coming to the tree…

 

Wear a necklace of hope, side by side with me…

 

“You have to go on without me, Katniss.” His voice sounds surer and stronger than it has in ages. “You’re the strongest person I have ever known. You have more time. But I’ll come back for you. I promise.”

 

Are you, are you coming to the tree…

 

Where I told you to run, so we’d both be free…

 

 

“Stay with me, Peeta.”

 

“Always.” 

 

 

He slips away from me later that night. I hold him until his heart comes to a slow stop. My own ceases to beat. I don’t go get the kids. They’ve already said their goodbyes. I haven’t really said my own, but I know they will understand.

Peeta is my dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. 

My fingers run over the last painting in the book, the one where we are young and carefree. He went to a place where he could be that again but he went without me. 

 

 

Are you, are you coming to the tree…

 

 

I’m coming with you, Peeta. Wait for me.


	93. Chapter 93

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I started this adventure over 2 years ago and it has brought me such joy, delving into these characters' minds. I know it's been a tough journey but as I have learned and am learning, life is made up of moments, good and bad. Death and pain are a part of life- I have given these characters a full life filled with moments. I'm so grateful to each and every one of you for coming on this journey with me. I hope you will continue to read my work and look forward to the next K/P fic coming after the holidays!
> 
> I feel a whole rollercoaster of emotions posting this last one. I'm always sad when I end a fic, especially one I am as invested in as I am with this. I felt similar when I ended my Neverland Needs You series- saying goodbye to Peter and Wendy in that universe was like losing a piece of my soul.
> 
> This is definitely worse. And I have been through some truly crazy tribulations through these 2 1/2 years...severe depression, survived a suicide attempt, picked up my life and moved out to where I had no friends and no family all because a medical team told me I don't have long to live. I chose to fight rather than give up on life.
> 
> And life, as crazy, as it is, goes on.
> 
> I'm not telling you all of this to bring you down even more but you, my readers, see a side of me I never show to anyone else. Reading someone's work is quite intimate if you think about it because I'm vulnerable when I write and I show you guys that side.
> 
> So it's with the greatest pleasure AND sorrow that I post the FINAL chapter of "Much Worse Games" universe.
> 
> All my love and gratitude to you all,
> 
> XOXOXOXOXOXO

We find them together, as they have always been. The doctor says Dad passed away last night but Mom hadn’t been gone that long. She knew she wouldn’t be able to last without him. They have always been one entity, one powerful force. The Mockingjay and her Dandelion. Growing up as the first-born of the star-crossed lovers of District 12, I heard the stories. When I was old enough, and then when Rye and Aria were old enough, they told us the whole story of how they came together amidst the hatred and terror and devastation in their world. To say I am proud to be their daughter is an understatement if I have ever heard one. I wish I had a chance to see my parents fight back then. When I was ten, I was Reaped for my school’s version of the Hunger Games and had to watch videos of them the Capitol. My mother looked so strong and fierce that I aspired to be just like her. 

After they die, Finn brings me tapes of them in the Hunger Games; he has some of his parents too, and Aran has some of his mother. It takes me awhile before I’m able to watch them and Rye still gets sick, especially when we watch Dad fight the Careers to give Mom a chance to run. How she found him by the river and cared for him. Anyone else would say Mom was faking it for the cameras but we think they’re crazy; the love and protection on Mom’s face tells us how much she loved Dad. Even when she didn’t know it herself. Aria cries the hardest when Mom sings to that little girl covered in flowers.

Rye and my son Whit become co-owners of Mellark Family Bakery. I still work there from time to time, but I prefer to bake rather than manage. I’ll leave that to the boys. Aria, however, becomes the artist of the family. She honors both Dad and Mimi Effie by becoming one of Panem’s most famous fashion designers. 

My husband Aran isn’t much of a baker, but he works the books and figures out how to make a profit (not that Dad ever cared about that) but Dad’s will states his desire that the bakery always remain in the family. Mayor Dex Canterbee brings us some papers, lost since before the War, that show that the bakery has been in Dad’s family for nearly one hundred and seventy five years. Over a hundred years of Mellarks, and now it’s my son’s. I hope Rye works up the courage to ask Coral to marry him. They have been together for almost six years (not counting our years together as children) and I want him to have kids, to pass on the legacy. On the other hand I’m a protective big sister and I don’t know if anyone will ever be good enough for him. With lustrous blonde curls and a sweet smile, he looks so much like Dad that it drives the Capitol girls crazy. But Coral Odair is just as sweet and if anyone marries my brother, it should be her.

People tell me I look just like my mother, despite my blue eyes and my fair skin, and I smile. I want to take after her. She was a hero. She will always be the Girl on Fire. She told me, giggling, that her name for Dad was the Boy with the Bread. It’s nauseatingly adorable, in my opinion. Rye joked that that would make us ‘toast babies’ and I nearly hit him. Aria looks like she could be Rye’s twin; she keeps her blonde curls cut short, in a style that’s so long before the Dark Days that I don’t even know what to call it. 

We bury them together, under the willow tree. Mom wanted to leave her wedding ring to me, but I make sure she is wearing it when we bury her. It’s her pearl from Dad that kept her going when he was taken. I wouldn’t dream of separating her from it.

We have a box of things that I take out and show Whit and Lily. Lily likes to wear the locket that Dad gave Mom in the Quarter Quell. There is a glass flower, a blue ribbon that belonged to my aunt Prim, a picture from their wedding day, a cookie that’s so hard it’s more like a brick, with the words ‘I do’ painted in icing, our ultrasound photos, various paintings and drawings we made for Dad when we were little, their rings that said ‘always’ together, a box of recipes that belonged to my grandfather, a painting that Dad did of Mom that we determinedly avoid looking at, and that’s just to name a few. We of course display their Plant book and their Memory Book; Rye comes over to look it at often. We have lost so many people and even though we knew Dad was sick, and that Mom wouldn’t be able to go on without him, we still feel our hearts break a little more each day. Aria seems to be taking it the hardest; I suppose as the youngest, she feels that she didn’t get enough time with them.

 

One day, several months after their deaths, Rye comes over while the kids are at school. Aria sits at the table, sipping tea and she stands to hug our brother. We embrace and I pull back to look at him; his olive skin looks pale and there are deep circles under his eyes.

“You’re not taking care of yourself baby brother.”

“Willow, how long are you going to call me that,” he laughs softly. It tugs my heart; his laugh sounds like Dad’s. 

“She still calls me that,” Aria calls from the table.

“She calls you baby brother too,” Rye teases.

“No,” Aria growls.

“Well you’ll always be my baby brother so I guess until we die.” I tousle his curls; his smile fades and he hides his face in his hands.

“It’s weird.”

“I know.”

“I always thought they were invincible, you know? Like nothing could ever defeat them. Not even death.”

“I think that’s the wrong way to look at it,” I say carefully, pouring him a cup of tea. “I think, after Dad was sick for so long, they went away to a place where they could be together and not be in pain. Where they were no longer the Star-Crossed Lovers, or whatever else, but just…Katniss and Peeta. A boy and girl who loved each other. Simple as that.”

“You have his way with words,” he says with a smile.

“I hope so. I’m still trying to get my book published.”

“You’ll do it,” he nods. 

“Yeah, Willow Mellark-Reneaux doesn’t let anything keep her down,” Aria says with a grin.

“How are you doing,” my voice softens. He sighs and shrugs. 

“Some days are easier than others. Coral should be given an award for putting up with my sulking ass for so long.”

“Can’t see how she can put up with your ass in the first place,” Aria teases him. It’s weird to hear my baby sister say ‘ass’.

“Coral has been around the family since she was born. She knows everything, so she understands.”

“I know. I felt empty when we lost Grandpa and Mimi and Aunt Annie and Uncle George…but this is different. I feel like a piece of me died with them.”

“Mom and Dad always said we were their miracles,” I nudge his shoulder. “That they never thought that we would happen, and when we did, they couldn’t have been more excited. We’re the children of Peeta and Katniss Mellark, Rye. That will never, ever change.” He nods miserably and I chew on my lip.

“C’mon. Let’s go watch some tapes.” They follow me into the living room where the TV and the Holo are set up. I scroll through the list and find one of my favorites. 

Dad looks barely sixteen, with a nervous smile as he banters with the emcee with the crazy blue hair and blue lips. He stiffens when Flickerman asks him if he has a girl back home.

“Not really,” he laughs.

“Handsome lad like you. There must be some special girl. Come on, what’s her name?” 

“Well, there is this one girl. I’ve had a crush on her ever since I can remember. But I’m pretty sure she didn’t know I was alive until the reaping,” Aria giggles as she pulls her knees to her chest.

“She have another fellow?”

“I don’t know, but a lot of boys like her.” 

“So here’s what you do. You win, you go home. She can’t turn you down, then, eh?” 

“I don’t think it’s going to work out. Winning…won’t help in my case.” 

“Why ever not?”

“Because…because…she came here with me.” 

“Look at Dad blushing,” Rye laughs beside me. I grin. Even though we hate to talk about the Games, and what our parents went through, it’s fun to watch Dad as a love-sick teenager, mooning over Mom in front of the whole world. 

“Oh that is a piece of bad luck,” Flickerman says. 

“It’s not good.” Dad agrees miserably. 

“Well I don’t think any of us can blame you. It’d be hard not to fall for that young lady. She didn’t know?”

“Not until now.” 

“Poor Dad,” I whisper.

“Wouldn’t you love to pull her back out here and get a response? Sadly, rules are rules and Katniss Everdeen’s time has been spent. Well, best of luck to you, Peeta Mellark, and I think I speak for all of Panem when I say our hearts go with yours.” We watch Dad shake hands with the emcee and be escorted off the stage. I flick it off, not really in the mood for more Games, and find our favorite one of all. 

“Will you, Katniss Everdeen, take me to be your friend, your partner, your lover, and your husband?”

“I will do so gladly,” we watch as Mom tears off a piece of the bread and moves it over the fire. “And will you, Peeta Mellark, allow me to stand by your side, through the good times and the bad times, and love you until the end of our days? As your loving wife?”

“I would be honored to have you by my side.” Dad looks like he is going to cry as he feeds the bread to her. Oh forget that, I know he’s crying. 

“Peeta, you fed me when my stomach was empty and you gave me hope when all of mine was gone. You brought light back into my life.” She holds the bread to his lips and his eyes never leave her.

“Katniss I promise you will never want for nothing. Everything I have is yours and as long as I am alive, I will do everything in my power to make you happy. You will never go hungry again, nor will you ever doubt your worth. I will spend my entire life showing you how incredible you are.” They share a kiss and everyone claps around them. We start to cry when we see so many people we loved and lost. Grandpa Haymitch, Mimi, Grandma (who I can barely remember), Aunt Annie. And Mom and Dad. They look so incredibly happy.

The video continues with them cutting their wedding cake and Dad feeding her. They dance around the room, the one we are sitting in right now, and Dad dances with a little girl while Mom dances with a little Finn. Every now and again, Dad whispers something in her ear and her face lights up; he steals kisses when he thinks no one is looking but I’m grateful Grandpa was filming this entire thing. 

________________________________  
About a year after their deaths, Whit finds a journal in Dad’s office at the bakery. It’s heavy and looks really old. 

 

It’s their life story. From when Dad planted primroses around Mom’s house after he came back to her, to the moment he said goodbye and told her to let him go. 

I flip through it and see both Mom and Dad’s handwriting. They wrote it together, as they did everything else. Some parts make me blush and I quickly flip the page to something safer. I smile when I read parts about when she was pregnant with me. There are things I don’t think either of them would want us to know and to honor their memory, I close the book and don’t read anymore.

_______________________________

And life goes on, as it has to. Rye finally asks Coral to marry him. Whit and Lily both marry and have families of their own. Aria doesn’t marry but she breaks an awful lot of hearts in the Capitol, and goes on to become quite famous for her lingerie line, shocking the family. She is Mom’s daughter, after all; rebelling against the expected. 

 

We have reunions as often as we can, with Aran’s twin siblings Anna and Brody coming to visit, bringing their own families. Mom’s friends Lara and Logan come to visit, Delly’s children stay in contact, Coral’s little sister Pearl, Aunt Johanna (also my mother-in-law…that’s weird, isn’t it?) comes, until she can’t anymore and she goes peacefully in her sleep one night. I hold Aran all night that night while he weeps into the pillow.

 

Life is filled with tears and laughter, of death and rebirth. As I am babysitting my granddaughter one day, we sit in the meadow and I pluck a dandelion from nearby. The stunning yellow of it makes my heart smile and I tickle her cheeks with it, smiling at her laughter. 

 

“You were born into the strongest, bravest, most complicated family I have ever known,” I tell her with a smile. She stares up at me with grey eyes. “Your great-grandmother once told me how she survived it all. How on the bad mornings, it felt impossible to take pleasure in things because she was so afraid it could be taken away. That’s when she would make a list in her head of every act of goodness she’d seen someone do. Your great grandfather was at the top of that list, you know. So many lists. It became like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after awhile. 

But my sweet girl, as my incredible mother told me, there are much worse games to play."

 

END


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